1
00:02:34,487 --> 00:02:36,239
Look, nothing's easy.

2
00:02:36,322 --> 00:02:38,158
But I wouldn't be talking to you now

3
00:02:38,241 --> 00:02:40,743
if I didn't believe
that it wasn't too late for us.

4
00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:43,079
So what are we doing here?

5
00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:45,373
I don't know about the rest of you,

6
00:02:45,456 --> 00:02:49,460
but I'm here to put on the best
goddamn production of <i>Hedda Gabler</i>

7
00:02:49,544 --> 00:02:52,589
this supermax prison has ever seen!

8
00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:55,341
{\an8}So let's take it back
to Mrs. Elvsted's entrance,

9
00:02:55,425 --> 00:02:59,387
{\an8}and remember, if you're on stage,
I can see you, you're in character,

10
00:02:59,470 --> 00:03:02,098
{\an8}you have an opinion
about the return of Ejlert Løvborg.

11
00:03:02,223 --> 00:03:04,893
Oh, shit, is it 10:30 already?

12
00:03:04,976 --> 00:03:06,269
Okay, look, guys, I gotta go,

13
00:03:06,352 --> 00:03:08,479
but I'll be back tomorrow
and we'll pick up rehearsals Monday.

14
00:03:08,563 --> 00:03:11,065
If everyone could be off-book by then,
that would be phenomenal.

15
00:03:11,149 --> 00:03:13,151
{\an8}Schlesinger,
if you have time to fashion a shiv

16
00:03:13,234 --> 00:03:15,153
{\an8}and organize a jump on the rats
in Block C,

17
00:03:15,236 --> 00:03:17,030
you have time to learn your lines, 'kay?

18
00:03:17,113 --> 00:03:18,990
Priorities.

19
00:03:27,081 --> 00:03:28,458
{\an8}-There he is!

20
00:03:28,541 --> 00:03:31,544
Uh-oh! America's most wanted
over here, huh?

21
00:03:31,628 --> 00:03:34,631
- Thanks for picking me up.
- The jury finds you guilty

22
00:03:34,714 --> 00:03:37,175
of being a super-cool dude, am I right?

23
00:03:37,258 --> 00:03:38,718
You're extremely clever, can we go?

24
00:03:38,801 --> 00:03:43,139
{\an8}I sentence you to life...
filled with my friendship!

25
00:03:43,514 --> 00:03:45,767
{\an8}If this is my only other option,
I choose prison.

26
00:03:48,102 --> 00:03:51,147
{\an8}So you were just planning
on wearing this to the wedding?

27
00:03:51,231 --> 00:03:54,108
{\an8}Really leaning on that "optional"
in black tie optional.

28
00:03:54,192 --> 00:03:55,401
These are the clothes I went in with.

29
00:03:55,485 --> 00:03:57,487
I didn't know
I'd be going to a wedding in a year.

30
00:03:57,570 --> 00:04:01,574
{\an8}That's why you always gotta pack
a spare suit, just in case.

31
00:04:01,950 --> 00:04:04,786
{\an8}-What are you in for again?
- Officially, breaking and entering,

32
00:04:04,869 --> 00:04:06,788
but I think it was kind of for everything.

33
00:04:06,871 --> 00:04:08,706
Ah, a little bit of everything.

34
00:04:08,790 --> 00:04:11,209
Like the varied cuisine
at your favorite small plate

35
00:04:11,292 --> 00:04:13,461
lazy Susan restaurant, right?

36
00:04:13,544 --> 00:04:15,505
- Pardon?
- Do you have a favorite

37
00:04:15,588 --> 00:04:17,423
establishment of that sort?

38
00:04:17,507 --> 00:04:21,135
A favorite small plate
lazy Susan restaurant? Hell if I know.

39
00:04:21,219 --> 00:04:23,721
BoJack, it means so much
that you would say that.

40
00:04:23,805 --> 00:04:26,140
I actually am a little hungry.
Where could we get lunch around here?

41
00:04:26,224 --> 00:04:27,308
Elefino!

42
00:04:27,392 --> 00:04:29,644
No? Oh, how about the diner?

43
00:04:35,858 --> 00:04:39,362
So, do you spend a lot of time
with them, as a couple?

44
00:04:39,529 --> 00:04:42,448
Well, I see Princess Carolyn a lot
at "Birthday Dad" events.

45
00:04:42,532 --> 00:04:45,285
Emmys, Golden Globes,
Critic's Choice Awards, Peabody Awards.

46
00:04:45,368 --> 00:04:48,037
The Nobel Prize for Television
they created just for our show.

47
00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:49,956
But Judah usually stays home with Ruthie.

48
00:04:50,039 --> 00:04:52,875
- I can't believe she's getting married.
- Thought it would be with you, huh?

49
00:04:52,959 --> 00:04:56,087
I thought it would be with nobody
because I wasted all her best years.

50
00:04:56,170 --> 00:04:57,588
Turns out her best years are now.

51
00:04:57,755 --> 00:05:00,466
Well, joke's on me.
I couldn't even waste the right years.

52
00:05:00,550 --> 00:05:02,218
I'm shocked she could get me out
for the weekend.

53
00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:04,512
- When are you getting out for real?
- Few months.

54
00:05:04,637 --> 00:05:07,849
Wow. What are you gonna do next?
Big plans post-big house?

55
00:05:07,932 --> 00:05:09,309
<i>Big Momma's House</i> reboot?

56
00:05:09,392 --> 00:05:11,894
Reboot of the franchise
<i>Big Momma's House, </i>starring you?

57
00:05:11,978 --> 00:05:15,148
My main goal right now
is just not screwing up this weekend.

58
00:05:15,231 --> 00:05:16,607
You won't screw it up.

59
00:05:16,691 --> 00:05:18,609
I'm sure I'll find a way.

60
00:05:19,027 --> 00:05:20,528
Mm.

61
00:05:22,405 --> 00:05:24,032
Can you get me another suit?

62
00:05:26,117 --> 00:05:27,327
You think Diane's gonna be there?

63
00:05:27,410 --> 00:05:30,204
Everyone's going to be there.
It's the party of the year.

64
00:05:30,288 --> 00:05:32,540
I haven't talked to Diane since, uh...

65
00:05:32,790 --> 00:05:35,626
- What about you? Are you seeing anyone?
- Oh, I'm too busy with my show.

66
00:05:35,710 --> 00:05:37,545
Those birthdays
aren't gonna dad themselves!

67
00:05:37,628 --> 00:05:38,880
What is this show?

68
00:05:38,963 --> 00:05:41,924
Besides, I'm really trying to focus
on myself right now.

69
00:05:42,008 --> 00:05:43,468
I had this breakthrough recently.

70
00:05:43,551 --> 00:05:45,470
One day, in therapy, I just blurted out,

71
00:05:45,553 --> 00:05:48,681
"Is my problem with women
any movie directed by Christopher Nolan?

72
00:05:48,765 --> 00:05:53,394
Because, yes, women are involved,
but it's really never about the women.

73
00:05:53,478 --> 00:05:54,479
It's about me."

74
00:05:54,562 --> 00:05:56,814
- That's actually somewhat astute.
- It occurred to me:

75
00:05:56,898 --> 00:06:00,360
Are my self-destructive patterns
and unexamined cycles of co-dependency

76
00:06:00,443 --> 00:06:02,528
the popular Jim Carrey character The Mask?

77
00:06:02,612 --> 00:06:04,113
Because "somebody stop me"!

78
00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:06,240
Are all of your breakthroughs
phrased like that?

79
00:06:06,324 --> 00:06:09,619
Um, are all of my breakthroughs a British
prog-rock band from the '70s?

80
00:06:09,702 --> 00:06:11,996
- Because yes.
- Ugh!

81
00:06:13,498 --> 00:06:15,750
W-What are we doing here?
Is this where the wedding is?

82
00:06:15,833 --> 00:06:18,795
- I just have to make a real quick stop.
- At the Griffith Observatory?

83
00:06:18,878 --> 00:06:20,922
- I have a press event.
- You took me to a press event?

84
00:06:21,005 --> 00:06:23,007
It was on the way.

85
00:06:23,424 --> 00:06:25,760
Ah! No. What do you... I can't be here.

86
00:06:25,843 --> 00:06:28,388
It'll take 15 minutes, 20 tops.

87
00:06:28,471 --> 00:06:30,556
Definitely not more
than two and a half hours.

88
00:06:33,059 --> 00:06:34,685
Hello, everybody!

89
00:06:34,769 --> 00:06:38,314
{\an8}You all know and love me
as the titular Birthday Dad.

90
00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:42,026
I've also been known for other roles:
Sad Dog, fracking advocate,

91
00:06:42,110 --> 00:06:44,821
finder-outer of what
Hollywoo stars and celebrities know

92
00:06:44,904 --> 00:06:46,030
and whether they know things,

93
00:06:46,114 --> 00:06:50,618
but some of you might remember me
as the notorious Stealer of the "D"!

94
00:06:50,701 --> 00:06:51,536
Ooh!

95
00:06:51,619 --> 00:06:54,539
Now, to celebrate the success
of "Birthday Dad,"

96
00:06:54,622 --> 00:06:57,875
I thought it was time
I gave a birthday present back!

97
00:06:57,959 --> 00:07:00,211
I called up my favorite sign company
and said,

98
00:07:00,294 --> 00:07:02,588
"I wanna give this whole town the 'D'!

99
00:07:02,672 --> 00:07:03,840
'D' for Dad.

100
00:07:04,006 --> 00:07:05,550
'Birthday Dad, ' that is!"

101
00:07:05,633 --> 00:07:06,509
Yay!

102
00:07:06,592 --> 00:07:09,178
So, without further a-dad,

103
00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:12,932
let's say goodbye
to the era of Hollywoo forever,

104
00:07:13,015 --> 00:07:15,309
and say hello to...

105
00:07:15,685 --> 00:07:19,021
Holly... woob?

106
00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:20,189
Huh?

107
00:07:20,273 --> 00:07:22,817
No, I said "D" as in "Birthday Dad."

108
00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:25,653
No, obviously I meant the "Dad" part
of "Birthday Dad,"

109
00:07:25,736 --> 00:07:27,405
I assumed that went without saying.

110
00:07:27,488 --> 00:07:29,866
Look, I gotta go,
but the next time I need a sign made

111
00:07:29,949 --> 00:07:33,119
I'm going to strongly consider
going with a different company.

112
00:07:33,578 --> 00:07:35,705
Okay, next stop: wedding!

113
00:07:35,788 --> 00:07:37,874
I'm not ready for this.
You gotta take me back to jail.

114
00:07:37,957 --> 00:07:40,418
What? Come on, Shawshank,
you're gonna be fine.

115
00:07:40,501 --> 00:07:43,337
No, I can't be around people.
I can't face them, I'm not ready.

116
00:07:43,421 --> 00:07:45,840
- What do you think is gonna happen?
- I don't know! I never know.

117
00:07:45,923 --> 00:07:47,925
I just know that something bad
is gonna happen

118
00:07:48,009 --> 00:07:49,010
if I go to that wedding.

119
00:07:49,093 --> 00:07:50,803
How about this? We'll go to the wedding

120
00:07:50,887 --> 00:07:53,473
and if you get there
and you wanna leave, we can leave.

121
00:07:53,556 --> 00:07:54,640
- Yeah?
- Yeah.

122
00:07:54,724 --> 00:07:56,642
And if you wanna stay,
I'll stay there with you.

123
00:07:56,726 --> 00:07:57,935
I will not leave your side.

124
00:07:58,019 --> 00:07:59,353
- You sure?
- Of course.

125
00:07:59,437 --> 00:08:01,397
I'm here for you, buddy. No matter what.

126
00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:03,024
Unless I see my good friend Erica

127
00:08:03,107 --> 00:08:05,318
and get distracted
by some noteworthy aspect

128
00:08:05,401 --> 00:08:06,652
of her character or presentation,

129
00:08:06,736 --> 00:08:10,406
but, BoJack,
what are the odds that would...

130
00:08:19,457 --> 00:08:20,374
Hmm.

131
00:08:21,626 --> 00:08:22,460
Huh.

132
00:08:23,044 --> 00:08:26,005
- BoJack! Thank God I found you!
- What? What is it?

133
00:08:26,088 --> 00:08:28,382
The fireworks are going to start
in ten minutes.

134
00:08:28,466 --> 00:08:29,884
There's no time to explain.

135
00:08:29,967 --> 00:08:32,887
We need to go down to the beach
so I can sit on your shoulders!

136
00:08:32,970 --> 00:08:36,390
- What? Why?
- I just said there's no time to explain!

137
00:08:36,474 --> 00:08:39,101
Did you go to jail
for being a bad listener?

138
00:08:39,185 --> 00:08:41,521
- Come on, we gotta go!
- Okay.

139
00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:45,566
Whoa! Ho-oh!

140
00:08:45,650 --> 00:08:49,529
Oh, wow! That's like a 3-D one!

141
00:08:49,820 --> 00:08:50,988
So...

142
00:08:51,072 --> 00:08:52,573
why did we need to be on the beach?

143
00:08:52,657 --> 00:08:55,117
Oh, you just seemed
really overwhelmed at the party.

144
00:08:55,201 --> 00:08:58,204
- I thought you could use some air.
- Oh. Thanks.

145
00:08:58,287 --> 00:09:00,331
But then why are you on my shoulders?

146
00:09:00,414 --> 00:09:02,458
So I could get
a better view of the fireworks.

147
00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:06,128
Okay, get down. Oh, okay.

148
00:09:06,212 --> 00:09:07,380
It's good to see you.

149
00:09:07,463 --> 00:09:09,173
How'd you get out of the supermax?

150
00:09:09,298 --> 00:09:11,676
Did a helicopter crash
into the side of the building

151
00:09:11,759 --> 00:09:13,094
and then you just walked out?

152
00:09:13,177 --> 00:09:16,180
What? No. I'm just here for the wedding.
I'm going back tomorrow.

153
00:09:16,264 --> 00:09:17,515
Oh, bummer.

154
00:09:17,598 --> 00:09:20,434
No, it's good.
I think the routine is good for me.

155
00:09:20,518 --> 00:09:25,439
- I'm staying out of trouble, at least.
- Hooray! Staying out of trouble, at least!

156
00:09:25,523 --> 00:09:27,441
I'm trying to set little goals for myself.

157
00:09:27,525 --> 00:09:30,486
Like, in a couple months,
I'll beat my record for being sober.

158
00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:32,196
- Nice!
- Yeah, so that's...

159
00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:36,576
that's something to aim for,
but then, uh, after that, um...

160
00:09:36,659 --> 00:09:39,078
After that, you'll beat your record again.

161
00:09:39,161 --> 00:09:41,122
Every day, you'll set a new record.

162
00:09:41,205 --> 00:09:43,708
Sure. But it's easy now. In jail.

163
00:09:43,791 --> 00:09:45,876
I don't have to
make any choices for myself.

164
00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:48,170
I worry about what's gonna happen
when I get out.

165
00:09:48,254 --> 00:09:51,132
- What if I relapse again?
- Then you'll get sober again.

166
00:09:51,215 --> 00:09:53,342
Let me tell you something.

167
00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:54,760
I was at the office the other day,

168
00:09:54,844 --> 00:09:57,263
doing the "Hokey Pokey"
with some work associates...

169
00:09:57,346 --> 00:09:58,848
- Uh-huh.
- ...and I realized

170
00:09:58,931 --> 00:10:00,891
everyone misunderstands that song.

171
00:10:00,975 --> 00:10:01,934
"The Hokey Pokey"?

172
00:10:02,018 --> 00:10:05,646
Yeah, there's way too much emphasis
on the "hokey pokey" part.

173
00:10:05,730 --> 00:10:07,523
That is what it's all about.

174
00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:09,108
No. That's exactly what I mean.

175
00:10:09,191 --> 00:10:11,235
- That's not what the song is saying.
- Okay.

176
00:10:11,319 --> 00:10:15,698
And I was thinking about my mom,
you know, my relationship with my mom.

177
00:10:15,781 --> 00:10:18,367
It's weird. You know, awkward.

178
00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:22,371
I feel like she doesn't really get me,
but, you know, she's trying.

179
00:10:22,455 --> 00:10:23,372
And a couple years ago,

180
00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:27,251
I never thought I would have
any kind of relationship with her.

181
00:10:27,335 --> 00:10:28,419
Like, I was sure of it.

182
00:10:28,502 --> 00:10:29,378
What changed?

183
00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:33,215
I don't know. I did? Or... Or she did?

184
00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:36,594
Or, um, we... are?

185
00:10:36,677 --> 00:10:39,513
- Huh.
- So, that's what I'm talking about.

186
00:10:39,597 --> 00:10:41,015
It's like the song says.

187
00:10:41,098 --> 00:10:44,644
"You do the hokey pokey
and you turn yourself around."

188
00:10:44,727 --> 00:10:48,939
You turn yourself around.
That's what it's all about.

189
00:10:49,607 --> 00:10:51,901
Yeah, I don't know if the songwriters
put that much thought

190
00:10:51,984 --> 00:10:54,153
into the existential significance
of the lyrics.

191
00:10:54,236 --> 00:10:56,322
They literally rhyme "about" with "about."

192
00:10:56,405 --> 00:10:58,949
But isn't the point of art
less what people put into it

193
00:10:59,033 --> 00:11:01,702
and more what people get out of it?

194
00:11:01,786 --> 00:11:03,829
- Is that the point of art?
- Maybe.

195
00:11:03,913 --> 00:11:08,334
Or maybe art doesn't need a point.
Maybe that's why it's called art.

196
00:11:08,459 --> 00:11:10,878
I can't tell
if you're being smart or stupid.

197
00:11:10,961 --> 00:11:12,338
Oh, I never know.

198
00:11:12,421 --> 00:11:14,924
I think you had it for a moment
and then you lost it.

199
00:11:16,092 --> 00:11:19,470
Oh, well!
It was nice while it lasted, right?

200
00:11:20,304 --> 00:11:23,641
Sure. It was nice while it lasted.

201
00:11:31,190 --> 00:11:32,108
Ugh!

202
00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:36,195
Huh! Not bad.

203
00:11:36,278 --> 00:11:38,155
Hey, there he is!

204
00:11:38,239 --> 00:11:40,324
Oh, my God,
that was an incredible wedding.

205
00:11:40,408 --> 00:11:41,659
Yeah? It wasn't too much

206
00:11:41,742 --> 00:11:43,744
with the fireworks,
and the cirque performers,

207
00:11:43,828 --> 00:11:45,621
and the procession of exotic peafowl?

208
00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:47,832
No, you produced the hell out of it.

209
00:11:47,915 --> 00:11:50,418
What'd you think about the part
where the priest got murdered

210
00:11:50,501 --> 00:11:53,587
and Judah had to figure out
which bridesmaid was the culprit?

211
00:11:53,671 --> 00:11:55,589
A little outside the box,
as far as weddings go,

212
00:11:55,673 --> 00:11:56,882
but it worked in context.

213
00:11:56,966 --> 00:11:58,426
I thought so, too!

214
00:11:58,509 --> 00:12:01,762
Congratulations.
And Judah, too. Where is he?

215
00:12:01,846 --> 00:12:04,598
I think he's going over some contracts.

216
00:12:04,682 --> 00:12:06,434
We're putting together
an all-female reboot

217
00:12:06,517 --> 00:12:07,685
of <i>12 Angry Men.</i>

218
00:12:07,768 --> 00:12:10,855
It's called "11 Angry Women."

219
00:12:10,938 --> 00:12:13,524
- Not 12?
- You gotta leave room for a sequel.

220
00:12:13,607 --> 00:12:16,986
So your groom is doing paperwork
during his own wedding reception?

221
00:12:17,069 --> 00:12:20,906
Oh, we had our real wedding a week ago.
This one's just for the industry.

222
00:12:20,990 --> 00:12:23,159
- What?
- I invited the town's top talent,

223
00:12:23,242 --> 00:12:25,619
took away their phones,
and shuffled them together.

224
00:12:25,703 --> 00:12:27,163
Give 'em some booze, get 'em chatty,

225
00:12:27,246 --> 00:12:28,831
next day, they're calling me,

226
00:12:28,914 --> 00:12:30,791
"Hey, could you put me in touch
with so-and-so?"

227
00:12:30,875 --> 00:12:33,878
- Boom! I've attached myself as a producer!
- Does that really work?

228
00:12:33,961 --> 00:12:38,215
Hey, Jennifer Jason Leigh!
Have you met regular Jason Lee?

229
00:12:38,299 --> 00:12:41,719
You're my two favorite Jason Lees.
Discuss.

230
00:12:41,802 --> 00:12:44,555
Well, I am offended I wasn't
important enough for your real wedding,

231
00:12:44,638 --> 00:12:47,641
but I'm flattered I'm important enough
for your industry one.

232
00:12:47,725 --> 00:12:50,728
Are you kidding?
"Horny Unicorn" is tracking huge.

233
00:12:50,811 --> 00:12:52,229
- What?
- All of Hollywoob

234
00:12:52,313 --> 00:12:53,814
is buzzing about your comeback.

235
00:12:53,898 --> 00:12:56,025
No. Did you say "Hollywoob"?

236
00:12:56,108 --> 00:12:58,068
If this movie does what it's supposed to,

237
00:12:58,152 --> 00:13:01,822
the district attorney's not the only one
who's gonna wanna lock you into something.

238
00:13:01,906 --> 00:13:03,824
I'm not sure
I should take on more projects.

239
00:13:03,908 --> 00:13:07,203
I started this drama program at prison
and we're doing <i>Hedda Gabler.</i>

240
00:13:07,286 --> 00:13:10,164
I mean, it's not Strindberg,
but, you know, we're having a good time.

241
00:13:10,247 --> 00:13:13,083
I thought that maybe when I got out,
I could go back and volunteer.

242
00:13:13,167 --> 00:13:14,835
Oh! Well, that sounds fabulous!

243
00:13:14,919 --> 00:13:17,838
Yeah, but... I didn't even
think that I'd have other options.

244
00:13:17,922 --> 00:13:19,799
A year ago,
everyone in this town hated me.

245
00:13:19,882 --> 00:13:21,217
People have short memories.

246
00:13:21,300 --> 00:13:23,719
It's the best and worst thing
about people.

247
00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:25,930
Well, maybe there's a way I could do both?

248
00:13:26,013 --> 00:13:27,765
- I've really enjoyed teaching.
- Oh! Oh.

249
00:13:27,848 --> 00:13:29,141
Maybe I could direct something?

250
00:13:29,225 --> 00:13:31,477
- I'm sorry I said anything. I...
- Well, I mean, hold on.

251
00:13:31,560 --> 00:13:33,479
Yeah, I shouldn't
just jump into something,

252
00:13:33,562 --> 00:13:36,774
but if there's a good opportunity,
I'd be stupid not to take it, right?

253
00:13:36,857 --> 00:13:39,235
I mean, we both know how hard it is
to get heat in this town.

254
00:13:39,318 --> 00:13:41,612
Think it over.
I'm sure you'll make the right decision.

255
00:13:41,695 --> 00:13:43,823
Well, a decision.

256
00:13:47,284 --> 00:13:50,579
- Hey, you wanna dance?
- Yeah.

257
00:13:54,583 --> 00:13:56,252
- What?
- Oh! Aw.

258
00:13:57,920 --> 00:14:01,423
You know, I had this weird idea
when I heard you were getting married

259
00:14:01,507 --> 00:14:04,760
that I'd get here
and there'd be some disaster,

260
00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:08,639
and I knew that either I would cause it
or, just maybe,

261
00:14:08,722 --> 00:14:10,516
I would be the only one who could fix it.

262
00:14:10,599 --> 00:14:11,725
A disaster, huh?

263
00:14:11,809 --> 00:14:15,354
Not like a "disaster" disaster,
like a sitcom disaster, you know?

264
00:14:15,437 --> 00:14:18,274
Like, it would be time for the wedding
and no one would know where to find you.

265
00:14:18,357 --> 00:14:20,276
- No one but you, right?
- Yeah.

266
00:14:20,359 --> 00:14:24,989
And I'd find you in some special spot
and I'd say, "Come on, it's time to go."

267
00:14:25,072 --> 00:14:27,491
And you'd say,
"What am I doing, BoJack?"

268
00:14:27,575 --> 00:14:30,578
And then what,
I'd run off with you?

269
00:14:30,661 --> 00:14:32,621
No, I would talk you
into going through with it,

270
00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:35,708
and it would be like a symbol
of how much I'd grown,

271
00:14:35,791 --> 00:14:37,418
that I could let you go.

272
00:14:37,835 --> 00:14:39,295
I'm sorry to disappoint you.

273
00:14:39,378 --> 00:14:40,713
No, I mean, I'm happy for you.

274
00:14:40,796 --> 00:14:43,257
Just... it's a better story
if you had cold feet.

275
00:14:43,340 --> 00:14:47,011
It's a better story for you.
I think I like it better this way.

276
00:14:47,386 --> 00:14:48,679
I guess you're right.

277
00:14:49,555 --> 00:14:51,056
What would you have said to me?

278
00:14:51,140 --> 00:14:53,934
Oh, I don't know. I would have said, uh,

279
00:14:54,018 --> 00:14:57,521
- "Come on, man. Do it."
- Oh, wow.

280
00:14:57,605 --> 00:15:01,066
No, no, no. I would... Okay. Hold on.
Tell me what you're afraid of.

281
00:15:01,150 --> 00:15:05,029
In this make-believe scenario
that you came up with?

282
00:15:05,112 --> 00:15:06,822
- Yeah.
- Okay.

283
00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:10,534
Well, I guess I'm afraid
of losing some part of myself.

284
00:15:11,285 --> 00:15:14,079
I'm afraid that if I let someone else
take care of me

285
00:15:14,163 --> 00:15:15,956
that I'm not really me anymore.

286
00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:19,418
I'm afraid of getting too comfortable,
you know, going soft.

287
00:15:19,501 --> 00:15:23,464
I'm afraid that this could be
the best thing that ever happened to me

288
00:15:23,547 --> 00:15:27,009
and if it doesn't make me
as happy as I'm supposed to be,

289
00:15:27,092 --> 00:15:29,762
that means I'm a lost cause.

290
00:15:29,845 --> 00:15:31,472
- Holy shit.
- What?

291
00:15:31,555 --> 00:15:33,807
I don't know,
those are some really good arguments.

292
00:15:33,891 --> 00:15:35,893
- Are you kidding me?!
- Okay, okay, look.

293
00:15:35,976 --> 00:15:38,312
Yes, all those things could be true,
but on the other hand,

294
00:15:38,395 --> 00:15:41,148
what if you deserve to be happy

295
00:15:41,231 --> 00:15:43,817
and this is a thing
that will make you happy?

296
00:15:43,901 --> 00:15:47,196
And maybe don't worry
about whether you'll be happy later

297
00:15:47,279 --> 00:15:49,949
and just focus
on how you're happy right now?

298
00:15:50,032 --> 00:15:52,242
- Oh, is it that easy?
- No.

299
00:15:52,493 --> 00:15:54,036
But you're here because, at some point,

300
00:15:54,119 --> 00:15:56,747
Princess Carolyn thought
this was a good idea.

301
00:15:57,289 --> 00:15:59,249
And I think we oughta listen to her.

302
00:15:59,708 --> 00:16:01,669
Because she's the smartest woman I know.

303
00:16:01,752 --> 00:16:03,754
That's true. She is.

304
00:16:03,837 --> 00:16:06,465
So, what do you think?
Are you gonna marry him?

305
00:16:06,548 --> 00:16:10,135
Well, I already got the dress.

306
00:16:10,844 --> 00:16:13,138
But you didn't need me
to say any of that, did you?

307
00:16:13,222 --> 00:16:14,682
I guess I didn't.

308
00:16:15,683 --> 00:16:17,851
Hey, if I do decide
to get back into the business

309
00:16:17,935 --> 00:16:19,228
when I get out of prison...

310
00:16:19,311 --> 00:16:22,106
I mean, I probably won't, but if I do,

311
00:16:22,731 --> 00:16:24,858
I'm gonna need representation.

312
00:16:25,359 --> 00:16:28,404
Someone who can look out for me,
help me make the right decisions,

313
00:16:28,487 --> 00:16:29,863
keep me out of trouble...

314
00:16:30,239 --> 00:16:33,158
I can recommend some excellent people.

315
00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:49,925
Hey.

316
00:16:50,718 --> 00:16:53,512
- Thought I might find you here.
- I'm trying to quit.

317
00:16:53,762 --> 00:16:55,764
Yeah, you look like
you're trying really hard.

318
00:16:55,848 --> 00:16:57,224
Don't be shitty.

319
00:16:57,725 --> 00:17:00,477
I haven't seen you in a while.
You doing okay?

320
00:17:00,561 --> 00:17:02,229
Yeah, I'm doing okay.

321
00:17:02,312 --> 00:17:04,898
- I mean, you know, okay.
- Sure.

322
00:17:04,982 --> 00:17:07,568
I'm working
on this middle-grade fiction series.

323
00:17:07,651 --> 00:17:09,862
I mean, who am I, Rick Riordan?

324
00:17:09,945 --> 00:17:11,196
Who's Rick Riordan?

325
00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:14,366
Yeah, good point.
What have you been up to?

326
00:17:14,450 --> 00:17:17,286
Well, let's see, um,
I've been getting into podcasts,

327
00:17:17,369 --> 00:17:19,121
went through a Sudoku phase, and, uh,

328
00:17:19,204 --> 00:17:21,749
- oh, I'm in prison, so...
- Right. That's still happening?

329
00:17:21,832 --> 00:17:25,002
Oh, it's very much happening.
I've also got a new movie coming out.

330
00:17:25,085 --> 00:17:26,670
Oh, yeah, with Vance Waggoner, right?

331
00:17:26,795 --> 00:17:28,338
I know what you're thinking, but he's...

332
00:17:28,422 --> 00:17:30,007
You don't need to explain yourself to me.

333
00:17:30,090 --> 00:17:31,967
I know you think
I'm some kind of a sell-out,

334
00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:34,595
but it wasn't like other opportunities
were banging down my door...

335
00:17:34,678 --> 00:17:36,889
- I'm not arguing with you.
- Because of "Horny Unicorn"...

336
00:17:36,972 --> 00:17:40,017
I'm not going to help you work through
whatever you're trying to work through.

337
00:17:40,100 --> 00:17:42,269
I just came out here to smoke.
You came to me.

338
00:17:42,352 --> 00:17:45,147
- Because I wanted to talk to you.
- About what? "The Horny Unicorn"?

339
00:17:45,230 --> 00:17:47,274
No, about... I don't know.

340
00:17:47,357 --> 00:17:51,987
- I just wanted to talk to you.
- I miss talking to you.

341
00:17:56,116 --> 00:17:57,659
I wish I had my phone right now.

342
00:17:57,743 --> 00:17:58,994
Yeah, I know what you mean.

343
00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:00,871
I never know what to do
with my hands at parties.

344
00:18:00,954 --> 00:18:02,664
No, I wish I had my phone

345
00:18:02,748 --> 00:18:05,542
so I could play you
the last voicemail you left me.

346
00:18:05,626 --> 00:18:08,462
Did you remember that,
that you left me a voicemail?

347
00:18:08,545 --> 00:18:10,422
Ooh.

348
00:18:10,506 --> 00:18:13,383
I thought you were sober.
You told me you were sober.

349
00:18:13,467 --> 00:18:16,637
And things were good in my life
and I was thinking about my future,

350
00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:19,807
and then I woke up one morning
and I had this voicemail.

351
00:18:19,890 --> 00:18:21,016
Look, I-I wasn't in the...

352
00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:24,103
You were happy on the voicemail.
You sounded happy.

353
00:18:24,186 --> 00:18:26,230
Or lightly sardonic, or glibly nihilistic,

354
00:18:26,313 --> 00:18:28,107
or however you'd describe
that thing you get

355
00:18:28,190 --> 00:18:30,359
that's the closest to the emotion
normal people call happy.

356
00:18:30,526 --> 00:18:32,569
- I'm sorry...
- And you were clearly intoxicated,

357
00:18:32,653 --> 00:18:35,823
and you were talking about swimming.
"I'm going swimming," you said.

358
00:18:35,906 --> 00:18:38,408
"Since nothing matters anyway,
and nobody cares about me,

359
00:18:38,492 --> 00:18:40,369
- I might as well go swimming, right?"
- I'm so sorry.

360
00:18:40,452 --> 00:18:42,663
"Call me back
if you don't want me to go swimming.

361
00:18:42,746 --> 00:18:45,207
Otherwise, I'm just gonna assume
you don't care."

362
00:18:47,584 --> 00:18:48,919
I thought you were dead.

363
00:18:49,545 --> 00:18:51,296
For seven hours,
I couldn't get in touch with anyone

364
00:18:51,380 --> 00:18:52,714
and I was sure you were dead,

365
00:18:52,798 --> 00:18:57,594
and it was my fault for leaving you,
for feeling good, for not worrying.

366
00:18:57,678 --> 00:19:01,014
When I left for Chicago,
you promised me you were gonna be okay,

367
00:19:01,098 --> 00:19:03,642
but I made you promise me that.

368
00:19:04,101 --> 00:19:06,395
- Was I selfish for believing you?
- No.

369
00:19:06,478 --> 00:19:08,480
Why did you call me?
You knew I was in Chicago.

370
00:19:08,605 --> 00:19:11,316
I don't know. I was drunk
and... and I was high.

371
00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:12,985
And I just... I wanted to talk to you.

372
00:19:16,321 --> 00:19:18,949
When I found out you weren't dead,
I was angry.

373
00:19:19,324 --> 00:19:24,872
I was relieved, but I was also angry
that I'd given you that power over me.

374
00:19:25,455 --> 00:19:28,333
I was angry at you for a really long time.

375
00:19:28,709 --> 00:19:30,252
Are you still angry at me?

376
00:19:30,627 --> 00:19:34,381
No. I don't know.
What good has being angry at you

377
00:19:34,464 --> 00:19:36,008
- ever done for me?
- I'm sorry.

378
00:19:36,091 --> 00:19:38,218
I wish I could have been
the person you thought I was,

379
00:19:38,302 --> 00:19:40,470
- the person who would save you.
- That was never your job.

380
00:19:40,554 --> 00:19:44,266
Then why did you always make me
feel like it was?

381
00:19:44,683 --> 00:19:47,686
I don't know, maybe it's everybody's job
to save each other.

382
00:19:47,769 --> 00:19:49,396
I don't know.

383
00:19:50,647 --> 00:19:53,525
Anyway, I'm glad you're alive.

384
00:19:53,692 --> 00:19:54,943
I am, too.

385
00:19:56,820 --> 00:19:59,907
So, you're still in Chicago, then, or...?

386
00:20:01,366 --> 00:20:03,076
When I got that voicemail,

387
00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:08,457
my boyfriend at the time
wanted me to move to Houston with him.

388
00:20:08,540 --> 00:20:10,334
I wanted to move with him.

389
00:20:10,417 --> 00:20:13,253
But after you called, I got scared.

390
00:20:13,337 --> 00:20:15,547
- Oh, no.
- I didn't trust myself.

391
00:20:15,964 --> 00:20:19,301
I was happy and I didn't trust that.
So I stayed in Chicago.

392
00:20:19,384 --> 00:20:24,056
We tried to make it work long distance,
but it was hard.

393
00:20:24,306 --> 00:20:27,017
Eventually, I just thought,
"This is stupid."

394
00:20:27,100 --> 00:20:29,144
So, what, you broke up with him?

395
00:20:29,228 --> 00:20:31,605
No. I moved to Houston.

396
00:20:31,688 --> 00:20:33,315
To be with your boyfriend at the time?

397
00:20:33,398 --> 00:20:35,859
Yeah. Plus, the winters in Chicago
are cold as shit,

398
00:20:35,943 --> 00:20:37,569
I don't know why anyone
would build a city there.

399
00:20:37,653 --> 00:20:39,154
No wonder that cow started that fire.

400
00:20:39,238 --> 00:20:40,948
I get it. I'm on Team Cow.

401
00:20:41,031 --> 00:20:44,701
But your boyfriend at the time,
he's not your boyfriend anymore?

402
00:20:44,785 --> 00:20:47,537
He is not.

403
00:20:48,372 --> 00:20:50,249
- Wow.
- Yeah.

404
00:20:51,333 --> 00:20:54,002
How'd you learn how to trust it?
The happiness?

405
00:20:54,086 --> 00:20:56,880
I didn't. But I trust him.

406
00:20:59,132 --> 00:21:01,927
It's hard to imagine you in Houston.

407
00:21:02,010 --> 00:21:03,887
Oh, I'm like
a totally different person now.

408
00:21:03,971 --> 00:21:05,305
- Are you?
- No?

409
00:21:06,056 --> 00:21:09,935
Yes? I wear fewer jackets.
I smile more.

410
00:21:10,018 --> 00:21:13,981
Sometimes I look back at my LA years,
and I think, "Who was that person?"

411
00:21:14,147 --> 00:21:16,483
Does she ever come back, that Diane?

412
00:21:16,858 --> 00:21:18,360
Sometimes.

413
00:21:18,443 --> 00:21:20,487
I felt her when I got back to LA.

414
00:21:20,570 --> 00:21:23,198
I feel her now that I'm talking to you.

415
00:21:23,282 --> 00:21:24,783
But it's not you?

416
00:21:24,866 --> 00:21:26,743
I mean, it's all me.

417
00:21:26,827 --> 00:21:29,871
I'd love to say,
"No, she's gone forever."

418
00:21:29,955 --> 00:21:33,625
But I was terrified
of coming back here for the wedding.

419
00:21:33,709 --> 00:21:36,628
- Seeing Mr. Peanutbutter. Seeing you.
- What'd you think was gonna happen?

420
00:21:36,712 --> 00:21:40,841
I don't know, I would spin out,
start questioning everything,

421
00:21:40,924 --> 00:21:41,842
blow everything up.

422
00:21:41,925 --> 00:21:44,428
But that didn't happen, did it?

423
00:21:44,511 --> 00:21:46,430
No. That didn't happen.

424
00:21:46,513 --> 00:21:49,516
But was part of you
kinda hoping that it would?

425
00:21:49,599 --> 00:21:51,059
Mm.

426
00:21:51,143 --> 00:21:53,145
You ever miss the mess?

427
00:21:53,228 --> 00:21:55,272
No, "miss" is the wrong word.

428
00:21:55,355 --> 00:21:57,024
Sorry, Miss.

429
00:21:57,107 --> 00:22:00,527
I'm glad I lived in LA,
but I'm not nostalgic for it.

430
00:22:00,610 --> 00:22:03,196
I'm glad I knew Mr. Peanutbutter,

431
00:22:03,280 --> 00:22:05,532
- even though he's not in my life anymore.
- Yeah?

432
00:22:05,615 --> 00:22:09,453
I think there are people that help you
become the person that you end up being,

433
00:22:09,536 --> 00:22:11,747
and you can be grateful for them

434
00:22:11,830 --> 00:22:15,167
even if they were never
meant to be in your life forever.

435
00:22:15,959 --> 00:22:17,711
I'm glad I knew you, too.

436
00:22:18,128 --> 00:22:19,171
"Knew," huh?

437
00:22:19,254 --> 00:22:20,255
Mm.

438
00:22:20,547 --> 00:22:22,924
Hey, wouldn't it be funny

439
00:22:23,008 --> 00:22:25,927
if this night was the last time
we ever talked to each other?

440
00:22:29,806 --> 00:22:32,559
- Um, anyway, I...
- I need to tell you...

441
00:22:32,642 --> 00:22:34,227
No. You don't have to...
You don't owe me anything.

442
00:22:34,311 --> 00:22:36,897
No, I need to tell you: Thank you.

443
00:22:37,314 --> 00:22:40,567
And it's going to be okay.

444
00:22:40,650 --> 00:22:43,528
And I'm sorry.

445
00:22:44,196 --> 00:22:47,324
And... thank you.

446
00:22:50,535 --> 00:22:51,370
- Wait.
- Why?

447
00:22:51,453 --> 00:22:53,955
I know. I know.
But can I just tell you a funny story?

448
00:22:54,039 --> 00:22:55,165
Sure.

449
00:22:55,248 --> 00:22:57,751
But it better be very funny.

450
00:22:57,834 --> 00:23:00,504
I don't wanna lie to you,
it's only kind of funny.

451
00:23:02,839 --> 00:23:04,674
So we have this movie night
at the prison, right?

452
00:23:04,758 --> 00:23:07,386
And we get to vote
on what movies we wanna see.

453
00:23:07,469 --> 00:23:09,179
But of course the whole thing's rigged,

454
00:23:09,262 --> 00:23:12,557
because Big Andy's favorite movie
is <i>The Family Stone,</i>

455
00:23:12,641 --> 00:23:15,268
so Big Andy gets his guys
to vote for it every week,

456
00:23:15,352 --> 00:23:17,771
and so every week
we watch <i>The Family Stone.</i>

457
00:23:17,854 --> 00:23:20,899
Hold on, whose favorite movie
is <i>The Family Stone?</i>

458
00:23:20,982 --> 00:23:22,651
I mean, yeah, it's a fine movie...

459
00:23:22,734 --> 00:23:24,194
- But every week?
- That's what I'm saying!

460
00:23:24,319 --> 00:23:27,572
So, one day I'm like, "If I see
Luke Wilson teach Sarah Jessica Parker

461
00:23:27,656 --> 00:23:30,700
how to let her freak flag fly
one more time, I'm gonna snap."

462
00:23:30,784 --> 00:23:33,036
I don't understand,
is movie night mandatory?

463
00:23:33,120 --> 00:23:34,955
- No.
- So why don't you just not go?

464
00:23:35,038 --> 00:23:36,998
What am I, a philistine?
I support the arts, sue me.

465
00:23:37,082 --> 00:23:38,125
Okay, sorry.

466
00:23:38,208 --> 00:23:41,086
But I know a guy
who volunteers in the library,

467
00:23:41,169 --> 00:23:44,464
which is where they keep the DVDs,
so I make a deal with him.

468
00:23:44,548 --> 00:23:48,385
"I'll give you my Jell-O for a month
if <i>The Family Stone</i> goes missing."

469
00:23:48,468 --> 00:23:49,928
I feel like this doesn't end well.

470
00:23:50,011 --> 00:23:52,973
So, movie might comes around,
time for another Christmas in Connecticut,

471
00:23:53,056 --> 00:23:56,685
but then, uh-oh, the DVD's gone,
what do we do?

472
00:23:56,768 --> 00:23:59,729
So Big Andy's getting really upset,
and his guys are all riled,

473
00:23:59,813 --> 00:24:01,398
and then I go, "Fellas, fellas, fellas!

474
00:24:01,481 --> 00:24:03,775
Why don't we watch
<i>Pieces of April </i>this week?

475
00:24:03,859 --> 00:24:06,069
Change of pace.
Patricia Clarkson's in it and..."

476
00:24:06,153 --> 00:24:06,987
And?

477
00:24:07,154 --> 00:24:09,156
- Prison riot.
- Oh, shit, really?

478
00:24:09,239 --> 00:24:12,117
No. Worse. Big Andy falls in love
with <i>Pieces of April,</i>

479
00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:14,161
so now we watch<i> Pieces of April</i>
every week.

480
00:24:14,244 --> 00:24:16,746
You kind of made your own bed
on that one.

481
00:24:16,830 --> 00:24:18,373
Story of my life.

482
00:24:22,669 --> 00:24:25,297
I'm sorry, that sounds awful.

483
00:24:25,380 --> 00:24:28,633
Yeah, well, what are you gonna do?
Life's a bitch and then you die, right?

484
00:24:28,925 --> 00:24:30,177
Sometimes.

485
00:24:30,260 --> 00:24:33,096
Sometimes life's a bitch
and then you keep living.

486
00:24:33,346 --> 00:24:34,181
Yeah.

487
00:24:36,725 --> 00:24:38,643
But it's a nice night, huh?

488
00:24:39,227 --> 00:24:40,145
Yeah.

489
00:24:41,521 --> 00:24:42,898
This is nice.