1 00:00:10,910 --> 00:00:12,312 >> Steve: FROM STUDIO 6B IN ROCKEFELLER CENTER IN THE HEART 2 00:00:12,312 --> 00:00:13,947 OF NEW YORK CITY, IT'S "THE TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON." 3 00:00:13,947 --> 00:00:19,285 TONIGHT, JOIN JIMMY AND HIS GUESTS - KALEY CUOC 4 00:00:19,285 --> 00:00:24,224 MIKE BIRBIGLIA MUSICAL GUEST ARI LENNOX AND FEATURING THE LEGENDARY 5 00:00:24,224 --> 00:00:29,763 ROOTS CREW >> Questlove: 1713 >> Steve: AND NOW, HERE HE IS, 6 00:00:29,763 --> 00:00:36,069 >> Questlove: 1713 >> Steve: AND NOW, HERE HE IS, JIMMY FALLON 7 00:00:37,771 --> 00:00:50,850 * * 8 00:00:50,850 --> 00:01:02,395 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: OH, MY GOODNESS. THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. 9 00:01:02,395 --> 00:01:06,232 WELCOME. HEY. NICE TO SEE YOU. 10 00:01:06,232 --> 00:01:09,502 THANK YOU SO MUCH. WELCOME, WELCOME, WELCOME TO THE "THE TONIGHT SHOW," 11 00:01:09,502 --> 00:01:16,710 EVERYBODY. YOU'RE HERE, YOU MADE IT [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 12 00:01:16,710 --> 00:01:18,878 WE GOT A GREAT NEW YORK CITY CROWD. WELL, GUYS, IT'S A BUSY TIME IN 13 00:01:18,878 --> 00:01:20,647 NEW YORK CITY BECAUSE LEADERS FROM ALL AROUND THE WORLD ARE IN TOWN FOR THE U.N. GENERAL 14 00:01:20,647 --> 00:01:22,382 ASSEMBLY YEAH AND I JUST WANT TO SAY ON 15 00:01:22,382 --> 00:01:33,193 BEHALF OF ALL NEW YORKERS, THIS COULD HAVE BEEN A ZOOM [ LAUGHTER ] 16 00:01:33,193 --> 00:01:38,431 HAVE WE LEARNED NOTHING? TWO AND A HALF HOURS AGO, THREE BLOCKS 17 00:01:38,431 --> 00:01:41,601 WHAT ARE WE DOING, PEOPLE? YEAH, THIS IS THE FIRST IN-PERSON GENERAL ASSEMBLY 18 00:01:41,601 --> 00:01:46,473 SINCE THE PANDEMIC THAT'S RIGHT OVER THE LAST THREE YEARS, THE 19 00:01:46,473 --> 00:01:52,178 U.N. HAS BEEN HOME TO THE WORLD'S LARGEST SPIRIT HALLOWEEN. 20 00:01:52,178 --> 00:01:56,016 [ LAUGHTER ] FUN FACT, FUN FACT, FUN FACT THAT'S RIGHT 21 00:01:56,016 --> 00:01:58,018 TODAY, LEADERS FROM 193 NATIONS FLEW INTO NEW YORK ON PRIVATE JETS AND DROVE INTO THE U.N. IN 22 00:01:58,018 --> 00:02:01,254 HUGE MOTORCADES, ALL WITH ONE SHARED GOAL, TO FIGHT CLIMATE CHANGE 23 00:02:01,254 --> 00:02:14,134 [ LAUGHTER ] HONESTLY, I LOVE WHEN THE U.N. GENERAL ASSEMBLY IS IN SESSION 24 00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:16,102 THERE'S NO GREATER JOY THAN WATCHING THE KING OF NORWAY GETTING INTO A FIGHT WITH HIS 25 00:02:16,102 --> 00:02:19,572 UBER DRIVER. [ LAUGHTER ] YOU KNOW, IT'S JUST MAGIC. 26 00:02:19,572 --> 00:02:23,777 THERE'S A MAGIC SPIRIT IN THE AIR. FOR SEVERAL DAYS THERE WILL BE 27 00:02:23,777 --> 00:02:25,912 DOZENS OF SPEECHES AT THE U.N. AND THE AFTER-PARTY, RON DeSANTIS IS TRANSPORTING 28 00:02:25,912 --> 00:02:32,152 ALL THE FOREIGN LEADERS TO MARTHA'S VINEYARD. [ LAUGHTER ] 29 00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:35,622 ISN'T THAT NICE? THAT'S NICE. VERY THOUGHTFUL. 30 00:02:35,622 --> 00:02:39,659 [ APPLAUSE ] ACTUALLY, TOMORROW PRESIDENT BIDEN WILL SPEAK AT 31 00:02:39,659 --> 00:02:42,962 THE U.N. HE'S PART OF THE LONG LINEUP OF LEADERS FROM ACROSS THE WORLD 32 00:02:42,962 --> 00:02:48,735 WHO WOULD BE MAKING REMARKS. LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT WHAT THEIR SPEECHES ARE ABOUT 33 00:02:48,735 --> 00:02:51,905 FOR INSTANCE, HERE'S THE PRESIDENT OF PORTUGAL. YEP, HE'S SPEAKING ABOUT HOW 34 00:02:51,905 --> 00:02:55,942 EVERY DINNER PARTY HE ATTENDS TURNS INTO A MURDER MYSTERY. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 35 00:02:55,942 --> 00:02:59,612 >> Steve: WHAT >> Jimmy: I WOULDN'T KNOW. NEXT UP, HERE'S THE PRESIDENT 36 00:02:59,612 --> 00:03:02,916 OF SOUTH KOREA HE'S SPEAKING ABOUT ALL THE HOT GOSS FROM THE "DON'T WORRY 37 00:03:02,916 --> 00:03:12,659 DARLING" PRESS TOUR. [ LAUGHTER ] NEXT UP, HERE'S THE LEADER OF 38 00:03:12,659 --> 00:03:17,564 FINLAND. HE'S SPEAKING ABOUT REACTING TO GOOD NEWS BY SAYING, "MM, YES? 39 00:03:17,564 --> 00:03:26,406 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE NEXT UP, HERE'S THE PRESIDENT OF BRAZIL. 40 00:03:26,406 --> 00:03:29,242 HE'S SPEAKING ABOUT HOW EASY IT IS TO STEEL SASHES FROM GIRL SCOUTS 41 00:03:29,242 --> 00:03:31,544 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT, IT SHOULDN'T BE THAT EASY. 42 00:03:31,544 --> 00:03:35,348 IT SHOULDN'T BE THAT EASY. NEXT UP, HERE'S THE LEADER OF GERMANY. 43 00:03:35,348 --> 00:03:38,952 HE'S SPEAKING ABOUT THAT TIME HE SPENT PLAYING THE DAD ON "THAT '70s SHOW. 44 00:03:38,952 --> 00:03:46,092 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE LOTS OF SPEECHES HERE'S THE PRESIDENT OF LATVIA 45 00:03:46,092 --> 00:03:49,329 HE'S SPEAKING ABOUT MUSTACHES THAT AGE SLOWER THAN THE REST OF YOUR HEAD 46 00:03:49,329 --> 00:03:56,569 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE HERE'S THE PRESIDENT OF CHILE. HE'S SPEAKING ABOUT LOOKING 47 00:03:56,569 --> 00:04:03,777 MORE LIKE THE PRESIDENT OF ROYAL CARIBBEAN CRUISE LINES [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 48 00:04:03,777 --> 00:04:07,147 AND FINALLY, HERE'S JOE BIDEN. HE'S THINKING ABOUT THE SHOWCASE SHOWDOWN AND GETTING 49 00:04:07,147 --> 00:04:14,688 YOUR PET SPAYED OR NEUTERED. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE * 50 00:04:14,688 --> 00:04:20,260 >> Steve: COME ON DOWN >> Jimmy: DID YOU GUYS SEE THIS YESTERDAY AT THE QUEEN'S 51 00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:26,933 FUNERAL? PRESIDENT BIDEN WAS THERE. HE WAS SEATED IN THE 14th ROW. 52 00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:30,236 WELL, FORMER PRESIDENT TRUMP NOTICED. AND HE SAID "IF I WERE 53 00:04:30,236 --> 00:04:35,775 PRESIDENT, THEY WOULDN'T HAVE SAT ME BACK THERE. [ LAUGHTER ] 54 00:04:35,775 --> 00:04:38,178 YEAH, AT FUNERALS, TRUMP DEMANDS TO BE SEATED DIRECTLY ON TOP OF THE COFFIN OR HE 55 00:04:38,178 --> 00:04:44,718 WON'T SHOW UP. [ LAUGHTER ] "I GOT TO BE RIGHT THERE 56 00:04:44,718 --> 00:04:49,422 [ LAUGHTER ] I DON'T CARE IF IT'S OPEN OR CLOSED." 57 00:04:49,422 --> 00:04:53,259 [ LAUGHTER ] YEAH, BIDEN WAS IN THE 14TH ROW. 58 00:04:53,259 --> 00:04:59,099 EVEN WORSE HE GOT STUCK BEHIND ONE OF THE ROYAL GUARDS WITH THE GIANT, FUZZY HATS. 59 00:04:59,099 --> 00:05:00,900 HE'S LIKE, "ALL RIGHT, WHY EVEN INVITE ME? BUT THAT WASN'T ALL THAT TRUMP 60 00:05:00,900 --> 00:05:04,771 HAD TO SAY WHERE BIDEN WAS SEATED HE ALSO SAID, "IN REAL ESTATE, 61 00:05:04,771 --> 00:05:07,574 LIKE IN POLITICS AND IN LIFE, LOCATION IS EVERYTHING." BIDEN WAS LIKE, "HE'S RIGHT, 62 00:05:07,574 --> 00:05:16,082 WHETHER IT'S FUNERALS OR CLASSIFIED DOCUMENTS, LOCATION IS EVERYTHING. 63 00:05:16,082 --> 00:05:21,788 [ LAUGHTER ] [ APPLAUSE ] YOU'RE CORRECT, IT IS 64 00:05:21,788 --> 00:05:25,658 EVERYTHING PEOPLE ARE TALKING ABOUT THIS. THE CHIEF OPERATING OFFICER OF 65 00:05:25,658 --> 00:05:29,429 BEYOND MEAT -- THIS IS A REAL STORY -- WAS JUST ARRESTED FOR A STRANGE 66 00:05:29,429 --> 00:05:32,766 JUST ARRESTED FOR A STRANGE REASON CHECK THIS OUT 67 00:05:34,267 --> 00:05:34,901 >> THE COO OF BEYOND MEAT IS 68 00:05:34,901 --> 00:05:40,440 FACING CHARGES FOR BITING A MAN'S NOSE AFTER A FOOTBALL GAME IN ARKANSAS 69 00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:45,211 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: AND IN A BLIND TASTE TEST, HE SAID HE COULDN'T TELL 70 00:05:45,211 --> 00:05:51,718 THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A NOSE AND A BEYOND MEAT NOSE [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 71 00:05:51,718 --> 00:05:54,721 CAN'T EVEN TELL THE DIFFERENCE WELL, SWITCHING GEARS, I HEARD THAT THE LATEST GEN Z FASHION 72 00:05:54,721 --> 00:06:00,794 TREND IS WEARING JEANS WITH THE BUTTON UNDONE. YEAH, WHICH MEANS AFTER 73 00:06:00,794 --> 00:06:03,630 THANKSGIVING DINNER, EVERY UNCLE IS GOING TO BE LIKE, "OH, I LOOK LIKE GIGI FREAKING HADID 74 00:06:03,630 --> 00:06:10,937 OVER HERE. WHAT AM I DOING? HEY! 75 00:06:10,937 --> 00:06:14,641 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE AND FINALLY GUYS, IT IS TUESDAY. 76 00:06:14,641 --> 00:06:17,344 TUESDAY. IT IS TIME FOR "WETWEET. HERE WE GO 77 00:06:18,645 --> 00:06:22,082 * WETWEET 78 00:06:22,082 --> 00:06:27,454 WETWEET * >> Jimmy: WELCOME TO "WETWEET. THIS IS WHERE WE AS A GROUP 79 00:06:27,454 --> 00:06:32,692 DECIDE SOMETHING THAT WE SHOULD POST ON TWITTER. I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU FIVE 80 00:06:32,692 --> 00:06:34,761 DIFFERENT TWEETS AND WE'RE ALL GOING TO VOTE ON WHETHER YOU LIKE EACH ONE OR 81 00:06:34,761 --> 00:06:39,566 NOT. YOU ALL HAVE VOTING CLICKERS AT YOUR SEATS 82 00:06:39,566 --> 00:06:43,069 YOU CAN ALL -- YOU CAN VOTE FOR ALL OF THEM. YOU CAN VOTE FOR NONE OF THEM. 83 00:06:43,069 --> 00:06:46,673 WHATEVER YOU WANT, WE'RE GOING TO SEE THE RESULTS LIVE. HIGGINS, ROOTS, DO YOU GUYS 84 00:06:46,673 --> 00:06:48,742 HAVE YOUR CLICKERS WHATEVER TWEET GETS THE MOST LIKES, WE'LL TWEET IT OUT LIVE 85 00:06:48,742 --> 00:06:53,113 ON THE SHOW SO YOU CAN ALL LIKE IT AND "WETWEET" IT. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] 86 00:06:53,113 --> 00:06:59,119 IT'S A SHARED EXPERIENCE ARE YOU GUYS READY FOR THIS? [ CHEERS ] 87 00:06:59,119 --> 00:07:03,289 OKAY, GOOD ALL RIGHT, THE FIRST TWEET IS - 88 00:07:03,289 --> 00:07:09,396 "CHIPS AND SALSA ARE BASICALLY A TEASER TRAILER FOR MEXICAN FOOD." 89 00:07:09,396 --> 00:07:13,533 >> Steve: TEPID. * >> Jimmy: TEPID REACTION 90 00:07:13,533 --> 00:07:16,169 * >> Steve: YEAH THIS IS THE FIRST MASKLESS 91 00:07:16,169 --> 00:07:19,239 "WETWEET." >> Jimmy: WELL, YEAH I GOT A DECENT LAUGH UP TOP AND 92 00:07:19,239 --> 00:07:21,741 THEN - [ TALKING OVER EACH OTHER >> Jimmy: FIZZLED YEAH, YEAH 93 00:07:21,741 --> 00:07:24,477 BUT I UNDERSTAND WHERE THEY'RE COMING FROM. ALL RIGHT, LET'S SEE 94 00:07:24,477 --> 00:07:27,547 EVERYONE DONE? THE VOTES ARE IN LET'S SEE THE RESULTS ON THIS 95 00:07:27,547 --> 00:07:29,282 ONE. >> Steve: OOH. >> Jimmy: YEAH, HALF AND HALF. 96 00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:31,251 HALF AND HALF. GOOD, I APPRECIATE THE HONESTY, THANK YOU, EVERYONE. 97 00:07:31,251 --> 00:07:36,389 [ LAUGHTER ] THIS NEXT ONE HERE IS -- "INSTEAD OF A BIBLE, EVERY 98 00:07:36,389 --> 00:07:42,162 HOTEL ROOM NEEDS AN iPHONE CHARGER THAT REACHES THE BED." [ CHEERS ] 99 00:07:42,162 --> 00:07:45,565 THAT'S -- I MEAN, IT'S LIKE SO CLOSE. IT'S THIS CLOSE. 100 00:07:45,565 --> 00:07:51,671 LIKE, OOH, ANOTHER -- COME ON, JUST MOVE THE TABLE. ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO. 101 00:07:51,671 --> 00:07:54,074 THIS ONE, I FEEL PRETTY GOOD ON THIS ONE LET'S SEE THE RESULTS ON THIS 102 00:07:54,074 --> 00:07:58,111 ONE. WHOA [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 103 00:07:58,111 --> 00:08:01,848 * >> Steve: DON'T GO FOR HUMOR, JUST GO FOR TRUTH. 104 00:08:01,848 --> 00:08:06,653 >> Jimmy: YEAH >> Steve: PREACH PREACH 105 00:08:06,653 --> 00:08:09,589 >> Jimmy: THAT WAS BOTH TRUTHFUL AND HUMOROUS. >> Steve: MIGHT BE A WORLD 106 00:08:09,589 --> 00:08:13,760 RECORD, 194. >> Jimmy: IS IT? I THINK WE CAN BEAT IT 107 00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:17,130 I THINK WE CAN BEAT IT >> Steve: ARE YOU SERIOUS? >> Jimmy: YEAH, I THINK WE CAN 108 00:08:17,130 --> 00:08:19,199 BEAT IT. >> Steve: I BELIEVE YOU. >> Jimmy: I'M NOT SURE IF THIS 109 00:08:19,199 --> 00:08:23,269 ONE'S THE ONE, BUT MAYBE [ LAUGHTER ] >> Steve: NOT THIS WEEK, BUT - 110 00:08:23,269 --> 00:08:27,741 >> Jimmy: NEXT ONE HERE SAYS, "TAHINI IS THE ONLY SAUCE THAT SOUNDS LIKE SOMEONE'S LAUGH. 111 00:08:27,741 --> 00:08:36,916 [ LAUGHTER ] JUST SAY YES JUST TO BE NICE >> Steve: COME ON. 112 00:08:36,916 --> 00:08:39,219 >> Jimmy: I KNOW -- COME ON, TARIQ. >> Tariq: I DID, I DID 113 00:08:39,219 --> 00:08:44,057 >> Jimmy: TAHINI TAHINI >> Steve: TEE HEE HEE. 114 00:08:44,057 --> 00:08:46,593 >> Jimmy: TAHINI >> Steve: TEHITI >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, LET'S SEE 115 00:08:46,593 --> 00:08:49,929 THE RESULTS HERE OH, MY GOODNESS, TERRIBLE. NO ONE LIKED THAT AT ALL 116 00:08:49,929 --> 00:08:53,633 AWFUL. FORGET THAT ONE EVER HAPPENED. >> Steve: YEAH 117 00:08:53,633 --> 00:08:55,835 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: LET'S CHECK OUT THE NEXT ONE HERE. 118 00:08:55,835 --> 00:09:00,306 THIS ONE SAYS, "WHY AREN'T MUSTACHES CALLED MOUTH BROWS?" [ LAUGHTER ] 119 00:09:00,306 --> 00:09:03,043 COME ON, THINK ABOUT IT. * >> Steve: YEAH, MAKES SENSE. 120 00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:06,846 >> Jimmy: YEAH I THINK THIS ONE IS GOING TO DO OKAY 121 00:09:06,846 --> 00:09:09,149 IT'S NOT GOING TO BEAT 194, THOUGH >> Steve: BUT IT'S GOING TO BE 122 00:09:09,149 --> 00:09:16,156 DEC. >> Jimmy: YEAH, I CAN TELL BECAUSE THE AUDIENCE WOULD KIND 123 00:09:16,156 --> 00:09:20,093 OF STILL BE LAUGHING >> Steve: RIGHT, BUT THEY'RE NOT. 124 00:09:20,093 --> 00:09:22,829 THEY STOPPED LAUGHING QUICK. >> Jimmy: -- DEAD SILENCE, YEAH 125 00:09:22,829 --> 00:09:25,331 THEY'VE HAD ENOUGH THE LIKED THAT ONE BUT LET'S SEE THE RESULTS. 126 00:09:25,331 --> 00:09:28,601 HERE WE GO OH, NOT BAD. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 127 00:09:28,601 --> 00:09:33,106 * NOT BAD. NOT BAD. 128 00:09:33,106 --> 00:09:35,175 >> Steve: WOW. >> Jimmy: IT'S STILL -- THE iPHONE CHARGER IS THE ONE. 129 00:09:35,175 --> 00:09:38,778 iPHONE CHARGER IN THE HOTEL ROOM IS THE ONE SO FAR BUT THIS IS THE ONE RIGHT HERE, 130 00:09:38,778 --> 00:09:40,747 I THINK, MIGHT SHATTER THE RECORD >> Steve: YOU SERIOUS? 131 00:09:40,747 --> 00:09:43,583 >> Jimmy: MAYBE. >> Steve: I'M READY. >> Jimmy: WELL, IT'S UP TO YOU 132 00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:47,420 >> Questlove: YES RIGHT NOW? >> Jimmy: WELL, I DIDN'T SAY IT YET. 133 00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:53,860 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Tariq: I HAVE THAT MUCH FAITH IN YOU 134 00:09:53,860 --> 00:09:55,729 >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU THIS LAST ONE IS -- "LOOK, I LOVE MY DOG, BUT SOMETIMES WHEN 135 00:09:55,729 --> 00:09:59,532 I ASK 'WHO'S A GOOD BOY,' I WANT HIM TO SAY 'YOU.' [ LAUGHTER ] 136 00:09:59,532 --> 00:10:00,967 >> Steve: COME ON, WE CAN BEAT IT WE CAN BEAT 194. 137 00:10:00,967 --> 00:10:02,936 >> Jimmy: COME ON, WE CAN BEAT 194. JUST WANT THE DOG TO GO, "HEY, 138 00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:04,904 YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU'RE A GOOD BOY. FINALLY -- "YOU KNOW WHO'S A 139 00:10:04,904 --> 00:10:06,873 A GOOD BOY YOU ARE. YEAH 140 00:10:06,873 --> 00:10:12,212 I FEEL GOOD ABOUT THIS I DON'T KNOW LET'S SEE THE RESULTS. 141 00:10:12,212 --> 00:10:19,319 HERE WE GO * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 142 00:10:19,319 --> 00:10:22,922 >> Jimmy: NUMBER TWO IS THE CORRECT TWEET, THE iPHONE CHARGER STILL HAD 194. 143 00:10:22,922 --> 00:10:27,694 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE [ DINGING HOTELS NEED AN iPHONE CHARGER 144 00:10:27,694 --> 00:10:29,396 THAT REACHES THE BED I'M GOING TO POST THIS DURING THE COMMERCIAL BREAK 145 00:10:29,396 --> 00:10:32,332 IF YOU SEE IT ON YOUR FEED, GIVE IT A LIKE, GIVE IT A WETWEET AND ENJOY. 146 00:10:32,332 --> 00:10:35,502 WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW FROM THE MOVIE "MEET CUTE," KALEY CUOCO IS HERE TONIGHT! 147 00:10:35,502 --> 00:10:40,206 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ONE OF MY FAVORITE COMEDIANS, COMEDIAN AND ACTOR 148 00:10:40,206 --> 00:10:47,847 MIKE BIRBIGLIA IS ON THE SHOW. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE BIG NEWS FROM MIKE 149 00:10:47,847 --> 00:10:52,018 AND WE GOT GREAT MUSIC FROM ARI LENNOX ON THE SHOW TONIGHT [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 150 00:10:52,018 --> 00:10:54,087 STICK AROUND WE'LL COME BACK AND PLAY "VIRTUAL REALITY PICTIONARY" 151 00:10:54,087 --> 00:11:04,564 WITH KALEY CUOCO [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * 152 00:11:04,564 --> 00:11:10,904 >> A FACE, A NOSE, A MOUTH UH, HAIR SQUIGGLY HAIR. 153 00:11:10,904 --> 00:11:13,740 >> Jimmy: QUARTERBACK. >> QUARTERBACK [ LAUGHTER ] 154 00:11:13,740 --> 00:11:30,323 PONYTAIL >> Tariq: YES. [ DINGING 155 00:11:30,323 --> 00:11:33,727 >> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK TO THE "THE TONIGHT SHOW. I'M HERE WITH OUR VERY OWN 156 00:11:33,727 --> 00:11:35,929 TARIQ TROTTER FROM THE ROOTS, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN * 157 00:11:35,929 --> 00:11:38,431 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE AND WE'RE GOING TO PLAY "VIRTUAL REALITY PICTIONARY. 158 00:11:38,431 --> 00:11:39,833 AND WE'RE GOING TO PLAY "VIRTUAL REALITY PICTIONARY. HERE WE GO 159 00:11:40,433 --> 00:11:44,771 * VIRTUAL REALITY PICTIONARY * 160 00:11:44,771 --> 00:11:46,906 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: FIRST, WE'RE GOING TO NEED MORE PLAYERS. 161 00:11:46,906 --> 00:11:50,877 JOINING MY TEAM IS AN AWARD-WINNING WRITER AND COMEDIAN, WHO HAS A NEW ONE-MAN 162 00:11:50,877 --> 00:11:57,450 SHOW, "THE OLD MAN AND THE POOL." GIVE IT UP FOR MIKE BIRBIGLIA! 163 00:11:57,450 --> 00:12:03,123 * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> GOOD GAME 164 00:12:03,123 --> 00:12:05,058 >> Tariq: GOOD LUCK. YES. >> Jimmy: JOINING TARIQ'S TEAM, IS AN EMMY-NOMINATED 165 00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:08,828 ACTRESS AND STAR OF THE NEW MOVIE "MEET CUTE." PREMIERING TOMORROW EXCLUSIVELY 166 00:12:08,828 --> 00:12:12,065 ON PEACOCK, PLEASE WELCOME KALEY CUOCO! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 167 00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:19,639 * >> I'M NERVOUS >> Tariq: YOU GOT THIS 168 00:12:19,639 --> 00:12:22,075 DON'T BE, DON'T BE >> Jimmy: THE GAME WORKS EXACTLY LIKE PICTIONARY, EXCEPT 169 00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:23,977 THE PERSON WHO IS DRAWING WILL BE WEARING ONE OF THESE VIRTUAL REALITY HEADSETS AND DRAWING IN 170 00:12:23,977 --> 00:12:25,478 IN 3D SPACE USING A PROGRAM CALLED TILT BRUSH. OKAY, WE'LL BE ABLE TO SEE 171 00:12:25,478 --> 00:12:29,683 THEIR POINT OF VIEW ON THE BIG SCREEN BEHIND US I WILL GO FIRST. 172 00:12:29,683 --> 00:12:34,821 YOU GUYS CAN ALL TAKE YOUR SEATS. MIKE, THIS IS FOR ME AND YOU, 173 00:12:34,821 --> 00:12:37,357 BUD. WHAT NUMBER SHALL I CHOOSE >> FIVE! 174 00:12:37,357 --> 00:12:43,129 >> Jimmy: WOW. [ LAUGHTER ] >> FIVE. 175 00:12:43,129 --> 00:12:49,736 >> CAME IN STRONG. SHE CAME IN STRONG >> Jimmy: WOW, THAT'S 176 00:12:49,736 --> 00:12:52,105 SOMEONE -- IT'S NOT RIGGED. WE'VE NEVER MET EACH OTHER 177 00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:55,175 CAME IN HOT. NO ONE ELSE YELLED THEY'RE LIKE - 178 00:12:55,175 --> 00:12:59,546 SHE WAS LIKE, "FIVE! [ LAUGHTER ] ALL RIGHT. 179 00:12:59,546 --> 00:13:02,816 >> NUMMEROLOGY FANS. >> Jimmy: OKAY, OKAY, OKAY >> Tariq: GIVE IT UP 180 00:13:02,816 --> 00:13:08,621 GIVE IT UP, MAN. >> Jimmy: NO, HOLD ON. WHEN YOU SEE THIS YOU'RE GOING 181 00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:10,090 TO FREAK OUT BECAUSE I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I'M LOOKING AT RIGHT NOW. 182 00:13:10,090 --> 00:13:12,425 ALL RIGHT. READY? READY BUD? 183 00:13:12,425 --> 00:13:16,796 >> YEAH. >> Jimmy: HERE WE GO UM. >> Tariq: TERRIBLE 184 00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:20,533 [ LAUGHTER ] >> TERRIBLE. >> CIRCLE. 185 00:13:20,533 --> 00:13:23,069 PUMPKIN. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, SORRY 186 00:13:23,069 --> 00:13:28,708 OKAY NOTHING. THAT WAS NOTHING 187 00:13:28,708 --> 00:13:33,213 THIS IS A SKULL OF SOME KIND THIS IS A PIPE, SMOKING A PIPE A WORLD, SOME KIND OF WORLD -- 188 00:13:33,213 --> 00:13:36,916 A BEARD! A BEARD AND GOGGLES AND, LIKE, A HELMET 189 00:13:36,916 --> 00:13:38,451 IT'S A HELMET THAT YOU WEAR FOR BICYCLING, OR SKI JUMPING, OR - 190 00:13:38,451 --> 00:13:50,096 OH FOOTBALL FOOTBALL HELMET! 191 00:13:50,096 --> 00:13:56,803 [ LAUGHTER ] IT'S A HELMET. IT'S A HELMET. 192 00:13:56,803 --> 00:14:03,043 IS IT A SPORT WHERE YOU WEAR A A HELMET [ BUZZER ] 193 00:14:03,043 --> 00:14:10,050 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE [ SAD TUBA ] >> Tariq: THAT WAS AWESOME. 194 00:14:10,050 --> 00:14:13,420 >> WELL DONE >> Jimmy: QUARTERBACK. >> OH, QUARTERBACK 195 00:14:13,420 --> 00:14:16,156 >> Jimmy: YEAH, SORRY, I SHOULD HAVE USED THIS SPACE MORE. SORRY ABOUT THAT 196 00:14:16,156 --> 00:14:22,729 TARIQ, YOU'RE UP NEXT. SHOW KALEY HOW YOU DO IT [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 197 00:14:22,729 --> 00:14:24,264 PICK YOUR NUMBER FIRST. >> Tariq: WHAT NUMBER ARE WE GOING FOR? 198 00:14:24,264 --> 00:14:41,748 >> TWO! [ AUDIENCE SHOUTING >> Tariq: OKAY, EASY EASY PEAZY 199 00:14:41,748 --> 00:14:45,785 ALL RIGHT. COOL. >> THIS IS THE CLOSEST I'VE EVER COME TO BEING IN A 200 00:14:45,785 --> 00:14:52,325 A RAVE [ LAUGHTER ] >> IT'S SOMETHING. 201 00:14:52,325 --> 00:14:57,364 >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT. WHENEVER YOU'RE READY, TARIQ >> Tariq: YEAH, OKAY, COOL 202 00:14:57,364 --> 00:14:59,432 >> NICE. CIRCLE FACE 203 00:14:59,432 --> 00:15:02,168 >> Reporter: WHAT IS THIS? SUBJECT, WHAT IS THIS? >> A FACE, A NOSE, A MOUTH 204 00:15:02,168 --> 00:15:04,037 >> Jimmy: TARIQ, WHAT SUBJECT IS THIS? >> Tariq: IT'S A THING 205 00:15:04,037 --> 00:15:08,742 >> HAIR? SQUIGGLY HAIR. >> Jimmy: QUARTERBACK. 206 00:15:08,742 --> 00:15:12,245 >> A QUARTERBACK PONYTAIL >> Tariq: YES. [ DINGS ] 207 00:15:12,245 --> 00:15:20,053 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * >> GOOD JOB! 208 00:15:20,053 --> 00:15:24,257 >> Tariq: WE DID IT! >> OH, MY GOD. >> WAS IT PONYTAIL 209 00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:26,559 >> Jimmy: PONYTAIL ALL RIGHT. >> Tariq: SEE, SYNERGY. 210 00:15:26,559 --> 00:15:33,099 >> OH, MAN >> Tariq: THANK YOU. >> Jimmy: YEAH, ALL RIGHT. 211 00:15:33,099 --> 00:15:37,937 >> OKAY. [ AUDIENCE SHOUTING >> I HEARD TWO 212 00:15:37,937 --> 00:15:42,509 I HEARD TWO. I HEARD TWO. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 213 00:15:42,509 --> 00:15:45,912 >> Jimmy: YOU GOT THE CROWN ON YOUR SIDE. YOU GOT THE CROWD ON YOUR SIDE 214 00:15:45,912 --> 00:15:51,584 WE GOT THIS, BUD COME ON. >> IT'S A THING. 215 00:15:51,584 --> 00:15:54,087 >> Jimmy: OKAY, A THING. >> I'M ALLOWED TO SAY THAT. >> Jimmy: THAT BREAKS IT DOWN VERY 216 00:15:54,087 --> 00:15:57,724 EASILY IT'S A THING OKAY, HERE WE GO 217 00:15:57,724 --> 00:16:00,427 IT'S A HEART LOVE IT'S A CHERRY. 218 00:16:00,427 --> 00:16:02,862 IT'S A JACK-O'-LANTERN >> YES, IT IS. [ DINGS 219 00:16:02,862 --> 00:16:11,905 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * >> Jimmy: WOW, THAT WAS GOOD 220 00:16:11,905 --> 00:16:16,943 >> I HAVE BROKEN THE GAME! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE I WIN! 221 00:16:16,943 --> 00:16:23,083 I JUST WENT FROM VIRTUAL REALITY INTO REALITY >> Jimmy: YES, I KNOW. 222 00:16:23,083 --> 00:16:26,119 IT CHANGES A MAN KALEY, THAT'S FOR YOU. >> I'M GOING TO TAKE THESE OFF 223 00:16:26,119 --> 00:16:30,623 BECAUSE YOU ALMOST LITERALLY DIED IT'S LIKE VERY DANGEROUS 224 00:16:30,623 --> 00:16:34,427 >> Jimmy: VERY DANGEROUS AND SLIPPERY THANK YOU, THANK YOU 225 00:16:34,427 --> 00:16:36,529 OKAY >> OKAY, WAIT, WHICH NUMBER, GUYS 226 00:16:36,529 --> 00:16:44,938 [ AUDIENCE SHOUTING >> ONE THREE, THREE 227 00:16:44,938 --> 00:16:53,246 OKAY, OKAY, OKAY IT'S A THING IT'S A THING 228 00:16:53,246 --> 00:17:01,888 >> Tariq: A PUZZLE [ LAUGHTER ] IS IT -- IS IT A MAP 229 00:17:01,888 --> 00:17:05,258 >> Jimmy: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE NOT GOOD AT THIS? YOU'RE FANTASTIC AT THIS 230 00:17:05,258 --> 00:17:11,598 >> OH, IT MOVES. >> Jimmy: YOU CAN MOVE AROUND TOO, KALEY 231 00:17:11,598 --> 00:17:13,600 MAKE IT THREE DIMENSIONAL. >> Tariq: A MAP. >> Jimmy: TARIQ, HOW ARE YOU 232 00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:23,743 NOT GETTING THIS >> Tariq: A BAT. [ LAUGHTER ] 233 00:17:23,743 --> 00:17:26,246 >> Jimmy: THIS IS GOOD TARIQ, GUESS >> Tariq: A HAUNTED HOUSE. 234 00:17:26,246 --> 00:17:28,648 >> Jimmy: YES. THIS IS GOOD, TARIQ. TARIQ, GO WITH IT. 235 00:17:28,648 --> 00:17:35,755 >> FREE ASSOCIATE. YOU GOT TO FREE ASSOCIATE. >> Tariq: THE FOREST 236 00:17:35,755 --> 00:17:38,591 >> YOU'RE GETTING THERE. YOU'RE WARM, YOU'RE WARM >> Tariq: THE JUNGLE 237 00:17:38,591 --> 00:17:48,101 >> YOU ARE SO CLOSE. [ BUZZER ] [ SAD TUBA ] [ APPLAUSE 238 00:17:48,101 --> 00:17:51,705 >> Tariq: OH >> DO YOU WANT TO TAKE A GUESS >> Jimmy: NO 239 00:17:51,705 --> 00:17:55,642 >> Tariq: I HAVE NO IDEA >> A CORN MAZE >> Jimmy: FANTASTIC. 240 00:17:55,642 --> 00:18:03,183 >> IT'S A MAZE >> Jimmy: THAT WAS SO GOOD >> THANK YOU 241 00:18:03,183 --> 00:18:04,851 >> Jimmy: KALEY, IT'S TIME FOR THE FINAL ROUND AND IT'S GOING TO BE A SHOWDOWN 242 00:18:04,851 --> 00:18:06,586 MIKE, YOU'RE GOING TO DRAW THIS >> I'M DRAWING 243 00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:12,392 OKAY >> Jimmy: NOW, HERE'S THE DEAL IF TARIQ OR KALEY GETS IT 244 00:18:12,392 --> 00:18:17,630 BEFORE ME, THEY WIN THE GAME >> OH, GOSH. >> WE CAN ALL GUESS? 245 00:18:17,630 --> 00:18:19,799 >> Jimmy: YES, YOU GUYS CAN STILL WIN THIS [ AUDIENCE SHOUTING 246 00:18:19,799 --> 00:18:24,404 >> WHAT NUMBER WHAT NUMBER? I HEAR FOUR I HEAR FOUR, OKAY. 247 00:18:24,404 --> 00:18:31,044 OH, WOW. >> MY GOD. MY GOD 248 00:18:31,044 --> 00:18:33,913 >> Jimmy: WE'VE GOT THIS, BUDDY. >> MY GOD. 249 00:18:33,913 --> 00:18:37,083 >> Jimmy: WE GOT THIS. >> THE THEME IS THING. IS THIS RIGHT? 250 00:18:37,083 --> 00:18:41,254 >> Jimmy: I ALREADY SEE AN IMAGE. >> NO WE LOST IT 251 00:18:41,254 --> 00:18:45,625 WAIT >> THERE WE GO >> WAIT, NO? 252 00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:47,460 >> >> Jimmy: MIKE, I THINK YOU'RE HAVING A STROKE >> EVERYONE CAN SEE IT 253 00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:49,763 >> Jimmy: HEY, GUYS, THIS IS PERFECT, FOR THE FINAL ROUND >> OLD SCHOOL. 254 00:18:49,763 --> 00:18:51,965 >> OH, MY GOD. OH, MY GOD >> Jimmy: FOR THE FINAL ROUND, 255 00:18:51,965 --> 00:18:56,870 WE'RE GOING OLD SCHOOL, OKAY THIS IS A MARKER THIS IS THE WAY TO DO IT RIGHT 256 00:18:56,870 --> 00:19:00,140 HERE THIS IS HOW WE DO PICTIONARY HERE WE GO 257 00:19:00,140 --> 00:19:03,309 >> OKAY. >> Jimmy: CAN YOU SAY IF IT'S A THING. 258 00:19:03,309 --> 00:19:06,012 >> IT'S A THING AGAIN. >> Tariq: WE'D LIKE TO SEE IT ON THIS SIDE TOO 259 00:19:06,012 --> 00:19:09,315 >> THANK YOU >> IT'S A THING. JIMMY, IF YOU DON'T GET THIS, 260 00:19:09,315 --> 00:19:13,486 THEN IT'S ON YOU [ LAUGHTER ] IF YOU DON'T GET THIS THEN IT'S 261 00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:24,531 ON YOU >> Tariq: STOP IT, STOP IT >> Jimmy: AND IT'S ON ME 262 00:19:24,531 --> 00:19:27,701 >> Tariq: GREAT. OKAY, COOL THE RIDDLE 263 00:19:27,701 --> 00:19:33,039 >> Jimmy: READY? AND GO EGG! 264 00:19:33,039 --> 00:19:35,675 >> CANDY CANE. >> Tariq: DINOSAUR >> HORSESHOE 265 00:19:35,675 --> 00:19:38,511 >> Jimmy: PICTURE. >> ICED TEA. >> Tariq: TRUMPET. 266 00:19:38,511 --> 00:19:41,147 SAXOPHONE. >> Jimmy: TURKEY >> OH YEAH, TURKEY LEG 267 00:19:41,147 --> 00:19:49,456 >> Jimmy: PEACOCK! [ DINGS ] * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 268 00:19:49,456 --> 00:19:53,159 >> WELL DONE, WELL DONE. >> Jimmy: IT'S ALL IN THE FAMILY 269 00:19:53,159 --> 00:19:55,562 ALL IN THE FAMILY. >> Jimmy: MY THANKS TO KALEY CUOCO, MIKE BIRBIGLIA. 270 00:19:55,562 --> 00:20:00,834 MORE WITH KAYLEY AFTER THE BREAK. STICK AROUND, EVERYBODY! 271 00:20:00,834 --> 00:20:07,707 OLD SCHOOL! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] * 272 00:20:07,707 --> 00:20:11,077 >> Jimmy: YOU'RE MEETING THE VERY CUTE PETE DAVIDSON. >> YES 273 00:20:11,077 --> 00:20:13,613 MEETING HIM IN REAL LIFE WAS AN INTERESTING SITUATION. I FIND OUT THAT HE WOULD LIKE 274 00:20:13,613 --> 00:20:20,286 TO MEET ME, BUT HE WANTED TO MEET ME IN AN ESCAPE ROOM. [ LAUGHTER ] 275 00:20:20,286 --> 00:20:23,456 AND I'M LIKE, "YOU KNOW WHAT PETE, NOT EVERYONE HAS TO END UP ON 'TMZ.' 276 00:20:23,456 --> 00:20:47,313 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK TO THE "THE TONIGHT SHOW. 277 00:20:47,313 --> 00:20:49,816 * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: OUR FIRST GUEST IS AN 278 00:20:49,816 --> 00:20:52,118 EMMY-NOMINATED ACTOR SHE STARS IN THE NEW MOVIE "MEET CUTE," WHICH PREMIERES 279 00:20:52,118 --> 00:20:54,421 TOMORROW, EXCLUSIVELY ON PEACOCK. EVERYONE, PLEASE WELCOME 280 00:20:54,421 --> 00:20:54,921 PEACOCK. EVERYONE, PLEASE WELCOME KALEY CUOCO! 281 00:20:55,989 --> 00:21:00,060 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: YOU LOOK FANTASTIC 282 00:21:00,060 --> 00:21:03,930 >> THANK YOU >> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK >> THANK YOU SO MUCH 283 00:21:03,930 --> 00:21:07,400 >> Jimmy: IT IS GREAT TO SEE YOU IN PERSON. >> I KNOW. 284 00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:10,136 LAST TIME I WAS ON ZOOM WITH YOU. >> Jimmy: ZOOM, WE WERE 285 00:21:10,136 --> 00:21:12,439 ZOOMING. BUT I APPRECIATE YOU DOING THAT FOR US 286 00:21:12,439 --> 00:21:14,741 >> AND NO MASKS. >> Jimmy: NOW WE'RE NO MASKS, THE PEOPLE ARE HERE. 287 00:21:14,741 --> 00:21:17,143 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> THIS IS AMAZING HI, GUYS 288 00:21:17,143 --> 00:21:20,313 >> Jimmy: YOU LOOK FANTASTIC >> THANK YOU >> Jimmy: I'M HAPPY YOU'RE 289 00:21:20,313 --> 00:21:23,817 HERE, AND I ASKED YOU TO PLAY "VR PICTIONARY" TONIGHT. >> YES, I -- 290 00:21:23,817 --> 00:21:27,754 >> Jimmy: YOU WERE VERY NICE YOU SAID YES, BUT YOU WERE VERY HONEST AND YOU SAID, "I JUST 291 00:21:27,754 --> 00:21:30,090 WANT TO LET YOU KNOW, I'M TERRIBLE AT DRAWING. >> THERE ARE VERY FEW THINGS 292 00:21:30,090 --> 00:21:34,194 THAT GIVE ME MAJOR ANXIETY, AND DRAWING IS ONE OF THEM I AM TERRIBLE AT DRAWING 293 00:21:34,194 --> 00:21:39,132 I CANNOT DRAW A STICK FIGURE [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: YOU -- WELL, TO PROVE 294 00:21:39,132 --> 00:21:41,968 THIS, YOU BROUGHT A PHOTO THAT YOU DREW >> OKAY. 295 00:21:41,968 --> 00:21:44,137 >> Jimmy: OKAY >> WELL, WAIT, LET ME GIVE CONTEXT. 296 00:21:44,137 --> 00:21:46,673 >> Jimmy: BEFORE WE SEE IT, YEAH >> SO, DURING COVID, MY FRIEND 297 00:21:46,673 --> 00:21:50,377 GROUP, WE WERE DOING ALL THESE ONLINE GAMES TOGETHER. >> Jimmy: YEAH 298 00:21:50,377 --> 00:21:52,445 >> AND A LOT WAS PICTIONARY, AND CHARADES, AND ALL THIS STUFF. 299 00:21:52,445 --> 00:21:56,116 AND ONE OF THE GAMES WAS A A DRAWING GAME, AND WE HAD TO MAKE A SELF-PORTRAIT 300 00:21:56,116 --> 00:22:00,653 AND THIS ONE WAS MINE. >> Jimmy: OKAY, I -- YOU GUYS BE THE JUDGE 301 00:22:00,653 --> 00:22:04,924 I DUNNO, IS IT THAT BAD? [ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 302 00:22:04,924 --> 00:22:14,434 >> I HAD A HIGH PONYTAIL THAT DAY, AND I WAS WEARING BIG EARINGS. 303 00:22:14,434 --> 00:22:18,071 >> Jimmy: YOU WERE THE GENIE IN "ALADDIN." >> I WAS THE GENIE 304 00:22:18,071 --> 00:22:20,874 >> Jimmy: FOR AN OFF BROADWAY VERSION. [ LAUGHTER ] 305 00:22:20,874 --> 00:22:25,478 >> MY ASSISTANT STILL HAS THIS AS MY CALLER I.D [ LAUGHTER ] 306 00:22:25,478 --> 00:22:29,082 LITERALLY. >> Jimmy: I WAS GOING TO SAY, YOU HAVE TO USE IT 307 00:22:29,082 --> 00:22:30,917 >> OH, SHE USES IT FOR EVERYTHING >> Jimmy: YOU HAVE TO POST 308 00:22:30,917 --> 00:22:33,653 THIS >> LIKE, SHE'S ON THE VERGE OF GETTING FIRED FOR HOW OFTEN SHE 309 00:22:33,653 --> 00:22:35,622 USES IT, LET ME TELL YOU [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: THAT'S SO FUNNY. 310 00:22:35,622 --> 00:22:37,624 >> YEAH, SO THAT'S MY DRAWING CAPABILITIES >> Jimmy: YEAH, WELL, SEE, I 311 00:22:37,624 --> 00:22:39,793 APPRECIATE YOU DOUBLY PLAYING THE GAME >> YEAH. 312 00:22:39,793 --> 00:22:42,095 >> Jimmy: YOU'RE A GOOD SPORT. >> YOU'RE WELCOME. >> Jimmy: I SAW YOU AT THE 313 00:22:42,095 --> 00:22:44,164 EMMYS A COUPLE WEEKS AGO >> YEAH. >> Jimmy: YOU WERE LOOKING 314 00:22:44,164 --> 00:22:46,466 GORGEOUS AS ALWAYS >> OH, THANK YOU SO MUCH >> Jimmy: LOOK AT THIS 315 00:22:46,466 --> 00:22:50,103 OOH, LA LA [ CHEERS ] >> THANK YOU 316 00:22:50,103 --> 00:22:53,006 >> Jimmy: BEAUTIFUL. >> THEY LITERALLY CUT THAT DRESS BEFORE I WALKED OUT. 317 00:22:53,006 --> 00:22:56,843 THAT WAS A FULL GOWN >> Jimmy: WHAT >> AND THEY JUST -- WE CUT IT. 318 00:22:56,843 --> 00:23:01,047 WE WENT WILD >> Jimmy: WAIT, SO IT WAS JUST GOING TO BE -- 319 00:23:01,047 --> 00:23:04,584 >> IT WAS ALL LONG, NO LEG, AND THEY CUT IT. >> Jimmy: WOW. 320 00:23:04,584 --> 00:23:06,419 AND THEN YOU SAID "ALL LEG." >> YEAH. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] 321 00:23:06,419 --> 00:23:08,521 AND THEN WE JUST CUT IT BEFORE I WALKED - CAN YOU IMAGINE THE INSANITY IN 322 00:23:08,521 --> 00:23:10,924 DOING THAT BEFORE I WALKED OUT THERE? >> Jimmy: I LOVED THAT YOU DID 323 00:23:10,924 --> 00:23:12,959 THAT >> I KNOW, WE JUST CUT IT. >> Jimmy: ISN'T THAT THE BEST, 324 00:23:12,959 --> 00:23:15,095 TO JUST GO -- "I'M JUST GONNA TAKE THIS RISK AND SEE WHAT'S UP." 325 00:23:15,095 --> 00:23:17,063 >> YEAH. YOU CAN DO THAT WITH YOUR SUIT PANTS. 326 00:23:17,063 --> 00:23:18,932 YOU CAN JUST CUT 'EM BEFORE YOU COME OUT [ LAUGHTER ] 327 00:23:18,932 --> 00:23:21,067 YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT CAN HAPPEN >> Jimmy: WE'LL GET THERE. [ CHEERS ] 328 00:23:21,067 --> 00:23:23,837 WE'LL GET THERE. NO, WE'LL GET THERE. WE GOT A LONG SEASON AHEAD OF 329 00:23:23,837 --> 00:23:26,673 US CONGRATS YOU WERE NOMINATED FOR YOUR 330 00:23:26,673 --> 00:23:28,875 SHOW "THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT." YOU WERE FANTASTIC IN IT >> THANK YOU 331 00:23:28,875 --> 00:23:30,510 THANK YOU. [ CHEERS ] >> Jimmy: CONGRATULATIONS. 332 00:23:30,510 --> 00:23:32,679 >> THANKS, GUYS. >> Jimmy: YOU WERE SITTING AT THE EMMYS WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND, 333 00:23:32,679 --> 00:23:36,416 WHO -- A FRIEND OF OUR SHOW, TOO. >> YES 334 00:23:36,416 --> 00:23:38,385 >> Jimmy: TOM PELPHREY'S JUST - >> YES 335 00:23:38,385 --> 00:23:40,687 >> Jimmy: JUST AMAZING ON "OZARK." >> HE'S SO GOOD. 336 00:23:40,687 --> 00:23:45,692 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE I KNOW >> Jimmy: HOW DID YOU TWO MEET 337 00:23:45,692 --> 00:23:49,729 >> SO WE ACTUALLY -- WE HAVE THE SAME MANAGER THIS IS A VERY HOLLYWOOD STORY, 338 00:23:49,729 --> 00:23:53,800 I KNOW >> Jimmy: NO, I LIKE IT. >> WE HAD THE SAME MANAGER, AND 339 00:23:53,800 --> 00:23:56,403 ACTUALLY, I WAS JUST SHOOTING A FILM IN BERLIN, AND ABOUT SIX MONTHS AGO -- EVEN LONGER, NINE 340 00:23:56,403 --> 00:23:59,472 MONTHS AGO, MY MANAGER WAS SUBMITTING DIFFERENT CLIENTS AND HAD ASKED ME IF I KNEW WHO 341 00:23:59,472 --> 00:24:05,278 TOM WAS. AND SHE GOES, "AND SIDE NOTE, HE'S SINGLE. 342 00:24:05,278 --> 00:24:07,781 THIS WAS A WHILE AGO >> Jimmy: YEAH >> AND I WAS LIKE, "OH, I'M NOT 343 00:24:07,781 --> 00:24:10,083 READY TO DATE, AND I DON'T KNOW WHO WE'RE CASTING. AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHO HE 344 00:24:10,083 --> 00:24:11,951 WAS. >> Jimmy: YEAH >> AND I TOLD MY SISTER, I'M 345 00:24:11,951 --> 00:24:14,788 LIKE, "DO YOU KNOW THIS TOM PELPHREY?" SHE'S LIKE - 346 00:24:14,788 --> 00:24:17,090 [ LARGE GASP ] "HAVE YOU SEEN 'OZARK'?" >> Jimmy: "OH, MY GOSH." 347 00:24:17,090 --> 00:24:19,059 >> AND I WAS LIKE, "NO I HAVEN'T. >> Jimmy: "HAVE YOU SEEN 348 00:24:19,059 --> 00:24:20,894 'OZARK'? >> Jimmy: YEAH I HAVE NOT 349 00:24:20,894 --> 00:24:22,662 I THINK I'M THE ONLY ONE THAT HASN'T SEEN IT, AND THEY WERE LIKE," HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE 350 00:24:22,662 --> 00:24:25,832 'OZARK'? >> Jimmy: YEAH, EXACTLY. PEOPLE LOSE THEIR MINDS. 351 00:24:25,832 --> 00:24:27,667 >> Jimmy: OH, I KNOW I WAS THAT PERSON FOR A LONG TIME 352 00:24:27,667 --> 00:24:29,869 >> IT'S CRAZY. >> Jimmy: I MEAN, ON THE OTHER END, I WAS WITH YOU. 353 00:24:29,869 --> 00:24:33,073 >> LIKE PSYCHOS. >> Jimmy: NO, PEOPLE FREAK OUT THEY GO, "YOU HAVEN'T EVEN --" 354 00:24:33,073 --> 00:24:35,208 EVEN, YEAH JASON BATEMAN YELLED AT ME "YOU HAVEN'T SEEN 'OZARK'? 355 00:24:35,208 --> 00:24:36,976 >> LIKE, "I KNOW!" [ LAUGHTER ] GOD. 356 00:24:36,976 --> 00:24:39,079 BACK OFF >> Jimmy: YEAH >> SO ANYWAY - 357 00:24:39,079 --> 00:24:41,781 >> Jimmy: HAVE YOU FINALLY - >> THEN MONTHS HAD GONE ON, AND WE NEVER MET 358 00:24:41,781 --> 00:24:43,650 AND I WAS OUT HERE PROMOTING "FLIGHT ATTENDANT," WITH THAT SAME MANAGER, WHO'S HIS 359 00:24:43,650 --> 00:24:50,757 MANAGER. AND SHE'S LIKE, "I'M GOING TO THE 'OZARK' PREMIERE TONIGHT 360 00:24:50,757 --> 00:24:53,593 DO YOU WANT TO COME WITH ME? AND IT DIDN'T EVEN OCCUR TO ME AND I WAS LIKE, "YEAH, YEAH, 361 00:24:53,593 --> 00:24:55,362 I'LL GO. SO I GOT ALL DRESSED UP, AND I WAS STANDING THERE, AND I WAS 362 00:24:55,362 --> 00:24:57,330 AT THE BATHROOM AND I WAS WAITING. AND I HEAR THIS VOICE, WHO -- 363 00:24:57,330 --> 00:25:03,169 IT WAS TOM, AND HE'S LIKE "WHERE'S THIS KALEY? AND I WAS LIKE, "'WHERE'S THIS 364 00:25:03,169 --> 00:25:05,839 KALEY?'" AND I TURNED AROUND, AND IT WAS TOM AND IT WAS LIKE -- 365 00:25:05,839 --> 00:25:08,675 [ SINGING IT WAS LIKE, LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT. 366 00:25:08,675 --> 00:25:12,045 THAT WAS -- THE WORLD STOPPED. >> Jimmy: OH, I LOVE THAT. >> I KNOW. 367 00:25:12,045 --> 00:25:14,814 [ AUDIENCE AWS ] >> Jimmy: NO, I LOVE THAT. >> I KNOW. 368 00:25:14,814 --> 00:25:16,783 >> Jimmy: IT'S A GREAT STORY >> IT WAS REALLY SWEET, YEAH [ APPLAUSE ] 369 00:25:16,783 --> 00:25:18,752 >> Jimmy: WELL, YOU GUYS LOOKED GREAT TOGETHER AT THE EMMYS. TELL HIM I SAY HELLO 370 00:25:18,752 --> 00:25:21,054 >> AND I STILL HAD TO PEE. I NEVER WENT TO THE BATHROOM >> Jimmy: YOU NEVER WENT TO THE 371 00:25:21,054 --> 00:25:22,689 BATHROOM >> I NEVER WENT TO THE BATHROOM, YEAH 372 00:25:22,689 --> 00:25:24,958 DIDN'T PEE THAT WHOLE NIGHT. >> Jimmy: I WANT TO TALK ABOUT YOUR MOVIE 373 00:25:24,958 --> 00:25:27,160 LET'S TALK ABOUT "MEET CUTE. >> YEAH. "MEET CUTE." 374 00:25:27,160 --> 00:25:29,195 >> Jimmy: NOW, "MEET CUTE" IN THE, UH -- I ONLY LEARNED ABOUT THIS WHEN I THINK IT WAS ON -- 375 00:25:29,195 --> 00:25:30,897 AFTER "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE," OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. IT'S A TERM FOR, IN THE SCRIPT, 376 00:25:30,897 --> 00:25:34,801 RIGHT? WHEN THE TWO PEOPLE THAT THE ROMANTIC LEADS MEET. 377 00:25:34,801 --> 00:25:40,607 IS THAT RIGHT? >> IT'S LIKE A -- LIKE AN ACCIDENT, LIKE A CUTE WAY TO 378 00:25:40,607 --> 00:25:43,343 MEET, I GUESS. I MEAN, "MEET CUTE." >> Jimmy: THAT'S WHAT A "MEET 379 00:25:43,343 --> 00:25:45,078 CUTE" IS >> YEAH, THAT'S WHAT A "MEET CUTE" IS 380 00:25:45,078 --> 00:25:47,681 >> Jimmy: I MEAN, I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT THAT WAS. >> BY THE WAY, I DIDN'T EITHER, 381 00:25:47,681 --> 00:25:49,082 AND I KEPT SAYING, "THIS DOESN'T REALLY ROLL OFF THE TONGUE." 382 00:25:49,082 --> 00:25:51,751 >> Jimmy: A "MEET CUTE." >> AND THEN WE SAID IT SO MANY TIMES, THAT I WAS LIKE, "OKAY, 383 00:25:51,751 --> 00:25:53,720 WHATEVER, IT'S FINE. >> Jimmy: SO IT'S -- THE MOVIE IS - 384 00:25:53,720 --> 00:25:56,456 >> IT'S A "MEET CUTE." >> Jimmy: -- IS EXACTLY A "MEET CUTE." 385 00:25:56,456 --> 00:25:59,859 >> YES >> Jimmy: AND YOU'RE MEETING THE VERY CUTE PETE DAVIDSON. 386 00:25:59,859 --> 00:26:01,695 >> YES >> Jimmy: YEAH SO IT'S YOU AND PETE 387 00:26:01,695 --> 00:26:03,797 [ CHEERS ] >> YEAH. YEAH 388 00:26:03,797 --> 00:26:05,699 >> Jimmy: YOU'RE BOTH -- >> NO, HE WAS GREAT. HE ACTUALLY -- MEETING HIM IN 389 00:26:05,699 --> 00:26:07,701 REAL LIFE WAS AN INTERESTING SITUATION. >> Jimmy: HAVE YOU KNOWN PETE? 390 00:26:07,701 --> 00:26:10,670 >> NO. SO, HE WAS ATTACHED TO THIS FILM WAY BEFORE I WAS. 391 00:26:10,670 --> 00:26:13,073 AND SO WHEN I ACTUALLY ATTACHED, OBVIOUSLY EVERYONE WAS LIKE, "YOU GUYS NEED TO 392 00:26:13,073 --> 00:26:15,909 MEET WE HOPE THAT THERE'S CHEMISTRY. 393 00:26:15,909 --> 00:26:19,512 LIKE, WE HAD NEVER MET EVER. SO WE GET IN CONTACT, AND HE WAS IN L.A. FOR A FEW DAYS 394 00:26:19,512 --> 00:26:22,816 I'M LIKE, "OKAY, MAYBE WE SHOULD MEET FOR A COFFEE LET'S MEET THE DIRECTOR. 395 00:26:22,816 --> 00:26:25,085 LIKE, I HAD NEVER MET HIM OR ANYTHING, HADN'T TALKED TO HIM ABOUT THE PROJECT. 396 00:26:25,085 --> 00:26:27,954 >> Jimmy: YEAH >> SO I FIND OUT THAT HE WOULD LIKE TO MEET ME, BUT HE WANTED 397 00:26:27,954 --> 00:26:33,626 TO MEET ME IN AN ESCAPE ROOM [ LAUGHTER ] AND I'M LIKE, "YOU KNOW WHAT, 398 00:26:33,626 --> 00:26:35,929 PETE NOT EVERYONE HAS TO END UP ON 'TMZ.'" [ LAUGHTER ] 399 00:26:35,929 --> 00:26:39,632 LIKE, CAN WE JUST, LIKE -- I'M LIKE, "WHY CAN'T ANYTHING BE NORMAL? 400 00:26:39,632 --> 00:26:42,369 SO I'M LIKE, "AM I GONNA --" >> Jimmy: SEE, THAT'S FUNNY. >> YEAH. 401 00:26:42,369 --> 00:26:45,438 SO WE DID. ME, THE DIRECTOR, AND PETE I MET HIM IN AN ESCAPE ROOM. 402 00:26:45,438 --> 00:26:47,273 [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: THAT'S AN INTERESTING WAY TO MEET SOMEONE. 403 00:26:47,273 --> 00:26:49,142 >> YOU REALLY CAN LEARN A LOT ABOUT SOMEONE IN AN ESCAPE ROOM 404 00:26:49,142 --> 00:26:51,344 >> Jimmy: YOU REALLY CAN HOW IS -- ARE YOU, AND HOW IS PETE IN AN ESCAPE ROOM 405 00:26:51,344 --> 00:26:53,513 >> I DON'T ENJOY ESCAPE ROOMS. I LIKE ANSWERS I DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHY 406 00:26:53,513 --> 00:27:00,420 THERE'S SIX ON THE CEILING AND WHY IT CONNECTS TO THE BIKE THAT OPENS THE DOOR. 407 00:27:00,420 --> 00:27:03,356 I HATE THAT. LIKE, JUST, LIKE, GET ME OUT OF HERE 408 00:27:03,356 --> 00:27:05,025 >> Jimmy: GET YOU OUT OF THERE, YEAH YEAH, I WANT TO BE PAID FOR 409 00:27:05,025 --> 00:27:08,595 THAT >> PETE -- YEAH. PETE JUST LAUGHS A LOT 410 00:27:08,595 --> 00:27:10,663 I DON'T KNOW IF HE KNOWS WHAT HE'S LAUGHING AT >> Jimmy: YEAH, YEAH 411 00:27:10,663 --> 00:27:12,665 [ LAUGHTER ] >> IT'S JUST A LOT OF -- >> Jimmy: HE'S JUST A HAPPY 412 00:27:12,665 --> 00:27:14,534 GUY. >> HE'S A HAPPY GUY. >> Jimmy: HE'S A HAPPY HUMAN 413 00:27:14,534 --> 00:27:15,935 BEING. >> VERY HAPPY. >> Jimmy: BUT YOU DO GET TO 414 00:27:15,935 --> 00:27:17,771 KNOW HOW SOMEONE REACTS UNDER PRESSURE AND WOULD YOU EVER DO AN ESCAPE 415 00:27:17,771 --> 00:27:20,140 ROOM AGAIN >> UM, YES IN FACT, MY NEXT CO-STAR, I'M 416 00:27:20,140 --> 00:27:22,609 GONNA BRING TO THAT ESCAPE ROOM, 'CAUSE I'LL LOOK LIKE A GENIUS 417 00:27:22,609 --> 00:27:25,111 'CAUSE I'M GONNA GET OUT I'LL KNOW EXACTLY HOW TO GET OUT. 418 00:27:25,111 --> 00:27:29,049 [ APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: THAT IS BRILLIANT. >> YEAH. 419 00:27:29,049 --> 00:27:31,217 SO THANK YOU, PETE >> Jimmy: THAT'S ACTUALLY A GOOD MOVE. 420 00:27:31,217 --> 00:27:32,886 I WANT TO SHOW EVERYONE A CLIP HERE'S KALEY CUOCO IN "MEET CUTE." 421 00:27:32,886 --> 00:27:33,286 HERE'S KALEY CUOCO IN "MEET CUTE." TAKE A LOOK AT THIS. 422 00:27:33,887 --> 00:27:35,722 >> THIRSTY >> HMM 423 00:27:35,722 --> 00:27:39,659 >> UH, FOR A DRINK, NOT -- SEXUALLY GROSS. 424 00:27:39,659 --> 00:27:41,861 I DON'T -- I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT. I'M GONNA ORDER AN ALCOHOLIC 425 00:27:41,861 --> 00:27:43,797 BEVERAGE WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE ONE TOO WITH ME? 426 00:27:43,797 --> 00:27:46,966 >> UH, SURE. WHY NOT? >> YEAH? 427 00:27:46,966 --> 00:27:52,339 >> YEAH. >> OKAY. GREAT. 428 00:27:52,339 --> 00:27:57,677 >> PHIL. >> WHAT CAN I GET YOU >> OLD FASHIONED >> OLD FASHIONED 429 00:27:57,677 --> 00:28:02,615 [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> HOW ADORABLE. REAL CUTE VIBE GOING ON HERE 430 00:28:02,615 --> 00:28:07,520 >> TWO OLD FASHIONEDs, AND YOU CAN CUT THAT OUT, PHIL HI, I'M SHEILA 431 00:28:07,520 --> 00:28:10,256 >> HI. >> HI. >> I'M -- I'M GARY 432 00:28:10,256 --> 00:28:13,159 >> OH, GARY. WOW. WE BOTH HAVE, LIKE, OLD TIMEY 433 00:28:13,159 --> 00:28:15,161 NAMES. >> YEAH. AND I GUESS, VERY SADISTIC 434 00:28:15,161 --> 00:28:18,798 PARENTS. >> OH, DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED. 435 00:28:18,798 --> 00:28:22,068 I MEAN, THERE'S NO COUCH IN HERE [ APPLAUSE ] 436 00:28:22,068 --> 00:28:24,671 >> Jimmy: KALEY CUOCO, EVERYBODY. "MEET CUTE" PREMIERES TOMORROW, 437 00:28:24,671 --> 00:28:28,508 EXCLUSIVELY ON PEACOCK [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH 438 00:28:28,508 --> 00:28:35,415 MIKE BIRBIGLIA, EVERYONE STICK AROUND [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 439 00:28:35,415 --> 00:28:52,265 * >> Jimmy: OUR NEXT GUEST IS A VERY FUNNY WRITER AND 440 00:28:52,265 --> 00:28:56,870 COMEDIAN HE'S BEEN ON TOUR WITH HIS FIFTH ONE-MAN SHOW, CALLED THE 441 00:28:56,870 --> 00:28:58,705 FIFTH ONE-MAN SHOW, CALLED THE "THE OLD MAN AND THE POOL. PLEASE WELCOME MIKE BIRBIGLIA! 442 00:29:00,073 --> 00:29:11,384 * 443 00:29:11,384 --> 00:29:23,763 * >> Jimmy: YOU LOOK FANTASTIC [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 444 00:29:23,763 --> 00:29:26,933 >> OH, MY GOSH >> Jimmy: WOW. >> I'M WEARING YOUR SUIT 445 00:29:26,933 --> 00:29:29,669 >> Jimmy: WAIT - YOU'RE WEARING MY SUIT >> I'M WEARING YOUR SUIT, 446 00:29:29,669 --> 00:29:33,273 'CAUSE I HAVE A BIG ANNOUNCEMENT, WHICH IS THE SHOW I'VE BEEN TOURING WITH, WHICH 447 00:29:33,273 --> 00:29:37,310 YOU'VE SEEN, CALLED "THE OLD MAN AND THE POOL," AND THAT QUESTLOVE DID THE PRE-SHOW 448 00:29:37,310 --> 00:29:41,047 MUSIC FOR, IS GOING TO BROADWAY [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 449 00:29:41,047 --> 00:29:44,417 * >> Jimmy: YES! COME ON! 450 00:29:44,417 --> 00:29:47,687 IT'S A BIG ANNOUNCEMENT RIGHT HERE >> I SHOWED UP -- I SHOWED 451 00:29:47,687 --> 00:29:50,423 UP -- I SHOWED UP TODAY, AND I'M WEARING, LIKE, MY CORDUROY SHIRT THAT I WAS DOING WITH THE 452 00:29:50,423 --> 00:29:55,128 GAME AND EVERYTHING, AND I WAS LIKE, I GOT TO DRESS UP. IT'S LINCOLN CENTER, THIS IS 453 00:29:55,128 --> 00:29:57,630 LIKE, LEGIT. SO I GOTTA LOOK NICE SO IF I CAN WEAR THIS FOR THE 454 00:29:57,630 --> 00:30:00,033 OPENING NIGHT, IT'D BE GREAT >> Jimmy: YEAH [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] 455 00:30:00,033 --> 00:30:03,103 YOU LOOK -- YOU LOOK FANTASTIC IN MY SUIT >> THANK YOU SO MUCH 456 00:30:03,103 --> 00:30:04,771 >> Jimmy: THAT REALLY IS MY SUIT >> YEAH, WELL, IT BELONGS TO 457 00:30:04,771 --> 00:30:07,374 NBC. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: YEAH, I GUESS IT 458 00:30:07,374 --> 00:30:10,643 DOES >> I'M NOT BRINGING THIS HOME. >> Jimmy: WAIT, WHAT THEATER 459 00:30:10,643 --> 00:30:12,612 WHERE ARE YOU -- THIS - >> THIS IS GONNA BE THE VIVIAN 460 00:30:12,612 --> 00:30:15,448 BEAUMONT THEATER AT LINCOLN CENTER >> Jimmy: YEAH 461 00:30:15,448 --> 00:30:19,819 >> BROADWAY LINCOLN CENTER, AND IT'S STARTING OCTOBER 28th THROUGH CHRISTMAS. 462 00:30:19,819 --> 00:30:22,555 IT'S BEEN THE MOST GRATIFYING PERFORMING EXPERIENCE IN MY LIFE, BECAUSE IT'S ABOUT LIFE, 463 00:30:22,555 --> 00:30:26,826 AND DEATH, AND MORTALITY, AND ALL THESE THINGS THAT, LIKE, PEOPLE DON'T WANT TO TALK 464 00:30:26,826 --> 00:30:32,832 ABOUT. BUT THE THINGS THAT PEOPLE SAY WHEN THEY COME UP TO ME ARE SO 465 00:30:32,832 --> 00:30:35,235 SWEET. LIKE THIS GUY WAS LIKE, "I BROUGHT MY 12-YEAR-OLD SON AND 466 00:30:35,235 --> 00:30:39,072 ON THE WAY HOME, LIKE, WE TALKED ABOUT THE AFTERLIFE," YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN 467 00:30:39,072 --> 00:30:41,808 AND LIKE, I HAD THIS WOMAN COME UP AND SAY, LIKE, "I LOST MY DAD A FEW YEARS AGO, AND 468 00:30:41,808 --> 00:30:46,279 TONIGHT I FELT LIKE I WAS WATCHING THE SHOW WITH MY DAD. >> Jimmy: YEAH 469 00:30:46,279 --> 00:30:49,249 [ APPLAUSE ] IT'S MOVING THINGS >> IT'S -- I MEAN, THE 470 00:30:49,249 --> 00:30:52,686 THEATER'S HAUNTED, SO TAKE IT WITH A GRAIN OF SALT [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] 471 00:30:52,686 --> 00:30:54,688 BUT -- >> Jimmy: "THE THEATRE'S HAUNTED. 472 00:30:54,688 --> 00:30:57,223 BUT THERE'S SO MANY LINES IN THERE -- I JUST, I MEAN, YOU PROBABLY WANT TO DELETE MY 473 00:30:57,223 --> 00:30:59,826 PHONE NUMBER FROM YOUR CONTACTS, 'CAUSE I WAS LIKE, "ALL RIGHT, NO I LOVE THIS 474 00:30:59,826 --> 00:31:01,695 LINE OH, NO, AND THEN I LOVE THIS LINE." 475 00:31:01,695 --> 00:31:04,064 >> AW. >> Jimmy: THEN "THIS IS MY FAVORITE LINE. 476 00:31:04,064 --> 00:31:06,066 I DON'T WANT TO GIVE ANYTHING AWAY, BUT THERE'S -- THERE'S SO MANY GREAT LINES IN THIS SHOW. 477 00:31:06,066 --> 00:31:09,336 >> WELL, IT'S FUNNY 'CAUSE I LOVED IT WHEN YOU CAME, BECAUSE YOUR LAUGH IS SO -- LIKE, 478 00:31:09,336 --> 00:31:15,375 YOU'RE SUCH A GENEROUS LAUGHER AND -- AND AS A COMEDIAN -- AS A COMEDIAN, YOU JUST CRAVE 479 00:31:15,375 --> 00:31:19,512 THAT AND THEN THE FUNNIEST THING IS, WHEN MY FRIENDS WOULD COME, 480 00:31:19,512 --> 00:31:26,186 TYPICALLY LIKE, THE -- 'CAUSE I TALK ABOUT HAVING A LOT OF PRE-EXISTING CONDITIONS. 481 00:31:26,186 --> 00:31:29,889 I HAVE A SLEEP WALKING DISORDER, I HAD CANCER WHEN I WAS 20, LIKE, A LOT OF THINGS. 482 00:31:29,889 --> 00:31:33,727 AND PEOPLE COME UP TO ME AFTERWARDS AND ARE LIKE, "ARE YOU OKAY?" 483 00:31:33,727 --> 00:31:35,762 AND -- [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] FOR REAL, AND I'M LIKE -- AND 484 00:31:35,762 --> 00:31:40,300 AFTER A WHILE I'M LIKE, "AM I? YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN [ LAUGHTER ] 485 00:31:40,300 --> 00:31:41,968 >> Jimmy: YOU'RE FINE. >> BUT I CAME BACK TO NEW YORK AFTER THE LOS ANGELES TRIP AND 486 00:31:41,968 --> 00:31:49,109 I WAS LIKE, "I'M GOING TO GO GET A CYSTOSCOPY." THIS IS 'CAUSE I HAD BLADDER 487 00:31:49,109 --> 00:31:51,644 CANCER WHEN I WAS 20 BUT IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE I'M A A HYPOCHONDRIAC, AND I THINK 488 00:31:51,644 --> 00:31:55,482 THE FUNNIEST THING THAT CAN HAPPEN TO A HYPOCHONDRIAC IS YOU GET CANCER 489 00:31:55,482 --> 00:31:58,918 YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN [ LAUGHTER ] 'CAUSE YOU'RE LIKE, "SEE 490 00:31:58,918 --> 00:32:00,787 I TOLD YOU!" >> Jimmy: NO, NO - >> "REMEMBER LAST WEEK WHEN I 491 00:32:00,787 --> 00:32:03,456 THOUGHT I HAD RICKETS? I WAS PROBABLY RIGHT ABOUT THAT TOO! 492 00:32:03,456 --> 00:32:05,859 >> Jimmy: YEAH, YOU'RE - >> THERE'S GONNA BE A LOT OF CHANGES AROUND HERE. 493 00:32:05,859 --> 00:32:07,894 [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: "RICKETS." >> UM, NO, BUT I WAS -- I WAS 494 00:32:07,894 --> 00:32:09,362 LUCKY BECAUSE THEY TOOK IT -- WHEN I WAS 20, THEY TOOK IT OUT. 495 00:32:09,362 --> 00:32:12,165 BUT I HAVE TO GO FOR THIS THING CALLED A CYSTOSCOPY, AND SO THEY TAKE A -- A ROD -- THEY, 496 00:32:12,165 --> 00:32:20,173 LIKE, TAKE A CAMERA AND THEY STICK IT THROUGH YOUR PENIS TO LOOK AND - 497 00:32:20,173 --> 00:32:23,343 [ AUDIENCE OHS ] NO, I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING, "MIKE, A CAMERA CAN'T 498 00:32:23,343 --> 00:32:25,745 FIT THROUGH A PENIS. GOOD NEWS AND BAD NEWS ON THAT FRONT. 499 00:32:25,745 --> 00:32:28,615 [ LAUGHTER ] THE GOOD NEWS IS IT CAN, AND THE BAD NEWS IS THE SAME AS THE 500 00:32:28,615 --> 00:32:33,086 GOOD NEWS. [ LAUGHTER ] [ RIM SHOT ] 501 00:32:33,086 --> 00:32:43,797 THANK YOU, QUEST BUT HERE'S -- HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED 502 00:32:43,797 --> 00:32:46,633 >> Jimmy: "THE BAD NEWS IS THE SAME AS THE GOOD NEWS. >> BUT HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED -- 503 00:32:46,633 --> 00:32:49,469 I WENT FOR THIS CYSTOSCOPY -- THIS WAS LAST WEEK, I WENT 'CAUSE I GOT NERVOUS 504 00:32:49,469 --> 00:32:51,471 I'M LIKE, "WELL, MAYBE IT'S BEEN TOO LONG. AND I WENT IN, AND, LIKE, I 505 00:32:51,471 --> 00:32:53,306 DON'T USE DRUGS RECREATIONALLY, AND SO WHEN THEY GIVE ME DRUGS, IT'S WILD. 506 00:32:53,306 --> 00:32:59,546 [ LAUGHTER ] LIKE, I'M LIKE, "WE CAN DO THIS ALL THE TIME!" 507 00:32:59,546 --> 00:33:02,916 YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN [ LAUGHTER ] LIKE, IT WAS -- AND THEN - 508 00:33:02,916 --> 00:33:05,118 >> Jimmy: YOU GOT INTO IT. >> YEAH, I GOT SO INTO IT. AND I WAS LIKE, I SAID TO THE 509 00:33:05,118 --> 00:33:10,056 ANESTHESIOLOGIST BEFORE I WENT UNDER, I GO, LIKE "WHAT IS -- WHAT IS THIS?" 510 00:33:10,056 --> 00:33:14,828 AND HE GOES "IT'S PROPOFOL." AND I GO, "OH, ISN'T THE ONE THAT KILLED MICHAEL JACKSON? 511 00:33:14,828 --> 00:33:19,065 AND HE GOES "AND JOAN RIVERS." AND I WAS LIKE - [ LAUGHTER ] 512 00:33:19,065 --> 00:33:23,803 I WAS LIKE, "THIS ISN'T, LIKE, A 'YES AND' SITUATION. [ LAUGHTER ] 513 00:33:23,803 --> 00:33:28,408 "THIS ISN'T, LIKE, A BRAINSTORM OF WHO DIED DOING THE THING YOU'RE ABOUT TO DO." 514 00:33:28,408 --> 00:33:30,810 >> Jimmy: NO STOP -- STOP SAYING THOSE THINGS 515 00:33:30,810 --> 00:33:33,747 OH, MY GOD >> I WANTED THEM TO BE, LIKE, "YEAH, BUT THERE WERE A LOT OF 516 00:33:33,747 --> 00:33:36,182 OTHER CIRCUMSTANCES. HE HAD, LIKE, AN AMUSEMENT PARK IN HIS YARD," YOU KNOW WHAT I 517 00:33:36,182 --> 00:33:42,088 MEAN [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: BUT -- 518 00:33:42,088 --> 00:33:45,125 INSTEAD, BUT HOW - >> SO THEN I DID IT, AND THEN I WAS ALL CLEAR, NO CANCER 519 00:33:45,125 --> 00:33:48,395 >> Jimmy: GOOD >> YEAH. WHICH WAS GREAT. 520 00:33:48,395 --> 00:33:51,231 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THANKS, THANK YOU. NO, NO, TRULY. 521 00:33:51,231 --> 00:33:53,099 AND THEN I CAME OUT, AND I WAS SO HIGH, AND I'M SAYING TO MY WIFE, I'M JUST LIKE, "WE SHOULD 522 00:33:53,099 --> 00:34:00,640 DO THIS AT HOME. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] 523 00:34:00,640 --> 00:34:02,509 LIKE, THE PROPOFOL AND -- [ LAUGHTER ] 524 00:34:02,509 --> 00:34:05,111 AND WE SHOULD GET THE AMUSEMENT PARK, I MEAN, WHY NOT? >> Jimmy: YEAH, WHY NOT? 525 00:34:05,111 --> 00:34:08,048 >> IF YOU'RE GONNA DO ONE, WHY NOT DO THE OTHER AND -- I WAS LIKE -- 526 00:34:08,048 --> 00:34:10,550 >> Jimmy: DO THIS AT HOME. >> I WAS LIKE, I BECAME, LIKE, THE GUY AT THE MUSIC FESTIVAL 527 00:34:10,550 --> 00:34:16,489 WHO'S JUST LIKE, "IT'S NATURAL, BRO," YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN [ LAUGHTER ] 528 00:34:16,489 --> 00:34:21,294 LIKE, "YOU CAN DO IT." I WAS, LIKE, I LITERALLY SAID -- I GO, "IT'S LIPIDS 529 00:34:21,294 --> 00:34:23,596 IT'S JUST MADE OF LIPIDS." I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT LIPIDS ARE, BUT I - 530 00:34:23,596 --> 00:34:29,069 [ LAUGHTER ] I'D ASK THE ANESTHESIOLOGIST, AND HE'S LIKE "IT'S LIPIDS." 531 00:34:29,069 --> 00:34:31,805 AND I SAID TO MY WIFE, I GO, "IT'S LIPIDS DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT 532 00:34:31,805 --> 00:34:36,176 WE CAN DO THIS." [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] "AND LIKE, IT CAN'T KILL YOU." 533 00:34:36,176 --> 00:34:41,648 AND THE ANESTHESIOLOGIST GOES, "YEAH, IT CAN. [ LAUGHTER ] 534 00:34:41,648 --> 00:34:45,452 ANYWAY, I GOT SO HIGH, AND I THINK I'M STILL HIGH I PUT ON YOUR SUIT 535 00:34:45,452 --> 00:34:47,554 I MEAN - [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: AND YOU LOOK 536 00:34:47,554 --> 00:34:51,925 FANTASTIC. LOOK AT MIKE BIRBIGLIA [ CHEERS ] 537 00:34:51,925 --> 00:34:54,961 HE LOOKS GREAT * YOU LOOK FANTASTIC 538 00:34:54,961 --> 00:34:56,930 THAT'S WHAT A MAN ON A BROADWAY DOES MIKE BIRBIGLIA, EVERYBODY. 539 00:34:56,930 --> 00:34:59,899 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE MIKE RETURNS TO BROADWAY WITH HIS NEW SHOW "THE OLD MAN AND 540 00:34:59,899 --> 00:35:05,505 THE POOL" STARTING OCTOBER 28th ARI LENNOX PERFORMS AFTER THE 541 00:35:05,505 --> 00:35:08,308 BREAK. STICK AROUND COULDN'T HAPPEN TO A BETTER 542 00:35:08,308 --> 00:35:29,462 MAN. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * 543 00:35:29,462 --> 00:35:34,134 >> Jimmy: PERFORMING "POF" AND "WASTE MY TIME" FROM HER NEW ALBUM, "AGE, SEX, LOCATION," 544 00:35:34,134 --> 00:35:37,837 ALBUM, "AGE, SEX, LOCATION," PLEASE WELCOME ARI LENNOX! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 545 00:35:39,439 --> 00:35:54,821 * 546 00:35:54,821 --> 00:36:00,026 * DESTINED FOR GREATNESS IS ALWAYS WHAT MY MAMA SAID * * YOUNG BLACK WOMAN 547 00:36:00,026 --> 00:36:05,732 APPROACHIN' 30 * * WITH NO LOVER IN MY BED * 548 00:36:05,732 --> 00:36:09,336 * CANNOT SETTLE I GOT STANDARDS * * NASCAR RACIN' 549 00:36:09,336 --> 00:36:13,506 IN MY HEAD * * INDEPENDENT NOT DUMBIN' DOWN 550 00:36:13,506 --> 00:36:21,147 EVERYTHING THA MAKES ME GRAND * * THE NERVE OF YO 551 00:36:21,147 --> 00:36:24,651 TO THINK I WAS * * GON' SELL MY HOUS TO LIVE IN YOURS * 552 00:36:24,651 --> 00:36:27,153 * YOU OUT YOUR MIND I DID THEM TOURS * * I PICKED THEM FLOOR 553 00:36:27,153 --> 00:36:30,890 SO MISS ME * * WHEN YOU COME AROUN YOU'RE PRESSIN' ME * 554 00:36:30,890 --> 00:36:35,128 * LIKE GINUWINE SO ANXIOUSLY * * WITH SUPER THIRSTY ENERGY 555 00:36:35,128 --> 00:36:41,468 LIKE YOU NEVER HAD NO * * WHAT'S THAT THEY SA BACK IN THE DAY * 556 00:36:41,468 --> 00:36:46,940 * IT'S PLENTY OF FISH IN THE SEA * * WILL SOMEBODY EXPLAIN 557 00:36:46,940 --> 00:36:50,877 WHAT'S WITH THESE LAME * * FISH THAT B SWIMMIN' TO ME * 558 00:36:50,877 --> 00:36:55,482 * SO WHAT'S THAT THEY SAY BACK IN THE DAY * * IT'S PLENTY OF FISH 559 00:36:55,482 --> 00:36:58,418 IN THE SEA * * WILL SOMEBODY EXPLAIN WHAT'S WITH THESE LAME * 560 00:36:58,418 --> 00:37:04,557 * FISH THAT B SWIMMIN' TO ME * * SEE CATFISHIN 561 00:37:04,557 --> 00:37:09,796 ALL CAP -- HAT-FISHIN' * * WHY I DON'T SEE NO PICTUR WITH YOUR HAT MISSIN' * 562 00:37:09,796 --> 00:37:14,067 * RUG RAT PRISO BARE FLIPPIN' FIVE KID BUT YOU'RE BACK PIMPIN' * 563 00:37:14,067 --> 00:37:20,407 * SEE LORD KNOW I DON'T NEED NO ONE * * I SWEAR HE KNOW 564 00:37:20,407 --> 00:37:31,051 SURE WOULD BE SWEET * * SEE LORD KNOW I DON'T NEED NO ONE * 565 00:37:31,051 --> 00:37:38,324 * I SWEAR HE KNOW SURE WOULD BE SWEET * * OOH OOH OOH OOH OOH OOH * 566 00:37:38,324 --> 00:37:54,741 * SO NO MAKIN' ME STUPI NO FUNNY VALENTINE LOVIN' FROM CUPID * 567 00:37:54,741 --> 00:38:01,614 * NEED SOMEONE TO IT * * I SEE YOU BEGGIN' SO THERE AIN'T NO CHOOSIN' * 568 00:38:01,614 --> 00:38:07,721 * THERE MUST BE A GLITCH IN MY PHONE * * I'M READY FOR THE 569 00:38:07,721 --> 00:38:14,394 SWITCH TO TURN ME ON * * KIND OF SAW IT WRONG TO M CAUSE I'M TRYNA HAVE YOU * 570 00:38:14,394 --> 00:38:19,099 * WASTE MY TIME GET ON MY LINE * * 'CAUSE I GO 571 00:38:19,099 --> 00:38:23,903 THE TIME TO WASTE * * USE THAT MOUT BLOW THIS BACK OUT * 572 00:38:23,903 --> 00:38:27,741 * BACK UP EVERY WORD YOU SAY SAY SOCK IT TO ME * 573 00:38:27,741 --> 00:38:31,344 * WASTE MY TIME GET ON MY LINE * * THEN YOU CA 574 00:38:31,344 --> 00:38:36,249 BE ON YOUR WAY * * USE THAT MOUT PULL A TRACK OUT * 575 00:38:36,249 --> 00:38:40,754 * BACK UP EVERY WORD YOU SAY * * I SAID EVERY WORD 576 00:38:40,754 --> 00:38:47,293 EVERY WORD * * SAID EVERY WORD BABY BACK UP EVERY WORD * 577 00:38:47,293 --> 00:38:53,767 * EVERY WORD YEAH YEA BACK UP EVERY WORD YOU SAY * * I SAID EVERY WORD 578 00:38:53,767 --> 00:39:10,250 I SAID EVERY WOR BABY BACK UP EVERY WORD * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 579 00:39:10,250 --> 00:39:14,754 >> Jimmy: OH MY GOODNESS ARI LENNOX [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 580 00:39:14,754 --> 00:39:17,791 "AGE, SEX, LOCATION" IS OUT NOW! WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK, LADIES AND 581 00:39:17,791 --> 00:39:20,427 GENTLEMEN. COME ON BACK [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 582 00:39:20,427 --> 00:39:42,082 * >> Jimmy: MY THANKS TO KALEY CUOCO, MIKE BIRBIGLIE, 583 00:39:42,082 --> 00:39:47,887 ARI LENNOX ONCE AGAIN. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE AND THE ROOTS RIGHT THERE FROM 584 00:39:47,887 --> 00:39:51,257 PHILADELPHIA PENNYSYLVANIA THANK YOU FOR WATCHING STAY TUNED FOR "LATE NIGHT WITH 585 00:39:51,257 --> 00:39:55,095 SETH MEYERS. GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY. THANK YOU. 586 00:39:55,095 --> 00:39:58,064 THANK YOU. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *