>> Steve: FROM STUDIO 6B IN ROCKEFELLER CENTER IN THE HEART
OF NEW YORK CITY, IT'S "THE TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON."
TONIGHT, JOIN JIMMY AND HIS GUESTS - OCTAVIA SPENCER.
MATTHIAS SCHWEIGHOFER. COMEDIAN, KURT BRAUNOHLER. AND FEATURING THE LEGENDARY
ROOTS CREW >> Questlove: 1742 >> Steve: AND NOW, HERE HE IS,
JIMMY FALLON
* *
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: OH, MY GOODNESS. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
ENJOY YOURSELF ENJOY YOURSELF WELCOME, WELCOME, WELCOME TO
"THE TONIGHT SHOW," EVERYBODY. YOU'RE HERE. YOU MADE IT.
THANK YOU FOR WATCHING AT HOME THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE YOU GUYS READY TO TALK
ELECTIONS? [ CHEERS ] WHAT A GREAT TOPIC, YEAH
REPUBLICANS DIDN'T WIN ENOUGH, AS DEMOCRATS DIDN'T LOSE AS MUCH
EVERYONE WAS WALKING THE STREETS TODAY LIKE, "ARE YOU HAPPY?
ARE YOU HAPPY? ARE WE HAPPY?" THE COUNTRY IS FINALLY UNITED
UNDER, "EH." IT'S A STRANGE NIGHT IT'S NOT OFTEN YOU HEAR
SOMEBODY SAY, "IT'S OKAY WE ONLY LOST THE HOUSE." FOR BOTH PARTIES IT WASN'T
GREAT, BUT ALSO NOT TERRIBLE IT WAS THE POLITICAL VERSION OF EATING AT TGI FRIDAYS.
[ LAUGHTER ] SO IN THE END, REPULICANS CAN GET THE HOUSE, DEMOCRATS CAN
HOLD THE SENATE, AND YOUR THANKSGIVING DINNER WILL STILL BE A DISASTER.
[ LAUGHTER ] AS OF NOW, THERE ARE STILL SOME RACES THAT ARE STILL TOO CLOSE
TO CALL. BUT ACCORDING TO THE MEDIA, THERE WAS ONE CLEAR LOSER.
DONALD TRUMP >> VERY BAD NIGHT FOR DONALD TRUMP
>> BAD NIGHT FOR TRUMP >> WHAT I CAN TELL YOU IS THE BIGGEST LOSER OF THE NIGHT IS
DONALD TRUMP >> DONALD TRUMP IS THE BIGGEST LOSER OF THE NIGHT
>> HE'S THE BIGGEST LOSER IN AMERICAN POLITICS. >> DONALD TRUMP IS NOT GOING TO
LIKE THIS. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: TRUMP WAS SO MAD HE
RAN UPSTAIRS AND SLAMMED THE DOOR OF HIS TANNING BED. [ LAUGHTER ]
KETCHUP EVERYWHERE [ LAUGHTER ] WELL, ONE OF THE MOST TALKED
ABOUT RACES WAS IN PENNSYLVANIA, WHERE JOHN FETTERMAN WAS ABLE TO
DEFEAT DR. OZ. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE BASICALLY, PEOPLE HIT THE
VOTING BOOTH SAW OZ AND THEN PAID NO ATTENTION TO THE MAN BEHIND THE CURTAIN
[ LAUGHTER ] DR. OZ KNEW HE WAS IN TROUBLE WHEN HIS OWN NEIGHBORS DIDN'T
VOTE FOR HIM THEY SAID, "WE COULDN'T. WE LIVE IN NEW JERSEY.
[ LAUGHTER ] AND GET THIS, APPARENTLY TRUMP BLAMED MELANIA FOR CONVINCING
HIM TO BACK DR. OZ, SAYING THAT IT WASN'T HER BEST DECISION. THEN MELANIA WAS LIKE, "WELL,
IT CERTAINLY WASN'T MY WORST." [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE >> Steve: OH
HEY! [ APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: YEP, NEWS NETWORKS
ARE STILL ANALYZING JOHN FETTERMAN'S VICTORY, WHICH BRINGS US TO OUR NEWEST SEGMENT
"CAN'T ARGUE WITH THAT." HERE WE GO
*
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> WHY DID DR. OZ LOSE WELL, IT LOOKED LIKE ACCORDING
TO THE EXIT POLLING, IT'S BECAUSE FETTERMAN WON. *
[ APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: MEANWHILE, DOWN IN FLORIDA, GOVERNOR RON DeSANTIS
WAS RECOLLECTED BY A HUGE MARGIN, AND A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE SAYING IT MAKES HIM THE
REPUBLICAN FRONT RUNNER FOR 2024 WHICH IS SURPRISING -- WHICH IS
SURPRISING BECAUSE IT'S HARD TO RUN ANYWHERE IN THOSE BOOTS. [ LAUGHTER ]
SOME OTHER RACES PEOPLE ARE TALKING ABOUT, A 25-YEAR-OLD NAMED MAXWELL FROST WAS ELECTED
AS THE FIRST GEN Z MEMBER OF CONGRESS [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
YEP. HE WAS THE ONLY WINNER TO BEGIN A VICTORY SPEECH WITH, "WELL,
THIS LOW-KEY SLAPS." [ LAUGHTER ] OF COURSE, IT'S A HUGE
CELEBRATION FOR THE CANDIDATES WHO WIN, BUT IT'S SAD FOR THE ONES WHO LOSE BECAUSE THEY
STILL SET UP A PARTY TAKE A LOOK AT DOUG MASTRIANO'S PARTY AFTER HE LOST THE
PENNSYLVANIA GOVERNOR'S RACE LOOK AT THIS
*
* THE VENGABUS IS COMIN AND EVERYBODY'S JUMPIN NEW YORK TO SAN FRANCISC
AN INTERCITY DISCO * [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: YEAH, YEAH, YEAH
YOU KNOW IT WAS A TOUGH NIGHT WHEN THE DANCE PARTY LOOKS LIKE A STILL PHOTO.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING [ LAUGHTER ] I'M NOT SURE WHAT THE ENERGY OF
AN ELECTION PARTY SHOULD BE, BUT IT'S DEFINITELY NOT WEDDING RECEPTION THAT JUST HAD A FIST
FIGHT. [ LAUGHTER ] YEAH THE MIDTERMS ARE OVER, AND
THERE ARE WINNERS, AND OBVIOUSLY THERE ARE LOSERS, WHO IS HAVE TO MAKE A CONCESSION
SPEECH SO, AS A SERVICE, WE THOUGHT WE WOULD HELP THEM OUT BY GIVING
THEM LINES TO HELP THEM START OFF THOSE CONCESSION SPEECHES. FOR INSTANCE, THERE'S, "GOOD
EVENING, THE OPEN BAR IS NOW A A CASH BAR GOT TO PAY FOR THAT.
[ LAUGHTER ] NEXT, THERE'S, "IF ANYONE NEEDS
TO CONTACT ME, YOU CAN EMAIL ME AT 'INSERT NAME HERE@UBER.COM.' [ LAUGHTER ]
WANT TO CHITCHAT OR NO OKAY." NEXT, THERE'S, "SO ANYONE KNOW
IF I CAN UN-ADOPT THAT DOG I GOT FOR THE CAMPAIGN?" [ LAUGHTER ]
NEXT THERE'S, "MY CAMPAIGN IS LIKE 'WESTWORLD.' IT'S HARD TO UNDERSTAND WHAT HAPPENED BUT
IT'S OVER. [ APPLAUSE ] WELL, THIS ONE'S SHORT
NEXT THERE'S, "WELL, NOW I KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO WORK AT TWITTER.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE AND FINALLY, "IT'S ME. HI, I'M THE PROBLEM WITH ME.
