1 00:00:09,476 --> 00:00:13,913 >> Steve: FROM STUDIO 6B IN ROCKEFELLER CENTER IN THE HEART 2 00:00:13,913 --> 00:00:18,485 OF NEW YORK CITY, IT'S "THE TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON." 3 00:00:18,485 --> 00:00:23,423 TONIGHT, JOIN JIMMY AND HIS GUESTS - MARTIN SHORT 4 00:00:23,423 --> 00:00:27,360 JUNO TEMPLE, MUSICAL GUEST, DEMI LOVATO AND FEATURING THE LEGENDARY 5 00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:34,834 ROOTS CREW >> Questlove: 1702 >> Steve: AND NOW, HERE HE IS, 6 00:00:34,834 --> 00:00:38,571 >> Questlove: 1702 >> Steve: AND NOW, HERE HE IS, JIMMY FALLON 7 00:00:39,639 --> 00:00:49,549 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * 8 00:00:49,549 --> 00:01:02,429 * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: OH, MAN! 9 00:01:02,429 --> 00:01:11,304 HOT CROWD! GOOD LOOKING CROWD TONIGHT [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 10 00:01:11,304 --> 00:01:14,074 WELCOME. I LOVE YOU THANK YOU, NEW YORK. 11 00:01:14,074 --> 00:01:18,078 ENJOY YOURSELF WELCOME, WELCOME, WELCOME TO "THE TONIGHT SHOW," EVERYONE 12 00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:22,215 THANK YOU FOR WATCHING AT HOME [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE 13 00:01:22,215 --> 00:01:25,452 LET'S GET TO SOME NEWS WELL, GUYS, THANKS TO SOME BIG WINS IN CONGRESS, FALLING GAS 14 00:01:25,452 --> 00:01:32,158 PRICES, AND A STRONGER ECONOMY, PRESIDENT BIDEN'S APPROVAL RATING HAS SURGED THREE POINTS 15 00:01:32,158 --> 00:01:38,498 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THAT'S IT? [ LAUGHTER ] 16 00:01:38,498 --> 00:01:41,801 THAT'S LIKE DONATING A KIDNEY AND GETTING A TEXT BACK THAT SAYS, "THANKS. 17 00:01:41,801 --> 00:01:47,374 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Steve: COME ON. >> Jimmy: THREE POINTS 18 00:01:47,374 --> 00:01:49,142 IT MAKES SENSE, BECAUSE WHEN YOU'RE 79, YOUR SURGES AREN'T AS STRONG AS THEY USED TO BE, 19 00:01:49,142 --> 00:01:55,348 IF YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING. [ AUDIENCE GROANS * 20 00:01:55,348 --> 00:02:01,087 >> CIALIS. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: BIDEN IS ONLY AT 40% 21 00:02:01,087 --> 00:02:04,057 APPROVAL RATING. BUT THAT'S A WIN I MEAN, AT ONE POINT, HE WAS 22 00:02:04,057 --> 00:02:06,493 POLLING LOWER THAN PAPER STRAWS DID YOU KNOW THAT? 23 00:02:06,493 --> 00:02:10,096 [ LAUGHTER ] I LOVE THE EARTH, BUT THIS IS RIDICULOUS 24 00:02:10,096 --> 00:02:13,199 YEAH, THAT'S THE THING ABOUT THE PRESIDENT, HE'S RESILIENT. NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES BIDEN 25 00:02:13,199 --> 00:02:19,406 GETS KNOCKED DOWN -- [ LAUGHTER ] HE GETS BACK UP. 26 00:02:19,406 --> 00:02:27,914 HE GETS BACK UP EVERY TIME [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE "WHAT ARE THESE? 27 00:02:27,914 --> 00:02:44,330 IS THIS A STAIRMASTER? * THE STAIRS AREN'T MOVING 28 00:02:44,330 --> 00:02:50,370 YOU CAN JUST GO RIGHT UP." SOME BUSINESS NEWS HERE. I SAW THAT WHEN NETFLIX ROLLS 29 00:02:50,370 --> 00:02:52,172 OUT THEIR CHEAPER PLAN WITH ADS, USERS WON'T BE ABLE TO DOWNLOAD SHOWS TO WATCH 30 00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:53,506 OFFLINE. [ AUDIENCE GROANS >> Steve: OH 31 00:02:53,506 --> 00:02:55,642 >> Jimmy: YES, IT'S GOING TO BE VERY DIFFERENT WITH THE CHEAPER PLAN, YOU GET 32 00:02:55,642 --> 00:02:57,777 COMMERCIAL BREAKS, NO DOWNLOADS, WHEN YOU TRY TO HIT "SKIP INTRO," IT SAYS, "NAH, " 33 00:02:57,777 --> 00:02:59,646 "STRANGER THINGS" IS JUST THE "JONATHAN" SCENES, EACH MONTH, THEY SEND YOU A CHEESE SANDWICH 34 00:02:59,646 --> 00:03:10,757 FROM THE FYRE FESTIVAL DOCUMENTARY. WHEN YOU'RE WITH YOUR PARENTS, 35 00:03:10,757 --> 00:03:14,928 IT AUTOMATICALLY PLAYS THE SHOW "HOW TO BUILD A SEX ROOM." [ LAUGHTER ] 36 00:03:14,928 --> 00:03:17,330 AND FINALLY, IT AUTOMATICALLY SHARES YOUR PASSWORD WITH ALL YOUR EXES. 37 00:03:17,330 --> 00:03:21,167 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Steve: OH >> Jimmy: SO MAYBE JUST THINK, 38 00:03:21,167 --> 00:03:26,740 IF YOU'RE GOING TO DO NETFLIX. SOME ENTERTAINMENT NEWS, IT WAS JUST ANNOUNCED THAT THE 10th 39 00:03:26,740 --> 00:03:29,576 "SAW" MOVIE IS COMING OUT NEXT FALL >> Steve: OH 40 00:03:29,576 --> 00:03:32,746 >> Jimmy: YEAH AND IN CASE YOU NEED A QUICK REFRESHER ON THE OTHER "SAW" 41 00:03:32,746 --> 00:03:33,480 AND IN CASE YOU NEED A QUICK REFRESHER ON THE OTHER "SAW" MOVIES, HERE'S THE FULL LIST 42 00:03:34,647 --> 00:03:37,083 SAW 2, A SECOND SAW. SAW 3, RETURN OF THE SECOND 43 00:03:37,083 --> 00:03:40,086 SAW. SAW 4, SON OF THE OTHER SAW. SAW 5, WHERE ARE ALL THESE SAWS 44 00:03:40,086 --> 00:03:43,556 COMING FROM? SAW 6 PLUS 7, OH [ BLEEP ], IT'S TWO SAWS. 45 00:03:43,556 --> 00:03:46,860 SAW 8, WAIT, WHAT NUMBER COMES AFTER 8? SAW 8, 10? 46 00:03:46,860 --> 00:03:48,595 NO, THERE'S DEFINITELY SOMETHING IN BETWEEN 9? 47 00:03:48,595 --> 00:03:51,531 YEAH, THAT SOUNDS RIGHT. SAW 9, NICE. SAW 8, UH OH 48 00:03:51,531 --> 00:03:55,101 SAW 7, WE ARE GOING IN THE WRONG DIRECTION. SAW 6, AHH 49 00:03:55,101 --> 00:03:57,771 SAW 5, NOO SAW 4, STOP. SAW 5, THAT'S MORE LIKE IT, 50 00:03:57,771 --> 00:04:00,840 PHEW SAW 6, CAN WE JUST SKIP TO 10? SAW 10, THANK GOD IT'S OVER. 51 00:04:00,840 --> 00:04:09,149 SAW 11, NOOOOO [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: I'M EXCITED FOR IT 52 00:04:09,149 --> 00:04:11,117 WELL, GET THIS, I HEARD THAT PABST BLUE RIBBON IS PARTNERING WITH A MOTEL IN MICHIGAN TO 53 00:04:11,117 --> 00:04:19,759 CREATE PBR-THEMED ROOMS. THAT'S RIGHT, A BEER-THEMED MOTEL ROOM 54 00:04:19,759 --> 00:04:24,664 OR AS IT'S ALSO KNOWN, A MOTEL ROOM [ LAUGHTER ] 55 00:04:24,664 --> 00:04:26,966 SOME BIG SPORTS NEWS, 37-YEAR-OLD LeBRON JAMES JUST AGREED TO A TWO-YEAR 56 00:04:26,966 --> 00:04:33,740 $97 MILLION CONTRACT EXTENSION WITH THE LOS ANGELES LAKERS. [ CHEERS ] 57 00:04:33,740 --> 00:04:38,778 37 ISN'T THAT OLD, BUT IN LOS ANGELES, HE'S 150. [ LAUGHTER ] 58 00:04:38,778 --> 00:04:41,081 YEP, $97 MILLION FOR LeBRON, WHICH MEANS THE REST OF THE TEAM GETS PAID IN PANERA 59 00:04:41,081 --> 00:04:45,719 COUPONS. [ LAUGHTER ] GUYS, THE CDC JUST ENDED THEIR 60 00:04:45,719 --> 00:04:51,658 SOCIAL DISTANCING GUIDELINES THAT RECOMMENDED PEOPLE STAY AT LEAST SIX FEET APART 61 00:04:51,658 --> 00:04:58,431 >> Tariq: DOES THAT MEAN WHAT I THINK IT MEANS >> Jimmy: TOGETHER FOREVER 62 00:04:58,431 --> 00:05:09,709 * * TOGETHER FOREVE AND NEVER TO PART * 63 00:05:09,709 --> 00:05:14,047 * TOGETHER FOREVER WE TWO AND DON'T YOU KNOW * * I WOULD MOVE HEAVEN 64 00:05:14,047 --> 00:05:25,125 AND EARTH * * TO BE TOGETHER FOREVE WITH YOU * 65 00:05:25,125 --> 00:05:30,363 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: DAVE AND BUSTERS TONIGHT, TARIQ 66 00:05:30,363 --> 00:05:33,066 >> Tariq: SEE YOU THERE. >> Jimmy: BUT I'M GOING FIRST AT CONNECT FOUR THIS TIME. 67 00:05:33,066 --> 00:05:37,704 OH * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 68 00:05:37,704 --> 00:05:43,643 >> Steve: OH, MY GOD WHAT >> Jimmy: HEY, GUYS, LISTEN TO 69 00:05:43,643 --> 00:05:45,311 THIS ACCORDING TO NEW RESEARCH, STANDING DESKS CAN IMPROVE YOUR 70 00:05:45,311 --> 00:05:52,085 WELL-BEING AND REDUCE STRESS AT THE OFFICE HOWEVER, LISTENING TO YOUR 71 00:05:52,085 --> 00:05:53,553 COWORKER TALK ABOUT THEIR STANDING DESK DOES THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE 72 00:05:53,553 --> 00:05:57,323 "IT'S JUST BETTER ON MY LOWER BACK." "YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, 73 00:05:57,323 --> 00:06:01,861 GOOD -- GOOD FOR YOU." "I SLEEP BETTER. "YEAH, YEAH, GOOD FOR YOU. 74 00:06:01,861 --> 00:06:06,666 HAVE THE BEST LIFE." [ LAUGHTER ] FINALLY, I SAW A STORY ABOUT A 75 00:06:06,666 --> 00:06:09,836 A COUPLE WHO PICKED A PRETTY UNUSUAL LOCATION TO CELEBRATE THEIR ENGAGEMENT 76 00:06:09,836 --> 00:06:11,037 THEIR ENGAGEMENT IT'S BEAUTIFUL WATCH THIS 77 00:06:11,504 --> 00:06:12,172 >> A TENNESSEE COUPLE RECENTLY 78 00:06:12,172 --> 00:06:16,609 HAD AN ITALY THEMED ENGAGEMENT PHOTO SHOOT. LOOK AT THIS 79 00:06:16,609 --> 00:06:20,747 THE CATCH, THEY WERE TAKEN AT THIS OLIVE GARDEN. THEY DEFINITELY MANAGED TO 80 00:06:20,747 --> 00:06:24,250 CAPTURE AN ITALIAN VINEYARD VIBE AT THE POPULAR CHAIN RESTAURANT 81 00:06:24,250 --> 00:06:33,326 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: THAT'S GREAT YES. 82 00:06:33,326 --> 00:06:34,961 THEN THEY ASKED FOR AN EXOTIC SEASIDE LOCATION THE PHOTOGRAPHER WAS LIKE, 83 00:06:34,961 --> 00:06:37,797 "THERE'S A RED LOBSTER DOWN THE BLOCK. WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW 84 00:06:37,797 --> 00:06:42,936 MY FAVORITE, MARTIN SHORT, IS HERE, TONIGHT! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 85 00:06:42,936 --> 00:06:50,076 THE BEST YOU CAN GET MARTIN SHORT IS HERE, TONIGHT. ANOTHER ONE OF MY FAVORITES, 86 00:06:50,076 --> 00:06:55,515 JUNO TEMPLE, IS ON THE SHOW. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE "TED LASSO," CRUSHING IT 87 00:06:55,515 --> 00:06:59,552 AND WE'VE GOT GREAT MUSIC FROM DEMI LOVATO. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 88 00:06:59,552 --> 00:07:01,054 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE COME ON, LET'S GO WRITE SOME "THANK YOU NOTES," EVERYBODY 89 00:07:04,290 --> 00:07:11,364 * 90 00:07:11,364 --> 00:07:14,534 >> Jimmy: OH, MY GOSH. I'M SO EXCITED >> Steve: POUND FOR POUND, THE 91 00:07:14,534 --> 00:07:19,472 FUNNIEST PERSON IN THE WORLD >> Jimmy: THANK YOU VERY MUCH. I APPRECIATE IT. 92 00:07:19,472 --> 00:07:22,308 >> Steve: YEAH, OH, YEAH, SURE YEAH, YOU. >> Jimmy: YEAH 93 00:07:22,308 --> 00:07:25,045 OH, YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT MARTIN SHORT >> Steve: NO, NO, NO 94 00:07:25,045 --> 00:07:26,579 I WAS TALKING ABOUT YOU, BOSS. >> Jimmy: GOSH, HE'S UNBELIEVABLE 95 00:07:26,579 --> 00:07:28,882 AND ALSO, IN "ONLY MURDERS IN THE BUILDING," HE IS FANTASTIC HE'S THE FUNNIEST, BUT HE'S 96 00:07:28,882 --> 00:07:31,651 ALSO A DRAMATIC ACTOR. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE I MEAN, HE'S -- HE'S THE 97 00:07:31,651 --> 00:07:36,189 GREATEST THERE'S NO ONE IN THE WORLD LIKE MARTIN SHORT. 98 00:07:36,189 --> 00:07:38,058 I'M JUST SO EXCITED THAT HE'S HERE IN FACT, I'M SO EXCITED, THAT I 99 00:07:38,058 --> 00:07:40,460 WANT TO WRITE SOME "THANK YOU NOTES. >> Steve: REALLY 100 00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:44,397 >> Jimmy: UNRELATED TO MARTIN SHORT [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 101 00:07:44,397 --> 00:07:49,069 COMPLETELY UNRELATED >> Steve: HOW CONVENIENT >> Jimmy: UNRELATED TO 102 00:07:49,069 --> 00:07:50,937 MARTIN SHORT >> Steve: SO NONE OF THESE ARE ABOUT MARTIN 103 00:07:50,937 --> 00:07:52,806 >> Jimmy: JAMES, CAN I GET SOME "THANK YOU NOTE" WRITING MUSIC, PLEASE 104 00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:55,542 * LOOKS GOOD HE LOOKS GOOD. 105 00:07:55,542 --> 00:08:00,347 >> Steve: OH, MY GOD >> Jimmy: IT'S COMING IN HOT [ LAUGHTER ] 106 00:08:00,347 --> 00:08:04,617 IT'S COMING IN HOT * THANK YOU, GOING ON A DIET, FOR 107 00:08:04,617 --> 00:08:10,290 BEING THE ORIGINAL INFLATION REDUCTION ACT. YEAH, YEAH 108 00:08:10,290 --> 00:08:17,630 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE TOPICAL. >> Steve: DIET SEASON. 109 00:08:17,630 --> 00:08:19,632 >> Jimmy: THANK YOU, "HOUSE OF THE DRAGON," FOR SOUNDING LIKE A CHINESE FOOD PLACE WITH TWO 110 00:08:19,632 --> 00:08:31,544 STARS ON YELP. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THANK YOU, CAMOUFLAGE SHORTS, 111 00:08:31,544 --> 00:08:36,950 FOR BEING PERFECT IF YOU DON'T WANT PEOPLE SEEING YOUR CROTCH IN THE FOREST. 112 00:08:36,950 --> 00:08:43,523 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Steve: OH WOW. 113 00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:46,459 I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING >> Jimmy: ANKLES AND TORSO IT'S AMAZING 114 00:08:46,459 --> 00:08:51,297 >> Steve: DISAPPEARED. * >> Jimmy: THANK YOU, MEETING 115 00:08:51,297 --> 00:08:52,932 YOUR COLLEGE ROOMMATE, FOR BEING A GREAT WAY TO GET TO KNOW THE PERSON WHOSE GUTS 116 00:08:52,932 --> 00:09:10,183 YOU'LL HATE IN THREE MONTHS. [ APPLAUSE ] OH, THIS IS A GOOD ONE 117 00:09:10,183 --> 00:09:13,219 * THANK YOU, STATE FAIRS, FOR BEING 10% RIDES AND 90% "CAN I 118 00:09:13,219 --> 00:09:19,693 DEEP FRY THIS OBJECT?" [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE SURE 119 00:09:19,693 --> 00:09:27,901 TWINKIE? GO FOR IT. [ LAUGHTER ] 120 00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:31,037 >> Steve: DEEP FRIED BUTTER. THAT WAS A CRAZY ONE >> Jimmy: WHICH ONE? 121 00:09:31,037 --> 00:09:37,844 >> Steve: DEEP FRIED BUTTER. >> Jimmy: OH, YEAH >> Steve: YEAH 122 00:09:37,844 --> 00:09:44,050 YOU'RE GOING LIKE, THAT'S A JOKE, RIGHT? NO 123 00:09:44,050 --> 00:09:45,719 >> Jimmy: DEEP FRIED BUTTER IS THE JAM, YEAH. >> Steve: YEAH 124 00:09:45,719 --> 00:09:47,687 >> Jimmy: HAVE YOU EVER HAD DEEP FRIED OREO AND ALL THAT STUFF? 125 00:09:47,687 --> 00:09:51,624 >> Steve: YEAH >> Jimmy: IT'S PRETTY GOOD [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 126 00:09:51,624 --> 00:09:53,159 >> Steve: I DON'T CARE WHAT ANYBODY SAYS, I THINK DEEP FRIED FOOD IS GOOD 127 00:09:53,159 --> 00:09:55,328 IT TASTES GOOD >> Jimmy: I DON'T CARE WHAT ANYONE SAYS, CHRISTMAS IS FUN. 128 00:09:55,328 --> 00:09:57,297 >> Steve: YEAH [ LAUGHTER ] I DON'T CARE WHAT ANYBODY 129 00:09:57,297 --> 00:09:58,631 SAYS - >> Jimmy: I DON'T CARE WHAT ANYONE SAYS. 130 00:09:58,631 --> 00:10:00,100 >> Steve: -- I LIKE MY BIRTHDAY, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN I HAVE FUN 131 00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:02,102 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: I LIKE TO CELEBRATE IT EVERY YEAR. 132 00:10:02,102 --> 00:10:04,671 >> Steve: YOU KNOW WHAT, TOO I'M GOING OUT ON A LIMB. I MEAN, THE BEATLES ARE PRETTY 133 00:10:04,671 --> 00:10:06,940 GOOD [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: THAT'S YOU, MAN. 134 00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:09,442 IT'S ALL ON YOU. IT'S ALL YOU YOU BE YOU, MAN. 135 00:10:09,442 --> 00:10:12,379 >> Steve: YEAH UB40 >> Jimmy: YEAH, MAN. 136 00:10:12,379 --> 00:10:14,481 I BE 47. >> Steve: OOH, NICE. >> Jimmy: MY BIRTHDAY WAS IN 137 00:10:14,481 --> 00:10:17,317 SEPTEMBER. >> Steve: REALLY >> Jimmy: YEAH 138 00:10:17,317 --> 00:10:18,852 IT WAS INTERESTING >> Steve: WHAT DID YOU DO FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY? 139 00:10:18,852 --> 00:10:20,387 >> Jimmy: IT WAS IN SEPTEMBER, SO IT'S LIKE FALL, SO IT WAS AUTUMNAL THEME 140 00:10:20,387 --> 00:10:23,323 >> Steve: RIGHT. SO I SAID, WELL MAYBE NANCY AND I WILL GO ON LIKE ON A HAYRIDE 141 00:10:23,323 --> 00:10:25,058 OR SOMETHING >> Steve: OH, MY GOD, HAYRIDE. >> Jimmy: SO, I GO, "WELL, 142 00:10:25,058 --> 00:10:27,027 WHO'S GONNA DRIVE THE TRACTOR. >> Steve: RIGHT. >> Jimmy: SO, "DUDE, WE DON'T 143 00:10:27,027 --> 00:10:28,795 HAVE A TRACTOR." SO I HAD TO BUY ONE FROM A A FARMER 144 00:10:28,795 --> 00:10:31,197 I'M LIKE, "NICE TO MEET YOU. HE'S LIKE, "MY NAME'S HANK." I GO, "OH, THAT'S AN ODD 145 00:10:31,197 --> 00:10:32,732 VOICE. HE GOES, "I JUST DOING A A CHARACTER. 146 00:10:32,732 --> 00:10:34,701 MY NAME'S HANK." >> Steve: OH, WOW. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] 147 00:10:34,701 --> 00:10:36,436 >> Jimmy: I GO, "OH, WELL, NICE TO MEET YOU. CAN I BORROW YOUR TRACTOR? 148 00:10:36,436 --> 00:10:38,638 HE'S LIKE, "BORROW NO, BUT YOU CAN BUY ONE. I GO, "ALL RIGHT, HOW MUCH IS 149 00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:40,607 IT?" HE'S LIKE, "$300." I GO, "THANK YOU." 150 00:10:40,607 --> 00:10:43,109 SO, $300 I BOUGHT THE TRACTOR THEN I HOOKED IT UP, THEN I GO 151 00:10:43,109 --> 00:10:45,612 TO GET HAY >> Steve: RIGHT. WHERE DO YOU GET HAY AT. 152 00:10:45,612 --> 00:10:48,248 >> Jimmy: YEP, SO -- WELL, THEN I WENT TO THE -- >> Steve: HAY STORE? 153 00:10:48,248 --> 00:10:50,984 >> Jimmy: YEAH, THE HAY STORE, THANK YOU. [ LAUGHTER ] 154 00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:52,952 THEY GOT ALL THE HAY, PUT IT IN THE BACK AND AS I WAS DRIVING AWAY, DO 155 00:10:52,952 --> 00:10:55,889 YOU KNOW WHAT THE OWNERS SAID? >> Steve: WHAT >> Jimmy: "HEY!" 156 00:10:55,889 --> 00:10:58,425 >> Steve: "HEY!" [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: YEAH 157 00:10:58,425 --> 00:11:00,493 SO I GO, HEY YOU HAD TO BE THERE. YOU HAD TO BE THERE. 158 00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:03,063 >> Steve: OH, YEAH >> Jimmy: YOU HAD TO BE THERE. >> Steve: OH, I HAD TO BE 159 00:11:03,063 --> 00:11:04,864 THERE. >> Jimmy: NO, IT WAS A A MANDATORY PARTY. 160 00:11:04,864 --> 00:11:07,701 YEAH * THANK YOU, TRAVEL TOOTHBRUSHES, 161 00:11:07,701 --> 00:11:13,073 FOR SAVING ME A WHOLE TWO INCHES OF SPACE IN MY SUITCASE [ APPLAUSE ] 162 00:11:13,073 --> 00:11:18,845 WOW. >> Steve: I CAN FIT -- >> Jimmy: ALMOST DIDN'T MAKE IT 163 00:11:18,845 --> 00:11:24,117 ON THE PLANE [ LAUGHTER ] * 164 00:11:24,117 --> 00:11:25,752 THANK YOU, PET BIRTHDAY PARTIES, OR AS YOUR DOG REMEMBERS IT, THE WORST DAY OF 165 00:11:25,752 --> 00:11:31,524 THEIR LIFE THERE YOU HAVE IT, EVERYBODY THOSE ARE MY "THANK YOU NOTES. 166 00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:34,928 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH THE GREATEST MARTIN SHORT IS HERE 167 00:11:34,928 --> 00:11:44,771 COME ON NOW. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * 168 00:11:44,771 --> 00:11:46,239 >> NOT ONLY ARE YOU BY BEST FRIEND YOU'RE MY BEST LOOKING FRIEND 169 00:11:46,239 --> 00:11:50,777 BECAUSE YOU LOOK LIKE JON HAMM THAT'S WHO YOU LOOK LIKE YEP, YOU DO. 170 00:11:50,777 --> 00:11:52,746 [ CHEERS ] >> Jimmy: I DO >> YEAH, YOU LOOK LIKE JON HAMM 171 00:11:52,746 --> 00:12:17,771 IF SOMEONE MICROWAVED HIS HEAD FOR, LIKE, 20 SECONDS. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 172 00:12:17,771 --> 00:12:28,915 >> Jimmy: CHEERS >> TO THE GOOD TIMES >> Jimmy: YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT 173 00:12:28,915 --> 00:12:32,752 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> LET ME TELL YOU THAT YOU ARE MY BEST FRIEND 174 00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:36,356 >> Jimmy: YOU'RE MY -- YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND >> YOU -- YOU ARE. 175 00:12:36,356 --> 00:12:39,859 >> Jimmy: NO, YOU ARE. >> OH, MY GOD, YOU ARE NOT ONLY ARE YOU BY BEST 176 00:12:39,859 --> 00:12:47,734 FRIEND YOU'RE BY BEST LOOKING FRIEND BECAUSE YOU LOOK LIKE JON HAMM 177 00:12:47,734 --> 00:12:51,571 THAT'S WHO YOU LOOK LIKE YEP, YOU DO. [ CHEERS ] 178 00:12:51,571 --> 00:12:56,242 >> Jimmy: I DO >> YEAH, YOU LOOK LIKE JON HAMM IF SOMEONE MICROWAVED HIS HEAD 179 00:12:56,242 --> 00:13:03,883 FOR, LIKE, 20 SECONDS. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: YOU HAVE A VERY 180 00:13:03,883 --> 00:13:06,953 DISTINCT LOOK TOO. YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU LOOK LIKE THE LOVE CHILD OF 181 00:13:06,953 --> 00:13:12,392 PETER PAN AND BILLIE JEAN KING DID ANYONE EVER TELL YOU THAT? >> WELL, YOU LOOK LIKE IF THE 182 00:13:12,392 --> 00:13:20,200 BONUS JONAS SURVIVED AN ACID ATTACK [ LAUGHTER ] 183 00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:22,302 >> Jimmy: YOU KNOW, YOU LOOK LIKE SOMETHING THAT GEORGE LUCAS CREATED OUT OF 184 00:13:22,302 --> 00:13:26,639 LATEX. [ LAUGHTER ] >> WELL, YOU -- YOU -- YOU 185 00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:37,684 KNOW, THE MORE I THINK ABOUT IT, YOU'RE NOT THAT ATTRACTIVE BECAUSE YOU HAVE THE PHYSIQUE 186 00:13:37,684 --> 00:13:44,124 OF A BURRITO THAT'S ABOUT TO BURST OPEN [ LAUGHTER ] 187 00:13:44,124 --> 00:13:50,163 >> Jimmy: YOU'RE SO UGLY, WHEN YOU WERE BORN, INSTEAD OF PUSH, THE DOCTOR SAID, "SUCK." 188 00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:57,470 [ LAUGHTER ] >> OH, YEAH, LET ME SAY SOMETHING TO YOU, MY DEAR, DEAR 189 00:13:57,470 --> 00:14:01,474 FRIEND >> Jimmy: OH, I'M READY FOR IT >> YOU ARE SO UGLY, YOUR 190 00:14:01,474 --> 00:14:07,047 PROCTOLOGIST ONCE SAID, "MY GOD, THIS ASS [ BLEEP ] HAS TEETH. 191 00:14:07,047 --> 00:14:14,421 OH, SPEAKING OF NUTS, DID YOURS EVER DROP? >> Jimmy: I KNOW -- I KNOW WHO 192 00:14:14,421 --> 00:14:21,895 YOU LOOK LIKE. >> WHAT? >> Jimmy: YOU LOOK LIKE -- YOU 193 00:14:21,895 --> 00:14:27,534 LOOK LIKE IF BILBAO BAGGINS GOT REALLY INTO WHIP-ITS [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 194 00:14:27,534 --> 00:14:34,541 BY THE WAY, YOU ARE SO OLD, SHOULDN'T YOU BE BUILDING A CANOE IN A CIALIS COMMERCIAL 195 00:14:34,541 --> 00:14:39,546 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE >> HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY. 196 00:14:39,546 --> 00:14:41,514 YOU REMEMBER -- DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN I -- THAT TIME I VISITED YOU IN THE HOSPITAL, AND IT WAS 197 00:14:41,514 --> 00:14:51,157 THE ONLY TIME I EVER FELT BAD FOR A CATHETER [ LAUGHTER ] 198 00:14:51,157 --> 00:14:57,931 IN ALL SERIOUSNESS, MAN I REALLY DO LOVE YOU >> Jimmy: NO, I LOVE YOU TOO 199 00:14:57,931 --> 00:15:04,804 >> I LOVE YOU. >> Jimmy: I LOVE YOU SO MUCH [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 200 00:15:04,804 --> 00:15:06,206 >> IT'S HARD FOR ME TO EXPRESS HOW EXCITED I AM TO BE HERE TONIGHT. 201 00:15:06,206 --> 00:15:31,398 [ CHEERS ] BECAUSE THE BOTOX IS FRESH >> Jimmy: OUR FIRST GUEST IS 202 00:15:31,398 --> 00:15:38,204 EMMY NOMINATED FOR HIS FANTASTIC WORK ON THE VERY POPULAR SERIES "ONLY MURDERS IN 203 00:15:38,204 --> 00:15:41,141 THE BUILDING." [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THE SEASON TWO FINALE AIRS 204 00:15:41,141 --> 00:15:46,079 TUESDAY ON HULU. PLEASE WELCOME THE ONE, THE ONLY, MARTIN SHORT 205 00:15:47,213 --> 00:16:08,802 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * >> THANK YOU SO MUCH 206 00:16:08,802 --> 00:16:14,140 >> Jimmy: THEY LOVE YOU. THAT'S EXACTLY RIGHT THE ROOTS. 207 00:16:14,140 --> 00:16:17,110 >> THANK YOU >> Jimmy: OH, MY GOODNESS. >> OH, THANKS -- OH, THEY 208 00:16:17,110 --> 00:16:20,480 STOPPED. >> Jimmy: THEY STOPPED MARTIN SHORT, WELCOME BACK TO 209 00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:26,086 "THE TONIGHT SHOW. >> JAMES JAMES THOMAS FALLON. 210 00:16:26,086 --> 00:16:29,356 >> Jimmy: YES. >> MY GOD, YOUR NAME SCREAMS OUT DIVERSITY. 211 00:16:29,356 --> 00:16:33,727 [ LAUGHTER ] IT REALLY DOES [ LAUGHTER ] 212 00:16:33,727 --> 00:16:36,796 I AM SO EXCITED TO BE HERE TONIGHT. ALTHOUGH, IT COULD BE THE 213 00:16:36,796 --> 00:16:42,068 VICODIN AND XANAX TALKING, BUT I DON'T THINK SO [ LAUGHTER ] 214 00:16:42,068 --> 00:16:46,940 IT'S HARD FOR ME TO EXPRESS HOW EXCITED I AM TO BE HERE TONIGHT BECAUSE THE BOTOX IS FRESH 215 00:16:46,940 --> 00:16:52,846 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: OH YOU CAN BARELY SEE ANYTHING. 216 00:16:52,846 --> 00:16:56,783 >> YOU KNOW, I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU SINCE THE BIG SAUDI GOLF TOURNAMENT 217 00:16:56,783 --> 00:17:00,887 WHO KNEW THAT YOU AND THE CROWN PRINCE WERE SUCH BUDDIES THE GIGGLING AND THE GIGGLING, 218 00:17:00,887 --> 00:17:06,393 AND HE'S KNITTING AND YOU'RE HOLDING THE WOOL [ LAUGHTER ] 219 00:17:06,393 --> 00:17:09,262 IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL. IN FACT, TELL EVERYONE WHAT YOU WERE TELLING ME ABOUT WHY THE 220 00:17:09,262 --> 00:17:12,298 PROUD BOYS ARE SO MUCH MORE THAN A CLUB. WHAT DID YOU MEAN BY THAT? 221 00:17:12,298 --> 00:17:18,772 [ LAUGHTER ] WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? 222 00:17:18,772 --> 00:17:22,275 NO, NO, JIMMY, HERE'S THE THING ABOUT JIMMY, WE DO HANG OUT. BECAUSE WE'RE NOT JUST FAKE 223 00:17:22,275 --> 00:17:24,210 SHOW BUSINESS FRIENDS. WE'RE FAKE FRIENDS IN REAL LIFE 224 00:17:24,210 --> 00:17:29,049 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: WE REALLY ARE. THAT IS CORRECT. 225 00:17:29,049 --> 00:17:32,652 HOW IS YOUR SUMMER GOING, THOUGH >> WELL, IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL 226 00:17:32,652 --> 00:17:37,057 I'VE BEEN UP -- I'VE BEEN UP AT THE COTTAGE. DO I REGRET MY KIM AND PETE 227 00:17:37,057 --> 00:17:41,061 FOREVER TATTOO SURE [ LAUGHTER ] 228 00:17:41,061 --> 00:17:47,167 ABSOLUTELY REGRETS, I'VE HAD A FEW. >> Jimmy: DO I 229 00:17:47,167 --> 00:17:50,403 YES, I DO. >> OH, AND HOW ABOUT THIS? YOU KNOW, I WAS AT MAR-A-LAGO 230 00:17:50,403 --> 00:17:55,375 DURING THE BIG FBI RAID. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: WAIT, WHAT 231 00:17:55,375 --> 00:18:00,180 >> OH, I'M GONNA LIE NO, I'M A MEMBER THERE >> Jimmy: I DID NOT KNOW YOU'RE 232 00:18:00,180 --> 00:18:02,382 A MEMBER OF MAR-A-LAGO >> I DON'T LIKE TRUMP'S POLITICS, BUT I LOVE HIS OMELET 233 00:18:02,382 --> 00:18:06,653 STATION. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: THAT MAKES SENSE 234 00:18:06,653 --> 00:18:10,357 >> IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL AND IT'S SO GREAT BECAUSE YOU CAN JUST -- IF YOU'RE A MEMBER, 235 00:18:10,357 --> 00:18:13,093 YOU CAN JUST READ AS MANY CLASSIFIED DOCUMENTS AS YOU WANT 236 00:18:13,093 --> 00:18:15,829 >> Jimmy: THEY'RE JUST SCATTERED EVERYWHERE [ LAUGHTER ] 237 00:18:15,829 --> 00:18:20,033 >> YEAH? >> Jimmy: I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW YOU KNEW THE TRUMPS. 238 00:18:20,033 --> 00:18:23,036 >> OH, I KNOW THE TRUMPS I USED TO BABYSIT THE KIDS, FOR GOD'S SAKE 239 00:18:23,036 --> 00:18:25,271 [ LAUGHTER ] ERIC AND DON JR., WE WOULD PLAY MONOPOLY, BUT THEIR VERSION IS 240 00:18:25,271 --> 00:18:35,949 THE WINNER IS THE FIRST PERSON TO YELL BANKRUPTCY [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 241 00:18:35,949 --> 00:18:38,885 >> Jimmy: THAT'S ANOTHER FUN WAY TO PLAY IT >> SOMEONE'S BEEN DOING SOME 242 00:18:38,885 --> 00:18:42,055 WRITING. >> Jimmy: HOW'S OUR PAL, STEVE MARTIN, DOING? 243 00:18:42,055 --> 00:18:47,427 THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> YOU KNOW, STEVE -- WELL, 244 00:18:47,427 --> 00:18:49,696 FIRST OF ALL, HE'S THE MOST TALENTED GUY IN THE WORLD, YOU KNOW 245 00:18:49,696 --> 00:18:55,602 [ CHEERS ] I MEAN, HE -- HE DOES MAGIC. HE JUGGLES 246 00:18:55,602 --> 00:18:58,772 HE PLAYS THE BANJO AND YET SOMEHOW, HE'S FAMOUS I DON'T KNOW 247 00:18:58,772 --> 00:19:02,442 [ LAUGHTER ] NOW, WE'RE A TEAM NOW. WE'RE LIKE FLORIDA AND A LOWER 248 00:19:02,442 --> 00:19:07,080 BACK TATTOO. >> Jimmy: YEAH, YEAH, YEAH [ LAUGHTER ] 249 00:19:07,080 --> 00:19:09,482 I WANT TO CONGRATULATE YOU ON THIS TOUR, BY THE WAY. >> YEAH. 250 00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:11,317 >> Jimmy: I MEAN, WHAT HAVE YOU LEARNED, BY THE WAY -- WHAT HAVE YOU LEARNED TOURING WITH 251 00:19:11,317 --> 00:19:17,257 STEVE MARTIN >> WELL, I'VE LEARNED THAT HE WILL PAY TOP DOLLAR FOR CLEAN 252 00:19:17,257 --> 00:19:25,465 URINE. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: YOU'VE GOT TO PASS 253 00:19:25,465 --> 00:19:27,600 THOSE TESTS. YOU'VE GOT TO PASS THE TEST. >> I'VE LEARNED FROM HIM THAT 254 00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:31,371 YOU DON'T NEED TO HAVE A POOL TO HAVE A POOL BOY >> Jimmy: HELLO. 255 00:19:31,371 --> 00:19:36,276 [ LAUGHTER ] >> NO, HE IS REALLY AMAZING. HE IS SUCH A UNIQUE -- YOU 256 00:19:36,276 --> 00:19:39,446 KNOW, HE BUT DIALLED ME THE OTHER DAY, WHICH IS KIND OF REMARKABLE BECAUSE HE STILL HAS 257 00:19:39,446 --> 00:19:43,283 A ROTARY PHONE SO -- >> Jimmy: THAT'S KIND OF HARD TO DO. 258 00:19:43,283 --> 00:19:47,087 >> OH, NOT FOR STEVE NO WHEN YOU HAVE THAT TALENT [ LAUGHTER ] 259 00:19:47,087 --> 00:19:52,125 >> Jimmy: I WANT TO CONGRATULATE YOU AND STEVE YOU'RE BOTH EMMY NOMINATED FOR 260 00:19:52,125 --> 00:19:54,194 "ONLY MURDERS IN THE BUILDING. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> YEAH. 261 00:19:54,194 --> 00:19:59,666 17 >> Jimmy: THE SHOW GOT A A WHOPPING 17 EMMY NOMINATIONS 262 00:19:59,666 --> 00:20:02,936 THAT IS AMAZING. >> AND I'M JUST LETTING YOU KNOW - 263 00:20:02,936 --> 00:20:06,339 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THANK YOU. THANK YOU. 264 00:20:06,339 --> 00:20:11,378 >> Jimmy: YOU ARE FANTASTIC. >> AND I'M JUST LETTING YOU KNOW, I'M MAKING IT RED CARPET 265 00:20:11,378 --> 00:20:14,547 OFFICIAL WITH LIZ CHENEY WHEN I GO THERE >> Jimmy: YOU HEARD IT HERE 266 00:20:14,547 --> 00:20:18,918 FIRST. BUT -- NO, NO, NO. HERE'S THE THING 267 00:20:18,918 --> 00:20:21,855 THE SHOW -- FIRST OF ALL, THE FINALE IS ON NEXT TUESDAY, YOU KNOW 268 00:20:21,855 --> 00:20:24,858 >> Jimmy: YEAH >> EPISODE TEN WHO DID IT 269 00:20:24,858 --> 00:20:28,294 >> Jimmy: I'M EXCITED. >> YOU KNOW, STEVE AND I ARE NOMINATED. 270 00:20:28,294 --> 00:20:31,798 YOU KNOW, IF I CAN'T WIN, I HOPE THAT HE WINS. BUT I CAN WIN, SO SCREW HIM, 271 00:20:31,798 --> 00:20:34,334 SO - [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: NO, NO, NO, THAT'S 272 00:20:34,334 --> 00:20:36,136 NOT WHAT YOU WANT. NO, NO, NO BUT YOU ARE NOMINATED FOR THE 273 00:20:36,136 --> 00:20:39,272 EXACT SAME CATEGORY. >> I KNOW. >> Jimmy: SO, YEAH, YOU HAVE 274 00:20:39,272 --> 00:20:44,044 TO -- YOU EITHER WIN -- OR IF YOU LOSE - >> IF I LOSE, I'M GOING TO SEND 275 00:20:44,044 --> 00:20:48,548 WILL SMITH UP TO SLAP HIM. >> Jimmy: NO, NO, NO - >> OR NOT? 276 00:20:48,548 --> 00:20:51,918 >> Jimmy: HE WON'T BE THERE. >> HERE'S THE THING. HERE'S WHAT'S AMAZING. 277 00:20:51,918 --> 00:20:56,289 HERE'S WHAT'S AMAZING. IF SOMEONE HAD TOLD ME 20 YEARS AGO THAT I WOULD BE ON "THE 278 00:20:56,289 --> 00:20:57,991 TONIGHT SHOW WITH JIMMY FALLON" WITH ALL THESE EMMY NOMINATIONS, I WOULD HAVE SAID, 279 00:20:57,991 --> 00:21:07,100 "JIMMY FALLON? [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: I NEVER THOUGHT OF IT 280 00:21:07,100 --> 00:21:09,402 THAT WAY "ONLY MURDERS IN THE BUILDING" -- 281 00:21:09,402 --> 00:21:17,077 [ LAUGHTER ] BEST ACTING I CAN DO TO NOT LAUGH AT EVERYTHING. 282 00:21:17,077 --> 00:21:19,245 YOU WERE PHENOMENAL. I WANT TO JUST SAY THIS FOR REAL 283 00:21:19,245 --> 00:21:21,114 NO BITS, NOTHING, I'M NOT DOING ANYTHING I JUST WANT TO SAY, IN THIS 284 00:21:21,114 --> 00:21:22,649 SHOW, I LOVE YOU -- I LOVE ALL YOUR WORK. THIS IS SOMETHING NO ONE ELSE 285 00:21:22,649 --> 00:21:29,089 CAN DO YOU DO COMEDY. AND YOU DO DRAMA 286 00:21:29,089 --> 00:21:33,993 AND YOU MAKE ME CRY. AND YOU MAKE ME LAUGH. YOU WERE AMAZING IN THE SHOW 287 00:21:33,993 --> 00:21:37,931 AND CONGRATULATIONS. >> THANK YOU VERY MUCH [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 288 00:21:37,931 --> 00:21:40,800 >> Jimmy: MARTIN SHORT, "ONLY MURDERS IN THE BUILDING. REALLY, I CAN'T EVEN TELL 289 00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:45,372 YOU -- I CAN'T EVEN TELL YOU. >> THAT IS VERY LOVELY 290 00:21:45,372 --> 00:21:47,240 >> Jimmy: I WANT TO SHOW A A CLIP DO YOU WANT TO SET UP THIS 291 00:21:47,240 --> 00:21:48,908 CLIP >> OH, THIS CLIP IS -- IN THE SHOW, I FIND OUT THAT MY SON 292 00:21:48,908 --> 00:21:57,384 MIGHT NOT BE MY DNA SON, AND I'M PANICKED BY IT SO, I GO AND GET A DNA TEST. 293 00:21:57,384 --> 00:22:01,054 AND THIS IS ME ANXIOUSLY WAITING WITH ANXIETY WAITING TO DO THE TEST. 294 00:22:01,054 --> 00:22:03,289 >> Jimmy: HERE WE GO HERE'S MARTIN SHORT IN "ONLY MURDERS IN THE BUILDING. 295 00:22:03,289 --> 00:22:03,923 HERE'S MARTIN SHORT IN "ONLY MURDERS IN THE BUILDING. TAKE A LOOK AT THIS. 296 00:22:05,325 --> 00:22:08,061 GREEK. WHICH MEANS I MUST BE GREEK, 297 00:22:08,061 --> 00:22:13,133 NOT IRISH. SURPRISE OF COURSE, IT MAKES, YOU KNOW, 298 00:22:13,133 --> 00:22:18,838 COMPLETE SENSE WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT THE GREEKS FOUNDERS OF WESTERN THEATER. 299 00:22:18,838 --> 00:22:28,214 FATHER OF THE PUBLIC BATH HOUSE. SOUND LIKE ANYONE YOU JUST MET 300 00:22:28,214 --> 00:22:33,253 >> WE TELL OURSELVES IT CAN'T POSSIBLY BE TRUE >> AM I NERVOUS THAT MY SON 301 00:22:33,253 --> 00:22:36,456 ISN'T MY SON NOT AT ALL IN FACT, THE ONLY THING I AM 302 00:22:36,456 --> 00:22:38,091 NERVOUS ABOUT IS PRODUCING ENOUGH SPIT FOR THIS TEST BECAUSE MY MOUTH IS SO DRY 303 00:22:38,091 --> 00:22:48,335 RIGHT NOW. ANYONE ELSE HAVE A DRY MOUTH [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 304 00:22:48,335 --> 00:22:51,171 >> Jimmy: MARTIN SHORT, EVERYBODY! THE SEASON TWO FINALE OF "ONLY 305 00:22:51,171 --> 00:22:57,310 MURDERS IN THE BUILDING" AIRS TUESDAY ON HULU. MARTIN AND I ARE DOING 306 00:22:57,310 --> 00:22:59,612 SOMETHING FUN AFTER THE BREAK. >> WE ARE? >> Jimmy: YES! 307 00:22:59,612 --> 00:23:02,549 >> I'VE GOT TO LEAVE I'VE GOT TO SPLIT. >> Jimmy: NO 308 00:23:02,549 --> 00:23:19,766 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * >> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK, 309 00:23:19,766 --> 00:23:22,469 EVERYBODY. WE'RE HANGING OUT WITH MARTIN SHORT 310 00:23:22,469 --> 00:23:29,075 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> THANK YOU THANK YOU SO MUCH! 311 00:23:29,075 --> 00:23:35,715 THANK YOU SO MUCH! THAT IS -- OUCH! >> Jimmy: IT IS TIME 312 00:23:35,715 --> 00:23:37,684 WE'RE HANGING OUT WITH MARTIN SHORT IT IS TIME FOR "SHORT STORIES 313 00:23:37,684 --> 00:23:38,084 MARTIN SHORT IT IS TIME FOR "SHORT STORIES WITH MARTIN SHORT. 314 00:23:39,252 --> 00:23:40,453 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * SHORT STORIES WITH 315 00:23:40,453 --> 00:23:44,924 MARTIN SHORT * >> Jimmy: WE'RE GOING TO TAKE TURNS HITTING THIS BUTTON HERE, 316 00:23:44,924 --> 00:23:47,327 WHICH WILL GENERATE A RANDOM TOPIC. WE'LL EACH WILL TELL A SHORT 317 00:23:47,327 --> 00:23:51,664 STORY FROM LIVES ABOUT THAT TOPIC. MARTIN, SINCE YOU'RE THE GUEST, 318 00:23:51,664 --> 00:23:55,502 YOU WILL GO FIRST. GO AHEAD AND PRESS THE BUTTON. WE'LL SEE WHAT TOPIC WE WILL BE 319 00:23:55,502 --> 00:24:00,807 DISCUSSING [ BEEPING >> Jimmy: DO YOU HAVE A STORY 320 00:24:00,807 --> 00:24:04,144 ABOUT MEETING YOUR HEROES? >> YES IN 1979, I WENT TO MY -- THE 321 00:24:04,144 --> 00:24:12,218 FIRST GOLDEN GLOBES, FIRST TIME I HAD BEEN TO AN AWARD SHOW. I WAS 29 322 00:24:12,218 --> 00:24:18,558 AND I WAS IN A TV SHOW AND I WENT OVER, THERE WAS AL PACINO SITTING THERE. 323 00:24:18,558 --> 00:24:21,194 [ GASPING I WENT OVER THERE. I WENT OVER THERE. 324 00:24:21,194 --> 00:24:24,698 I WAS IN A TUX, AND I WENT, "MR. PACINO, I JUST -- MY NAME IS MARTIN SHORT. 325 00:24:24,698 --> 00:24:29,069 I JUST WANT TO SAY TO YOU THAT YOU ARE THE PINNACLE TO ACTORS YOU ARE THE GREATEST GENIUS 326 00:24:29,069 --> 00:24:34,407 THAT -- AND YOU ARE -- YOU ARE AN INSPIRATION." AND HE WENT, "THANKS 327 00:24:34,407 --> 00:24:38,078 I ORDERED A STOLI ABOUT TEN MINUTES AGO. [ LAUGHTER ] 328 00:24:38,078 --> 00:24:40,213 I'M WONDERING IF YOU COULD -- HE THOUGHT I WAS A WAITER. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 329 00:24:40,213 --> 00:24:45,885 HE THOUGHT I WAS THE WAITER. [ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 330 00:24:45,885 --> 00:24:48,955 >> Jimmy: OKAY YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO DO? I'M GOING TO TELL THE STORY 331 00:24:48,955 --> 00:24:54,861 ABOUT -- I MET YOU AT A "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE" AFTER-PARTY. 332 00:24:54,861 --> 00:24:58,365 [ AUDIENCE [ AUDIENCE AWS ] AND -- 333 00:24:58,365 --> 00:25:05,772 >> WELL, YOU'RE GOING -- YOU'RE GOING TO WIN [ LAUGHTER ] 334 00:25:05,772 --> 00:25:07,474 >> Jimmy: I'M -- I'M VERY COMPETITIVE. BUT I REMEMBER MEETING YOU AT 335 00:25:07,474 --> 00:25:09,376 AN AFTER-PARTY, AND I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO YOU. I WAS SO NERVOUS 336 00:25:09,376 --> 00:25:10,810 AND SO, WHAT I DID IS I JUST STARED AT YOU FROM ACROSS THE ROOM 337 00:25:10,810 --> 00:25:13,880 [ LAUGHTER ] FOR THE WHOLE PARTY. AND I JUST KEPT LOOKING. 338 00:25:13,880 --> 00:25:16,049 AND THEN YOU LOOK OVER SOME -- YOU WERE WITH NANCY, YOUR BEAUTIFUL WIFE 339 00:25:16,049 --> 00:25:19,052 AND YOU JUST -- YOU LOOKED OVER AND I'D BE LIKE THAT OR, YOU KNOW, OR WHATEVER. 340 00:25:19,052 --> 00:25:22,088 [ LAUGHTER ] AND THEN EVENTUALLY, I THINK YOU JUST -- 341 00:25:22,088 --> 00:25:25,892 >> AND NANCY SAID, "SHOULD WE INVITE THE PUPPY DOG OVER? [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 342 00:25:25,892 --> 00:25:30,263 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE AND SHE BROUGHT ME OVER, AND I WAS LIKE, "I LOVE YOU, I LOVE 343 00:25:30,263 --> 00:25:34,801 EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU." [ LAUGHTER ] I LOVE THAT I WAS DOING LINES 344 00:25:34,801 --> 00:25:37,070 FROM -- HOLLYWOOD. I WAS, LIKE, RECITING LINES FROM YOUR BITS 345 00:25:37,070 --> 00:25:40,073 >> I REMEMBER THAT VIVIDLY >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, GOOD. OKAY, YEAH 346 00:25:40,073 --> 00:25:42,742 THAT WAS A TIME WHEN YOU -- >> THAT'S A GOOD ONE >> Jimmy: NEXT TOPIC, HERE WE 347 00:25:42,742 --> 00:25:49,182 GO [ BEEPING >> Jimmy: I'M GOING TO PUT UP 348 00:25:49,182 --> 00:25:51,685 A STORY ABOUT THIS OH [ AUDIENCE OOHS 349 00:25:51,685 --> 00:25:53,153 NO, I'VE NEVER MET YOU IN THE WHITE HOUSE, SO THIS WON'T BE ABOUT YOU. 350 00:25:53,153 --> 00:25:55,255 >> YEAH. I MET GEORGE W. BUSH THE FIRST TIME I'D BEEN TO THE 351 00:25:55,255 --> 00:26:00,927 WHITE HOUSE. AND I WAS VERY NERVOUS AND HE CAME IN AND HE TOOK MY 352 00:26:00,927 --> 00:26:07,100 HAND, AND HE SAID, "WELCOME TO THIS HOUSE." [ LAUGHTER ] 353 00:26:07,100 --> 00:26:09,602 AND THEN HE WENT, "WELCOME TO THIS HOUSE." AND WHEN HE TURNED, HE WAS 354 00:26:09,602 --> 00:26:14,207 COMPLETELY CROSS-EYED BECAUSE HIS EYES WERE VERY CLOSE [ LAUGHTER ] 355 00:26:14,207 --> 00:26:24,818 SO IT WAS "WELCOME TO THIS HOUSE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 356 00:26:24,818 --> 00:26:28,755 [ LAUGHTER ] WAY TOO CLOSE. >> Jimmy: I CAN'T TOP THAT ONE 357 00:26:28,755 --> 00:26:31,925 OKAY THAT'S A GOOD ONE. [ LAUGHTER ] 358 00:26:31,925 --> 00:26:36,529 I WENT TO THE WHITE HOUSE. I GOT INVITED TO DO STANDUP, OPEN UP FOR THE FOO FIGHTERS 359 00:26:36,529 --> 00:26:39,466 FOR -- ON THE FOURTH OF JULY OUTSIDE ON THE EAST LAWN FOR VETERANS 360 00:26:39,466 --> 00:26:42,302 AND I WENT THERE AND I WENT THERE I WAS SO NERVOUS TO MEET -- THE 361 00:26:42,302 --> 00:26:45,905 PRESIDENT IS OBAMA BARACK OBAMA AND MICHELLE OBAMA 362 00:26:45,905 --> 00:26:48,308 AND I GOT SO NERVOUS I SAID, "I'M GOING TO BRING MY BEST SUIT. 363 00:26:48,308 --> 00:26:51,811 AND MY BEST SUIT, IT WAS A A THREE PIECE SUIT SO I WORE A THREE-PIECE SUIT 364 00:26:51,811 --> 00:26:54,447 IT WAS THE FOURTH OF JULY. PROBABLY - [ LAUGHTER ] 365 00:26:54,447 --> 00:26:57,951 100, 105 DEGREES >> YEAH, EXACTLY >> Jimmy: AND I'M GETTING THERE 366 00:26:57,951 --> 00:27:01,287 AND I'M JUST SWEATING. IT IS A DISASTER THE FOO FIGHTERS GET OFF 367 00:27:01,287 --> 00:27:05,158 THEY'RE THING AND THEY'RE WEARING BOARD SHORTS AND DUDE WAS LIKE, "HEY, JIMMY 368 00:27:05,158 --> 00:27:08,228 YOU -- YOU'RE HOT. [ LAUGHTER ] AND I WAS GOING TO GO, "YEAH, 369 00:27:08,228 --> 00:27:11,031 MAN. I'M READY TO MEET THE PRESIDENT, YOU KNOW? 370 00:27:11,031 --> 00:27:12,699 I'M, LIKE, TRYING NOT TO PASS OUT. AND SO, I DO MY BIT. 371 00:27:12,699 --> 00:27:15,268 I'M JUST TOTALLY JUST DRENCHED AND I -- FINALLY, THEY MAKE YOU WAIT IN LINE TO GET YOUR 372 00:27:15,268 --> 00:27:17,303 PICTURE TAKEN WITH THE FIRST LADY AND THE PRESIDENT >> RIGHT 373 00:27:17,303 --> 00:27:19,239 >> Jimmy: AND I'M WAITING IN LINE TO GO SEE THE PRESIDENT AND THE FIRST LADY, AND I 374 00:27:19,239 --> 00:27:25,612 FINALLY -- I FINALLY GET UP TO THE FRONT OF THE THING AND I'M JUST A DISASTER. 375 00:27:25,612 --> 00:27:28,048 AND THEY BOTH START LAUGHING AT ME [ LAUGHTER ] 376 00:27:28,048 --> 00:27:30,950 AND MICHELLE OBAMA LOOSENS MY TIE AND SHE'S LIKE, "MY GOD, YOU MUST BE HOT. 377 00:27:30,950 --> 00:27:34,554 [ LAUGHTER ] AND I GO -- AND THEN I'M JUST -- SHE SAID I 378 00:27:34,554 --> 00:27:37,057 LOOKED LIKE I WAS ABOUT TO PASS OUT AND LOOKS AT THE PRESIDENT AND I GO -- HE GOES, "JIMMY, 379 00:27:37,057 --> 00:27:46,800 DIDN'T YOU GET THE MEMO? IT'S A BARBECUE. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 380 00:27:46,800 --> 00:27:50,737 LET'S GET TO OUR FINAL TOPIC THIS LAST ROUND IS WORTH 1,000 POINTS 381 00:27:50,737 --> 00:27:58,945 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE [ BEEPING TOM HANKS. 382 00:27:58,945 --> 00:28:02,549 OH, CAN I TELL -- I'LL TELL MY TOM HANKS STORY FIRST? >> YEAH. 383 00:28:02,549 --> 00:28:07,020 BY THE WAY, IT'S PRONOUNCED "TOM HANK. THE "S" IS SILENT. 384 00:28:07,020 --> 00:28:08,788 THERE ARE TWO PEOPLE WHO KNOW ABOUT IT GO AHEAD 385 00:28:08,788 --> 00:28:14,027 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: OKAY DOES THAT COUNT AS YOUR STORY? 386 00:28:14,027 --> 00:28:16,896 >> IT SHOULD, BUT IT WON'T >> Jimmy: TOM -- TOM HANKS WAS NICE ENOUGH TO CAST ME IN "BAND 387 00:28:16,896 --> 00:28:22,035 OF BROTHERS. THIS IS AN AMAZING MINISERIES ON HBO 388 00:28:22,035 --> 00:28:27,040 >> SO, HE'D SEEN "FEVER PITCH" [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: NO 389 00:28:27,040 --> 00:28:31,044 HE'S NOT SEEN ANY OF MY WORK UP UNTIL THAT MOMENT. >> OH, OKAY. 390 00:28:31,044 --> 00:28:32,879 >> Jimmy: AND SO, WE'RE DOING THIS SINCE WORLD WAR II AND IT'S REALLY AMAZING MINISERIES 391 00:28:32,879 --> 00:28:35,448 IF YOU EVER SEE IT AND SO, I'M IN -- IN ONLY ONE EPISODE. 392 00:28:35,448 --> 00:28:38,385 I HAVE ONE LINE. I GO, LIKE, "GOOD LUCK, BOYS." YOU KNOW 393 00:28:38,385 --> 00:28:39,719 AND I HAVE TO PULL UP IN A A JEEP I GO, "GREAT." 394 00:28:39,719 --> 00:28:42,455 AND HE GOES, "DO YOU KNOW HOW TO DRIVE STICK?" I GO, "I DON'T 395 00:28:42,455 --> 00:28:45,058 I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DRIVE AUTOMATIC. I'M TERRIBLE." 396 00:28:45,058 --> 00:28:49,129 [ LAUGHTER ] HE'S LIKE, "ALL RIGHT, LET'S LEARN HOW TO DO IT 397 00:28:49,129 --> 00:28:52,732 IT'S A WORLD WAR II JEEP." I GO, "OKAY. SO YOU GOT TO GO IN, YOU GOT TO 398 00:28:52,732 --> 00:28:54,601 PUT IT AND MAKE SURE IT'S IN NEUTRAL, PUSH IN THE CLUTCH, TURN IT ON, TURN THE THING, 399 00:28:54,601 --> 00:28:56,069 START IT UP, PUT IT IN FIRST, GET -- GET RID OF THE CLUTCH AS YOU 400 00:28:56,069 --> 00:28:58,738 PUSH THE GAS AND TAKE OFF. [ LAUGHTER ] AGAIN, I HAVE ONE LINE 401 00:28:58,738 --> 00:29:01,574 OKAY [ LAUGHTER ] SO I GO -- OKAY, SO IT TOOK, 402 00:29:01,574 --> 00:29:05,412 LIKE, AN HOUR TO DO THIS THING, YOU KNOW AND IT'S JUST AWFUL. 403 00:29:05,412 --> 00:29:08,148 IT'S JUST RUINING THE BUZZ AND EVERYTHING SO I FINALLY FIGURED OUT HOW TO 404 00:29:08,148 --> 00:29:12,018 GO AND HOW TO GET GOING. AND SO, I'M GOING. AND TOM IS LIKE, "OKAY, THIS IS 405 00:29:12,018 --> 00:29:14,688 A DISASTER." I GO, "LET'S DRIVE AROUND AND WE'LL FIGURE IT OUT. 406 00:29:14,688 --> 00:29:16,222 HE GOES, "'CAUSE WE'RE GOING TO WAIT FOR NIGHTFALL FOR YOUR SCENE. 407 00:29:16,222 --> 00:29:19,292 I GO, "WE'RE DOING THIS AT NIGHT? [ LAUGHTER ] 408 00:29:19,292 --> 00:29:22,796 SO -- AND SO, NOW I'VE GOT TO TURN HEADLIGHTS ON OKAY 409 00:29:22,796 --> 00:29:25,832 SO, SOMEHOW THEY FIGURE OUT -- SO THE STUNT DOUBLE -- SOMEONE DRIVES MY JEEP DOWN, DOES MY 410 00:29:25,832 --> 00:29:30,203 JEEP DRIVING AND SO, I'M IN THE THING AND I'VE GOT TO DO MY LINES. 411 00:29:30,203 --> 00:29:34,040 THIS IS MY CAMERA. AND I GO -- I GO, "GOOD LUCK, BOYS." 412 00:29:34,040 --> 00:29:35,709 AND THEN I GO, "CLICK, ON, NEUTRAL, THING, CLUTCH, THING, HEADLIGHTS, ON, LIKE, GOOD 413 00:29:35,709 --> 00:29:42,682 LUCK." IT'S AWFUL IT COULDN'T BE WORSE, RIGHT? 414 00:29:42,682 --> 00:29:46,186 WAIT SO, IT'S TERRIBLE. SO, THEY YELL CUT. 415 00:29:46,186 --> 00:29:48,588 TOM'S LIKE, "EVERYTHING OKAY, BUDDY? IS THERE -- 416 00:29:48,588 --> 00:29:51,524 [ LAUGHTER ] AND I GO, "YEAH, IT'S FINE I'M DRIVING IN THIS AND THERE'S 417 00:29:51,524 --> 00:29:53,927 LIKE -- AND THERE'S 200 EXTRAS AND SOLDIERS WERE WALKING AROUND 418 00:29:53,927 --> 00:29:57,430 AND I GO, "I'M TOTALLY EMBARRASSED. HE GOES, "HERE'S WHAT YOU DO 419 00:29:57,430 --> 00:29:59,499 SAY YOUR LINE, PRESS THE CLUTCH, AND I'M GOING TO HAVE SOMEONE PUSH THE JEEP -- 420 00:29:59,499 --> 00:30:03,436 [ LAUGHTER ] -- OUT OF THE FRAME," OKAY AND SO I GO, "OKAY, GREAT. 421 00:30:03,436 --> 00:30:07,040 AND SO, I GO THERE AND I'M SO NERVOUS. >> NO. 422 00:30:07,040 --> 00:30:08,942 >> Jimmy: YOU KNOW, I'M NERVOUS I'M GOING TO DO THIS THING AND I GOT, YOU KNOW, FAKE DIRT 423 00:30:08,942 --> 00:30:10,777 ON MY FACE AND ALL THIS STUFF AND I'M WEARING A HAT AS A A SOLDIER AND I GO, "GOOD LUCK, 424 00:30:10,777 --> 00:30:13,880 BOYS." AND I FORGET TO PRESS THE CLUTCH, WHICH MEANS THE WHEELS 425 00:30:13,880 --> 00:30:17,884 WON'T MOVE [ LAUGHTER ] SO, THERE'S TWO GUYS PUSHING 426 00:30:17,884 --> 00:30:23,223 THE JEEP [ LAUGHTER ] PUSHING THE JEEP 427 00:30:23,223 --> 00:30:30,130 AND IF YOU -- MY FACE IS GOING -- [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 428 00:30:30,130 --> 00:30:32,365 OUT OF THE -- OUT OF THE FRAME >> OH, THAT'S GOOD >> Jimmy: AND IF YOU WATCH THE 429 00:30:32,365 --> 00:30:35,268 MINISERIES, THEY ADDED JEEP SOUND EFFECTS. SO I GO -- 430 00:30:35,268 --> 00:30:39,072 [ LAUGHTER ] I GO, "GOOD LUCK, BOYS." AND YOU HEAR -- 431 00:30:39,072 --> 00:30:41,608 [ IMITATING CAR ENGINE ] [ LAUGHTER ] ALL RIGHT. 432 00:30:41,608 --> 00:30:44,010 AND I'VE NEVER WORKED WITH HIM SINCE. SO, THANK YOU. 433 00:30:44,010 --> 00:30:46,179 NO THAT'S MY TOM HANKS STORY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 434 00:30:46,179 --> 00:30:48,915 >> THAT'S A GOOD STORY >> Jimmy: HE WAS VERY NICE >> THAT'S A GOOD STORY 435 00:30:48,915 --> 00:30:50,450 >> Jimmy: THAT'S A DECENT STORY. >> MY STORY IS THAT A TOM, 436 00:30:50,450 --> 00:30:52,252 STEVE MARTIN, AND OUR FRIEND, WALTER PARKS, AND I DO A ONCE EVERY FOUR-YEAR OR THREE-YEAR 437 00:30:52,252 --> 00:31:02,796 COLONOSCOPY PARTY. [ LAUGHTER ] WE GO TO STEVE'S HOUSE, AND 438 00:31:02,796 --> 00:31:11,204 IT'S ALL SET VERY FORMALLY WITH, LIKE, THE BARIUM [ LAUGHTER ] 439 00:31:11,204 --> 00:31:16,242 AND THEN WE TOAST EACH OTHER WE CALL IT "COLONOSCOPY EVE. IT'S THE NIGHT BEFORE. 440 00:31:16,242 --> 00:31:18,445 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: OF COURSE. >> AND WE TOAST EACH OTHER 441 00:31:18,445 --> 00:31:20,413 AND -- [ GARGLING ] AND THEN -- THEN TOM SAYS, "WHY 442 00:31:20,413 --> 00:31:23,149 MAKE THAT NOISE? JUST DRINK IT. AND THEN, YOU KNOW, THEN WE 443 00:31:23,149 --> 00:31:27,721 PLAY POKER AND/OR, YOU KNOW -- YOU KNOW, THERE'S SOME, YOU KNOW, "PAM & 444 00:31:27,721 --> 00:31:35,095 TOMMY. YOU KNOW, STEVE'S TAPED STUFF THAT WE CAN WATCH. 445 00:31:35,095 --> 00:31:38,698 AND -- [ LAUGHTER ] AND THEN -- AND HERE'S -- AND 446 00:31:38,698 --> 00:31:43,136 THEN WE SLEEP ALL TOGETHER THROUGH, LIKE, BUNK BEDS LIKE THE STOOGES. 447 00:31:43,136 --> 00:31:45,338 [ AUDIENCE OOHS AND HERE'S THE THING ABOUT STEVE. 448 00:31:45,338 --> 00:31:48,108 YOU WOULD THINK WITH HIS WEALTH, HE WOULDN'T HAVE ONE BATHROOM 449 00:31:48,108 --> 00:31:49,909 SO, BUT HE -- [ LAUGHTER ] AND SO, BY MIDNIGHT, IT LOOKS 450 00:31:49,909 --> 00:31:52,979 LIKE DAY 15 OF A CARNIVAL CRUISE YOU KNOW 451 00:31:52,979 --> 00:31:57,684 THAT BAD [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: YOU ARE THE GREATEST 452 00:31:57,684 --> 00:31:59,753 MARTIN SHORT [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> AW, COME ON 453 00:31:59,753 --> 00:32:01,755 >> Jimmy: HE'S THE WINNER. AND THAT IS YOU. YOU ARE A GREAT STORYTELLER. 454 00:32:01,755 --> 00:32:03,690 [ BELL DINGING ] I JUST WANTED TO TRICK YOU INTO TELLING STORIES. 455 00:32:03,690 --> 00:32:11,564 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> I LOVE YOU. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 456 00:32:11,564 --> 00:32:14,300 >> Jimmy: MARTIN SHORT "ONLY MURDERS IN THE BUILDING," SEASON TWO FINALE AIRS THIS 457 00:32:14,300 --> 00:32:18,438 TUESDAY ON HULU. WE'RE TALKING TO JUNO TEMPLE AFTER THE BREAK. 458 00:32:18,438 --> 00:32:36,256 STICK AROUND * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 459 00:32:36,256 --> 00:32:43,096 >> Jimmy: OUR NEXT GUEST IS AN EMMY-NOMINATED ACTRESS WHO STARS IN "TED LASSO," WHICH IS 460 00:32:43,096 --> 00:32:46,966 STREAMING NOW ON APPLE TV PLUS YOU CAN ALSO SEE HER OPPOSITE MILES TELLER IN THE SERIES, 461 00:32:46,966 --> 00:32:51,871 "THE OFFER," WHICH IS AVAILABLE RIGHT NOW ON PARAMOUNT PLUS. PLEASE WELCOME JUNO TEMPLE 462 00:32:54,274 --> 00:33:09,255 * * >> Jimmy: COME ON, NOW 463 00:33:09,255 --> 00:33:12,892 OH, WE'RE EXCITED. YOU LOOK FANTASTIC JUNO, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR 464 00:33:12,892 --> 00:33:16,162 BEING HERE >> THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME I'M SO EXCITED 465 00:33:16,162 --> 00:33:18,131 I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS ALL REAL [ LAUGHTER ] 466 00:33:18,131 --> 00:33:19,866 >> Jimmy: WE HAVE SO MUCH TO TALK ABOUT >> MM-HM 467 00:33:19,866 --> 00:33:23,069 >> Jimmy: FIRST OFF, I WANT TO TALK ABOUT "THE OFFER. THIS IS ON PARAMOUNT PLUS. 468 00:33:23,069 --> 00:33:27,073 THIS IS A STORY OF HOW "THE GODFATHER" GOT MADE. I DIDN'T KNOW ANY OF THESE 469 00:33:27,073 --> 00:33:30,910 STORIES GOING INTO IT. DID YOU? >> NO, NEITHER DID I 470 00:33:30,910 --> 00:33:32,812 I KNEW NOTHING I KNEW -- I -- LIKE, THE FACT THAT THE AMOUNT OF HURDLES, THE 471 00:33:32,812 --> 00:33:38,351 AMOUNT OF COMPLICATIONS, THE AMOUNT OF [ BLEEP ] -- >> Jimmy: YES. 472 00:33:38,351 --> 00:33:40,987 YEAH, YEAH, YEAH >> -- THAT WAS THROWN AT EVERYBODY. 473 00:33:40,987 --> 00:33:42,822 >> Jimmy: YEAH EVEN IF YOU WHISPER IT, YOU STILL CAN'T SAY IT 474 00:33:42,822 --> 00:33:45,892 >> CAN'T SAY ANYTHING. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: YEAH, THAT'S 475 00:33:45,892 --> 00:33:47,627 INTERESTING. >> OF SHINDIGS - >> Jimmy: YES, THANK YOU 476 00:33:47,627 --> 00:33:49,396 >> -- THAT WERE THROWN AT THE PRODUCTION THAT ULTIMATELY CREATED ONE OF THE GREATEST 477 00:33:49,396 --> 00:33:54,334 FILMS OF ALL TIME WAS SOMETHING THAT -- YEAH, I REALLY KNEW NOTHING ABOUT. 478 00:33:54,334 --> 00:33:57,837 >> Jimmy: YEAH, I LIKE -- I DIDN'T KNOW THAT -- I DIDN'T KNOW HOW IMPORTANT YOUR -- 479 00:33:57,837 --> 00:34:00,340 >> THEY DIDN'T WANT -- FRANCIS FORD COPPOLA, YES? >> Jimmy: THEY DIDN'T WANT 480 00:34:00,340 --> 00:34:04,277 FRANCIS FORD OR MARLON BRANDO. >> NO. AND AL PACINO ALMOST GOT FIRED 481 00:34:04,277 --> 00:34:07,447 THESE ARE ALL THE PEOPLE THAT -- I -- THEY MADE ME WANT TO DO THIS JOB 482 00:34:07,447 --> 00:34:10,383 YOU KNOW >> Jimmy: ISN'T THAT WILD? >> YEAH, IT WAS CRAZY. 483 00:34:10,383 --> 00:34:12,352 >> Jimmy: IF YOU THINK ABOUT -- YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT GOES INTO WHAT AND HOW MUCH WORK GOES 484 00:34:12,352 --> 00:34:14,888 INTO EVERYTHING. LIKE, THAT'S "THE GODFATHER. IT'S - 485 00:34:14,888 --> 00:34:16,556 >> AND THE TIME AND THE PASSION AND THE PERSISTENCE AND THE AL RUDDY PLAYED BY THE 486 00:34:16,556 --> 00:34:21,528 EXTRAORDINARY MILES TELLER >> Jimmy: YEAH, HE'S GREAT >> HE'S JUST -- YEAH 487 00:34:21,528 --> 00:34:24,264 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE I LOVE HIM, I LOVE HIM >> Jimmy: YOU TWO TOGETHER, 488 00:34:24,264 --> 00:34:26,232 COME ON. CAN WE JUST EVEN TALK ABOUT "TED LASSO" FOR A SECOND, 489 00:34:26,232 --> 00:34:29,836 PLEASE CONGRATULATIONS. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 490 00:34:29,836 --> 00:34:35,442 IT IS A GLOBAL -- SECOND EMMY NOMINATION FOR YOU >> IT'S SO CRAZY 491 00:34:35,442 --> 00:34:37,277 >> Jimmy: I MEAN, DID YOU -- BACKSTAGE, YOU WERE SAYING, "YEAH, I DIDN'T -- I DIDN'T 492 00:34:37,277 --> 00:34:41,981 KNOW IF I COULD BE FUNNY OR I DIDN'T THINK THAT -- LIKE, YOU'RE A DRAMATIC ACTOR. 493 00:34:41,981 --> 00:34:45,719 >> I WAS KNOWN DEFINITELY MORE FOR -- YES, YOU KNOW, I'VE PLAYED, LIKE, LESBIAN 494 00:34:45,719 --> 00:34:47,887 WEREWOLVES [ LAUGHTER ] I'VE PLAYED -- 495 00:34:47,887 --> 00:34:51,157 >> Jimmy: THAT WILL GET YOU TED CAST YEAH, AND YOU'RE LIKE -- 496 00:34:51,157 --> 00:34:54,661 >> YEAH. >> Jimmy: BUT WHO CAST YOU JASON SUDEIKIS 497 00:34:54,661 --> 00:34:57,497 >> SO -- HE SENT ME A TEXT AND THERE WAS THIS MOMENT WHERE I THOUGHT, "OH, GOSH 498 00:34:57,497 --> 00:35:01,334 THIS IS GOING TO BE AWKWARD, BECAUSE I'M PRETTY SURE HE HAS TEXTED THE WRONG ACTRESS 499 00:35:01,334 --> 00:35:04,938 AND I'M GOING TO HAVE TO WRITE BACK AND BE LIKE, "YO, THIS IS JUNO TEMPLE. 500 00:35:04,938 --> 00:35:07,040 I DON'T KNOW IF YOU ACTUALLY KNOW WHO I AM. [ LAUGHTER ] 501 00:35:07,040 --> 00:35:10,610 >> Jimmy: YEAH YOU SEND A WRONG TEXT, BUT IT SOUNDS LIKE A GREAT PART 502 00:35:10,610 --> 00:35:12,912 >> YEAH, I'M SUPER INTO READING -- READING IT. YEAH, YEAH 503 00:35:12,912 --> 00:35:15,648 LET'S DEFINITELY TALK ABOUT IT LATER. AND IT WASN'T A MISTAKE. 504 00:35:15,648 --> 00:35:18,952 AND I THINK THAT, YOU KNOW, HE HAS THIS ABILITY WITH A LOT OF PEOPLE THAT WERE CAST IN THE 505 00:35:18,952 --> 00:35:23,523 SHOW TO SEE SOMETHING IN ALL OF US THAT WE DIDN'T NECESSARILY THINK WE HAD IN US AT ALL. 506 00:35:23,523 --> 00:35:28,561 THAT BEING SAID, A LOT OF THE TIMES, I'M TELLING JOKES ON "TED LASSO," I DON'T KNOW 507 00:35:28,561 --> 00:35:31,731 THEY'RE A JOKE [ LAUGHTER ] SO - 508 00:35:31,731 --> 00:35:35,068 >> Jimmy: WELL, GOOD THAT ADDS TO THE MYSTIQUE. >> DEFINITELY. 509 00:35:35,068 --> 00:35:37,437 >> Jimmy: DO YOU FEEL WHAT YOU'VE DONE AND WHAT YOU'RE DOING FOR THE WORLD, BECAUSE 510 00:35:37,437 --> 00:35:40,907 PEOPLE LOVE YOU. I HOPE YOU KNOW THIS [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 511 00:35:40,907 --> 00:35:44,411 LIKE DO PEOPLE TELL YOU HOW MUCH THEY LOVE YOU YOU'RE A PART OF THE WORLD 512 00:35:44,411 --> 00:35:49,315 DO PEOPLE GET -- COME UP TO YOU AND SAY, "HEY, THANK YOU" OR "I LOVE YOU, YOU MAKE ME LAUGH" OR 513 00:35:49,315 --> 00:35:52,085 ANYTHING OR - >> YEAH, I -- YOU KNOW WHAT? 514 00:35:52,085 --> 00:35:55,088 SOMETIMES THEY DO, ACTUALLY. AND THAT'S SOMETHING THAT I -- WITH THIS SHOW, IT FEELS SO 515 00:35:55,088 --> 00:35:58,591 SPECIAL, BECAUSE YOU GET TO GO, "I'M A FAN TOO." I LOVE BEING A PART OF THE 516 00:35:58,591 --> 00:36:02,228 SHOW BUT THERE WAS THIS BEAUTIFUL MOMENT 517 00:36:02,228 --> 00:36:04,197 ME AND HANNAH WERE DOING PRESS FOR -- IT WAS FOR SEASON TWO -- WHEN WE WERE FILMING SEASON 518 00:36:04,197 --> 00:36:07,467 TWO, SO A LOT OF IT WAS ON ZOOM AND WE WERE DOING A ZOOM THING 519 00:36:07,467 --> 00:36:13,707 AND THIS LOVELY WOMAN WAS INTERVIEWING US, AND SHE JUST SAID TO US BOTH THAT SHE WAS 520 00:36:13,707 --> 00:36:15,508 PROUD TO SHOW THIS SHOW TO HER DAUGHTER WHEN SHE GREW UP, BECAUSE IT WAS SO IMPORTANT TO 521 00:36:15,508 --> 00:36:20,080 SEE TWO WOMEN WHO REALLY, ACTUALLY, ARE BEST FRIENDS AND WHO ROOT FOR EACH OTHER IN 522 00:36:20,080 --> 00:36:22,048 A WAY THAT IS GENUINELY ABOUT SEEING THE OTHER ONE BLOSSOM AND BE THE BEST THAT THEY CAN 523 00:36:22,048 --> 00:36:29,456 BE AND SUPPORT EACH OTHER. BUT ALSO CALL EACH OTHER OUT WHEN NECESSARY 524 00:36:29,456 --> 00:36:32,726 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: EXACTLY. SEE? 525 00:36:32,726 --> 00:36:34,694 >> YOUR GIRLFRIENDS ARE SO IMPORTANT. >> Jimmy: I WANT TO SHOW A 526 00:36:34,694 --> 00:36:36,096 A CLIP HERE'S JUNO TEMPLE IN "TED LASSO. 527 00:36:36,096 --> 00:36:37,063 HERE'S JUNO TEMPLE IN "TED LASSO. TAKE A LOOK AT THIS. 528 00:36:40,533 --> 00:36:42,135 >> YOU DON'T HAVE TO SAY THAT TO ME. 529 00:36:42,135 --> 00:36:46,706 >> I'M NOT JUST SAYING IT. I'M SERIOUS. THAT BABY'S WHACK. 530 00:36:46,706 --> 00:36:52,946 I HATE IT. >> I LOVE YOU. >> I LOVE YOU TOO. 531 00:36:52,946 --> 00:36:56,649 I'M HERE FOR YOU, WHATEVER YOU NEED >> I KNOW. 532 00:36:56,649 --> 00:36:59,386 >> I WON'T LEAVE YOUR SIDE >> JONES >> SASSY 533 00:36:59,386 --> 00:37:06,026 OH, MY GOD HI >> Jimmy: THERE YOU GO, RIGHT 534 00:37:06,026 --> 00:37:08,895 THERE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE JUNO TEMPLE, EVERYONE. 535 00:37:08,895 --> 00:37:11,197 "TED LASSO" IS ON APPLE TV PLUS CHECK OUT "THE OFFER" ON 536 00:37:11,197 --> 00:37:15,368 PARAMOUNT PLUS WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A A PERFORMANCE FROM DEMI LOVATO 537 00:37:15,368 --> 00:37:17,871 STICK AROUND, EVERYBODY. COME ON BACK [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 538 00:37:17,871 --> 00:37:32,485 * >> Jimmy: PERFORMING "29" FROM THEIR NEW ALBUM, "HOLY F," GIVE 539 00:37:32,485 --> 00:37:40,326 THEIR NEW ALBUM, "HOLY F," GIVE IT UP FOR DEMI LOVATO! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 540 00:37:50,470 --> 00:37:53,073 * PETAL ON THE VINE 541 00:37:53,073 --> 00:38:00,380 TOO YOUNG TO DRINK WIN JUST FIVE YEARS A BLEEDE STUDENT AND A TEACHER * 542 00:38:00,380 --> 00:38:07,787 * FAR FROM INNOCENT WHAT THE -- CONSEN NUMBERS TOLD YOU NOT T 543 00:38:07,787 --> 00:38:19,599 BUT THAT DIDN'T STOP YOU * * FINALLY 2 FUNNY, JUST LIKE YOU WER 544 00:38:19,599 --> 00:38:27,040 AT THE TIM THOUGHT IT WAS A * * TEENAGE DREAM 545 00:38:27,040 --> 00:38:32,712 A FANTAS BUT WAS IT YOURS OR WAS IT MINE * 546 00:38:32,712 --> 00:38:47,494 * 17, 2 OH-OH-OH-OH-OH-O HAD ME IN YOUR GRI 547 00:38:47,494 --> 00:38:54,901 WENT BEAUTIFULLY WITH * * ALL MY DADDY ISSUES AND THIS -- CONTINUE 548 00:38:54,901 --> 00:38:58,505 I SEE YOU'RE QUITE THE COLLECTOR * * YEAH YOU'RE 12 YEAR 549 00:38:58,505 --> 00:39:03,343 HER ELDE MAYBE NOW IT DOESN'T MATTER * 550 00:39:03,343 --> 00:39:12,519 * BUT I KNOW -- BETTE YEAH I KNOW -- BETTE FINALLY 29 551 00:39:12,519 --> 00:39:18,425 FUNNY JUST LIKE YOU WERE * * AT THE TIME THOUGHT IT WAS A 552 00:39:18,425 --> 00:39:25,532 TEENAGE DREA A FANTASY * * BUT WAS IT YOUR 553 00:39:25,532 --> 00:39:37,777 OR WAS IT MINE 17, 29 OH-OH-OH-OH-OH-OH * 554 00:39:37,777 --> 00:39:54,394 * 17, 2 OH-OH-OH OH-OH-O FINALLY 29 555 00:39:54,394 --> 00:40:00,400 17 WOULD NEVER * * CROSS MY MIND THOUGHT IT WAS A 556 00:40:00,400 --> 00:40:06,840 TEENAGE DREA A FANTASY * * BUT IT WAS YOUR 557 00:40:06,840 --> 00:40:19,953 IT WASN'T MINE 17, 29 OH-OH-OH OH-OH-OH * 558 00:40:19,953 --> 00:40:25,759 * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: DEMI LOVATO, "HOLY F" 559 00:40:25,759 --> 00:40:32,298 IS OUT NOW MY THANKS TO MARTIN SHORT, JUNO TEMPLE, DEMI LOVATO, ONCE 560 00:40:32,298 --> 00:40:36,469 AGAIN. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE AND THE ROOTS, RIGHT THERE, 561 00:40:36,469 --> 00:40:39,539 FROM PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA THANK YOU FOR WATCHING 562 00:40:39,539 --> 00:40:42,475 STAY TUNED FOR "LATE NIGHT WITH SETH MEYERS. GOODNIGHT, EVERYBODY 563 00:40:42,475 --> 00:40:42,475 GOODNIGHT, EVERYBODY BYE-BYE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE