>> Steve: FROM STUDIO 6B IN ROCKEFELLER CENTER IN THE HEART
OF NEW YORK CITY, IT'S "THE TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON."
TONIGHT, JOIN JIMMY AND HIS GUESTS - HASAN MINHAJ
ROMAN REIGNS MUSICAL GUEST MIMI WEBB, AND FEATURING THE LEGENDARY
ROOTS CREW >> Questlove: ONE SIX TWO SIX! >> Steve: AND NOW, HERE HE IS,
JIMMY FALLON
* *
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: OH, COME ON NOW. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
THAT'S FANTASTIC THANK YOU VERY MUCH, EVERYBODY THANK YOU.
WELCOME, WELCOME, WELCOME TO "THE TONIGHT SHOW. THIS IS IT
YOU'RE HERE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE YOU MADE IT.
"THE TONIGHT SHOW. THANK YOU FOR WATCHING WELL GUYS, TODAY
PRESIDENT BIDEN UNVEILED A NEW WEBSITE CALLED COVID.GOV WHERE PEOPLE CAN GO FOR MASKS, TEST
KITS, VACCINES, AND TREATMENT INFORMATION. THE COVID SITE'S GOT EVERYTHING
YOU NEED -- TESTS, MASKS, AND A LIST OF EXCUSES TO GET OUT OF YOUR FRIEND'S DESTINATION
WEDDING. [ LAUGHTER ] "I KNOW RESTRICTIONS ARE
LIFTED, BUT, UH, YEAH, I DON'T KNOW." [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE NEW COVID SITE, HERE IT IS YEAH
AND JUST TO MAKE IT LOOK MORE TRUSTWORTHY FOR YOUR CRAZY UNCLE, THERE'S A BETA VERSION
THAT LOOKS LIKE THIS * AND I'M PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN *
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: AH, I TRUST THAT ONE *
THAT'S -- THAT'S A WEBSITE I CAN TRUST. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
THAT'S RIGHT, BIDEN ANNOUNCED THE NEW COVID WEBSITE, AND THEN HE SAT DOWN TO GET HIS SECOND
BOOSTER SHOT >> Steve: OOH. >> Jimmy: RIGHT AFTER BIDEN'S
DOCTOR SAID HE NEEDED A BOOST, HIS POLL NUMBERS WERE LIKE, "TELL ME ABOUT IT.
[ LAUGHTER ] BIDEN SAID THE SHOT FELT WONDERFUL.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] BASED ON THE CURRENT NEWS, THERE'S A CHANCE GETTING STUCK
WITH A NEEDLE REALLY WAS THE BEST PART OF HIS DAY [ LAUGHTER ]
IT ACTUALLY GOT A LITTLE AWKWARD. AFTER HE ROLLED UP HIS SLEEVE,
BIDEN SAID, "LOOKS LIKE INFLATION ALSO HIT THESE PYTHONS.
[ LAUGHTER ] MEANWHILE, I READ THAT OVER IN RUSSIA, PUTIN'S SENIOR ADVISORS
HAVE BEEN GIVING HIM FALSE INFORMATION ABOUT THE WAR BECAUSE THEY'RE, QUOTE, "TOO
AFRAID TO TELL HIM THE TRUTH." >> Steve: OOH. >> Jimmy: YOU'D THINK HIS
ADVISORS WOULD BE MORE COMFORTABLE TELLING HIM THE TRUTH.
I MEAN, THEY'VE ALWAYS SEEMED SO CLOSE LOOK AT THIS
[ LAUGHTER ] SAME TABLE AND IT'S GETTING CRAZY
TODAY PUTIN LEFT THE MEETING LIKE, "I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M SEXIEST MAN ALIVE.
I CAN'T BELIEVE I -- [ LAUGHTER ] "THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE.
THIRD YEAR IN A ROW. [ LAUGHTER ] HERE'S A WILD STORY.
REPUBLICAN LAWMAKERS ARE FURIOUS AT FELLOW REPUBLICAN MADISON CAWTHORN, AFTER HE WENT
ON A PODCAST AND SAID THAT HIS COLLEAGUES IN WASHINGTON LIKE TO HAVE DRUG-FUELED SEX
PARTIES. OF COURSE, CONGRESSIONAL REPUBLICANS ARE DENYING THE
WHOLE THING. AND MANY OF THEM EVEN PUT OUT STATEMENTS
FIRST, CONGRESSMAN KEVIN McCARTHY SAID, "IT'S ABSOLUTELY NOT TRUE.
NEXT UP, CONGRESSMAN STEVE SCALISE SAID, "I CAN ASSURE YOU THERE'S NO DRUGS AND
NO ORGIES. [ LAUGHTER ] FINALLY, CONGRESSMAN BILLY LONG
SAID, "THE ALLEGATIONS ARE SIMPLY NOT TRUE. [ LAUGHTER ]
"NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, DADDY'S GOTTA GO TAKE HIS KEYS OUT OF THE FISHBOWL.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE WELL, SOME BUSINESS NEWS AMAZON HAS BEEN SECRETLY
TESTING ITS DRONE DELIVERY PROGRAM. AND THIS YEAR THEY PLAN TO DROP
PACKAGES FROM THE SKY TO MORE THAN 1,000 CUSTOMERS YEAH
PRETTY SOON, AT AMAZON HEADQUARTERS, THEY'RE GOING TO BE LIKE, "TARGET ACQUIRED,
RELEASE THE FRUIT OF THE LOOM THREE-PACK RIGHT NOW." [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
YEAH MEANWHILE, IF YOU CHOOSE THREE-DAY SHIPPING, THE
PACKAGES FALL TO EARTH MUCH, MUCH SLOWER. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
THE DRONE PROGRAM IS CALLED PRIME AIR. PRIME AIR.
THAT ACTUALLY SOUNDS MORE LIKE A FANCY BOTTLE OF OXYGEN THEY TRY TO SELL ON "SHARK TANK."
[ LAUGHTER ] "HEY, SHARKS." I HEARD ABOUT A MAN IN OHIO WHO
WAS ROBBED, BUT THE THIEF HAD A VERY INTERESTING APPROACH. LISTEN TO THIS
WAS APPROACHED BY A MAN IN A A SKI MASK HOLDING A POCKET KNIFE.
THE ROBBER DEMANDED CASH AND MADE THE VICTIM PINKY PROMISE HE WOULDN'T REPORT THE ROBBERY
BEFORE RIDING OFF ON A BICYCLE [ LAUGHTER ] >> Steve: WHAT
>> Jimmy: WHEN THE VICTIM HANDED OVER THE MONEY, THE THIEF SAID, "HEY, I DIDN'T SAY
'SIMON SAYS' HEY! [ LAUGHTER ]
CAN WE SEE THE GET AWAY VEHICLE? OH, YEAH, THAT MAKES SENSE
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Steve: OH >> Jimmy: THAT MAKES SENSE
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE AND FINALLY, A MALL IN NEW JERSEY HAS A NEW VENDING
MACHINE THAT YOU CAN MAKE A BURGER IN SIX MINUTES. >> Steve: OOH.
>> Jimmy: HERE IT IS LOOK AT THIS THING YEAH
THAT'S GREAT, 'CAUSE BEFORE THIS, GETTING A BURGER WAS SO TIME CONSUMING
[ LAUGHTER ] SERIOUSLY, HOW FAST DO YOU NEED A BURGER WHEN YOU LOOK AT
McDONALD'S AND YOU GO, "I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THAT." [ LAUGHTER ]
YEAH, BUT IT MAKES BURGERS AND DOESN'T TALK IT'S BASICALLY YOUR DAD EVERY
FOURTH OF JULY YOU GUYS, WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
GIVE IT UP FOR THE ROOTS, EVERYBODY.
*
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: YEAH
THAT'S RIGHT, WHAT A SHOW. WHAT A SHOW WE HAVE FOR YOU TONIGHT.
HE'S CURRENTLY ON HIS NEW STANDUP TOUR CALLED "THE KING'S JESTER."
HASAN MINHAJ IS HERE TONIGHT >> Steve: YEAH [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: FUNNY, FUNNY, FUNNY DUDE PLUS, HE'S THE WWE UNIVERSAL
CHAMPION, AND YOU CAN SEE HIM AT "WRESTLEMANIA," WHICH BEGINS STREAMING SATURDAY NIGHT ON
PEACOCK. ROMAN REIGNS IS HERE TONIGHT [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
HE'S THE BEST. AND WE GOT GREAT MUSIC FROM MIMI WEBB, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE FUN SHOW
IT'S A GREAT SHOW. WE ACTUALLY HAD A GREAT SHOW LAST NIGHT
JARED LETO WAS HERE. HIS NEW MARVEL MOVIE "MORBIUS" IS OUT THIS WEEKEND.
I'M ALWAYS BLOWN AWAY BY HOW HE'S ABLE TO DISAPPEAR INTO HIS ROLES.
REALLY, IT'S AMAZING ACTUALLY, SOMETHING HAPPENED AMAZING LAST NIGHT WHEN JARED
WAS HERE, RIGHT BEFORE THE SHOW >> Steve: REALLY
>> Jimmy: YEAH, CHECK THIS OUT
[ KNOCKING ] >> Jimmy: HEY, JARED
SO EXCITED YOU'RE ON THE SHOW TONIGHT. JUST WANTED TO -
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] OH SORRY.
I THOUGHT THIS WAS JARED'S ROOM >> IT IS
>> Jimmy: WHAT DO YOU MEAN [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> I WAS JUST IN CHARACTER
>> Jimmy: THAT'S INCREDIBLE. YOU REALLY DISAPPEAR INTO YOUR ROLES.
I WAS GOING TO SAY, I JUST SAW "MORBIUS," AND I BARELY RECOGNIZED YOU AT FIRST.
>> I APPRECIATE THAT I REALLY DO. >> Steve: HEY, JIMMY
WHAT'S GOING ON? >> Jimmy: OH, HEY, HIGGINS I WAS JUST SAYING HI TO JARED.
>> Steve: JARED? THERE'S NOBODY IN HERE WITH YOU.
>> Jimmy: WHAT DO YOU MEAN * WHERE'D HE GO?
>> RIGHT HERE. >> Jimmy: I -- AGAIN, UNRECOGNIZABLE
I DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND HOW YOU DO IT. IT'S SO GOOD
>> Steve: I'M JUST KIDDING * IT WAS REALLY ME
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: OH >> GOT YOU AGAIN
>> Jimmy: I CAN'T BELIEVE IT YOU WERE JARED, PRETENDING TO BE HIGGINS, PRETENDING TO BE
JARED, PRETENDING TO BE HIGGINS? >> ALMOST.
BUT -- BUT NO. I -- I'M NOT JARED >> Jimmy: THEN WHO ARE YOU
>> Jimmy: I'M JIMMY. >> Jimmy: THEN THAT MAKES ME - >> Jimmy: YEP.
>> JARED >> Jimmy: INCREDIBLE >> NOT TOO BAD YOURSELF.
>> Jimmy: THANK YOU. SO, WAIT, WHERE IS HIGGINS *
>> Steve: MY FIRST GUEST STARS IN "MORBIUS. GIVE IT UP FOR JARED LETO!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * >> Jimmy: YOU KNOW WHAT?
LET HIM HAVE IT. WANT TO GRAB A BITE? >> THOUGHT YOU'D NEVER ASK
* [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: MY THANKS TO
JARED LETO, EVERYBODY. AW, HE'S A BUDDY HEY, EVERYONE.
IT IS NANA WEEK THIS WEEK ON OUR SHOW [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
IN HONOR OF MY NEW CHILDREN'S BOOK, "NANA LOVES YOU MORE." WE'VE BEEN GIVING SOME LOVE OUT
TO ALL THE GRANDMAS OUT THERE, ALL THE GAMMIES, ALL THE -- ALL THE MEEMAWS, ALL THE BUBBIES,
THE YAYAS. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] YEAH, THERE'S A LOT OF
DIFFERENT NAMES FOR NANA OUT THERE. BUT EACH NIGHT THIS WEEK WE'RE
SHOW CASING A TALENTED GRANDMA ON OUR SHOW. AND TONIGHT'S TALENTED NANA IS
PATSY HERB SHE'S 72 YEARS OLD, AND SHE'S FROOM BROOKLYN, NEW YORK, AND
TONIGHT SHE'S GOING TO SHOW OFF SOME OF HER DANCE MOVES FOR US COME ON OUT HERE, PATSY!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * >> Jimmy: HEY!
PATSY! >> HOW YOU DOING >> Jimmy: THANK YOU, IT'S NICE
TO SEE YOU >> THANK YOU, YOU LOOK GREAT >> Jimmy: WELCOME TO "THE
TONIGHT SHOW." >> THANK YOU, THANK YOU. >> Jimmy: YOU LOOK FANTASTIC,
PATSY. >> THANK YOU >> Jimmy: PATSY, HOW LONG HAVE
YOU BEEN DANCING >> ALL MY LIFE >> Jimmy: OH, ALL YOUR LIFE.
OH, MY GOODNESS, SINCE YOU WERE A BABY, HUH? >> YOU GOT IT.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, YOU GOT IN IN YOU. I HEAR THAT YOU HAVE A VERY
SPECIAL DANCE THAT YOU WANT TO PERFORM JUST FOR US. AND I WAS WONDERING WHERE DID
YOU LEARN THIS >> I TAUGHT MYSELF HOW TO TWERK.
[ LAUGHTER AND CHEERS >> Jimmy: BE CAREFUL, PATSY. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
ROOTS, I'M EXCITED TO -- HERE'S PATSY -- >> BUT BEFORE --
>> Jimmy: WHAT, WHAT >> I HAVE ONE -- I HAVE ONE MORE REQUEST
>> Jimmy: YES? >> ANYBODY OVER 65 YEARS OLD AND OLDER --
>> Jimmy: YEAH >> PLEASE DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME
>> Jimmy: OKAY, THERE YOU GO THANK YOU VERY MUCH. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
WHENEVER YOU'RE READY, ROOTS, GIVE HER A BEAT. *
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * *
[ CHEERS ] >> Jimmy: WHAT IN THE WORLD IS HAPPENING?
* * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, OKAY. OKAY, VERY GOOD, THANK YOU VERY MUCH
* THANK YOU VERY MUCH. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
PATSY. PATSY HERB, EVERYBODY. PATSY HERB
STICK AROUND, WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE "TONIGHT SHOW" EVERYBODY.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE OH, MY -- THAT WAS EXCELLENT [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* * >> Jimmy: ALEXA.
WHAT ARE NINJA TURTLES >> ACCORDING TO WIKIPEDIA, "TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA --
[ DING ]
COMEDIAN WHO IS CURRENTLY ON HIS NEW STANDUP TOUR CALLED "THE KING'S JESTER."
FOR TICKETS GO TO HASANMINHAJ.COM. PLEASE WELCOME THE ALWAYS
ENTERTAINING HASAN MINHAJ.
DRESSED MAN RIGHT THERE. >> THANK YOU
>> Jimmy: THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. [ CHEERS ]
HASAN, IT'S GOOD TO SEE -- IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU, BUDS. >> OH, THANK YOU
ARE WE REALLY BUDDIES? >> Jimmy: YES, WE'RE BUDDIES [ LAUGHTER ]
>> NO, I'M SERIOUS >> Jimmy: YES, OF COURSE WE'RE BUDDIES.
I KNOW YOUR WIFE I'VE KNOWN YOU FOR A LONG TIME >> YOU KNOW, JIMMY, I'M AT THAT
AGE NOW. I'M 36 AND I REALIZED I DON'T REALLY HAVE FRIENDS.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: WHAT >> YOU KNOW THIS
YOU HIT A CERTAIN AGE. >> Jimmy: YEAH >> AND UNLESS, YOU KNOW, IT'S
GOLF, GAMBLING, OR VIDEO GAMES, YOU HAVE NO FRIENDS. STEVE, DO YOU HAVE ANY FRIENDS
>> Steve: YEAH >> JIMMY, DO YOU HAVE FRIENDS, SINCERELY?
>> Jimmy: NO [ TALKING OVER EACH OTHER >> NO, NO.
NANCY HAS FRIENDS AND THEN YOU'RE FRIENDS WITH THEIR HUSBANDS
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: OKAY, OKAY >> AND THIS IS WHY I'M JEALOUS
BECAUSE YOU MET BEENA BACKSTAGE. AND BEENA HAS MULTIPLE BEST
FRIENDS. >> Jimmy: YEAH >> MULTIPLE.
>> Jimmy: YEAH >> LIKE, SHE'LL BE LIKE, "WE HAVE TO GO TO SARA'S WEDDING
SHE'S MY BEST FRIEND." I'M LIKE, "WE WERE JUST AT PRYHA'S WEDDING.
I THOUGHT SHE WAS YOUR BEST FRIEND." AND SHE'S LIKE, "YOU KNOW THIS
BEST FRIEND IS NOT AN INDIVIDUAL IT IS A TIER."
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: YOU HAVE A TIER OF BEST FRIENDS
>> I'M LIKE -- THIS IS JUST UNITED 1K? IT'S 14 GIRLS JUST VYING FOR A
A SPOT IN YOUR TIER. >> Jimmy: YEAH TO BE ALL BEST FRIENDS
>> ASK A GROWN MAN BE LIKE, "HEY, WHO'S YOUR BEST FRIEND?"
THEY'LL BE LIKE, "WHEN I WAS EIGHT -- [ LAUGHTER ]
"ANDREW BARRONS -- I HAVEN'T THOUGHT ABOUT HIM IN 28 YEARS. >> Jimmy: THAT'S A GOOD NAME
>> NO, HE'S REAL LISTEN, I WAS THINKING ABOUT THIS
I WAS, LIKE -- YO, I HAD TO FILL OUT AN EMERGENCY CONTACT FORM, AND THERE WERE, LIKE --
THERE'S TWO LINES, RIGHT YOU KNOW THIS. IT'S -- THE FIRST WAS, LIKE,
FAMILY MEMBER. THE SECOND ONE, THEY'RE LIKE, "PICK A FRIEND."
THE FIRST ONE, OBVIOUSLY, WAS BEENA. AND THEN THE SECOND ONE WAS
JUST 9-1-1 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: THAT'S A GREAT NUMBER
TO WRITE DOWN. >> I WAS LIKE, "NO, NO, NO DON'T --
THEY'RE LIKE," WHAT IF YOU'RE HAVING A HEART ATTACK? I'M LIKE, "DON'T CALL MY
FRIENDS. THEY'LL MAKE FUN OF ME." [ LAUGHTER ]
I'M SERIOUS. LIKE, WHY CAN'T WE SUPPORT EACH OTHER, JIMMY
>> Jimmy: WELL, YOU SAYING -- CERTAIN MEN OF A CERTAIN AGE, WHY CAN'T WE
>> YEAH, LIKE, I WANT MY INSTAGRAM COMMENTS TO BE LIKE BEENA'S INSTAGRAM COMMENTS
[ LAUGHTER ] EVERY GIRL YOU SEE IN YOUR LIFE, LIKE, YOU GO TO THEIR
INSTAGRAM COMMENTS EVERY TIME I GO TO BEENA'S PAGE, ALL OF HER FRIENDS -
ANY PHOTO. "STUNNING. "GORGEOUS.
"HOT MAMA. "LOVE YOUR LOOK. "KILLING IT.
"I AM SCREAMING. "BREATHTAKING. >> Jimmy: YEAH, YEAH, YEAH
>> BREATHTAKING. >> Jimmy: BREATHTAKING THAT'S RIGHT, YEAH
>> TONIGHT, IF I GO TO YOUR INSTAGRAM PAGE, AND I WRITE, "BREATHTAKING," YOU WILL BLOCK
ME [ LAUGHTER ] YOU'LL BE LIKE, "HASAN'S ON
KETAMINE, I THINK. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: BREATHTAKING, WOW.
>> THIS IS A CRY FOR HELP. >> Jimmy: THAT'S INTERESTING, YEAH
NO, I WOULD NEVER -- I WOULD NEVER BLOCK YOU. >> DO YOU CRY?
DO YOU GO TO THERAPY HONESTLY >> Jimmy: WHAT'S GOING ON?
DO I GO TO THERAPY >> YEAH. >> Jimmy: NO, I DON'T GO TO --
>> NEITHER DO -- SEE -- >> Jimmy: BUT WE CAN
>> I DON'T GO TO THERAPY, BUT I DO WATCH PIXAR MOVIES. [ LAUGHTER ]
EVERY TWO YEARS. EVERY TWO YEARS, I WATCH A A PIXAR MOVIE.
>> Jimmy: THAT'S ALL YOU NEED. >> I GET A GOOD CRY OUT. >> Jimmy: YES!
>> FELLAS, YOU'VE GOT TO CRY IT'S LIKE MASTURBATING FOR YOUR EMOTIONS
>> Jimmy: THANK YOU. [ LAUGHTER ] >> YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
YOU JUST WATCH "ENCANTO. YOU'RE LIKE -- AND THEN YOU'RE LIKE, I'VE GOT TO DO MY TAXES.
[ LAUGHTER ] JUST CLARITY OF MIND >> Jimmy: NEVER HEARD OF THAT
ONE. NEVER PUT IT THAT WAY. >> OKAY.
THINK ABOUT THIS THINK ABOUT THIS HONESTLY. >> Jimmy: OKAY
>> DO YOU REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME YOU SAW YOUR DAD CRY? I WAS 16
HOW OLD WERE YOU >> Jimmy: I MEAN, GOSH, I DON'T REALLY REMEMBER.
>> THIS IS WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. >> Jimmy: THERE'S ONE EXACT --
>> THERE'S ONE MOMENT, RIGHT I WAS 16 LIKE, MY SISTER CAME IN, SHE'S
LIKE, "DAD IS CRYING." IT WAS LIKE SEEING A MOUNTAIN LION IN YOUR DRIVEWAY.
YOU'RE LIKE, I KNOW THIS COULD HAPPEN [ LAUGHTER ]
I JUST DIDN'T THINK IT WOULD HAPPEN TO ME YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN
DO I WALK UP TO HIM? DOES HE WALK UP TO ME? DO I GET BIG LIKE, "I'M NOT
HERE TO HURT YOU"? LIKE, WHAT DO I SAY? [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: TO A MOUNTAIN LION - >> RIGHT LIKE -- WE HAVE THESE CORE
MEMORIES THERE'S TWO CORE MEMORIES YOU HAVE AS A YOUNG MAN, RIGHT
>> Jimmy: YEP. >> THE FIRST TIME YOU SEE YOUR DAD CRY.
>> Jimmy: THAT'S CORRECT >> AND THE FIRST TIME YOU SEE YOUR DAD'S [ BLEEP ]
[ LAUGHTER ] YOU KNOW -- DON'T PULL A - YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I'M
TALKING ABOUT. RIGHT? YOU'RE, LIKE, FIVE YEARS OLD
YOU'RE IN THE SHOWER AND YOU'RE LIKE, "WHOA. PAPA IS PACKING.
[ LAUGHTER ] 'CAUSE YOU -- DON'T -- JIMMY, DON'T DO THIS?
OKAY IT'S LIKE iMAX YOU'RE SMALL
HE'S -- YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN THE VANTAGE -- THE CAMERA'S HERE, RIGHT?
>> Jimmy: OH, NO, NO, NO >> THINK ABOUT -- IT'S LIKE -- LISTEN
DON'T DO THAT. DON'T DO THAT. I'LL USE A DIFFERENT WORD.
IT'S REALLY -- IT'S LIKE WATCHING "AVENGERS: ENDGAME" FOR US, RIGHT?
LIKE, WHEN WE SEE -- THAT'S WHAT IT IS FOR A LITTLE KID. LIKE, THEY'RE JUST LIKE, "WHOA,
THANOS IS HUGE AND PURPLE AND WRINKLY.
IT'S JUST IN iMAX. >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT. THANK YOU FOR THAT
>> NO, LIKE -- IT WAS A TREAT IT WAS A TREAT TO SEE YOUR
DAD'S SNUFFLEUPAGUS. IT WAS A TREAT [ LAUGHTER ]
I REMEMBER THE DAY, 6-1-91 LIKE, I WILL NEVER FORGET THAT >> Jimmy: YOU HAVE THE DATE
BURNED IN YOUR MEMORY? >> YEAH, MAN IT WAS A TREAT
>> Jimmy: WOW. >> AND NOW I'M MAKING MEMORIES WITH MY SON.
SO, I -- I KNOW HE'S ABOUT - SO, I'LL BE IN THE SHOWER AND SOMETIMES I'LL JUST GET UP -
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN I'LL JUST OPEN UP A LITTLE BIT JUST LET HIM KNOW WHAT IT IS
'CAUSE I WANT THAT TO EMBED IN HIS RAM. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN
JUST BE LIKE, "OH, YEAH. I WANT HIM TO WALK INTO BRIGHT HORIZONS AND BE LIKE, "PAPA IS
PACKING. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: BRIGHT HORIZONS.
>> YEAH. OVER ON THE UPPER WEST SIDE. YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS.
>> Jimmy: YEAH I THINK FOR ME, IT WAS CRYING AND THE OTHER MOMENT AT THE
EXACT SAME TIME. I THINK IT HAPPENED AT THE SAME TIME FOR ME.
[ LAUGHTER ] HOW IS THE TOUR GOING, BY THE WAY?
YOU SOLD OUT RADIO CITY FIVE TIMES OVER >> IT WAS AMAZING, MAN
>> Jimmy: CONGRATULATIONS, MAN [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE DID I GET TO TELL YOU THIS, BY
THE WAY? MY OFFICE IS RIGHT BY RADIO CITY, AND I SAW YOU OUTSIDE.
WERE YOU TAKING PHOTOS ON THE ROOF >> YEAH, THAT WAS ME ON THE
ROOF I WAS LIKE, "I'VE GOT TO LET THEM KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, IF I HAD KNOWN, I WAS GOING TO TAKE A PICTURE OF YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW.
>> AW, YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE THAT >> Jimmy: I KNOW, BUT I WAS SO
HAPPY FOR YOU, BUD >> SO, YOU GET TO DO THESE GREAT VENUES LIKE RADIO CITY
>> Jimmy: OF COURSE. >> AND THEN, A FEW WEEKS AGO, I WAS IN THE SOUTH AND I WAS IN
NASHVILLE. AND I WAS PERFORMING AT ANDREW JACKSON AUDITORIUM.
>> Jimmy: YEAH >> YEAH, LIKE, A LITTLE HEAVY, YOU KNOW
THE ENTIRE TIME I'M ON STAGE AND RIGHT NEXT TO ME, THERE'S JUST A HUGE PAINTING OF
ANDREW JACKSON LOOKING AT ME LIKE, HE'S JUST LIKE, "TAAHH WHAT ARE ALL THESE INDIANS
DOING HERE [ LAUGHTER ] I THOUGHT WE GAVE THEM
SMALLPOX." LIKE, HE'S SO ANGRY. AND THE PROMOTER WAS JUST LIKE,
"DO YOU WANT ME TO TAKE IT DOWN?" I'M LIKE, "NO, LEAVE IT UP
I WANT TO ANGER HIS GHOST. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN >> Jimmy: THAT'S WHAT MOTIVATES
YOU THROUGH THE SET. >> YEAH. IT MADE ME FEEL A CERTAIN WAY.
AND SHE JUST GOES, "THANK GOD WE DON'T HAVE CONFEDERATE STATUES.
I'M LIKE, "I LOVE CONFEDERATE STATUES. >> Jimmy: YOU DO
WHY -- >> I WAS JUST MESSING WITH HER BUT I SAY WE LEAVE THEM UP
LEAVE THEM UP. LOOK, YOU CAN'T CHANGE HISTORY YOU CAN ONLY CURATE IT, JIMMY.
>> Jimmy: CURATE IT. >> THINK ABOUT IT. I GREW UP -- I REMEMBER.
I LEARNED -- I LEARNED ABOUT THE CONFEDERACY. I LEARNED ABOUT ROBERT E. LEE.
THEY WERE CALLED THE REBELS. I'M LIKE, "I'M A REBEL HE'S JUST LIKE ME.
I DON'T WEAR MY RETAINER AT NIGHT. HE'S JUST LIKE ME.
>> Jimmy: YOU WERE A REBELLIOUS BY NOT WEARING YOUR RETAINER, YEAH
>> AND THEN I LOOKED IT UP THIS PAST WEEK. DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG THE
CONFEDERACY LASTED >> Jimmy: I DON'T. >> ANYONE HERE
FOUR YEARS, THREE MONTHS YO, I WAS AN UNDERGRAD LONGER THAN THE CONFEDERACY
[ LAUGHTER ] DUDE, MY WIFE'S IUD LASTED LONGER THAN THE CONFEDERACY.
"JERSEY SHORE" LASTED SIX SEASONS. ALL RIGHT, SOME OF YOU GUYS
AREN'T LAUGHING. I SEE THAT THERE'S VIRGINS HERE TONIGHT.
SO, AN IUD - [ LAUGHTER ] NO, NO
YOU DON'T KNOW THIS. AND IUD IS A TINY PIECE OF COPPER
IT GOES INSIDE OF A WOMAN'S UTERUS IT'S SHAPED LIKE THE TESLA
LOGO >> Jimmy: OKAY, YEAH, ALL RIGHT --
[ LAUGHTER ] [ RIM SHOT ] >> OKAY?
AND THAT LASTED LONGER THAN THE CONFEDERACY. SO, HERE'S WHAT I SAY.
I SAY WE KEEP UP THE ROBERT E. LEE STATUE THEN WE HAVE SNOOKI NEXT TO IT
THEN WE HAVE MY WIFE'S IUD, JUST FOR HISTORICAL CONTEXT. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: GOOD LUCK WITH THE REST OF THE TOUR HASAN MINHAJ, EVERYBODY.
FOR TICKETS GO TO HASANMINHAJ.COM. "THE KING'S JESTER" IS THE NAME
OF THE TOUR. HASAN AND I ARE PLAYING A FUN GAME AFTER THE BREAK
STICK AROUND [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
>> Jimmy: SO AFTER THIS SATURDAY, SMOKE CLEARS, WRESTLEMANIA, WHAT ARE WE GONNA
SEE? >> IT'S CHECKMATE, MAN IT'S TIME THAT WE CLOSE THIS
CHAPTER AND MOVE ON. >> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK TO "THE TONIGHT SHOW."
RIGHT NOW, WITH HASAN MINHAJ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE NOW, WE'RE ABOUT TO PLAY "HEY,
ROBOT. HERE WE GO
* HEY, HE
HEY, ROBOT HEY, ROBOT * >> Jimmy: NOW, HERE'S HOW IT
WORKS. THIS IS BASED ON A REAL BOARD GAME, "HEY, ROBOT," THAT YOU
CAN PLAY AT HOME IT'S LIKE THE CLASSIC GAME "PASSWORD," BUT YOUR PARTNER IS
A SMART SPEAKER, OKAY? NOW FIRST, WHAT YOU DO IS YOU PICK A CARD WITH A WORD ON IT,
THEN WE'LL TAKE TURNS ASKING A A QUESTION TO GET THE SPEAKER TO SAY THAT WORD SOMEWHERE IN
ITS ANSWER IF IT DOES, YOU GET A POINT. READY FOR THIS
>> GOT IT, YES >> Jimmy: I WILL GO FIRST. ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO.
UNMUTE IT. OKAY, HERE'S THE WORD I HAVE TO GET IT TO SAY.
ALL RIGHT. ALEXA, WHAT IS MORRIS DAY'S BAND
>> HERE'S SOMETHING I FOUND ON THE WEB. ACCORDING TO WIKIPEDIA.ORG,
MORRIS DAY IS BEST KNOWN AS THE LEAD SINGER OF THE TIME. *
[ DINGING [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> OKAY.
OKAY OKAY OKAY
OH, OKAY >> Jimmy: SORRY, MAN >> ALL RIGHT
OKAY OKAY OKAY
>> Jimmy: YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING, DUDE
>> I'M NOT GOING TO TWERK. I'M NOT GOING TO - >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT.
[ LAUGHTER ] ALL RIGHT, HERE'S -- >> THESE S'MEDIUMS ARE TOO
TIGHT, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: S'MEDIUMS.
>> YEAH, YOU KNOW. >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT. HASAN, HERE'S YOUR WORD RIGHT
THERE. >> OKAY. >> Jimmy: NO, YOU --
>> I'VE GOT TO FLIP IT >> Jimmy: YEAH, YOU FLIP IT. YOU CAN SHOW EVERYONE.
TELL EVERYONE. >> OKAY. >> Jimmy: MUTANT
>> GOT IT. >> Jimmy: YEAH, I THINK YOU'VE GOT THIS
>> OKAY. >> Jimmy: YEP. >> ALEXA, WOLVERINE IN "THE
X-MEN" IS A BLANK. >> WOLVERINE IS FEATURED IN "X-MEN" WITH HUGH JACKMAN.
[ LAUGHTER ] [ BUZZER ] >> Jimmy: WAIT, WHAT WERE YOU
SAYING DO IT AGAIN. >> ALEXA, IN THE MARVEL
CINEMATIC UNIVERSE, THE X-MEN ARE -- >> MARVEL CINEMATIC UNIVERSE'S
SECTIONS ARE "CAPTAIN AMERICA: CIVIL WAR," "ANTMAN," "IRON MAN 3," "IRON MAN AND
IRON MAN 2" -- >> ALEXA, I'M ABOUT TO REPLACE YOU WITH GOOGLE HOME
YOU KEEP - [ LAUGHTER ] LIKE YOU KEEP ACTING UP.
>> SORRY I'M HAVING TROUBLE HEARING CAN YOU SAY THAT AGAIN
>> Jimmy: ALEXA, STOP. HERE WE GO >> ALEXA, STOP IT.
>> Jimmy: WE NEED THIS ONE ALEXA, STOP. STOP
ALL RIGHT. WE NEED MUTANT ALEXA, WHAT ARE NINJA TURTLES?
>> ACCORDING TO WIKIPEDIA, TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA - [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
[ DINGING * >> OKAY.
I DIDN'T HAVE ANY -- >> Jimmy: YOU UNDERSTAND THE GAME NOW
OKAY, ALEXA, STOP. ALEXA, STOP. ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO.
OKAY ALL RIGHT. YOU TAKE THIS ONE, YEAH.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> OKAY. ALEXA, WHEN YOU HIT SOMEONE,
YOU GIVE IT A -- >> HERE'S SOMETHING I FOUND ON THE WEB.
ACCORDING TO WIKIPEDIA.ORG, IT MEANS TO STRIKE SOMEONE OR SOMETHING.
DID THAT ANSWER YOUR QUESTION? >> NO! [ LAUGHTER ]
[ BUZZER ] * >> Jimmy: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING
ABOUT? IS THAT FILL IN THE BLANK YOU'RE PLAYING WITH?
>> ALEXA - >> Jimmy: YOU CAN'T PLAY FILL IN THE BLANK
>> OKAY, OKAY, SO -- >> Jimmy: WHAT'S HE TALKING ABOUT?
IT'S NOT A REAL THING? >> HOW DO I WORK BACKWARDS NOW I HAVE TO DO ALGEBRA,
RIGHT? X EQUALS WHACK LIKE -- ALL RIGHT, OKAY, JIMMY,
GO GO GO
YOU'RE FRIENDS WITH ALEXA. THIS IS -- YOU'RE IN CAHOOTS >> Jimmy: ALEXA, NAME SOME OF
HOWARD STERN'S COSTARS >> HERE'S SOMETHING I FOUND ON THE WEB.
ACCORDING TO THETHINGS.COM, "HOWARD STERN SHOW" FANS HAVE FALLEN IN LOVE WITH BEN AND
RAY STERN EVER SINCE THE EARLIEST DAYS OF HOWARD'S INCREDIBLE CAREER.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> THERE YOU GO. [ BUZZER ]
* >> Jimmy: I THOUGHT THE WHACK PACK
>> YEAH! >> Jimmy: WHACK. OH
>> CAN WE DO THAT THING, LIKE, WHEN YOU'RE PLAYING WITH YOUR FAMILY, JUST SKIP IT
>> Jimmy: YEAH, WE CAN SKIP IT, OR WE CAN GO -- WAIT, I'LL JUST TRY TO GET -
>> NO, NO, NO, GO, GO AHEAD. >> Jimmy: LET'S SOLVE IT >> OKAY.
BECAUSE I'M TRYING TO GO, "WHAT IS WHACK," YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN
"WHAT IS WHACK?" >> Jimmy: YEAH, YEAH, I KNOW, WHAT IS WHACK.
>> AND WHAT WOULD MAKE - >> MAYBE -- ALEXA, READ THE POEM KNICKKNACK PATTY --
>> I COULDN'T FIND KNICKKNACK PATTY. >> Jimmy: YEAH, YOU COULD.
>> YEAH, YOU COULD, ALEXA. [ BUZZER ] *
>> Jimmy: YOU COULD ACTUALLY >> ALEXA, YOU TOTALLY COULD. >> YOU TOTALLY COULD, IT'S VERY
EASY >> ALEXA, ARE YOU SPYING ON US ALL THE TIME
>> Jimmy: THERE YOU GO >> ALL RIGHT >> Jimmy: YEAH, ALL RIGHT.
WE'RE PASSING. >> OH, NOW -- OKAY >> Jimmy: WE'RE PASSING.
WE'RE PASSING. >> LET'S PASS. >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, WE'RE
GOING TO GO WITH THIS. THIS IS THE FINAL ROUND. >> FINAL ROUND
>> Jimmy: HASAN, I WANT YOU TO TRY TO GET THIS. >> SURE, SURE.
THIS IS, LIKE, ALL THE BONUS POINTS >> Jimmy: YES.
>> OH. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: OKAY
>> OKAY. >> Jimmy: OKAY >> OKAY.
ALEXA, A MOVIE WITH MARK WAHLBERG WHERE HE PLAYS A A STRIPPER
>> HM, I DON'T KNOW THAT ONE >> NO, NO, NO, ALEXA, A MOVIE --
[ BUZZER ] * NO, NO, NO, NO
QUEST, DON'T DO THAT DON'T DO THAT.
I KNOW YOU'RE A CINEPHILE -- ALEXA! ALEXA, THE MOVIE WHERE
MARK WAHLBERG -- [ TALKING OVER EACH OTHER WHERE HE PLAYS A PORN STAR
>> THE ONLY JOHN MARTIN MOVIE IS "GETTYSBURG: THREE DAYS OF DESTINY.
>> Jimmy: WAIT, STOP [ BUZZER ] *
ALL RIGHT, DO IT AGAIN TRY IT AGAIN, TRY IT AGAIN >> ALEXA, MOVIE WITH
MARK WAHLBERG WHERE HE PLAYS - >> I KNOW ABOUT 137 MARK WAHLBERG MOVIES
INCLUDING "THE DEPARTETD." >> Jimmy: WAIT A MINUTE, 137 MOVIES
>> 137 [ BUZZER ] *
>> Jimmy: THEY'RE GOING TO GO THROUGH ALL OF HIS MOVIES. ALEXA, WHAT ARE THE LYRICS
TO - ALEXA, WHAT ARE THE LYRICS TO "I LOVE THE NIGHTLIFE"
>> HERE'S SOMETHING I FOUND ON THE WEB. ACCORDING TO WIKIPEDIA.ORG, "I
LOVE THE NIGHTLIFE (DISCO 'ROUND)" IS A POPULAR DISCO SONG RECORDED BY AMERICAN
SINGER ALICIA BRIDGES IN 1978. [ LAUGHTER ] [ BUZZER ]
* >> COME ON >> Jimmy: YOU GOT ANOTHER ONE?
CAN WE CRACK THIS? >> WE GOT TO CRACK THIS. >> Jimmy: WE GOT TO CRACK THIS
OKAY -- OH Questlove: BUT FIRST - >> NO, NO, NO, QUEST, WHAT'S
UP >> Questlove: THE FIRST SINGLE FROM THE JACKSONS' "DESTINY"
ALBUM. >> Jimmy: WOW. ALEXA, WHAT'S THE FIRST SINGLE
OFF THE JACKSONS' "DESTINY" ALBUM. >> HERE'S SOMETHING I FOUND ON
THE WEB. ACCORDING TO WIKIPEDIA.ORG, DESPITE THE MICK JACKSON
ORIGINAL REACHING NUMBER 61 PEAK ON THE BILLBOARD HOT 100 IN SEPTEMBER 1978, EPIC
RECORDS THAT MONTH RELEASED THE JACKSONS' VERSION OF "BLAME IT ON THE BOOGIE" -
[ DINGING [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
>> Jimmy: YES! WOW. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Questlove: WAS THAT ME? >> Jimmy: THAT WAS YOU, MAN! I'M SWEATING
LOVE YOU, DUDE WE'RE FRIENDS FOREVER. >> FOREVER
>> Jimmy: HASAN MINHAJ, EVERYBODY. CATCH HIM ON TOUR WITH HIS NEW
STANDUP SHOW, "THE KING'S JESTER." WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH
ROMAN REIGNS STICK AROUND [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* >> Jimmy: OUR NEXT GUEST IS THE WWE UNIVERSAL CHAMPION
YOU CAN SEE HIM GOING HEAD-TO-HEAD WITH BROCK LESNAR AT "WRESTLEMANIA," WHICH BEGINS
STREAMING ITS TWO DAY EVENT SATURDAY NIGHT ON PEACOCK. PLEASE WELCOME ROMAN REIGNS.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * >> LOOKS GOOD, HUH
>> Jimmy: LOOKING SHARP. YEAH, THIS FEELS SO GOOD, MAN. OH, MY GOSH.
THIS IS THE REAL DEAL. I MEAN, DOES IT -- >> DON'T -- DON'T GET TOO
ATTACHED >> Jimmy: NO, YEAH I WON'T -- YEAH.
[ LAUGHTER ] AS A KID GROWING UP AND DREAMING ABOUT THIS, DOES IT
FEEL SURREAL TO YOU WHEN YOU HOLD THIS, WHEN YOU HAVE THIS BELT
>> EVERY DAY, MAN. I MEAN, NOT EVEN -- EVEN JUST THE TITLE, JUST LIFE IN
GENERAL, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? WE'RE VERY BLESSED MEN, RIGHT? >> Jimmy: YEAH, WE REALLY ARE.
DO YOUR KIDS UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU DO >> THEY'RE GETTING -- I MEAN,
MY DAUGHTER'S 14, SO SHE'S KIND OF SEEN THE WHOLE PROCESS. BUT, YOU KNOW, I HAVE TWO SETS
OF TWINS YOU KNOW, THE BABIES ARE TWO THE OLDER BOYS ARE FIVE NOW.
SO, THE BABIES DEFINITELY -- THEY HAVE NO CLUE WHAT'S GOING ON
THE BIG BOYS ARE STARTING TO KIND OF UNDERSTAND THAT DAD GOES TO WRESTLING SHOWS.
THAT'S WHAT HE DOES. "YOU GOING TO THE WRESTLING SHOW?"
>> Jimmy: THEY JUST THINK YOU GO WATCH WRESTLING SHOWS >> I DON'T KNOW -- I'M NOT
REALLY SURE WHAT THEY THINK I DO [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
BECAUSE WHEN THEY -- THE TIMES THEY'VE SEEN ME, I'M JUST KIND OF CUTTING PROMOS AND TALKING.
SO I THINK THEY THINK, "DAD JUST TALKS." BUT FOR A LONG TIME, LIKE
THROUGH THE PANDEMIC, THEY THOUGHT I WORK OUT FOR A A LIVING
'CAUSE, YOU KNOW, WE GOT THE GYM AT THE HOUSE AND, YOU KNOW, I TRY TO GET IN THERE AND DO MY
THING. >> Jimmy: ABSOLUTELY >> AND THEY KIND OF GOT INTO IT
AS WELL TO JUST COME IN THERE AND HANG OUT AND DO -- ACT LIKE THEY'RE WORKING OUT
GRAB THE FIVE-POUND DUMBBELLS. >> Jimmy: THAT'S AWESOME >> BUT THAT'S WHAT THEY THINK,
IS I JUST WORK OUT FOR A A LIVING >> Jimmy: IT'S A FAMILY
BUSINESS FOR YOU, REALLY >> YEP >> Jimmy: IT'S BEEN IN YOUR
FAMILY WHO WAS THE FIRST WRESTLER IN YOUR FAMILY?
>> SO IT -- I MEAN, IT STARTED WITH THE HIGH CHIEF PETER MAIVIA
HE KIND OF MENTORED MY FATHER AND MY UNCLE, SIKA AND AFA, THE WILD SAMOANS
THEY'RE A TAG TEAM >> Jimmy: THE WILD SAMOANS, ABOSLUTELY
>> ONE OF THE GREATEST TAG TEAMS OF ALL TIME. HALL OF FAMERS
BUT ACTUALLY STARTED -- THEY -- THEY WERE JUST FANS. AND, YOU KNOW, THEY WENT TO
A SHOW BACK IN THE DAY IN SAN FRANCISCO AT THE COW PALACE
>> Jimmy: YEAH >> PETER MAIVIA WAS A HUGE STAR BACK THEN IN THE WEST COAST AT
THE TIME, BACK IN THE TERRITORY DAYS AND HE WAS WRESTLING
PAT PATTERSON. AND PAT WAS BEATING HIM UP PRETTY GOOD, AND MY DAD AND
UNCLE, THEY JUMPED FROM THE CROWD AND KIND OF GOT INVOLVED SO PAT KNEW, HE WAS LIKE,
"WE'VE GOT TO GET THESE GUYS OUT OF THE CROWD WE GOT TO TEACH THEM THE
BUSINESS, AND THAT WAY, YOU KNOW, I DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THESE GUYS ANYMORE."
SO, YEAH >> Jimmy: WHOA THAT'S FANTASTIC
>> IT GOES BACK TO THE '60s AND '70s, YEAH >> Jimmy: AND THEN, WHEN YOU
WERE A KID, DID YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON DID YOU JUST HAVE -- DID YOU
WRESTLE IN THE BACKYARD? DID YOU -- >> MAN, WE WRESTLED EVERYWHERE
SO, MY COUSINS, THE USOS, WHO ARE WITH ME IN WWE NOW, WE WOULD LITERALLY WRESTLE IN
EVERY SINGLE ROOM. WE'D GET KICKED OUT. I MEAN, WHEN THEIR DAD WOULD
COME BACK FROM THE ROAD, WE KNEW TO KIND OF CHILL OUT AND TAKE IT OUTSIDE.
BUT WHEN HE WAS OFF ON THE ROAD, IT WAS A FREE FOR ALL, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN
SO, WE WERE JUST DOING OUR THING. WE WOULD WRESTLE IN THE POOL
FOR HOURS AT TIMES SO YEAH. >> Jimmy: YEAH
>> WE WERE PUTTING IN WORK AT A VERY EARLY AGE >> Jimmy: I'VE SEEN, YOU KNOW,
A HANDFUL OF DOCUMENTARIES AND IT'S JUST FASCINATING. AND YOU SEE ALL THE GIGS THAT
YOU HAVE TO PLAY TO END UP EVEN REMOTELY CLOSE TO WWE. BUT I MEAN, YOU PLAYED HIGH
SCHOOLS, WHATEVER IT IS. I MEAN, YOU DO WHATEVER. AND YOU'D CHANGE NAMES AND
CONCEPTS OF WHAT YOUR CHARACTER DOES AND IS. IT'S A ROUGH ROAD, ISN'T IT?
>> YEAH, IT'S -- I MEAN, OFTEN TIMES, I SAY THE THIS IS, LIKE, THE BLUE COLLAR FORM OF
ENTERTAINMENT. YOU KNOW, YOU'VE GOT TO REALLY PAY YOUR DUES AND, YOU KNOW --
GO ON THIS JOURNEY AND IT'S DIFFERENT FOR EVERYONE
YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN VERY FORTUNATE. YOU KNOW, I HAVE MY FAMILY
BACKGROUND THAT'S GUIDED ME ALONG THE WAY. AND OBVIOUSLY I'VE BEEN ABLE TO
TAP INTO A POTENTIAL THAT, YOU KNOW, I WAS UNABLE TO UNLOCK BUT THERE'S A LOT OF GUYS, YOU
KNOW, THAT WE HAVE CURRENTLY IN THE WWE. YOU KNOW, GUYS LIKE
SETH ROLLINS THAT I CAME UP WITH IN WWE THAT HAVE BEEN JOURNEYMEN, THAT HAVE BEEN ALL
OVER THE INDEPENDENT SCENE YOU KNOW, WRESTLING IN ARMORIES, HIGH SCHOOL GYMS,
LIKE YOU SAID. YEAH, IN FRONT OF 200, YOU KNOW, MAX PEOPLE
SO IT'S -- >> Jimmy: MAX. SOMETIMES IT'S 50 PEOPLE
>> IT'S NOT ALWAYS BEAUTIFUL SO, YEAH, I MEAN, WWE IS THE HIGHEST YOU CAN GET.
AND WE'RE VERY PROUD OF THAT, YOU KNOW, GETTING TO THIS POINT.
BUT IT CAN BE ROUGH SOMETIMES. >> Jimmy: THEY JUST ANNOUNCED BIG NEWS IN THE WRESTLING WORLD
THAT TRIPLE H IS RETIRING AS A A WRESTLER I WAS GOING TO ASK YOU, WHAT
DOES TRIPLE H MEAN TO YOU? I KNOW YOU - >> MAN, YOU KNOW, H WAS VERY
CRITICAL IN THIS PROCESS TO GUIDE ME ALONG HE WAS KIND OF -- BEFORE I MET
VINCE AND BUILT A RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM, IT WAS TRIPLE H. HE WAS THE ONE THAT WAS DOWN
THERE IN DEVELOPMENTAL HELPING GUIDE TALENT ALONG YOU KNOW, HE'S THE ONE THAT
KIND OF OVERLOOKED IT. AND BEFORE - >> Jimmy: DEVELOPMENTAL'S LIKE
A -- >> IT'S LIKE THE MINOR LEAGUES OF, YOU KNOW, WWE.
AND BEFORE -- NOW IT'S NXT AND THAT'S A BIG PLATFORM FOR US
YOU KNOW, THEY'RE ON TUESDAY NIGHTS ON USA NETWORK. AND THEY'RE A BIG SHOW
THEMSELVES NOW, BUT BEFORE THAT IT WAS JUST CALLED FCW, FLORIDA CHAMPIONSHIP WRESTLING, IN A
A TINY LITTLE WAREHOUSE. AND WE'RE WRESTLING IN - IT WAS LIKE THOSE ARMORIES AND
THE HIGH SCHOOL GYMS, IN FRONT OF 50 PEOPLE KILLING EACH OTHER FOR, YOU
KNOW, WHAT FELT LIKE NOTHING AT THE TIME BUT, YEAH, TRIPLE H WAS HUGE IN
GUIDING ME ALONG >> Jimmy: HE HAD FAITH IN YOU? HE WAS LIKE, "I KNOW THIS KID'S
GOING TO DO SOMETHING. >> I THINK SO. YEAH, I THINK HE RECOGNIZED THE
POTENTIAL. AND HE WAS JUST ALWAYS GOOD TO ME
EARLY ON, I WAS ALWAYS THE TYPE, YOU KNOW, THAT WAS ASKING FOR RAISES
I WAS LIKE, "CAN I GET SOME MORE MONEY?" AND THEY'RE LIKE, "YEAH, GO
AHEAD. AND THEN, TWO MONTHS LATER, "CAN I GET SOME MORE MONEY?"
"YEP." AND THEN THERE WAS A POINT, WHERE THEY WERE LIKE, "NO.
AND THEN I WAS LIKE, "WELL, CAN YOU ASK TRIPLE H." AND THEN THE NEXT MORNING,
"YOU'RE GETTING MORE MONEY." >> Jimmy: REALLY >> YEAH.
SO MAN, H HAS HOOKED ME UP HE'S ALWAYS LOOKED OVER ME HE'S -
>> Jimmy: DON'T FORGET THAT. >> INSIDE AND OUT, OUT THE RING, HE'S THE BEST.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, I LOVE ALWAYS -- ANY TIME I'VE HAD HIM ON THE SHOW OR DEALT WITH HIM,
THAT GUY, HE'S TRULY GENUINE, AWESOME, GREAT GUY >> FIRST CLASS
>> Jimmy: YEAH, THIS IS THIS SATURDAY "WRESTLEMANIA 38."
IS IT 38 ALREADY OH, MY GOSH. >> I KNOW MAN.
>> Jimmy: THAT'S A BIG DEAL. IT IS -- THIS IS -- YOU HAVE THE BELT
BUT THIS ONE'S WINNER TAKE ALL >> YEAH, THIS IS A UNIFICATION RIGHT HERE
>> Jimmy: YOU AND BROCK LESNAR, WHO IS NOT A SMALL DUDE. >> NO.
NO [ LAUGHTER ] I WAS TRYING TO COME UP WITH
SOMETHING. NO, HE'S A - >> Jimmy: YEAH, NO
HE'S - >> TO BE HONEST, HE'S A BIG BOY.
>> Jimmy: HE'S A BIG - >> HE'S A BIG OLE' COUNTRY BOY >> Jimmy: YEAH, HE'S GIANT AND
HE SCARES ME EVEN JUST -- EVEN JUST SAYING HIS NAME KIND OF SCARES ME TOO
>> I'VE GOT YOUR BACK. DON'T WORRY. >> Jimmy: OKAY, GOOD, THANK
YOU. 'CAUSE I WAS A LITTLE FRIGHTENED EVEN JUST
INTRODUCING YOU AS WELL. THIS IS YOU -- THIS IS YOU IN "WRESTLEMANIA 34" VERSUS BROCK
AND THIS IS JUST -- THIS IS NOT -- WE DIDN'T COLOR THIS. >> OH, YEAH.
>> Jimmy: THAT IS BLOOD. [ AUDIENCE OHS ] THAT IS YOUR BLOOD ON YOUR --
ON YOUR FACE >> YES, THAT'S MY BLOOD. YEP.
>> Jimmy: WHAT'S GOING THROUGH YOUR - >> BROCK DID THAT, YEP
>> Jimmy: WHAT'S GOING THROUGH YOUR MIND AT THIS POINT? >> I THINK IN THIS MOMENT I CAN
FINALLY SEE, BECAUSE ONCE THAT BLOOD STARTED COMING DOWN, IT GETS IN YOUR EYEBALLS, YOU KNOW
WHAT I MEAN? SO -- FOR ANY OF YOU WHO HAVE NEVER HAD BLOOD IN YOUR
EYEBALLS, IT'S QUITE THICK AND IT CAN COMPLETELY BLIND YOU AND YOU CAN'T SEE.
SO, I PROBABLY DID ONE OF THESE, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? AND THEN I SAW IT WAS BROCK.
HE'S STILL THERE AHH! >> Jimmy: HE DIDN'T GO AWAY.
>> GO AWAY >> Jimmy: HE DIDN'T GO AWAY. >> HE WAS STILL THERE.
>> Jimmy: HE WAS STILL THERE [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THAT'S EVEN MORE FRIGHTENING,
GOOD I APPRECIATE THE HONESTY SO, AFTER THIS SATURDAY, SMOKE
CLEARS, "WRESTLEMANIA," WHAT ARE WE GOING TO SEE? >> IT'S CHECKMATE, MAN
IT'S TIME, YOU KNOW, THAT WE CLOSE THIS CHAPTER AND MOVE ON YOU KNOW, SO, FOR ME, I'VE BEEN
ON THE RUN OF A LIFETIME I THINK I'VE SOLIDIFIED MYSELF CLEARLY IN THE MODERN DAY AS
THE GREATEST CHAMPION TO BE A PART OF WWE. >> Jimmy: THAT'S RIGHT
>> AND FOR ME TO KIND OF, YOU KNOW, GET PAST THIS CHAPTER OF BROCK LESNAR, I THINK IT JUST
PUTS ME ON A PLAYING FIELD, ON A LEVEL THAT NO ONE ELSE CAN TOUCH, SO --
>> Jimmy: THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
I HAVE A FEELING NEXT TIME YOU COME ON THE SHOW, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TWO CHAMPIONSHIP BELTS
ROMAN REIGNS, EVERYBODY. "WRESTLEMANIA 38" KICKS OFF SATURDAY NIGHT
YOU CAN STREAM THE TWO-DAY EVENT ON PEACOCK WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A
A PERFORMANCE FROM MIMI WEBB STICK AROUND [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* >> Jimmy: MAKING HER LATE NIGHT DEBUT PERFORMING "HOUSE ON
FIRE," PLEASE WELCOME MIMI WEBB!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* * I MAKE FRIENDS WITH THE HEAD OF POLICE
TO MAKE SURE HE' SUSPECT ME THE LEAST * * IF I'M CAUGHT
I'LL BE OUT IN A WEE I GOT MY STORY STRAIGH DOWN TO A T *
* OH I'D SA IT WASN'T ME HMM *
* AND SURE WE DATED ONCE IN A WHIL BUT IF THERE WAS A MOTIVE *
* IT'S NOT ENOUGH FOR A TRIA I SAW YOU OU
IT WAS ZERO DEGREES * * AND YOU HAD YOUR HAND RIGHT UNDER HER SLEEVE
OH YOU SAID YO DON'T GET COLD YOU LIAR * * NOW I'MA SE
YOUR HOUSE ON FIRE * * RUNNING I'M RUNNING BACK TO YOUR PLACE
WITH GAS AND A MATCH IT'LL GO UP IN FLAMES * * NOW I KNOW YOU'RE
NOT AT HOME YOU LIAR NOW I'MA SET YOUR HOUSE ON FIRE *
* IF SOMEBODY GOES AN CALLS THE BRIGAD I'LL ALREADY B
TOO FAR AWAY * * I BOUGHT A MAP AN I PLANNED THE ESCAPE
I'LL DYE MY HAIR CHANGE MY NAME * * YOU SHOULD'VE SEEN THIS
FROM THE START WHEN YOU COULD'VE BEEN HONES YOU COULD'VE BEEN SMART *
* WE MIGHT HAVE TOUCHED WE MIGHT HAVE KISSED BUT DARLING I'M SORR
IT'S NOT ENOUGH TO CONVICT * * I SAW YOU OUT IT WAS ZERO DEGREE
AND YOU HAD YOUR HANDS RIGHT UNDER HER SLEEVES * * OH YOU SAID YOU
DON'T GET COLD YOU LIA NOW I'MA SET YOUR HOUSE ON FIRE *
* RUNNING I'M RUNNING BACK TO YOUR PLACE WITH GAS AND A MATCH
IT'LL GO UP IN FLAMES * * NOW I KNOW YOU'RE NOT AT HOM
YOU LIAR * * NOW I'MA SET YOUR HOUSE ON FIRE *
* * SET YOUR HOUSE ON FIRE * *
* HOUSE ON FIRE NOW I'MA SET
YOUR HOUSE ON FIRE * * YOU CAN LOOK AROUND BUT YOU WON'T FIND HER
SHE'LL BE OUTTA TOWN WITH THE GET AWAY DRIVER * * THAT'S THE WAY IT FEELS
WHEN THE FLAMES GET HIGHER NOW I'MA SET YOUR HOUSE ON FIRE *
* [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: YES!
MIMI WEBB! "HOUSE ON FIRE" IS OUT NOW WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK, EVERYBODY
COME ON BACK [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
>> Jimmy: MY THANKS TO HASAN MINHAJ, ROMAN REIGNS, MIMI WEBB!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE AND THE ROOTS RIGHT THERE FROM PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA
THANK YOU FOR WATCHING STAY TUNED FOR "LATE NIGHT WITH SETH MEYERS.
GOODNIGHT, EVERYBODY THANK YOU. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* *