1
00:00:07,980 --> 00:00:08,981
Whoa!

2
00:00:09,064 --> 00:00:11,108
Okay, how about this one?

3
00:00:11,192 --> 00:00:13,862
BoJack swallowed a dozen
pastries in the time it took

4
00:00:13,944 --> 00:00:15,571
the caterer to unwrap a fruit tray.

5
00:00:15,655 --> 00:00:17,699
When she asked where the pastries had gone,

6
00:00:17,782 --> 00:00:19,742
BoJack claimed he had no idea,

7
00:00:19,826 --> 00:00:22,161
spraying her with bits of buttery crust?

8
00:00:22,244 --> 00:00:24,789
I did that once.

9
00:00:24,873 --> 00:00:26,875
But with holiday cookies.

10
00:00:26,957 --> 00:00:29,001
I had sprinkles all over my sweater.

11
00:00:29,084 --> 00:00:30,920
See? People respond

12
00:00:31,003 --> 00:00:32,881
to the flawed portrait I painted of you.

13
00:00:32,963 --> 00:00:34,757
They see themselves in it.

14
00:00:34,841 --> 00:00:36,133
Why do you love Secretariat?

15
00:00:36,217 --> 00:00:37,552
Because he was awesome?

16
00:00:37,635 --> 00:00:39,428
No, because he was flawed.

17
00:00:39,512 --> 00:00:41,639
BoJack, when people find
out that someone like you,

18
00:00:41,723 --> 00:00:44,851
who seems larger than life,
is actually just as wounded

19
00:00:44,934 --> 00:00:47,978
and vulnerable as they are,
it makes them feel less lonely.

20
00:00:48,062 --> 00:00:50,356
No! Maybe that's what flawed,

21
00:00:50,439 --> 00:00:52,358
sad fatties want from other celebrities,

22
00:00:52,441 --> 00:00:54,109
but for BoJack Horseman,

23
00:00:54,193 --> 00:00:56,696
they want a heroic
horse-stud who is awesome

24
00:00:56,779 --> 00:00:59,532
and who can save them from
their flawed, sad, fatty lives.

25
00:00:59,615 --> 00:01:01,367
- You're so wrong.
- Actually, you know what?

26
00:01:01,450 --> 00:01:03,703
Now that I think about it,
I think that you're so wrong!

27
00:01:03,786 --> 00:01:06,997
Listen, we all agree Diane broke contract

28
00:01:07,081 --> 00:01:09,041
by leaking the first two chapters,

29
00:01:09,124 --> 00:01:11,502
but the response has been amazing!

30
00:01:11,586 --> 00:01:13,671
People want to read more, and we have to

31
00:01:13,755 --> 00:01:15,715
get this to the printers
by the end of the week,

32
00:01:15,798 --> 00:01:17,425
because that's when the repo men are coming

33
00:01:17,508 --> 00:01:18,968
to take away our printers.

34
00:01:19,051 --> 00:01:20,386
The end of the week? No!

35
00:01:20,469 --> 00:01:22,221
Okay, what if I told you that I could have

36
00:01:22,304 --> 00:01:23,514
a new book for you by then?

37
00:01:23,598 --> 00:01:26,141
- What?
- Yeah, a better one.

38
00:01:26,225 --> 00:01:28,143
Better stories, better told, by me...

39
00:01:28,227 --> 00:01:29,771
straight from the horse's mouth.

40
00:01:29,854 --> 00:01:32,147
You're gonna write a
whole book in five days?

41
00:01:32,231 --> 00:01:33,942
When's the last time you even read a book?

42
00:01:34,024 --> 00:01:35,359
The Firm, by John Grisham?

43
00:01:35,443 --> 00:01:38,195
Do you think what you do is so hard?

44
00:01:38,279 --> 00:01:40,322
"I'm a writer.

45
00:01:40,406 --> 00:01:43,284
I go to coffee shops with
my laptop and my notebook

46
00:01:43,367 --> 00:01:45,912
and my dumb glasses that I have to wear,

47
00:01:45,995 --> 00:01:48,915
because I'm so important
I need to see clearly."

48
00:01:48,998 --> 00:01:50,332
Well, I wish you the best of luck.

49
00:01:50,416 --> 00:01:51,834
You know what your problem is?

50
00:01:51,918 --> 00:01:53,836
You think you're so much
smarter than everybody.

51
00:01:53,920 --> 00:01:54,921
Well, guess what.

52
00:01:55,004 --> 00:01:57,757
I spent as much time with
you as you did with me.

53
00:01:57,840 --> 00:02:00,259
Why don't I write a book about
how you married Mr. Peanutbutter

54
00:02:00,342 --> 00:02:03,638
because he's too dumb to see how
much better you think you are?

55
00:02:03,721 --> 00:02:06,015
- Okay, I know you're upset...
- I'm not upset.

56
00:02:06,098 --> 00:02:08,935
I'm just sick of nerd-girls like
you beating up on stars like me.

57
00:02:09,018 --> 00:02:11,479
It's pathetic! I'm sorry no one wanted

58
00:02:11,562 --> 00:02:13,564
to date you in high school, Diane,

59
00:02:13,648 --> 00:02:15,483
but I don't see why I
have to suffer just because

60
00:02:15,566 --> 00:02:18,736
you were never especially
pretty or interesting.

61
00:02:18,820 --> 00:02:20,905
You really let me down, BoJack.

62
00:02:20,989 --> 00:02:22,740
You really let me down.

63
00:02:22,824 --> 00:02:25,284
I apologize for her outbursts.

64
00:02:25,367 --> 00:02:28,704
So, you really think you could
write a better book by Friday?

