>> Steve: FROM ROCKEFELLER
CENTER IN THE HEART OF
NEW YORK CITY, IT'S
"THE TONIGHT SHOW STARRING
JIMMY FALLON."
TONIGHT JOIN JIMMY AND HIS
GUESTS -
LESLIE MANN,
COLIN QUINN,
MUSICAL GUEST SAINt JHN,
AND FEATURING THE LEGENDARY
ROOTS CREW
AND NOW HERE HE IS,
JIMMY FALLON
♪
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: THANK YOU VERY MUCH,
HELLO.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
OH, WOW.
THAT IS A FRIDAY CROWD RIGHT
THERE.
HEY, WELCOME EVERYBODY
WELCOME, WELCOME, WELCOME TO
"THE TONIGHT SHOW.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR WATCHING
WELL, LET'S GET TO THE NEWS AND
JOKES.
GUYS, EVERYONE IS STILL TALKING
ABOUT RUDY GIULIANI'S PRESS
CONFERENCE
AND I MEAN, BY NOW, WE'VE ALL
SEEN WHAT HAPPENED WITH THE
HAIR DYE, WHICH IS STILL
INSANE
I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE THAT,
THAT WAS REAL, BUT IT WAS REAL
BUT SOMETHING YOU MIGHT HAVE
MISSED WAS WHAT HE DID WITH HIS
HANDKERCHIEF AND THIS, JUST
WATCH THIS
[ AUDIENCE OHS ]
IT IS SOMEHOW RELATED TO THIS,
BUT I DO NOT KNOW WHETHER GOOD
GUYS GOT IT OR BAD GUYS GOT IT
>> I DON'T KNOW --
[ TALKING OVER EACH OTHER
>> Jimmy: OH MY GOSH
>> I CAN ONLY HEAR ONE PERSON
AT THE TIME.
>> Jimmy: OH MY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
WOW.
I THINK RUDY'S TRYING TO SINGLE
HANDEDLY TRYING TO START
COVID-20
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
SERIOUSLY, WHEN IT SAW THAT
CLIP, EVEN COVID-19 IMMEDIATELY
PUT ON A MASK.
IT'S LIKE, OH GOSH
IF THAT'S WHAT RUDY DOES ON
NATIONAL TV, I DON'T WANT TO
SEE WHAT HE DOES AT HOME
IT'S LIKE --
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
ALSO, WHY DO I GET THE FEELING
RUDY HAS BEEN USING THE SAME
DINNER NAPKIN SINCE 1974
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
"IT'S MY LUCKY NAPKIN.
RUDY'S HAVING A BRUTAL 2020.
I MEAN, A MONTH AGO, HE GOT
CAUGHT ON FILM STICKING HIS
HAND DOWN HIS PANTS.
WASN'T EVEN CLOSE TO HIS WORST
MOMENT
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
I MEAN, NOT SURPRISINGLY,
TODAY, IT CAME OUT THAT
GIULIANI AND OTHER KEY MEMBERS
OF TRUMP'S LEGAL TEAM HAVE BEEN
EXPOSED TO THE CORONAVIRUS
BUT THIS IS NICE, RUDY IS
OFFERING TO SHARE HIS WET HANKY
WITH ANYONE WHO NEEDS IT
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
RUDY WAS TESTED AND THANKFULLY,
THE RESULTS WERE NEGATIVE.
WHICH RAISES THE QUESTION, HOW
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE
I'M GOING TO THE STORE, I'VE
GOT LIKE 20 MASKS ON, I'M
WEARING GLOVES AND THIS GUY IS
RUBBING SNOT ALL OVER HIS FACE
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
YEP, WHEN THEY GAVE RUDY THE
COVID TEST, YOU COULD ALMOST
HEAR THE SWAB GOING, "NO, NO,
NO
DON'T STICK ME
YOU KNOW WHAT, I HAD A GOOD
RUN.
I HAD A GOOD RUN."
SPEAKING OF THE PANDEMIC, TODAY
PFIZER ANNOUNCED THEY HAVE
OFFICIALLY APPLIED FOR
EMERGENCY AUTHORIZATION FOR
THEIR VACCINE, WHICH MEANS IT
COULD BE APPROVED FOR USE AS
EARLY AS MID DECEMBER.
YEAH
APPARENTLY PFIZER SAW THAT
RUDY GIULIANI PRESS CONFERENCE
AND THOUGHT, WE BETTER HURRY
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ APPLAUSE ]
I MEAN, THIS IS, IF THERE'S
ONE, THERE'S MORE THAN ONE
I DON'T KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT
AN EMERGENCY VACCINE
I'M NOT SURE I LIKE THE FEELING
OF SOMEONE RUNNING UP TO ME,
LIKE, "QUICKLY INJECT THIS."
[ LAUGHTER ]
EARLIER TODAY, TRUMP HELD
A PRESS CONFERENCE TO TALK
ABOUT DRUG PRICES.
THEN HE KICKED THINGS OFF BY
DISCUSSING THE ELECTION.
WATCH THIS
DOLLARS OF NEGATIVE
ADVERTISEMENTS AGAINST ME
DURING THE CAMPAIGN, WHICH I
WON, BY THE WAY.
BUT, YOU KNOW, WE'LL FIND THAT
OUT.
ALMOST 74 MILLION VOTES.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: AS SOON AS TRUMP SAID
THAT, THE CEO OF TWITTER RAN IN
AND SAID, "THIS CLAIM HAS BEEN
DISPUTED
KEEP GOING."
TRUMP STILL CAN'T ACCEPT
LOSING
IF YOU'RE WONDERING WHY WE HAVE
PARTICIPATION TROPHIES, THIS IS
EXACTLY WHY.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
"THERE ARE NO LOSERS
WE ALL WON."
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
TRUMP WAS LIKE, "74 MILLION,
YOU ROUND THAT UP, IT'S
100 MILLION WHICH YOU CAN THEN
ROUND UP TO A BILLION.
SO, HOW ABOUT THAT, FOLKS, A
A BILLION VOTES.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
SPEAKING OF TRUMP, I SAW THAT
JUDGES IN ARIZONA,
PENNSYLVANIA, AND GEORGIA HAVE
ALL THROWN OUT LAWSUITS FROM
THE TRUMP ADMINISTRATION, BUT
HE CONTINUES TO DISH OUT MORE.
I'M STARTING TO THINK HE
DOESN'T UNDERSTAND HOW THE LAW
WORKS.
I MEAN, JUST CHECK OUT THE
RESPONSES WHEN HE WAS ASKED
ABOUT BASIC LEGAL TERMS.
WHEN ASKED WHAT LIQUIDATION
MEANS, TRUMP SAID, "WHAT
HAPPENED TO RUDY'S FACE
YESTERDAY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
WHEN ASKED WHAT DOCKET IS, HE
SAID, "THOSE KHAKIS THAT
STEVE KORNACKI WEARS
THOSE ARE DOCKETS.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
NEXT UP FOR HABEAS CORPUS, HE
SAID, "WHAT HARRY POTTER YELLED
WHEN HE KILLED VOLDEMORT."
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
HE KEPT GOING.
FOR MANDATE, TRUMP SAID, "WHAT
MIKE PENCE DOESN'T APPROVE OF.
[ AUDIENCE OHS ]
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
AND FINALLY, FOR PRECEDENT, HE
SAID, "WHAT I'LL STILL BE IN
JANUARY THANKS TO THE BILLION
PEOPLE, THE BILLION PEOPLE WHO
VOTED.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
HERE'S A BIG TECH STORY.
APPLE HAS AGREED TO PAY
$113 MILLION FOR SLOWING DOWN
OLD iPHONES ON PURPOSE
YUP, NOTHING TEACHES A COMPANY
A LESSON LIKE FINING THEM
.0005% OF THEIR TOTAL WORTH.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
THEY'LL NEVER DO THAT AGAIN.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
OOPS
>> Questove: OOPS.
>> Jimmy: OOPSIE
THERE YOU GO
SORRY.
I'M SORRY.
SORRY ABOUT THAT
FINALLY, I SAW THAT, DID YOU
SEE THIS
A BRITISH MAGICIAN JUST SET
A WORLD RECORD FOR PERFORMING
TRICKS IN AN INTERESTING PLACE
TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.
>> A MAGICIAN IN ENGLAND SET
THE RECORD FOR THE MOST MAGIC
TRICKS UNDERWATER IN THREE
MINUTES.
HE HAD 20 TRICKS
>> Jimmy: YOU COULD TELL HE WAS
RUNNING OUT OF TRICKS WHEN
MAGIC TRICK NUMBER 18 WAS JUST
SHRINKAGE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
IT'S GOOD THAT HE WAS
UNDERWATER
HE COULDN'T HEAR THE KIDS SAY,
"WE SHOULD HAVE HIRED A CLOWN.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW
GIVE IT UP FOR THE ROOTS,
EVERYBODY.
♪
>> Jimmy: WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW
FOR YOU TONIGHT.
SHE STARS IN THE NEW ANIMATED
MOVIE, "THE CROODS: A NEW AGE.
LESLIE MANN IS HERE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
PLUS HIS BOOK, "OVERSTATED:
A COAST-TO-COAST ROAST OF THE
50 STATES" IS OUT NOW AND YOU
CAN SEE HIS LATEST SPECIAL,
"COLIN QUINN AND FRIENDS,
A PARKING LOT COMEDY SHOW" ON
HBO MAX.
COLIN QUINN IS HERE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
AND WE'VE GOT GREAT MUSIC FROM
SAINt JHN, EVERYBODY
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
LIKE I SAID, ONE OF OUR GUESTS
TONIGHT IS COLIN QUINN, THE
GREAT COLIN QUINN AND HE HAS A
A BOOK OUT CALLED "OVERSTATED"
WHERE HE BASICALLY ROASTS EVERY
STATE IN THE U.S
IT'S FUNNY AND YOU CAN JUST
READ IT IN ANY ORDER
IT'S A GOOD BOOK
WELL, I WANTED TO PUT HIM TO
THE TEST, SO NOW IT'S TIME FOR
"OVERSTATED WITH COLIN QUINN."
♪ OVERSTATE
OVERSTATED OVERSTATE
OVERSTATED ♪
>> Jimmy: COLIN, COLIN, ARE YOU
THERE?
OH, I SEE YOU.
>> OH, YES
>> Jimmy: WOW, YEAH.
COLIN, I THOUGHT WE COULD GO
THROUGH SOME STATES AND YOU CAN
GIVE THEM A QUICK ROASTING
DOES THAT SOUND OKAY
>> SURE.
>> Jimmy: FIRST OF ALL, HOW ARE
YOU DOING?
ARE YOU OKAY
>> OH, I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU
WOULD -- YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID
THAT BEFORE YOU SAID THE -
>> Jimmy: I KNOW, I KNOW, I
KNOW, I KNOW
I UNDERSTAND
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
I ADMIT, I'M SORRY
>> I KNOW YOU JUST STARTED
THIS
>> Jimmy: BUT IT WASN'T ON THE
TELEPROMPTER, BUT YEAH, YOU
LOOK GOOD, AND I HOPE YOU'RE
OKAY
>> OOH, IT WASN'T ON THE
TELEPROMPTER
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: IT'S NOT ABOUT BEING
A BIG SHOT
THAT'S THE WAY -- ACTING LIKE
I'M TRYING TO --
>> NO, I WASN'T CALLING YOU
A BIG SHOT
I WAS MAKING A DUMB JOKE THAT
IT WASN'T ON THE TELEPROMPTER,
I COULDN'T READ IT
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: OH MY GOD.
I GUESS WE'VE STARTED WITH THE
FIRST ROAST ALREADY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
OH MY GOSH
HOW ABOUT THIS, COLIN?
ARIZONA.
WHAT COULD YOU SAY ABOUT
ARIZONA?
>> I CALL THEM THE INSTAGRAM
STATE, CAUSE THEY'RE BEAUTIFUL
BUT EMPTY.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: HOW ABOUT -- HOW
ABOUT OHIO
>> OHIO'S LIKE THE MIDDLE, LIKE
THE NICE -
THEY'RE LIKE YOUR NICE FRIEND
THAT WAITS IN THE CAR WHILE
YOU'RE HOOKING UP WITH SOMEBODY
IN THE HOUSE
[ LAUGHTER ]
THEY'LL SIT THERE AND WAIT TO
DRIVE YOU HOME
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: FLORIDA.
>> FLORIDA IS THE HOT MESS THAT
YOU WANT TO HANG OUT WITH, BUT
YOU ALWAYS END UP GETTING
ARRESTED WITH THEM
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: OKAY, LAST STATE
PENNSYLVANIA
>> I DON'T WANT TO DO
PENNSYLVANIA CAUSE YOU'RE GONNA
FEEL LIKE IT'S AN ATTACK ON
YOU, BUT IT'S NOT.
>> Jimmy: WHY?
>> ALL RIGHT, I'LL DO IT
BUT DON'T BE PARANOID, OKAY?
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
THE JOKE IS, IT'S A STATE
THAT'S KIND OF LIKE STARTED,
BUT IT ALMOST FELL APART, THEN
IT CAME BACK STRONG.
YOU MIGHT CALL IT LIKE THE
"FEVER PITCH" OF STATES.
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ RIM SHOT ]
THAT'S A NICKNAME.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
♪
I DIDN'T MAKE UP THAT NICKNAME
THAT'S THE STATE NICKNAME.
>> Jimmy: HOW --
HOW DO I NOT TAKE THAT
PERSONALLY
HOW DO I NOT TAKE THAT
PERSONALLY
HOW DO I NOT TAKE THAT
PERSONALLY
GIVE IT UP FOR COLIN QUINN,
EVERYBODY.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
WE'LL BE TALKING MORE WITH
COLIN LATER IN THE SHOW.
STICK AROUND, EVERYBODY.
COME ON BACK
WOW.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
♪
>> Jimmy: I LIKE THAT.
THAT WAS A GOOD GROOVE RIGHT
THERE.
♪
LOVE THAT.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
THAT WAS NICE.
I APPRECIATE IT.
GUYS, WELCOME BACK
YOU KNOW, IT'S FRIDAY AND IT'S
USUALLY WHEN I TAKE CARE OF
SOME BUSINESS.
YOU KNOW, I GET SOME THINGS
DONE, BUT THE DAY JUST
COMPLETELY GOT AWAY FROM ME.
I SPENT THE WHOLE AFTERNOON
DOING RAZOR SCOOTER TRICKS FOR
TIKTOK
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Questlove: WORD
>> Jimmy: AND, UH, YEAH, I
COMPLETELY FORGOT TO WRITE OUT
MY WEEKLY THANK YOU NOTES.
MY THANKIES.
AND RUDY'S GOT HIS HANKY, I GOT
MY THANKIES.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING
NOW, IT'S DURING THE SHOW, I
UNDERSTAND THAT, I REALIZE
THIS, BUT WE ARE LIVE.
NOT REALLY, ON TAPE, AND NOT
EVEN ON TAPE, BUT ON A HARD
DRIVE.
BUT IF YOU DON'T MIND, I
THOUGHT I'D TAKE OUT TIME TO
WRITE OUT MY THANK YOU NOTES
RIGHT NOW.
IS THAT COOL WITH EVERYONE
HERE
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
JAMES, CAN I GET A LITTLE THANK
YOU NOTE MUSIC, PLEASE
♪
OH, WOW.
THANK YOU, TRUMP'S TWITTER
ACCOUNT POST-ELECTION FOR
BASICALLY BEING THE CALORIE
MENU AT A CINNABON
WE ALL NOW YOU'RE THERE, BUT
WE'RE JUST GOING TO TRY TO
PRETEND YOU DON'T EXIST.
[ APPLAUSE ]
I KNOW ITS 2,000 CALORIES, BUT
COME ON.
THANK YOU, PEPSI'S NEW BOTTLES,
FOR LOOKING LIKE EVERYONE IN
QUARANTINE TRYING ON PANTS THEY
HAVEN'T WORN SINCE MARCH
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
[ APPLAUSE ]
GIVE ME THAT GROOVE.
GIVE ME THAT SONG AGAIN.
♪
THANK YOU, DOLLY PARTON, FOR
HELPING TO FUND THE MODERNA
COVID-19 VACCINE
♪ VACCINE
VACCIN
VACCINE ♪
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
♪
WE LOVE YOU, DOLLY
♪
THANK YOU, ZOOM THANKSGIVING,
FOR ALLOWING FAMILIES TO GIVE
THEIR DINNER THE SAME RULES AS
A PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE.
THE NEXT TOPIC IS, WHEN SHOULD
COUSIN JEFFREY GET MARRIED
GRANDMA, YOU HAVE TWO MINUTES
FOR YOUR OPENING STATEMENT
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ APPLAUSE ]
THANK YOU, NEW GLUTEN-FREE
OREOS, FOR MAKING DOCTORS
EVERYWHERE SAY, "THAT'S GREAT
AND ALL, BUT THE GLUTEN REALLY
WASN'T THE ISSUE."
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ APPLAUSE ]
THANK YOU, EAR MUFFS, OR AS I
LIKE TO CALL YOU, HEATS BY DRE
[ LAUGHTER ]
THERE YOU HAVE IT.
THOSE ARE THE THANK YOU NOTES.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH
LESLIE MANN, EVERYONE.
C'MON.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
♪
>> Jimmy: MY FIRST GUEST IS
A TALENTED ACTRESS WHO STARS IN
THE NEW ANIMATED MOVIE, "THE
CROODS: A NEW AGE," WHICH IS IN
THEATRES NOVEMBER 25th
HERE SHE IS, ONE OF OUR
FAVORITES, LESLIE MANN
HEY!
>> HEY
HI
>> Jimmy: OH MY GOSH
YOU LOOK GREAT
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING TO
THE SHOW
THANKS FOR -- I MEAN, FOR
COMING ON THE SHOW, NOT COMING
TO THE SHOW.
WE'RE ZOOMING.
>> I'M SO HAPPY TO BE HERE
I'M SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU.
>> Jimmy: HOW ARE YOU?
HOW IS THE FAMILY?
IS EVERYONE DOING WELL
>> WE ARE, WE'RE DOING WELL.
WE'RE HEALTHY, KNOCK WOOD.
>> Jimmy: YEAH
>> EVERYBODY'S HEALTHY
>> Jimmy: GOOD, GOOD, GOOD
>> AND YOU KNOW, IT WAS
A LITTLE, IT'S KIND OF LIKE
WE'VE GOTTEN USED TO THINGS
A LITTLE BIT BEING, BUT IN THE
BEGINNING, IT WAS REALLY HARD,
IT WAS MUCH, YOU KNOW, MY
HUSBAND, JUDD, WAS FREAKING OUT
A LITTLE BIT
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: JUDD WAS FREAKING
OUT.
>> HE WAS FREAKING OUT
>> Jimmy: YEAH
>> HE'S REALLY STRESSED OUT AND
KIND OF LIKE A BIG JERK, BUT
BECAUSE HE WAS STRESSED OUT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: WHAT IS HE LIKE WHEN
HE'S STRESSED OUT?
>> HE'S JUST KIND OF, LIKE,
WELL HE DOES THIS THING WHERE
HE'S VERY HAIRY.
>> Jimmy: UH-HUH
>> I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNOW
THAT BY LOOKING, BECAUSE HE
USUALLY HAS CLOTHES ON
>> Jimmy: YEAH
I WOULDN'T KNOW.
>> BUT WITHOUT CLOTHES, LIKE
THE HAIR DOESN'T STOP.
IT JUST, IT'S ALL THE WAY, LIKE
HEAD TO TOE THICK HAIR
>> Jimmy: WOW, OKAY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
OKAY
>> AND HE DOES THIS THING WHERE
HE'S LIKE STRESS SHEDS
SO WHEN HE'S NOT WEARING
CLOTHES, LIKE HE'S USUALLY
WALKING AROUND IN HIS
UNDERWEAR, LIKE IF HE SITS ON
A CHAIR OR LAYS ON A BED -
[ LAUGHTER ]
HIS HAIR JUST KIND OF LIKE
RELEASES, LIKE IT JUST FALLS
OFF.
>> Jimmy: SO THERE'S LIKE AN
OUTLINE --
THERE'S AN OUTLINE OF HIS BODY
>> YES
LIKE A CHALK OUTLINE OF A MAN.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: THAT'S JUDD'S HAIR
THAT HE SHEDS?
>> SO MUCH HAIR.
OH, IT'S CRAZY BECAUSE WHEN YOU
LOOK AT HIM --
>> Jimmy: THAT IS FUNNY.
>> IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE IT'S,
YOU KNOW, ANY THINNER THAN
BEFORE
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: OH MY GOD.
>> IT'S LIKE IT KNOWS HOW TO
REPLENISH.
>> Jimmy: OH, MY GOD
>> IT'S JUST AS THICK AS EVER.
>> Jimmy: OH, GOD.
>> BUT HE'S ALSO SHEDDING, IT'S
KIND OF --
IT'S SHOCKING.
>> Jimmy: IT'S A SCIENTIFIC
THING.
[ LAUGHTER ]
I REALLY WANT TO KNOW THE
BACKGROUND OF IT AND HE'S
CALMED DOWN NOW.
HE'S KIND OF -
>> HE'S CALMED DOWN.
>> Jimmy: YEAH
>> HE'S BETTER NOW
>> Jimmy: HOW ABOUT YOU?
>> YEAH, HE'S DOING MUCH
BETTER
>> Jimmy: WHAT THINGS HAVE YOU
BEEN DOING IN QUARANTINE
>> I HAVE BEEN, WELL, I THOUGHT
THAT I WOULD LEARN TO PLAY
PIANO OR START READING THE
CLASSICS OR SOMETHING AND --
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: ME TOO
>> I DIDN'T DO ANY OF THAT
I'VE MAINLY JUST BEEN, LIKE, ON
INSTAGRAM AND --
>> Jimmy: IT'S REALLY FUN.
>> IT'S SO MUCH FUN.
>> Jimmy: YEAH
>> AND IT MADE ME HAPPY, LIKE,
YOU KNOW, DURING THE DARKEST
TIMES, HAVING ALL OF THOSE
GREAT CAT VIDEOS TO WATCH.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: YEAH
YEAH
I KNOW THOSE
YEAH, IT JUST MAKES YOU HAPPY.
>> IT MAKES YOU SO HAPPY
AND WE HAVE TWO CATS WHO WE
LOVE SO MUCH, HONEY AND
PUMPKIN, AND THEY'VE JUST
CHANGED OUR LIVES FOR THE
BETTER IN EVERY WAY AND SO WE
MADE CAT VIDEOS.
WE MADE ONE CAT VIDEO.
THE WHOLE FAMILY GOT TOGETHER,
WE MADE A SHOT LIST.
IT WAS THE CATS MAKING DINNER
FOR US VIDEO
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: OH, MY GOD
>> AND WE DID A WHOLE THING
WITH THE CATS AND YEAH, IT WAS
GREAT.
>> Jimmy: IS THIS --
I HAVE A NOTE HERE THAT THERE
MIGHT BE A WORLD EXCLUSIVE CAT
VIDEO.
>> IT IS
IT IS.
>> Jimmy: THIS IS NOT AIRED
ANYWHERE
THIS IS DEBUTING ON OUR SHOW
>> IT'S DEBUTING, YEP, ON YOUR
SHOW
>> Jimmy: I'M -- YOU GUYS
READY?
IF EVERYONE AT HOME, ARE YOU
READY FOR THE MAGIC?
HERE IS LESLIE MANN,
JUDD APATOW AND THEIR
DAUGHTERS, MAUDE AND IRIS.
TAKE A LOOK.
♪
[ LAUGHTER ]
♪
[ LAUGHTER ]
♪
>> SO GOOD
[ APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: WOW.
THAT IS HONESTLY, THERE'S SO
MANY PARTS OF THAT, THAT I
LOVE
THAT'S MY FAVORITE CAT VIDEO
I'VE SEEN DURING ALL OF
QUARANTINE
>> ISN'T THAT GOOD
>> Jimmy: DUDE, CUTTING HER
PAW, PULLING HER PAW AWAY FOR
THAT
[ LAUGHTER ]
THAT'S SO GOOD
PUSHING THE PIE DOWN
OH, MY -
>> AND CARRYING THE PIE OUT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: AND SHE MADE A PRETTY
GOOD CHICKEN DISH.
NOT BAD.
>> RIGHT
[ LAUGHTER ]
HOW CUTE IS THAT
THEY'RE THE BEST
>> Jimmy: OH, MY GOSH.
>> AND IT'S JUST SO MUCH FUN
>> Jimmy: HONEY AND PUMPKIN.
>> HONEY AND PUMPKIN
>> Jimmy: WELL DONE, WELL DONE
>> THANK YOU
WE'RE PROUD OF IT.
>> Jimmy: YEAH
I ALSO SAW ANOTHER VIDEO THAT
YOU POSTED AND I LOVE THE WHOLE
IDEA OF IT AND IT'S TWO GREAT
PEOPLE
CAMERON DIAZ, WHO WE LOVE, AND
YOU GUYS ARE ROLLER SKATING
BUDDIES.
>> WELL, I BROUGHT SOME SKATES
OVER TO CAMERON'S ONE DAY.
AND WE WERE DRINKING HER NEW
AVALINE WINE
>> Jimmy: IT'S GOOD.
>> IT'S VERY GOOD.
AND TOO GOOD AND WE HAD
A COUPLE OF GLASSES OF WINE.
AND THEN WE DECIDED TO, LIKE,
YOU KNOW, ROLLER SKATE AND DO
SOME STUNTS, WHICH IS PROBABLY
NOT A GREAT IDEA
I'M REALLY -- BUT IT WAS REALLY
FUN.
>> Jimmy: SURE
>> BUT I'M -- BASICALLY, IT WAS
ME GOING -
>> Jimmy: OVER
>> BACKWARDS OVER HER WHOLE
BODY
BUT GOING BACKWARDS, GRABBING
A GLASS OF WINE, DRINKING IT,
AND NOT SPILLING IT.
>> Jimmy: NO, I LOVE THE EFFECT
WAS COOL BECAUSE I WAS LIKE,
WAIT, WHAT'S HAPPENING, THEN I
GO, WHOA, HERE YOU COME.
SCOOP AND BACKWARD
[ LAUGHTER ]
LOOK, IT'S BRILLIANT, ACTUALLY
I LOVE THAT YOU KNOW HOW TO DO
THAT
IT WAS AWESOME
>> IT WAS A TOTAL ACCIDENT
>> Jimmy: SO, TALK TO ME ABOUT
THIS
SO YOU DIDN'T PLAN ON POSTING
THIS
>> WELL, I WAS TRYING --
NO, NO, NO, WE WERE GOING TO
POST IT, BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW
TO DO THAT STUFF, YOU KNOW IF I
POSTED ANYTHING IN THE PAST, MY
KIDS HAVE DONE IT.
AND SO I WAS DOING IT MYSELF
AND MY EYESIGHT IS KIND OF BAD
AND THE WRITING IS REALLY SMALL
AND I WAS LIKE, LOOKING AT
THE --
>> Jimmy: I'M THE WORST.
>> YOU KNOW, THERE'S A SHARE
AND THEN RIGHT BELOW IT, SAVE
TO DROP.
>> Jimmy: YES.
>> AND I WAS JUST PRESSING,
SHARE, SHARE, THIS ISN'T
WORKING, MAYBE I DON'T KNOW,
AND PRESSING AND PRESSING AND
PRESSING REALLY HARD AND MAYBE
THE SYSTEM NEEDS TO --
I DIDN'T KNOW HOW.
WHATEVER
JUST PRESSING AND PRESSING AND
PRESSING AND THEN I HEAR IRIS,
MY DAUGHTER, FROM THE OTHER
ROOM SAY, "MOM
STOP POSTING THAT VIDEO!
YOU'VE POSTED IT LIKE
40 TIMES."
[ LAUGHTER ]
I JUST KEPT POSTING IT AND
POSTING IT
BUT IT DOESN'T TELL YOU WHEN,
IT DOESN'T LIKE SWITCH OVER TO
ANOTHER PAGE
IT DOESN'T SAY SENT OR SHARED
OR WHATEVER SO -
>> Jimmy: NO
>> IT IS MY FAULT, BUT IT'S NOT
ALSO
IT'S NOT REALLY SOMETHING THAT
I SHOULD BE DOING.
I THINK I NEED TO LAY OFF.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: I AM STILL THINKING
OF JUDD'S OUTLINE.
HIS HAIR OUTLINE
THAT IS THE FUNNIEST
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> YOU CAN'T GET THAT OUT OF
YOUR HEAD.
THINK HOW I FEEL
>> Jimmy: IT'S REALLY FUNNY.
I REALLY SEE IT.
>> IT'S EVERYWHERE
>> Jimmy: I THINK IT'S SO
FUNNY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
YOU HAVE TO MAKE IT.
I THINK YOU SHOULD DO A VIDEO
WHERE THE CAT --
>> I'LL TAKE SOME PICTURES
>> Jimmy: I THINK YOU SHOULD DO
A VIDEO WHERE THE CAT IS
SLEEPING AND THEN THE CAT GETS
UP AND YOU SEE THE CAT OUTLINE,
AND THEN JUDD IS SLEEPING AND
HE GETS UP AND HIS -
AGAIN, I DON'T KNOW WHY.
>> I WILL.
I'LL SEND YOU PICTURES
>> Jimmy: LESLIE, I WANT TO
TALK ABOUT "THE CROODS: A NEW
AGE.
>> "THE CROODS," YEAH.
>> Jimmy: IT'S GOING TO BE IN
THEATRES NOVEMBER 25th
PERFECT TIMING FOR THIS MOVIE.
THE HOLIDAYS, THANKSGIVING
WEEKEND, PEOPLE ARE AT HOME.
THEY WANT TO SEE A GOOD MOVIE,
FAMILY MOVIE
YOU'RE REALLY GREAT IN IT.
CAN YOU SET IT UP FOR EVERYONE
>> YEAH.
SO, I LOVE THIS MOVIE, IT'S
GREAT.
IT'S -- "THE CROODS" HAVE
BASICALLY SURVIVED THEIR FAIR
SHARE OF DANGERS AND DISASTERS
FROM FAMED PREHISTORIC BEASTS
TO SURVIVING THE END OF THE
WORLD, BUT NOW THEY WILL FACE
THEIR BIGGEST CHALLENGE OF ALL,
ANOTHER FAMILY
>> Jimmy: I'M SORRY, LESLIE,
ARE --
OH, THERE YOU ARE.
WERE YOU READING THE PLOT
SYNOPSIS OFF OF SOMETHING?
>> NO.
NO, NO, NO, NO, I'M JUST
SETTING UP THE MOVIE
SO JUST WHEN ALL SEEMS LOST, A
A NEW THREAT WILL PROPEL BOTH
FAMILIES ON AN EPIC ADVENTURE
OUTSIDE THE SAFETY OF THE WALL
ONE THAT WILL FORCE THEM TO
EMBRACE THE DIFFERENCES, DRAW
STRENGTH FROM EACH OTHER, AND
FORGE A NEW FUTURE TOGETHER.
>> Jimmy: I'M SORRY.
LESLIE, BUT IT SOUNDS GREAT.
THE MOVIE SOUNDS FUN, BUT IT
JUST SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE READING
TALKING POINTS LIKE OFF
A SCRIPT OR SOMETHING, BUT
ANYWAYS --
>> NO.
NO, NO, NO, I'M SURPRISED THAT
YOU WOULD THINK THAT
IT WAS -
>> Jimmy: OH
>> YEAH.
NO, NO, NO, BUT FEEL FREE TO
ASK ME ANYTHING ELSE
>> Jimmy: CAN YOU TELL US ABOUT
THE CHARACTER YOU PLAY
>> OH, SURE.
AS THE MATRIARCH OF THE
BETTERMANS, HOPE PRIDES HERSELF
ON KNOWING EVERYTHING INCLUDING
WHAT'S BEST FOR HER DAUGHTER,
DAWN, BUT HOPE'S JOURNEY INTO
THE WILD WITH THE CROODS SHOWS
HER THAT THE WALLS SHE BUILT TO
PROTECT HER FAMILY FROM THE
OUTSIDE WORLD HAVE ALSO CLOSED
THEM OFF FROM EACH OTHER
THROUGH THEIR ADVENTURE, HOPE
LEARNS TO EMBRACE NOT ONLY HER
PRIMAL SIDE, BUT ALSO THE TIGHT
BOND THAT THE CROODS SHARE
>> Jimmy: WOW.
I MEAN, YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU HAVE A GIFT OF SETTING UP.
THAT'S THE BEST ANYONE'S EVER
SET UP A CLIP OR A MOVIE IN THE
HISTORY OF "THE TONIGHT SHOW."
>> REALLY?
>> Jimmy: YEAH
>> THANK YOU
[ LAUGHTER ]
THANK YOU.
>> Jimmy: I WANT TO SHOW A
A CLIP
HERE'S LESLIE MANN IN "THE
CROODS: A NEW AGE.
TAKE A LOOK.
>> HOPE, THESE ARE PEOPLE, CAVE
PEOPLE
>> I THOUGHT CAVE PEOPLE DIED
OFF YEARS AGO.
>> WE HAPPY MEET YOU
>> IN HEARTS -
>> Together: MUCH JOY.
>> THANKS.
>> MUCH JOY TO YOU TOO
>> OH.
THEY SPEAK BEAUTIFULLY
>> OH, FORGIVE OUR
CONDESCENSION, FRIEND.
I'M PHIL
>> AND I AM HOPE
>> AND WE ARE THE BETTERMANS
>> BETTER MAN?
>> BETTERMAN
>> EMPHASIS ON THE BETTER.
>> Jimmy: MY THANKS TO
LESLIE MANN.
"THE CROODS: A NEW AGE" IS IN
THEATRES NOVEMBER 25th
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING ON
THE SHOW
>> THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
I HAD A GREAT TIME AND I ALWAYS
DO, AND IT'S ALWAYS A PLEASURE
TO SEE YOU
[ LAUGHTER ]
THANK YOU!
>> Jimmy: OH, MY GOD
COLIN QUINN JOINS US AFTER THE
BREAK.
STICK AROUND
OH, YOU ARE THE BEST
♪
>> Jimmy: MY NEXT GUEST IS A
A VERY FUNNY COMEDIAN, ONE OF
MY FAVORITE COMEDIANS, I THINK,
OF ALL TIME.
HE HAS A NEW BOOK CALLED
"OVERSTATED: A COAST TO COAST
ROAST OF THE 50 STATES."
DOES HE THINK MAYBE I'M TRYING
TO BUTTER HIM UP, AND THAT'S
WHY HE'S GOING TO BE IN A BAD
MOOD WHEN I BRING HIM OUT?
BUT I MEANT IT
HIS LATEST SPECIAL,
"COLIN QUINN & FRIENDS:
A PARKING LOT COMEDY SHOW.
STREAMING NOW ON HBO MAX
HERE IS MY BUDDY, COLIN QUINN.
WOW.
>> WOO
HI, JIMMY.
>> Jimmy: SAID SOME GREAT
THINGS ABOUT YOU, MAN.
>> I KNOW, BUT YOU SAID ONE OF
MY FAVORITES, I THINK.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, I DID.
>> YEAH, BUT YOU SAID I THINK
IN THE MIDDLE OF THAT.
I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU HAD TO.
YOU KNOW
>> Jimmy: I DIDN'T SAY IT.
DID I SAY I THINK?
NO, YOU'RE ONE OF MY FAVORITES
>> YEAH, YOU SAID YOU'RE ONE OF
MY FAVORITES, I THINK.
>> Jimmy: NO, NO, NO
>> AH, YOU STILL HAD TO
QUESTION YOURSELF IN THE
MIDDLE
BUT LOOK, IT'S STILL GOOD.
ONE OF MY FAVORITES, I THINK IS
PRETTY GOOD.
NOT GOOD AS ONE OF MY
FAVORITES, UNEQUIVOCALLY, BUT
IT'S STILL PRETTY GOOD
>> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, YOU ARE
ONE OF THE HARDEST WORKING
COMEDIANS THERE IS
I WOULD SAY THAT ABOUT YOU
AND BECAUSE OF WHAT'S HAPPENING
IN THE WORLD, YOU WERE TELLING
ME THIS IS THE LONGEST STRETCH
THAT YOU'VE GONE WITHOUT BEING
IN A COMEDY CLUB
>> IT'S TRUE
>> Jimmy: THAT MUST BE BIZARRE
FOR YOU.
BUT YOU -- THERE'S A VERY
SPECIFIC DEMOGRAPHIC THAT YOU
BLAME THE SPREAD OF COVID ON
I HATE TO BRING THIS UP.
>> NERDS
BECAUSE HERE'S, NERDS, BEFORE
THE INVENTION OF THE COMPUTER,
NERDS, THEY HAD ONE THING THEY
COULD ACTUALLY DO IN LIFE THAT
WOULD MAKE THEM POPULAR WHICH
IS MEDICAL FIELD
THEY WOULD SIT, LOOK IN THE
MICROSCOPE, THAT WAS THEIR ONLY
HOPE TO BE ROCK STARS.
AND THEY WOULD LOOK AT SLIDES.
THAT WAS THE THING
AND SO THEY WOULD FIGURE OUT A
A THING LIKE COVID WOULD'VE
TOOK THEM LIKE THREE WEEKS
AND BECAUSE THEY'RE ALL TOO
BUSY, LIKE, INVOLVED WITH
MOVIES, AND MUSIC, AND APPS,
WE'RE GETTING LIKE THIRD RATE
NERDS TO BE IN THE MEDICAL
FIELD.
>> Jimmy: BECAUSE THEY'RE
DEVELOPING APPS NOW, INSTEAD OF
FOCUSING ON WHAT THEY SHOULD
BE, NERDING ABOUT, WHICH IS
SCIENCE AND MEDICINE
>> YEAH.
WHICH IS SAVING OUR LIVES TO
PUSH FOR ANOTHER COUPLE HUNDRED
YEARS.
>> Jimmy: EVEN THOUGH YOU CAN'T
PERFORM RIGHT NOW, ARE YOU
STILL WRITING A LOT?
>> YES, I'M WRITING ON MY -- I
WRITE ON MY PHONE CONSTANTLY
I GOT A FEW JOKE IDEAS
YOU WANT TO HEAR ANY OF THEM
>> Jimmy: I'D LOVE TO HEAR
SOME
>> THANK YOU
WELL, FIRST OF ALL, CORONA
STUFF, OBVIOUSLY
>> Jimmy: OKAY
>> IN MOVIES, ALL THOSE
LIAM NEESON MOVIES LIKE
"TAKEN."
RIGHT?
NOW IT'S GOING TO CHANGE, LIKE,
I WILL LOOK FOR YOU, I WILL
FIND YOU, AND I WILL GIVE YOU
THE FINGER ACROSS THE ROOM
IT WILL BE AWKWARD
SOUNDS LIKE A SKETCH, BUT NOW
THAT I SAY IT OUT LOUD
>> Jimmy: NOT BAD.
[ TALKING OVER EACH OTHER
SIX FEET
I UNDERSTAND
>> EXACTLY
AND SEX SCENES, WHEN YOU
EXPLAIN IT, IT'S EVEN WORSE.
SEX SCENES, THERE'S GOING TO BE
NO MORE SEX.
PEOPLE AREN'T GOING TO KISS IN
A MOVIE OR THE WHOLE AUDIENCE
IS GOING TO GO, LIKE, "UGH."
IMAGINE TWO PEOPLE EXCHANGING,
SO WE'RE ALL GOING TO THINK,
WHAT IS THAT PERSON'S HUSBAND
WIFE GOING TO DO WITH THESE
PERVERTS OUT THERE
IT'S GOING TO GO BACK TO LIKE
THE -- IN THE 1940s, PEOPLE
WOULD JUST WINK EACH OTHER IN
A MOVIE, AND THAT WAS LIKE SEX
AND THEY WOULD HAVE BUNK BEDS
ON A TRAIN, LIKE, "OH." AND
WEAR PAJAMAS
AND THAT WAS LIKE, "OH."
THEY ALL WORE PAJAMAS AND THAT
WAS LIKE, "OH MY GOD, MYRNA LOY
IN PAJAMAS
THAT'S A HOT MOVIE."
>> Jimmy: BUNK BEDS ON A TRAIN
OH MY GOSH
THESE ARE GREAT BITS
>> THEY'RE THE BEGINNINGS OF
GREAT BITS, THANK YOU.
>> Jimmy: UH, I WANT TO TALK
ABOUT THE BOOK
UH, GOSH, IT'S SO FUNNY.
IT'S CALLED "OVERSTATED: A
A COAST TO COAST ROAST OF THE
50 STATES.
AND NICE QUOTES IN THE BACK
HERE
A FEW QUOTES
"NEW YORK TIMES" CALLED YOU
A BAR STOOL PHILOSOPHER.
THAT'S A COMPLIMENT, RIGHT
>> YEAH, IT DEPENDS ON THE BAR
YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES, AREA DATE,
IRISH INTELLECTUAL PROFESSOR
WITH HIS CORDUROY JACKET, YOU
KNOW
SPOUTING JOYCE OR IT COULD BE
A DRUNKEN LOUT WHO'S LIKE,
"HEY, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I
THINK IS GOING ON.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN
SO, I DON'T KNOW HOW THEY MEANT
IT
IT SOUNDS LIKE A LITTLE BIT OF
A LEFT-HANDED COMPLIMENT
>> Jimmy: YOU DID, I WANT TO
TALK TO YOU ABOUT THIS SPECIAL,
BECAUSE YOU FIGURED OUT A WAY
TO DO A SOCIALLY DISTANT
STAND-UP SHOW.
YOU HAVE A NEW SPECIAL ON HBO
MAX.
"COLIN QUINN & FRIENDS:
A PARKING LOT COMEDY SHOW.
YOU SHOT IT AT A DRIVE-IN
THEATRE IN BROOKLYN.
I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THERE WAS A
A DRIVE-IN THEATRE IN BROOKLYN
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: HOW DID THE IDEA COME
TOGETHER
HOW DID YOU DO THIS?
YOU DIRECT IT.
>> WELL, I DID A TWEET IN
MARCH, AND MY THEN MY MANAGER
WAS LIKE, "WE SHOULD DO THAT AS
A REAL THING."
I TWEETED ON MARCH 3rd OR
SOMETHING, "HEY, DRIVE-IN
COMEDY, TRYING TO BE FUNNY, YOU
KNOW
ON TWITTER."
YOU KNOW, HOW I LIKE TO MIX IT
UP A LITTLE.
AND THEN HE GOES, HE STARTED
PITCHING IT AROUND AND HBO MAX
WAS LIKE, "YEAH, WE'LL DO
A SPECIAL.
SO, THEN I GET ALL MY FRIENDS,
AND IT'S BASICALLY US DOING
A SOCIALLY DISTANT, DOING
STAND-UP FOR CARS, WHICH, YOU
KNOW, LIKE 50 CARS IN A PARKING
LOT, AND IT WAS FUNNY.
A LOT OF PEOPLE, LIKE THE
EMCEE, RICH WEST COAST, "HEY,
DON'T WORRY, FOLKS, WE DON'T
HAVE BOUNCERS HERE
IF YOU HAVE TROUBLE, WE HAVE
TOW TRUCKS."
>> Jimmy: YOU KNOW WHAT I LIKED
ABOUT IT, IS ALSO, NOT JUST THE
ACTS ON STAGE BUT ALSO A LOT OF
THE -- JUST WHAT COMEDIANS TALK
ABOUT BACKSTAGE.
>> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: AND HANGING OUT.
>> ALL THAT BANTER
ALL THE FUN OF THE --, YOU KNOW
THAT COMMUNAL BONDING THAT YOU
MISS BECAUSE YOU NO LONGER HAVE
THAT
BECAUSE YOU'RE BY YOURSELF
YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE AN AUDIENCE
ANYMORE.
YOU'RE LITERALLY BACK TO BEING
ALONE.
I'VE SEEN THEM, IT'S YOU AS
A LITTLE BOY, WITH A HAIR BRUSH
IN FRONT OF YOUR MIRROR DOING
A JOKE THAT YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW
IF THEY'RE GETTING LAUGHS OR
NOT.
>> Jimmy: YOU GET IT -- YOU GET
RIGHT IN THERE, YOU KNOW
IT IS A BIT AWKWARD, YOU KNOW?
DO YOU REMEMBER THE MOST
AWKWARD GIG YOU EVER HAD
>> WELL, I MEAN, COMPARED TO
LIKE, THE CAR GIG, THAT'S WHAT
I'M ALWAYS TRYING TO TELL
PEOPLE, WE'VE HAD SO MANY GIGS
YOU KNOW IN COMEDY, WE'RE
SUDDENLY, LIKE, DOING COMEDY
CLUBS.
THAT'S HOW IT WORKS.
AND THEN SUDDENLY YOU'RE NEXT
TO SOMEBODY'S POOL IN
A BACKYARD, AND YOU'RE LIKE,
WAIT A MINUTE, "I'M SUPPOSED TO
DO COMEDY HERE, RIGHT?
>> Jimmy: THAT WAS AWFUL
SO, MY FAMOUS BAD GIG IS
DE NIRO'S BIRTHDAY PARTY
HIS 60th BIRTHDAY PARTY.
AND I WENT IN THERE, AND RUINED
HIS BIRTHDAY
HERE'S HOW BAD IT WAS.
EVEN I WAS LIKE MAYBE I'M
EXAGGERATING, IT WASN'T THAT
BAD.
HE'S HAD SUCH A LIFE FILLED
WITH SO MANY THINGS, HE
PROBABLY DOESN'T REMEMBER IT,
AND THEN LIKE TEN YEARS LATER,
JIM NORTON, WE HAPPENED TO TALK
TO DE NIRO OUTSIDE OF SOME
THING.
AND JIM NORTON GOES, "REMEMBER
THE TIME HE BOMBED AT YOUR
BIRTHDAY PARTY?"
AND DE NIRO AND HIS WIFE BOTH
GOT THIS LOOK IN THEIR EYES OF
HATE
IT WAS THAT, TEN YEARS LATER
>> Jimmy: WOW.
>> THE GUYS TRAVELED THE WORLD
EIGHT TIMES SINCE THEN
PROBABLY, AND IT STILL BROUGHT
AN UGLY ENERGY TO BOTH OF THEM
THAT'S HOW BAD IT WAS.
>> Jimmy: WHAT WAS SO BAD ABOUT
IT
>> I JUST WENT UP THERE.
AND I WAS PLANNING ON, YOU
KNOW, I HAD THIS BIG PLAN.
SHE JUST TOLD ME TO GO UP AND
DO AN IMPRESSION OF DE NIRO AND
LEAVE.
BUT I WAS LIKE RALPH KRAMDEN,
"NO, I'M GOING TO -- I'LL DO
MORE THAN THAT."
SHE'S LIKE, "ALL RIGHT
I MEAN, HE KNOWS WHAT HE'S
DOING, HE'S A COMEDIAN."
>> Jimmy: WERE NOT ASKING FOR
MORE
>> I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING
YEAH, I WAS ROASTING HIM
THE CROWD DIDN'T KNOW.
I TOLD HER, DON'T INTRO ME
WHICH IS ANOTHER AMATEUR
MISTAKE.
OF COURSE, NOBODY KNOWS WHO I
AM
I GO UP, AND I START TRASHING
HIM, MAKING ROAST JOKES.
AND THEY'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF
DINNER, JIMMY.
IT'S NOT EVEN DARK OUT
IT'S LIGHT OUT
SO EVERYBODY'S THERE
SO, ROBIN WILLIAMS, I LEAVE
SOAKED IN SHAME AT THE END
I WALK OUTSIDE, BUT IT WAS
SLIGHTLY RAINING, AND I HAD
THIS NEW CASHMERE SHIRT ON THE
HANGER, I HAD ANOTHER SHOW THAT
NIGHT.
SO, I HAD A SHIRT AND
ROBIN WILLIAMS COMES OUT AND
LIKE COMMISERATING WITH ME
AND I GO, "I JUST DON'T KNOW."
AND I GESTURE -- AND THE SHIRT
FALLS OFF THE HANGER INTO
A PUDDLE AND A CAB RUNS IT OVER
IN THE RAIN.
ROBIN WILLIAMS COULDN'T STOP
LAUGHING
I JUST WALKED AWAY, AND I
DIDN'T EVEN SAY ANOTHER WORD
I JUST LEFT.
SAW HIM LIKE TWO YEARS LATER
>> Jimmy: THAT'S THE BEST.
TALK ABOUT THE WORST GIG AND
JUST GOT WORSE
OH MY GOD.
THAT'S PERFECT
>> IT WAS BRUTAL
>> Jimmy: BUT I LOVE THAT HE'S
THERE TO LAUGH
I LOVE THAT COMIC --YOU NEED A
A COMEDIAN
>> THANK GOD, YES.
HE UNDERSTOOD.
IN FACT, HE SAID HIS WIFE WAS
GOING, "HELP HIM."
HE GOES, "NO, HE DOESN'T WANT
ME TO HELP HIM."
>> Jimmy: WELL, I WANT TO SHOW
A CLIP OF YOUR SPECIAL
THIS IS "COLIN QUINN & FRIENDS:
A PARKING LOT COMEDY SHOW" TAKE
A LOOK AT THIS CLIP.
>> YOU'VE NEVER DONE A SHOW
WITH ALL THESE CARS, RIGHT
>> NOT REALLY, NO.
>> I'M JUST WONDERING HOW IT'S
GOING TO WORK.
>> OH YEAH BOSS, WE GOTTA TALK
ABOUT THE INSTRUCTIONS
SO WHEN YOU COME OUT, THE GUY
THAT'S GOING TO CHANGE THE
MICROPHONE, HE MIGHT BE
CHANGING IT WHILE YOU'RE ON
STAGE DURING THE ACT
>> WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
>> THE GUY'S GOING TO BE ON
STAGE.
>> AS I'M TALKING?
>> SAFETY FIRST THEY SAY WITH
THIS COVID, THANK YOU FOR
CLEANING THIS OFF.
LISTEN, YOU'RE A BIG NAME.
AND AFTER THIS, BELIEVE ME,
YOU'RE GOING TO BE ABLE TO DO
ROOFTOPS. YOU'RE GOING TO BE
ABLE -- DRIVEWAYS
DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PARKING
GARAGES?
IT'S NOT GOING TO END FOR YOU.
>> WE GOT A BIG TREE HOUSE SHOW
COMING UP.
>> YES
>> Jimmy: COLIN QUINN,
EVERYBODY.
HIS BOOK "OVERSTATED: A COAST
TO COAST ROAST OF THE
50 STATES" IS AVAILABLE NOW AND
CHECK OUT "COLIN QUINN &
FRIENDS: A PARKING LOT COMEDY
SHOW" ON HBO MAX
IT IS SO FUN TO HAVE YOU, AND
ALWAYS A DELIGHT
AND PLEASE, COME BACK WITH
EVERYBODY, AND STAY SAFE
>> THANKS JIMMY, YOU TOO
>> Jimmy: WE'LL BE BACK WITH A
A PERFORMANCE FROM SAINt JHN
STICK AROUND
♪
>> Jimmy: MAKING HIS TV DEBUT,
PERFORMING "SUCKS TO BE YOU"
FROM HIS NEW ALBUM "WHILE THE
WORLD WAS BURNING," HERE IS
SAINt JHN.
♪
♪ WHOA WHOA
TOLD LEE HE'
BE A MILLIONAIRE
SAY YEAH YEAH ♪
♪ IT SUCKS TO BE YOU 'CAUSE
I WOULD HAVE LOVED YOU
I'D WATCH THE WHOLE WORL
BURN TO SEE YOU DANCE ♪
♪ DUCKIN' FROM BOMBSHELLS
RUNNIN' THROUGH CARTEL
I THOUGHT WE WOULD DIE
GROWIN' OLD HOLDIN' HANDS ♪
♪ IT SUCKS TO BE YO
I WOULD HAVE LOVED YOU
I'D WATCH THE WHOLE WORL
BURN TO SEE YOU DANCE ♪
♪ DUCKIN' FROM BOMBSHELLS
RUNNIN' THROUGH CARTEL
THOUGHT WE WOULD DIE
GROWIN' OLD HOLDIN' HANDS ♪
♪ THIS STORY DON'
START OFF GREA
I'M A GORILLA GOIN' AP
I'M JUST A STREET TRYNA ♪
♪ MAKE IT TO A MILL
IN ALL THE WRONG WAY
I'M RUNNIN' AL
THE LONG PLAYS ♪
♪ THEY SAID I WAS BOR
THE WRONG SHAD
I SHOULDA MADE I
FIVE YEARS AGO ♪
♪ FOR REAL I WA
REALLY BORN LATE
I USED TO CARRY STICKS
IN MY CLOTHES ♪
♪ I CARRY WORK IN MY SHOE
BELOW THE POVERTY LINE
WHAT YOU EXPECT ME TO DO
RUNNIN' THROUGH THIS LIFE ♪
♪ UNTIL TWENTY ON
TWENTY TWO
KYRA HELPED ME FIND
DIFFERENT POINT OF VIEW ♪
♪ SHE SAID SHE BELIEVE IN M
JUST KEEP ON GOIN'
JUST MAKE SURE WHEN YO
GET THERE LEAVE ♪
♪ THE DOOR OPEN
I SAID YOU KNOW WHO I AM
KID FROM BROOKLYN ♪
♪
♪ IT SUCKS TO BE YO
I WOULD HAVE LOVED YOU
I'D WATCH THE WHOLE WORL
BURN TO SEE YOU DANCE ♪
♪ DUCKIN' FROM BOMBSHELLS
RUNNIN' THROUGH CARTEL
THOUGHT WE WOULD DIE
GROWIN' OLD HOLDIN' HANDS ♪
♪ IT SUCKS TO BE YO
I WOULD HAVE LOVED YOU
I'D WATCH THE WHOLE WORL
BURN TO SEE YOU DANCE ♪
♪ DUCKIN' FROM BOMBSHELLS
RUNNIN' THROUGH CARTEL
THOUGHT WE WOULD DIE
GROWIN' OLD HOLDIN' HANDS ♪
♪ I TELL NOBODY 'BOUT M
DREAMS WORKIN'
AT THE HOTEL
'CAUSE I DON'T THINK ♪
♪ CONFESSIONS OVER THER
MIGHT GO WEL
AND GOIN' BACK TO THE HOOD
MEANS THAT I ♪
♪ OF COURSE FAILE
YOU EITHER KILL OR
ARE KILLED SO
MOVED UPTOWN ♪
♪ KYRA SHE GAVE M
A PLACE TO STA
MAMA KICKED ME
OUT BACK THEN ♪
♪ SHE DID IT UNGRACIOUSLY
CAME HOME TO ALL OF TH
LOCKS CHANGE
ON NEW YEAR'S EVE ♪
♪ I'M GLAD WE'R
DOIN' BETTER
WE'RE BOTH OKA
I STAYED THERE FOR ♪
♪ LIKE THREE YEAR
OH BLESS HER
HEART AND SOUL
SHE'S WORTH A POT OF GOLD ♪
♪ SHE'S WORTH A THOUSAN
YEARS IN G-WAGON
ON THE ROA
I MADE A PROMISE ♪
♪ I PROMISE
I NEVER BETRAY THOSE
SAID SHE BELIEVE
IN ME JUST KEEP ON GOIN' ♪
♪ JUST MAKE SURE WHEN
YOU GET THERE LEAV
THE DOOR OPE
I SAID YOU KNOW WHO I AM ♪
♪ IT'S THE KID FROM BROOKLY
I HAD ABANDONMENT ISSUES
YOU LEFT ME WHOA HEY
SUCKS TO BE YOU ♪
♪ I WOULD HAVE LOVED YO
I'D WATCH THE WHOLE WORL
BURN TO SEE YOU DANC
DUCKIN' FROM BOMBSHELLS ♪
♪ RUNNIN' THROUGH CARTELS
THOUGHT WE WOULD DIE
GROWIN' OLD HOLDIN' HAND
IT SUCKS TO BE YOU ♪
♪ I WOULD HAVE LOVED YO
I'D WATCH THE WHOLE WORL
BURN TO SEE YOU DANC
DUCKIN' FROM BOMBSHELLS ♪
♪ RUNNIN' THROUGH CARTELS
THOUGHT WE WOULD DIE
GROWIN' OLD HOLDIN' HAND
IT SUCKS TO BE YOU ♪
♪ I WOULD HAVE LOVED YO
I WATCHED THE WHOLE WORL
BURN TO SEE YOU DANC
DUCKIN' FROM BOMBSHELLS ♪
♪ RUNNIN' THROUGH CARTELS
THOUGHT WE WOULD DIE
GROWIN' OLD HOLDIN' HAND
IT SUCKS TO BE YOU ♪
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: THANK YOU TO
SAINt JHN.
MORE OF "TONIGHT SHOW" WHEN WE
COME BACK EVERYBODY.
♪
>> Jimmy: THANK YOU ALL FOR
WATCHING
STAY SAFE OUT THERE.
WASH YOUR HANDS.
DON'T TOUCH YOUR FACE, RUDY.
STAY TUNED FOR "LATE NIGHT WITH
SETH MEYERS.
GOODNIGHT, EVERYBODY
♪