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Subtitles by The Beast
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So it's 6 PM in the night time...
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... which is when I wake up.
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This is always really scary part for me.
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Yes! Night time.
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So, now I'm going to wake up
my flat mates.
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I really love living in a flatting situation.
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Wake up!
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Wake up everyone!
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I like to hang out with other vampires.
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I like the company.
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Awaken!
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A wakey, wakey!
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I just really like having a good time
with my friends.
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Deacon...
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Hi!
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Hey!
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Deacon...
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How was your night, last night?
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I transformed into a dog and had sex.
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Cool!
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We're gonna have a little flat-meeting
in the kitchen in about 15 minutes, okay?
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- Okay.
- Okay.
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- Should I close this?
- Yes.
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Vladislav?!
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Sorry! Sorry!
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What?
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- Hey!
- What time is it?
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Umm, we're going to have a flat-meeting
in about 10 minutes.
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Twenty.
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Okay... is it...
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So we're...
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...in Petyr's room.
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I'm just going to wake him up.
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Petyr?
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Petyr!
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Petyr, wake up.
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Hey, listen. We're just having a flat-meeting
upstairs in about 10 minutes.
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You don't have to come but I thought I'd
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extend an invitation to you just in case.
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Umm....
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There's a lot of stuff on
the floor down here Petyr, and...
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... like this seems, I don't...
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Ah! It's a spinal column, yuck!
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And I was thinking, maybe...
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... I just should bring a broom
down here for you
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if you wanted to sweep up
some of the skeletons.
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I don't know.
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You know...
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Okay.
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I got you this chicken.
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Is Petyr coming?
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- Should we wait?
- Petyr's...
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... eight thousand years old.
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We're not going to have Petyr at the meeting.
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Okay, so...
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Wanted to have a quick chat
about flat responsibilities because..
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uh...guys I think that we're
not all pulling our weight here.
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We're not just pointing the finger at you, Deacon.
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You're a cool guy but you're
not pulling your weight in the flat.
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Well, I'm glad to hear that I'm cool.
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- No, that's not the point though...
- Yeah, no, I know, I know...
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It's not a flat meeting about how cool you are.
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- I do my flat chores.
- No, you don't!
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- Yes, I do
- No, that's why we're having the flat-meeting.
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The point is Deacon that you
have not done the dishes for 5 years.
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Vladislav is right.
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It's unacceptable to have so many
bloody dishes all over this bench like that...
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I'm so embarrassed when people come over here.
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Why does it matter?!
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You bring them over, you kill them!
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Vampires don't do dishes.
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Deacon's like the rebellious young vampire.
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He's always doing crazy things.
Saying crazy things.
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He's just like the young, bad boy of the group.
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Okay, so...
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One day I was...
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... selling my wares...
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And I walked passed this old creepy castle.
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and I look at it and think...
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... 'very old and creepy.'
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And then this creature...
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... flies at me!
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It dragged me back to this dark dungeon.
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And bit into my neck.
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And just at the point of death...
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... this creature...
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... forced me to suck its foul blood.
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And then...
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... it opened it's wings, like this.
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And hovered above me...
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screeching....ah! haha-haa!
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'Now you are vampire.'
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And it was Petyr.
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And we're still friends today.
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Vlad, you were great.
You put out the recycling.
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Which was really cool.
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And!..
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The other day, I dragged mans body down the hallway,
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and noticed that there was no dust.
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Like, I kind of... I kind of swept the hallway.
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Vladislav, is just like...
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... this older vampire who
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grew up in the medieval times.
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And you know, to be living this long
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and to have seen the things that he's seen
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and still like, kind of have it together,
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I mean, hat's off to him.
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Bloody hell!
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Sorry!
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He's a really great guy.
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A bit a of a pervert.
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He has some pretty old ideas about things.
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We should get some slaves!
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When I first became a vampire...
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... I was quite tyrannical.
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I was known for torturing a lot of people.
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This is my torture chamber.
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I don't come in here, often anymore.
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I tended to torture when
I was in a bad place.
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My thing was, I would poke someone
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with implements.
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I was known as 'Vladislav The Poker'.
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It's been like this the whole time...
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- Okay, so...
- Viago is a little...
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... pedantic.
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The washing and the rubbish, I did that.
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Deacon, on dishes and
it still hasn't moved in 5 years.
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He was an 18th century dandy.
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So, he can be very fussy.
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He nags and nags...
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I went in to the lounge the other day and
there was blood all over my nice antique couch.
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Which one, the red one?
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Well, it's red now, yeah.
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If you're going to eat a victim
on my nice clean couch
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put down some newspaper on the floor
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and some towels.
It's not hard to do.
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We're vampires!
We don't put down towels.
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Some vampires do.
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Well, not serious ones!
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When you get 4 vampires in a flat
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obviously there's going to be a lot of tension.
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There's tension in any, any flatting situation.
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It's settled then. We all do our jobs,
starting with a certain Deacon...
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- I will do my dishes!
- Good then!
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This is bullshit.
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I uh, became a vampire when I was 16.
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That is why I always look 16.
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In those days, of course,
life was tough for a 16 year old.
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Vampires have had a pretty bad rap.
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We're not these mopey
old creatures who live in castles.
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And while some, most of us are, a lot are... but...
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There are also those of us,
who like to flat together in
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really small countries like New Zealand.
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I was a...Nazi vampire.
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After the war, which the Nazi's lost...
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I don't know,
if you know that the Nazi's lost...
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... that war.
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If you were a Nazi, after the war...
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...and if you were a vampire...
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... and if you were a Nazi vampire...
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No way.
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I was out of there.
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Yah, I came to this country for love.
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Uh, there was a girl. Human girl.
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And...
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... I...
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... thought she was fantastic.
She was...
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... absolutely amazing.
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I was smitten.
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Her family emigrated to New Zealand.
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And, I thought,
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'you know what, to hell with it.
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I'm gonna go. I'm going to chase her
and tell her how I feel.'
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I told my servant Phillip,
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'Send me to New Zealand.'
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He...
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... put the wrong postage on my coffin.
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So the whole journey took about 18 months.
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And when I got here, she had...
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... found someone else.
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She had fallen in love.
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And...
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She was married.
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She gave me this before she left.
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There she is.
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And that's me, I put myself in there too.
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She told me it was pure silver.
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Unfortunately...
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... we vampires cannot wear silver.
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Yeah...
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It's about as long as I can wear that.
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Tonight, we are going out
into Wellington Central.
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It is important that we look good.
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Yeah, it's really good. Yeah.
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One of the unfortunate things about
not having a reflection is that you...
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... don't know exactly what you look like.
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Looook!
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Look!
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A ghost cup!
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Floating all by itself!
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We can give each other feedback and
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help each other out until
we're looking great.
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Yes, some of our clothes are from victims.
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We might bite someone and then...
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... you think,
'ooh, those are some nice pants!'.
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- Do work these?
- NO!
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Change it!
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When you are a vampire,
you become very sexy.
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We are trying to attract victims to us.
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Not sure about the waist coat.
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I go for a look which I call
Dead But Delicious.
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We are the bait.
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But we're also the trap.
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Hello ladies.
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And my love, we are ready to go
into town and party!
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Vampire... vampire style.
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When we go into town,
we must try to blend in.
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Just walking the streets.
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Coming into town.
Um, it's really cool because
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just for one brief moment
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I feel...
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Homos!
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The trouble with being a vampire is you
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have to be invited in, to go in.
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We would like to come into the bar, please.
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- Invite us into the bar, please.
- $5...you can walk in.
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Will you invite us in!
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If the humans find out what we were...
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... they would destroy us.
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There are between 60 and 70 vampires
in the greater Wellington region.
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- Obvious vampire.
- Joline!
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Hello!
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How embarrassing.
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He's um...a guy I used to work with
when I was human.
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- Is he gone?
- Yeah, he's gone.
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I've been draining him all night.
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I've been a very thirsty girl.
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- Hey guys!
Being bitten as a little boy or a little girl
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you're always going to look the same age.
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What are you doing tonight?
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Are you going to kill some perverts?
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- Yeah, we're meeting a pedophile.
- Cool.
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Okay, let's just go to Big Kumara.
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- Have a good night, guys!
- Yeah, you have a good night, bye.
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The Big Kumara is vampire owned and operated,
and so we can always get in.
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It's the hottest night spot
for vampires in Wellington.
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- Come on in, guys, come on in.
- Thank you. Thanks.
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Perhaps you could bring
some people to the house.
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- Sure.
- Perhaps some virgins?
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Virgins? Yep, okay.
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Any kind of preference in terms of gender or?
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Maybe some ladies?
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Yep. Ladies.
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Perhaps a guy?
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One of each?
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One of each will be cool.
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My relationship with Deacon is...
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... well, I'm his familiar.
He's my Master.
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He tells me what to do, I do it.
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We have that kind of master/servant
relationship which works nicely...actually.
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- Hello!
- Hello.
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Oh, it's a little bit of blood.
265
00:17:45,110 --> 00:17:47,940
Um, my husband, he's a...
...he's a haemophiliac.
266
00:17:48,260 --> 00:17:50,060
You know, someone that bleeds a lot.
267
00:17:50,060 --> 00:17:50,630
Yep.
268
00:17:50,950 --> 00:17:52,440
Any kind of age range?
269
00:17:52,510 --> 00:17:55,090
- Young.
- But not, not kids?
270
00:17:55,140 --> 00:17:56,400
Not kids.
271
00:17:56,620 --> 00:17:58,080
18 to 30?
272
00:17:58,540 --> 00:18:00,630
Definitely younger than yourself.
273
00:18:00,630 --> 00:18:02,630
Okay, so 18 to 30.
274
00:18:02,690 --> 00:18:03,770
So it's a dinner party?
275
00:18:03,810 --> 00:18:05,910
- I'll be there? - Yes!
- You'll be there! - Dinner Party!
276
00:18:05,910 --> 00:18:06,740
- The guys will be there?
- Yes!
278
00:18:06,740 --> 00:18:08,020
- We'll all be there?
- Yes, we will dress up...
279
00:18:08,020 --> 00:18:10,640
- Ok, great.
- ...and then...eat them.
280
00:18:11,040 --> 00:18:12,940
- Okay.. - Should be fun.
- ...great.
281
00:18:13,050 --> 00:18:15,110
I was just wondering
if we could talk about the um...
282
00:18:15,110 --> 00:18:17,570
Do you know of a night...dentist?
283
00:18:17,640 --> 00:18:19,250
Because I have this thing here.
284
00:18:19,260 --> 00:18:22,200
I was just wondering if
we could talk about the...the deal.
285
00:18:22,280 --> 00:18:23,530
- Hm?
- The deal?
286
00:18:23,970 --> 00:18:26,820
- The dishes?
- No, no, the...you know, the..deal?
287
00:18:27,220 --> 00:18:31,440
The deal is that he is going
to give me eternal life.
288
00:18:31,640 --> 00:18:33,500
Um, which is...
289
00:18:34,570 --> 00:18:36,010
... very exciting.
290
00:18:36,070 --> 00:18:38,100
Well, I just feel like I kind of
reached my potential and
291
00:18:38,100 --> 00:18:40,480
I wouldn't wanna, kind of,
get any older before, I kinda...
292
00:18:40,560 --> 00:18:43,060
I just feel like I'm the best version
of myself that I can be.
293
00:18:43,110 --> 00:18:45,100
- Yes...relax. - It's just that it's been
4 and a half years and I just...
294
00:18:45,100 --> 00:18:47,100
but it's...I'm doing your pot plants and I'm
295
00:18:47,100 --> 00:18:49,380
doing your dry-cleaning.
Now I'm doing your dishes...
296
00:18:49,540 --> 00:18:50,880
...and I'm doing...
And the dentist?
297
00:18:50,970 --> 00:18:53,940
And the dentist!.. and it's just taking
an awful long time, so I was just wondering...
298
00:18:53,940 --> 00:18:55,940
- Be gone!
- Okay.
299
00:18:56,540 --> 00:18:58,500
- I see you later!
- Okay.
300
00:19:08,920 --> 00:19:13,300
One of the most unfortunate things
about being a vampire is that...
301
00:19:14,360 --> 00:19:16,940
... you have to drink human blood.
302
00:19:16,940 --> 00:19:19,940
I like to make a real evening of it.
-Lovely!
303
00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:21,550
Play some music.
304
00:19:21,550 --> 00:19:24,140
Maybe give them some nice wine.
305
00:19:24,160 --> 00:19:28,330
It's their last moment alive so
why not make it a nice experience?
306
00:19:30,130 --> 00:19:31,920
So...
307
00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:34,100
Tell we what you do, what do you...
308
00:19:34,100 --> 00:19:35,680
I'm thinking about
going back to Uni, actually.
309
00:19:35,680 --> 00:19:37,210
Oh, you are?
Put that...
310
00:19:37,210 --> 00:19:38,400
over there.
311
00:19:40,340 --> 00:19:42,420
University, yah?
312
00:19:42,610 --> 00:19:45,160
Yeah, but after that,
I'm gonna travel.
313
00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:46,130
Yeah...
314
00:19:46,330 --> 00:19:49,130
I've really wanted
to go overseas for ages, so..
315
00:19:49,330 --> 00:19:51,840
saving up and I'm gonna go to Spain and
316
00:19:51,840 --> 00:19:54,180
Italy and London and...
317
00:19:54,420 --> 00:19:55,440
Yeah.
318
00:19:57,670 --> 00:19:59,910
Okay. Excuse me.
319
00:19:59,910 --> 00:20:01,910
Just put that there.
320
00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:08,850
There we go.
320b
00:20:15,300 --> 00:20:16,900
Shit!
321
00:20:17,100 --> 00:20:18,130
Shit!
322
00:20:25,670 --> 00:20:28,020
Well, that didn't go so great.
323
00:20:28,220 --> 00:20:31,280
Um, I hit the main artery.
324
00:20:32,290 --> 00:20:35,760
So, yeah, it's a real mess in there, um...
325
00:20:36,480 --> 00:20:39,670
On the upside,
I think she had a really good time.
326
00:20:57,360 --> 00:20:59,740
So, it's quite late and uh...
327
00:20:59,740 --> 00:21:03,500
I've managed to find a woman up,
watching television.
328
00:21:03,500 --> 00:21:06,900
And, uh, she seems like
she'd be a good victim.
329
00:21:08,190 --> 00:21:11,090
I'm just going to use hypnosis on her...
330
00:21:13,420 --> 00:21:15,280
See me...
331
00:21:16,860 --> 00:21:19,140
See me...
332
00:21:20,840 --> 00:21:23,950
She can't, she can't see me
from that angle.
333
00:21:24,180 --> 00:21:26,860
Vladislav used to be extremely powerful.
334
00:21:26,940 --> 00:21:29,320
He could hypnotize crowds of people.
335
00:21:29,480 --> 00:21:32,280
Great orgies. Twenty, thirty women.
336
00:21:32,340 --> 00:21:34,560
He could turn into all sorts of animals.
337
00:21:34,560 --> 00:21:36,740
But now he never get the faces right.
338
00:21:36,740 --> 00:21:39,480
He would kill anybody.
Men, women.
339
00:21:39,560 --> 00:21:42,820
Children. Burning... everything.
340
00:21:42,820 --> 00:21:43,960
It was totally great.
341
00:21:44,070 --> 00:21:47,600
But he suffered a humiliating defeat...
342
00:21:47,740 --> 00:21:50,320
... at the hands of his arch nemesis...
343
00:21:50,320 --> 00:21:52,320
... The Beast.
344
00:22:00,200 --> 00:22:02,360
And, he's never been the same.
345
00:22:02,550 --> 00:22:04,040
See me...
346
00:22:05,890 --> 00:22:08,000
See me...
347
00:22:09,410 --> 00:22:11,610
See me...
348
00:22:13,300 --> 00:22:15,560
See me...
349
00:22:17,150 --> 00:22:19,480
Would you like to come inside?
350
00:22:42,350 --> 00:22:43,940
Ah!
351
00:22:43,970 --> 00:22:46,220
- Jackie, welcome! - Hello
Come in!
352
00:22:47,150 --> 00:22:49,550
This is Nick. Ex-ex boyfriend.
353
00:22:49,650 --> 00:22:51,130
- And Josefine.
- Nice house.
354
00:22:51,130 --> 00:22:53,940
And this is Deacon,
my overseas friend from, Europe.
355
00:22:54,180 --> 00:22:56,730
Deacon and his friends need...
356
00:22:56,820 --> 00:22:57,790
... victims.
357
00:22:57,790 --> 00:23:00,640
Hi! Please come in, welcome.
358
00:23:00,640 --> 00:23:02,640
They can't be people that...
359
00:23:03,610 --> 00:23:05,110
... I actually
360
00:23:05,140 --> 00:23:08,630
envious them or like because of course
they will become victims.
361
00:23:08,680 --> 00:23:10,710
Hi! Josefine?
362
00:23:10,870 --> 00:23:13,120
No, I sat next to you in English.
Remember?
363
00:23:13,620 --> 00:23:16,040
Um, you used to call me the Jaxorcist?
364
00:23:16,450 --> 00:23:18,310
No you did, no you did. Yeah.
365
00:23:18,390 --> 00:23:20,040
No, you started that.
366
00:23:20,530 --> 00:23:23,880
You were the one who started calling me that and
then everyone..and then it kind of caught on.
367
00:23:24,380 --> 00:23:25,060
Yeah.
368
00:23:25,210 --> 00:23:27,800
Okay, bye then. Bye.
369
00:23:27,890 --> 00:23:28,800
She's in.
370
00:23:33,630 --> 00:23:34,820
Do you like that, Nick?
371
00:23:35,120 --> 00:23:36,840
Yep, that's nice.
372
00:23:38,700 --> 00:23:41,740
I will go and prepare dinner.
373
00:23:44,680 --> 00:23:46,990
Nick, are you a virgin at all?
374
00:23:47,240 --> 00:23:48,260
Um, what?
375
00:23:48,460 --> 00:23:51,400
Doesn't seem like... are, are you a virgin?
376
00:23:51,480 --> 00:23:53,640
- Yes.
- Um, no. - [I knew it.]
377
00:23:54,140 --> 00:23:56,010
You were a virgin when
we were seeing each other?
378
00:23:56,210 --> 00:23:57,240
Yeah, I was twelve.
379
00:23:57,440 --> 00:23:58,880
You said he was a virgin.
380
00:23:58,880 --> 00:24:01,540
I think we drink virgin blood because...
381
00:24:01,820 --> 00:24:03,040
... it sounds cool.
382
00:24:03,110 --> 00:24:04,720
I think of it like this...
383
00:24:04,970 --> 00:24:07,280
If you're going to eat a sandwich..
384
00:24:07,760 --> 00:24:11,400
You will just enjoy it more if
you knew no one had fucked it.
385
00:24:11,580 --> 00:24:14,050
Let's concentrate on Josefine then.
386
00:24:14,160 --> 00:24:15,670
Are you a virgin?
387
00:24:15,800 --> 00:24:16,980
I'm not, no.
388
00:24:17,060 --> 00:24:18,600
Okay, I'm really sorry.
389
00:24:18,650 --> 00:24:20,120
Because I totally...
390
00:24:20,120 --> 00:24:21,580
pinned her as a Virgin.
391
00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:24,630
She looks like a virgin.
She talks like a virgin, I mean...
392
00:24:25,290 --> 00:24:27,290
Who would have sex with her?
I wouldn't.
393
00:24:27,780 --> 00:24:28,960
I would.
394
00:24:29,940 --> 00:24:30,840
Oh.
395
00:24:32,780 --> 00:24:34,020
Okay, good...
396
00:24:34,020 --> 00:24:36,870
- there's 2 dinners... yum.
- Nick?
397
00:24:37,120 --> 00:24:39,020
Do you like bisghetti?
398
00:24:39,240 --> 00:24:41,190
Uh... yep.
I usually like it.
399
00:24:41,450 --> 00:24:43,580
But, be better if it was warm?
400
00:24:43,800 --> 00:24:45,300
So, this is my favorite trick.
401
00:24:45,460 --> 00:24:48,900
We present our guest with a plate of bisghetti.
402
00:24:49,460 --> 00:24:52,880
And then, I would say,
' Why don't you eat some bisghetti?'
403
00:24:53,370 --> 00:24:54,640
Please, Nick.
404
00:24:54,770 --> 00:24:56,170
Eat some bisghetti.
405
00:24:58,090 --> 00:25:01,100
I didn't realize you enjoyed eating worms.
406
00:25:01,260 --> 00:25:01,970
Nick.
407
00:25:02,020 --> 00:25:04,580
- No...no!
- They are worms. - Fuck off!
408
00:25:05,300 --> 00:25:07,400
There's worms moving around on my plate.
409
00:25:07,400 --> 00:25:09,800
- It is worm like but not actually worms.
- It is really bisghetti!
411
00:25:09,800 --> 00:25:12,390
We stole that idea from The Lost Boys.
412
00:25:12,390 --> 00:25:14,160
But I put a nice twist on it.
413
00:25:14,160 --> 00:25:15,150
Nick?
414
00:25:15,240 --> 00:25:18,540
How does it feel to
have a snake for a penis?
415
00:25:20,300 --> 00:25:21,110
Jackie?
416
00:25:21,140 --> 00:25:23,000
My penis has disappeared.
It's a cobra snake.
417
00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:25,910
Nobody's gonna mistake your penis
for a cobra, Nick, okay?
418
00:25:25,920 --> 00:25:27,300
- Believe you me.
- What have you put in my bisghetti?
419
00:25:27,320 --> 00:25:30,070
Now it is just a..normal penis.
420
00:25:30,260 --> 00:25:32,370
I'm out. I'm out.
421
00:25:32,580 --> 00:25:34,240
Josefine?
422
00:25:34,240 --> 00:25:36,240
Do you like bisghetti?
423
00:25:38,110 --> 00:25:39,680
Look, these freaks...
424
00:25:40,060 --> 00:25:43,410
... spike my bisghetti,
make my cock turn into a snake is not cool.
425
00:25:43,500 --> 00:25:45,210
Not cool.
426
00:25:51,210 --> 00:25:52,640
You don't think this is weird?
427
00:25:54,210 --> 00:25:55,560
For fuck's sake...
428
00:26:01,790 --> 00:26:03,160
Jackie?!
429
00:26:03,400 --> 00:26:05,180
Jackie!
430
00:26:05,240 --> 00:26:07,600
- Sorry Nick.
- What are you doing?!
431
00:26:08,540 --> 00:26:09,760
Jackie!
432
00:26:15,370 --> 00:26:16,480
Shit!
433
00:26:44,060 --> 00:26:45,180
Fuck off.
434
00:26:49,780 --> 00:26:50,980
Where am I?
435
00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:14,450
Fuck.
436
00:27:17,380 --> 00:27:18,240
Fuck!
437
00:27:28,850 --> 00:27:29,760
Freaks!
438
00:27:39,590 --> 00:27:41,250
Ah, no...
439
00:27:41,820 --> 00:27:43,180
Petyr got him.
440
00:27:43,210 --> 00:27:44,810
Poor guy...
441
00:27:45,280 --> 00:27:46,910
Who let Petyr out?
442
00:28:46,010 --> 00:28:47,370
Hey, guys!
443
00:28:48,630 --> 00:28:50,170
Hey, what are you guys doing?
444
00:28:50,910 --> 00:28:52,320
What are you doing, Nick?
445
00:28:52,470 --> 00:28:53,960
Come into the house.
446
00:28:55,220 --> 00:28:56,880
- Hi, my name is Nick.
- Hey, guys.
447
00:28:56,960 --> 00:28:58,620
I've been a vampire for 2 months.
448
00:29:00,540 --> 00:29:03,990
Probably, I reckon the best thing
about being a vampire is flying.
449
00:29:04,340 --> 00:29:06,560
Like I've always wanted to,
I think everyone has always wanted to fly.
450
00:29:06,560 --> 00:29:08,300
And now I can do it.
451
00:29:13,880 --> 00:29:14,770
No...
452
00:29:18,770 --> 00:29:21,230
Nick, why don't you use the front door?
453
00:29:22,350 --> 00:29:23,750
Why would I?
I'm flying.
454
00:29:24,390 --> 00:29:25,620
Petyr bit me.
455
00:29:25,770 --> 00:29:26,920
Sucked all my blood out.
456
00:29:27,000 --> 00:29:28,710
I woke up in his basement and...
457
00:29:28,710 --> 00:29:30,150
... he offered me some blood.
458
00:29:30,350 --> 00:29:31,760
I just thought it was something...
459
00:29:31,760 --> 00:29:33,760
... some German thing that these guys do.
460
00:29:33,910 --> 00:29:36,970
The transition, into becoming
a vampire was pretty hard.
461
00:29:37,600 --> 00:29:41,600
I looked like shit to start off with, like,
I had a massive gash on my neck.
462
00:29:41,860 --> 00:29:43,540
Like you could see the inside of my neck.
463
00:29:43,660 --> 00:29:45,290
I had blood all over my top.
464
00:29:45,880 --> 00:29:48,160
And then I came home and
I was sweating.
465
00:29:48,160 --> 00:29:49,880
I was either really hot or really cold.
466
00:29:50,130 --> 00:29:52,040
It was like a hang-over times ten, I reckon.
467
00:29:52,040 --> 00:29:53,440
It was really bad.
468
00:29:59,760 --> 00:30:01,620
It was quite similar to having the flu.
469
00:30:01,620 --> 00:30:04,030
Except, the only difference
would probably be...
470
00:30:04,300 --> 00:30:06,250
... that my eyes bleed heaps.
471
00:30:07,910 --> 00:30:09,560
Are you guys not cold?
472
00:30:10,060 --> 00:30:13,470
I don't know, I can't really explain it.
It's like, just yeah, real hot and cold and like...
473
00:30:13,560 --> 00:30:15,730
... bloody eyes and flying and stuff.
474
00:30:16,060 --> 00:30:18,540
The neighbors can see you
flying around the house.
475
00:30:18,540 --> 00:30:20,620
You want to draw attention
to this house, hm?
476
00:30:20,620 --> 00:30:22,880
You got a whole...
documentary crew following you around.
477
00:30:22,940 --> 00:30:25,040
I am doing an erotic dance for my friends.
478
00:30:25,090 --> 00:30:27,170
And you ruined it.
I was in the zone.
479
00:30:27,170 --> 00:30:28,560
My friends are loving it.
480
00:30:28,730 --> 00:30:30,360
I love it. I saw the end of it.
It looked great.
481
00:30:30,360 --> 00:30:33,320
I don't, I don't know if I'm...
being, if I'm accepted yet.
482
00:30:33,520 --> 00:30:35,570
But... I don't know.
I think it's getting there.
483
00:30:35,900 --> 00:30:37,910
I don't know the oldest stuff,
but they're quite naive...
484
00:30:38,000 --> 00:30:39,390
... when it comes to the real world.
485
00:30:39,880 --> 00:30:41,080
So...
486
00:30:41,280 --> 00:30:42,820
I don't know,
it would be cool to just...
487
00:30:42,940 --> 00:30:44,530
Hang out with them.
They could teach me some stuff.
488
00:30:44,530 --> 00:30:46,660
But I could probably
teach them a few things.
489
00:30:54,010 --> 00:30:56,130
At the start it was like, 'Oh no, like I'm..'
490
00:30:56,630 --> 00:30:57,600
'... I'm dead.'
491
00:30:57,960 --> 00:31:01,860
It kind of affected my friendship with normal people,
my family and stuff.
492
00:31:02,050 --> 00:31:04,530
But, of the way I see it,
I've got a whole new family.
493
00:31:04,700 --> 00:31:08,550
They accept me for who I am.
And I accept them for who they are.
494
00:31:09,230 --> 00:31:10,340
Even though...
495
00:31:10,460 --> 00:31:11,720
... one of them killed me.
496
00:31:12,020 --> 00:31:13,600
Where should we go tonight?
497
00:31:13,670 --> 00:31:14,820
Let's go to the Big Kumara.
498
00:31:14,840 --> 00:31:17,580
Why don't we go to Boogie Wonderland?
We never get in to Boogie Wonderland.
499
00:31:17,670 --> 00:31:20,040
My friend Richard's the bouncer.
He can get us in.
500
00:31:20,040 --> 00:31:22,040
- What? Really?
- He'll invite us in.
501
00:31:22,410 --> 00:31:24,710
- Stu's keen, Stu loves it.
- Cool, that's two.
502
00:31:24,870 --> 00:31:27,000
Ah, this is my friend Stu.
503
00:31:27,260 --> 00:31:29,460
- Hey.
- He works in computers and stuff.
504
00:31:29,720 --> 00:31:31,480
Originally he went out with my sister.
505
00:31:31,560 --> 00:31:32,980
And then they broke up.
506
00:31:33,160 --> 00:31:34,660
I don't really give a...
507
00:31:34,720 --> 00:31:35,860
It's got nothing to do with me.
508
00:31:35,930 --> 00:31:38,260
And um... you can't hear me.
509
00:31:40,330 --> 00:31:41,690
Yeah, so basically...
510
00:31:42,230 --> 00:31:43,880
Stu, he doesn't know that I'm a vampire.
511
00:31:44,120 --> 00:31:46,180
And he doesn't know that
my friends are vampires.
512
00:31:46,440 --> 00:31:47,570
He just thinks that I've just...
513
00:31:47,800 --> 00:31:49,520
... met some colourful friends.
514
00:31:50,380 --> 00:31:54,620
I brought him around to the house and they all thought
I brought...like a meal for everyone.
515
00:31:54,860 --> 00:31:55,690
It's just like...
516
00:31:55,770 --> 00:31:57,480
... it really, really sucks...
517
00:31:57,600 --> 00:31:59,300
... that I can't eat him.
518
00:31:59,530 --> 00:32:01,810
I just want to like...
519
00:32:02,920 --> 00:32:05,580
Look at it.
He's the reddest guy I know.
520
00:32:05,900 --> 00:32:07,580
Right, you can hear me.
521
00:32:08,340 --> 00:32:11,320
- So you like computer based stuff, hey, mainly?
- Yeah, yeah.
522
00:32:11,460 --> 00:32:14,250
- Geo databases.
- Yeah, like computers mainly.
523
00:32:15,530 --> 00:32:18,920
Let's have a vote for Boogie Wonderland
or The Big Kumara?
524
00:32:19,300 --> 00:32:20,690
Big Kumara!
525
00:32:22,980 --> 00:32:23,980
Great.
526
00:32:25,200 --> 00:32:26,350
Careful Stu, hurry up.
527
00:32:27,480 --> 00:32:30,540
I don't think Nick should have been
turned into a vampire.
528
00:32:31,740 --> 00:32:33,320
He's such a dick.
529
00:32:34,100 --> 00:32:36,000
- How are you brother!
- Looking great man!
530
00:32:36,000 --> 00:32:38,666
Gentlemen!...you are most welcome!
531
00:32:46,560 --> 00:32:48,380
We're in Boogie Wonderland!
532
00:32:48,380 --> 00:32:54,370
So here we are at Boogie Wonderland
and it is so much fun.
533
00:32:55,000 --> 00:32:57,660
- They have an electric floor -
This is amazing!
534
00:32:57,660 --> 00:32:59,520
I'm just so happy to be here.
535
00:33:00,010 --> 00:33:02,000
This place is pretty cheesy.
536
00:33:02,240 --> 00:33:04,440
Also, did you see the jacket he wore?
537
00:33:05,000 --> 00:33:07,030
He's wearing the same jacket as me.
538
00:33:07,030 --> 00:33:09,430
- It's not exactly the same.
- It's pretty close.
539
00:33:15,450 --> 00:33:18,500
Awesome night.
I'm just loving being a vampire at the moment.
540
00:33:24,230 --> 00:33:26,240
Over there, is the big Fat Lady's Arms.
541
00:33:26,380 --> 00:33:29,260
Ah, on Wednesday's there'll be,
like a fear factor competition.
542
00:33:29,280 --> 00:33:32,620
You can win like t-shirts and
hats and spot prizes.
543
00:33:32,620 --> 00:33:34,620
I can smell werewolves.
544
00:33:34,820 --> 00:33:38,800
Okay, we're just about to walk past some werewolves
so some shit might go down!
545
00:33:38,860 --> 00:33:41,220
Look out guys. Don't catch fleas.
546
00:33:41,350 --> 00:33:42,670
- What's that, mate?
- Deacon.
547
00:33:42,720 --> 00:33:44,440
- Sorry what?
- Keep going, keep walking.
548
00:33:44,440 --> 00:33:46,500
- Keep walking!
- We heard that mate. We've got sensitive hearing.
549
00:33:46,520 --> 00:33:47,590
- Have you?
- Yeah.
550
00:33:47,590 --> 00:33:49,290
What are you filming?
Some music video, is it?
551
00:33:49,290 --> 00:33:51,080
We don't want any trouble.
552
00:33:51,240 --> 00:33:53,880
- I do! - Why did you start it?
- Have I got your heckles up?
553
00:33:53,920 --> 00:33:54,400
Huh?
554
00:33:54,480 --> 00:33:56,960
Why don't you go smell
your own crotches, huh?
555
00:33:56,960 --> 00:33:58,250
- Come on Deacon, stop it.
- What are you talking about?
556
00:33:58,250 --> 00:34:01,250
We don't smell our own crotches.
We smell each others crotches.
557
00:34:01,250 --> 00:34:03,250
And it's a, form of... greeting.
558
00:34:03,310 --> 00:34:04,970
Your on camera, mate, don't, don't do it...
559
00:34:04,970 --> 00:34:05,380
What?
560
00:34:05,430 --> 00:34:07,110
It's okay, cause I know this guy.
561
00:34:07,110 --> 00:34:08,320
It's count Fagula.
562
00:34:09,820 --> 00:34:11,430
Hey, hey, hey! Don't swear.
563
00:34:11,430 --> 00:34:13,330
- Sorry... they... they...
- We're werewolves.
564
00:34:13,330 --> 00:34:14,340
- Not swearwolves.
- What are we?
565
00:34:14,630 --> 00:34:16,260
We're werewolves, not swearwolves.
566
00:34:16,540 --> 00:34:19,820
- No, listen to Anton, that's offensive...
- That's a really offensive word to call people.
567
00:34:19,850 --> 00:34:22,150
Well, at least you're talking
about a bundle of sticks.
568
00:34:22,230 --> 00:34:23,820
Chase this bundle of sticks...
569
00:34:23,850 --> 00:34:24,900
Werewolves!
570
00:34:24,900 --> 00:34:27,490
- Don't get it!
- No, no, it's not real...Nathan, it's not real.
571
00:34:27,490 --> 00:34:29,350
He's just gonna take of his gloves.
572
00:34:29,350 --> 00:34:31,580
Ah, shit, man!
What the fuck you do that for?
573
00:34:31,580 --> 00:34:34,800
Hey! Don't swear.
We're gonna lose it. We're gonna lose it.
574
00:34:34,800 --> 00:34:35,620
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
- Hey.
575
00:34:35,620 --> 00:34:36,790
Calm down. Calm down!
576
00:34:36,790 --> 00:34:38,190
- Oh shit, I've still got my glasses on!
- Dion! Dion!
577
00:34:42,250 --> 00:34:43,090
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
578
00:34:44,130 --> 00:34:45,740
Do the breathing! Do the breathing.
579
00:34:45,740 --> 00:34:47,860
Do the breathing.
Count to ten mate. Count to ten.
580
00:34:47,860 --> 00:34:49,200
- Come on.
- Hold it.
581
00:34:49,200 --> 00:34:51,200
Count to ten, human again.
582
00:34:51,290 --> 00:34:52,880
- Ten, human again.
- It's alright. It's not full moon.
583
00:34:52,950 --> 00:34:53,950
Thanks a lot guys.
584
00:34:54,280 --> 00:34:56,290
- Enjoy your night, yeah?
- You should be ashamed of yourselves, man.
585
00:34:56,360 --> 00:34:57,780
Great, we didn't want this to happen.
586
00:35:05,100 --> 00:35:06,010
- Come on guys.
- Hey!
587
00:35:06,010 --> 00:35:08,010
Say it! Don't spray it, bitch!
588
00:35:08,130 --> 00:35:08,950
Declan!
589
00:35:09,170 --> 00:35:11,710
- Why are you swearing all the time?!
- Well, he riled me out...
590
00:35:11,710 --> 00:35:13,710
- Were they actually werewolves?
- Yeah.
591
00:35:13,710 --> 00:35:15,710
Are you okay, Stu?
592
00:35:17,560 --> 00:35:19,920
I just don't really know how to...
593
00:35:20,040 --> 00:35:22,050
... approach this,
cause I never done it before.
594
00:35:22,480 --> 00:35:24,640
Um, and he is a good friend.
595
00:35:24,850 --> 00:35:26,140
And I don't wanna...
596
00:35:26,700 --> 00:35:28,550
... I don't wanna break that friendship but..
597
00:35:28,720 --> 00:35:32,160
... then again, what do you do when
someone tells you, that they're a vampire?
598
00:35:33,140 --> 00:35:35,170
I'm expecting him to be angry.
599
00:35:35,170 --> 00:35:38,830
He might be scared and expecting a
lot of things to, to bubble to the surface.
600
00:35:39,580 --> 00:35:41,170
You probably noticed it's been...
601
00:35:41,880 --> 00:35:44,850
... I've been going through a few changes lately.
602
00:35:45,970 --> 00:35:46,770
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
603
00:35:46,810 --> 00:35:47,470
Yeah.
604
00:35:47,790 --> 00:35:48,860
Like...
605
00:35:49,150 --> 00:35:51,030
I don't show up for lunch anymore.
606
00:35:51,900 --> 00:35:53,420
- Yeah.
- How I've...
607
00:35:53,580 --> 00:35:56,140
... changed all our,all our tennis games...
608
00:35:56,200 --> 00:35:57,620
...to night time tennis games.
609
00:35:57,680 --> 00:35:58,470
Right...
610
00:35:58,840 --> 00:36:00,480
And how you went from beating me
611
00:36:00,480 --> 00:36:02,480
every time and now how I
612
00:36:02,480 --> 00:36:04,480
I've won the last three?
613
00:36:05,640 --> 00:36:06,620
Yeah.
614
00:36:06,940 --> 00:36:07,730
So...
615
00:36:08,080 --> 00:36:09,430
The reason I brought you here...
616
00:36:10,340 --> 00:36:12,160
... is to tell you that...
617
00:36:13,210 --> 00:36:14,710
... I'm a vampire.
618
00:36:18,390 --> 00:36:19,740
Stu took it pretty well.
619
00:36:19,740 --> 00:36:21,740
He's definitely my best mate.
620
00:36:21,870 --> 00:36:23,160
And I'm not gonna eat him.
621
00:36:23,220 --> 00:36:24,960
But if they ever offer you bisghetti...
622
00:36:24,990 --> 00:36:27,180
Um.... you shouldn't eat it.
623
00:36:28,840 --> 00:36:30,680
I think they offered me biscotti.
624
00:36:31,240 --> 00:36:33,320
Vampire mates don't eat human mates.
625
00:36:33,490 --> 00:36:35,430
And no matter how much I want to eat him...
626
00:36:35,490 --> 00:36:37,320
... I will never eat him cause he's my mate.
627
00:36:37,560 --> 00:36:39,340
- Hey Stu?
- Yeah.
628
00:36:40,000 --> 00:36:40,710
Yeah.
629
00:36:42,860 --> 00:36:45,480
Stu is great.
630
00:36:46,590 --> 00:36:48,030
We really like him.
631
00:36:48,040 --> 00:36:50,660
At first I wanted to kill him.
632
00:36:50,740 --> 00:36:54,180
But now I'm glad I've spent
the time to get to know him.
633
00:36:54,280 --> 00:36:58,220
Yeah, of course he looks delicious
with his big red cheeks.
634
00:36:58,220 --> 00:37:02,380
But we've all got an agreement
that we're not going to eat Stu.
635
00:37:02,460 --> 00:37:03,940
- Right?
- Right.
636
00:37:04,000 --> 00:37:06,660
The guys upstairs, they're...
...they're loving him.
637
00:37:06,840 --> 00:37:10,360
That's ... at the start, they were a bit
'Who's this human you're bringing into the house?'
638
00:37:10,590 --> 00:37:12,380
But it took them literally two minutes and...
639
00:37:12,380 --> 00:37:14,380
...they like him more than
they like me, I reckon.
640
00:37:14,910 --> 00:37:17,270
I'm knitting a scarf for Stu.
641
00:37:17,840 --> 00:37:20,060
Try and attack. Use your legs.
642
00:37:21,490 --> 00:37:22,750
Wow.
643
00:37:22,750 --> 00:37:26,240
- Step back and block...
- Punching high.
644
00:37:26,640 --> 00:37:28,020
- Yep.
- High.
645
00:37:28,020 --> 00:37:28,680
Yep.
646
00:37:28,680 --> 00:37:30,160
I'm just, what I'm trying to say is...
647
00:37:30,690 --> 00:37:32,110
... cause I know that you...
648
00:37:32,340 --> 00:37:33,610
... you turned me into a vampire.
649
00:37:33,990 --> 00:37:35,870
Maybe don't do that to him.
650
00:37:35,900 --> 00:37:37,830
He's a... vegetarian.
651
00:37:37,880 --> 00:37:39,880
Last thing he'd want to do is eat...
652
00:37:39,880 --> 00:37:42,640
... a live being or eat blood or eat meat...
653
00:37:43,230 --> 00:37:45,380
- I am controlling this.
- Get it, get it!
654
00:37:45,450 --> 00:37:49,690
It's quite amazing to see how far
technology can go forward
655
00:37:49,800 --> 00:37:51,740
if you're not paying attention.
656
00:37:53,500 --> 00:37:55,160
One message received.
657
00:37:59,410 --> 00:38:02,160
There is a crucifix behind you.
658
00:38:02,220 --> 00:38:04,890
So, down on that one,like,
half way down and we'll focus it.
659
00:38:04,890 --> 00:38:05,850
Maybe smile.
660
00:38:10,740 --> 00:38:13,380
- Anything you want to find, you...
- Yeah.
661
00:38:13,470 --> 00:38:15,780
- You can type your name here.
- I've lost...
662
00:38:15,800 --> 00:38:20,250
... a really nice silk scarf in about 1912.
663
00:38:20,250 --> 00:38:21,380
Yes, now Google it.
664
00:38:21,420 --> 00:38:26,010
Stu is the first human friend
that I've had for long time.
665
00:38:26,040 --> 00:38:29,080
With humans there's a tendency to die.
666
00:38:30,520 --> 00:38:31,400
Yeah.
667
00:38:31,600 --> 00:38:33,100
We can look at her photos.
668
00:38:33,100 --> 00:38:35,260
- Ah, oh yes.
- Or we can poke her.
669
00:38:37,940 --> 00:38:38,830
Yes.
670
00:38:39,230 --> 00:38:41,660
Can we see a movie with sunrise?
671
00:38:43,200 --> 00:38:44,930
- What? Shit!
- Whoo...
672
00:38:45,020 --> 00:38:46,490
Nice...
673
00:38:46,650 --> 00:38:49,920
If you push images,
then we can see pictures of virgins.
674
00:38:49,920 --> 00:38:51,920
- Ah, yes. Yes.
- Yah, yah...
675
00:38:54,680 --> 00:38:58,280
I don't think she's a virgin if she's doing that.
676
00:39:11,720 --> 00:39:13,000
There he is, yeah.
677
00:39:13,180 --> 00:39:15,430
This is my old servant, Phillip.
678
00:39:15,540 --> 00:39:17,780
- So, we're gonna call him.
- Yeah.
679
00:39:17,850 --> 00:39:19,200
And...
680
00:39:19,290 --> 00:39:21,070
...screen...
681
00:39:25,230 --> 00:39:28,090
My God, that's him, that's him,
that's him, that's Phillip, that's Phillip.
682
00:39:28,090 --> 00:39:30,090
- He looks so old.
683
00:41:04,880 --> 00:41:08,600
Yeah, kind of like Google Maps,
but like, more...more layers of information.
684
00:41:08,620 --> 00:41:10,960
The movie Twilight, have you seen it?
685
00:41:11,410 --> 00:41:14,640
Okay, I'm the main guy in Twilight.
You now the main guy?
686
00:41:14,740 --> 00:41:15,720
Twilight?
687
00:41:16,040 --> 00:41:16,980
That's me.
688
00:41:17,000 --> 00:41:18,350
There's cameras following me around.
689
00:41:18,380 --> 00:41:19,550
They could have chosen anyone.
690
00:41:19,550 --> 00:41:21,810
How many people have you told
you're are a vampire?
691
00:41:21,940 --> 00:41:24,000
- Not many.
- I heard that girl...
692
00:41:24,020 --> 00:41:26,950
... talking about it
you said you're a vampire!
693
00:41:26,950 --> 00:41:27,960
Yeah, I told her.
694
00:41:28,030 --> 00:41:29,480
- Who else?
- Who did you tell?
695
00:41:29,480 --> 00:41:31,060
Uh, I told her hot friend.
696
00:41:31,100 --> 00:41:34,080
You can't tell everyone that you're a vampire.
697
00:41:34,080 --> 00:41:34,960
Who's that guy?
698
00:41:34,960 --> 00:41:36,960
I don't know but I trust him.
699
00:41:36,960 --> 00:41:39,450
- You can't tell everyone.
- I won't.
700
00:41:44,390 --> 00:41:46,410
Yeah, I've got a bit of an eye condition.
701
00:41:46,750 --> 00:41:47,800
What's wrong with them?
702
00:41:47,800 --> 00:41:50,120
Um, vampire eyes.
Can't go into the sun.
703
00:41:50,820 --> 00:41:52,840
Oh my God, are they your fangs?
704
00:41:53,090 --> 00:41:54,220
For real?
705
00:41:54,220 --> 00:41:55,470
For real, real.
706
00:41:55,680 --> 00:41:57,000
Too real, real.
707
00:41:57,250 --> 00:41:58,450
I'm a vampire.
708
00:41:58,540 --> 00:41:59,680
- you're a vampire?
- Yeah.
709
00:41:59,930 --> 00:42:02,790
- I'm a vampire hunter mate.
- No you're not.
710
00:42:02,860 --> 00:42:04,670
- I am!
- You fucking piece of shit.
711
00:42:04,830 --> 00:42:06,140
I'll Skype you!
712
00:42:06,220 --> 00:42:07,100
I float.
713
00:42:07,100 --> 00:42:08,640
- I can transform into stuff.
- Same.
714
00:42:09,440 --> 00:42:11,090
- No you can't.
- Yeah.
715
00:42:11,090 --> 00:42:12,790
I'll show you.
716
00:42:13,040 --> 00:42:15,310
You show me.
You show me some of your vampire stuff.
717
00:42:15,310 --> 00:42:16,430
What have I got?
Um...
718
00:42:21,960 --> 00:42:24,260
Don't lie about transforming into shit.
719
00:42:30,970 --> 00:42:33,440
- Twilight!
- Shut up Nick!
720
00:42:34,190 --> 00:42:35,610
You're not Twilight.
721
00:42:35,610 --> 00:42:37,730
- What's your problem?
- You are my problem.
722
00:42:37,910 --> 00:42:39,940
Telling the world that we are vampires.
723
00:42:40,000 --> 00:42:41,700
And I'll tell the whole world
that you're an asshole now as well.
724
00:42:41,700 --> 00:42:42,800
Shut up!
725
00:42:43,930 --> 00:42:44,760
- Shut up!
- Guys?
726
00:42:44,760 --> 00:42:45,870
- You shut up!
- No, you shut up!
727
00:42:45,870 --> 00:42:47,350
- No, you shut up.
- You shut up.
728
00:42:47,480 --> 00:42:48,560
I'm Dracula, man!
729
00:42:48,560 --> 00:42:49,880
You're not Dracula!
- I'm Dracula!
730
00:42:49,880 --> 00:42:51,420
You don't even know who Dracula is!
731
00:42:51,420 --> 00:42:52,360
You idiot!
732
00:42:55,920 --> 00:42:59,010
- Ooh, bat fight!
- Bat fight! Oh, yah, yah, yah!
733
00:43:06,500 --> 00:43:08,070
Ah, Deacon!
734
00:43:09,360 --> 00:43:11,460
That wasn't fair, man!
735
00:43:11,640 --> 00:43:12,920
My fucking jacket, man!
736
00:43:12,920 --> 00:43:14,920
I don't care about your stupid jacket.
737
00:43:16,540 --> 00:43:18,790
- Deacon!
- You okay man?
738
00:43:35,310 --> 00:43:37,330
- Hey Stu?
- Mmm-hmm?
739
00:43:37,420 --> 00:43:40,280
How's your worms?
740
00:43:40,720 --> 00:43:41,790
Alright.
741
00:43:41,920 --> 00:43:43,750
You're eating worms.
742
00:43:48,140 --> 00:43:51,280
Can you do that shit when
you turn them into worms?
743
00:43:51,320 --> 00:43:52,270
No.
744
00:43:52,340 --> 00:43:53,510
Doesn't work on chips.
745
00:43:53,510 --> 00:43:56,370
Only works on things that
already look like worms.
746
00:43:56,550 --> 00:43:59,960
- Maybe noodles. Do you want some noodles?
- He knows now.
747
00:44:01,450 --> 00:44:03,380
Oh no. I wouldn't eat that.
748
00:44:06,440 --> 00:44:07,210
Why?
749
00:44:17,720 --> 00:44:19,310
Are you okay Nick?
750
00:44:20,480 --> 00:44:22,160
Alright?
751
00:44:28,340 --> 00:44:29,730
He ate a chip.
752
00:44:29,940 --> 00:44:31,820
I can't eat solids now, great.
753
00:44:32,010 --> 00:44:33,320
I can't sunbathe.
754
00:44:33,350 --> 00:44:34,940
I can't watch daytime TV.
755
00:44:35,090 --> 00:44:37,010
I can if I...yeah I guess I could.
756
00:44:37,430 --> 00:44:39,180
More, more than anything, just the chips.
757
00:44:39,400 --> 00:44:41,100
My favorite food.
I can't eat chips.
758
00:44:42,330 --> 00:44:43,860
I don't... it's just...
759
00:44:43,860 --> 00:44:44,820
I hate...
760
00:44:44,980 --> 00:44:46,990
I'll say it. I'm over being a vampire.
It's shit.
761
00:44:47,620 --> 00:44:49,280
So, don't, don't believe the hype.
762
00:45:06,520 --> 00:45:07,320
Jackie?!
763
00:45:10,240 --> 00:45:11,560
Jackie, can I come in please?
764
00:45:11,620 --> 00:45:13,760
- Okay, off to bed guys!
- Hello children!
765
00:45:13,850 --> 00:45:16,440
- Don't look at the man.
I hate when you look at the man.
766
00:45:16,440 --> 00:45:18,440
Natasha, Don't look at the man!
767
00:45:19,160 --> 00:45:20,910
I was going to bite you tonight.
768
00:45:21,260 --> 00:45:21,800
Really?
769
00:45:21,840 --> 00:45:25,000
But now I can't because
there's this Nick being a vampire.
770
00:45:25,200 --> 00:45:27,190
Sorry, sorry, I thought you
killed him 2 months ago.
771
00:45:27,190 --> 00:45:29,190
No, I didn't...no... he's a vampire.
772
00:45:29,210 --> 00:45:30,100
What do you mean?
773
00:45:30,200 --> 00:45:32,020
He jumped in front of your place.
774
00:45:33,400 --> 00:45:35,530
All I'm saying is that, um...
775
00:45:36,270 --> 00:45:37,960
You know if I had a penis,
I would have been...
776
00:45:37,960 --> 00:45:39,660
I would have been bitten years ago.
777
00:45:39,880 --> 00:45:41,510
I may have to penalize you.
778
00:45:43,080 --> 00:45:45,740
Perhaps another couple of years.
Perhaps 10 years.
779
00:45:45,820 --> 00:45:46,440
Hmm?
780
00:45:46,660 --> 00:45:49,150
Like one big circle, just biting each others dicks.
781
00:45:49,300 --> 00:45:51,820
You know, they don't even wear shirts,
they wear blouses. It's, it's just...
782
00:45:51,820 --> 00:45:54,540
... a big homo-erotic dick biting club.
783
00:45:54,540 --> 00:45:57,880
And I'm stuck here,
ironing their fucking frills.
784
00:45:58,060 --> 00:45:59,640
Also clean the bathroom, please.
785
00:45:59,740 --> 00:46:02,000
There's blood everywhere.
It is gruesome.
786
00:46:02,700 --> 00:46:04,780
Okay. See you tomorrow.
787
00:46:09,540 --> 00:46:10,840
Off to bed please.
788
00:46:23,820 --> 00:46:25,620
Katherine.
789
00:46:26,200 --> 00:46:28,560
She was so charming and nice.
790
00:46:28,560 --> 00:46:30,560
She was everything I wanted.
791
00:46:30,690 --> 00:46:32,480
Unfortunately...
792
00:46:32,480 --> 00:46:34,480
... yeah, she was married.
793
00:46:34,680 --> 00:46:37,000
Sure, I wanted to kill the guy.
794
00:46:37,000 --> 00:46:39,320
I thought about, chopping his head off.
795
00:46:39,470 --> 00:46:42,900
Draining him of every
drop of blood that he had.
796
00:46:42,990 --> 00:46:44,260
Who wouldn't?
797
00:46:45,380 --> 00:46:48,830
But then, I also saw
how happy she was.
798
00:46:49,920 --> 00:46:52,400
And that made me kind of happy.
799
00:46:53,180 --> 00:46:55,950
And I didn't want to ruin it for her, so...
800
00:46:56,020 --> 00:46:59,150
I did the honorable thing and I just...
801
00:46:59,310 --> 00:47:00,730
... stepped back.
802
00:47:00,980 --> 00:47:03,000
And let her live her life.
803
00:47:28,430 --> 00:47:29,590
Petyr!
804
00:47:30,330 --> 00:47:31,200
Petyr!
805
00:47:31,200 --> 00:47:32,160
Where is it?
806
00:47:32,540 --> 00:47:33,280
Petyr!
807
00:47:33,400 --> 00:47:34,360
Petyr!
808
00:47:34,560 --> 00:47:35,380
Petyr!
809
00:47:37,710 --> 00:47:38,950
Get water!
810
00:47:39,710 --> 00:47:42,160
- Get out of the sunlight!
- Get water! Get water!
811
00:47:42,160 --> 00:47:44,490
Get water! Petyr, get away from the sunlight!
812
00:47:44,490 --> 00:47:46,490
Get in the shadows, Petyr!
813
00:47:46,500 --> 00:47:48,030
Get out of the sunlight!
814
00:47:49,130 --> 00:47:50,880
Get out of my way!
815
00:47:51,680 --> 00:47:53,000
I'm going in!
816
00:47:53,000 --> 00:47:54,070
I'm coming Petyr!
817
00:47:54,070 --> 00:47:56,110
- Deacon, no, it's sunlight!
- I'm coming for you!
818
00:47:56,110 --> 00:47:58,220
It's sunlight out there!
819
00:47:58,240 --> 00:48:01,470
It's sunlight!
It's sunlight.
820
00:48:06,920 --> 00:48:08,630
I was too late.
821
00:48:17,470 --> 00:48:19,270
Turn that thing off.
822
00:48:20,200 --> 00:48:23,300
Our friend has just been killed
in a fatal sunlight accident.
823
00:48:38,360 --> 00:48:40,270
So this is what I think happened.
824
00:48:40,720 --> 00:48:42,530
The vampire hunter...
825
00:48:42,710 --> 00:48:44,620
... has broken through the window, here.
826
00:48:45,620 --> 00:48:49,090
Has impacted the table. Breaking the table leg.
827
00:48:49,670 --> 00:48:51,400
Then he has come this way.
828
00:48:52,030 --> 00:48:53,970
Towards the tomb.
829
00:48:55,180 --> 00:48:55,970
Crucifix!
830
00:48:56,160 --> 00:48:57,810
Cover the crucifix!
831
00:49:00,720 --> 00:49:01,750
And then...
832
00:49:02,180 --> 00:49:04,470
... Petyr has burst from the tomb.
833
00:49:04,560 --> 00:49:07,640
Pushed the tomb lid
on to the vampire hunter.
834
00:49:07,930 --> 00:49:10,690
And then the sunlight has come through here.
835
00:49:10,770 --> 00:49:12,500
And burned Petyr alive.
836
00:49:13,300 --> 00:49:15,460
I think this is just a table leg, which is...
837
00:49:15,820 --> 00:49:16,680
... sanded down.
838
00:49:16,680 --> 00:49:18,680
- Do you think he hand sanded that, or?
- Yes.
839
00:49:18,800 --> 00:49:20,210
Imagine that, stuck in you...
840
00:49:21,380 --> 00:49:23,820
It's quite shocking down here, Nick.
841
00:49:23,870 --> 00:49:26,900
Look, here's our sweet Petyr.
842
00:49:26,900 --> 00:49:28,900
- Fuck!
- Burnt to a sizzle.
843
00:49:29,160 --> 00:49:31,920
- I can't figure out this.
- This is the vampire hunter.
844
00:49:31,920 --> 00:49:32,450
Is this his front?
845
00:49:32,450 --> 00:49:33,990
- Uh, who's this guy?
- Look at his...
846
00:49:33,990 --> 00:49:36,130
... bloody head, all back to front.
847
00:49:36,130 --> 00:49:38,130
Twist it the other way,
the other way!
848
00:49:38,300 --> 00:49:40,880
Let's see who this guy is.
849
00:49:41,900 --> 00:49:44,720
- Uh!, typical macho type.
- Yuck!
850
00:49:44,720 --> 00:49:45,660
It is.
851
00:49:45,780 --> 00:49:47,220
Oh, shit!
852
00:49:48,200 --> 00:49:49,210
I know that guy...
853
00:49:49,250 --> 00:49:51,140
- ...actually.
- You know him?
854
00:49:51,140 --> 00:49:52,620
- Yeah.
- What?
855
00:49:52,680 --> 00:49:54,360
I saw him the other night in town.
856
00:49:55,060 --> 00:49:56,330
Told him I was a vampire.
857
00:49:56,330 --> 00:49:56,810
WHAT?!
858
00:49:56,810 --> 00:49:59,050
I thought he was joking.
He said he was a vampire hunter.
859
00:49:59,100 --> 00:50:01,380
You let a vampire hunter into our house?
860
00:50:01,380 --> 00:50:04,200
- I didn't let him in, I just gave him my e-mail.
- Nick!
861
00:50:04,800 --> 00:50:06,190
I'll tear out your tongue...
862
00:50:06,210 --> 00:50:07,760
...and shove it down your ass.
863
00:50:10,150 --> 00:50:11,490
Fucking hell!
864
00:50:25,760 --> 00:50:27,990
You killed Petyr with your big mouth!
865
00:50:28,200 --> 00:50:29,600
It was a mistake!
866
00:50:31,200 --> 00:50:33,180
Get up and stand on this ceiling like a man.
867
00:50:40,140 --> 00:50:41,470
We can talk about this,okay?
868
00:50:41,560 --> 00:50:42,350
We can talk about this!
869
00:50:42,350 --> 00:50:44,640
- I'll kill you!
- I'm already dead!
870
00:50:45,050 --> 00:50:46,770
Stu, stay back!
871
00:50:50,410 --> 00:50:52,950
Shh! Sshh!, someone's at the door, shh!
872
00:50:53,000 --> 00:50:54,450
I'll go, I'll go..
873
00:51:01,720 --> 00:51:03,000
Oh shit.
874
00:51:04,940 --> 00:51:07,000
- Good evening, sir.
- Hello police.
875
00:51:07,000 --> 00:51:09,520
Hi, I'm constable O'Leary.
This is constable Minogue.
876
00:51:09,560 --> 00:51:13,140
We're just responding to a report
of a possible forced entry and also...
877
00:51:13,290 --> 00:51:15,060
... a rather large amount of shrieking.
878
00:51:15,060 --> 00:51:17,560
Just, um, wondering maybe we could come in
and just have a wee look around?
879
00:51:17,980 --> 00:51:19,060
Okay.
880
00:51:19,340 --> 00:51:21,560
What's with the fellow?
What's with the um, camera?
881
00:51:21,770 --> 00:51:23,990
Yeah, we're obviously just here
cause there was a phone call
882
00:51:23,990 --> 00:51:26,420
from the, a member of the public, um,
about a bit of disturbance.
883
00:51:26,620 --> 00:51:28,620
Um, some loud noises.
884
00:51:28,750 --> 00:51:30,470
- Possibly a forced entry, wasn't there?
- Mmm...
885
00:51:30,780 --> 00:51:32,720
And, also, maybe a bit of smoke coming out, so...
886
00:51:32,820 --> 00:51:35,260
We're just checking over the scene.
Making sure every thing's uh...
887
00:51:35,320 --> 00:51:37,340
You know, above board, so to speak, and uh...
888
00:51:37,400 --> 00:51:39,210
Making sure no-one's in danger,
that kind of thing.
889
00:51:39,280 --> 00:51:42,060
We might go up and have a wee look up there,
if that's alright with you?
890
00:51:42,580 --> 00:51:44,720
- Come on mate, you lead the way.
- Just uh...part of the job. Yep!
891
00:51:46,100 --> 00:51:47,120
Okay.
892
00:51:47,260 --> 00:51:49,180
- Smells a bit weird in here too, mate.
- Yeah.
893
00:51:49,220 --> 00:51:50,750
What do you call that?
894
00:51:52,490 --> 00:51:54,000
Barbecue.
895
00:51:56,970 --> 00:52:00,550
You will not notice anything
out of the ordinary.
896
00:52:01,020 --> 00:52:02,900
No, we certainly hope not.
Let's just...
897
00:52:02,940 --> 00:52:04,380
...lets just keep going.
898
00:52:04,400 --> 00:52:06,830
- Hi there guys. How are yah?
- Hello.
899
00:52:06,850 --> 00:52:07,850
Hey fellas.
900
00:52:07,920 --> 00:52:10,600
Um, is this the room where we've
heard all the shouting coming from?
901
00:52:10,640 --> 00:52:11,850
That was me.
902
00:52:11,970 --> 00:52:14,210
Yeah, okay, we've had a couple reports, okay?
903
00:52:14,210 --> 00:52:16,190
There's a couple of people not all that happy
about the level of the noise here.
904
00:52:16,190 --> 00:52:16,630
Okay.
905
00:52:16,660 --> 00:52:20,480
You can't be screaming when there's this many people around
mate. You've got neighbors on either side.
907
00:52:20,580 --> 00:52:21,640
Feeling nervous.
908
00:52:21,640 --> 00:52:23,640
I've hypnotized those cops.
909
00:52:23,700 --> 00:52:27,070
I'm not a great hypnotizer
so it could wear off any second.
910
00:52:27,230 --> 00:52:29,720
I really hope that those guys
don't kill those police
911
00:52:29,780 --> 00:52:31,700
because then this means
more police will come.
912
00:52:31,700 --> 00:52:36,120
Possibly even Christians which is totally
the last things we need in this house.
913
00:52:36,120 --> 00:52:38,590
I can see you're having a good time.
End of the day...
914
00:52:38,770 --> 00:52:40,330
... we got to keep the, uh,
the peace, okay?
915
00:52:40,330 --> 00:52:41,700
Whoa, whoa, whoa...
916
00:52:42,630 --> 00:52:43,880
See what I'm seeing?
917
00:52:44,020 --> 00:52:45,170
What's that Minogue?
918
00:52:46,340 --> 00:52:47,650
You're joking?
919
00:52:48,880 --> 00:52:50,330
Not a smoke alarm in sight.
920
00:52:50,440 --> 00:52:51,740
No smoke detectors, mate?
921
00:52:52,160 --> 00:52:53,460
Rule number 1:
922
00:52:53,690 --> 00:52:55,060
Smoke detectors.
923
00:52:55,330 --> 00:52:55,920
Okay.
924
00:52:55,920 --> 00:52:58,360
Rule number 2: maybe not
so many barbeque's inside.
925
00:52:58,740 --> 00:52:59,940
- Sort it out fellas.
- Okay.
926
00:53:00,460 --> 00:53:02,820
- Barbeque smells really strong down here, isn't it?
927
00:53:02,820 --> 00:53:03,830
What kind of marinade?
928
00:53:03,830 --> 00:53:05,250
- What kind of marinade you use?
Who's this guy?
929
00:53:06,040 --> 00:53:07,020
Um...
930
00:53:07,020 --> 00:53:09,940
It's a friend who came to our party.
931
00:53:09,940 --> 00:53:11,280
Mate, you alright?
932
00:53:11,280 --> 00:53:12,780
- He's drunk.
- That's what I thought.
933
00:53:12,780 --> 00:53:14,140
Drunk guy.
934
00:53:14,140 --> 00:53:16,390
Look, you can't just leave him down
here like that, okay?
935
00:53:16,530 --> 00:53:18,060
This guy's not having a good time.
936
00:53:18,060 --> 00:53:19,720
He's gonna feel terrible tomorrow morning.
937
00:53:19,720 --> 00:53:21,720
Well, his soul is in hell, so don't worry.
938
00:53:21,860 --> 00:53:24,780
Well, I don't know where's his soul's is,
but all I am saying is where's his blanket?
939
00:53:24,960 --> 00:53:26,720
There's a big slab of concrete on him.
940
00:53:26,900 --> 00:53:29,310
- Yeah. - You can move that.
- It's definitely not going to be comfortable.
941
00:53:29,310 --> 00:53:31,310
- Anything else, in here Minogue?
- No, I've seen enough.
942
00:53:31,800 --> 00:53:32,930
- Okay.
- Hang on a minute.
943
00:53:33,630 --> 00:53:34,970
What have we got here?
944
00:53:36,800 --> 00:53:38,070
- Yeah, what is that?
- This?
945
00:53:38,380 --> 00:53:40,260
- Oh, this?
- You can see this clearly as I can.
946
00:53:40,530 --> 00:53:41,660
Adhesive, mate.
947
00:53:41,770 --> 00:53:43,200
That's a flammable.
948
00:53:43,380 --> 00:53:44,990
And then you got a lamp on top of that.
- Gee.
949
00:53:45,120 --> 00:53:46,920
Directly underneath the power source.
950
00:53:47,010 --> 00:53:49,200
- That is quite bad.
- It's very bad.
951
00:53:49,200 --> 00:53:50,940
- It's a very bad combination
-And no smoke detectors again are there?
952
00:53:50,990 --> 00:53:53,010
- No.
- Yes, there are.
953
00:53:53,050 --> 00:53:55,150
- Yes, there are.
- Okay, there are.
954
00:53:55,200 --> 00:53:56,520
Lots to think about guys.
955
00:53:56,520 --> 00:53:58,850
- Yeah, lots to think about there guys.
- Next flat-meeting, yeah.
956
00:53:58,940 --> 00:54:00,820
Yeah, good thinking, that's the thing, just...
957
00:54:00,840 --> 00:54:03,010
- ... have a bit of dialogue about it.
- Okay.
958
00:54:03,230 --> 00:54:05,350
- They've got a really good point.
- Wait!
959
00:54:05,350 --> 00:54:06,550
Let's kill them.
960
00:54:06,850 --> 00:54:08,920
- No...
- Well, let's just see what other safety...
961
00:54:08,920 --> 00:54:11,190
...points they have and then maybe we can.
962
00:54:20,240 --> 00:54:22,140
I call into session,
963
00:54:22,260 --> 00:54:23,720
this trial of Nick,
964
00:54:23,860 --> 00:54:25,140
of Wellington.
965
00:54:30,250 --> 00:54:31,970
Read the charges.
966
00:54:32,430 --> 00:54:34,290
Problems we have with Nick.
967
00:54:35,320 --> 00:54:36,560
Number 1:
968
00:54:36,830 --> 00:54:38,750
You brought a human into our house.
969
00:54:38,850 --> 00:54:41,980
- Which is a big no-no in the vampire world.
- Stu is, Stu is okay though?
970
00:54:41,990 --> 00:54:44,240
Yeah, Stu is fine, so I guess we'll just...
971
00:54:44,240 --> 00:54:45,740
... cross that one out.
972
00:54:46,150 --> 00:54:47,040
Uh...
973
00:54:50,720 --> 00:54:52,410
- Thank you Stu.
- Thank you Stu.
974
00:54:52,430 --> 00:54:53,210
So...
975
00:54:53,400 --> 00:54:54,740
The new number 1:
976
00:54:54,840 --> 00:54:57,720
Nick's been telling people he's a vampire.
977
00:54:57,870 --> 00:55:00,670
That in turn resulted in...
978
00:55:00,920 --> 00:55:04,180
... an unwanted visit from a vampire hunter.
979
00:55:04,210 --> 00:55:05,760
Crime number 2:
980
00:55:05,760 --> 00:55:07,760
This is quite a biggie, Nick.
981
00:55:08,050 --> 00:55:10,660
The vampire hunter who killed Petyr.
982
00:55:11,690 --> 00:55:14,940
That's... that actually should've...
that should have been crime number one
983
00:55:14,940 --> 00:55:16,940
but we wanted to build up to that.
984
00:55:16,960 --> 00:55:18,220
Number 3:
985
00:55:18,280 --> 00:55:21,870
Deacon doesn't like that
your wear the same jackets as him.
986
00:55:22,030 --> 00:55:25,220
And he would like you to find
your own original style.
987
00:55:26,010 --> 00:55:28,030
For these crimes of which
988
00:55:28,030 --> 00:55:31,430
we the vampire council find you guilty...
989
00:55:31,580 --> 00:55:33,760
... you should be banished from our flat...
990
00:55:33,950 --> 00:55:35,320
...indefinitely.
991
00:55:35,570 --> 00:55:37,410
- Indefinitely.
- Indefinitely.
992
00:55:37,410 --> 00:55:38,360
So I can come back?
993
00:55:38,480 --> 00:55:41,880
- One day?
- No, no, indefinitely means, there is no end.
994
00:55:42,030 --> 00:55:43,140
I thought there was like...
995
00:55:43,140 --> 00:55:45,970
No, indefinite means
that it's not a definite thing.
996
00:55:45,970 --> 00:55:47,530
- It can be changed
- Yeah, but it's long.
997
00:55:47,560 --> 00:55:49,040
Could be tomorrow, it could be 6 months.
998
00:55:49,060 --> 00:55:50,810
- NO! No, it is not tomorrow!
- It cannot be tomorrow!
999
00:55:50,810 --> 00:55:52,420
- Forget about it, at least 6 moths.
- Banished!
1000
00:55:52,450 --> 00:55:53,340
You are banished.
1001
00:55:53,340 --> 00:55:55,580
But Stu, you can visit if you like.
1002
00:55:55,580 --> 00:55:56,680
Thank you.
1003
00:55:57,360 --> 00:55:58,890
For your crimes...
1004
00:55:59,220 --> 00:56:01,000
... you will be made to suffer...
1005
00:56:01,240 --> 00:56:02,510
... the procession...
1006
00:56:02,510 --> 00:56:03,610
... of shame.
1007
00:56:03,780 --> 00:56:06,880
I asked them Nick,
I asked them not to pass that sentence.
1008
00:56:06,890 --> 00:56:08,440
We should do this immediately.
1009
00:56:08,440 --> 00:56:10,440
- In my opinion.
- You didn't ask.
1010
00:56:10,700 --> 00:56:12,720
You didn't ask. You were saying yes.
1011
00:56:16,500 --> 00:56:18,200
- I did...
- Well, this is what's going to happen.
1012
00:56:18,200 --> 00:56:20,200
I still think it's quite extreme.
1013
00:56:20,980 --> 00:56:23,400
Let us do the procession of shame.
1014
00:56:23,570 --> 00:56:24,390
Now.
1015
00:56:26,810 --> 00:56:27,560
- Shame.
- Shame!
1016
00:56:27,560 --> 00:56:29,880
Shame. Shame. Shame!
1017
00:56:29,880 --> 00:56:30,760
Shame!
1018
00:56:30,870 --> 00:56:32,150
- Shame.
- Bad vampire!
1019
00:56:32,150 --> 00:56:33,130
Shame.
1020
00:56:34,740 --> 00:56:35,960
Should we go Stu?
1021
00:56:41,300 --> 00:56:42,800
Bye Stu.
1022
00:56:59,300 --> 00:57:00,740
That was a shame.
1023
00:57:24,630 --> 00:57:27,760
So today we have, an invitation.
1024
00:57:28,310 --> 00:57:30,840
To the big event of the year.
1025
00:57:30,840 --> 00:57:32,840
Breaking it open.
1026
00:57:33,260 --> 00:57:34,970
They have burnt the edges...
1027
00:57:34,970 --> 00:57:38,280
- ...like a treasure map or something.
- It looks very authentic, doesn't it?
1028
00:57:38,900 --> 00:57:40,470
'Dearly departed...'
1029
00:57:40,820 --> 00:57:42,060
That's us.
1030
00:57:42,690 --> 00:57:46,130
'The Wellington Vampire Association
in conjunction with the
1031
00:57:46,130 --> 00:57:48,130
Lower Hut Vampire Witch Club
1032
00:57:48,130 --> 00:57:51,150
and the Kuori Zombie Society...
1033
00:57:51,150 --> 00:57:57,870
invite you to attend The Unholy Masquerade
on the night of the 6th of June...
1034
00:57:58,130 --> 00:58:01,120
... starting at 6 PM.'
1035
00:58:02,250 --> 00:58:04,460
- 666...
- Oh, yeah...
1036
00:58:04,460 --> 00:58:09,080
The Unholy Masquerade of course is great time
for the undead community of Wellington.
1037
00:58:09,090 --> 00:58:15,230
There's zombies there.
Vampires, banshees, all having a dance together.
1038
00:58:15,360 --> 00:58:16,950
It's always a big deal for me.
1039
00:58:17,430 --> 00:58:18,180
Love it.
1040
00:58:18,180 --> 00:58:21,740
One year I went to
The Unholy Masquerade dressed as
1041
00:58:21,760 --> 00:58:25,320
Whoopi Goldberg from uh, Sister Act...
1042
00:58:25,490 --> 00:58:28,420
... 1 and Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit.
1043
00:58:28,560 --> 00:58:31,930
Didn't go down so well because
she was a nun.
1044
00:58:33,400 --> 00:58:35,440
Vampires don't like nuns.
1045
00:58:35,660 --> 00:58:38,330
Of course the big deal of
The Unholy Masquerade
1046
00:58:38,330 --> 00:58:41,060
is that every year they
announce the guest of honor.
1047
00:58:41,060 --> 00:58:43,060
And...um...
1048
00:58:43,060 --> 00:58:45,500
I don't know if I should be saying this but...
1049
00:58:46,220 --> 00:58:47,770
I heard a little rumor
1050
00:58:47,770 --> 00:58:50,810
that the guest of honor this year...
1051
00:58:51,800 --> 00:58:53,730
... might be me.
1052
00:58:54,160 --> 00:58:55,630
The location...
1053
00:58:55,940 --> 00:58:58,230
- Oh, yeah, where is it?
- Where's the location?
1054
00:58:58,250 --> 00:58:59,610
Cathedral of Despair.
1055
00:58:59,640 --> 00:59:02,020
And the guest of honor will be...
1056
00:59:05,490 --> 00:59:07,440
Who is it? Show me.
1057
00:59:14,060 --> 00:59:14,900
Hmm.
1058
00:59:16,380 --> 00:59:17,550
Okay.
1059
00:59:18,260 --> 00:59:19,210
Okay.
1060
00:59:20,000 --> 00:59:23,140
- Okay. Okay, that's fine. That's fine.
- Okay?
1061
00:59:29,580 --> 00:59:30,610
Vladislav...
1062
00:59:30,920 --> 00:59:32,660
... has...
1063
00:59:32,660 --> 00:59:37,800
... just had a reaction to the information
that the guest of honor will be...
1064
00:59:37,800 --> 00:59:40,040
... um... The Beast.
1065
00:59:43,200 --> 00:59:45,640
The darkest part of my mind
1066
00:59:45,640 --> 00:59:47,640
is reserved to The Beast.
1067
00:59:47,640 --> 00:59:49,640
We could tell you a thing
or two about The Beast.
1068
00:59:49,640 --> 00:59:52,550
You should pray that you
never have to see The Beast.
1069
00:59:52,550 --> 00:59:54,350
This one is called The Beast.
1070
00:59:54,350 --> 00:59:57,440
And I said,
'Get you hands off my balls, Beast!'
1071
00:59:57,440 --> 00:59:59,920
He may have told you
some stories about his
1072
00:59:59,920 --> 01:00:01,850
great battle with The Beast.
1073
01:00:01,850 --> 01:00:04,040
Yeah, oh,
'I fought The Beast on a cliff.'
1074
01:00:04,130 --> 01:00:06,700
Oh... 'I fought The Beast in a swamp.'
1075
01:00:07,100 --> 01:00:10,900
'One time I fought The Beast
in the toilets of a night club.'
1076
01:00:11,460 --> 01:00:12,880
Difficult battle.
1077
01:00:12,880 --> 01:00:15,670
I hope you never see The Beast.
1078
01:00:16,710 --> 01:00:18,550
The Beast.
1079
01:00:27,540 --> 01:00:29,520
You can't go to the the ball as Blade.
1080
01:00:29,570 --> 01:00:30,780
He's a vampire hunter.
1081
01:00:30,850 --> 01:00:33,300
Yeah, but vampires love Wesley Snipes.
1082
01:00:33,300 --> 01:00:34,900
No, it's inappropriate.
1083
01:00:34,950 --> 01:00:36,970
Okay, Vlad? The Green Jaunters,
1084
01:00:36,970 --> 01:00:39,140
or the black leather with the dragon belt?
1085
01:00:39,270 --> 01:00:42,270
- Just wear the pants you want to wear...
- We're having a mild crisis here.
- which pants do you want to wear?
1087
01:00:42,270 --> 01:00:44,700
Just look at the pants Vlad!
Turn around & look at the pants!
1088
01:00:44,700 --> 01:00:45,700
They're just pants!
1089
01:00:45,700 --> 01:00:47,490
- Shit, man!
- Holy shit!
1090
01:00:47,930 --> 01:00:49,240
Oh, you look terrible.
1091
01:00:49,380 --> 01:00:50,770
The black pants.
1092
01:00:50,850 --> 01:00:52,300
Thank you. Get dressed!
1093
01:00:52,300 --> 01:00:54,580
I don't know if I feel up to it, really.
1094
01:00:54,600 --> 01:00:57,770
You don't look that great but
if you eat someone on the way...
1095
01:00:57,770 --> 01:01:00,560
and rejuvenate a little bit?
- You could probably wear a mask or something.
1096
01:01:00,560 --> 01:01:03,980
Just leave me to do my dark bidding on the Internet!
1097
01:01:04,050 --> 01:01:05,200
What are you biding on?
1098
01:01:05,590 --> 01:01:07,470
I'm bidding on a table.
1099
01:01:07,470 --> 01:01:09,470
- Are you coming or not?
- Not.
1100
01:01:09,600 --> 01:01:11,850
I'm gonna go change.
We're leaving in 10 minutes.
1101
01:01:12,020 --> 01:01:13,960
Have a good time!
1102
01:01:30,540 --> 01:01:34,630
We, we tend often, you know...
without giving into that kind of...
1103
01:01:34,770 --> 01:01:37,410
stuff which I'm really sick
of that but you know...
1104
01:01:37,410 --> 01:01:39,850
It just that, it's harder for us to chase...
1105
01:01:39,920 --> 01:01:41,350
chase people down.
1106
01:01:41,350 --> 01:01:43,850
Can I, Can I introduce um...
1107
01:01:43,850 --> 01:01:46,830
- Gary...Gary and Alisha.
- Hi, how are you?
1108
01:01:46,830 --> 01:01:47,800
Hi.
1109
01:01:47,960 --> 01:01:51,690
- Hi.
- Less groaning, less groaning guys.
1110
01:01:53,080 --> 01:01:55,400
So we are at The Unholy Masquerade.
1111
01:01:55,660 --> 01:01:56,810
It's great.
1112
01:01:57,110 --> 01:01:58,520
This is my mask.
1113
01:01:59,240 --> 01:02:01,190
Which I made for the occasion.
1114
01:02:01,940 --> 01:02:03,250
Hey!
1115
01:02:03,550 --> 01:02:05,800
- Jackie.
-Yeah!
1116
01:02:05,800 --> 01:02:08,020
- This is undead party.
- Yeah, I'm a vampire.
1117
01:02:08,020 --> 01:02:08,900
You have your?..
1118
01:02:08,900 --> 01:02:10,280
I'm a vampire. I'm a vampire!
1119
01:02:11,660 --> 01:02:12,680
- Great.
- Yeah, yeah.
1120
01:02:12,680 --> 01:02:15,070
- So, um, who bit you?
- Oh, Nick.
1121
01:02:15,660 --> 01:02:17,220
- Oh great.
- Yeah. - Right
1122
01:02:17,220 --> 01:02:18,180
Okay.
1123
01:02:18,280 --> 01:02:19,380
Deacon!
1124
01:02:21,900 --> 01:02:24,360
Pretty rude, because she was my...
1125
01:02:24,660 --> 01:02:25,350
... servant.
1126
01:02:25,350 --> 01:02:27,320
She was a pretty useless servant.
1127
01:02:27,320 --> 01:02:29,890
- I wouldn't...worry about that.
- Yeah, yeah, but still, I would have been...
1128
01:02:29,890 --> 01:02:31,640
... appreciated if you'd asked...
1129
01:02:31,640 --> 01:02:32,930
How's Stu?
1130
01:02:33,000 --> 01:02:34,400
- He's good, he's there.
1131
01:02:34,400 --> 01:02:36,400
- Oh, he's here?
- Stu! STU!
1132
01:02:37,550 --> 01:02:38,750
Hey, hey!..how are you?
1133
01:02:38,750 --> 01:02:39,990
Hey!
1134
01:02:41,460 --> 01:02:44,530
Has anyone looked at you
like they want to eat you, at all?
1135
01:02:44,740 --> 01:02:46,350
Ah, no...
1136
01:02:46,350 --> 01:02:48,350
Can you hear me at the back?
1137
01:02:48,390 --> 01:02:51,410
On behalf of the Wellington Vampire Society...
1138
01:02:51,730 --> 01:02:55,680
... uh, the Lower Hut Vampire and Witch Club.
1139
01:02:55,680 --> 01:03:00,410
And the Kurory Zombie society,
we welcome you here tonight.
1140
01:03:00,580 --> 01:03:04,220
And we're raffling a live meat pack this year,
um you can inspect
1141
01:03:04,240 --> 01:03:06,520
the prize over here to my left.
1142
01:03:06,640 --> 01:03:07,980
It's a wonderful prize.
1143
01:03:07,980 --> 01:03:12,550
Tickets are only 10 dollars each or
45 dollars for a book of five.
1144
01:03:12,890 --> 01:03:16,460
Now without further adieu, it's my very great pleasure
1145
01:03:16,550 --> 01:03:19,950
to introduce to you this years guest of honor.
1146
01:03:20,070 --> 01:03:22,460
Pauline Ivanovich!
1147
01:03:24,050 --> 01:03:25,250
Thank you.
1148
01:03:28,400 --> 01:03:29,860
That's The Beast.
1149
01:03:29,860 --> 01:03:30,700
Thank you.
1150
01:03:30,730 --> 01:03:35,090
The Beast is, uh, the name
I gave to my ex-girlfriend Pauline.
1151
01:03:35,240 --> 01:03:37,130
She prefers Pauline.
1152
01:03:37,240 --> 01:03:40,140
We had a very intense relationship.
1153
01:03:40,140 --> 01:03:41,200
We were very...
1154
01:03:41,520 --> 01:03:43,650
... sexually explosive.
1155
01:03:43,820 --> 01:03:48,990
Last time I saw her, she impaled me and
called me an asshole.
1156
01:03:48,990 --> 01:03:50,060
She said...
1157
01:03:50,370 --> 01:03:53,000
... all kinds of things that really hurt me.
1158
01:03:53,200 --> 01:03:56,820
And all this while I was impaled on a lamp post.
1159
01:03:57,100 --> 01:04:02,330
Well, everyone, I will be mingling around
and I really hope that...
1160
01:04:02,890 --> 01:04:05,020
... I will meet...
1161
01:04:05,480 --> 01:04:07,090
... all of you.
1162
01:04:22,800 --> 01:04:23,800
Hello.
1163
01:04:23,800 --> 01:04:25,220
That's the new guy.
1164
01:04:25,860 --> 01:04:30,020
I don't know What, what kind of vampire he is... if he is a vampire.
Did you see his face?
1165
01:04:31,600 --> 01:04:33,130
Oh... oh.
1166
01:04:34,060 --> 01:04:36,250
- Hello!
- Hi, how are you?
1167
01:04:36,250 --> 01:04:38,510
- This is Deacon.
- Hello Deacon.
1168
01:04:38,510 --> 01:04:40,510
- This is Stu.
- Good day Stu.
1169
01:04:40,610 --> 01:04:41,920
- How are you my friend?
- Good.
1170
01:04:41,920 --> 01:04:42,900
Hi. Stu.
1171
01:04:43,040 --> 01:04:45,210
You got really warm hands Stu.
1172
01:04:45,350 --> 01:04:47,040
You a demon?
1173
01:04:47,280 --> 01:04:50,280
- No, he's not a demon!
- I'm a software analyst, I work...
1174
01:04:50,280 --> 01:04:53,000
- Stu, Stu, Stu...
- A male witch, you're a male witch?
1175
01:04:53,000 --> 01:04:55,060
Stu, you should go dance, uh, with anyone.
1176
01:04:55,060 --> 01:04:56,740
- Sure.
- Okay, take your time.
1177
01:04:56,740 --> 01:05:01,560
I like Stu. He's not vampire, so he's what, zombie or?...
1178
01:05:01,640 --> 01:05:03,130
- A male witch?
- He's not...
1179
01:05:03,130 --> 01:05:06,830
He not uh... he's neither,
he's uh... more of a human.
1180
01:05:08,650 --> 01:05:11,250
Excuse me, excuse me.
Hi, Nick, hey.
1181
01:05:11,320 --> 01:05:12,940
Um, Nick...
1182
01:05:13,360 --> 01:05:16,520
Do you mind if Stu is killed?
1183
01:05:16,520 --> 01:05:18,330
Uh, I don't feel that good about it.
1184
01:05:18,330 --> 01:05:22,780
Can I, can I just ask you, you know, a...
1185
01:05:22,780 --> 01:05:24,280
- ... a personal question?
- Sure.
1186
01:05:24,280 --> 01:05:27,570
Are you, um....
1187
01:05:28,830 --> 01:05:31,820
... are you, are you,
are you pre-deceased?
1188
01:05:32,440 --> 01:05:34,140
Uh...
1189
01:05:35,050 --> 01:05:38,240
If anyone's gonna eat him it's gonna be us but
we're not, we're past that.
1190
01:05:38,240 --> 01:05:39,800
They can just go fuck themselves.
1191
01:05:39,800 --> 01:05:41,340
Nick! It is your fault.
1192
01:05:41,340 --> 01:05:45,370
Okay? You brought a human
into this den of vampress nest.
1193
01:05:45,370 --> 01:05:47,070
- You're not helping.
- Yes, you did.
1194
01:05:47,070 --> 01:05:49,780
- Plus one.
- Lovely talking to you, I've got to shoot off now.
1195
01:05:49,780 --> 01:05:51,130
See you later on.
1196
01:05:56,100 --> 01:05:59,360
As soon as one vampire takes a bite,
it's a frenzy!
1197
01:05:59,360 --> 01:06:00,590
- A frenzy!
- Okay, we've got to get him out.
1198
01:06:00,590 --> 01:06:02,530
Okay, follow me, follow me.
1199
01:06:02,560 --> 01:06:05,200
Excuse me, sorry guys.
1200
01:06:05,460 --> 01:06:06,520
Okay, Stu.
1201
01:06:06,520 --> 01:06:08,890
Put that over your red face.
1202
01:06:09,220 --> 01:06:11,160
- Just going out for a cigarette.
- Oh, hey!
1203
01:06:11,160 --> 01:06:13,160
- Okay, not that way.
- This way.
1204
01:06:13,160 --> 01:06:15,160
- This way.
- Is there another way?
1205
01:06:17,240 --> 01:06:19,630
- Back away from the vampires.
- Guys...
1206
01:06:19,630 --> 01:06:20,860
Excuse me everyone!
1207
01:06:20,860 --> 01:06:23,140
Can I have your attention please.
1208
01:06:23,950 --> 01:06:28,880
Some of the vampires forget
Unholy Masquerade rules.
1209
01:06:28,880 --> 01:06:30,880
They brought a human.
1210
01:06:31,360 --> 01:06:36,130
And they don't let us to feast on him.
1211
01:06:37,480 --> 01:06:39,470
This was a total misunderstanding.
1212
01:06:39,470 --> 01:06:42,950
There was on the invitation,
and this actually pertains to you...
1213
01:06:42,950 --> 01:06:44,640
... the invitation, it said,
1214
01:06:44,640 --> 01:06:47,000
- plus one, but it did not specify...
- Okay.
1215
01:06:47,000 --> 01:06:48,780
- Hey mate,look...
- If it could be a human or
1216
01:06:48,780 --> 01:06:50,010
if it could be werewolf or...
1217
01:06:50,010 --> 01:06:52,610
Yeah, but he could be
a vampire hunter for all we know.
1218
01:06:52,610 --> 01:06:55,620
He could texting his mates, saying,
'I've got them all in the one place,
1219
01:06:55,620 --> 01:06:57,830
,,,come on over, we'll have
a vampire barbecue!'
1220
01:06:58,100 --> 01:06:59,760
Well, he's not, he's not doing that.
1221
01:07:00,060 --> 01:07:01,220
How do we know that?
1222
01:07:01,220 --> 01:07:02,810
He's wearing a bow-tie, look at him!
1223
01:07:02,810 --> 01:07:04,000
Stu, tell them what you do.
1224
01:07:04,000 --> 01:07:06,440
Come on Stu!
Tell us what you do. Come on.
1225
01:07:06,440 --> 01:07:07,810
Tell them what you do, Stu.
1226
01:07:08,000 --> 01:07:10,070
- Hi, my name is Stu uh...
- Don't fuck it up, man.
1227
01:07:10,070 --> 01:07:11,170
- I can't hear Stu.
- Louder, louder!
1228
01:07:11,170 --> 01:07:13,500
Hi, my name is Stu, uh, I work in...
1229
01:07:13,500 --> 01:07:14,400
- I can't hear...
- Louder.
1230
01:07:14,400 --> 01:07:16,170
Stu they can't hear, they cannot hear you.
1231
01:07:16,220 --> 01:07:21,060
Hi, my name is Stu. I'm a software analyst.
I work for a geographic information systems company.
1232
01:07:21,100 --> 01:07:22,530
-Uh...
- Sorry, what is it?
1233
01:07:22,670 --> 01:07:24,740
I work for a company that does um...
1234
01:07:24,740 --> 01:07:28,250
...basically we take like
business requirements from organizations...
1235
01:07:28,250 --> 01:07:32,260
...and we analyze those requirements and
then we build software...
1236
01:07:32,300 --> 01:07:33,480
...to fit those requirements.
1237
01:07:33,870 --> 01:07:36,140
He is a virgin. He is a virgin!
1238
01:07:36,140 --> 01:07:39,240
- I can smell a virgin at a thousand paces.
- Go on then.
1239
01:07:39,520 --> 01:07:42,540
Go a thousand paces away and smell yourselves!
1240
01:07:42,580 --> 01:07:44,390
I can't wait anymore.
1241
01:07:57,280 --> 01:08:00,160
There shall be no eating of the human.
1242
01:08:00,160 --> 01:08:01,740
Who are you all of a sudden?
1243
01:08:01,740 --> 01:08:04,680
You have forgotten your former lover.
1244
01:08:04,730 --> 01:08:06,350
So quickly.
1245
01:08:09,480 --> 01:08:10,760
Georgie?
1246
01:08:11,560 --> 01:08:12,760
No, not...
1247
01:08:12,760 --> 01:08:15,570
... Georgie, like, 5-years after him.
1248
01:08:15,570 --> 01:08:16,490
No.
1249
01:08:16,790 --> 01:08:18,260
Wait a minute.
1250
01:08:18,360 --> 01:08:19,960
Just one moment.
1251
01:08:20,060 --> 01:08:21,000
No...
1252
01:08:21,390 --> 01:08:23,810
No, I've got it, that's got it, take it away...
1253
01:08:26,880 --> 01:08:28,380
Hello Beast.
1254
01:08:28,380 --> 01:08:29,700
Hello asshole.
1255
01:08:29,700 --> 01:08:32,870
- Hey, don't call me asshole!
- Don't call me...
1256
01:08:32,870 --> 01:08:36,160
... Beast. This is Vladislav. - This is absolutely the same.
This is my ex-boyfriend.
1257
01:08:36,160 --> 01:08:39,410
- You know, the one who fucked the police...
- Alright, that's old business, that's...
1258
01:08:39,410 --> 01:08:40,400
- ... old business, that'spersonal business.
- Yeah.
1259
01:08:40,400 --> 01:08:42,640
- Nice to meet you asshole.
- This is my lover.
1260
01:08:42,640 --> 01:08:45,040
You will not feast on the blood
of the human known as Stu.
1261
01:08:45,040 --> 01:08:47,580
Listen asshole, this is a human and
1262
01:08:47,580 --> 01:08:49,720
this is the rules and
what is cameras doing here?
1263
01:08:49,720 --> 01:08:51,920
One, and then another one,
what is this?
1264
01:08:51,920 --> 01:08:53,720
They're making a documentary on...
1265
01:08:53,720 --> 01:08:55,330
This is a private secret society mate,
1266
01:08:55,330 --> 01:08:57,580
you don't go bringing your
bloody cameras into everything.
1267
01:08:57,580 --> 01:09:00,390
You will not eat Stu and
you will not eat the camera guy.
1268
01:09:00,390 --> 01:09:03,290
- Maybe one camera guy...
- I'm up to bloody here, with you at the moment.
1269
01:09:03,290 --> 01:09:05,770
And all your mates behind there,
whoever the hell they are.
1270
01:09:05,770 --> 01:09:07,460
We're gonna eat the human being.
1271
01:09:07,460 --> 01:09:09,330
And there's nothing you can do about it, alright?
1272
01:09:09,330 --> 01:09:10,340
Now back off!
1273
01:09:10,340 --> 01:09:11,960
And let my missus get her way.
1274
01:09:11,960 --> 01:09:13,720
Oh, there's nothing I can do about it?
1275
01:09:13,720 --> 01:09:15,700
- That's right.
- Well, what about this?
1276
01:09:16,850 --> 01:09:19,370
Diego, rip his head off.
1277
01:09:19,640 --> 01:09:20,940
What do you want?!
1278
01:09:21,350 --> 01:09:23,040
Vampire fight!
1279
01:09:23,770 --> 01:09:25,160
Get him Vladislav!
1280
01:09:38,600 --> 01:09:40,460
Rip his head off!
1281
01:09:40,460 --> 01:09:41,620
He's killing him!
1282
01:09:41,620 --> 01:09:44,120
It is forbidden for vampires...
1283
01:09:44,120 --> 01:09:45,700
... to kill a vampire.
1284
01:09:48,230 --> 01:09:50,380
- What the f...
- Bloody Hell!
1285
01:09:51,720 --> 01:09:53,160
What?
1286
01:09:53,930 --> 01:09:56,680
Are you okay, love?
Get out!
1287
01:09:57,030 --> 01:09:58,920
We should probably go Stu.
1288
01:09:59,850 --> 01:10:01,620
It was great to see you,
1289
01:10:01,620 --> 01:10:03,620
- Pauline.
- Asshole!
1290
01:10:03,630 --> 01:10:04,480
Bastard!
1291
01:10:05,880 --> 01:10:08,010
- That was very... how we both...
- He's a murderer!
1292
01:10:08,010 --> 01:10:11,620
We both, together,
equally destroyed that guy!
1293
01:10:11,620 --> 01:10:14,240
Yeah, but it was more Stu
with the giant stick!
1294
01:10:14,240 --> 01:10:17,120
I hope this doesn't make this awkward
for you and The Beast.
1295
01:10:17,570 --> 01:10:20,360
No, I think it's opened up new possibilities.
1296
01:10:20,470 --> 01:10:22,160
Oh, no.
1297
01:10:22,520 --> 01:10:24,880
- Here we go again.
- Here we go again
1298
01:10:24,880 --> 01:10:26,880
Stu, Stu, Stu, Stu!
1299
01:10:26,880 --> 01:10:28,940
Stu, Stu, STU!
1300
01:10:28,940 --> 01:10:31,220
Stu, Stu, Stu, Stu...
1301
01:10:31,220 --> 01:10:34,210
- Stuuu... Stuuu...
- Wait, wait, wait, wait, stop!
1302
01:10:34,210 --> 01:10:35,510
Listen, listen!
1303
01:10:35,950 --> 01:10:37,150
You smell that?
1304
01:10:38,600 --> 01:10:40,020
This way.
1305
01:10:41,490 --> 01:10:42,750
Werewolves.
1306
01:10:43,400 --> 01:10:46,100
- Oh, no.
- Look what the cat dragged in, huh?
1307
01:10:46,160 --> 01:10:48,780
- Piss off!
- Keep walking. Don't hassle us tonight.
1308
01:10:48,780 --> 01:10:50,780
There has been no hassle here.
1309
01:10:50,870 --> 01:10:52,450
Well, let it stay that way.
1310
01:10:52,450 --> 01:10:54,050
Keep chaining yourselves up!
1311
01:10:54,300 --> 01:10:56,050
Guys, where's your tracksuit pants?
1312
01:10:56,050 --> 01:10:57,640
It was washing night.
1313
01:10:57,640 --> 01:10:59,960
My missus couldn't wash them cause
there was too much blood on them, so...
1314
01:10:59,960 --> 01:11:02,360
When your legs expand they grow into the track suit.
1315
01:11:02,360 --> 01:11:04,770
- Oh!
- Those jeans are gonna rip completely!
1316
01:11:04,770 --> 01:11:06,490
You've lost all those trousers, guys?
1317
01:11:06,630 --> 01:11:08,710
Declan, that tree's far too thin!
1318
01:11:08,710 --> 01:11:10,050
Look at it! It's like a branch!
1319
01:11:10,050 --> 01:11:12,430
You know how big you get
when you transform!
1320
01:11:12,430 --> 01:11:14,430
That's the wrong tree for you.
1321
01:11:14,940 --> 01:11:16,000
Anton, I've...
1322
01:11:16,000 --> 01:11:18,220
Oh, no, you've forgotten the combination.
1323
01:11:18,590 --> 01:11:20,310
Why did you get a combination lock?
1324
01:11:20,310 --> 01:11:21,720
I lost my key last time.
1325
01:11:21,830 --> 01:11:24,610
Okay, well, it's probably 4 zeros,
that's the factory setting, is it?
1326
01:11:24,610 --> 01:11:26,340
- Fuck off to a tree.
- Hey!
1327
01:11:26,340 --> 01:11:27,950
Hey!, werewolves, not swearwolves.
1328
01:11:27,950 --> 01:11:29,950
Yeah, I know, well on transformation nights,
1329
01:11:29,950 --> 01:11:31,950
it's alright, alright?
I'm getting stressed out.
1330
01:11:32,080 --> 01:11:33,320
I was just reminding you.
1331
01:11:33,320 --> 01:11:35,980
Stop talking and chain yourself up you dickhead!
1332
01:11:35,980 --> 01:11:37,380
Honestly, we're transforming.
1333
01:11:37,420 --> 01:11:38,740
Alright, we'll keep walking.
1334
01:11:38,740 --> 01:11:41,610
- Yeah, keep walking. By the way I find that offensive!
- We'll keep walking.
1335
01:11:41,750 --> 01:11:42,750
Is that fur?
1336
01:11:42,780 --> 01:11:44,140
Oh, for crying out loud.
1337
01:11:44,310 --> 01:11:47,250
Don't look at the fur everyone.
Get back to your trees, okay?
1338
01:11:47,250 --> 01:11:48,910
- That's disgusting, man...
- You're wearing fur.
1339
01:11:48,910 --> 01:11:50,140
Declan!
1340
01:11:50,140 --> 01:11:51,600
- That's not real fur.
- Oh, shit!
1341
01:11:53,840 --> 01:11:56,210
Honestly, get out of here.
Take your humans!
1342
01:11:56,210 --> 01:11:58,210
That guy in the bow-tie, he's gonna go first!
1343
01:11:58,700 --> 01:12:00,800
- C'mon, we've gotta take Stu home.
Get out of here, quick!
1344
01:12:01,320 --> 01:12:04,000
Take all your clothess off that you want to keep everyone!
1345
01:12:04,100 --> 01:12:07,940
Get that army service jacket off,
you've only just bought that Nathan,
1346
01:12:09,390 --> 01:12:11,340
Get that camera out of my face!
1347
01:12:11,340 --> 01:12:13,340
Go,go,go! Let's go, let's go. Come on!
1348
01:12:15,040 --> 01:12:16,440
Run Stu,run!
1349
01:12:19,190 --> 01:12:20,720
Let's go, let's go!
1350
01:12:26,000 --> 01:12:27,840
- Run Stu, they're coming!
- Shit!
1351
01:12:28,200 --> 01:12:29,540
I got one!
1352
01:12:47,520 --> 01:12:49,410
My leg! My leg!
1353
01:12:54,400 --> 01:12:55,550
Oh God!
1354
01:12:56,040 --> 01:12:57,970
Stu! Stu!
1355
01:12:57,970 --> 01:12:59,060
Stu!
1356
01:13:03,690 --> 01:13:04,560
Stu!
1357
01:13:06,020 --> 01:13:07,380
Get off me! Ah!
1358
01:13:08,620 --> 01:13:10,280
Stu, are you alright?!
1359
01:13:11,150 --> 01:13:12,160
STU?
1360
01:13:13,440 --> 01:13:14,350
Stu?
1361
01:13:15,540 --> 01:13:16,900
Fuck off asshole!
1362
01:13:20,620 --> 01:13:21,800
Fuck off!
1363
01:13:22,120 --> 01:13:23,520
Get off me!
1364
01:13:25,640 --> 01:13:27,550
Stinking group of assholes!
1365
01:13:32,860 --> 01:13:34,610
Stupid werewolves!
1366
01:13:34,860 --> 01:13:36,140
Look away Nick!
1367
01:13:36,140 --> 01:13:38,140
- Don't look at their blood!
- Stu!
1368
01:13:38,330 --> 01:13:39,990
Stu!
1369
01:13:40,190 --> 01:13:42,880
Leave him alone, he's a really good dude!
Leave him alone!
1370
01:13:42,900 --> 01:13:43,930
It's too late for him!
1371
01:13:43,930 --> 01:13:46,120
- Don't look at the blood Nick!
- Stu!
1372
01:13:58,070 --> 01:13:59,880
There he is.
1373
01:14:01,630 --> 01:14:04,670
He's probably still a little upset
having seen his
1374
01:14:04,670 --> 01:14:08,000
best friend disemboweled by werewolves.
1375
01:14:10,130 --> 01:14:11,290
Nick!
1376
01:14:12,000 --> 01:14:13,260
I found you.
1377
01:14:14,820 --> 01:14:15,960
Whoa!
1378
01:14:18,420 --> 01:14:20,400
That was pretty full on, hey?
1379
01:14:26,410 --> 01:14:29,200
But this is what happens
when you are a vampire.
1380
01:14:29,960 --> 01:14:32,200
You have to watch everyone die.
1381
01:14:34,270 --> 01:14:36,520
Your mother and father.
1382
01:14:36,520 --> 01:14:37,940
All your friends.
1383
01:14:38,180 --> 01:14:39,810
Sometimes brutal.
1384
01:14:42,360 --> 01:14:45,660
Like slipping and falling onto a giant spike.
1385
01:14:45,920 --> 01:14:47,530
Or falling asleep...
1386
01:14:47,800 --> 01:14:50,320
in an autumn pile of leaves...
1387
01:14:50,680 --> 01:14:54,400
and having some of them,
block your wind pipe.
1388
01:14:55,010 --> 01:14:57,580
Or making the simple mistake,
1389
01:14:58,040 --> 01:15:00,680
of fashioning a mask out of crackers,
1390
01:15:00,680 --> 01:15:02,680
and being attacked by ducks.
1391
01:15:02,930 --> 01:15:04,190
Geese.
1392
01:15:04,800 --> 01:15:06,220
Swans.
1393
01:15:06,850 --> 01:15:08,880
Or simply dying of old age.
1394
01:15:11,470 --> 01:15:13,940
But even old age is brutal.
1395
01:15:14,390 --> 01:15:16,010
Watching your friends...
1396
01:15:16,280 --> 01:15:17,240
... grow old.
1397
01:15:17,510 --> 01:15:19,460
They can't piss.
1398
01:15:19,760 --> 01:15:23,340
And they say stupid things and
their brains go and they
1399
01:15:23,340 --> 01:15:25,340
can't remember anything.
1400
01:15:27,460 --> 01:15:30,880
And then, one day, they can't even
remember who you are.
1401
01:15:32,210 --> 01:15:34,350
And you wish they were dead.
1402
01:15:34,840 --> 01:15:36,780
And then they do die.
1403
01:15:40,260 --> 01:15:41,240
No.
1404
01:15:41,240 --> 01:15:43,240
If I know Stu...
1405
01:15:43,890 --> 01:15:46,590
... this was probably the way he wanted to go.
1406
01:15:47,060 --> 01:15:49,620
Disemboweled by werewolves.
1407
01:15:50,490 --> 01:15:51,940
Blood and guts,
1408
01:15:51,940 --> 01:15:53,940
sprayed on to the trees.
1409
01:15:54,210 --> 01:15:56,660
His face torn to shreds.
1410
01:16:06,380 --> 01:16:08,630
I hope I made you feel better.
1411
01:16:15,050 --> 01:16:17,460
Ah, well, from what we
could see in the beginning,
1412
01:16:17,460 --> 01:16:19,900
it looks like there's been
a bit of a dog attack.
1413
01:16:19,900 --> 01:16:21,500
That's really what happens,
when you get, you know...
1414
01:16:21,500 --> 01:16:22,660
dangerous dogs...
1415
01:16:22,660 --> 01:16:24,480
out on the streets, not being looked after.
1416
01:16:24,480 --> 01:16:25,780
This is not good.
1417
01:16:26,580 --> 01:16:28,160
No, not good at all.
1418
01:16:28,800 --> 01:16:30,580
- No, definitely not.
There's nicer ways to go, than being...
1419
01:16:30,580 --> 01:16:34,550
... torn apart, by what looks like a pack of dogs,
more than, more than just one.
1420
01:16:34,550 --> 01:16:37,030
- Yeah I'd say so.
- These attacks have been happening more & more frequent.
1421
01:16:37,030 --> 01:16:40,360
They're happening on a monthly basis and
and it's just..no good for anybody, okay?
1422
01:16:40,460 --> 01:16:42,560
Especially not the dogs.
Certainly not the community.
1423
01:16:43,500 --> 01:16:44,440
I've got the bastard.
1424
01:16:44,520 --> 01:16:45,880
- One of them here hey!
- Geez.
1425
1:16:46,000 --> 01:16:47,690
And that's what I'm talking about.
Look at it.
1426
01:16:47,690 --> 01:16:49,980
End of the day,
this dog is gonna have to be put down.
1427
01:16:50,140 --> 01:16:51,490
What a shame.
1428
01:16:53,030 --> 01:16:54,050
Look what you did.
1429
01:16:54,390 --> 01:16:55,130
Hey?
1430
01:16:55,680 --> 01:16:58,430
Yeah he's got the scent again, hasn't he?
He wants to go again. He's not finished.
1431
01:16:58,430 --> 01:16:59,050
Yeah.
1432
01:17:28,000 --> 01:17:32,060
They say that vampires hearts are cold and dead.
1433
01:17:32,540 --> 01:17:34,630
Definitely dead.
1434
01:17:34,680 --> 01:17:37,860
- Bye Stu.
- He would have loved his scarf.
1435
01:17:37,860 --> 01:17:40,000
It was a lovely, loose, knit.
1436
01:17:40,530 --> 01:17:44,200
But I don't know.
I think I still feel things inside it.
1437
01:17:48,210 --> 01:17:49,370
Deacon!
1438
01:17:50,620 --> 01:17:51,760
Deacon!
1439
01:17:51,870 --> 01:17:54,350
- Deacon, wakey, wakey. Hey!
- Viago.
1440
01:17:54,350 --> 01:17:57,400
Don't sleep in here.
The curtain's opened. It's nearly morning.
1441
01:17:57,400 --> 01:18:00,000
- Oh!
- You want to get sizzled to a crisp?
1442
01:18:00,000 --> 01:18:03,230
-What?
- No, you gotta think
a little bit about these things.
1443
01:18:03,230 --> 01:18:03,620
Okay.
1444
01:18:03,710 --> 01:18:05,700
- Sorry Viago.
- It's okay.
1445
01:18:05,860 --> 01:18:07,800
- Night.
- Nigh..night! Okay.
1446
01:18:34,060 --> 01:18:37,520
Received at 4:20 AM:
1447
01:19:00,470 --> 01:19:02,100
- Stu?!
- Hey Deacon.
1448
01:19:02,420 --> 01:19:03,900
- Stu!
- How is it?
1449
01:19:04,710 --> 01:19:05,720
Good to see you.
1450
01:19:05,840 --> 01:19:06,760
Look at his face!
1451
01:19:06,760 --> 01:19:08,320
I saw them tear you to shreds!
1452
01:19:08,320 --> 01:19:09,580
Look! He looks like Seal!
1453
01:19:10,120 --> 01:19:11,010
They didn't kill me.
1454
01:19:11,040 --> 01:19:13,280
- It looks cool.
- Thank you, thank you.
1455
01:19:13,390 --> 01:19:14,640
Meet some of our friends.
1456
01:19:15,030 --> 01:19:16,600
Anton, Deacon.
1457
01:19:17,240 --> 01:19:18,790
- Hi, Anton.
- Anton.
1458
01:19:22,580 --> 01:19:24,560
I must have blacked out, um...
1459
01:19:24,560 --> 01:19:26,040
...and then, I remember...
1460
01:19:26,040 --> 01:19:27,480
- an ambulance.
- He's going into shock.
1461
01:19:27,480 --> 01:19:29,430
O'Leary. O'Leary!
1462
01:19:29,430 --> 01:19:31,040
Yeah, coming!
1463
01:19:31,040 --> 01:19:33,320
- Okay, calm down, mate.
- Calm down.
1464
01:19:36,780 --> 01:19:38,040
Looks like rabies, doesn't it?
1465
01:19:38,040 --> 01:19:40,880
And I don't know how long after that was,
but I like, woke up.
1466
01:19:41,320 --> 01:19:43,930
And it was daytime.
1467
01:19:47,660 --> 01:19:49,560
And I couldn't find my clothes.
1468
01:19:51,820 --> 01:19:53,750
Those werewolf guys, um...
1469
01:19:53,920 --> 01:19:55,050
... eventually found me.
1470
01:19:55,620 --> 01:19:57,040
And they had some,
1471
01:19:57,040 --> 01:19:59,040
they like, lent me some pants.
1472
01:20:00,110 --> 01:20:02,110
So, yeah, those guys have been supporting me.
1473
01:20:02,360 --> 01:20:04,110
Cause I was quite confused.
1474
01:20:06,000 --> 01:20:07,840
Yeah, these are the guys who, um,
1475
01:20:08,100 --> 01:20:09,520
turned me into a werewolf.
1476
01:20:09,960 --> 01:20:11,410
Did you knit your own jersey?
1477
01:20:12,000 --> 01:20:13,310
- Yes.
- Oh, yeah?
1478
01:20:13,500 --> 01:20:15,360
- I knit.
- Is that the moon, or?
1479
01:20:15,620 --> 01:20:17,980
- Yes.
- Hopefully, we won't, you know...
1480
01:20:21,130 --> 01:20:22,570
Ah, this is a nice place.
1481
01:20:22,570 --> 01:20:25,360
Please, don't, ah, don't lick anything or...
1482
01:20:25,360 --> 01:20:27,360
... pee on anything.
1483
01:20:27,360 --> 01:20:29,220
We were worried at first, you know, we thought
1484
01:20:29,220 --> 01:20:31,630
'Ooh, they are just going to urinate on everything.'
1485
01:20:31,860 --> 01:20:35,110
But they actually are really polite and pretty clean.
1486
01:20:35,240 --> 01:20:37,860
There was obviously that werewolf smell,
1487
01:20:37,860 --> 01:20:41,220
which permeated the entire house
for the first half an hour.
1488
01:20:41,220 --> 01:20:44,210
But we opened some windows and
got rid of that.
1489
01:20:44,210 --> 01:20:46,500
'When Stu first suggested the idea,' I thought.
1490
01:20:46,520 --> 01:20:47,320
No way.
1491
01:20:47,320 --> 01:20:50,010
You know, walking into the vampire's den.
That's ludicrous.
1492
01:20:50,010 --> 01:20:51,280
That's my hand.
1493
01:20:51,350 --> 01:20:53,230
But I thought, well...we'll give it a shot.
1494
01:20:53,230 --> 01:20:55,400
You know, I'm the alpha male,
so I made the call.
1495
01:20:55,630 --> 01:20:56,920
I'm the alpha male.
1496
01:20:56,920 --> 01:20:59,220
- Yes.
- So, generally...
1497
01:20:59,270 --> 01:21:00,510
... all of the other guys follow me.
1498
01:21:00,510 --> 01:21:01,650
- For Stu!
- For Stu!
1499
01:21:01,740 --> 01:21:02,890
Thanks guys.
1500
01:21:02,890 --> 01:21:04,490
What have you done to your face?
1501
01:21:04,660 --> 01:21:06,880
I got attacked by some werewolves.
1502
01:21:06,940 --> 01:21:10,320
Ooh!, I met a werewolf.
Seemed a very nice person.
1503
01:21:10,720 --> 01:21:12,800
So, Katherine is a vampire now.
1504
01:21:12,800 --> 01:21:14,860
- Yes.
- We decide to get together.
1505
01:21:14,860 --> 01:21:16,640
We just thought, the hell with it, you know.
1506
01:21:16,640 --> 01:21:18,110
What have we got to lose?
1507
01:21:18,510 --> 01:21:21,140
I was just sitting, doing nothing,
1508
01:21:21,140 --> 01:21:24,210
and he came floating in and over to me,
1509
01:21:24,210 --> 01:21:26,900
and I recognized him.
It was wonderful.
1510
01:21:26,900 --> 01:21:28,900
And then I bit you on the neck.
1511
01:21:29,610 --> 01:21:31,160
That's right.
1512
01:21:32,230 --> 01:21:34,340
And I don't mind being a vampire.
1513
01:21:34,340 --> 01:21:36,340
I'm enjoying it.
1514
01:21:37,620 --> 01:21:40,280
Some people freak out a bit
about the age difference.
1515
01:21:40,280 --> 01:21:44,020
Uh, they think,
what's this 96-year old lady doing with a guy...
1516
01:21:44,020 --> 01:21:45,790
four times her age?
1517
01:21:45,930 --> 01:21:48,920
- And, you know, I don't care...
- It doesn't make any difference.
1518
01:21:48,920 --> 01:21:51,410
No, they can call me cradle-snatcher, who cares.
1519
01:21:51,560 --> 01:21:54,560
I decided to bite her and
we're gonna be together forever.
1520
01:21:54,740 --> 01:21:56,180
- Wonderful.
- Yah.
1521
01:22:12,020 --> 01:22:15,740
Pauline and I are tentatively back together.
1522
01:22:15,960 --> 01:22:19,400
But it's not long before
you remember why it was we
1523
01:22:19,400 --> 01:22:21,400
broke up in the first place.
1524
01:22:25,990 --> 01:22:27,180
We'll start in our bedroom,
1525
01:22:27,180 --> 01:22:30,200
I need that totally boarded up or
blacked out somehow.
1526
01:22:30,200 --> 01:22:31,840
My husband is my familiar.
1527
01:22:31,840 --> 01:22:34,710
So there's been a dynamic shift there.
1528
01:22:34,730 --> 01:22:37,880
You could buy a Bedazzler.
So write that down. Bedazzler, that's B-E-D...
1529
01:22:37,880 --> 01:22:40,680
I feel like I'm who I'm really meant to be now.
1530
01:22:41,220 --> 01:22:43,140
- I love you.
- I love you too.
1531
01:22:43,200 --> 01:22:44,060
Great.
1532
01:22:45,110 --> 01:22:46,540
But I am your Master.
1533
01:22:46,660 --> 01:22:48,410
- Okay?
- Yeah.
1534
01:22:49,280 --> 01:22:51,530
Yeah, these guys have to laugh
at my jokes, right guys?
1535
01:22:51,690 --> 01:22:53,160
Yeah!
1536
01:22:53,790 --> 01:22:54,790
That is a good one.
1537
01:22:54,790 --> 01:22:56,930
I always look round to
make sure they're all laughing.
1538
01:22:56,930 --> 01:22:59,290
Like, if I see one of them is not
quite laughing I'll be like, 'Hey!'
1539
01:22:59,290 --> 01:23:01,430
'You laughing?',
and often I'll test you.
1540
01:23:01,430 --> 01:23:02,900
- What are you laughing at, Justin?
1541
01:23:02,900 --> 01:23:04,600
- Hey?
- What are you laughing at now?
1542
01:23:04,600 --> 01:23:06,600
- Just then?
- Yeah, yeah, but what?
1543
01:23:06,600 --> 01:23:07,690
Oh, I don't know.
1544
01:23:07,760 --> 01:23:11,010
Ah, test failed! Test failed!
1545
01:23:11,010 --> 01:23:13,430
You're laughing now.
What are you laughing at now though?
1546
01:23:13,710 --> 01:23:14,890
I don't know cause...
1547
01:23:14,890 --> 01:23:17,780
Ah, another failure!
1548
01:23:17,840 --> 01:23:19,490
Well, what are you laughing at Stu?
1549
01:23:19,710 --> 01:23:21,240
I was laughing with the group.
1550
01:23:21,320 --> 01:23:23,020
- Yep, that's good. - Good answer!
- That's good, yeah.
1551
01:23:24,400 --> 01:23:26,640
Just pay attention. Pay attention.
1552
01:23:27,570 --> 01:23:28,620
Laugh with the group.
1553
01:25:04,580 --> 01:25:07,540
You will not remember the last hour and a half,
1554
01:25:07,540 --> 01:25:09,540
of what you have just seen.
1555
01:25:10,340 --> 01:25:11,730
You will forget...
1556
01:25:12,260 --> 01:25:14,510
... the contents of this movie.
1557
01:25:19,390 --> 01:25:23,410
Subtitles by -The Beast!-