1 00:00:05,272 --> 00:00:08,442 [Dick on TV] This is from BoJack H. BoJack is nine years old. 2 00:00:08,526 --> 00:00:12,112 "When I grow up, I want to be like you. I'm on the right track. 3 00:00:12,196 --> 00:00:15,950 Get it? Track? Because horses run on tracks and you are a horse. 4 00:00:16,034 --> 00:00:19,411 And I am a horse. Do you get it? Do you get my joke about the track?" 5 00:00:19,495 --> 00:00:23,082 - There's a whole page of this. - Should I write him, tell him I get it? 6 00:00:23,165 --> 00:00:25,125 [Dick] He goes on. "My question for you is: 7 00:00:25,209 --> 00:00:27,503 I am a good kid and I like to play, 8 00:00:27,628 --> 00:00:30,589 and I like to go to school, but sometimes I get sad. 9 00:00:30,673 --> 00:00:33,425 What do you do when you get sad? How do you not be sad?" 10 00:00:33,509 --> 00:00:36,554 [mother] Oh, big stud, running off to gallivant with your fillies. 11 00:00:36,637 --> 00:00:37,471 [plate smashes] 12 00:00:37,555 --> 00:00:40,516 [father] Is that to impress me? I can smash a dinner plate, too. 13 00:00:40,599 --> 00:00:42,309 [mother] That's a salad plate. 14 00:00:42,393 --> 00:00:44,353 [father] I thought these were salad plates. 15 00:00:44,436 --> 00:00:47,523 [mother] Those are saucers. [father] Why do we even have saucers? 16 00:00:47,606 --> 00:00:49,067 We don't drink tea. 17 00:00:49,149 --> 00:00:51,569 [mother] Those saucers are for entertaining! 18 00:00:51,652 --> 00:00:54,822 [father] Oh, yeah? Well, I'm exit-taining. 19 00:00:54,906 --> 00:00:56,198 Do you get it? 20 00:00:56,281 --> 00:00:57,366 [door slams] 21 00:00:57,449 --> 00:01:00,619 But, uh, seriously, folks. [chuckles] Right? 22 00:01:00,995 --> 00:01:02,955 [mother groans] 23 00:01:03,039 --> 00:01:06,959 Don't sit so close to the TV, it'll make you cruel. 24 00:01:09,003 --> 00:01:11,589 You know, I was beautiful 25 00:01:11,672 --> 00:01:13,841 - before I got pregnant. - I know. 26 00:01:14,592 --> 00:01:18,054 - You ruined me, BoJack. - I know. 27 00:01:18,137 --> 00:01:22,100 You better grow up to be something great to make up for all the damage you've done. 28 00:01:22,558 --> 00:01:24,018 I will. 29 00:01:24,102 --> 00:01:26,437 [man on TV] ...and I just kept running. BoJack... 30 00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:29,231 Okay, enough me being a great mom. 31 00:01:29,314 --> 00:01:31,567 I'm gonna go hide your father's heart medication. 32 00:01:31,650 --> 00:01:34,486 Enjoy your dumb little TV show. 33 00:01:36,072 --> 00:01:40,868 ♪♪ 34 00:02:30,876 --> 00:02:35,422 [man on recording] The first thing is, you gotta believe that change is possible. 35 00:02:35,547 --> 00:02:37,842 You have to tell yourself every day: 36 00:02:37,925 --> 00:02:40,845 "I can change and I will change." 37 00:02:40,928 --> 00:02:44,264 - I can change and I will change. - [man on recording] Louder. 38 00:02:44,348 --> 00:02:46,558 I can change and I will change. 39 00:02:46,642 --> 00:02:49,645 - [man on recording] Still can't hear you. - You're an audiobook. 40 00:02:49,728 --> 00:02:51,939 [man on recording] "I've got a new attitude." 41 00:02:52,023 --> 00:02:56,068 That's what your face should be saying to everyone you pass on the street. 42 00:02:56,485 --> 00:02:58,821 We call that the PANTS approach. 43 00:02:58,904 --> 00:03:01,406 P-A-N-T-S. 44 00:03:01,490 --> 00:03:03,450 People all need to see. 45 00:03:03,534 --> 00:03:05,953 People all need to see. 46 00:03:06,037 --> 00:03:08,497 Yeah, a little to the right. No, house right. 47 00:03:08,580 --> 00:03:11,583 That's an acting term. It means left. I'm an actor. 48 00:03:11,667 --> 00:03:13,127 [phone ringing] 49 00:03:13,794 --> 00:03:15,046 [groans] 50 00:03:15,129 --> 00:03:16,380 No. 51 00:03:16,463 --> 00:03:21,426 - BoJack, why did I wake up in an alley? - I had to get rid of the old couch, Todd. 52 00:03:21,510 --> 00:03:23,012 While I was sleeping on it? 53 00:03:23,095 --> 00:03:25,305 The couch was a metaphor for my old attitude. 54 00:03:25,389 --> 00:03:29,018 My audiobook told me I had to let go of the burdens of my life sofa. 55 00:03:29,101 --> 00:03:31,645 Oh, you know what? Maybe it was "my life so far." 56 00:03:31,729 --> 00:03:33,939 I feel like you could've woken me up first. 57 00:03:34,023 --> 00:03:37,442 Todd, no one can wake anybody else up. You need to wake yourself up. 58 00:03:38,277 --> 00:03:42,156 I don't know if I trust this new guy. I'm just gonna go sleep in your car. 59 00:03:42,240 --> 00:03:44,909 - Uh-oh. I think someone needs a FAB. - A FAB? 60 00:03:44,992 --> 00:03:47,036 FAB, stands for fresh active BNA. 61 00:03:47,119 --> 00:03:50,206 - BNA? - Brand-new attitude. Try to keep up. 62 00:03:50,289 --> 00:03:52,083 ATTITUDE stands for attention to-- 63 00:03:52,166 --> 00:03:54,877 Did you also get rid of my stuff? Where's my duffel bag? 64 00:03:55,002 --> 00:03:57,755 I value you. Hashtag "thank you for being a friend." 65 00:03:57,838 --> 00:03:59,339 Hashtag "PANTS." 66 00:03:59,423 --> 00:04:01,008 [panting] 67 00:04:01,092 --> 00:04:03,510 [man on recording] You got to conquer that hill. 68 00:04:03,594 --> 00:04:05,387 The hill is a metaphor. 69 00:04:05,470 --> 00:04:07,848 Everything is a metaphor. 70 00:04:07,932 --> 00:04:11,351 - You are literally a metaphor. - Oh, my God. 71 00:04:11,435 --> 00:04:13,020 Oh, my God, this is the worst. 72 00:04:13,104 --> 00:04:14,605 This feels awful. 73 00:04:14,688 --> 00:04:15,981 Why does anybody run? 74 00:04:16,065 --> 00:04:18,067 On your right. 75 00:04:20,694 --> 00:04:25,199 And she had no idea that her boyfriend was the strangler. 76 00:04:25,283 --> 00:04:28,286 I guess some people just see what they wanna see, right, Vincent? 77 00:04:28,368 --> 00:04:29,494 Um... 78 00:04:29,578 --> 00:04:31,789 - Yeah. - Hey, Princess Carolyn. 79 00:04:31,872 --> 00:04:34,083 I gotta go. One of my dumb-ass clients is here. 80 00:04:34,166 --> 00:04:37,419 Just out for a jog, thought I'd say hello. I jog now. 81 00:04:37,544 --> 00:04:39,171 You jogged here from Laurel Canyon? 82 00:04:39,255 --> 00:04:42,466 I drove, but I moved my arm a bunch, so the Fitbit counted the miles. 83 00:04:42,549 --> 00:04:46,386 Uh, someone named BoJark Hoseman is here? 84 00:04:46,470 --> 00:04:49,473 - Thank you, Stuart. - Also, your coffee is coming late. 85 00:04:49,556 --> 00:04:52,143 - Just like you ordered. - I said "latte." 86 00:04:52,226 --> 00:04:55,479 Ah. Well, I wrote down "late," so that's what it's gonna be. 87 00:04:56,396 --> 00:04:59,608 - What happened to Laura? - Assistants are like Belushi brothers. 88 00:04:59,691 --> 00:05:02,111 Good ones leave too soon, bad ones never go away. 89 00:05:02,194 --> 00:05:05,530 It's a beautiful day, though, right? Every morning is a miracle. 90 00:05:05,614 --> 00:05:07,574 Hashtag "miracle." Hashtag "every morning." 91 00:05:07,658 --> 00:05:10,535 Hashtag "every morning is a miracle." Hashtag "BoJack thoughts." 92 00:05:10,619 --> 00:05:14,665 I'm glad you found your bliss, but are you ready for your first day on set tomorrow? 93 00:05:14,748 --> 00:05:17,960 You mean, am I amped? Because I am so pumped. 94 00:05:18,043 --> 00:05:20,171 This Secretariat movie is a big deal. 95 00:05:20,296 --> 00:05:22,298 Please do not blow it. 96 00:05:22,381 --> 00:05:25,384 Why would I blow it? I have a brand-new attitude. 97 00:05:25,467 --> 00:05:29,513 You know, when I won that Golden Globe last month, I went to a very dark place. 98 00:05:29,596 --> 00:05:30,806 I was in a hole. 99 00:05:30,889 --> 00:05:34,476 And I realized, "I can wallow in this hole or I can change." 100 00:05:34,559 --> 00:05:38,480 While I was tempted to go with the former, sometimes the only way out of a hole 101 00:05:38,563 --> 00:05:39,815 is a latter. 102 00:05:39,898 --> 00:05:42,276 - No pun intended. - You clearly intended that pun. 103 00:05:42,360 --> 00:05:46,280 Princess Carolyn, you gotta believe in the AHP of TPE. 104 00:05:46,364 --> 00:05:47,239 Huh. 105 00:05:47,323 --> 00:05:50,117 - Uh-uh. I'm not asking. - The awesome healing power-- 106 00:05:50,201 --> 00:05:52,452 - I am not asking. - --of total positive energy. 107 00:05:52,536 --> 00:05:55,580 You should leave because I'm about to pretend to get a phone call. 108 00:05:55,664 --> 00:05:58,417 Hello? [chuckles] No, he's still here. 109 00:05:58,500 --> 00:06:00,919 - No, he's not taking the hint somehow. - Mm-hm. 110 00:06:03,505 --> 00:06:06,425 [Mr. Peanutbutter] Honey, where's my bandana? 111 00:06:06,508 --> 00:06:08,927 You chewed it up, we had to throw it away, remember? 112 00:06:09,011 --> 00:06:11,263 [Mr. Peanutbutter] No, not that one. 113 00:06:11,347 --> 00:06:12,890 The one with the bones on it. 114 00:06:12,973 --> 00:06:15,600 With the meat juice stains? The one I wore to the Emmys. 115 00:06:15,684 --> 00:06:18,729 I don't know. I gotta go. BoJack's gonna be here any minute. 116 00:06:18,812 --> 00:06:20,439 Did you check the hall closet? 117 00:06:20,522 --> 00:06:23,442 [Mr. Peanutbutter] I can't see anything in this stupid thing. 118 00:06:23,525 --> 00:06:25,194 I know, Mr. Peanutbutter. 119 00:06:25,277 --> 00:06:27,612 But you gotta keep it on for one more week. 120 00:06:27,696 --> 00:06:30,074 - [thudding] - [Mr. Peanutbutter grunting] 121 00:06:31,409 --> 00:06:33,202 I look like an idiot. 122 00:06:33,285 --> 00:06:35,371 You look very responsible. 123 00:06:35,454 --> 00:06:37,706 Is the bandana doing anything? 124 00:06:37,789 --> 00:06:39,417 [doorbell rings] 125 00:06:39,875 --> 00:06:42,253 Hey, work buddy, first day on the job, huh? 126 00:06:42,378 --> 00:06:46,090 Hashtag "great day to start fresh at a new job, sincerely, BoJack." 127 00:06:46,173 --> 00:06:48,508 - @Diane. - Can't believe you wanted to carpool. 128 00:06:48,592 --> 00:06:51,803 - Gotta save the planet, Diane. - Hey, is that BoJack Horseman? 129 00:06:51,887 --> 00:06:55,515 I don't know because I have no peripheral vision. Going off of smell here. 130 00:06:55,599 --> 00:06:57,601 Mr. Peanutbutter, how the hell are you? 131 00:06:57,684 --> 00:07:01,105 - Loving it, buddy. Loving life. - Brother, I am right there with you. 132 00:07:01,188 --> 00:07:03,774 I got a brand-new attitude and I am also loving life. 133 00:07:03,857 --> 00:07:04,691 Uh... 134 00:07:04,775 --> 00:07:07,694 Diane, look at us. A couple life-lovers over here. 135 00:07:07,778 --> 00:07:10,572 - Uh... - Is that a new cone? Looking sharp, PB. 136 00:07:10,655 --> 00:07:13,451 It is a new cone. Is it obvious I'm wearing a cone? 137 00:07:13,533 --> 00:07:15,953 Didn't notice. You've got the smile of a winner. 138 00:07:16,036 --> 00:07:18,205 - What's going on? - I have to wear the cone 139 00:07:18,289 --> 00:07:22,334 so I don't gnaw on the stitches I had to get when I punched a mirror last week. 140 00:07:22,418 --> 00:07:25,629 I got drunk and thought my reflection was another dog. [chuckles] 141 00:07:25,754 --> 00:07:28,048 I was so mad at that other dog. 142 00:07:28,132 --> 00:07:29,800 He was wearing my clothes. 143 00:07:29,883 --> 00:07:32,886 - We've all been there. - I don't understand what's happening. 144 00:07:32,970 --> 00:07:35,931 Did someone say something to the left? Diane, is that you? 145 00:07:36,014 --> 00:07:38,850 Hey, why don't we just us two schedj a hang for this 'kend? 146 00:07:38,934 --> 00:07:40,478 "'Kend" is how I say weekend now. 147 00:07:40,560 --> 00:07:44,982 Uh, I love that. And I got a pair of tix to the 'Stones show this 'kend. 148 00:07:45,065 --> 00:07:46,817 - Wanna go? - The Rolling Stones? 149 00:07:46,900 --> 00:07:50,695 What? Oh, no, no, no. The Mighty Mighty Bosstones. 150 00:07:50,779 --> 00:07:54,366 I'm not really familiar with that outfit, but I do love trying new things. 151 00:07:54,450 --> 00:07:56,952 - Who are you? - Anyway, we gotta get to work. 152 00:07:57,035 --> 00:07:59,579 It was really great talking to you, Mr. Peanutbutter. 153 00:07:59,704 --> 00:08:04,084 All right, break a leg, good buddy. Diane, BoJack's ready to go. 154 00:08:04,168 --> 00:08:06,337 Where are you, sweetheart? Are you ready? 155 00:08:06,462 --> 00:08:09,256 [man on recording] The house is a metaphor for a home. 156 00:08:09,340 --> 00:08:12,468 Happiness is a metaphor for change. 157 00:08:12,551 --> 00:08:14,345 Happiness is a metaphor-- 158 00:08:14,428 --> 00:08:16,805 - Where are we going? - Oh, my God. 159 00:08:21,226 --> 00:08:25,063 BoJack, this is Corduroy Jackson-Jackson, your costar. 160 00:08:25,147 --> 00:08:28,108 - Hey, man. - Corduroy Jackson-Jackson. 161 00:08:28,192 --> 00:08:29,943 Oh, right, the underwear guy. 162 00:08:30,027 --> 00:08:35,157 Underwear model/actor/dancer/dreamer. [chuckles] 163 00:08:35,240 --> 00:08:39,119 Also, you know, I'm a huge fan. I'm so excited/amped/pumped 164 00:08:39,203 --> 00:08:41,580 to be working with you. [chuckles] Yeah. 165 00:08:41,663 --> 00:08:46,001 Hey, man, that's fantastic/great/I-ran-out-of-things. 166 00:08:46,084 --> 00:08:48,670 - Hi. Kelsey Jannings? - That depends. 167 00:08:48,795 --> 00:08:51,089 - Are you my ex-wife's lawyer? - I'm Diane. 168 00:08:51,173 --> 00:08:53,633 I'm here to be a character consultant. 169 00:08:53,717 --> 00:08:55,719 - What? - I got a call from the studio. 170 00:08:55,802 --> 00:08:59,973 Okay. Why don't you stand over there and make sure no one trips over that cable? 171 00:09:00,307 --> 00:09:02,518 - This cable? - Do you have a thousand dollars? 172 00:09:02,601 --> 00:09:04,144 - What? - Because each minute 173 00:09:04,228 --> 00:09:07,189 I spend talking to you, that's how much money I'm wasting. 174 00:09:07,272 --> 00:09:08,857 - Oh. Sorry. - Hey, who's this guy? 175 00:09:08,940 --> 00:09:10,442 - Who let this guy in? - I just-- 176 00:09:10,526 --> 00:09:12,486 He's got a funny face. I like your face. 177 00:09:12,570 --> 00:09:14,530 - Thank you. - What a cute funny face. Cookie? 178 00:09:14,613 --> 00:09:16,323 Can someone get this guy a cookie? 179 00:09:16,407 --> 00:09:18,700 He's got a soothing face and I like looking at it. 180 00:09:18,783 --> 00:09:20,660 - Like a Matisse painting. - Whoa. 181 00:09:20,744 --> 00:09:22,913 Guys, could I get everyone's attention, please? 182 00:09:22,996 --> 00:09:25,665 Oh, watch out for the cable. Don't trip over the cable. 183 00:09:25,749 --> 00:09:28,668 I just want everyone to know what an honor it is to be here. 184 00:09:28,793 --> 00:09:31,880 Secretariat has always been a personal hero of mine. 185 00:09:31,963 --> 00:09:35,050 A complex role that requires a precise touch and a deft hand 186 00:09:35,133 --> 00:09:37,928 and I just can't wait to tackle it head-on. 187 00:09:38,011 --> 00:09:39,638 It's truly an honor. 188 00:09:39,721 --> 00:09:41,473 Namaste. 189 00:09:43,601 --> 00:09:46,937 Neat. So, in this scene, Secretariat's at his lowest. 190 00:09:47,020 --> 00:09:50,315 He just lost his first race, his father was sent to the glue factory. 191 00:09:50,399 --> 00:09:51,942 It's a dark moment. 192 00:09:52,443 --> 00:09:56,363 - You got it. - Scene 22 alpha, take one. 193 00:09:56,738 --> 00:09:57,948 [inhales, then exhales] 194 00:09:58,031 --> 00:10:00,825 - [Kelsey] Action! - Hey, Secretariat. 195 00:10:05,080 --> 00:10:08,083 [campy] What are you doing here? 196 00:10:09,501 --> 00:10:10,710 [chuckles] 197 00:10:10,835 --> 00:10:13,631 [mumbles, then chuckles] 198 00:10:13,713 --> 00:10:14,632 [Kelsey groans] 199 00:10:14,714 --> 00:10:15,924 [phone buzzing] 200 00:10:17,635 --> 00:10:19,844 - Hello? - Diane! 201 00:10:19,928 --> 00:10:22,097 I can't tell you how disappointed I am 202 00:10:22,180 --> 00:10:25,225 you're not here with me in Northern Cordovia. 203 00:10:25,309 --> 00:10:27,436 I'm incredibly disappointed. Boo! 204 00:10:27,519 --> 00:10:30,063 I didn't think I could do it, but I did it. 205 00:10:30,147 --> 00:10:32,023 I'm amazing. 206 00:10:32,107 --> 00:10:34,443 Sebastian, I know you're doing important work. 207 00:10:34,526 --> 00:10:37,321 I couldn't just drop everything and fly to the Third World. 208 00:10:37,404 --> 00:10:39,573 - I just got married, and-- - [Sebastian] Diane. 209 00:10:39,657 --> 00:10:41,741 People are dying, and I'm witnessing it. 210 00:10:41,825 --> 00:10:45,036 And I need people to witness me witnessing it. 211 00:10:45,120 --> 00:10:49,207 I know, and I'll be there in three months, as soon as I'm done on the movie. 212 00:10:49,291 --> 00:10:50,459 This is also important. 213 00:10:51,751 --> 00:10:52,877 In a way. 214 00:10:53,003 --> 00:10:56,006 Well, lucky for you, there'll still be just as much famine 215 00:10:56,089 --> 00:10:59,009 and war and devastation in three months. 216 00:10:59,092 --> 00:11:00,427 I'm not dead yet. 217 00:11:00,511 --> 00:11:03,972 - Yep. Lucky me. - [man] We're still rolling, people. 218 00:11:04,055 --> 00:11:07,267 So, BoJack, in this scene, Secretariat is sad, right? 219 00:11:07,351 --> 00:11:09,186 Afraid he's gonna lose his scholarship. 220 00:11:09,269 --> 00:11:11,980 Oh, sure. Yeah, sad. Of course. Duh. [chuckles] 221 00:11:12,063 --> 00:11:14,149 Okay, here we go. Action. 222 00:11:14,232 --> 00:11:15,442 Hey, Secretariat. 223 00:11:15,526 --> 00:11:17,736 [campy] What are you doing here? 224 00:11:19,154 --> 00:11:21,906 That was bad. I know that was bad. Let's keep it rolling. 225 00:11:21,990 --> 00:11:23,908 - I'll say when to keep rolling. - Okay. 226 00:11:23,992 --> 00:11:28,038 What are you doing here? Did we get it? I can tell by your face that we didn't. 227 00:11:28,121 --> 00:11:30,541 All right, let me try again. What are you doing--? 228 00:11:30,624 --> 00:11:34,503 I am having trouble with the words. Is it okay if I play around with it a bit? 229 00:11:34,628 --> 00:11:38,256 When did you get here? Sorry, no. Got it. Got it. Got it. 230 00:11:38,340 --> 00:11:40,175 Man, these lights are bright, huh? 231 00:11:40,258 --> 00:11:42,678 Can we kill these lights at all? Is that a--? 232 00:11:42,761 --> 00:11:44,346 - No. - Okay, I'm sad. 233 00:11:44,429 --> 00:11:46,139 I'm sad. Acting sad. 234 00:11:46,223 --> 00:11:48,350 Secretariat is sad. 235 00:11:48,433 --> 00:11:49,601 Okay, here we go. 236 00:11:49,685 --> 00:11:51,311 I'm sad! 237 00:11:51,395 --> 00:11:52,604 Sorry, what was the line? 238 00:11:53,313 --> 00:11:56,734 I don't know if this helps or not, but when Secretariat was a kid 239 00:11:56,816 --> 00:11:58,443 - he actually-- - Aah! 240 00:11:58,694 --> 00:11:59,944 - My face! - [man 1] Hey, hey. 241 00:12:00,028 --> 00:12:01,739 - Whoa, whoa! - [man 2] Oh, my God. 242 00:12:01,821 --> 00:12:03,114 [man 3] Watch out! [man 4] Hey. 243 00:12:03,198 --> 00:12:05,158 [man 5 gasps] [man 6] Whoa, whoa! 244 00:12:05,242 --> 00:12:07,786 [PA] Oh, my God. My face. 245 00:12:07,869 --> 00:12:09,538 My beautiful face. 246 00:12:09,621 --> 00:12:12,666 Why didn't someone tell me not to trip over that cable? 247 00:12:13,124 --> 00:12:17,003 It was such an important job, but no one was there to do it 248 00:12:17,128 --> 00:12:19,923 and now my face is in ruins. 249 00:12:20,006 --> 00:12:22,634 We're gonna need a couple of days to rebuild this set. 250 00:12:22,718 --> 00:12:25,887 So, let's all just use this time to regroup 251 00:12:25,970 --> 00:12:29,683 and really figure out what we're doing 252 00:12:29,767 --> 00:12:32,102 and why we're here. 253 00:12:32,519 --> 00:12:34,438 [audience laughing] 254 00:12:37,649 --> 00:12:41,236 So, let me get this straight. Bad means good? 255 00:12:41,319 --> 00:12:45,073 Maybe you should leave the teen-talk to me. Jeezy Kableezy. 256 00:12:45,156 --> 00:12:47,117 [audience laughing] 257 00:12:51,037 --> 00:12:52,414 Well, it wasn't Ibsen. 258 00:12:52,497 --> 00:12:56,376 That's your takeaway? That your son's TV show wasn't Ibsen? 259 00:12:56,460 --> 00:12:58,878 I'm sorry. Did you need a compliment? 260 00:12:59,003 --> 00:13:02,549 Oh, I loved the part where you got your head caught in the banister. 261 00:13:02,633 --> 00:13:04,593 - Yeah-- - And what's this letter I have? 262 00:13:04,676 --> 00:13:07,679 It's from the government saying, "I'm proud of you." 263 00:13:07,763 --> 00:13:10,766 - Are you--? - No, what I'm holding is nothing. 264 00:13:10,849 --> 00:13:13,477 Can you check on our drinks? I would love some gin. 265 00:13:13,560 --> 00:13:17,230 I wouldn't drink anything out of an open container. This town is full of AIDS. 266 00:13:17,314 --> 00:13:19,566 - That's not-- - You're a clown, you know that? 267 00:13:19,650 --> 00:13:21,610 You've always been a pillar of support. 268 00:13:21,693 --> 00:13:23,320 Gin, please? Is there gin coming? 269 00:13:23,403 --> 00:13:25,989 I'm here, aren't I? I suffered through that ordeal. 270 00:13:26,072 --> 00:13:28,784 You know, the man sitting next to me was wearing a T-shirt? 271 00:13:28,867 --> 00:13:31,578 A T-shirt, BoJack, in the theater. 272 00:13:31,662 --> 00:13:32,788 Yes, a T-shirt. 273 00:13:32,871 --> 00:13:35,540 Worst thing that's happened to anyone in a theater. 274 00:13:35,624 --> 00:13:38,794 - The T-shirt told me to "just do it." - Here we go. 275 00:13:38,877 --> 00:13:41,296 I don't know to what "it" the T-shirt referred 276 00:13:41,421 --> 00:13:44,382 but I won't be spoken to in that tone by an article of clothing. 277 00:13:44,466 --> 00:13:46,718 Vodka? Triple sec? Looking for any alcohol. 278 00:13:46,802 --> 00:13:48,595 You don't know how lucky you are. 279 00:13:48,679 --> 00:13:52,474 I hope you die before I do so you never know what it's like to lose a mother. 280 00:13:52,557 --> 00:13:54,685 As long as one of us dies, that's good enough. 281 00:13:54,768 --> 00:13:59,397 Can we please get some alcohol into my mouth? 282 00:13:59,481 --> 00:14:01,775 [man on recording] The past is past. 283 00:14:01,859 --> 00:14:04,319 That's why it's called the past. 284 00:14:04,736 --> 00:14:06,822 Tomorrow is an opportunity. 285 00:14:06,905 --> 00:14:10,659 You can be big and proud and bang on your tom-tom drum 286 00:14:10,742 --> 00:14:14,120 or you can get in your boat and row. 287 00:14:14,245 --> 00:14:16,331 Tom or row. 288 00:14:16,414 --> 00:14:17,875 Tomorrow. 289 00:14:17,957 --> 00:14:20,794 - Hey, do you wanna talk? - Talk? Why? Why would we do that? 290 00:14:20,919 --> 00:14:23,755 So you can put everything in a book and sell a million copies? 291 00:14:23,839 --> 00:14:25,131 Wow. Uh... 292 00:14:25,215 --> 00:14:28,092 That's what the old me would have said. The new me doesn't hold a grudge. 293 00:14:28,176 --> 00:14:29,010 [phone rings] 294 00:14:29,093 --> 00:14:30,846 - No. - I gotta say, 295 00:14:30,929 --> 00:14:33,264 the new you seems a little on edge. 296 00:14:33,348 --> 00:14:35,975 What? Me? I'm as cool as The Fonz in a meat locker. 297 00:14:36,059 --> 00:14:37,602 That's a metaphor, Diane. 298 00:14:37,686 --> 00:14:39,103 - It's a simile. - Goddamn it. 299 00:14:39,187 --> 00:14:40,021 [phone rings] 300 00:14:40,104 --> 00:14:41,857 Oh, okay. Hello? 301 00:14:41,940 --> 00:14:44,568 Small talk, small talk, small talk. Are you blowing it? 302 00:14:44,651 --> 00:14:48,112 - I heard you're blowing it. - What? Who told you that? Was it Todd? 303 00:14:48,196 --> 00:14:50,824 You gotta turn this ship around, BoJ. If you don't-- 304 00:14:50,908 --> 00:14:53,660 Hey, can you hold on a second? I'm getting another call. 305 00:14:53,744 --> 00:14:58,998 Well, if it isn't my friend, Rutabaga, the boy prince of the 26th floor. 306 00:14:59,082 --> 00:15:02,878 Carolyn. How are things all the way up on 27? 307 00:15:03,002 --> 00:15:06,047 Stomp once for good, twice for killing it. 308 00:15:06,965 --> 00:15:09,008 Killing... 309 00:15:09,092 --> 00:15:10,427 Give me some gossip. 310 00:15:10,510 --> 00:15:12,971 My wife is making me go to the opera tonight. 311 00:15:13,054 --> 00:15:15,807 I need something to distract me from the thought of D-bags 312 00:15:15,891 --> 00:15:18,184 singing songs in German about their boners. 313 00:15:18,268 --> 00:15:20,395 Okay, you gotta keep this close to the vest 314 00:15:20,478 --> 00:15:23,481 but I am inches from getting Emily VanCamp 315 00:15:23,565 --> 00:15:27,485 the lead in Goose Van Sant's new movie about Jackie O. 316 00:15:27,569 --> 00:15:32,616 My clients would f-l-ip if I got them parts like that. 317 00:15:32,699 --> 00:15:35,243 You're killing it in the department of kicking ass 318 00:15:35,326 --> 00:15:38,705 in regards to you being an agent and being good at it, crushing it. 319 00:15:38,789 --> 00:15:41,959 You're not so bad yourself, Rutabaga, for a 26er. [chuckles] 320 00:15:42,041 --> 00:15:45,462 You're the only one in this building who isn't a total snooze-cooze. 321 00:15:45,587 --> 00:15:49,674 Yes, Natasha, I'm talking about you. I know you're listening. 322 00:15:49,758 --> 00:15:52,469 Ugh. I gotta go. I made Natasha cry. 323 00:15:52,552 --> 00:15:54,345 [chuckles] 324 00:15:54,930 --> 00:15:56,473 I don't think she's coming back. 325 00:15:56,807 --> 00:15:59,768 Could we keep it down in the front, please? 326 00:15:59,851 --> 00:16:01,728 - Thank you. - What am I gonna do? 327 00:16:01,812 --> 00:16:06,024 Well, you were an actor for nine years on Horsin' Around. How did you do that? 328 00:16:06,107 --> 00:16:07,191 Uh... 329 00:16:07,567 --> 00:16:10,320 - Hey, can I talk to you for a minute? - Of course, buddy. 330 00:16:10,403 --> 00:16:13,323 I always have time for you, my good friend BoJack 331 00:16:13,406 --> 00:16:15,116 in this, the year 1988. 332 00:16:15,199 --> 00:16:16,034 Have a seat. 333 00:16:16,117 --> 00:16:17,118 [stomping overhead] 334 00:16:17,201 --> 00:16:20,789 Hey, enough with the stomping already! 335 00:16:21,456 --> 00:16:25,043 - Am I-- Am I a clown? - Oh, brother. 336 00:16:25,126 --> 00:16:27,754 Didn't I tell you not to invite your mom to the taping? 337 00:16:27,879 --> 00:16:32,342 As Max Headroom would say, "Your m-m-mom is a b-b-bitch." [chuckles] 338 00:16:32,425 --> 00:16:34,385 But I am a good actor, right? 339 00:16:34,469 --> 00:16:38,431 BJ, I don't know. Look-- You know what you're good at? 340 00:16:38,515 --> 00:16:42,393 Hitting your mark, saying your lines, loudly with good diction. 341 00:16:42,477 --> 00:16:44,938 Should I be doing more? To capture the character 342 00:16:45,022 --> 00:16:48,232 - and make the audience connect? - This is a situation comedy. 343 00:16:48,316 --> 00:16:52,487 No one watches this show to feel feelings. Life is depressing enough already. 344 00:16:52,570 --> 00:16:54,781 You bring joy to millions of people. 345 00:16:54,865 --> 00:16:58,952 Maybe someday later, you'll need to learn how to act for real. 346 00:16:59,036 --> 00:17:02,664 But for now, [chuckles] don't worry about it. 347 00:17:03,081 --> 00:17:06,125 Oh, shit. I'm not an actor. 348 00:17:06,209 --> 00:17:09,796 All this time, I assumed there was more to me than everyone thought 349 00:17:09,921 --> 00:17:11,297 but maybe there isn't. 350 00:17:12,131 --> 00:17:14,718 That's the part where you're supposed to disagree with me. 351 00:17:14,801 --> 00:17:16,260 Oh, right. 352 00:17:16,344 --> 00:17:20,264 Well, you got the part, didn't you? What did you do in the audition? 353 00:17:20,348 --> 00:17:22,392 Well, how should I know? That was the old me. 354 00:17:22,475 --> 00:17:25,478 Now I've got a brand-new attitude. 355 00:17:25,562 --> 00:17:28,523 Oh, God. Okay. Okay. What should I do? 356 00:17:28,606 --> 00:17:30,441 Make a break for it? Drive to Mexico? 357 00:17:30,525 --> 00:17:33,319 Start a new life there? Meet a local girl? Fall in love? 358 00:17:33,403 --> 00:17:35,572 Talk my way into a job at a textile plant? 359 00:17:35,655 --> 00:17:37,490 Work my way up until I own the place? 360 00:17:37,574 --> 00:17:39,993 What am I talking about? I can't run a textile plant. 361 00:17:40,077 --> 00:17:43,413 Too much responsibility. What am I gonna do? The walls are closing in! 362 00:17:43,496 --> 00:17:46,290 BoJack, breathe. You can do this. 363 00:17:46,374 --> 00:17:49,586 You have two days. Maybe you could hire an acting coach. 364 00:17:49,711 --> 00:17:50,879 - Yeah? - Yeah. 365 00:17:50,962 --> 00:17:53,339 Plus, you can watch old Secretariat videos. 366 00:17:53,423 --> 00:17:55,967 I've got a hard drive full of research. 367 00:17:56,051 --> 00:17:58,929 Yeah. Yeah, you're right. You're right. I can do this. 368 00:17:59,012 --> 00:18:00,430 I've got two whole days. 369 00:18:00,513 --> 00:18:03,224 And when the pressure's on, that's when I shine. 370 00:18:03,307 --> 00:18:07,104 Yeah. Two days. I can do all those things. 371 00:18:08,897 --> 00:18:11,274 Oh, shit. I didn't do any of those things. 372 00:18:14,694 --> 00:18:16,237 - What are you doing here? - Ah! 373 00:18:16,320 --> 00:18:18,197 That was it. Say that again. 374 00:18:18,281 --> 00:18:20,575 [campy] What are you doing here? 375 00:18:20,658 --> 00:18:21,952 - Okay. - No? 376 00:18:22,035 --> 00:18:23,411 BoJack, before we get started 377 00:18:23,494 --> 00:18:25,246 - I wanted to show you this. - What? 378 00:18:25,329 --> 00:18:27,999 This is the machine that's gonna make you a good actor. 379 00:18:28,083 --> 00:18:30,919 - Really? - No. We need to make a scan of your face 380 00:18:31,002 --> 00:18:33,588 so that if you die, we can finish the movie. 381 00:18:33,713 --> 00:18:37,216 Standard procedure. When a star is assessed to be of a certain liability, 382 00:18:37,300 --> 00:18:41,387 like if there was a whole book written about what a reckless jackass he is, 383 00:18:41,471 --> 00:18:45,767 you make a digital replica so you're not screwed if he goes all Belushi on you. 384 00:18:45,850 --> 00:18:48,352 - Wait, which Belushi? - Hold still, please. 385 00:18:48,436 --> 00:18:50,354 [whirring] 386 00:18:50,438 --> 00:18:53,733 - Terrific. We got it. - One day, that's gonna be the job. 387 00:18:53,817 --> 00:18:56,402 Sit for five seconds while a machine scans his face. 388 00:18:56,486 --> 00:18:58,655 Six months later, plugging a movie on Kimmel. 389 00:18:58,738 --> 00:19:01,825 I gotta go on Kimmel now? What if he makes me read a mean tweet? 390 00:19:01,908 --> 00:19:03,367 I'm not emotionally prepared. 391 00:19:03,451 --> 00:19:05,703 Don't worry so much. If you can't do this part 392 00:19:05,787 --> 00:19:09,874 we'll just fire you and get someone else who can. Either way, I'll be fine. 393 00:19:10,416 --> 00:19:12,961 - [groans] - What do you need, BoJack? 394 00:19:13,086 --> 00:19:17,007 I don't know. I thought I wanted this, but now I'm feeling all this pressure. 395 00:19:17,090 --> 00:19:20,510 - Think you made a mistake, hiring me? - I don't make mistakes, BoJack. 396 00:19:20,593 --> 00:19:24,014 I do the crossword in Sharpie, I never learned the shortcut for undo. 397 00:19:24,097 --> 00:19:26,224 - Command-Z. - Don't need it, won't use it. 398 00:19:26,307 --> 00:19:30,353 I'm trying to have this new attitude, be this better, more positive guy. 399 00:19:30,436 --> 00:19:33,731 I keep thinking about how this movie is my last shot at happiness. 400 00:19:33,815 --> 00:19:35,692 Well, BoJack, I hope this helps: 401 00:19:35,775 --> 00:19:39,237 I don't care if you are happy or not. 402 00:19:39,320 --> 00:19:40,446 You have a job to do. 403 00:19:40,822 --> 00:19:42,115 [Kelsey chuckles] 404 00:19:42,199 --> 00:19:46,369 This guy again? I'm in love with this kid. I wanna put you in my pocket. [grunts] 405 00:19:46,452 --> 00:19:49,039 - You're adorable. - Aw. 406 00:19:49,122 --> 00:19:51,166 [man sobbing] 407 00:19:51,249 --> 00:19:53,584 - Hey, Diane, you're a writer, aren't you? - Yes. 408 00:19:53,668 --> 00:19:56,713 Yes. I am a writer. What do you need? 409 00:19:56,838 --> 00:19:59,049 Can you write on a sign "watch out for cable"? 410 00:19:59,132 --> 00:20:01,968 You were telling people, but it's a really important job 411 00:20:02,052 --> 00:20:04,054 and a sign is less likely to get distracted. 412 00:20:04,137 --> 00:20:07,224 Oh. Yeah. Okay. 413 00:20:07,765 --> 00:20:08,933 What are you doing here? 414 00:20:09,267 --> 00:20:10,476 What are you doing here? 415 00:20:10,560 --> 00:20:12,562 What are you doing here? 416 00:20:12,645 --> 00:20:15,439 - What are you doing here? - So, I went a little overboard 417 00:20:15,523 --> 00:20:17,316 and I made you two mixes. 418 00:20:17,400 --> 00:20:19,152 The first CD is all Mighty Mighty. 419 00:20:19,236 --> 00:20:22,780 The second CD is all of the Bosstones' side projects and solo singles. 420 00:20:22,864 --> 00:20:25,742 Listen to it and imagine the band never took that hiatus 421 00:20:25,825 --> 00:20:28,828 in the mid-aughts when America briefly lost interest in ska. 422 00:20:28,912 --> 00:20:31,664 I don't have time. I don't wanna listen to your music. 423 00:20:31,748 --> 00:20:33,791 I don't wanna hang out. Get out of here. 424 00:20:33,875 --> 00:20:34,709 [Mr. Peanutbutter chuckles] 425 00:20:34,792 --> 00:20:37,628 All right. You don't wanna listen to Bosstones together. 426 00:20:37,754 --> 00:20:39,589 That's the impression that I get. 427 00:20:39,672 --> 00:20:43,467 - Is it the impression that I get? - Yes. That's the impression that you get. 428 00:20:43,551 --> 00:20:44,677 [Todd yawns] 429 00:20:44,761 --> 00:20:49,015 I see. Way to go, Mr. Peanutbutter. What a stupid move. Why did you--? 430 00:20:49,099 --> 00:20:51,559 [snarling] 431 00:20:51,642 --> 00:20:52,518 [BoJack groans] 432 00:20:52,602 --> 00:20:57,190 BoJack, listen, I know you're scared, but it's gonna be okay. 433 00:20:57,274 --> 00:20:59,400 - You gotta be strong. - Yeah, but-- 434 00:20:59,483 --> 00:21:03,696 You gotta rise to the occasion, okay? So what if the new couch is weird? 435 00:21:03,780 --> 00:21:05,115 - Or lumpy? - Uh, what? 436 00:21:05,198 --> 00:21:08,409 What are you gonna do? Just sleep in BoJack's car forever? 437 00:21:08,492 --> 00:21:12,830 - Are you talking to me, or you--? - Damn it, time to stop being a coward. 438 00:21:12,914 --> 00:21:18,586 It's time to go home and sleep on BoJack's couch. Hurray! 439 00:21:18,711 --> 00:21:20,713 Happy ending for Todd! 440 00:21:20,797 --> 00:21:22,632 [sighs] 441 00:21:27,220 --> 00:21:30,014 - [phone rings] - [Charley gasps and grunts] 442 00:21:30,640 --> 00:21:33,559 Charley Witherspoon, 28th floor agent. 443 00:21:33,643 --> 00:21:37,605 Charley. Listen, I wanted to touch base about Emily's start date on Jackie O. 444 00:21:37,688 --> 00:21:39,482 Oh, yeah. Uh... 445 00:21:39,565 --> 00:21:42,485 Well, we got some new screen tests 446 00:21:42,568 --> 00:21:46,364 and, uh, Goose decided to go in a different direction. 447 00:21:46,447 --> 00:21:49,575 Are you saying the Van Sant camp wants to recant on VanCamp? 448 00:21:49,659 --> 00:21:51,119 Because they can't. 449 00:21:51,202 --> 00:21:52,245 Uh... 450 00:21:52,329 --> 00:21:54,956 Charley, you better get your client to change his mind 451 00:21:55,039 --> 00:21:58,626 - or I'll walk up to the 28th floor and-- - Just kidding. 452 00:21:58,709 --> 00:22:01,545 - I can't get to the phone right now. - What? 453 00:22:01,671 --> 00:22:06,425 This is one of those answering machines that sounds like it's Charley talking 454 00:22:06,509 --> 00:22:09,012 but it's actually just an answering machine. 455 00:22:09,095 --> 00:22:11,389 - I know you're there, Charley. - Leave a message. 456 00:22:11,472 --> 00:22:13,432 - I'm not gonna leave a message. - Beep. 457 00:22:13,516 --> 00:22:15,852 Hey, Charley, Princess Carolyn again. Listen-- 458 00:22:15,935 --> 00:22:18,646 - Mailbox is full. - What? Mailbox full? 459 00:22:18,729 --> 00:22:20,815 - Error. Message deleted. - Wait-- No-- 460 00:22:20,898 --> 00:22:22,025 Gotta go. Bye. 461 00:22:22,108 --> 00:22:24,861 [grunting] 462 00:22:24,944 --> 00:22:26,112 [phone rings] 463 00:22:26,196 --> 00:22:28,323 [Rutabaga over phone] Carolyn. 464 00:22:28,406 --> 00:22:30,283 Rutabaga, this is not a good time. 465 00:22:30,367 --> 00:22:33,577 Okay. Can I please just tell you about the opera, though? 466 00:22:33,661 --> 00:22:34,620 [groans] 467 00:22:34,745 --> 00:22:37,581 - How did you like the opera? - I loved it. 468 00:22:37,665 --> 00:22:40,251 Loved Tristan, loved Isolde, cried like a bunny. 469 00:22:40,335 --> 00:22:42,420 Listen, my brain has been a-buzzing 470 00:22:42,545 --> 00:22:45,423 for the past few days thinking about that Jackie O movie. 471 00:22:45,506 --> 00:22:48,051 I know it's your baby, but I did make a few calls 472 00:22:48,134 --> 00:22:50,553 and got my Rooney a screen test. 473 00:22:50,636 --> 00:22:52,847 I put that movie together for my client. 474 00:22:52,930 --> 00:22:55,599 No, no, no, don't freak out. It's just a screen test. 475 00:22:55,683 --> 00:22:58,144 But, honestly, how fantaj would my Rooney be 476 00:22:58,228 --> 00:22:59,687 as a young Jackie Bouv? 477 00:22:59,770 --> 00:23:04,442 Stomp once for so fantaj, twice for stupid-fantaj. 478 00:23:04,525 --> 00:23:07,570 Carolyn? I only heard one stomp. 479 00:23:08,529 --> 00:23:10,656 Oh. Carolyn, I heart you. You're beautiful. 480 00:23:10,740 --> 00:23:12,575 I wish I met you before I got married. 481 00:23:12,658 --> 00:23:13,534 [groans] 482 00:23:13,951 --> 00:23:15,745 [man on recording] You can do it. 483 00:23:15,828 --> 00:23:18,331 Only you hold the keys to the house that is you. 484 00:23:18,873 --> 00:23:21,292 The house is at the top of a hill. 485 00:23:21,376 --> 00:23:23,627 The hill is also you. 486 00:23:23,753 --> 00:23:24,670 [knock on door] 487 00:23:24,754 --> 00:23:26,005 Five minutes, Mr. Horseman. 488 00:23:26,089 --> 00:23:28,425 [man on recording] When you get your new attitude, 489 00:23:28,507 --> 00:23:31,510 you're gonna wave goodbye to the old-- 490 00:23:31,594 --> 00:23:32,929 [phone ringing] 491 00:23:34,722 --> 00:23:35,765 [groans] 492 00:23:35,848 --> 00:23:36,974 What do you want, Mom? 493 00:23:37,058 --> 00:23:39,769 Look who finally decided to pick up the phone. 494 00:23:39,852 --> 00:23:42,230 - Do you need more blood? - I don't need blood. 495 00:23:42,313 --> 00:23:45,066 - I read your book, BoJack. - Oh. 496 00:23:45,149 --> 00:23:48,652 It takes a real narcissist to think anyone wants to buy a book about him. 497 00:23:48,736 --> 00:23:50,905 You know how I feel about Anne Frank. 498 00:23:50,988 --> 00:23:53,491 - That was a diary. - I read the parts about me. 499 00:23:53,574 --> 00:23:56,619 The things I said to you. 500 00:23:56,953 --> 00:23:58,913 You must think I'm a real monster. 501 00:23:59,247 --> 00:24:01,665 - Mom-- - I don't wanna fight you, BoJack. 502 00:24:01,749 --> 00:24:04,752 I just wanted to tell you I know. 503 00:24:04,835 --> 00:24:07,880 I know you wanna be happy, but you won't be, and-- 504 00:24:09,132 --> 00:24:11,175 - I'm sorry. - What? 505 00:24:11,259 --> 00:24:13,761 It's not just you, you know. 506 00:24:13,844 --> 00:24:15,472 Your father and I, we-- 507 00:24:15,554 --> 00:24:21,060 Well, you come by it honestly, the ugliness inside you. 508 00:24:21,519 --> 00:24:24,939 You were born broken, that's your birthright. 509 00:24:25,022 --> 00:24:28,109 And now you can fill your life with projects 510 00:24:28,192 --> 00:24:31,529 your books and your movies and your little girlfriends 511 00:24:31,612 --> 00:24:34,407 but it won't make you whole. 512 00:24:34,907 --> 00:24:36,909 You're BoJack Horseman. 513 00:24:36,993 --> 00:24:39,412 There's no cure for that. 514 00:24:40,288 --> 00:24:44,208 Anyway, do you remember who directed The Philadelphia Story? 515 00:24:44,292 --> 00:24:46,085 Five letters, second letter U? 516 00:24:47,670 --> 00:24:52,008 - Lubitsch? - [sighs] No, BoJack. Goodbye. 517 00:24:52,091 --> 00:24:53,217 [call disconnects] 518 00:24:53,301 --> 00:24:55,261 [man on recording] You need to visualize it 519 00:24:55,345 --> 00:24:57,555 flying out the window, over the-- 520 00:25:05,896 --> 00:25:07,731 What are you doing here? 521 00:25:07,815 --> 00:25:10,651 [Kelsey] Great. We got it. Let's move on. 522 00:25:11,277 --> 00:25:12,736 ♪ Back in the 90's ♪ 523 00:25:12,820 --> 00:25:18,368 ♪ I was in a very famous TV show ♪ 524 00:25:19,827 --> 00:25:22,163 - ♪ I'm BoJack the horse ♪ - ♪ BoJack ♪ 525 00:25:22,246 --> 00:25:26,834 ♪ BoJack the horse Don't act like you don't know ♪ 526 00:25:29,379 --> 00:25:33,716 ♪ And I'm trying to hold on to my past ♪ 527 00:25:33,799 --> 00:25:38,555 ♪ It's been so long I don't think I'm gonna last ♪ 528 00:25:38,637 --> 00:25:42,308 ♪ I guess I'll just try And make you understand ♪ 529 00:25:42,392 --> 00:25:46,854 ♪ That I'm more horse than a man ♪ 530 00:25:46,937 --> 00:25:50,733 ♪ Or I'm more man than a horse ♪ 531 00:25:50,900 --> 00:25:52,151 ♪ BoJack ♪ 532 00:25:55,071 --> 00:25:58,157 Boxer versus Raptor. Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na.