[ APPLAUSE ] THEY JUST GOT TO OWN IT. THEY JUST GOT TO OWN IT.
WELL, IT'S THE DAY AFTER THE MIDTERMS WITH A LOT OF BIG RACES STILL TOO CLOSE TO CALL,
AND YOU COULD TELL THE NETWORKS ARE TRYING TO FILL TIME BECAUSE THIS IS WHAT YOU SEE RIGHT NOW
WHEN YOU TURN ON CNN
BREAAAAAAAAAAAAKIIIIIIIIIIING [ CATCHS BREATH
NEWS >> STILL, NOTHING. [ APPLAUSE ]
>> Jimmy: THERE YOU GO STILL NOTHING. [ APPLAUSE ]
SWITCHING GEARS, SOME ENTERTAINMENT NEWS, I READ THAT NETFLIX WANTS TO START OFFERING
LIVE SPORTS. YEP. THERE WILL BE WAY FEWER
PENALTIES IN FOOTBALL WHEN THIS IS THE REFEREE YEAH
[ LAUGHTER ] WELL, YOU GUYS, EARLIER TONIGHT WAS THE ANNUAL COUNTRY MUSIC
AWARDS I LOVE THE CMAs, BUT I'VE GOT TO SAY, I DIDN'T KNOW A LOT OF
THIS YEAR'S PERFORMERS TAKE A LOOK. MAYBE YOU'LL AGREE
>> THE CMAs WOULD LIKE TO THANK ALL THE OF THE AMAZING PERFORMERS OF TONIGHT'S
INCREDIBLE CEREMONY INCLUDING BROOKS AND DUNN, DAN + SHAY, MADDIE & TAE
BROOKS AND DAN, AND MADDIE AND SHAY, SHAY AND THE FRAY AND SUGAR RAY WITH JAY-Z FEATURING
BEYONCE. MADDIE AND MACE BELTING AMAZING GRAZE WITH SPACEHOG ON BABYFACE
ON UPRIGHT BASS. BROOKS AND DUNN WITH FUN! AND NUNS SINGING "ONE" AND "MY
ANACONDA DON'T WANT NONE UNLESS YOU GOT BUNS HUN," FEATURING REVEREND RUN
AND CARRIE UNDERWOOD >> Jimmy: YEAH, I KNOW CARRIE UNDERWOOD
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE DID YOU GUYS SEE THIS? A MAN IN THE UK WAS JUST
ARRESTED FOR ALLEGEDLY THROWING EGGS AT KING CHARLES YEP, SOME OF THE EGGS SHATTERED
ON THE GROUND. AND THIS IS TRAGIC, BUT IT'S BEEN REPORTED THAT ALL THE
KING'S HORSES AND ALL THE KING'S MEN COULDN'T PUT THEM BACK TOGETHER AGAIN.
[ LAUGHTER ] GUYS, LISTEN TO THIS A SOUTHWEST AIRLINES PILOT
PROPOSED TO HIS GIRLFRIEND OVER THE P.A. SYSTEM DURING A A FLIGHT
YEP, THEN THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WAS LIKE, "IF YOU WANT TO SAY, 'NO,' THE EMERGENCY EXITS ARE
LOCATED HERE AND HERE. [ LAUGHTER ] AND FINALLY, IT IS WEDNESDAY,
AND WE ALL KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. IT'S TIME FOR SOME "MONDAY
MOTIVATIONS. HERE WE GO [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* >> MONDAY MOTIVATIONS. >> Jimmy: YOU'RE SO POPULAR,
WHEN SOMEONE SAYS, NOVEMBER, EVERYONE ELSE IS LIKE, "OH, YOU MEAN McKENZIE'S BIRTHDAY
MONTH? [ APPLAUSE ] AFTER THEY WELCOME YOU ONTO THE
FLIGHT, THE PILOTS GO INTO THE COCKPIT, SHUT THE DOOR, AND GO, "OH, MY GOD, HE'S HERE
BE COOL, BE COOL." [ APPLAUSE ] NO MATTER WHAT YOU WENT AS FOR
HALLOWEEN, PEOPLE ASSUMED YOU WERE THE SEXY VERSION. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
GO AHEAD, SAY YOU'RE VEGAN PEOPLE CARE. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
WHEN YOU READ ON THE SUBWAY, EVERYONE IS LIKE, "OH, HE'S THE FULL PACKAGE."
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE IF YOU'D BEEN ON STAGE THAT NIGHT, JOHN WILKES BOOTH WOULD
HAVE BEEN LIKE, "FORGET ABE LINCOLN, I WANT TO SEE THE REST OF THIS PLAY.
[ APPLAUSE ] AND FINALLY, THIS YEAR, YOUR UNCLE IS GOING TO SHOW UP TO
THANKSGIVING LIKE, "I'VE GIVEN IT SOME THOUGHT, AND I REALIZE, YOU'RE RIGHT."
[ APPLAUSE ] THANK YOU. WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW, EVERYONE
OCTAVIA SPENCER IS HERE TONIGHT! OCTAVIA!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE MATTHIAS SCHWEIGHOFER IS ON THE SHOW
AND WE'VE GOT STANDUP FROM KURT BRAUNOHLER. STICK AROUND
WE'RE PLAYING "CATCHPHRASE" WHEN WE COME BACK. SPECIAL GUEST.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * >> IT HAS AN ENLONGATED MIDDLE
AND TWO THINGS ON EITHER SIDE. >> Tariq: OH, UH, UH, A - WHAT IS THAT THING?
>> I KNOW IT'S A WEIRD NOTE. [ TALKING OVER EACH OTHER >> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK TO "THE
TONIGHT SHOW." I'M HERE WITH TARIQ TROTTER FROM THE ROOTS, EVERYBODY.
COME ON. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE WE'RE ABOUT TO PLAY A GAME OF
"CATCHPHRASE," BUT WE'RE GOING TO NEED SOME PARTNERS. JOINING MY TEAM IS THE STAR OF
THE UPCOMING HOLIDAY MOVIE, "SPIRITED," PREMIERING IN THEATERS THIS FRIDAY AND
GLOBALLY ON APPLE TV PLUS NOVEMBER 18th. GIVE IT UP FOR OCTAVIA SPENCER
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * MY PARTNER
I'M SO HAPPY COME ON, LET'S GO GET THAT WIN >> HEY
>> Jimmy: GET THAT WIN >> ALL RIGHT >> Jimmy: TARIQ, YOUR PARTNER
STARS IN THE UPCOMING MOVIE, "THE FABELMANS," OPENING IN NEW YORK AND L.A. THIS FRIDAY
AND IN THEATERS EVERYWHERE NOVEMBER 23rd. PLEASE WELCOME, SETH ROGEN,
LADIES AND GENTLEMAN [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
COMING IN HOT. COMING IN CONFIDENT. COMING IN HOT.
>> COMING IN HOT >> Jimmy: HERE'S HOW THE GAME WORKS.
I'M GOING TO START THE ROUND BY PRESSING "START" ON THIS BUZZER, AND SETH, YOU'RE GOING
TO DRAW A CLUE FROM THE TOP OF THE PILE YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO GET
YOUR PARTNER TO GUESS THE CLUE AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE THEN HAND THE BUZZER TO THE
PERSON ON YOUR RIGHT IF YOU'RE HOLDING THE BUZZER WHEN IT GOES OFF, YOUR TEAM
LOSES THAT ROUND [ LAUGHTER ] WE'RE GOING TO PLAY THREE
ROUNDS LET'S TAKE OUR POSITIONS >> ALL RIGHT
ALL RIGHT. >> Jimmy: YEAH, HERE WE GO >> ALL RIGHT
I'M ON THE OTHER SIDE? >> Jimmy: YEAH, HERE WE GO COME ON, BUD
>> OH, I'M NERVOUS I'M NERVOUS. >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT, HERE WE
GO COME ON, WE GOT -- >> I'M READY
>> Jimmy: HERE HE GOES >> ONE, TWO, THREE, GO >> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT.
>> HE'S AN OLD GUY FROM "A CHRISTMAS CAROL," THE MAIN CHARACTER.
>> Tariq: EBENEZER SCROOGE >> YES >> WOW
>> Jimmy: OKAY IT'S NOT A SWEATER, BUT IT GOES -
>> A CAPE. >> Jimmy: BUT IT GOES UP CLOSER TO YOUR HEAD
>> A HOODIE. >> Jimmy: NO, BUT IT'S -- IT'S SOMETHING -- IT'S --
>> OH, GOSH. >> Jimmy: I WANT TO SAY IT'S ALSO LIKE AN ANIMAL.
IT HAS A SHELL >> TURTLENECK. >> Jimmy: YES!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Tariq: SOMETIMES THEY PUT THIS FISH ON PIZZA
>> ANCHOVIES >> WOW [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
YOU HIT IT WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING. >> Jimmy: ALARM.
SNOOZE >> YES >> Jimmy: SNOOZE BUTTON.
>> YEAH. >> THEY'RE A RUBBER SHOE - [ BUZZER ]
[ SAD TUBA ] [ APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: OOH, MY FAVORITE
BEATLES ALBUM. >> YEP EXAC -- IT'S A GOOD ONE.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: RUBBER SHOE. >> RUBBER SHOE
>> Jimmy: A RUBBER SHOE, A A SNEAKER? >> YEAH, A RUBBER SHOE
>> Jimmy: YEAH, THAT WAS A GOOD ONE. I LIKE THAT CLUE
>> NO, IT WAS A BRAND --IT'S A A BRAND. >> Jimmy: OH, IT'S CROCS
THAT IS A RUBBER SHOE. THAT'S GOOD -- YEAH, THAT'S GOOD
SETH, THAT WAS A GOOD CLUE ALL RIGHT, OCTAVIA, WE GOT THE POINT THERE, OKAY?
BUT YOUR CHANCE TO TIE IT RIGHT HERE SETH, AGAIN, WHEN YOU'RE READY
>> I'M READY I GET IT NOW ONE, TWO, THREE, GO.
>> YOU BOUNCE ON IT LIKE THIS. IT'S AN OLDEN TOY FROM DAYS OF YORE
>> Tariq: INCH WORM? >> NO. >> Tariq: BOUNCY BALLS
>> NO. IT HAS AN ELONGATED MIDDLE AND TWO THINGS
>> Tariq: WHAT IS THAT THING >> I KNOW. IT'S A WEIRD NAME.
[ TALKING OVER EACH OTHER >> IT'S NOT LIKE - >> Tariq: GEEZ
>> YOU KNOW, IT'S -- YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS YOU JUST DON'T KNOW THE WORD
>> Tariq: I DO I DO WHAT IS IT
>> I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO IN THIS SITUATION I'VE DONE MY JOB
>> Jimmy: I'M GONNA TAKE THIS WIN. *
A DOG CATCHES A -- A DIG CATCHES A -- >> Tariq: GET OUT OF HERE.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> THERE'S A SANDWICH SHOP CAN I DO "RHYMES WITH"
>> YES >> RHYMES WITH A SANDWICH SHOP IT'S A BAD L.A. SANDWICH
>> Jimmy: WHAT DO YOU THROW A DOG? YOU THROW A BALL AND YOU THROW
A -- >> Tariq: WHAT [ BUZZER ]
[ SAD TUBA ] >> YOU THROW A BONE? WHAT
>> IT'S A POGO STICK >> A POGO STICK! GOD DAMMIT
* [ APPLAUSE ] >> OH MY GOD
>> Jimmy: OH MY GOD. >> Tariq: IT'S A POGO STICK. >> IT'S A POGO STICK
>> Jimmy: ONCE YOU DON'T GET THIS, THERE'S NOWHERE TO GO. THERE'S NOWHERE TO GO.
IT MAKES IT WORSE. IT MAKES IT WORSE. >> THE CONVEYANCE OF THE THING
WASN'T THE PROBLEM >> Jimmy: BUT, HERE'S THE -- I'M JUST HEARING FROM THE
JUDGES, RIGHT NOW, THAT WE'RE GOING TO PLAY ONE MORE ROUND >> WE GOT TO PLAY ANOTHER
ROUND. >> Jimmy: AND THIS ROUND IS WORTH 1,000 POINTS
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE WINS THE WHOLE THING WINS THE WHOLE THING
HERE WE GO >> ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO >> Jimmy: SETH, WHENEVER YOU'RE
READY. >> WORKED MYSELF UP HERE OKAY
ONE, TWO, THREE. YOU SIT ON IT. IT MAKES A FART NOISE.
IT'S A BALLOON TOY >> HOT AIR BALLOON >> THAT YOU SIT ON AND IT MAKES
A FART NOISE I SAY IT TO THE SAME UNIVERSE AS THE POGO STICK.
>> IT'S ANOTHER DUMB ASS NAME. WHAT IS IT CALLED? [ LAUGHTER ]
>> THERE'S A PIE [ BLEEP A LITTLE CAKE.
>> WHOOPEE CUSHION >> YES [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: CONGRATULATIONS. >> OKAY. ELON MUSK NOW OWNS THIS.
>> TWITTER >> Jimmy: YES. >> Tariq: OH, MY GOD
>> WHAT? >> Tariq: IT'S AN INSTRUMENT YOU HOLD IT IN YOUR HAND -
AND IT'S A - >> KAZOO >> Tariq: YES.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> YOU GO AROUND THE BOARD WITH IT -
>> Jimmy: SORRY. MONOPOLY >> YES
>> IT'S A DISK OF DOUGH -- >> Tariq: A PIZZA. >> AND IT COMES COLD THOUGH.
>> Tariq: A PIE. A PIZZA PIE. >> THAT YOU BUY IT COLD.
>> Tariq: DiGIORNO FROZEN PIZZA >> YES
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> THE LITTLE YELLOW CARTOON >> MINIONS
>> Jimmy: YES! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Tariq: YOU PUT IT ON
A BURGER, A BURGER IT'S RED [ BUZZER ]
>> KETCHUP >> Tariq: YES! YES!
YES. [ DINGING [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: WOW! YOU PUT IT ON A BURGER IT'S RED
>> Tariq: YEAH, COME ON, MAN >> WAS IT KETCHUP? >> YES, IT WAS KETCHUP
>> I GOT IT. I GOT IT >> Jimmy: MY THANKS TO
OCTAVIA SPENCER. THE CHAMPS ALSO A CHAMPION, SETH ROGEN.
THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE WE APPRECIATE IT TARIQ TROTTER, THANK YOU FOR
PLAYING. WE'RE TALKING TO OCTAVIA AFTER THE BREAK.
STICK AROUND EVERYBODY OH, MY GOSH. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* >> I ALMOST PAID WITH IT CAN YOU IMAGINE?
>> Jimmy: COUNTERFEIT RYAN REYNOLDS MONEY. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
[ CYMBAL CRASH ] YOU ALMOST WENT TO JAIL. >> I ALMOST WENT TO JAIL
>> Jimmy: YOU ALMOST WENT TO PRISON OVER RYAN REYNOLDS. >> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK,
EVERYBODY. I JUST WANT TO MENTION THIS FRIDAY WE ARE DOING A VERY
SPECIAL SHOW IN HONOR OF VETERANS DAY OUR ENTIRE AUDIENCE WILL BE
FILLED WITH VETERANS FROM ALL BRANCHES OF THE MILITARY [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
WE DO THIS EVERY YEAR. IT'S A LOT OF FUN. SO, TUNE IN FOR THAT FRIDAY
NIGHT, EVERYBODY [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE OUR FIRST GUEST IS AN
OSCAR-WINNING ACTRESS WHO YOU CAN SEE ALONGSIDE WILL FERRELL AND RYAN REYNOLDS IN THE NEW
FILM, "SPIRITED," WHICH IS THEATERS FRIDAY AND ON APPLE TV PLUS NOVEMBER 18th
PLEASE WELCOME OCTAVIA SPENCER
* *
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: OCTAVIA, WELCOME BACK
>> OH. >> Jimmy: IT'S ALWAYS GREAT TO SEE YOU.
I TOLD YOU WE WERE GOING TO GET THAT WIN RIGHT?
>> I FEEL SO, LIKE -- >> Jimmy: YES, YOU -- WE DID IT
WE GOT IT. >> INVINCIBLE! >> Jimmy: YES, COME ON
WE CRUSHED IT. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> INVINCIBLE.
>> Jimmy: I KNEW WE WOULD BE GOOD TOGETHER. THANKS FOR COMING BACK TO THE
SHOW YOU KNOW, THERE'S A BIG DEBATE ALWAYS AROUND THIS TIME.
IS IT TOO EARLY TO GET READY FOR CHRISTMAS? CAN YOU LISTEN TO THE MUSIC?
CAN YOU DECORATE AND YOU SAY -- >> I SAY IT'S NOT TOO EARLY TO
START ON HALLOWEEN [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: BUT I MEAN, IS THAT
WHEN YOU START, AROUND HALLOWEEN? NO
>> WELL, I PULL THE TREE OUT AND -- I MEAN, IT'S -- MINE IS OUT.
I HAVEN'T DECORATED IT I'M DOING THAT WHEN I GET BACK >> Jimmy: OH, YEAH
SO, THE -- BUT THE TREE IS OUT IS IT -- IS IT PLUGGED -- >> IT'S LIT AND PLUGGED IN
>> Jimmy: IT'S LIT >> BUT NO DECORATIONS, GUYS. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: YEAH NOW DO YOU DO -- DO YOU DO REAL TREES?
>> NO, NO, NO. >> Jimmy: FAKE TREE? >> I LIKE THE FAKE TREE BECAUSE
YOU HAVE THE LIGHTS EVENLY DISTRIBUTED. >> Jimmy: WOW.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> OTHERWISE, YOU'LL HAVE POCKETS.
>> Jimmy: OH, MY GOODNESS. DO HAVE THE WHOLE FAMILY? DO YOU HAVE EVERY -- DO YOU HOST
EVERYONE FOR THE HOLIDAYS? >> UH, NO. I -- I USUALLY GO HOME BECAUSE
IT'S EASIER FOR ME, BUT -- AND IN ALL HONESTY, NOBODY IN MY LIFE WOULD EVER WANT ME TO HOST
A PARTY OR -- [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: I THINK YOU WOULD BE
A GREAT HOST >> WELL, ONLY BECAUSE -- AND I JUST WANT TO SEE IF YOU GUYS
AGREE AND IF YOU AGREE I HAVE -- I TAP OUT EARLY. SO, I'M READY TO BE DONE BEFORE
OTHER PEOPLE ARE >> Jimmy: OH [ LAUGHTER ]
>> AND IF -- >> Jimmy: NO, NO, NO, NO >> IF YOU'RE HOSTING, YOU CAN'T
GO, "OH, GUYS," YOU KNOW, "DINNER IS FROM 8:00 TO 10:00. IT'S 9:30.
>> Jimmy: YOU'VE GOT TO GO TO 10:00 AT LEAST >> YES
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE SO -- >> Jimmy: WOW.
>> YEAH. >> Jimmy: YEAH, YEAH THEN YOU CAN'T
BUT DO WE HAVE -- HAVE YOU EVER TRIED IT >> "DINNER IS FROM 8:00 TO
10:00. IT'S 9:30. [ LAUGHTER ]
I'M -- I AM GOING TO TRY NEXT YEAR >> Jimmy: YEAH -- OH, YOU WILL
>> I AM. YEAH >> Jimmy: OKAY GOOD.
>> YEAH. >> Jimmy: SO THEN, AFTER NEXT YEAR, I WANT YOU TO COME BACK
ON THE SHOW TO DISCUSS HOW IT WENT >> I CAN TELL YOU, I'M GOING TO
BE REALLY PANICKED [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: AROUND 9:30, HOW DO
YOU -- HOW DO WE GET THE FAMILY UP POLITELY? >> HOW DO WE GET THEM OUT?
HOW DO WE GET THEM OUT YEAH >> Jimmy: I WANT TO TALK TO YOU
ABOUT THIS BECAUSE YOU TOLD ME A VERY FUNNY STORY.
AND YOU BROUGHT A PHOTO AS WELL IT'S HALLOWEEN, AND YOU WERE
GETTING CANDY. >> YEAH. >> Jimmy: GETTING READY FOR
HALLOWEEN. AND -- WELL, DO WE JUST -- >> WELL -- SO, HERE'S THE
THING. I NEVER HAVE CASH WITH ME. AND I WAS ALL EXCITED.
I'M ALSO THAT CUSTOMER WHO'S, LIKE, READY. I DON'T WANT TO BE FUMBLING FOR
MY CASH OR MY CREDIT CARD WHEN I'M AT THE REGISTER. >> Jimmy: ME EITHER.
>> SO, I LIKE TO FIND IT I'M LIKE, "DO I HAVE CASH? LIKE, "DO I HAVE $5?
AND I FOUND A $100 BILL IN MY WALLET >> Jimmy: WOW.
>> AND I WAS SO PROUD BECAUSE I FELT LIKE I HAD FOUND A TREASURE
>> Jimmy: YEAH >> AND SO, I'M GLAD I'M ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE WHO LIKES TO BE
PREPARED >> Jimmy: YEAH, OF COURSE. >> BECAUSE I'M LOOKING AT THE
$100 BILL, AND I'M LIKE, "BEN FRANKLIN LOOKS REALLY, REALLY WEIRD."
>> Jimmy: YEAH [ LAUGHTER ] AND THIS IS THE -- THIS IS WHAT
YOU GAVE THE PERSON AT THE -- >> YEAH. >> Jimmy: -- AT THE STORE.
>> I REALIZED -- [ LAUGHTER ] I -- I REALIZED IT WAS A PROP
FROM "SPIRITED," AND I -- I ALMOST PAID WITH IT. CAN YOU -- CAN YOU IMAGINE
>> Jimmy: COUNTERFEIT RYAN REYNOLDS MONEY. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
[ CYMBAL CRASH ] YOU ALMOST WENT TO JAIL. >> I ALMOST WENT TO JAIL
>> Jimmy: ALMOST WENT TO PRISON OVER RYAN REYNOLDS HOW DID YOU END UP WITH THIS
WHAT IS THIS >> WELL, IT'S A PROP FROM THE SET AND I SAW IT ON THE FLOOR
AND I THOUGHT, "WOW, THAT'S A GREAT -- IT LOOKS REAL." AND I THOUGHT, BECAUSE I NEVER
HAVE MONEY IN MY WALLET, THAT I WOULD REMEMBER WE SHOT IT A YEAR AGO.
THIS JUST HAPPENED, HALLOWEEN. >> Jimmy: YEAH [ LAUGHTER ]
THAT'S SO FUNNY. BUT NOW, IS IT OUT OF YOUR PURSE AND SAFE
>> I -- I HAVE IT ON A SHELF I SAVE PROPS AND THINGS FROM SETS
SO, I HAVE IT ON MY SHELF. AND I'M NEVER SAVING MONEY FROM ANY OTHER SET.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, THERE YOU GO YOU LEARNED YOUR LESSON. >> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: LET'S TALK ABOUT "SPIRITED. CONGRATULATIONS ON THIS.
YOU KNOW, I -- [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> THANK YOU
THANK YOU. >> Jimmy: IT'S A BIG FUN, COMEDY, HOLIDAY MUSICAL.
CAN WE SET UP WHAT IT'S ABOUT? >> YES IT'S A RETELLING OF "A
CHRISTMAS CAROL. >> Jimmy: YEAH >> BUT IT'S FROM THE GHOST'S
PERSPECTIVE. >> Jimmy: WHICH I THINK IS BRILLIANT.
>> YEAH. >> Jimmy: YEAH, SO WILL FERRELL IS, ACTUALLY, LOOKING AT HIS
PAST AND GOING, "WHY AM I DOING THIS?" [ LAUGHTER ]
"WHY AM I FINDING A SCROOGE EVERY YEAR WHAT'S THE POINT OF ALL THIS?"
YEAH >> YES >> Jimmy: LAST TIME YOU WERE ON
THE SHOW, YOU WERE JUST ABOUT TO START FILMING >> UH-HUH.
>> Jimmy: AND YOU WERE VERY EXCITED BUT ALSO A LITTLE NERVOUS.
>> YES >> Jimmy: BECAUSE THE -- THE DIRECTOR ASKED YOU IF YOU ICE
SKATE. >> IF I ICE SKATE. AND I -- I IMMEDIATELY SAID
"NO. [ LAUGHTER ] AND SO, THEY GOT ME THIS WORLD
CLASS TRAINER, ELLADJ BALDE, FROM CANADA. AND THAT --
>> Jimmy: I SHOULD SAY THIS IS A PHOTO. THIS IS NOT THE TRAINER
ELLADJ BAL -- THIS IS YOU IN A PLASTIC SEAL FOR CHILDREN
[ LAUGHTER ] THAT IS FOR -- USUALLY FOR CHILDREN WHO LEARN HOW TO ICE
SKATE. >> WHAT? >> Jimmy: BUT THIS IS BEFORE
YOU GOT THE TRAINING >> BEFORE I GOT THE TRAINING >> Jimmy: YEAH, AND YOU WERE
NERVOUS. >> I WAS >> Jimmy: AND I GO --
WE SHOWED THIS ON THE SHOW, AND I APPRECIATE YOU BEING SO WELL-CONFIDENT
>> BUT HERE'S THE THING. I -- I REALIZED THAT I COULD MASTER THE ICE
>> Jimmy: YES. >> I DID >> Jimmy: CONQUERED YOUR
DEMONS AND WE HAVE A CLIP OF IT LET'S SEE HOW IT ENDED UP.
COME ON. >> YEAH, YEAH. >> Jimmy: HERE'S
OCTAVIA SPENCER. WATCH THIS
DIDN'T FALL DOWN
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> I -- I DID NOT FALL DOWN. I DID LEARN HOW TO BE ON THE
ICE. >> Jimmy: UH-HUH >> BUT I CALLED IT "ICE
SCOOTING." >> Jimmy: WERE YOU -- >> I WASN'T WEARING --
>> Jimmy: SKATES >> -- THE SKATES NO
I -- >> Jimmy: RIGHT THERE. >> YEAH.
NO, I DECIDED I COULD SCOOT ON IF I HAD MY SNEAKERS >> Jimmy: BECAUSE YOU ICE
ACTED? >> WELL -- >> Jimmy: YOU SKATE ACTED?
>> WELL, THE DIRECTOR IS LIKE, "DON'T DO THAT NOBODY DOES THAT."
[ LAUGHTER ] IT'S LIKE DRIVING AND DOING THIS
I WAS LIKE -- >> Jimmy: BUT YOU SING ALSO IN THIS
THIS IS A LOT OF PRESSURE FOR YOU TO DO A LOT OF STUFF >> THERE ARE A LOT OF NEW
THINGS A LOT OF MOVING PARTS. SO I --
>> Jimmy: ACADEMY AWARD WINNER YOU'VE GOT TO DO IT ALL. >> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, COME ON. THEY EXPECT IT FROM YOU. >> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: BUT YOU SOUND PHENOMENAL >> WELL, THANK YOU
BUT IT TOOK A LOT TO GET ME THERE BECAUSE I HAD NO IDEA WHAT IT TAKES TO DO A MUSICAL
BECAUSE -- WELL, HERE'S THE THING. WE ALL SING EVERY DAY.
I DON'T CONSIDER MYSELF A SINGER >> Jimmy: YEAH
>> BUT I THOUGHT I COULD PROBABLY DO IT >> Jimmy: YEAH, OF COURSE.
>> BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU'RE SINGING WITH THE RADIO, YOU SOUND SO GOOD, RIGHT
[ LAUGHTER ] YOU'RE LIKE -- >> Jimmy: "YEAH, I MIGHT ROLL
DOWN THE WINDOWS I SOUND PRETTY GOOD. I WANT PEOPLE TO HEAR THIS
ONE. YEAH >> YOU KNOW, YOU HIT THE NOTES
BUT YOU REALIZE YOU'RE SINGING VERY LOW LIKE -- * HELLO *
>> Jimmy: OOH. >> YOU KNOW, IT'S -- * IS IT YOU'R
LOOKING FOR * >> Jimmy: WOW, THAT WAS MAGIC. >> IT WAS MAGIC.
AND THEN I REALIZED, YOU KNOW, THEY WERE GOING TO HAVE A MICROPHONE, SO I THOUGHT I
WOULD USE MY LITTLE -- MY RADIO SINGING VOICE. AND IT'S KIND OF SMALL LIKE
A -- LIKE A LITTLE MOUSE VOICE AND THE MUSIC -- THE VOICE COACH, ERIC VETRO, WAS LIKE,
"YEAH, I'M GOING TO -- I'M GOING TO NEED YOU TO SING OUT. >> Jimmy: EXACTLY, YEAH.
>> YEAH, PROJECT >> Jimmy: YOU GOT TO PROJECT A A LITTLE BIT
THE MOVIE IS NOT A TEXT MESSAGE. >> AND IT'S -- IT'S NOT -- AND
I LITERALLY STARTED PANICKING BECAUSE I THOUGHT, "WELL, WHAT HAVE I SIGNED ON TO DO?"
>> Jimmy: WHOA >> I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO WALK AROUND, YOU KNOW --
>> Jimmy: YOU CRUSHED IT * IN A MOUSE VOICE * >> Jimmy: YOU CRUSHED IT
>> THANK YOU >> Jimmy: AND YOU'RE SINGING WITH WILL -- WITH WILL FERRELL
>> WELL THEN, HE MAKES IT EASIER THOUGH. >> Jimmy: YEAH, HE'S FUN
>> SO, WE HAVE A MUSICAL DIRECTOR WHO TAUGHT ME HOW TO USE THE LYRICS TO THE SONG AS
A MONOLOGUE. NOW THAT I UNDERSTAND, BUT -- * SINGING IN MOUSE VOICE AND *
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: NO, I THINK YOU HAVE IT
YOU SOUND SO GREAT AND IT'S VERY FUNNY AND VERY HOLIDAY AND IT PUTS YOU IN A
A GOOD MOOD, IN A GOOD SPIRIT. YOU DO GET -- >> YOU DO.
>> Jimmy: -- IN THE HOLIDAY SPIRIT >> YOU DO.
>> Jimmy: I WANT TO SHOW EVERYONE A CLIP. HERE'S OCTAVIA SPENCER IN
"SPIRITED. TAKE A LOOK.
ODDLY TIGHT SUIT
>> YEAH, IT IS A LITTLE SNUG >> NO, I -- I LIKE IT. IT'S KIND OF A EURO FIT.
>> OH. >> AND I LIKE IT ON YOU. >> YEAH.
YEAH, IT IS A EURO FIT BECAUSE I BUY ALL MY CLOTHES IN GERMANY.
>> OH. >> YEAH. >> I CAN SEE
>> SORRY BUT WOULD YOU -- WOULD YOU WANT TO GO SOMEWHERE AND MAYBE --
>> NO, I -- >> YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TO ANSWER
>> YEAH, I -- I WOULD LOVE TO. >> OH, GREAT REALLY
>> TOTALLY I LOVE SOMEWHERE [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: "I LOVE SOMEWHERE. >> IT'S MY FAVORITE PLACE.
>> Jimmy: ME TOO [ LAUGHTER ] OCTAVIA SPENCER.
"SPIRITED" IS IN THEATERS THIS FRIDAY AND ON APPLE TV PLUS GLOBALLY NOVEMBER 18th
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MATTHIAS SCHWEIGHOFER. STICK AROUND, EVERYBODY.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * >> Jimmy: OUR NEXT GUEST IS
A VERY TALENTED ACTOR AND DIRECTOR, WHO YOU CAN SEE IN THE NEW MOVIE, "THE SWIMMERS,"
WHICH IS IN SELECT THEATERS FRIDAY, AND ON NETFLIX NOVEMBER 23rd.
EVERYONE PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO THE SHOW, MATTHIAS SCHWEIGHOFER.
* * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> THANK YOU >> Jimmy: OH, COME ON. >> OH, MY GOD!
>> Jimmy: MATTHIAS >> THANK YOU >> Jimmy: YOU LOOK GREAT
IT IS GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN. SINCE WE'VE TALKED, "ARMY OF THIEVES," YOUR MOVIE, NUMBER
ONE NETFLIX MOVIE IN 90-PLUS COUNTRIES, SOMETHING CRAZY CONGRATULATIONS.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE I MEAN - *
>> IT'S AMAZING. >> Jimmy: I CAN TELL -- I CAN ALREADY TELL YOU'VE CHANGED
A LITTLE BIT THIS HAS GONE TO YOUR HEAD THE SUCCESS HAS CHANGED YOU.
>> THAT'S NOT TRUE [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] BUT --
>> Jimmy: IS ANYTHING DIFFERENT? >> OH, YEAH.
WHEN WE ARRIVED -- WHEN I ARRIVED LAST WEEKEND IN NEW YORK, AND I STEPPED OUT OF
THE PLANE, AND I WENT TO IMMIGRATION, I MET AN OFFICER, AN IMMIGRATION OFFICER, AND HE
WAS THE FIRST GUY I MET IN AMERICA. AND HE WAS LIKE, "OH, MY GOD,
LUDWIG DIETER. 'ARMY OF THIEVES.' THAT'S AMAZING
CAN WE GET A SELFIE? >> Jimmy: YEAH >> AND I WAS LIKE, "OF COURSE,
YES, SIR YES, LET'S DO IT LET'S DO A SELFIE.
AND THEN I WAS ASKING, "SIR, BUT DO I HAVE TO STAND IN THIS LINE, OR CAN I GET THROUGH
QUICKLY? [ LAUGHTER ] AND HE SAID, "NO
NO, BOY, YOU GO IN LINE. >> Jimmy: OH, WOW. [ LAUGHTER ]
SO, FOR A SECOND, YOU GOT A GLIMPSE OF ULTIMATE -- YEAH. I'M SO HAPPY YOU'RE HERE
YOU KNOW I'M A BIG FAN, AND YOU'RE SUPER TALENTED. I HEARD THAT YOU BROUGHT A GAME
FOR ME TONIGHT YOU KNOW I LOVE GAMES. >> THAT'S TRUE
>> Jimmy: YEAH WHAT DO WE HAVE IN STORE WHAT DO WE HAVE PLANNED?
>> OKAY, SO, I KNOW YOU HAD, LIKE THERE'VE BEEN A FEW GERMAN SPEAKING ACTORS, GUESTS ON THE
SHOW >> Jimmy: YEAH, OF COURSE. >> AND THEY QUIZZED YOU ON
GERMAN WORDS I WOULD LOVE TO DO THE SAME. BUT BECAUSE THE MOVIE -- I'M
HERE FOR THE MOVIE "SWIMMERS," SO, I WOULD LOVE TO DO A QUIZ WITH YOU ABOUT GERMAN RELATED
TO, LIKE, SWIMMING GERMAN WORDS RELATED TO SWIMMING AND YOU HAVE TO GUESS
THE MEANING. >> Jimmy: "SWIMMERS" IS THE NAME OF YOUR FILM, AND SO THIS
IS GERMAN WORDS THAT HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH SWIMMING. >> RIGHT
>> Jimmy: I'M GOOD AT THIS [ LAUGHTER ] >> OKAY.
SO, GERMAN WORD QUIZ HERE'S THE FIRST WORD. IT'S -- DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY
IT, LIKE -- CAN I SAY IT FAST? >> Jimmy: YES. CAN YOU SAY IT FAST?
>> I MEAN THE WORD >> Jimmy: YEAH >> SO, THE FIRST WORD IS
BECKENRANDSCHWIMMER. [ LAUGHTER ] IT'S HARD.
DO YOU WANT ME -- YOU KNOW, IN GERMAN - >> Jimmy: BECKENRANDSCHWIMMER
>> BECKENRANDSCHWIMMER >> Jimmy: HE PLAYED ROSS ON "FRIENDS."
[ LAUGHTER ] I KNOW, I LOVE THAT GUY. >> EVERYTHING IN GERMAN IS
STOPPED SO I DO IT WITH MY DUBBING VOICE. LIKE, BECK --
BECKENRANDSCHWIMMER. >> Jimmy: WOW. >> SO, DOES IT MEAN, "A,"
SOMEONE WHO GETS GREAT JOY FROM SWIMMING, OR "B," SOMEONE WHO SWIMS BY HOLDING ON TO THE EDGE
OF THE POOL? >> Jimmy: SAY IT AGAIN >> BECKENRAND -- IT'S
BECKENRANDSCHWIMMER. >> Jimmy: AH >> BECKENRANDSCHWIMMER
BECKENRANDSCHWIMMER. >> Jimmy: THERE'S NOT MUSIC FOR THIS
SO, BECKENRANDSCHWIMMER. IT SOUNDS -- THE WAY YOU SAID IT SOUNDED LIKE, NICE.
SO I WOULD SAY - >> SOMEONE WHO GETS GREAT JOY FROM SWIMMING.
>> Jimmy: YES, GREAT JOY FROM SWIMMING, I SAY. [ BUZZER ]
>> THAT'S WRONG. [ SAD TUBA ] >> Jimmy: THERE'S A WORD FOR
SOMEONE WHO SWIMS AND HOLDS ON TO THE EDGE? WHAT
THAT'S A THING [ LAUGHTER ] >> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: THAT'S A WORD -- WE DON'T HAVE A WORD FOR THAT IN AMERICA.
WOW. >> THAT'S A GERMAN WORD, YEAH. >> Jimmy: BECKENRANDSCHWIMMER,
OKAY ALL RIGHT. >> NEXT WORD IS
SCHMETTERLINGSBEINSCHLAG >> Jimmy: IT SOUNDS DIRTY. >> THAT'S DIRTY.
IT'S, "A," BUTTERFLY KICK -- A A BUTTERFLY KICK, OR, "B," THE SPRING ON A DIVING BOARD
IT'S SCHMETTERLINGSBEINSCHLAG. SCHMETTERLINGSBEINSCHLAG >> Jimmy:
SCHMETTERLINGSBEINSCHLAG [ LAUGHTER ] >> SCHMETTERLINGSBEINSCHLAG.
>> Jimmy: SPRING >> SCHMETTERLINGSBEINSCHLAG. >> Jimmy: RIGHT?
IT'S NOT - >> IT'S MORE LIKE -- >> Jimmy: I THINK IT'S MORE
LIKE - I'M SAYING, SPRING DIVING BOARD.
[ BUZZER ] OKAY ALL RIGHT.
[ SAD TUBA ] [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE WHO CARES.
>> OKAY. SO, THE LAST ONE, THAT'S A A LITTLE DIFFERENT
LIKE THE ENGLISH WORD FOR POOL, THE GERMAN WORD FOR POOL, YEAH, IS CALLED BECKEN
AND BECKEN HAS MULTIPLE MEANINGS SO, BECKEN, DOES IT MEAN, "A,"
PELVIS AND CYMBALS, OR UVULA AND BOWLING PIN. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: I'M GOING TO SAY UVULA AND BOWLING PIN. [ BUZZER ]
WHAT ARE YOU KIDDING ME [ SAD TUBA ]
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE HOW DID YOU MAKE THAT UP WHY WOULD YOU MAKE THAT UP
I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO SAY. I HAVE NO IDEA
>> YEAH. WE'RE NOT PLAYING THIS GAME ANYMORE.
>> YOU WILL NEVER PLAY A GAME AGAIN. NEVER.
>> Jimmy: NO, WE'LL PLAY A GAME AGAIN, BUT NOT THIS ONE. PLEASE, THANK YOU.
>> THAT'S FOR YOU, THANK YOU >> Jimmy: LET'S TALK ABOUT YOUR MOVIE, "THE SWIMMERS."
>> YES >> Jimmy: YOU PLAY A COACH [ LAUGHTER ]
I LOVE THAT YOU PLAYED THIS WITH ME. DO YOU SWIM IN REAL LIFE
DO YOU KNOW THESE WORDS? >> I CAN FLOAT, AND I CAN DIVE I'M GOOD AT FLOATING
>> Jimmy: BUT THERE'S MUCH MORE ACTION IN THIS MOVIE >> I CAN SWIM.
I CAN SWIM A BIT I'M NOT A REALLY GOOD SWIMMER, BUT I LOOK GOOD, LIKE, STANDING
IN THE OCEAN IN THE WATER. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: JUST FLOATING AROUND
YEAH, YEAH, LOOKING AROUND HOW DID YOU GET THE STORY FOR THIS SCRIPT?
>> THIS IS A -- IN FACT, IT'S A TRUE STORY AND IN 2016, I MET -- IT'S A
A FILM ABOUT TWO SISTERS, AND THEY FLED THE SYRIAN WAR AND I MET THESE GIRLS
IN 2016 ON AN AWARD SHOW I RECEIVED AN AWARD AS A A DIRECTOR, AND I WAS SUPER
PROUD, BECAUSE IT WAS MY FIRST AWARD. BUT THEN THEY CAME ON STAGE AND
RECEIVED AN AWARD FOR BEING HEROES, BECAUSE THEY'VE BEEN THROUGH THIS CRAZY JOURNEY
AND I WAS LIKE - >> Jimmy: HERE'S MY DIRECTOR AWARD.
>> IT'S YOUR AWARD NOW >> Jimmy: YEAH, EXACTLY. >> AND I MET THE GIRLS FOR THE
FIRST TIME, AND I THOUGHT THE STORY WAS AMAZING. AND FIVE YEARS LATER, WORKING
TITLE, ERIC FELLNER, CALLED ME AND SAID MATTHIAS, THE PRODUCER, WE ARE DOING THIS
FILM CALLED "THE SWIMMERS," BASED ON THE TRUE STORY OF THESE TWO SWIMMING SISTERS
AND DO YOU WANT TO PLAY THE COACH? AND I WAS LIKE, "YES, WHERE DO
I NEED TO SIGN YES, I WOULD LOVE TO DO THAT FILM."
>> Jimmy: THE IDEA OF THE FILM IS THAT THE ENGINE GOES OUT ON THE BOAT
>> YEAH, YEAH. >> Jimmy: SO, THEY ACTUALLY SWIM AND PULL THE BOAT
>> THEY PULL THE BOAT, AND THEY SAVE LOADS OF PEOPLE BY SWIMMING THROUGH THE
MEDITERRANEAN SEA AT NIGHT JUST TO SAVE ALL THESE PEOPLE'S LIVES.
AND THEY'VE BEEN LIKE 17 AND 19 AT THE TIME >> Jimmy: IT'S UNBELIEVABLE.
IT'S AN UNBELIEVABLE, UNBELIEVABLE FILM. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
I'M SO GLAD YOU MADE THIS. I WANT TO SHOW EVERYONE A CLIP HERE'S MATTHIAS SCHWEIGHOFER IN
"THE SWIMMERS. TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.
>> I SWIM 200 METER FREESTYLE
IN 2:12, AND THE 100 METER BUFTTERFLY IN 1:09 >> BUTTERFLY IN 1:09
>> YES >> IS SHE KIDDING? >> NO, NO.
SHE SWIMS. SHE SWIMS. >> OKAY.
OKAY I HAVE A SMALL BREAK BEFORE MY 11:00 SESSION, SO IN THE
INDOOR POOL IF YOU'RE QUICK. >> THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
>> OKAY. >> BUT I DON'T HAVE SWIMSUIT >> YOU DON'T HAVE A SWIMSUIT
>> AND GOGGLES [ SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE >> THANK YOU SO MUCH
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU. >> YES
>> LET'S GO. >> HEY, HEY. WHAT'S YOUR NAME
>> YUSRA MARDINI >> YEAH, AND I'M SARAH WHO ARE YOU?
>> SVEN. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy:
MATTHIAS SCHWEIGHOFER. "THE SWIMMERS" IS IN SELECT THEATERS FRIDAY AND ON NETFLIX
NOVEMBER 23rd. WE HAVE STAND-UP FROM COMEDIAN KURT BRAUNOHLER, WHEN WE COME
BACK STICK AROUND, EVERYBODY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* >> Jimmy: OUR NEXT GUEST HAS HIS COMEDY SPECIAL, "PERFECTLY
STUPID," AVAILABLE NOW AT PERFECTLYSTUPID.COM. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
PLEASE WELCOME THE VERY FUNNY KURT BRAUNOHLER, EVERYBODY
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* >> HELLO THANK YOU.
SO, I HAVE TWO KIDS, WHICH IS SO MUCH MORE THAN ONE. [ LAUGHTER ]
I DON'T KNOW IF I LIKE WHO I AM WITH TWO KIDS. I LOVE THE KIDS.
BUT RECENTLY, I SCREAMED AT MY ENTIRE FAMILY AT THE DINNER TABLE, "I DON'T CARE IF
EVERYONE'S CRYING! I'M EATING." [ LAUGHTER ]
I DON'T WANT TO BE THAT MAN. AND WHEN I HAD ONE KID, IF SOMEONE ASKED ME, "HEY, SHOULD
I ASK KIDS?" I WAS LIKE, "YEAH. BUT NOW, WHEN I HAVE TWO KIDS,
IF SOMEONE'S LIKE, "SHOULD I HAVE KIDS? I'M LIKE, "DON'T TALK TO ME.
I HAVE 15 MINUTES TO DRINK THIS VODKA SODA BEFORE GOING TO BED BECAUSE EVERY MINUTE THAT HE
SLEEPS THAT I DON'T SLEEP, HE GETS STRONGER THAN ME! [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
BUT I WANT TO BE A GOOD DAD. I'M TRYING I'LL TELL YOU A STORY.
THERE'S A GAS STATION NEAR MY HOUSE. IT HAS A SMALL, HANDWRITTEN
SIGN ON ONE OF THE PUMPS THAT SAYS, "PLEASE REPLACE NOZZLE TO PUMP BEFORE DRIVING AWAY WITH
IT." [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] AND I THOUGHT THAT WAS FUNNY
AND I LAUGHED AT ALL THESE IDIOTS WHO ARE DRIVING AWAY WITH THE PUMPS STILL IN THEIR
CAR. AND SO, WHEN I DROVE AWAY WITH THE PUMP IN MY CAR --
[ LAUGHTER ] I WAS BASHFUL. A LITTLE EMBARRASSED, YOU MIGHT
SAY. I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW I DID IT, OKAY
HOPPED IN MY CAR BLASTING MY MEDITATION APP AND JUST -- [ LAUGHTER ]
TOOK OFF, YANKED IT RIGHT OUT OF THE THING, AND IMMEDIATELY PULLED AN ILLEGAL FOUR-LANE
U-TURN [ LAUGHTER ] ALL THE ONCOMING TRAFFIC WAS
LIKE -- [ IMITATING CAR HORNS AND I WAS LIKE, "OH, SCREW YOU,
NERDS! [ LAUGHTER ] "IT'S A U-TURN!"
[ LAUGHTER ] I GAVE THEM ALL THE MIDDLE FINGER, MEANWHILE SPEWING
GASOLINE ACROSS THE STREET [ LAUGHTER ] AND THEN I MADE A RIGHT AND GOT
ON AN EVEN BIGGER HIGHWAY, STARTED GOING VERY FAST. MIND YOU, I HAVE A TAIL.
JUST -- AND A BIG WHITE PICKUP TRUCK PULLS UP NEXT TO ME AND STARTS
HONKING AT ME AND I WAS LIKE, "IT'S A U-TURN!" [ LAUGHTER ]
AND HE'S LIKE, "ROLL YOUR WINDOW DOWN. I WAS LIKE, "WHAT?
HE WAS LIKE, "YOU DROVE AWAY WITH THE PUMP IN YOUR CAR. [ LAUGHTER ]
AND I WAS LIKE, YOU DROVE AWAY WITH THE -- [ SCREAMING
[ LAUGHTER ] SO, I DID. AND THEN I WAS VERY
EMBARRASSED. I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO I'M ON A HIGHWAY, SO I JUST
PULLED OVER TO THE SIDE OF THE ROAD AND HE PULLED OVER TOO
AND THEN I GOT OUT OF MY CAR AND HE GOT OUT OF HIS CAR. MIND YOU, I'M DEEPLY
EMBARRASSED. IT'S ESSENTIALLY LIKE I JUST CRAPPED MY PANTS AND HE, LIKE,
FOLLOWED ME INTO THE BATHROOM LIKE, "HEY, DID YOU CRAP YOUR PANTS, MAN?"
[ LAUGHTER ] "HEY, HOW MUCH CRAP IS IN YOUR PANTS?
[ LAUGHTER ] "HEY, WHY YOU THINK YOU CRAPPED YOUR PANTS EARLIER?"
[ LAUGHTER ] AND I WAS LIKE, "WHAT DO YOU WANT?"
AND HE SAID, "DO YOU NEED HELP?" AND I REALIZED, I HAD A CHOICE
AS DAD YOU KNOW, I COULD ACT LIKE MEN HAVE ACTED FOR MILLENIA.
I COULD LASH OUT LIKE A WOUNDED ANIMAL AND ADMIT, "YES, I SCREWED UP
AND I DO NEED HELP." AND SO, I LOOKED AT THIS MAN OFFERING THIS OLID BRANCH OF
HELP, AND I SAID "NO!" [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE AND THEN I GOT IN MY CAR AND
DROVE AWAY AND I -- YOU KNOW, AT FIRST I LOOKED AT THE CAR, AND I
REALIZED, "OH, I HAVE GAS -- I PULLED IT OUT OF MY CAR. AND I WAS LIKE, "THIS IS FILLED
WITH GAS STILL." WHAT WOULD BE VERY USEFUL WOULD BE A PICKUP TRUCK, BUT THAT GUY
JUST -- I JUST TOLD HIM TO GO SCREW HIMSELF. [ LAUGHTER ]
SO, THEN I HAD TO WALK WITH IT IN MY ARMS ALONG THE HIGHWAY LIKE A BIG DEAD SNAKE BACK TO
WHERE BOTH GAS STATION MANAGERS ARE STANDING OUTSIDE WAITING FOR ME
[ LAUGHTER ] AND I JUST LAID IT AT THEIR FEET
AND I WAS LIKE, "WHAT DO WE DO NOW? AND THEY'RE LIKE, "WE DON'T
KNOW THERE'S NO FORM FOR THIS, PAL. [ LAUGHTER ]
TURNS OUT, IT COSTS $350, WHICH IS HONESTLY A LOT LESS THAN I EXPECTED
[ LAUGHTER ] AND YOU KNOW WHAT? THEY'RE DESIGNED TO JUST POP
RIGHT OFF, SO YOU CAN JUST DO IT IT DOESN'T MATTER.
YOU CAN JUST DO IT [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE HONESTLY, IF YOU TURNED IT INTO
A COMEDY BIT, MAYBE YOU'LL GET ON "THE TONIGHT SHOW." [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
THANK YOU. * >> Jimmy: YEAH
COME ON. THAT'S UNBELIEVABLE. KURT BRAUNOHLER.
KURT BRAUNOHLER, "PERFECTLY STUPID" IS AVAILABLE AT PERFECTLYSTUPID.COM.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK, EVERYBODY * >> Jimmy: MY THANKS TO
OCTAVIA SPENCER, MATTHIAS SCHWEIGHOFER, SETH ROGEN, KURT BRAUNOHLER,
RIGHT HERE [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE AND THE ROOTS, RIGHT THERE,
FROM PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
THANK YOU FOR WATCHING, STAY TUNED FOR "LATE NIGHT WITH SETH MEYERS.
GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY. BYE BYE. THANK YOU!