>> Steve: FROM STUDIO 6B IN ROCKEFELLER CENTER IN THE HEART
OF NEW YORK CITY, IT'S "THE TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON."
TONIGHT, JOIN JIMMY AND HIS GUESTS - JARED LETO
STEPHEN MERCHANT COMEDIAN TAYLOR TOMLINSON, AND FEATURING THE LEGENDARY
ROOTS CREW >> Questlove: 1625 >> Steve: AND NOW, HERE HE IS,
JIMMY FALLON
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: YOU SOUND GREAT! THANK YOU VERY MUCH. WELCOME, WELCOME, WELCOME TO
"THE TONIGHT SHOW," EVERYBODY. YOU'RE HERE. YOU MADE IT.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THANK YOU. THANK YOU FOR WATCHING
LET'S GET TO SOME NEWS WELL GUYS, TODAY CNN OFFICIALLY LAUNCHED THEIR BRAND NEW
STREAMING SERVICE, CNN PLUS. THAT'S RIGHT WITH CNN PLUS CAN YOU GET NEWS
FROM CNN ALL DAY AT ANY TIME OR, AS THAT'S ALSO KNOWN, CNN. [ LAUGHTER ]
BUT CNN IS ACTUALLY TRYING TO REACH A YOUNGER AUDIENCE WITH THEIR STREAMING SERVICE, WHICH
EXPLAINS WHY ONE SHOW IS JUST WOLF BLITZER PLAYING FORTNITE FOR AN HOUR.
[ LAUGHTER ] THAT'S RIGHT, CNN PLUS OFFICIALLY LAUNCHED TODAY.
THAT'S RIGHT, A WHOLE STREAMING SERVICE FILLED WITH CNN SHOWS AND FOOTAGE.
CHECK OUT SOME OF THE SLOGANS THAT THEY'RE TESTING OUT TO GET PEOPLE ON BOARD.
FIRST, UP THERE'S "CNN PLUS, THE AIRPORT BAR EXPERIENCE RIGHT ON YOUR PHONE.
[ LAUGHTER ] THAT'S THE ONLY PLACE I EVER SEE THAT AND I GO, "WOW, THAT'S
A GREAT CHANNEL. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] NEXT UP THERE'S "CNN PLUS, THE
MOST TRUSTED NAME IN NEWS ACCORDING TO CNN.COM [ LAUGHTER ]
YOU SAID THAT? AND FINALLY, THERE'S "CNN PLUS, YOUR DAILY DOSE OF ANXIETY --
NOW ON MOBILE. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE UGH!
OH, GOSH LET'S SWITCH GEARS GUYS, EVERYONE'S TALKING ABOUT
THIS THE HOUSE COMMITTEE INVESTIGATING THE CAPITOL RIOT,
SAID THAT TRUMP'S WHITE HOUSE PHONE RECORDS HAVE A SEVEN HOUR GAP ON JANUARY 6th
SEVEN HOURS. I DON'T KNOW IF ANYONE ELSE IS A FAN OF THE SHOW "DATELINE,"
BUT IF YOUR PHONE RECORDS ARE MISSING EVEN 10 MINUTES, YOU'RE GUILTY
[ LAUGHTER ] THAT'S JUST -- "BETWEEN 9:45 AND 9:55,
TERRENCE DIDN'T ANSWER HIS PHONE. [ LAUGHTER ]
HE SAID HE WAS TAKING A NAP THAT HE ALWAYS TAKES, EVERY NIGHT.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] AT 9:45. THE ONLY TIME THERE SHOULD BE
A SEVEN HOUR GAP IS WHEN YOU'RE TRYING TO REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED ON ST. PATRICK'S DAY.
[ LAUGHTER ] YOU PUT ON A DR. SEUSS HAT, GOT ON THE TRAIN
YEP, SEVEN HOURS ARE MISSING, YEAH EVEN THE GHOST OF RICHARD NIXON
IS LIKE, "I DON'T THINK CAN YOU DO THAT. [ LAUGHTER ]
AND NOW AFTER MAKING THE DISCOVERY, THE HOUSE COMMITTEE IS INVESTIGATING WHETHER TRUMP
USED BURNER PHONES IT'S ALWAYS REASSURING WHEN A PRESIDENT ACTS LIKE
A CHARACTER IN "THE WIRE." YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
SERIOUSLY, WERE THEY PLANNING AN INSURRECTION OR SELLING WEED TO HIGH SCHOOL KIDS?
I DON'T -- I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING. [ LAUGHTER ]
MEANWHILE, AFTER PRESIDENT BIDEN'S RECENT REMARK THAT PUTIN CANNOT REMAIN IN
POWER, A REPORTER ASKED BIDEN IF HE THINKS HIS COMMENT COULD CAUSE PUTIN TO ESCALATE HIS
BEHAVIOR YEAH, 'CAUSE UP UNTIL NOW PUTIN HAS KEPT THINGS PRETTY CHILL, I
THINK. [ LAUGHTER ] I DON'T THINK ANYTHING BIDEN
SAYS IS GONNA CHANGE WHAT PUTIN DOES IT'S LIKE SHOUTING TO A LION AT
THE ZOO. IT DOESN'T CARE WHAT YOU'RE SAYING
IF THE LION CAN GET OVER THAT FAKE RIVER, YOU'RE GOING TO GET MAULED
[ LAUGHTER ] SOME BUSINESS NEWS FEDEX JUST ANNOUNCED THAT AFTER
MORE THAN 50 YEARS, ITS FOUNDER AND CEO IS STEPPING DOWN [ AUDIENCE AWS ]
YEP. ON HIS LAST DAY HE'LL BE DRIVEN HOME AND THEN THROWN ON TO HIS
FRONT LAWN [ LAUGHTER ] [ RIM SHOT ]
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE >> Steve: WHOA >> Jimmy: OF COURSE HE DOESN'T
WANT TO LOSE TOUCH, SO HE GAVE ALL HIS COWORKERS HIS TRACKING NUMBER, WHICH IS NICE.
[ LAUGHTER ] YOU KNOW WHERE HE IS HE'S IN WISCONSIN RIGHT NOW,
HE'LL BE HOME SOON YOU GOTTA SEE THIS APPARENTLY VERIZON CUSTOMERS
HAVE BEEN RECEIVING SPAM TEXTS FROM THEIR OWN PHONE NUMBERS [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
IT'S WEIRD WHEN YOU GET A TEXT FROM YOURSELF AT 2:00 A.M. THAT SAYS "ME UP?
[ LAUGHTER ] MEANWHILE, AT&T CUSTOMERS ARE LIKE, "HA HA, THAT'S WHAT YOU
GET FOR USING A COMPANY THAT HAS CELL SERVICE." [ LAUGHTER ]
HEY, LISTEN TO THIS. I READ THAT AVOCADO PRICES HAVE SKYROCKETED TO A 24 YEAR HIGH.
MAN, DID I PICK THE WRONG TIME TO ENJOY GASOLINE OVER MY AVOCADO TOAST.
[ LAUGHTER ] EVERYTHING ABOUT IT FEELS WRONG.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] YEP. EVERYONE IS LOOKING FOR CHEAPER
OPTIONS WHICH EXPLAINS THIS NEW JINGLE I SAW TODAY * AVOCADOS FROM
NEW JERSEY * THERE YOU GO, 'EY! [ LAUGHTER ]
"I GOT YOUR AVOCADOS RIGHT HERE." [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
>> Steve: "A COUPLE OF 'EM, 'EY. >> Jimmy: AND FINALLY, POLICE
SAY THE GENERAL MANAGER OF A A DENNY'S IN PENNSYLVANIA EMBEZZLED OVER $200,000 FROM
THE RESTAURANT [ AUDIENCE OHS ] IT'S SERIOUS
IF CHARGED, THE MANAGER COULD FACE TEN YEARS IN THE GRAND SLAMMER.
THERE YOU GO - [ LAUGHTER ] WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW, GIVE IT
UP FOR THE ROOTS, EVERYBODY.
*
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: VERY NICE, THANK YOU,
ROOTS. I APPRECIATE THAT. I COULDN'T EVEN GET TO THE END
OF THAT PUNCHLINE. >> Steve: "GRAND SLAMMER," THAT'S A GREAT JOKE, COME ON
>> Jimmy: YEAH, I WAS LIKE, "GRAND SLAMMER," EVERYONE SAW IT COMING.
I DID SAY IT [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] GUYS, WHAT A SHOW WE HAVE FOR
YOU TONIGHT. HE STARS IN THE NEW MARVEL FILM "MORBIUS," WHICH HITS THEATERS
AND IMAX THIS FRIDAY JARED LETO IS HERE >> Steve: OH
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: "MORBIUS," IT'S GOOD HE'S ALWAYS FUN.
>> Steve: COME ON. >> Jimmy: PLUS, HE DIRECTS, WRITES, AND STARS IN THE SERIES
"THE OUTLAWS," WHICH IS AVAILABLE THIS FRIDAY ON PRIME VIDEO.
STEPHEN MERCHANT IS HERE [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE VERY FUNNY HUMAN
SPEAKING OF FUNNY, WE HAVE GREAT STANDUP FROM TAYLOR TOMLINSON
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Steve: OH [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: "LOOK AT YOU!" STREAMING ON NETFLIX TAYLOR TOMLINSON
HEY, EVERYONE, IT IS NANA WEEK AND MY NEW CHILDREN'S BOOK, "NANA LOVES YOU MORE" IS OUT
TODAY! IT'S PUB DAY [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* IT IS -- THEY CALL -- THEY CALL IT "PUB DAY.
>> Steve: "PUB DAY." >> Jimmy: PUBLISHING DAY >> Steve: OH
>> Jimmy: AND IT'S CALLED PUB DAY. IT'S A LITTLE INSIDE
BUSINESS -- YEAH >> Steve: SO, YOU GO TO A PUB. >> Jimmy: I WENT TO A PUB AND
GOT SMASHED, TODAY, YEAH >> Steve: YEAH [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: NO, I GOT A LOT -- SAY "HAPPY PUB DAY," AND THAT'S WHAT IT MEANS.
>> Steve: OH >> Jimmy: PUBLISHING YEAH
DO YOU WANT ME TO READ YOU A A PAGE >> Steve: PLEASE
>> Jimmy: WHICH ONE? >> Steve: NOT THE SUPER SAD ONE, I DON'T WANT TO CRY
>> Jimmy: NO, THERE'S ONLY ONE KIND OF, LITTLE SAD ONE IN THERE.
BUT IT'S NOT THAT SAD. >> Steve: RIGHT. READ THAT ONE.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: YOU PICKED A GOOD ONE.
>> Steve: OH [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] *
>> Jimmy: "MORE THAN GOLD OR TREASURE OR MONEY? YOU ARE MY TREASURE.
YOU ARE MY HONEY." [ AUDIENCE AWS ] >> Steve: OH
[ APPLAUSE ] OH SNAP
>> Jimmy: ANYWAY, THAT'S JUST ONE OF THE MEMORIES YOU'LL MAKE
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] WHEN YOU READ THIS >> Steve: AND IT'S $16,000
>> Jimmy: $16,000, YEAH. >> Steve: WOW. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: IN -- IN CRYPTO BUCKS. >> Steve: OH, CRYPTO BUCKS
>> Jimmy: YEAH >> Steve: AND -- >> Jimmy: YOU PLAY -- YOU PAY
30 JIMMY COIN -- >> Steve: RIGHT. >> Jimmy: -- FOR THIS.
>> Steve: SURE >> Jimmy: AND YOU GET -- IT'S ONLY LIKE, WORTH, LIKE, FOUR
ETHEREUM YOU GET -- YOU GET 30 JIMMY COIN.
>> Steve: RIGHT. SOME - >> Jimmy: YOU GET --
>> Steve: APE COIN >> Jimmy: YEP, YOU GET APE COIN, OF COURSE.
OBVIOUSLY, DOGE DOLLAR YOU GET -- >> Steve: KOHL'S CASH.
>> Jimmy: YEP. YOU GET -- UH, YEAH. DESK COIN, YOU GET THAT.
YOU TRADE IN THAT. YOU GOTTA WAIT A WEEK. >> Steve: YOU GOTTA WAIT A
A WEEK, OR ELSE IT TRANSFORMS. >> Jimmy: OH, IT'S GOING TO GO DOWN
YOU'LL LOSE ALL YOU -- >> Steve: YEAH IF YOU DON'T, THEY CHARGE
A FEE. >> Jimmy: -- NOW, IT'LL GO DOWN
I WOULD WAIT A WEEK AND THEN BUY THIS >> Steve: YEAH, YEAH
>> Jimmy: AND THEN - [ WHISTLES ] >> Steve: YEAH, THEN -
>> Jimmy: THEN SELL IT AGAIN >> Steve: YEAH, AS AN NFT. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: AS AN NFT. >> Steve: RIGHT. >> Jimmy: THEN BUY IT BACK WITH
AN AMERICAN DOLLAR >> Steve: YEAH [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: SELL IT FOR GAS MONEY. >> Steve: YEAH
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: SO ALL WEEK LONG, WE'RE GONNA -- WE'RE GIVING
SOME LOVE TO ALL THE GRANDMAS OUT THERE. ALL THE NANAS, ALL THE
GAM-GAMS, ALL MEE-MAWS YEAH, ALL THE NONNAS [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Steve: ABUELAS! >> Jimmy: THE ABUELAS IN THE WORLD, WITHOUT YOU, WHAT WOULD
WE BE? WE LOVE YOU. AND TO SHOW YOU HOW MUCH WE
LOVE YOU, EACH NIGHT THIS WEEK WE'RE SHINING A SPOTLIGHT ON A A TALENTED GRANDMA ON OUR SHOW
SO TONIGHT'S NANA IS DOROTHEA TAYLOR. SHE IS 71 YEARS OLD, AND SHE'S
FROM MYRTLE BEACH, SOUTH CAROLINA AND TONIGHT, SHE'S GOING TO
PLAY THE DRUMS FOR US. COME ON OUT HERE, DOROTHEA >> Steve: YEAH
* >> Jimmy: DOROTHEA
WELCOME TO "THE TONIGHT SHOW." THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE
I KNOW YOU HAVE THREE CHILDREN HOW MANY GRANDKIDS DO YOU HAVE >> I HAVE TWO GRANDCHILDREN.
ONE, 13, WHO'S GOING TO BE A A MUSICIAN TOO, AND AN 8-MONTH-OLD.
[ AUDIENCE AWS ] >> Jimmy: AW, COME ON. WELL, YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THAT
BOOK >> BRAND NEW >> Jimmy: CONGRATULATIONS.
YOU'RE GOING TO PLAY THE DRUMS FOR US, BUT I HEARD THAT YOU HAD A SPECIAL REQUEST.
>> I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE A DRUM-OFF WITH QUESTLOVE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: A DRUM-OFF WITH QUESTLOVE. NOW WE'RE TALKING!
ARE THESE DRUMS PERFECTLY FINE FOR YOU HERE >> THESE ARE PERFECTLY FINE.
I HAVE A KIT JUST LIKE THIS AT HOME THAT I GIG OUT WITH >> Jimmy: YEAH
PERFECT. THEN WHY DON'T YOU GET UP THERE, GET READY TO GO
WE'RE GONNA START THIS DRUM-OFF [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
CAN I DO ANYTHING FOR YOU? * HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN PLAYING
THE DRUMS? >> 58 YEARS. >> Jimmy: HEY!
THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. [ APPLAUSE ] I THINK YOU KNOW WHAT'S UP
QUEST, YOU BETTER BRING -- YOU BETTER BRING YOUR A-GAME, BUDDY.
>> Questlove: I HOPE SO. I'VE ONLY BEEN PLAYING FOR 58 MONTHS.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: UH, DOROTHEA, WHENEVER YOU'RE READY, LET THE
DRUM-OFF BEGIN >> OKAY. *
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
* [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* *
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: OH YES!
YEAH YEAH JUST -- DON'T EVEN
* YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT, YEAH [ APPLAUSE ]
DOROTHEA, WAIT, I HAVE AN IDEA FOR THIS LAST ONE. THAT WAS AMAZING, BY THE WAY
FOR THIS LAST ONE -- HOW ABOUT SOMETHING THAT QUESTLOVE HIMSELF HAD A LITTLE TROUBLE
DOING WHEN - >> Questlove: PHIL >> Jimmy: PHIL COLLINS WAS
ON - >> Questlove: AW, MAN, COME ON >> Jimmy: PHIL COLLINS WAS ON
THE SHOW, AND WE REALLY HYPED UP THAT SOLO FROM "IN THE AIR TONIGHT.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] [ IMITATING DRUM SOLO AND THEN WHEN PHIL CAME ON TO
PLAY IT WITH US AND QUEST, I JUST KIND OF SNUCK AROUND AND STARED AT QUEST.
FOR LIKE - >> Questlove: HE STARTED ME RIGHT AT THAT MOMENT
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: UH, CAN YOU -- WHAT DO YOU THINK
CAN YOU DO THE CLASSIC DRUM SOLO FROM "IN THE AIR TONIGHT," PHIL COLLINS
>> I'LL TRY IT >> Jimmy: OKAY, BUDDY. *
>> Jimmy: THAT'S IT! THAT'S HOW YOU DO IT
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THAT'S RIGHT GIVE IT UP FOR DOROTHEA TAYLOR,
EVERYBODY! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE STICK AROUND
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE "TONIGHT SHOW. COME ON BACK
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * * LET US PLAY WITH YOUR LOO
LET US PLAY WITH YOUR LOOK * * LET US PLAY WITH YOUR LOO LET US PLAY WITH YOUR LOOK *
>> Steve: AND NOW, IT'S TIME ONCE AGAIN FOR "LET US PLAY WITH YOUR LOOK."
* * LET US PLAY WITH YOUR LOO
LET US PLAY WITH YOUR LOOK LET US PLAY WITH YOUR LOOK LET US PLAY WITH YOUR LOOK *
* LET US PLAY WITH YOUR LOO LET US PLAY WITH YOUR LOOK LET US PLAY WITH YOUR LOOK
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE LET US PLAY WITH YOUR LOOK LET US PLAY WITH YOUR LOOK *
* LET US PLAY WITH YOUR LOO LET US PLAY WITH YOUR LOOK LET US PLAY WITH YOUR LOOK
LET US PLAY WITH YOUR LOOK * * LET US PLAY WITH YOUR LOO
LET US PLAY WITH YOUR LOOK LET US PLAY WITH YOUR LOOK LET US PLAY WITH YOUR LOOK
LET US PLAY WITH YOUR LOOK * * LET US PLAY WITH YOUR LOO LET US PLAY WITH YOUR LOOK
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE LET US PLAY WITH YOUR LOOK LET US PLAY WITH YOUR LOOK
LET US PLAY WITH YOUR LOOK * * LET US PLAY WITH YOUR LOO LET US PLAY WITH YOUR LOOK
LET US PLAY WITH YOUR LOOK * * LET US PLAY WITH YOUR LOO
LET US PLAY WITH YOUR LOOK LET US PLAY WITH YOUR LOOK LET US PLAY WITH YOUR LOOK *
* LET US PLAY WITH YOUR LOO LET US PLAY WITH YOUR LOOK LET US PLAY WITH YOUR LOOK
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] * * LET US PLAY WITH YOUR LOO
LET US PLAY WITH YOUR LOOK * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
[ LAUGHTER ] * [ LAUGHTER ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Steve: THIS HAS BEEN, "LET US PLAY WITH YOUR LOOK."
* >> I JUST REALIZED I FORGOT TO WEAR A SHIRT
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: I JUST REALIZED THAT I REMEMBERED TO WEAR A SHIRT
>> Jimmy: OUR FIRST GUEST IS AN OSCAR-WINNING ACTOR WHO STARS IN THE NEW MARVEL FILM
"MORBIUS" WHICH IS IN THEATERS AND IMAX THIS FRIDAY PLEASE WELCOME JARED LETO!
* >> Jimmy: THAT'S MY MAN
JARED LETO MY FAVE! COME ON, BUD
THANKS SO MUCH FOR COMING BACK ON THE SHOW. >> SO HAPPY TO BE HERE
HEY, GUYS, HOW YOU DOING >> Jimmy: YEAH >> I JUST REALIZED I FORGOT TO
WEAR A SHIRT [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: I JUST REALIZED -- I
JUST REALIZED THAT I REMEMBERED TO WEAR A SHIRT. [ LAUGHTER ]
THAT'S USUALLY MY LOOK >> WE COULD TRADE OFF. >> Jimmy: HOW SAD WOULD THAT
BE BEFORE WE GET IN TO "MORBIUS," BY THE WAY, I'M SO PSYCHED TO
TALK TO YOU ABOUT THAT IT IS NANA WEEK HERE AT THE SHOW
AND I HAVE A PHOTO HERE OF YOU BRINGING YOUR GRANDMA RUBY TO A PREMIER IN 2004.
[ AUDIENCE AWS ] >> YEAH. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: A LITTLE CHEEK PINCH RIGHT THERE. >> SHE GOT AHOLD AND DIDN'T LET
GO >> Jimmy: YEAH BUT YOU WERE TELLING ME THAT
YOUR OSCAR-WINNING PERFORMANCE IN "DALLAS BUYERS CLUB," YOU TOOK SOME OF HER MANNERISMS.
>> YOU KNOW WHAT, SHE HAD A HEART OF GOLD. SHE WAS, LIKE, THE
QUINTESSENTIAL SOUTHERN GRANDMOTHER. AND WHEN SHE WASN'T CHASING ME
AROUND WITH A FLY SWATTER -- [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: SHE DID?
>> DON'T ACT LIKE YOU'VE NEVER BEEN SCHOOLED BY YOUR GRANDMA. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: YEAH >> I LEARNED A LOT OF LESSONS. >> Jimmy: OF COURSE, THAT'S
WHAT GRANDMA DOES. >> SHE WASN'T AFRAID TO TEACH ME
BUT ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW WHAT'S FUNNY IS, SHE WAS THE FIRST PERSON -- I SAW THE ORIGINAL
"DRACULA" BECAUSE OF HER I WAS UP LATE AT NIGHT THERE WAS A GIANT COCKROACH
THAT RAN ACROSS MY NECK. THAT'S ANOTHER STORY [ LAUGHTER ]
I WAS SLEEPING ON THE FLOOR, WHICH YOU DO WHEN YOU'RE A KID >> Jimmy: OF COURSE.
>> THAT'S NORMAL >> Jimmy: I DO IT AS AN ADULT. [ LAUGHTER ]
IT DEPENDS ON WHAT NIGHT IT IS >> YEAH. A COCKROACH, IT WAS A CRAZY
THING, IT WAS HYSTERICAL -- BUT ANYWAY, I WAS UP AND SHE LET ME STAY UP AND
WATCH THE ORIGINAL "DRACULA" WITH HER AND THAT'S WHEN I FELL IN LOVE
WITH VAMPIRES. TRUE STORY >> Jimmy: WOW.
NO WAY >> YEAH. GRANDMA RUBY
>> Jimmy: GRANDMA RUBY, SHOUTOUT TO HER, YEAH! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
I WANT TO GET INTO "MORBIUS," BUT FIRST, YOUR SHOW "WE CRASHED" STARTED STREAMING
EARLIER THIS MONTH ON APPLE TV PLUS EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT IT
YOU'RE, LIKE, TRENDING EVERY OTHER DAY. >> I APPRECIATE THAT ONE BIT OF
APPLAUSE THAT WAS VERY NICE [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: YEAH, THAT ONE PERSON YEAH
BUT IT IS. PEOPLE ARE TALKING ABOUT THIS. >> YEAH.
IT'S A FUN ONE >> Jimmy: IT'S A REAL STORY. YOU PLAY A REAL GUY --
ADAM NEUMANN >> YEAH, ADAM NEUMANN WHO STARTED A LITTLE COMPANY CALLED
"WE WORK." AND GREW IT FROM NOTHING INTO A $47 BILLION EMPIRE
HAD A LOT OF SUCCESS A LOT OF FAILURE AND WE EXAMINED THIS CRAZY
STORY. REALLY COLORFUL CHARACTER. BUT IT WAS A BLAST
I DO IT WITH ANNIE HATHAWAY. >> Jimmy: YEAH, BOTH OF YOU GUYS ARE FANTASTIC
>> THANK YOU >> Jimmy: GETTING GREAT REVIEWS.
YOU GET THE ACCENTS DOWN YOU KNOW -- IT'S -- IS IT AN ISRAELI ACCENT
>> IT'S AN ISRAELI ACCENT, YEAH I HAD A GREAT TEAM OF ISRAELIS
HELPING ME OUT AND GUIDING ME, BEATING ME UP. COACHING ME.
>> Jimmy: TELLING YOU THAT'S WRONG. >> MAKING SURE I NEVER -- I
DIDN'T STRAY FROM THE BATH >> Jimmy: YES. >> YOU KNOW, BUT THEY WERE
VERY -- THEY WEREN'T DELICATE BUT THEY WERE VERY -- THEY WERE AMAZING.
>> Jimmy: DID YOU EVER GET TO MEET THE GUY YOU WERE PLAYING? >> YOU KNOW, I DID ACTUALLY.
I HAD A TOP SECRET MEETING WITH HIM. AND TOP SECRET BECAUSE IT WAS
TOP SECRET >> Jimmy: OF COURSE. [ LAUGHTER ]
SAY NO MORE. >> HE SPILLED THE BEANS RECENTLY, SO NOW I CAN TALK
ABOUT IT BUT I MET HIM. I THOUGHT HE WAS A LOVELY GUY.
>> Jimmy: AND, WELL, I CAN TELL YOU, I WATCHED "MORBIUS. IT IS A GIANT MARVEL MOVIE, AND
YOU'RE THE FIRST TO ACTUALLY TAKE HIM FROM COMIC BOOK TO THE SCREEN
HERE IS "MORBIUS" RIGHT HERE CHARMING LOOKING GUY [ LAUGHTER ]
HE IS NEITHER GOOD NOR EVIL, I WOULD SAY. >> NO, HE'S SOMETHING IN
BETWEEN. >> Jimmy: YEAH >> THAT DELICATE DANCE BETWEEN
GOOD AND EVIL. BUT I LIKE THE COMPLEXITY. I DEFINITELY DON'T HAVE THAT
NINE PACK RIGHT THERE. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: THEY DID THROW AN
EXTRA TWO OR THREE ABS IN THERE. [ LAUGHTER ]
BUT YOU DO HAVE -- YOUR BODY GOES FROM FRAIL INTO -- BASICALLY, YOU FEEL BAD FOR YOU
FROM THE FIRST SCENE I'M LIKE ROOTING FOR YOU SINCE DAY ONE.
>> YEAH. I START OFF PLAYING DR. MICHAEL MORBIUS, WHO'S THIS
BRILLIANT SCIENTIST AND DOCTOR WHO'S SEARCHING FOR A VERY -- A CURE TO A REALLY RARE
DISEASE. HE'S SICK, AND HE'S FRAIL, AND HE'S REALLY DYING BEFORE OUR
EYES SO, THAT WAS INCREDIBLY CHALLENGING.
AND THEN HE BECOMES STRONG AND POWERFUL AND THEN ULTIMATELY,
MONSTEROUS >> Jimmy: WELL, YOUR CHARACTER INVENTS AN ARTIFICIAL BLOOD
WHICH SAVES SO MANY DISEASES, AND ACTUALLY GETS AWARD WINNING.
AND YOU'RE A GREAT GUY, AND THAT'S AWESOME THAT YOU DID THAT, BUT THEN YOU ALSO HAVE
YOUR OWN THING THAT YOU'RE DEALING WITH AND YOU GO, "YOU KNOW, I WANT
TO RESEARCH THESE VAMPIRE BATS IN COSTA RICA. AND LET'S SEE WHAT THEY'RE ALL
ABOUT, 'CAUSE THEY SUCK THE BLOOD, BUT MAYBE THERE'S A WAY THEY CAN TAKE OUT THE BLOOD.
>> YEAH. >> Jimmy: AND YOU MIX IT WITH YOURS.
AND THERE'S A LOT OF CENTRIFUGE IN THE MOVIE -- ANY FANS OF CENTRIFUGE
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] YOU GET TO SEE THAT IN THE FILM
>> AS SOON AS THOSE VIALS START SPINNING -- I'M IN >> Jimmy: YES, THAT'S WHEN THE
MOVIE STARTS GOING AND SO, YOU'RE LIKE, "MAYBE I CAN PUT --" 'CAUSE NOW YOU'RE
THIS FAMOUS DOCTOR "I COULD PUT A LITTLE VAMPIRE BAT BLOOD IN ME.
AND MAYBE SAVE ME, AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS. YOU TEST IT.
>> IT'S NOT THE WORST IDEA I'VE EVER HEARD >> Jimmy: NO, AND YOU'VE TRIED
DIFFERENT THINGS AND YOU DO IT, AND ALL THE SUDDEN YOU'RE ALL POWERFUL
>> YEAH. >> Jimmy: AND YOU CAN WALK AGAIN.
>> YEAH. >> Jimmy: AND YOU DON'T NEED CRUTCHES
>> YEAH. >> Jimmy: AND YOU'RE LIKE, "OH, WAIT, WHAT'S GOING ON?
THEN YOU JUST START TURNING INTO A VAMPIRE, A BAT. >> YES
>> Jimmy: FRIGHTENING. >> YES [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
[ HISSING YES. >> Jimmy: YES.
FRIGHTENING. >> BY THE WAY, THAT WAS PRETTY GOOD
>> Jimmy: THANK YOU, I AUDITIONED FOR IT. YEAH
I DIDN'T GET IT. I AUDITIONED TO PLAY YOUR LITTLE BROTHER
I WAS LIKE, YEAH IF THERE IS A SEQUEL, YOU KNOW, YOU CAN GIVE ME A CALL
>> I WOULD LOVE TO SEE HIM IN A SEQUEL, WOULD YOU NOT? >> Jimmy: YEAH
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE "HERE'S YOUR COFFEE, DR. MORBIUS.
>> YOU SHOULD PUT A SCENE IN THERE. >> Jimmy: "HERE'S YOUR COFFEE,
DR. MORBIUS. >> "OH, THANK YOU. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: I WOULD LOVE TO BE - BUT THEN YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS IN THE MOVIE, AND YOU START
ROOTING FOR YOU. AND YOU GO, "WE NEED MORBIUS." >> YEAH, WE DO
>> Jimmy: TO STOP THE EVIL >> WE NEED MORBIUS TO STOP THE EVIL, THAT'S FOR SURE.
YOU KNOW WHAT, I HAVE TO SAY THIS IS THE FIRST TIME THAT I'VE EVER STARRED IN A VERY --
A HUGE FILM LIKE THIS. I'VE NEVER -- MY WHOLE CAREER, I'VE MADE MOSTLY INDEPENDENT
FILMS AND MADE A CAREER OUT OF PLAYING SMALLER PARTS. BUT THIS IS, LIKE, THE FIRST
TIME I'VE EVER STARRED IN A BIG MARVEL MOVIE LIKE THIS AND I'M INCREDIBLY EXCITED
AND IT'S THE FIRST TIME THAT MORBIUS HAS EVER BEEN ON THE SCREEN
SO THAT WAS A BIG HONOR TO GET ASKED TO BRING THIS CHARACTER TO LIFE.
>> Jimmy: IT'S GIANT GO SEE IT IN THE THEATERS. GO SEE IT IN IMAX.
GET POPCORN. IT'S LOUD, IT'S FUN, IT'S EXCITING
AND HE'S - >> DRINK A LITTLE BLOOD IF YOU WANT
>> Jimmy: NO, NO, YEAH, THE RIGHT TYPE, OF COURSE. I HAVE TO ASK YOU ABOUT THIS
YOU DON'T HAVE TO ANSWER OR ANYTHING BUT YOU WERE CAUSING A LITTLE
BIT OF STIR, WHICH YOU TEND TO DO --BUT YOU WERE AT THE "SPIDER-MAN: NO WAY HOME"
PREMIERE >> YES >> Jimmy: AND YOU GO THERE, AND
EVERYONE IS LIKE, "AW, COOL, JARED LETO IS AWESOME. HE'S A STUD.
WE LOVE THIS GUY." AND THEN SOMEONE ZOOMED IN, AND YOU WERE WEARING THIS NECKLACE
IT SAYS, JUST THE NUMBER SIX NOW. THERE IS A WAY -- THERE'S
A THING CALLED THE SINISTER SIX -- I DON'T KNOW IF YOU HEARD?
MORBIUS, SPIDERMAN, SAYING THINGS HAPPEN. THIS IS HERE
YOU'RE HERE. WHAT JUST WENT DOWN RIGHT NOW? I SHOWED THAT PHOTO.
YOUR REACTION IS VERY POKER FACE YOU KNOW
>> IT WAS ACTUALLY MEANT TO BE A NINE IT JUST GOT FLIPPED.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: OH, MY GOD THAT'S WHAT IT IS.
SORRY ABOUT THAT OH, NOW I GET IT THERE YOU GO
IT'S ALL RIGHT THERE YOU GO I TAKE IT BACK
SORRY. I APOLOGIZE. [ LAUGHTER ]
THERE'S NO TRUTH TO THAT I WANT TO SHOW EVERYONE A CLIP, HERE IS JARED LETO IS
"MORBIUS." TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.
* [ WIND HOWLING ] *
*
>> Jimmy: OH, IT'S FUN
JARED LETO, EVERYBODY! "MORBIUS" HITS THEATERS THIS WEEKEND.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH STEPHEN MERCHANT STICK AROUND, EVERYBODY.
COME ON BACK [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
>> Jimmy: OUR NEXT GUEST DIRECTS, WRITES, AND STARS IN THE NEW SERIES "THE OUTLAWS"
WHICH IS AVAILABLE THIS FRIDAY ON PRIME VIDEO EVERYONE PLEASE WELCOME
STEPHEN MERCHANT
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* >> Jimmy: IT'S GREAT TO SEE YOU.
STEPHEN MERCHANT ONE OF MY FAVS THANKS FOR COMING BACK TO THE
SHOW >> I LOVE YOU, BROTHER I LOVE BEING ON THE SHOW
IT IS NANA WEEK HERE AT THE SHOW AND I WAS TALKING TO YOU BACKSTAGE.
AND I WAS SAYING DO YOU HAVE ANY FOND MEMORY OF YOUR GRANDMA?
>> MY GRANDMOTHER -- A LOVELY WOMAN A DEAR SWEET WOMAN, IRENE.
BUT NOT AN OPTIMISTIC LADY [ LAUGHTER ] YOU KNOW HOW THERE'S LIKE --
THERE'S PEOPLE WHO ARE KIND OF GLASS HALF FULL? >> Jimmy: YES.
>> AND THERE ARE SOME WHO ARE GLASS HALF EMPTY IRENE -- THERE IS NOTHING IN
THE GLASS. [ LAUGHTER ] THE GLASS HAS BEEN KNOCKED OFF
THE TABLE, SMASHED AND THROWN IN THE TRASH >> Jimmy: OH, INTERESTING.
>> AND LIKE, JUST SO - LIKE, I REMEMBER WHEN I WAS LIKE 13.
I SAID -- SHE SAID TO ME, "WHAT YOU WOULD LIKE FOR CHRISTMAS WHAT GIFT WOULD YOU LIKE?"
I SAID, "I WOULD LOVE AN OVERCOAT, LIKE GRANDAD." MY GRANDAD HAD THIS LOVELY
OVERCOAT WITH THIS BIG, KIND OF -- SORT OF SHEEPSKIN COLLAR I WAS LIKE, "COULD I GET ONE
LIKE THAT? AND SHE SAID, "WELL, YOU CAN HAVE HIS."
AND I SAID, "WELL, DOESN'T GRANDAD NEED IT? AND SHE SAID, "HE'LL PROBABLY
BE DEAD SOON." [ LAUGHTER ] HONESTLY, SHE SAID, "YOU KNOW,
HIS HEART'S NOT WHAT IT WAS. HE LIVED FOR 20 YEARS AFTER THAT
I WAS FREEZING [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: DOES IT FEEL GOOD TO
BE IN FRONT OF AN AUDIENCE >> IT'S SO LOVELY TO BE BACK IN FRONT OF REAL PEOPLE
>> Jimmy: IT IS PRETTY GREAT, RIGHT? [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> IT'S GREAT TO BE -- IT'S GREAT TO BE IN FRONT OF AN AUDIENCE
IT'S GREAT TO BE BACK IN THE AUDIENCE, YOU KNOW, GOING TO SHOWS AGAIN.
GOING TO THEATER SHOWS >> Jimmy: I KNOW YOU'RE A BIG MUSIC FAN.
>> LOVE GOING TO LIVE MUSIC. THE LAST TIME I WENT TO A CONCERT WAS BEFORE COVID WAS
THE BOSS -- WAS BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN. I SAW HIM ON BROADWAY.
I SAW HIM IN L.A TWO SHOWS IN L.A >> Jimmy: YOU'RE A BIG
SPRINGSTEEN FAN? >> LOVE THE BOSS ABSOLUTELY ADORE THE MAN
I WENT -- THE ONLY PROBLEM IS I WENT TO SEE BRUCE AT THE FORUM IN L.A
AND I -- I VERY NEARLY BROKE HIS NECK [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, EXPLAIN THIS TO ME NOW >> YEAH, YEAH.
SO I LOVE THE BOSS AND I WENT DOWN THERE AND WENT TO THE SHOW ONE.
AND DURING THE SHOW, DURING "HUNGRY HEART," HE FALLS OUT INTO THE CROWD
AND THE CROWD KIND OF CARRY HIM ON THEIR HANDS >> Jimmy: OH, YEAH
CROWD SURF >> FROM THE STAGE -- CROWD SURFING, RIGHT
AND SO I'M LOVING -- I'M WATCHING THIS. I WAS VIDEOING IT.
I DID THE HOLDING. I JUST LOVED IT. >> Jimmy: HE'S A GOD
>> AND I THOUGHT, "I'M GOING TO GO BACK NIGHT TWO. 'CAUSE I WANT A PIECE OF THAT
ACTION." I WANT TO BE ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE THAT GETS TO TOUCH THE
GREAT MAN, RIGHT >> Jimmy: YEAH >> SO I GO BACK.
I GET A SECOND TICKET. I KNOW WHERE HE'S GOING TO BE. YOU KNOW, AT WHAT TIME
I KNOW WHAT HE'S GOING TO DO I'M THINKING, "I'M GOING TO TOUCH THIS 70-YEAR-OLD MAN!"
[ LAUGHTER ] YOU KNOW, I'M LIKE A STALKER IN A RETIREMENT VILLAGE
LIKE, I'M REALLY - I'M JUST WAITING FOR HIM TO COME OUT, RIGHT?
SO HE -- I GET INTO POSITION AND I'M WAITING FOR HIM. AND HE COMES OUT AND HE FALLS
INTO THE CROWD * EVERYBODY HAS A HUNGRY HEART *
AND HE'S COMING TOWARDS ME I'M BRACING MYSELF FOR HIM AND THE BOSS -- AND I BRACE
MYSELF AND I RECEIVE THE BOSS BUT I FORGET THAT I'M 6'7.
SO HE STARTS GOING UPWARDS AND I'M HOLDING HIM. AND THE PERSON BEHIND ME IS
LIKE REGULAR HEIGHT. AND THEY CAN'T REACH HIM >> Jimmy: NO
[ LAUGHTER ] >> AND SO NOW I'M LIKE - THERE'S A MOMENT IN TIME WHERE
I'M TAKING THE FULL WEIGHT OF BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN. I'M HOLDING THE BOSS
AND YOU KNOW WHAT, LIKE, HE'S A SMALL MAN. BUT HE'S A LOT HEAVIER THAN
YOU'D THINK. >> Jimmy: YEAH >> LIKE, HAVE YOU EVER TRIED TO
MOVE A SOFA BED? YOU KNOW, LIKE, THEY'RE HEAVIER THAN THEY LOOK
>> Jimmy: YES, HE'S A STURDY, STURDY MAN >> WELL, HE'S DENSE WITH
TALENT >> Jimmy: HE'S DENSE WITH TALENT
>> AND I'M HOLDING HIM LIKE THIS AND I HAVE A VISION OF MY
GRANDMOTHER SAYING, "YOU SHOULD NEVER HOLD ROCK STARS. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: YOU ALMOST KILLED BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN, YEAH! [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
>> YEAH, SO I JUST -- I HAD TO, LIKE, BEND AT THE KNEES AND, LIKE, FINALLY HAND HIM OFF TO
THE OTHER PERSON AND HE WAS SINGING THE WHOLE TIME
HE DIDN'T NOTICE >> Jimmy: YOU SAVED HIS LIFE >> SAVED HIS LIFE.
>> Jimmy: YEAH WELL, BRUCE, IF YOU'RE WATCHING, THAT WAS STEPHEN WHO
SAVED YOUR LIFE AT THE FORUM SECOND NIGHT, NUMBER TWO AT THE FORUM.
>> NIGHT NUMBER TWO. >> Jimmy: I WANT TO TALK ABOUT "THE OUTLAWS."
CONGRATULATIONS ON THIS. YOU WRITE -- YOU WRITE THIS. IT'S A COMEDY DRAMA SERIES
>> YEAH. >> Jimmy: WHICH I THINK YOU'RE GREAT AT, TOO.
'CAUSE I THINK YOU'RE ALSO A A VERY GOOD DRAMATIC ACTOR BUT THIS, HOW DID YOU COME UP
WITH THIS IDEA >> MY PARENTS USED TO WORK WHEN I WAS GROWING UP FOR COMMUNITY
SERVICE. YOU KNOW, IF YOU GET, LIKE, A DUI OR SOME OTHER CRIME, THEY
DON'T SEND YOU TO PRISON NECESSARILY. THEY MAKE YOU PICK UP GARBAGE
OR, YOU KNOW, RENOVATE A A BUILDING AS A PUNISHMENT AND MY PARENTS WERE INVOLVED
WITH THAT WHEN I WAS GROWING UP AND I ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT WAS
AN INTERESTING AREA FOR A COMEDY OR A DRAMA. BECAUSE YOU'D HAVE VERY
UNLIKELY PEOPLE SORT OF COMING THROUGH. LIKE, MY MOTHER, THERE WAS A
A KID WHO I WENT TO SCHOOL WITH, DAVE, WHO -- HE WAS ALWAYS COMING THROUGH.
AND HE WAS THE WORLD'S LAZIEST THIEF. AND ONE TIME, DAVE GOT CAUGHT
IN A HOUSE STEALING THE TV AND THE HOMEOWNERS CAME IN THEY'RE LIKE, "DAVE, WHAT YOU
ARE DOING? AND HE'S LIKE "I'M NOT DAVE. AND THEY'RE LIKE "YEAH, YOU
ARE. YOU LIVE NEXT DOOR." [ LAUGHTER ]
HE DIDN'T EVEN GO A BLOCK OVER HE WAS STEALING FROM HIS OWN NEIGHBORS.
SO, THERE WAS PEOPLE LIKE THAT COME THROUGH AND I JUST THOUGHT WHAT AN
INTERESTING IDEA LIKE, WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE WHY ARE THEY DOING COMMUNITY
SERVICE? AND LET'S MAKE THAT INTO A A SHOW
>> Jimmy: AND THEY HAVE TO COME TOGETHER YOU HAVE A GREAT CAST AND ONE
OF MY FAVORITES, CHRISTOPHER WALKEN IN THIS SHOW
AND GOSH, HE IS A TREASURE, MAN. >> HE'S AMAZING.
HE'S A BRILLIANT GUY AMAZING IN THE SHOW. FANTASTIC.
AN HONOR TO HAVE HIM >> Jimmy: HE'S ONE OF THE GREATEST
AND YOU GOT TO FILM IN YOUR HOMETOWN >> I FILMED IN MY HOMETOWN IN
THE U.K. AND, WE SAID TO HIM, IS THERE ANYTHING YOU WANT TO DO IN
ENGLAND, HE SAID I'D LOVE TO GO TO STONEHENGE. >> Jimmy: YEAH
>> SO WE WENT -- I TOOK CHRISTOPHER WALKEN TO STONEHENGE
>> Jimmy: THIS IS REAL LIKE, THIS IS HONESTLY -- TALK ABOUT GOALS.
>> RIGHT >> Jimmy: HERE IS YOU AND CHRISTOPHER WALKEN AT
STONEHENGE [ AUDIENCE OHS ] THAT'S AMAZING
>> ISN'T THAT LOVELY >> Jimmy: YEAH, I LOVE THAT. [ APPLAUSE ]
DID HE - DID HE ENJOY IT? DID HE -
>> AGAIN, HE DIDN'T SAY MUCH AND THEN AT ONE POINT, LIKE, WE'D BEEN THERE FOR AN HOUR AND
HE JUST SAID "APPARENTLY THE BLUE STONES HAVE HEALING PROPERTIES."
[ LAUGHTER ] OKAY >> Jimmy: WOW.
>> IS THAT HOW WE WOULD -- HOW WOULD HE SAY THAT? >> Jimmy: YEAH, YEAH
"APPARENTLY, THE BLUE STONES HAVE HEALING PROPERTIES. >> EXACTLY
EXACTLY. * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
SO, HE SAID -- HE SAID, "MAY I TOUCH THE STONE?" TO THE GUIDE AND IT'S SUCH A BRITISH THING.
SHE SAID, "NO. [ LAUGHTER ] I'M LIKE "REALLY
YOU CAN'T LET CHRISTOPHER WALKEN TOUCH ONE OF THE STONES
THEY'VE BEEN HERE 5,000 YEARS. >> Jimmy: HE'S A LEGEND, YEAH. >> COME ON
WHAT DO YOU DO TAKE THEM IN AT NIGHT? OF COURSE PEOPLE TOUCH THE
STONES >> Jimmy: OF COURSE. >> THEY'RE NOT LIKE LAWN
FURNITURE. YOU DON'T COVER THEM UP. BUT SHE WOULDN'T -- SHE
WOULDN'T LET HIM DO IT >> Jimmy: YEAH I THINK IT'S A BUCKET LIST
THING THAT YOU PROBABLY NEVER THOUGHT WOULD BE IN YOUR BUCKET
YEAH IT'S LIKE, "WOW, I'M AT STONEHENGE WITH
CHRISTOPHER WALKEN LIFE IS GOOD." >> IT'S REALLY -
THAT WAS A SURREAL MOMENT. >> Jimmy: I WANT TO SHOW EVERYONE A CLIP.
HERE'S STEPHEN MERCHANT IN "THE OUTLAWS. TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.
>> GREG, WHAT'S YOUR SECRET? >> I'M A LAWYER.
>> KEEP THAT QUIET SHAMEFUL >> A LAWYER WHO'S BADLY
ORGANIZED, CAN'T REMEMBER CASE PRECIDENTS I USE WIKIPEDIA TO CONDUCT MOST
OF MY LEGAL RESEARCH I'VE MISSED COURT DEADLINES. I'VE FORGED SIGNATURES
>> WE'VE ALL DONE THAT >> IN MY OFFICE, I HAVE THIS COVER.
LIKE ONE OF THE CUPBOARD OF CHAOS. I'VE STUFFED EVERY LETTER,
WITNESS STATEMENT, AFFIDAVIT THAT'S PROOF OF MY INCOMPETENCE IN THERE
AND I CAN'T DESTROY THEM I CAN'T FILE THEM, SO I LIVE IN CONSTANT FEAR THAT SOMEONE WILL
OPEN THE CUPBOARD AND I'LL NEVER WORK IN LAW AGAIN. EVEN THOUGH I'M PROBABLY GOING
TO GET FIRED ANYWAY UNLESS I BRING IN SOME NEW CLIENTS. ACTUALLY, DOES ANYONE NEED A
A LAWYER I'VE GOT SOME BUSINESS CARDS HERE
>> OH, YEAH. YEAH THANK YOU.
>> HEY, ARE YOU ANY GOOD [ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: YEAH STEPHEN MERCHANT, EVERYBODY. SEASON ONE OF "THE OUTLAWS" IS
AVAILABLE THIS FRIDAY ON PRIME VIDEO. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH
STANDUP COMEDY FROM TAYLOR TOMLINSON COME ON BACK
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * >> Jimmy: OUR NEXT GUEST HAS A
A NEW STANDUP SPECIAL, "LOOK AT YOU" STREAMING NOW ON NETFLIX. PLEASE WELCOME THE VERY FUNNY
TAYLOR TOMLINSON
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> THANK YOU SO MUCH OH, MY GOD IT'S SO GOOD TO BE HERE.
IT IS A ROUGH COUPLE OF YEARS. I GOT BANGS AT ONE POINT THINGS GOT DARK.
I DIDN'T WANT BANGS. I JUST NEEDED PEOPLE TO CHECK ON ME, AND -
[ LAUGHTER ] IT WORKS, BY THE WAY YOU POST A SELFIE AND BANGS,
EVERYBODY'S LIKE, "FIRE EMOJI. YOU GO, GIRL!" THEN THEY TEXT YOU, LIKE, "YOU
OKAY?" [ LAUGHTER ] HERE'S WHAT I DID.
I GOT BANGS AND THEN TWO DAYS LATER I DID MUSHROOMS FOR THE FIRST TIME
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] AND AS SOON AS I DID THOSE MUSHROOMS, I WAS LIKE "I SHOULD
HAVE DONE THESE FIRST. [ LAUGHTER ] I WOULDN'T HAVE GOTTEN THESE
BANG IF I FORGAVE MYSELF, HUH? BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? HAVING BANGS FEELS EXACTLY LIKE
BEING ON MUSHROOMS THE WHOLE TIME YOU'RE JUST LOOKING AT YOUR FRIENDS LIKE,
"DO I DO LOOK WEIRD? [ LAUGHTER ] YOU GUYS WOULD TELL ME IF I
LOOKED WEIRD, RIGHT? [ LAUGHTER ] THEY'RE LIKE, "DON'T TELL HER.
SHE'LL FREAK OUT." [ LAUGHTER ] I FINALLY GOT AN
ANTI-DEPRESSANT THAT WORKS FOR ME, WHICH IS GREAT A LOT OF MY FRIENDS SCARED ME
BY GETTING ON THEM I HAVE A LOT OF FRIENDS WHO WERE LIKE, "I TRIED TO GET ON
ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, I DIDN'T LIKE HOW I FELT ON THEM I DIDN'T FEEL LIKE MYSELF ON
THEM." AND NOW THAT I'M ON THEM, I'M LIKE "YEAH, ME NEITHER
IT'S THE BEST! [ LAUGHTER ] AND I DO FEEL LIKE MYSELF.
I JUST FEEL LIKE NOW SOMEONE'S SITTING ON ME GOING, "SSYOUR HONOR.
STOP TALKING WE'RE TRYING TO HELP YOU YOU WILL RUIN EVERYTHING
GO TO SLEEP. CHOOSE A DIFFERENT ADVENTURE." [ LAUGHTER ]
I DIDN'T KNOW ANTI-DEPRESSANTS WERE AN OPTION WHEN I WAS GROWING UP
WHEN I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL, I WAS LIKE, "DAD, I THINK I'M DEPRESSED.
AND HE WAS LIKE, "YOU JUST NEED SOME PROTEIN GET A SCOOP OF PEANUT BUTTER."
[ LAUGHTER ] YEAH, THERE'S A LOT OF CONSERVATIVE DADS OUT THERE
JUST WHITE KNUCKLING IT THROUGH LIFE RIGHT NOW, CLINGING TO A JAR OF CHUNKY JIF LIKE IT'S
THE ANSWER JUST A BUOY IN THE STORM LIKE, "IT'LL PASS!
[ LAUGHTER ] THE ONLY MENTAL HEALTH ADVICE MY DAD EVER GAVE ME IS I WAS
HAVING PANIC ATTACKS IN HIGH SCHOOL AND I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT THEY
WERE AND I WAS LIKE, "I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WHEN I FEEL LIKE
THIS I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
AND HE GOES, "ALL RIGHT. ALL I CAN TELL YOU IS THAT WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE THIS, GET AS FAR
AWAY FROM THE PEOPLE YOU CARE ABOUT AS POSSIBLE. [ LAUGHTER ]
UNTIL YOU FEEL DIFFERENT." WHICH IS ADVICE YOU GIVE A A WEREWOLF
LIKE - [ LAUGHTER ] [ APPLAUSE ]
JUST RUN INTO THE WOODS UNTIL YOU'RE NOT A MONSTER ANYMORE DON'T LET THEM SEE YOU CHANGE.
THEY WON'T ACCEPT YOU FOR WHAT YOU TRULY ARE. I DID READ SOMETHING RECENTLY
THAT SAID IF YOU HAD A A DIFFICULT CHILDHOOD, YOU NEED TO LEARN TO PARENT YOURSELF AS
AN ADULT SO I'VE BEEN TRYING TO DO THAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO PARENT
MYSELF BUT, I KIND OF FEEL LIKE I GOT PREGNANT WITH ME IN HIGH SCHOOL
AND -- [ LAUGHTER ] I WAS NOT READY FOR THIS
RESPONSIBILITY NOT SUPPOSED TO SHAKE ME JUST FOUND THAT OUT.
[ LAUGHTER ] AND NOW EVERY DAY, I WAKE UP TOTALLY OVERWHELMED.
JUST LIKE, "OKAY IF I LET YOU WATCH TIKTOK ON MY PHONE FOR 40 MINUTES, WILL YOU
PLEASE STOP CRYING?" [ LAUGHTER ] [ APPLAUSE ]
MY FRIENDS ARE LIKE, "ARE YOU OKAY?" I'M LIKE, "NO, I THINK I HAVE
COLIC. I KEPT ME UP ALL NIGHT." [ LAUGHTER ]
A LOT OF MY FRIENDS ARE SETTLING DOWN. SOME ARE JUST SETTLING, END OF
SENTENCE [ LAUGHTER ] YOU GUYS HAVE THOSE COUPLES IN
YOUR LIVES YEAH YEAH, WHERE ONE PERSON IN THE
COUPLE IS WAY HOTTER AND COOLER THAN THE OTHER PERSON IN THE COUPLE
I LIKE TO CALL THOSE COUPLES CHOCOLATE COVERED RAISINS. [ LAUGHTER ]
BECAUSE THEY'RE LIKE, SURE, YOU CAN PUT THOSE TWO TOGETHER IF YOU WANT.
[ LAUGHTER ] BUT EVERY TIME YOU SEE THEM, YOU'RE LIKE, "CHOCOLATE, WHAT
ARE YOU DOING? LIKE, YOU COULD'VE BEEN WITH ANYBODY.
YOU COULD HAVE BEEN WITH CARMEL YOU COULD HAVE BEEN WITH
MARSHMALLOW. YOU COULD HAVE BEEN WITH PEANUT BUTTER, WHO I HEARD CURES
DEPRESSION [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE AND YOU WANT TO BE WITH
A RAISIN FOREVER LIKE, NO OFFENSE, RAISIN YOU'RE GREAT
WE LOVE YOU. NATURE'S CANDY THAT'S YOU
BUT YOU BELONG WITH, LIKE, OATMEAL. LIKE, LET'S BE HONEST.
[ LAUGHTER ] AREN'T YOU SCARED EVERY DAY THAT SOMEONE'S GOING TO COME
ALONG AND SUCK CHOCOLATE RIGHT OFF YOU? I LOVE DOING THAT JOKE
BECAUSE YOU FEEL COUPLES IN THE AUDIENCE GETTING NERVOUS LIKE, "AM I CHOCOLATE OR
RAISIN?" [ LAUGHTER ] "WE'RE BOTH CHOCOLATE, RIGHT,
BABE WE'RE CHOCOLATE COVERED CHOCOLATE?
WE'RE LIKE THE LITTLE LINDOR GUYS IN THE FOIL, YOU KNOW I'M THE CREAMY PART AND YOU'RE
THE SHELL BECAUSE YOU'RE SO STRONG AND IF YOU LEAVE ME, I'LL BE A MESS."
THANK YOU SO MUCH "TONIGHT SHOW." I APPRECIATE IT.
[ CHEERS AND AAPPLAUSE ] * >> Jimmy: OH, MY GOSH!
TAYLOR TOMLINSON THAT IS HOW YOU DO IT RIGHT THERE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE "LOOK AT YOU" IS STREAMING NOW ON NETFLIX
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK, EVERYBODY [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
>> Jimmy: MY THANKS TO JARED LETO, STEPHEN MERCHANT, TAYLOR TOMLINSON ONCE AGAIN!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE AND THE ROOTS RIGHT THERE FROM PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA
THANK YOU FOR WATCHING STAY TUNED FOR "LATE NIGHT WITH SETH MEYERS.
GOODNIGHT, EVERYBODY THANK YOU! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE