>> Steve: FROM STUDIO 6B IN ROCKEFELLER CENTER IN THE HEART
OF NEW YORK CITY, IT'S "THE TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON."
TONIGHT, JOIN JIMMY AND HIS GUESTS - ADAM SANDLER
GRETA GERWIG DANE COOK, MUSICAL GUEST, BABYFACE RAY,
AND FEATURING THE LEGENDARY ROOTS CREW >> Questlove: 1757
>> Steve: AND NOW, HERE HE IS, JIMMY FALLON
*
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: OH, THAT MAKES ME
FEEL GOOD. I GIVE IT RIGHT BACK TO YOU. ENJOY YOURSELF
WELCOME, EVERYBODY WELCOME TO "THE TONIGHT SHOW." YOU'RE HERE.
YOU MADE IT. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THANK YOU FOR WATCHING AT HOME
GUYS, TODAY IS DECEMBER 1st, WHICH MEANS IT'S TIME TO PLAY THAT CLASSIC DECEMBER GAME,
"CAN YOU FINISH YOUR LUNCH BEFORE THE SUN GOES DOWN?" [ LAUGHTER ]
THAT'S - THAT'S RIGHT IT'S DECEMBER 1st.
THE HOLIDAY SEASON IS HERE I HATE TO BE OLD FASHIONED, BUT DOES ANYONE ELSE THINK
CHRISTMAS HAS TAKEN ALL THE MEANING AWAY FROM THE LEXUS DECEMBER TO REMEMBER
[ LAUGHTER ] YOU CAN TELL IT'S THE HOLIDAY SEASON IN NEW YORK CITY.
THIS MORNING I TOLD MY UBER DRIVER, "ROCKEFELLER CENTER," AND HE JUST ABANDONED HIS CAR
AND NEVER CAME BACK. [ LAUGHTER ] YEP, NOW THAT THE ROCKEFELLER
CENTER CHRISTMAS TREE IS UP, THERE ARE TOURISTS EVERYWHERE. AND NOW THAT WEED IS LEGAL IN
NEW YORK, I KIND OF UNDERSTAND STARING AT IT FOR AN HOUR. [ LAUGHTER ]
I GO - WELL, IT SEEMS LIKE THERE'S SO MUCH GOING ON RIGHT NOW.
LAST NIGHT WAS THE ROCKEFELLER CENTER CHRISTMAS TREE GOT LIT, THE WORLD CUP --
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THE WORLD CUP IS IN FULL SWING THERE'S A NEW TRAILER FOR THE
"SUPER MARIO BROS. MOVIE." >> Steve: OH >> Jimmy: THAT LOOKS GOOD.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE AND SUBWAY JUST ANNOUNCED THAT THEY'RE GOING TO SELL A FOOT
LONG COOKIE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THERE'S A LOT TO GO OVER
SO, LET'S JUST JUMP IN AND COVER IT ALL AT ONCE IT'S TIME FOR A "NEWS SMASH.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * >> Jimmy: FIRST UP, THE
ROCKEFELLER CENTER CHRISTMAS TREE LAST NIGHT WAS THE BIG
LIGHTING THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE WAITED AROUND FOR HOURS JUST FOR ONE
SECOND OF EXCITEMENT [ LAUGHTER ] YEAH, IT WAS JUST LIKE WATCHING
THE WORLD CUP. YEAH [ LAUGHTER ]
GAMES ARE LONG SOMETIMES THERE'S A TIE. AND THE FANS IN QATAR AREN'T
EVEN ALLOWED TO DRINK. BUT IT HASN'T STOPPED THEM FROM ENJOYING THE MATCHES, WHICH ARE
FULL OF RUNNING, JUMPING, AND KICKING, KIND OF LIKE "SUPER MARIO.
[ LAUGHTER ] THE NEW TRAILER FOR THE MOVIE JUST CAME OUT.
YEAH, IT'S A WHOLE MOVIE ABOUT A PLUMBER, WHICH IS EXACTLY WHO YOU'LL BE CALLING IF YOU EAT A
A FOOT LONG COOKIE FROM SUBWAY [ LAUGHTER ] THAT'S RIGHT, A GIANT
12-INCH-LONG COOKIE. THEY'RE SELLING THEM FOR "NATIONAL COOKIE DAY," OR AS
STONERS CALL IT, "CHRISTMAS. [ LAUGHTER ] THE TREE IS SO BEAUTIFUL WHEN
IT'S LIT BUT YOU KNOW WHO ISN'T LIT RIGHT NOW?
FANS AT THE WORLD CUP. [ LAUGHTER ] THERE'S -- THERE'S NO BOOZE.
BUT THEY STILL WENT WILD WHEN TEAM U.S.A.'S BEST PLAYER SCORED WHILE GETTING KNEED IN
THE GROIN. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] YEAH, HE TOOK ONE RIGHT IN HIS
COOKIES. [ LAUGHTER ] SERIOUSLY, IF THERE'S -- IF YOU
EAT THIS WHOLE THING, YOU WON'T BE HITTING YOUR WEIGHT LOSS GOAL
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THERE ARE 16 COUNTRIES LEFT, BUT THERE CAN ONLY BE 1 WINNER
RIGHT NOW, EVERY COUNTRY IS HOPING "IT'S A ME. [ LAUGHTER ]
SO, IN CONCLUSION, WHAT A STAR, IN QATAR, "SUPER MAR," YOU TOOK IT TOO FAR
THIS HAS BEEN A "NEWS SMASH.
* >> Jimmy: OH, THANK YOU VERY
MUCH THANK YOU. WELL, HERE'S SOME BIG NEWS
TODAY, PRESIDENT BIDEN HOSTED FRENCH PRESIDENT EMMANUEL MACRON FOR THE FIRST
WHITE HOUSE STATE DINNER IN MORE THAN THREE YEARS. YEP, THE FRENCH LIKE TO EAT
LATE, SO BIDEN WAS LIKE, "GOT IT 4:30 IT IS."
[ LAUGHTER ] CAN WE SEE BIDEN AND MACRON TOGETHER
OH, YEAH YEAH, THEY LOOK LIKE A FATHER AND SON LAW FIRM
[ LAUGHTER ] TONIGHT, BIDEN WAS -- IT WAS THE VERY FIRST WHITE HOUSE
STATE DINNER WITH EMMANUEL MACRON. NOW, STATE DINNERS ARE ALWAYS
VERY FANCY WITH LOTS OF DISHES AND COURSES. SO, JUST OUT OF CURIOSITY,
LET'S SEE IF I CAN READ THE ENTIRE MENU IN LESS TIME THAN IT TOOK MACRON TO BREAK AWAY
FROM A HANDSHAKE WITH DONALD TRUMP HERE WE GO
LET'S TRY IT AND LET'S RUN THE HANDSHAKE. HERE WE GO
BUTTER POACHED MAINE LOBSTER [ LAUGHTER ] AMERICAN CAVIAR.
[ LAUGHTER ] SQUASHED RAVIOLO WITH TARRAGON SAUCE.
[ LAUGHTER ] BEEF WITH SHALLOT MARMALADE, THAT SOUNDS GOOD
[ LAUGHTER ] TRIPLE COOKED BUTTER POTATOES. SUNCHOKED CREAM WATERCREST RED
WINE REDUCTION THREE ARTISANAL CHEESES. [ LAUGHTER ]
ORANGE CHIFFON CAKE. AND ROASTED PEARS. AND ICE CREAM.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THERE YOU GO THAT'S A GOOD MENU
WE DID IT. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
"OH. RING AROUND THE ROSY, POCKET --"
NO MEANWHILE, LAST NIGHT, THE BIDENS AND THE MACRONS WENT OUT
TO DINNER AT AN ITALIAN RESTAURANT >> Steve: OH
>> Jimmy: YEAH HERE'S A PHOTO OF THE TWO COUPLES AT DINNER.
THERE THEY ARE YEP, THE BIDENS AND MACRONS WENT ON A DOUBLE DATE.
THEN KAMALA AND DOUG SHOWED UP AT THE RESTAURANT AND PRETENDED IT WAS AN ACCIDENT
"OH, MY GOSH [ LAUGHTER ] "YOU EAT AT THE SAME -- I GUESS
WE SHOULD JUST EAT TOGETHER, RIGHT? [ LAUGHTER ]
SWITCHING GEARS. WELL, GUYS, PRINCE WILLIAM AND PRINCESS KATE ARE ON A TRIP IN
BOSTON AND LAST NIGHT, THEY WENT TO A A BOSTON CELTICS GAME.
AND THERE'S A -- THERE'S A A PHOTO GOING AROUND THAT REALLY MADE ME LAUGH
CAN WE SEE THIS PHOTO? [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: THE PHOTO ALREADY
INSPIRED THAT NEW MEME, "FIND SOMEONE WHO LOOKS AT YOU THE WAY PRINCE WILLIAM LOOKS AT
A BASKETBALL." [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE DID YOU GUYS HEAR ABOUT THIS
THERE'S A NEW STUDY FROM SCIENTISTS IN CALIFORNIA THAT FOUND THAT EATING FOODS WITH
HIGH - >> JIMMY >> Jimmy: WAIT, WAIT, KE -
>> JIMMY, I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: KEKE [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE KEKE PALMER!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * KEKE PALMER, NOW -
KEKE PALMER! >> JIMMY >> Jimmy: WHAT
>> I SAID, "I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS. >> Jimmy: NO, WE ARE FRIENDS
OF COURSE, WE'RE FRIENDS >> WELL, THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY THAT I'M HOSTING "SNL" THIS
WEEK WITH MUSICAL GUEST SZA? [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: YOU JUST -- YOU JUST
DID. >> YEAH, BUT YOU DIDN'T. >> Jimmy: OH, SURE
KEKE PALMER IS HOSTING "SNL" THIS WEEK WITH MUSICAL GUEST SZA.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> THANKS, JIMMY [ LAUGHTER ]
I KNEW WE WERE FRIENDS >> Jimmy: YEAH, WE ARE BEST FRIENDS.
>> BYE, GUYS [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: THAT'S KEKE PALMER,
RIGHT THERE. THIS WEEKEND BREAK A LEG!
* GUYS -- OH, SHE'S GOING TO CRUSH IT
[ LAUGHTER ] GUYS, LISTEN TO THIS, ACCORDING TO NEW RESEARCH, SELF-SERVICE
CHECKOUTS AT GROCERY STORES ARE COVERED IN HARMFUL BACTERIA. BUT, HEY, AT LEAST THEY ALSO
NEVER WORK [ LAUGHTER ] I LOVE THAT TWO YEARS AGO, WE
WERE WIPING DOWN EVERY SURFACE, AND NOW WE'RE LIKE, "MY IMMUNE SYSTEM NEEDS THE CHALLENGE."
[ LAUGHTER ] ALSO, I READ THAT RESEARCHERS IN EUROPE DEVELOPED A ROBOT
THAT BRACES ITSELF AGAINST WALLS TO AVOID FALLING [ LAUGHTER ]
THE ROBOT'S ALSO PROGRAMMED TO SAY, "I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM YOU HAVE A PROBLEM."
[ LAUGHTER ] TOO BAD THEY DON'T HAVE THAT FOR HUMANS
[ LAUGHTER ] [ AUDIENCE OOHS >> Steve: WHAT -
>> Jimmy: WHAT [ LAUGHTER ] WE HAVE TO SEE IT AGAIN.
>> Steve: COME ON. >> Jimmy: CAN WE SEE THAT ONE MORE TIME?
IT'S JUST TOO FUNNY. >> Steve: YEAH, ONE MORE TIME.
[ AUDIENCE OOHS
>> Jimmy: OH >> Steve: OH, MY GOD [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: WELL, THIS IS COOL I SAW THAT THE NEW ADDAMS FAMILY SERIES, "WEDNESDAY,"
JUST PASSED "STRANGER THINGS" FOR MOST HOURS VIEWED IN A WEEK ON NETFLIX
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE TARIQ, ARE YOU -- ARE YOU WATCHING "WEDNESDAY"
>> Tariq: WATCHING WHAT WEDNESDAY? >> Jimmy: "WEDNESDAY."
>> Tariq: YEAH WHAT ARE YOU WATCHING WEDNESDAY?
>> Jimmy: NO, IT'S CALLED "WEDNESDAY." YOU CAN WATCH IT WHENEVER.
MONDAY, TUESDAY, WEDNESDAY, THURSDAY >> Tariq: ARE THOSE OTHER
SHOWS? [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: NO, JUST -- JUST
"WEDNESDAY." I'M A "WEDNESDAY" WATCHER. >> Tariq: OH, I LOVE "THE
WATCHER. I WATCHED IT WEDNESDAY [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: YOU WATCH "THE WATCHER" ON WEDNESDAY BUT NOT "WEDNESDAY."
>> Tariq: NO, NO YOU CAN WATCH "THE WATCHER" WHENEVER YOU WANT, EVEN
WEDNESDAY. JUST WATCH "THE WATCHER," NOT "WEDNESDAY."
>> Jimmy: SO, YOU WATCHED "THE WATCHER," NOT "WEDNESDAY" ON WEDNESDAY WHILE I WAS WATCHING
"WEDNESDAY" ON WEDNESDAY AND NOT "THE WATCHER"? >> Tariq: THAT'S THE FIRST
THING YOU SAID THAT MADE ANY SENSE TONIGHT. >> Jimmy: OH, TARIQ TROTTER,
EVERYONE [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
THAT'S - * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
WELL, LAST NIGHT WAS THE ROCKEFELLER CENTER TREE LIGHTING HERE IN NEW YORK, BUT
IT WAS ALSO THE NATIONAL TREE LIGHTING IN D.C. THAT'S RIGHT, TWO CHRISTMAS
TREE LIGHTINGS YEAH [ CHEERS ]
THE NATIONAL TREE LIGHTING WILL BE BROADCAST BY CBS IN TWO WEEKS.
AND I FEEL LIKE THEY'RE A LITTLE COMPETITIVE, BECAUSE HERE'S THE PROMO THEY JUST
RELEASED
>> SEASON GREETINGS, AMERICA ARE YOU TIRED OF LAME CHRISTMAS
TREE LIGHTINGS AT ROCKEFELLER CENTER WELL, [ BLEEP ] THAT [ BLEEP ]
BECAUSE THE NATIONAL CHRISTMAS TREE LIGHTING IS WHERE IT'S AT WE'VE GOT EVERYTHING
COLORFUL LIGHTS, THIS STAR, DJ NAMED "SPLASHY DAN," ROCK CENTER'S GOT A CUTE, LITTLE
SQUIRREL LOSER. BUT WE GOT COCAINE BEAR.
[ BEAR ROAR AND COCAINE SQUIRREL [ SQUIRREL SOUND ]
AND YOU THINK DJ DAN'S NOT ON COCAINE? HE'S ON THREE DRUGS YOU HAVEN'T
EVEN HEARD OF. [ AIRHORN I HOPE YOU LIKE ORNAMENTS,
BECAUSE THIS CHRISTMAS TREE'S GOT BALLS TO THE WALL. [ LAUGHTER ]
SO, THIS HOLIDAY SEASON, SUCK IT, ROCKEFELLER CENTER COME WATCH A REAL CHRISTMAS
TREE GET LIT THE NATIONAL TREE LIGHTING IT'S CHRISHMASH, BISH, HO-HO
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Steve: WOW, THAT IS COMPETITIVE.
IT'S CHRISHMISH, BISH? >> Jimmy: I HAVE NO IDEA >> Steve: WOW.
>> Jimmy: WHAT ARE THEY DOING OVER THERE AT CBS? >> Steve: WHAT ARE THEY DOING
AT CBS >> Jimmy: OH, MY GOSH. [ LAUGHTER ]
FINALLY, WE HAVE EXACTLY 12 SHOWS LEFT BEFORE WE GO ON CHRISTMAS BREAK.
YEAH THAT'S RIGHT [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
WHICH MEANS IT'S TIME FOR THAT BELOVED "TONIGHT SHOW" TRADITION.
IT'S TIME FOR "12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS SWEATERS."
CHRISTMAS SWEATERS
12 DAYS LEFT * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: THAT'S RIGHT
EVERY SHOW BETWEEN NOW AND CHRISTMAS, WE'LL BE GIVING ONE LUCKY AUDIENCE MEMBER AN OUT OF
THIS WORLD CHRISTMAS SWEATER FROM THE "COUNTDOWN TO CHRISTMAS" CABINET
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE SINCE THERE ARE 12 SHOWS LEFT, LET'S OPEN DOOR NUMBER 12.
[ AUDIENCE OOHS HELLO. >> HELLO
>> Jimmy: NICE TO MEET YOU >> NICE TO MEET YOU TOO. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: OH * IT'S A SWEATER
OH, MY GOODNESS. THIS IS LIKE A - [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
IT'S GOT MITTENS THERE THIS IS GORGEOUS IT'S A CHRISTMAS SWEATER
NOW LET'S SEE WHO'S GOING HOME WITH TONIGHT'S SWEATER EVERYONE LOOK AT YOUR SEAT
NUMBER IF I CALL YOUR NUMBER, COME ON DOWN
QUEST, CAN I GET A DRUM ROLL, PLEASE [ DRUM ROLL
WHO WANTS A SWEATER? [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE IT IS 211!
* * COME ON OVER, BUD.
HEY. * *
HOW YOU DOING, BUD HOW HAVE YOU BEEN? WHY DON'T YOU HEAD OVER THERE?
YEAH, GO OVER THERE. NICE TO SEE YOU. HOW ARE YOU?
WHAT IS YOUR NAME? >> MIKE. >> Jimmy: MIKE, WHERE ARE YOU
FROM >> NEW YORK. >> Jimmy: MIKE FROM NEW YORK
I LOVE IT. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE I LIKE YOUR NEW SWEATSHIRT
IS THAT A -- IS THAT A JUST A POLITENESS OR IS THAT A WEED REFERENCE?
>> A LITTLE BIT OF - [ LAUGHTER ] A LITTLE BIT OF BOTH
>> Jimmy: A LITTLE BIT OF BOTH YEAH MIKE, IN NEW YORK, IT GETS A
A LITTLE BIT COLD. DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING LIKE THIS AT HOME?
>> I ACTUALLY HAVE AN ELF ONESIE, SO - >> Jimmy: OH, THIS IS GOING TO
GO PERFECT >> I KNOW. >> Jimmy: YOU LEND THAT OUT TO
SOMEONE ELSE AND GO TO THE PARTY WEARING THIS ONE WOULD YOU LIKE TO TRY IT ON?
>> I GUESS SO. >> Jimmy: YEAH, GO FOR IT. YEAH
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE MIKE, THIS IS GOING TO BE GOOD *
MIKE, I FEEL LIKE THIS IS GOING TO WORK. YEAH, I FEEL LIKE THIS IS --
THIS IS YOUR THING YEAH, YEAH [ LAUGHTER ]
THEY'RE FOR -- YOU'RE FORCED TO WEAR MITTENS WHILE WEARING THIS SWEATER.
YEAHE NKNK>>HA >> Jimmy: OH, MY GOD, THERE HE
GOES RIGHT THERE MIKE FROM NEW YORK [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
YOU LOOK FANTASTIC, BUDDY. >> THANK YOU >> Jimmy: LET'S GIVE MIKE
ANOTHER ROUND OF APPLAUSE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE STICK AROUND
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH ADAM SANDLER, EVERYBODY. COME ON BACK
* [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE SO, MY WIFE WAS NERVOUS ABOUT
MY -- WHEN I WENT INTO SURGERY SO -- THAT THEY WERE GOING TO OPERATE ON THE WRONG HIP
>> Jimmy: OH THAT'S HAPPENS YEAH
>> THAT HAPPENS. SOMETIMES THEY MAKE A MISTAKE. SO, SHE WROTE ON MY RIGHT HIP,
"NO. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: OUR FIRST GUEST IS
ONE OF THE FUNNIEST GUYS ON THE PLANET HE STARS IN THE ACCLAIMED FILM,
"HUSTLE," WHICH IS STREAMING NOW ON NETFLIX AND HE'S CURRENTLY ON HIS
HUGELY SUCCESSFUL STANDUP TOUR, "ADAM SANDLER LIVE," WHICH RUNS THROUGH DECEMBER 11th.
PLEASE WELCOME OUR GOOD PAL, ADAM SANDLER
*
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: HEY!
THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. YEAH, COME ON. >> JIMMY
HEY, HEY [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: THAT'S WHAT I'M
TALKING ABOUT. HEY, BUDDY ADAM SANDLER, WELCOME BACK
THANK YOU FOR COMING ON. >> I LOVE YOU. SO GOOD TO SEE YOU
>> Jimmy: IT IS ALWAYS GREAT TO SEE YOU, PAL IT'S GREAT TO HAVE YOU HERE.
YOU WERE TELLING ME BACKSTAGE -- I'VE GOT TO GET SERIOUS WITH YOU
>> WHY >> Jimmy: YOU TOLD ME BACKSTAGE YOU HAD HIP SURGERY.
>> I HAD HIP SURGERY, EVERYBODY. IT WAS SAD
[ AUDIENCE AWS ] >> Jimmy: DUDE, I FEEL -- WHAT HAPPENED
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT >> IT WAS FUNNY. SO, I WAS -- IT WAS ACHING --
MY GROIN WAS ACHING. AND THEN THEY SAID IT WAS IN MY HIP.
I THOUGHT IT WAS MY GROIN, BUT IT WAS MY HIP. SO, I GET THE SURGERY.
AND YOU'VE GOT TO REPLACE -- YOU REPLACE YOUR HIP WHEN YOUR HIP'S BAD.
[ LAUGHTER ] SO, I GO TO THE DOCTOR IN THE MORNING, VERY NICE
YOU GET THE SURGERY. AND I'M SITTING IN THE BED AND THEIR -- THE MAN --
ANESTHESIOLOGIST -- IS THAT HOW YOU SAY IT >> Jimmy: YEAH
>> HE SAYS, "ALL RIGHT, WE'RE GOING TO KNOCK YOU OUT WE'RE GOING TO PUT YOU ON SOME
DRUGS. SO THEY PUT ME ON SOME LIGHT DRUGS.
AND THEN HE SAID, "WE'RE GOING TO AMP IT UP, BUT WHEN WE BRING YOU INTO THE OPERATING ROOM,
WHAT MUSIC WOULD YOU LIKE TO LISTEN TO? AND I GO, "WHAT DO I MEAN?
WHY AM I LISTENING TO MUSIC? [ LAUGHTER ] AND THEN HE GOES, "WELL, WE
LIKE TO KEEP IT FUN IN THERE." AND I GO -- AND I WAS ALREADY A LITTLE DAZED FROM THE MILD
DRUGS. SO, I'M GOING, "UH -- UH --" HE GOES, "WHO DO YOU LIKE?
I GO, "I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T KNOW WHO I LIKE. AND SO HE GOES, "I LISTENED TO
DOLLY PARTON ON THE WAY HERE." AND I GO, "YEAH, YEAH. HE GOES, "DO YOU LIKE
DOLLY PARTON?" I GO, "I THINK EVERYBODY LIKES DOLLY PARTON."
[ LAUGHTER ] AND THEN HE'S LIKE, "YEAH, ALL RIGHT.
SO, HE BRINGS ME IN THE OPERATING ROOM, OR WHATEVER IT IS, AND AMPS UP THE --
WHATEVER >> Jimmy: YEAH, AND YOU START FALLING ASLEEP
>> I'M NOT -- WITH THE GROIN, THEY HAVE TO NUMB -- I MEAN, WITH THE HIP, THEY HAVE TO NUMB
THE BOTTOM LIKE IF YOU'RE HAVING A BABY. >> Jimmy: OKAY
[ LAUGHTER ] >> SO, THEY'RE NUMBING THAT, SO HE HAS TO KEEP ME AWAKE -- ON
DRUGS BUT BE AWAKE, BUT HE'S HOLDING ME UP. HE'S HOLDING ME FORWARD, AND
THEY'RE DRUGGING ME THROUGH THE BACK, OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT AND THE MAN'S FACE IS RIGHT
NEXT TO MINE, THE ANESTHESIOLOGIST AND I'M HEARING THIS MUSIC, AND
IT'S THUMPING. IT'S GOING BOOF, BOOF -- IT'S LIKE A ROCKING TUNE.
>> Jimmy: YEAH >> AND HE'S TALKING TO ME. AND I'M SO ON DRUGS THAT I'M
GOING, "AM I SUPPOSED TO ANSWER YOU? [ LAUGHTER ]
AND I'M LOOKING AT HIS MOUTH, IT'S MOVING. I'M GOING, "HE'S DEFINITELY
LOOKING AT ME. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] HE'S DEFINITELY ASKING
QUESTIONS. THEN I START GOING, "BUT MAYBE I ALREADY RESPONDED.
[ LAUGHTER ] SO, I'M JUST KIND OF LOOKING NUTS
AND THEN I JUST -- I GOT NO WORDS OUT. AND I WAS GOING, "MAN, THIS
IS -- THIS IS HEAVY. AND THEN HE'S LOOKING AT ME AND HE'S, LIKE, "GIVE ME A HEAD NOD
GOODBYE. AND THE ONLY WORDS THAT CAME OUT OF MY MOUTH WERE, "THIS
ISN'T DOLLY PARTON." [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: THAT'S NOT
DOLLY PARTON EVERYONE LOVES DOLLY PARTON. >> YEAH, YEAH.
>> Jimmy: WHICH HIP GOT REPLACED >> MY LEFT HIP, WHICH WOULD BE
A GREAT MOVIE. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] BUT -- BUT DID YOU SEE "MY LEFT
HIP" >> Jimmy: YEAH, EXACTLY. >> ANYWAY, SO, MY WIFE WAS
NERVOUS ABOUT MY -- WHEN I WENT INTO SURGERY SO -- THAT THEY WERE GOING TO
OPERATE ON THE WRONG HIP >> Jimmy: THAT'S HAPPENS YEAH
>> THAT HAPPENS. SOMETIMES THEY MAKE A MISTAKE. SO, SHE WROTE ON MY RIGHT HIP,
"NO. [ LAUGHTER ] SO, THERE WAS A BIG "NO" IN
BIG, THICK MAGIC MARKER. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: THAT'S NICE OF HER,
THOUGH >> THE SAD PART, I WAKE UP, AND THE "NO" IS STILL THERE.
AND THERE'S AN ARROW POINTING TO MY PENIS. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: THAT DOCTOR'S FUNNY. I LIKE THAT. THE DOCTOR'S FUNNY
>> OH, YEAH. JIMMY, MY KIDS ARE HERE. >> Jimmy: SONNY?
>> YEAH, SONNY AND SADIE RIGHT OVER THERE HI, GIRLS.
>> Jimmy: WHERE ARE THEY >> RIGHT THERE >> Jimmy: HI, GUYS
>> HEY [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: OH, MY GOD
>> YEAH, YEAH. THEY CAME. THEY'VE NEVER BEEN HERE.
>> Jimmy: THEY'VE NEVER BEEN >> THEY LOVE YOU >> Jimmy: OH, MY GOSH, ARE YOU
GUYS KIDDING ME? I'VE KNOWN YOU THROUGHOUT THE WHOLE YEARS.
LOOK AT YOU. >> YEAH, YEAH, IT'S GOOD >> Jimmy: WELCOME.
ISN'T IT FUN TO SEE DAD UP HERE >> YEAH.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: IT IS? OKAY, GOOD, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH
DO THEY SEE YOU WHEN YOU'RE ON TOUR >> THEY HEAR ME CURSE, YES
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: NO, NO, WHEN YOU DO STANDUP?
WHEN YOU DO STANDUP. >> THEY'VE COME TO MY SHOWS. I DON'T KNOW IF THEY'VE --
YOU'VE COME TO - SOMETIMES THEY COME ON STAGE WHEN I GO DO TOURS, AND THEY
COME AND SING A TUNE >> Jimmy: OH, REALLY >> THEY COME OUT AND SING --
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH >> Jimmy: WHAT IS THE SONG YOU GUYS LIKE TO SING?
>> TAYLOR SWIFT. >> Jimmy: OH, TAYLOR SWIFT, YEAH, YEAH, OF COURSE YEAH
SWIFTIES YEAH, WE'RE ALL SWIFTIES THAT'S FUN
I WANT TO ASK YOU ABOUT THIS TOUR, BECAUSE I FOLLOW YOU ON INSTAGRAM.
I SEE YOU'RE NOT DOING LIKE JUST THEATERS, OR CLUBS, OR WHATEVER
YOU'RE DOING STADIUMS AND ARENAS >> A LOT OF TIMES, IT'S BIG
PLACES, YEAH >> Jimmy: THAT'S UNBELIEVABLE. >> IT'S VERY COOL.
AND I DID MY HOMETOWN. I PLAYED MY HOMETOWN I GREW UP IN MANCHESTER,
NEW HAMPSHIRE. >> Jimmy: THAT'S RIGHT >> AND I PLAYED FOR THE FIRST
TIME IN MY HOMETOWN. AND I'VE GOT TO TELL YOU, I WAS SO NERVOUS
WHEN YOU PLAY YOUR HOMETOWN, THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT IT I JUST DIDN'T WANT TO LET MY
FAMILY DOWN AND STUFF. SO I'M ON THE SIDE I WAS JUST TERRIFIED, YOU KNOW
>> Jimmy: IS THAT RIGHT? >> I REALLY WAS. >> Jimmy: BUT YOU WERE
ADAM SANDLER >> I - [ LAUGHTER ]
THEY WERE SO NICE TO ME. EVERYWHERE I WALKED, PEOPLE BACKSTAGE, "WELCOME HOME,
ADAM." AND ALL THIS GREAT STUFF SO, I WAS LIKE, EVERY TIME THEY
WERE NICE TO ME, I WAS LIKE, "OH, PLEASE, DON'T LET THESE GUYS DOWN.
>> Jimmy: HOW DID YOU DO >> I ENDED UP -- IT WAS JUST WARM
IT WAS GREAT THEY WERE SO NICE TO ME. IT TOOK ME LIKE 10, 15 MINUTES
TO BE ABLE TO NOT BE SO NERVOUS. YOU KNOW THAT WEIRD FEELING
SOMETIMES, LIKE -- >> Jimmy: OF COURSE. >> EVEN WHEN YOU COME OUT TO DO
THIS SHOW, SOMETIMES YOU'RE OUT OF BODY, AND YOU'RE LIKE SAYING WORDS AND YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT'S
HAPPENING. BUT I HAD THAT FOR A LITTLE BIT.
BUT THEN I STARTED LOCKING IN ON THE CROWD, AND THEY WERE JUST GREAT TO ME
AND THEN MY MOM WAS THERE, AND IT WAS HER 85th BIRTHDAY AND LIKE TEN -- EVERYONE SANG
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY" TO HER. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: NO WAY, MAN!
>> YEAH, IT WAS NICE >> Jimmy: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MOM. >> YEAH, GRANDMA
>> Jimmy: SHE'S GOT TO BE PROUD. AND SHE'S GOT SOME GREAT
GRANDKIDS. >> YES, YES, YES, YES. >> Jimmy: CAN WE TALK ABOUT
"HUSTLE? YOUR MOVIE, "HUSTLE," BY THE WAY, IS STREAMING ON NETFLIX
RIGHT NOW -- YEAH. SURE, GIVE IT UP [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
YOU'RE GETTING RAVE REVIEWS. THERE'S EVEN SOME AWARDS BUZZ FOR YOU.
>> THAT'S WEIRD. >> Jimmy: AND EARLIER THIS WEEK -- NO, IT'S WELL DESERVED
>> IT'S COOL THANK YOU. >> Jimmy: EARLIER THIS WEEK YOU
WERE HONORED WITH -- YOU GOT A A PERFORMER TRIBUTE AWARD AT THE GOTHAM AWARDS RIGHT HERE IN
NEW YORK CITY. CONGRATS, ON THAT. >> THANK YOU, BUDDY.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: YOU'RE A HERO, IT'S AMAZING.
AND I'VE GOT TO SAY, IT'S WELL DESERVED THAT YOU GET THESE THINGS AND THE AWARDS BUZZ,
BECAUSE YOU KNOW I'M A FAN BUT THIS MOVIE MOVES PEOPLE. IT WAS BIG, BUDDY.
IT WAS AWESOME >> QUEEN LATIFAH, BABY >> Jimmy: THAT'S MY PAL.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THAT'S MY BUDDY. SHE'S FANTASTIC IN IT.
EVERYONE'S IN IT BUT ALSO WHO'S THE BASKETBALL PLAYER
>> JUANCHO HERNANGOMEZ HE'S PHENOMENAL IN THE MOVIE >> Jimmy: PHENOMENAL
AND YOU TWO TOGETHER ARE AMAZING IN IT. >> THANKS, JIMMY
>> Jimmy: I WANT TO SHOW A A CLIP HERE'S ADAM SANDLER IN
"HUSTLE. TAKE A LOOK AT THIS. >> THANK YOU, JIMMY.
>> OBSESSION IS GOING TO BEAT TALENT EVERY TIME. YOU'VE GOT ALL THE TALENT IN
THE WORLD, BUT ARE YOU OBSESSED IS IT ALL YOU EVER THINK ABOUT
LET'S FACE IT. IT'S YOU AGAINST YOU OUT THERE WHEN YOU WALK ON THAT COURT,
YOU HAVE TO THINK, "I AM THE BEST GUY OUT THERE." I DON'T CARE IF LeBRON'S
PLAYING. SO, LET ME ASK YOU AGAIN DO YOU LOVE THIS GAME?
>> YES >> IS THERE A NEWBORN KITTEN PURRING IN HERE RIGHT NOW?
I COULDN'T HEAR YOU. DO YOU WANT TO BE IN THE NBA >> YES
>> WELL, LET'S MAKE THAT HAPPEN NEVER BACK DOWN.
>> Jimmy: YEAH THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
THAT'S HOW YOU DO IT ADAM SANDLER, EVERYBODY. >> THANK YOU, GUYS
>> Jimmy: "HUSTLE" IS STREAMING NOW ON NETFLIX CATCH ADAM ON HIS STANDUP TOUR,
"ADAM SANDLER LIVE." MORE "TONIGHT SHOW" AFTER THE BREAK.
STICK AROUND, EVERYBODY. YES! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* >> OKAY, WELL, HAVE YOU EVER SAT ON THE EDGE OF A TOILET
LIKE THIS? [ LAUGHTER ] RIGHT?
LIKE YOU'RE ABOUT TO PLAY CHESS WITH BOBBY FISHER AND YOU KNOW -
>> Jimmy: OUR NEXT GUEST IS AN OSCAR-NOMINATED DIRECTOR AND SCREENWRITER, AND A TALENTED
ACTRESS WHO STARS IN THE NEW MOVIE, "WHITE NOISE," WHICH IS IN SELECT THEATERS NOW AND ON
NETFLIX DECEMBER 30th. EVERYONE PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO THE SHOW, GRETA GERWIG
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * >> Jimmy: GRETA --
>> YES >> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK TO THE SHOW
>> THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME >> Jimmy: I'M SO HAPPY TO HAVE YOU.
YOU BROUGHT A LITTLE NEWS, EXCITING NEWS FOR US >> YES
I AM WITH CHILD. >> Jimmy: YES! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
BABY NUMBER TWO. >> NUMBER TWO, YES >> Jimmy: YOU ARE EXPECTING.
AND THANK YOU FOR ANNOUNCING IT ON OUR SHOW. >> YES, WELL, I -- I --
ACTUALLY I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE -- I WENT TO AN EVENT RECENTLY, AND I WORE SOMETHING
I THOUGHT EVERYONE WOULD BE SO INTERESTED TO KNOW THAT I WAS GOING TO HAVE ANOTHER CHILD.
AND NOBODY CARED [ LAUGHTER ] AND IT DIDN'T GET REPORTED ON.
WHICH TURNS OUT NOBODY'S PAYING ATTENTION TO YOU >> Jimmy: NO, WE ARE PAYING
ATTENTION. WE'RE SO HAPPY FOR YOU THIS IS GOING TO BE BABY
HAROLD'S BROTHER OR SISTER >> YES, YEAH >> Jimmy: HE'S 4-YEARS-OLD
>> ALMOST 4, YES HE'S ALMOST 4. >> Jimmy: WHAT DOES BABY HAROLD
THINK OF THIS NEW BABY >> IT'S HARD TO KNOW WHAT A 3-YEAR-OLD MAKES OF THINGS
THAT AREN'T EXISTENT YET IN FRONT OF HIM HE'S BEAUTIFULLY SOPHISTICATED
IN SOME WAYS AND THEN IN OTHER WAYS, HE DOESN'T --
HE ASKED WHAT LANGUAGE DO THEY SPEAK IN NEW JERSEY. SO -
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: BUT HE SAID SOMETHING VERY DEEP TO YOU THAT MADE
ME - I WANTED YOU TO SAY. BECAUSE I REALLY LIKE THIS, IT
MADE ME LAUGH. HE WAS HAVING A BATH >> HE HAS -- HE LOVES BUBBLES.
I THINK ALL CUTE 3-YEAR-OLDS LOVE BUBBLES BUT HE GETS VERY SAD WHEN THE
BUBBLES GO AWAY. AND HE STARTS WELLING UP AND THEN, HE LOOKED AT ME AND
HE SAID, "THAT'S THE NATURE OF BUBBLES. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
AND I SAID, OH - >> Jimmy: THAT'S THE NATURE. >> THAT'S THE NATURE
THAT'S THE NATURE OF BUBBLES >> Jimmy: THAT'S DEEP. THAT'S DEEP.
>> AND I WAS LIKE, "WELL, MAYBE -- MAYBE WE'LL UNDERSTAND
BUT YES -- >> Jimmy: THAT'S SO CUTE, CONGRATULATIONS.
>> THANK YOU >> Jimmy: I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU >> THANK YOU
>> Jimmy: WE'VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT YOU, WEIRDLY, ON THE SHOW WITHOUT YOU -- WITHOUT YOUR
PERMISSION 'CAUSE WE'RE SUCH FANS OF YOU. I KNOW YOU'RE DIRECTING
"BARBIE. YOU'VE WRITTEN AND DIRECTED THIS
>> THAT'S RIGHT. YES, I WROTE IT WITH MY PARTNER, NOAH, AND I DIRECTED
IT >> Jimmy: AND YOU DIRECTED THIS
SO, WE HAD EVERYONE ON WE'VE HAD RYAN GOSLING ON. WE'VE HAD MARGOT ROBBIE ON
TALK TO ME, BECAUSE THIS PHOTO WENT OUT - >> OH, YES
>> Jimmy: AND KIND OF JUST THE INTERNET WENT NUTS >> YES, YES, YES, YES.
>> Jimmy: WHAT DID YOU THINK ABOUT THIS WHEN THIS - >> THAT PICTURE WAS --
WE'D SHOT MOST OF THE MOVIE IN LONDON AND THEN WE WENT TO L.A. TO
SHOOT. AND EVERYTHING FOR US WAS SO - THE CAST WAS SO COMMITTED.
EVERYBODY GAVE EVERYTHING THEY HAD. THEY REALLY WENT FOR IT.
IT'S LIKE FULL, FULL COMMITMENT AND THEN, WE REALIZED IN THAT
MOMENT, WE'RE LIKE, "OH, WE LOOK INSANE. BUT WE DIDN'T KNOW -
>> Jimmy: NO IF YOU'RE IN THE BUBBLE AND EVERYONE'S DRESSED LIKE THIS -
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> THEN, WE WERE LIKE, THIS IS NORMAL
>> Jimmy: YOU GO, "THIS IS NORMAL." YEAH, THIS IS WHAT EVERYONE
LOOKS LIKE AND THEN YOU GET OUT INTO THE REAL WORLD, AND PEOPLE ARE
LIKE, "WHOA, WHOA, WHAT? >> EXACTLY SO, IT FELT -- BUT THEY WERE
INCREDIBLE >> Jimmy: DID YOU KNOW YOU WERE GONNA DIRECT THIS?
OR DID YOU -- YOU WERE JUST HIRED TO WRITE AT FIRST, RIGHT >> WE WERE HIRED TO WRITE IT
AND I LOVED WRITING IT NOAH AND I HAD THE BEST TIME WRITING IT
AND THEN, I JUST LOVED MARGOT ROBBIE SO MUCH. AND I GOT TO KNOW HER AS A
A PRODUCER BECAUSE SHE ALSO PRODUCED IT AND SHE'S A BRILLIANT ACTRESS.
AND THEN, IT KILLED ME TO THINK THAT ANYBODY ELSE WOULD GET TO HANG OUT WITH HER.
SO, I WAS LIKE, I HAVE TO. I HAVE TO. >> Jimmy: "CAN I DIRECT THIS?"
YEAH AND EVERYONE COOL IN THIS. I JUST KNOW -- ALSO
WILL FERRELL WE HAD ON THE SHOW I KNOW WILL IS IN IT
>> ISSA RAE. [ CHEERS ] >> Jimmy: YEAH, OH, ISSA RAE
>> ISSA RAE. SIMU LIU NCUTI GATWA.
>> Jimmy: OH MY GOSH >> I MEAN, MICHAEL CERA. >> Jimmy: OH, MY GOSH.
>> BUT THIS IS LATER WE'LL DO THIS LATER. >> Jimmy: YEAH, WE'LL DO THIS
ALL LATER. [ TALKING OVER EACH OTHER YEAH, WE HAVE BABY NEWS.
CAN'T TOP BABY NEWS. EXCEPT WE HAVE TO TALK ABOUT YOUR MOVIE AS WELL
>> YES >> Jimmy: "WHITE NOISE." >> YES, YES, YES, YES.
>> Jimmy: CONGRATS ON THE GREAT REVIEWS ALREADY. >> THANK YOU
>> Jimmy: THIS IS AWESOME. SUPER FUN MOVIE. HOW DID YOU, AGAIN, GET
INVOLVED WITH THIS ONE >> WELL, MY PARTNER, NOAH BAUMBACH, WROTE AND
DIRECTED IT. >> Jimmy: YEAH >> AND IT'S BASED ON A BOOK,
"WHITE NOISE" BY DON DeLILLO, WHICH WAS WRITTEN IN 1985. >> Jimmy: DID YOU KNOW THE
BOOK >> I DID I READ IT WHEN I WAS 19, AND I
LOVED IT I THOUGHT IT WAS OUTRAGEOUS AND HILARIOUS.
AND IT FELT LIKE ABOUT EVERYTHING AND IT'S ONE OF THOSE BOOKS
THAT AT EVERY MOMENT IT FEELS ABOUT RIGHT NOW. AND SO -
>> Jimmy: SO, NOAH'S GOING, "I'M GOING TO DIRECT THIS MOVIE AND IT'S GOING TO BE GREAT."
>> YES, YES. >> Jimmy: AND YOU GO, "IT IS GOING TO BE GREAT.
DID YOU KIND OF GO, "SLIP ME A A RESUME?" >> YES, YES.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] "I'D BE PERFECT FOR THIS." >> HE WAS ACTUALLY ACROSS THE
APARTMENT. HE SORT OF CALLED TO ME AND SAID, "WHO SHOULD PLAY
BABETTE? AND I SAID, "OBVIOUSLY ME. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: EXACTLY THE WAY TO DO IT "I SHOULD PLAY BABETTE," YEAH.
>> BUT I THINK I -- YOU KNOW, I HADN'T ACTED IN A WHILE. AND YOU KNOW, IT'S NERVE
WRACKING AND IT'S WITH ADAM DRIVER AND DON CHEADLE AND REALLY AMAZING
ACTORS >> Jimmy: BUT YOU HAD THAT WIG THAT YOU'RE WEARING THAT IS
SO -- WAIT 'TIL YOU SEE THIS >> THE WIG IS GREAT. >> Jimmy: THIS ONE OF YOUR
COSTARS. LOOK AT THIS >> YES
I WISH THAT'S MY HAIR. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: NO -- I MEAN, THIS IS
A VERY IMPORTANT PART OF THE CHARACTER. THE HAIR
>> YES, YES. DON SAYS ABOUT MY CHARACTER, HE SAYS, "YOUR WIFE HAS IMPORTANT
HAIR." [ LAUGHTER ] AND SO, I FEEL LIKE AS LONG AS
I HAVE THE IMPORTANT HAIR, I'D BE SAFE. >> Jimmy: YOU DID.
YOU HAD THE IMPORTANT HAIR YOU CAN -- YOU PULLED THIS OFF, BUD.
>> THANK YOU >> Jimmy: HOW DO WE SET UP THE MOVIE HERE, "WHITE NOISE"?
>> WELL, "WHITE NOISE" IS A COMEDY IT'S TAKES PLACE IN THE 1980s.
AND IT'S ABOUT A TYPICAL FAMILY, SORT OF SLIGHTLY OFF BUT THEY'RE TYRING -- THEY'RE
FACING A DISASTER AND IGNORING IT WHICH WE MIGHT ALL KNOW , C COF
I WANT TO SHOW A CLIP. HERE'S GRETA GERWIG IN "WHITE NOISE.
TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.
LABORATORY ANIMALS, IN CASE YOU DIDN'T KNOW.
>> YOU WANTED ME TO CHOOSE CHABEAU LES CANTONESE, SO, IT WAS YOUR IDEA.
>> THERE WAS NO WARNING ON THE PACK THEN. THEN THEY PUT A WARNING, WHICH
I HAVE A HARD TIME BELIEVING YOU DIDN'T SEE >> EITHER I CHEW GUM WITH SUGAR
AND ARTIFICIAL COLORING OR I CHEW SUGARLESS GUM THAT'S HARMFUL TO RATS.
IT'S UP TO YOU >> DON'T CHEW AT ALL YOU EVER THINK OF THAT
>> DENISE. STEPHIE. EITHER I CHEW GUM OR I SMOKE
>> WHY NOT DO BOTH THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT, ISN'T IT WE ALL GET TO DO WHAT WE WANT,
DON'T WE >> UNLESS WE'RE NOT ALLOWED TO BECAUSE OF OUR AGE AND HEIGHT.
>> YOU'RE MAKING A FUSS OVER NOTHING. >> I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT.
NEVER MIND JUST A WARNING ON THE PACK >> JUST RATS
>> JUST USELESS RODENTS. PLUS, I'D LIKE TO BELIEVE SHE ONLY CHEWS TWO PIECES A DAY THE
WAY SHE FORGETS THINGS >> WHAT DO I FORGET? >> SORRY
>> NEVER MIND. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: COME ON.
GRETA GERWIG, EVERYBODY. "WHITE NOISE" IS IN SELECT THEATERS NOW AND ON NETFLIX
DECEMBER 30th. DANE COOK JOINS US AFTER THE BREAK.
STICK AROUND, EVERYBODY. HI, BABY [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* >> Jimmy: OUR NEXT GUEST HAS SOLD OUT MADISON SQUARE GARDEN,
AND HE'S HAD SO MANY NUMBER ONE COMEDY ALBUMS. HIS LATEST STANDUP SPECIAL,
"ABOVE IT ALL," IS AVAILABLE NOW ON DANECOOK.COM. EVERYONE PLEASE WELCOME
DANE COOK!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
>> Jimmy: THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. THEY LOVE YOU.
DANE, WELCOME BACK OH, LA LA. DANE COOK IS HERE.
>> LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING ABOUT THIS CROWD WHO NEEDS A TREE OUTSIDE BEING
LIT WHEN THIS CROWD'S ON FIRE! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: OH, YEAH
THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. THAT'S EXACTLY RIGHT >> SIT
PLEASE SIT >> Jimmy: THEY'RE NOT STANDING >> SIT DOWN.
>> Jimmy: THEY'RE NOT STANDING >> I NEED EVERYONE TO PLEASE SIT.
>> Jimmy: THEY'RE NOT STANDING, THEY'RE NOT STANDING DANE
>> IT LOOKS LIKE THEY'RE STANDING >> Jimmy: DANE, WELCOME BACK
IT IS THE HOLIDAY SEASON ARE YOU IN THE HOLIDAY SPIRIT, BUD?
>> LISTEN, AS YOU CAN PROBABLY TELL, A FESTIVAL OF LIGHTS, DELIGHTS, AND OUT OF SIGHTS IS
COURSING THROUGH BY VEINS. AND I'M JUST FEELING -- I'M FEELING LIKE THIS IS GOING TO
BE A REALLY SPECIAL TIME FOR YOU, ME, AND ALL OF US WHAT DO YOU THINK?
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: WOW, YOU FEEL IT, ROOTS?
YOU FEELING THE ROOTS, TOO DANE -- DANE, WE'VE KNOWN EACH OTHER -- WE'VE KNOWN EACH
OTHER -- WE'VE KNOWN EACH OTHER FOR A LONG TIME. >> VERY LONG TIME.
>> Jimmy: DID I GET TOO CLOSE THERE? >> NO, BUT I LIKE THAT WE JUST
GOT INTIMATE YOU GUYS WANT TO STEP OUT? [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: WE GOT REAL INTIMATE >> YOU LAUGHED REALLY LOUD IN MY EAR AND THAT SCARED ME.
>> Jimmy: I APOLOGIZE. I WAS TOO CLOSE. NORMALLY I'M HERE.
>> JIMMY FALLON AND I, WE'VE KNOWN EACH OTHER WE'VE BEEN ON THE ROAD
WE'VE CROSSED PATHS. >> Jimmy: PROBABLY 20 YEARS? 25 YEARS
>> LISTEN. HOW ABOUT THIS GUY HOW ABOUT THE SUCCESS THAT
JIMMY FALLON HAS CREATED FOR HIMSELF. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
AND THIS ENTIRE ORGANIZATION IT'S NOT ABOUT ME. IT'S NOT ABOUT ME.
>> Jimmy: TONIGHT IS ABOUT DANE COOK. >> IT IS
>> Jimmy: YEAH DUDE, YOU'RE THE GREATEST. I HAD TO FOLLOW YOU MANY A TIME
AT THE IMPROV. >> I MADE IT TOUGH ON YOU, DIDN'T I
>> Jimmy: YOU REALLY WERE, YEAH IT WAS GREAT
AND I LOVED IT BUT THEN TO WATCH YOU RISE AND WATCH YOU DO
MADISON SQUARE GARDEN, I GO, "OH, MY GOSH." AND THEN, HERE WE ARE.
WE'RE ON "THE TONIGHT SHOW," WE'RE TALKING AGAIN. YOU'RE 50 --
>> I'M 50 YEARS OLD, DOING WHAT I LOVE 31 YEARS IN.
>> Jimmy: YOU LOOK GREAT [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: YOU LOOK GREAT, BUD.
>> I FEEL GREAT. >> Jimmy: WHAT'S IT LIKE WHAT'S IT LIKE BEING 50?
WHAT DO I GOT TO LOOK -- >> OKAY, SO -- CAN I JUST -- CAN WE DO THIS TOGETHER?
I'M GOING TO SAY THIS, AND ON THE COUNT OF THREE THERE'S ONE GIFT AT 50 THAT
EVERYBODY WANTS TO, SHOULD, AND DOES ULTIMATELY GIFT TO THEMSELVES
AND WE CAN ALL SAY IT AT THE SAME TIME. READY?
AND I'LL SAY IT, BUT THE ULTIMATE GIFT AT 50. READY?
HERE WE GO ONE, TWO, THREE -- A COLONOSCOPY!
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: YES. >> A COLONOSCOPY
>> Jimmy: YES, WE ALL SAID IT AT THE SAME TIME >> THAT'S THE BUTT STUFF THAT'S
NOT SO FUN [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: OH, MY
I NEVER HEARD IT THAT WAY. >> THEY MADE ME DRINK THE -- SO, HERE'S WHAT HAPPENS IF
YOU'VE NEVER DONE IT YOU HAVE TO DRINK A LIQUID THAT'S BASICALLY LIKE
A LAXATIVE IT'S CALLED LIKE MIRALAX I'M ENDORSED BY THEM AS WELL
SO THANKS TO ALL MY -- [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: CONGRATULATIONS.
>> SO, THEY GAVE ME A CHOICE THEY SAID, YOU CAN DO THE LIQUID OR YOU CAN DO THE PILL
FORM BUT I WAS SO NERVOUS ABOUT THE ENTIRE SITUATION, I MESSED UP
AND I DID BOTH [ LAUGHTER ] AND --
>> Jimmy: WOW. >> WHAT HAPPENED TO MY STOMACH WAS SOMETHING CATACLYSMIC.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: THAT'S A GOOD WORD >> IT'S ALMOST LIKE -- IT IS A
A GOOD WORD. >> Jimmy: IT IS. >> IT WAS ALMOST LIKE -- THE
WAY MY STOMACH REACTED -- FIRST OF ALL, I WENT INTO THE BATHROOM AND -
>> Jimmy: NEVER CAME OUT [ LAUGHTER ] >> OKAY.
WELL, HAVE YOU EVER SAT ON THE EDGE OF A TOILET LIKE THIS [ LAUGHTER ]
RIGHT? LIKE YOU'RE ABOUT TO PLAY CHESS WITH BOBBY FISHER AND YOU
KNOW - [ LAUGHTER ] I DON'T WANT TO BE GRAPHIC, BUT
I ALMOST FELT LIKE THIS IS WHAT A SUPER SOAKER MUST FEEL LIKE. [ LAUGHTER ]
TOO MUCH AM I CANCELLED AM I CANCELLED
>> Jimmy: NO, NO, NO, NO YOU'RE NOT CANCELLED BUT IT ALL WENT WELL
>> YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. HERE'S THE BEST PART I'VE NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE.
I'M GOING TO LOOK AT THIS CAMERA WHEN I WALKED OUT OF THE
BATHROOM, I REMEMBER I TOOK THREE STEPS AND I TURNED BACK AND I WENT, "WE DON'T EVER TALK
ABOUT THIS EVER AGAIN. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: WOW, YOU SAID THAT TO
THE BATHROOM >> YEAH. >> Jimmy: AND HERE YOU ARE NOW
LET'S TALK ABOUT "ABOVE IT ALL," BY THE WAY IT WENT TO NUMBER ONE ON
iTUNES, BY THE WAY >> IT DID, IT DID. >> Jimmy: ANOTHER NUMBER ONE
ALBUM FOR YOU. >> THAT'S AMAZING. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: COME ON, BUDDY >> THAT'S AMAZING. >> Jimmy: BUT DUDE, YOU'VE DONE
MADISON SQUARE GARDEN. YOU'VE DONE THE ARENAS >> YEAH, I'VE DONE LAUNDROMATS
SOUTH SIDE OF BOSTON >> Jimmy: YEAH, WHEN YOU FIRST STARTED.
BUT NOW, THIS ONE, THIS SPECIAL YOU DID, YOU DID ON THE PORCH IN THE FRONT OF YOUR HOUSE
>> YEAH, I DID IT ON MY FRONT PORCH IN THE BEAUTIFUL HOLLYWOOD HILLS OVERLOOKING
THAT EXCEPTIONAL VIEW. AND I BROUGHT A BUNCH OF PEOPLE TO MY HOME WHO DIDN'T KNOW THEY
WERE BEING SHUTTLED TO MY HOUSE FOR MY COMEDY SPECIAL. >> Jimmy: HOW DID YOU COME UP
WITH THE IDEA? DID YOU -- >> I'M A GENIUS!
[ LAUGHTER ] IT'S THE WAY MY BRAIN JUST - >> Jimmy: BUT HOW DID YOU MAKE
IT WORK HAVING ALL THOSE STRANGERS AT YOUR HOUSE? >> YEAH, OKAY, SO, WHEN I WAS
12 YEARS OLD, I USED TO STAND ON THE PORCH AND I WOULD DO LIKE -- YOU KNOW, ENTERTAIN THE
NEIGHBORS. YOU KNOW HOW LIKE EVERYBODY WOULD GET TOGETHER ON ONE
STOOP, PEOPLE WOULD HAVE A FEW TOO MANY DRINKS. THERE'D BE A COUPLE LITTLE
WEIRD ARGUMENTS. AND THEN, SOMEBODY WOULD BE A CUTUP AND TRY TO MAKE THE
NEIGHBORHOOD LAUGH AND THAT'S WHAT I DID. AND EVERY SINGLE YEAR OF MY
31 YEARS DOING STANDUP COMEDY, I WAS ALWAYS LIKE, THAT WOULD FEEL LIKE THE ULTIMATE SHOW.
BECAUSE NOT ONLY IS IT BIG AND BOMBASTIC, BUT IT'S THE MOST PERSONAL AND INTIMATE BECAUSE
YOU'RE IN MY HOME WITH ME. SO, I HOPE YOU ENJOY IT AND HAVE A LOT OF LAUGHS WITH ME
WITH "ABOVE IT ALL." >> Jimmy: I WANT TO SHOW EVERYONE A CLIP.
HERE'S DANE COOK IN HIS SPECIAL "ABOVE IT ALL. TAKE A LOOK.
>> I GET WEIRD ABOUT WEDDINGS. THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT WEDDINGS
FIRST OF ALL, I DON'T DO A LOT OF IMPERSONATIONS. CAN I DO A VERY QUICK ONE OF
ALL OF YOU I CAN DO ALL OF YOU AT ONCE. READY?
THIS IS ANYBODY HERE GETTING A A WEDDING INVITATION IN THE MAIL
READY? [ BLEEP [ LAUGHTER ]
WHEN IS IT YOU DIDN'T EVEN LOOK AT WHO. WHEN
WHAT WEEKEND HAVE YOU STOLEN FROM ME?
JULY 3rd THAT'S GREAT JULY 3rd
WHERE IS IT? YOSEMITE NATIONAL PARK OUTSIDE WEDDING, JULY 3rd.
THAT'S NOT GOING TO BE HOT AS BALLS. [ LAUGHTER ]
THEN YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO'S GETTING MARRIED BECAUSE I DON'T SPEAK CALLIGRAPHY.
WHAT THE [ BLEEP ], IS THAT A K? A Q?
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: YEAH, I DON'T SPEAK CALLIGRAPHY.
DANE COOK, EVERYBODY "ABOVE IT ALL" IS AVAILABLE RIGHT NOW ON DANECOOK.COM.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A A PERFORMANCE FROM BABYFACE RAY
STICK AROUND, EVERYBODY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
>> Jimmy: MAKING HIS TV DEBUT PERFORMING "MASTERPIECE" FROM HIS NEW ALBUM, "MOB," GIVE IT
UP FOR BABYFACE RAY! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> POOH, YOU A FOOL FOR THIS
POOH, YOU A FOOL FOR THIS. * * YEA
I'M TRYING TO TAKE OFF LIKE A ROCKET SHIP * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* SHE TOLD ME BOY PUT DOWN THAT CU 'CAUSE IT'S KILLING YO
GOT SOME ADVICE FROM * * MY DOCTOR CHICK I MADE A BLUEPRINT
IN THIS SPEED * * MY GUYS IT FEELS MY BIGGEST ACCOMPLISHMENT
I ROSE UP THROUGH THE * * TRENCHES JUST BOY IN THE HOOD AND
RIDE FOR MY BOYS * * LIKE MONSTER DI YOU WORKING I'M WORKING TO
SUNDAY I'M CLEANING * * MY DIRTY SHOE I TOOK BRODIE CLOTHE
AND I WENT TO SCHOOL * * THAT MONEY CAN'T HELP YOU FORGET THE TRUTH
JUST KNOCK DOWN YOUR SHOTS * * WHEN YOU HIT YOUR MOV THE BANDS IN MY POCKET
GOT ME SWITCHING MOVES * * THESE -- AIN'T RIGH SO DIS IS GROOVY
THEY TELLING ME STUFF * * THAT I'M TELLING YO JUST FOLLOW YOUR GUT
WHAT I'LL TELL YOU * * I WENT TO THE GAM WITH MY CHAINS O
SOME -- I LEARNED I WISH * * I NEVER KNEW THAT MONEY MACHINE MY RINGTON
YOU KNOW HOW IT IS * * YOU KNOW HOW IT GET JUST MAKE SURE YOU'R
LIVING WITH ZERO REGRETS * * I LOOK IN THE MIRROR AN COULDN'T NOTICE MYSELF
WHEN MY POCKETS WERE * * BULGING AND POLO MY BEL FOR REAL
CATCH THIS BEAMER * * WHEN I'M IN THESE STREETS LEFT WRIST PICASSO
MASTERPIECE * * FREMONT WOODS AND IT HAS TO BE
I KNOW GOD GOT PLANS FOR ME * * NO OPPS LIK
FANS WITH ME RAP GAME STILL GOT BANDS FOR CHEAP *
* YOU UP THAT'S DOING BAD TO ME I DON'T FLEX BANDS I'M STASHING THESE *
* CATCH THIS BEAMER WHEN I'M IN THESE STREETS LEFT WRIST PICASSO *
* MASTERPIECE FREMONT WOOD AND IT HAS TO BE *
* I KNOW GO GOT PLANS FOR ME NO OPPS LIKE FANS WITH ME *
* RAP GAME STILL GO BANDS FOR CHEA YO UP THAT'S
DOING BAD TO ME * * I DON'T FLEX BAND I'M STASHING THESE
YOU WORKIN I'M WORKING TOO * * THAT GIRL THAT YO
WITH JUST A - SHE JUST WORKS FOR FOOD * * I'M THIRSTY FOR PURPL
JUICE I CAN GET 60 FOR PERKY FOR 30 BLUE * * I NEED ME A TURTLE TO
I'M BLOWING ON GAS MY PRICES BE RAISING * * LIKE EVERYDAY PIMPING
MADE MONEY OFF MARY- TURN UP THE TRACKS * * IN A FIGURE 8
I HAD TO VISIT MY JEWELE HE TOLD ME I'M COLDER * * THAN ALL THIS ICE IN HERE
MAN MY WHOLE LIF BEEN A MOVIE * * I TRAVELED THE WORL
AND I MADE SUR THE PRICE WAS FAIR YOU KNOW IT'S -- GAME *
* I'M KEEPING IT ON M THEY THOUGHT I HAD LICENSE TO CARRY YOU *
* KNOW IT'S PURE IN MY HEAR BUT MY FAMILY FROM THE DARK IT'S STARTING *
* TO BOTHER MY SPIRIT NO CUT -- TOO RAW FOR THEIR EARS *
* NO CUPS ON IMMA SWITCH 'EM FOR DIAMOND TIME IS MONEY *
* THIS -- DOLLAR INVESTING IN WATCHES I AIN'T DEALIN
WITH HOUSES * * I'M OFF G6 TWO GIRL IN THE SHOWE
WE ON G6 THEY OVER THE CLOUDS * * FIRST I WAS SLEEP
BUT I'M OVER AND OUT I HAD TO TELL BABY * * YOU KNOW WHAT I GOT
YOU KNOW WHERE I COME FROM AIN'T BUYING NO TICKETS * * THESE BOYS BE SELLING
I KNOW THEY AIN'T DONE NOTHIN YOU GET IT *
* JUST KEEP ALL TO YOURSELF I'M KEEPING IT ONE HUNNI EXCLUSIVE YOUNGIN *
* I'M TIGHT WITH THE BIRD I'M FEELING LIKE YOUNG MONEY *
* YOU KNOW HOW I GE YEAH * *
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: BABYFACE RAY, EVERYBODY. "MOB" IS OUT NOW
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* >> Jimmy: MY THANKS TO ADAM SANDLER, GRETA GERWIG,
DANE COOK, BABYFACE RAY, ONCE AGAIN. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
WELL DONE, BUDDY AND THE ROOTS, RIGHT THERE, FROM
PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA THANK YOU FOR WATCHING STAY TUNED FOR "LATE NIGHT WITH
SETH MEYERS. GOODNIGHT, EVERYBODY BYE-BYE.