>> Steve: FROM STUDIO 6B IN ROCKEFELLER CENTER IN THE HEART
OF NEW YORK CITY, IT'S "THE TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON."
TONIGHT, JOIN JIMMY AND HIS GUESTS - CLAIRE DANES
ROMAN REIGNS COMEDIAN CATHY LADMAN, AND FEATURING THE LEGENDARY
ROOTS CREW >> Questlove: 1787 >> Steve: AND NOW, HERE HE IS,
JIMMY FALLON
*
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: OH, MY GOODNESS.
COME ON, NOW [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THANK YOU VERY MUCH, EVERYBODY
THANK YOU VERY MUCH AND WELCOME. WELCOME, WELCOME, WELCOME TO
"THE TONIGHT SHOW. YOU'RE HERE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. THAT'S A GREAT CROWD WELCOME.
WELL, GUYS, EVERYONE'S EXCITED ABOUT THIS - THE NFL PLAYOFFS ARE THIS
WEEKEND. THIS IS A BIG DEAL [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
EVERYONE WATCHES IT. THE EAGLES ARE TAKING ON THE 49ers --
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE AND THE CHIEFS ARE UP AGAINST THE BENGALS FOR A SPOT IN THE
SUPER BOWL RIGHT BEFORE THE GAME, EACH COACH IS GOING TO BE LIKE,
"GUYS, REMEMBER, IF WE WIN, WE GET TO SEE RIHANNA ALL RIGHT?
COME ON, THAT'S -- [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE THAT'S RIGHT, THE
CHIEFS/BENGALS GAME IS A A REMATCH OF LAST YEAR'S CHAMPIONSHIP
APPARENTLY, THE NFL SAW HOW MUCH PEOPLE LOVED "AVATAR 2" AND THOUGHT, "WE SHOULD DO A
A SEQUEL." [ LAUGHTER ] WELL, AHEAD OF THIS WEEKEND'S
BIG GAMES, I SAW SOME OF THE PLAYERS HAVE ACTUALLY RELEASED STATEMENTS
CHECK THIS OUT FIRST UP, EAGLES QUARTERBACK JALEN HURTS SAID, "WE'RE GONNA
DESTROY THE 49ers THIS WEEKEND I'M PUTTING EVERYTHING ON THE LINE
I DON'T CARE HOW MUCH IT, WELL, MY LAST NAME." [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
UP NEXT, EAGLES CORNERBACK DARIUS SLAY SAID, "WHEN I PLAY, I DO ONE THING ALL DAY
AND THAT'S, WELL, MY LAST NAME." [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
THEN CHIEFS WIDE RECEIVER MECOLE HARDMAN SAID, "MAN, I WANT TO WIN ANOTHER SUPER BOWL
SO BAD I HAD NO CLUE IT WOULD BE THIS, WELL, MY LAST NAME."
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE THEN BENGALS CORNERBACK ELI APPLE SAID, "MY FRIENDS AND
FAMILY HAVE BEEN TEXTING ME ALL WEEK BUT MY COUSIN'S TEXTS ARE GREEN
BECAUSE HE DOESN'T OWN A, WELL, MY LAST NAME." [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
[ RIM SHOT ] >> Steve: WOW. >> Jimmy: AND FINALLY, CHIEFS
QUARTERBACK PATRICK MAHOMES SAID, "I'M RELAXING BEFORE THE GAME BY BINGE-WATCHING
'PROPERTY BROTHERS.' I WONDER IF THOSE GUYS WOULD EVER WANT TO RENOVATE ANY OF, WELL, MY
LAST NAME. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ANYWAY, I CAN'T WAIT TO WATCH.
GONNA BE EXCITING THIS WEEKEND SOME POLITICAL NEWS, THIS WEEKEND IN SOUTH CAROLINA,
FORMER PRESIDENT TRUMP IS HOLDING HIS FIRST CAMPAIGN RALLY AS A 2024 PRESIDENTIAL
CANDIDATE. BUT I READ THAT HIS TEAM IS STRUGGLING TO FIND ENOUGH
PEOPLE TO ATTEND [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] BUT TRUMP IS SMART
TODAY, HIS TEAM ANNOUNCED THAT HIS FIRST 10,000 SUPPORTERS THAT SHOW UP WILL RECEIVE
A FREE CLASSIFIED DOCUMENT [ LAUGHTER ] I FEEL LIKE TRUMP'S GOING TO
MOVE HIS SPEECH TO THE PARKING LOT OF THE CHIEFS GAME AND BRAG LIKE, "WOW, WHAT A TURNOUT."
[ LAUGHTER ] "CHIEFS VERSUS BENGALS, RED HATS, ORANGE FACES
IT'S A WIN/WIN." [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE "IT'S A WIN/WIN FOR ME."
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE YOU CAN TELL TRUMP'S GETTING DESPERATE FOR PEOPLE TO SHOW
UP HE'S EVEN PREMIERING A TRAILER FOR THE NEW MOVIE, "IV4NKA."
[ LAUGHTER ] [ AUDIENCE OHS ] WELL, LAST NIGHT,
PRESIDENT BIDEN GAVE A SPEECH AT THE WHITE HOUSE, AND INSTEAD OF SHOWING YOU EVERYTHING HE
SAID, WE THOUGHT IT'D BE MORE FUN TO JUST PLAY A SHORT CLIP WITH ABSOLUTELY ZERO CONTEXT
WITH THAT IN MIND, IT'S TIME FOR "PRESIDENT BIDEN WITH NO CONTEXT.
ENJOY. [ APPLAUSE ]
>> WELL, YOU THINK I'M KIDDING I'M NOT. ESPECIALLY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE
NIGHT WHEN SHE CLIMBS UP AND LAYS ON TOP OF MY HEAD *
[ APPLAUSE ] [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: SOME BUSINESS NEWS -
FOLLOWING THE HOLIDAY TRAVEL MELTDOWN, SOUTHWEST AIRLINES SAID THAT THEY'RE NOW TESTING
A NEW SOFTWARE FIX PERFECT, JUST IN TIME FOR THE LATE JANUARY TRAVEL RUSH
[ LAUGHTER ] WELL, GUYS, PEOPLE ARE TALKING ABOUT THIS
LAST NIGHT, AN ASTEROID THE SIZE OF A TRUCK MADE THE CLOSEST APPROACH TO EARTH EVER
RECORDED THAT'S DEFINITELY THE TYPE OF NEWS YOU WANT TO BE TOLD ABOUT
AFTER IT HAPPENS [ LAUGHTER ] WHEN THE ASTEROID GOT SUPER
CLOSE, EAGLES FANS WERE LIKE, "NOT NOW NOT NOW, JUST WAIT."
[ LAUGHTER ] "ALMOST. THAT'S RIGHT, THE ASTEROID WAS
SUPER CLOSE. THIS MORNING WHEN THEY SAW IT ON THE NEWS, THE SPACE FORCE
SAID, "WOW, WE'VE REALLY GOT TO START CHECKING OUR EMAILS. [ LAUGHTER ]
SOME ENTERTAINMENT NEWS, I SAW THAT '80s SINGER RICK ASTLEY IS SUING THE RAPPER YUNG GRAVY FOR
IMITATING HIS VOICE. AND SOME OF THE DETAILS AND TURNS WITHIN THE LAWSUIT ARE
ACTUALLY KIND OF INTERESTING AT ONE POINT, HE SAYS THAT HE --
>> Tariq: AH, I KNOW WHERE THIS IS GOING DOES IT SAY THAT HE'S "NEVER
GONNA GIVE YOU UP" >> Jimmy: NO, I WAS GONNA SAY THE LAWSUIT CLAIMS YUNG GRAVY
DELIBERATELY DID AN EXACT IMITATION OF RICK ASTLEY THROUGHOUT HIS HIT SONG,
"BETTY." ANOTHER DETAIL I FOUND SURPRISING WAS THAT HE --
>> Tariq: HERE WE GO WHAT DID HE SAY, THAT HE'S "NEVER GONNA LET YOU DOWN"
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: NO, I WAS GONNA SAY THAT ASTLEY DID THE LICENSE TO
SONG -- THE INSTRUMENTAL OF THE SONG, JUST NOT HIS VOICE KIND OF WEIRD, MURKY, LEGAL
TERRITORY. ANYWAY, THAT'S ALL [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
>> Tariq: OH WELL, I'M SORRY FOR BEING SO DEFENSIVE, JIMMY
I JUST ASSUMED THAT YOU WERE GOING TO USE THIS AS AN EASY OPPORTUNITY TO, YOU KNOW,
RICKROLL ME. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: NO
OF COURSE I WOULDN'T RICKROLL YOU, TARIQ I MEAN --
* WE'VE KNOWN EACH OTHER* [ CHEERS ] * FOR SO LONG *
[ RHYTHMIC CLAPPING * YOU KNOW THE RULE AND SO DO
SO DO I * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP *
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * NEVER GONNA LET YOU DOW NEVER GONNA TURN AROUN
AND DESERT YOU * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: HEY, GUYS, I HEARD
ABOUT A COMPANY THAT'S OFFERING TO PAY A COUPLE $1,000 TO BUILD IKEA FURNITURE TOGETHER.
[ LAUGHTER ] I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'VE EVER TRIED TO PUT IKEA FURNITURE
TOGETHER WITH YOUR SPOUSE, BUT IT AIN'T WORTH $1,000, I'LL TELL YOU THAT.
[ LAUGHTER ] WELL, GUYS, AS I MENTIONED, THIS WEEKEND IS THE NFL'S
CONFERENCE CHAMPIONSHIPS WHOEVER WINS IS GOING TO THE SUPER BOWL
AND SUNDAY AFTERNOON'S GAME HAS THE PHILADELPHIA EAGLES FACING OFF AGAINST THE SAN FRANCISCO
49ers. NOW, AS YOU KNOW - [ CHEERS ]
AT THE END OF EVERY SEASON, THEY GIVE OUT AWARDS LIKE MOST VALUABLE PLAYER.
BUT THEY ALSO GIVE OUT AWARDS DURING THE PLAYOFFS. I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT I MEAN.
IT'S TIME FOR "TONIGHT SHOW SUPERLATIVES." HERE WE GO
* TONIGHT SHO SUPERLATIVES *
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: OUR FIRST PLAYER IS FROM THE EAGLES.
IT'S THEIR BACKUP QUARTERBACK, GARDNER MINSHEW. HE WAS VOTED "JAZZERCISE
WOLVERINE. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE >> Steve: WOW.
>> Jimmy: NEXT UP, FROM THE 49ers IS CHARLIE WOERNER HE WAS VOTED "MOST LIKELY TO BE
ONE OF THE BROTHERS ON 'THE BACHELOR' WHEN THEY DO HOMETOWNS.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE "YOU BETTER NOT BREAK HER HEART, MAN."
NEXT UP FROM THE EAGLES IS JAKE ELLIOTT HE WAS VOTED "MOST LIKELY TO
HAVE BEEN BORN IN THE KEEBLER TREE." [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
NEXT UP FROM THE 49ers IS DANIEL BRUNSKILL HE WAS VOTED "MOST LIKELY TO
HAVE THOUGHT HE HAD TO BE 49 YEARS OLD TO BE ON THE 49ers.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE >> Steve: WOW. >> Jimmy: NEXT UP FROM THE
EAGLES IS DARIUS SLAY. HE WAS VOTED "MOST LIKELY TO HAVE RESTING TOOTHPICK FACE.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE NEXT UP FROM THE 49ers IS RAY-RAY McCLOUD III.
HE WAS VOTED "MOST LIKELY TO NEED HIS SUPER BOWL RING A$AP. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
AND FINALLY FROM THE 49ers IS CHRISTIAN McCAFFREY. [ SCATTERED CHEERS ]
HE WAS VOTED "MOST LIKELY TO BE AN ADULT CONTEMPORARY COUNTRY ARTIST THAT YOU'VE NEVER HEARD
OF." [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE THERE YOU GO, EVERYBODY.
THOSE ARE YOUR "SUPERLATIVES." WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
LET'S GO WRITE SOME THANK YOU NOTES. COME ON.
* *
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: WHAT A SHOW. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
WHAT A SHOW WE HAVE FOR YOU TONIGHT. SHE STARS IN THE FX SERIES
"FLEISHMAN IS IN TROUBLE," WHICH IS STREAMING NOW ON HULU CLAIRE DANES IS HERE TONIGHT
>> Steve: OH, COME ON. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: PLUS, HE'S DEFENDING
HIS TITLE TOMORROW AT THE WWE ROYAL RUMBLE, WHICH YOU CAN WATCH LIVE ON PEACOCK.
THE LONGEST REIGNING WWE UNIVERSAL CHAMPION, ROMAN REIGNS IS JOINING US
TONIGHT! >> Steve: WHOA [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: AND WE'VE GOT STANDUP FROM ONE OF MY FAVORITES CATHY LADMAN IS HERE TONIGHT
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: I LOVE CATHY TODAY IS FRIDAY, AND THAT'S
USUALLY WHEN I CATCH UP WITH SOME PERSONAL STUFF. I CHECK MY INBOX
I RETURN SOME EMAILS AND OF COURSE, I SEND OUT THANK YOU NOTES.
AND I WAS JUST -- [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE I WAS A BIT BEHIND
I WOULD LIKE TO WRITE SOME THANK YOU NOTES OUT RIGHT NOW. JAMES, CAN I GET SOME THANK YOU
NOTE WRITING MUSIC, PLEASE * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
OH, A STUD >> Steve: WOW. MR. ENERGY
* >> Jimmy: THANK YOU, THE OSCARS, FOR ANNOUNCING YOUR
NOMINATIONS THIS WEEK. I JUST FEEL BAD FOR WHOEVER HAD TO TELL "M3GAN" SHE GOT
SNUBBED. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE *
THANK YOU, TRYING TO MAKE VALENTINE'S DAY RESERVATIONS, FOR BEING A SLOW PROCESS OF
GOING FROM PERFECT DATE TO, "IS THERE A HOT DOG STAND YOU LIKE?"
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE * THANK YOU, CEO OF
DOLLAR GENERAL, FOR LEAVING TO BECOME CEO OF DOLLAR TREE. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
OR AS THE VERIZON GUY PUT IT, "GAME RESPECT GAME." [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
* THANK YOU, THREE DIFFERENT TELEVISION REMOTES ON MY
FRIEND'S COFFEE TABLE, FOR LETTING ME KNOW THAT THIS IS GONNA BE A WHOLE THING
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE >> Steve: "WHICH ONE DO I WANT WHICH ONE?
WHICH ONE IS IT? >> Jimmy: "HOLD ON, LET ME -- HOLD ON.
HOLD ON, LET ME -- >> Steve: "NO, THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT -- "
>> Jimmy: "NO, GIVE ME THE OTHER ONE. >> Steve: "NO, THAT'S NOT --
NO, YOU WANT THE APPLE REMOTE. >> Jimmy: "NO, HOLD ON GIVE ME THAT ONE."
>> Steve: "NO, IT'S -- WHICH ONE? THIS ONE
THE THIN ONE?" >> Jimmy: "OKAY. GIVE ME THE BATTERY -- GIVE ME
THE BATTERIES FROM THAT ONE. >> Steve: "OKAY. [ LAUGHTER ]
* >> Jimmy: THANK YOU, WOBBLY CEILING FANS, FOR HELPING COOL
ME DOWN WHILE I, KIND OF, SLEEP IN FEAR. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
* THANK YOU, THE PRICE OF EGGS, FOR REACHING AN ALL-TIME HIGH.
OR AS FABERGE EGGS PUT IT, "STAY IN YOUR LANE, GIRL." [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
"STAY. YOU KNOW I'M THE FANCY EGG.
* THANK YOU, 49ers MASCOT, SOURDOUGH SAM, FOR LOOKING LIKE
A NUTCRACKER WHOSE WIFE AND MISTRESS JUST MET EACH OTHER [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
* "WOW YOU AND SUSIE KNOW EACH OTHER?
WOW. [ LAUGHTER ] "THAT'S SO FUN -- THAT'S SO
FUNNY. * THANK YOU, DRY JANUARY, OR AS
IT'S KNOWN ON FEBRUARY 1st, "BYE, BISH." [ LAUGHTER ]
THERE YOU HAVE IT, EVERYBODY THOSE ARE OUR THANK YOU NOTES. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
WHEN WE COME BACK, WE'RE PLAYING "PASSWORD" WITH CLAIRE DANES AND ROMAN REIGNS.
OH [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
>> EASTER. >> Jimmy: OOH. [ LAUGHTER ]
JELLYBEAN? >> Steve: OH [ AUDIENCE OHS ]
>> Steve: RIGHT. >> OKAY. >> NASTY
>> Steve: OOH. [ CHEERS ] >> Tariq: PEEPS.
[ CHEERS ] >> Steve: WELCOME BACK TO "THE TONIGHT SHOW," EVERYBODY
I'M STEVE HIGGINS, AND IT'S TIME TO PLAY "PASSWORD!"
* >> Steve: ALL RIGHT, LET'S MEET OUR CONTESTANTS.
TO MY LEFT, SHE'S STARRING IN THE FX SERIES, "FLEISHMAN IS IN TROUBLE," STREAMING NOW ON
HULU IT'S CLAIRE DANES. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* CLAIRE, YOUR PARTNER THIS EVENING IS HOST OF NBC'S
"TONIGHT SHOW. GRAMMY AWARD-WINNING, "NEW YORK TIMES" BEST SELLING AUTHOR,
JIMMY FALLON WOW. >> Jimmy: OH, MY GOD
THANK YOU. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: IT'S GRAMMY -- ALMOST
GRAMMY WEEKEND I'M EXCITED. >> Steve: YOUR FIRST OPPONENT
IS A MEMBER OF THE LEGENDARY ROOTS CREW SAY HELLO TO TARIQ TROTTER
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * >> Jimmy: I DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS
IN A GROUP >> Steve: AND HIS PARTNER WILL BE AT THE ROYAL RUMBLE
TOMORROW, STREAMING LIVE ON PEACOCK. GIVE IT UP FOR ROMAN REIGNS.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * ALL RIGHT.
THE RULES OF THE GAME ARE VERY SIMPLE I WILL GIVE EACH OF YOU
A PASSWORD, THEN YOU'LL GIVE A A ONE-WORD -- ONE- WORD CLUE ONLY, TO GET YOUR PARTNER TO
GUESS THE PASSWORD THE TEAM WITH THE MOST POINTS AFTER FOUR WORDS WINS.
ANY QUESTIONS? >> Jimmy: WELL - >> Steve: ALL RIGHT.
NEVER MIND FIRST GOES TO JIMMY AND TARIQ. >> THE PASSWORD IS -- "ROSES."
>> Tariq: RED. [ LAUGHTER ] >> IS THAT ALL YOU GOT
>> Steve: THAT'S ALL HE CAN GIVE THAT'S ALL HE CAN GIVE
>> Jimmy: YEAH, HE ACTUALLY GAVE - >> Steve: HE MIM -- HE MIMED
>> Steve: WHAT DID YOU SAY >> LIGHT >> Steve: NO
>> YOU SAID RED? >> Steve: RED. HE SAID, RED
>> Jimmy: YEAH, YEAH YEAH, HE ACTUALLY GAVE A LITTLE MUSTARD ON IT.
RED. OKAY >> OKAY.
>> Steve: DIJON CALLED FIVE POINTS. >> Jimmy: DOZEN.
>> EGGS. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: EGGS
HOW MANY SYLLABLES ARE IN EGGS RED. >> Steve: RED DOZEN.
>> RED DOZEN >> Steve: RED DOZEN. TARIQ.
>> RED DOZEN >> Steve: RED DOZEN. >> FLOWERS
>> OH! >> ROSES [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* >> Jimmy: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
EGGS >> Steve: RED DOZEN. [ LAUGHTER ]
CLAIRE AND ROMAN >> THE PASSWORD IS -- "YELLOWSTONE."
>> Steve: CLAIRE, YOU'RE UP FIRST. EGGS ON THE BRAIN.
>> ALL RIGHT ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.
[ LAUGHTER ] OKAY >> Jimmy: IT WASN'T EVEN EGGS.
E-GG-S [ LAUGHTER ] LIKE THREE WORDS
>> OKAY. >> ALL RIGHT OH, UM, COSTNER.
>> Jimmy: NICE "YELLOWSTONE?" >> Steve: YEAH
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * WHOA
ZIG ZHONG ZIGTY ZING ZHONG ZIGTY ZHONG.
TARIQ, JIMMY, THE NEXT CLUE IS FOR YOU. >> THE PASSWORD IS -- "HELMET.
>> Steve: JIMMY, YOU ARE GOING TO START US OFF THIS TIME. >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, READY
WE GOT THIS. ONE WORD, OKAY >> YEAH.
>> Steve: ONE WORD >> Jimmy: SAFETY >> NET
>> Steve: OH, GOOD GUESS WRONG THOUGH BUT GOOD
[ LAUGHTER ] BUT IT WAS GOOD. IT'S STILL GOOD.
>> Jimmy: YEAH >> Steve: NO, YOU CAN'T MIME [ BUZZER ]
* [ SAD TUBA ] >> Jimmy: WHAT IN THE RED
ROSES -- WHAT IN THE RED ROSES ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT >> Steve: OH, MY GOD
>> Tariq: OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, OKAY OKAY, OKAY, OKAY
>> Jimmy: NO, DON'T EVEN ACT LIKE OKAY. YOU DID THIS
>> Steve: WE'RE TOSSING IT OUT >> Jimmy: YOU WERE PUTTING ON A HELMET
[ LAUGHTER ] THAT'S INSANE. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
>> Tariq: OKAY >> Jimmy: JUST SAY HELMET. >> Tariq: OKAY
>> Steve: CLAIRE AND ROMAN, WE'RE GONNA GIVE YOU THE LAST CLUE
IT'S WORTH A BILLION POINTS. >> THE PASSWORD IS -- "PEEPS." >> Steve: ROMAN, WHY DON'T YOU
START US OFF >> OKAY, GREAT >> Steve: MUST BE NICE TO
CHEAT. >> Tariq: WOW! WOW.
OKAY LET'S GO BACK TO ALL THE OTHER TIMES WE PLAYED "PASSWORD.
>> Jimmy: NO, NO THIS IS A BRAND-NEW GAME >> Tariq: OKAY
HERE WE GO >> Jimmy: ROMAN, LOOKS LIKE -- YOU LOOK CONFIDENT
>> THERE'S JUST NO WAY TO DO THIS ONE ONE WORD
>> Tariq: YOU GOT IT YOU GOT IT YOU GOT IT
TRUST ME >> Steve: TARIQ HAS FAITH IN YOU.
>> UM, LONG GAME HERE, GO BACK AND FORTH HERE CANDY.
>> Tariq: CANDY. >> Jimmy: IF YOU GUESS THIS -- >> Steve: I WOULD BE AMAZED.
CANDY. DO YOU WANT ME TO MAKE IT EASIER FOR YOU
CANDY. [ LAUGHTER ] CANDY.
>> Jimmy: CANDY, CANDY >> Tariq: CHOCOLATES >> Steve: CHOCOLATES
NO >> EASTER. >> Jimmy: OH
[ LAUGHTER ] JELLYBEAN? >> Steve: NO
[ SAD TUBA ] BOO, NO, NO, NO. NO
>> Steve: NO, THAT'S NOT GOOD. >> NO, NO, THAT'S FAIR >> Steve: NO
NO >> JUST INCORRECT. >> I THINK ROMAN'S GOING TO WIN
THIS ONE >> JUST REMEMBER WHERE WE'RE AT
>> Tariq: MM-HM, MM-HM, MM-HM. CHICKEN. >> CHICKEN, CANDY, EASTER.
>> I MEAN, BECAUSE IT COULD BE TWO THINGS >> PICK ONE OF THEM.
>> CADBURY EGG [ AUDIENCE OOHS >> Steve: SO CLOSE
>> Jimmy: ONE WORD >> Steve: YEAH, ONE WORD >> YEAH.
PASTEL >> Jimmy: WHAT WHAT IN THE -- WHAT IN THE
WORLD? >> Steve: HOLD ON, PASTEL. >> Jimmy: WAIT, PASTEL
>> OKAY. >> Steve: PASTEL CHICKEN.
>> I JUST THOUGHT IT WAS SUCH A GIVEN. >> Jimmy: IT SHOULD BE A GIVEN
I'M GOING TO SAY, E-GG-S [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE >> Steve: ALL RIGHT.
>> Tariq: OKAY, OKAY, OKAY >> Steve: ROMAN, YOUR TURN ROMAN'S TURN
NO, IT'S NOT EGGS. >> Jimmy: EGGS EASTER
CHICKEN. PASTEL >> Tariq: YOU GOT THIS
>> Steve: TARIQ'S GOT THIS ROMAN, YOU GOT IT. ROMAN, YOU GOT IT.
>> THIS IS JUST AN OPINION HERE, RIGHT? NASTY.
>> OOH >> Tariq: PEEPS. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* >> Jimmy: OH, MY GOD >> Steve: OH, IT'S A TIE GAME.
>> Jimmy: NO, WE'LL GIVE IT TO -- COME ON. CLAIRE DANES, ROMAN REIGNS,
TARIQ TROTTER. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE WE'RE TALKING TO CLAIRE, AFTER
THE BREAK. STICK AROUND, EVERYBODY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* >> Jimmy: WHERE DO I LOOK? >> I THINK DOWN THE PIPE
YOU'VE GOT LIKE SIX OF THEM HERE, SO PICK ONE. [ DRUMROLL ]
>> Jimmy: WAKE -- WAKE UP! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: OUR FIRST GUEST IS AN
EMMY-WINNING ACTRESS, WHO STARS IN THE FX SERIES, "FLEISHMAN IS IN TROUBLE," WHICH IS STREAMING
NOW ON HULU. EVERYONE, PLEASE WELCOME, CLAIRE DANES
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> HI.
>> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK TO "THE TONIGHT SHOW." >> THANK YOU SO MUCH
IT'S SO WONDERFUL TO BE HERE >> Jimmy: WE LOVE HAVING YOU HERE
BUT WE HAVE SOME VERY EXCITING NEWS YOU'RE EXPECTING
>> I AM. >> Jimmy: CONGRATULATIONS. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> THANK YOU >> Jimmy: THAT'S THE BEST NEWS IN THE WORLD
>> THANK YOU >> Jimmy: THIS IS THE THIRD BABY
>> YEAH. >> Jimmy: THIRD BABY - >> AND I THINK THE LAST.
[ LAUGHTER ] THIS ONE WAS A SURPRISE. >> Jimmy: OKAY
>> YES NO, THIS PREGNANCY HAPPENED TO ME
YES. [ LAUGHTER ] [ RIMSHOT
BUT WE'RE THRILLED >> Jimmy: YOU HAVE TWO BOYS. >> TWO BOYS.
>> Jimmy: ALREADY. >> CYRUS IS 10 AND ROWAN IS 4. >> Jimmy: 10 AND 4
SO, IT'S GOING TO BE QUITE A A BIG SPAN THERE BUT, YEAH.
>> Jimmy: HOW ARE THEY FEELING ABOUT THIS >> CYRUS WAS SORT OF RESIGNED
TO IT. I MEAN, THE WORST HAS ALREADY HAPPENED
HIS NAME IS ROWAN. [ LAUGHTER ] AND YEAH
BUT ROWAN HAS MORE TO LOSE LIKE, HE HAS MORE AT STAKE AND HE WAS CATEGORICALLY
OPPOSED TO THE IDEA. HE SAID, "YEAH, NO, NO I DON'T LIKE IT.
I LIKE -- I LIKE PEACE, MAMA." I WAS LIKE, "YOU LIKE PEACE?
>> Jimmy: "I LIKE PEACE" IS WHAT HE SAID >> THAT'S RICH, BECAUSE THAT
DUDE DOES NOT SHUT UP. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: YOU LIKE PEACE
THAT'S SO FUNNY. >> NO, HE SAID, "WHEN IT COMES OUT OF YOUR TUMMY, WE'LL GIVE
IT TO A FAMILY THAT DOESN'T HAVE A BABY. [ LAUGHTER AND AWs ]
>> Jimmy: THAT'S A GOOD PLAN >> 'CAUSE WE'RE DONE >> Jimmy: HE HAS A GOOD PLAN
HE'S LIKE, "I'M THE BABY, MAN. I CAN'T BE A NEW BABY. >> SO, NO, HE WAS LESS THAN
THRILLED BUT THEN WE TALKED ABOUT HOW WHEN THE BABY COMES OUT, IT'S
GOING TO BE PRETTY DUMB, DOESN'T KNOW A LOT >> Jimmy: YEAH
SO, YOU KNOW, IT'S GOING TO NEED ASSISTANCE AND SOME EDUCATING.
HE KIND OF -- THAT WAS INTERESTING TO HIM HE LIKED THE IDEA OF BEING A
A SORT OF CONDESCENDING PRESENCE [ LAUGHTER ]
SO, NOW HE'S A LITTLE -- A A LITTLE MORE OPTIMISTIC >> Jimmy: YOU KNOW, EVERY TIME
THAT YOU'VE BEEN PREGNANT, YOU'VE BEEN ON OUR SHOW. >> OKAY.
>> Jimmy: SO, THIS IS -- [ LAUGHTER ] >> YEAH, NO, NO, IT MAKES ME
FEEL LIKE I'VE ALWAYS BEEN PREGNANT [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: NO, I MEANT TO SAY, IT'S GOOD LUCK >> YEAH, SURE.
>> Jimmy: AND YOUR KIDS -- EVERYONE'S BEEN -- YOUR WHOLE FAMILY'S BEEN -
>> IT MAKES ME AFRAID TO BE BOOKED, BASICALLY. [ LAUGHTER ]
YEAH >> Jimmy: THAT'S INTERESTING, YEAH
BUT THE WHOLE FAMILY'S BEEN ON OUR SHOW >> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: THAT'S INTERESTING >> YES, THAT'S TRUE. >> Jimmy: YEAH, IT'S A FAMILY
AFFAIR >> THE WHOLE BROOD >> Jimmy: I WANT TO TALK ABOUT
"FLEISHMAN IS IN TROUBLE." MAN, YOU'VE BEEN GETTING GREAT REVIEWS FOR THIS
CONGRATULATIONS. YOU GOT NOMINATED FOR A GOLDEN GLOBE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE CRITIC'S CHOICE AWARD. NOT TOO SHABBY
THE SERIES IS BASED ON A A BEST-SELLING NOVEL YOU AND JESSE EISENBERG PLAY A
A MARRIED COUPLE GOING THROUGH A DIVORCE. >> A HARD TIME, YES.
>> Jimmy: HE WAS ON THE SHOW PRETTY RECENTLY. AND WAS TELLING ME A STORY THAT
HE MET YOU YEARS AGO AT A PARTY AND THOUGHT THAT HE FOUND HIS SOULMATE
AND TOLD HIS NOW WIFE, BUT IT WAS HIS GIRLFRIEND WHO WAS AT THE PARTY WITH HIM, WHICH IS
HILARIOUS. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] I THINK HE SAID HE WAS STONED
OR SOMETHING AND HE WENT UP TO YOU, AND HE'S LIKE, "I THINK I JUST FOUND
SOMEONE, MY SOULMATE." AND SHE GOES, "THAT'S CLAIRE DANES, GOOD LUCK.
[ LAUGHTER ] SHE ACTUALLY SAID THAT TO HIM, YEAH
DO YOU REMEMBER THIS MEETING AT ALL? >> I DID NOT REMEMBER THE
MEETING. YEAH NO
HE TOLD ME THAT. THERE WAS A CAST DINNER, AND HE SAID, DO YOU REMEMBER
MEETING -- NO BUT -- BUT I LOVE JESSE VERY
MUCH AND WAS THRILLED THAT HE FOUND SUCH A STRONG CONNECTION IN OUR
INTRODUCTION BUT NO I REALLY DID HAVE THE DREAMIEST
TIME DIVORCING HIM HE'S WONDERFUL [ LAUGHTER ]
I DID. I KNOW >> Jimmy: THAT'S A GREAT WAY TO
PUT IT YOU GUYS -- WHAT GOES BEHIND WHEN YOU'RE DOING A ROLE WHERE
YOU HAVE TO GET DIVORCED >> WELL, WE DIDN'T HAVE THAT MUCH TIME TO REHEARSE, SO IT
WAS FAIRLY DENSE AND SORT OF ACCELERATED. BUT OUR DIRECTORS, JOHN AND
VAL, WHO IRONICALLY ARE A VERY HAPPILY MARRIED COUPLE, PUT TOGETHER SOME EXERCISES FOR US
SO, WE DID SOME JOURNALING TOGETHER WE SAT IN OUR RESPECTIVE BEAN
BAGS, CURIOUSLY. THAT SEEMED IMPORTANT. AND WE WERE GIVEN PROMPTS OR
ASKED QUESTIONS, AND WE HAD, LIKE, TWO MINUTES TO ANSWER THEM
AND THEN WE READ THEM TO EACH OTHER. LIKE WHAT INITIALLY ATTRACTED
US TO EACH OTHER WHY WE'RE DISAPPOINTED IN EACH OTHER NOW.
JUST MILDLY UNCOMFORTABLE, BUT ALSO VERY ANNOYING, BECAUSE HE'S A VERY GIFTED PROFESSIONAL
WRITER AS WELL >> Jimmy: JESSE, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH
>> YEAH. SO, WROTE THESE VERY ARTICULATE, KIND OF POETIC
MUSINGS ABOUT OUR CHARACTERS' HISTORY. AND I JUST HAD WORDS TO OFFER
UP >> Jimmy: YOU'RE LIKE, "HEY, JESSE, DIAL IT DOWN A LITTLE
BIT. COME ON, THIS ISN'T THE PART HERE."
YEAH >> YEAH. SO, HE WON THAT GAME
BUT THEN WE PLAYED DODGEBALL TOO, WHICH WAS SURPRISING. >> Jimmy: REALLY
>> AND I DID NOT WEAR THE RIGHT FOOTWEAR >> Jimmy: DID YOU KNOW YOU WERE
PLAYING DODGEBALL? >> NO. NOBODY SAID THAT
>> Jimmy: WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU PLAYED DODGEBALL? >> FIFTH GRADE
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: YEAH, PROBABLY, YEAH >> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: FOR ANYONE WHO HASN'T SEEN THE SERIES YET, HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN WHAT IT'S ABOUT?
>> IT'S ABOUT A NEW YORK MIDDLE-AGED COUPLE WHO ARE GOING THROUGH A DIVORCE.
THE STORY'S TOLD BY THE HUSBAND'S, KIND OF, COLLEGE-AGED FRIEND.
AND IT BROADENS OUT AND SUDDENLY THERE ARE MANY MIDDLE-AGED NEW YORKERS GOING
THROUGH VARIOUS CRISES OF THEIR OWN. >> Jimmy: IT'S FANTASTIC
I WANT TO SHOW EVERYONE A CLIP HERE'S CLAIRE DANES IN "FLEISHMAN IS IN TROUBLE."
TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.
>> WHAT IS GOING ON?
>> GOD, THERE'S SO MANY PARTS TO THIS. >> RACHEL.
>> I ALSO HAVE ALL THIS TEA. IT MIGHT BE EASIER I -- I BOUGHT ALL THIS TEA
BECAUSE I WAS HAVING A HARD TIME SLEEPING. BUT ALL IT DID WAS JUST KEEP ME
IN THE BATHROOM ALL NIGHT. I FEEL LIKE I DON'T KNOW WHERE MY TOASTER IS, BUT I DO HAVE
SOME BREAD >> RACHEL. >> I WANT TO BE HONEST WITH
YOU. I DON'T THINK THAT I CAN MAKE YOU COFFEE RIGHT NOW
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: OH, COME ON. CLAIRE DANES, YOU'RE
UNBELIEVABLE THE FX SERIES, "FLEISHMAN IS IN TROUBLE," IS STREAMING NOW ON
HULU ROMAN REIGNS JOINS US NEXT STICK AROUND, EVERYBODY.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * >> Jimmy: OUR NEXT GUEST IS THE
LONGEST REIGNING UNIVERSAL CHAMPION IN WWE HISTORY. HE'S DEFENDING HIS TITLE
TOMORROW AT THE ROYAL RUMBLE, WHICH YOU CAN WATCH LIVE ON PEACOCK.
PLEASE WELCOME, ROMAN REIGNS
*
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: COME ON, BUD
>> WHERE SHOULD I PUT THIS THING? >> Jimmy: YOU CAN PUT IT -
>> FRONT AND CENTER? >> Jimmy: YEP, FRONT AND CENTER
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> HOW'S THAT LOOK >> Jimmy: YOU KNOW WHAT'S GREAT
IS, THE LAST TIME YOU WERE ON THE SHOW, YOU WERE ON YOUR WAY TO WRESTLEMANIA.
AND I SAID, NEXT TIME YOU COME ON MY SHOW, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TWO BELTS
YOU DO HAVE TWO. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
COME ON. COME ON NOW. >> HE PREDICTS THE FUTURE AS
WELL >> Jimmy: YEAH, I PREDICT THE FUTURE
OH, MY GOSH. IT JUST FEELS COOL EVEN JUST TO HOLD THAT THING.
YEAH >> IT JUST LOOKS GOOD THERE. >> Jimmy: YEAH, I'M LEAVING IT
THERE FOR THE WHOLE -- >> EVERYBODY, TAKE A PICTURE >> Jimmy: YEAH, LOOK AT US,
YEAH [ CHEERS ] THE ROYAL RUMBLE IS TOMORROW,
OKAY BUT THAT KICKS OFF THE ROAD TO WRESTLEMANIA
>> THAT'S RIGHT. >> Jimmy: AND FANS, THERE'S A LOT OF SPECULATION ON THE
SOCIALS, ON THE TWITTERS, ON EVERYTHING, SAYING, MAYBE, POSSIBILITY, ROMAN REIGNS
VERSUS THE ROCK? [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> THAT'S BEEN, LIKE, YOU KNOW,
THE RUMORS AND THERE'S BEEN A HUGE BUZZ ON THAT FOR A LONG TIME NOW
I MEAN, YEARS -- FOR YEARS NOW BUT IT'S REALLY PICKED UP IN THE PAST COUPLE OF YEARS
I BELIEVE HE JUST CAME OUT WITH A STATEMENT SAYING THAT HE'S NOT GOING TO BE, YOU KNOW,
READY IN TIME. WHICH THAT'S THE FACE THAT, YOU KNOW, EVERYONE'S MAKING.
LIKE, HOLD ON, WAIT, HE TRAINS EVERY SINGLE DAY >> Jimmy: THAT GUY'S READY FOR
ANYTHING >> HE'S HUGE >> Jimmy: YEAH, EXACTLY.
>> TO HIS DEFENSE, IT'S ONE THING TO TRAIN WITH WEIGHTS, AND YOU KNOW, THE BODY BUILDING
TO LOOK THE PART BUT TO BE ABLE TO GET IN THE RING AND DO A MAIN EVENT MATCH,
A CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH A A UNIVERSAL, UNDISPUTED WWE CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH, IT TAKES A
A LOT OF CONDITIONING. IT BEATS UP YOUR BODY. SO, THERE'S MORE THAT GOES INTO
IT THAN JUST TRAINING IN THE WEIGHT ROOM. >> Jimmy: IT'S A DIFFERENT WAY
TO WORK OUT. >> IT'S A 300 -- IT'S A PROFESSIONAL ATHLETE TYPE OF
SITUATION, WHERE YOU HAVE TO CONDITION, YOU HAVE TO - YOU KNOW, HE DOES TWO OUT OF
THE THREE THINGS PERFECTLY HIS NUTRITION AND HIS WEIGHT TRAINING IS ON POINT
BUT YOU HAVE TO CONDITION YOURSELF AND YOU GOT TO BE READY TO FALL
DOWN YOU KNOW, THAT'S -- YOU NEVER GET AWAY FROM THAT
>> Jimmy: ESPECIALLY IF YOU'RE GOING UP AGAINST ROMAN REIGNS. >> THAT'S NUMBER ONE, DWAYNE
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE WHEN YOU'RE GOING UP AGAINST ROMAN REIGNS, YOU BETTER GET
READY TO FALL DOWN >> Jimmy: WHO ELSE IS IN THE MIX?
>> WELL, THAT'S THE BEAUTY OF IT NOW, IS WE'VE GOT SO MUCH STUFF GOING ON
RIGHT NOW, WE'VE GOT SAMI ZAYN THAT'S IN THE MIX. AND WITHIN MY BLOOD LINE, WE'VE
BEEN DOING SOME BEAUTIFUL TV OVER THE PAST SIX MONTHS WE HAVE ANOTHER GUY BY THE NAME
OF CODY RHODES WHO IS COMING BACK FROM INJURY HE WAS SUPER WHITE HOT
IF YOU GO BACK TO, I BELIEVE IT WAS A HELL IN A CELL MATCH HE HAD WITH SETH ROLLINS, HIS
PECTORAL MUSCLE WAS COMPLETELY TORN, LIKE IN HALF SO, IF YOU GO BACK AND LOOK,
IT'S COMPLETELY BLACK, A GIANT BRUISE COVERING THIS GUY A FOURTH OF HIS BODY IS
COMPLETELY BROKEN, AND HE GOES OUT THERE, AND HE PUTS ON, LIKE A 40 MINUTE PERFORMANCE, AND
JUST COMPLETELY WINS OVER OUR ENTIRE FANBASE SO, A LOT OF GUTS, A LOT OF
COURAGE OUT OF HIM AND HE'S GOING TO BE COMING BACK SOON, TOO
>> Jimmy: YOU WERE TELLING ME SOMETHING BACKSTAGE. YOU WERE LIKE --
>> I'D SMACK ALL OF THEM YEAH, THAT'S - >> Jimmy: NO, NO, YOU DID SAY
THAT TO, YEAH. BUT I WAS SAYING, LIKE, I WAS TALKING ABOUT, LIKE, WHAT IF I
WAS A WWE SUPERSTAR, WHAT WOULD MY MOVE BE OR WHATEVER YOU KNOW
PEOPLE PROBABLY DO THIS. BUT THEN YOU WERE LIKE, YOU'VE GOT TO HAVE A FIRE UP.
WHAT IS A FIRE UP? >> WELL, YOU'VE GOT TO HAVE PASSION, RIGHT
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN WE CAN'T JUST -- AS A WWE SUPERSTAR, YOU DON'T JUST SLAM
A GUY AND JUST SIT THERE STOICALLY, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN
LIKE, YOU'VE GOT TO HAVE SOME EMOTION. YOU GOT TO BE ABLE TO EMIT
ENERGY, AND THAT'S WHAT WE DO. YOU'VE GOT TO BE ABLE TO FIRE UP
YOU'VE GOT TO ABLE TO LOSE YOUR, YOU KNOW -- I DON'T WANT TO START CURSING IN HERE
BUT YOU'VE GOT TO BE ABLE TO LOSE IT. >> Jimmy: YOU'VE GOT TO LOSE
YOUR - BUT DO YOU SAY SOMETHING WHEN YOU DO IT, OR YOU JUST -
>> ANYTHING. IT'S FUNNY, BECAUSE, LIKE, NOWADAYS THE DEFAULT, LIKE,
FIRE UP LINE IS, LET'S GO. YOU HEAR IT ALL THE TIME LET'S GO
LET'S EFFING - THEY ALWAYS DO THE SAME THING. >> Jimmy: YEAH
THAT'S A GOOD ONE. I CAN -- I THINK I COULD TOP LET'S GO
>> I THINK WE CAN DO BETTER THAN THAT. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
I THINK WE'VE GOT ENOUGH CREATIVE ENERGY IN HERE TO DO BETTER THAN THAT
WHAT DO YOU GOT? >> Jimmy: WHAT IF -- 'CAUSE I WAS SAYING, I WAS LIKE MY
VILLAIN, PROBABLY MY BIGGEST THING I BATTLE, IS WITH HOSTING A SHOW IS SLEEP.
PEOPLE ARE FALLING ASLEEP. YEAH SO, WHAT IF MY CATCH PHRASE
WAS, WAKE UP [ LAUGHTER ] >> NOW WE'RE TALKING
HUMAN CAFFEINE RIGHT HERE. >> Jimmy: WHERE DO I LOOK? >> I THINK DOWN THE PIPE
YOU'VE GOT, LIKE, SIX OF THEM HERE, SO PICK ONE. [ DRUMROLL ]
>> Jimmy: WAKE -- WAKE UP! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE WAKE UP!
WAKE UP! >> HEY, HE KIND OF BUILT IT
TOO. HE HIT THAT WAKE >> Jimmy: YEAH
NOW I HURT SOMETHING I THINK THE LEFT SIDE OF MY BODY IS BRUISED.
[ LAUGHTER ] IT'S BRUISED CAN WE TALK ROYAL RUMBLE
>> PLEASE. LET'S DO IT. >> Jimmy: YOU'RE FACING OFF
AGAINST KEVIN OWENS. >> YEAH. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: WOW. WOW. REALLY
YEAH WHAT'S -- ANY -- WHAT'S YOUR STRATEGY GOING INTO THIS
>> DON'T CHANGE ANYTHING >> Jimmy: WHAT DO YOU MEAN >> I'VE BEEN BEATING UP
KEVIN OWENS FOR YEARS NOW. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE [ LAUGHTER ]
LET ME GIVE THIS GUY HIS DUE THIS IS A TOUGH, STURDY GUY, YOU KNOW
AND HE'S A LITTLE CRAZY. HE'S WILLING TO DO ANYTHING OUT THERE.
BUT I'VE FACED HIM A FEW TIMES, AND I'VE BEEN PRETTY SUCCESSFUL
SO, FOR ME, YOU KNOW, I JUST FEEL LIKE, AS LONG AS I DON'T CHANGE ANYTHING, IF IT'S NOT
BROKE, DON'T BREAK IT. JUST STAY IN THE SAME SYSTEM GO OUT THERE AND DO WHAT I DO.
AND PRETTY MUCH I FEEL LIKE I'M GENETICALLY CODED TO BEAT KEVIN OWENS EVERY TIME
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE IT'S LIKE -- IT'S LIKE -- IT'S LIKE THE SMALL PRINT OF MY DNA
YEP, BEAT KEVIN OWENS? YEAH, CHECK. DONE
>> Jimmy: YOU GOT THIS ALL RIGHT. KEVIN, IF YOU'RE WATCHING, WAKE
UP [ LAUGHTER ] ROMAN REIGNS, EVERYBODY.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THE ROAD TO WRESTLEMANIA KICKS OFF TOMORROW AT THE ROYAL
RUMBLE, WHICH YOU CAN SEE LIVE ON PEACOCK WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH
STAND-UP FROM CATHY LADMAN STICK AROUND [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* >> Jimmy: OUR NEXT GUEST IS A COMEDY LEGEND AND WHO HAS
INFLUENCED GENERATIONS OF COMEDIANS. YOU CAN SEE HER AT THE
THROCKMORTON THEATER IN MILL VALLEY, CALIFORNIA, FEBRUARY 14th.
MAKING HER TENTH APPEARANCE ON "THE TONIGHT SHOW," PLEASE WELCOME THE VERY FUNNY
CATHY LADMAN [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> THANK YOU, THANK YOU. THANK YOU SO MUCH.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH. THANK YOU. SO, I GUESS YOU NOTICED THAT I
HAVE GRAY HAIR YES. AND I LIKE IT, I REALLY LOVE
IT IT'S VERY LOW MAINTENANCE. PLUS, I'VE NOTICED THAT I GET
A LOT MORE LOOKS FROM GUYS NOW THAT MY HAIR'S GRAY. [ CHEERS ]
YES. AND I THINK I KNOW WHY I THINK IT'S BECAUSE THEY THINK
I CAN'T GET PREGNANT [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE GUYS LIKE THAT
YEAH YEAH, I'M NOT AFRAID TO TELL YOU HOW OLD I AM, BUT I'M GONNA
GIVE YOU A CLUE. I ACTUALLY SAID THIS TO MY FRIENDS.
I WAS AT MY FRIEND'S APARTMENT, AND I ACTUALLY SAID TO HER OUT LOUD, "BOY, THAT'S A NICE PILL
CADDY. [ LAUGHTER ] THAT'S HOW OLD I AM, YES
I HAD TO GET A NEW PILL CADDY RECENTLY BECAUSE MY DOCTOR GAVE ME A NEW PRESCRIPTION, AND I'M
ON SO MUCH MEDICATION THAT I COULDN'T JAM ONE MORE PILL INTO THE COMPARTMENT.
[ LAUGHTER ] [ AUDIENCE OHS ] SO, I HAD TO GO TO CVS TO THE
PILL CADDIES AND PROSTHETICS AISLE. [ LAUGHTER ]
AND I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'VE SHOPPED FOR THIS, BUT THERE'S A WHOLE HIERARCHY OF PILL
CADDIES. YOU START WITH YOUR ENTRY LEVEL PILL CADDY, IT'S THE SINGLE
COMPARTMENT PILL CADDY THEN YOU MOVE INTO THE A.M./P.M. PILL CADDY
[ LAUGHTER ] THEN THE A.M., NOON, EVENING PILL CADDY
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] THEN THE A.M., NOON, EVENING, BEDTIME PILL CADDY
[ LAUGHTER ] THEN BASICALLY, YOU HAVE TO HIRE A CADDY TO HAND YOU PILLS
ALL DAY -- [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE OKAY
OKAY, ALL RIGHT. HERE'S HOW OLD I AM REALLY HERE'S HOW OLD I AM.
I WAS WALKING MY DOG, AND WE'RE AT THE END OF THE BLOCK. AND THERE WAS THIS KID, ABOUT
11 YEARS OLD, AND HE'S RIDING HIS SKATEBOARD AND HE'S TALKING TO HIS FRIEND
ON HIS SPEAKERPHONE. AND HE SAID TO HIS FRIEND, "I'M ON THE CORNER OF 18th AND OAK.
AND I HEAR HIS FRIEND SAY THROUGH THE PHONE TO HIM, "ARE YOU NEAR THAT OLD LADY WITH THE
DOG? [ LAUGHTER ] AND I SAID, "I'M NOT AN OLD
LADY I'M NOT AN OLD LADY. NOBODY'S LISTENING TO ME, BY
THE WAY. I'M JUST SCREAMING, "I'M NOT AN OLD LADY."
[ LAUGHTER ] THEREBY PROVING I'M AN OLD LADY
[ LAUGHTER ] AND I GET THESE OLD PEOPLE COUPONS NOW.
I GOT A COUPON RECENTLY FOR ASH BURIAL AT SEA. [ AUDIENCE OHS ]
[ LAUGHTER ] A COUPON [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
IT SAID, "ASH BURIAL AT SEA, $595. AND ON THE BOTTOM IN SMALLER
PRINT, IT SAID, "REDUCE THE HIGH COST OF DYING." [ AUDIENCE OHS ]
[ LAUGHTER ] GEE, I'D LIKE TO DIE, BUT IT'S JUST SO EXPENSIVE.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE IF THERE WAS A SALE ON DYING, I'D BE DEAD RIGHT NOW.
[ APPLAUSE ] SO, I HAVE A DAUGHTER. SHE'S 19, VERY INTERESTING AGE
SHE HATES ME, SO SHE'S RIGHT ON TRACK DEVELOPMENTALLY. [ LAUGHTER ]
THE ONLY THING SHE LIKES TO DO WITH ME IS GO TO COSTCO. AND I LOVE COSTCO, A LOT OF
PEOPLE LOVE COSTCO BUT I'VE REALIZED AT THIS STAGE IN MY LIFE, IT DOESN'T EVEN
MAKE SENSE FOR ME TO GO THERE. BECAUSE THERE'S NOTHING I CAN BUY THERE THAT I'LL LIVE TO
FINISH [ LAUGHTER ] I CAN'T USE THAT MANY Q-TIPS
[ LAUGHTER ] EVERY TIME I'M THERE WITH MY DAUGHTER AND WE'RE LEAVING, I
ALWAYS POINT TO THE CART AND I LOOK AT HER AND SAY, "SOME DAY THIS WILL ALL BE YOURS."
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE "THIS IS MY LEGACY." [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
YES, I'VE BEEN ON THE PLANET FOR A WHILE, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
I REMEMBER THIS SONG THAT I LEARNED IN THE THIRD GRADE YOU'LL PROBABLY KNOW THIS FROM
THE EAST COAST "THE ERIE CANAL. YOU KNOW THIS SONG
I'LL -- I'LL SING IT FOR YOU * I'VE GOT A MULE AND HER NAME IS SA
15 MILES ON ERIE CANAL * * SHE'S A GOOD OL' WORKER AND A GOOD OL' PAL
15 MILES ON THE ERIE CANAL * * SHE'S HAULED SOME BARGE IN OUR DAY
FILLED WITH LUMBER COAL AND HAY * [ RHYTHMIC CLAPPING
* AND SHE KNOWS EVERY INCH OF THE WA FROM ALBANY TO BUFFALO *
NOW, WAIT, I HAVE KNOWN THAT SONG SINCE THE THIRD GRADE IT'S BEEN UP HERE FOR 59 YEARS
AND THAT IS WHY, WHEN I GO TO THE MALL, I CAN'T FIND MY CAR. [ LAUGHTER ]
I'M IN THE PARKING RAMP CLICKING MY REMOTE HOPING I HEAR SOMETHING
ALL I HEAR IS A GUY ONE AISLE OVER GOING - * I'VE GOT A MULE
AND A HER NAME IS SAL * [ LAUGHTER ] HE CAN'T FIND HIS CAR EITHER
THANK YOU SO MUCH. I'M CATHY LADMAN YOU WERE GREAT
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * THANKS
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: THIS IS YOUR LEGACY. IT'S HILARIOUS
CATHY LADMAN I LOVE YOU [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
SEE CATHY AT THE THROCKMORTON THEATER IN MILL VALLEY, CALIFORNIA,
FEBRUARY 14th. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. NUMBER TEN
NUMBER TEN [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
CLAIRE DANES, ROMAN REIGNS - [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE CATHY LADMAN
THE ROOTS, PHILADELPHIA. THANK YOU FOR WATCHING STAY TUNED FOR "LATE NIGHT WITH
SETH MEYERS. GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE