>> Steve: FROM STUDIO 6B IN ROCKEFELLER CENTER IN THE HEART
OF NEW YORK CITY, IT'S "THE TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON."
TONIGHT, JOIN JIMMY AND HIS GUESTS - TYLER PERRY,
STEPHEN A. SMITH MUSICAL GUEST, BLOOD ORANGE, AND FEATURING THE LEGENDARY
ROOTS CREW >> Questlove: 1715 >> Steve: AND NOW, HERE HE IS,
JIMMY FALLON
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: OH, MY GOODNESS. COME ON, NOW [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
THANK YOU VERY MUCH, EVERYBODY PLEASE HAVE A SEAT WELCOME, WELCOME, WELCOME,
WELCOME TO "THE TONIGHT SHOW," EVERYBODY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
YOU'RE HERE. I WENT TO -- I SAW HARRY STYLES LAST NIGHT
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE WE WERE ALL THERE TOGETHER WE ALL WENT TOGETHER AS
A GROUP. [ CHEERS ] I WAS JUST THINKING -- SO I GO,
AND IT WAS UNBELIEVABLE. I GOT GREAT SEATS AND EVERYTHING LIKE THAT
IT WAS VERY NICE OF HARRY AND ALL THAT STUFF SO, I WENT
AND IT'S JUST HARD TO LOOK COOL WHEN YOU'RE -- [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
WHEN YOU'RE KIND OF -- WHEN YOU'RE MY AGE AT A HARRY STYLES CONCERT.
[ LAUGHTER ] AND YOU'RE IN THE FRONT ROW, AND PEOPLE ARE LOOKING AT YOU
AND STUFF LIKE THAT. SO, LIKE -- SO, HE'S PLAYING, AND HE'S AWESOME
IT WAS A GREAT SHOW, BY THE WAY. IT'S UN -- GO SEE IT
AND HE'S GOOD. AND SO, I GO, "I CAN GET INTO THIS."
SO, I'M LIKE THAT, YOU KNOW. [ LAUGHTER ] I'M LIKE -
AND THEN I'M LIKE, "OH, THIS IS REALLY LAME. I GO, "THIS IS WORSE THAN I
NORMALLY DANCE." [ LAUGHTER ] SO, I GO, "I'M NOT GOING TO --
I'M NOT GOING TO REALLY --" SO THEN I STARTED GOING LIKE -- LIKE THIS FOR A WHILE.
[ LAUGHTER ] AND THEN I WAS LIKE, "THAT'S EVEN WEIRDER
I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING. THEN I GO, MAYBE CLAPPING WAS GOOD
SO, I'M LIKE, SO GIVE ME - * [ LAUGHTER ]
THEN I'M LIKE, "THIS IS TOO MUCH CLAPPING. I WAS CLAPPING TOO FAST.
I WAS LIKE - [ CLAPPING RHYTHMICALLY [ LAUGHTER ]
LIKE DOUBLE CLAPPING I GO, "ALL RIGHT, NO CLAP. THEN I GO, THIS.
>> Steve: OH [ LAUGHTER ] >> THAT'S JUST CREEPY.
>> Steve: NOT WITH THAT. >> Jimmy: YOU CAN'T DO THAT. AND THEN, AT THAT POINT, I GO,
"I'M ALREADY A MEME. >> Steve: RIGHT. [ LAUGHTER ]
MIGHT AS WELL ENJOY IT >> Jimmy: I'M JUST GOING TO HAVE FUN
AND I WAS LIKE, "YEAH! * * LATE NIGHT *
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: I'M IN A GOOD MOOD WE GOT BLOOD ORANGE HERE,
TONIGHT. >> Steve: OH [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: THEY OPENED UP THEY WERE FANTASTIC. ALSO, GUYS, TODAY IS THE --
OFFICIALLY THE FIRST DAY OF FALL COME ON!
>> Steve: OH [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
COME ON, FALL. >> Jimmy: THAT'S WHY I'M IN A GOOD MOOD.
YOU CAN TELL IT'S THE FIRST DAY OF FALL, BECAUSE I WALKED INTO CVS TODAY, AND I HEARD THIS.
* ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMA IS YOU * [ CHEERS ]
[ CLAPPING RHYTHMICALLY [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: LET'S GET TO SOME
NEWS EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT THIS LAST NIGHT, FORMER PRESIDENT
TRUMP WAS INTERVIEWED BY SEAN HANNITY ON FOX NEWS AND WHEN HANNITY BROUGHT UP
TRUMP'S CLAIM THAT HE DECLASSIFIED THE DOCUMENTS FOUND AT MAR-A-LAGO, TRUMP GAVE
A VERY INTERESTING EXPLANATION TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.
WHAT WAS YOUR PROCESS TO DECLASSIFY >> THERE DOESN'T HAVE TO BE
A PROCESS, AS I UNDERSTAND IT. YOU KNOW, THERE'S -- DIFFERENT PEOPLE SAY DIFFERENT THINGS.
>> RIGHT >> BUT, AS I UNDERSTAND, THERE DOESN'T HAVE TO BE
IF YOU'RE THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, YOU CAN DECLASSIFY JUST BY SAYING,
"IT'S DECLASSIFIED." EVEN BY THINKING ABOUT IT. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: HANNITY WAS LIKE, "OH, I GET IT, YOU'RE GOING TO PLEAD INSANITY."
[ LAUGHTER ] OKAY, NOW -- NOW IT'S MAKING SENSE.
MEANWHILE, RON DeSANTIS WAS WATCHING AT HOME GOING, "WELL, I GUESS WE'VE GOT TO START
PRINTING THOSE CAMPAIGN POSTERS. HERE WE GO."
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] I FELT LIKE HE WAS THIS CLOSE TO USING THE WORD
"ABRACADABRA." [ LAUGHTER ] DID YOU -- WHEN TRUMP WAS
TALKING. TRUMP ALSO SUGGESTED A PRETTY INTERESTING THEORY ON WHY THE
FBI SEARCHED HIS HOUSE IN THE FIRST PLACE. LISTEN TO THIS
>> BECAUSE OF WHAT THEY DID, THE SEVERITY OF THE FBI COMING
IN RAIDING MAR-A-LAGO -- WERE THEY LOOKING FOR THE HILLARY CLINTON EMAILS THAT
WERE DELETED [ AUDIENCE OHS ] BUT THEY ARE AROUND SOME PLACE
WERE THEY LOOKING FOR THE -- SPYING ON TRUMP'S -- >> WAIT, WAIT, YOU'RE NOT
SAYING YOU HAD IT? >> NO, NO, THEY MAY BE SAYING -- THEY MAY HAVE THOUGHT
THAT IT WAS IN THERE >> THAT YOU DID. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: AT THAT POINT, EVEN QANON PEOPLE WERE LIKE, "OKAY, THAT CONSPIRACY SEEMS A LITTLE
NUTS." [ LAUGHTER ] "THAT'S A LITTLE MUCH FOR US."
YOU'VE GOT TO GIVE TRUMP CREDIT THOUGH HE KNOWS HOW TO SAY SOMETHING
SO CRAZY THAT IT ACTUALLY MAKES THE LAST CRAZY THING HE SAID SEEM NORMAL.
[ LAUGHTER ] YOU KNOW, RIGHT? YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING
TRUMP HAD A LOT TO SAY ABOUT THE SEARCH OF MAR-A-LAGO, INCLUDING SOMETHING THE FBI
TOOK FROM HIM. WATCH THIS
I THINK THEY TOOK MY WILL. I FOUND OUT YESTERDAY. I SAID, "WHERE IS IT?"
>> AM I IN IT? >> I THINK THEY TOOK MY WILL [ LAUGHTER ]
COULD CAUSE A LOT OF PROBLEMS. >> NO LUCK NO
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: THE FBI WAS LIKE, "OH, YOU MEAN THE PIECE OF
PAPER WITH THE SHARPIE TREASURE MAP? [ LAUGHTER ]
YEAH, THAT -- YEAH, WE DID --" A MINUTE LATER, MELANIA HANDED IT BACK AND WAS LIKE, "SORRY, I
WAS JUST CHECKING SOMETHING. [ LAUGHTER ] "WE'RE ALL -- WE'RE ALL GOOD."
SWITCHING GEARS, TONIGHT ON AMAZON, THERE WAS ANOTHER THURSDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL GAME
AND APPARENTLY AMAZON -- [ APPLAUSE ] YEAH
APPARENTLY, AMAZON HAS A POLICY NOT TO SHOW ADS FOR ALCOHOL, WHICH MEANS THERE ARE NO BEER
COMMERCIALS DURING THEIR FOOTBALL GAMES YEAH
I DON'T KNOW WHY AMAZON DOES THAT, BECAUSE DRUNK PEOPLE ORDERING STUFF ON AMAZON IS 90%
OF THEIR BUSINESS. [ LAUGHTER ] SPEAKING OF FOOTBALL, THERE'S
SO MANY GAMES TO KEEP UP WITH THIS WEEKEND SO I WANT TO TAKE A MOMENT TO
LOOK AT THIS WEEK'S BIG MATCHES AND TAKE SOME PICKS. IT'S TIME FOR "TONIGHT SHOW
WEEKEND FOOTBALL LOCK BOX.
*
* TONIGHT SHOW WEEKEN FOOTBALL LOCK BO TONIGHT SHOW WEEKEND
FOOTBALL LOCK BOX * * TONIGHT SHOW WEEKEN FOOTBALL LOCK BOX *
>> Jimmy: YOU'RE IN THE LOCK BOX. *
LET'S KICK IT OFF. FIRST UP, JAGUARS VERSUS CHARGERS
I BOUGHT SIX iPHONE CHARGERS THIS YEAR AND ZERO JAGUARS WHY?
BECAUSE CHARGERS GET LOST AND JAGS GET LOCKED. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
BILLS VERSE DOLPHINS WHO LIKES BILLS? ALWAYS COMING IN THE MAIL BEING
ALL LIKE, "WHERE'S MY MONEY? FOR THE LAST TIME, I DON'T KNOW
CALL IT CANNED TUNA, BECAUSE THIS ONE'S ALL DOLPHINS. LOCK IT.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE EAGLES VERSE COMMANDERS. BOTH PROUD, BOTH SYMBOLS OF
AMERICA, BOTH BALD BUT COMMANDERS CAN'T LAY EGGS, SO ADVANTAGE EAGLES.
FROM THE CITY OF BROTHERLY LOCK [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
B-B-B-BENGALS AND THE JETS ELTON JOHN MAY BE KNOWN TO ROCK, BUT CINCINNATI'S THE ONE
BREWING UP A BIG BATCH OF CHILI AND SPAGHETTI IN A LOCK POT. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
49ers VERSUS BRONCOS IT'S THE CITY BY THE BAY AGAINST THE HORSE THAT EATS THE
HAY. 49ERS PAN FOR GOLD, HORSES GET LOCKED IN PENS
EASY DENVER LOCK [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE AND FINALLY, LIONS VERSUS
VIKINGS. FOR BALL SPIKING, LINEMAN STRIKING, FAN SACKING, YOU JUST
CAN'T BEAT THE DETROIT LIONS MOTOR CITY LOCK. [ CHEERS ]
* THAT'S ALL FOR THIS WEEK'S LOCK BOX.
HAPPY WATCHING I'LL SEE YOU IN THE DRAFTKINGS SUBREDDIT.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * >> Jimmy: SOME ENTERTAINMENT
NEWS, A NEW "STAR WARS" SHOW, "ANDOR," JUST CAME OUT ON DISNEY PLUS.
IT'S GETTING GREAT REVIEWS AND I SAW THAT THE SHOW INTRODUCES A NEW DROID
CHARACTER NAMED B2-EMO [ LAUGHTER ] CAN WE TAKE A LOOK AT B2-EMO
HONESTLY, HE DOESN'T REALLY LOOK THAT EMO. [ LAUGHTER ]
CAN WE SEE SOME CLIPS OF HIM FROM THE SHOW?
IT'S WHO I AM. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] SECURITY CONFISCATED MY WALLET
CHAIN AT THE MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE SHOW THEY'RE NOT CIGARETTES, DAD,
THEY'RE CLOVES AND I'M 18, SO LEAVE ME ALONE. HAS ANYONE SEEN MY "NIGHTMARE
BEFORE CHRISTMAS" BEANIE JUST PICK ME UP AT THE MALL AT 10:00, AND PLEASE DON'T
EMBARRASS ME THIS WHOLE STAR SYSTEM IS BULL[ BLEEP ].
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: OH, MY GOD NOW I GET IT
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Steve: WOW! >> Jimmy: I GET IT
SOME MORE ENTERTAINMENT NEWS TOMORROW, "AVATAR" WILL BE RERELEASED IN THEATERS ALL
ACROSS THE COUNTRY THE MOVIE ORIGINALLY CAME OUT IN 2009.
THAT WAS A LONG TIME AGO HIGGINS, DO YOU REMEMBER WHERE YOU WERE WHEN YOU -- BACK IN
2009, WHEN YOU FIRST SAW "AVATAR" >> Steve: OH, YEAH, OF COURSE.
I WAS DANCING TO "BOOM BOOM POW" BY THE BLACK EYED PEAS. >> Jimmy: UH-HUH
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Steve: WHEN MY FRIEND, THE OCTOMOM, TEXTED ME THE "AVATAR"
TRAILER ON MY BLACKBERRY STORM AND AS A THANK YOU, I POKED HER ON FACEBOOK.
>> Jimmy: OH [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE >> Tariq: YO, I STILL REMEMBER
WHERE I WAS WHEN I FOUND OUT ABOUT "AVATAR. I WAS HANGING OUT WITH MY BFFs,
TAYLOR LAUTNER AND SUSAN BOYLE [ LAUGHTER ] AND WE WERE GHOST RIDING THE
WHIP WHEN SUSAN STARTS TELLING ME HOW GOOD "AVATAR" IS. SO, I TOLD HER, "SUSAN BOYLE,
I'MA LET YOU FINISH, BUT 'SISTERHOOD OF THE TRAVELING PANTS 2' IS THE BEST MOVIE OF
THE YEAR." [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: OH, YEAH
YEAH, YEAH YOU -- YOU WANT TO KNOW WHERE I WAS WHEN I FIRST HEARD ABOUT
"AVATAR" I WAS DOING A FLASH MOB WITH SNOOKI, JWOWW, AND THE
SITUATION'S COUSIN, THE CIRCUMSTANCE [ LAUGHTER ]
AND WHEN WE REALIZED WE ALL FORGOT TO WATER OUR FARMVILLE CROPS, SO WE DROVE TO MY PLACE
IN MY NISSAN CUBE WHILE BLASTING THE "GLEE" SOUNDTRACK, BECAUSE WE'RE -- WE'RE BIG
GLEEKS AND I HEARD AN AD FOR "AVATAR" ON THE RADIO WHILE SNOOKI WAS
ASKING ME IF I WAS TEAM EDWARD OR TEAM JACOB. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Tariq: MAN, 2009 WAS A DIFFERENT TIME >> Steve: 2009
MINE WAS FROM THIS MORNING [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: HEY, GUYS, I READ
THAT BATTERY POWERED PLANES ARE GAINING TRACTION AMONG MAJOR AIRLINES
THEY'RE SET TO BE IN THE AIR BY 2028 YEAH, BATTERY POWERED PLANES
ACTUALLY, THEY'VE BEEN AROUND FOR A WHILE. IN FACT, SPIRIT'S ENTIRE FLEET
RUNS ON FOUR AAA BATTERIES [ LAUGHTER ] IT'S TRUE.
I HEARD ABOUT A WOMAN IN WASHINGTON WHO ALLEGEDLY STOLE A CAR AND DIDN'T HAVE A GREAT
GETAWAY PLAN CHECK THIS OUT
DON'T DRIVE INTO FRESHLY POURED CONCRETE LAKEWOOD POLICE SAY THE PERSON
WHO TRIED TO MAKE IT OUT WITH THIS MINI COOPER, DID JUST THAT
THEY GOT OUT AND TRIED TO RUN BUT WERE ARRESTED ANYWAY POLICE SAY THE DRIVER WAS
HOLDING A BOTTLE OF WHISKEY AT THE TIME [ LAUGHTER ]
[ SAD TUBA ] >> Jimmy: YEAH, YOU DIDN'T NEED TO TELL US THAT LAST PART.
WE ASSUMED [ LAUGHTER ] GUYS, GET THIS, UNDER A NEW LAW
IN CALIFORNIA, EMPLOYERS WILL SOON BE BANNED FROM SCREENING EMPLOYEES FOR MARIJUANA.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THAT'S RIGHT EMPLOYERS WILL NO LONGER BE
ABLE TO DRUG TEST PEOPLE BUT IF YOU ASK ME, THEY'RE STILL TRYING TO FIND WAYS
AROUND IT. HERE ARE SOME OF THE QUESTIONS THAT THEY'RE ASKING ON THE JOB
APPLICATION. FIRST UP, IT SAYS, "LOOK AT YOUR HAND -- PRETTY TRIPPY,
RIGHT? "A," NO. "B," WHOA.
[ LAUGHTER ] YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING [ APPLAUSE ]
NEXT UP, IT SAYS, "WHAT COULD YOU REALLY GO FOR RIGHT NOW? "A," A NICE LONG DAY OF HARD
WORK AT A REWARDING JOB. [ LAUGHTER ] "B," FLAMIN' HOT CHEETOS
>> Steve: OKAY [ APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: I'M THINKING
AFTER THAT, IT SAYS, "FINISH THIS SENTENCE. SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS IS"
BLANK. "A," A FUN SHOW FOR CHILDREN "B," ON RIGHT NOW.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE NEXT IT ASKS, "WHERE DO YOU SEE YOURSELF IN FIVE YEARS?"
"A," BEING PROMOTED TO MANAGER "B," HEH, CAN YOU IMAGINE IF YOU COULD, LIKE, ACTUALLY SEE
YOURSELF IN FIVE YEARS!? [ LAUGHTER ] THAT WOULD BE CRAZY.
WHAT WAS THE QUESTION? [ APPLAUSE ] >> Steve: WHOA
>> Jimmy: AND FINALLY, IT ASKS, "WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN MIND FOR STARTING SALARY?
"A," 50K PER YEAR. "B," FLAMIN' HOT CHEETOS >> Steve: OH
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: JUST INTERESTING I'M JUST SAYING, THEY'RE TOUGH
GUYS, DID YOU SEE THIS RESIDENTS OF SALT LAKE CITY HAVE REPORTED HEARING STRANGE
MUSIC COMING FROM THE SEWERS YEAH, STRANGE MUSIC, AS OPPOSED TO THE TOTALLY NORMAL MUSIC
USUALLY HEARD COMING FROM THE SEWERS [ LAUGHTER ]
FINALLY, A WEDDING RECEPTION IN NEW JERSEY HAD TO BE RELOCATED AFTER THE FLOOR CAVED IN WHILE
PEOPLE WERE DANCING. PEOPLE SHOWED UP AT THE E.R. LIKE, "HI, I'M HERE FOR THE
FREEDMAN WEDDING." YEAH [ LAUGHTER ]
I'M PRETTY SURE IT'S THE FIRST WEDDING WITH AN OPEN BAR AND AN OPEN FLOOR
WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE TYLER PERRY IS HERE, TONIGHT
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE TYLER PERRY. HE'S A STUD.
STEPHEN A. SMITH IS ON THE SHOW TONIGHT, AS WELL WE LOVE HIM.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE AND WE'VE GOT GREAT MUSIC FROM BLOOD ORANGE, TONIGHT!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE STICK AROUND WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH
"TONIGHT SHOW HASHTAGS." COME ON BACK, EVERYBODY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* >> Jimmy: WORST FIRST DATE "LONG STORY SHORT, WE WERE
MAKING OUT AND HIS TOOTH FROM HIS DENTURE FELL INTO MY MOUTH!
[ AUDIENCE OHS ] >> Steve: OH! >> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK, GUYS
IT IS TIME FOR "TONIGHT SHOW HASHTAGS." HERE WE GO
* * HASHTAG
HASHTAGS * >> Jimmy: NOW, WE DO THIS THING EVERY WEEK WHERE I SEND OUT
A HASHTAG AND ASK YOU GUYS TO RESPOND TO THAT TOPIC. SO, SINCE THE FINALE OF "THE
BACHELORETTE" WAS THIS WEEK, I SENT OUT THE HASHTAG, #WORSTFIRSTDATE.
AND I ASKED YOU TO TWEET -- OH, GET READY. TWEET YOUR FUNNY OR
EMBARRASSING FIRST DATE STORIES. WITHIN MINUTES, IT WAS A
A TRENDING TOPIC IN THE U.S. SO, THANK YOU FOR PLAYING ALONG.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE I APPRECIATE IT. NOW, I THOUGHT I'D SHARE SOME
OF MY FAVORITE "WORST FIRST DATE" TWEETS FROM YOU GUYS HERE WE GO
THE FIRST ONE'S FROM @ELISEMILLSSSSS. SHE SAYS, "MY FRIEND WENT ON A
A DATE WITH A GUY WHO WOULD SNEEZE, BLESS HIMSELF, THEN THANK HIMSELF.
[ LAUGHTER ] [ MIMICKING SNEEZING ] "GOD BLESS ME.
THANK ME I'M WELCOME. [ LAUGHTER ]
WOW, THAT'S A LOT. THIS ONE IS FROM @NAMEISAMBER. SHE SAYS, "I WENT ON A BLIND
DATE ONCE. HE PULLED OUT HIS PHOTO ALBUM OF HORSE PICTURES AND PROCEEDED
TO DISCUSS EACH ONE FOR THE REMAINDER OF THE EVENING I HOPE HE IS DOING WELL.
[ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE I LIKE THAT LINE
"I HOPE HE'S DOING WELL. SHE NEVER SAW HIM AGAIN, YEAH. THIS ONE'S FROM @LUCHILL
SHE SAYS, "MY DATE KEPT DRUMMING ON THE TABLE AT THE RESTAURANT, THEN TOLD ME HE
KEEPS AN AXE BY HIS BED IN CASE ANYONE WANTS TO STEAL HIS STEREO."
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE AN AXE [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Steve: NOT A BASEBALL BAT >> Jimmy: WOW! >> Steve: NOT A BALL BAT, AN
AXE. >> Jimmy: I GOT TO BE HONEST, IF I WAS A THIEF, AND I WALKED
IN AND SOME DUDE HAD AN AXE, I'D JUST LEAVE >> Steve: I'D GO, "I'M NOT
GONNA TAKE YOU --" >> Jimmy: I'M GOOD >> Steve: "HEY, GUESS WHAT, YOU
CAN KEEP THE STEREO. >> Jimmy: YEAH YEAH
>> Steve: I'M GONNA BUY -- >> Jimmy: I LEARNED A LESSON TODAY.
>> Steve: YEAH >> Jimmy: I LEARNED A LESSON LIKE, WE'RE GOOD
>> Steve: I DIDN'T KNOW AN AXE WAS COMING AT ME >> Jimmy: YEAH, I DIDN'T KNOW
YOU WERE GONNA HAVE AN AXE NEXT TO YOUR BED. >> Steve: I DIDN'T KNOW I BROKE
INTO PAUL BUNYAN'S HOUSE [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: IT'S MY
AXE-BOYFRIEND. >> Steve: OH [ AUDIENCE OOHS
THAT'S MY BODY SPRAY >> Jimmy: I GOT TO WRITE THESE DOWN
>> Steve: YEAH, I GOT MY BODY SPRAY. >> Jimmy: THIS ONE'S FROM
@JENN2NSREESE. SHE SAYS, "THROUGH THE ENTIRE DATE, HE WOULD RANDOMLY RUN HIS
POINTER FINGER DOWN THE SIDE OF MY FACE WHILE SMILING AT ME. [ AUDIENCE OHS ]
>> Steve: OOH. OH >> Jimmy: GROSS.
>> Steve: HE'S GOT AN AXE IN HIS TRUNK. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: YEAH YEAH HE TRAVELED -- THAT DUDE
TRAVELED WITH AN AXE YEAH THIS ONE IS FROM @KAYTANG41.
SHE SAYS, "WE WENT THE MOVIES, AND I EXPECTED HE WOULD PICK UP SOME POPCORN AND SNACKS.
WHEN WE SAT IN OUR SEATS, HE PULLED OUT A CHINESE CONTAINER OF LO MEIN AND ASKED IF I WAS
HUNGRY." [ LAUGHTER ] *
YOU LIKE THAT? >> Steve: THAT TAKES -- THAT'S CLASS.
>> Jimmy: YOU'D DO THAT? YOU'D DO THAT? >> Steve: YOU'VE DONE THAT
>> Jimmy: YOU CAN'T DO IT ON A A FIRST DATE THOUGH. >> Steve: NO
>> Jimmy: NO I REMEMBER MY MOM WOULD SNEAK STUFF INTO THE THEATER ALL THE
TIME LIKE, ALL -- WE'D WATCH THE MOVIE, ALL OF A SUDDEN, YOU
HEAR, LIKE - LIKE A TWO LITER BOTTLE GO - [ MIMICKING BOTTLE OPENING ]
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Steve: WE WOULD HIDE IN THE TRUNK AT THE DRIVE-IN.
>> Jimmy: GRILLING A HAMBURGER YEAH "HOW DO YOU WANT YOUR
HAMBURGER? "DAD, YOU CAN'T BRING A GRILL IN HERE.
>> Steve: IT'S A HIBACHI >> Jimmy: "IT'S A HIBACHI, IT'S NOT A GRILL.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: THIS ONE'S FROM @CAMERONPFINK.
HE SAID, "I TOLD MY DATE I WAS RELATED TO THEODORE ROOSEVELT. I EXCUSED MYSELF TO USE THE
WASHROOM TO SECRETLY GOOGLE FACTS ABOUT THEODORE ROOSEVELT JUST TO MAKE IT SOUND LIKE I
KNEW WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Steve: HE'S THE WORST
HE'S THE WORST FIRST DATE. >> Jimmy: YEAH, YEAH, I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND -- I DIDN'T
UNDERSTAND THIS ONE. I THOUGHT HE WAS ON A DATE THAT SAID THEY WERE RELATED TO
THEODORE ROOSEVELT >> Steve: OH, HE -- BUT HE SAID HE WAS RELATED TO THEODORE -
>> Jimmy: HE ACTUALLY LIED AND SAID THAT HE WAS RELATED TO THEODORE ROOSEVELT, THEN
EXCUSED HIMSELF TO THE WASHROOM TO GOOGLE FACTS ABOUT THEODORE ROOSEVELT TO MAKE IT
SOUND LIKE HE KNEW WHAT HE WAS TALKING ABOUT. SO, HE WAS -
>> Steve: HE'S THE -- HE'S THE WORST FIRST DATE GUY >> Jimmy: IN FACT, HE WAS
ACTUALLY THE FIRST -- THE WORST FIRST DATE [ LAUGHTER ]
WHAT >> Steve: THE NEW YORK POLICE FORCE WAS FOUNDED BY
THEODORE ROOSEVELT HIS HOUSE ON OYSTER BAY? >> Jimmy: YES, OF COURSE
OF COURSE. NO REAL RELATIONSHIP TO FRANKLIN ROOSEVELT
>> Steve: HIS COUSIN AND I ACTUALLY -- I DON'T KNOW, IT WAS ALSO A COUSIN, BECAUSE THEY
WERE BOTH NAMED ROOSEVELT. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: YES, YES
ROOSEVELT, ROOSEVELT >> Steve: HAVE YOU SEEN MY AXE [ LAUGHTER ]
* >> Jimmy: THIS ONE'S FROM @CILLATHORNTON
SHE SAYS, "WE MET FOR DRINKS AT AN UPSCALE RESTAURANT. HE PULLED DOWN BOTH OF HIS
LOWER EYELIDS TO SHOW ME HIS DOUBLE EYE INFECTION." [ AUDIENCE OOHS
>> Steve: OH NOT ONE. NOT ONE.
>> Jimmy: WHAT IN THE WORLD? THE WORLD IS AMAZING THEY SAY CHIVALRY -- THEY SAY
CHIVALRY IS DEAD >> Steve: YEAH [ LAUGHTER ]
CHIVALRY LIVES LONG. >> Jimmy: "NO. >> Tariq: TMI.
>> Steve: ONE IN THE STYE. >> Jimmy: THIS ONE'S -- THIS ONE'S FROM @SHONJE7.
SHE SAYS, "LONG STORY SHORT, WE WERE MAKING OUT, AND HIS TOOTH FROM HIS DENTURE FELL INTO MY
MOUTH. [ AUDIENCE GROANS >> Steve: OH
SLAM DUNK! [ LAUGHTER ] [ SAD TUBA ]
"I THINK THIS IS YOURS." >> Jimmy: WOW. [ POP
[ CHOKING IT'S NOT -- IT'S NOT >> Steve: IT'S NOT
OH, MY GOSH. OH, IT'S MINE. SORRY.
>> Jimmy: THIS LAST ONE IS -- THAT IS JUST DISGUSTING. >> Steve: FROM HIS DENTURE TOO
>> Jimmy: YEAH >> Steve: WASN'T A REAL TOOTH EVEN
>> Jimmy: OOF. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> Steve: FAKE TOOTH TO BEGIN
WITH >> Jimmy: JUST THE WHOLE THING, JUST I CAN'T EVEN THINK ABOUT
IT >> Steve: OH >> Jimmy: THIS LAST ONE'S FROM
@CAROLINEMILYARD SHE SAID, "I WAS WEARING VANILLA BODY OIL -- THIS WAS
THE 90s. HE LEANED IN, AND JUST AS I THOUGHT HE WAS GOING TO KISS
ME, HE SAID, 'YOU SMELL LIKE A A RICE KRISPY TREAT.'" [ LAUGHTER ]
THERE YOU HAVE IT. THAT'S ROMANTIC. >> Steve: I THINK THAT'S GREAT
>> Jimmy: THOSE ARE OUR "TONIGHT SHOW HASHTAGS." TO CHECK OUT MORE OF OUR
FAVORITES, GO TO TONIGHTSHOW.COM/HASHTAGS [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH TYLER PERRY, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
COME ON. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
>> I JUST WANT EVERYBODY TO KNOW THERE'S BEEN A BEAR SIGHTIN G IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD,
SO - [ LAUGHTER ] IF YOU GET -- FIND YOURSELF IN
DANGER, JUST GET BIGGER THAN THEM >> Jimmy: WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF
A BEAR - >> DIE DIE.
>> TO SURVIVE, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DO ALL THOSE THINGS, BUT MY BLACK ASS IS GONNA RUN
I'M TELLING YOU RIGHT NOW. [ LAUGHTER ] I'M DEAD
>> Jimmy: OUR FIRST GUEST IS A A WRITER, ACTOR, PRODUCER AND DIRECTOR WHOSE FILMS HAVE MADE
MORE THAN $1 BILLION WOW. HIS NEW FILM, "A JAZZMAN'S
BLUES," PREMIERES TOMORROW ON NETFLIX. PLEASE WELCOME TYLER PERRY,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN
*
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: THAT'S TYLER PERRY,
RIGHT THERE. COME ON. THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
AH, WELCOME BACK >> THANK YOU >> Jimmy: YOU LOOK GOOD, BUD
>> THANK YOU I'M SO EXCITED TO BE ON "JIMMY KIMMEL.
IT'S SO GOOD [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: IT'S A DIFFERENT -
[ CYMBAL CRASH ] THAT'S A DIFFERENT -- THAT'S A --
>> OH, IT'S -- OH -- OH, THE BEARD. >> Jimmy: YEAH, ALL THE --
YEAH >> YOU'RE TRYING TO -- YOU'RE TRYING TO GROW ONE
THAT'S CUTE. [ LAUGHTER ] YOU'RE TRYING TO GROW ONE,
THAT'S CUTE. >> Jimmy: IT'S -- IT'S NOT REAL
>> AND HOPEFULLY IT WILL FILL IN FOR YOU [ LAUGHTER ]
KEEP IT UP KEEP IT UP KEEP HOPE ALIVE.
>> Jimmy: OH, KEEP HOPE ALIVE. >> KEEP HOPE ALIVE >> Jimmy: IT'S SO GOOD TO SEE
YOU, BUD >> AND YOU AS WELL >> Jimmy: I LOVE HAVING YOU ON
HOW'S THE LITTLE BOY HOW'S YOUR - >> HE'S AMAZING.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, HOW OLD IS HE? 7? >> 7
7. >> Jimmy: YEAH >> ASKING ALL KINDS OF
QUESTIONS. I THINK HE'S REALIZING HE'S MUCH SMARTER THAN I AM
>> Jimmy: HM >> SO, RIGHT NOW, HE'LL ASK ME QUESTIONS TO SEE IF I KNOW THE
ANSWER I'M LIKE, "OF COURSE I KNOW THE ANSWER, KID.
BUT YOU NEED TO LEARN IT BECAUSE I'M OLDER. THEN I'LL GO TO THE BATHROOM
AND I'LL GOOGLE IT [ LAUGHTER ] AND GET TO SEE WHAT HE'S
TALKING ABOUT. BUT NOW, HE'S GETTING SO WISE, WHAT HE'S DOING IS -- I SAY,
"WELL, TELL ME YOU KNOW THE ANSWER. AND HE'LL TELL ME THE WRONG
ANSWER I SAID, "YES, THAT'S IT. HE'S LIKE, "THAT'S NOT THE
RIGHT ANSWER." [ LAUGHTER ] AT 7-YEARS-OLD, HE'S SMART
>> Jimmy: YEAH, HE'S CHASING YOU. >> PRETTY SMART, YEAH.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, HE'S SMART BY THE WAY, I WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS
BECAUSE I KNOW YOU -- ATLANTA IS WHERE YOU'RE BASED, BUT YOU ALSO HAVE A PLACE IN WYOMING
>> RIGHT >> Jimmy: AND -- >> THE ONLY BLACK MAN THERE.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: THE ONLY BLACK MAN IN WYOMING.
>> THAT'S RIGHT. >> Jimmy: CONGRATULATIONS ON THAT, BY THE WAY
>> THANK YOU [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: HEY, THAT'S A BIG
HONOR. >> I FEEL LIKE A PIONEER >> Jimmy: THAT'S A HON -- YOU
REALLY ARE YEAH >> YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
>> Jimmy: BUT YOU -- YOU POSTED THIS PHOTO OF A GIANT MOOSE -- >> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: -- IN YOUR BACKYARD. >> YEAH. >> Jimmy: LOOK AT THIS
THIS MADE ME LAUGH IT'S JUST -- IT'S JUST YOUR EYE SAYS IT ALL.
>> YEAH. >> Jimmy: WHAT IN THE WORLD? >> NO, THAT'S -- THAT'S AT THE
BACK DOOR. AND NOTICE, I'M UP ON THE BALCONY.
BECAUSE WHEN THEY SHOW UP, I GET THE HELL OUT OF THE WAY. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
I'M JUST LIKE -- AND THEY'RE SO QUIET AND MAJESTIC, THEY'LL JUST COME UP OUT OF THE WOODS,
OUT OF NOWHERE AND I USED TO -- THERE'S A FIRE PIT OVER HERE THAT I LIKE TO
SIT AND WRITE. AND I WOULD SIT THERE FOR -- YOU KNOW, WHEN I FIRST BOUGHT
THE PLACE, I WOULD SIT THERE AND WRITE. THEN THESE JOKERS STARTED
SHOWING UP I WAS LIKE, "NO. >> Jimmy: "NO.
>> "YOU WERE HERE FIRST. YOU CAN HAVE IT. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: YEAH, THAT'S TRUE. LOOK AT THIS >> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: THEY'RE -- THEY'RE MASSIVE. >> THAT'S RIGHT OUTSIDE THE
WINDOW [ AUDIENCE AWS ] >> Jimmy: BEAUTIFUL.
>> YEAH. >> Jimmy: HOLY MOLY. >> YOU KNOW WHAT HE'S SAYING
>> Jimmy: HM >> "COME OUT HERE, I'LL KICK YOUR ASS."
>> Jimmy: YEAH, EXACTLY. YEAH [ LAUGHTER ]
>> THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT HE'S SAYING >> Jimmy: BUT YOU ALSO -- YOU
GAVE -- YOU HAVE -- BROUGHT A VIDEO FOR US THERE'S ANOTHER -- I MEAN,
YOU'RE LIKE A WILDLIFE GUY YOU'RE LIKE -- YOU'RE LIKE BEAR GRYLLS.
>> BEAR GRYLLS [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: YEAH, YOU'RE LIKE THE
GUY WHO OUTDOORSY STUFF. >> I DON'T -- I DON'T WANT TO BE
WHEN I WAS -- I'M SITTING IN THE GARAGE WORKING ON ONE OF MY LITTLE TOY PLANES, AND THE
DOORS OPEN, AND ALL THE OTHER STUFF, AND I THOUGHT, "OH, THIS IS SO CUTE
IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL. AND THEN I -- I -- YOU GO BACK TO ATLANTA AND I GET SOME
VIDEO. THIS IS THE VIDEO I SAW OF THIS THING WALKING RIGHT PAST THE
DOOR >> Jimmy: YEAH, TAKE A LOOK AT THIS
>> YEAH. >> Jimmy: HERE'S THE VIDEO
>> YEAH. >> Jimmy: DUDE, LOOK AT THAT THING.
>> YEAH. >> Jimmy: DOES THAT FRIGHTEN YOU?
DOES THAT -- >> WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "DOES THAT FRIGHTEN ME?
[ LAUGHTER ] I'M NOT BEAR GRYLLS FOR REAL >> Jimmy: NO, I KNOW, I KNOW
BUT I'M SAYING, BUT -- >> YEAH, BUT ALL THE NEIGHBORS, THEY THINK IT'S SO CUTE.
ALL MY LITTLE WHITE NEIGHBORS, THEY'RE LIKE, "OH, MY GOSH." [ LAUGHTER ]
"I JUST WANT EVERYBODY TO KNOW THERE'S BEEN A BEAR SIGHTING IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD."
[ LAUGHTER ] "SO, PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ANY FOOD OUT
AND BE SURE IF YOU SEE THE BEAR, MAKE NOISE SO THEY SHOULD -- YOU WON'T STARTLE
THEM, ESPECIALLY IF THEY'RE WITH THEIR CUBS. IT'S SO GREAT.
[ LAUGHTER ] YEAH >> Jimmy: BUT WHAT -
>> "AND IF YOU FIND YOURSELF IN DANGER, JUST GET BIGGER THAN THEM."
I'M LIKE, "I'M ALREADY 6'6.'" I'M ALREADY BIG, RIGHT?" >> Jimmy: WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF
A BEAR - >> DIE, DIE. >> Jimmy: NO, NO, NO, NO
>> NO. >> Jimmy: NO, YOU HAVE -- [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: NO, I'M SAYING TO SURVIVE, TO SURVIVE? >> TO SURVIVE, YOU'RE SUPPOSED
TO DO ALL THOSE THINGS BUT MY BLACK ASS IS GONNA RUN. I'M TELLING YOU RIGHT NOW.
[ LAUGHTER ] I'M DEAD I'VE GOT A BAD KNEE AT 53.
I'M OUT. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: A BAD KNEE
>> A BAD KNEE. MY SON WILL BE VERY WELL OFF, BUT I'M NOT GOING TO DO IT
I'M NOT GOING TO DO IT >> Jimmy: I SAW THAT YOU RECENTLY -- YOU THREW A PARTY
FOR EVERYONE AT TYLER PERRY STUDIOS. >> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: YOU GOT TO BE SO PROUD OF THAT THING. I'M JUST SO PSYCHED.
WHAT A GREAT STORY, BY THE WAY, IF - SPEAKING OF GOOGLING STUFF, YOU
WANT TO JUST GOOGLE A GREAT STORY OF WHAT THIS MAN'S DONE. BUT YOU THREW A RAGER FOR
EVERYONE THAT -- >> A RAVE? >> Jimmy: A RAGER.
>> RAGER OKAY >> Jimmy: YEAH
>> A DIFFERENCE. MAKE IT CLEAR. >> Jimmy: NO, NO
>> YES, YES, YES, YES. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: YEAH, YOU DON'T KNOW
RAGER? >> YEAH, AND I HAVEN'T HAD -- WE DON'T SAY THAT MUCH IN
ATLANTA. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: LIKE, WE'RE THROWING
A RAGER. >> THROWING A RAGER? NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO
>> Jimmy: YEAH, YOU DON'T DO THAT [ LAUGHTER ]
>> WE HAVE A PARTY >> Jimmy: YEAH >> WE HAVE A GOOD TIME
>> Jimmy: "YOU GOT TO THROW A RAGER. >> "RAGER, MAN
I'M TRYING." >> Jimmy: YEAH YOU HAVE -
>> "GROW A BEARD AND HAVE A RAGER. >> Jimmy: YEAH
[ LAUGHTER ] BUT IT'S A BIG PARTY IS WHAT A A RAGER IS
>> YES, GOT IT OKAY >> Jimmy: YEAH
WHAT HAPPENS AT A TYLER PERRY PARTY? WHAT DO YOU NEED TO HAVE A
A SUCCESSFUL PARTY >> LOTS OF ALCOHOL >> Jimmy: HM
>> FREE FOOD, TO DRINK, EAT, GREAT ENTERTAINMENT. YOU KNOW, I ASKED USHER CAME TO
PERFORM. HE CAME TO PERFORM HE WAS REALLY GREAT.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, USHER PLAYED >> USHER, FANTASIA, YOU KNOW, H.E.R. SHOWED UP
AND TEVIN CAMPBELL WAS REALLY, REALLY AMAZING BUT IT'S NOT LEGAL IN ATLANTA.
BUT I WANT TO HAVE A WEED TRUCK. AND THEY TOLD ME I COULDN'T DO
IT BECAUSE I - >> Jimmy: NO, YEAH NO, YOU CAN'T.
YEAH ALL RIGHT, BUT THOSE ARE THE TYPES OF THINGS.
>> YEAH. CAN YOU IMAGINE A WEED TRUCK YOU WALK UP TO THE TRUCK AND
GET WHATEVER EDIBLE YOU WANT IT WOULD BE REALLY COOL. I'M THINKING ABOUT GOING INTO
THAT BUSINESS. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: NO
>> NO WHY? >> Jimmy: THIS IS JUST -- YOU'LL DOMINATE AND THAT'LL
JUST BE THE THING. AND THEY'LL BE - >> THAT'LL BE THE --
>> Jimmy: YEAH, NOW I NEED YOU TO DO STAY FOCUSED ON ALL THE FUN, CREATIVE THINGS YOU'RE
DOING. >> NO, WEED TRUCKS AND RAGERS. I'M CHANGING MY LIFE AT 53
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: I JUST CHANGED YOUR LIFE
>> JUST DID IT, MAN. YOU JUST DID IT. >> Jimmy: LAST TIME YOU WERE
HERE, WE WERE TALKING -- YOU WERE THINKING ABOUT RETIRING "MADEA."
>> YEAH. >> Jimmy: AND THEN -- AND THEN YOU SAID, "WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT
I'M THINKING ABOUT UN-RETIRING BECAUSE PEOPLE NEED ENTERTAINMENT --
>> JOY AND LAUGHTER. JUST -- YEAH >> Jimmy: -- AND JUST TO LAUGH
AND I GO, "YEAH, PLEASE DO THAT." >> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: AND THEN YOU MADE THIS MOVIE, "A MADEA HOMECOMING."
>> YEAH. >> Jimmy: IT IS A -- IT WAS A GIANT GLOBAL HIT
>> YEAH. >> Jimmy: I MEAN, MASSIVE. >> NUMBER ONE IN MANY
COUNTRIES. YEAH, YEAH >> Jimmy: NUMBER ONE
>> YEAH. >> Jimmy: HOW DOES IT FEEL WHEN YOU GO LIKE, "YEAH --" BECAUSE
AT ONE POINT, YOU'RE LIKE, "I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT AGAIN." >> YEAH.
BUT I -- MORE THAN WHAT I FELT, IT WAS MORE LIKE HER SAYING, "WHAT THE HELL I TOLD YA
I TOLD YA, I DOMINATE THIS - SO, YEAH IT'S ME, BABY.
[ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> SO, I DON'T KNOW.
I DON'T KNOW LISTEN, AS LONG AS PEOPLE -- AGAIN, AS LONG AS PEOPLE WANT
TO SEE HER, SHE'LL BE AROUND I THINK THAT - >> Jimmy: I THINK THAT MADEA --
MADEA SHOULD HAVE A WEED -- A GUMMY TRUCK. >> AND A RAGER
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: SHE SHOULD HAVE A -- >> THAT WOULD BE -- THAT WOULD
BE A GREAT TRUCK OR "HIGH AS HELL." "HIGH AS HELL.
THAT'S IT. THAT'S IT. >> Jimmy: HIGH AS HELL
THIS BEARD [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
>> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK EVERYBODY. WE'RE TALKING TO ONE OF OUR
FAVORITES, THE ONE AND ONLY TYLER PERRY. COME ON NOW.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE I WANT TO TALK ABOUT YOUR NEW MOVIE, "A JAZZMAN'S BLUES.
YOU WROTE AND DIRECTED THE THIS IT'S GETTING GREAT REVIEWS, BY
THE WAY. >> CAN YOU IMAGINE A A TYLER PERRY MOVIE GETTING
GREAT REVIEWS? [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: YEAH
WHAT IS THAT LIKE FOR YOU? DO YOU GO LIKE -- DO YOU READ THE REVIEWS?
>> I NEVER READ THEM I HAVEN'T READ THEM IN THE PAST
BUT OPRAH CALLED ME UP SHE SAID, "TYLER, HAVE YOU READ THE REVIEW FROM 'VARIETY'?
I WAS LIKE, "NO. SHE SAID, "NO, NO, NO, YOU NEED TO READ IT."
I WAS LIKE, "NO, I DON'T WANT TO OPEN THAT IN MY MIND. SHE WAS LIKE, "NO, NO, NO.
AND SHE -- I WAS LIKE, "NO." SHE'S LIKE, "OKAY. SO SHE STARTS READING IT TO ME
ON THE PHONE >> Jimmy: YEAH [ LAUGHTER ]
IF IT'S OPRAH, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO SAY >> YOU GOT TO LISTEN TO IT
YOU WANT OPRAH TO READ ANYTHING TO YOU >> Jimmy: ANYTHING TO YOU AT
ALL, YEAH. >> YEAH. >> Jimmy: CONGRATULATIONS.
>> THANK YOU >> Jimmy: IT IS FANTASTIC. YOU'VE GOT TO SEE THIS MOVIE
BUT THIS IS -- THE STORY BEHIND IT IS EVEN COOLER. THIS IS A SCREENPLAY THAT YOU
WROTE 27 YEARS AGO >> 27 YEARS AGO. YEAH
26 YEARS OLD, BROKE, STRUGGLING AND I SNUCK INTO A PLAY, A
A THEATER IN ATLANTA, CALLED THE ALLIANCE THEATER AND AUGUST WILSON WAS HAVING A
A PLAY CALLED "TWO TRAINS RUNNING. >> Jimmy: AUGUST WILSON?
>> YEAH, AND I GOT A CHANCE TO TALK TO HIM. AND I HAD NOTHING, AND HE WAS
REALLY ENCOURAGING AND HE TOLD ME TO GO WRITE WHAT WAS IN MY HEART.
AND I WENT HOME AND "JAZZMAN" STARTED TO POUR OUT THEN >> Jimmy: YEAH
>> YEAH. >> Jimmy: AND DID YOU THINK THAT YOU WERE GOING TO BE IN THE MOVIE
>> YEAH, WELL, I HAD BIG DREAMS EVEN THOUGH I WAS BROKE. YEAH, I WANTED TO BE THE LEAD.
NOBODY KNEW MY NAME. BUT I WANTED WILL SMITH TO PLAY THE CO-LEAD.
DIANA ROSS, HALLE BERRY, ALL THESE PEOPLE IN THE MOVIE. >> Jimmy: WOW.
>> BUT I AGED OUT. 'CAUSE IT STARTS WHEN HE'S 17 YEARS OLD, AND EVEN THOUGH I
TRY TO LOOK MY BEST, I CAN'T PULL OFF 17. NOT EVEN WITH DIGITAL BOTOX YOU
CAN'T PULL THAT OFF. [ LAUGHTER ] SO, I FOUND AN INCREDIBLE CAST
AND DEBBIE ALLEN DID THE CHOREOGRAPHY, AND TERRY FLETCHER DID THE MUSIC
>> Jimmy: LOVE DEBBIE ALLEN. >> IT'S REALLY PHENOMENAL. >> Jimmy: CAN YOU TELL EVERYONE
WHAT THE FILM IS ABOUT >> IT'S ABOUT TWO STAR-CROSSED LOVERS WHO FIND THEMSELVES IN
VERY DIFFICULT SITUATIONS, SET IN THE 1940s AND ALL THESE OBSTACLES AGAINST
THEM TRYING TO KEEP THEIR LOVE APART. BUT NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS,
THEY ALWAYS SEEM TO FIND EACH OTHER AGAIN. SO IT'S A POWERFUL, POWERFUL
FILM >> Jimmy: YEAH, IT'S BEAUTIFUL I WANT TO SHOW EVERYONE A CLIP
HERE'S A SCENE FROM TYLER PERRY'S "A JAZZMAN'S BLUES.
TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.
* LET THE GOOD TIME
ROLL DON'T CARRY YOUR LOAD * * GET TOGETHER AN
LET THE GOOD TIMES ROLL * * * NO MATTER WHA
IT'S RAINY WEATHER BIRDS OF A FEATHER * * GOT TO STICK TOGETHER
SO GET YOURSELF UNDER CONTRO GO OUT AND GET TOGETHER * * AND LET THE
GOOD TIMES ROLL * * >> HOW Y'ALL DOING
Y'ALL ALIGHT [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> MAN, AWESOME.
>> Jimmy: I MEAN, COME ON. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE IT'S A DIFFERENT -
>> TOTALLY DIFFERENT >> Jimmy: IT'S A DEPARTURE FOR YOU, BUT I LOVE THAT YOU KEEP
DOING THIS AND THIS IS THE ONE THAT KIND OF GOT YOU STARTED
>> YEAH, YEAH. >> Jimmy: THIS IS -- CONGRATS ON THE FANTASTIC REVIEWS
WHO ARE THOSE -- THERE'S SOME NEW FACES THERE. >> AMIRAH VANN
AUSTIN SCOTT WAS IN THAT CLIP. AND MILUANA JACKSON. AND SOLEA PFEIFFER AND
JOSHUA BOONE, THEY LEAD THE MOVIE. AND ALL NEW FACES THAT ARE
INCREDIBLY TALENTED, THAT I'M EXCITED ABOUT. >> Jimmy: THANK YOU FOR DOING
ALL THIS STUFF AND DUDE, THIS -- CONGRATS ON EVERYTHING
>> APPRECIATE IT THANK YOU. >> Jimmy: IT'S A GREAT MOVIE
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE TYLER PERRY, EVERYBODY "A JAZZMAN'S BLUES" PREMIERES
TOMORROW ON NETFLIX. STEPHEN A. SMITH JOINS US AFTER THE BREAK.
STICK AROUND, EVERYBODY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
>> Jimmy: OUR NEXT GUEST IS A POPULAR SPORTS COMMENTATOR YOU CAN SEE EVERY MORNING ON
ESPN'S "FIRST TAKE." HE ALSO HAS A BRAND-NEW PODCAST, CALLED "KNOW MERCY,"
WHICH PREMIERES THIS MONDAY. PLEASE WELCOME STEPHEN A. SMITH
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * >> WHAT'S UP
WHAT'S UP, EVERYBODY >> Jimmy: I'M SO HAPPY YOU'RE BACK STEPHEN
>> MAN, IT'S GOOD TO BE BACK, MAN. >> Jimmy: YOU KNOW I'M A BIG
FAN. YOU'VE GOT A LOT GOING ON. >> YES
>> Jimmy: YOU WROTE A MEMOIR >> YEAH, I DID, MAN. I MEAN, LOOK, DAMMIT, THEY MADE
ME I WANT TO MAKE SURE -- THEY MADE ME.
>> Jimmy: YEAH AND I WANTED TO BE, YOU KNOW, HONEST AND TELL MY STORY TO
SOME DEGREE. I'VE BEEN BLESSED AND FORTUNATE ENOUGH TO HAVE SOME SUCCESS.
I MEAN, I AM ON "THE TONIGHT SHOW." >> Jimmy: THAT'S EXACTLY RIGHT
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE IS THERE A TITLE TO THE MEMOIR >> "STRAIGHT SHOOTER."
>> Jimmy: "STRAIGHT SHOOTER. >> "STRAIGHT SHOOTER." >> Jimmy: STEPHEN A. YOU'VE GOT
TO COME BACK WHEN THAT COMES OUT. >> THAT'S RIGHT, ABSOLUTELY.
>> Jimmy: CONGRATS ON "FIRST TAKE." EVERY MORNING, IT'S NUMBER ONE
SHOW FOR TEN YEARS NOW >> TEN AND A HALF YEARS, MAN >> Jimmy: CONGRATULATIONS.
DID YOU KNOW IT WAS GOING TO BE THIS HUGE? >> OH, YES
I DID. [ LAUGHTER ] I ABSOLUTELY DID
I MEAN, YOU KNOW >> Jimmy: WOW, YOU DIDN'T EVEN THINK FOR A SECOND
>> I HAD NO DOUBT. WELL, LISTEN, MAN, THE OBJECTIVE OF A DEBATE SHOW IS
TO BASICALLY HAVE REASON TO DEBATE AND WHEN MY MAN, SKIP BAYLESS,
WHO'S NOW AT FS1 ASKED ME TO COME AND JOIN HIM, I KNEW IT WAS GOING TO BE SUCCESSFUL
BECAUSE WE AGREED ON NOTHING >> Jimmy: YEAH >> AND I MEAN, ABSOLUTELY,
POSITIVELY NOTHING AND SO, BECAUSE OF THAT, I'M LIKE, "I'M NOT GOING TO BE --
I'M NOT GOING TO STRUGGLE TO FIND SOMETHING TO DEBATE ABOUT.
YOU'VE GOT A LOT OF PEOPLE, THEY'LL SIT UP THERE, AND THEY ACT LIKE THEY DISAGREE
IT'S GOOD TELEVISION THAT'S WHAT THEY SAY HE AND I DISAGREED ALL THE
TIME AND THEN I FOUND OUT, I PRETTY MUCH DISAGREE WITH EVERYBODY
SO, THAT'S WHY I'VE BEEN NUMBER ONE, BECAUSE IT AIN'T HARD FOR ME TO FIND PEOPLE I DISAGREE
WITH >> Jimmy: YEAH AND VERY INTERESTING, ALWAYS
EVERY SINGLE TIME. YOU'RE DOING THE SHOW FROM ORLANDO ON OCTOBER 7th DURING
HBCU WEEK. WHAT'S IT LIKE TO BE PART OF THAT
>> WELL, THAT'S SOMETHING NEAR AND DEAR TO MY HEART I'M A GRADUATE OF WINSTON-SALEM
STATE UNIVERSITY AND OVER THE LAST COUPLE TWO TO THREE YEARS, WE'VE BEEN BLESSED
AND FORTUNATE ENOUGH TO RAISE ABOUT $12 MILLION IN SCHOLARSHIPS FOR OVER
2,000 STUDENTS [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE AND SO, BEING FROM AN HBCU, YOU
KNOW, IT SAVED MY LIFE, BECAUSE IT GAVE ME AN OPPORTUNITY TO SEE A DIFFERENT SIDE
TO SEE SOMETHING OTHER THAN THE STREETS OF NEW YORK CITY, BECAUSE I WAS RAISED IN HOLLIS,
QUEENS, NEW YORK AND SO, FOR ME TO GO DOWN TO WINSTON-SALEM STATE AND TO HAVE
THAT EXPERIENCE, IT'S SOMETHING I WANT TO MAKE SURE A LOT OF STUDENTS, PARTICULARLY MINORITY
STUDENTS THROUGHOUT THIS COUNTRY, KNOW AND RECOGNIZE WHAT AN HBCU IS ALL ABOUT AND
WHAT IT HAS TO OFFER >> Jimmy: THAT'S GOOD. >> AND DISNEY, OBVIOUSLY, ESPN
AND DISNEY HAVE HELPED IMMENSELY, PUTTING THAT ON THE NATIONAL AIR WAVES AND GIVING
THAT KIND OF PROFILE SO, I'D BE VERY HONORED TO BE A PART OF THAT
>> Jimmy: WHEN YOU GO TO GAMES, ARE YOU ALLOWED TO REACT >> YES
BUT, BUT, BUT, BUT IT'S TOUGH BECAUSE -- BECAUSE, SEE, I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO HAVE FAVORITES
BUT DAMMIT, I'M GONE HAVE FAVORITES WHEN IT COMES TO THE KNICKS AND MORE IMPORTANTLY,
THE YANKEES TOO. BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY, I'VE GOT TO ADMIT THIS.
MY LIFESTYLE IS VERY, VERY IMPORTANT TO ME. SO, IF I SEE THE LAKERS PLAYING
THE UTAH JAZZ IN THE PLAYOFFS, AND I KNOW I'VE GOT TO COVER THE FINALS, DAMMIT, I'M ROOTING
FOR THE LAKERS I WANT TO BE IN L.A., I DON'T WANT TO BE IN SALT LAKE CITY
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: YOU CAN'T DO IT BASED ON THAT.
>> I'M SORRY LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN, HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY
WE DON'T WANT PEOPLE LYING TO EACH OTHER, DO WE? >> Jimmy: NO, OF COURSE NOT.
>> Jimmy: LET ME ASK YOU SOME OTHER QUESTIONS. I FEEL LIKE YOU'RE REVVED UP
NOW. [ LAUGHTER ] >> ME?
>> Jimmy: YES. I FEEL IT, NO. HERE WE GO
AARON JUDGE. HE'S ABOUT TO BREAK THE SINGLE SEASON HOME RUN RECORD
BUT HE'S ALSO -- HE'S ABOUT TO RENEGOTIATE HIS CONTRACT >> WELL, FIRST OF ALL, HE
DESERVES HIS MONEY LET'S PAY AARON JUDGE. LET'S BE VERY, VERY CLEAR ABOUT
THAT >> Jimmy: OF COURSE. >> HERE'S THE PROBLEM.
THEY DIDN'T PAY HIM ORIGINALLY THEY OFFERED HIM NEARLY $250 MILLION
HE THOUGHT HE WAS WORTH $350 MILLION THE BROTHER BET ON HIMSELF
THE BOTTOM LINE IS, IS THAT HE'S WREAKING HAVOC. RBIs, HOME RUNS, BATTING
AVERAGE. THEY GONE HAVE TO PAY HIM. AND THERE'S SOMEBODY IN QUEENS
THAT IS THE NEW STEINBRENNER AND THE METS OWNER, COHEN. THEY'RE MAKING NEW RULES FOR
THIS BROTHER BECAUSE OF HOW MUCH MONEY HE'S WILLING TO PAY HE'S WRITING STUFF OFF
I MEAN, BILLIONS, WHATEVER AND I THINK THAT HE'S PLOTTING TO TAKE AARON JUDGE AWAY FROM
MY YANKEES NOW, I'M YANKEES FIRST, NEW YORK ALWAYS.
KNICKS FIRST, NEW YORK ALWAYS. BECAUSE I'M A NATIVE NEW YORKER
BUT I DON'T WANT TO SEE HIM IN A METS UNIFORM >> Jimmy: NO
[ LAUGHTER ] >> IT'S A DIFFERENT KIND OF PINSTRIPES IN THE BRONX.
>> Jimmy: WOW. >> THAT'S THE NEW YORK YANKEES, I DON'T WANT HIM TO LEAVE, AND
I'M WORRIED. >> Jimmy: AND WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO TELL AARON?
AARON, IF YOU'RE WATCHING -- HE WATCHES >> PLEASE STAY
>> Jimmy: NO, NO, NO, NO, NO NO, NO, NO AARON -- YOU TELL HIM -- YOU
STAY -- AARON. YOU STAY AT THE YANKEES. >> LOOK, MAN, LOOK, THEY MADE
A MISTAKE, NOW PAY HIM >> Jimmy: COME ON. >> THEY MADE A MISTAKE, NOW PAY
HIM. >> Jimmy: COME ON, AARON >> NOW, HERE'S WHAT THE DEAL
IS YOU GO BACK TO THE NEGOTIATING TABLE, AND YOU LOOK AT THE
NUMBERS, AND YOU SAY, "HOW DO YOU LIKE ME NOW? >> Jimmy: "WHAT'S UP?"
EXACTLY RIGHT. >> HOW YOU LIKE ME NOW BUT, BUT, IF THEY PAY YOU, TAKE
THE MONEY. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE DON'T GO TO QUEENS
I LIVED IN QUEENS, OKAY? ALL RIGHT? IT'S BETTER THAN THE BRONX, BUT
YOU AIN'T THERE ANYWAY YOU KNOW YOU IN MIDTOWN. YOU KNOW YOU IN MANHATTAN.
HE LISTEN TO JETER HE'S IN MANHATTAN. HE AIN'T TRYING TO TAKE NO DAMN
D-TRAIN, OKAY? [ LAUGHTER ] HE IN MANHATTAN.
>> Jimmy: OH, MY GOD >> COME ON, MAN.
WE DON'T NEED HIM GOING TO THE METS WE DON'T NEED THAT
WE DON'T DESERVE THAT. WE DON'T DESERVE THAT. >> Jimmy: "KNOW MERCY," YOUR
PODCAST. THIS STARTS NEXT WEEK. >> YEAH.
MONDAY >> Jimmy: MONDAY IT STARTS >> RIGHT
>> Jimmy: IT'S NOT A SPORTS PODCAST NECESSARILY. >> NOT AT ALL.
>> Jimmy: NOT AT ALL >> I DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY WERE THINKING UNLEASHING ME WITH
THIS ONE I AIN'T GONNA LIE. [ LAUGHTER ]
YOU KNOW, I MEAN, WE TALK ABOUT POLITICS, NEWS, POP CULTURE, ENTERTAINMENT, CURRENT EVENTS,
THE WHOLE BIT. THERE ARE NO LIMITATIONS I STILL OBVIOUSLY, WHEN
A SPORTS SUBJECT IS PERCOLATING, I CAN TALK ABOUT THAT TOO
IT'S NOT JUST A SPORTS PODCAST I CAN TALK ABOUT ANYTHING. IT'S OWNED AND OPERATED BY ME
IN PARTNERSHIP WITH CADENCE13. AND I'M IN 100% CONTROL OF THE CONTENT.
THEY DONE UNLEASHED A BROTHER. THEY DONE UNLEASHED A BROTHER. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT, RIGHT THERE STEPHEN A. SMITH
HIS NEW PODCAST, "KNOW MERCY," STARTING THIS MONDAY AARON, STAY A YANKEE
>> YES SAY IT AGAIN >> Jimmy: WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK
WITH MUSIC FROM BLOOD ORANGE STAY A YANKEE! >> STAY A YANKEE
>> Jimmy: COME ON BACK, MORE "TONIGHT SHOW. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* >> Jimmy: PERFORMING "WISH" FROM HIS NEW EP, "FOUR SONGS,"
PLEASE WELCOME BLOOD ORANGE.
*
* *
* BREAKING IN THE DAY FIND ANOTHER WAY TO HIDE ALL THE THINGS
I COULDN'T DO * * AND YOU WISH IT ALL WISH IT AL
WENT YOUR WA YOU WERE WAITING * * FOR A PLACE TO STAY
ASSUME THAT SOMETHIN MORE COULD CHANGE * * EVERYTHING THAT
YOU'RE WONDERING COULDN'T KEEP YO FROM SQUANDERING *
* AND YOU WISH IT ALL WISH IT ALL WENT AWAY * * BREAKING IN THE DAY
FIND ANOTHER WAY TO HIDE ALL THE THINGS I COULDN'T DO *
* * AND YOU WISH IT ALL WISH IT ALL WENT AWAY *
* * * EVERYTHIN
EVERYTHING THAT YOU'RE WONDERING * * THAT YOU'RE WONDERING
COULDN'T KEE COULDN'T KEE YOU FROM SQUANDERING *
* THERE YOU SQUANDERING AND YOU WISH IT AL WISH IT ALL WENT AWAY *
* * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: BLOOD ORANGE "FOUR SONGS" IS OUT NOW. MY THANKS TO TYLER PERRY,
STEPHEN A. SMITH, BLOOD ORANGE ONCE AGAIN [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> THANK YOU >> Jimmy: AND THE ROOTS RIGHT THERE FROM
PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA THANK YOU FOR WATCHING STAY TUNED FOR "LATE NIGHT WITH
SETH MEYERS. GOODNIGHT, EVERYBODY [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE