>> Steve: FROM STUDIO 6B IN ROCKEFELLER CENTER IN THE HEART
OF NEW YORK CITY, IT'S "THE TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON."
TONIGHT, JOIN JIMMY AND HIS GUESTS - MARISA TOMEI
JON GLASER MUSICAL GUEST MAE MULLER AND FEATURING THE LEGENDARY
ROOTS CREW >> Questlove: AAH! >> Steve: AND NOW, HERE HE IS,
JIMMY FALLON
*
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: OH, MY GOODNESS.
THAT IS AMAZING. I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU
ENJOY. WELCOME, EVERYBODY WOW, WELCOME TO "THE TONIGHT
SHOW." THANK YOU VERY MUCH. THAT WAS -
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE WOW. THAT APPLAUSE LASTED LONGER
THAN TOM BRADY'S RETIREMENT. [ LAUGHTER ] THAT'S RIGHT, YESTERDAY,
TOM BRADY CALLED OFF HIS RETIREMENT AND ANNOUNCED THAT HE WILL RETURN NEXT SEASON TO
PLAY FOR THE TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS THAT'S RIGHT
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THAT'S RIGHT BASICALLY, BRADY SAW GAS PRICES
AND SAID, "BACK TO WORK. HERE WE GO." [ LAUGHTER ]
THAT'S RIGHT, TOM BRADY IS BACK, AND ONCE AGAIN HE MADE HISTORY AS THE FIRST PERSON TO
EVER MOVE TO FLORIDA AND UN-RETIRE. [ LAUGHTER ]
BRADY'S RETIREMENT LASTED 40 DAYS. IN OTHER WORDS, HE PRETTY MUCH
GAVE UP FOOTBALL FOR LENT. [ LAUGHTER ] YEAH, HE WAS ONLY RETIRED FOR
SIX WEEKS. HIS KIDS WERE LIKE, "IS IT SOMETHING WE SAID?
[ LAUGHTER ] I HAVE A FEELING BRADY'S GOING TO BE LIKE ONE OF THOSE BANDS
THAT KEEP GOING ON THEIR FAREWELL TOUR. "THIS IS OUR LAST TOUR THIS
YEAR." EVERYONE'S PUMPED THAT BRADY'S BACK
WELL, EXCEPT FOR MAYBE THIS GUY.
HIS RETURN, AN AUCTION TOOK PLACE FOR THE FOOTBALL HE USED TO THROW HIS FINAL TOUCHDOWN
PASS THE WINNING BID WAS MORE THAN $500,000
>> Jimmy: THE AUCTIONEER WAS LIKE, "SOLD TO THE GUY WITH REALLY BAD TIMING.
THERE YOU GO, YOU GOT IT." [ LAUGHTER ] YEAH, IT WENT FROM TOM BRADY'S
LAST TOUCHDOWN BALL TO A BALL. [ LAUGHTER ] IN OTHER SPORTS NEWS, MARCH
MADNESS HAS OFFICIALLY BEGUN [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE MARCH MADNESS.
PEOPLE ALSO CALL IT THE BIG DANCE, THE ROAD TO THE FINAL FOUR, AND ADULTS YELLING AT
COLLEGE KIDS THEY DON'T KNOW YOU KNOW YEAH, I SAW THAT YALE MADE IT
TO THE TOURNAMENT THIS YEAR, BUT ONLY BECAUSE THEIR DAD MADE A PHONE CALL
[ LAUGHTER ] WELL, SWITCHING GEARS, UBER JUST ANNOUNCED THAT CUSTOMERS
WILL PAY AN ADDITIONAL CHARGE TO HELP ITS DRIVERS OFFSET HIGH GAS PRICES
YEAH, UBER IS ADDING A A SURCHARGE FOR GAS. YOU KNOW IT'S BAD WHEN THE
DRIVER SHOWS UP ON FOOT AND SAYS, "LET'S TAKE YOUR CAR [ LAUGHTER ]
THAT'S A NICE ONE. YEP, THINGS ARE ROUGH. NOW IF YOU WANT HEAT OR AC, THE
DRIVER JUST BLOWS ON YOU [ LAUGHTER ] SOME MORE BUSINESS NEWS.
I READ THAT DUE TO INFLATION, DORITOS HAS BEEN PUTTING FIVE FEWER CHIPS IN EACH BAG.
[ LAUGHTER ] AND IF YOU NOTICE THE CHANGE, YOU'VE GOT BIGGER PROBLEMS THAN
INFLATION. [ LAUGHTER ] "W-W-WHAT?
NORMALLY THERE'S 48 CHIPS IN THE BAG. >> Steve: "I'VE BEEN ROBBED!
>> Jimmy: "I'M ONLY COUNTING 43. >> Steve: MOTHER!"
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: EVEN WORSE, TODAY AT THE GROCERY STORE, I SAW THIS.
ONE PRINGLE. [ LAUGHTER ] ONE --
>> Steve: IT JUST SAYS PRINGLE >> Jimmy: YEAH, PRINGLE. >> Steve: NOT PRINGLES
>> Jimmy: YEAH, IT'S STILL HARD TO GET YOUR HAND IN THERE TOO. I DON'T KNOW WHY -
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Steve: AND IT'S STILL BROKEN
>> Jimmy: GET THIS TODAY APPLE RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT LETS YOU USE FACE ID TO
UNLOCK YOUR PHONE WHILE WEARING A MASK >> Steve: OH
>> Jimmy: EVEN THE GUY WHO BOUGHT TOM BRADY'S FOOTBALL WAS LIKE, "GREAT TIMING.
[ LAUGHTER ] MEANWHILE, I SAW THAT THE TSA ISSUED A STATEMENT ASKING
SPRING BREAK TRAVELERS TO BE RESPECTFUL [ LAUGHTER ]
THEY TRIED PUTTING UP A SIGN, BUT SPRING BREAKERS IMMEDIATELY DREW A PENIS ON IT
"AND THEY -- [ LAUGHTER ] ALL RIGHT.
WE GET IT. WE GET IT.
I HEARD ABOUT A MAN IN FLORIDA WHO WAS ARRESTED AFTER HE
CALLED 911 TO CHECK IF THE METH THAT HE BOUGHT WAS AUTHENTIC [ LAUGHTER ]
IN OTHER WORDS, SPRING BREAK HAS OFFICIALLY SPRUNG. IT'S HAPPENING
IT'S SPRING BREAK. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THE GUY WAS SO EMBARRASSED, HE
SENT HIS FRIENDS THIS EMOJI. [ LAUGHTER ] AND FINALLY, A WOMAN IN THE
U.K. WHO JUST TURNED 102 SAYS SHE CREDITS HER GOOD HEALTH TO JAGERBOMBS, TEQUILA, AND PIZZA
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE YEP, THEN PRINCE CHARLES WAS LIKE, "OKAY, MUM, LET'S GET YOU
TO BED, ALL RIGHT. WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW, EVERYONE GIVE IT UP FOR THE ROOTS
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
>> Jimmy: IT IS MONDAY WE'RE EXCITED TO BE BACK WE HAVE A GREAT WEEK OF SHOWS
AHEAD. SETH MEYERS WILL BE HERE AMY SCHUMER, BILLY CRYSTAL -
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Steve: OH >> Jimmy: -- DANIEL RADCLIFFE
WILL ALL BE JOINING US BUT FIRST, WHAT A SHOW WE HAVE FOR YOU TONIGHT.
SHE STARS AS MAY PARKER IN ONE OF THE BIGGEST MOVIES OF ALL TIME, "SPIDER-MAN: NO WAY
HOME," WHICH IS AVAILABLE ON DIGITAL TOMORROW MARISA TOMEI IS HERE TONIGHT
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE PLUS, YOU CAN SEE HIM IN AMY SCHUMER'S NEW SERIES "LIFE
& BETH," WHICH APPEARS THIS FRIDAY ON HULU JON GLASER IS HERE
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ONE OF THE FUNNIEST DUDES. I LOVE THAT GUY.
AND WE HAVE GREAT, GREAT, GREAT MUSIC. PERFORMING HER PLATINUM HIT
SONG, "BETTER DAYS" WHICH HAS OVER 650 MILLION GLOBAL STREAMS --
>> Steve: OOH. >> Jimmy: MAE MULLER IS HERE [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
MAE MULLER CAN I PLAY IT? >> Steve: YEAH
* >> Jimmy: STARTS LIKE, WHAT'S GOING ON
* * I'VE BEEN FEELING LONEL I NEED SOMEONE
TO HOLD ME * >> Jimmy: IT'S ALMOST LIKE I'M ON ROLLER SKATES
IMAGINE IF I'M ON ROLLER SKATES THAT'S THE WAY I WOULD DO THAT
* * I'VE BEEN FEELING JADED DON'T KNOW HOW
I SHOULD PLAY IT * >> Steve: SKATING. >> Jimmy: WHAT'S THAT?
>> Steve: YOU WERE SKATING >> Jimmy: YEAH, I WAS ROLLER SKATING, YEAH.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Questlove: WE WAS ROLLER SKATING BACKWARDS.
>> Jimmy: WAIT, PLAY IT AGAIN, PLAY IT AGAIN. >> Steve: HE'S IN THE RINK
* >> Jimmy: OH, WAIT, YOU'RE ROLLER SKATING BACKWARDS
THAT'S HOW YOU DO IT [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE I'M LESS AWKWARD
OH, WAIT, HE CAN'T SKATE SOMEONE HELP SOMEBODY HELP.
HE'S ALL RIGHT SOMEBODY HELP. HE'S NOT GOOD ON SKATES.
GUYS, HE CAN'T SKATE SORRY, BUDDY I GOT YOU, I GOT YOU
[ LAUGHTER ] * JUST STAND THERE
ALL RIGHT. WE'LL GET -- JUST STAND THERE.
JUST STAND RIGHT THERE THANK YOU FOR COMING TO MY PARTY.
[ LAUGHTER ] * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
BETTER DAYS. >> Steve: DANG >> Jimmy: THAT'S A GOOD JAM
RIGHT THERE. ALSO, LATER IN THE SHOW, JUST IF YOU WANT TO SET YOUR VCRs,
LATER WE'RE GOING TO MEET SOME TALENTED DOGS. WE HAVE A NEW BIT CALLED
"WHAT'S UP, DOG?" LATER ON THE SHOW IT'S GOING TO BE GOOD.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE FIRST, I WANT TO GIVE A SHOUTOUT TO QUESTLOVE.
HE JUST GOT BACK FROM LONDON AT THE BAFTAS THAT IS THE BRITISH ACADEMY
FILM AWARDS, ONE OF THE MOST PRESTIGIOUS AWARDS YOU CAN WIN AND HIS MOVIE "SUMMER OF SOUL"
WON THE BAFTA FOR BEST DOCUMENTARY! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* DUDE >> Steve: COME ON!
>> Jimmy: NO WAY COME ON! >> Questlove: YEAH, MAN.
>> Jimmy: NO WAY [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Questlove: YEAH, YEAH
>> Jimmy: THE BEST >> Questlove: AWESOME. >> Jimmy: THE BEST
WHAT WAS IT LIKE AND IS THAT IT RIGHT THERE BY THE DRUM
>> Questlove: YES, IT'S THERE NEXT TO PRINCE RIGHT THERE THERE BY THE DRUMS, YEAH
>> Jimmy: IT LOOKS -- DUDE, WHAT WAS IT -- >> Questlove IT WAS SURREAL.
'CAUSE YOU KNOW, SATURDAY NIGHT I WAS AT THE DIRECTOR'S GUILD AWARDS
AND RIGHT AFTER MY CATEGORY, I WENT STRAIGHT TO THE AIRPORT TEN HOURS TO LONDON.
DID THE -- WENT TO THE BAFTAS. AND THEN WENT TO THE AIRPORT AND --
>> Jimmy: AND NOW YOU'RE HERE. >> NOW I'M HERE. I DIDN'T EVEN GO HOME YET.
>> Jimmy: DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHERE YOU ARE RIGHT NOW? [ LAUGHTER ]
>> I HAVE NO CLUE WHERE I AM RIGHT NOW. >> Jimmy: YOUR SPEECH WAS
GREAT. YOU LOOKED GREAT AND CONGRATULATIONS ON "SUMMER
OF SOUL," QUESTLOVE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE SO PROUD OF YOU, BUD
>> THANK YOU >> Jimmy: SO, SO PROUD OF YOU, BUD.
>> Steve: IT HAPPENED. >> Jimmy: IT'S A GREAT DOCUMENTARY.
GREAT MOVIE. HEY, GUYS, AS I MENTIONED EARLIER, MARCH MADNESS IS HERE
YESTERDAY WAS SELECTION SUNDAY AND THE BRACKET IS ALL SET SO, HERE AT "THE TONIGHT SHOW,"
WE LIKE TO PICK A TEAM TO DO SOMETHING FUN WITH EVERY YEAR. SOMETIMES, YOU GO WITH THE
UNDERDOGS, OR, YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES -- ANYWAYS, THIS YEAR WE'RE GOING
WITH - [ DRUMROLL ] THE GONZAGA BULLDOGS
WE'RE GOING GONZAGA. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
GONZAGA! THEY'RE OUR TEAM LET'S DO THIS!
SOMETIMES WE GO UNDERDOGS, SOMETIMES WE DON'T >> Steve: NO
>> Jimmy: GONZAGA IS GOING TO GO ALL THE WAY WE LOVE GONZAGA.
WE WANTED TO DO SOMETHING SPECIAL FOR GONZAGA, RIGHT SO, HERE'S WHAT WE'RE DOING.
WE CREATED THESE ROWDY RAGS, OKAY NOW, THESE ARE -- THESE ARE
TOWELS THAT YOU WAVE AROUND AT GAMES TO GET THE CROWD PUMPED UP, RIGHT?
>> Steve: RIGHT. >> Jimmy: SO HERE'S -- [ CHEERS ]
SEE HOW IT WORKS >> Steve: OH WOW >> Jimmy: EVERYONE KNOWS
[ CHEERS ] BUT I NEED GONZAGA TO KNOW THAT, YOU KNOW, WE'RE IN THIS
TOGETHER SO, HERE'S WHAT WE'RE GOING TO DO
WE'RE GOING TO GIVE ALL THE STUDENTS THESE ROWDY RAGS. OKAY
THEY'RE GOING TO GO -- WHEN IS THE GAME THE FIRST ROUND GAME IS THIS
THURSDAY, OKAY AND WHAT WE'RE GOING TO ASK THEM TO DO IS ANY TIME DURING
THE GAME WHEN THE CLOCK HITS 11:35 P.M., WHICH IS WHEN "THE TONIGHT SHOW" AIRS --
[ LAUGHTER ] THERE'S NO OTHER REASON TO CELEBRATE 11:35 ON THE CLOCK
BUT WHEN THAT COMES ON THE CLOCK, I WANT YOU TO STAND UP, WAVE THE ROWDY RAGS AND YELL -
* I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I WANT WHAT I REALLY, REALLY WANT * * SO TELL ME WHAT YOU WAN
WHAT YOU REALL REALLY WANT * * I WANNA HUH
I WANNA HUH * * I WANNA HUH I WANNA HUH *
* I WANNA WIN, WIN, WIN GONZAGA, SAY AH * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
WIN, WIN, WIN. THE CAN CHOREOGRAPH -- [ TALKING OVER EACH OTHER
-- DO WHATEVER THEY WANT TO DO BUT THAT -- IF THAT HAPPENS, THAT WOULD JUST MAKE MY HEART
MELT >> Steve: MELT, AH >> Jimmy: I'D JUST BE SO IN
LOVE WITH THEM YEAH AND IT COULD HAPPEN TWICE
BECAUSE THERE'S TWO HALVES >> Steve: SURE >> Jimmy: SO, 11:35, GO FOR IT
* I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I WANT YEAH >> Steve: SO, 11:35 -- WHEN
THERE'S 11:35 IN THE GAME, NOT 11:35 AT NIGHT >> Jimmy: NO
I THINK THE GAME AIRS AT 7:15 OR SOMETHING. SO, DON'T WAIT FOR 11:35
>> Steve: YEAH, DON'T WAIT -- DON'T BE AT NIGHT IN THE - >> Jimmy: YEAH, THE GAME WILL
BE OVER BY THEN. GONZAGA WOULD HAVE WON >> Steve: YEAH
>> Jimmy: SO, YEAH I THINK YOU SHOULD WATCH THE GAME -- IF YOU'RE AT THE GAME.
LOOK AT THE COUNT -- THE CLOCK NOT YOUR CLOCK >> Steve: NOT THE WATCH.
>> Jimmy: NO, NOT YOUR WATCH LOOK AT THE HOUR SEE HOW MUCH TIME IS LEFT IN
THE GAME 11:35, GO CRAZY. AND IF YOU'RE AT THE GAME,
CAPTURE IT ON THE SOCIALS. BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW IF WE CAN AFFORD THE RIGHTS TO SENDING A
A CAMERA CREW THERE OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. ANYWAYS, THIS THURSDAY, ITS
4:15 EASTERN SO, IT'S 4:15 GAME SORRY.
LET ME JUST GO BACK. THE GAME IS AT 4:15. >> Steve: 4:15
[ LAUGHTER ] EASTERN? >> Jimmy: EASTERN, YEAH.
IT'S NOT AT 7:15 - >> Steve: NOT -- WITH DAYLIGHT SAVINGS, YEAH.
>> Jimmy: THAT WAS LIKE -- IF YOU ADD, LIKE, THREE HOURS OF DAYLIGHT SAVINGS -
>> Steve: SURE >> Jimmy: THEN IT WOULD BE AROUND 7:15.
>> Steve: OKAY WHAT IF I WAS WATCHING THE GAME SOMEWHERE ELSE
LIKE IN THE MOUNTAINS? >> Jimmy: LIKE IN THE MOUNTAINS?
WELL, IT DEPENDS YOU HAVE LIKE A SLING BOX OR SOMETHING?
>> SURE. I MIGHT HAVE A SLING BOX >> Jimmy: THEN IT WOULD AIR AT
4:15 EASTERN >> Steve: OKAY, THERE YOU GO >> Jimmy: YEAH, SO IF YOU CAN
DO THE MATH -- [ LAUGHTER ] >> Steve: SO IF I WAS ON THE
WEST COAST, IT WOULD STILL AIR AT 4:15 EASTERN? >> Jimmy: I DON'T NEED YOU TO
WAVE THE RAG AT THAT TIME. DON'T EVEN WORRY ABOUT IT. >> Steve: OKAY
[ LAUGHTER ] NOT GOING TO WORRY ABOUT IT AT ALL.
I'M NOT GOING TO BE AT THE GAME I'M GOING TO BE WORKING.
>> Jimmy: I KNOW - [ LAUGHTER ] WHAT DO YOU MEAN WORKING
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Steve: YEAH, I'M WORKING. I'M WORKING HERE
>> Jimmy: YEAH, WORKING. POLISHING YOUR AWARD >> Steve: YEAH, YEAH, YEAH
>> Questlove: HEY, MAN YOU HAVE TO DO IT WITH A BAFTA >> Jimmy: BUT, THIS IS -- ALL
RIGHT. SO, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO CLEAN THIS UP.
CAN WE GO JUST BACK A LITTLE BIT? [ LAUGHTER ]
[ RIM SHOT ] ALL RIGHT. GO CRAZY AT THE GAME AND BE
SURE TO CAPTURE IT ON SOCIAL SO WE CAN AIR IT ON THE SHOW. GO ZAGS!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE WHEN WE COME BACK, WE'RE
MEETING SOME TALENTED DOGS IN A NEW BIT WE CALL "WHAT'S UP DOG?
STICK AROUND EVERYBODY [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
>> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY. NOW, WE LOVE DOGS HERE AT "THE
TONIGHT SHOW," AND I REALLY LOVE TALENTED DOGS AND WE FOUND SOME TALENTED DOGS
THAT WE THINK YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE IT'S TIME FOR "WHAT'S UP DOG?"
HERE WE GO
*
* WHAT'S UP DOG * * WHAT'S UP DOG * * WHAT'S UP DOG *
>> Jimmy: THIS IS "WHAT'S UP DOG? "THE TONIGHT SHOW'S" SHOWCASE
FOR TALENTED DOGS. NOW LET'S SAY "WHAT'S UP" TO OUR FIRST DOG.
COME ON OVER WELCOME. HELLO.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> HELLO HOW YOU DOING, JIMMY
>> Jimmy: HOW ARE YOU? NICE TO SEE YOU. >> NICE TO MEET YOU.
>> Jimmy: WHAT'S YOUR NAME >> STUART. >> Jimmy: STUART, WHERE YOU
FROM >> I'M FROM NEW HYDE PARK, NEW YORK
>> Jimmy: HEY, STUART, THANKS FOR BEING HERE AND WHAT'S -- WHAT'S THE DOG'S
NAME >> THIS IS TONKA >> Jimmy: HI, TONKA.
>> TONKA, SAY HELLO TO JIMMY >> Jimmy: HI TONKA HI BUDDY, OH, MY GOSH, HE IS SO
CUTE AND NOW, IS IT TONKA OR TOKA >> TONKA
>> Jimmy: TONKA, LIKE THE TRUCK. >> EXACTLY
>> Jimmy: YEAH, AND TONKA -- OH, MY GOSH. [ AUDIENCE AWS ]
[ LAUGHTER ] HE'S SO CUTE WHAT DOES -- WHAT DOES TONKA DO
BESIDES BE CUTE? >> HE'S GOING TO DO THE LIMBO FOR US
>> Jimmy: OH, HE'S GONNA - YOU'VE GOT A DOG THAT LIMBOS THIS IS FUN.
>> THAT'S THE PLAN >> Jimmy: TONKA, YOU READY FOR THIS
>> READY TO DO THIS, TONKA LET'S GO >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, THIS IS
PERFECT. ROOTS, NEED SOME LIMBO MUSIC *
>> READY TONKA, OVER HERE. SIT DOWN SIT DOWN
* READY? READY TO GO?
THIS WAY READY? GO, GO, GO
HEY. [ LAUGHTER ] COME BACK HERE
>> Jimmy: YEAH, FANTASTIC! [ LAUGHTER ] >> COME HERE
COME HERE. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: HE'S REALLY -- I LIKE
IT OH HEY!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> GO AGAIN. COME HERE.
