>> Steve: FROM ROCKEFELLER
PLAZA IN THE HEART
NEW YORK CITY, IT'S
"THE TONIGHT SHOW STARRING
JIMMY FALLON."
TONIGHT JOIN JIMMY AND HIS
GUESTS, SHAQUILLE O'NEAL,
ALISON BRIE, MUSICAL GUEST
PA SALIEU, AND FEATURING THE
LEGENDARY ROOTS CREW
AND NOW, HERE'S YOUR HOST,
JIMMY FALLON
♪
>> Jimmy: THANK YOU VERY MUCH,
EVERYONE
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
THANK YOU.
AND WELCOME TO "THE TONIGHT
SHOW," EVERYBODY
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
AH, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
GOOD TO SEE YOU GUYS
WELL, GUYS, TODAY WAS PRESIDENT
BIDEN'S FIRST FULL DAY IN
OFFICE
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
THAT'S BIG -- THAT'S BIG NEWS
RIGHT THERE.
OUR PRESIDENT SPENT A FULL DAY
IN THE OFFICE.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
[ APPLAUSE ]
YEAH, IT WAS BIDEN'S FIRST FULL
DAY.
I'M SURE PART OF HIM WAS LIKE,
"JUST TO MESS WITH EVERYONE, I
SHOULD GO GOLFING.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
BIDEN'S BARELY IN THE JOB AND
THERE'S ALREADY SO MUCH TO
DO -
GETTING CONTROL OF THE
PANDEMIC, BOOSTING THE ECONOMY,
THAWING OUT TOM HANKS.
THERE'S JUST A LOT OF --
[ LAUGHTER ]
HE COULDN'T HAVE WENT WITH A
A COAT
IT'S LIKE GIVE HIM A COAT AND
GLOVES OR SUIT AND GLOVES.
"I'LL DO SUIT AND GLOVES."
YEAH, BIDEN HAS GOT A LOT ON
HIS PLATE.
HE'S GOT TO BUILD A NATIONAL
VACCINE PROGRAM, PASS THE
STIMULUS, TACKLE CLIMATE
CHANGE
WHEN ASKED WHAT SHOULD BE FIRST
HE WAS LIKE, "LEGAL WEED
NOW.
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ APPLAUSE ]
YEP, BIDEN HAS SO MUCH ON HIS
PLATE BUT THAT DIDN'T STOP HIM
FROM GETTING TO KNOW HIS STAFF
THIS MORNING HE WENT AROUND THE
ROOM AND EVERYONE SAY THEIR
NAME AND WHAT DUMPSTER FIRE
THEY'RE CURRENTLY TRYING TO PUT
OUT.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
THAT'S RIGHT, BIDEN IS TRYING
TO CREATE A POSITIVE WORK
ENVIRONMENT.
AND HE GAVE A VERY STERN
WARNING TO HIS INCOMING TEAM
WATCH THIS
>> IF YOU EVER WORK WITH ME AND
I HEAR YOU TREAT ANOTHER
COLLEAGUE WITH DISRESPECT, TALK
DOWN TO SOMEONE, I PROMISE YOU
I WILL FIRE YOU ON THE SPOT.
[ CHEERS ]
[ APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: ALTHOUGH IT UNDERCUT
THE MESSAGE WHEN BIDEN WAS
LIKE, "YOU GOT THAT, YOU
MORONS
[ LAUGHTER ]
DON'T MAKE ME GO TOM CRUISE ON
YOUR ASS."
[ LAUGHTER ]
BUT THE BIG STORY TODAY WAS
THAT BIDEN USED HIS FIRST FULL
DAY IN OFFICE TO TACKLE THE
PANDEMIC
YEP, BIDEN RELEASED A PLAN
CALLED THE NATIONAL STRATEGY
FOR THE COVID-19 RESPONSE AND
PANDEMIC PREPAREDNESS.
REALLY ROLLS OFF THE TONGUE.
AS PART OF BIDEN'S NEW COVID
STRATEGY, HE'S LAUNCHING THE
100 DAYS MASKING CHALLENGE
BIDEN'S SMART.
HE KNOWS HE CAN GET AMERICANS
TO DO ANYTHING IF HE MAKES IT
SOUND LIKE A TIKTOK CHALLENGE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
YEP, BIDEN SEEMS PRETTY EXCITED
ABOUT HIS NEW PLAN
HERE HE IS TODAY SHOWING IT OFF
AT THE WHITE HOUSE
WATCH THIS
COMPREHENSIVE.
IT'S BASED ON SCIENCE, NOT
POLITICS
YOU CAN REVIEW THIS ENTIRE
PLAN -- THIS ENTIRE PLAN BY
GOING TO WHITEHOUSE.GOV.
IT IS SO DETAILED, IT'S OVER --
IT'S 198 PAGES
>> Jimmy: AMERICANS HEARD THAT
AND THEY'RE LIKE, "188 PAGES
ALL RIGHT, WE'LL WEAR THE MASK
WE'LL WEAR THE MASK, ALL RIGHT
GOSH."
THAT MIGHT LOOK BORING TO YOU,
BUT FOR DR. FAUCI, THAT'S
"50 SHADES OF GRAY."
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
HE'S LIKE, "WHOA, WHAT
♪
WHOA
SPICY.
198 PAGES SOUNDS LIKE A LOT,
BUT IT'S ONLY ONE-TENTH OF THE
SIZE OF BIDEN'S FAMILY BIBLE
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
THIS IS INTERESTING.
BIDEN'S TEAM SAID THEY AREN'T
USING ANY PART OF THE TRUMP
ADMINISTRATION'S VACCINE
DISTRIBUTION PLAN.
AND THERE'S A SIMPLE REASON FOR
THAT
>> THE BIDEN ADMINISTRATION
TELLS CNN THE TRUMP TEAM LEFT
THEM NO PLAN FOR DISTRIBUTING
THE CORONAVIRUS VACCINE.
SO ON DAY ONE OF HIS
PRESIDENCY, JOE BIDEN WILL TO
START FROM SCRATCH
>> Jimmy: YEAH
I MEAN, HONESTLY, WHAT DID THEY
EXPECT
IT'S LIKE WALKING INTO YOUR
HOUSE AND BEING MAD YOUR DOG
DIDN'T DO YOUR TAXES
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
"RUSTY
I LEFT QUICKEN OPEN AND
EVERYTHING ON THE -- YOU COULD
HAVE -
[ LAUGHTER ]
YEAH, BIDEN IS EXTREMELY BUSY,
BUT HIS STAFF HAS ALREADY
MANAGED TO REDECORATE THE OVAL
OFFICE FOR HIM
HE GOT A NEW RUG
HE'S GOT NEW CURTAINS, EVEN
ADDED A MASSIVE PORTRAIT OF FDR
ABOVE THE FIREPLACE.
YEAH, BIDEN MADE A LOT OF
CHANGES.
HE EVEN REPLACED THE PHOTO OF
ANDREW JACKSON WITH THIS
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ APPLAUSE ]
♪
BEAUTIFUL.
AND THIS IS COOL
IN A NOD TO HIS LOVE OF
SCIENCE, BIDEN HUNG A PAINTING
OF BENJAMIN FRANKLIN
AND IN A NOD TO HIS LOVE OF ICE
CREAM, HE HUNG A PAINTING OF
BEN AND JERRY.
CAN WE SEE THE PHOTO OF THE
PAINTING OF BEN AND JERRY?
YEAH
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ APPLAUSE ]
BUT BIDEN IS STILL GETTING USED
TO HIS NEW OFFICE.
EARLIER HE GOT A SURPRISE WHEN
HE PRESSED A BUTTON ON THE DESK
AND A BIG MAC SHOT OUT OF THE
DRAWER AND KNOCKED HIM
UNCONSCIOUS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
NOT ONLY DID BIDEN TAKE OVER AN
OFFICE, HE ALSO TOOK OVER THE
OFFICIAL @POTUS TWITTER ACCOUNT
YESTERDAY.
CHECK OUT --
[ APPLAUSE ]
CHECK OUT HIS FIRST OFFICIAL
TWEET AS PRESIDENT
IT SAYS, "THERE IS NO TIME TO
WASTE WHEN IT COMES TO TACKLING
THE CRISIS WE FACE
THAT'S WHY TODAY I'M HEADING TO
THE OVAL OFFICE TO GET RIGHT TO
WORK DELIVERING BOLD ACTION AND
IMMEDIATE RELIEF FOR AMERICAN
FAMILIES."
IT HAS ALL COMPLETE SENTENCES.
♪
NO TYPOS
♪
NO CAPS LOCK
♪
IT'S SO REFRESHING
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
CAN WE -- CAN WE SEE ANOTHER
BIDEN TWEET?
"I APPLAUD THIS SENATE FOR
PUTTING PARTISANSHIP ASIDE TO
PRIORITIZE OUR NATIONAL
SECURITY
AMERICANS CAN REST EASY TONIGHT
KNOWING AVRIL HAINES HAS BEEN
CONFIRMED AS THE DIRECTOR OF
NATIONAL INTELLIGENCE.
IT'S SIMPLE.
♪
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
NO EXCLAMATION POINT
♪
AND IT WASN'T TWEETED AT
3:00 IN THE MORNING.
♪
IT FEELS SO GOOD
I CAN'T --
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
CAN WE SEE ONE MORE TWEET?
"THE TIME TO MOVE FORWARD IS
NOW.
IT'S SO NORMAL
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
♪
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
♪
ALL RIGHT.
PLEASE
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
I'M VERY -- I'M PICKING UP HIS
HEAVY BREATHING ON MY
MICROPHONE
>> Questlove: SORRY.
>> Jimmy: THIS IS EXCITING
HE'S GETTING CPR RIGHT NOW
SOME SPORTS NEWS TODAY -
THE DETROIT LIONS HELD AN
INTRODUCTORY PRESS CONFERENCE
FOR THEIR NEW HEAD COACH
DAN CAMPBELL
AND HE SEEMS PRETTY FIRED UP TO
BE THERE
MAYBE A LITTLE TOO FIRED UP.
WATCH THIS
BUILT ON -- WE'RE GOING TO KICK
YOU IN THE TEETH
WE'RE GOING TO GET UP AND ON
THE WAY UP WE'RE GOING TO BITE
A KNEECAP OFF.
ALL RIGHT?
AND THEN IT'S GOING TO TAKE TWO
MORE SHOTS TO KNOCK US DOWN.
ALL RIGHT?
AND ON THE WAY UP, WE'RE GOING
TO TAKE YOUR OTHER KNEECAP
AND THEN IT'S GOING TO TAKE
THREE SHOTS TO GET US DOWN
AND WHEN WE DO, WE'RE GOING TO
TAKE ANOTHER HUNK OUT OF YOU
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: IN HINDSIGHT, MAYBE
EATING BATH SALTS BEFORE HIS
PRESS CONFERENCE WAS
ILL-ADVISED.
CAN YOU IMAGINE SITTING NEXT TO
THAT GUY ON THE PLANE?
IT'S LIKE, "SO WHAT BRINGS YOU
TO DETROIT?"
"I'M GOING TO RIP SIMBA'S FACE
OFF --
[ LAUGHTER ]
AND PUT IT BACK ON THEIR HEAD
AND HAVE THEM WATCH ME AS I GO
DOWN
ON THE WAY UP, BITE ANOTHER
CHUNK OF THEIR KNEECAP."
[ LAUGHTER ]
LISTEN TO THIS
I READ ABOUT A WOMAN WHO SPENT
SEVERAL DAYS IN A JAIL IN
CANADA AND SHE DID PROBABLY THE
MOST CANADIAN THING YOU COULD
DO
LISTEN TO THIS
>> A JAIL IN VANCOUVER ISLAND
IS GETTING RAVE REVIEWS AFTER
A WOMAN STAYED SEVERAL NIGHTS
THERE.
AFTER BEING RELEASED, SHE SENT
THIS CARD TO THE POLICE
DEPARTMENT
THE WOMAN WROTE, "I WAS NERVOUS
ABOUT STAYING WITH YOU GUYS
DURING MY TRIP TO THE ISLAND,
BUT WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW I
APPRECIATED HOW HELPFUL AND
KIND EVEN WAS.
SHE FINISHED THE NOTE OFFERING
FOUR AND A HALF STARS.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: KEEP IN MIND, THE
CANADIAN JAIL IS BASICALLY JUST
A COURTYARD MARRIOTT
I GUESS THE REVIEW WORKED
BECAUSE "TRAVEL AND LEISURE"
ADDED THE JAIL TO ITS ANNUAL
LIST OF TOP 50 DETAINMENT HOT
SPOTS.
THAT'S -
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
AN HONOR
SOME ENTERTAINMENT NEWS.
IT'S JUST BEEN CONFIRMED THAT
BACHELORETTE CLARE CRAWLEY AND
DALE MOSS HAVE BROKEN UP AFTER
A FIVE-MONTH ENGAGEMENT.
YEP.
IT ONLY LASTED FIVE MONTHS
BUT IN "BACHELOR" TIME, THAT'S
30 YEARS, SO CONGRATS ON A
A GREAT RUN.
[ APPLAUSE ]
THEY COULDN'T BELIEVE IT
THEY WERE LIKE, "WE DID
EVERYTHING RIGHT
WE MET ON A TV SHOW.
WE GOT ENGAGED AFTER THREE
DATES AND MADE OUT WITH
20 OTHER PEOPLE ALONG THE WAY.
WHAT?"
[ LAUGHTER ]
AND FINALLY, THIS IS EXCITING.
I SAW THAT ALL FIVE SEASONS OF
"THE MUPPET SHOW" ARE COMING TO
DISNEY+ NEXT MONTH
BUT IT SEEMS LIKE THEY'VE
UPDATED SOME OF THE MUSIC TO
CONNECT WITH A YOUNGER
AUDIENCE, I THINK.
TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.
♪
>> Jimmy: WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW
GIVE IT UP FOR THE ROOTS,
EVERYBODY.
♪
♪ >> Jimmy: WHAT A SHOW WE
HAVE FOR YOU TONIGHT
HE IS AN ANALYST ON TNT'S
"INSIDE THE NBA.
SHAQUILLE O'NEAL IS HERE
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
PLUS, SHE STARS IN THE NEW
MOVIE "PROMISING YOUNG WOMAN."
ALISON BRIE IS HERE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
AND WE GOT GREAT MUSIC FROM
PA SALIEU.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
HEY, EVERYBODY, OUR -- OUR
BUDDY PETE BUTTIGIEG, WHO'S
BEEN ON THE SHOW A BUNCH OF
TIMES, HAD HIS SENATE
CONFIRMATION HEARING TODAY TO
BE TRANSPORTATION SECRETARY.
AND ONE OF THE SENATORS,
ROGER WICKER FROM MISSISSIPPI,
ASKED HIM A PRETTY INTERESTING
QUESTION
TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.
>> YOU ARE ON "THE TONIGHT
SHOW" LAST NIGHT WITH
JIMMY FALLON
>> YES, SIR.
>> IN TERMS OF -- OF THRILLING
EXPERIENCE, HOW DOES BEING
BEFORE THIS COMMITTEE TODAY
COMPARE TO -
>> I WOULD CHARACTERIZE THIS AS
A UNIQUE EXPERIENCE, CHAIRMAN.
>> ALL RIGHT
VERY WELL SAID
>> Jimmy: YEAH
CONFIRM THAT MAN
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
THANK YOU FOR THE SHOUT-OUT,
SENATOR.
I APPRECIATE IT.
HOW YOU DOING, MAN
>> Tariq: I'M COOL
>> Jimmy: YEAH
WOW.
CAN YOU JUST TURN THAT WAY JUST
A LITTLE BIT SO I COULD SEE --
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
TELL ME YOU CAN'T SEE THERE'S
A MICROPHONE
DID YOU --
[ LAUGHTER ]
IS THAT THE -- THAT'S THE
TATTOO
>> Tariq: I GOT IT
NOW I'M HAVING BUYER'S REMORSE,
THOUGH
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: YOU CAN'T HAVE THAT
AFTER YOU GET A FACE TATTOO.
YOU CAN'T --
>> Tariq: I KNOW
>> Jimmy: YEAH
WHAT'S -- WHAT'S THE SOLUTION?
>> Tariq: THERE'S A PLACE THAT
I FOUND --
[ LAUGHTER ]
NO, REALLY, ON THE DARK WEB
WHERE YOU CAN HAVE, YOU KNOW --
IF IT'S FRESH ENOUGH YOU CAN
HAVE A TATTOO REMOVED.
>> Jimmy: BUT YOU HAVE TO ADD
A CHUNK OF DIFFERENT HUMAN
BEING'S FACE, CORRECT?
>> WELL, I GOT A FRIEND IN
DETROIT WHO --
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: HE'S WILLING TO
SACRIFICE HIS -- WELL, GOSH,
BEST OF LUCK TO YOU FOR THAT
>> Tariq: THANKS, WHAT DO YOU
THINK?
YOU THINK IT'S TOO MIDLIFE
CRISIS-Y
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: NO, I DON'T -- I
DON'T THINK IT'S THAT.
NO, I THINK IT'S -- I THINK
IT'S YOUR LAMBORGHINI.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
I THINK -- YOU KNOW WHAT
I THINK YOU SHOULD GET A
A MATCHING ONE ON THE OTHER
SIDE
SOMETHING LIKE THAT?
>> Tariq: GOOD IDEA, MAN
YEAH
NOW -- OKAY.
>> Jimmy: LET ME JUST SAY,
HONESTLY, NO MATTER WHAT YOU
GET, YOU'RE STILL A GOOD
LOOKING DUDE, MAN.
COME ON.
>> Tariq: THANK YOU.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: HAVE YOU GUYS SEEN
THESE VIDEOS ON TIKTOK CALLED
INTERNET DRAMA
THERE'S A GUY CALLED LUBALIN
HE TAKES DRAMA THAT HE FINDS ON
FACEBOOK OR WHATEVER AND HE
TURNS THEM INTO AWESOME
SOUNDING SONGS
THEY'RE LIKE EAR WORMS
THIS GUY'S BRILLIANT
WELL, HE'S RELEASED THREE
ALREADY.
AND I'M REALLY EXCITED BECAUSE
WE'RE ABOUT TO DEBUT A NEW ONE
NOW.
HERE'S LUBALIN PERFORMING
"TURNING RANDOM INTERNET DRAMA
INTO SONGS: PART FOUR.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
♪ WHICH SALAD DRESSIN
IS YOUR FAVORITE
KEN'S STEAKHOUSE ♪
♪ BLUE CHEESE DRESSIN
BLUE CHEESE HAS MOLD IN IT
BLUE CHEESE ♪
♪ BLUE CHEESE
HAS MOLD IN IT
BLUE CHEESE ♪
♪ BLUE CHEESE HAS MOLD IN I
RANC
RANCH IS GOOD ♪
♪ BLUE CHEESE
THERE IS MOLD IN BLUE CHEESE
GROSS ♪
♪ DEPENDS O
WHAT KIND OF SALAD
I PUT IT ON ♪
♪ I IMAGINE RASPBERRY
TASTES GOO
WITH CHICKEN AND -- NUTS ♪
♪ -- WHILE CHUNKY
BLUE CHEES
MIGHT BE YUMMY ♪
♪ WITH TUNA PERHAPS
PERSONALLY I LIK
A HONEY MUSTARD DRESSING ♪
♪ OH SO YOU LIK
CHUNKY MOLD DRESSING HUH
OH BLUE CHEESE ♪
♪ HAS MOLD IN I
BLUE CHEES
HAS MOLD IN IT ♪
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: MY THANKS TO
ALISON BRIE AND LUBALIN.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
LUBALIN.
CHECK OUT @LUBALIN ON TIKTOK
AND GIVE HIM A FOLLOW.
WHY NOT?
WE'LL BE BACK WITH MORE
"TONIGHT SHOW," EVERYBODY.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
♪
>> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK,
EVERYBODY.
IT IS TIME FOR
"THE TONIGHT SHOW" HASHTAGS.
♪ HASHTAGS ♪
>> Jimmy: WE DO THIS THING
EVERY WEEK WHERE I SEND OUT
A HASHTAG AND ASK YOU GUYS TO
RESPOND TO THAT TOPIC.
SO THIS WEEK I SENT OUT THE
HASHTAG, #MYWORSTCAR, AND WE
ASKED YOU GUYS TO TELL US
A WEIRD OR FUNNY STORY ABOUT A
A BAD CAR THAT YOU OWNED
WITHIN MINUTES, IT WAS A
A TRENDING TOPIC IN THE U.S.
FOR A LONG TIME.
SO THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR
PLAYING ALONG AGAIN.
IT'S FUN -- IT'S FUN FOR US.
THE HASHTAG WAS #MYWORSTCAR.
AND SO PEOPLE WOULD JUST TALK
ABOUT THEIR WORST CAR.
BUT WHAT I FOUND FROM READING
ALL THESE, REALLY, A LOT OF
THEM -- MANY OF THEM ENDED
WITH, "I LOVE THAT CAR," OR, "I
MISS THAT CAR.
SO THESE ARE TWEETS -- THIS IS
MORE OF A SALUTE TO ALL THE
CARS OUT THERE THAT WE LOVE AND
MISS
SO NOW I THOUGHT I'D SHARE SOME
OF MY FAVORITE #MYWORSTCAR
RESPONSES FROM YOU GUYS.
THIS ONE'S FROM
@TARADUBLINROCKS
SHE SAYS, "MY COLLEGE ROOMMATE
HAD THE UGLIEST BROWN TOYOTA
SHE LOST THE KEYS BUT COULD
UNLOCK IT AND START IT WITH
A BENT FORK THAT SHE STOLE FROM
THE CAFETERIA.
WE CALLED IT MR. POTATO CAR.
[ APPLAUSE ]
MR. POTATO CAR
THAT'S A GOOD IDEA FOR A TOY
THIS ONE'S FROM @PYOLKS.
HE SAYS, "BOUGHT A
A 2002 FORD ESCAPE
THE DOORS ON THE LEFT SIDE HAVE
LOCK ISSUES SO YOU HAD TO
LITERALLY ESCAPE THROUGH THE
WINDOWS.
GOOD EXERCISE, THOUGH.
FORD ESCAPE.
THIS ONE'S FROM @MAMALAFAFALA
SHE SAYS, "MY '87 JEEP CHEROKEE
WOULD SQUIRT REAR WINDOW FLUID
IN AN ARCH LIKE A LION SPRAYING
ITS TERRITORY.
IT WOULD HIT TAILGATERS SMACK
IN THE MIDDLE OF THEIR
WINDSHIELD AND STARTLE THE CRAP
OUT OF THEM.
I KEPT IT THAT WAY FOR
15 YEARS."
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
#MYBESTCAR
THAT'S SO -- THAT'S SO FUNNY
THIS ONE'S FROM @NEVERTREV
HEY TREV, YOU WANT GO OUT
TONIGHT, GET SOMETHING TO EAT?
>> NEVER
>> Jimmy: HE SAYS, "THE WIPERS
WERE BROKEN AND IT STARTED
POURING OUT OF NOWHERE
MY FRIEND HAD TO TAKE OFF HIS
SHIRT AND REACH OUT THE WINDOW
TO WIPE THE RAIN AS I DROVE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
HEY, I THINK IT'S RAINING.
HEY, FABIO, IT'S NOT RAINING
IT'S FINE.
ARE YOU SURE
LET ME JUST WIPE THE
WINDSHIELD
SOMEONE'S UNDER ARREST
WHAT
TREVOR, DO YOU WANT TO GIVE ME
A RIDE TO SCHOOL
>> NEVER
>> Jimmy: THIS ONE'S FROM
@BECCAJOENELSON.
SHE SAYS "WHEN WAITING IN
A TACO BELL DRIVE-THROUGH, FIRE
SUDDENLY STARTED SPITTING OUT
FROM THE PARKING BRAKE
WE HAD TO PUT IT OUT WITH BEACH
TOWELS AND A CUP OF WATER THE
DRIVE-THROUGH WORKER GAVE US."
WHY DID YOU ORDER THE FIRE
SAUCE?
THIS ONE'S FROM @NBWREATH.
SHE SAYS, "14-YEAR-OLD HONDA
PRELUDE.
HAD TO CONTINUOUSLY HOLD DOWN
THE A.C. BUTTON WITH YOUR
FINGER OR IT WOULD TURN OFF.
SOMETIMES I WOULD USE MY FOOT
INSTEAD.
SO YOU -- WHAT
GAS WITH YOUR LEFT AND THEN --
WHAT IS GOING ON
THAT SOUNDS GOOD. THIS ONE'S
FROM @KIMYARBOROUGH.
SHE SAYS, "I THOUGHT IT WAS THE
CUTEST CAR UNTIL IT
SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUSTED ONE
NIGHT LIKE A JAMES BOND MOVIE.
IT WAS A PILE OF ASHES BEFORE
THE FIRE DEPARTMENT EVEN
ARRIVED.
BRAND NAME OF THE CAR?
PONTIAC FIERO.
[ LAUGHTER ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
FIERO.
THIS ONE'S FROM @SARAHSHAFER
SHE SAYS, "THE WORST CAR WAS MY
'86 JETTA IN HIGH SCHOOL
THE HORN WOULD HONK WHEN YOU
WOULD TURN LEFT UNLESS YOU HELD
THE LIGHTS HALFWAY BETWEEN
REGULAR AND HIGH BEAMS."
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Questlove: WAIT, WAIT, HOW
DO YOU FIGURE THAT OUT
>> Jimmy: I WAS GOING TO SAY,
HOW DID YOU FIGURE THAT OUT?
THAT'S HOW MUCH TIME WE SPENT
IN OUR CAR
LIKE, "WHOA.
LIKE, "TURN THE HORN OFF." THIS
ONE'S FROM @LAUREL
SHE SAYS, "I WAS GIVEN A LOANER
CAR WITH A BROKEN BLINKER.
WHILE SITTING AT A LIGHT I GOT
HIT FROM BEHIND.
THE IMPACT ACTUALLY FIXED IT."
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
THAT'S GOOD.
THIS ONE'S FROM @MMCLINTWORTH.
SHE SAYS, MY DASH BOARD STARTED
DOING THIS WHILE I WAS DRIVING
HERE'S A VIDEO
NO, WE NEED GAS.
WE'RE DOING 150.
THIS LAST ONE'S FROM
@RENEEJORDAN78
SHE SAYS, "EVERY TIME A WENT TO
CLOSE THE TRUNK, ONE OF THE
DOORS WOULD POP OPEN
WHEN I CLOSED THE DOOR THE
TRUNK WOULD OPEN AGAIN
STILL MY FAVORITE CAR.
THERE YOU HAVE IT.
THOSE ARE "TONIGHT SHOW"
HASHTAGS. TO CHECK OUT MORE OF
OUR FAVORITES, GO TO
TONIGHTSHOW.COM/HASHTAGS
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH
SHAQUILLE O'NEAL
♪
>> Jimmy: MY FIRST GUESS IS ONE
OF THE MOST DOMINANT PLAYERS IN
NBA HISTORY.
HE'S A FOUR-TIME NBA CHAMPION,
AN OLYMPIC GOLD MEDALIST AND
THE MEMBER OF THE BASKETBALL
HALL OF FAME
NOW YOU CAN CATCH HIM AS AN
ANALYST ON TNT'S "IN THE NBA."
HERE IS THE ONE AND ONLY
SHAQUILLE O'NEAL
YOU'RE LOOKING GOOD, BUDDY
>> YES, THANK YOU, BROTHER
>> Jimmy: ARE YOU THE
RESOLUTION TYPE?
DO YOU HAVE ANY NEW YEAR'S
RESOLUTIONS YOU'RE STICKING TO
>> YOU KNOW WHAT
LAST YEAR WAS A TERRIBLE YEAR
FOR EVERYBODY.
MY SISTER PASSED AWAY.
MY GOOD FRIEND KOBE PASSED
AWAY
I WAS JUST -- YOU KNOW, I FELT
LETHARGIC, AND I TRIED
EVERYTHING
THEN I GOT INTRODUCED TO A
A PRODUCT, GF-9.
AND I STARTED TAKING THE
PRODUCT FOR ABOUT SIX MONTHS
NOW I'M MORE ACTIVE, I SLEEP
THROUGH THE NIGHT, I HAVE
ENERGY, I WORK OUT ALL THE
TIME,AND I HAVE SOMETHING UNDER
THIS SHIRT THAT I HAVEN'T HAD
IN A LONG TIME
IT'S CALLED A 4.9/5.2 PACK
IT'S NOT A SIX-PACK YET, BUT
IT'S VERY, VERY CLOSE, SO.
>> Jimmy: I THOUGHT YOU WERE
GOING TO SAY SPANX
>> NO, NO SPANX.
LISTEN, LAST YEAR -- LIKE LAST
YEAR AT ONE POINT I HAD THE --
I HAD THE B.O.T.B.
THAT'S THE BARKLEY OVER THE
BELT BELLY, AND I DIDN'T WANT
TO HAVE THAT
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
YOU LIKE THAT?
THE B.O.T.B.B.
THE BARKLEY OVER THE BELT
BELLY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: OH, YOU KNOW WHAT,
THOUGH
YOU ARE ON THE NAUGHTY LIST, A
A LITTLE BIT
YOU KNOW WHY
BECAUSE -- >> WHY?
WHAT DID I DO?
>> Jimmy: KEVIN HART WAS ON OUR
SHOW, THE VERY FUNNY
KEVIN HART
AND HE MADE A BET WITH YOU, AND
YOU MAKE BETS EVERY NOW AND
THEN
IT DIDN'T QUITE GO YOUR WAY.
WE HAVE A CLIP OF THIS. TAKE A
A LOOK AT THIS
>> WHERE THE BABIES AT
>> HEY, MAN, THE BABIES ARE ALL
AROUND, RUNNING AROUND
THEY ALL RUNNING AROUND. >>
WELL, CAN I SAY HI
>> THAT'LL SCARE HIM
THAT'LL SCARE HIM. >> NO, IT
WILL NOT SCARE HIM
I BET YOU $1,000 THAT WHEN I
SMILE HE'S GOING TO SMILE.
BET IT
>> KID'S UP.
ALL RIGHT.
YOU DID THIS TO YOURSELF --
$1,000BET.
IF MY SON CRY -- IF MY SON CRY,
I WANT THE MONEY
>> NO, HE'S GONNA SMILE.
>> ARE YOU -
YOU GONNA CRY SOME -- ARE YOU
GAGGING?
SHAQ, HE'S GAGGING
>> OH, SEE, NO-NO.
>> WHAT'S WRONG, SON
DID SHAQ SCARE YOU
>> YEAH.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> NO, NO, NO, KEVIN SET ME UP
>> Jimmy: NO WAY, HE DID NOT
SET YOU UP. YES HE -- HE SET ME
UP
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: ARE YOU GAGGING, HE
SAID TO THE BABY
>> ARE YOU GAGGING
>> Jimmy: GOD DANG, HE'S FUNNY,
MAN.
DO YOU WANT TO WRITE KEVIN A
A CHECK RIGHT NOW ON NATIONAL
TELEVISION
>> I DON'T HAVE A CHECKBOOK,
BUT KEVIN HART, I WILL NOT PAY
YOU YOUR MONEY
>> Jimmy: OH, MY GOD
YOU ARE UNBELIEVABLE
>> YOU WILL NOT BE RECEIVING
ONE DIME, ONE PENNY, ONE NICKEL
FROM ME.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: OH, MY GOD. >> YOU
SET ME UP, KEVIN
>> Jimmy: IT'S ONE OF THE
FUNNIEST CLIPS
HEY, UH, SPEAKING OF KIDS, YOUR
SON SHAREEF TRANSFERRED THIS
SEASON FROM UCLA TO YOUR ALMA
MATER, LSU
>> WOW
>> Jimmy: RIGHT?
COME ON, THAT'S GOT TO BE COOL,
BUDDY.
BACK IN THOSE DAYS YOU USED TO
DUNK SO HARD, I MEAN, YOU WOULD
SHATTER BACKBOARDS
YOU WOULD JUST BREAK THEM.
THEY CHANGED TECHNOLOGY BECAUSE
OF YOU
DO YOU REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME
YOU EVER DUNKED IN A GAME?
HOW OLD WERE YOU
>> I WAS A LATE BLOOMER.
I DIDN'T DUNK UNTIL MY -- THE
BEGINNING OF MY SENIOR YEAR.
I PROBABLY HAD THE ABILITY TO
DUNK, BUT I ALWAYS WANTED TO BE
SMOOTH, JIMMY.
SO I WAS -- YOU KNOW, I WAS
MORE INTO MY MAGIC JOHNSON,
DR. J, YOU KNOW, JUMP SHOTS OFF
THE GLASS, FINGER ROLL,
CROSSING PEOPLE UP
ONE TIME IN THE GAME I HAD
46 POINTS IN THE THIRD QUARTER
I WAS KILLING IT
I WAS PLAYING AGAINST GUYS YOUR
SIZE
I WAS KILLING IT
SO, I CROSS THIS GUY UP.
HALF-COURT, CROWDS GO CRAZY.
I GO INTO A NICE FINGER ROLL,
AND I MISS
MY FATHER, REST IN PEACE, WALKS
ON TO THE COURT, CALLS A
A TIME-OUT, GRABS ME BY THE
ARM, TAKES ME OUTSIDE.
SEE, I PLAYED IN A HIGH SCHOOL
THAT HAD A LITTLE GYM.
BEHIND US WAS A WALL
AND ON THE OTHER SIDE, THEY HAD
BLEACHERS THAT HAD ONE, TWO,
THREE, FOUR, MAYBE FIVE SEATS.
VERY SMALL GYM
>> Jimmy: YEAH. >> SO HE TAKES
ME OUTSIDE AND HE SAYS, "WHAT
ARE YOU DOING?
I SAID, "LOOK MAN, I ALREADY
GOT 46."
'CAUSE LOOK, I WAS AN
ALL-AMERICAN, I WAS FEELING
MYSELF
I SAID, "LOOK MAN, I GOT 46.
I MISSED THE LAY-UP, SO WHAT
I'M WORKING ON MY DR. J.
AND BEFORE I COULD GET THE
DR. J OUT -- WHACK
"AIN'T NO DR. J.
YOU GOTTA TO BE THE FIRST
SHAQUILLE O'NEAL
SO, I WAS SO MAD AT HIM.
AND THEN, LIKE, I COULD HAVE
WALKED BACK IN THE GYM CRYING,
BUT EVERYBODY KNEW
SO COACH CALLED THE PLAY AND I
SAID, "NO, GIVE IT TO ME."
SO WHEN HE GOT IT TO ME, EVERY
TIME I DUNKED, I WAS TRYING TO
RIP IT OFF FOR HIM, BECAUSE I
WAS MAD AT HIM
>> Jimmy: WOW! WHEN I STARTED
DUNKING, I STARTED SEEING
OPPONENTS DOING THIS, AND I WAS
LIKE, "YOU KNOW WHAT, ONCE
AGAIN, SARGE HARRIS, YOU ARE
RIGHT.
YOU KNOW, TOLD PEOPLE THAT I
WAS AN INTIMIDATING FORCE.
BUT, IF HE WASN'T AROUND, I'D
PROBABLY BE LIKE MOST OF THE
BIG GUYS TODAY, SHOOTING
JUMPERS, PLAYING A LITTLE BIT
SOFT
BUT I'M GLAD THAT HE WAS VERY,
VERY HARD ON ME.
>> Jimmy: I GOT A GOOD SKY
HOOK
>> I KNOW YOU DO
I KNOW YOU DO.
I CAN TELL
>> Jimmy: I'LL FOUL YOU WITH
THIS HAND AND A SKY HOOK WITH
THIS ONE
>> OKAY, GOOD. THAT'S MY MOVE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: HEY, I'VE TOLD YOU
THIS BEFORE, BUT YOU'RE
FANTASTIC ON "INSIDE THE NBA"
ON TNT
YOU AND BARKLEY HAVE SOME OF
THE BEST CHEMISTRY ON TV
THAT BEING SAID, IF YOU AND
CHARLES BARKLEY PLAYED
ONE-ON-ONE IN YOUR PRIME, GAME
TO 11, WHAT WOULD THE FINAL
SCORE BE AND WHO WOULD WIN IT?
>> UH, 11-1.
[ LAUGHTER ]
11-1, ME
JUST LISTEN, CHARLES -
>> Jimmy: WITH RESPECT
>> WITH RESPECT, LISTEN,
CHARLES IS TOO LITTLE.
I'M JUST GOING BACK HIS LITTLE
ASS UNDER THE BASKET, AND WHEN
I DUNK IT'S JUST GOING TO GO
LIKE THAT. THAT'S THE ONLY
THING YOU'RE GOING TO SEE.
[ LAUGHTER ]
THE RIM JUST GONNA SHAKE
AND THE RIM'S JUST GONNA GO
TILT, THAT'S ALL YOU'RE GOING
TO SEE
>> Jimmy: THE EARTHQUAKE, MAN.
THE SHAQ-QUAKE
>> LET ME STRAIGHTEN MY BACK
OUT. >> Jimmy: GUYS, WHEN WE
COME BACK, SHAQ AND I ARE GOING
TO DO SOMETHING FUN.
COME ON BACK
MORE "TONIGHT SHOW," EVERYBODY
♪
>> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK TO "THE
TONIGHT SHOW."
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE
AMAZING SHAQUILLE O'NEAL
NOW, SHAQ, YOU'RE A MAN OF MANY
TALENTS, SO I WANTED TO PUT
YOUR IMPRESSION SKILLS TO THE
TEST
IT IS TIME FOR "GUESS THE
IMPRESSION."
♪ GUESS THE IMPRESSIO
GUESS THE IMPRESSION ♪
>> Jimmy: WHY THIS
WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS
>> IS THIS WHAT THIS THING IS?
MY FAMILY WOULD NOT LET ME OPEN
THIS BOX
I THOUGHT IT WAS A GIFT.
I TRIED TO OPEN IT, THEY
TACKLED ME
"NO!
JIMMY SAID DON'T OPEN THE BOX!
[ LAUGHTER ]
SO NOW I CAN OPEN THIS LITTLE
BOX.
>> Jimmy: YES, YOU CAN OPEN
THAT BOX
>> JEEZ, THANK YOU
>> Jimmy: IT'S NOT A GIFT.
IT'S PART OF THE GAME.
IN FRONT OF -- >> OH, IT'S A
A GAME
>> Jimmy: SO, IT'S A STACK OF
CARDS WITH CELEBRITIES' NAMES
ON THEM.
>> OKAY. >> Jimmy: ON YOUR
TURN, YOU DRAW A CARD AND HAVE
TO DO AN IMPRESSION OF WHOEVER
IT IS ON THE CARD AND TRY TO
GET THE OTHER PERSON TO GUESS.
AND YOU WANT TO OTHER PLAYER TO
GUESS AS MANY AS POSSIBLE
BEFORE THE TIMER RUNS OUT.
>> OKAY, READY
>> Jimmy: YEP.
YOU GO FIRST
READY?
SET, GO ♪ YOU AIN'T NOTHING
BUT A HOUND DOG ♪
>> Jimmy: ELVIS PRESLEY.
[ BELL RINGING ] >> OKAY
THAT'S PRETTY GOOD
THAT'S PRETTY GOOD. HE
UNDERSTANDS ME
I GOT THAT MONEY
I GOT THE RED BOTTOMS ON
>> Jimmy: OH, CARDI B, CARDI B
[ BELL RINGING ] >> OKAY, OKAY,
OKAY
YEAH, BABY
GROOVY, BABY
>> Jimmy: MIKE MYERS --
AUSTIN POWERS.
[ BELL RINGING ] >> PRETTY
GOOD
PRETTY GOOD. I CAN'T DO THAT
ONE.
THIS IS TERRIBLE, JIMMY --
JIMMY FALLON
DON'T BELIEVE THAT
CHARLES BARKLEY JOKE THAT'S
TERRIBLE >> Jimmy:
CHARLES BARKLEY.
CHARLES BARKLEY [ BELL
RINGING ] >> YES, IT IS.
YES, IT IS
OKAY. ARE YOU GAGGING LITTLE
BABY
IS SHAQ MAKING YOU GAG, LITTLE
BABY
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: KEVIN HART
[ BELL RINGING ] OH, MY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> YES
I DID NOT HAVE SEXUAL RELATIONS
WITH THAT WOMAN.
>> Jimmy: BILL CLINTON
[ BELL RINGING ] ONE SECOND.
THAT'S GOOD, THOUGH.
WE DID WELL.
SHAQ, SIX.
SIX.
THAT MIGHT BE A RECORD
YOU GOT TO GUESS AS MANY
YOU GOT TO BEAT SIX.
ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO.
AND READY, SET, GO
UH
MICHELLE
YES, WE CAN.
>> OBAMA, OBAMA, OBAMA
>> Jimmy: MICKEY, HOW YOU
DOING?
>> -
>> Jimmy: YEAH
ELLIOT
REESE'S PIECES
>> E.T. PHONE HOME
>> Jimmy: YEAH
OH -- YOU CAN'T SEE ME
>> JOHN CENA
>> Jimmy: I GAVE A LITTLE EXTRA
SPOCK IN THAT ONE.
OH
OKAY
READY FOR THIS
LET'S MEDITATE AND THEN RUN THE
TRIANGLE OFFENSE
>> JACKSON
>> Jimmy: UH -- EATING
SPAGHETTI WITH DAVE BRIGETTI,
PLAYING THE YANKEES, SPANKY'S
MY FAVORITE LITTLE RASCAL
[ BLEEP ].
>> UH.
THE DUDE FROM HOUSE OF NEW
JERSEY
PAULY D.
>> Jimmy: MA'S SPAGHETTI
SWEATING ALREADY, HEAVY SETEE.
FIVE TO SIX.
THAT WAS EMINEM.
THAT WAS TERRIBLE.
I DIDN'T WANT TO DID HIS REAL
LYRICS
FOR THIS THAT'S ROUND WE'RE
GOING TO SEE HOW MANY WE CAN
GET TOGETHER
WE'LL TAKE TURNS DRAWING CARDS
AND GUESSING
YOU DRAW FIRST
ON YOUR MARK, GET SET, GO.
>> CAN YOU TELL WHAT I'M
COOKING KEVIN HART
>> Jimmy: DWAYNE "THE ROCK"
JOHNSON.
DEBRA, EVERYBODY LOVES ME.
NO, WHAT ARE YOU DOING
>> PASS.
>> Jimmy: THAT WAS RAY ROMANO.
YOU GO
>> DID I DO THAT
>> Jimmy: URKEL.
YOU ARE SO TALL.
YOU ARE ONE OF THE MOST TALLEST
PEOPLE I'VE EVER SEEN.
>> WOODY ALLEN
>> Jimmy: NO, CLOSE.
BUT, NO -- WHAT, WHAT ARE
YOU --
MY GRANDFATHER HAD THIS WATCH.
>> OH, I KNOW HIS NAME, BUT --
>> Jimmy: CHRISTOPHER WATKIN
YOU DO
>> YEAH, CHRISTOPHER WATKIN.
>> Jimmy: YOU GO
>> FOR SHNIZZLE MY NIZZLE,
JIMMY.
>> Jimmy: IT'S NOT
BOOTSY COLLINS, SO I'M GOING TO
SAY SNOOP DOGG
>> YES, IT IS.
♪ WHENEVER, WHENEVER,
WHENEVER ♪
>> SHAKIRA
>> Jimmy: YES.
>> WE'LL GET A POINT FOR
SHAKIRA.
THAT WAS IT RIGHT THERE.
WE DID IT.
THAT'S IT.
YOU'RE 10 OUT OF 10.
SHAQUILLE O'NEAL, EVERYBODY.
STICK AROUND FOR MORE "TONIGHT
SHOW."
SHAQ, COME BACK WHENEVER,
BUDDY.
WE LOVE YOU.
>> ALL RIGHT, LOVE YOU, TOO,
BROTHER.
>> Jimmy: MY NEXT GUEST IS A
A GOLDEN GLOBE NOMINATED
ACTRESS WHO STARS IN THE NEW
MOVIE "PROMISING YOUNG WOMAN,"
WHICH IS IN THEATERS AND ON
DEMAND NOW
HERE SHE IS, ALISON BRIE
♪ ALISON, BLUE CHEESE HAS MOLD
IN IT ♪
♪ BLUE CHEESE HAS MOLD IN IT ♪
>> I PICKED A FEW BENDS.
GOT TO GIVE A FEW BENDS.
>> Jimmy: YOU'RE -- CAN I JUST
SAY SOMETHING?
WE CAN LEAVE THIS IN OR TAKE IT
OUT, BUT YOU GAVE US THREE
VERSIONS OF EVERYTHING
YOU GAVE US PERFECT VIDEO TAKES
AND EVERYTHING
OUR DIRECTOR WAS LIKE, "SHE
IS -- ALISON BRIE IS
UNBELIEVABLE."
I GO, "SHE'S SO FUNNY AND SO
TALENTED
SHE CAN SING."
I GO, "DID YOU GIVE HER
DIRECTION?
HE GOES, "NO, WE DIDN'T HAVE
TIME."
WE JUST BROUGHT -- GAVE HER THE
IDEA AND SHE JUST NAILED IT AND
SENT IT RIGHT OVER
THANK YOU FOR DOING THAT
HEY, I LEARNED SOMETHING NEW
ABOUT YOU TODAY I DON'T THINK I
KNEW
YOUR FIRST ON SCREEN ROLE WAS
HANNAH MONTANA
>> YES
YES, IT WAS.
>> Jimmy: DO YOU REMEMBER THAT
>> OH, YEAH!
WHAT A FACE.
UM, YOU KNOW, I WAS VERY
EXCITED.
BUT THE THING I REMEMBER MOST
IS THAT I DECIDED TO GO IN FOR
MY AUDITION WITH, LIKE, A VERY
BROAD LONG ISLAND ACCENT, NOT
REQUESTED.
>> Jimmy: WHAT WAS YOUR ROLE
>> MY ROLE WAS LIKE A COOKY
HAIRDRESSER THAT IS HIRED BY
THE BROTHER'S NEMESIS.
I END UP SHAVING HIS HEAD.
I JUST WENT INTO THE AUDITION
LIKE, "YOU NEED A HAIRCUT?
I'LL DO IT
GIVE ME YOUR HAIR.
LIKE -- BUT THEN I BOOKED THE
PART
I COME IN FOR THE FIRST
REHEARSAL WITH THE DIRECTOR AND
EVERYBODY AND I'M DOING MY
SHTICK AND THE DIRECTOR'S JUST
LIKE, "GREAT, JUST LOSE THE
ACCENT
WE'LL GO FROM THERE.
>> Jimmy: IT'S PERFECT
SO PERFECT
DO EVERYTHING YOU'RE -- JUST DO
IS OPPOSITE.
>> BUT NOT THE MAIN --
>> Jimmy: NOT THE MAIN THING
THAT GOT YOU IN HERE
WOW, I LOVE THAT STORY
LOOK, YOU'VE COME A LONG WAY
LET'S TALK ABOUT YOUR NEW
MOVIE, "PROMISING YOUNG WOMAN.
DUDE, YOU'RE PHENOMENAL IN
THIS
IT'S IN THEATERS ON DEMAND NOW,
GETTING RAVE REVIEWS
THERE ARE A LOT OF WAYS I COULD
DESCRIBE THE MOVIE, BUT I NEVER
LIKE TO GIVE ANYTHING AWAY
HOW WOULD -- HOW HAVE YOU BEEN
DESCRIBING IT TO PEOPLE?
>> YOU KNOW, SIMILARLY, I LIKE
TO SAY AS LITTLE AS POSSIBLE
BECAUSE THE MOVIE IS SO UNIQUE
AND HAS A LOT OF SURPRISES
AND IT REALLY IS -- I WOULD
DESCRIBE IT AS A DARKLY
HUMOROUS REVENGE STORY THAT
STARS CARRIE MULLIGAN.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, IT IS
A REVENGE -- AND IT'S --
IT'S -- BUT IT'S TWISTS AND
THINGS, AND YOU GO, "OOH."
SO YEAH, I WENT IN NOT KNOWING
ANYTHING AND I WAS BLOWN AWAY.
YOU KNOW WHAT'S REALLY TRICKY,
AND YOU DID IT PERFECTLY WAS
YOUR CHARACTER AT ONE POINT HAS
TO BE DRUNK.
AND I THOUGHT YOU PLAYED IT
PERFECTLY.
IS THERE A TRICK THAT YOU DO TO
PLAY DRUNK, OR ARE YOU DRUNK
NO
>> WELL, I DID A LOT OF
RESEARCH ON IT IN MY 20s
AND I LOGGED IT.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: FOR YEARS.
>> LOGGED IT FOR LATER
NO, WE SHOT THAT SEEN AT LIKE
7:00 IN THE MORNING.
IT WAS THE VERY FIRST DAY OF
FILMING ANYTHING ON THE MOVIE.
SO I COULDN'T BE REALLY
ACTUALLY DRUNK
AND I HAVE TRIED THAT ONCE
BEFORE ON A MOVIE, AND IT'S
A TERRIBLE IDEA.
BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, SCENES IN
MOVIES TAKE HOURS AND HOURS TO
SHOOT.
SO IF YOU'RE DRINKING REAL
ALCOHOL, FOUR HOURS LATER
YOU'RE LIKE, "I GOT TO NAP."
AND THEY'RE LIKE, "NO, NO.
>> Jimmy: "I GOT TO NAP" IS
GOOD
THAT'S A GOOD CHARACTER. >> "I
GOTTA NAP.
BUT I HAVE SOME RESEARCH
MATERIALS.
YOU KNOW, DAVE AND I HAVE BEEN
TOGETHER FOR NINE YEARS, AND WE
HAVE SOME OLD RECORDINGS FROM
EARLY IN OUR RELATIONSHIP IF I
WOULD DRINK TOO MUCH, DAVE
WOULD DO THESE AUDIO RECORDINGS
OF ME.
VERY SWEET, VERY SWEET
>> Jimmy: WHAT A SWEET MAN
>> MY FAVORITE ONE IS, LIKE, A
A TWO-MINUTE AUDIO RECORDING OF
ME BASICALLY JUST CLAMBERING
FOR FRIES.
IT'S LIKE I'M IN BED ABOUT TO
GO TO SLEEP AND THE WHOLE
RECORDING IS ME LIKE, "I WANT
FRIES!
AND DAVE'S JUST EGGING ME ON
"WHAT DO YOU WANT, HONEY?"
"FRIES
I NEED FRIES!"
AND THIS GOES ON FOR SO LONG
AND THEN AT THE END HE GOES,
"WHAT KIND OF FRIES DO YOU
WANT?"
AND I SAY, "THE FRIES THAT WANT
ME."
>> Jimmy: OH, WOW.
>> WHICH IS PRETTY PROFOUND.
IT'S A REAL PSYCHOLOGICAL
STUDY.
I WAS LIKE, "WOW."
THIS TOLD ME A LOT
>> Jimmy: THAT WAS DEEP.
I'M GETTING EMOTIONAL.
"THE FRIES THAT WANT ME.
I WANT TO SHOW A CLIP.
HERE'S ALISON BRIE IN
"PROMISING YOUNG WOMAN."
TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.
>> YOU KNOW, I ACTUALLY WANTED
TO MEET YOU TODAY TO TALK ABOUT
SOMETHING IN PARTICULAR.
>> I DID WONDER -- NO ONE'S
HEARD FROM YOU IN LIKE FOREVER
>> I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU
ABOUT WHY I DROPPED OUT.
>> OKAY, SURE.
>> YOU REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED,
RIGHT?
>> SUCH A LONG TIME AGO NOW.
>> I KNOW, BUT YOU REMEMBER.
>> I MEAN, VAGUELY
"PROMISING YOUNG WOMAN" IS IN
THEATERS AND ON DEMAND NOW
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A
A PERFORMANCE FROM PA SALIEU
COME ON BACK
♪
>> Jimmy: MAKING HIS U.S. TV
DEBUT, PERFORMING "FRONTLINE"
FROM HIS MIXTAPE, "SEND THEM TO
COVENTRY," HERE IS PA SALIEU
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
♪
♪ THEY DON'T KNOW ABOUT
THE BLOCK LIFE
STILL DOING MAZZ
IN THE FRONTLINE ♪
♪ THEY AIN'T ON
WHAT I'M ON RIGH
STILL DOING MAZZ
IN THE FRONTLINE ♪
♪ THEY AIN'T GROW AROUN
THE BLOCK SIDE
STILL DOING MAZZ
IN THE FRONTLINE ♪
♪ STILL GULLY I
THE SIDE
STILL DOING MAZZ
IN YOUR FRONTLINE ♪
♪ BAD MAN RUN U
IN YOUR BAND
KNICK KNACK MASH
THAT WORK LIKE RAMBO ♪
♪ WHIP THAT
FEEL LIKE DJANGO ♪
♪ SHUT DOWN LOCK OF
NOW THE MAN KNOW
REAL BAD MAN
WHO YOU TALKING TO ♪
♪ HE GOT SOAKED B
THE DARK BLACK YUT
SEE ME I'M THA
BIG BAD WOLF ♪
♪ HOW MANY BANDOS
DID I RUN THROUG
GAMBIAN BROTHE
MR K KUNTE ♪
♪ FOLLOW MY RULES
TILL I RISE AND TAKE
GRAVEYARD SHIFTS O
THE DAY AND NIGHT ♪
♪ JUST MY FOOD THAT
THESE FIENDS WANT TAKE
FOR MY MONEY I MAD
THE GROUND ELEVATE ♪
♪ AND I PRAY FOR MY SIN
FOR MY DEVILISH WAYS
FOR MY MONEY I MAK
THE GROUND ELEVATE ♪
♪ WITH THE DEVILISH WAIST
THEY DON'T KNOW ABOU
THE BLOCK LIFE ♪
♪ STILL DOING MAZZA
IN THE FRONTLINE
THEY AIN'T O
WHAT I'M ON RIGHT ♪
♪ STILL DOING MAZZA
IN THE FRONT
THEY AIN'T GROW AROUND
THE BLOCK SIDE ♪
♪ STILL DOING MAZZA
IN THE FRONTLINE
STILL GULL
IN THE SIDE ♪
♪ STILL DOING
THEY WANNA SAVE MY LIF
WON'T STOP BELLING
ON MY LYCA ♪
♪ I SWEAR I FELL IN LOV
WITH THE NINA NINA NINA OH
THEY WANNA TAKE MY LIFE WON'
STOP BELLING ON MY LYCA ♪
♪ I SWEAR I FELL IN LOV
WITH THE NINA NINA NINA OH
CLOUT RAPPING LIKE
THEY GULLY ♪
♪ BUT THEY'VE NEVER
TOUCHED BOTT
PASSION FOR THE BEEF
I AIN'T SORRY ♪
♪ FELL IN LOVE WITH
SHELLY NICKNAME BETT
WHAT I SAY BETTER DO NOW
EVERYTHING MESSY ♪
♪ STARBOY ARE GRINDIN
TRYING HIT THE BELLY
SHH GOT FOR THE TALK ♪
♪ BRO GOT LINKS FOR THE DES
THAT MEANS I TOO
DOUBLE CROSS I
THEN IT'S ♪
♪ THEY DON'T KNOW ABOUT
THE BLOCK LIFE
STILL DOING MAZZ
IN THE FRONTLINES ♪
♪ THEY AIN'T ON
WHAT I'M ON RIGH
STILL DOING MAZZ
IN THE FRONTLINE ♪
♪ THEY AIN'T GROW AROUN
THE BLOCK SIDE
STILL DOING MAZZ
IN THE FRONTLINE ♪
♪ STILL GULLY IN THE SIDE
STILL DOING MAZZ
IN YOUR FRONTLINE ♪
♪ THEY DON'T KNOW ABOUT
THE BLOCK LIFE
STILL DOING MAZZ
IN THE FRONTLINES ♪
♪ THEY AIN'T ON
WHAT I'M ON RIGH
STILL DOING MAZZ
IN THE FRONTLINE ♪
♪ THEY AIN'T GROW AROUN
THE BLOCK SIDE
STILL DOING MAZZ
IN THE FRONTLINE ♪
♪ STILL GULLY IN THE SIDE
STILL DOING MAZZ
IN YOUR FRONTLINE ♪
♪ THEY WANN
SAVE MY LIFE
WON'T STOP BELLING
ON MY LYCA ♪
♪ I SWEAR I FELL IN LOV
WITH THE NINA NINA NINA OH
THEY WANNA TAKE MY LIFE WON'
STOP BELLING ON MY LYCA ♪
♪ I SWEAR I
FELL IN LOVE
WITH THE NIN
NINA NINA OH ♪
♪
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: THANK YOU ALL FOR
WATCHING
STAY SAFE OUT THERE.
WASH YOUR HANDS.
DON'T TOUCH YOUR FACE.
WEAR A MASK.
STAY TUNED FOR "LATE NIGHT WITH
SETH MEYERS.
GOODNIGHT EVERYBODY.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
♪