1 00:00:22,088 --> 00:00:23,156 Steve: FROM ROCKEFELLER CENTER IN THE HEART OF 2 00:00:23,156 --> 00:00:24,557 NEW YORK CITY, IT'S "THE TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON." 3 00:00:24,557 --> 00:00:31,765 TONIGHT, JOIN JIMMY AND HIS GUESTS - POST MALONE, PHOEBE ROBINSON 4 00:00:31,765 --> 00:00:36,903 MUSICAL GUEST 2 CHAINZ AND FEATURING THE LEGENDARY ROOTS CREW 5 00:00:36,903 --> 00:00:41,074 ROOTS CREW AND NOW, HERE HE IS, JIMMY FALLON 6 00:00:42,509 --> 00:00:51,017 * 7 00:00:51,017 --> 00:00:55,922 Jimmy: THANK YOU VERY MUCH. THANK YOU! OH 8 00:00:55,922 --> 00:01:00,627 RIGHT BACK AT YOU. OH, RIGHT BACK AT YOU. PLEASE 9 00:01:00,627 --> 00:01:04,064 WELCOME! OH, IT FEELS GOOD. WELCOME, WELCOME, WELCOME, 10 00:01:04,064 --> 00:01:08,702 WELCOME TO "THE TONIGHT SHOW," EVERYBODY, HERE FROM NEW YORK CITY. 11 00:01:08,702 --> 00:01:15,608 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE YOU GUYS, IT IS FRIDAY [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 12 00:01:15,608 --> 00:01:18,144 ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET TO THE NEWS AND JOKES WELL, ALL EYES ARE ON 13 00:01:18,144 --> 00:01:19,913 WASHINGTON THIS WEEKEND WHERE TRUMP SUPPORTERS ARE HOLDING A A BIG EVENT TO PROTEST THE 14 00:01:19,913 --> 00:01:22,248 TRUMP SUPPORTERS ARE HOLDING A A BIG EVENT TO PROTEST THE ELECTION 15 00:01:24,284 --> 00:01:25,518 TRUMP ARE EXPECTED TO DESCEND ON THE NATION'S CAPITOL 16 00:01:25,518 --> 00:01:34,194 SATURDAY FOR WHAT'S BEEN DUBBED THE MILLION MAGA MARCH [ LAUGHTER ] 17 00:01:34,194 --> 00:01:35,862 Jimmy: USUALLY WHEN YOU SEE A MILLION ANGRY TRUMP SUPPORTERS THIS TIME OF YEAR, 18 00:01:35,862 --> 00:01:41,835 IT'S BECAUSE STARBUCKS RELEASED THEIR HOLIDAY CUPS [ LAUGHTER ] 19 00:01:41,835 --> 00:01:43,470 "WE'RE SAYING, 'MERRY PUMPKIN SPICE LATTE' AGAIN WE ARE 20 00:01:43,470 --> 00:01:47,741 WE'RE SAYING --" IT'LL BE EXCITING FOR A MILLION PEOPLE TO SHOW UP AND THEN BE 21 00:01:47,741 --> 00:01:50,910 TOLD BY A WHITE HOUSE INTERN, "HE LEFT FOR FLORIDA YESTERDAY. 22 00:01:50,910 --> 00:01:57,150 [ LAUGHTER ] ACTUALLY, I HOPE TRUMP WALKS OUT ON THE WHITE HOUSE BALCONY 23 00:01:57,150 --> 00:02:00,086 AND SERENADES THE CROWD WITH A A RENDITION OF "DON'T TRY FOR ME, ARGENTINA. 24 00:02:00,086 --> 00:02:03,690 [ LAUGHTER ] * DON'T TRY FOR M MAGA PEOPL 25 00:02:03,690 --> 00:02:09,929 THE TRUTH IS I NEVER LIKED YOU * [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 26 00:02:09,929 --> 00:02:13,533 * I DON'T WANT TO GO TO ERIE, PENNSYLVANIA * I SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN THERE. 27 00:02:13,533 --> 00:02:17,470 I HAD IT IN THE BAG. SPEAKING OF THE ELECTION, THE DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY 28 00:02:17,470 --> 00:02:20,507 LOOKED INTO TRUMP'S CAMS OF VOTER FRAUD AND HERE'S WHAT THEY FOUND 29 00:02:22,075 --> 00:02:23,677 THE PRESIDENT'S OWN DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY HAS RELEASED A STATEMENT 30 00:02:23,677 --> 00:02:25,378 CALLING LAST WEEK'S ELECTION THE MOST SECURE IN AMERICAN HISTORY, SAYING THERE IS NO 31 00:02:25,378 --> 00:02:42,962 EVIDENCE THAT ANY VOTING SYSTEM WAS IN ANY WA COMPROMISED [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 32 00:02:42,962 --> 00:02:44,731 Jimmy: AMERICANS ARE LIKE, "WHO DO WE BELIEVE THE TRUMP ADMINISTRATION OR THE TRUMP 33 00:02:44,731 --> 00:02:47,334 ADMINISTRATION?" [ LAUGHTER ] YEP, THEY SAID THE ELECTION WAS 34 00:02:47,334 --> 00:02:53,773 THE MOST SECURE. WHILE THE PRESIDENT IS THE MOST INSECURE 35 00:02:53,773 --> 00:02:57,110 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE LISTEN TO THIS, THE TRUMP CAMPAIGN JUST SHUT DOWN ITS 36 00:02:57,110 --> 00:03:04,384 VOTER FRAUD HOTLINE BECAUSE IT WAS FLOODED WITH PRANK CALLS [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] 37 00:03:04,384 --> 00:03:06,353 IT'S NOT A GREAT SIGN WHEN YOUR FRAUD HOTLINE IS RIDDLED WITH FRAUD. 38 00:03:06,353 --> 00:03:11,157 [ LAUGHTER ] YEAH, THEY SHUT DOWN THE HOTLINE BECAUSE OF PRANKS. 39 00:03:11,157 --> 00:03:14,127 ALSO BECAUSE A BUNCH OF CONFUSED PEOPLE KEPT CALLING IN ASKING HOW TO BASTE A TURKEY 40 00:03:14,127 --> 00:03:18,264 [ LAUGHTER ] "JUST MAKE SURE YOU TAKE THE PLASTIC BAG OUT OF THE - 41 00:03:18,264 --> 00:03:22,302 [ LAUGHTER ] THAT'S THE BIGGEST MISTAKE EVERYONE MAKES." 42 00:03:22,302 --> 00:03:28,074 [ LAUGHTER ] THIS IS PRETTY AMAZING TODAY, TRUMP'S PRESS SECRETARY 43 00:03:28,074 --> 00:03:32,078 KELLY McENANY WAS ASKED IF THE PRESIDENT WOULD ATTEND JANUARY'S INAUGURATION 44 00:03:32,078 --> 00:03:33,446 PRESIDENT WOULD ATTEND JANUARY'S INAUGURATION CHECK OUT WHAT SHE SAID. 45 00:03:39,085 --> 00:03:40,086 HE DID NOT ATTEND THE INAUGURATION 46 00:03:40,086 --> 00:03:43,890 IT WOULD LOOK LIKE SOUR GRAPES, WOULDN'T IT? I THINK THE PRESIDENT WILL 47 00:03:43,890 --> 00:03:47,227 ATTEND HIS OWN INAUGURATION. HE WOULD HAVE TO BE THERE, IN FACT 48 00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:50,964 [ LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: THE ANCHOR WAS LIKE, "RIGHT 49 00:03:50,964 --> 00:03:56,302 ANYWAY, BACK TO THE NEWS HERE ON EARTH." [ LAUGHTER ] 50 00:03:56,302 --> 00:04:03,109 [ APPLAUSE ] YEAH, BIDEN'S GOT IT ALL LOCKED UP AND LAST NIGHT HE WAS 51 00:04:03,109 --> 00:04:05,779 UP AND LAST NIGHT HE WAS OFFICIALLY PROJECTED TO WIN ANOTHER BIG STATE. 52 00:04:07,280 --> 00:04:07,847 NBC NEWS NOW PROJECTS 53 00:04:07,847 --> 00:04:12,686 JOE BIDEN AS THE WINNER OF ARIZONA. Jimmy: YOU KNOW, I'VE GOT TO 54 00:04:12,686 --> 00:04:15,221 BE HONEST, IT'S REALLY STARTING TO LOOK LIKE TRUMP WON'T WIN THE PRESIDENCY 55 00:04:15,221 --> 00:04:23,196 [ LAUGHTER ] I'M JUST SAYING. YOU CAN TELL TRUMP IS MAD. 56 00:04:23,196 --> 00:04:25,598 TODAY, HE CALLED MEXICO AND TOLD THEM THEY COULD HAVE ARIZONA. 57 00:04:25,598 --> 00:04:30,070 [ LAUGHTER ] THIS AFTERNOON, THE STATE OF GEORGIA WAS ALSO CALLED FOR 58 00:04:30,070 --> 00:04:33,206 JOE BIDEN. OKAY, NOW I'M REALLY THINKING TRUMP MIGHT NOT WIN THE 59 00:04:33,206 --> 00:04:37,610 PRESIDENCY [ LAUGHTER ] I THINK TRUMP IS OUT OF IDEAS. 60 00:04:37,610 --> 00:04:41,114 TODAY, HE ASKED, "IS GUAM A STATE? PROBABLY 80 ELECTORAL VOTES IN 61 00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:45,819 GUAM." MEANWHILE, SPEAKING OF THE PRESIDENT-ELECT, YESTERDAY 62 00:04:45,819 --> 00:04:48,621 BIDEN GOT A VERY SPECIAL CONGRATULATORY PHONE CALL. WATCH THIS 63 00:04:51,091 --> 00:04:57,630 CONGRATULATORY PHONE CALLS FROM WORLD LEADERS, INCLUDING A A PHONE CALL WITH POPE FRANCIS 64 00:04:57,630 --> 00:05:00,266 IT WAS A GREAT CALL THEY TALKED ABOUT FAITH, PEACE, AND WHAT IT'S LIKE TO TAKE OVER 65 00:05:00,266 --> 00:05:08,241 FOR SOMEONE WHO WON'T LEAVE. [ LAUGHTER ] [ APPLAUSE ] 66 00:05:08,241 --> 00:05:10,477 I'M A LITTLE SURPRISED THE POPE CALLED BIDEN HE'S ALWAYS SEEMED SUCH A BIG 67 00:05:10,477 --> 00:05:15,348 FAN OF TRUMP'S [ LAUGHTER ] IT SEEMS LIKE THERE'S SO MUCH 68 00:05:15,348 --> 00:05:18,184 GOING ON RIGHT NOW TRUMP STILL HASN'T CONCEDED THE ELECTION 69 00:05:18,184 --> 00:05:22,255 THE MASTERS TOURNAMENT JUST KICKED OFF BABY YODA IS BEING CANCELED 70 00:05:22,255 --> 00:05:26,059 ONLINE [ LAUGHTER ] AND MOUNTAIN DEW JUST RELEASED 71 00:05:26,059 --> 00:05:30,096 ITS OWN COOKBOOK THERE'S A LOT TO GO OVER SO LET'S JUST JUMP IN AND COVER IT 72 00:05:30,096 --> 00:05:31,498 LET'S JUST JUMP IN AND COVER IT ALL AT ONCE. IT'S TIME FOR "NEWS SMASH. 73 00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:41,708 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 74 00:05:41,708 --> 00:05:43,443 * Jimmy: FIRST UP, THE MASTERS. 75 00:05:43,443 --> 00:05:45,078 THE TOURNAMENT STARTED YESTERDAY AND THE GRAND PRIZE IS WORTH OVER $2 MILLION 76 00:05:45,078 --> 00:05:47,247 EVERYONE IS WAITING TO SEE WHO IS GOING TO WIN OR LOSE IT ALL DOWN IN GEORGIA. 77 00:05:47,247 --> 00:05:51,184 SPEAKING OF LOSING IN GEORGIA, PRESIDENT TRUMP -- [ LAUGHTER ] 78 00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:52,952 LOST THE ELECTION FAIR AND SQUARE BUT REFUSES TO CONCEDE AND NOW SOME OF HIS SUPPORTERS 79 00:05:52,952 --> 00:05:57,691 PLAN TO WATCH ON WASHINGTON. HE COULD STOP ALL OF THIS, BUT HE CONTINUES TO DIVIDE US, 80 00:05:57,691 --> 00:06:03,096 ALMOST AS MUCH AS BABY YODA. PEOPLE - [ LAUGHTER ] 81 00:06:03,096 --> 00:06:06,833 PEOPLE ARE NOT HAPPY WITH HIM. IN A RECENT EPISODE, HE ATE THE EGGS OF AN ENDANGERED SPECIES 82 00:06:06,833 --> 00:06:13,807 AND SOME PEOPLE ARE SAYING HE SHOULD BE PUNISHED [ LAUGHTER ] 83 00:06:13,807 --> 00:06:20,080 SPEAKING OF BEING PUNISHED FOR SOMETHING YOU ATE, THE NEW MOUNTAIN DEW COOKBOOK. 84 00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:21,781 96 PAGES OF RECIPES LIKE MOUNTAIN DEW MOZZARELLA BITES COVERED IN FLAMIN' HOT CHEETO 85 00:06:21,781 --> 00:06:28,154 CRUMBS THAT'S A HEART ATTACK WAITING TO HAPPEN. 86 00:06:28,154 --> 00:06:32,726 WHICH IS ALSO A GOOD WAY TO DESCRIBE PRESIDENT TRUMP [ LAUGHTER ] 87 00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:36,062 L HE SPENT ALL WEEK CLAIMING VOTER FRAUD AND TWEETING CONSPIRACY THEORIES. 88 00:06:36,062 --> 00:06:39,733 COME ON, MAN, YOU LOST EVEN THE POPE SAID BIDEN WON AT SOME POINT YOU HAVE TO LOOK 89 00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:44,437 AT THE PRESIDENT AND GO, "STOP BEING SUCH A BABY. [ LAUGHTER ] 90 00:06:44,437 --> 00:06:47,173 HE REALLY SHOULDN'T HAVE EATEN THOSE EGGS THEY BELONGED TO THAT NICE FROG 91 00:06:47,173 --> 00:06:50,543 LADY WHO CLEARLY TOLD YOU TO STOP, EVEN THOUGH SHE SOUNDED LIKE - 92 00:06:50,543 --> 00:06:54,814 [ IMITATES FROG [ LAUGHTER ] WHICH MAKES ABOUT AS MUCH SENSE 93 00:06:54,814 --> 00:07:01,588 AS A MOUNTAIN DEW COOKBOOK [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE MOUNTAIN DEW JALAPENO POPPERS. 94 00:07:01,588 --> 00:07:07,060 MOUNTAIN DEW PANCAKES. MOUNTAIN DEW CODE RED BRISKET. [ LAUGHTER ] 95 00:07:07,060 --> 00:07:11,631 ACTUALLY, THAT LAST ONE WOULD GO REALLY WELL ON A SANDWICH SAND WEDGE 96 00:07:11,631 --> 00:07:19,939 [ LAUGHTER ] WHICH THEY'LL BE USING -- TARIQ, I CAN HEAR YOU LAUGHING 97 00:07:19,939 --> 00:07:24,644 [ LAUGHTER ] WHICH THEY'LL BE USING AT THE MASTERS. 98 00:07:24,644 --> 00:07:28,148 I ALWAYS WANTED ONE OF THOSE CLASSIC BLAZERS. THEY'RE SO TACKY AND GREEN LIKE 99 00:07:28,148 --> 00:07:36,690 THE MOUNTAIN DEW COOKBOOK. FIRE UP A BLENDER AND TOSS IN BABY YODA. 100 00:07:36,690 --> 00:07:42,128 IN CONCLUSION, DO YOUR BEST. DO BETTER. BETTER DEW 101 00:07:42,128 --> 00:07:52,105 MAYBE DON'T. THIS HAS BEEN A "NEWS SMASH. [ APPLAUSE ] 102 00:07:52,105 --> 00:07:54,441 HEY, LISTEN TO THIS. IF YOU'RE LOOKING TO GET AWAY FOR A FEW DAYS, I HEARD ABOUT 103 00:07:54,441 --> 00:07:58,878 A NEW PLACE THAT YOU CAN RENT. YOU CAN NOW SPEND A NIGHT IN THE MANSION FROM "THE BACHELOR" 104 00:07:58,878 --> 00:08:06,086 AND "THE BACHELORETTE" FOR ONLY $6,000 A NIGHT, YOU CAN RENT THE HOME ON AIRBNB 105 00:08:06,086 --> 00:08:08,021 Jimmy: SIX GRAND MIGHT SOUND STEEP, BUT THE GENITAL WARTS YOU GET FROM THE HOT TUB ARE 106 00:08:08,021 --> 00:08:15,795 FREE SO FAR THERE'S ONLY ONE REVIEW, AND ALL IT SAYS IS, MY BLACK 107 00:08:15,795 --> 00:08:23,236 LIGHT THREW ITSELF IN THE TUB. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO MAKE OF THIS ONE 108 00:08:23,236 --> 00:08:27,040 SOME TOWNS IN JAPAN WERE HAVING PROBLEMS WITH BEARS. SO THEY TRIED A NEW WAY TO 109 00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:30,510 SCARE THEM OFF CHECK IT OUT COUNTRYSIDE TOWNS DEPLOYING 110 00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:36,049 THESE MONSTER WOLVES TO SCARE BEARS AWAY FROM HOMES. FLASHING LIGHTS, 60 DIFFERENT 111 00:08:36,049 --> 00:08:44,224 SOUNDS AND A HEAD THAT CAN SENSE MOTION 112 00:08:44,224 --> 00:08:47,527 Jimmy: I FULLY SUPPORT NOT SHOOTING BEARS, BUT SIT MORE HUMANE TO GIVE THEM A HEART 113 00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:53,867 ATTACK AND FINALLY, THIS IS A GREAT A 102-YEAR-OLD WOMAN JUST 114 00:08:53,867 --> 00:08:56,903 BECAME THE WORLD'S OLDEST CURLER HERE SHE IS. 115 00:08:56,903 --> 00:09:01,708 AH I JUST GOT WORD SHE GOT SUSPENDED FOR PERFORMANCE 116 00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:12,318 ENHANCING PRUNES THAT'S RIGHT, A 102-YEAR-OLD CURLER 117 00:09:12,318 --> 00:09:18,024 EVERY TIME SHE STEPS ONTO THE ICE, HER HIPS ARE LIKE, LOLA, YOU CRAZY BITCH. 118 00:09:18,024 --> 00:09:33,540 WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW GIVE IT UP FOR THE ROOTS * * 119 00:09:33,540 --> 00:09:36,276 WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT. HIS NEW SHOW "POST MALONE'S 120 00:09:36,276 --> 00:09:37,877 CELEBRITY WORLD PONG LEAGUE" PREMIERES NOVEMBER 18th ON MENTION'S WATCH TOGETHER 121 00:09:37,877 --> 00:09:47,053 FEATURE. POST MALONE IS HERE. [ APPLAUSE ] 122 00:09:47,053 --> 00:09:51,224 PLUS, SHE'S THE HOST OF THE PODCAST "BLACK FRASIER," PHOEBE ROBINSON IS HERE 123 00:09:51,224 --> 00:10:04,804 [ APPLAUSE ] AND GREAT MUSIC FROM 2 CHAINZ. * * 124 00:10:04,804 --> 00:10:09,075 THAT'S WHAT HE DOES. CAN'T GO FOR THAT. HE SAMPLES IT, SLOWS IT DOWN 125 00:10:09,075 --> 00:10:21,955 SO IT'S LIKE - * * * MY NAME IS DEE NICE, SO 126 00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:32,665 THOUGH I HATE TO ADMIT IT * THAT'S YOUR GO-TO CALL ME DEE NICE 127 00:10:32,665 --> 00:10:34,300 Jimmy: GUYS, ONE OF OUR FAVORITE GUESTS, JERRY SEINFELD, IS GOING TO BE ON OUR 128 00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:41,341 THANKSGIVING SHOW, OUR THANKSGIVING NIGHT SHOW. TO TALK ABOUT HIS BOOK, "IS 129 00:10:41,341 --> 00:10:47,747 THIS ANYTHING?" THAT'S PERFECT FOR HIM. THIS BOOK IS INCREDIBLE. 130 00:10:47,747 --> 00:10:49,516 IT'S EVERY JOKE THAT HE'S EVER WRITTEN IN HIS 45 YEARS OF DOING STANDUP COMEDY, ALL IN 131 00:10:49,516 --> 00:10:54,654 HERE YOU CAN JUST PICK IT UP AND READ IT. 132 00:10:54,654 --> 00:11:08,101 OH, A SECRET MESSAGE DEAR JIMMY, TAKE FIVE PACES TO YOUR LEFT. 133 00:11:08,101 --> 00:11:20,447 NOW TURN 180 DEGREES TAKE FIVE PACES STRAIGHT LOOK AT YOUR DESK. 134 00:11:20,447 --> 00:11:27,821 IT'S JERRY'S BOOK. OH, COOL YOU GET THIS BOOK, AND YOU CAN 135 00:11:27,821 --> 00:11:31,691 JUST READ IT TO YOUR FRIENDS AND YOUR FAMILY. IT'S LIKE YOU'RE DOING THE BEST 136 00:11:31,691 --> 00:11:35,528 STANDUP ROUTINE IN THE WORLD IT'S REALLY THAT GREAT THE BEST JOKE BOOK THAT YOU CAN 137 00:11:35,528 --> 00:11:39,466 BUY. WE WANTED TO TRY SOMETHING FUN CALLED THE SEINFELD CHALLENGE. 138 00:11:39,466 --> 00:11:41,234 SO PICK UP THE BOOK AND RECORD YOURSELF READING YOUR FAVORITE ROUTINE, LIKE YOU'RE DOING 139 00:11:41,234 --> 00:11:46,673 STANDUP. BUT DON'T DO A SEINFELD IMPRESSION 140 00:11:46,673 --> 00:11:49,376 DO IT AS YOU, JUST BE YOURSELF THEN SEND IT TO US BY GOING TO TONIGHTSHOW.COM/SEINFELD 141 00:11:49,376 --> 00:11:54,180 CHALLENGE. FOR MORE DETAILS WE'RE GOING TO PLAY SOME OF OUR 142 00:11:54,180 --> 00:11:57,484 FAVORITES FOR JERRY ON THE SHOW AND SEE IF WE CAN MAKE HIM LAUGH WITH HIS OWN JOKES 143 00:11:57,484 --> 00:12:05,825 IT WILL BE FUN [ APPLAUSE ] DID YOU HEAR BILLIE EILISH'S 144 00:12:05,825 --> 00:12:11,831 NEW SONG DID YOU HEAR IT TODAY? IT IS CALLED "THEREFORE I AM." 145 00:12:11,831 --> 00:12:15,635 IT IS A JAM. IT'S GREAT YOU KNOW, SHE CAN DO NO WRONG 146 00:12:15,635 --> 00:12:22,308 IN MY BOOK AND HER BROTHER, AMAZING BUT BILLIE EILISH, IT'S SUCH AN 147 00:12:22,308 --> 00:12:28,448 OUT OF THE PARK, IT'S LEFT FIELD SOUND. IT'S A CRUSHER 148 00:12:28,448 --> 00:12:33,119 BUT IT JUST CAME OUT TODAY AND SHE HAS A NEW MUSIC VIDEO AND IT'S AWESOME 149 00:12:33,119 --> 00:12:37,090 SHE FILMED THE WHOLE THING IN AN EMPTY MALL. SHE RIDES THE ESCALATORS 150 00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:39,159 IT'S COOL. IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT, CHECK IT OUT 151 00:12:39,159 --> 00:12:45,365 IT WAS THE NUMBER ONE TRENDING VIDEO ON YOUTUBE ALL DAY TODAY AND ALMOST NO ONE IS IN OUR 152 00:12:45,365 --> 00:12:49,402 VIDEO RIGHT NOW. SO I THOUGHT I WOULD HAVE FUN RE-CREATING THE VIDEO HERE AT 153 00:12:49,402 --> 00:12:52,906 30 ROCK. UNFORTUNATELY, IT DIDN'T GO QUITE AS PLANNED 154 00:12:52,906 --> 00:13:17,497 TAKE A LOOK. [ APPLAUSE ] * * 155 00:13:17,497 --> 00:13:21,134 SIR, SIR, YOU NEED TO PUT YOUR MASK BACK ON. Jimmy: OH, SURE 156 00:13:21,134 --> 00:13:29,642 I WAS TRYING TO LIPSYNC. SORRY. * * 157 00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:35,648 * STOP, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT * HEY, YOU'RE GOING TO 158 00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:38,418 SANITIZE YOUR HANDS? Jimmy: WHAT I JUST SAW YOU TOUCH THE 159 00:13:38,418 --> 00:13:40,687 WALL ARE YOU GOING TO TOUCH YOUR FACE 160 00:13:40,687 --> 00:13:43,623 ARE YOU GOING TO TOUCH SOMEBODY ELSE'S FACE? Jimmy: I'M GOING TO TOUCH MY 161 00:13:43,623 --> 00:13:47,260 FACE NO, I GET IT IT SPREADS GERMS 162 00:13:47,260 --> 00:13:57,103 SANITIZE. Jimmy: I WILL, YES. * * 163 00:13:57,103 --> 00:14:00,707 HEY, SIX FEET Jimmy: SORRY, WE'RE TRYING TO MAKE A VIDEO. 164 00:14:00,707 --> 00:14:03,643 NO, SIX FEET. IF YOU CAN'T DO IT, I'LL HELP YOU. 165 00:14:03,643 --> 00:14:18,425 * * * I'M NOT YOUR FRIEND * ARE YOU KIDDING ME? 166 00:14:18,425 --> 00:14:20,927 Jimmy: WHERE DO YOU COME FROM, ARE YOU FOLLOWING ME AROUND 167 00:14:20,927 --> 00:14:25,398 I EXPECT SAFETY BUT -- YOU CAN'T JUST TOUCH FOOD WITH YOUR BARE HANDS 168 00:14:25,398 --> 00:14:27,500 NOW I HAVE TO THROW AWAY THOSE PRETZELS Jimmy: I JUST WANTED 169 00:14:27,500 --> 00:14:31,204 A PRETZEL, THAT'S ALL. YEAH, ARE YOU GOING TO PAY FOR IT 170 00:14:31,204 --> 00:14:35,475 Jimmy: NO, I THOUGHT THEY WERE FREE. OH. 171 00:14:35,475 --> 00:14:37,777 I BET YOU THINK EVERYTHING IS FREE GET OUT! 172 00:14:37,777 --> 00:14:41,147 GET OUT! Jimmy: THIS IS MY STUDIO. THIS IS WHERE I WORK 173 00:14:41,147 --> 00:14:51,658 OUT, OUT! * * HEY 174 00:14:51,658 --> 00:14:53,927 Jimmy: STICK AROUND WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE "TONIGHT" SHOW, EVERYBODY. 175 00:14:53,927 --> 00:15:26,092 COME ON BACK * MY NAME IS DENISE, AND ALTHOUGH I HATE TO ADMIT * 176 00:15:26,092 --> 00:15:31,231 KEEP GOING, KEEP GOING. Jimmy: NO SEE 177 00:15:31,231 --> 00:15:34,401 Jimmy: AND YOU DON'T KNOW HOW I DID IT WHAT COMES AFTER THAT 178 00:15:34,401 --> 00:15:42,409 Jimmy: THIS IS DEE NICE HEY, GUYS, IT'S FRIDAY AND USUALLY WHEN I TAKE CARE OF 179 00:15:42,409 --> 00:15:49,716 SOME BUSINESS, YOU KNOW? GET SOME THINGS DONE BUT THE DAY GOT COMPLETELY AWAY 180 00:15:49,716 --> 00:15:56,089 FROM ME. I WAS -- I WAS SPLITTING WOOD ALL MORNING. 181 00:15:56,089 --> 00:16:01,061 SPLITTING WOOD? Jimmy: AND I FORGOT TO WRITE MY THANK YOU NOTES 182 00:16:01,061 --> 00:16:03,463 I WOULD LIKE TO TAKE THIS TIME TO WRITE OUT MY THANK YOU NOTES. 183 00:16:03,463 --> 00:16:11,671 IS THAT OKAY CAN I GET SOME MUSIC, PLEASE * 184 00:16:11,671 --> 00:16:13,440 THANK YOU, PENNSYLVANIA ELECTION OFFICIALS, FOR MAKING SURE THE ONLY FRAUD IN PHILLY 185 00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:28,288 IS A CHEESE STEAK AT SUBWAY. * * THANK YOU, CORONAVIRUS VACCINE, 186 00:16:28,288 --> 00:16:33,960 FOR BEING A SCIENTIFIC MARVEL THAT WILL SAVE HUMANITY. OR AS MILLIONS OF AMERICANS PUT 187 00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:47,540 IT, THAT'S ALL GOOD, BUT WHEN IS THE GUMMY VERSION COME OUT? * * 188 00:16:47,540 --> 00:16:52,245 THANK YOU, MASTERS GOLFERS FOR SHOWING US THE COOLEST KIDS IN KHAKIS ALL MONTH 189 00:16:52,245 --> 00:17:02,188 WELL, ALMOST THE COOLEST KORNACKI KORNACKI 190 00:17:02,188 --> 00:17:07,227 * * THANK YOU, FRIDAY THE 13th, FOR BEING THE SCARIEST DAY OF 191 00:17:07,227 --> 00:17:11,798 2020, AFTER HALLOWEEN, ELECTION DAY, AND PRETTY MUCH ALL OF MARCH, APRIL, AND MAY. 192 00:17:11,798 --> 00:17:24,611 * * THANK YOU, I HOP'S NEW FAMILY NIES MEAL. 193 00:17:24,611 --> 00:17:31,918 OR AS MOST OF US PUT IT, YES, THIS IS FOR MY FAMILY. SO I'LL SHARE. 194 00:17:31,918 --> 00:17:37,624 WE'LL ALL GOING TO SHARE THE FEAST. A LITTLE SHORT STACK FOR THE 195 00:17:37,624 --> 00:17:46,199 TABLE. YOU KNOW ME WELL. Jimmy: I'M NOT EVEN -- I'M 196 00:17:46,199 --> 00:17:54,541 JUST GOING TO HAVE ANOTHER FRUIT SALAD. BEEN THERE BEFORE 197 00:17:54,541 --> 00:17:59,679 Jimmy: YEP. * * THANK YOU, STRAWBERRIES, FOR 198 00:17:59,679 --> 00:18:10,190 BEING THE ONLY FRUIT THAT NEEDS A POUR STRIP SOMEONE GOT IT 199 00:18:10,190 --> 00:18:17,030 I LIKE THE DELAYED LAUGH * * THANK YOU, BOSH RESTORATION 200 00:18:17,030 --> 00:18:22,769 CARVING IN SPAIN, FOR LOOKING LIKE ME AT THE BEGINNING OF 2020 AND AT THE END OF 2020. 201 00:18:22,769 --> 00:18:25,638 THERE YOU HAVE IT, EVERYBODY THOSE ARE MY THANK YOU NOTES WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH POST 202 00:18:25,638 --> 00:18:52,599 MALONE Jimmy: MY FIRST GUEST IS A SIX-TIME GRAMMY NOMINATED 203 00:18:52,599 --> 00:18:57,704 ARTIST HE'S ONE OF THE BEST DUDES ON EARTH. 204 00:18:57,704 --> 00:18:59,472 HIS NEW SHOW, "POST MALONE'S CELEBRITY WORLD PONG LEAGUE," PREMIERES NOVEMBER 18th ON 205 00:18:59,472 --> 00:19:08,081 MESSENGER'S NEW WATCH TOGETHER FEATURE. HERE IS POST MALONE! 206 00:19:08,081 --> 00:19:11,618 POSTY! HELLO, EVERYBODY. Jimmy: YEAH 207 00:19:11,618 --> 00:19:15,088 WHAT'S GOING ON, BUBBA? Jimmy: YOU LOOK GOOD, BUD YOU LOOK GREAT 208 00:19:15,088 --> 00:19:21,227 WHERE ARE YOU RIGHT NOW, PAL I'M HOME IN UTAH RIGHT NOW. KIND OF JUST RELAXING AND 209 00:19:21,227 --> 00:19:26,800 TRYING TO STAY OUT OF TROUBLE. YOU KNOW Jimmy: YEAH 210 00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:30,270 YOU'RE LIKE THE MOUNTAIN AIR AND -- FEELS GOOD. 211 00:19:30,270 --> 00:19:32,806 YOU KNOW, I SMOKE TOO MUCH, TOO. SO THE AIR REALLY GETS TO ME 212 00:19:32,806 --> 00:19:35,775 SO I LIKE -- [ DEEP BREATH EVERY TIME I GO UP A SET OF 213 00:19:35,775 --> 00:19:40,113 STAIRS, I CAN'T -- Jimmy: YEAH, YOU LEARN A LESSON EVERY TIME YOU 214 00:19:40,113 --> 00:19:44,084 BREATHE. YES, SIR, I SUPPOSE Jimmy: HAVE YOU BEEN -- I 215 00:19:44,084 --> 00:19:46,686 KNOW YOU PROBABLY HAVE, YOU CAN'T STOP HAVE YOU BEEN WORKING ON NEW 216 00:19:46,686 --> 00:19:52,492 MUSIC? YES, SIR. YOU KNOW, IT'S -- IT'S BEEN 217 00:19:52,492 --> 00:19:54,427 A WHILE, YOU KNOW, GETTING INTO THE STUDIO AND STUFF AFTER, YOU KNOW, KIND OF -- I REMEMBER THE 218 00:19:54,427 --> 00:19:56,196 BEGINNING OF THE WHOLE COVID THING, AND THEN WHEN THEY FINALLY OPENED UP THE STUDIO SO 219 00:19:56,196 --> 00:19:57,931 I COULD GO IN AND WORK, AND LATELY I'VE JUST BEEN, YOU KNOW, TRYING TO MESS AROUND AND 220 00:19:57,931 --> 00:20:12,612 MAKE SOME COOL STUFF AND SOME FUNKY STUFF. AND I THINK WE'RE MAKING SOME 221 00:20:12,612 --> 00:20:16,583 AWESOME STUFF RIGHT NOW. Jimmy: AS A SONGWRITER, IS IT HARDER TO MAKE MUSIC DURING 222 00:20:16,583 --> 00:20:21,654 A TIME LIKE THIS, OR DOES THIS KIND OF PUSH YOU TO ACTUALLY MAKE MUSIC 223 00:20:21,654 --> 00:20:25,692 I DON'T KNOW. I SUPPOSE, YOU KNOW, MAYBE NOT HARDER, BUT MAYBE DIFFERENT. 224 00:20:25,692 --> 00:20:31,731 LIKE I'VE HAD MORE TIME TO BE, I GUESS, INTROSPECTIVE YOU KNOW, KIND OF NOT BEING 225 00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:33,400 ABLE TO GO OUT Jimmy: HEY, POST, I THINK THERE'S A BURGLAR TRYING TO 226 00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:38,938 BREAK INTO YOUR HOUSE. OH, YEAH, THESE GUYS -- I DON'T KNOW, THEY JUST HANG 227 00:20:38,938 --> 00:20:43,843 AROUND [ LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: YOU PAY THEM TO BREAK 228 00:20:43,843 --> 00:20:46,813 INTO YOUR HOUSE? DUDE, YOU RUINED THE WHOLE BIT. 229 00:20:46,813 --> 00:20:49,849 THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE WHOLE BIT FOR THE SHOW [ LAUGHTER ] 230 00:20:49,849 --> 00:20:52,052 Jimmy: IT'S ALMOST LIKE CATO WE'LL GIVE THEM THE GUEST 231 00:20:52,052 --> 00:20:53,920 HOUSE OVER THERE Jimmy: YOU PAY THEM TO BREAK IN JUST TO MAKE SURE YOUR 232 00:20:53,920 --> 00:21:00,126 SECURITY SYSTEM WORKS. [ LAUGHTER ] YOU LOOK COOL, MAN 233 00:21:00,126 --> 00:21:07,367 HE'S GOT NO FACE DUDE, I LIKE THAT CHARACTER, MAN, NO FACE 234 00:21:07,367 --> 00:21:09,969 THAT GUY SCARED ME HEY, I WANT TO TALK ABOUT YOUR NEW SHOW, CALLED "POST MALONE'S 235 00:21:09,969 --> 00:21:16,443 CELEBRITY WORLD PONG LEAGUE. IT PREMIERES NEXT WEEK ON MESSENGER'S NEW WATCH TOGETHER 236 00:21:16,443 --> 00:21:20,480 FEATURE. WHICH IS A REALLY FUN FEATURE, BY THE WAY 237 00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:24,417 WHAT MADE YOU THINK OF THIS IDEA UMM, I GUESS JUST BEING 238 00:21:24,417 --> 00:21:28,922 DRUNK, PLAYING BEER PONG YOU KNOW, I FIGURED EVENTUALLY WE WANT TO KIND OF MAKE IT LIKE 239 00:21:28,922 --> 00:21:30,623 A LEAGUE AND DO LIKE -- I DON'T -- MAYBE NOT ARENAS OFF RIP, BUT LIKE MIDDLE SCHOOL 240 00:21:30,623 --> 00:21:41,134 BASKETBALL COURTS. [ LAUGHTER ] YOU KNOW, SMALL-SCALE TYPE 241 00:21:41,134 --> 00:21:44,270 DEAL BUT, I WANT TO MAKE IT EVERY CITY HAS A TEAM, WHERE LIKE THE 242 00:21:44,270 --> 00:21:45,972 BEST SCHOOLS, YOU KNOW, THE BEST BEER PONG PLAYERS FROM EACH SCHOOL HAVE A TEAM AND 243 00:21:45,972 --> 00:21:56,116 IT'S WHOLE BRACKET LIKE THE NFL OR THE NBA OR SOMETHING. THAT'S DOWN THE LINE 244 00:21:56,116 --> 00:21:57,951 YOU KNOW, BUT THIS SHOW IS MORE ABOUT JUST KICKING IT WITH A A COUPLE OF FRIENDS AND JUST, 245 00:21:57,951 --> 00:21:59,819 YOU KNOW, TALKING, SHOOTING THE BREEZE, AND JUST PLAYING BEER PONG, GETTING A LITTLE DRUNK, 246 00:21:59,819 --> 00:22:08,528 YOU KNOW IT'S A LOT OF FUN. Jimmy: I HEARD A STORY, AND 247 00:22:08,528 --> 00:22:10,063 IT HAS TO BE TRUE, BUT DID YOU CHALLENGE PATRICK MAHOMES, SUPER BOWL MVP, 248 00:22:10,063 --> 00:22:21,341 PATRICK MAHOMES, TO A GAME OF BEER PONG, AND WHAT WENT DOWN? AND WAS THERE A BET? 249 00:22:21,341 --> 00:22:24,978 YEAH. HE CHALLENGED ME, AND I WAS SO GAME AND I WAS LIKE, "LET'S 250 00:22:24,978 --> 00:22:29,749 GO." WE WERE BACKSTAGE, I THINK WE WERE IN KC, BUT WE WERE BACK 251 00:22:29,749 --> 00:22:31,518 STAGE, AND PATRICK MAHOMES AND TRAVIS KELCE WALK IN AND THEY WERE LIKE, "LET'S PLAY SOME 252 00:22:31,518 --> 00:22:40,694 PONG." THEY HAD JUST WON THE SUPER BOWL 253 00:22:40,694 --> 00:22:44,964 AND I'M LIKE, WELL, YOU KNOW, THERE'S NO WAY I'M GOING TO SAY NO 254 00:22:44,964 --> 00:22:49,002 BECAUSE IN ACTUALITY, I'M THE BEST PLAYER, I KNOW. BUT YOU KNOW, WE GOT DOWN THE 255 00:22:49,002 --> 00:22:50,837 LINE A COUPLE OF GAMES, AND I WAS STARTING TO GET DRUNK AND THEY GET BEATING US AND BEATING 256 00:22:50,837 --> 00:22:56,776 US AND BEATING US. AND THEN I WAS LIKE, "YOU KNOW WHAT 257 00:22:56,776 --> 00:23:04,317 LET'S KEEP PLAYING AND IF YOU WIN, I'LL GET A A TATTOO OF A 258 00:23:04,317 --> 00:23:09,122 KANSAS CITY CHIEFS LOGO, AND Y'ALL'S AUTOGRAPH ON MY ARM, AS WELL." 259 00:23:09,122 --> 00:23:13,159 Jimmy: THEIR AUTOGRAPHS YEAH, YEAH, YOU WANT TO SEE IT 260 00:23:13,159 --> 00:23:19,933 Jimmy: I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID THIS, MAN. OH, MY GOSH. 261 00:23:19,933 --> 00:23:24,070 THAT'S THE GOOD STUFF RIGHT THERE. Jimmy: OH, MY GOSH. 262 00:23:24,070 --> 00:23:30,110 THIS IS ON ME FOREVER Jimmy: ONLY YOU WOULD DO THAT 263 00:23:30,110 --> 00:23:32,746 THAT IS SO FUNNY, MAN. DID THEY FREAK OUT YEAH, HE WAS LIKE, "YOU 264 00:23:32,746 --> 00:23:37,684 DON'T HAVE TO REALLY DO IT." I WAS LIKE, "OH COME ON, MAN, LET ME DO IT 265 00:23:37,684 --> 00:23:39,953 I TOLD YOU I WOULD DO IT." Jimmy: I TOLD YOU, I'M A MAN OF MY WORD 266 00:23:39,953 --> 00:23:43,890 I'M A MAN OF MY WORD JIMMY, WILL YOU SAY HI TO MY STEPMOM. 267 00:23:43,890 --> 00:23:47,961 Jimmy: YEAH PLEASE I WOULD LOVE TO. 268 00:23:47,961 --> 00:23:49,929 I WOULD BE HONORED MOM. WHERE'S STEPMOM? 269 00:23:49,929 --> 00:23:54,300 YOU'RE ALWAYS MEETING MOMS. Jimmy: I KNOW THE MOMS DIG YOU. 270 00:23:54,300 --> 00:23:56,803 Jimmy: YEAH THIS IS JODY. Jimmy: OH, COME ON. 271 00:23:56,803 --> 00:24:00,840 WHAT, ARE YOU KIDDING ME HI, NICE -- COME ON! NICE TO MEET YOU 272 00:24:00,840 --> 00:24:02,709 ARE YOU HAVING FUN OUT THERE IN UTAH WE LOVE UTAH. 273 00:24:02,709 --> 00:24:06,746 GREAT, GREAT TIME. Jimmy: IT REALLY IS GOOD. STAY SAFE, OKAY? 274 00:24:06,746 --> 00:24:09,916 THANKS, YOU TOO Jimmy: ARE YOU KIDDING ME HOW CUTE 275 00:24:09,916 --> 00:24:13,753 THAT'S SO FUN. SHE'S THE BEST. Jimmy: YOU PLAYED BEER PONG 276 00:24:13,753 --> 00:24:17,724 AGAINST A LOT OF FAMOUS PEOPLE ANYONE ELSE WE WOULD BE SURPRISED TO LEARN ISN'T REALLY 277 00:24:17,724 --> 00:24:25,432 THAT GOOD? UMM, TRYING TO THINK. I PLAYED WITH K.D., KEVIN 278 00:24:25,432 --> 00:24:30,070 DURANT HE WAS GOOD. HE'S A CHEATER, BECAUSE HIS 279 00:24:30,070 --> 00:24:33,740 WING PAN IS LIKE TEN FEET. Jimmy: HE'S A LEANER HIS ELBOWS WERE OVER THE LINE EVERY 280 00:24:33,740 --> 00:24:45,385 TIME YOU CAN'T HELP IT, THOUGH. IF YOU'RE SO -- YOUR WINGSPAN 281 00:24:45,385 --> 00:24:48,388 IS SO LONG, YOU CAN'T HELP IT. Jimmy: YOU CAN'T DUNK THE BALL 282 00:24:48,388 --> 00:24:51,891 DRAKE'S NO GOOD Jimmy: WHERE DID YOU PLAY BRAKE? 283 00:24:51,891 --> 00:24:59,666 IN TORONTO, I THINK HE CAME BACKSTAGE AT THE SHOW IN TORONTO, AND WE STARTED 284 00:24:59,666 --> 00:25:08,508 PLAYING BEER PONG. I WAS JUST LIKE, MAN, HE SUCKS Jimmy: YOU'RE TERRIBLE. 285 00:25:08,508 --> 00:25:12,779 IF YOU SEE THIS, COME MEET ME AGAIN, WE'LL PLAY AGAIN HE WAS TERRIBLE. 286 00:25:12,779 --> 00:25:17,250 Jimmy: YOU'VE BEATEN ME BEFORE IN BEER PONG, AND I WAS HAPPY. 287 00:25:17,250 --> 00:25:20,387 I WAS ACTUALLY IT WAS A BADGE OF HONOR TO LOSE TO YOU. BUT I HAVE AN IDEA FOR A 288 00:25:20,387 --> 00:25:23,957 A REMATCH. WHAT IF YOU AND I COMPETED IN EVERY DRINKING GAME EVER IN ONE 289 00:25:23,957 --> 00:25:28,061 GAME I'M READY TO GO Jimmy: POST MALONE AND I ARE 290 00:25:28,061 --> 00:25:31,564 GOING HEAD TO HEAD IN EVERY DRINKING GAME EVER, WHEN WE COME BACK. 291 00:25:31,564 --> 00:25:51,918 MORE "TONIGHT" SHOW. STICK AROUND * 292 00:25:51,918 --> 00:25:55,221 Jimmy: WELCOME BACK TO "THE TONIGHT SHOW." I'M HANGING OUT WITH MY GOOD 293 00:25:55,221 --> 00:25:58,892 FRIEND, I'M HANGING OUT WITH MY SON, POST MALONE POST - 294 00:25:58,892 --> 00:26:02,395 WHAT'S UP, DAD? Jimmy: SINCE YOU ORE ABOUT TO LAUNCH YOUR BRAND NEW 295 00:26:02,395 --> 00:26:04,097 CELEBRITY WORLD PONG LEAGUE, I WANTED TO CHALLENGE YOU TO THE EVERY DRINKING GAME EVER 296 00:26:04,097 --> 00:26:11,037 CHALLENGE. * * * EVERY DRINKING GAME 297 00:26:11,037 --> 00:26:17,777 CHALLENGE * OKAY POST, THIS FIRST ONE IS 298 00:26:17,777 --> 00:26:21,414 A CLASSIC. THE FIRST GAME WE'RE ABOUT TO PLAY IS FLIP CUP 299 00:26:21,414 --> 00:26:24,484 * * FLIP CUP FIRST ONE TO DRINK AND FLIP ALL 300 00:26:24,484 --> 00:26:28,621 THEIR CUPS WINS. Jimmy: NERVOUS AT ALL NOT AT ALL. 301 00:26:28,621 --> 00:26:33,893 Jimmy: READY? YES, SIR. Jimmy: SET, GO. 302 00:26:33,893 --> 00:26:51,077 YES, SIR. Jimmy: SET, GO. * * 303 00:26:56,549 --> 00:27:05,692 Jimmy: WHAT IS UP, MAN! QUARTERS, BOUNCE THE QUARTER 304 00:27:05,692 --> 00:27:09,529 OFF THE TABLE INTO THE SHOT GLASS. I'M GOING TO BE STRAIGHT 305 00:27:09,529 --> 00:27:14,868 WITH YOU, I'VE NEVER PLAYED THIS GAME. IT SEEMS A BIT PREMORDIAL. 306 00:27:14,868 --> 00:27:22,409 Jimmy: HERE WE GO ON YOUR MARK, GET SET, GO. * * 307 00:27:22,409 --> 00:27:29,082 THAT ONE WENT BACKWARD OH, MY GOSH! OH, MY GOSH! 308 00:27:29,082 --> 00:27:35,321 DUDE, WHAT IS HAPPENING? GRANDPA'S GOT TO GET BACK OUT ON THE SCENE 309 00:27:35,321 --> 00:27:39,893 THIS IS LIKE OLD TIMER'S DAY AT THE BALLPARK CAN WE HAVE A REPLAY OF THAT, 310 00:27:39,893 --> 00:27:44,597 JUST SO POST CAN SEE THE MAGIC OF THIS? WATCH THIS GEM 311 00:27:44,597 --> 00:27:53,807 BOING. ENJOY THAT COLD BEVERAGE, MY FRIEND 312 00:27:53,807 --> 00:27:57,944 CHEERS CHEERS, JIM Jimmy: CHEERS, BUD. 313 00:27:57,944 --> 00:28:01,548 NEVER HAVE I EVER PUT A A FINGER DOWN IF YOU'VE DONE THE DEED 314 00:28:01,548 --> 00:28:05,051 FIRST PERSON WITH ALL FINGERS DOWN LOSES Jimmy: THREE FINGERS UP 315 00:28:05,051 --> 00:28:13,560 I WILL START NEVER HAVE I EVER. LOST $1,000 ON A BET 316 00:28:13,560 --> 00:28:19,466 SPECIFICALLY $1,000 Jimmy: IN THAT BALLPARK OVER. 317 00:28:19,466 --> 00:28:23,737 Jimmy: OVER YEAH, I'VE MADE SOME DUMB BETS IN MY LIFE. 318 00:28:23,737 --> 00:28:29,309 Jimmy: I'M GOING TO SAY $10,000. LET'S DO $10,000, TOO 319 00:28:29,309 --> 00:28:41,121 Jimmy: YOU'VE GOT TO PUT A FINGER DOWN, OH, MY GOSH NOW YOU ASK. 320 00:28:41,121 --> 00:28:46,593 NEVER HAVE I EVER TAKEN THE POSTAL EXAM AS A CAREER FALLBACK 321 00:28:46,593 --> 00:28:50,196 Jimmy: YOU SADLY KNOW TOO MUCH ABOUT ME. MY PARENTS REALLY BELIEVED IN 322 00:28:50,196 --> 00:28:53,833 MY COMEDY CAREER AND I WAS A -- I WOULD HAVE BEEN A GREAT MAILMAN. 323 00:28:53,833 --> 00:29:00,273 I GOT JOB OFFERS THEY WOULD HAVE LOVED ME YES, I HAVE DONE THAT. 324 00:29:00,273 --> 00:29:05,845 AND GOSH, I LOVE THE POST OFFICE AND I LOVE POSTAL WORKERS. 325 00:29:05,845 --> 00:29:09,115 OKAY, MY MAN, HAVE YOU EVER -- NEVER HAVE I EVER GONE OUT FOR DRINKING ONE NIGHT AND WOKE UP 326 00:29:09,115 --> 00:29:17,457 IN A DIFFERENT CITY. ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW WHAT? THAT'S BAD FOR ME, BECAUSE I 327 00:29:17,457 --> 00:29:28,034 HAVE DONE THAT TWO TIMES. YOU GOT ONE FOR ME 328 00:29:28,034 --> 00:29:32,739 NEVER HAVE I EVER BEEN MISTAKEN FOR ANOTHER CELEBRITY Jimmy: OH, MY GOSH. 329 00:29:32,739 --> 00:29:36,242 THAT HAPPENS TO ME ALL THE TIME TOM CRUISE 330 00:29:36,242 --> 00:29:40,180 EVERY TIME I GO OUT. TOM CRUISE? Jimmy: YEAH 331 00:29:40,180 --> 00:29:47,921 TOM CRUISE, ALL THE TIME I GET BRAD PITT ALL THE TIME 332 00:29:47,921 --> 00:29:54,160 BEER PONG, THROW A PING-PONG BALL IN YOUR OPPONENT'S CUP. FIRST TO SINK EACH CUP WINS. 333 00:29:54,160 --> 00:29:57,530 Jimmy: POST, SINCE YOU'RE THE RESIDENT BEER PONG EXPERT, I'M GOING TO GO FIRST. 334 00:29:57,530 --> 00:30:00,900 HERE WE GO HEY, DO YOU SOAK YOUR BALL, DO YOU GET IT WET BEFORE YOU THROW 335 00:30:00,900 --> 00:30:10,543 IT YES, SIR. IT'S IMPORTANT TO MAKE IT -- 336 00:30:10,543 --> 00:30:14,481 Jimmy: OF COURSE IT'S IMPORTANT. HERE WE GO, BUD. 337 00:30:14,481 --> 00:30:20,286 * * THAT'S ALL RIGHT, THAT'S ALL RIGHT. 338 00:30:20,286 --> 00:30:25,859 Jimmy: COME ON, BUD LET'S SEE WHAT YOU GOT THIS IS GOING TO BE BAD. 339 00:30:25,859 --> 00:30:38,204 * * GOSH ALL RIGHT, COME ON, COME ON. 340 00:30:38,204 --> 00:30:51,885 LET'S MAKE IT CLOSE. THAT WAS JUST UGLY, UGLY THAT WAS JUST UGLY 341 00:30:51,885 --> 00:30:57,223 HE'S A NINJA HE'S A MASTER. ON THE PONG SHOW, I DIDN'T 342 00:30:57,223 --> 00:31:02,929 DO SO WELL IT WAS NOT MY WEEK Jimmy: TWO DOWN 343 00:31:02,929 --> 00:31:13,306 HERE WE GO GOSH I THINK I JUST HIT YOU IN THE 344 00:31:13,306 --> 00:31:19,546 NAD. OH, YES Jimmy: HE'S THE MASTER. 345 00:31:19,546 --> 00:31:25,885 HE IS THE MASTER HE REMAINS THE CHAMPION! POST MALONE, EVERYBODY 346 00:31:25,885 --> 00:31:30,590 HIS NEW SHOW, "POST MALONE'S CELEBRITY WORLD PONG LEAGUE. THAT IS OUT NOVEMBER 18th ON 347 00:31:30,590 --> 00:31:34,094 MESSENGER'S WATCH TOGETHER YOU'RE THE CHAMP, POSTY. ALWAYS GOOD TO SEE YOU 348 00:31:34,094 --> 00:31:55,515 STICK AROUND WE'VE GOT MORE "TONIGHT" SHOW. Jimmy: MY NEXT GUEST IS A 349 00:31:55,515 --> 00:32:02,489 A VERY FUNNY COMEDIAN, A BEST SELLING AUTHOR AND THE HOST OF THE PODCAST "BLACK FRASIER." 350 00:32:02,489 --> 00:32:07,727 SHE'S ALSO THE HOST OF THE BUY BLACK FRIDAY SHOW AIRING FRIDAYS ON FACEBOOK. 351 00:32:07,727 --> 00:32:13,199 HERE IS PHOEBE ROBINSON. PHOEBE, LOOK AT YOU. YOU LOOK FANTASTIC 352 00:32:13,199 --> 00:32:17,137 THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING BACK ON THE SHOW THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME 353 00:32:17,137 --> 00:32:20,106 YOU LOOK GREAT, TOO. I'M LIKING YOUR LITTLE WHITE BOY I JUST GOT OUT OF BED 354 00:32:20,106 --> 00:32:27,414 HAIRSTYLE. IT'S VERY CUTE BUT IT'S LIKE, TASTEFUL, YOU 355 00:32:27,414 --> 00:32:32,318 KNOW WHAT I MEAN IT'S LIKE, YOU'RE NOT LIKE -- IT UP. 356 00:32:32,318 --> 00:32:38,558 Jimmy: THANK YOU. IT'S LIKE, I COULD. Jimmy: I COULD, I'M NOT, BUT 357 00:32:38,558 --> 00:32:41,194 I COULD. THAT'S THE BEST -- THAT'S THE NICEST ANYONE HAS SAID TO ME 358 00:32:41,194 --> 00:32:46,766 DURING THIS WHOLE QUARANTINE THANK YOU. YOU'RE WELCOME. 359 00:32:46,766 --> 00:32:51,237 Jimmy: NOT ONLY ARE YOU WORKING ON YOUR THIRD BOOK, BUT THIS -- HOW COOL IS THIS 360 00:32:51,237 --> 00:32:55,408 YOU HAVE YOUR OWN IMPRINT. HOW DO YOU LIKE HAVING YOUR OWN IMPRINT? 361 00:32:55,408 --> 00:32:59,112 CONGRATULATIONS. THANK YOU IT'S SO EXCITING 362 00:32:59,112 --> 00:33:00,847 IT'S CALLED "TINY REPARATIONS" BOOKS AND, YOU KNOW, WE'RE LOOKING TO PUBLISH LIKE A LOT 363 00:33:00,847 --> 00:33:07,220 OF WOMEN, PEOPLE OF COLOR AND QUEER PEOPLE AND IT'S ESSAY COLLECTIONS, 364 00:33:07,220 --> 00:33:14,294 NOVELS, FICTION AND A LITTLE BIT OF LIKE, YOU KNOW, SORT OF NONFICTION 365 00:33:14,294 --> 00:33:19,432 IT'S REALLY EXCITING I LIKE BEING THE BOSS, OKAY? IT'S SO FUN. 366 00:33:19,432 --> 00:33:21,267 AND THEN THERE'S LIKE OTHER THING WHERE IS YOU'RE LIKE I HAVE TO THINK ABOUT LIKE OFFICE 367 00:33:21,267 --> 00:33:27,741 SUPPLIES COST AND PEOPLE ARE LIKE, I THINK I NEED A PRINTER I'M LIKE, YOU DON'T NEED A 368 00:33:27,741 --> 00:33:31,144 A PRINTER. WHAT YOU NEED INK FOR? LIKE, WHAT - 369 00:33:31,144 --> 00:33:36,182 Jimmy: THANK YOU. LOOK AT IT ON YOUR iPAD DON'T WASTE MY MONEY ON INK. 370 00:33:36,182 --> 00:33:41,755 WE DON'T NEED IT I'M OUT. Jimmy: THAT'S RIGHT, GOOD 371 00:33:41,755 --> 00:33:46,326 I WANT TO TALK ABOUT YOUR NEW PODCAST, "BLACK FRASIER. OH, MY GOSH. 372 00:33:46,326 --> 00:33:52,232 I LOVE THE NAME. ARE YOU A FRASIER FAN? I AM NOT. 373 00:33:52,232 --> 00:33:56,403 Jimmy: THERE YOU GO, THERE YOU GO I'VE NEVER SEEN IT, I'VE 374 00:33:56,403 --> 00:34:00,473 NEVER SEEN IT. BUT MY BOYFRIEND IS WHITE AND HE'S BETWEEN THE ENTIRE SERIES 375 00:34:00,473 --> 00:34:05,945 TWICE. AND I'M LIKE, CAN YOU JUST, I DON'T KNOW, READ A BOOK BY TONY 376 00:34:05,945 --> 00:34:12,452 MORRISON AT THIS POINT HOW MUCH FRAS DO YOU NEED IN YOUR LIFE? 377 00:34:12,452 --> 00:34:14,320 MY BOYFRIEND SAYS I LIKE TO GIVE A LOT OF ADVICE, HES SAID YOU'RE BLACK FRASIER, AND THE 378 00:34:14,320 --> 00:34:19,859 NAME STUCK IT'S BEEN SO FUN I'VE HAD SO MANY AMAZING 379 00:34:19,859 --> 00:34:25,465 CONVERSATIONS WITH PEOPLE LIKE ABBY JACOBSON AND JOHN HAM AND MICHELLE OBAMA 380 00:34:25,465 --> 00:34:28,668 SO IT'S BEEN A REALLY FUN FIRST SEASON Jimmy: AT THE END OF YOUR 381 00:34:28,668 --> 00:34:30,470 PODCAST, I WAS LISTENING AND YOU READ THE CREDITS, AND YOU CREDIT SASHA AND MALIA OBAMA AS 382 00:34:30,470 --> 00:34:42,415 YOUR INTERNS BUT YOU SAID YOU'RE TRYING TO SPEAK THIS INTO EXISTENCE. 383 00:34:42,415 --> 00:34:45,685 AND HAVE YOU SPOKEN THINGS INTO EXISTENCE BEFORE IS THAT A THING YOU DO 384 00:34:45,685 --> 00:34:49,289 YEAH. SO I REALLY LOVE THE SECRET, AND I KNOW THAT A LOT OF PEOPLE 385 00:34:49,289 --> 00:34:55,428 MAKE FUN OF THE SECRET IT'S LIKE IT'S NOT REAL OR IT'S FAKE 386 00:34:55,428 --> 00:34:57,831 IT'S LIKE YOU JUST SAY SOMETHING AND YOU GET IT I'M LIKE WELL, YOU HAVE TO 387 00:34:57,831 --> 00:35:00,667 THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE ASKING FOR. WHEN PEOPLE ARE LIKE, I WANT TO 388 00:35:00,667 --> 00:35:07,140 HAVE MICHAEL JORDAN'S BABY Jimmy: NO, NO HE CAN'T GOT ENOUGH SPERM 389 00:35:07,140 --> 00:35:12,345 FOR EVERYBODY, SO YOU'VE GOT TO LET THIS DREAM GO. Jimmy: THAT'S EXACTLY THE 390 00:35:12,345 --> 00:35:18,685 RIGHT ANSWER I WANT TO MENTION YOUR SHOW ON FACEBOOK, TOO, AS WELL 391 00:35:18,685 --> 00:35:22,622 GOSH, YOU'RE BUSY AND DOING SO MANY CREATIVE AND COOL THINGS. SO HAPPY YOU'RE DOING THIS 392 00:35:22,622 --> 00:35:29,963 STUFF. IT'S CALLED THE #BUYBLACKFRIDAYSHOW. 393 00:35:29,963 --> 00:35:31,831 CAN YOU TELL EVERYONE WHAT THIS SHOW IS AND HOW IT CAME ABOUT AND IT'S AWESOME THAT YOU'RE 394 00:35:31,831 --> 00:35:37,504 DOING THIS OH, THANK YOU WE'VE BEEN DOING IT EVERY 395 00:35:37,504 --> 00:35:40,907 FRIDAY LEADING UP TO BLACK FRIDAY YOU KNOW, I LIKE TO SHUT OUT 396 00:35:40,907 --> 00:35:45,111 BLACK BUSINESSES ON MY PODCAST AS I WAS TALKING TO FACEBOOK ABOUT MY PODCAST, THEY SAID WE 397 00:35:45,111 --> 00:35:46,846 HAVE THIS SHOW IDEA, BECAUSE THE STAT IS THAT OVER 40% OF BLACK OWNED BUSINESSES ARE NOT 398 00:35:46,846 --> 00:35:57,190 GOING TO SURVIVE THE HOLIDAY SEASON THANKS TO COVID WHICH IS -- THAT'S A HUGE 399 00:35:57,190 --> 00:36:03,029 NUMBER, 4-0, 40, THAT'S SO SCARY. SO WE USE THE SHOW EVERY WEEK, 400 00:36:03,029 --> 00:36:07,667 I INTERVIEW THREE DIFFERENT BLACK OWNED BUSINESSES AND IT GIVES THEM THAT PLATFORM TO 401 00:36:07,667 --> 00:36:09,302 SHOW OFF THEIR WORK THAT THEY CREATED AND HOW THEY'RE BUILDING TRUST AND LOVE IN 402 00:36:09,302 --> 00:36:14,674 THEIR COMMUNITIES. IT'S BEEN REALLY, REALLY EXCITING 403 00:36:14,674 --> 00:36:18,778 ISN'T THAT AMAZING? AND SAFELY FROM YOUR OWN HOME, YOU'RE HELPING EACH OTHER AND 404 00:36:18,778 --> 00:36:25,151 EVERYONE SHOULD HELP EACH OTHER AND SUPPORT LOCAL BUSINESSES AND BLACK BUSINESSES 405 00:36:25,151 --> 00:36:29,656 PLEASE I THINK THAT IS A GREAT CAUSE, AND I THINK IT'S AWESOME 406 00:36:29,656 --> 00:36:32,158 EVERY SINGLE THING YOU'RE DOING, I LOVE IT PAL, KEEP GOING. 407 00:36:32,158 --> 00:36:37,530 DON'T STOP I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU AGAIN SOON 408 00:36:37,530 --> 00:36:42,102 STAY SAFE AND THANKS FOR COMING ON THE SHOW. THANK YOU SO MUCH 409 00:36:42,102 --> 00:36:45,205 Jimmy: MY THANKS TO PHOEBE ROBINSON THE BUY BLACK FRIDAY SHOW AIRS 410 00:36:45,205 --> 00:36:48,541 FRIDAYS ON FACEBOOK AND CHECK OUT HER PODCAST "BLACK FRASIER. 411 00:36:48,541 --> 00:36:50,944 WE'LL BE BACK WITH A A PERFORMANCE FROM 2 CHAINZ. STICK AROUND, EVERYBODY. 412 00:36:51,144 --> 00:37:01,187 * 413 00:37:10,196 --> 00:37:14,167 Jimmy: PERFORMING "CAN'T GO FOR THAT" FROM HIS NEW ALBUM, "SO HELP ME GOD," OUT NOW, HERE 414 00:37:14,167 --> 00:37:19,939 IS 2 CHAINZ. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * 415 00:37:19,939 --> 00:37:22,142 * EASY READY WILLIN OVERTIME GOOD EVENING BOY 416 00:37:22,142 --> 00:37:25,412 AND GIRLS * * I GO BY THE NAM LIL DUVA 417 00:37:25,412 --> 00:37:29,049 AKA CHEST HAIR SHAWT I KNOW YA'LL COME TO SEE * * 2 CHAINZ BUT WE GOT 418 00:37:29,049 --> 00:37:44,330 SOMETHING BETTER FROM THE VIBE HEADQUARTERS GIVE IT UP FOR * 419 00:37:44,330 --> 00:37:47,400 * WE VIBIN' NOW VIBIN' NOW BACK AND BACK * 420 00:37:47,400 --> 00:37:49,469 * AND FORTH AND FORT AND BACK AND BACK * 421 00:37:49,469 --> 00:37:53,306 * AND FORTH AND FORTH SAY BACK AND BAC AND FORTH AND FORT 422 00:37:53,306 --> 00:37:56,576 AND BACK AND BACK * * AND FORTH AND FORTH DOIN' SUCH A GOOD JO 423 00:37:56,576 --> 00:38:00,380 I PAT MYSELF ON THE BACK FLIGHT CONFIRMATION * * I CASH THROUGH THE AP 424 00:38:00,380 --> 00:38:02,682 AIN'T NOBODY ROBBIN' M I ANSWER DOORS WITH A STRAP * 425 00:38:02,682 --> 00:38:05,318 * ANYWHERE I GO I PUT THE SOUTHSID ON THE MAP 426 00:38:05,318 --> 00:38:08,688 SHORTY SAID SHE LOVED ME * * I SAID I LOVED ME BAC TRIED TO CUSS ME OUT 427 00:38:08,688 --> 00:38:11,658 I AIN'T GOIN' FOR THAT SAID THEY WANT * * MY PLUGS SO THEY CA 428 00:38:11,658 --> 00:38:14,294 ORDER THE PACK BUT I'M ADDICTED TO THE TRAP YOU NEVER KNOW * 429 00:38:14,294 --> 00:38:20,166 * I'LL RELAPSE SO I CAN'T GO FOR THA NO NO NO CAN D 430 00:38:20,166 --> 00:38:28,274 I CAN'T GO FOR THAT * * NO NO NO CAN DO I CAN'T GO FOR THA 431 00:38:28,274 --> 00:38:32,545 NO NO NO CAN D I CAN'T GO FOR THAT * * CAN'T GO FOR THAT 432 00:38:32,545 --> 00:38:36,049 CAN'T GO FOR THA CAN'T GO FOR THA I CALLED YOUR PHONE * 433 00:38:36,049 --> 00:38:38,318 * YOU AIN'T ANSWER YOUR I AIN'T GOIN FOR THE BULL 434 00:38:38,318 --> 00:38:40,620 LIKE A MATADOR * * YOU TEXT ME I I DON'T REPLY QUIC 435 00:38:40,620 --> 00:38:44,124 YOU TRIP I'M JEFE I'M THE HIGHEST * * ON THE LIST 436 00:38:44,124 --> 00:38:47,293 KICK IT LIKE JUD THE NUMERO UNO YES I'M THE HIGHNESS * 437 00:38:47,293 --> 00:38:49,929 * MY HOUSE SO FAR BACK IN THE WOODS THAT CAN'T NOBODY FIND US 438 00:38:49,929 --> 00:38:52,198 MY DRIVEWAY SO LONG * * THAT YOU CA RUN OUT OF GAS 439 00:38:52,198 --> 00:38:57,570 KEEP ASKIN' ME FOR MONEY YOU NEED TO GET OFF YOUR * * I CAN'T GO FOR THAT 440 00:38:57,570 --> 00:39:04,010 NO NO NO CAN D I CAN'T GO FOR THA NO NO NO CAN DO * 441 00:39:04,010 --> 00:39:10,050 * I CAN'T GO FOR THAT NO NO CAN DO I CAN'T GO FOR THA 442 00:39:10,050 --> 00:39:13,653 CAN'T GO FOR THAT * * CAN'T GO FOR THAT CAN'T GO FOR THA 443 00:39:13,653 --> 00:39:17,257 I BEAT THE CHARG AND I BOUNCE BACK * * DROPPED 125 AND 444 00:39:17,257 --> 00:39:20,860 BROUGHT A OUNCE BACK I GOT THE COGNAC COLOR ON THE INSIDE * 445 00:39:20,860 --> 00:39:24,364 * AND THE FORGIATO'S CUFFIN WITH THE BIG TIRES IF YOUR FRIEND COM 446 00:39:24,364 --> 00:39:27,634 MAKE SURE SHE KEEP QUIET * * AND THE NEXT TIME I SEE HER I'LL BE SENILE 447 00:39:27,634 --> 00:39:31,571 I LOOK AROUND LIKE THIS MUST BE A MIX UP * * I CAN'T MESS WITH Y 448 00:39:31,571 --> 00:39:36,609 IF YOU'RE GONNA SWITCH U YEAH I CAN'T GO FOR THAT * 449 00:39:36,609 --> 00:39:43,049 * NO NO NO CAN DO I CAN'T GO FOR THA NO NO NO CAN D 450 00:39:43,049 --> 00:39:47,654 I CAN'T GO FOR THAT * * NO NO CAN D I CAN'T GO FOR THA 451 00:39:47,654 --> 00:39:51,057 CAN'T GO FOR THA CAN'T GO FOR THAT * * CAN'T GO FOR THAT 452 00:39:51,057 --> 00:40:01,101 I CAN'T GO FOR THA NO NO NO CAN D I CAN'T GO FOR THAT * 453 00:40:01,101 --> 00:40:07,774 * NO NO NO CAN DO I CAN'T GO FOR THA NO NO NO CAN D 454 00:40:07,774 --> 00:40:10,810 I CAN'T GO FOR THAT * * CAN'T GO FOR THAT CAN'T GO FOR THA 455 00:40:10,810 --> 00:40:14,314 CAN'T GO FOR THAT * * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 456 00:40:14,314 --> 00:40:16,716 Jimmy: THANK YOU ALL FOR WATCHING STAY SAFE OUT THERE. 457 00:40:16,716 --> 00:40:21,087 WASH YOUR HANDS. DON'T TOUCH YOUR FACE. STAY TUNED FOR "LATE NIGHT WITH 458 00:40:21,087 --> 00:40:21,087 STAY TUNED FOR "LATE NIGHT WITH SETH MEYERS. GOODNIGHT EVERYBODY!