1 00:00:14,047 --> 00:00:15,548 Steve: FROM STUDIO 6B IN ROCKEFELLER CENTER IN THE HEART 2 00:00:15,548 --> 00:00:21,321 OF NEW YORK CITY, IT'S "THE TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON." 3 00:00:21,321 --> 00:00:24,391 TONIGHT, JOIN JIMMY AND HIS GUESTS - ADAM SCOTT 4 00:00:24,391 --> 00:00:28,428 ELIZABETH DEBICKI. COMEDIAN NATHAN MACINTOSH. AND FEATURING THE LEGENDARY 5 00:00:28,428 --> 00:00:36,736 ROOTS CREW Questlove: 1802 6 00:00:36,736 --> 00:00:41,641 Steve: AND NOW, HERE HE IS, JIMMY FALLON 7 00:00:42,676 --> 00:00:43,943 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 8 00:00:43,943 --> 00:01:05,065 ♪ ♪ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 9 00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:08,568 Jimmy: OH, MY GOODNESS. YES! THANK YOU SO MUCH. 10 00:01:08,568 --> 00:01:12,072 WELCOME. PLEASE, ENJOY YOURSELF WELCOME, WELCOME, WELCOME TO 11 00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:16,309 "THE TONIGHT SHOW," EVERYBODY. YOU'RE HERE. YOU MADE IT. 12 00:01:16,309 --> 00:01:20,513 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE I'M SO EXCITED ABOUT THIS. TODAY IS OUR NINTH ANNIVERSARY 13 00:01:20,513 --> 00:01:28,121 ON "THE TONIGHT SHOW." [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ♪ 14 00:01:28,121 --> 00:01:31,091 THAT'S RIGHT NINE YEARS, 1,800 EPISODES, AND ONE REALLY AWKWARD CONVERSATION 15 00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:40,266 WITH NICOLE KIDMAN [ LAUGHTER ] YEP, NINE YEARS. 16 00:01:40,266 --> 00:01:44,204 OF COURSE, WE'VE HAD SOME WORK DONE, SO WE ONLY LOOK SEVEN. [ LAUGHTER ] 17 00:01:44,204 --> 00:01:48,341 NINE YEARS, THAT MEANS THE SHOW IS OFFICIALLY HALFWAY TO DATING LEONARDO DiCAPRIO. 18 00:01:48,341 --> 00:01:54,014 [ AUDIENCE OHs ] [ LAUGHTER ] Steve: NO, YOU DIDN'T 19 00:01:54,014 --> 00:01:57,751 OH, COME ON. COME ON. Jimmy: OUR SHOW PREMIERED 20 00:01:57,751 --> 00:02:01,688 DURING THE 2014 WINTER OLYMPICS [ CHEERS ] 21 00:02:01,688 --> 00:02:04,290 THAT'S HOW LONG IT'S BEEN. WE STARTED WAY BACK WHEN THERE WAS STILL WINTER 22 00:02:04,290 --> 00:02:09,062 [ LAUGHTER ] IT'S A MAJOR ACCOMPLISHMENT. AND AS A THANK YOU TO THE 23 00:02:09,062 --> 00:02:14,067 ENTIRE STAFF, I GAVE THEM OFF FOR PRESIDENTS' DAY WEEKEND. [ LAUGHTER ] 24 00:02:14,067 --> 00:02:16,770 Steve: AW Jimmy: ISN'T THAT NICE. THE TRADITIONAL GIFT FOR THE 25 00:02:16,770 --> 00:02:20,473 NINTH ANNIVERSARY IS POTTERY SO, LATER TONIGHT, TARIQ AND I WILL BE RE-ENACTING THE SCENE 26 00:02:20,473 --> 00:02:28,782 FROM "GHOST. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE THAT'S RIGHT 27 00:02:28,782 --> 00:02:31,518 WE'VE BEEN ON THE AIR FOR A WHOLE NINE YEARS I CAN'T BELIEVE IT 28 00:02:31,518 --> 00:02:33,286 A LOT HAS CHANGED SINCE THEN I MEAN, LOOK-- THIS IS A PICTURE OF ME WHEN I FIRST 29 00:02:33,286 --> 00:02:37,323 STARTED. THAT'S REAL. [ AUDIENCE AWs ] 30 00:02:37,323 --> 00:02:42,662 HERE'S A PICTURE OF YOU, TARIQ [ LAUGHTER ] CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT WAS NINE 31 00:02:42,662 --> 00:02:44,230 YEARS AGO? AND HERE'S A PICTURE OF YOU, HIGGINS. 32 00:02:44,230 --> 00:02:49,235 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE Steve: A LONG TIME AGO. Jimmy: NINE YEARS AGO 33 00:02:49,235 --> 00:02:52,305 YEAH, NINE TIME FLIES WELL, AND AS I MENTIONED, IT IS 34 00:02:52,305 --> 00:02:55,141 PRESIDENTS' DAY WEEKEND. OF COURSE, EVERY FAMILY IS DIFFERENT. 35 00:02:55,141 --> 00:02:56,776 SOME GET TOGETHER ON PRESIDENTS' DAY, WHILE OTHERS CELEBRATE ON PRESIDENTS' DAY 36 00:02:56,776 --> 00:03:01,581 EVE. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] YEP, NOT ONLY IS IT A LONG 37 00:03:01,581 --> 00:03:04,451 WEEKEND, BUT EVERYBODY'S PUMPED FOR THIS TODAY "ANT-MAN AND THE WASP: 38 00:03:04,451 --> 00:03:11,057 QUANTUMANIA" HIT THEATERS. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE YEAH 39 00:03:11,057 --> 00:03:12,859 WHICH IS GREAT BECAUSE USUALLY TO SEE ANTS AT A THEATER YOU HAVE TO GO TO GO TO REGAL 40 00:03:12,859 --> 00:03:19,499 CINEMAS. [ AUDIENCE OHs ] "SIT WHATEVER YOU WANT 41 00:03:19,499 --> 00:03:23,770 I DON'T CARE WHERE." [ LAUGHTER ] "MY SEAT DOESN'T GO BACK." 42 00:03:23,770 --> 00:03:29,142 "I KNOW, BUT IT GOES FORWARD." [ LAUGHTER ] MEANWHILE, I HEARD THAT IN THE 43 00:03:29,142 --> 00:03:32,846 FUTURE, DISNEY WANTS TO SPREAD OUT THEIR MARVEL RELEASES. YEAH 44 00:03:32,846 --> 00:03:35,415 DISNEY KNEW IT WAS TIME TO SLOW DOWN WHEN THEY STARTED MAKING A MOVIE ABOUT THE HULK'S 45 00:03:35,415 --> 00:03:40,086 TAILOR [ LAUGHTER ] "I WORK ON HIS SUITS ALL THE 46 00:03:40,086 --> 00:03:47,160 TIME I SAY PLEASE DON'T GET ANGRY, MR. BANNER." 47 00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:51,097 SOME NEWS FROM WASHINGTON. PRESIDENT BIDEN JUST HAD HIS ANNUAL PHYSICAL EXAM 48 00:03:51,097 --> 00:04:00,707 AND HIS DOCTOR REPORTED THAT BIDEN IS HEALTHY AND VIGOROUS. [ LAUGHTER ] 49 00:04:00,707 --> 00:04:03,109 EVEN DEMOCRATS ARE LIKE, HEALTHY AND VIGOROUS DID HE GO TO TRUMP'S DOCTOR? 50 00:04:03,109 --> 00:04:08,815 [ LAUGHTER ] THEN BIDEN LEFT THE ROOM, THE DOCTOR WAS LIKE, "YEESH. 51 00:04:08,815 --> 00:04:12,419 [ LAUGHTER ] YEAH, BIDEN'S DOCTOR SAID HE'S HEALTHY AND VIGOROUS BUT HAS A 52 00:04:12,419 --> 00:04:18,858 A STIFF GAIT HE BASICALLY GOT THE SAME RESULTS AS SEABISCUIT. 53 00:04:18,858 --> 00:04:22,896 [ LAUGHTER ] BIDEN'S DOCTOR ALSO SAID HE HAD A SMALL LESION REMOVED FROM HIS 54 00:04:22,896 --> 00:04:27,500 CHEST, WHICH SOUNDS LIKE A A POLITE WAY OF SAYING THIRD NIPPLE 55 00:04:27,500 --> 00:04:37,110 [ LAUGHTER ] WHAT THIS IS ODD THOUGH 56 00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:39,212 BIDEN'S ACTUALLY GOTTEN TALLER THIS IS TRUE HE'S ACTUALLY GOTTEN TALLER 57 00:04:39,212 --> 00:04:43,350 SINCE HIS PHYSICAL A YEAR AGO. FORGET THE UFOs. I WANT TO KNOW HOW AN 58 00:04:43,350 --> 00:04:46,953 80-YEAR-OLD GREW [ LAUGHTER ] WHAT'S GOING ON? 59 00:04:46,953 --> 00:04:51,791 TALLER [ APPLAUSE ] AND EVERYONE'S STILL TALKING 60 00:04:51,791 --> 00:04:53,293 ABOUT THIS LAST WEEKEND, THE U.S. SHOT DOWN THREE UFOs, AND IT TURNS 61 00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:55,095 OUT ONE OF THEM MIGHT HAVE BEEN A $12 HOBBY BALLOON THAT BELONGED TO A GROUP CALLED THE 62 00:04:55,095 --> 00:05:05,105 NORTHERN ILLINOIS BOTTLE CAP BALLOON BRIGADE. [ LAUGHTER ] 63 00:05:05,105 --> 00:05:09,142 SO, IT LOOKS LIKE WE'VE MADE A A VERY POWERFUL ENEMY. [ LAUGHTER ] 64 00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:13,179 YEP, ALL THIS WEEK, PEOPLE HAVE BEEN TALKING ABOUT THE U.S. SHOOTING DOWN UFOs. 65 00:05:13,179 --> 00:05:18,451 IT FEELS LIKE WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF A-- I WANT TO SHOOT ME A UFO. 66 00:05:18,451 --> 00:05:21,121 Jimmy: EXCUSE ME? EXCUSE ME? I SAID, I WANT TO SHOOT ME 67 00:05:21,121 --> 00:05:24,357 A UFO. WHY'S THE GOVERNMENT GET TO HAVE ALL THE FUN 68 00:05:24,357 --> 00:05:31,564 I GOT ME GREAT AIM WITH MY SLINGSHOT. [ LAUGHTER ] 69 00:05:31,564 --> 00:05:34,934 Jimmy: YOU THINK YOU CAN SHOOT DOWN A UFO WITH A SLINGSHOT? 70 00:05:34,934 --> 00:05:37,570 I KNOW I CAN. I GOT TO USE MY SLINGSHOT. I JUST GOT IT BACK FROM MY 71 00:05:37,570 --> 00:05:41,074 TEACHER. Jimmy: YOUR TEACHER HOW OLD ARE YOU? 72 00:05:41,074 --> 00:05:44,344 45. Jimmy: YOU'RE STILL IN SCHOOL 73 00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:48,281 YEP MY TEACHER TOOK MY SLINGSHOT IN FIRST GRADE. 74 00:05:48,281 --> 00:05:52,652 AND I HAD TO RE-ENROLL IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TO GET IT BACK 75 00:05:52,652 --> 00:05:54,521 Jimmy: COULDN'T YOU JUST HAVE ASKED YOUR TEACHER TO GIVE BACK YOUR SLINGSHOT WITHOUT 76 00:05:54,521 --> 00:05:59,325 RE-ENROLLING IN THE FIRST GRADE. OR BUY A NEW ONE 77 00:05:59,325 --> 00:06:02,729 I DON'T LIKE YOUR TONE, FALLON EAT ROCK 78 00:06:02,729 --> 00:06:09,936 [ LAUGHTER ] YOU SEE, I TOLD YOU I GOT GREAT AIM. 79 00:06:09,936 --> 00:06:16,609 I JUST HIT A UFMF, UNIDENTIFIED FLYING MOTHER [ BLEEP ]. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 80 00:06:16,609 --> 00:06:20,213 Jimmy: GET HIM OUT OF HERE. GET THIS GUY OUT OF HERE LET'S GET THIS GUY OUT - 81 00:06:20,213 --> 00:06:22,482 I'LL BE BACK, FALLON. YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE LAST OF ME 82 00:06:22,482 --> 00:06:25,652 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE Jimmy: WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG? 83 00:06:25,652 --> 00:06:29,923 YOU CAN'T TALK LIKE THAT Steve: OH, MY GOD THAT GUY WAS RUDE. 84 00:06:29,923 --> 00:06:32,325 AND HAD A FOUL MOUTH Jimmy: YES. Steve: A FOUL MOUTH 85 00:06:32,325 --> 00:06:34,627 Jimmy: THIS IS A FAMILY SHOW WHO IS THAT GUY? 86 00:06:34,627 --> 00:06:37,497 GET HIM OUT OF HERE. Steve: GOODNESS GRAVY Jimmy: SOME BUSINESS NEWS 87 00:06:37,497 --> 00:06:41,835 HERE, GUYS I SAW THAT THE CEO OF YOUTUBE IS STEPPING DOWN 88 00:06:41,835 --> 00:06:47,540 WHEN EMPLOYEES HEARD, THEY WERE LIKE, FIRST. [ LAUGHTER ] 89 00:06:47,540 --> 00:06:49,309 OF COURSE, BEFORE HER ANNOUNCEMENT, SHE MADE EVERYONE SIT THROUGH A 15-SECOND AD FOR 90 00:06:49,309 --> 00:06:55,415 VRBO [ LAUGHTER ] WELL, I READ THAT PEEPS 91 00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:59,352 FLAVORED PEPSI IS BACK YEAH AND IT'LL BE AVAILABLE 92 00:06:59,352 --> 00:07:04,357 EVERYWHERE THIS TIME YEP, PEPSI THAT TASTES LIKE PEEPS. 93 00:07:04,357 --> 00:07:06,626 YES, TARIQ Tariq: QUESTION, DOES THE PEPSI TASTE LIKE A PEEP OR DOES 94 00:07:06,626 --> 00:07:12,032 THE PEEP TASTE LIKE A PEPSI? Jimmy: I DON'T THINK IT REALLY MATTERS 95 00:07:12,032 --> 00:07:16,403 [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] YES, TARIQ Tariq: IF I HAD TO GUESS, 96 00:07:16,403 --> 00:07:21,041 I'D SAY THE PEPSI TASTES LIKE PEEPS. ♪ 97 00:07:21,041 --> 00:07:24,044 ♪ BECAUSE THE PEEPS ARE IN THE PEPSI ♪ ♪ AND THE PEPSI'S 98 00:07:24,044 --> 00:07:25,679 IN THE PEEPS ♪ ♪ POUR A PINT POUND IT DOWN ♪ 99 00:07:25,679 --> 00:07:28,081 ♪ AND THEN DO THA ON REPEAT ♪ ♪ PLOP PLOP FIZ 100 00:07:28,081 --> 00:07:29,849 IT'S THE PERFECT EASTER TREAT ♪ ♪ THE PEPSI PACKS A PUNCH 101 00:07:29,849 --> 00:07:32,352 AND THE PEEPS PROVIDE THE SWEET ♪ ♪ PETER PIPER PICKED A PECK 102 00:07:32,352 --> 00:07:36,389 OF PICKLED PEPSI PEEPS ♪ ♪ POLLY POCKET PICKED A PAC OF PEPPERS IN HER SLEEP ♪ 103 00:07:36,389 --> 00:07:38,792 ♪ THE PEEPS ARE SO PLEASIN' POUR THE PEPSI WET YOUR BEAK ♪ 104 00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:41,327 ♪ BUT THE PEEPS ARE IN THE PEPSI ♪ ♪ WANNA TRY I 105 00:07:41,327 --> 00:07:47,667 YES PLEASE ♪ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ♪ PEPSI AND PEEPS 106 00:07:47,667 --> 00:07:52,739 FILLIN' YOUR CUP DRINK IT ON UP ♪ PEPSI AND PEEPS 107 00:07:52,739 --> 00:08:01,414 MIXTAPE 2023 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE [ AIR HORN ] 108 00:08:01,414 --> 00:08:03,283 Steve: OH, MY GOSH. Jimmy: DID YOU GUYS SEE THIS 109 00:08:03,283 --> 00:08:06,786 Steve: WHAT Jimmy: DID YOU GUYS SEE THIS 110 00:08:06,786 --> 00:08:08,521 STARBUCKS JUST RECALLED BOTTLES OF THEIR VANILLA FRAPPUCCINO BECAUSE THEY COULD CONTAIN 111 00:08:08,521 --> 00:08:14,027 GLASS. MEANWHILE, IF IT WAS DUNKIN', THEY'D JUST RELABEL THE 112 00:08:14,027 --> 00:08:20,700 BOTTLES, CHUNKY. [ LAUGHTER ] GET THIS, ACCORDING TO A NEW 113 00:08:20,700 --> 00:08:22,369 REPORT, WE'VE ACTUALLY BEEN PRONOUNCING THE NAMES OF SEVERAL POPULAR BRANDS AND 114 00:08:22,369 --> 00:08:31,277 COMPANIES WRONG FOR DECADES. FOR EXAMPLE, ADIDAS IS ACTUALLY PRONOUNCED "ADI-DAS. 115 00:08:31,277 --> 00:08:35,081 IT'S TRUE. AND IKEA SHOULD BE PRONOUNCED THE "E-KAY-A." 116 00:08:35,081 --> 00:08:37,617 Steve: COME ON. I ALREADY KNEW THAT. I KNEW THAT. 117 00:08:37,617 --> 00:08:40,653 Jimmy: SORRY, HIGGINS YOU KNEW HOW THOSE NAMES ARE PRONOUNCED 118 00:08:40,653 --> 00:08:42,389 Steve: YEAH, I KNOW HOW EVERY BRAND NAME IS PRONOUNCED BECAUSE I'M AN ANNOUNCER AND 119 00:08:42,389 --> 00:08:47,660 THAT'S MY JOB. SO, GO AHEAD AND - [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 120 00:08:47,660 --> 00:08:53,900 THANK YOU. GO AHEAD AND TEST ME Jimmy: YOU WANT ME TO - 121 00:08:53,900 --> 00:08:56,403 Steve: GIVE ME SOME NAMES Jimmy: SURE I GUESS I CAN TEST YOU QUICK 122 00:08:56,403 --> 00:09:02,008 WHAT'S THIS? Steve: GOAT CHEESE. [ LAUGHTER ] 123 00:09:02,008 --> 00:09:04,377 Jimmy: OKAY WHAT'S THIS? Steve: BLOOMIN' ONION 124 00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:06,680 COME ON, GIVE ME-- GIVE ME SOME HARD ONES RAPID FIRE THEM. 125 00:09:06,680 --> 00:09:09,082 Jimmy: RAPID FIRE OKAY, HERE WE GO WHAT'S THIS? 126 00:09:09,082 --> 00:09:11,618 Steve: OKAY HAM. [ LAUGHTER ] 127 00:09:11,618 --> 00:09:16,756 'SUP BRO MAGIC MIKE BATMAN AND ROBIN'S 128 00:09:16,756 --> 00:09:22,862 BEN AND J.LO YOU GO GIRL. OH, RIHANNA'S PREGNANT 129 00:09:22,862 --> 00:09:26,700 [ LAUGHTER ] CHINESE SPY BALLOON. [ LAUGHTER ] 130 00:09:26,700 --> 00:09:31,171 SO CALL ME MAYBE BLUE BALLS, I SCREAM [ LAUGHTER ] 131 00:09:31,171 --> 00:09:36,209 HOT TUPAC. BANANAS ARE PUBIC. HERPES 132 00:09:36,209 --> 00:09:41,047 DIARRHEA ENORMOUS WRACK [ LAUGHTER ] 133 00:09:41,047 --> 00:09:43,183 YOU WANT ME TO-- I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WANT ME TO READ THIS ONE ON TV 134 00:09:43,183 --> 00:09:45,819 Jimmy: YEAH Steve: TAINT, BALLS, AND ASS. 135 00:09:45,819 --> 00:09:48,121 [ LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, STOP. STOP 136 00:09:48,121 --> 00:09:51,825 TURN HIS MIC OFF JUST STOP. GET OUT OF HERE. 137 00:09:51,825 --> 00:09:54,227 NO, TURN IT OFF. Steve: ON A NETWORK SHOW! THAT GUY SWORE 138 00:09:54,227 --> 00:09:55,762 Jimmy: I'M ABOUT TO GET SECURITY TO GET YOU OUT OF HERE 139 00:09:55,762 --> 00:10:00,467 TERRIBLE Steve: MY GOSH. Jimmy: SWITCHING GEARS, THIS 140 00:10:00,467 --> 00:10:04,070 IS FUN TODAY IS NATIONAL RANDOM ACTS OF KINDNESS DAY. 141 00:10:04,070 --> 00:10:09,743 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE I'M ALL FOR KINDNESS I'M ALL FOR KINDNESS, BUT THE 142 00:10:09,743 --> 00:10:13,513 RANDOM PART IS KIND OF SCARY I DON'T NEED THE GUY NEXT TO ME ON THE SUBWAY SAYING, "HERE, I 143 00:10:13,513 --> 00:10:18,184 MADE YOU A MEAT LOAF." [ LAUGHTER ] GUYS, LISTEN TO THIS, 144 00:10:18,184 --> 00:10:19,886 A BOARDWALK GAME OPERATOR AT THE JERSEY SHORE HAS BEEN BANNED FROM RUNNING AMUSEMENT 145 00:10:19,886 --> 00:10:26,359 GAMES FOR ALLEGEDLY OVERINFLATING BASKETBALLS. WAIT, WAIT, WAIT 146 00:10:26,359 --> 00:10:30,864 YOU'RE TELLING ME THOSE GAMES ARE RIGGED [ LAUGHTER ] 147 00:10:30,864 --> 00:10:32,632 AND FINALLY, A LAWYER IS BEING SUED AFTER SHE ALLEGEDLY SPENT MORE THAN $10 MILLION OF HER 148 00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:39,372 COMPANY'S MONEY IN LAS VEGAS [ AUDIENCE OOHS THE LAW FIRM IS TRYING TO GET 149 00:10:39,372 --> 00:10:43,309 THEIR $10 MILLION BACK WHILE THE WOMAN SAYS SHE'S WILLING TO SETTLE FOR DOUBLE OR NOTHING 150 00:10:43,309 --> 00:10:46,279 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW LET'S GO WRITE SOME THANK YOU 151 00:10:46,279 --> 00:10:50,917 NOTES. COME ON, COME ON 152 00:10:55,522 --> 00:11:02,228 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE Jimmy: WHAT A SHOW WE HAVE FOR YOU TONIGHT. 153 00:11:02,228 --> 00:11:06,499 I DO QUICKLY WANT TO SAY I'M SO THANKFUL WE'RE AT NINE YEARS OF DOING THIS SHOW. 154 00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:09,669 AND I WANT TO THANK YOU, STEVE HIGGINS AND THE ROOTS AND OUR STAFF AND CREW 155 00:11:09,669 --> 00:11:14,140 THANK YOU SO MUCH. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE AND THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR 156 00:11:14,140 --> 00:11:18,845 SUPPORTING ME AND WATCHING MY SHOW I'M A VERY, VERY LUCKY GUY 157 00:11:18,845 --> 00:11:24,084 THANK YOU SO MUCH. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE WE HAVE A BIG SHOW TONIGHT 158 00:11:24,084 --> 00:11:27,620 HE STARS IN THE HIT APPLE TV PLUS SERIES, "SEVERANCE. YOU CAN ALSO SEE HIM IN THE 159 00:11:27,620 --> 00:11:32,625 COMEDY "PARTY DOWN," WHICH PREMIERES ITS THIRD SEASON NEXT FRIDAY ON STARZ. 160 00:11:32,625 --> 00:11:37,330 ADAM SCOTT IS HERE TONIGHT [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ONE OF MY FAVES. 161 00:11:37,330 --> 00:11:40,934 LOVE THAT GUY. PLUS, SHE PLAYS PRINCESS DIANA IN THE LATEST SEASON OF "THE 162 00:11:40,934 --> 00:11:47,707 CROWN," WHICH IS STREAMING NOW ON NETFLIX ELIZABETH DEBICKI IS HERE. 163 00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:53,279 [ LAUGHTER ] AND WE'VE GOT GREAT STANDUP FROM NATHAN MACINTOSH. 164 00:11:53,279 --> 00:12:02,689 HEY, BUD [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE WELL, TODAY IS FRIDAY. 165 00:12:02,689 --> 00:12:04,758 THAT'S USUALLY WHEN I CATCH UP WITH SOME PERSONAL STUFF YOU KNOW, I CHECK MY INBOX 166 00:12:04,758 --> 00:12:06,393 I RETURN SOME EMAILS AND OF COURSE I SEND OUT THANK YOU NOTES. 167 00:12:06,393 --> 00:12:09,262 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE AND I WAS RUNNING A BIT BEHIND YOU GUYS MIND IF I WRITE OUT 168 00:12:09,262 --> 00:12:11,631 SOME THANK YOU NOTES RIGHT NOW IS THAT OKAY [ CHEERS ] 169 00:12:11,631 --> 00:12:15,468 THANK YOU VERY MUCH. JAMES, CAN I GET SOME THANK YOU NOTE WRITING MUSIC, PLEASE 170 00:12:15,468 --> 00:12:24,878 ♪ IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO YOUR SOUL, YEAH 171 00:12:24,878 --> 00:12:26,946 ♪ THANK YOU, JOE BIDEN GETTING HIS ANNUAL PHYSICAL, ALTHOUGH 172 00:12:26,946 --> 00:12:32,285 IT GOT WEIRD WHEN HE TURNED, COUGHED, AND MORE DOCUMENTS CAME OUT 173 00:12:32,285 --> 00:12:38,758 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE Steve: WHAT WHAT 174 00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:41,928 ♪ Jimmy: THANK YOU, PRESIDENTS' DAY, FOR LETTING US 175 00:12:41,928 --> 00:12:49,336 COME TOGETHER AS A NATION AND CELEBRATE WHAT MATTERS MOST TO US ALL, CHEAP MATTRESSES 176 00:12:49,336 --> 00:12:58,545 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THANK YOU, HACKY SACKS, FOR JUST BEING BEAN BAG CHAIRS THAT 177 00:12:58,545 --> 00:13:09,356 ENTERED THE QUANTUM REALM. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ♪ 178 00:13:09,356 --> 00:13:17,430 THANK YOU, SOUR CREAM, OR AS I CALL YOU, MEAN YOGURT. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 179 00:13:17,430 --> 00:13:19,099 Steve: THAT'S WHAT YOU CALL IT YOU CALL IT MEAN YOGURT? 180 00:13:19,099 --> 00:13:21,368 Jimmy: I CALL SOUR CREAM-- Steve: MEAN YOGURT. Jimmy: I CALL IT MEAN 181 00:13:21,368 --> 00:13:24,671 YOGURT THAT'S CORRECT Steve: WOW. 182 00:13:24,671 --> 00:13:28,274 ♪ Jimmy: THANK YOU, MICROWAVES, FOR HAVING THE 183 00:13:28,274 --> 00:13:33,179 "DOOR OPEN" BUTTON, THE "MINUTE TIMER" BUTTON, AND 40 OTHER BUTTONS I NEVER USE. 184 00:13:33,179 --> 00:13:38,118 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE BUTTER DEFROST HONEY, DO YOU NEED ANY BUTTER 185 00:13:38,118 --> 00:13:41,821 DEFROSTED? AH, FORGET IT. SORRY TO WAKE YOU UP, HONEY. 186 00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:46,526 SHOULD I DEFROST THE BUTTER? Steve: IT'S 3:00 IN THE MORNING. 187 00:13:46,526 --> 00:13:55,802 Jimmy: IT'S 5:00 SOMEWHERE. [ LAUGHTER ] ♪ 188 00:13:55,802 --> 00:13:57,771 THANK YOU, SHOWERS, FOR BEING A GREAT PLACE TO TAKE A DEEP BREATH, RELAX, AND THINK ABOUT 189 00:13:57,771 --> 00:14:08,915 HOW MUCH I MISS MY PHONE [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ♪ 190 00:14:08,915 --> 00:14:12,652 THANK YOU, SCAFFOLDING, FOR ANSWERING THE QUESTION, "WHAT IF A BUILDING HAD BRACES?" 191 00:14:12,652 --> 00:14:22,595 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ♪ THANK YOU, PIZZA ROLLERS, FOR 192 00:14:22,595 --> 00:14:27,300 LOOKING LIKE MY KITCHEN KNIFE HOPPED ON A UNICYCLE THERE YOU HAVE IT EVERYBODY. 193 00:14:27,300 --> 00:14:31,671 THOSE ARE MY "THANK YOU NOTES. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH THE FINAL DAY OF "PERM WEEK. 194 00:14:31,671 --> 00:14:46,419 WOW! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ♪ 195 00:14:46,419 --> 00:14:49,389 Jimmy: WE HAVE ONE MORE PERM TO GIVE OUT. AND TONIGHT'S LUCKY RECIPIENT 196 00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:53,093 IS CHRIS GULTIANO. THIS IS GOING TO BE A GOOD ONE AUDIENCE, ARE YOU READY FOR THE 197 00:14:53,093 --> 00:15:15,115 BRAND NEW, FRESHLY PERMED CHRIS? COME ON OUT! 198 00:15:15,115 --> 00:15:18,451 Jimmy: WELCOME BACK TO THE SHOW EVERYBODY YOU KNOW, NOT A LOT OF THINGS 199 00:15:18,451 --> 00:15:23,123 ARE CERTAIN IN THIS CRAZY WORLD. WE SCURRY THROUGH LIFE 200 00:15:23,123 --> 00:15:26,459 LICKETY-SPLIT FROM ONE FLEETING EXPERIENCE TO ANOTHER. NOTHING SEEMS SACRED ANYMORE 201 00:15:26,459 --> 00:15:30,430 NOTHING SEEMS PERMANENT. AND THAT'S WHY THIS WEEK AT "THE TONIGHT SHOW," WE'RE 202 00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:34,067 SALUTING THE ONE THING WE KNOW IS STILL PERMANENT THE PERMANENT, AKA, THE 203 00:15:34,067 --> 00:15:42,075 PERMANENT WAVE, AKA, THE PERM. THAT'S RIGHT, IT'S "TONIGHT SHOW PERM WEEK." 204 00:15:42,075 --> 00:15:42,075 THAT'S RIGHT, IT'S "TONIGHT SHOW PERM WEEK." 205 00:15:42,475 --> 00:15:43,643 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ♪ 206 00:15:43,643 --> 00:15:52,585 ♪ IT'S PERM WEE ON THE FALLON SHOW IT'S PERM WEEK 207 00:15:52,585 --> 00:16:05,932 OH MY GOD ♪ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE Jimmy: THIS IS "TONIGHT SHOW 208 00:16:05,932 --> 00:16:07,667 PERM WEEK," THE VERY SPECIAL WEEK WHERE EVERY DAY WE PICK SOMEONE FROM OUR AUDIENCE AND 209 00:16:07,667 --> 00:16:15,875 STYLISHLY PERM THEIR HAIR. WE'VE BEEN MAKING THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE THROUGH PERMING 210 00:16:15,875 --> 00:16:19,079 ALL WEEK HERE AT "THE TONIGHT SHOW." CHECK IT OUT 211 00:16:19,079 --> 00:16:19,112 SHOW." CHECK IT OUT 212 00:16:19,879 --> 00:16:22,048 ♪ I'M CHRIS SCOTT AND I'M 213 00:16:22,048 --> 00:16:24,517 GETTING A PERM TODAY THIS WILL BE THE CRAZIEST THING I'VE DONE TO MY HAIR 214 00:16:24,517 --> 00:16:27,354 I'M A LITTLE NERVOUS TO GET A PERM BUT I'M VERY OPEN TO CHANGE IN MY LIFE. 215 00:16:27,354 --> 00:16:30,757 TO TYLER'S HAIR, WE LOVED YOU. THIS WILL BE A VALENTINE'S 216 00:16:30,757 --> 00:16:34,127 DAY WE'LL NEVER FORGET I WANT TO FEEL THE WIND IN MY HAIR. 217 00:16:34,127 --> 00:16:37,063 THIS PERM IS GOING TO CHANGE THE WHOLE WORLD. Jimmy: YOU GUYS READY FOR 218 00:16:37,063 --> 00:16:43,636 THE BRAND NEW CHRIS? COME ON OUT. ♪ 219 00:16:43,636 --> 00:16:45,405 WOW! I LOVE IT! ♪ 220 00:16:45,405 --> 00:16:51,745 I KINDA DIG IT LOOK AT THE CURLY GIRL COME ON. 221 00:16:51,745 --> 00:16:54,681 ♪ I FEEL INCREDIBLE WOW 222 00:16:54,681 --> 00:17:03,423 ♪ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE Jimmy: WHAT A WEEK IT'S 223 00:17:03,423 --> 00:17:07,027 BEEN, AND WE'RE NOT QUITE DONE YET. WE HAVE ONE MORE PERM TO GIVE 224 00:17:07,027 --> 00:17:12,732 OUT. AND TONIGHT'S LUCKY RECIPIENT IS CHRIS GULTIANO. 225 00:17:12,732 --> 00:17:16,569 CHRIS IS 32 YEARS OLD-- YEAH. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] THIS IS GOING TO BE A GOOD ONE 226 00:17:16,569 --> 00:17:22,042 HE'S FROM QUEENS, AND HE'S VERY EXCITED ABOUT HIS NEW HAIRDO 227 00:17:22,042 --> 00:17:22,642 IT'S BEEN A BIG DAY FOR CHRIS. TAKE A LOOK. 228 00:17:23,710 --> 00:17:24,544 TODAY I'M GETTING A PERM 229 00:17:24,544 --> 00:17:27,714 THIS IS ACTUALLY MY FIRST TIME PROFESSIONALLY STYLING MY HAIR AT ALL 230 00:17:27,714 --> 00:17:30,884 WE'RE CHRIS' FRIENDS-- AND WE CAN'T WAIT TO SEE HIS PERM 231 00:17:30,884 --> 00:17:33,053 I'VE ONLY KNOWN CHRIS WITH LONG HAIR. HE'S LIKE THE RAPUNZEL OF 232 00:17:33,053 --> 00:17:35,455 QUEENS TO ME SO RIGHT NOW I FEEL LIKE I CAME IN LOOKING LIKE ARGYLE 233 00:17:35,455 --> 00:17:40,593 FROM "STRANGER THINGS" AND MY HOPE IS TO LOOK LIKE EDDIE MUNSON BY THE END OF IT. 234 00:17:40,593 --> 00:17:42,896 IF YOU WATCH "STRANGER THINGS" CHRIS LOOKS LIKE ARGYLE, AND HE'S GOING TO WALK 235 00:17:42,896 --> 00:17:47,934 OUT LOOKING LIKE NANCY SO WITH MY LONG HAIR, I LOVE TO DO HAIR FLIPS, SO AFTER I 236 00:17:47,934 --> 00:17:52,105 GET THE PERM, I CAN'T WAIT TO DO IT FOR THE FIRST TIME THE BEST PART OF THIS FOR 237 00:17:52,105 --> 00:17:58,211 CHRIS IS HONESTLY A NEW LIFE EXPERIENCE YES 238 00:17:58,211 --> 00:18:03,016 I FEEL LIKE AFTER I GET THIS PERM, IT'S GOING TO SHOW HOW I FEEL ON THE INSIDE 239 00:18:03,016 --> 00:18:05,518 I CAN'T WAIT TO SHOW THE WORLD WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE ME. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 240 00:18:05,518 --> 00:18:10,223 Jimmy: YEAH EXACTLY RIGHT. NOW, CHRIS HAS BEEN SEQUESTERED 241 00:18:10,223 --> 00:18:15,395 SINCE HE GOT PERMED. SO, HE HASN'T SEEN HIMSELF YET, AND HIS FRIENDS HAVEN'T SEEN 242 00:18:15,395 --> 00:18:17,430 HIM EITHER THIS ENTIRE PROCESS HAS BEEN CLOAKED IN SECRECY 243 00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:20,166 [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] WE HAVE HIS FRIENDS RIGHT HERE SAY HELLO, GUYS. 244 00:18:20,166 --> 00:18:25,205 HOW ARE YOU? HI, ALL [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 245 00:18:25,205 --> 00:18:28,708 Jimmy: SORRY, WHO IS THIS BLINDFOLDED PERSON THIS IS CHRIS' GIRLFRIEND, 246 00:18:28,708 --> 00:18:32,412 KAYLA. SHE COULDN'T BE HERE TONIGHT, SO WE BROUGHT HER TO YOU 247 00:18:32,412 --> 00:18:37,050 [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: OH, THAT IS SO NICE. NO FOMO HERE. 248 00:18:37,050 --> 00:18:39,753 Jimmy: YEAH, NO FOMO HERE NOW, DO NOT REMOVE THE BLINDFOLDS UNTIL I TELL YOU, 249 00:18:39,753 --> 00:18:43,790 OKAY ARE YOU EXCITED ABOUT THIS YES 250 00:18:43,790 --> 00:18:45,525 VERY. Jimmy: HOW ABOUT YOU? ARE YOU EXCITED? 251 00:18:45,525 --> 00:18:50,563 [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] SHE'S SPEECHLESS. Jimmy: OKAY 252 00:18:50,563 --> 00:18:52,732 WOW. [ LAUGHTER ] SO EXCITED. 253 00:18:52,732 --> 00:19:00,006 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE Jimmy: WOW. AUDIENCE, ARE YOU READY FOR THE 254 00:19:00,006 --> 00:19:05,211 BRAND NEW, FRESHLY PERMED CHRIS? [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 255 00:19:05,211 --> 00:19:09,916 HERE IS CHRIS BEFORE, AND HERE HE IS NOW! CHRIS, COME ON OUT 256 00:19:09,916 --> 00:19:22,929 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ♪ OH MY GOD ♪ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 257 00:19:22,929 --> 00:19:29,135 Jimmy: WOW. I LOVE IT. OH, MY GOD 258 00:19:29,135 --> 00:19:32,038 YOU LOOK GREAT DO YOU FEEL GREAT? OH, I FEEL GREAT, JIMMY 259 00:19:32,038 --> 00:19:34,174 Jimmy: YOU REALLY FEEL GREAT. OH MY GOSH 260 00:19:34,174 --> 00:19:36,676 GUYS, YOU'RE ABOUT TO SEE-- HERE, HOLD MY HAND HOLD EACH OTHERS' HANDS. 261 00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:39,746 COME ON OVER AND DON'T TAKE THE BLINDFOLDS OFF. 262 00:19:39,746 --> 00:19:42,148 YOUR GIRLFRIEND IS HERE AS WELL OH, YEAH. 263 00:19:42,148 --> 00:19:47,187 Jimmy: YEP. ALL RIGHT GUYS, ON THE COUNT OF THREE, REMOVE YOUR BLINDFOLDS. 264 00:19:47,187 --> 00:19:51,458 ONE, TWO, THREE. ♪ [ LAUGHTER ] 265 00:19:51,458 --> 00:19:57,464 ♪ OH MY GOD ♪ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE KAYLA, YOU TOO. 266 00:19:57,464 --> 00:20:01,735 [ TALKING OVER EACH OTHER Jimmy: YEAH, LIKE-- WHAT DO YOU THINK? 267 00:20:01,735 --> 00:20:06,206 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE I LOVE IT. I THINK IT LOOKS REALLY GOOD 268 00:20:06,206 --> 00:20:08,508 NOW FOR THE MOST IMPORTANT REVEAL OF ALL. CHRIS, ARE YOU READY TO SEE 269 00:20:08,508 --> 00:20:12,545 YOURSELF OH, I'M NOT READY Jimmy: YEAH, YOU'RE READY 270 00:20:12,545 --> 00:20:18,118 ALL RIGHT. THREE, TWO, ONE, REVEAL. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 271 00:20:18,118 --> 00:20:23,356 ♪ OH MY GOD ♪ YEAH! OH, MY GOD 272 00:20:23,356 --> 00:20:28,728 HOLY CRAP. Jimmy: I LIKE THIS CHRIS. AUDIENCE, YOU LIKE IT? 273 00:20:28,728 --> 00:20:34,200 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE OUR THANKS TO THE RANDY DARDEN HAIR SALON FOR THIS WONDERFUL 274 00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:38,138 PERM HAPPY PERM WEEK, EVERYBODY THANK YOU. 275 00:20:38,138 --> 00:20:40,407 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH ADAM SCOTT COME ON BACK 276 00:20:40,407 --> 00:20:45,245 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ♪ ♪ IT'S PERM WEE 277 00:20:45,245 --> 00:20:53,420 ON THE FALLON SHOW IT'S PERM WEEK Jimmy: WOULD YOU DO ME THE 278 00:20:53,420 --> 00:20:55,288 HONORS CAN I PLEASE? Jimmy: YEAH, PLEASE 279 00:20:55,288 --> 00:21:21,548 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ♪ Jimmy: OUR FIRST GUEST STARS 280 00:21:21,548 --> 00:21:24,951 ON SEASON ONE OF THE HIGHLY ACCLAIMED SERIES, "SEVERANCE," WHICH IS STREAMING NOW ON APPLE 281 00:21:24,951 --> 00:21:28,888 TV PLUS. YOU CAN ALSO SEE HIM IN THE COMEDY "PARTY DOWN," WHICH 282 00:21:28,888 --> 00:21:35,462 PREMIERES IT'S THIRD SEASON NEXT FRIDAY ON STARZ PLEASE WELCOME ADAM SCOTT. 283 00:21:35,462 --> 00:21:35,495 NEXT FRIDAY ON STARZ PLEASE WELCOME ADAM SCOTT. 284 00:21:36,663 --> 00:21:42,335 ♪ Jimmy: THAT'S ADAM SCOTT. 285 00:21:42,335 --> 00:21:46,539 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE YOU'VE GOT SOME LOVE OUT THERE HEY, YOU'VE GOT SOME LOVE OUT 286 00:21:46,539 --> 00:21:50,744 THERE. COME ON. THAT'S ADAM SCOTT. 287 00:21:50,744 --> 00:21:54,280 THAT'S SO NICE. Jimmy: WELCOME. THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. 288 00:21:54,280 --> 00:21:58,618 THAT'S - [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE WELCOME BACK TO THE SHOW 289 00:21:58,618 --> 00:22:00,687 THANK YOU Jimmy: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING ON. 290 00:22:00,687 --> 00:22:03,056 THANKS, MAN THANKS FOR HAVING ME Jimmy: HOW IS THE FAM 291 00:22:03,056 --> 00:22:07,060 I WAS VERY LUCKY TO MEET YOUR BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER BACKSTAGE YEAH. 292 00:22:07,060 --> 00:22:12,265 FRANKIE CAME WITH ME Jimmy: GOOD KID SHE'S A GREAT KID 293 00:22:12,265 --> 00:22:14,901 YOU KNOW, MOST OF THE TIME, SHE'S A GREAT KID. SHE-- 294 00:22:14,901 --> 00:22:20,473 [ LAUGHTER ] SHE'S 14, YOU KNOW SO, LIKE, I'M HERE IN NEW YORK 295 00:22:20,473 --> 00:22:24,177 BECAUSE I'M WORKING. I'M SHOOTING SEASON TWO OF "SEVERANCE." 296 00:22:24,177 --> 00:22:29,549 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE OH, THANK YOU. BUT MY FAMILY LIVES IN 297 00:22:29,549 --> 00:22:34,120 LOS ANGELES. SO, WE SPEND A TON OF TIME ON FACETIME, YOU KNOW, LIKE 298 00:22:34,120 --> 00:22:40,360 CONSTANTLY BECAUSE IT'S TERRIBLE BEING ON OPPOSITE SIDES OF THE COUNTRY. 299 00:22:40,360 --> 00:22:42,762 Jimmy: YEAH IT'S HARD SO, WE'RE ALWAYS TALKING ON 300 00:22:42,762 --> 00:22:47,701 FACETIME BUT MY DAUGHTER, FRANKIE, WHO YOU JUST MET, SHE IS CONSTANTLY 301 00:22:47,701 --> 00:22:55,008 TAKING SCREENSHOTS OF ME, OF, LIKE, MY FACE. BECAUSE WHEN YOU'RE DOING 302 00:22:55,008 --> 00:22:59,612 FACETIME, IT'S NOT LIKE YOU'RE ON A FANCY ZOOM AND YOU HAVE A A RING LIGHT AND YOU PRIMP 303 00:22:59,612 --> 00:23:04,517 YOURSELF YOU'RE, LIKE, GETTING READY FOR BED, OR EATING, OR WHATEVER. 304 00:23:04,517 --> 00:23:06,286 Jimmy: YEAH, IT'S FAMILY TIME YEAH 305 00:23:06,286 --> 00:23:08,688 IT'S FAMILY TIME. AND SHE-- EVERY-- EVERY SINGLE TIME I SEE THAT FLASH ON 306 00:23:08,688 --> 00:23:16,062 THE SCREEN IT'S JUST LIKE, "JESUS, REALLY?" 307 00:23:16,062 --> 00:23:20,467 AND, SO, THIS PAST YEAR, THEY MADE A CALENDAR OF ALL THOSE PHOTOS 308 00:23:20,467 --> 00:23:24,404 THEY COLLECTED THEM. [ LAUGHTER ] AND MADE A CALENDAR OF - 309 00:23:24,404 --> 00:23:28,241 Jimmy: OF UNFLATTERING PHOTOS OF YOU. YOU BROUGHT A FEW HERE 310 00:23:28,241 --> 00:23:30,443 I JUST WANT TO SHOW THEM ON NATIONAL TV IF YOU DON'T MIND. SURE. 311 00:23:30,443 --> 00:23:33,713 [ LAUGHTER ] YEAH, THAT WOULD BE GREAT. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 312 00:23:33,713 --> 00:23:38,284 THAT WOULD BE GREAT. Jimmy: THESE ARE SOME OF THE SCREENSHOTS RIGHT HERE 313 00:23:38,284 --> 00:23:45,525 YEAH. [ LAUGHTER ] 314 00:23:45,525 --> 00:23:49,763 NICE Jimmy: WHAT A GREAT FAMILY. YEAH. 315 00:23:49,763 --> 00:23:53,500 IT'S NICE. Jimmy: WHAT A LOVELY FAMILY YOU KNOW-- 316 00:23:53,500 --> 00:23:56,736 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THANKS I FEEL LIKE EVERYONE-- 317 00:23:56,736 --> 00:24:00,940 EVERYONE LOOKS GREAT WHEN THEY'RE BLOWING THEIR NOSE [ LAUGHTER ] 318 00:24:00,940 --> 00:24:03,043 Jimmy: EVERYONE DOES. YEAH. Jimmy: I'M JUST SO EXCITED 319 00:24:03,043 --> 00:24:05,845 THAT YOU'RE HERE, AND THAT YOU'RE HERE DURING A VERY IMPORTANT TIME 320 00:24:05,845 --> 00:24:09,249 IT'S PERM WEEK ON "THE TONIGHT SHOW." HAVE YOU EVER DONE A PERM OR 321 00:24:09,249 --> 00:24:13,386 THOUGHT ABOUT IT I REALLY-- I MEAN, IN THE '80s, IT SEEMED LIKE-- MEN 322 00:24:13,386 --> 00:24:17,657 WERE GETTING PERMS GUYS THAT HOSTED, LIKE, AFTERNOON TALK SHOWS HAD PERMS 323 00:24:17,657 --> 00:24:20,727 Jimmy: OF COURSE. I REMEMBER LIKE, GARY COLLINS WOULD 324 00:24:20,727 --> 00:24:22,562 HAVE A PERM. Jimmy: HE DID HAVE ONE, YEAH 325 00:24:22,562 --> 00:24:26,933 ADAM CURRY, I THINK, RIGHT YEAH, SURE, ADAM CURRY. Jimmy: I FOUND AN OLD HEAD 326 00:24:26,933 --> 00:24:30,103 SHOT OF YOU. NOT PERMED JUST KIND OF COOL, I WOULD SAY 327 00:24:30,103 --> 00:24:34,274 THIS IS MY FIRST HEAD SHOT, I BELIEVE. Jimmy: THIS FEELS '90s, 328 00:24:34,274 --> 00:24:36,776 RIGHT? IT'S '90s IT'S LIKE-- 329 00:24:36,776 --> 00:24:38,411 Jimmy: WHO DO YOU LOOK LIKE HERE OH, MY GOD. 330 00:24:38,411 --> 00:24:42,582 YOU KNOW, LISTEN - [ LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: WOW, YOU LOOK GOOD 331 00:24:42,582 --> 00:24:44,884 IT'S LIKE - [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE DON'T CLAP 332 00:24:44,884 --> 00:24:48,488 YOU CAN'T CLAP FOR THAT. MY HAIR IS LIKE A CROSS BETWEEN EDDIE VEDDER AND 333 00:24:48,488 --> 00:24:52,192 NATALIE MERCHANT [ LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: I LIKE YOUR POSE 334 00:24:52,192 --> 00:24:56,463 HOW DOES ONE EVEN-- OH, MY GOD. IT'S SO TERRIBLE 335 00:24:56,463 --> 00:24:58,965 IT'S SO-- Jimmy: THAT LOOKS DIFFICULT I MEAN, THAT IS-- THAT 336 00:24:58,965 --> 00:25:04,104 IS-- THAT IS, LIKE, PROFOUNDLY BAD. [ LAUGHTER ] 337 00:25:04,104 --> 00:25:06,840 THAT'S-- THAT'S REALLY TOUGH. Jimmy: I LOVE IT. I JUST DIDN'T WANT YOU TO 338 00:25:06,840 --> 00:25:09,809 FEEL - OH, MY GOD. Jimmy:--LEFT OUT. 339 00:25:09,809 --> 00:25:12,645 YEAH, FOR SURE. Jimmy: SO I - OH, YEAH. 340 00:25:12,645 --> 00:25:14,714 Jimmy: WOULD YOU DO ME THE HONORS CAN I PLEASE? 341 00:25:14,714 --> 00:25:28,928 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ♪ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 342 00:25:28,928 --> 00:25:31,064 I LOVE IT Jimmy: IT'S GOOD. I LOVE IT 343 00:25:31,064 --> 00:25:35,702 Jimmy: IT'S GOOD, RIGHT IT'S SO - Jimmy: THIS FEELS RIGHT 344 00:25:35,702 --> 00:25:39,105 I FEEL LIKE MY LIFE COMING TOGETHER Jimmy: YEAH, YOU'RE GETTING 345 00:25:39,105 --> 00:25:42,075 WHAT CHRIS WAS FEELING EARLIER YES Jimmy: AND YOU'RE GETTING A 346 00:25:42,075 --> 00:25:44,444 A LITTLE TASTE OF IT NOW THAT'S RIGHT. Jimmy: CAN WE TALK ABOUT 347 00:25:44,444 --> 00:25:46,513 "PARTY DOWN? YEAH. YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH 348 00:25:46,513 --> 00:25:49,816 Jimmy: PLEASE, THIS HAS BEEN-- I MISS THIS. THIS HAS BEEN-- WE'RE JUST 349 00:25:49,816 --> 00:25:52,852 GOING TO LEAVE THE WIGS ON YEAH, WE'RE NOT TAKING THESE OFF. 350 00:25:52,852 --> 00:26:00,393 Jimmy: 13 YEARS 13 YEARS SINCE WE GOT CANCELLED IN 2010. 351 00:26:00,393 --> 00:26:04,230 Jimmy: BUT-- WHAT WAS IT WAS IT JUST STREAMING THAT MADE IT POPULAR AGAIN 352 00:26:04,230 --> 00:26:08,268 I GUESS SO. BECAUSE WHEN WE FINISHED-- WHEN WE WERE CANCELLED, WE WERE 353 00:26:08,268 --> 00:26:12,872 CANCELLED FOR, LIKE, PRETTY GOOD REASON, I GUESS BECAUSE OUR RATINGS WERE 354 00:26:12,872 --> 00:26:17,344 LITERALLY 0.0. Jimmy: NO ONE WAS WATCHING. [ LAUGHTER ] 355 00:26:17,344 --> 00:26:19,212 NO ONE WAS WATCHING YOUR SHOW. NO. NO 356 00:26:19,212 --> 00:26:21,815 SO, YOU END UP GETTING CANCELLED. Jimmy: THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS 357 00:26:21,815 --> 00:26:27,087 WHEN NO ONE WATCHES YOUR SHOW. BUT LITTLE BY LITTLE, OVER THE YEARS, PEOPLE GOT INTO IT. 358 00:26:27,087 --> 00:26:32,092 AND NOW I GET ASKED ABOUT IT, JUST LIKE, OUT ON THE STREET OR WHATEVER, I'LL GET ASKED ABOUT 359 00:26:32,092 --> 00:26:34,394 IT JUST AS MUCH AS ANYTHING ELSE Jimmy: REALLY 360 00:26:34,394 --> 00:26:37,130 YEAH, YEAH, IT'S GREAT. Jimmy: BUT EVERYONE CAME BACK FOR IT. 361 00:26:37,130 --> 00:26:39,966 YEAH, EVERYONE. LIZZY CAPLAN, BECAUSE OF SCHEDULING, COULDN'T DO IT 362 00:26:39,966 --> 00:26:41,534 BUT EVERYONE ELSE-- JANE LYNCH, KEN MARINO, MEGAN MULLALLY, RYAN HANSEN, 363 00:26:41,534 --> 00:26:47,640 MARTIN STARR, EVERYBODY. Jimmy: BUT THEN, WHO-- JENNIFER GARNER. 364 00:26:47,640 --> 00:26:50,810 JENNIFER GARNER JOINS THE SHOW Jimmy: I LOVE 365 00:26:50,810 --> 00:26:53,646 JENNIFER GARNER. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE SHE'S AMAZING 366 00:26:53,646 --> 00:26:54,948 Jimmy: I CAN'T GET ENOUGH JENNIFER GARNER. I LOVE HER 367 00:26:54,948 --> 00:26:57,450 SHE'S THE BEST. Jimmy: I'M SO HAPPY IT'S BACK 368 00:26:57,450 --> 00:26:59,886 I WANT TO SHOW A CLIP. HERE'S ADAM SCOTT IN THE NEW 369 00:26:59,886 --> 00:27:00,387 SEASON OF "PARTY DOWN. TAKE A LOOK. 370 00:27:02,088 --> 00:27:02,722 THAT I PROBABLY WON'T BE 371 00:27:02,722 --> 00:27:07,627 APPRECIATED IN MY LIFETIME YOU KNOW, IF I GET DISCOVERED, AS THEY'RE REVIEWING MY PAPERS 372 00:27:07,627 --> 00:27:11,464 AFTER I DIE, WELL, I'LL BE FINE WITH THAT. SO YOU'RE STILL DOING MOSTLY 373 00:27:11,464 --> 00:27:14,334 HARD SCI-FI? YEAH. YOU REMEMBER THE MAGNUM OPUS 374 00:27:14,334 --> 00:27:16,936 THAT I STARTED ON A ROLL OF TOILET PAPER NUH-UH. 375 00:27:16,936 --> 00:27:19,105 WELL, THAT WAS JUST THE BEGINNING. AND I'M JUST KIND OF TWEAKING 376 00:27:19,105 --> 00:27:21,307 ONE LITTLE THING, BUT THEN IT'S READY TO SELL. AND I STILL HAVE MY BLOG, WELL, 377 00:27:21,307 --> 00:27:27,213 WHICH IS NOW A VLOG 'CAUSE OF MY CARPAL TUNNEL INCIDENT. COOL. 378 00:27:27,213 --> 00:27:31,351 I SHOULD PROBABLY GO AND HAVE DINNER YEAH, SEE YOU IN 12 YEARS 379 00:27:31,351 --> 00:27:36,923 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE Jimmy: YOU'RE SO GOOD, MAN. THANKS, MAN 380 00:27:36,923 --> 00:27:39,225 Jimmy: YOU MAKE ME LAUGH. CONGRATS ON THE GREAT REVIEWS AS WELL. 381 00:27:39,225 --> 00:27:40,860 THANK YOU Jimmy: ADAM SCOTT, EVERYBODY. 382 00:27:40,860 --> 00:27:44,698 "PARTY DOWN" PREMIERES IT'S THIRD SEASON NEXT FRIDAY ON STARZ. 383 00:27:44,698 --> 00:27:48,301 FRANKIE, KEEP IT UP. THAT'S A GOOD JOB. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE 384 00:27:48,301 --> 00:27:51,471 "TONIGHT SHOW," EVERYBODY. GOOD JOB, FRANKIE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 385 00:27:51,471 --> 00:28:22,836 ♪ Jimmy: OUR NEXT GUEST IS A GOLDEN GLOBE NOMINATED ACTOR 386 00:28:22,836 --> 00:28:27,073 WHO YOU CAN SEE IN THE LATEST SEASON OF "THE CROWN," WHICH IS STREAMING NOW ON NETFLIX 387 00:28:27,073 --> 00:28:31,077 EVERYONE, PLEASE WELCOME ELIZABETH DEBICKI. 388 00:28:32,312 --> 00:28:44,357 ♪ ♪ Jimmy: ELIZABETH DEBICKI. 389 00:28:44,357 --> 00:28:49,729 ♪ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE AH, I'M SO HAPPY YOU'RE HERE 390 00:28:49,729 --> 00:28:53,066 IT IS LOVELY TO MEET YOU IT'S LOVELY TO MEET YOU Jimmy: THANK YOU FOR BEING 391 00:28:53,066 --> 00:28:56,069 ON THE SHOW. IT IS PERM WEEK. I'M SURE YOU'VE HEARD. 392 00:28:56,069 --> 00:28:58,571 [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] AND SAW Jimmy: YEAH, AND SAW, AS 393 00:28:58,571 --> 00:29:03,009 WELL, YEAH HAVE YOU EVER HAD A PERM I THINK YOU MAY-- CAN I GUESS 394 00:29:03,009 --> 00:29:07,213 I THINK YOU MIGHT HAVE HAD ONE I-- I'VE HAD A PERM. Jimmy: YOU HAVE 395 00:29:07,213 --> 00:29:09,182 [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] YOU'RE ALLOWED TO TALK ABOUT IT 396 00:29:09,182 --> 00:29:11,785 I AM. IT'S SLIGHTLY TRAUMATIC. Jimmy: OH, IT IS? 397 00:29:11,785 --> 00:29:16,156 WELL, IT IS WELL, SO-- I CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE I'M ACTUALLY - 398 00:29:16,156 --> 00:29:18,458 I'VE NEVER REALLY TOLD ANYONE THIS STORY BUT I-- 399 00:29:18,458 --> 00:29:22,162 [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] I WAS, A FEW YEARS AGO GOING THROUGH A VERY BAD BREAKUP 400 00:29:22,162 --> 00:29:26,566 I'M TELLING THIS STORY BECAUSE WHAT I WOULD LIKE TO DO IS SORT OF START A SORT OF FORM OF 401 00:29:26,566 --> 00:29:32,238 ACTIVISM AGAINST HAIRDRESSERS ALLOWING TO DO PERMS ON PEOPLE WHO ARE GOING THROUGH 402 00:29:32,238 --> 00:29:35,842 A BREAKUP. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE IT'S REAL. 403 00:29:35,842 --> 00:29:39,546 Jimmy: IT'S A REAL THING. IT'S SO REAL. Jimmy: YOU'RE SAYING THAT 404 00:29:39,546 --> 00:29:41,848 THEY SHOULD ASK YOU BEFORE THEY GIVE YOU THE - I THINK THERE SHOULD-- I 405 00:29:41,848 --> 00:29:44,384 THINK THERE SHOULD BE A LAW THAT IF YOU SIT-- [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] 406 00:29:44,384 --> 00:29:47,087 Jimmy: A LAW? A LAW, YES. YOU PASS LOADS OF LAWS IN THIS 407 00:29:47,087 --> 00:29:48,955 COUNTRY. Jimmy: YES, WE DO, YES. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] 408 00:29:48,955 --> 00:29:52,058 PASS ANOTHER ONE. Jimmy: WE TRY, YEAH YEAH, SO IF YOU SIT DOWN IN 409 00:29:52,058 --> 00:29:54,627 A CHAIR IN A HAIR SALON, AND THEY SAY-- AND YOU SAY, "HELLO, I WOULD LIKE A PERM" - 410 00:29:54,627 --> 00:29:58,131 Jimmy: MM-HM. THE PERSON HAS TO SAY, "ARE YOU GOING THROUGH A TERRIBLE 411 00:29:58,131 --> 00:30:01,434 BREAKUP? [ LAUGHTER ] AND IF YOU SAY YES, THEY 412 00:30:01,434 --> 00:30:03,837 CAN'T-- Jimmy: THEY ESCORT YOU TO LEAVE. 413 00:30:03,837 --> 00:30:07,007 THEY SAY, "WE CAN GIVE YOU A TRIM." [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 414 00:30:07,007 --> 00:30:10,176 LITTLE TRIM. Jimmy: I GOTTA SAY, YOU WERE PHENOMENAL IN "THE CROWN." 415 00:30:10,176 --> 00:30:14,214 CONGRATULATIONS ON ALL THE ACCOLADES. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 416 00:30:14,214 --> 00:30:19,019 GOLDEN GLOBE YOU WERE NOMINATED FOR TWO S.A.G. AWARDS COMING UP. 417 00:30:19,019 --> 00:30:22,856 CONGRATULATIONS ON THIS. ARE-- DO YOU ENJOY GOING TO THESE AWARD SHOWS? 418 00:30:22,856 --> 00:30:25,692 I DO ENJOY THEM, BUT I GET VERY NERVOUS Jimmy: YOU DO 419 00:30:25,692 --> 00:30:28,862 IN ROOMS FULL OF-- YEAH, WELL, THERE'S LIKE SO MANY FAMOUS PEOPLE, IT'S KIND 420 00:30:28,862 --> 00:30:31,164 OF STRANGE, YOU KNOW [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: YEAH 421 00:30:31,164 --> 00:30:34,100 AND I'D NEVER BEEN TO THE GOLDEN GLOBES BEFORE I TOOK MY LITTLE SISTER, WHO IS 422 00:30:34,100 --> 00:30:40,440 A TROOPER, A VERY CALM PERSON. BUT WE WERE-- WE SUPER, SUPER JET LAGGED, 'CAUSE WE JUST GOT 423 00:30:40,440 --> 00:30:42,409 IN Jimmy: YEAH AND THE NEXT DAY WE WERE 424 00:30:42,409 --> 00:30:45,478 THINKING ABOUT IT, AND WE-- 'CAUSE WE DIDN'T-- I DIDN'T REALLY MEET THAT MANY PEOPLE 425 00:30:45,478 --> 00:30:48,415 AND I WAS THINKING, "WHY DIDN'T I-- WHAT WAS I DOING? AND THEN I REALIZED THAT WE 426 00:30:48,415 --> 00:30:53,453 BASICALLY WERE LIKE, TREATING IT LIKE WE WERE IN A A JANE AUSTEN NOVEL. 427 00:30:53,453 --> 00:30:56,089 WE DIDN'T GET UP ONCE AND EVERYONE JUST WALKED PAST OUR TABLE AND WE SORT OF WENT, 428 00:30:56,089 --> 00:30:59,893 "THANK YOU FOR COMING. [ LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: DID YOU EVER SEE 429 00:30:59,893 --> 00:31:04,831 YOURSELF OR THINK LIKE, "OH, MAYBE, LIKE, ONE DAY I COULD PLAY PRINCESS DIANA" 430 00:31:04,831 --> 00:31:06,132 NO. NO [ LAUGHTER ] 431 00:31:06,132 --> 00:31:08,101 Jimmy: NEVER? NO. Jimmy: NEVER? 432 00:31:08,101 --> 00:31:11,271 I NEVER-- NO I NEVER SAW A RESEMBLANCE REALLY, NO 433 00:31:11,271 --> 00:31:13,573 Jimmy: YEAH WELL LET ME SHOW EVERYONE A PICTURE. 434 00:31:13,573 --> 00:31:16,743 THIS IS YOU AS PRINCESS DIANA AND THEN THE REAL PRINCESS DIANA 435 00:31:16,743 --> 00:31:22,415 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE I MEAN, KIND OF INSANE THAT'S UNBELIEVABLE. 436 00:31:22,415 --> 00:31:24,818 IT-- DID IT-- THAT'S FANTASTIC. YEAH. 437 00:31:24,818 --> 00:31:27,987 Jimmy: SO, YOU GO INTO THE AUDITION DID YOU KNOW THAT YOU WERE 438 00:31:27,987 --> 00:31:32,258 AUDITIONING FOR DIANA? SO, IT'S A WEIRD STORY. I KNEW, IN A KIND OF VAGUE WAY, 439 00:31:32,258 --> 00:31:38,264 THAT I WAS GOING TO PLAY THIS PART FOR VERY-- LIKE, FIVE YEARS. 440 00:31:38,264 --> 00:31:41,434 SO, I WENT IN AND DID AN AUDITION FOR A PART IN SEASON TWO. 441 00:31:41,434 --> 00:31:45,105 Jimmy: OF "THE CROWN. OF "THE CROWN." AND SEASON ONE HAD JUST COME 442 00:31:45,105 --> 00:31:48,208 OUT AND IT WAS A REALLY BIG HIT AND EVERYONE WAS, RIGHTLY SO, VERY EXCITED 443 00:31:48,208 --> 00:31:52,812 MY AGENT CALLED ME UP AND SAID, "WELL JUST GO IN--" BASICALLY-- I WAS SO 444 00:31:52,812 --> 00:31:57,617 PHYSICALLY WRONG FOR THIS PART AND SO I WENT IN AND I DID THIS PRETTY BAD AUDITION, YOU KNOW. 445 00:31:57,617 --> 00:32:00,553 THEY KIND OF STOPPED ME AND THEY WERE LIKE, "THANK-- WE'LL CALL YOU 446 00:32:00,553 --> 00:32:02,655 THANK YOU SO MUCH," YOU KNOW Jimmy: OH, THAT IS THE WORST. 447 00:32:02,655 --> 00:32:05,425 BRUTAL. SO THEN I LEFT AND THEN I GOT AN EMAIL, THIS 448 00:32:05,425 --> 00:32:13,566 SORT OF AMBIGUOUS EMAIL LIKE THE NEXT DAY SAYING, DEFINITELY NOT THAT PART, BUT MAYBE DIANA 449 00:32:13,566 --> 00:32:16,636 BUT IT WAS ABOUT-- YOU KNOW, IT WAS, LIKE, FIVE YEARS IN THE PIPELINE 450 00:32:16,636 --> 00:32:19,072 Jimmy: SO THAT MEANS YOU HAVE TO WAIT FIVE YEARS FOR THEM TO REMEMBER THAT YOU 451 00:32:19,072 --> 00:32:22,976 AUDITIONED I KNOW, BUT I DIDN'T REALLY THINK IT WAS GONNA HAPPEN. 452 00:32:22,976 --> 00:32:25,478 Jimmy: YEAH, USUALLY IT DOESN'T HAPPEN TO BE HONEST. WELL, THAT'S THE THING, 453 00:32:25,478 --> 00:32:27,580 THAT'S THE THING AND THEN WHEN I BRING THIS UP WITH THE PRODUCERS AND I SAY, 454 00:32:27,580 --> 00:32:29,849 YOU KNOW - IT WAS LIKE, FIVE YEARS OF HELL, WHERE I WAS LIKE, 455 00:32:29,849 --> 00:32:33,920 "PLEASE, GOD, LET THIS COME ALONG. AND THEY ALL SAID, "OH, NO, WE 456 00:32:33,920 --> 00:32:37,624 ALWAYS KNEW IT WOULD BE YOU. AND I THINK "'WE'-- LIKE, 'WE' 457 00:32:37,624 --> 00:32:40,260 WHAT 'WE'? Jimmy: NO, YEAH, WHAT "WE"? YEAH, YOU-- 458 00:32:40,260 --> 00:32:41,895 ROYAL WE. Jimmy: MY-- "ME, I DID NOT," YEAH 459 00:32:41,895 --> 00:32:44,197 NO, NO. Jimmy: YOU WERE PHENOMENAL IN THIS. 460 00:32:44,197 --> 00:32:46,933 I WANT EVERYBODY TO WATCH "THE CROWN." I WANT TO SHOW A CLIP RIGHT 461 00:32:46,933 --> 00:32:48,668 NOW. HERE'S ELIZABETH DEBICKI IN 462 00:32:48,668 --> 00:32:51,137 "THE CROWN." TAKE A LOOK. 463 00:32:52,205 --> 00:32:54,341 HOME 464 00:32:54,341 --> 00:33:00,580 IT TURNS OUT THERE'S A DIARY CONFLICT THROUGH NO FAULT OF MINE, AND I HAVE TO GET BACK 465 00:33:00,580 --> 00:33:04,050 WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE HERE FOR TWO WEEKS. YES, I KNOW, DIANA. 466 00:33:04,050 --> 00:33:07,587 BUT PLANS CHANGE I HAVE A COMMITMENT AT OXFORD UNIVERSITY 467 00:33:07,587 --> 00:33:13,059 IT ISN'T THE UNIVERSITY IT'S A SUMMER SCHOOL FOR TOURISTS, IT'S NOT ESSENTIAL 468 00:33:13,059 --> 00:33:21,234 IT IS TO ME THIS IS OUR HOLIDAY IT'S A RARE OPPORTUNITY FOR US 469 00:33:21,234 --> 00:33:23,870 TO BE TOGETHER WITH THE BOYS AS A FAMILY AND I KNOW YOU STRUGGLE WITH 470 00:33:23,870 --> 00:33:28,241 THAT SORT OF THING, WHICH IS WHY I AGREED YOU BRINGING YOUR FRIENDS ALONG TO ENTERTAIN YOU 471 00:33:28,241 --> 00:33:32,379 AND I EVEN AGREED TO DO THE PHOTO CALL TODAY, REQUESTED BY YOUR PEOPLE SO THE LIE COULD BE 472 00:33:32,379 --> 00:33:35,682 PARADED TO THE WORLD'S MEDIA ABOUT WHAT AN ADORING HUSBAND YOU ARE ON ONE CONDITION 473 00:33:35,682 --> 00:33:39,486 WHAT'S THAT THAT YOU ACTUALLY ARE ONE Jimmy: OOH. 474 00:33:39,486 --> 00:33:43,656 ELIZABETH DEBICKI! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ALL SEASONS OF "THE CROWN" ARE 475 00:33:43,656 --> 00:33:47,093 AVAILABLE NOW ON NETFLIX MORE "TONIGHT SHOW" AFTER THE BREAK, EVERYONE. 476 00:33:47,093 --> 00:33:49,662 STICK AROUND [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 477 00:33:49,662 --> 00:34:08,348 MAKE THAT A LAW! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ♪ 478 00:34:08,348 --> 00:34:11,818 Jimmy: OUR NEXT GUEST HAS HIS COMEDY SPECIAL, "MONEY NEVER WAKES" AVAILABLE ON 479 00:34:11,818 --> 00:34:17,457 YOUTUBE. PLEASE WELCOME THE VERY FUNNY NATHAN MACINTOSH 480 00:34:17,457 --> 00:34:17,490 PLEASE WELCOME THE VERY FUNNY NATHAN MACINTOSH 481 00:34:18,058 --> 00:34:21,327 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ♪ 482 00:34:21,327 --> 00:34:24,397 HEY [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE HEY. 483 00:34:24,397 --> 00:34:28,568 HEY, EVERYBODY [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE HI 484 00:34:28,568 --> 00:34:32,272 IT'S SO GREAT TO BE HERE I'M-- RIGHT NOW I'M TRYING TO FIGURE MY LIFE OUT 485 00:34:32,272 --> 00:34:35,775 EVERY SINGLE PERSON I KNOW IS STARTING A FAMILY. I'M LOSING A LOT OF FRIENDS TO 486 00:34:35,775 --> 00:34:38,511 BABIES [ LAUGHTER ] I SHOULD ACTUALLY SAY I'M 487 00:34:38,511 --> 00:34:41,581 LOSING CITY FRIENDS. I'M GETTING MY SMALL-TOWN FRIENDS BACK 'CAUSE THEIR KIDS 488 00:34:41,581 --> 00:34:45,385 ARE NOW 18 [ LAUGHTER ] PEOPLE IN SMALL TOWNS JUST 489 00:34:45,385 --> 00:34:48,121 START FAMILIES YOUNGER, RIGHT? AND OF COURSE, THEY DO THEY'RE BORED. 490 00:34:48,121 --> 00:34:50,523 [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] THERE'S NOTHING TO DO IN A A SMALL TOWN 491 00:34:50,523 --> 00:34:53,259 I FEEL PEOPLE IN A SMALL TOWN JUST WAKE UP ONE DAY, AND LOOK AT EACH OTHER LIKE, "LOOK, I 492 00:34:53,259 --> 00:34:56,429 DON'T KNOW YOU WANT TO GO SEE THE TREES AGAIN? 493 00:34:56,429 --> 00:35:00,600 [ LAUGHTER ] "WE'VE ALREADY SEEN THE TREES. WE COUNTED THEM, WE MEASURED 494 00:35:00,600 --> 00:35:04,404 THEM." "WELL, WE CAN MAKE NEW PEOPLE AND SHOW THEM THE TREES. 495 00:35:04,404 --> 00:35:08,341 [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] ONE HUGE ADVANTAGE IF YOU HAVE A BABY IN A SMALL TOWN, YOU 496 00:35:08,341 --> 00:35:12,946 HAVE SPACE YOU HAVE A HOUSE AND A YARD. I HAVE FRIENDS IN THIS CITY 497 00:35:12,946 --> 00:35:17,050 THAT ARE HAVING A BABY IN A STUDIO APARTMENT [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] 498 00:35:17,050 --> 00:35:20,053 AN APARTMENT SO SMALL THAT IF THEY GET TOO MANY GROCERIES, THEY HAVE TO THROW A CHAIR OUT 499 00:35:20,053 --> 00:35:24,190 [ LAUGHTER ] THE ONLY GOOD THING ABOUT A CITY APARTMENT IS YOUR BABY 500 00:35:24,190 --> 00:35:27,060 CAN'T JUST WANDER OFF. YOU'RE NOT GONNA LOSE THEM LIKE, "WHERE'S CHRIS?" 501 00:35:27,060 --> 00:35:29,062 "WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'WHERE'S CHRIS? HE'S IN THE WEST WING. 502 00:35:29,062 --> 00:35:31,631 WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'WHERE'S CHRIS?'" [ LAUGHTER ] 503 00:35:31,631 --> 00:35:43,643 "OUR OVEN AND SHOWER TOUCH." [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE I DON'T KNOW THAT A LOT OF 504 00:35:43,643 --> 00:35:46,279 PEOPLE ARE TAKING-- SO EVERYBODY WANTS YOU TO HOLD THEIR BABY, RIGHT? 505 00:35:46,279 --> 00:35:48,915 EVERY SINGLE PERSON WANTS YOU TO HOLD THEIR BABY WHY? 506 00:35:48,915 --> 00:35:51,184 IT'S THE MOST PRECIOUS THING YOU HAVE WHY ARE YOU PUTTING IT IN MY 507 00:35:51,184 --> 00:35:53,653 HANDS? [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] PEOPLE WILL STEP OVER A GLASS 508 00:35:53,653 --> 00:35:58,191 COFFEE TABLE COVERED IN CANDLES TO HAND YOU THE MOST BREAKABLE THING THEY HAVE. 509 00:35:58,191 --> 00:36:01,361 [ LAUGHTER ] NOBODY WANTS YOU TO TOUCH THEIR PHONE. 510 00:36:01,361 --> 00:36:08,802 NOT ONE PERSON [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE AND I HONESTLY DON'T-- IT 511 00:36:08,802 --> 00:36:12,639 BOTHERS ME I DON'T THINK A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE TAKING IT SERIOUSLY. 512 00:36:12,639 --> 00:36:15,141 'CAUSE EVERYBODY SAYS THEY'RE HAVING A BABY, RIGHT EVERYBODY SAYS, "BABY," AS IF 513 00:36:15,141 --> 00:36:18,411 THAT'S ALL IT'S EVER GOING TO BE BABIES GROW UP 514 00:36:18,411 --> 00:36:21,915 I REALLY WISH PEOPLE SAID, THEY WERE HAVING "A FUTURE ADULT. [ LAUGHTER ] 515 00:36:21,915 --> 00:36:24,417 BECAUSE ONE DAY IT'S A BABY, AND THE NEXT DAY, IT'S A GUY NAMED DOUG 516 00:36:24,417 --> 00:36:29,689 [ LAUGHTER ] AND DOUG IS A GROWN MAN STANDING IN YOUR KITCHEN, 517 00:36:29,689 --> 00:36:39,966 DRINKING YOUR JUICE, AND HE WANTS MONEY. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 518 00:36:39,966 --> 00:36:43,436 THERE'S A LOT OF PEOPLE THAT AREN'T READY TO HAVE A BABY, RIGHT? 519 00:36:43,436 --> 00:36:46,740 SO, THEY GOT A DOG AS A TRAINING BABY. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] 520 00:36:46,740 --> 00:36:50,210 AND THEY CALL IT A FUR BABY. AND HONEST TO GOD, IF YOU CALL YOUR DOG A FUR BABY, DO NOT 521 00:36:50,210 --> 00:36:57,884 HAVE A SKIN BABY BECAUSE YOU - [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE YOU'RE NOT TAKING IT SERIOUSLY 522 00:36:57,884 --> 00:37:02,355 AT ALL AND HAVING A DOG MIGHT BE HARDER SOMETIMES 523 00:37:02,355 --> 00:37:06,726 I HAVE A TINY LITTLE CHIHUAHUA AND IT'S HORRIFYING. I DON'T KNOW IF ANYBODY'S EVER 524 00:37:06,726 --> 00:37:09,362 WALKED A CHIHUAHUA IT'S SCARY WALKING A CHIHUAHUA IS LIKE 525 00:37:09,362 --> 00:37:17,103 WALKING A CARTON OF EGGS [ LAUGHTER ] ANY SINGLE THING CAN GO WRONG. 526 00:37:17,103 --> 00:37:20,840 I'VE GOTTA BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR OTHER DOGS, PEOPLE, BLOWING LEAVES, EVERYTHING 527 00:37:20,840 --> 00:37:24,210 [ LAUGHTER ] I DON'T THINK PEOPLE PUSHING STROLLERS ARE WORRIED THAT A 528 00:37:24,210 --> 00:37:31,451 A HAWK IS GONNA COME OUT OF THE SKY AND TAKE THEIR BABY. BUT I HAVE VIVID THOUGHTS ABOUT 529 00:37:31,451 --> 00:37:38,091 CHOPPING A BIRD OUT OF THE AIR LIKE, "NOT TODAY, HAWK!" [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 530 00:37:38,091 --> 00:37:46,399 "I-- I JUST BOUGHT HER THAT SWEATER. [ LAUGHTER ] 531 00:37:46,399 --> 00:37:49,369 WHICH I NEVER THOUGHT I'D EVER BE DOING I NEVER THOUGHT I'D BE BUYING 532 00:37:49,369 --> 00:37:52,739 A COAT FOR A TINY LITTLE DOG I NEVER THOUGHT I'D BE IN A STORE LIKE, "SHE'D NEVER WEAR 533 00:37:52,739 --> 00:37:55,608 GREEN. JUST PUSHING SWEATERS OUT OF THE WAY. 534 00:37:55,608 --> 00:37:58,545 [ LAUGHTER ] BUT YOU HAVE TO GET CLOTHES FOR A CHIHUAHUA. 535 00:37:58,545 --> 00:38:02,916 BECAUSE IF YOU TAKE A CHIHUAHUA OUT IN THE COLD WITHOUT A COAT, THEY FREEZE. 536 00:38:02,916 --> 00:38:06,486 THEY STOP LIVING RIGHT THERE [ LAUGHTER ] AND THEN YOU'RE A MANIAC JUST 537 00:38:06,486 --> 00:38:09,789 DRAGGING A FROZEN DOG DOWN THE STREET [ LAUGHTER ] 538 00:38:09,789 --> 00:38:11,658 PEOPLE ARE LIKE, "WHAT HAPPENED?" "'WHAT HAPPENED? 539 00:38:11,658 --> 00:38:24,571 SHE'S SUPPOSED TO BE IN MEXICO!" [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 540 00:38:24,571 --> 00:38:27,607 ALSO, WHEN YOU GET A DOG, THERE'S SO MANY PLACES YOU CAN'T LIVE ANYMORE, RIGHT? 541 00:38:27,607 --> 00:38:31,244 'CAUSE SO MANY APARTMENTS SAYING NO PETS AND YOU WANT TO GET MAD AT A 542 00:38:31,244 --> 00:38:35,281 A LANDLORD, LIKE THEY'RE JUST MAKING UP THESE CRAZY RULES, BUT PEOPLE RUINED THE PET RULE 543 00:38:35,281 --> 00:38:37,684 'CAUSE MOST PEOPLE WHEN THEY HEAR PETS ARE LIKE, "OH, YEAH, PETS 544 00:38:37,684 --> 00:38:41,955 LIKE A CAT OR A DOG. BUT SOME PEOPLE, HEAR PETS, AND THEY GO, "OH." 545 00:38:41,955 --> 00:38:47,193 [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] "PYTHON. [ LAUGHTER ] 546 00:38:47,193 --> 00:38:49,696 AND THEN ONE DAY THERE'S A A 40-FOOT SNAKE ROAMING THE HALLS TRYING TO EAT YOUR 547 00:38:49,696 --> 00:38:55,068 NEIGHBORS BECAUSE SOMEBODY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT A PET IS [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] 548 00:38:55,068 --> 00:39:05,545 A PET IS SOMETHING YOU CAN PET [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE YOU-- YOU PUT YOUR HAND ON ITS 549 00:39:05,545 --> 00:39:10,350 HEAD AND YOU PET IT. IT'S NOT A CREATURE YOU FIGHT WITH A STICK BACK INTO A CAGE. 550 00:39:10,350 --> 00:39:13,753 [ LAUGHTER ] IT'S NOT SOMETHING YOU KICK OFF A RIVER BOAT 551 00:39:13,753 --> 00:39:18,124 [ LAUGHTER ] IT'S NOT SOMETHING A WIZARD PUTS ON A STAFF. 552 00:39:18,124 --> 00:39:21,294 IT'S-- IT'S A CUTE ANIMAL WITH A FUR, NOT SOMETHING SAMUEL L. JACKSON FOUGHT ON 553 00:39:21,294 --> 00:39:24,898 A PLANE. [ LAUGHTER ] THERE'S SO MANY APARTMENTS THAT 554 00:39:24,898 --> 00:39:28,401 SAY, "NO PETS. THERE'S NOT ONE APARTMENT THAT SAYS, "NO BABIES." 555 00:39:28,401 --> 00:39:30,570 NOT ONE. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] AND WHY? 556 00:39:30,570 --> 00:39:34,074 MY DOG IS FIVE POUNDS FOR LIFE YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS BABY'S GONNA TO BE. 557 00:39:34,074 --> 00:39:38,244 [ LAUGHTER ] THIS BABY COULD GROW INTO A 6'5" SMOKER THAT STEALS 558 00:39:38,244 --> 00:39:41,514 PACKAGES YOU DON'T KNOW [ LAUGHTER ] 559 00:39:41,514 --> 00:39:45,785 MY DOG IS DOING NOTHING. SHE'S SITTING THERE, SHIVERING, LOOKING OUT THE WINDOW FOR 560 00:39:45,785 --> 00:39:51,124 HAWKS. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE MY NAME IS NATHAN MACINTOSH. 561 00:39:51,124 --> 00:39:53,760 THANK YOU SO MUCH. ♪ I REALLY APPRECIATE IT 562 00:39:53,760 --> 00:39:55,829 THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU. THANK YOU. 563 00:39:55,829 --> 00:39:58,898 Jimmy: HOLY MACKEREL. ♪ THANK YOU, MAN. 564 00:39:58,898 --> 00:40:00,967 Jimmy: HOLY MOLY. REALLY APPRECIATE IT. APPRECIATE IT. 565 00:40:00,967 --> 00:40:03,603 Jimmy: THAT'S EXACTLY RIGHT STANDING OVATION AW, THANK YOU, THANK YOU. 566 00:40:03,603 --> 00:40:05,672 Jimmy: AND THAT IS HOW YOU DO IT RIGHT THERE. THANK YOU 567 00:40:05,672 --> 00:40:07,640 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE Jimmy: NATHAN MACINTOSH THANK YOU, THANK YOU. 568 00:40:07,640 --> 00:40:09,275 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE Jimmy: THAT IS HOW YOU DO IT 569 00:40:09,275 --> 00:40:11,911 APPRECIATE YOU GUYS Jimmy: "MONEY NEVER WAKES" IS AVAILABLE ON YOUTUBE. 570 00:40:11,911 --> 00:40:16,483 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. THAT WAS PHENOMENAL. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 571 00:40:16,483 --> 00:40:33,500 ♪ Jimmy: MY THANKS TO ADAM SCOTT, ELIZABETH DEBICKI, 572 00:40:33,500 --> 00:40:36,870 NATHAN MACINTOSH ONCE AGAIN. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THANK YOU, APPRECIATE THAT. 573 00:40:36,870 --> 00:40:39,406 Jimmy: PHENOMENAL JOB, BUD. UNBELIEVABLE, BUDDY. PLEASE COME BACK 574 00:40:39,406 --> 00:40:43,009 AND THE ROOTS RIGHT THERE FROM PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 575 00:40:43,009 --> 00:40:45,645 THANK YOU FOR WATCHING STAY TUNED FOR "LATE NIGHT WITH 576 00:40:45,645 --> 00:40:45,645 SETH MEYERS. GOODNIGHT, EVERYBODY ♪