Steve: FROM STUDIO 6B IN ROCKEFELLER CENTER IN THE HEART
OF NEW YORK CITY, IT'S "THE TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON."
TONIGHT, JOIN JIMMY AND HIS GUESTS - ADAM SCOTT
ELIZABETH DEBICKI. COMEDIAN NATHAN MACINTOSH. AND FEATURING THE LEGENDARY
ROOTS CREW Questlove: 1802
Steve: AND NOW, HERE HE IS, JIMMY FALLON
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
♪ ♪ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
Jimmy: OH, MY GOODNESS. YES! THANK YOU SO MUCH.
WELCOME. PLEASE, ENJOY YOURSELF WELCOME, WELCOME, WELCOME TO
"THE TONIGHT SHOW," EVERYBODY. YOU'RE HERE. YOU MADE IT.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE I'M SO EXCITED ABOUT THIS. TODAY IS OUR NINTH ANNIVERSARY
ON "THE TONIGHT SHOW." [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ♪
THAT'S RIGHT NINE YEARS, 1,800 EPISODES, AND ONE REALLY AWKWARD CONVERSATION
WITH NICOLE KIDMAN [ LAUGHTER ] YEP, NINE YEARS.
OF COURSE, WE'VE HAD SOME WORK DONE, SO WE ONLY LOOK SEVEN. [ LAUGHTER ]
NINE YEARS, THAT MEANS THE SHOW IS OFFICIALLY HALFWAY TO DATING LEONARDO DiCAPRIO.
[ AUDIENCE OHs ] [ LAUGHTER ] Steve: NO, YOU DIDN'T
OH, COME ON. COME ON. Jimmy: OUR SHOW PREMIERED
DURING THE 2014 WINTER OLYMPICS [ CHEERS ]
THAT'S HOW LONG IT'S BEEN. WE STARTED WAY BACK WHEN THERE WAS STILL WINTER
[ LAUGHTER ] IT'S A MAJOR ACCOMPLISHMENT. AND AS A THANK YOU TO THE
ENTIRE STAFF, I GAVE THEM OFF FOR PRESIDENTS' DAY WEEKEND. [ LAUGHTER ]
Steve: AW Jimmy: ISN'T THAT NICE. THE TRADITIONAL GIFT FOR THE
NINTH ANNIVERSARY IS POTTERY SO, LATER TONIGHT, TARIQ AND I WILL BE RE-ENACTING THE SCENE
FROM "GHOST. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE THAT'S RIGHT
WE'VE BEEN ON THE AIR FOR A WHOLE NINE YEARS I CAN'T BELIEVE IT
A LOT HAS CHANGED SINCE THEN I MEAN, LOOK-- THIS IS A PICTURE OF ME WHEN I FIRST
STARTED. THAT'S REAL. [ AUDIENCE AWs ]
HERE'S A PICTURE OF YOU, TARIQ [ LAUGHTER ] CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT WAS NINE
YEARS AGO? AND HERE'S A PICTURE OF YOU, HIGGINS.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE Steve: A LONG TIME AGO. Jimmy: NINE YEARS AGO
YEAH, NINE TIME FLIES WELL, AND AS I MENTIONED, IT IS
PRESIDENTS' DAY WEEKEND. OF COURSE, EVERY FAMILY IS DIFFERENT.
SOME GET TOGETHER ON PRESIDENTS' DAY, WHILE OTHERS CELEBRATE ON PRESIDENTS' DAY
EVE. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] YEP, NOT ONLY IS IT A LONG
WEEKEND, BUT EVERYBODY'S PUMPED FOR THIS TODAY "ANT-MAN AND THE WASP:
QUANTUMANIA" HIT THEATERS. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE YEAH
WHICH IS GREAT BECAUSE USUALLY TO SEE ANTS AT A THEATER YOU HAVE TO GO TO GO TO REGAL
CINEMAS. [ AUDIENCE OHs ] "SIT WHATEVER YOU WANT
I DON'T CARE WHERE." [ LAUGHTER ] "MY SEAT DOESN'T GO BACK."
"I KNOW, BUT IT GOES FORWARD." [ LAUGHTER ] MEANWHILE, I HEARD THAT IN THE
FUTURE, DISNEY WANTS TO SPREAD OUT THEIR MARVEL RELEASES. YEAH
DISNEY KNEW IT WAS TIME TO SLOW DOWN WHEN THEY STARTED MAKING A MOVIE ABOUT THE HULK'S
TAILOR [ LAUGHTER ] "I WORK ON HIS SUITS ALL THE
TIME I SAY PLEASE DON'T GET ANGRY, MR. BANNER."
SOME NEWS FROM WASHINGTON. PRESIDENT BIDEN JUST HAD HIS ANNUAL PHYSICAL EXAM
AND HIS DOCTOR REPORTED THAT BIDEN IS HEALTHY AND VIGOROUS. [ LAUGHTER ]
EVEN DEMOCRATS ARE LIKE, HEALTHY AND VIGOROUS DID HE GO TO TRUMP'S DOCTOR?
[ LAUGHTER ] THEN BIDEN LEFT THE ROOM, THE DOCTOR WAS LIKE, "YEESH.
[ LAUGHTER ] YEAH, BIDEN'S DOCTOR SAID HE'S HEALTHY AND VIGOROUS BUT HAS A
A STIFF GAIT HE BASICALLY GOT THE SAME RESULTS AS SEABISCUIT.
[ LAUGHTER ] BIDEN'S DOCTOR ALSO SAID HE HAD A SMALL LESION REMOVED FROM HIS
CHEST, WHICH SOUNDS LIKE A A POLITE WAY OF SAYING THIRD NIPPLE
[ LAUGHTER ] WHAT THIS IS ODD THOUGH
BIDEN'S ACTUALLY GOTTEN TALLER THIS IS TRUE HE'S ACTUALLY GOTTEN TALLER
SINCE HIS PHYSICAL A YEAR AGO. FORGET THE UFOs. I WANT TO KNOW HOW AN
80-YEAR-OLD GREW [ LAUGHTER ] WHAT'S GOING ON?
TALLER [ APPLAUSE ] AND EVERYONE'S STILL TALKING
ABOUT THIS LAST WEEKEND, THE U.S. SHOT DOWN THREE UFOs, AND IT TURNS
OUT ONE OF THEM MIGHT HAVE BEEN A $12 HOBBY BALLOON THAT BELONGED TO A GROUP CALLED THE
NORTHERN ILLINOIS BOTTLE CAP BALLOON BRIGADE. [ LAUGHTER ]
SO, IT LOOKS LIKE WE'VE MADE A A VERY POWERFUL ENEMY. [ LAUGHTER ]
YEP, ALL THIS WEEK, PEOPLE HAVE BEEN TALKING ABOUT THE U.S. SHOOTING DOWN UFOs.
IT FEELS LIKE WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF A-- I WANT TO SHOOT ME A UFO.
Jimmy: EXCUSE ME? EXCUSE ME? I SAID, I WANT TO SHOOT ME
A UFO. WHY'S THE GOVERNMENT GET TO HAVE ALL THE FUN
I GOT ME GREAT AIM WITH MY SLINGSHOT. [ LAUGHTER ]
Jimmy: YOU THINK YOU CAN SHOOT DOWN A UFO WITH A SLINGSHOT?
I KNOW I CAN. I GOT TO USE MY SLINGSHOT. I JUST GOT IT BACK FROM MY
TEACHER. Jimmy: YOUR TEACHER HOW OLD ARE YOU?
45. Jimmy: YOU'RE STILL IN SCHOOL
YEP MY TEACHER TOOK MY SLINGSHOT IN FIRST GRADE.
AND I HAD TO RE-ENROLL IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TO GET IT BACK
Jimmy: COULDN'T YOU JUST HAVE ASKED YOUR TEACHER TO GIVE BACK YOUR SLINGSHOT WITHOUT
RE-ENROLLING IN THE FIRST GRADE. OR BUY A NEW ONE
I DON'T LIKE YOUR TONE, FALLON EAT ROCK
[ LAUGHTER ] YOU SEE, I TOLD YOU I GOT GREAT AIM.
I JUST HIT A UFMF, UNIDENTIFIED FLYING MOTHER [ BLEEP ]. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
Jimmy: GET HIM OUT OF HERE. GET THIS GUY OUT OF HERE LET'S GET THIS GUY OUT -
I'LL BE BACK, FALLON. YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE LAST OF ME
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE Jimmy: WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG?
YOU CAN'T TALK LIKE THAT Steve: OH, MY GOD THAT GUY WAS RUDE.
AND HAD A FOUL MOUTH Jimmy: YES. Steve: A FOUL MOUTH
Jimmy: THIS IS A FAMILY SHOW WHO IS THAT GUY?
GET HIM OUT OF HERE. Steve: GOODNESS GRAVY Jimmy: SOME BUSINESS NEWS
HERE, GUYS I SAW THAT THE CEO OF YOUTUBE IS STEPPING DOWN
WHEN EMPLOYEES HEARD, THEY WERE LIKE, FIRST. [ LAUGHTER ]
OF COURSE, BEFORE HER ANNOUNCEMENT, SHE MADE EVERYONE SIT THROUGH A 15-SECOND AD FOR
VRBO [ LAUGHTER ] WELL, I READ THAT PEEPS
FLAVORED PEPSI IS BACK YEAH AND IT'LL BE AVAILABLE
EVERYWHERE THIS TIME YEP, PEPSI THAT TASTES LIKE PEEPS.
YES, TARIQ Tariq: QUESTION, DOES THE PEPSI TASTE LIKE A PEEP OR DOES
THE PEEP TASTE LIKE A PEPSI? Jimmy: I DON'T THINK IT REALLY MATTERS
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] YES, TARIQ Tariq: IF I HAD TO GUESS,
I'D SAY THE PEPSI TASTES LIKE PEEPS. ♪
♪ BECAUSE THE PEEPS ARE IN THE PEPSI ♪ ♪ AND THE PEPSI'S
IN THE PEEPS ♪ ♪ POUR A PINT POUND IT DOWN ♪
♪ AND THEN DO THA ON REPEAT ♪ ♪ PLOP PLOP FIZ
IT'S THE PERFECT EASTER TREAT ♪ ♪ THE PEPSI PACKS A PUNCH
AND THE PEEPS PROVIDE THE SWEET ♪ ♪ PETER PIPER PICKED A PECK
OF PICKLED PEPSI PEEPS ♪ ♪ POLLY POCKET PICKED A PAC OF PEPPERS IN HER SLEEP ♪
♪ THE PEEPS ARE SO PLEASIN' POUR THE PEPSI WET YOUR BEAK ♪
♪ BUT THE PEEPS ARE IN THE PEPSI ♪ ♪ WANNA TRY I
YES PLEASE ♪ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ♪ PEPSI AND PEEPS
FILLIN' YOUR CUP DRINK IT ON UP ♪ PEPSI AND PEEPS
MIXTAPE 2023 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE [ AIR HORN ]
Steve: OH, MY GOSH. Jimmy: DID YOU GUYS SEE THIS
Steve: WHAT Jimmy: DID YOU GUYS SEE THIS
STARBUCKS JUST RECALLED BOTTLES OF THEIR VANILLA FRAPPUCCINO BECAUSE THEY COULD CONTAIN
GLASS. MEANWHILE, IF IT WAS DUNKIN', THEY'D JUST RELABEL THE
BOTTLES, CHUNKY. [ LAUGHTER ] GET THIS, ACCORDING TO A NEW
REPORT, WE'VE ACTUALLY BEEN PRONOUNCING THE NAMES OF SEVERAL POPULAR BRANDS AND
COMPANIES WRONG FOR DECADES. FOR EXAMPLE, ADIDAS IS ACTUALLY PRONOUNCED "ADI-DAS.
IT'S TRUE. AND IKEA SHOULD BE PRONOUNCED THE "E-KAY-A."
Steve: COME ON. I ALREADY KNEW THAT. I KNEW THAT.
Jimmy: SORRY, HIGGINS YOU KNEW HOW THOSE NAMES ARE PRONOUNCED
Steve: YEAH, I KNOW HOW EVERY BRAND NAME IS PRONOUNCED BECAUSE I'M AN ANNOUNCER AND
THAT'S MY JOB. SO, GO AHEAD AND - [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
THANK YOU. GO AHEAD AND TEST ME Jimmy: YOU WANT ME TO -
Steve: GIVE ME SOME NAMES Jimmy: SURE I GUESS I CAN TEST YOU QUICK
WHAT'S THIS? Steve: GOAT CHEESE. [ LAUGHTER ]
Jimmy: OKAY WHAT'S THIS? Steve: BLOOMIN' ONION
COME ON, GIVE ME-- GIVE ME SOME HARD ONES RAPID FIRE THEM.
Jimmy: RAPID FIRE OKAY, HERE WE GO WHAT'S THIS?
Steve: OKAY HAM. [ LAUGHTER ]
'SUP BRO MAGIC MIKE BATMAN AND ROBIN'S
BEN AND J.LO YOU GO GIRL. OH, RIHANNA'S PREGNANT
[ LAUGHTER ] CHINESE SPY BALLOON. [ LAUGHTER ]
SO CALL ME MAYBE BLUE BALLS, I SCREAM [ LAUGHTER ]
HOT TUPAC. BANANAS ARE PUBIC. HERPES
DIARRHEA ENORMOUS WRACK [ LAUGHTER ]
YOU WANT ME TO-- I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WANT ME TO READ THIS ONE ON TV
Jimmy: YEAH Steve: TAINT, BALLS, AND ASS.
[ LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, STOP. STOP
TURN HIS MIC OFF JUST STOP. GET OUT OF HERE.
NO, TURN IT OFF. Steve: ON A NETWORK SHOW! THAT GUY SWORE
Jimmy: I'M ABOUT TO GET SECURITY TO GET YOU OUT OF HERE
TERRIBLE Steve: MY GOSH. Jimmy: SWITCHING GEARS, THIS
IS FUN TODAY IS NATIONAL RANDOM ACTS OF KINDNESS DAY.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE I'M ALL FOR KINDNESS I'M ALL FOR KINDNESS, BUT THE
RANDOM PART IS KIND OF SCARY I DON'T NEED THE GUY NEXT TO ME ON THE SUBWAY SAYING, "HERE, I
MADE YOU A MEAT LOAF." [ LAUGHTER ] GUYS, LISTEN TO THIS,
A BOARDWALK GAME OPERATOR AT THE JERSEY SHORE HAS BEEN BANNED FROM RUNNING AMUSEMENT
GAMES FOR ALLEGEDLY OVERINFLATING BASKETBALLS. WAIT, WAIT, WAIT
YOU'RE TELLING ME THOSE GAMES ARE RIGGED [ LAUGHTER ]
AND FINALLY, A LAWYER IS BEING SUED AFTER SHE ALLEGEDLY SPENT MORE THAN $10 MILLION OF HER
COMPANY'S MONEY IN LAS VEGAS [ AUDIENCE OOHS THE LAW FIRM IS TRYING TO GET
THEIR $10 MILLION BACK WHILE THE WOMAN SAYS SHE'S WILLING TO SETTLE FOR DOUBLE OR NOTHING
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW LET'S GO WRITE SOME THANK YOU
NOTES. COME ON, COME ON
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE Jimmy: WHAT A SHOW WE HAVE FOR YOU TONIGHT.
I DO QUICKLY WANT TO SAY I'M SO THANKFUL WE'RE AT NINE YEARS OF DOING THIS SHOW.
AND I WANT TO THANK YOU, STEVE HIGGINS AND THE ROOTS AND OUR STAFF AND CREW
THANK YOU SO MUCH. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE AND THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR
SUPPORTING ME AND WATCHING MY SHOW I'M A VERY, VERY LUCKY GUY
THANK YOU SO MUCH. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE WE HAVE A BIG SHOW TONIGHT
HE STARS IN THE HIT APPLE TV PLUS SERIES, "SEVERANCE. YOU CAN ALSO SEE HIM IN THE
COMEDY "PARTY DOWN," WHICH PREMIERES ITS THIRD SEASON NEXT FRIDAY ON STARZ.
ADAM SCOTT IS HERE TONIGHT [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ONE OF MY FAVES.
LOVE THAT GUY. PLUS, SHE PLAYS PRINCESS DIANA IN THE LATEST SEASON OF "THE
CROWN," WHICH IS STREAMING NOW ON NETFLIX ELIZABETH DEBICKI IS HERE.
[ LAUGHTER ] AND WE'VE GOT GREAT STANDUP FROM NATHAN MACINTOSH.
HEY, BUD [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE WELL, TODAY IS FRIDAY.
THAT'S USUALLY WHEN I CATCH UP WITH SOME PERSONAL STUFF YOU KNOW, I CHECK MY INBOX
I RETURN SOME EMAILS AND OF COURSE I SEND OUT THANK YOU NOTES.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE AND I WAS RUNNING A BIT BEHIND YOU GUYS MIND IF I WRITE OUT
SOME THANK YOU NOTES RIGHT NOW IS THAT OKAY [ CHEERS ]
THANK YOU VERY MUCH. JAMES, CAN I GET SOME THANK YOU NOTE WRITING MUSIC, PLEASE
♪ IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO YOUR SOUL, YEAH
♪ THANK YOU, JOE BIDEN GETTING HIS ANNUAL PHYSICAL, ALTHOUGH
IT GOT WEIRD WHEN HE TURNED, COUGHED, AND MORE DOCUMENTS CAME OUT
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE Steve: WHAT WHAT
♪ Jimmy: THANK YOU, PRESIDENTS' DAY, FOR LETTING US
COME TOGETHER AS A NATION AND CELEBRATE WHAT MATTERS MOST TO US ALL, CHEAP MATTRESSES
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THANK YOU, HACKY SACKS, FOR JUST BEING BEAN BAG CHAIRS THAT
ENTERED THE QUANTUM REALM. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ♪
THANK YOU, SOUR CREAM, OR AS I CALL YOU, MEAN YOGURT. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
Steve: THAT'S WHAT YOU CALL IT YOU CALL IT MEAN YOGURT?
Jimmy: I CALL SOUR CREAM-- Steve: MEAN YOGURT. Jimmy: I CALL IT MEAN
YOGURT THAT'S CORRECT Steve: WOW.
♪ Jimmy: THANK YOU, MICROWAVES, FOR HAVING THE
"DOOR OPEN" BUTTON, THE "MINUTE TIMER" BUTTON, AND 40 OTHER BUTTONS I NEVER USE.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE BUTTER DEFROST HONEY, DO YOU NEED ANY BUTTER
DEFROSTED? AH, FORGET IT. SORRY TO WAKE YOU UP, HONEY.
SHOULD I DEFROST THE BUTTER? Steve: IT'S 3:00 IN THE MORNING.
Jimmy: IT'S 5:00 SOMEWHERE. [ LAUGHTER ] ♪
THANK YOU, SHOWERS, FOR BEING A GREAT PLACE TO TAKE A DEEP BREATH, RELAX, AND THINK ABOUT
HOW MUCH I MISS MY PHONE [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ♪
THANK YOU, SCAFFOLDING, FOR ANSWERING THE QUESTION, "WHAT IF A BUILDING HAD BRACES?"
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ♪ THANK YOU, PIZZA ROLLERS, FOR
LOOKING LIKE MY KITCHEN KNIFE HOPPED ON A UNICYCLE THERE YOU HAVE IT EVERYBODY.
THOSE ARE MY "THANK YOU NOTES. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH THE FINAL DAY OF "PERM WEEK.
WOW! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ♪
Jimmy: WE HAVE ONE MORE PERM TO GIVE OUT. AND TONIGHT'S LUCKY RECIPIENT
IS CHRIS GULTIANO. THIS IS GOING TO BE A GOOD ONE AUDIENCE, ARE YOU READY FOR THE
BRAND NEW, FRESHLY PERMED CHRIS? COME ON OUT!
Jimmy: WELCOME BACK TO THE SHOW EVERYBODY YOU KNOW, NOT A LOT OF THINGS
ARE CERTAIN IN THIS CRAZY WORLD. WE SCURRY THROUGH LIFE
LICKETY-SPLIT FROM ONE FLEETING EXPERIENCE TO ANOTHER. NOTHING SEEMS SACRED ANYMORE
NOTHING SEEMS PERMANENT. AND THAT'S WHY THIS WEEK AT "THE TONIGHT SHOW," WE'RE
SALUTING THE ONE THING WE KNOW IS STILL PERMANENT THE PERMANENT, AKA, THE
PERMANENT WAVE, AKA, THE PERM. THAT'S RIGHT, IT'S "TONIGHT SHOW PERM WEEK."
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ♪
♪ IT'S PERM WEE ON THE FALLON SHOW IT'S PERM WEEK
OH MY GOD ♪ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE Jimmy: THIS IS "TONIGHT SHOW
PERM WEEK," THE VERY SPECIAL WEEK WHERE EVERY DAY WE PICK SOMEONE FROM OUR AUDIENCE AND
STYLISHLY PERM THEIR HAIR. WE'VE BEEN MAKING THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE THROUGH PERMING
ALL WEEK HERE AT "THE TONIGHT SHOW." CHECK IT OUT
♪ I'M CHRIS SCOTT AND I'M
GETTING A PERM TODAY THIS WILL BE THE CRAZIEST THING I'VE DONE TO MY HAIR
I'M A LITTLE NERVOUS TO GET A PERM BUT I'M VERY OPEN TO CHANGE IN MY LIFE.
TO TYLER'S HAIR, WE LOVED YOU. THIS WILL BE A VALENTINE'S
DAY WE'LL NEVER FORGET I WANT TO FEEL THE WIND IN MY HAIR.
THIS PERM IS GOING TO CHANGE THE WHOLE WORLD. Jimmy: YOU GUYS READY FOR
THE BRAND NEW CHRIS? COME ON OUT. ♪
WOW! I LOVE IT! ♪
I KINDA DIG IT LOOK AT THE CURLY GIRL COME ON.
♪ I FEEL INCREDIBLE WOW
♪ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE Jimmy: WHAT A WEEK IT'S
BEEN, AND WE'RE NOT QUITE DONE YET. WE HAVE ONE MORE PERM TO GIVE
OUT. AND TONIGHT'S LUCKY RECIPIENT IS CHRIS GULTIANO.
CHRIS IS 32 YEARS OLD-- YEAH. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] THIS IS GOING TO BE A GOOD ONE
HE'S FROM QUEENS, AND HE'S VERY EXCITED ABOUT HIS NEW HAIRDO
IT'S BEEN A BIG DAY FOR CHRIS. TAKE A LOOK.
TODAY I'M GETTING A PERM
THIS IS ACTUALLY MY FIRST TIME PROFESSIONALLY STYLING MY HAIR AT ALL
WE'RE CHRIS' FRIENDS-- AND WE CAN'T WAIT TO SEE HIS PERM
I'VE ONLY KNOWN CHRIS WITH LONG HAIR. HE'S LIKE THE RAPUNZEL OF
QUEENS TO ME SO RIGHT NOW I FEEL LIKE I CAME IN LOOKING LIKE ARGYLE
FROM "STRANGER THINGS" AND MY HOPE IS TO LOOK LIKE EDDIE MUNSON BY THE END OF IT.
IF YOU WATCH "STRANGER THINGS" CHRIS LOOKS LIKE ARGYLE, AND HE'S GOING TO WALK
OUT LOOKING LIKE NANCY SO WITH MY LONG HAIR, I LOVE TO DO HAIR FLIPS, SO AFTER I
GET THE PERM, I CAN'T WAIT TO DO IT FOR THE FIRST TIME THE BEST PART OF THIS FOR
CHRIS IS HONESTLY A NEW LIFE EXPERIENCE YES
I FEEL LIKE AFTER I GET THIS PERM, IT'S GOING TO SHOW HOW I FEEL ON THE INSIDE
I CAN'T WAIT TO SHOW THE WORLD WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE ME. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
Jimmy: YEAH EXACTLY RIGHT. NOW, CHRIS HAS BEEN SEQUESTERED
SINCE HE GOT PERMED. SO, HE HASN'T SEEN HIMSELF YET, AND HIS FRIENDS HAVEN'T SEEN
HIM EITHER THIS ENTIRE PROCESS HAS BEEN CLOAKED IN SECRECY
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] WE HAVE HIS FRIENDS RIGHT HERE SAY HELLO, GUYS.
HOW ARE YOU? HI, ALL [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
Jimmy: SORRY, WHO IS THIS BLINDFOLDED PERSON THIS IS CHRIS' GIRLFRIEND,
KAYLA. SHE COULDN'T BE HERE TONIGHT, SO WE BROUGHT HER TO YOU
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: OH, THAT IS SO NICE. NO FOMO HERE.
Jimmy: YEAH, NO FOMO HERE NOW, DO NOT REMOVE THE BLINDFOLDS UNTIL I TELL YOU,
OKAY ARE YOU EXCITED ABOUT THIS YES
VERY. Jimmy: HOW ABOUT YOU? ARE YOU EXCITED?
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] SHE'S SPEECHLESS. Jimmy: OKAY
WOW. [ LAUGHTER ] SO EXCITED.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE Jimmy: WOW. AUDIENCE, ARE YOU READY FOR THE
BRAND NEW, FRESHLY PERMED CHRIS? [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
HERE IS CHRIS BEFORE, AND HERE HE IS NOW! CHRIS, COME ON OUT
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ♪ OH MY GOD ♪ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
Jimmy: WOW. I LOVE IT. OH, MY GOD
YOU LOOK GREAT DO YOU FEEL GREAT? OH, I FEEL GREAT, JIMMY
Jimmy: YOU REALLY FEEL GREAT. OH MY GOSH
GUYS, YOU'RE ABOUT TO SEE-- HERE, HOLD MY HAND HOLD EACH OTHERS' HANDS.
COME ON OVER AND DON'T TAKE THE BLINDFOLDS OFF.
YOUR GIRLFRIEND IS HERE AS WELL OH, YEAH.
Jimmy: YEP. ALL RIGHT GUYS, ON THE COUNT OF THREE, REMOVE YOUR BLINDFOLDS.
ONE, TWO, THREE. ♪ [ LAUGHTER ]
♪ OH MY GOD ♪ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE KAYLA, YOU TOO.
[ TALKING OVER EACH OTHER Jimmy: YEAH, LIKE-- WHAT DO YOU THINK?
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE I LOVE IT. I THINK IT LOOKS REALLY GOOD
NOW FOR THE MOST IMPORTANT REVEAL OF ALL. CHRIS, ARE YOU READY TO SEE
YOURSELF OH, I'M NOT READY Jimmy: YEAH, YOU'RE READY
ALL RIGHT. THREE, TWO, ONE, REVEAL. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
♪ OH MY GOD ♪ YEAH! OH, MY GOD
HOLY CRAP. Jimmy: I LIKE THIS CHRIS. AUDIENCE, YOU LIKE IT?
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE OUR THANKS TO THE RANDY DARDEN HAIR SALON FOR THIS WONDERFUL
PERM HAPPY PERM WEEK, EVERYBODY THANK YOU.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH ADAM SCOTT COME ON BACK
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ♪ ♪ IT'S PERM WEE
ON THE FALLON SHOW IT'S PERM WEEK Jimmy: WOULD YOU DO ME THE
HONORS CAN I PLEASE? Jimmy: YEAH, PLEASE
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ♪ Jimmy: OUR FIRST GUEST STARS
ON SEASON ONE OF THE HIGHLY ACCLAIMED SERIES, "SEVERANCE," WHICH IS STREAMING NOW ON APPLE
TV PLUS. YOU CAN ALSO SEE HIM IN THE COMEDY "PARTY DOWN," WHICH
PREMIERES IT'S THIRD SEASON NEXT FRIDAY ON STARZ PLEASE WELCOME ADAM SCOTT.
♪ Jimmy: THAT'S ADAM SCOTT.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE YOU'VE GOT SOME LOVE OUT THERE HEY, YOU'VE GOT SOME LOVE OUT
THERE. COME ON. THAT'S ADAM SCOTT.
THAT'S SO NICE. Jimmy: WELCOME. THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
THAT'S - [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE WELCOME BACK TO THE SHOW
THANK YOU Jimmy: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING ON.
THANKS, MAN THANKS FOR HAVING ME Jimmy: HOW IS THE FAM
I WAS VERY LUCKY TO MEET YOUR BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER BACKSTAGE YEAH.
FRANKIE CAME WITH ME Jimmy: GOOD KID SHE'S A GREAT KID
YOU KNOW, MOST OF THE TIME, SHE'S A GREAT KID. SHE--
[ LAUGHTER ] SHE'S 14, YOU KNOW SO, LIKE, I'M HERE IN NEW YORK
BECAUSE I'M WORKING. I'M SHOOTING SEASON TWO OF "SEVERANCE."
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE OH, THANK YOU. BUT MY FAMILY LIVES IN
LOS ANGELES. SO, WE SPEND A TON OF TIME ON FACETIME, YOU KNOW, LIKE
CONSTANTLY BECAUSE IT'S TERRIBLE BEING ON OPPOSITE SIDES OF THE COUNTRY.
Jimmy: YEAH IT'S HARD SO, WE'RE ALWAYS TALKING ON
FACETIME BUT MY DAUGHTER, FRANKIE, WHO YOU JUST MET, SHE IS CONSTANTLY
TAKING SCREENSHOTS OF ME, OF, LIKE, MY FACE. BECAUSE WHEN YOU'RE DOING
FACETIME, IT'S NOT LIKE YOU'RE ON A FANCY ZOOM AND YOU HAVE A A RING LIGHT AND YOU PRIMP
YOURSELF YOU'RE, LIKE, GETTING READY FOR BED, OR EATING, OR WHATEVER.
Jimmy: YEAH, IT'S FAMILY TIME YEAH
IT'S FAMILY TIME. AND SHE-- EVERY-- EVERY SINGLE TIME I SEE THAT FLASH ON
THE SCREEN IT'S JUST LIKE, "JESUS, REALLY?"
AND, SO, THIS PAST YEAR, THEY MADE A CALENDAR OF ALL THOSE PHOTOS
THEY COLLECTED THEM. [ LAUGHTER ] AND MADE A CALENDAR OF -
Jimmy: OF UNFLATTERING PHOTOS OF YOU. YOU BROUGHT A FEW HERE
I JUST WANT TO SHOW THEM ON NATIONAL TV IF YOU DON'T MIND. SURE.
[ LAUGHTER ] YEAH, THAT WOULD BE GREAT. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
THAT WOULD BE GREAT. Jimmy: THESE ARE SOME OF THE SCREENSHOTS RIGHT HERE
YEAH. [ LAUGHTER ]
NICE Jimmy: WHAT A GREAT FAMILY. YEAH.
IT'S NICE. Jimmy: WHAT A LOVELY FAMILY YOU KNOW--
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THANKS I FEEL LIKE EVERYONE--
EVERYONE LOOKS GREAT WHEN THEY'RE BLOWING THEIR NOSE [ LAUGHTER ]
Jimmy: EVERYONE DOES. YEAH. Jimmy: I'M JUST SO EXCITED
THAT YOU'RE HERE, AND THAT YOU'RE HERE DURING A VERY IMPORTANT TIME
IT'S PERM WEEK ON "THE TONIGHT SHOW." HAVE YOU EVER DONE A PERM OR
THOUGHT ABOUT IT I REALLY-- I MEAN, IN THE '80s, IT SEEMED LIKE-- MEN
WERE GETTING PERMS GUYS THAT HOSTED, LIKE, AFTERNOON TALK SHOWS HAD PERMS
Jimmy: OF COURSE. I REMEMBER LIKE, GARY COLLINS WOULD
HAVE A PERM. Jimmy: HE DID HAVE ONE, YEAH
ADAM CURRY, I THINK, RIGHT YEAH, SURE, ADAM CURRY. Jimmy: I FOUND AN OLD HEAD
SHOT OF YOU. NOT PERMED JUST KIND OF COOL, I WOULD SAY
THIS IS MY FIRST HEAD SHOT, I BELIEVE. Jimmy: THIS FEELS '90s,
RIGHT? IT'S '90s IT'S LIKE--
Jimmy: WHO DO YOU LOOK LIKE HERE OH, MY GOD.
YOU KNOW, LISTEN - [ LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: WOW, YOU LOOK GOOD
IT'S LIKE - [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE DON'T CLAP
YOU CAN'T CLAP FOR THAT. MY HAIR IS LIKE A CROSS BETWEEN EDDIE VEDDER AND
NATALIE MERCHANT [ LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: I LIKE YOUR POSE
HOW DOES ONE EVEN-- OH, MY GOD. IT'S SO TERRIBLE
IT'S SO-- Jimmy: THAT LOOKS DIFFICULT I MEAN, THAT IS-- THAT
IS-- THAT IS, LIKE, PROFOUNDLY BAD. [ LAUGHTER ]
THAT'S-- THAT'S REALLY TOUGH. Jimmy: I LOVE IT. I JUST DIDN'T WANT YOU TO
FEEL - OH, MY GOD. Jimmy:--LEFT OUT.
YEAH, FOR SURE. Jimmy: SO I - OH, YEAH.
Jimmy: WOULD YOU DO ME THE HONORS CAN I PLEASE?
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ♪ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
I LOVE IT Jimmy: IT'S GOOD. I LOVE IT
Jimmy: IT'S GOOD, RIGHT IT'S SO - Jimmy: THIS FEELS RIGHT
I FEEL LIKE MY LIFE COMING TOGETHER Jimmy: YEAH, YOU'RE GETTING
WHAT CHRIS WAS FEELING EARLIER YES Jimmy: AND YOU'RE GETTING A
A LITTLE TASTE OF IT NOW THAT'S RIGHT. Jimmy: CAN WE TALK ABOUT
"PARTY DOWN? YEAH. YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH
Jimmy: PLEASE, THIS HAS BEEN-- I MISS THIS. THIS HAS BEEN-- WE'RE JUST
GOING TO LEAVE THE WIGS ON YEAH, WE'RE NOT TAKING THESE OFF.
Jimmy: 13 YEARS 13 YEARS SINCE WE GOT CANCELLED IN 2010.
Jimmy: BUT-- WHAT WAS IT WAS IT JUST STREAMING THAT MADE IT POPULAR AGAIN
I GUESS SO. BECAUSE WHEN WE FINISHED-- WHEN WE WERE CANCELLED, WE WERE
CANCELLED FOR, LIKE, PRETTY GOOD REASON, I GUESS BECAUSE OUR RATINGS WERE
LITERALLY 0.0. Jimmy: NO ONE WAS WATCHING. [ LAUGHTER ]
NO ONE WAS WATCHING YOUR SHOW. NO. NO
SO, YOU END UP GETTING CANCELLED. Jimmy: THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS
WHEN NO ONE WATCHES YOUR SHOW. BUT LITTLE BY LITTLE, OVER THE YEARS, PEOPLE GOT INTO IT.
AND NOW I GET ASKED ABOUT IT, JUST LIKE, OUT ON THE STREET OR WHATEVER, I'LL GET ASKED ABOUT
IT JUST AS MUCH AS ANYTHING ELSE Jimmy: REALLY
YEAH, YEAH, IT'S GREAT. Jimmy: BUT EVERYONE CAME BACK FOR IT.
YEAH, EVERYONE. LIZZY CAPLAN, BECAUSE OF SCHEDULING, COULDN'T DO IT
BUT EVERYONE ELSE-- JANE LYNCH, KEN MARINO, MEGAN MULLALLY, RYAN HANSEN,
MARTIN STARR, EVERYBODY. Jimmy: BUT THEN, WHO-- JENNIFER GARNER.
JENNIFER GARNER JOINS THE SHOW Jimmy: I LOVE
JENNIFER GARNER. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE SHE'S AMAZING
Jimmy: I CAN'T GET ENOUGH JENNIFER GARNER. I LOVE HER
SHE'S THE BEST. Jimmy: I'M SO HAPPY IT'S BACK
I WANT TO SHOW A CLIP. HERE'S ADAM SCOTT IN THE NEW
SEASON OF "PARTY DOWN. TAKE A LOOK.
THAT I PROBABLY WON'T BE
APPRECIATED IN MY LIFETIME YOU KNOW, IF I GET DISCOVERED, AS THEY'RE REVIEWING MY PAPERS
AFTER I DIE, WELL, I'LL BE FINE WITH THAT. SO YOU'RE STILL DOING MOSTLY
HARD SCI-FI? YEAH. YOU REMEMBER THE MAGNUM OPUS
THAT I STARTED ON A ROLL OF TOILET PAPER NUH-UH.
WELL, THAT WAS JUST THE BEGINNING. AND I'M JUST KIND OF TWEAKING
ONE LITTLE THING, BUT THEN IT'S READY TO SELL. AND I STILL HAVE MY BLOG, WELL,
WHICH IS NOW A VLOG 'CAUSE OF MY CARPAL TUNNEL INCIDENT. COOL.
I SHOULD PROBABLY GO AND HAVE DINNER YEAH, SEE YOU IN 12 YEARS
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE Jimmy: YOU'RE SO GOOD, MAN. THANKS, MAN
Jimmy: YOU MAKE ME LAUGH. CONGRATS ON THE GREAT REVIEWS AS WELL.
THANK YOU Jimmy: ADAM SCOTT, EVERYBODY.
"PARTY DOWN" PREMIERES IT'S THIRD SEASON NEXT FRIDAY ON STARZ.
FRANKIE, KEEP IT UP. THAT'S A GOOD JOB. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE
"TONIGHT SHOW," EVERYBODY. GOOD JOB, FRANKIE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
♪ Jimmy: OUR NEXT GUEST IS A GOLDEN GLOBE NOMINATED ACTOR
WHO YOU CAN SEE IN THE LATEST SEASON OF "THE CROWN," WHICH IS STREAMING NOW ON NETFLIX
EVERYONE, PLEASE WELCOME ELIZABETH DEBICKI.
♪ ♪ Jimmy: ELIZABETH DEBICKI.
♪ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE AH, I'M SO HAPPY YOU'RE HERE
IT IS LOVELY TO MEET YOU IT'S LOVELY TO MEET YOU Jimmy: THANK YOU FOR BEING
ON THE SHOW. IT IS PERM WEEK. I'M SURE YOU'VE HEARD.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] AND SAW Jimmy: YEAH, AND SAW, AS
WELL, YEAH HAVE YOU EVER HAD A PERM I THINK YOU MAY-- CAN I GUESS
I THINK YOU MIGHT HAVE HAD ONE I-- I'VE HAD A PERM. Jimmy: YOU HAVE
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] YOU'RE ALLOWED TO TALK ABOUT IT
I AM. IT'S SLIGHTLY TRAUMATIC. Jimmy: OH, IT IS?
WELL, IT IS WELL, SO-- I CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE I'M ACTUALLY -
I'VE NEVER REALLY TOLD ANYONE THIS STORY BUT I--
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] I WAS, A FEW YEARS AGO GOING THROUGH A VERY BAD BREAKUP
I'M TELLING THIS STORY BECAUSE WHAT I WOULD LIKE TO DO IS SORT OF START A SORT OF FORM OF
ACTIVISM AGAINST HAIRDRESSERS ALLOWING TO DO PERMS ON PEOPLE WHO ARE GOING THROUGH
A BREAKUP. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE IT'S REAL.
Jimmy: IT'S A REAL THING. IT'S SO REAL. Jimmy: YOU'RE SAYING THAT
THEY SHOULD ASK YOU BEFORE THEY GIVE YOU THE - I THINK THERE SHOULD-- I
THINK THERE SHOULD BE A LAW THAT IF YOU SIT-- [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
Jimmy: A LAW? A LAW, YES. YOU PASS LOADS OF LAWS IN THIS
COUNTRY. Jimmy: YES, WE DO, YES. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
PASS ANOTHER ONE. Jimmy: WE TRY, YEAH YEAH, SO IF YOU SIT DOWN IN
A CHAIR IN A HAIR SALON, AND THEY SAY-- AND YOU SAY, "HELLO, I WOULD LIKE A PERM" -
Jimmy: MM-HM. THE PERSON HAS TO SAY, "ARE YOU GOING THROUGH A TERRIBLE
BREAKUP? [ LAUGHTER ] AND IF YOU SAY YES, THEY
CAN'T-- Jimmy: THEY ESCORT YOU TO LEAVE.
THEY SAY, "WE CAN GIVE YOU A TRIM." [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
LITTLE TRIM. Jimmy: I GOTTA SAY, YOU WERE PHENOMENAL IN "THE CROWN."
CONGRATULATIONS ON ALL THE ACCOLADES. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
GOLDEN GLOBE YOU WERE NOMINATED FOR TWO S.A.G. AWARDS COMING UP.
CONGRATULATIONS ON THIS. ARE-- DO YOU ENJOY GOING TO THESE AWARD SHOWS?
I DO ENJOY THEM, BUT I GET VERY NERVOUS Jimmy: YOU DO
IN ROOMS FULL OF-- YEAH, WELL, THERE'S LIKE SO MANY FAMOUS PEOPLE, IT'S KIND
OF STRANGE, YOU KNOW [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: YEAH
AND I'D NEVER BEEN TO THE GOLDEN GLOBES BEFORE I TOOK MY LITTLE SISTER, WHO IS
A TROOPER, A VERY CALM PERSON. BUT WE WERE-- WE SUPER, SUPER JET LAGGED, 'CAUSE WE JUST GOT
IN Jimmy: YEAH AND THE NEXT DAY WE WERE
THINKING ABOUT IT, AND WE-- 'CAUSE WE DIDN'T-- I DIDN'T REALLY MEET THAT MANY PEOPLE
AND I WAS THINKING, "WHY DIDN'T I-- WHAT WAS I DOING? AND THEN I REALIZED THAT WE
BASICALLY WERE LIKE, TREATING IT LIKE WE WERE IN A A JANE AUSTEN NOVEL.
WE DIDN'T GET UP ONCE AND EVERYONE JUST WALKED PAST OUR TABLE AND WE SORT OF WENT,
"THANK YOU FOR COMING. [ LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: DID YOU EVER SEE
YOURSELF OR THINK LIKE, "OH, MAYBE, LIKE, ONE DAY I COULD PLAY PRINCESS DIANA"
NO. NO [ LAUGHTER ]
Jimmy: NEVER? NO. Jimmy: NEVER?
I NEVER-- NO I NEVER SAW A RESEMBLANCE REALLY, NO
Jimmy: YEAH WELL LET ME SHOW EVERYONE A PICTURE.
THIS IS YOU AS PRINCESS DIANA AND THEN THE REAL PRINCESS DIANA
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE I MEAN, KIND OF INSANE THAT'S UNBELIEVABLE.
IT-- DID IT-- THAT'S FANTASTIC. YEAH.
Jimmy: SO, YOU GO INTO THE AUDITION DID YOU KNOW THAT YOU WERE
AUDITIONING FOR DIANA? SO, IT'S A WEIRD STORY. I KNEW, IN A KIND OF VAGUE WAY,
THAT I WAS GOING TO PLAY THIS PART FOR VERY-- LIKE, FIVE YEARS.
SO, I WENT IN AND DID AN AUDITION FOR A PART IN SEASON TWO.
Jimmy: OF "THE CROWN. OF "THE CROWN." AND SEASON ONE HAD JUST COME
OUT AND IT WAS A REALLY BIG HIT AND EVERYONE WAS, RIGHTLY SO, VERY EXCITED
MY AGENT CALLED ME UP AND SAID, "WELL JUST GO IN--" BASICALLY-- I WAS SO
PHYSICALLY WRONG FOR THIS PART AND SO I WENT IN AND I DID THIS PRETTY BAD AUDITION, YOU KNOW.
THEY KIND OF STOPPED ME AND THEY WERE LIKE, "THANK-- WE'LL CALL YOU
THANK YOU SO MUCH," YOU KNOW Jimmy: OH, THAT IS THE WORST.
BRUTAL. SO THEN I LEFT AND THEN I GOT AN EMAIL, THIS
SORT OF AMBIGUOUS EMAIL LIKE THE NEXT DAY SAYING, DEFINITELY NOT THAT PART, BUT MAYBE DIANA
BUT IT WAS ABOUT-- YOU KNOW, IT WAS, LIKE, FIVE YEARS IN THE PIPELINE
Jimmy: SO THAT MEANS YOU HAVE TO WAIT FIVE YEARS FOR THEM TO REMEMBER THAT YOU
AUDITIONED I KNOW, BUT I DIDN'T REALLY THINK IT WAS GONNA HAPPEN.
Jimmy: YEAH, USUALLY IT DOESN'T HAPPEN TO BE HONEST. WELL, THAT'S THE THING,
THAT'S THE THING AND THEN WHEN I BRING THIS UP WITH THE PRODUCERS AND I SAY,
YOU KNOW - IT WAS LIKE, FIVE YEARS OF HELL, WHERE I WAS LIKE,
"PLEASE, GOD, LET THIS COME ALONG. AND THEY ALL SAID, "OH, NO, WE
ALWAYS KNEW IT WOULD BE YOU. AND I THINK "'WE'-- LIKE, 'WE'
WHAT 'WE'? Jimmy: NO, YEAH, WHAT "WE"? YEAH, YOU--
ROYAL WE. Jimmy: MY-- "ME, I DID NOT," YEAH
NO, NO. Jimmy: YOU WERE PHENOMENAL IN THIS.
I WANT EVERYBODY TO WATCH "THE CROWN." I WANT TO SHOW A CLIP RIGHT
NOW. HERE'S ELIZABETH DEBICKI IN
"THE CROWN." TAKE A LOOK.
HOME
IT TURNS OUT THERE'S A DIARY CONFLICT THROUGH NO FAULT OF MINE, AND I HAVE TO GET BACK
WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE HERE FOR TWO WEEKS. YES, I KNOW, DIANA.
BUT PLANS CHANGE I HAVE A COMMITMENT AT OXFORD UNIVERSITY
IT ISN'T THE UNIVERSITY IT'S A SUMMER SCHOOL FOR TOURISTS, IT'S NOT ESSENTIAL
IT IS TO ME THIS IS OUR HOLIDAY IT'S A RARE OPPORTUNITY FOR US
TO BE TOGETHER WITH THE BOYS AS A FAMILY AND I KNOW YOU STRUGGLE WITH
THAT SORT OF THING, WHICH IS WHY I AGREED YOU BRINGING YOUR FRIENDS ALONG TO ENTERTAIN YOU
AND I EVEN AGREED TO DO THE PHOTO CALL TODAY, REQUESTED BY YOUR PEOPLE SO THE LIE COULD BE
PARADED TO THE WORLD'S MEDIA ABOUT WHAT AN ADORING HUSBAND YOU ARE ON ONE CONDITION
WHAT'S THAT THAT YOU ACTUALLY ARE ONE Jimmy: OOH.
ELIZABETH DEBICKI! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ALL SEASONS OF "THE CROWN" ARE
AVAILABLE NOW ON NETFLIX MORE "TONIGHT SHOW" AFTER THE BREAK, EVERYONE.
STICK AROUND [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
MAKE THAT A LAW! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ♪
Jimmy: OUR NEXT GUEST HAS HIS COMEDY SPECIAL, "MONEY NEVER WAKES" AVAILABLE ON
YOUTUBE. PLEASE WELCOME THE VERY FUNNY NATHAN MACINTOSH
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ♪
HEY [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE HEY.
HEY, EVERYBODY [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE HI
IT'S SO GREAT TO BE HERE I'M-- RIGHT NOW I'M TRYING TO FIGURE MY LIFE OUT
EVERY SINGLE PERSON I KNOW IS STARTING A FAMILY. I'M LOSING A LOT OF FRIENDS TO
BABIES [ LAUGHTER ] I SHOULD ACTUALLY SAY I'M
LOSING CITY FRIENDS. I'M GETTING MY SMALL-TOWN FRIENDS BACK 'CAUSE THEIR KIDS
ARE NOW 18 [ LAUGHTER ] PEOPLE IN SMALL TOWNS JUST
START FAMILIES YOUNGER, RIGHT? AND OF COURSE, THEY DO THEY'RE BORED.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] THERE'S NOTHING TO DO IN A A SMALL TOWN
I FEEL PEOPLE IN A SMALL TOWN JUST WAKE UP ONE DAY, AND LOOK AT EACH OTHER LIKE, "LOOK, I
DON'T KNOW YOU WANT TO GO SEE THE TREES AGAIN?
[ LAUGHTER ] "WE'VE ALREADY SEEN THE TREES. WE COUNTED THEM, WE MEASURED
THEM." "WELL, WE CAN MAKE NEW PEOPLE AND SHOW THEM THE TREES.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] ONE HUGE ADVANTAGE IF YOU HAVE A BABY IN A SMALL TOWN, YOU
HAVE SPACE YOU HAVE A HOUSE AND A YARD. I HAVE FRIENDS IN THIS CITY
THAT ARE HAVING A BABY IN A STUDIO APARTMENT [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
AN APARTMENT SO SMALL THAT IF THEY GET TOO MANY GROCERIES, THEY HAVE TO THROW A CHAIR OUT
[ LAUGHTER ] THE ONLY GOOD THING ABOUT A CITY APARTMENT IS YOUR BABY
CAN'T JUST WANDER OFF. YOU'RE NOT GONNA LOSE THEM LIKE, "WHERE'S CHRIS?"
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'WHERE'S CHRIS? HE'S IN THE WEST WING.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'WHERE'S CHRIS?'" [ LAUGHTER ]
"OUR OVEN AND SHOWER TOUCH." [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE I DON'T KNOW THAT A LOT OF
PEOPLE ARE TAKING-- SO EVERYBODY WANTS YOU TO HOLD THEIR BABY, RIGHT?
EVERY SINGLE PERSON WANTS YOU TO HOLD THEIR BABY WHY?
IT'S THE MOST PRECIOUS THING YOU HAVE WHY ARE YOU PUTTING IT IN MY
HANDS? [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] PEOPLE WILL STEP OVER A GLASS
COFFEE TABLE COVERED IN CANDLES TO HAND YOU THE MOST BREAKABLE THING THEY HAVE.
[ LAUGHTER ] NOBODY WANTS YOU TO TOUCH THEIR PHONE.
NOT ONE PERSON [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE AND I HONESTLY DON'T-- IT
BOTHERS ME I DON'T THINK A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE TAKING IT SERIOUSLY.
'CAUSE EVERYBODY SAYS THEY'RE HAVING A BABY, RIGHT EVERYBODY SAYS, "BABY," AS IF
THAT'S ALL IT'S EVER GOING TO BE BABIES GROW UP
I REALLY WISH PEOPLE SAID, THEY WERE HAVING "A FUTURE ADULT. [ LAUGHTER ]
BECAUSE ONE DAY IT'S A BABY, AND THE NEXT DAY, IT'S A GUY NAMED DOUG
[ LAUGHTER ] AND DOUG IS A GROWN MAN STANDING IN YOUR KITCHEN,
DRINKING YOUR JUICE, AND HE WANTS MONEY. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
THERE'S A LOT OF PEOPLE THAT AREN'T READY TO HAVE A BABY, RIGHT?
SO, THEY GOT A DOG AS A TRAINING BABY. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
AND THEY CALL IT A FUR BABY. AND HONEST TO GOD, IF YOU CALL YOUR DOG A FUR BABY, DO NOT
HAVE A SKIN BABY BECAUSE YOU - [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE YOU'RE NOT TAKING IT SERIOUSLY
AT ALL AND HAVING A DOG MIGHT BE HARDER SOMETIMES
I HAVE A TINY LITTLE CHIHUAHUA AND IT'S HORRIFYING. I DON'T KNOW IF ANYBODY'S EVER
WALKED A CHIHUAHUA IT'S SCARY WALKING A CHIHUAHUA IS LIKE
WALKING A CARTON OF EGGS [ LAUGHTER ] ANY SINGLE THING CAN GO WRONG.
I'VE GOTTA BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR OTHER DOGS, PEOPLE, BLOWING LEAVES, EVERYTHING
[ LAUGHTER ] I DON'T THINK PEOPLE PUSHING STROLLERS ARE WORRIED THAT A
A HAWK IS GONNA COME OUT OF THE SKY AND TAKE THEIR BABY. BUT I HAVE VIVID THOUGHTS ABOUT
CHOPPING A BIRD OUT OF THE AIR LIKE, "NOT TODAY, HAWK!" [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
"I-- I JUST BOUGHT HER THAT SWEATER. [ LAUGHTER ]
WHICH I NEVER THOUGHT I'D EVER BE DOING I NEVER THOUGHT I'D BE BUYING
A COAT FOR A TINY LITTLE DOG I NEVER THOUGHT I'D BE IN A STORE LIKE, "SHE'D NEVER WEAR
GREEN. JUST PUSHING SWEATERS OUT OF THE WAY.
[ LAUGHTER ] BUT YOU HAVE TO GET CLOTHES FOR A CHIHUAHUA.
BECAUSE IF YOU TAKE A CHIHUAHUA OUT IN THE COLD WITHOUT A COAT, THEY FREEZE.
THEY STOP LIVING RIGHT THERE [ LAUGHTER ] AND THEN YOU'RE A MANIAC JUST
DRAGGING A FROZEN DOG DOWN THE STREET [ LAUGHTER ]
PEOPLE ARE LIKE, "WHAT HAPPENED?" "'WHAT HAPPENED?
SHE'S SUPPOSED TO BE IN MEXICO!" [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
ALSO, WHEN YOU GET A DOG, THERE'S SO MANY PLACES YOU CAN'T LIVE ANYMORE, RIGHT?
'CAUSE SO MANY APARTMENTS SAYING NO PETS AND YOU WANT TO GET MAD AT A
A LANDLORD, LIKE THEY'RE JUST MAKING UP THESE CRAZY RULES, BUT PEOPLE RUINED THE PET RULE
'CAUSE MOST PEOPLE WHEN THEY HEAR PETS ARE LIKE, "OH, YEAH, PETS
LIKE A CAT OR A DOG. BUT SOME PEOPLE, HEAR PETS, AND THEY GO, "OH."
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] "PYTHON. [ LAUGHTER ]
AND THEN ONE DAY THERE'S A A 40-FOOT SNAKE ROAMING THE HALLS TRYING TO EAT YOUR
NEIGHBORS BECAUSE SOMEBODY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT A PET IS [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
A PET IS SOMETHING YOU CAN PET [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE YOU-- YOU PUT YOUR HAND ON ITS
HEAD AND YOU PET IT. IT'S NOT A CREATURE YOU FIGHT WITH A STICK BACK INTO A CAGE.
[ LAUGHTER ] IT'S NOT SOMETHING YOU KICK OFF A RIVER BOAT
[ LAUGHTER ] IT'S NOT SOMETHING A WIZARD PUTS ON A STAFF.
IT'S-- IT'S A CUTE ANIMAL WITH A FUR, NOT SOMETHING SAMUEL L. JACKSON FOUGHT ON
A PLANE. [ LAUGHTER ] THERE'S SO MANY APARTMENTS THAT
SAY, "NO PETS. THERE'S NOT ONE APARTMENT THAT SAYS, "NO BABIES."
NOT ONE. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] AND WHY?
MY DOG IS FIVE POUNDS FOR LIFE YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS BABY'S GONNA TO BE.
[ LAUGHTER ] THIS BABY COULD GROW INTO A 6'5" SMOKER THAT STEALS
PACKAGES YOU DON'T KNOW [ LAUGHTER ]
MY DOG IS DOING NOTHING. SHE'S SITTING THERE, SHIVERING, LOOKING OUT THE WINDOW FOR
HAWKS. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE MY NAME IS NATHAN MACINTOSH.
THANK YOU SO MUCH. ♪ I REALLY APPRECIATE IT
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU. THANK YOU.
Jimmy: HOLY MACKEREL. ♪ THANK YOU, MAN.
Jimmy: HOLY MOLY. REALLY APPRECIATE IT. APPRECIATE IT.
Jimmy: THAT'S EXACTLY RIGHT STANDING OVATION AW, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
Jimmy: AND THAT IS HOW YOU DO IT RIGHT THERE. THANK YOU
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE Jimmy: NATHAN MACINTOSH THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE Jimmy: THAT IS HOW YOU DO IT
APPRECIATE YOU GUYS Jimmy: "MONEY NEVER WAKES" IS AVAILABLE ON YOUTUBE.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. THAT WAS PHENOMENAL. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
♪ Jimmy: MY THANKS TO ADAM SCOTT, ELIZABETH DEBICKI,
NATHAN MACINTOSH ONCE AGAIN. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THANK YOU, APPRECIATE THAT.
Jimmy: PHENOMENAL JOB, BUD. UNBELIEVABLE, BUDDY. PLEASE COME BACK
AND THE ROOTS RIGHT THERE FROM PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
THANK YOU FOR WATCHING STAY TUNED FOR "LATE NIGHT WITH
SETH MEYERS. GOODNIGHT, EVERYBODY ♪