65
00:02:28,788 --> 00:02:31,123
Damn right I can, so you
can throw this turd of a book

66
00:02:31,206 --> 00:02:33,501
in the garbage and then
light the garbage on fire.

67
00:02:33,584 --> 00:02:36,211
In fact, you can burn all
books, because my book,

68
00:02:36,295 --> 00:02:39,507
written by me, is gonna kick your dick off.

69
00:03:31,186 --> 00:03:35,186
sync and corrections by caioalbanezi
www.addic7ed.com

70
00:03:35,688 --> 00:03:39,233
Okay, chapter one.

71
00:03:41,485 --> 00:03:43,404
Not quite right.

72
00:03:48,450 --> 00:03:49,451
What?

73
00:03:49,535 --> 00:03:51,453
Why are you rewriting the book, bozo?

74
00:03:51,537 --> 00:03:53,247
Diane's version is great.

75
00:03:53,330 --> 00:03:55,249
You're gonna lose gems like this one...

76
00:04:01,089 --> 00:04:03,799
Ahem. "The only longstanding relationship

77
00:04:03,883 --> 00:04:07,261
in BoJack's life is with
his agent, Princess Carolyn.

78
00:04:07,344 --> 00:04:09,555
Her loyalty must come
from a deep-rooted faith

79
00:04:09,638 --> 00:04:12,474
that she's talented enough
to sustain the career of a man

80
00:04:12,558 --> 00:04:14,643
society perceives as a joke."

81
00:04:14,727 --> 00:04:17,354
Yeah, I would say that
I'm not such a fan of that one.

82
00:04:17,438 --> 00:04:19,189
Look, all publicity is good publicity.

83
00:04:19,273 --> 00:04:21,609
That guy who killed all those
teachers and ate their fingers?

84
00:04:21,692 --> 00:04:24,194
He just got married in jail,
and when this book comes out,

85
00:04:24,278 --> 00:04:25,487
you could be that guy.

86
00:04:25,571 --> 00:04:27,156
Don't you get it?

87
00:04:27,281 --> 00:04:29,241
This is my last chance to
make people love me again.

88
00:04:29,324 --> 00:04:31,326
If this goes out, everybody's
gonna see the real me.

89
00:04:31,410 --> 00:04:33,495
Now, I spend a lot of
time with the real me,

90
00:04:33,579 --> 00:04:35,581
and believe me, nobody's
gonna love that guy.

91
00:04:35,664 --> 00:04:37,125
- Okay.
- Now if you'll excuse me,

92
00:04:37,207 --> 00:04:38,208
I need to go take a shower

93
00:04:38,292 --> 00:04:40,128
so I can't tell if I'm crying or not.

94
00:04:43,131 --> 00:04:45,549
All right, let's get to work.

95
00:04:47,551 --> 00:04:49,511
I feel like we can beat this font.

96
00:04:49,595 --> 00:04:53,724
Copperplate, a font
for the truly modern man.

97
00:04:53,808 --> 00:04:54,976
Ha. No.

98
00:04:55,059 --> 00:04:56,811
There you are, Verdana.

99
00:04:56,894 --> 00:04:59,063
Thought you could hide at the
end of the alphabet, did ya?

100
00:04:59,147 --> 00:05:02,024
Comic Sans, you drunk, go home.

101
00:05:02,108 --> 00:05:04,068
3:10? I just spent six hours

102
00:05:04,152 --> 00:05:06,028
playing with fonts? Holy shit!

103
00:05:06,112 --> 00:05:07,613
Okay, focus BoJack, focus.

104
00:05:07,696 --> 00:05:10,199
Here comes the focus.

105
00:05:14,662 --> 00:05:16,288
Well, this can't be that hard.

106
00:05:16,789 --> 00:05:17,999
BoJack often felt the need

107
00:05:18,082 --> 00:05:20,459
to impress me with material items.

108
00:05:20,542 --> 00:05:22,628
You can see from the
teeny, tiny brush strokes,

109
00:05:22,711 --> 00:05:24,839
that this is very expensive.

110
00:05:24,922 --> 00:05:27,800
The color is, um... This one
they don't even have a name for,

111
00:05:27,883 --> 00:05:29,343
that's how exclusive it is, and this...

112
00:05:29,426 --> 00:05:30,803
I wondered where this came from.

113
00:05:30,886 --> 00:05:32,596
There were two obvious suspects.

114
00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:34,098
His mother Beatrice,

115
00:05:34,182 --> 00:05:36,184
heiress to the Sugarman Sugar Cubes fortune

116
00:05:36,266 --> 00:05:38,186
and used to certain comforts,

117
00:05:38,268 --> 00:05:40,771
and his working-class
father, Butterscotch Horseman,

118
00:05:40,855 --> 00:05:43,607
who struggled, and often failed,
to provide those comforts.

119
00:05:43,691 --> 00:05:45,526
Or, maybe it was something even...

120
00:05:47,820 --> 00:05:49,655
Puuuhhhh!

121
00:05:54,284 --> 00:05:56,078
Puuuhhhh!

122
00:06:00,415 --> 00:06:01,500
- Hey, Todd, Todd!
- What? What?

123
00:06:01,583 --> 00:06:02,960
- Todd! Todd!
- What? What?

124
00:06:03,044 --> 00:06:04,837
Eyeballs here... Look at me. Look at me!

125
00:06:04,920 --> 00:06:06,922
I need to work. I can't
afford to be distracted.

126
00:06:07,006 --> 00:06:08,757
- Don't distract me.
- Fine.

127
00:06:11,385 --> 00:06:12,928
Jesus, Todd!

128
00:06:13,012 --> 00:06:15,389
- Read louder much?
- Sorry.

129
00:06:17,474 --> 00:06:19,727
Sure, just drop Toaster Strudel crumbs

130
00:06:19,810 --> 00:06:21,478
all over the floor, why don't you?

131
00:06:21,562 --> 00:06:25,274
Guess I'll just clean them
up myself, like always.

132
00:06:26,608 --> 00:06:28,360
I can't work like this.

133
00:06:31,906 --> 00:06:34,783
Come on, come on, come on,
pick it up, you dumb vacuum.

134
00:06:35,701 --> 00:06:36,994
I do not have time for this.

135
00:06:37,078 --> 00:06:38,579
I need to write.

136
00:06:41,623 --> 00:06:43,625
What the... Come on!

137
00:06:43,709 --> 00:06:45,920
Seriously? You cannot be seriou...

138
00:06:46,003 --> 00:06:49,506
God, why are you keeping me from writing?

139
00:07:02,728 --> 00:07:05,022
My parents loved me so much, it was crazy.

140
00:07:05,106 --> 00:07:08,400
I remember one Sunday
afternoon, my mother said,

141
00:07:08,483 --> 00:07:11,904
"Your father and I want to spend
quality family time together.

142
00:07:11,987 --> 00:07:14,406
All the kids in school
envy your intelligence

143
00:07:14,489 --> 00:07:16,117
and kickball ability.

144
00:07:16,200 --> 00:07:17,910
Here's an ice cream sundae."

145
00:07:17,993 --> 00:07:20,495
- No, wait.
- "An ice cream sandwich."

146
00:07:20,579 --> 00:07:23,707
- No.
- "A dreamsicle."

147
00:07:23,791 --> 00:07:25,542
No. I don't know. This is dumb.

148
00:07:27,086 --> 00:07:28,670
Nice writing, Shakespeare.

149
00:07:28,754 --> 00:07:30,214
What did I do?

150
00:07:32,341 --> 00:07:34,426
Just need something to help me focus.

151
00:07:34,509 --> 00:07:35,761
Coffee.

152
00:07:35,844 --> 00:07:37,763
No, no. Cigarettes.

153
00:07:37,846 --> 00:07:39,140
No, tequila!

154
00:07:39,223 --> 00:07:41,934
No, I just need the right music...

155
00:07:44,145 --> 00:07:45,646
to do drugs to.

156
00:07:47,815 --> 00:07:50,318
Sarah Lynn, I know things
got kind of out of hand

157
00:07:50,400 --> 00:07:53,279
last time when I tried to
make you stop doing drugs.

158
00:07:53,362 --> 00:07:55,739
So I just want to thank you
for coming over this time

159
00:07:55,823 --> 00:07:57,116
to give me drugs.

160
00:07:57,241 --> 00:07:59,201
Well, you can't go wrong
with Dr. Hu's drugs.

161
00:07:59,285 --> 00:08:00,953
They're from another dimension.

162
00:08:01,036 --> 00:08:03,205
These are gonna help me focus
and get work done, right?

163
00:08:03,289 --> 00:08:05,582
Yes. These are what
I give college students

164
00:08:05,666 --> 00:08:08,627
so when they come to, their term
papers have written themselves.

165
00:08:08,710 --> 00:08:10,379
That's exactly what he needs.

166
00:08:10,462 --> 00:08:12,881
Also, I should probably do another one.

167
00:08:14,758 --> 00:08:17,178
It's "Hu." Dr. Hu.

168
00:08:17,261 --> 00:08:19,305
That's right, Dr. Hu. Dr. Allen Hu.

169
00:08:19,388 --> 00:08:21,974
No, no, no, but I thought it
was "Who," like Doctor Who.

170
00:08:22,057 --> 00:08:23,558
Yes, that's exactly what it's like.

171
00:08:23,642 --> 00:08:27,479
No, not H-U, but, "who,"
like, "Hello, who is it?"

172
00:08:27,562 --> 00:08:29,398
I don't know. Who is it?

173
00:08:29,481 --> 00:08:31,150
I'm sorry, is this a
joke? Is he telling a joke

174
00:08:31,233 --> 00:08:33,027
- that I just don't...
- Hard to tell.

175
00:08:33,110 --> 00:08:35,988
Sometimes I just laugh after he
talks so he'll leave me alone.

176
00:08:36,071 --> 00:08:38,824
Seriously? Am I the only one
who knows the extremely popular

177
00:08:38,907 --> 00:08:41,327
BBC science fiction show
about the time traveling doctor

178
00:08:41,410 --> 00:08:43,412
- who saves civilizations?
- Yeah.

179
00:08:43,495 --> 00:08:45,289
I know what you're talking
about... Doctor Who.

180
00:08:45,373 --> 00:08:46,748
- Yes?
- No.

181
00:08:46,832 --> 00:08:48,583
- Yes, thank you. Doctor Who.
- Yes?

182
00:08:48,667 --> 00:08:51,212
I saw the one where she
goes to the Wild West.

183
00:08:51,295 --> 00:08:53,339
The Cheyenne called her Medicine Woman.

184
00:08:53,422 --> 00:08:55,383
What? No, that's Dr. Quinn.

185
00:08:55,465 --> 00:08:57,509
- Who's Dr. Quinn?
- I most certainly am not.

186
00:08:57,592 --> 00:09:00,262
Hu's not Dr. Quinn. Hu's Dr. Hu.

187
00:09:00,346 --> 00:09:02,264
- I don't know.
- Third base!

188
00:09:02,348 --> 00:09:03,891
When are these drugs going to kick in?

189
00:09:03,974 --> 00:09:05,600
Any minute now, if they haven't already.

190
00:09:05,684 --> 00:09:07,811
I want you to take
three of these every hour

191
00:09:07,895 --> 00:09:10,272
and take two of these every 1/2 hour.

192
00:09:10,356 --> 00:09:12,566
Whatever you do, don't
take more than four of these

193
00:09:12,649 --> 00:09:14,818
every 90 minutes, and take
the first two of the three

194
00:09:14,902 --> 00:09:17,446
before you take the second two of the four.

195
00:09:17,529 --> 00:09:19,614
And don't expose yourself
to bright light or get wet.

196
00:09:19,698 --> 00:09:22,159
- So... Gremlin rules?
- Exactly!

197
00:09:22,243 --> 00:09:24,703
Well, I'm off to perform
child heart surgery.

198
00:09:24,786 --> 00:09:26,788
Wish me luck.

199
00:09:29,624 --> 00:09:31,252
All right, team, focus up.

200
00:09:31,335 --> 00:09:33,754
We got a book to write.

201
00:09:33,837 --> 00:09:35,672
Yeah, yeah. My God, this is so good.

202
00:09:35,756 --> 00:09:37,216
It's good.

203
00:09:37,299 --> 00:09:39,676
So good, so good.

204
00:09:39,760 --> 00:09:43,597
Okay, Todd, how is it going
with the heartwarming anecdotes?

205
00:09:43,680 --> 00:09:45,433
Great! I'm writing about that time

206
00:09:45,515 --> 00:09:47,393
we officially became best friends.

207
00:09:47,476 --> 00:09:49,978
Nice! Can you change best to pretty good?

208
00:09:50,062 --> 00:09:52,564
Sarah Lynn, how's it coming
with the Horsin' Around years?

209
00:09:52,647 --> 00:09:55,067
Almost done with the story
where Hulk Hogan guest starred

210
00:09:55,150 --> 00:09:56,526
and told us to say no to drugs.

211
00:09:56,610 --> 00:09:59,280
Great. Keep typing, monkeys.

212
00:09:59,405 --> 00:10:01,740
If only Hulk Hogan could see us now, right?

213
00:10:01,823 --> 00:10:03,492
What?

214
00:10:03,575 --> 00:10:06,120
Because Sarah Lynn said
the thing about Hulk Hogan?

215
00:10:06,203 --> 00:10:08,538
That was like four hours ago.

216
00:10:08,622 --> 00:10:10,332
Right.

217
00:10:10,416 --> 00:10:12,126
- How we doing now?
- Sending.

218
00:10:12,209 --> 00:10:14,336
- Just about to send.
- Nice.

219
00:10:14,420 --> 00:10:15,796
Okay, this is great.

220
00:10:15,879 --> 00:10:18,006
That puts us at 216 pages?

221
00:10:18,090 --> 00:10:21,176
Holy shit, that's almost as
long as The Firm by John Grisham.

222
00:10:21,260 --> 00:10:23,178
And we just needed to get to 200, right?

223
00:10:23,262 --> 00:10:24,554
I'm just gonna keep writing.

224
00:10:24,638 --> 00:10:27,349
I got a lot of synapses firing right now.

225
00:10:27,433 --> 00:10:30,602
It's surprisingly literate
and insightful, but still fun.

226
00:10:30,685 --> 00:10:33,147
It's a beach read you can
thumb through in a wing chair.

227
00:10:33,230 --> 00:10:35,190
Can't believe Diane
thought this was so hard.

228
00:10:35,274 --> 00:10:37,943
"My fingers are cramping
from all this typing.

229
00:10:38,026 --> 00:10:40,404
It's like they're having their period."

230
00:10:40,488 --> 00:10:42,030
Did Diane really say that?

231
00:10:42,114 --> 00:10:44,325
No, but my fingers are cramping.

232
00:10:44,408 --> 00:10:47,869
It's like they're having
their period, am I right?

233
00:10:49,037 --> 00:10:51,248
Are you just laughing
so I'll leave you alone?

234
00:10:52,749 --> 00:10:54,084
Good one.

235
00:10:54,168 --> 00:10:56,128
We just need a way to end this thing.

236
00:10:56,211 --> 00:10:58,005
What should the ending be?

237
00:10:58,088 --> 00:11:00,924
Maybe it was Earth all along.

238
00:11:01,008 --> 00:11:02,926
Not that, but something like that.

239
00:11:03,010 --> 00:11:04,386
Keep thinking.

240
00:11:13,812 --> 00:11:14,980
I got it!

241
00:11:15,063 --> 00:11:17,191
Did you guys switch clothes?

242
00:11:17,274 --> 00:11:18,442
No.

243
00:11:21,362 --> 00:11:22,988
- What...
- I don't know.

244
00:11:23,113 --> 00:11:24,573
I like your idea better, BoJack.

245
00:11:24,698 --> 00:11:26,116
- What?
- Your idea for the ending.

246
00:11:26,200 --> 00:11:27,493
- What'd I say?
- About Maine.

247
00:11:27,576 --> 00:11:29,286
About how you end up in Maine.

248
00:11:29,370 --> 00:11:31,746
I like the part where you swim
in the lake in the summers.

249
00:11:31,830 --> 00:11:34,875
Yeah, right, and when I get
too old to take care of myself,

250
00:11:34,958 --> 00:11:36,544
I go for one last swim.

251
00:11:36,626 --> 00:11:38,170
I know I can't make it back to shore.

252
00:11:38,253 --> 00:11:39,754
I'm too weak, too tired.

253
00:11:39,838 --> 00:11:42,174
So I just let the water take me under.

254
00:11:42,257 --> 00:11:44,968
Eesh! Downer ending.

255
00:11:45,052 --> 00:11:47,137
- You got something better?
- Wait a minute.

256
00:11:47,221 --> 00:11:49,139
Maybe we don't know the ending yet

257
00:11:49,223 --> 00:11:51,016
because you haven't lived it.

258
00:11:51,099 --> 00:11:53,227
Yeah, I mean, if you want to, like, finish

259
00:11:53,310 --> 00:11:56,480
finish the book, then you'd
have to, like, die tonight.

260
00:11:56,564 --> 00:11:59,649
I know! I should murder you.

261
00:12:01,651 --> 00:12:03,320
I'm serious.

262
00:12:03,404 --> 00:12:04,446
Think about it.

263
00:12:04,530 --> 00:12:07,241
If the little girl you raised on television

264
00:12:07,324 --> 00:12:09,076
killed you in real life...

265
00:12:09,159 --> 00:12:13,205
people would eat that shit up.

266
00:12:13,288 --> 00:12:15,790
I love it. It's perfect.
We'll sell so many books.

267
00:12:15,874 --> 00:12:19,211
Yeah. Yeah, kill BoJack!

268
00:12:21,255 --> 00:12:24,049
- I'm gonna kill you!
- Yes!

269
00:12:24,132 --> 00:12:25,759
There it is! Yeah, gonna get you!

270
00:12:25,842 --> 00:12:26,843
No, no, no, no...

271
00:12:33,350 --> 00:12:34,602
Okay, so what did we learn?

272
00:12:34,684 --> 00:12:36,811
We learned that if we're going to do drugs

273
00:12:36,895 --> 00:12:39,689
we should do them at home where
it's safe to do them together,

274
00:12:39,773 --> 00:12:40,899
right, Todd?

275
00:12:40,982 --> 00:12:41,983
No!

276
00:12:42,067 --> 00:12:43,485
Don't worry, guys.

277
00:12:43,569 --> 00:12:45,779
I have this gun to keep
us safe from intruders.

278
00:12:45,862 --> 00:12:47,406
- And each other.
- Wait, wait, wait.

279
00:12:47,489 --> 00:12:48,865
Is that just your gun-shaped lighter,

280
00:12:48,949 --> 00:12:50,200
or your lighter-shaped gun?

281
00:12:50,284 --> 00:12:52,327
Busted! It's just a lighter.

282
00:12:52,411 --> 00:12:53,662
Aah!

283
00:12:53,745 --> 00:12:55,080
Shit, I guess it's my gun.

284
00:12:55,163 --> 00:12:56,624
Then what'd I do with my lighter?

285
00:12:56,706 --> 00:12:58,333
And what did I give to that baby?

286
00:12:58,417 --> 00:13:00,752
Ha, I have a gun, too.

287
00:13:00,835 --> 00:13:04,089
Don't be a Silly Billy. That's a broom.

288
00:13:04,172 --> 00:13:06,592
Wait, am I holding a gun?

289
00:13:06,675 --> 00:13:09,303
Todd, are you holding a gun or a broom?

290
00:13:09,386 --> 00:13:12,097
I can't tell anymore!

291
00:13:12,180 --> 00:13:14,642
I guess we'll just have
to shoot them at each other

292
00:13:14,724 --> 00:13:17,686
at the same time to find out!

293
00:13:17,769 --> 00:13:19,354
Okay!

294
00:13:19,438 --> 00:13:21,649
Todd, sh... Can I just
say... Todd, Todd, I need you...

295
00:13:21,731 --> 00:13:23,609
I need you to shh. Listen, listen, Todd.

296
00:13:23,692 --> 00:13:26,153
Okay, just to be totally
clear, we're shooting each other

297
00:13:26,236 --> 00:13:28,614
to determine whether we're
holding guns or brooms, right?

298
00:13:28,697 --> 00:13:30,365
Not because you're
still mad about the whole

299
00:13:30,449 --> 00:13:31,825
me sabotaging you with the rock opera

300
00:13:31,908 --> 00:13:33,327
and your live stream and suchety-such?

301
00:13:33,410 --> 00:13:35,120
BoJack, shh, shh, okay, Bo?

302
00:13:35,203 --> 00:13:36,830
Quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet.

303
00:13:36,913 --> 00:13:38,457
As you know, I was hurt,

304
00:13:38,540 --> 00:13:40,501
but then I realized
that's just how you are.

305
00:13:40,584 --> 00:13:43,128
You know, and maybe I just
need to stop expecting you

306
00:13:43,211 --> 00:13:44,963
to be a good person,

307
00:13:45,046 --> 00:13:47,799
so that way, I won't
get hurt when you're not.

308
00:13:47,882 --> 00:13:49,843
O... Okay.

309
00:13:49,926 --> 00:13:51,512
Hey, this isn't fair.

310
00:13:51,595 --> 00:13:52,846
I don't have a gun.

311
00:13:52,929 --> 00:13:54,723
Sarah Lynn is right.

312
00:13:54,806 --> 00:13:56,933
You know, if we all had guns,
then no one would need a gun,

313
00:13:57,017 --> 00:13:58,018
and we would all be safe.

314
00:13:58,101 --> 00:13:59,645
My God.

315
00:13:59,728 --> 00:14:01,689
I think we just solved
the gun crisis in America.

316
00:14:01,771 --> 00:14:04,858
Let them eat guns!

317
00:14:04,941 --> 00:14:07,444
Bang, bang, pow, pow, yeah, wow!

318
00:14:07,528 --> 00:14:10,197
Let's celebrate... by taking more drugs.

319
00:14:13,992 --> 00:14:16,995
Now we just have to solve
the drug crisis in America.

320
00:14:17,078 --> 00:14:18,539
Easy! We'll take them all.

321
00:14:18,622 --> 00:14:19,998
Yes!

322
00:14:36,598 --> 00:14:37,599
BoJack?

323
00:14:41,770 --> 00:14:43,522
Hey, sorry. You okay?

324
00:14:43,605 --> 00:14:44,690
Yeah...

325
00:14:44,773 --> 00:14:47,526
Listen, I've thought
about it, and you're right.

326
00:14:47,609 --> 00:14:50,153
Your memoir should be
a representation of you.

327
00:14:50,237 --> 00:14:52,864
It's only fair you're happy
with how you're portrayed.

328
00:14:52,947 --> 00:14:54,533
- Really?
- Yeah.

329
00:14:54,616 --> 00:14:57,661
And I want to help write a
book we can both be proud of.

330
00:14:57,745 --> 00:15:00,914
My God. Thank you.

331
00:15:00,997 --> 00:15:02,624
Thank you.

332
00:15:05,586 --> 00:15:08,296
Wha... Ooh!

333
00:15:08,380 --> 00:15:10,382
- Are you okay?
- No!

334
00:15:10,465 --> 00:15:12,384
Not this again!

335
00:15:12,467 --> 00:15:14,219
Gaaaaahhhh!

336
00:15:14,302 --> 00:15:16,888
What is happening!

337
00:15:16,971 --> 00:15:21,935
I ate too many pancakes!

338
00:15:22,018 --> 00:15:24,187
Shit, I'm still tripping.

339
00:15:31,737 --> 00:15:34,072
- Kiss me.
- Go...

340
00:15:55,552 --> 00:15:59,889
You abandoned me, and I will
never forgive you for that.

341
00:15:59,973 --> 00:16:02,142
I'm Mr. Peanut... I'm Mr. Peanut...

342
00:16:02,225 --> 00:16:03,644
I'm Mr. Peanutbutter.

343
00:16:03,727 --> 00:16:05,437
My God!

344
00:16:06,855 --> 00:16:08,106
What?

345
00:16:08,189 --> 00:16:10,776
Hoo hoo hah hah hah...

346
00:16:13,862 --> 00:16:15,029
Whoa.

347
00:16:16,573 --> 00:16:17,574
What the...

348
00:16:17,658 --> 00:16:19,701
Whoa! Okay, stay calm.

349
00:16:19,785 --> 00:16:22,329
I don't have outlines anymore. That's okay.

350
00:16:22,412 --> 00:16:24,914
There's no boundary between me and space.

351
00:16:24,998 --> 00:16:27,083
This is a thing that happens.

352
00:16:32,506 --> 00:16:33,841
Shouldn't we help him?

353
00:16:33,923 --> 00:16:35,759
No, he loves treading water.

354
00:16:35,843 --> 00:16:38,094
God.

355
00:16:43,057 --> 00:16:45,769
My God. My God. My God.

356
00:16:51,900 --> 00:16:53,777
Why is everyone laughing? What's so funny?

357
00:16:53,861 --> 00:16:55,028
Cut! Get your head

358
00:16:55,111 --> 00:16:56,697
out of your ass, B.J.

359
00:16:56,864 --> 00:17:01,535
Your line is, "This is all
I am and all I'll ever be."

360
00:17:01,618 --> 00:17:03,704
This is all I am and all I'll ever be.

361
00:17:03,787 --> 00:17:06,665
You can say that again, old man.

362
00:17:15,799 --> 00:17:18,092
- Horse, horse, horse!
- What is it?

363
00:17:18,176 --> 00:17:21,847
Will you make me a penis
butter and va-jelly sandwich?

364
00:17:21,930 --> 00:17:23,557
What?

365
00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:27,811
I said, make me a penis butter
va-jelly sandwich, bitch.

366
00:17:27,895 --> 00:17:30,230
No, no.

367
00:17:30,313 --> 00:17:32,399
No?

368
00:17:32,482 --> 00:17:35,903
Well, isn't it too late to say no, BoJack?

369
00:17:35,985 --> 00:17:38,405
This is the road you chose.

370
00:17:40,198 --> 00:17:42,409
I'm sinking, somebody help.

371
00:17:42,492 --> 00:17:44,160
The floor is tar.

372
00:17:44,244 --> 00:17:46,496
Why don't you come with me? Come to Maine.

373
00:17:46,580 --> 00:17:48,122
I can't, I'm stuck.

374
00:17:48,206 --> 00:17:49,958
Do they have Pinkberry in Maine?

375
00:17:50,041 --> 00:17:51,459
I can't!

376
00:17:51,543 --> 00:17:53,962
- Go out there.
- I can't.

377
00:17:54,045 --> 00:17:56,172
Can't lives in a house on Won't Street.

378
00:17:56,256 --> 00:17:59,217
You will not embarrass me in
front of the entire Supper Club.

379
00:17:59,300 --> 00:18:02,971
I told them you were going
to sing the "Lollipop" song.

380
00:18:03,054 --> 00:18:04,639
But I don't feel like singing.

381
00:18:04,723 --> 00:18:06,558
Nobody gives a damn what you feel.

382
00:18:06,641 --> 00:18:08,184
You've got an audience out there,

383
00:18:08,268 --> 00:18:10,061
and they want to hear you sing.

384
00:18:10,144 --> 00:18:11,939
Now, you want your mommy to love you?

385
00:18:12,021 --> 00:18:15,316
You go out there and you do
the only thing you're good for,

386
00:18:15,400 --> 00:18:19,320
which is singing the goddamn Lollipop song.

387
00:18:19,446 --> 00:18:21,030
And let me tell you somethin'.

388
00:18:21,114 --> 00:18:23,658
The secret to living forever is...

389
00:18:28,037 --> 00:18:29,247
No.

390
00:18:29,330 --> 00:18:30,331
Hey.

391
00:18:33,334 --> 00:18:35,295
What seems to be the problem?

392
00:18:35,378 --> 00:18:37,297
Good grief. I'm so depressed.

393
00:18:37,380 --> 00:18:38,966
I just want everyone to love me,

394
00:18:39,048 --> 00:18:40,675
but I don't know how to make them do it.

395
00:18:40,759 --> 00:18:42,469
You can't force love, you blockhead.

396
00:18:42,552 --> 00:18:44,471
All you can do is be good
to the people in your life,

397
00:18:44,554 --> 00:18:45,889
and keep your heart open.

398
00:18:45,973 --> 00:18:47,098
I screwed it all up.

399
00:18:47,181 --> 00:18:48,224
It's too late for me, isn't it?

400
00:18:48,308 --> 00:18:49,309
I don't know.

401
00:18:49,392 --> 00:18:50,602
I'm just a crazy drug hallucination.

402
00:18:50,685 --> 00:18:52,020
I'll say whatever you want me to.

403
00:18:52,103 --> 00:18:54,022
Then tell me it's not too late.

404
00:18:54,105 --> 00:18:56,232
Well, it's not too late.
It's never too late.

405
00:18:56,316 --> 00:18:57,734
- Yeah, that's right.
- It's never too late

406
00:18:57,818 --> 00:18:59,778
to be the person you want to be.

407
00:18:59,861 --> 00:19:02,030
You need to choose the life you want.

408
00:19:02,113 --> 00:19:05,659
That'll be 5¢ please...

409
00:19:17,629 --> 00:19:18,797
BoJack.

410
00:19:18,880 --> 00:19:20,048
Yes, dear?

411
00:19:20,131 --> 00:19:21,633
Supper's ready.

412
00:19:23,092 --> 00:19:24,511
Ran into Ed at the hardware store.

413
00:19:24,594 --> 00:19:25,971
He said we're in for some weather.

414
00:19:26,054 --> 00:19:27,806
What the hell does that
mean? "Some weather."

415
00:19:27,889 --> 00:19:29,307
We're always in for some weather.

416
00:19:29,390 --> 00:19:31,142
Guess what, Ed? There's never not weather.

417
00:19:32,853 --> 00:19:35,104
BoJack, don't.

418
00:19:35,188 --> 00:19:36,940
Come on, I can't help it.

419
00:19:37,024 --> 00:19:38,817
It's just so cute how
they do it automatically.

420
00:19:38,900 --> 00:19:40,443
How do they know?

421
00:19:40,527 --> 00:19:42,988
Man, can we just stay exactly like this

422
00:19:43,071 --> 00:19:44,865
for the rest of our lives, please?

423
00:19:44,948 --> 00:19:49,285
Yeah, okay, sure, or we
could do the opposite of that,

424
00:19:49,369 --> 00:19:51,245
because I'm pregnant.

425
00:19:51,329 --> 00:19:53,289
What? That's amazing.

426
00:19:53,373 --> 00:19:55,876
Yeah, and I'm 80% sure it's yours.

427
00:19:59,046 --> 00:20:01,339
Is it weird that I want to
make love to you right now?

428
00:20:01,422 --> 00:20:03,299
Why would that be weird?

429
00:20:03,383 --> 00:20:05,802
I don't know, it's... I
don't want to spook the baby.

430
00:20:05,886 --> 00:20:07,888
Maybe we should just
do mouth and hand stuff

431
00:20:07,971 --> 00:20:09,931
for the next nine months.

432
00:20:18,189 --> 00:20:20,149
I think someone's awake.

433
00:20:20,233 --> 00:20:22,360
Dada coming? Dada coming?

434
00:20:22,443 --> 00:20:24,571
Yes, Gooby Girl, Dada's coming.

435
00:20:24,696 --> 00:20:26,322
Dada.

436
00:20:26,406 --> 00:20:27,866
I'm gonna eat your finger.

437
00:20:27,949 --> 00:20:28,992
Yum, yum, num, num.

438
00:20:33,371 --> 00:20:35,164
- Daddy?
- Harper?

439
00:20:35,665 --> 00:20:36,875
Where do the stars go?

440
00:20:36,958 --> 00:20:38,585
They're still there.

441
00:20:38,668 --> 00:20:41,254
We just can't see them
because the sun is shining.

442
00:20:41,337 --> 00:20:43,464
- Daddy?
- Harper?

443
00:20:43,548 --> 00:20:47,176
Do you think if you were a
little kid, we would be friends?

444
00:20:47,260 --> 00:20:49,012
Well, that depends.

445
00:20:49,096 --> 00:20:51,639
Do you love cookies, and
the color green, and braids?

446
00:20:51,723 --> 00:20:53,850
Yes, I love all those things.

447
00:20:53,934 --> 00:20:56,061
Well, then, your application
has been submitted

448
00:20:56,144 --> 00:20:58,229
and is pending board approval.

449
00:20:58,312 --> 00:20:59,856
Approved!

450
00:20:59,940 --> 00:21:02,776
Wah!

451
00:21:02,859 --> 00:21:05,194
Whoa!

452
00:21:05,278 --> 00:21:06,947
No splashing!

453
00:21:07,072 --> 00:21:08,823
No. It's rough, don't.

454
00:21:08,907 --> 00:21:10,283
You're tickling.

455
00:21:10,366 --> 00:21:12,077
I got you!

456
00:21:12,160 --> 00:21:13,661
She grew up so fast.

457
00:21:13,745 --> 00:21:15,830
I don't like that he drives a motorcycle.

458
00:21:15,914 --> 00:21:17,874
Honey, a Vespa is not a motorcycle.

459
00:21:19,417 --> 00:21:21,210
Okay, okay.

460
00:21:21,294 --> 00:21:23,130
What are you thinking about?

461
00:21:23,212 --> 00:21:25,757
Just how nice things could've been

462
00:21:25,840 --> 00:21:27,634
if you had chosen this life.

463
00:21:34,557 --> 00:21:37,644
What? Where?

464
00:21:37,727 --> 00:21:39,228
Hello?

465
00:21:39,312 --> 00:21:41,230
BoJack, I read the pages
you sent me last night,

466
00:21:41,314 --> 00:21:44,734
and I have to tell you,
your book is absolutely,

467
00:21:44,818 --> 00:21:46,820
without a doubt, the most...

468
00:21:46,903 --> 00:21:48,155
gibberish.

469
00:21:48,237 --> 00:21:50,157
- It's gibberish.
- What day is it?

470
00:21:50,198 --> 00:21:51,950
Let's see what you got here.

471
00:21:52,033 --> 00:21:53,952
You got 20 pages of Doctor
Who erotic fan fiction,

472
00:21:54,035 --> 00:21:56,412
a recipe for soup, five different theories

473
00:21:56,496 --> 00:21:57,956
about how 9/11 happened,

474
00:21:58,039 --> 00:21:59,916
and a bunch of embedded YouTube videos

475
00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:02,293
that can't possibly be
printed in book form.

476
00:22:02,376 --> 00:22:04,629
Okay, I gotta go.

477
00:22:08,424 --> 00:22:10,468
Any questions, at all,

478
00:22:10,551 --> 00:22:13,054
for our panel of ghostwriters?

479
00:22:13,138 --> 00:22:16,099
Um, yeah, I have a
question for Tori Spelling.

480
00:22:16,183 --> 00:22:20,020
Again, Tori Spelling is not
here, as I already explained.

481
00:22:20,103 --> 00:22:22,897
Tori Spelling's ghostwriter is here.

482
00:22:22,981 --> 00:22:24,816
This is a ghostwriter convention.

483
00:22:24,899 --> 00:22:26,359
How do you not...

484
00:22:27,568 --> 00:22:28,987
Okay, next question?

485
00:22:29,070 --> 00:22:31,572
Yeah, this is for the whole panel.

486
00:22:31,656 --> 00:22:34,575
What's your favorite kind
of ghost to write for?

487
00:22:34,659 --> 00:22:37,411
What? No, they don't write for ghosts.

488
00:22:37,495 --> 00:22:40,623
That's not wha... Why did I
think this would be a good idea?

489
00:22:40,707 --> 00:22:44,211
Does anyone have an actual question

490
00:22:44,293 --> 00:22:46,295
for someone on this panel?

491
00:22:46,379 --> 00:22:50,299
An actual question, or a
gun, so I can shoot myself?

492
00:22:50,383 --> 00:22:51,425
Yeah, I got a question.

493
00:22:51,509 --> 00:22:53,094
Thank God.

494
00:22:53,178 --> 00:22:55,596
My question is for Diane.

495
00:22:55,680 --> 00:22:58,808
Look, I'm sorry about all the
stuff I said about you earlier.

496
00:22:58,892 --> 00:23:00,643
We can publish the book you wrote.

497
00:23:00,727 --> 00:23:02,520
You're obviously a better writer than I am,

498
00:23:02,603 --> 00:23:05,148
and I don't actually even really care

499
00:23:05,232 --> 00:23:07,150
what the world thinks about me anymore.

500
00:23:07,234 --> 00:23:08,985
I just hated reading that book

501
00:23:09,069 --> 00:23:11,404
because I hated feeling
like that's how you saw me.

502
00:23:11,487 --> 00:23:14,032
Because I guess you know
me better than anybody,

503
00:23:14,115 --> 00:23:16,409
and if you think that...

504
00:23:16,492 --> 00:23:19,120
Um, I guess my question is, do you...

505
00:23:19,204 --> 00:23:21,248
Do you think it's too late for me?

506
00:23:21,330 --> 00:23:23,041
What?

507
00:23:23,124 --> 00:23:25,668
I mean, am I just doomed
to be the person that I am?

508
00:23:25,752 --> 00:23:27,712
The... The person in that book?

509
00:23:27,795 --> 00:23:30,715
It's not too late for me, is
it? It's... It's not too late...

510
00:23:30,798 --> 00:23:33,176
Diane, I need you to tell
me that it's not too late.

511
00:23:33,260 --> 00:23:35,262
- BoJack, I...
- I... I need you to tell me

512
00:23:35,344 --> 00:23:36,804
that I'm a good person.

513
00:23:36,888 --> 00:23:38,681
I know that I can be
selfish and narcissistic

514
00:23:38,765 --> 00:23:40,683
and self-destructive,
but underneath all that,

515
00:23:40,767 --> 00:23:42,351
deep down, I'm a good person,

516
00:23:42,435 --> 00:23:44,854
and I need you to tell
me that I'm good, Diane.

517
00:23:46,022 --> 00:23:49,025
Tell me, please, Diane.
Tell me that I'm good.

518
00:24:04,124 --> 00:24:07,710
Hey, aren't you the
horse from Horsin' Around?

519
00:24:07,734 --> 00:24:09,734
sync and corrections by caioalbanezi
www.addic7ed.com

520
00:24:52,463 --> 00:24:53,756
Boxer versus raptor.