>> Steve: FROM STUDIO 6B IN ROCKEFELLER CENTER IN THE HEART
OF NEW YORK CITY, IT'S "THE TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON."
TONIGHT, JOIN JIMMY AND HIS GUESTS - DENIS LEARY,
CRISTIN MILIOTI, MUSICAL GUEST ROD WAVE AND FEATURING THE LEGENDARY
ROOTS CREW >> Questlove: 1436 >> Steve: AND NOW, HERE HE IS,
JIMMY FALLON
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: OH MY GOODNESS
THANK YOU VERY MUCH, EVERYBODY PLEASE, WELCOME, HAVE A SEAT WELCOME, WELCOME, WELCOME TO
"THE TONIGHT SHOW. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE SO GLAD YOU'RE HERE.
I WANT TO WISH EVERYONE A HAPPY NATIONAL BEER DAY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
YEAH THAT'S RIGHT IT'S NATIONAL BEER DAY, OR AS
IT'S ALSO KNOWN, EVERY DAY FOR THE PAST 13 MONTHS [ LAUGHTER ]
"HONEY, IT'S NATIONAL BEER DAY COME ON, WE GOTTA CELEBRATE! IN HONOR OF NATIONAL BEER DAY,
SAMUEL ADAMS IS OFFERING FREE BEER TO THOSE WHO GET VACCINATED
WHICH EXPLAINS - WHICH EXPLAINS WHY PEOPLE IN BOSTON ARE NOW LINING UP FOR
THEIR NINTH DOSE [ LAUGHTER ] "I'M HERE FOR MY SHOT OF
PHODERMA AND JOHNSON?" [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] IT ALL MAKES SENSE, I MEAN,
WHAT GOES BETTER WITH A SHOT THAN A BEER? RIGHT?
[ APPLAUSE ] SHOT BEFORE BEER - >> Steve: -- ALWAYS CLEAR.
>> Jimmy: -- YOU'RE COVID CLEAR, YEAH, EXACTLY THAT'S RIGHT
BEER FOR GETTING THE VACCINE MAN, CORONA REALLY MISSED THE BOAT ON THIS ONE, HUH?
THIS CLOSE YOU COULD HAVE - >> Steve: COME ON.
>> Jimmy: YOU HAD AN AWFUL YEAR, YOU COULD HAVE - YEAH
BETWEEN SAM ADAMS FREE BEER AND KRISPY KREME'S FREE DOUGHNUTS, AMERICANS ARE LIKE, JUST CALL
IT WHAT IT IS, FREE BREAKFAST. [ LAUGHTER ] [ APPLAUSE ]
THAT'S RIGHT, FREE BEER AND DOUGHNUTS. THIS IS ALL COMING FROM THE
HEAD OF THE CDC, HOMER SIMPSON [ LAUGHTER ] SPEAKING OF VACCINES, EVERYONE
IS TALKING ABOUT THE IDEA OF VACCINE PASSPORTS. LISTEN TO THIS
>> A NEW BATTLE IS BREWING OVER SO-CALLED VACCINE PASSPORTS, AS MORE COMPANIES AND SCHOOLS
CONSIDER WHETHER TO REQUIRE THEIR EMPLOYEES, CUSTOMERS, AND STUDENTS TO PROVE THEY'RE
VACCINATED >> WHITE HOUSE PRESS ECRETARY JEN PSAKI INSISTED THE
ADMINISTRATION WILL NOT CREATE A VACCINE PASSPORT AS PROOF OF A SHOT
>> Jimmy: THAT'S TOO BAD BETWEEN PASSPORT PHOTOS AND VACCINES, CVS COULD HAVE BEEN
THE NEW AMAZON [ LAUGHTER ] YEP, THE WHITE HOUSE SAID THE
PASSPORTS AREN'T NECESSARY ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS CHECK SOMEONE'S INSTAGRAM FOR THAT
ANNOYING VACCINE SELFIE. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE WE GOT IT, CALM DOWN
SLOW IT UP YEP, SOME PEOPLE SAID REQUIRING A VACCINE PASSPORT TO FLY WAS
AN INVASION OF PRIVACY YEAH, THEN THEY TOOK OFF THEIR SHOES, SHOWED EVERYONE THEIR
LAPTOP, AND GOT PATTED DOWN BY A STRANGER [ LAUGHTER ]
"WANT ME TO TURN MY HEAD AND COUGH? SURE."
WELL, PRESIDENT BIDEN IS BUSY. BEFORE SPEAKING ABOUT HIS INFRASTRUCTURE PLAN TODAY HE
WENT TO VISIT A VACCINE SITE IN VIRGINIA YESTERDAY AND I THOUGHT THE VIDEO WAS
REALLY INTERESTING TAKE A LOOK AT WHAT HE HAD TO SAY.
A BIG WALNUT IN THE PARKING LOT. I WAS CHASING IT AROUND FOR TWO
HOURS. FOLKS SAID, "JOE, THAT'S NOT A A WALNUT, THAT'S A DIRTY ROCK.
YEAH, RIGHT. IF IT'S A ROCK, THEN WHY IS MY MOUTH WATERING
PEOPLE SAID, "PROVE IT, JOE, CRACK IT." THAT'S NOT THE WAY WE USED TO
EAT WALNUTS, SO I SWALLOWED IT WHOLE. [ APPLAUSE ]
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Steve: WOW. WOW.
>> Jimmy: THAT'S NOT ALL HE SAID >> Steve: WHAT ELSE DID HE SAY
>> Jimmy: THIS HAPPENED A LITTLE LATER >> Steve: OH MY GOSH
>> I'M JUST GLAD THE KIDS ARE GETTING THE VACCINE SOON YOU KNOW US KIDS USED TO PLAY
THIS GAME CALLED SPARK 'EMS. THEY PUT THE ALUMINUM FOIL ON OUR FINGERS AND PLUG OURSELVES
INTO THE WALL SOCKETS. FILL OURSELVES WITH ELECTRICITY, THEN CHASE CROWS
AROUND AND TRY TO SHOCK THEM WITH OUR LIGHTNING FINGERS [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
>> Steve: WOW, REALLY? >> Jimmy: I DON'T KNOW WHY THEY WOULD LET HIM DO THIS?
>> Steve: WOW. I GUESS HE'S THE PRESIDENT, RIGHT?
>> Jimmy: SOMEBODY SHOULD CUT HIM OFF AND SAY -- >> Steve: ONE WOULD THINK.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, HE SAID SOMETHING ELSE >> Steve: HE SAID MORE
>> Jimmy: JUST CHECK THIS OUT, HE'S FINALLY -- HE SAID THIS
CORONAVIRUS LIKE IT TOOK DOWN
A FELLA ON MY BLOCK CALLED "KANSAS CITY DENNIS," WHO CRAWLED THROUGH MY DOGGY DOOR
AND STEAL MY BUBBLE GUM. YOU SEE, GUM WAS NEW BACK THEN BUT BEFORE GUM WE USED TO JUST
BITE OFF A PIECE OF A LIVE PIG'S EAR. PRETTY EASY TO CHEW.
THE HARD PART WAS BLOWING BUBBLES. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
>> Steve: WOW. >> Jimmy: THIS IS JUST BIZARRE TO ME.
WOW, IT'S JUST BIZARRE >> Steve: THAT'S ALL HE SAID >> Jimmy: THAT WAS ABOUT IT,
YEAH [ LAUGHTER ] WELL, THIS IS INTERESTING.
THE INAUGURATION WAS OVER TWO MONTHS AGO, BUT VICE PRESIDENT KAMALA HARRIS JUST MOVED INTO
HER NEW HOME, LOOK AT THIS
KAMALA HARRIS AND SECOND GENTLEMAN DOUG EMHOFF.
THE PAIR FINALLY MOVING INTO THEIR OFFICIAL RESIDENCE AT THE U.S. NAVAL OBSERVATORY
THEIR MOVE HAD BEEN DELAYED FOR TWO MONTHS AS THE HOME'S FLOORS, CHIMNEYS, AND HVAC
SYSTEM NEEDS WORK. >> Jimmy: TURNS OUT IT'S EASIER TO VACCINATE 100 MILLION PEOPLE
THAN IT IS TO FIND A CONTRACTOR WHO MEETS A DEADLINE [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
YEP, THE LAST PERSON WHO LIVED THERE WAS MIKE PENCE, SO THE FIRST THING HARRIS DID WAS GO
INTO THE BEDROOM AND PUSH THE TWIN BEDS TOGETHER [ AUDIENCE OHS ]
[ LAUGHTER ] * >> Steve: OH
COME ON! COME ON. >> Jimmy: AND SOME BUSINESS
NEWS, I SAW THAT HEINZ IS FACING A NATIONWIDE KETCHUP PACKAGE SHORTAGE
[ LAUGHTER ] DUE TO MORE DRIVE-THRU AND TAKEOUT ORDERS DURING THE
PANDEMIC YEAH OKAY, NOW WHO'S THE IDIOT FOR
HAVING TWO DRAWERS FULL OF KETCHUP PACKETS? [ APPLAUSE ]
MEANWHILE, RESTAURANTS HAVE SAID, WE HAVE HUNT'S AND CUSTOMERS ARE LIKE, "OKAY
THIS SHORTAGE IS SERIOUS CODE RED CODE RED
CODE KIND OF RED CODE LIKE MAROONISH RED, WATERY MAROONISH RED.
SOME MORE BUSINESS NEWS. NEXT WEEK DORITOS IS BRINGING BACK "DORITOS ROULETTE," IT'S
BAGS WITH A SURPRISE SPICY CHIP INSIDE >> Questlove: HA HA HA
>> Jimmy: I LIKE DORITOS ROULETTE I JUST HOPE IT'S NOT A WAY TO
COVER THEMSELVES WHEN SOME FOREIGN OBJECT FALLS INTO A BAG AT THE FACTORY
IT'S LIKE, "IT'S NOT A SHRIMP TAIL, IT'S A SURPRISE CHIP!" [ LAUGHTER ]
[ APPLAUSE ] RIGHT? IT'S NOT A SET OF KEYS
SOME ENTERTAINMENT NEWS. I SAW THAT SYLVESTER STALLONE WILL NOT REPRISE HIS ROLE OF
ROCKY BALBOA IN "CREED 3." [ AUDIENCE AWS ] I'M NOT SURPRISED.
IF WE KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT STALLONE, HE'S NOT REALLY A SEQUEL TYPE OF GUY
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] "WHAT, WHAT? " HE PROBABLY MADE THE RIGHT
CALL AT HIS AGE, THIS IS WHAT IT WOULD LOOK LIKE IF HE TRIED
GOING UP THE ROCKY STEPS
[ ROCKY THEME SONG ] [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: JUST ASSUME HE GETS UP THERE, JUST ASSUME HE GETS TO THE TOP
THAT'S RIGHT, "CREED 3" IS COMING OUT BUT, SYLVESTER STALLONE WON'T BE
RETURNING FOR IT SO HERE TO TALK ABOUT IT, I'M JOINED ON THE PHONE BY
SYLVESTER STALLONE SYLVESTER, ARE YOU THERE >> HEY, JIMMY, [ MUMBLING
>> Jimmy: THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE WHY AREN'T YOU COMING BACK FOR
"CREED 3"? YOU DON'T WANT TO PLAY ROCKY, AGAIN?
>> WELL, YOU KNOW, [ MUMBLING >> Jimmy: THAT'S A GOOD POINT, I HADN'T THOUGHT ABOUT IT THAT
WAY. SO WHAT PROJECTS ARE YOU WORKING ON RIGHT NOW
>> [ MUMBLING >> Jimmy: ARE YOU SERIOUS? YOU'RE STARRING IN A NEW MOVIE
WITH BOB DYLAN AND HE'S HERE TO TALK ABOUT IT RIGHT NOW?
>> HEY JIMMY, [ MUMBLING ] >> Jimmy: THAT'S GREAT BOB DYLAN, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN. [ APPLAUSE ] WHAT CAN YOU GUYS -- WHAT CAN
YOU GUYS TELL US ABOUT THIS MOVIE THAT YOU'RE WORKING ON >> [ MUMBLING
>> Jimmy: ARE YOU SERIOUS? BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN IS DOING THE
SOUNDTRACK, AND HE'S ALSO ON THE PHONE? >> [ MUMBLING
>> Questlove: HA HA! >> Steve: WOW! >> Jimmy: YOU WANT -- BRUCE,
YOU WANT THE GUYS TO RE-ENACT ONE OF THE SCENES FROM THE MOVIE OVER THE PHONE WHILE YOU
SING THE MOVIE'S THEME SONG? I THINK WE'D ALL LOVE TO HEAR THAT
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE SURE GO FOR IT.
* [ MUMBLING ] >> Jimmy: THAT WAS AMAZING
THANK YOU, GUYS. [ APPLAUSE ] ONE LAST -- ONE LAST QUESTION.
WHEN'S THE MOVIE COMING OUT? >> JUNE. >> Jimmy: SYLVESTER STALLONE,
BOB DYLAN, AND BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN, EVERYBODY [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
JUNE, APPARENTLY, JUNE YOU GUYS HEAR ABOUT THIS I SAW THAT A PREACHER AT A
A COLORADO CHURCH HAS A PRETTY ODD PASTIME, CHECK THIS OUT.
TAKING POLE SPORT CLASSES.
SHE'S BEEN DOING IT FOR 11 YEARS AND SHE SAYS IT WAS A HEALTHY
APPROACH FOR HEALING FROM THE STRESSES OF MINISTRY >> Jimmy: HEY.
[ APPLAUSE ] GOOD FOR HER I'VE NEVER HAD THAT TYPE OF
STRESS WHERE AFTER A LONG DAY I THOUGHT, WELL, I BETTER HIT THE POLE
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Steve: THAT'S NOT TRUE. >> Jimmy: IT'S INTERESTING, AT
HER CHURCH, THEY DON'T HAVE A COLLECTION PLATE, THEY JUST MAKE IT RAIN
[ APPLAUSE ] A 7-ELEVEN IN THAILAND GOT A A SURPRISE VISITOR, WATCH THIS
>> Steve: WOW. >> Questlove: WHAT >> Jimmy: WHOO
>> Questlove: THAT IS CRAZY. >> Jimmy: YEAH YEAH
PRETTY SURE WE'LL SEE THAT IN THE SNYDER CUT OF "GODZILLA VS KONG."
[ LAUGHTER ] [ APPLAUSE ] ACTUALLY, ONE CUSTOMER SAW A
A LEATHERY OBJECT CRAWLING UP THE SHELVES. THEY THOUGHT ONE OF THE HOT
DOGS MADE A RUN FOR IT WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW GIVE IT UP FOR THE ROOTS,
EVERYBODY! COME ON.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: WHAT A SHOW WE HAVE FOR YOU TONIGHT! HE STARS IN THE TELEVISION
SERIES "THE MOODYS" ON FOX, DENIS LEARY IS HERE! >> Steve: COME ON!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: PLUS JOINING US IN STUDIO, FROM THE NEW HBO MAX
SERIES "MADE FOR LOVE," CRISTIN MILIOTI IS HERE! >> Steve: OH
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: AND HIS ALBUM "SOULFLY" IS THE NUMBER ONE
ALBUM ON THE BILLBOARD CHARTS. WE GOT MUSIC FROM ROD WAVE >> Steve: OH
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE COME ON, THAT IS A SHOW! >> Jimmy: THAT'S A SHOW.
BUT RIGHT NOW, GUYS, IT IS TIME FOR "TONIGHT SHOW HASHTAGS." HERE WE GO
* * HASHTAG HASHTAGS *
* [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: NOW, WE DO THIS THING
EVERY WEEK WHERE I SEND OUT A HASHTAG AND WE ASK YOU GUYS TO RESPOND TO THAT TOPIC
SO SINCE "WRESTLEMANIA'S" HAPPENING THIS WEEKEND ON PEACOCK, I SENT OUT THE
HASHTAG, #MYSIGNATUREMOVE. WE ASKED YOU GUYS TO TWEET OUT SOMETHING FUNNY OR WEIRD THAT
ONLY YOU DO. >> Steve: OOHH >> Jimmy: YEAH
WITHIN MINUTES IT WAS A TRENDING TOPIC, SO THANK YOU FOR PLAYING ALONG.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE WE LOVE THE INTERACTION. WE LOVE IT
SO THANK YOU SO MUCH NOW I THOUGHT I'D SHARE SOME OF MY FAVORITE, "MY SIGNATURE
MOVE" RESPONSES FROM YOU GUYS. THIS ONE IS FROM @DEVONMcCARTY SHE SAYS, "EVERY SINGLE TIME I
ENTER AND EXIT A STORE WITH AN AUTOMATIC DOOR, I SUDDENLY MOVE MY FINGERS AS IF I AM USING THE
FORCE TO OPEN THEM." [ APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: THIS ONE'S FROM
@GEORGEGMITRO. HE SAYS, "IN THE ATLANTA AREA, 'WHEEL OF FORTUNE' COMES ON
BEFORE 'JEOPARDY!' BUT WHERE I LIVE IN ORLANDO, IT'S REVERSED.
SO I HAVE MY DAUGHTER IN ATLANTA TEXT ME THE 'WHEEL OF FORTUNE' ANSWERS, THEN I SOLVE
THEM BEFORE MY WIFE, IT DRIVES HER INSANE." [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
>> Steve: NOW THAT'S A GOOD MOVE THAT I'M GOING TO DO
>> Jimmy: THAT'S A GREAT MOVE, RIGHT? YOU FOUND THE GLITCH IN THE
MATRIX THIS ONE'S FROM @MIKETBARRETT. HE SAYS, "EVERY FRIDAY I GO TO
A BURGER KING FOR ONION RINGS. I TAKE A TINY BITE OUT OF EACH ONE, CAREFULLY PULL OUT THE
ONION, THEN EAT THE FRIED RING OF BREADING. I EVEN HAVE A NAME FOR THEM,
'NONE-ION RINGS.'" [ APPLAUSE ] THAT'S BRILLIANT
>> Steve: THAT'S BRILLIANT, THAT'S THINKING. >> Jimmy: THAT'S WHAT I'M
SAYING NONE-ION RINGS >> Steve: YEAH
>> Jimmy: THAT'S FANTASTIC >> Steve: GENIUS >> Jimmy: THAT HUMAN IS
A GENIUS THEY SHOULD MAKE NONE-ION RINGS.
>> Steve: YEAH >> Jimmy: I WOULD EAT THEM >> Steve: WITH SOME HUNT'S
KETCHUP. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: THIS ONE IS FROM
@JAKEWILLIAMSART HE SAYS, MY SIGNATURE MOVE IS DIPPING FLAMIN' HOT CHEETOS IN
PEANUT BUTTER, IT TASTES BETTER THAN IT SOUNDS >> Questlove: OH
NO >> Steve: OH SNAP, NO. >> Questlove: OH
>> Steve: NO YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE IT. I THINK YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE
IT >> Jimmy: I THINK I'M GOING TO ENJOY THIS
I LIKE CHEETOS I THINK I LIKE FLAMIN' HOT CHEETOS.
>> Steve: OKAY, HERE COMES THE FLAMIN' HOT CHEETO DON'T RUB YOUR EYE
>> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, HERE'S MY CHEETO *
[ CRUNCHING [ DRUM ROLL [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Steve: OH, WAIT A SECOND! HEY, MIKEY, I THINK HE LIKES IT
YEAH [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
>> Jimmy: I DIG THAT I THINK THEY SHOULD MAKE FLAMIN' HOT PEANUT BUTTER --
>> Steve: CHEETOS -- LIKE A COMBO FLAVOR WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE YOU'RE SAYING, LIKE A COMBO. IT'S GOT PEANUT BUTTER ON THE
INSIDE, LIKE A COMBO >> Jimmy: NO, THAT'S TOO MUCH WORK
>> Steve: OH >> Jimmy: IT'S CHEAPER IF YOU JUST PUT A CHEMICAL POWDER THAT
TASTES LIKE IT [ LAUGHTER ] >> Steve: XARTHRON-B OR
GARBLE-X-7 OH, NOW HE'S DOING A PLAIN ONE TO CLEANSE THE PALLET.
NICE THEN YOU CAN HIT THE POLE LATER ON
[ LAUGHTER ]
BUT DON'T BURN ANYTHING WITH YOUR FINGERS
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: COULD WE GET SMALLER NAPKINS?
[ LAUGHTER ] IS THIS FROM A DOLLHOUSE >> Steve: THAT'S A SAMPLE
NAPKIN TO SEE IF YOU WANT A ONE? DO YOU WANT A NAPKIN
>> Jimmy: YEAH >> Steve: DO YOU WANT A NAPKIN OKAY, WE JUST WANTED TO MAKE
SURE WOW. BUDGET CUTS REALLY HIT HARD,
MAN. [ LAUGHTER ] GOSH
>> Jimmy: THIS ONE IS FROM @CARRIESMITH1123 SHE SAYS, "INSTEAD OF GIVING
THE BIRD WHEN SOMEONE CUTS ME OFF IN TRAFFIC, I LIKE TO HONK AND WAVE EXCITEDLY LIKE I KNOW
THE PERSON." [ APPLAUSE ] THIS ONE'S FROM
@JOEYDESTEFANO5. HE SAYS, "I SHOP FOR THE EXACT SAME GROCERIES EACH WEEK
WHEN THE TOTAL IS DIFFERENT I KNOW I EITHER I FORGOT SOMETHING OR MY KIDS SNUCK IN
A CANDY BAR. [ APPLAUSE ] I USED TO DO THAT.
MOM'S NOT LOOKING, JUST THROW IN THE REGGIE BAR. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: "MR. OCTOBER." [ LAUGHTER ] REGGIE JACKSON'S NICKNAME.
>> Steve: MR. OCTOBER. >> Jimmy: MR. OCTOBER. >> Steve: YEAH
THAT'S WHAT THEY CALLED REGGIE JACKSON >> Jimmy: THAT'S CORRECT
REGINALD - >> Steve: J. JACKSON >> Jimmy: P. JACKSON
MR. OCTOBER. >> Steve: ROCKTOBER. MR. SEPTEMBER.
>> Jimmy: HAS ANYONE MADE ROCKTOBER JOKES FOR DWAYNE JOHNSON
>> Steve: NO, NOT YET. >> Jimmy: HE HAS A MOVIE COMING OUT.
I GUESS HE'S TOO BIG, THEY WON'T RELEASE HIS MOVIES IN OCTOBER.
>> Steve: I WOULD. >> Jimmy: SECOND RELEASE >> Steve: THE DWAYNE
"ROCKTOBER" JOHNSON. >> Jimmy: I'M NOT SAYING HE SHOULD BE CALLED ROCKTOBER
>> Steve: YOU'RE SAYING THE MOVIE SHOULD >> Jimmy: NO, THE MOVIE
SHOULDN'T EITHER BUT WHEN THEY RELEASE THE MOVIE, THEY GO, "THIS
ROCKTOBER. >> Questlove: NICE >> Jimmy: YOU SEE WHAT I'M
SAYING SO IF HE HAD A THEME, LIKE A A HALLOWEEN THEME.
>> Steve: YEAH, SURE >> Jimmy: MAYBE A HALLOWEEN THEMED FILM?
>> Steve: PERHAPS. A JOHN CARPENTER TYPE OF MOVIE WHERE SOME SORT OF TEEN IS
EITHER SCARED BY A A MICHAEL MYERS, OR NOT. >> Jimmy: NO, MAYBE A TEEN OF
A CERTAIN AGE IS CHASED THROUGH THE WOODS. >> Steve: YES.
>> Jimmy: BUT A MAN WITH A A KNIFE. >> Steve: YES.
>> Jimmy: PUNCTURED WITH THE BLADE OF SUCH. "COMING THIS ROCKTOBER."
>> Steve: "THIS ROCKTOBER -- " >> Jimmy: "-- YOUR LIFE'S ABOUT TO GO DOWN THE DWAYNE.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE * I FEEL GOOD M [ DINGING
* >> Steve: OH, SNAP *
>> Jimmy: WHAT IS THIS BIT I FORGET [ LAUGHTER ]
OH, HASHTAGS >> Steve: OH, HASHTAGS >> Jimmy: AND IT'S "MY
SIGNATURE MOVE." >> Steve: YOUR SIGNATURE MOVE. >> Jimmy: YEP, HERE WE GO.
THIS ONE'S FROM @MICHDEGROOT SHE SAYS, "MY SIGNATURE MOVE IS TO RING THE DOORBELL AS I'M
WALKING INTO MY PARENTS HOUSE AND ANNOUNCE, 'DING DONG, YOUR FAVORITE CHILD IS HERE!'
AND THEN MY DAD RESPONDS WITH EVERY OTHER SIBLING'S NAME BEFORE HE SAYS MINE.
>> Steve: AWWW >> Jimmy: THAT'S A GOOD -- THAT'S FUN
>> Steve: THAT'S FUN >> Jimmy: THAT'S FUN THAT'S A FUNNY MOVE, I LIKE
THAT THIS NEXT ONE IS FROM COMEDIAN TODD BARRY
>> Steve: OH >> Jimmy: IN HIS SIGNATURE MOVE, HE SAYS, "IF SOMEONE SAYS
THANK YOU, I FIRE BACK WITH, 'YOU'RE WELCOME.'" [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
WHY IS TODD BARRY FUNNY? YEAH, IT'S VERY TODD BARRY SO WEIRDLY ENOUGH, HE WAS
JOKING, BUT THAT IS HIS KIND OF HIS SIGNATURE MOVE BEING FUNNY.
AND KIND OF ESOTERIC COMEDY, LIKE DRY COMEDY. [ LAUGHTER ]
SO, TODD, THAT WEIRDLY IS YOUR SIGNATURE MOVE, I LIKE THAT. THIS LAST ONE IS FROM
@DEADHEAD722 SHE SAYS, "WHEN I RUN INTO A A GUY I'VE MET BEFORE AND CAN'T
REMEMBER HIS NAME, I JUST CALL HIM 'WILLIE. THEY'LL USUALLY CORRECT ME, BUT
I'VE BEEN RIGHT FOUR TIMES." THERE YOU GO THOSE ARE "TONIGHT SHOW
HASHTAGS." TO CHECK OUT MORE OF OUR FAVORITES, GO TO
TONIGHTSHOW.COM/HASHTAGS WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE "TONIGHT SHOW," EVERYBODY.
COME ON BACK * >> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK,
EVERYBODY. GUYS, YOU MAY HAVE HEARD ABOUT THIS
BUT THE WEBSITE YAHOO! ANSWERS JUST ANNOUNCED THAT THEY'RE SHUTTING DOWN FOREVER.
AND IT REALLY -- IT'S REALLY DIFFICULT NEWS, BECAUSE ONE OF MY FAVORITE GROUPS IS THE
YAHOO! -- YAHOO! ANSWERS LOUNGE SINGERS. [ LAUGHTER ]
THEY'RE ONE OF MY FAVORITE GROUPS THEY SING REAL YAHOO! ANSWERS
SUBMITTED BY REAL PEOPLE SO, IF YOU DON'T MIND, I BOOKED THEM ON THE SHOW TO PERFORM ONE
LAST TIME. HERE THEY ARE, THE YAHOO! ANSWERS LOUNGE SINGERS
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * THE YAHOO! ANSWERS LOUNGE
SINGERS, EVERYBODY [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
>> Jimmy: HEY, RONDA >> HI, KAD, HOW'S IT GOING >> Jimmy: YEAH
IT'S GOING GREAT I GOT SOME QUESTIONS THAT NEED ANSWERED
>> ALL RIGHTY, WELL I'M GOING TO SEE WHAT I CAN DO * CAN SOMEONE PLEAS
GIVE ME NETFLIX USERNAME AND PASSWORD *
* JUST GIVE ME $1 A MONTH AN I'LL GIVE YOU MY NAME AN
PASSWORD * [ APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: OH, HEY, I LIKE THAT
ANSWER >> YEAH, I LIKE THAT QUESTION. >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, WELL HOW
ABOUT THIS ONE * IS CHRISTIAN BALE A CHRISTIA
SINCE HIS NAME IS CHRISTIAN * * IS MITT ROMNE
A BASEBALL GLOVE * [ APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: NOW THAT -- NOW THAT
IS A GOOD POINT. >> YEAH, THAT'S A GOOD POINT, KEV.
>> Jimmy: KAD. >> KAD, MY FRIEND. >> Jimmy: THIS NEXT ONE MAKES
A GOOD POINT AS WELL * WHICH IS WORS IGNORANCE OR APATH
I DON'T KNOW AND I DON'T CARE * >> Jimmy: OH
OOH, OOH, OOH. THAT STINGS. >> YEAH, IT STINGS
IT STINGS WORSE THAN A SHOOK UP BEEHIVE. YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: YEAH YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN
>> IT'S WHEN YOU TAKE A BUNCH OF BEES AND YOU SHAKE THEM, AND THE LAST ONE THAT STINGS YOU,
YOU GOT TO MARRY HIM >> Jimmy: LET'S SEE HOW SPICY THIS NEXT QUESTION IS.
* HOW MANY FINGER AM I HOLDING U DEPENDS AR
YOU ANGRY * [ APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: I'M GLAD -- I'M GLAD
YOU'RE HERE TO ANSWER MY QUESTIONS. >> AND I'M HAPPY AS PIE TO BE
ANSWERING THEM AND I THINK WE KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.
THE SAYING * OH, GET INTO IT.
* [ APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: I GOT ANOTHER ONE FOR
YOU. >> LAY IT ON ME, MY INQUISITIVE FRIEND KAD
* WHY DO CHIPS GET STAL THOG DON'T CARE * >> Jimmy: THOG WROTE THAT?
>> CLASSIC THOG. THOG WROTE THAT INDEED >> I WONDER IF THOG WROTE THIS
NEXT ONE * HOW DO YOU GET YOUTUB TO COME FILM YOU
JUST KEEP ON CALLING AND SOON THEY WILL RESPOND * >> Jimmy: WOW.
>> YEAH. >> Jimmy: THAT TOOK A TURN >> YOU KNOW, I JUST GOT TO FIND
IT SOMETIMES, BUT I DO, I DO, I FIND IT IN MY OWN TIME >> Jimmy: YEAH, YOU GOT IT
I GOT ONE MORE QUESTION IF YOU'VE GOT SOME TIME >> OH, YEAH, I'M GOING NOWHERE
I LIVE HERE. >> Jimmy: YEAH >> I LIVE IN HERE.
>> Jimmy: OKAY, PERFECT. * HAS ANYONE EVER HELD THEI BREATH FOR OVER AN HOU
YES DEAD PEOPLE * >> Jimmy: THAT IS ALL OUR TIME, FOLKS.
THANKS FOR HAVING US WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE OF "THE TONIGHT SHOW."
WHY DO I SAY THAT? WE'RE NOT ON "THE TONIGHT SHOW."
OH, WE ARE, WE ARE HEY, JIMMY HEY, SAY HI.
>> OH MY GOSH. >> Jimmy: OH MY GOODNESS I'M A BIG FAN.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * >> Jimmy: MY FIRST GUEST
TONIGHT IS AN EMMY-NOMINATED ACTOR, A "NEW YORK TIMES" BEST-SELLING AUTHOR, AND A
A VERY, VERY, VERY FUNNY COMEDIAN HE NOW STARS IN THE TELEVISION
SERIES "THE MOODYS." AND YOU CAN SEE THE SECOND SEASON THURSDAY NIGHTS AT
9:30 ON FOX. HERE IS DENIS LEARY!
*
>> Jimmy: THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT, YES OH, I WISH YOU WERE HERE,
BUDDY, OH MY GOSH. >> I KNOW. YOU KNOW WHAT?
THE FIRST THING I WAS GOING TO SAY, IS, I JUST -- I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M NOT THERE.
BUT LISTEN, I'M HALF VAXXED, OKAY >> Jimmy: GOOD
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> I'M GOING TO BE FULLY VAXXED
HALF VAXXED IS PRETTY MUCH WHAT ALL PEOPLE ALREADY SAY ABOUT ME AND HOW I DO THINGS.
BUT, I'M HALF VAXXED I'LL BE FULLY VAXXED IN TWO WEEKS.
SO, THEN, YOU KNOW, HOPEFULLY I'LL BE ABLE TO COME INTO THE STUDIO AND SEE YOU
IT'S SO WEIRD NOT TO BE LIVE YOU KNOW >> Jimmy: WE HAVE LIKE OVER
50 PEOPLE IN THE AUDIENCE. SO WE ACTUALLY HAVE -- [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
WE'RE SO HAPPY THAT YOU CAN EVEN DO THIS >> Jimmy: I KNOW YOU'RE A BIG
SPORTS FAN, BIG BOSTON SPORTS FAN. AND I WANTED TO ASK YOU ABOUT
TOM BRADY AND HOW YOU FELT, HIM LEAVING THE PATRIOTS AND WENT ON TO WIN THE SUPER BOWL FOR
TAMPA BAY. I KNOW SORRY TO BRING THIS UP
>> SO LISTEN, SADLY, MY PLAN DIDN'T WORK OUT. MY PLAN WAS THAT TOM WAS GOING
TO GO TO ANOTHER TEAM, IN THIS CASE TAMPA BAY, AND THAT TEAM WOULD SUCK, AND THEN HE WOULD
COME BACK. SO IT DIDN'T REALLY WORK OUT -- MY PLAN.
>> Jimmy: NO >> SO I WAS SHOCKED. BECAUSE I'M LIKE, HE'S GOING TO
A TEAM THAT HAS PEWTER COLOR FOOTBALL PANTS I MEAN, LITERALLY, PEWTER IS
THE COLOR OF THEIR PANTS >> Jimmy: PEWTER, WHAT >> I MEAN, HIS WIFE'S -- HIS
WIFE'S A FASHION MODEL SHE MUST HAVE SAID, "HONEY, YOU CAN'T WEAR PEWTER COLORED
PANTS. YOU CAN'T. [ LAUGHTER ]
I COULDN'T BE HAPPIER THAT HE WON AGAIN. AND IF THERE'S ANY QUESTION
ABOUT HIM BEING THE GREATEST OF ALL TIME NOW, THAT'S SEVEN SUPER BOWLS, RIGHT
>> Jimmy: YEAH >> AND YOU'D HAVE TO GET ALL OF THE OTHER MULTIPLE SUPER
BOWL-WINNING QUARTERBACKS, THERE'S VERY FEW AND IF THEY WANT TO PROVE
THEY'RE THE GREATEST OF ALL TIME, THROW THE LOMBARDI TROPHY, WHILE YOU'RE DRUNK,
FROM ONE BOAT TO ANOTHER BOAT. [ LAUGHTER ] [ APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: THAT'S THE ULTIMATE. THAT'S EXACTLY RIGHT THAT'S EXACTLY RIGHT
>> THAT'S THE TEST >> Jimmy: I WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS
YOU DO THIS EVERY YEAR, THIS SHOW CALLED "COMICS COME HOME" IN BOSTON.
>> YES >> Jimmy: AND I'M LUCKY ENOUGH TO BE INVOLVED WITH IT WHENEVER
I CAN, WHENEVER -- EVERY YEAR I'VE BEEN GOING, WHENEVER I CAN, IT BENEFITS CAM NEELY
FOUNDATION AND WE PERFORM, OR DO STANDUP, OR I MAKE YOU SING A SONG.
>> YEAH. >> Jimmy: AND I GOT THIS FOOTAGE I WANTED TO SHOW YOU
BECAUSE DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN YOU SURPRISED ME >> OKAY, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
IS THIS FOOTAGE FROM THE JOHN MAYER THING >> Jimmy: YEAH
>> OKAY, YOU HAVE TO LET ME SET IT UP. AND I LOVE WHEN JIMMY COMES,
BECAUSE WE END UP SINGING A SONG TOGETHER. YOU KNOW
WHICH IS A BLAST SO, I CALLED JOHN MAYER, WITHOUT TELLING JIMMY.
AND I SAY, "LISTEN, I HAVE AN IDEA YOU COME ON THE SHOW, YOU
PLAY -- JIMMY WANTS TO DO "WALK THIS WAY." YOU PLAY "WALK THIS WAY," BUT
WE DON'T TELL JIMMY IN ADVANCE SO, JIMMY DOESN'T FIND OUT UNTIL YOU WALK ON STAGE DURING
THIS SONG. LIKE, YOU'LL START THE RIFF. *
YOU AND I START SINGING. NOW, FOR PEOPLE WHO HAVE NEVER SUNG THAT SONG, THAT'S AN
INCREDIBLY DIFFICULT SONG TO SING NOT BECAUSE OF THE, YOU KNOW,
THE LEVEL OF THE NOTES IT'S BECAUSE THE LYRICS ARE JAM-PACKED, AND THEY'RE
UNBELIEVABLY FAST. RIGHT? >> Jimmy: YEAH
>> SO JIMMY AND I HAD REHEARSED IT AS TRADING LINES BACK AND FORTH.
SO, YOU KNOW IF YOU -- IF ONE GUY MISSES A LINE, YOU'RE KIND OF SCREWED,
RIGHT? JIMMY COMES OUT. *
AND ME AND JIMMY START DOING THE SONG JOHN MAYER WALKS OUT ON STAGE.
THE CROWD GOES NUTS, WHICH THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO. AND JIMMY STOPPED SINGING.
[ LAUGHTER ] COMPLETELY I FIGURED HE'D LOOK AT
JOHN MAYER AND BE SURPRISED. HE LOOKED AT JOHN MAYER LIKE HE'S SURPRISED, AND THEN GOES
OVER AND STARTS HUGGING JOHN MAYER AND, LIKE, HANGING OUT WITH HIM
I'M LIKE, "I'M SINGING THE ENTIRE SONG BY MYSELF. [ LAUGHTER ]
FOR LIKE TWO VERSES. >> Jimmy: REALLY >> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: I DON'T REMEMBER THAT I JUST WANTED TO SHOW YOU
A CLIP I DIDN'T KNOW -- I FORGOT THAT I DID THAT
HERE'S, I GUESS, THE MOMENT WHERE I SPOT JOHN MAYER SURPRISING ME AT "COMICS COME
HOME" WITH DENIS LEARY TAKE A LOOK.
[ CHEERS ]
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: I WAS LIKE, "HEY." >> YOU CAN HEAR ME SINGING IN
THE BACKGROUND >> Jimmy: I KNEW THE GUITAR SOUNDED GOOD, AND YOUR BAND IS
ALWAYS GREAT, BUT I WAS LIKE, "THAT GUITAR SOUNDS GREAT. AND THEN, I WAS LIKE -
AND I WAS ABOUT TO GO LIKE, "SHE STARTS SWINGING." AND I GO, "HEY, DUDE, WHAT'S
GOING ON?" >> YOU LITERALLY -- I KEPT SINGING.
I LOOKED AT YOU, AND I WAS LIKE, "HE'S NOT GOING TO KEEP SINGING.
SO, NOW, I'M ON THE TELEPROMPTER SINGING YOUR LINES, RIGHT
[ LAUGHTER ] BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW YOUR LINES.
[ LAUGHTER ] AND I LOOK OVER, AND YOU'RE DANCING WITH JOHN MAYER.
AND I LITERALLY, AT ONE POINT, WAS LIKE, "HEY, LET'S GO!" UNBELIEVABLE
>> Jimmy: DENIS, I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT YOUR SHOW, BUDDY. I WANT TO TALK ABOUT "THE
MOODYS." >> YES >> Jimmy: HERE WE GO
IT'S A FAMILY SITCOM ELIZABETH PERKINS, SUPER FUNNY YOU GET TO PLAY HOCKEY, WHICH
IS COOL. >> YEAH, I GET TO PLAY HOCKEY. SO, I'LL GIVE YOU THE SETUP.
YOU KNOW, IT'S A LIMITED SERIES EVERY TIME IT COMES ON SO, THE FIRST TIME WE DID IT,
IT WAS ABOUT FAMILY CHRISTMAS. THIS YEAR, THERE'S A FAMILY WEDDING THAT STARTS OUT FOR THE
FIRST 15 SECONDS OF EPISODE ONE, YOU KNOW THAT THE WEDDING DIDN'T GO WELL
AND THEN WE FLASH BACK THE KIDS HAVE BEEN LOCKED DOWN WITH US IN THE PANDEMIC, LIKE
A LOT OF US IN REAL LIFE >> Jimmy: YEP. >> AND NOW, THE PANDEMIC'S OVER
AND TWO OF THEM LEAVE, AND THEN THEY COME RIGHT BACK SO WE'RE REALLY GETTING ON EACH
OTHER'S NERVES EVEN AFTER THE PANDEMIC AND EVERYBODY'S SUPPOSED TO BE
LIVING OUT ON THEIR OWN -- I THINK THAT'S WHAT THE CLIP'S ABOUT.
>> Jimmy: YEAH IT'S SUPER FUNNY I WANT TO SHOW EVERYONE A CLIP
HERE'S DENIS LEARY IN THE NEW SEASON OF "THE MOODYS," TAKE A A LOOK
>> HEY, LOOK AT THIS ALL THREE OF MY ADULT CHILDREN LIVING AT HOME, EATING MY FOOD
AND USING MY GAS-POWERED HEAT. HOW DELIGHTFUL SO, RIGHT NOW, I'M GOING TO GO
OVER TO THE FRIDGE AND GET SOME CREAM. AND THERE BETTER BE ENOUGH LEFT
FOR MY COFFEE. 'CAUSE IF THERE ISN'T, I'M GOING TO FIND THE CULPRIT, AND
I WILL HAVE TWO OF MY ADULT CHILDREN LIVING AT HOME WITH ME
UH-OH. OH, IT'S NOT GOOD. OH THIS -- I DON'T THINK IT'S
GOING TO -- OH OH, YES. WE REMAIN A FAMILY OF FIVE
>> YAY >> Jimmy: YEAH [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
DENIS LEARY, EVERYBODY CATCH THE NEW SEASON OF "THE MOODYS" THURSDAYS AT 9:30 ON
FOX. >> I LOVE YOU, PAL >> Jimmy: I LOVE YOU, BUDDY.
THANK YOU SO MUCH. I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU IN PERSON
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK, EVERYBODY MORE "TONIGHT SHOW." COME ON BACK
* >>> MY NEXT GUEST IS A GRAMMY WINNER AND A TONY NOMINATED
ACTRESS WHO STARS IN THE NEW HBO MAX SERIES, "MADE FOR LOVE," WHICH WILL BEGIN
STREAMING NEW EPISODES TOMORROW PLEASE WELCOME CRISTIN MILIOTI
* [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: THANK YOU.
THANK YOU FOR COMING BACK TO OUR SHOW >> OH GOD, MY PLEASURE
>> Jimmy: AND DOING THAT SILLY SKETCH BUT ALSO THANK YOU FOR --
YOU'RE THE ONLY GUEST TO BE IN BOTH STUDIOS >> I KNOW, YEAH.
>> Jimmy: LIVE IN STUDIO THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. >> OH MY GOD, IT'S MY PLEASURE
IT'S SO NICE TO SEE A FULL AUDIENCE >> Jimmy: THANK YOU, SO --
I WANT TO TALK ABOUT "MADE FOR LOVE," YOUR HBO MAX SHOW IT'S GETTING GREAT REVIEWS
CONGRATS ON THAT IT'S AWESOME >> THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
>> Jimmy: IT'S GOT TO FEEL GOOD WE WERE SAYING BACKSTAGE,
BECAUSE I SAW A PICTURE OF YOU IN FRONT OF A GIANT BILLBOARD IN TIMES SQUARE.
>> YES, YEAH >> Jimmy: AND YOU TOOK A A PICTURE, OR YOU -- WHO TOOK
THAT PICTURE >> MY SHOW RUNNER AND I, CHRISTINA LEE, WE WENT UP TO
TIMES SQUARE BECAUSE WE HEARD THERE WAS GOING TO BE A BILLBOARD FOR LIKE
45 MINUTES CAUSE IT'S ELECTRONIC, SO THEY LIKE SWITCH THROUGH IT
AND SO WE RACED UP WITH SIPPY CUPS FULL OF WINE TO JUST LIKE CELEBRATE IT
>> YEAH, THAT'S WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT. >> YEAH, YEAH.
>> Jimmy: I LOVE THIS PHOTO, CAUSE I JUST LOVE ANYONE WHO'S EXCITED --
>> YEAH. >> Jimmy: AND APPRECIATIVE, BUT ALSO, THIS PHOTO I LIKE ALMOST
EVEN MORE. CAUSE ONCE YOU'RE IN TIMES SQUARE -
>> YOU GOT TO GET THE CHARACTERS IN THERE. >> Jimmy: TIMES SQUARE ELMO AND
A COUPLE OF MICKEY MOUSES. >> YEAH, AND THERE'S ELMO, THERE'S THE MICKEY, AND THEN
THERE'S THE MICKEY THAT'S, LIKE, ON AN OFF DAY, GOING TO THE MALL, JUST LIKE WEARING
A COAT WITH A PURSE. >> Jimmy: I LOVE THAT MICKEY'S GOT A COAT AND A PURSE
>> OH BUT, THEY KEPT BEING LIKE, "YOU DON'T WANT THAT, YOU DON'T WANT THAT POSTER IN THE
BACK, HERE'S THE BETTER ANGLE. AND WE KEPT BEING LIKE, "WE DO, SORRY.
>> Jimmy: DUDE THAT'S ME, WITHOUT SAYING THAT. >> YEAH, EXACTLY
BUT WE WERE LIKE IN FRONT OF IT, AND WE HAD OUR ARMS AROUND EACH OTHER, AMD WE WERE LIKE,
"WOW, WAY TO GO. MAN, WHAT A JOURNEY. AND THEN WE SAW IT GO LIKE,
"BEEP! AND WE SAW SOMEONE'S LAPTOP AND THEY LIKE SCROLLED THE POINTER
OVER, AND DIDN'T THROW IT IN THE TRASH, BUT BASICALLY IT WAS A REAL LIKE -- THE TWO OF US
STANDING THERE BEING LIKE, "OH, SHOWBIZ. >> Jimmy: YEAH, SHOW BUSINESS
FOR YOU. THAT'S A VERY NEW YORK KIND OF MOMENT
RIGHT? >> YEAH. >> Jimmy: YOU'RE A NEW YORKER.
>> I'M A NEW YORKER. >> Jimmy: ARE YOU SO HAPPY TO SEE IT COMING BACK
>> SO HAPPY. I JUST TOOK THE SUBWAY FOR THE FIRST TIME
>> Jimmy: YOU DID? >> YEAH. >> Jimmy: WHAT WAS IT LIKE
>> IT WAS BEAUTIFUL. I PUT MY LIKE SUBWAY MUSIC IN, AND I LIKE ALWAYS AM BLASTING
MUSIC ON THE SUBWAY, AND I ALMOST STARTED CRYING, IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL
JUST THAT WE WERE ALL BACK IN THERE TOGETHER >> Jimmy: YEAH
>> BUT IT WASN'T -- OBVIOUSLY IT'S NOT AT A LEVEL THAT LIKE -- I MISS -- AND I KNOW
WE'LL GET BACK TO THIS, LIKE THE FULL, FULL LIKE -- >> Jimmy: JAM-PACKED
>> SUBWAY, LIKE I'M ON A A NEW YORK SUBWAY, IT'S CROWDED.
>> Jimmy: YEAH SOME PEOPLE ARE TOUCHING ME. >> SOME PEOPLE ARE TOUCHING ME,
YEAH I WOULD ALWAYS TRY TO NOT TOUCH THE POLES.
I WOULD TRY TO LIKE SURF >> Jimmy: OH, DANGEROUS. >> WHICH NO ONE LIKE
IT'S VERY RUDE, I WOULDN'T DO IT NOW >> Jimmy: DANGEROUS.
>> WHEN I WAS IN MY EARLY 20s, I'D BE LIKE, "I BET YOU I CAN'T TOUCH THE POLE!"
AND I WAS LIKE -- YEAH >> Jimmy: YEAH, WOULD YOU FALL DOWN
>> YEAH, ONE TIME I WAS HEADED TO A REHEARSAL, AND I HAD A BAGEL AND CREAM CHEESE, AND I
WAS TRYING TO DO THAT THING CAUSE IT WAS LIKE GERMS TOO, BUT ALSO LIKE, I LIVE HERE
I WOULD LIKE TRY TO SURF IT WITH THE STOPS >> Jimmy: YEAH
>> SO I WOULD USE LIKE ONE ANKLE BONE AGAINST LIKE THE THING.
AND THEN I WAS LIKE TRYING TO EAT THE BAGEL AND CREAM CHEESE, AND THEY LIKE STOPPED SHORT,
AND I FELL, BUT I WAS ABLE TO HOLD IT UP, AND I GOT IT ALL OVER MY NECK AND HAIR.
BUT I WAS ON MY BACK, IN THE GROSSEST, STICKIEST SUBWAY CAR BUT I WAS ABLE TO SAVE THE
BAGEL. AND THEN EVERYONE APPLAUDED. >> THAT'S NEW YORK
THAT IS NEW YORK RIGHT THERE >> THAT'S NEW YORK >> Jimmy: THAT IS NEW YORK
>> I KNOW, I'M VERY EXCITED TO GET BACK TO THAT >> Jimmy: LET'S TALK ABOUT
"MADE FOR LOVE." CONGRATS ON THE REVIEWS. BUT ALSO, IT'S SUCH A COOL
CONCEPT. >> YEAH. >> Jimmy: IS THAT WHAT SOLD YOU
ON IT? >> YEAH. I MEAN WHEN I READ IT, I'D
NEVER READ ANYTHING LIKE IT. IT'S VERY HARD TO DESCRIBE IT'S LIKE --
>> Jimmy: IT'S FUNNY >> YEP >> Jimmy: BUT IT'S SCI-FI.
>> YEP >> Jimmy: AND IT'S TWISTED >> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: OKAY, GOOD >> YES WHEN I TRY TO DESCRIBE IT, DO
YOU KNOW THAT YOUTUBE VIDEO OF LIKE THE LITTLE BOY WHO'S TRYING TO DESCRIBE -- HE'S
TRYING TO ASK A QUESTION -- HE'S LIKE DID YOU EVER -- DID YOU SEE THE -- AND YOU LIKED IT
SO MUCH THAT YOU CAN DO ANYTHING IT'S LIKE THAT WHENEVER I TRY
TO DESCRIBE IT I'M LIKE, "IT'S COMEDY, AND IT'S ALSO A SURVIVOR STORY,
IT'S ALSO DARK, IT'S ALSO TWISTED, IT'S ALSO SCI-FI, PLEASE JUST WATCH IT
IT'S GREAT." I LOVE IT. I MEAN, I LOVE IT.
BUT IT IS LIKE PEOPLE MIGHT NOT TRUST YOU IF YOU'RE LIKE, "JUST TRUST ME
IT'S GOOD! >> Jimmy: OH, IT WORKS IT'S GOOD.
>> BUT IT -- IT'S ONE OF THE THINGS I REALLY LOVED ABOUT IT IS THAT IT HAD
SO MANY DIFFERENT GENRES THAT I JUST HADN'T EVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THAT.
>> Jimmy: I WANT TO SHOW EVERYONE A CLIP. HERE'S CRISTIN MILIOTI AND
RAY ROMANO IN "MADE FOR LOVE," TAKE A LOOK AT THIS. >> I NEED YOU TO PAY A LITTLE
MORE RESPECT TO DIANE. IT IS WHAT IT IS SHE'S PART OF THE FAMILY
>> ENLIGHTEN ME ON HOW THIS WORKS. DO YOU TAKE A BITE OUT OF HER
FOOD AND THEN PRETEND THAT SHE ATE IT OH
IS IT RUINED IF I DO IT? [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: CRISTIN MILIOTI.
NEW EPISODES OF "MADE FOR LOVE" BEGIN STREAMING TOMORROW ON HBO MAX.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A A PERFORMANCE FROM ROD WAVE, COME ON BACK
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * >> Jimmy: PERFORMING
"TOMBSTONE" FROM HIS NUMBER ONE ALBUM "SOULFLY," HERE IS ROD WAVE
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
* I KEEP MY GUN
IN MY DRAWER DUCKING THE SAD NEWS MY PHONE SAY SEVEN*
* MISSED CALL I KNOW IT'S BAD NEWS LIFE HAD LEFT ME
SO SCARRED* * I'M KNOWING THAT'S TRUE REMEMBER TIMES GOT SO HARD
I GOT IT TATTOOE I AIN'T DID NO SHOWS* * BUT MADE SOME BREAD
I TRYING KEEP THE FAMILY FED I TALKED TO POPS ABOUT THE FEDS*
* I AIN'T GON' LI HE HAD ME SCARED U I FEEL 'EM COMIN
I'LL KEEP ON RUNNING* * IF WE GO DOWN BAD KEEP IT A HUNDRE
MY GIRL ALL IN MY EAR SCREAMING* * SPEND SOME TIME
I PROMISE I'LL BE HERE WHEN I CAN GET SOME TIME RIGHT NOW I GOT TO*
* GET WHAT'S MINE I'LL BE THUGGIN' 'TIL THE END OF TIME
AND ALL THESE* * PEOPLE LAME THEY LOVE SAYING MY NAME
MAKE SURE YOU WRITE TH TRUEST IN THE GAME* * ON MY TOMBSTONE
WHEN THEY BURY M BY THE RIVER THEY WILL CARRY ME*
* FINALLY I'LL BE RESTING IN PEACE FINALLY FINALL
I'LL GET TO FLY AWAY* * SOMEWHERE SOMEDAY ALL THESE PEOPLE LAM
THEY LOV SAYING MY NAME* * MAKE SURE YOU WRITE
THE TRUEST IN THE GAME ON MY TOMBSTON WHEN THEY BURY ME*
* BY THE RIVE THEY WILL CARRY ME FINALLY I'LL B
RESTING IN PEACE* * FINALLY FINALLY I'LL GET TO FLY AWAY
SOMEWHERE, SOMEDAY FINALLY FINALLY* * TRUEST IN THE GAM
YEAH YEAH YEAH YEA YEAH YEAH YEAH YEA YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH*
* YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH FINALLY FINALLY YEAH
TRUEST IN THE GAME
TRUEST IN THE GAME YEAH* * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: THANK YOU TO ROD WAVE "TONIGHT SHOW" WHEN WE COME
BACK, EVERYBODY. * >> Jimmy: JOIN US TOMORROW
NIGHT, WE'LL HAVE CAREY MULLIGAN, CALEB McLAUGHLIN, AND
KALI UCHIS ON THE SHOW [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE BUT FIRST, MY THANKS TO ONE OF
THE BEST COMEDIANS OUT THERE, DENIS LEARY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
CRISTIN MILIOTI. ROD WAVE AND THE ROOTS RIGHT OVER THERE
THANK YOU FOR WATCHING STAY TUNED FOR "LATE NIGHT WITH SETH MEYERS.