>> Steve: FROM STUDIO 6B IN ROCKEFELLER CENTER IN THE HEART
OF NEW YORK CITY, IT'S "THE TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON."
TONIGHT, JOIN JIMMY AND HIS GUESTS - COLIN JOST
KENYA BARRIS MUSICAL GUEST, TOBE NWIGWE AND FEATURING THE LEGENDARY
ROOTS CREW >> Questlove: 1782 >> Steve: AND NOW, HERE HE IS,
JIMMY FALLON
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: OH, COME ON, NOW
THANK YOU! WELCOME! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
THANK YOU VERY MUCH. ENJOY YOURSELF ENJOY YOURSELF
WELCOME TO "THE TONIGHT SHOW," EVERYBODY.
YOU'RE HERE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THANK YOU FOR WATCHING
HAPPY FRIDAY, EVERYONE HAPPY FRIDAY TODAY IS JANUARY 20th, WHICH
MEANS IT'S PRESIDENT BIDEN'S SECOND ANNIVERSARY IN OFFICE YEAH
HARD TO BELIEVE. [ SCATTERED APPLAUSE ] HARD TO BELIEVE IT'S ALREADY
BEEN TWO YEARS SINCE HVE-OLD [ LAUGHTER ] AND --
THAT'S RIGHT, IT WAS TWO YEARS AGO WHEN BIDEN AND VICE ES THAT'S ALSO THE LAST TIME BIDEN
AND HARRIS HAVE SEEN EACH OTHER. [ LAUGHTER ]
"OH, I REMEMBER YOU. WELL, THIS WAS FUN TO CELEBRATE HIS ANNIVERSARY,
THEY POPPED A CONFETTI TUBE FILLED WITH SHREDDED CLASSIFIED DOCUMENTS.
[ LAUGHTER ] I THOUGHT THAT WAS KIND OF FUN YEAH, BIDEN'S BEEN PRESIDENT
FOR TWO YEARS. NOW, LOOKING BACK, HE'S HAD SOME BIG WINS.
BUT, THEN AGAIN, HE'S ALSO HAD A FEW MISSTEPS [ LAUGHTER ]
AND SURE, THERE WERE TIMES IT FELT LIKE HIS PRESIDENCY WAS AT A TIPPING POINT.
[ LAUGHTER ] BUT YOU CAN MAKE ALL THE OLD JOKES YOU WANT
THE MAN IS STILL SHARP AS A TACK
* HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU * [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: HAPPY BIRTHDAY -
LISTEN TO THIS, GUYS AS THE PRICE OF EGGS CONTINUES TO SOAR, EGG SMUGGLING AT THE
BORDER IS UP OVER 100% [ LAUGHTER ] YOU CAN TELL WHICH VEHICLES ARE
SMUGGLING EGGS, BECAUSE THEY'RE THE ONES GOING VERY SLOW OVER THE SPEED BUMPS.
[ LAUGHTER ] SOME MORE NEWS, I SAW THAT THE STATE DEPARTMENT IS CHANGING
THEIR OFFICIAL FONT FROM TIMES NEW ROMAN TO CALIBRI FEELS LIKE THIS IS THE
GOVERNMENT'S ATTEMPT TO BE LIKE, "WE'RE FUN." [ LAUGHTER ]
"WE'RE NAUGHTY." YEP, OUR GOVERNMENT IS CHANGING FONTS.
YEP. WHEN HE HEARD THAT, PRESIDENT ZELENSKYY WAS LIKE, "STILL
HERE." [ LAUGHTER ] "THIS IS STILL HAPPENING
WE'LL TAKE ANYTHING. WE'LL TAKE TANKS MISSILES
SLINGSHOTS, BOOMERANGS." WELL, YOU GUYS, I READ THAT THIS WEEK IS ACTUALLY THE MOST
DEPRESSING WEEK OF THE YEAR. HAVE YOU FELT IT I FELT IT A LITTLE BIT
YOU KNOW WHAT WE NEED? WE NEED SOME UPBEAT MUSIC. SOMETHING UPLIFTING.
SOMETHING TO MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD SOMETHING TO DESTRESS.
>> Tariq: AH, SOMETHING THAT SOOTHES THE SOUL >> Jimmy: OH, YEAH
IT'S TIME FOR A LITTLE HOT SAX * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* >> Jimmy: HIGBO. *
>> Steve: TARIQ! >> Jimmy: TARIQ! *
>> Jimmy: OH * >> Tariq: WHO WANTS IT
WHO -- WHO >> Jimmy: IN THE AUDIENCE? >> ME!
* >> Jimmy: HEY, HEY, HEY, WAIT, WAIT, COME ON, MAN
WHAT ARE YOU DOING WE'RE TRYING TO CHEER PEOPLE UP HERE
>> SORRY, JIMMY. IT'S JUST THAT, NOT ONLY IS JANUARY DEPRESSING, BUT HBO MAX
JUST CANCELLED MY FAVORITE SHOW OF ALL TIME, THE REBOOT OF "GOSSIP GIRL."
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: SIR, NO, THEY DIDN'T BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHERE YOU CAN
ALWAYS BINGE WATCH THE REBOOT OF "GOSSIP GIRL? RIGHT HERE, INSIDE YOUR SOUL
[ LAUGHTER ] >> JIMMY, YOU'RE RIGHT AND NOW, MY SOUL IS SOOTHED.
* >> Jimmy: OH, YEAH *
FANTASTIC. THAT'S FANTASTIC ALL RIGHT.
GOOD I THINK -- [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
HAPPY FRIDAY, EVERYONE [ LAUGHTER ] *
NO, NO, PLEASE [ LAUGHTER ] WELL, THIS IS EXCITING NEWS.
NEW YORK CITY IS EXPECTING 61 MILLION TOURISTS THIS YEAR. WHICH IS ALMOST BACK TO
PRE-PANDEMIC LEVELS. YEAH, A LOT OF PEOPLE WILL BE VISITING THE CITY, MAYBE FOR
THE FIRST TIME SO, I THOUGHT IT'D BE GOOD TO GIVE THEM LITTLE TIP FOR THE
TRIP THAT'S RIGHT IT'S TIME FOR "DOs AND DON'Ts.
* DOs AND DON'T DOs AND DON'Ts YEAH *
>> Jimmy: FIRST UP, DO VISIT CENTRAL PARK DON'T FORGET YOUR HAT AND
GLOVES UP NEXT, DO GET A NEW YORK SLICE.
DON'T EAT IT WITH A KNIFE AND FORK [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
HERE'S ANOTHER ONE DO RIDE THE SUBWAY INSTEAD OF DRIVING.
DON'T LOOK THE RAT KING IN THE EYES [ LAUGHTER ]
NEXT, DO WALK THROUGH TIMES SQUARE DON'T STOP WALKING
THE RAT KING IS FOLLOWING YOU. HE HAS YOUR SCENT. [ LAUGHTER ]
DO MAKE DINNER RESERVATIONS IN ADVANCE. DON'T SIT IN AN OUTDOOR DINING
SHOW WITHOUT ACKNOWLEDGING THAT YOU'RE ON THE RAT KING'S TURF NOW.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] DO GET TICKETS TO A BROADWAY SHOW
DON'T THINK FOR A SECOND THAT ISN'T THE RAT KING OUTSIDE WAITING FOR "MOULIN ROUGE: THE
MUSICAL" TO END. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] DO TRY TO GET AWAY BY TAKING
THE CRUISE AROUND MANHATTAN ON THE CIRCLE LINE. DON'T LOOK NOW, BUT IT'S THE
RAT KING, RIDING A TINY JET SKI. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
DO PANIC, CHECK OUT OF YOUR HOTEL EARLY, AND HEAD TO LaGUARDIA.
DON'T REALIZE THIS IS WHAT HE WANTS YOU TO DO. YOU'VE FALLEN INTO HIS TRAP.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] DO ARRIVE AT THE AIRPORT THINKING YOU'RE SAFE
DON'T SCREAM WHEN YOU REALIZE LaGUARDIA IS HIS NEST, AND HIS CHILDREN ARE HUNGRY.
[ LAUGHTER ] THIS HAS BEEN "DOs AND DON'Ts.
DOs AND DON'Ts
YEAH * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: SOME BUSINESS NEWS,
T-MOBILE JUST ANNOUNCED THAT HACKERS STOLE INFORMATION ON 37 MILLION OF THEIR CUSTOMERS.
T-MOBILE TRIED TO SPIN IT BY SAYING, "GREAT NEWS, WE'RE NOW OFFERING UNLIMITED DATA FOR
HACKERS. [ LAUGHTER ] SOME MORE BUSINESS NEWS.
YESTERDAY, JEFF BEZOS MADE A A RARE VISIT TO THE NEWSROOM OF "THE WASHINGTON POST" WHERE
HE -- HE OWNS THAT AND SO, BUT I THINK YOU CAN TELL THAT BEZOS WAS THERE.
LOOK AT THE HEADLINES TODAY. THEY LOOK A LITTLE DIFFERENT DO WE HAVE A COPY OF TODAY'S
PAPER. I APPRECIATE IT. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
LOOK AT THIS HEADLINE. "MAN WITH BEAUTIFUL, LUSH HAIR ENTERS OFFICE.
[ LAUGHTER ] THE SCIENCE SECTION. HERE, "SCIENTISTS DISCOVER
WORLD'S MOST BEAUTIFUL NAME, JEFF." [ LAUGHTER ]
LOOK AT THIS ONE "TIGHT PANTS GOOD. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
>> Steve: WOW. HE PUT HIS FINGERPRINTS ON THAT
>> Jimmy: WELL, GET THIS, UBER IS WORKING ON A NEW LINE OF CARS WHERE THE SEATS IN THE
BACK FACE EACH OTHER THAT WAS ALWAYS MY BIG COMPLAINT WITH UBERPOOL.
WHEN SOMEONE COUGHED, IT WAS NEVER DIRECTLY IN MY FACE. [ LAUGHTER ]
SOME MORE CAR NEWS, APPARENTLY GENERAL MOTORS MIGHT RELEASE A A MINI ELECTRIC PICKUP TRUCK
MOTOR TREND IS ALREADY CALLING IT INNOVATIVE AND TOTES ADORBS [ LAUGHTER ]
WELL GUYS, THIS WEEKEND IS THE DIVISIONAL ROUND OF THE NFL PLAYOFFS
AND TOMORROW AFTERNOON'S GAME IS THE JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS FACING OFF AGAINST THE
KANSAS CITY CHIEFS [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE NOW, AS YOU KNOW, AT THE END OF
EVERY SEASON, THEY GIVE OUT AWARDS, LIKE MOST VALUABLE PLAYER
BUT THEY ALSO GIVE OUT AWARDS DURING THE PLAYOFFS. I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT I MEAN.
IT'S TIME FOR "TONIGHT SHOW SUPERLATIVES."
* TONIGHT SHO
SUPERLATIVES * >> Jimmy: OUR FIRST PLAYER IS FROM THE JAGUARS
IT'S THEIR QUARTERBACK TREVOR LAWRENCE. HE WAS VOTED MOST LIKELY TO
ENTER THE FIELD TO "MMMBOP." [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE NEXT UP, FROM THE CHIEFS, IS
CREED HUMPHREY HE WAS VOTED MOST LIKELY TO BE IF NIALL HORAN AND
WRECK IT RALPH HAD A BABY. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE NEXT UP, FROM THE CHIEFS, IS
MICHAEL BURTON HE WAS VOTED MOST LIKELY TO BE WAXING HIS CAMARO SHIRTLESS IN
FRONT OF THE HIGH SCHOOL TWO YEARS AFTER GRADUATING [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
ANYONE NEED A RIDE NEXT UP, FROM THE JAGUARS, IS ANDREW WINGARD
HE WAS VOTED MOST LIKELY TO DRINK A BEER AND EAT THE CAN [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
NEXT UP, FROM THE CHIEFS, IS TOMMY TOWNSEND HE WAS VOTED MOST LIKELY TO
PLAY THE PAN FLUTE AT A PARTY. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE NEXT UP, FROM THE CHIEFS, IS
NOAH GRAY. HE WAS VOTED MOST LIKELY TO BE THE GUY AT A PIZZERIA GOING,
"WHAT ARE YOUSE GUYS DOIN' AFTER THE GAME TONIGHT?" [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
NEXT UP, FROM THE JAGUARS, IS BRANDON SCHERFF. HE WAS VOTED MOST LIKELY TO BE
FOUND GUILTY WHEN HE'S JUST SITTING IN THE COURTROOM AUDIENCE
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE NEXT UP, FROM THE CHIEFS, IS HARRISON BUTKER.
HE WAS VOTED MOST LIKELY TO SAY, "THIS SKI LODGE NEEDS BETTER HYGGE."
[ LAUGHER AND APPLAUSE ] AND FINALLY, THIS IS FROM THE CHIEFS
IT'S PATRICK MAHOMES HE WAS VOTED MOST LIKELY TO BE THE VALET THAT TAKES YOUR CAR
FOR A JOYRIDE. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE THERE YOU HAVE IT.
THOSE ARE YOUR "SUPERLATIVES." WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW GIVE IT UP FOR THE ROOTS,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN
>> Jimmy: HEY, EVERYBODY AS I JUST MENTIONED, THE NFL
PLAYOFFS ARE THIS WEEKEND, AND NBC HAS A BIG GAME TOMORROW AFTERNOON.
IT'S THE JAGUARS VERSUS THE CHIEFS THAT'S RIGHT
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE TREVOR LAWRENCE VERSUS PATRICK MAHOMES.
IT'S GOING TO BE BIG MAKE SURE YOU TUNE IN FOR THAT, SATURDAY AT 3:00 P.M., RIGHT
HERE ON NBC AND PEACOCK. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE BUT FIRST, WHAT A SHOW WE HAVE
FOR YOU TONIGHT. HE CO-ANCHORS "WEEKEND UPDATE" ON "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE," WHICH
RETURNS TOMORROW, WITH HOST AUBREY PLAZA, AND MUSICAL GUEST, SAM SMITH
COLIN JOST IS HERE TONIGHT [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE PLUS, HE CREATED THE SERIES,
"BLACK-ISH," AND NOW HE'S MAKING HIS FEATURE FILM DIRECTING DEBUT WITH THE
COMEDY, "YOU PEOPLE," WHICH IS IN SELECT THEATERS NOW AND ON NETFLIX NEXT FRIDAY.
KENYA BARRIS IS HERE [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE AND WE'VE GOT GREAT MUSIC FROM
TOBE NWIGWE. >> Steve: WHOA "MOMINTS AT THE CRIB."
OUR FIRST GUEST TONIGHT IS A A CONGRESSMAN FROM QUEENS, NEW YORK, WHO'S INVOLVED IN
A LOT OF CONTROVERSY RIGHT NOW HERE TO SET THE RECORD STRAIGHT, PLEASE WELCOME,
CONGRESSMAN GEORGE SANTOS.
* >> Jimmy: MR. SANTOS, WELCOME
TO THE SHOW. >> OH, HI, JAMES THANKS FOR FITTING ME IN
[ LAUGHTER ] I'M JUST IN TOWN TO PICK UP MY NOBEL PEACE PRIZE.
>> Jimmy: CONGRATULATIONS. >> YEAH, PERFORM A COUPLE NIGHTS AT
MADISON SQUARE GARDEN. >> Jimmy: I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE PLAYING MSG
>> YES YES. I'LL BE SINGING ALL MY HIT
SONGS, "PIANO MAN," "HEY JUDE," "HAPPY BIRTHDAY. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: I'M GLAD YOU'RE HERE, CONGRESSMAN. BECAUSE I HAVE SOME QUESTIONS.
A LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE CALLED YOU OUT FOR LYING ABOUT DETAILS IN YOUR LIFE.
WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY TO THAT >> WELL, YOU KNOW, I DON'T
CONSIDER THE THINGS I'VE SAID TO BE LIES THEY'RE WHAT MY GREAT
GRANDFATHER, WINSTON CHURCHILL -- [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
- - HE WOULD CALL THEM EMBELLISHMENTS, EMBELLISHMENTS, YOU KNOW
I EMBELLISH. AND ON MY HOT DOG, I PUT RELISH
[ LAUGHTER ] I RELISH THE EMBELLISH, JIMMY. >> Jimmy: NOW, YOU -
[ LAUGHTER ] YOU SAID ON YOUR RESUME THAT YOU WORKED FOR GOLDMAN-SACHS,
AND THAT IS JUST NOT TRUE. >> NO, ALL RIGHT FINE, ALL RIGHT.
THAT, NO -- THE TRUTH IS, I DID NOT WORK FOR GOLDMAN-SACHS I AM GOLDMAN-SACHS
[ LAUGHTER ] YES. I FOUNDED THE COMPANY MANY
YEARS AGO. BUT I CHANGED MY NAME TO GEORGE SANTOS, BECAUSE WHO
WANTS THE LAST NAME SACHS? IT STINKS. >> Jimmy: WHAT ABOUT YOUR
EDUCATION? WHAT ABOUT YOUR EDUCATION? WHERE DID YOU ACTUALLY GO TO
SCHOOL >> WELL, I'LL BE HONEST WITH YOU, JIMMY
I WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL IN "EUPHORIA," YOU SEE. BUT THEY KICKED ME OUT AFTER I
BROKE UP WITH SYDNEY SWEENEY >> Jimmy: YOU ALSO LIED ABOUT BEING JEWISH
>> NO, NO, NO. NOW, I NEVER SAID I WAS JEWISH I SAID I WAS JEW-ISH
[ LAUGHTER ] THAT'S WHAT I SAID NO, THE TRUTH IS, I'M
A PART-TIME JEW. [ LAUGHTER ] I AM
YES. IN MY SPARE TIME, I'M THE PRIME MINISTER OF ISRAEL
[ LAUGHTER ] BUT I'M NOT ONLY JEW-ISH, I'M IR-ISH, I'M SCOTT-ISH, AND I'M
HALF-FISH. [ LAUGHTER ] DELISH
>> Jimmy: NOW, YOU - [ LAUGHTER ] YOU HAVE SOME BIG
RESPONSIBILITIES NOW, OKAY YOU'VE BEEN ADDED TO THE HOUSE COMMITTEE ON SCIENCE, SPACE,
AND TECHNOLOGY DO YOU KNOW MUCH ABOUT THAT? >> YES, YES.
I'VE ALWAYS BEEN INVOLVED IN SCIENCE. YOU KNOW, NOT TO BRAG, BUT IT
WAS MY IDEA TO HAVE GRAVITY, YOU KNOW [ LAUGHTER ]
NO, LISTEN, BEFORE I SHOWED UP, IF YOU DROPPED SOMETHING, IT WOULD JUST FLOAT UP INTO THE
AIR. WATCH THIS YOU'RE WELCOME
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: YOU'RE ALSO BEING INVESTIGATED BY THE HOUSE
ETHICS COMMITTEE ARE YOU WORRIED? >> WELL, WHY WOULD I BE?
I HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE MY NAME IS GEORGE SANTOS I'M SEVEN FEET TALL.
[ LAUGHTER ] I INVENTED BASEBALL. AND "THE AVENGERS" IS BASED ON
MY FRIEND GROUP. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: BEFORE YOU GO,
CONGRESSMAN. THERE ARE MILLIONS OF PEOPLE WATCHING RIGHT NOW
IS THERE ANYTHING YOU WANT TO SAY TO THEM? >> YES, THERE IS
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * * REGRETS
I HAVE NONE * >> Jimmy: DID YOU SAY YOU HAVE NONE
* I HAVE A SO HE'S HARRY STYLES * * GOT FIRST PLACE
NEW YORK MARATHON * * I EVEN RA THREE EXTRA MILES *
* I'VE WO EVERY SUPER BOWL * * DON'T BELIEVE M
CHECK MY RESUME * * IT'S CALLED THE HOLY BIBLE
I DID IT MY WAY * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: GEORGE SANTOS,
EVERYBODY! >> IT'S TRUE, I TELL YOU IT'S TRUE.
ALL THE LIES IT'S TRUE! I'M JIMMY FALLON
THIS IS MY SHOW! >> Jimmy: NO, IT'S NOT YOUR SHOW
GEORGE [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE
"TONIGHT SHOW," EVERYBODY. GET HIM OUT OF HERE. >> Jimmy: THANK YOU, NEWS OF A
A "M3GAN" SEQUEL IN 2025 OF COURSE, M3GAN WILL BE A A TEENAGER BY THEN, SO INSTEAD
OF MURDERING PEOPLE, SHE'LL JUST MAKE CRUEL REMARKS THAT DESTROY THEIR SELF-ESTEEM.
>> Jimmy: JON LOVITZ, EVERYBODY. JON LOVITZ, ONCE AGAIN
THAT WAS FANTASTIC [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE GUYS, TODAY IS FRIDAY, AND
THAT'S USUALLY WHEN I CATCH UP ON SOME PERSONAL STUFF I CHECK MY INBOX AND RETURN
SOME EMAILS, AND, OF COURSE, I SEND OUT "THANK YOU NOTES. I WAS RUNNING BEHIND
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE CAN I WRITE OUT SOME THANK YOU NOTES RIGHT NOW?
IS THAT OKAY [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE JAMES, CAN I GET SOME THANK YOU
NOTE WRITING MUSIC, PLEASE * [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
>> Steve: IT'S GEORGE SANTOS >> Jimmy: OH, MY GOD [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
I DON'T KNOW HOW HE DOES IT. >> Steve: YEAH EVERY WEEK
* >> Jimmy: THANK YOU, INSTAGRAM QUIET MODE, FOR LETTING ME
FOCUS ON THE THINGS THAT REALLY MATTER IN LIFE, TIKTOKS. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
* [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] THANK YOU, CANADA, FOR CHANGING
YOUR RECOMMENDATIONS ON ALCOHOL CONSUMPTION FROM TWO DRINKS A DAY TO TWO DRINKS A WEEK
AND FOR CANADIANS WHO CAN'T HANDLE THAT, MAYBE IT'S TIME TO LOOK INTO AA, EH
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE * THANK YOU, NEWS OF A "M3GAN"
SEQUEL IN 2025 OF COURSE, MEGAN WILL BE A A TEENAGER BY THEN, SO INSTEAD
OF MURDERING PEOPLE, SHE'LL JUST MAKE CRUEL REMARKS THAT DESTROY THEIR SELF-ESTEEM.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE >> Steve: YOU SMELL. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
YOU'RE GOING TO WEAR THAT SHIRT? [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: AGAIN? >> Steve: YEAH *
>> Jimmy: THANK YOU, NEWS THAT MEN WHO USE VIAGRA ARE LIKELY TO LIVE LONGER, OR AS GUYS PUT
IT, "FINALLY, A REASON FOR ME TO BEGIN TAKING VIAGRA." [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
"HOW DO YOU DO IT? >> Steve: "IT'S BLUE." [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: THAT'S WHAT HE SAYS AFTER HE TAKES IT? >> Steve: YEAH
>> Jimmy: "WHOA! OH, BOY. >> Steve: "HELLO."
>> Jimmy: "OH BOY. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> Steve: RING THE BELL.
>> Jimmy: OH, BOY. * THANK YOU, DRY JANUARY, FOR
BEING FOLLOWED UP WITH FORGET IT FEBRUARY AND MARCH-GARITA [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
MARCH-GARITA BOING. "OH, BOY."
>> Steve: "HEY, IT'S BLUE. >> Jimmy: "EGG SMUGGLER. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
* THANK YOU, JANUARY, FOR BEING GOD'S CHANCE TO PUT THE WEATHER
ON SHUFFLE [ LAUGHTER ] *
>> Jimmy: THANK YOU, TOM BRADY, FOR MAKING ME FEEL BETTER ABOUT NOT HAVING ANY PLANS THIS
WEEKEND. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THERE YOU HAVE IT.
THOSE ARE MY THANK YOU NOTES WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH COLIN JOST
COME ON. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
OF YOUR SON. >> WE'RE PRIVATE >> Jimmy: SO CUTE.
CAN I SHOW IT?
>> THERE'S A LITTLE OF BOTH OF US >> Jimmy: OUR FIRST GUEST
TONIGHT IS ONE OF THE CO-ANCHORS OF "WEEKEND UPDATE" ON "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE," WHICH
RETURNS TOMORROW ON NBC AND PEACOCK, WITH HOST AUBREY PLAZA AND MUSICAL GUEST, SAM SMITH
EVERYONE PLEASE WELCOME COLIN JOST
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: LOOK AT THAT >> THANK YOU WOW, THAT'S GREAT.
>> Jimmy: STANDING OVATION >> THAT'S VERY NICE. UNDESERVED, BUT VERY NICE.
THANK YOU. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: DO YOU --
DO YOU GET A STANDING OVATION WHEN YOU START "UPDATE" ON "SATURDAY NIGHT"
>> IT'S IN MY CONTRACT >> Jimmy: YEAH, OKAY YEAH, JUST --
YEAH >> WHY DIDN'T I PUT IT IN BEFORE
>> Jimmy: IT IS -- IT'S BEEN A A COUPLE YEARS SINCE I HAD YOU ON THE SHOW.
>> I KNOW. >> Jimmy: AND I'LL TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENED.
YOU GOT MARRIED. >> YEAH. >> Jimmy: CONGRATULATIONS.
>> THANK YOU VERY MUCH YEAH [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: YOU HAD A BABY >> YES WE HAD A BABY.
>> Jimmy: YOU HAD A BABY >> I DID A LITTLE OF IT. YEAH
>> Jimmy: YEAH, YOU HAD A LITTLE BIT OF IT YEAH
CONGRATULATIONS. HOW'S MARRIED LIFE HOW'S THE BABY
>> IT'S GREAT. HE'S -- HE'S 18 MONTHS OLD HE'S DOING GREAT
HE'S WALKING HE'S TALKING HIS -- HIS FAVORITE WORD IS
"CRACKER," SAME -- SAME AS MICHAEL CHE, SAME FAVORITE WORD
[ LAUGHTER ] SAME AS HIS UNCLE. HE GOT IT FROM HIS UNCLE
>> Jimmy: YEAH BUT HE'S -- HE'S CUTE. >> HE'S GREAT, DANCING
HE'S NOT REALLY DA -- >> Jimmy: HE'S, LIKE, RUNNING AROUND
>> HE'S WALKING, BUT -- >> Jimmy: YOU BROUGHT A PHOTO OF YOUR SON.
>> WE'RE PRIVATE BUT FOR YOU, WE JUST -- >> Jimmy: SO CUTE.
>> YEAH, THIS -- >> Jimmy: CAN I SHOW IT? >> YEAH, I MEAN, HE'S SO CUTE.
[ LAUGHTER ] IT'S LIKE A MIX. YOU SEE, IT'S BOTH OF US
>> Jimmy: YEAH, IT IS. YEAH, YEAH I SEE A LOT OF --
>> THERE'S A LITTLE OF BOTH OF US >> Jimmy: YEAH, YOU --
>> AND THE DANCING IS -- THE DANCING'S GOOD >> Jimmy: YEAH
>> YEAH. >> Jimmy: WE HAVE KENYA BARRIS ON THE SHOW TONIGHT.
>> OH, YEAH. >> Jimmy: AND WE'RE TALKING BACKSTAGE.
HE CAST YOU IN "COMING 2 AMERICA. >> THAT'S RIGHT.
YEAH >> Jimmy: YEAH >> IN "COMING 2 AMERICA.
THE TWO IS IN THE MIDDLE, SO IT'S -- IF YOU JUST SAY IT, IT'S CONFUSING
>> Jimmy: OH, THAT'S INTERESTING. YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT
"COMING 2 AMERICA. >> YEAH, SO I WAS -- I BELIEVE I WAS, BASICALLY, THE ONLY
WHITE CHARACTER IN THE FILM. [ LAUGHTER ] I THINK IT WAS --
LOUIE ANDERSON CAME AND REPRISED HIS ROLE, AND THEN IT WAS ME
>> Jimmy: YEAH >> AND YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE IT, BUT I WAS
A VILLAIN. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: NO
>> I KNOW. AND I -- WEIRDLY, I DIDN'T HAVE TO AUDITION.
[ LAUGHTER ] THEY WERE JUST LIKE, "THE PART OF 'WHITE VILLAIN.' I GUESS WE
JUST ASK COLIN." >> Jimmy: YEAH [ LAUGHTER ]
>> "HE'LL COME IN AND DO IT. AND IT'S REALLY CRAZY ON -- LIKE, WHEN YOU'RE DOING THE
ROLE BECAUSE THEY MAKE ME DO HORROR -- MAKE ME SAY HORRIBLE THINGS
YOU'RE DOING IT AND THEN WHEN THE DIRECTOR YELLS, "TAKE," YOU HAVE TO GO LIKE, "I'M SORRY.
I'M SORRY. YOU KNOW [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: "I APOLOGIZE THAT WAS NOT ME. >> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: "I'M JUST READING THE LINES HERE." >> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: YEAH >> BUT THEN WHEN YOU IMPROVISE IN CHARACTER AND IT WORKS, YOU
FEEL EVEN WORSE. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: WHEN YOU DO "WEEKEND
UPDATE," ARE THERE -- SOMETIMES, YOU HAVE THE SHOWS OFF FOR TWO WEEKS OR WHATEVER
THAT -- AND YOU MISS A STORY, DO YOU GET MAD YOU'RE LIKE, "OH, I WOULD HAVE
HAD A GOOD JOKE ON THAT ONE. >> I HAVE BEEN FOLLOWING -- I DON'T KNOW IF YOU GUYS HAVE
BEEN FOLLOWING THIS CRAZY MURDER INVESTIGATION THAT'S HAPPENING IN MASSACHUSETTS
I KNOW THAT YOU GUYS WANTED TO TALK ABOUT THIS. [ LAUGHTER ]
BUT IT -- >> Jimmy: YOU KNEW - YOU KNEW THAT?
>> YOU TOLD THE AUDIENCE EARLIER AND THEY'RE LIKE, "GET INTO THAT.
>> Jimmy: WAIT, WHICH ONE? >> BUT IT STARTED ROLLING OUT ON -- I KEPT SEEING THESE
HEADLINES ON CNN AND THE FIRST HEADLINE IS LIKE, YOU KNOW, "NEW YEAR'S DAY, WIFE
DISAPPEARS HUSBAND'S WORRIED. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
AND YOU REALIZE "HUSBAND WORRIED" SHOULD JUST AUTO CORRECT TO "HUSBAND MURDERED."
BUT THEY DON'T -- [ LAUGHTER ] YOU CAN'T SAY THAT YET
>> Jimmy: YES, EXACTLY >> SO, THEN THE NEXT ONE WAS LIKE, "HUSBAND SAYS WIFE TOOK
AN UBER TO THE AIRPORT UBER SAYS 'NO.'" [ LAUGHTER ]
SO, LIKE, ALREADY UBER -- YOU KNOW IT'S BAD WHEN UBER IS LIKE, "THIS GUY IS A LITTLE
SKETCHY, I DON'T KNOW. [ LAUGHTER ] AND THEN THE NEXT --
>> Jimmy: GETTING A COMMENT FROM UBER. >> AND THEN WE UBER.
AND THEN THE NEXT ONE IS LIKE, "HUSBAND SAYS HE TOOK HIS SON TO GET ICE CREAM, BUT FOOTAGE
SHOWS HE WENT TO HOME DEPOT TO BUY TARPS AND A HACKSAW. [ LAUGHTER ]
AND YOU'RE LIKE, "WHOA, THIS REALLY ESCALATED!" AND THEN THEY'RE LIKE, "ALL
RIGHT, WE'RE GOING TO BRING HIM IN, YOU KNOW, AND WE'RE CHARGING HIM WITH MISLEADING
INVESTIGATORS. AND HIS ATTORNEY IS LIKE, "WHAT EVIDENCE DO YOU EVEN HAVE
AGAINST MY CLIENT? [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: YEAH
>> THEY'RE LIKE, "WELL, WE FOUND A BLOODY KNIFE IN THE BASEMENT."
>> Jimmy: YEAH >> AND THE GUY'S LAWYER IS LIKE, "OH, YOU DID
OH, MY GOD." [ LAUGHTER ] "OH, MY.
THAT'S NOT GOOD. THAT'S, LIKE, CLASSIC BAD EVIDENCE."
>> Jimmy: DIDN'T THEY FIND -- >> AND THEN THE GOOGLE SEARCHES
>> Jimmy: YES. >> THE GOOGLE SEARCHES, THERE'S LIKE HUNDREDS.
THEY'RE LIKE, "WHAT OTHER EVIDENCE?" AND THEY HAD 100 GOOGLE
SEARCHES AND THEY'RE LITERALLY LIKE, "WHEN WIFE DEAD, HOW LONG TO INHERIT MONEY?"
>> Jimmy: YES. [ AUDIENCE OOHS >> AND I SWEAR TO GOD, ONE OF
THEM WAS "TOP TEN WAYS TO DISPOSE OF A BODY IF YOU REALLY NEED TO.
>> Jimmy: WOW. [ AUDIENCE OOHS >> HE GOOGLED THE TOP TEN LIST
>> Jimmy: HE GOOGLED IT. YEAH >> HE WAS LIKE, "MAYBE
LETTERMAN DID IT." [ LAUGHTER ] "GIVE ME SOME IDEAS ON HOW TO
DO IT. >> Jimmy: "GIVE ME SOME IDEAS ON HOW TO DO IT.
THIS WEEK, YOU HAVE AUBREY PLAZA HOSTING, WHO IS VERY FUNNY
>> YEAH. >> Jimmy: AND SHE ACTUALLY SAID SHE INTERNED AT "SNL" --
>> YES >> Jimmy: -- FOR A COUPLE YEARS.
>> SHE INTERNED. SHE WAS IN THE -- SHE WORKED IN OUR SET -- SET DESIGN, LIKE,
WITH LEO AND KEITH >> Jimmy: DID YOU KNOW HER THEN
>> YEAH, WE'RE BASICALLY THE SAME AGE WE STARTED, LIKE, WITHIN A YEAR
WHEN I STARTED AS A WRITER AND SHE STARTED AS -- IN SET DESIGN
THEN SHE BECAME A PAGE SHE SAID SHE GOT, LIKE, BASICALLY DEMOTED TO BEING A
A PAGE FROM HAVING RUNNING IN THE SET DESIGN, WORKING IN THE SET DESIGN
AND SO, I'VE KNOWN HER SINCE THEN AND I, KIND OF, IN MY MIND,
THOUGHT SHE HAD ALREADY HOSTED BECAUSE SHE'S SO GREAT AND I'M EXCITED SHE'S DOING IT
FOR THE FIRST TIME >> Jimmy: SHE'S GOING TO CRUSH IT
SHE WAS GREAT IN "WHITE LOTUS. YEAH IT'S GOING TO BE A GREAT SHOW.
SAM SMITH, AUBREY PLAZA. THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE >> OH, MY GOD.
THANK YOU. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: COLIN JOST, EVERYBODY. >> TRIP DOWN THE INVESTIGATION
>> Jimmy: "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE" RETURNS TOMORROW ON NBC AND PEACOCK WITH HOST AUBREY PLAZA
AND MUSICAL GUEST SAM SMITH. KENYA BARRIS JOINS US AFTER THE BREAK.
STICK AROUND, EVERYBODY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
>> Jimmy: OUR NEXT GUEST CREATED THE VERY POPULAR TELEVISION SERIES, "BLACK-ISH,"
AND NOW HE'S MAKING HIS FEATURE FILM DIRECTING DEBUT WITH THE NEW COMEDY, "YOU PEOPLE.
IT'S IN SELECT THEATERS NOW, AND ON NETFLIX GLOBALLY, NEXT FRIDAY
PLEASE WELCOME, KENYA BARRIS
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
>> Jimmy: THAT'S KENYA COME ON NOW. KENYA BARRIS, WELCOME BACK TO
"THE TONIGHT SHOW. THANKS FOR BEING HERE. I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT --
I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT "YOU PEOPLE. >> OH, THANK YOU
>> Jimmy: EDDIE -- CONGRATULATIONS. EDDIE MURPHY, JONAH HILL
IT'S GREAT I WANT TO GET INTO ALL THAT. BUT FIRST YOU WERE TELLING ME
ABOUT A MOVIE YOU'RE DOING NOW BACKSTAGE. YOU'RE WORKING ON A NEW FILM
>> YES >> Jimmy: AND CAN WE TALK ABOUT THIS
>> YEAH, LET'S TALK ABOUT IT >> Jimmy: IT'S KIND OF A A REIMAGINING OF "THE WIZARD OF
OZ." >> YEAH. >> Jimmy: THAT'S A BIG THING
>> THAT'S A BIG DEAL [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: IT'S A BIG DEAL.
HOW DID YOU END UP THERE, AND HOW ARE YOU GONNA DO THIS? >> I WANTED TO -- ME AND
RASHIDA JONES, WHO'S MY SISTER, WE WANTED TO DO "THE WIZ." AND, YOU KNOW, HER DAD DID THE
MUSIC FOR IT, AND WE THOUGHT IT WOULD BE GREAT AND WE WENT TO -- THE STUDIO
WHO OWNS THE -- WHO OWNS "THE WIZ," WHICH IS - AND I LOVE -- I LOVE THE
PEOPLE, BUT THEY WERE KIND OF HEDGING. AND THEN WE REALIZED THEY WERE
NEVER GOING TO LET US DO IT, BECAUSE THEY HAD "WICKED" COMING OUT, AND THEY HAD
INVESTED SO MUCH MONEY IN "WICKED. >> Jimmy: OH, YEAH
>> AND, SO, WE WENT TO WARNER BROS AND SHE HAD TO GO DO SOME --
MAKE A TON OF MONEY DOING SOME SHOWS OR WHATEVER. BUT I REALLY WANTED TO DO IT
AND TOBY EMMERICH, WHO WAS RUNNING WARNER BROS AT THE TIME, THAT WAS HIS FAVORITE
MOVIE. AND I GAVE HIM MY PITCH OF, LIKE, I THINK "THE WIZARD OF
OZ" BACK IN THE DAY WAS LIKE, IT TURNED A MIRROR IT WAS LIKE, THE DUST DOWL,
GREAT DEPRESSION ERA AND IT TURNED A MIRROR ON, LIKE, SOCIETY.
THAT'S WHAT IT WAS ABOUT IT WAS TALKING ABOUT SELF-RELIANCE AND THINGS LIKE
THAT I THINK THAT THIS IS THE BEST TIME TO TURN A MIRROR ON
SOCIETY, BECAUSE WE NEED TO SEE OURSELF. AND I WAS, LIKE, I WANT TO DO
IT WITH DIVERSE CHARACTERS, AND I REALLY WANT TO SORT OF, YOU KNOW -
SHE LIVES -- THE CHARACTER LIVES IN INGLEWOOD AND SOMETHING COMES UP AND SHE ENDS
IN UNDERHOOD, WHICH IS RIGHT OUTSIDE -- [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
OUTSIDE OF OZ. AND IT TAKES PLACE FROM THERE. AND I'M DOING IT WITH THESE
GUYS, 1500 OR NOTHIN', LIKE, AMAZING MUSICIANS. AND -- BUT, WE'RE WRITING IT
WITH THE MUSIC AS I'M WRITING, BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE IT'S THE ONLY MOVIE WHERE EACH SONG
TELLS YOU WHAT'S ABOUT TO HAPPEN YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING
>> Jimmy: YEAH >> "WE'RE OFF TO SEE --" AND I SAW --
>> Jimmy: YEAH, "WE'RE OFF TO SEE THE WIZARD." >> SO LITERALLY, LIKE, HEARING,
LIKE -- I DIDN'T REALIZE HOW MELODIC "SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW" WAS, THAT YOU -
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING SO, LIKE, THEY'RE GIVING ME DIFFERENT MOTIFS
AND LIKE, I'VE NEVER - >> Jimmy: HAVE YOU EVER WRITTEN LIKE THAT BEFORE
>> UM, NO, BUT I ACTUALLY WORKED WITH YOUR GUYS, AND WE DID AN AMAZING JUNETEENTH
MUSICAL. AND I REALIZED, LIKE, IT WAS - IT WAS SOMETHING I WANTED TO
DO THAT WAS SOMETHING I REALLY WANTED
I WANTED TO, LIKE, MAKE PEOPLE THINK BUT, ALSO MAKE 'EM FEEL GOOD, AND ALSO MAKE PEOPLE FEEL
SEEN WHO HADN'T BEEN SEEN, SO - >> Jimmy: GOOD FOR YOU, BUD.
COME ON. YOU KEEP CRUSHING. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
KEEP GETTING HOMERS, MAN, COME ON LET'S TALK ABOUT YOUR NEW
COMEDY A NEW COMEDY FILM. BY THE WAY, FIRST OF ALL, A NEW
COMEDY FILM! >> NO COMEDIES >> Jimmy: NO ONE MAKES COMEDIES
ANYMORE. LET'S MAKE A COMEDY FILM [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
LET'S GO SUPPORT A COMEDY. "YOU PEOPLE. YOU'RE GETTING GREAT REVIEWS,
BUDDY. HERE'S ONE FROM "DEADLINE," SAID, "EDDIE MURPHY,
JULIA LOUIS-DREYFUS, JONAH HILL LEAD KENYA BARRIS' HYSTERICALLY FUNNY AND SMART FEATURE DEBUT.
CONGRATULATIONS, COME ON [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> THANK YOU SO MUCH
>> Jimmy: DUDE, RAVE REVIEWS >> RAVE REVIEWS. >> Jimmy: YOU CO-WROTE THE
SCRIPT WITH JONAH HILL - >> JimmyHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO ONE OF OUR FAVORITES
VERY FUNNY IN THIS MOVIE UH, HOW DID YOU GUYS GET TOGETHER
>> SO, I'VE BEEN A FAN OF JONAH'S FOREVER. YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING
LIKE, YOU KNOW, I GREW UP WITH THOSE APATOW FILMS AND, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING
>> Jimmy: HE'S UNBELIEVABLE. >> "FREAKS AND GEEKS" AND ALL THIS STUFF
AND, UM, WE -- I REALLY STARTED GETTING, YOU KNOW, STARTED TALKING A LOT WHEN HE DID
"MID90s. 'CAUSE I WAS LIKE, "BRO, YOU KILLED IT.
>> Jimmy: OH, THAT WAS GREAT >> HE KILLED IT. AND I WAS -- SO, WE, YOU KNOW,
HE WAS LIKE TELLING ME HE LIKES THE STUFF THAT I DO. HE'S LIKE -- HE LIKES TALKING
ABOUT STUFF. HE'S LIKE, HE HAS AN IDEA. AND WE -- SO IT WAS SUPPOSED TO
BE A 30-MINUTE MEETING ENDED UP BEING THREE HOURS THAT LED TO TWO WEEKS OF US PUTTING
TOGETHER A PITCH YOU KNOW, HE WAS DATING THIS COLOMBIAN GIRL, AND HE TALKED
ABOUT, LIKE, IT'S NOT THE PEOPLE WHO USUALLY ARE THE PROBLEM.
IT'S THE PEOPLE AROUND THEM THAT ARE THE PROBLEM AND THEN WE STARTED TALKING
ABOUT, YOU KNOW, JEWISH FAMILIES AND BLACK FAMILIES, IT'S LIKE THE OPPRESSION
OLYMPICS YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING LIKE, WHO HAD IT -
>> Jimmy: "THE OPPRESSION OLYMPICS." >> WHO HAD IT WORSE?
AND WE JUST, LITERALLY, LIKE THE POINT FOR ME, LIKE, WE'RE BOTH L.A
KIDS I'M FROM A, YOU KNOW, PREDOMINANTLY BLACK
NEIGHBORHOOD HE'S PREDOMINANTLY WHITE, BUT THE WAY L.A. GEOGRAPHICALLY IS
SET UP, A LOT OF TIMES, BY THE TIME YOU GET TO HIGH SCHOOL, YOU START MIXING THE KIDS.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING AND I STARTED FINDING, LIKE, YOU KNOW, YOU HAVE MORE IN
COMMON THAN YOU DO NOT >> Jimmy: YEAH >> AND SO, WE WERE, LIKEKEKEKEKE
LIKE, THAT REALLY WAS, LIKE, ONE OF THE THINGS WE WANTED TO DO IS MAKE IT A LOVE LETTER TO
OUR CULTURE. AND LET'S MAKE IT A LOVE LETTER TO LOVE.
>> Jimmy: YEAH >> AND SO, I THINK THAT'S WHAT WE TRIED TO SET OUT AND DO
AND HOPEFULLY PEOPLE, LIKE, IT RESONATES AND PEOPLE GET THAT. >> Jimmy: IT HAS JOKE, JOKE,
JOKE, JOKE, JOKE I MEAN, IT IS -- DUDE, YOU CAME OUT PUNCHING, MAN.
>> YEAH, WE SWUNG. >> Jimmy: EVERY SECOND IS A JOKE, AND IT'S LIKE, SO GOOD
AND LAUREN LONDON? >> SHE'S THE NEXT -- SHE'S BLACK JULIA ROBERTS.
>> Jimmy: SHE'S UNBELIEVABLE IN THIS, AND THAT IS A BIG DISCOVERY.
[ APPLAUSE ] >> YOU KNOW, I FEEL LIKE IT IS, IN OUR COMMUNITY, THE BLACK
COMMUNITY, PEOPLE -- SHE WAS -- SHE WAS OURS YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING
AND SHE HAD SOME TRAUMATIC THINGS IN HER LIFE HAPPEN. AND I HAD TO BEG HER TO DO
THIS >> Jimmy: SHE KNOCKS IT OUT OF THE PARK
>> SHE KNOCKED -- AND SHE'S JUST -- I HAVE THIS THING, I THINK STARS ARE STARS BECAUSE
THERE'S LIKE, JULIA ROBERTS, SANDRA BULLOCK, GEORGE CLOONEY, DE NIRO SAYS THE SAME LINES,
YOU BASICALLY -- THEY'RE BASICALLY THE SAME PERSON, AND YOU BUY THEM
THAT'S WHAT MAKES THEM A STAR, SOMETHING ABOUT THEM AND I THINK SOMETHING ABOUT
LAUREN, YOU JUST WANT HER TO WIN. >> Jimmy: YEAH
>> YOU WANT TO ROOT FOR HER. >> Jimmy: I TOTALLY AGREE WITH YOU, YEAH.
IT'S SO FUNNY. HOW DO WE SET UP THE MOVIE >> IT'S A LOVE STORY
GIRL FROM INGLEWOOD, SLASH BALDWIN HILLS, WHOSE FAMILY IS MUSLIM, HAS A -- GET'S -- HAS
A GREAT MEET-CUTE WITH SOMEONE FROM A COMPLETE -- FROM BRENTWOOD, A COMPLETELY
DIFFERENT THING. THEY COME TOGETHER THEY REALLY FALL FOR EACH
OTHER. THEY FALL FOR, LIKE, WHAT LOVE IS REALLY ABOUT, LIKE, JUST
CONNECTION AND THEY REALIZE THAT THE HURDLE IS NOW GOING TO BE THEIR
PARENTS. AND THAT'S WHERE THE SHOW KIND OF TAKES OFF
>> Jimmy: YEAH, I WANT TO SHOW A CLIP HERE'S JONAH HILL AND
JULIA LOUIS-DREYFUS IN "YOU PEOPLE." TAKE A LOOK.
I'M HIP. [ HEAVY SIGH ] PEOPLE THINK I'M A VERY
YOUTHFUL PERSON. I GET IT YOU KNOW, YOU'RE EXPRESSING
YOURSELF WITH THESE ILLUSTRATIONS, GRAFFITI ALL OVER YOUR BODY
OKAY, FINE BUT IT IS YOM KIPPUR, GOD DAMN IT
>> FIRST OF ALL, CAN YOU PLEASE STOP SAYING "I GET IT" AND USING AIR QUOTES
AND SECOND OF ALL, WHEN SOMEONE SAYS, "I'M COOL, I GET IT. THEY NEVER ARE COOL, AND THEY
NEVER GET IT YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TO SAY THAT >> THAT'S NOT TRUE
>> YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO BE BURIED IN A JEWISH CEMETERY. >> BUBBIE, RESPECTFULLY, YOU
CAN TAKE MY ASHES AND YOU CAN FLUSH THEM DOWN THE URINAL AT DODGER STADIUM, RESPECTFULLY
>> OH, SO NOW YOU'RE DISRESPECTING THE DODGERS? >> I WANNA BE BURIED NEXT TO
RIHANNA. >> RIHANNA WHAT DO YOU --
OKAY, I'M GONNA SCRAPE THOSE TATTOOS OFF MYSELF, AND I'M GONNA BURY YOU IN A DOUBLE WIDE
COFFIN WITH ME OKAY HOW ABOUT THAT
>> SOUNDS GOOD >> SOUNDS GOOD >> Jimmy: YEAH, SOUNDS GOOD.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE I MEAN, HAVE YOU - I ALSO SHOULD MENTIONED --
MIKE EPPS. O>>GOGOY D.D.D.D.D. >> Jimmy: THAT DUDE WAS ON FIRE, MAN.
>> HIM AND DEON COLE - >> Jimmy: YEAH >> -- ARE JUST LIKE --
IT WAS CRAZY, BECAUSE EDDIE IS EVERYBODY'S, LIKE, YOU KNOW, ALL THE COMEDIANS, LIKE, THEY
LOOK UP TO EDDIE >> Jimmy: EDDIE MURPHY >> WHEN MIKE CAME, HE WAS
ESPECIALLY -- HE'S LIKE, "I'M 'BOUT TO SHOW OFF. YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING
AND LITERALLY SEEING THEM TOGETHER, I FEEL LIKE THERE'S SO MUCH ON THE CUTTING ROOM
FLOOR THAT I ONE DAY WANT TO PUT OUT. IT WAS -- YOU COULDN'T STOP
LAUGHING LIKE, WE -- WE HAD TO STOP -- I HAD TO, LIKE, TELL PEOPLE
"YOU'VE GOT TO LEAVE IF YOU CAN'T STOP LAUGHING. >> Jimmy: AND IF YOU CAN GET
EDDIE MURPHY TO LAUGH, IT FEELS GOOD >> IT FEELS LIKE SCORING ON
JORDAN [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: IT DOES.
KENYA BARRIS, EVERYBODY. "YOU PEOPLE" IS IN SELECT THEATERS NOW, PREMIERES ON
NETFLIX NEXT FRIDAY. GO SEE A COMEDY IN A MOVIE THEATER.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE "TONIGHT SHOW. STICK AROUND
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * >> Jimmy: OUR NEXT GUEST IS
NOMINATED FOR A GRAMMY FOR BEST NEW ARTIST PERFORMING "FYE FYE" FROM HIS
ALBUM, "MOMINTS AT THE CRIB," WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM FAT NWIGWE, GIVE IT UP FOR
TOBE NWIGWE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
* O OH GOD I'M EXTRA UNIQUE
MY WHOLE AURA * * SCREAM TALENT I'VE BEEN LISTENIN' TO FEL
GRISELDA AND MARVIN WINANS JUST TO MAKE SURE * * I'M BALANCE
I'M FROM THE WES YEAH HALF OF M PARTNERS IS SAVAGE *
* THE OTHER HALF MADE I OUT THE MUD BUT THE TAST OF SLUDGE DIDN'T ALTER
THEY PALATE UH * * I'M A DAW I'M A BEAS
AND YO' FATHER FIGUR THAT LIL' P365 WAS JUST * * FAT STARTER PISTO
AND SHE GOT A SCORPION TOO AND'LL STING YOU JUST LIKE A SCORPION DO *
* IF A DEMON GET GREGARIOUS MY LIL' HARRIET DON' DO WHAT ACCORDIONS D
OOH THAT MEANS FOLD * * I WAS TOLD BY THE G'S OF OLD
KEEP YO' LADY CLOS MAKE SURE SHE CAN * * WORK A POLE
BUT THEY WASN' REFERRING TO STRIPPERS I'M STILL BALD FACE *
* WITH THE CLIPPERS I DONE BEEN BLESSE WITH A WOMAN
THAT PRAY HEAVY * * BUT TURN A FREA ON THE LIQUOR UH
SHE KEEP THE DEVIL OFF M LIKE THE CHERUBIM * * SHE MAKE IT CLEAR TO HOES
THAT WE AIN'T SHARING HI I PUSH THE YUKONEEZY LIKE A CHARIOT *
* DK A LEGEND HATE WE HAD TO BURY HI UH YEAH BUT THAT'S HOW
IT BE IN THE JUNGLE * * I GREW UP AROUN WILDLINGS AND MONGRELS
READY TO SLUMP YOU MURK YOU OR JUMP YOU UH * * I ROCK THE SLIDES
TO BE HUMBLE I TOLD MY BABY GIR SHE GON' HAVE MORE *
* IN HER HEAD THAN JUST PRODUCT AND BUNDLE THEY SAY I'M RAPPI
WITH HUNGER * * I TELL 'E HELL NAH I'M EATIN
IF YOU BOOK ME FOR A SHO AND I CAN'T BRING MY * * WIFE AND MY BABIE
I'M LEAVIN BIG DADDY ENERGY SPEAKIN I KEEP THE ENEMY TWEAKIN *
* I COULD GO HUH AL ON THE TRACK AND THEY'LL SAY I'
THE HARDEST ONE BREATHIN * * I AM A BEACON FOR HEATHEN ME AND MY HOOD
GOT COHESION IT TAUGHT ME KEEP * * A LIL 38 SPECIA
THEY BLESS YOU WHEN AIN' NO ONE SNEEZIN AHH THIS HO FIRE-FIRE *
* IF YOU BLACK WE IN SYNC BYE-BYE-BY EVERYBODY SAY --
WEST THAT'S MY SIDE * * THROW IT UP AND I'MA PUT IT DOWN
UNTIL I DI ONE MORE TIME SAY -- * * AHH THIS HO FIRE-FIRE
IF YOU BLACK WE IN SYN BYE-BYE-BY EVERYBODY SAY -- *
* WEST THAT'S MY SIDE THROW IT UP AN I'MA PUT IT DOWN
UNTIL I DIE * * YEAH YEAH ON GOD I'M EXTRA PETIT
BUT THE HOOD CALL ME FAT FIRE ON ME LIKE * * SHADRACH AND MESHAC
I KEEP PEACE FOR THE SCRAP THROW UP THE WEST YEAH BUT LET'S JUST *
* KEEP IT A STACK I WAS RAISED IN GRAND RAPIDS MY POPS WAS INACTIVE
MY MAMA WAS * * FORCED TO ADAPT SHE HELD IT DOWN
THAT'S NOT NEW I'M BLACK IN AMERICA * * YEAH YEAH
RAISED IN THE SLUM CAME UP FROM CRUMB NOW WE COOL WITH ERYKAH *
* YEAH YEAH OOH YEAH I'M TALKIN BADU I DON'T KNOW WHY
YOU DON'T RECOGNIZE ME * * ME AND TOB GON GIVE AND GO JUS
LIKE A DRIVE-THR SCHOOL OF HARD KNOCKS * * THE ONLY THIN
I APPLIED TO YEAH YEA AND I GOT ADMITTED *
* I AIN'T KIDDI AIN'T IT GLORIOU YEAH YEA
I FEEL LIKE DIDDY * * TOBE BIGGIE WE NOTORIOUS YEA
YEAH YEA BUT IT'S SO MUCH * * MORE TO U
MIGHT GET A GRAMMY THAT'S THE FLOOR TO US DROPPED THREE KIDS *
* LIFESTYLE LABORIOUS DON'T NEED ORACLES I AIN'T MORPHEUS
I AM STILL THE YOUNG QUEEN * * MOTHER BABY WHAT IT D IF YOU BREED AND
DON'T CARE FOR YO SEED WHAT IS YOU * * SAY IT WITH ME A HO
THIS FOR Y'ALL WHO DON'T KNOW BIG FAT BUT I AIN'T SWOLE *
* LIL BOYS GON ADDRESS ME LIKE BIG BRO ARIANA AIN'T THE ONLY ON
THAT DO IT GRANDE * * KNEW I'D BE HIS FIANC WHEN HE WAS BROK
ON CAUSEWAY YEAH AND-AND-AND HE AIN'T EVEN * * HIT HIS PEAK LIKE DANTE
OKAY AND I AIN'T KI WHAT THAT MEAN *
* IT'S OKAY NEVER GO KANYE AH
YEAH THIS HO FIRE-FIRE * * YEA IF YOU BLACK WE IN SYN
BYE-BYE-BY EVERYBODY SAY -- * * WEST THAT'S MY SIDE
THROW IT UP AN I'MA PUT IT DOWN UNTIL I DIE *
* IT'S CALLING YO COME O AHH THIS HO FIRE-FIR
YEAH * * IF YOU BLACK WE IN SYNC BYE-BYE-BY
WEST THAT'S MY SID THROW IT UP * * I'MA PUT IT DOW
HERE TONIGHT COME ON LET'S GO AHH THIS HO FIRE-FIRE *
* WOO IF YOU BLACK WE IN SYN BYE-BYE-BY
WEST THAT'S MY SIDE * * THROW IT UP AND I'MA PUT IT DOWN
TASTE IT LET IT GO AWAY * * TO THIS WHOLE FIRE-FIRE
IF YOU BLACK WE IN SYN BYE-BYE-BY WEST THAT'S MY SIDE *
* THROW IT UP AND I'MA PUT IT DOWN UNTIL I DIE *
>> THANK YOU [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: TOBE NWIGWE,
FAT NWIGWE "MOMINTS AT THE CRIB" IS OUT NOW.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK, EVERYBODY [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
>> Jimmy: MY THANKS TO COLIN JOST, KENYA BARRIS, JON LOVITZ
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE TOBE AND FAT NWIGWE. AND THE ROOTS, RIGHT THERE,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, FROM PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA THANK YOU FOR WATCHING
STAY TUNED FOR "LATE NIGHT WITH SETH MEYERS. GOODNIGHT, EVERYBODY