1
00:00:17,350 --> 00:00:18,309
What you got there?
2
00:00:18,393 --> 00:00:20,061
I think it's a hydrangea.
3
00:00:20,145 --> 00:00:22,272
Does she even like that kind of plant?
4
00:00:22,355 --> 00:00:24,649
Probably not. She doesn't like anything.
5
00:00:24,941 --> 00:00:26,443
Hello, BoJack.
6
00:00:26,526 --> 00:00:27,944
Thanks for having me, Mom.
7
00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:29,612
You're the guest of honor.
8
00:00:29,696 --> 00:00:32,073
Everyone, BoJack is here.
9
00:00:32,157 --> 00:00:34,451
Hey, buddy! Get in here!
10
00:00:34,534 --> 00:00:36,703
- For you.
- Oh, a plant.
11
00:00:36,786 --> 00:00:40,665
Dirt for inside. Goody.
12
00:01:40,058 --> 00:01:41,726
You got here just in time, BoJack.
13
00:01:41,810 --> 00:01:43,394
A bird flew in through the window
14
00:01:43,478 --> 00:01:45,396
and we're having trouble
getting her out of the house.
15
00:01:45,480 --> 00:01:48,108
Yeah, call yourself early
and go get a worm!
16
00:01:48,191 --> 00:01:50,985
Golly, she's more coy
than a coyote claiming a cottontail.
17
00:01:51,069 --> 00:01:53,196
Ahem. Phone for you, Mrs. Horseman.
18
00:01:53,279 --> 00:01:54,405
Thank you, butler.
19
00:01:54,489 --> 00:01:56,157
- Is that Zach Braff?
- Who?
20
00:01:56,241 --> 00:02:00,537
{\an8}Zach Braff. Actor, independent filmmaker,
real-life friend of Donald Faison?
21
00:02:00,620 --> 00:02:02,747
{\an8}-You mean my butler?
- At your service!
22
00:02:02,831 --> 00:02:04,999
{\an8}I actually was friends with Donald
in real life.
23
00:02:05,083 --> 00:02:06,334
{\an8}He's a spectacular man...
24
00:02:06,417 --> 00:02:08,711
{\an8}-Butler!
- Sorry! Phone call for you.
25
00:02:08,795 --> 00:02:09,963
{\an8}I'll take it in the kitchen.
26
00:02:10,046 --> 00:02:13,633
{\an8}BoJack, make yourself useful for a change
and help, will ya?
27
00:02:13,716 --> 00:02:15,009
{\an8}With the bird?
28
00:02:16,469 --> 00:02:18,471
{\an8}Hello? Oh, it's you.
29
00:02:18,555 --> 00:02:21,850
{\an8}All right. That does it!
Son of a...!
30
00:02:21,933 --> 00:02:22,976
{\an8}With a drop like that,
31
00:02:23,059 --> 00:02:25,520
{\an8}you'd think she was the ratings
for Veronica's Closet
32
00:02:25,603 --> 00:02:26,646
{\an8}when it moved to Mondays.
33
00:02:26,729 --> 00:02:29,607
{\an8}Ugh. Comedy poison.
Who wants to laugh on a Monday?
34
00:02:29,691 --> 00:02:33,027
{\an8}BJ! Finally made it
to our little soirée, huh?
35
00:02:33,111 --> 00:02:35,363
{\an8}Yeah, I kept having this dream
where I was having dinner
36
00:02:35,446 --> 00:02:38,783
{\an8}with all the people who were gone
and I thought, "I should do that!"
37
00:02:38,867 --> 00:02:40,743
{\an8}So, here I am.
38
00:02:41,286 --> 00:02:43,413
{\an8}-We've got to flank her from the left.
- Huh?
39
00:02:43,496 --> 00:02:45,039
{\an8}Hello. Crackerjack?
40
00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:47,375
{\an8}-That's what it says on my underpants!
41
00:02:47,458 --> 00:02:50,461
{\an8}The uncle I never met
and yet could never live up to!
42
00:02:50,545 --> 00:02:55,300
{\an8}All right, soldier. Ready, aim...
43
00:02:55,383 --> 00:02:56,593
{\an8}... Huh?
44
00:02:56,676 --> 00:02:58,052
{\an8}Hey! What's up, man?
45
00:02:58,136 --> 00:03:00,847
{\an8}Hey, Corduroy. Good to...
46
00:03:00,930 --> 00:03:03,308
{\an8}Still weirded out because the last time
you saw me I was naked,
47
00:03:03,391 --> 00:03:06,352
{\an8}hanging from my iPhone charger,
holding a lemon, with a very erect penis
48
00:03:06,436 --> 00:03:09,480
{\an8}despite being deceased in my trailer
for over an hour?
49
00:03:09,731 --> 00:03:10,565
{\an8}Yep.
50
00:03:10,648 --> 00:03:12,567
{\an8}You're gonna have to get over that, buddy.
51
00:03:12,817 --> 00:03:14,986
{\an8}Hmm. Mm. Ooh.
52
00:03:15,069 --> 00:03:17,238
{\an8}-What are you...? Stop that.
- Oh! Oh, sorry.
53
00:03:17,322 --> 00:03:18,948
{\an8}Forgot where I was for a second.
54
00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:21,201
{\an8}-Think this'll help?
- Kid's got the right idea.
55
00:03:21,284 --> 00:03:24,454
{\an8}We can chuck the choker
and spook her with this poker!
56
00:03:25,246 --> 00:03:26,998
{\an8}-Show her who's boss!
- Ruffle her feathers!
57
00:03:27,081 --> 00:03:28,541
{\an8}Get her to the kitchen!
58
00:03:30,001 --> 00:03:31,127
{\an8}And that!
59
00:03:32,837 --> 00:03:33,755
- All right!
- Go!
60
00:03:33,838 --> 00:03:34,881
Ha-cha!
61
00:03:39,844 --> 00:03:43,181
Yes, yes, BoJack bullied a bird.
Bully for him.
62
00:03:43,264 --> 00:03:44,474
Speaking of useless,
63
00:03:44,557 --> 00:03:47,185
my husband is running late,
so we're gonna start dinner without him.
64
00:03:47,268 --> 00:03:49,020
He'll be here before the show starts,
won't he?
65
00:03:49,103 --> 00:03:50,021
{\an8}He'd better be.
66
00:03:50,104 --> 00:03:52,482
{\an8}In the meantime,
let's adjourn to the dining room
67
00:03:52,565 --> 00:03:56,361
{\an8}before our dinners get
as cold as my parenting style.
68
00:03:58,947 --> 00:04:00,406
I think mine would be
69
00:04:01,032 --> 00:04:02,909
the first time someone asked
for my autograph.
70
00:04:02,992 --> 00:04:04,118
- Really?
- Oh, wow!
71
00:04:04,202 --> 00:04:05,870
I didn't even know how to write my name!
72
00:04:05,954 --> 00:04:07,330
I just drew a squiggle!
73
00:04:07,413 --> 00:04:08,790
- Water?
- Thank you, Zach Braff.
74
00:04:08,873 --> 00:04:11,459
You only get to give
your first autograph once, you know.
75
00:04:11,542 --> 00:04:14,963
The second time it becomes an obligation,
the third time a chore.
76
00:04:15,046 --> 00:04:18,132
- But the first time...
- The first time...
77
00:04:18,216 --> 00:04:21,469
- Hey. What is that?
- Ah, ah, ah.
78
00:04:21,552 --> 00:04:23,137
Shh.
79
00:04:24,639 --> 00:04:26,140
- Mm.
- Okay. My turn.
80
00:04:26,224 --> 00:04:29,060
Mine was also when I signed
on a dotted line to enlist.
81
00:04:29,602 --> 00:04:32,939
Are you ready to sing "The Lollypop Song"
in the big show later?
82
00:04:33,022 --> 00:04:35,066
No, Mom.
You know I never make it to the show.
83
00:04:35,149 --> 00:04:38,820
I didn't know then that enlisting
would lead to my two worst parts.
84
00:04:38,903 --> 00:04:40,571
You have two?
I didn't know we could pick two.
85
00:04:40,655 --> 00:04:42,907
Corduroy, it's a conversation,
not an assignment.
86
00:04:42,991 --> 00:04:45,493
- In that case, I have three.
- Three is way too many.
87
00:04:45,576 --> 00:04:47,453
My worst parts were saying goodbye
to my mother
88
00:04:47,537 --> 00:04:49,789
and seeing a bullet go straight
through my general's face,
89
00:04:49,872 --> 00:04:51,124
right before it hit my own.
90
00:04:51,207 --> 00:04:54,294
At least your death was instantaneous.
91
00:04:54,377 --> 00:04:58,715
I can still hear the loud drips of my IV
from when I had cancer.
92
00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:00,842
- Drip. Drip.
- Ooh.
93
00:05:00,925 --> 00:05:02,719
- What about you, BoJack?
- What?
94
00:05:02,802 --> 00:05:04,429
Best part, worst part, what about you?
95
00:05:04,512 --> 00:05:07,265
Well, I guess my worst part
has to be, um...
96
00:05:08,725 --> 00:05:11,853
Right before I got here, I think? Uh...
97
00:05:11,936 --> 00:05:14,480
I went to Angela Diaz's house.
98
00:05:14,564 --> 00:05:15,940
Ugh!
99
00:05:16,024 --> 00:05:18,234
Does anyone else's water
taste like chlorine?
100
00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:20,486
Hey, Braff, can I get
some different water over here?
101
00:05:20,570 --> 00:05:21,654
Right away, Mr. Horseman.
102
00:05:21,738 --> 00:05:24,115
Crackerjack, do you think your death
meant something
103
00:05:24,198 --> 00:05:26,868
because it was in the service
of a greater cause?
104
00:05:26,951 --> 00:05:28,619
- Aw, shucks.
- Of course it meant something.
105
00:05:28,703 --> 00:05:31,247
I think questions like that are too big
for a little soldier like me.
106
00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:33,374
My brother gave the ultimate sacrifice.
107
00:05:33,458 --> 00:05:36,127
- Because sometimes I wonder...
- But see, this is where I get hung up,
108
00:05:36,210 --> 00:05:39,047
because when we valorize
the idea of sacrifice,
109
00:05:39,130 --> 00:05:41,799
- of loss, of suffering...
- BoJack, don't start with this again.
110
00:05:41,883 --> 00:05:44,427
When we grow up
in a house that does that,
111
00:05:44,510 --> 00:05:48,348
we internalize this idea
that being happy is a selfish act,
112
00:05:48,431 --> 00:05:50,058
but sacrifice doesn't mean anything.
113
00:05:50,141 --> 00:05:51,726
- Yes, it does.
- Sacrifice?
114
00:05:51,809 --> 00:05:55,229
In the service of something greater,
maybe, but just in and of itself?
115
00:05:55,313 --> 00:05:56,773
- What's the good in that?
- A lot.
116
00:05:56,856 --> 00:05:58,191
Sacrifice is good.
117
00:05:58,274 --> 00:06:02,779
It has to be because I sacrificed a ton,
and I was freaking awesome.
118
00:06:02,862 --> 00:06:04,822
Oh, and what did you ever sacrifice?
119
00:06:04,906 --> 00:06:06,199
I gave everything.
120
00:06:06,282 --> 00:06:07,533
I gave my whole life.
121
00:06:07,617 --> 00:06:09,744
You died in a hedonistic bender.
122
00:06:09,827 --> 00:06:11,412
I'm not talking about my death.
123
00:06:11,496 --> 00:06:15,750
I'm talking about my life.
I gave my whole life.
124
00:06:15,833 --> 00:06:18,294
If we get into everyone's whole life,
we're gonna be here all night.
125
00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:21,214
It's called "Best Part/Worst Part,"
not "Everything That Ever Happened."
126
00:06:21,297 --> 00:06:22,507
Okay, worst part:
127
00:06:22,590 --> 00:06:25,927
the 2007 "Sexually Confident Virgin Tour."
128
00:06:26,010 --> 00:06:29,013
My manager leaked nudes
to get more tour dates added,
129
00:06:29,097 --> 00:06:33,017
my mom pointed out every carb I ate,
it was hell.
130
00:06:33,101 --> 00:06:37,438
But it gave millions of fans
a show they will never forget.
131
00:06:37,522 --> 00:06:39,023
And that is worth something.
132
00:06:39,107 --> 00:06:40,817
No, that's a high you chase.
133
00:06:40,900 --> 00:06:43,194
- It was not.
- You think you singing songs on stage
134
00:06:43,277 --> 00:06:45,822
is the same thing as this guy
who died liberating the camps?
135
00:06:45,905 --> 00:06:48,282
We don't need to compare
apples to Auschwitzes.
136
00:06:48,366 --> 00:06:52,787
Herb, tell 'em. It means something...
the work we do, the joy we bring.
137
00:06:52,870 --> 00:06:54,372
It has to, right?
138
00:06:54,455 --> 00:06:57,875
Boy, I sure thought so.
I-I used to really believe in it.
139
00:06:57,959 --> 00:07:01,045
I mean, I was one "trapped in an airport
during a snowstorm
140
00:07:01,129 --> 00:07:03,965
on the eve of the dance championship
guest starring Gregory Hines" episode
141
00:07:04,048 --> 00:07:05,383
away from an Emmy.
142
00:07:05,466 --> 00:07:06,676
Then I lost it all.
143
00:07:06,759 --> 00:07:09,053
Ow! Seriously, is no one noticing
this leak?
144
00:07:09,137 --> 00:07:10,304
Fine, we'll get a bucket.
145
00:07:10,388 --> 00:07:12,723
- The drips are hitting me!
- Then you'll hold the bucket.
146
00:07:12,807 --> 00:07:13,724
But the funny thing is,
147
00:07:13,808 --> 00:07:16,978
it wasn't until I got fired
that I actually became myself.
148
00:07:17,061 --> 00:07:21,232
I was out of the closet. I was free.
I was authentically me.
149
00:07:21,315 --> 00:07:24,235
What does being authentic
have to do with anything?
150
00:07:24,318 --> 00:07:27,864
Well, when I wasn't hiding
behind some facade, I could be at peace.
151
00:07:27,947 --> 00:07:30,116
That's when I really got
into philanthropy.
152
00:07:30,199 --> 00:07:32,743
- Can I ask you something, Herb?
- Why do people say that?
153
00:07:32,827 --> 00:07:36,330
If you're asking it, then yes,
you can and you will and you just did.
154
00:07:36,414 --> 00:07:38,583
Yeah, why are we announcing our questions?
155
00:07:38,666 --> 00:07:42,086
Yeah, what are these questions, royalty?
156
00:07:42,170 --> 00:07:45,548
Announcing King and Queen Query
of the Interrogative Isle.
157
00:07:45,631 --> 00:07:47,717
May I ask you how do you do?
158
00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:50,470
- Very well, thanks.
- Ah, bup, bup, bup!
159
00:07:50,553 --> 00:07:54,140
I didn't ask you yet.
I asked if I could ask you.
160
00:07:54,223 --> 00:07:55,975
Did you get pleasure
from your charity work?
161
00:07:56,058 --> 00:07:57,602
Like real, deep pleasure?
162
00:07:57,685 --> 00:07:59,896
It dwarfed every other joy in my life.
163
00:07:59,979 --> 00:08:02,815
Doesn't count then.
If you got pleasure, it wasn't selfless.
164
00:08:02,899 --> 00:08:04,901
And it's only good if it's selfless.
165
00:08:04,984 --> 00:08:06,903
Who made up that rule? I helped people.
166
00:08:06,986 --> 00:08:09,322
Who cares if it made me feel good, too?
167
00:08:09,405 --> 00:08:11,073
Feeling good is inherently selfish.
168
00:08:11,157 --> 00:08:13,868
If I'd given myself to Christ,
truly went down the path...
169
00:08:13,951 --> 00:08:17,955
I don't care for this talk of religion
in my house.
170
00:08:18,039 --> 00:08:20,958
If I wasn't constantly
trying to feel good, get it better,
171
00:08:21,083 --> 00:08:24,962
always looking for maximum pleasure...
That was my worst part.
172
00:08:25,046 --> 00:08:28,341
Well, one of the three worst parts.
Wait, actually, can I have four?
173
00:08:28,424 --> 00:08:31,677
Discovering you in your trailer
definitely cracks my top five.
174
00:08:31,761 --> 00:08:32,720
This is bullshit!
175
00:08:32,803 --> 00:08:36,307
I did a lot for a lot of people!
I was not a bad person.
176
00:08:36,390 --> 00:08:39,018
No one is accusing you
of being a bad person, Sarah Lynn.
177
00:08:39,101 --> 00:08:40,311
You are! You all are
178
00:08:40,394 --> 00:08:45,483
with your "being authentic"
and "charity work" and "killing Nazis."
179
00:08:45,566 --> 00:08:48,110
I actually never killed a Nazi.
All my kills were friendly fire.
180
00:08:48,903 --> 00:08:52,031
I also never liberated any camps.
I'm honestly not sure what I did.
181
00:08:52,114 --> 00:08:54,742
Here you go.
Your husband just pulled up, ma'am.
182
00:08:54,825 --> 00:08:57,370
Wait, Dad's here?
He's never made it to dinner before.
183
00:08:57,453 --> 00:09:00,998
- Hey, here's a question.
- Another question has arrived!
184
00:09:01,082 --> 00:09:04,919
Did any of you have a song of yours
played in outer space?
185
00:09:05,002 --> 00:09:07,129
Anyone? No. Just me? Oh.
186
00:09:07,213 --> 00:09:08,214
That's what I thought.
187
00:09:08,297 --> 00:09:13,219
My hit single "No, No, No"
is making its way to Mars!
188
00:09:13,302 --> 00:09:15,513
That means something.
I will be remembered.
189
00:09:15,596 --> 00:09:18,599
That has to mean something. I will be...
190
00:09:18,683 --> 00:09:20,268
Sorry I'm late. Did I miss the show?
191
00:09:20,351 --> 00:09:21,727
- Hey!
- There he is! There's our guy!
192
00:09:21,811 --> 00:09:22,645
- Dad!
- I...
193
00:09:22,728 --> 00:09:25,648
Oh, you didn't miss a thing.
It's not like we have anywhere to be.
194
00:09:25,731 --> 00:09:28,442
Why shouldn't we all bend ourselves
to your schedule?
195
00:09:28,526 --> 00:09:30,444
I already apologized. I was running.
196
00:09:30,528 --> 00:09:32,905
Yes. As always, running late,
197
00:09:32,989 --> 00:09:36,367
while I was running myself ragged
trying to get dinner on the table.
198
00:09:36,450 --> 00:09:38,202
Yes, you helped.
199
00:09:38,286 --> 00:09:41,247
And now I'm running out of patience
for you running your mouth.
200
00:09:41,330 --> 00:09:44,166
And I'm running out the clock
until we both...
201
00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:46,502
Well. Here we are.
202
00:09:47,336 --> 00:09:49,046
I'll just squeeze in here.
203
00:09:50,631 --> 00:09:54,385
- Get yourself something nice.
- Ooh! Thank you, Mr. Secretariat.
204
00:09:54,468 --> 00:09:56,596
- What'd I miss?
- We're playing Best Part/Worst Part.
205
00:09:56,679 --> 00:09:58,556
Ooh! I got one! Machu Picchu.
206
00:09:58,639 --> 00:10:02,810
When I left "Horsin' Around,"
I honestly thought about killing myself.
207
00:10:02,893 --> 00:10:04,270
Shit, Herb. Really?
208
00:10:04,353 --> 00:10:06,522
Yeah. But the Knicks
were having a good season
209
00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:08,065
and I wanted to see what happened.
210
00:10:08,149 --> 00:10:09,317
Wait, you didn't kill yourself
211
00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:11,569
because the Knicks
were having a good season?
212
00:10:11,652 --> 00:10:13,946
What would you have done
if they were having a bad season?
213
00:10:14,030 --> 00:10:15,823
I don't know. Gotten into baseball?
214
00:10:15,906 --> 00:10:18,409
Oh, for the love...
Where's your follow-through?
215
00:10:18,492 --> 00:10:20,369
It's like you didn't even
wanna kill yourself!
216
00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:21,704
And I'm so glad I didn't.
217
00:10:21,787 --> 00:10:25,166
Because there I was ten years later
at Machu Picchu
218
00:10:25,249 --> 00:10:30,004
and I realized there was so much more
I could do in a life.
219
00:10:30,087 --> 00:10:30,963
Okay, my turn.
220
00:10:31,047 --> 00:10:36,010
August 22nd, 1973,
I was banned from running ever again.
221
00:10:36,093 --> 00:10:38,846
And running, well, that was the only thing
that ever made sense to me,
222
00:10:38,929 --> 00:10:42,099
so if I couldn't do that I was nobody.
223
00:10:42,183 --> 00:10:44,852
- This is your worst part?
- Best part: jumping off that bridge.
224
00:10:44,935 --> 00:10:47,647
- Jesus.
- What did I say about the Jesus talk?
225
00:10:47,730 --> 00:10:50,024
It was my choice.
I got to go on my own terms.
226
00:10:50,107 --> 00:10:51,275
Not a lot of people can say that.
227
00:10:51,359 --> 00:10:52,693
- No.
- That's true.
228
00:10:52,777 --> 00:10:54,403
The view from up there.
229
00:10:54,487 --> 00:10:57,114
Eh, you wouldn't believe it.
230
00:10:57,448 --> 00:10:59,533
Oh, my.
231
00:11:01,744 --> 00:11:04,372
- It must've been from swimming earlier.
- Oh, you were swimming?
232
00:11:04,455 --> 00:11:06,415
Yeah. I, um...
233
00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:08,125
- When was I swimming?
- Don't think about that.
234
00:11:08,209 --> 00:11:10,795
- Do you have a best part?
- Oh, uh, I don't know.
235
00:11:10,878 --> 00:11:12,546
This past year I took a teaching job.
236
00:11:12,630 --> 00:11:15,216
And I had this one student
who was really struggling,
237
00:11:15,299 --> 00:11:16,759
just couldn't get over this hump.
238
00:11:16,842 --> 00:11:20,638
And what, you helped him
do good in a scene? For your class?
239
00:11:20,721 --> 00:11:22,682
That's the best part of your whole life?
240
00:11:22,765 --> 00:11:24,433
I don't know, I was just spitballing.
241
00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:26,352
I didn't know you were gonna put me
on the spot like this!
242
00:11:26,435 --> 00:11:29,063
Come on, buddy.
What was so special about that moment?
243
00:11:29,146 --> 00:11:31,649
It felt good to help someone do something.
244
00:11:31,732 --> 00:11:33,359
See? Helping someone, like I said!
245
00:11:33,442 --> 00:11:36,946
But he liked it because it felt good,
like I said!
246
00:11:37,029 --> 00:11:41,075
I liked it because it reminded me
of when I was young, just starting out.
247
00:11:41,158 --> 00:11:43,244
You and me, screwing around,
hitting up open mics.
248
00:11:43,327 --> 00:11:45,037
Trying to figure it out. I think...
249
00:11:45,329 --> 00:11:47,581
- I think that was the best part.
- Really?
250
00:11:47,665 --> 00:11:50,000
Well, are we ready to start the show?
251
00:11:50,084 --> 00:11:52,336
- Let's do this!
- Okay, nice seeing you all!
252
00:11:52,420 --> 00:11:53,379
You're not coming?
253
00:11:53,462 --> 00:11:56,298
This is always the part where I wake up.
You all go to the show.
254
00:11:56,382 --> 00:11:58,050
Zach Braff says "Pardon my reach"
255
00:11:58,134 --> 00:12:00,511
even though he can clearly
get my plate from another angle.
256
00:12:00,594 --> 00:12:02,722
- Then I wake up.
- Oh, okay.
257
00:12:03,180 --> 00:12:06,892
Next time then.
258
00:12:06,976 --> 00:12:08,394
Pardon my reach.
259
00:12:10,479 --> 00:12:11,605
Hmm.
260
00:12:17,445 --> 00:12:20,573
Hello, everyone!
Please take your seats.
261
00:12:22,158 --> 00:12:26,912
Tonight's show is in honor
of BoJack Horseman!
262
00:12:27,455 --> 00:12:30,040
What do you say, huh?
Should we get this show started?
263
00:12:30,124 --> 00:12:33,002
Yeah! Tonight's opener
needs no introduction,
264
00:12:33,085 --> 00:12:34,462
but I'm gonna give her one anyway.
265
00:12:34,545 --> 00:12:38,507
Ladies and gentlemen,
the one, the only, Sarah Lynn!
266
00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:41,177
Thank you, thank you!
267
00:12:41,260 --> 00:12:47,099
I'd like to dedicate tonight's performance
to the man of the hour, BoJack Horseman!
268
00:12:48,642 --> 00:12:52,104
Sarah Lynn, I'm so sorry
for everything that happened with you.
269
00:12:52,188 --> 00:12:53,939
With us. I should have protected you...
270
00:12:54,023 --> 00:12:56,233
Ah, ah, ah. BoJack. This is my time.
271
00:12:56,317 --> 00:12:58,444
Yes. Of course. Sorry.
272
00:14:31,495 --> 00:14:33,163
Sarah Lynn? Sarah Lynn!
273
00:14:33,247 --> 00:14:36,792
Okay, performing
an interpretive aerial routine,
274
00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:39,753
your friend and mine,
and a killer hang...
275
00:14:39,837 --> 00:14:44,258
...Corduroy Jackson-Jackson!
276
00:14:44,425 --> 00:14:45,801
- Where did Sarah Lynn go?
- Shh.
277
00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:47,803
- Try to enjoy the show.
- Ha!
278
00:14:48,512 --> 00:14:51,307
- Where does this door go?
- Sit down, buddy. You'll get your turn.
279
00:14:51,390 --> 00:14:53,350
- No, I need you to tell me... What?
- Watch out!
280
00:14:57,855 --> 00:15:01,275
That's a series wrap
on Corduroy Jackson-Jackson!
281
00:15:01,358 --> 00:15:02,902
Down in front, please?
282
00:15:02,985 --> 00:15:04,612
All right,
let's keep this show going, huh?
283
00:15:04,695 --> 00:15:06,196
Next up, you know him, you love him,
284
00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:08,657
please a give a warm, warm,
burning hot welcome to...
285
00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:11,243
- Hey. You wanna grab a smoke?
- ...Zach Braff!
286
00:15:11,327 --> 00:15:14,038
Yes. Yeah, let's get out of here.
287
00:15:14,121 --> 00:15:17,458
Oh-ho, whee! I'm honored.
Honored, honored.
288
00:15:18,375 --> 00:15:20,377
So, what's on the other side of that door?
289
00:15:20,461 --> 00:15:22,838
The nerve of that guy.
With the beard. Herb?
290
00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:24,006
Yeah. Herb.
291
00:15:24,089 --> 00:15:26,926
What, he says he's at peace?
'Cause why, Machu Picchu?
292
00:15:27,009 --> 00:15:29,303
- I don't buy it.
- I don't know. I... I believe him.
293
00:15:29,386 --> 00:15:31,180
I promise you,
every single person in that room
294
00:15:31,263 --> 00:15:32,723
would go back if we could.
295
00:15:32,848 --> 00:15:35,351
Peace? That's someone
trying to convince himself of something.
296
00:15:35,434 --> 00:15:38,979
- Of what?
- That life has meaning or purpose, that...
297
00:15:39,063 --> 00:15:41,190
that if you check the right boxes
and do the dance,
298
00:15:41,273 --> 00:15:42,983
then you get a little parting gift
at the end,
299
00:15:43,067 --> 00:15:46,987
a framed certificate that says,
"Congratulations, you've got peace."
300
00:15:48,238 --> 00:15:50,282
- I wouldn't mind that.
- But guess what?
301
00:15:50,366 --> 00:15:51,909
All the time those people spent,
302
00:15:51,992 --> 00:15:55,245
trying to do good or help people
or be something?
303
00:15:55,329 --> 00:15:58,791
I did none of that shit,
and yet here I am, same as them.
304
00:15:58,874 --> 00:16:02,169
You were the fastest runner in the world.
You inspired millions.
305
00:16:02,252 --> 00:16:04,713
And yet, here I am, same as you.
306
00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:07,800
So, if you could go back, do it again,
what would you do different?
307
00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:10,886
What would I do?
I wouldn't have cared so much.
308
00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:12,930
Cared about what? Racing?
309
00:16:13,013 --> 00:16:14,348
About everything.
310
00:16:14,431 --> 00:16:17,101
I know this part is confusing
because I'm Secretariat
311
00:16:17,184 --> 00:16:19,269
and also your dad for some reason,
312
00:16:19,353 --> 00:16:23,649
but speaking as your dad,
it's important that you know that I cared.
313
00:16:23,732 --> 00:16:26,193
No. You never cared.
You cared about your book.
314
00:16:26,276 --> 00:16:27,361
You cared about getting drunk
315
00:16:27,444 --> 00:16:28,862
and telling everyone
how miserable you were,
316
00:16:28,946 --> 00:16:30,114
but that's not caring.
317
00:16:30,197 --> 00:16:32,741
You think I didn't care
because I put up walls,
318
00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:34,618
but I cared so much, BoJack.
319
00:16:34,743 --> 00:16:37,329
About you, about your mother.
320
00:16:37,496 --> 00:16:41,083
I wanted you to respect me.
I wanted you to love me.
321
00:16:41,250 --> 00:16:43,419
I was so afraid that you would know that.
322
00:16:44,753 --> 00:16:46,255
I cared so much.
323
00:16:47,589 --> 00:16:50,676
It's a shame that we could never
talk like this in real life.
324
00:16:50,759 --> 00:16:52,261
All the good it would have done.
325
00:16:52,344 --> 00:16:54,888
Least we got the chance this time,
before I wake up.
326
00:16:56,015 --> 00:16:58,517
Wake up?
Oh, you're not getting it, are you?
327
00:16:58,600 --> 00:16:59,768
Getting what?
328
00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:08,819
Loss is a collaborative art,
329
00:17:08,902 --> 00:17:11,947
between the people who leave us
and those who remain.
330
00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:15,409
We dance with the shadows
of their absence.
331
00:17:15,492 --> 00:17:18,746
- With that in mind, I present to you...
- Stop the show!
332
00:17:18,829 --> 00:17:20,456
- Excuse me.
- What's happening?
333
00:17:20,539 --> 00:17:24,501
You're being very rude.
I was about to do my roller-dance routine.
334
00:17:24,793 --> 00:17:28,088
- Calm down, son.
- Yes, why don't you sit down, and...
335
00:17:28,172 --> 00:17:29,965
- No!
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, no. Please!
336
00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:32,718
I'm not ready. I never got to direct
my Backdraft remake:
337
00:17:32,801 --> 00:17:34,386
"Zach Braff's Backdraft"!
338
00:17:34,470 --> 00:17:35,721
I never finished my memoir:
339
00:17:35,804 --> 00:17:38,640
"I Started A Zach Which Started
The Whole World Braffing!"
340
00:17:38,724 --> 00:17:39,767
I never got to license
341
00:17:39,850 --> 00:17:42,644
the Zach Braff Short Stack
Breakfast Attack at Shake Shack!
342
00:17:42,728 --> 00:17:45,731
Cash-strapped hash brown fans
who hashtag "Zach's snacks"
343
00:17:45,814 --> 00:17:49,860
get cash back fast
with the Braff Bucks app!
344
00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:53,072
I need to wake up. I can't be here.
345
00:17:53,155 --> 00:17:55,783
Of course. Everything's always about you.
346
00:17:55,866 --> 00:17:58,786
- BJ, buddy...
- Herb! How did I get here?
347
00:17:58,869 --> 00:17:59,995
How the hell should I know?
348
00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:03,373
I broke into my house.
But it wasn't my house anymore.
349
00:18:03,457 --> 00:18:05,542
I was... I was watching
the "Horsin' Around" Blu-ray.
350
00:18:05,626 --> 00:18:08,170
Yes. Yeah, and I drank some more
and I found some pills.
351
00:18:08,253 --> 00:18:09,922
And then I went swimming...
352
00:18:10,130 --> 00:18:12,591
No! No! No! No, wait, wait, wait!
I got out of the pool.
353
00:18:12,674 --> 00:18:14,009
Yes! And I called Diane!
354
00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:15,844
BoJack, we're trying to do a show here.
355
00:18:15,928 --> 00:18:16,929
But I called Diane.
356
00:18:17,012 --> 00:18:19,014
I couldn't have drowned
if I got out of the pool to call Diane!
357
00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:20,015
So, I shouldn't be here.
358
00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:23,143
If I could just finish
the conversation. Where's a phone?!
359
00:18:26,939 --> 00:18:29,733
All right, ladies and gentlemen,
we have a real treat for you next.
360
00:18:29,817 --> 00:18:30,651
A real treat.
361
00:18:30,734 --> 00:18:32,820
Come and see him
before he makes a run for it.
362
00:18:32,903 --> 00:18:36,115
- No! Stop!
- It's Secretariat!
363
00:18:36,198 --> 00:18:38,826
Stay calm. Flyin' off the handle
won't change a thing.
364
00:18:38,909 --> 00:18:41,286
This was gonna happen to you
one of these days.
365
00:18:41,370 --> 00:18:43,831
A poem. Original, obviously.
366
00:18:43,914 --> 00:18:47,793
It's called "The View from Halfway Down."
367
00:18:47,876 --> 00:18:51,755
"The weak breeze whispers nothing
The water screams sublime
368
00:18:51,839 --> 00:18:55,843
His feet shift teeter-totter
Deep breath, stand back, it's time
369
00:18:55,926 --> 00:18:59,304
Toes untouch the overpass
Soon he's water bound
370
00:18:59,388 --> 00:19:03,559
Eyes locked shut but peek to see
The view from halfway down"
371
00:19:05,853 --> 00:19:09,481
I'm not done. Hold on. I'm not done.
I'm not done.
372
00:19:10,524 --> 00:19:14,611
"A little wind, a summer sun
A river rich and regal
373
00:19:14,695 --> 00:19:18,699
A flood of fond endorphins
Brings a calm that knows no equal
374
00:19:18,782 --> 00:19:20,033
You're flying now
375
00:19:20,117 --> 00:19:22,578
You see things much more clear
Than from the ground
376
00:19:22,661 --> 00:19:27,166
It's all okay, it would be
Were you not now halfway down
377
00:19:29,126 --> 00:19:31,044
Thrash to break from gravity
378
00:19:31,837 --> 00:19:34,173
What now could slow the drop?
379
00:19:34,298 --> 00:19:37,801
All I'd give for toes to touch
The safety back at top"
380
00:19:37,885 --> 00:19:40,762
I change my mind.
I change my mind. I don't wanna...
381
00:19:40,846 --> 00:19:42,264
It's okay.
382
00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:45,267
"But this is it, the deed is done
383
00:19:45,350 --> 00:19:47,561
Silence drowns the sound
384
00:19:47,644 --> 00:19:50,814
Before I leaped I should have seen
The view from halfway down
385
00:19:50,898 --> 00:19:55,569
No! I really should have thought
About the view from halfway down"
386
00:19:55,652 --> 00:19:58,906
Find your peace, big guy. Find it.
387
00:19:59,198 --> 00:20:02,659
"I wish I could have known
About the view from halfway down... "
388
00:20:04,828 --> 00:20:06,371
I need to get out of here!
389
00:20:09,082 --> 00:20:10,876
- Wha...
- BJ, where do you think you're going?
390
00:20:10,959 --> 00:20:12,419
Nothing you do in here matters, pal.
391
00:20:12,502 --> 00:20:15,797
Yelling and struggling isn't gonna
pull your body out of that pool,
392
00:20:15,881 --> 00:20:19,801
- so you might as well just...
- Sit down!
393
00:20:19,885 --> 00:20:20,802
But I...
394
00:20:20,886 --> 00:20:24,306
Look, BJ, it's possible that someone
is going to find you and save you,
395
00:20:24,389 --> 00:20:26,808
and it's also possible that someone won't.
396
00:20:26,892 --> 00:20:28,143
We don't get to know.
397
00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:29,353
Can I ask you a question?
398
00:20:31,521 --> 00:20:34,024
Has anyone ever come back from this place?
399
00:20:35,651 --> 00:20:38,070
BJ, there is no place.
400
00:20:38,153 --> 00:20:42,491
It's just your brain going through
what it feels like it has to go through.
401
00:20:42,574 --> 00:20:46,370
All you can do right now
is sit back and enjoy the show.
402
00:20:47,996 --> 00:20:50,582
Folks, here is Beatrice Horseman
403
00:20:50,666 --> 00:20:53,919
with her younger older brother,
Crackerjack!
404
00:21:11,687 --> 00:21:12,688
Hoo!
405
00:21:20,404 --> 00:21:23,573
This is the hard part.
406
00:21:24,533 --> 00:21:26,076
Golly.
407
00:21:27,828 --> 00:21:31,123
And now the easy part.
408
00:21:32,708 --> 00:21:33,542
Over and out!
409
00:21:47,014 --> 00:21:48,640
Wow. Beatrice Horseman, huh?
410
00:21:48,724 --> 00:21:50,559
You know, she was gonna sing
for us tonight,
411
00:21:50,642 --> 00:21:52,978
but apparently, she was a little "horse."
412
00:21:54,896 --> 00:21:57,107
Okay. You ready for the headliner?
413
00:21:57,190 --> 00:21:58,483
No.
414
00:21:58,817 --> 00:22:00,610
Please welcome to the stage...
415
00:22:00,694 --> 00:22:01,653
No. Please.
416
00:22:01,737 --> 00:22:03,947
The star of "Horsin' Around"
417
00:22:04,698 --> 00:22:09,536
and "The BoJack Horseman Show"!
"Philbert"! "Secretariat"!
418
00:22:09,619 --> 00:22:11,872
The upcoming "Horny Unicorn"!
419
00:22:11,955 --> 00:22:14,374
Son of Butterscotch and Beatrice!
420
00:22:14,458 --> 00:22:19,629
Husband to no one! Father to none,
that we know of!
421
00:22:19,713 --> 00:22:21,840
Stand-up comedian, actor,
422
00:22:21,923 --> 00:22:23,759
crippling alcoholic!
423
00:22:23,842 --> 00:22:29,639
A talented charmer
and a stupid piece of shit.
424
00:22:29,723 --> 00:22:33,643
It's... BoJack Horseman!
425
00:22:39,691 --> 00:22:41,860
Is it terrifying?
426
00:22:42,110 --> 00:22:44,196
No. I don't think so.
427
00:22:44,404 --> 00:22:46,114
It's the way it is, you know?
428
00:22:46,365 --> 00:22:50,869
Everything must come to an end,
the drip finally stops.
429
00:22:51,578 --> 00:22:53,246
See you on the other side.
430
00:22:53,538 --> 00:22:57,584
Oh, BoJack, no, there is no other side.
431
00:22:58,377 --> 00:22:59,461
This is it.
432
00:23:03,131 --> 00:23:07,427
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
433
00:23:07,511 --> 00:23:11,431
I... I need to make a phone call.
434
00:23:15,852 --> 00:23:17,729
Hello?
435
00:23:18,605 --> 00:23:20,774
Someone? Anyone?
436
00:23:28,907 --> 00:23:30,325
I'm looking for a phone.
437
00:23:43,839 --> 00:23:46,758
Diane! Diane! Are you there?
Diane! I need you!
438
00:23:46,842 --> 00:23:48,593
- BoJack?
- Diane! Thank God!
439
00:23:48,677 --> 00:23:51,721
Thank God, Diane. Okay, Diane.
Diane, you're gonna save me, right?
440
00:23:51,805 --> 00:23:53,348
I called you
and you're coming to get me?
441
00:23:53,432 --> 00:23:57,602
BoJack, why did you call me?
I live in Chicago. I can't save you.
442
00:23:57,686 --> 00:24:00,063
- You didn't pick up.
- Right.
443
00:24:00,147 --> 00:24:02,732
- It went to voicemail.
- Yeah.
444
00:24:03,066 --> 00:24:06,278
And then... I went back in the pool.
445
00:24:09,573 --> 00:24:13,201
- It's too late. What's done is done.
- No.
446
00:24:13,285 --> 00:24:18,206
There's nothing I can do, BoJack.
I'm not real. None of this is.
447
00:24:18,457 --> 00:24:22,169
- So, what do I do now?
- BoJack, it doesn't matter.
448
00:24:22,252 --> 00:24:26,381
Well, if it doesn't matter,
can I stay on the phone with you at least?
449
00:24:26,965 --> 00:24:28,008
Okay.
450
00:24:29,509 --> 00:24:30,760
How was your day?
451
00:24:31,678 --> 00:24:33,847
- Good.
- Yeah?
452
00:24:34,431 --> 00:24:38,059
Yeah. My day was good.