* COME HERE. COME HERE.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: I DON'T KNOW -- I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S -
OH, HE'S GOING TO GO LOWER WAIT, HE - >> HE CAN DO IT.
>> Jimmy: HE JUST WANTS MORE OF A CHALLENGE. >> READY, GO
[ LAUGHTER ] ONE MORE TIME. TONKA, SIT DOWN.
>> Jimmy: MAYBE HE CAN JUMP OVER IT. MAYBE HE CAN JUMP OVER IT.
>> HE CAN'T JUMP >> Jimmy: TONKA -- NO, HE CAN'T JUMP
TONKA, GOOD JOB. TONKA, COME HERE, BUDDY. WAIT, COME HERE.
WAIT, WAIT - [ LAUGHTER ] THANK YOU SO MUCH.
>> THANK YOU VERY MUCH >> Jimmy: I APPRECIATE IT. THANKS FOR HAVING HIM ON
>> COME ON, TONKA, LET'S GO. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: I LOVE THAT DOG.
[ LAUGHTER ] THAT IS A SMART DOG. I LOVE THAT DOG.
MAN, HE'S LIKE, "I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT, MAN. [ LAUGHTER ]
ALL RIGHT. LET'S MEET OUR NEXT DOG. COME ON OUT HERE
OH, WOW. * WHAT'S UP DOG * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: THIS IS VERY CUTE. [ LAUGHTER ] OH, THIS IS VERY CUTE.
HELLO. >> HELLO >> Jimmy: NICE TO SEE YOU.
>> HI, NICE TO SEE YOU TOO >> Jimmy: WHAT'S YOUR NAME >> I'M KENTEE PASEK FROM
OURAY, COLORADO. >> Jimmy: OH, WOW, KENTEE -- >> IT'S OVER BY TELLURIDE.
>> Jimmy: I LOVE THAT NAME >> YEAH, THANKS! >> Jimmy: AND WHO DID YOU BRING
WITH YOU HERE? >> THIS IS DEXTER DOG OURAY. [ AUDIENCE AWS ]
>> Jimmy: HI, DEXTER OH, MY GOSH. NOW, WHAT IS -- WHAT CAN DEXTER
DO >> YOU WANT TO SEE THIS? >> Jimmy: I DO WANT TO SEE
THIS, YEAH 'CAUSE, BESIDES DRESS UP AS A --
>> RIGHT >> HE LOOKS FANTASTIC. >> HE'S SUPER CUTE
>> Jimmy: YO, I LOVE HIS - YEAH >> ALL RIGHT, WELL, WE FIRST
HAVE TO GET HIM OUT OF HERE. >> Jimmy: OKAY >> ALL RIGHT
>> Jimmy: THAT'S OKAY. DEXTER, WELCOME TO THE SHOW. AND THANK YOU FOR DRESSING UP.
I KNOW IT'S "THE TONIGHT SHOW," IT'S A BIG - [ LAUGHTER ]
DO YOU WANT TO FIX HIS HAT >> OKAY. YOU READY?
COME SAY HI. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: WOW.
>> OKAY. LET'S GO [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
COME ON. OH, THAT'S A GOOD BOY. >> Jimmy: OH, MY -- WHAT A GOOD
BOY. WHAT A GOOD -- OH. [ AUDIENCE AWS ]
THANK YOU VERY MUCH. [ LAUGHTER ] OH, MY GOSH.
HE'S SO CUTE OH, MY GOSH. >> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: WHEN DID HE -- WHEN DID YOU KNOW HE COULD DO THIS? >> UM, HE WAS ABOUT A YEAR OLD
AND HE TAUGHT HIMSELF HOW TO WALK UPRIGHT [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: THAT IS THE GREATEST THANK YOU, YOU CRUSHED IT, DEXTER
WELL DONE. >> AWESOME [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: THANK YOU VERY MUCH. >> THANK YOU NICE TO MEET YOU
YEAH, COME ON. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: UNBELIEVABLE
[ LAUGHTER ] IT'S UNBELIEVABLE. LET'S MEET OUR LAST DOG.
COME ON OVER HERE, BUD [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * WHAT'S UP DOG *
>> Jimmy: HI JIMMY. NICE TO MEET YOU
>> DARAGH. NICE TO MEET YOU HEY, BUDDY
SIT. >> Jimmy: WHAT DOG IS THIS WHAT KIND OF A DOG IS THIS
>> THIS IS A YELLOW LAB, AND HIS NAME IS DEXTER THE BALANCING DOG.
>> Jimmy: WAIT, DEXTER THE OTHER DOG'S NAME WAS DEXTER
>> FROM COLORADO AS WELL >> Jimmy: WAIT, WHAT YOU'RE BOTH FROM COLORADO AND
BOTH NAMED YOUR DOGS DEXTER. >> AND THEY'RE BOTH VERY TALENTED
>> Jimmy: I WONDER IF WE CAN GET THE FIRST DOG TO CHANGE HIS NAME TO DEXTER
[ LAUGHTER ] NOW WHAT IS DEXTER'S TALENT? >> HE CAN BALANCE ALMOST
ANYTHING >> Jimmy: HE CAN BALANCE ALMOST ANYTHING
>> YES >> Jimmy: ON HIS -- ON HIS SNOUT?
>> YEAH, LIKE, SIT, STILL. STILL. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT. SO THAT -- THAT WAS GOOD BUT IS THAT WHY HE'S ON "THE
TONIGHT SHOW"? WHAT'S HE -- >> NO.
HE CAN BALANCE OREOS >> Jimmy: OH, YOU WANT TO BALANCE OREOS, BUDDY
>> YEAH, I THINK HE DOES >> Jimmy: I THINK HE'S READY ALL RIGHT.
>> YEAH, READY, DEXTER, SIT. >> Jimmy: NOW, HOW MANY -- WHAT'S HIS RECORD?
HOW MANY OREOS >> HE'S DONE 14, WHICH WAS PRETTY IMPRESSIVE, SO --
WE'LL SEE IF WE CAN GET THERE. >> Jimmy: SEE IF WE CAN GET IT EVEN CLOSE TO THAT
>> READY, DEX? READY, STILL STILL.
* OKAY, BUD, HEAD UP STILL.
[ LAUGHTER ] STILL. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
STILL. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] AH
>> Jimmy: IT WAS FANTASTIC [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE DOESN'T MATTER, THAT WAS
FANTASTIC. THAT WAS FANTASTIC YOU DID A GREAT JOB.
>> YEAH. >> Jimmy: OH, GIVE HIM A TREAT HE'S SO GOOD
HE DID A GREAT JOB, DEXTER GOOD JOB >> COME HERE, DEX, SIT
>> Jimmy: THANKS TO ALL OF OUR DOGS IF YOU HAVE A DOG WITH A FUN
TALENT, I WANT TO SEE IT GO TO TONIGHTSHOW.COM/WHATSUPDOGS TO
SUBMIT A VIDEO OF YOUR DOG [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE STICK AROUND, WE'LL BE RIGHT
BACK WITH MARISA TOMEI, EVERYBODY. COME ON BACK
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * >> THE THING WAS, IF ANYONE
ASKED ME ABOUT IT, I WOULD HAVE NOTHING -- I -- I DON'T UNDERSTAND THE
MULTIVERSE MYSELF. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: SO YOU COULDN'T SPOIL
IT YOU'D BE LIKE, "I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS."
TO ME ONE MORE TIME? >> Jimmy: OUR FIRST GUEST IS AN OSCAR-WINNING ACTRESS WHO STARS
AS MAY PARKER IN "SPIDER-MAN: NO WAY HOME," WHICH IS AVAILABLE ON DIGITAL TOMORROW.
PLEASE WELCOME MARISA TOMEI.
*
>> Jimmy: MARISA TOMEI, WELCOME.
WELCOME TO THE SHOW. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE
I APPRECIATE IT. >> THANKS FOR HAVING ME. >> Jimmy: YEAH, THIS IS
A BIG -- A BIG WEEKEND FOR YOU, WHICH IS INTERESTING TO ME I DID NOT KNOW THIS.
YOUR GODDAUGHTER HOSTED "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE." >> YES, SHE DID.
ZOZO >> Jimmy: ZOE KRAVITZ IS YOUR -
>> ZOE KRAVITZ YEAH >> Jimmy: -- IS YOUR
GODDAUGHTER. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> SHE KILLED IT
SHE KILLED IT. >> Jimmy: SHE WAS FANTASTIC. >> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: WE HAVE A PICTURE OF YOU AND -- THIS IS YOU AND LISA AND BABY ZOE
>> OH, YEAH. WELL, YOU CAN'T REALLY TELL IT'S HER THOUGH.
>> Jimmy: NO YOU CAN'T TELL. YEAH, THAT'S ZOE, RIGHT THERE. >> TAKE OUR WORD
>> Jimmy: EXACTLY, YEAH. >> AND WHY I'M WEARING A TOWEL ON MY HEAD, I DO NOT KNOW.
>> Jimmy: YEAH I MUST'VE BEEN CHILLY. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: IS THIS FROM, LIKE, "A DIFFERENT WORLD?" IS THAT WHERE YOU MET?
>> YEAH. WELL, WE MET BEFORE "A DIFFERENT WORLD," ACTUALLY
>> Jimmy: OH, YOU DID? SO YOU'VE BEEN FRIENDS FOR A A WHILE.
>> YEAH, WE MET IN -- YEAH, IN A -- LIKE, AN ACTING WORKSHOP. >> Jimmy: DID ZOE ASK FOR ANY
ADVICE ON HOW TO HOST? YOU'VE HOSTED "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE."
>> I DID, MANY MOONS AGO AND SHE DOESN'T NEED ANY ADVICE
SHE'S GOT IT >> Jimmy: SHE'S JUST SO COOL >> I MEAN, I WAS THERE TO CHEER
HER ON, OF COURSE. >> Jimmy: I ASK HER ADVICE ON ANYTHING
I'M LIKE, "ZOE, JUST TELL ME HOW TO BE COOL." >> I ASK HER FOR ADVICE.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, EXACTLY. >> IT'S THE OTHER WAY AROUND >> Jimmy: I SAW THAT YESTERDAY
MARKED THE 30th ANNIVERSARY OF "MY COUSIN VINNY," WHICH IS -- [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
--ONE OF YOUR GREAT FILMS THAT WE ALL LOVE. *
WHEN YOU'RE DOING THAT -- WHEN YOU DO THAT MOVIE, WHEN YOU'RE FILMING IT, DID YOU HAVE ANY
IDEA IT WOULD BE THAT BIG OF A A HIT, OR THAT YOU WOULD WIN AN OSCAR.
I WAS JUST HAPPY TO HAVE A JOB [ LAUGHTER ] I DON'T KNOW
WHO IS THE PERSON WHO THINKS, "I'M GOING TO WIN AN OSCAR." >> Jimmy: YEAH, YEAH, YEAH
>> WHAT KIND OF CAJONES ARE YOU WALKING AROUND WITH? >> Jimmy: YEAH, EXACTLY.
BUT IT BECAME THE BIGGEST MOVIE EVER I MEAN, I THINK VICE PRESIDENT,
KAMALA HARRIS, SAID THAT THAT'S HER FAVORITE MOVIE >> KAMALA HARRIS SAID THAT
>> Jimmy: YES. THAT'S HER FAVORITE MOVIE. "MY COUSIN VINNY."
LOVES IT THEY TEACH IT IN COLLEGES -- IN LAW SCHOOL CLASSES
>> THAT I KNEW THAT PART I KNEW YES, A LOT OF MANY A-LAWYER
HAVE, KIND OF, USED THAT LINE ON ME. >> Jimmy: DID THEY EVER HAVE
YOU COME IN AND, LIKE, SPEAK >> THEY ASK ME TO COME IN AND SPEAK.
THEY ASK ME OTHER THINGS >> Jimmy: YEAH, THAT'S WILD. YEAH, YEAH
[ LAUGHTER ] YOU'VE BEEN -- YOU'VE BEEN -- YOU'VE WON AND YOU'VE BEEN
NOMINATED FOR MANY, MANY AWARDS BUT THERE IS AN HONOR THAT I'M
NOT SURE IF YOU KNOW ABOUT THERE'S A SANDWICH NAMED AFTER YOU -- THE WORLD FAMOUS LIONI'S
DELI IN BROOKLYN >> OH, REALLY? >> Jimmy: A MARISA TOMEI
>> I DON'T KNOW THAT >> Jimmy: WELL, IT'S A VERY EXCLUSIVE CLUB
[ LAUGHTER ] SO ON THE SANDWICH IS -- TELL ME IF YOU LIKE THIS -- FRIED
EGGPLANT >> I LIKE IT >> Jimmy: FRESH MOZZARELLA
>> LOVE IT >> Jimmy: BREAD CRUMBS >> LOVE IT
>> Jimmy: AND MUSHROOM STUFFING >> NOT IN A SANDWICH
>> Jimmy: NO MUSHROOM STUFFING >> OH, I'M DISAPPOINTING THE LIONI'S CREW, I GUESS.
>> Jimmy: NO, NOT A MUSHROOM FAN? >> WELL, I LIKE -- WELL, WHAT
ABOUT YOURSELF >> Jimmy: I DO NOT LIKE MUSHROOMS.
I DON'T LIKE MAYONNAISE EITHER YEAH >> OH, YEAH.
WE MIGHT A SIMILAR PALATE. >> Jimmy: MUSHROOMS AND MAYONNAISE, THAT'S THE ONLY
THING I DON'T -- YEAH, I DON'T ENJOY THOSE. >> WE HAVE A SIMILAR PALATE,
YEAH >> Jimmy: WELL, IF WE COULD TALK TO THOSE GUYS -- I FIGURED
IF YOU'VE NEVER HEARD ABOUT IT, MAYBE YOU'VE NEVER TRIED IT. I GOT ONE WITH NO MUSHROOMS ON
IT >> OH. >> Jimmy: I GOT TWO OF THEM
ACTUALLY I FIGURED YOU COULD TRY YOUR OWN MARISA TOMEI ON "THE
TONIGHT SHOW." MARISA TOMEI EATING A MARISA TOMEI
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> OKAY. DO YOU HAVE NAPKINS FOR US AND
EVERYTHING DO WE HAVE A NAPKIN? >> Jimmy: OH, I DO
>> I FEEL LIKE THIS IS GOING TO BE AWKWARD >> Jimmy: NO -
YES! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THAT'S FAN -
WHAT DO YOU THINK? >> I HAVE TO LEAN OVER WITH A SANDWICH THIS BIG.
I, LIKE, CAN'T DO IT, LIKE, RIGHT HERE I'M GONNA MAKE A MESS.
>> Jimmy: NO, YOU CAN BARELY EVEN TALK WHEN YOU HAVE A BITE CAN WE TALK ABOUT "SPIDER-MAN:
NO WAY HOME" >> YES YEAH
>> Jimmy: YOU WERE FANTASTIC IN THIS [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
REALLY -- YOU'RE ALWAYS -- YOU'RE GREAT IN ALL OF THEM. IT'S MADE ALMOST -- I KNOW
IT MADE ALMOST $2 BILLION WORLDWIDE. I MEAN, IT IS A GIANT MOVIE.
IT'S THE THIRD HIGHEST GROSSING MOVIE IN HISTORY >> IT'S SO COOL.
IT'S SO COOL IT'S REALLY A COOL THING TO BE A PART OF.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: BUT IT'S A GREAT MOVIE TOO.
>> YEAH. >> Jimmy: I LOVED EVERY SINGLE SECOND OF IT
YOU PLAY MAY PARKER. I LOVE -- I LOVE YOU I LOVE TOM HOLLAND
I LOVE ZENDAYA I COULDN'T GET ENOUGH OF EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN THIS MOVIE.
I GO, "I DON'T WANT IT TO END. I WANT IT TO JUST KEEP GOING ON AND ON."
IS IT TOUGH TO DO THOSE MOVIES KNOWING THAT YOU CAN'T SPOIL ANYTHING OR TALK ABOUT
ANYTHING >> WELL, YES, AT FIRST IT IS BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO SIGN A LOT
OF THINGS AND IT'S ALL UNDER SECRECY. FRIENDS WILL ASK
OUR FAMILY MEMBERS WILL ASK ABOUT IT >> Jimmy: SO, YOU'RE HAPPY IT'S
OUT. >> I'M HAPPY IT'S OUT. I'M HAPPY IT'S OUT NOW
AND I DON'T HAVE TO KEEP THAT SECRET ANYMORE >> Jimmy: YEAH
I MEAN, I WOULDN'T BOTHER YOU WITH QUESTIONS, LIKE, IF I SAW YOU ON THE STREET.
>> YOU WOULDN'T? >> Jimmy: NO, I'D JUST BE LIKE, "I'M COOL.
>> WOULD YOU JUST LIKE - [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: I WOULDN'T DO IT
BECAUSE I ALREADY KNOW THE THING. THE ANSWER IS, "JIMMY, DON'T
MAKE ME DO THIS," YEAH SO, I WOULDN'T DO IT AND THEN AFTER SEEING IT, WOW,
THERE'S SOME SPOILERS. >> THERE ARE SOME SPOILERS, YES, YEAH.
BUT MAYBE A FEW PEOPLE DON'T KNOW YET SO, WE CAN'T -- WE STILL CAN'T
TALK ABOUT IT. >> Jimmy: WE STILL CAN'T -- YEAH
CAN WE NOT TALK ABOUT -- CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE -- >> WE CAN TALK ABOUT -
>> Jimmy: CAN WE TALK ABOUT THAT >> YEAH, WE CAN TALK ABOUT
THAT >> Jimmy: WE CAN >> IF WE WANT TO
[ LAUGHTER ] I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT.
>> Jimmy: THE FACT THAT THERE IS A MULTIVERSE. >> OH, YES
THERE IS A MULTIVERSE. YES. >> Jimmy: OKAY
WE CAN SAY THAT. >> YES >> Jimmy: YEAH, I DON'T WANT TO
RUIN IT FOR ANY FANS OUT THERE >> RIGHT, YES, THERE IS A MULTIVERSE
>> Jimmy: IF YOU HAVEN'T BEEN TO THE MOVIES -- >> THAT WAS PART OF THE SECRECY
THOUGH THAT'S TRUE. THAT WAS PART OF THE SECRECY
ORIGINALLY NOW A LOT OF PEOPLE KNOW >> Jimmy: YEAH
BUT THE THING WAS, IF ANYONE ASKED ME ABOUT IT, I WOULD HAVE NOTHING -- I DON'T UNDERSTAND
THE MULTIVERSE, MYSELF [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: SO, YOU COULDN'T
SPOIL IT YOU'D BE LIKE, "I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS."
>> OUR WONDERFUL DIRECTOR, JON, AND I'M LIKE, "AND SO, WHERE AM I NOW?
OKAY, WELL CAN YOU EXPLAIN IT TO ME ONE MORE TIME? [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: YEAH WELL, KNOWING THAT THERE IS A MULTIVERSE -
>> YEAH, WHAT DO YOU THINK -- ARE YOU DONE WITH THE SANDWICH [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: NO, I CAN GO FOR IT. I ACTUALLY REALLY -- [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
NOPE [ MURMURING >> Jimmy: DO YOU THINK THAT --
[ LAUGHTER ] DO YOU THINK THAT YOU WOULD EVER DO -- WOULD MAY PARKER BE
IN A MULTIVERSE THING? WOULD YOU EVER WANT TO DO SOMETHING WITH -
>> YEAH, I WOULD LOVE TO COME BACK AND BE PART OF THAT - I WANT TO BE
>> Jimmy: LIKE, A DIFFERENT MOVIE? >> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: YOU WOULD DO IT? >> YEAH. THERE'S HISTORY THERE TOO.
MAY PARKER HOOKS UP WITH ANT-MAN IN ONE OF -- WELL, I MEAN, SHE'S A STAND ALONE
CHARACTER, OF COURSE >> Jimmy: YES, OF COURSE >> BUT THERE ARE MORE AVENUES
TO EXPLORE >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT. I'M GOING TO ROOT FOR THAT
RIGHT NOW. >> IS THERE ANYTHING IN MY TEETH?
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: LET ME SEE I WILL TELL YOU.
NO, YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL I WANT TO SHOW EVERYONE A CLIP HERE'S MARISA TOMEI, NOT THE
SANDWICH, IN "SPIDER-MAN: NO WAY HOME." TAKE A LOOK.
I DIDN'T REALIZE YOU WERE MISERABLE.
>> NO, IT WAS REALLY FUN THAT'S WHY -- YOU KNOW THAT'S WHY THEY CALL IT A FLING
AND WE FLUNG >> IT WAS FUN. I COULD HAVE BEEN MORE FUN
I CAN BE FUN >> WE'LL HANG OUT AGAIN. >> WHEN DO YOU THINK
I SHOULD SEE WHAT THAT IS. >> NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. >> THIS IS WHAT I DO
>> HE'S ALWAYS COMING AND GOING. IT'S NOT -
>> PETER >> PETER >> OH NO
OH GOD >> OH, NO. >> PETER
>> I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO >> PETER [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: MARISA TOMEI, EVERYBODY! "SPIDER-MAN: NO WAY HOME" IS
AVAILABLE ON DIGITAL STARTING TOMORROW WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH
JON GLASER STICK AROUND [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* >> Jimmy: OUR NEXT GUEST IS A VERY FUNNY MAN AND A TALENTED
ACTOR. YOU CAN SEE HIM IN AMY SCHUMER'S NEW SERIES
"LIFE & BETH," WHICH PREMIERES THIS FRIDAY ON HULU. PLEASE WELCOME THE ALWAYS
ENTERTAINING JON GLASER.
*
>> Jimmy: I'VE NEVER - WE'VE HAD MANY GUESTS ON THIS
SHOW I'VE NEVER SEEN HALF A STANDING OVATION.
THAT WAS - [ LAUGHTER ] >> THAT'S PRETTY SOLID
>> Jimmy: THAT'S NOT BAD, NO >> IT'S ABOUT AS GOOD AS IT GETS
>> Jimmy: IT REALLY IS -- IT'S ALMOST AS GOOD AS IT GETS. >> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: A FULL OVATION WOULD BE PROBABLY AS GOOD AS IT GETS >> THAT'S PRETTY SOLID
YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M GOING TO DISAGREE WITH YOU I THINK A HALF OVATION IS AS
GOOD AS IT GETS. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 'CAUSE A FULL OVATION -- A FULL
OVATION IS LIKE, "NO, THEY CUED THEM TO ALL STAND UP." THAT'S LIKE, THE HARD CORE
FANS LIKE, OH, THEY ACTUALLY DID IT IT'S NOT -
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: BUT MAYBE I DIDN'T EVEN GIVE YOU LIKE A -- MAYBE
IF I REALLY UPPED YOUR NAME OR SOMETHING, THEY'D GIVE A FULL OVATION.
>> I DON'T -- YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON'T WANT THE FULL OVATION. [ LAUGHTER ]
I WANT THE HALF. IT'S QUALITY NOT QUANTITY. >> Jimmy: WAIT, BUT THAT'D
BE - >> QUALITY NOT QUANTITY! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
QUALITY, NOT QUANTITY. [ DRUMROLL ] >> Jimmy: BUT -- BUT WHAT IF --
HAVE YOU SEEN -- HAVE YOU SEEN THE OTHER HALF STAND >> I DON'T WANT THEM TO STAND.
THEY SAT, STAY SEATED. [ LAUGHTER ] COMMIT
COMMIT TO YOUR DISINTEREST [ LAUGHTER ] I DON'T GIVE A [ BLEEP ]
>> Jimmy:, OH, MY -- HEY, HEY >> BLEEP IT!
BLEEP THAT [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: YOU'VE GOT A LOT
GOING ON, JON. YOU'RE COMING IN HOT TONIGHT, MAN.
DUDE, YOU HAVE A LOT GOING ON. YOU'RE IN THE NEW SERIES, AMY SCHUMER'S NEW SERIES
"LIFE & BETH." >> YEP >> Jimmy: YOU'RE ALSO ON
"LAW & ORDER." >> YEAH, I'M ON "LAW & ORDER: SVU.
>> Jimmy: YEP, "LAW & ORDER: SVU. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> "SVU. IT'S JON GLASER DOUCHEBAG WEEK [ LAUGHTER ]
I GENERALLY SEEM TO PLAY [ BLEEP ], SO YEAH >> Jimmy: THAT'S WEIRD
BECAUSE YOU'RE SUCH A FUNNY, NICE GUY >> I'D LIKE TO THINK SO, BUT
IT -- SOMETIMES I QUESTION, LIKE, "WHY AM I SO GOOD AT PLAYING A TOTAL -- I'M GONNA
SWEAR AGAIN, A TOTAL [ BLEEP ], RIGHT? [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: HEY, NOW -- NOW -- WAIT - WHY DO YOU -
>> BLEEP IT! BLEEP IT WHO CARES?
>> Jimmy: STOP SAYING "BLEEP IT, WHO CARES. DON'T CURSE ANYMORE.
>> ALSO BLEEP WHEN I SAY "BLEEP." [ LAUGHTER ]
BUT YEAH, SO I SEEM TO EXCEL AT PLAYING A DOUCHEBAG AND -- >> Jimmy: BLEEP IT
WHO CARES? >> BLEEP IT! [ LAUGHTER ]
THAT'S GOTTA BE -- >> Jimmy: THAT'S ANOTHER CHARACTER.
>> "JUST BLEEP IT. >> Jimmy: "JUST BLEEP IT." >> "WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?
BLEEP IT." >> Jimmy: "HEY!" >> "BLEEP IT!"
>> Jimmy: "HEY, BLEEP IT!" UH, BUT CAN WE TALK ABOUT WHICH TYPE OF AN A-HOLE YOU PLAY IN
THE AMY SCHUMER SHOW [ LAUGHTER ] >> SO, THE PIECE OF [ BLEEP ]
THAT I PLAY IN - [ LAUGHTER ] -- "LIFE & BETH" WORKS AT
A VINEYARD HIS NAME IS GERALD [ LAUGHTER ]
WITH A G, WITH A HARD G. >> Jimmy: GERALD, NOT JERALD >> NOT JERALD.
IT'S GERALD. HE'S GOT A GOATEE AND A LIKE, A RAT TAIL PONY TAIL -
[ LAUGHTER ] -- THAT HE'S ALWAYS KIND OF, LIKE, MAKING SURE HE PULLS
AROUND HIS NECK, AND HE'S PLAYING WITH IT, SO -- >> Jimmy: YEAH, I -- OH, THAT'S
PERFECT. THAT'S PERFECT >> PRETTY ENJOYABLE.
>> Jimmy: I WANT TO SHOW EVERYONE A CLIP. HERE'S JON GLASER AND
AMY SCHUMER IN "LIFE & BETH.
HOW CAN I HELP YOU
>> UH, I HAVE AN APPOINTMENT WITH JERALD, THE WINE MANAGER. >> UH, "GERALD."
IT'S PRONOUNCED "GERALD. >> GERALD, OKAY. >> AND, WELL, GERALD IS ME
>> OH, WELL. >> AND, AS YOU CAN SEE, I'M WITH SOME CUSTOMERS RIGHT NOW,
SO IF YOU CAN JUST BE A LITTLE PATIENT, I'D APPRECIATE IT >> SURE.
I'LL WAIT RIGHT HERE >> UH, ACTUALLY, UH, THIS SECTION IS FOR CUSTOMERS ONLY.
SO IF YOU DON'T MIND WAITING OUTSIDE, IT'D BE A BIG HELP. >> OKAY?
>> YOU KNOW, I'M NOT REALLY SURE WHAT YOUR SCHOOL OF THOUGHT IS, BUT FOR ME,
CUSTOMER IS NEVER WRONG. BUT YOU CITY PEOPLE DON'T REALLY UNDERSTAND THAT, DO YOU
>> OKAY. >> 'CAUSE YOU'RE SO SPECIAL. >> OKAY.
>> NO TIME FOR OTHER PEOPLE'S STORIES. >> I'M JUST GOING TO WAIT.
I'LL WAIT OUT THERE. THANK YOU. >> THANK YOU
THAT WOULD BE GREAT. HOW WE DOING ON THAT PINOT, GUYS
[ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: HOW WERE THEY
DOING -- HOW WERE THEY DOING ON THAT PINOT THEY'RE GETTING AROUND TO IT
>> PRETTY GOOD, YEAH >> Jimmy: GOOD, YEAH >> HOW DID -- HOW DID MY HALF
OF THE AUDIENCE LOVE THAT? [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE YEAH
* >> Jimmy: HOW DID THE OTHER HALF OF THE AUDIENCE THINK
ABOUT THAT [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> I DON'T EVEN GIVE A
A [ BLEEP ]. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Together: "BLEEP IT!"
>> COME ON, BLEEP IT [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: WHAT IN THE WORLD,
MAN? >> GO BLEEP IT >> Jimmy: OH, MY GOSH.
YOU'VE DONE SO MANY FUNNY ROLES, BUT THIS -- THIS "LAW & ORDER: SVU" IS
A DRAMATIC ROLE. >> THIS JUST KIND OF CAME OUT OF NOWHERE
AND I WAS VERY EXCITED TO DO IT AND ONE OF THE FUN THINGS WAS
THAT THEY ASKED ME TO DYE MY HAIR BLONDE. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
WHICH WAS PRETTY ENJOYABLE AND THERE'S A PHOTO. [ LAUGHTER ]
AND SO, I STILL HAVE THE HAIR, WHICH I'LL SHOW RIGHT NOW. >> Jimmy: WOW.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> YEAH. OH, YEAH
[ APPLAUSE ] I'LL PUT MY -- I'LL PUT MY DETROIT BAD BOYS HAT RIGHT
THERE. >> Jimmy: YEAH, THAT'S WHERE IT GOES
>> I DON'T KNOW IF YOU WANT TO GET A SHOT OF THAT >> Jimmy: NO, WE -- WE DON'T
NO, WE DON'T - >> YEAH, YOU DO! >> Jimmy: NO, WE DON'T WANT TO
GET A SHOT OF THAT >> SO YEAH, SO -- SO, I GOT TO GO -
>> Jimmy: WOW, YOU LOOK COOL >> SEE, THAT'S THE THING I LOVE IT.
I KNOW IT LOOKS RIDICULOUS I THINK IT LOOKS COOL. MY WIFE HATES IT
BUT I DIDN'T WANT TO THEN JUST GET RID OF THE HAIR. SO, I'VE KEPT THIS FOR THE LAST
MONTH. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] AND I'VE BEEN THOROUGHLY
ENJOYING IT. I KNOW IT LOOKS DUMB I'LL TAKE IT TO MY GRAVE THAT I
LOOK COOL AS [ BLEEP ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE BLEEP IT
>> Jimmy: B.I. >> BUT ANYWAY, SO, I TOLD MY
WIFE, I'M LIKE, "HOW ABOUT JUST, WHEN THE EPISODE AIRS, THEN WE'LL CUT IT.
AND THEN THIS CAME UP JUST THIS WEEKEND. AND I THOUGHT, "LET'S JUST DO
THIS MORE SPECTACULARLY. I BROUGHT SOME SCISSORS. [ CHEERS ]
YEAH >> Jimmy: I'M HONORED. >> I WANT YOU TO BE THE HERO TO
MY WIFE, AND I WANT YOU TO CUT THE BLONDE - I'M NOT -- I WANT -- THIS IS
TOUGH FOR ME, BUT LET'S JUST -- IT'S TIME FOR IT TO GO >> Jimmy: ARE YOU SURE, JON?
>> YEAH, LET'S DO THIS [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: YOU WANT ME TO DO IT,
I'LL DO IT >> BUT HERE'S THE THING -- HOLD UP
HERE'S -- I WANT YOU TO LIKE -- IT CAN BE A HATCHET JOB, DON'T -- YOU KNOW, BUT -
>> Jimmy: OH, IT WILL BE >> DO THIS [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING. >> LEAVE -- LEAVE A LITTLE BIT
IN THE FRONT LEAVE LIKE A UNICORN HORN -- >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT.
>> -- THAT I CAN TAKE HOME TO MY WIFE, AND THEN SHE'LL DO THAT
[ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS ] >> Jimmy: JON, THIS IS -
>> YEAH. >> Jimmy: I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE LETTING ME DO THIS.
>> NOW WHAT'S GONNA BE - >> Jimmy: YOU WANT TO SEE IT, OR YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE IT?
>> OH, SURE. LET ME TAKE THIS HOME TO MY WIFE
I'LL PUT IT IN MY BAD BOYS HAT [ LAUGHTER ] NOW YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOING TO BE
REALLY NICE? YOU KNOW, THE SHOW AIRS LATER, SO WHILE TONIGHT, MY WIFE AND I
WILL BE MAKING LOVE -- [ LAUGHTER ] AND WE'LL PUT THE SHOW ON,
WE'LL MAKE LOVE TO THE IMAGE OF YOU CUTTING MY HAIR. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME THIS? I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THESE
DETAILS AT ALL I'M GOING TO BLEEP THAT. >> AND THEN HOPEFULLY WE'LL
ACHIEVE SIMULTANEOUS ORGASMS AT THE LAST - AT THE LAST SNIP
>> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT. HERE IT COMES. >> GET THE BACK.
>> Jimmy: HERE COMES THE -- I ALMOST WANT TO LEAVE THE BACK A LITTLE BIT, TOO, IF YOU DON'T
MIND >> OH, MAN >> Jimmy: I JUST WANT TO GET
THE LAST SNIP. JON, I THINK I DID A GOOD JOB. IN FACT, I THINK I DID A GREAT
JOB. I LEFT A LITTLE -- I LEFT A LITTLE MADNESS IN THE BACK
IF YOU WANT TO JUST TURN SIDEWAYS JUST TURN SIDEWAYS
YEAH, THAT'S GOOD. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE SO, IT'S A LITTLE --
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE MADNESS. YEAH, I THINK THAT LOOKS GOOD
RIGHT THERE. WE ALWAYS LOVE HAVING YOU ON ENJOY TONIGHT.
JON GLASER, EVERYBODY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE "LIFE & BETH" PREMIERES THIS
FRIDAY ON HULU MAE MULLER PERFORMS AFTER THE BREAK.
STICK AROUND [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
>> Jimmy: PERFORMING HER PLATINUM HIT, "BETTER DAYS," PLEASE WELCOME MAE MULLER.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
*
* I'VE BEEN FEELING LONEL I NEED SOMEONE TO HOLD M COME ON BABY HOLD ME
I'VE BEEN FEELING * * JADED DON'T KNOW HOW SHOULD PLAY IT
TELL ME HOW TO PLAY IT * * NOW YOU YOU'VE BEEN MOVING ON LET ME KNO
CAN I COME ALONG * * SINCE YOU'RE GONE OH IT'S BEEN SO LONG
ON MY OWN MY OWN * * MY OWN MY OWN LIVING IN A HAZE
STAYING IN THE SHADE * * ALL I DO IS SIT AROUN AND WAIT FOR BETTER DAYS
I COULD USE A BREAK * * CAN I GET AN AMEN ALL I DO IS SIT AROUND AND
WAIT FOR BETTER DAYS * >> ARE WE HAVING A GOOD TIME OKAY
* * I GOT STRUCK BY CUPID HE GOT ME FEELING STUPID
I'M ABOUT TO LOOSE I OH I'M LIKE I WANNA * * LAY IN THE SU
SMOKE IN MY LUNG TYING THE CHERRY STEM * * INTO A KNOT WITH MY TONGU
I KNOW IT'S DUMB BUT IT IS BETTER THAN THAT * * NOW YOU YOU'VE BEEN
MOVING ON LET ME KNO CAN I COME ALONG * * SINCE YOU'RE GONE
OH IT'S BEEN SO LONG ON MY OWN MY OWN * * MY OWN MY OWN
LIVIN' IN A HAZE STAYIN' IN THE SHADE ALL I DO IS SIT AROUND AND *
* AND WAIT FOR BETTER DAY I COULD USE A BREA CAN I GET AN AME
ALL I DO IS SIT AROUND * * AND WAIT FOR BETTER I SIT AROUND SIT AROUN
SIT AROUND AND WAIT * * FOR BETTER BETTER BETTER DAYS I COUL
USE A BREAK * * BETTER BETTER BETTE BETTER BETTER DAYS
OH-OH * * ALL I DO IS SIT AROUN AND WAIT FOR BETTER DAYS
BETTER DAYS * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * ALL I DO IS SIT AROUN
AND WAIT FOR BETTER DAYS * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: YES!
THANK YOU SO MUCH! MAE MULLER [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
"BETTER DAYS." MAE MULLER IS OUT NOW. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK, EVERYBODY
WHOA [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
>> Jimmy: MY THANKS TO MARISA TOMEI, JON GLASER MAE MULLER, RIGHT HERE ONCE
AGAIN. FANTASTIC! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
AND THE ROOTS RIGHT THERE FROM PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA THANK YOU FOR WATCHING
STAY TUNED FOR "LATE NIGHT WITH SETH MEYERS. GOODNIGHT, EVERYBODY
THANK YOU! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE