>> Steve: FROM STUDIO 6B IN ROCKEFELLER CENTER IN THE HEART
OF NEW YORK CITY, IT'S "THE TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON."
TONIGHT, JOIN JIMMY AND HIS GUESTS - KEVIN BACON,
THEO JAMES COMEDIAN JAY JURDEN, AND FEATURING THE LEGENDARY
ROOTS CREW >> Questlove: 1758 >> Steve: AND NOW, HERE HE IS,
JIMMY FALLON
* *
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: OH, MY GOODNESS. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
THANK YOU VERY MUCH. WELCOME, EVERYBODY WELCOME, WELCOME TO "THE
TONIGHT SHOW." YOU'RE HERE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
YOU'RE WATCHING AT HOME. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. HAPPY FRIDAY, EVERYONE
HAPPY FRIDAY [ CHEERS ] YOU GUYS, IT IS OFFICIALLY THE
HOLIDAY SEASON RIGHT NOW WE'RE IN THE THICK OF IT YEAH
THIS IS THE TIME OF YEAR, WE'RE ALL DECIDING WHO'S GIFT WORTHY AND WHO'S GIFT CARD WORTHY
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING. [ LAUGHTER ] BUT AREN'T THE HOLIDAYS IN
NEW YORK A SPECIAL TIME? IT IS. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
THIS MORNING, ON THE SUBWAY, I SAW A GUY WEARING A SANTA HAT AND NOTHING ELSE
[ LAUGHTER ] AND I JUST THOUGHT "IT'S THAT TIME OF YEAR."
SPEAKING OF THE CITY, FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, NEW YORK CITY HAS BEEN NAMED THE MOST
EXPENSIVE CITY IN THE WORLD. >> WHOOOOO [ LAUGHTER ]
REALLY YOU LIKE THAT, SIR [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
THINGS ARE SO EXPENSIVE, NBC CAN ONLY AFFORD TO PLUG IN THE BOTTOM HALF OF THE ROCKEFELLER
CENTER CHRISTMAS TREE. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] THINGS ARE SO EXPENSIVE, THE
STATUE OF LIBERTY JUST STARTED AN ONLYFANS. [ LAUGHTER ]
THINGS ARE SO EXPENSIVE, PICKPOCKETS ARE RUNNING CREDIT CHECKS TO SEE IF YOU'RE WORTH
THE EFFORT [ LAUGHTER ] BUT EVERYONE'S EXCITED ABOUT
THIS - TOMORROW THE U.S. PLAYS THE NETHERLANDS IN THE KNOCKOUT
ROUND OF THE WORLD CUP [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE WHOOO!
THAT'S RIGHT, TOMORROW IS THE HIGHLY ANTICIPATED WORLD CUP MATCH BETWEEN THE UNITED STATES
AND THE NETHERLANDS. IT'S GOING TO BE A TOUGH CHALLENGE, BUT I KNOW WE CAN DO
THIS, ESPECIALLY IF EVERY PERSON IN THE STUDIO CHEERS THEIR HARDEST.
SAY IT WITH ME U.S.A. >> U.S.A., U.S.A., U.S.A.,
U. - >> Jimmy: WAIT, SORRY, STOP, STOP, STOP
SORRY. I THINK I SEE SOMEONE WHO'S NOT CHEERING OVER THERE.
NO -- YES. YEAH, YOU. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
WHAT IS -- WHAT IS YOUR NAME >> GERTRUDE. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: WELCOME TO THE SHOW, GERTRUDE I DON'T MEAN TO BE RUDE, BUT
WHERE ARE YOU FROM >> I AM FROM TAMPA, IN YOUR AMERICAN STATE OF FLORIDA.
>> Jimmy: NO, NO, WHERE ARE YOU ACTUALLY FROM, GERTRUDE? >> I AM VISITING FROM EINDHOVEN
IN THE NETHERLANDS >> Jimmy: THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.
NOW, I NORMALLY WOULDN'T DO THIS, BUT GET OUT OF HERE. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> OH, NO! >> Jimmy: GET OUT OF HERE! SECURITY
>> NO! >> Jimmy: GET OUT! >> NO, NO!
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: GET OUT OF HERE! >> OH, NO!
>> Jimmy: OH, MY CAN -- NO -- TRY - OH, MY
FOR THE LOVE OF -- JUST HELP HER OUT. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
GERTRUDE SO SORRY Y'ALL HAD TO SEE THAT [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
WELL, THIS IS INTERESTING. I SAW THAT UNESCO HAS AWARDED SPECIAL PROTECTED STATUS TO THE
FRENCH BAGUETTE. AND GET THIS, FRENCH PRESIDENT EMMANUEL MACRON IS IN THE
COUNTRY FOR THE STATE DINNER, AND HE ACTUALLY ASKED IF HE COULD STOP BY HERE AND SING
A SONG ABOUT THE GOOD NEWS SO LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE WELCOME FRENCH PRESIDENT
EMMANUEL MACRON. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
[ LAUGHTER ] * BONJOUR HOW DO YOU DO I BROUGHT YOU A BAGUETTE
POUR VOUS * * THEY'RE SO HARD TO CHEW BUT THEY'RE GOOD
WITH FONDUE * [ LAUGHTER ] * CAN I SHARE ONE WITH YO
AS WE STROLL DOWN THE RU WITH MY CHEST HAIR IN VIEW I USE SPECIAL SHAMPOO *
[ LAUGHTER ] * SELSUN BLUE * [ LAUGHTER ]
* WE COULD GO TO THE ZO FEED ONE TO A KANGAROO * * THEN USE YOUR ROK
TO WATCH "WHITE LOTUS" SEASON DEUX * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* I GOT MY SPOTIFY REVIEW MY TOP BAND WAS U2 * [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
* TOP SONG WAS DEJA V BY OLIVIA RODRIGOO * [ LAUGHTER ]
* OH BEFORE I FORGE WE MUST SAVE THE BAGUETTE * * THEY'RE THE HOTTEST THING
FROM FRANCE * SINCE TIMOTHEE CHALAMET * [ LAUGHTER ]
* BUT MY FLIGHT LEAVE SO SOO I'M BOARDING ZONE DEUX *
* I'M FLYING JETBLU WITH A LAYOVER IN HONOLULU * [ LAUGHTER ]
* BUT FOR NOW I BID YOU ADIEU ADIEU ADIEU * *
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: FRENCH PRESIDENT EMMANUEL MACRON. HE RAN AWAY.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE HE'S IN THE HALLWAY NOW. THERE HE IS.
THERE HE IS. THAT'S THE FRENCH PRESIDENT
WITH THE NETHERLANDS FAN AND THE FRENCH PRESIDENT SOME MOVIE NEWS --
TODAY, "TOP GUN: MAVERICK" RETURNED TO THEATERS FOR A A TWO-WEEK RUN
[ CHEERS ] IT'S LIKE NETFLIX SAYING, "YOU RECENTLY WATCHED 'TOP GUN:
MAVERICK.' WE THOUGHT YOU MIGHT BE INTERESTED IN 'TOP GUN: MAVERICK.'" [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
SOME BUSINESS NEWS, PEPSI JUST LAUNCHED A HOLIDAY CAMPAIGN ENCOURAGING PEOPLE TO EAT THEIR
COOKIES WITH PILK. WHICH IS PEPSI MIXED WITH MILK [ AUDIENCE EWs ]
HERE'S THE AD THEY RELEASED FOR IT
>> OOH, NAUGHTY.
PEPSI AND MILK PILK [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: THEN IN RESPONSE, ANOTHER COMPANY RELEASED THIS AD
PEPSI AND MILK PILK >> COKE, WE WOULD NEVER DO
THIS UGH! [ LAUGHTER [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: WELL, I HEARD THAT IN AN EFFORT TO COMPETE WITH DOLLAR GENERAL, FAMILY DOLLAR
IS LOWERING THEIR PRICES [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THEIR PRICES ARE SO LOW, THAT
THEY'RE NOW CHANGING THEIR NAME TO FAMILY CRYPTO [ LAUGHTER ]
FINALLY, TOMORROW IS THE 30th ANNIVERSARY OF THE FIRST TEXT MESSAGE.
[ AUDIENCE OOHS AND IT JUST SAID, "MERRY CHRISTMAS.
YEAH, THAT'S REAL. AND THE SECOND TEXT -- WE GOT A HOLD OF THE SECOND TEXT
MESSAGE THAT WAS SENT SIX YEARS LATER. IT SAYS, "SORRY, JUST SEEING
THIS NOW." [ LAUGHTER ] WE SHOULD TOTALLY CATCH UP
SOON." [ APPLAUSE ] WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW EVERYBODY,
TONIGHT. KEVIN BACON IS HERE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
THEO JAMES IS ON THE SHOW. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE AND WE'VE GOT STANDUP FROM VERY
FUNNY JAY JURDEN LET'S GO WRITE SOME THANK YOU NOTES.
COME ON.
* [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: GUYS, I JUST WANT TO QUICKLY MENTION, THIS MONDAY, DECEMBER 5th, NBC IS AIRING
A SPECIAL HOLIDAY EDITION OF MY SHOW, "THAT'S MY JAM." [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* IT'S GOING TO BE FUN TUNE IN MONDAY
A LOT OF MUSIC, A LOT OF COMEDY 10:00 P.M., NBC.
SET YOUR DVRs, SET YOUR TIVOS. "THAT'S MY JAM." IT'S GOING TO BE GOOD.
BUT, GUYS -- [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE RIGHT NOW, TODAY IS FRIDAY, AND
THAT'S USUALLY WHEN I CATCH UP ON SOME PERSONAL STUFF I CHECK MY INBOX, I RETURN SOME
EMAILS, AND I, OF COURSE, SEND OUT THANK YOU NOTES. AND I WAS RUNNING A BIT BEHIND
[ APPLAUSE ] CAN I WRITE OUT SOME THANK YOU NOTES RIGHT NOW?
IS THAT OKAY WITH YOU GUYS [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THANK YOU.
I APPRECIATE THAT. JAMES, CAN I GET SOME THANK YOU NOTE WRITING MUSIC, PLEASE
* AH, HOW ABOUT SOMETHING DIFFERENT?
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] * [ CLAPPING IN TIME ]
* I WANT TO SAY THANK YOU I WANT TO SAY THANK YOU NO I WANT TO SAY THANK YO
THANK YOU* * I WANT TO SAY THANK YOU OUT LOUD *
* [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] THANK YOU, NUTCRACKERS, FOR ALWAYS LOOKING LIKE YOU JUST
SAW WHAT KANYE POSTED. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE >> Steve: AY-YI-YI
WHAT * >> Jimmy: THANK YOU,
RESTAURANTS WHOSE SPECIALS TODAY ARE CRANBERRY TURKEY FOR MAKING IT PRETTY OBVIOUS THIS
FOOD IS A WEEK OLD [ LAUGHTER ] IT'S LIKE, "THAT'S CRANBERRY
TURKEY?" * THANK YOU, MISTLETOE, FOR BEING
THE MOST FESTIVE WAY TO GET CANCELLED. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
* THANK YOU, SPOTIFY WRAPPED, OR AS YOU'RE ALSO KNOWN, SPOTIFY:
TAYLOR'S VERSION CRUSHED. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
SHE CRUSHED. * THANK YOU, THE MORNING AFTER
BLACK FRIDAY, FOR BEING THE MOMENT I WAKE UP NEXT TO A NEW FLAT SCREEN TV LIKE, "WAIT, DID
WE --? [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE *
THANK YOU, REAL CHRISTMAS TREES, FOR BEING SO EXCITED TO COME HOME, RELAX, AND TAKE OFF
YOUR SPANX [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE JUST RELAX
* THANK YOU, CHRISTMAS CRAFT FAIRS, FOR BEING A FUN, FESTIVE
WAY TO WALK AROUND DOZENS OF LITTLE SHOPS GOING, "EH. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
"YOU NEED THIS?" >> Steve: NO, I'M GOOD *
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] THANK YOU, POINSETTIAS, FOR BEING THE PO-TAY-TO/PO-TAH-TO
OF CHRISTMAS [ LAUGHTER ] IS IT POINSETTIAS?
OR POINSETTAS? POINSETTIAS? *
>> Jimmy: THANK YOU, RUDOLPH THE RED NOSED REINDEER, FOR TEACHING CHILDREN THAT IT
DOESN'T MATTER IF YOU'RE DIFFERENT. WHAT MATTERS IS THAT YOU'RE
USEFUL ONCE A YEAR [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE THERE YOU HAVE IT, EVERYBODY
THOSE ARE OUR "THANK YOU NOTES. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
GUYS, WE HAVE -- WE HAVE EXACTLY 11 SHOWS LEFT BEFORE WE GO ON CHRISTMAS
BREAK, WHICH MEANS IT'S TIME FOR THAT BELOVED "TONIGHT SHOW" TRADITION.
IT'S TIME FOR "12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS SWEATERS."
* 12 DAYS
OF CHRISTMAS SWEATER 11 DAYS LEFT * >> Jimmy: THAT'S RIGHT
EVERY SHOW BETWEEN NOW AND CHRISTMAS, WE'LL BE GIVING ONE LUCKY AUDIENCE MEMBER
A MARVELOUS CHRISTMAS SWEATER FROM THE COUNTDOWN TO CHRISTMAS CABINET.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE NOW, SINCE THERE ARE 11 SHOWS LEFT, LET'S OPEN DOOR NUMBER
11 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE P READY?
>> I THINK SO. >> Jimmy: GO FOR IT. OOH, LA LA
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * WOW.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ALL RIGHT. NOW LET'S SEE WHO'S GOING HOME
WITH TONIGHT'S CHRISTMAS SWEATER. EVERYONE LOOK AT YOUR SEAT
NUMBER IF I CALL YOUR NUMBER, GET UP, SCREAM, COME ON DOWN HERE AND
GET READY FOR YOUR NEW CHRISTMAS SWEATER. WHO WANTS ONE?
QUEST, CAN I GET A DRUMROLL PLEASE [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
[ DRUMROLL ] 428! *
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
COMING IN -- COMING IN HOT RIGHT NOW. COMING IN HOT.
>> I HOPE THAT WAS MY NUMBER >> Jimmy: YOU KNEW IT WAS YOUR NUMBER
YEAH, HI HOW YOU DOING? >> I'M GOOD JIMMY, HOW ARE YOU
I'M JOE. >> Jimmy: JOE, NICE TO MEET YOU.
WELCOME, JOE, WHERE ARE YOU FROM >> FROM NAVARRE, FLORIDA
>> Jimmy: HEY, WELL -- [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> ORIGINALLY FROM WESTERN
NEW YORK, GO BILLS >> Jimmy: ARE YOU REALLY WELCOME BACK TO NEW YORK
THANKS FOR COMING TO THE SHOW TONIGHT. DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING LIKE THIS
WELL, YOU DO >> NOT AT ALL. I DO NOW
>> Jimmy: YOU DO NOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO TRY IT ON? >> I WOULD LOVE TO
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * >> Jimmy: YEAH, IT'S VERY
HEAVY -- IT'S A HEFTY - IT'S LIKE TWO SWEATERS IN ONE.
>> I'M SWEATIN' ALREADY. >> Jimmy: YEAH, NO, YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS.
[ CHEERS ] >> THIS IS GOOD. >> Jimmy: IT'S GOT GOOD
SHOULDERS IN THERE FOR YOU TOO [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE YEAH
YOU LOOK GOOD, BUD LOOK AT YOU. LOOK AT THAT
YOU LOOK GOOD, RIGHT >> COUPLE HANDSOME GUYS WE ARE >> Jimmy: YEAH, I LIKE THAT.
THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. JOE, THANK YOU VERY MUCH NICE TO SEE YOU.
GIVE IT UP FOR JOE STICK AROUND [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
WE'VE GOT MORE "TONIGHT SHOW" AFTER THE BREAK. *
OF "GUARDIAN'S OF THE GALAXY" AND SAW ALL OF THOSE ALIENS. NOT TO MENTION THE GUARDIANS
AND THEY ARE ALL IN DIFFERENT MAKEUPS AND WARDROBE AND THERE'S CHRISTMAS STUFF ALL
OF THE PLACE I LITERALLY WAS LIKE - ONE OF THOSE MOMENTS LIKE,
"DAMN, THIS IS FUN."
WE HAVE A REALLY GREAT SHOW TONIGHT. IT'S A REALLY FUN SHOW
AND -- I DON'T KNOW, MAN I JUST - >> Steve: WHAT
>> Jimmy: I JUST FEEL LIKE - I JUST FEEL LIKE I - I'VE GOTTA BLOW OFF SOME STEAM
>> Steve: WHAT >> Jimmy: I JUST FEEL LIKE I'VE GOT TO -
IT'S BEEN A ROUGH WEEK, YOU KNOW IT'S BEEN ONE OF THOSE WEEKS
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE YOU JUST GOTTA GET OUT THERE, AND BLOW OFF SOME STEAM.
HELMET ME. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THAT'S IT.
I'M JUST GOING TO GO OUT GET IN THIS MUSTANG, I HAD A A ROUGH WEEK
BLOW SOME STEAM OFF HERE LET ME GET IN THE CAR, PUT MY SEATBELT ON, AND BURN SOME
RUBBER WHOO HOO [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
YEAH, MY BLINKER ON. YEAH OH MY, YEAH!
THIS IS WILD THIS IS WHAT I WANT! YEAH
WHOO E-BRAKE BY THIS ABANDONED FACTORY.
HERE WE GO HA HA HA HA! SORRY, LEAVES.
SEE YOU LATER! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE HERE WE GO
DOUGHNUT TIME! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE WHOO
LOOK AT ME NOW, MAN! I'M ALIVE! I'M ALIVE!
THAT FELT GOOD [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THAT FELT REAL GOOD.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE [ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
THAT MUSTANG WAS BADASS. [ LAUGHTER ] THANK YOU TO FORD.
GO CHECK OUT THE 2 2024 FORD MUSTANG AT FORD.COM. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE "TONIGHT SHOW," EVERYBODY. *
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
FIRST TIME YOU'VE HEARD OF THIS, BUT YOU DO A NUDE SCENE
IN THE FIRST EPISODE >> OH, THE PEE-PEE SCENE [ LAUGHTER ]
HAPPENING. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: OUR FIRST GUEST IS A
A VERY TALENTED ACTOR STARRING IN MARVEL'S "THE GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY: HOLIDAY SPECIAL"
WHICH IS STREAMING NOW ON DISNEY PLUS. PLEASE WELCOME KEVIN BACON,
EVERYBODY.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE *
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: OH, YOU'RE A STUD. WELCOME BACK TO THE SHOW
>> I JUST WAS WATCHING YOU THANKSGIVING AT THE PARADE AWESOME JOB.
>> Jimmy: OH, YEAH THANK YOU. ROOTS, YEAH.
>> SUPER COOL. >> Jimmy: WE HAD A GOOD TIME HOW WAS YOUR THANKSGIVING?
>> IT WAS REALLY NICE. I TELL YOU WHAT, THERE'S A A GUY -- I WROTE HIS NAME DOWN
BECAUSE HE'S HARD TO REMEMBER. HIS NAME IS JAY KINSEY LOPEZ AUT
DO YOU KNOW WHO THIS IS? THIS IS THE GUY WHO SAVED OUR THANKSGIVING THIS YEAR, OR
LET'S SAY CHANGED IT FOREVER FOR THE GOOD EVERY YEAR, WE TALK ABOUT THE
TURKEY THING HOW WE'RE GOING TO DO IT, WET BRINE, DRY BRINE -
>> Jimmy: SPATCHCOCK SPATCHCOCK, NEW THING. EVERYONE IS SPATCHCOCKING.
>> THIS GUY IS A SPATCHCOCKER. THIS GUY IS AN AVID SPATCHCOCKER
[ LAUGHTER ] WE DIDN'T ACTUALLY -- WHAT WHAT'S FUNNY
>> Jimmy: THAT'S ON HIS RESUME HE'S AN AVID SPATCHCOCKER. >> WE DIDN'T ACTUALLY
SPATCHCOCK THIS YEAR BUT WHAT WE DID WAS BEFORE IT GOES INTO THE OVEN, YOU COVER
IT IN MAYONNAISE [ LAUGHTER ] YOU LOVE MAYONNAISE, RIGHT,
JIMMY? JIMMY? WHAT'S UP?
YOU HAVEN'T LIVED UNTIL YOU'VE TAKEN A RAW BIRD AND FILLED
EVERY SINGLE CREVICE WITH HERBED MAYONNAISE. I'M NOT KIDDING.
>> Jimmy: HERBED MAYONNAISE? THAT MAKES IT EVEN GROSSER SOUNDING
HERBED MAYONNAISE? ROOM TEMPERATURE HERBED MAYONNAISE
>> YES, ROOM TEMPERATURE IT WAS THE BREAST TURKEY -- IT WAS THE BEST TURKEY WE'VE EVER
HAD. >> Jimmy: YEAH RIGHT, THE BEST TURKEY YOU'VE EVER HAD
GIVE ME A BREAK. WHAT WAS THIS MAN'S NAME AGAIN >> JAY KINSEY LOPEZ AUT.
>> Jimmy: NO THANKS. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> YOU DON'T TASTE THE
MAYONNAISE IT'S CRISPY. >> Jimmy: IF YOU DON'T TASTE
IT, WHY DO IT? IF YOU DON'T TASTE IT, GET IT OUT OF THE HOUSE
[ LAUGHTER ] >> YOU CAN TALK TO JAY KINSEY LOPEZ ABOUT THIS.
HE'S A SCIENTIST, AND IT HAS TO DO WITH THE PROTEINS INTERACTING WITH THE BIRD.
>> Jimmy: OH, MY GOD >> I'M SERIOUS >> Jimmy: JUST SPATCHCOCK IT,
MAN. THAT'S WHAT YOU GOT TO DO. [ LAUGHTER ]
JUST SPATCHCOCK IT HEY, WE HAVE A LOT TO TALK ABOUT.
LAST TIME YOU WERE HERE, YOU TOLD ME YOU WERE ABOUT TO DO "BEVERLY HILLS COP 4" WITH
EDDIE MURPHY >> I DID >> Jimmy: YOU DID?
>> I DID >> Jimmy: HOW WAS IT [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> IT WAS SO FUN >> Jimmy: I'M SO PSYCHED I LOVE EDDIE
AND I LOVE KEVIN BACON >> HE MADE ME LAUGH SO MANY TIMES.
IT WAS GREAT WE HAD A GOOD TIME >> Jimmy: HAD YOU MET HIM
BEFORE >> NO, I HAD NEVER MET HIM BEFORE
BUT HE TOLD ME SOME GREAT STORIES. >> Jimmy: CAN YOU TELL EVERYONE
WHO YOU'RE PLAYING I CAN TELL YOU -- I THINK I CAN SAY I'M PLAYING A BEVERLY HILLS
COP. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: WOW.
>> I THINK THAT'S ALL I CAN SAY. >> Jimmy: NO SPOILERS.
>> YOU KNOW WHAT I DID I BINGED WATCHED ALL THREE OF THEM BEFORE TO GET READY
AND I GET THIS THING WHERE, LIKE, SONGS GET INTO MY HEAD SO, FOR MONTHS, IT WAS -
[ HUMMING "BEVERLY HILLS COP THEME FIND THAT KEY.
[ HUMMING "BEVERLY HILLS COP THEME *
WOW. >> Jimmy: YEAH, BUT NOW YOU HAVE IT IN ALL OF OUR HEADS.
WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS? [ LAUGHTER ] IS IT TRAPPED IN YOUR HEAD
>> WELL, IT IS NOW >> Jimmy: AXLE F SO, YOU'RE DOING THAT GIANT
THING. AND YOU DO "GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY: HOLIDAY SPECIAL.
>> I KNOW MAN. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: IT'S VERY FUNNY.
IT'S ON DISNEY PLUS. IT'S ON DISNEY PLU I DON'T WANT TO GIVE TOO MUCH
AWAY FOR PEOPLE WHO HAVEN'T SEEN THE SPECIAL YET BUT IN THIS HOLIDAY SPECIAL,
IT'S A CALL BACK TO THE FIRST "GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY" MOVIE BECAUSE CHRIS PRATT'S CHARACTER
IS OBSESSED WITH YOU >> YES HE THINKS I'M A GREAT HERO
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: YEAH SO, THEY -- I DON'T WANT TO --
BUT THEY KIDNAP YOU, KIND OF >> THEY DO, YEAH YEAH, THEY KIDNAP ME
>> Jimmy: I SAW A TWEET BY THE WAY. A FAN TWEETED THIS
I THOUGHT THIS WAS VERY FUN. IT'S FROM THE ALPHA VICTOR, "SINGLE GREATEST DECISION
MARVEL EVER MADE WAS KIDNAPPING KEVIN BACON, PERIOD. [ LAUGHTER ]
THAT'S HOW EXCITED FANS ARE THAT THIS HAPPENED AND YOU MADE IT HAPPEN
I LOVE THAT YOU DID THIS >> I HAD SO MUCH FUN, YOU KNOW WHEN I WAS PROBABLY STARTING
OUT -- WHEN I HAD AMAZING EXPERIENCES, I KIND OF USED IT TO FEEL LIKE I WAS TOO COOL TO
REACT TO THINGS. YOU KNOW I WOULD BE LIKE, "YEAH,
WHATEVER, MERYL STREEP WHATEVER, GOING TO THE MOON, OKAY, WHATEVER."
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN BUT I'M AT A POINT IN MY LIFE NOW, WHERE I CAN JUST STOP AND
GO, "OH, MY GOD, THIS IS CRAZY WHAT I DO FOR A LIVING THIS IS SO COOL.
WHEN I WALKED ONTO THE SET OF "GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY" AND SAW ALL OF THOSE ALIENS, NOT TO
MENTION THE GUARDIANS, AND THEY'RE ALL IN DIFFERENT MAKE-UP, AND WARDROBE, AND
THERE'S CHRISTMAS STUFF ALL OVER THE PLACE I LITERALLY WAS LIKE ONE OF
THOSE MOMENTS LIKE, "DAMN, THIS IS FUN." >> Jimmy: THAT'S WHAT I'M
TALKING ABOUT. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE FUN.
THIS IS ALL FUN. >> I AM SO GRATEFUL TO HAVE THIS GIG
>> Jimmy: I COULDN'T HAPPEN TO A COOLER DUDE. I WANT TO SHOW EVERYONE A CLOP
HERE'S KEVIN BACON IN "GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY: HOLIDAY SPECIAL.
TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.
>> THERE'S TWO -- I DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY ARE -- PEOPLE IN
COSTUME. * I WANT AN ALIEN FOR CHRISTMAS BRING ME AN ALIE
THIS YEAR I WANT A LITTL GREEN GUY ABOUT THREE FEET * * HIGH WITH 17 EYES WHO KNOWS
HOW TO FLY I WANT AN ALIEN FOR CHRISTMAS THIS YEAR * *
[ GRUNTING ] * >> Jimmy: COME ON.
YOU'RE THE BEST. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ONLY YOU CAN DO ALL THIS COOL
STUFF. I LOVE IT. WHAT I ALSO THINK IS COOL ABOUT
IT -- ALSO, IN THIS, BY THE WAY, ON THE SOUNDTRACK HERE, YOU GET TO SING A HOLIDAY SONG
WITH THE GREAT, BAND OLD 97s IT IS ON THE SOUNDTRACK, WHICH I HAVE HERE.
BUT THIS IS VERY EXCITING. NOT ONLY ARE YOU AWESOME, BUT YOU CAME HERE TONIGHT.
YOU'RE GOING TO PERFORM WITH OLD 97s THE SONG FROM "THE GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY:
HOLIDAY SPECIAL" CALLED "HERE IT IS, CHRISTMAS TIME" ON THE SHOW TONIGHT
KEVIN BACON, EVERYBODY [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE "GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY:
HOLIDAY SPECIAL" STREAMING NOW ON DISNEY PLUS KEVIN IS PERFORMING AFTER THE
BREAK. STICK AROUND [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
THANK YOU FOR DOING THIS * >> Jimmy: HERE NOW PERFORMING
"HERE IT IS CHRISTMAS TIME" FROM MARVEL'S "THE GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY: HOLIDAY SPECIAL" ON
DISNEY PLUS. GIVE IT UP FOR KEVIN BACON AND OLD 97s.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * * WHEN WE ARE BORN WE ARE
SWADDLED AND SNUGGLE WHISPERED TO, FUSSED OVE TICKLED AND CUDDLED *
* AND WHEN WE GROW UP THINGS GET MUDDLED AND HERE IT IS CHRISTMAS *
* TIME WILL YOU STOP BY FOR A PIECE OF DELICIOUS PEACH PIE WHILE I TELL *
* YOU MY YULETIDE WISHE YOU CAN HELP ME DO THE DISHES AND HERE *
* IT IS CHRISTMAS TIM CASUE WE ALL WAN SOMEONE WHO WILL *
* TO LOVE US AND HOLD U TO CURL UP ALONGSIDE WHEN NIGHTS ARE THE *
* COLDEST WE ALL WANT SOMEONE WHO WILL HUG US AND KISS US *
* ALL I WANT IS YOU FOR CHRISTMA LET US EXAMINE *
* THE HOLIDAY SPIRI LET THE SMALL KIDS SING SO WE CAN ALL HEAR IT *
* LIGHT UP A FIRE AND PUL THE CHAIR NEAR I CAUSE HERE IT *
* IS CHRISTMAS TIME WE ALL WANT SOMEON WHO WILL LOVE US AND *
* HOLD US TO CURL U ALONGSIDE WHEN NIGHT ARE THE COLDEST *
* AND WE ALL WANT SOMEONE WHO WILL HUG US AND KISS US ALL I WANT IS
YOU FOR CHRISTMAS * * *
SWADDLED AND SNUGGLE WHISPERED TO FUSSED OVER TICKLED AND CUDDLED *
* WHEN WE GROW UP THINGS GET MUDDLED AND HERE IT IS CHRISTMAS *
* TIME AND WE ALL WAN SOMEONE WHO WILL LOV US AND HOLD US *
* TO CURL UP ALONGSID WHEN NIGHTS ARE TH COLDEST WE ALL WANT *
* SOMEONE WHO CAN HUG US AND KISS US ALL I WANT IS *
* YOU FOR CHRISTMAS ALL I WANT I YOU FOR CHRISTMAS *
* ALL I WANT IS YOU FOR CHRISTMAS * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: OH, COME ON! THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
HEY, BUD NICE TO SEE YOU. THANK YOU.
OLD 97s, KEVIN BACON [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE CHECK OUT MARVEL'S "GUARDIANS
OF THE GALAXY: HOLIDAY SPECIAL" ON DISNEY PLUS LOTS MORE "TONIGHT SHOW" AFTER
THE BREAK. COME ON BACK, EVERYBODY. YEAH, THAT WAS FUN
>> Jimmy: OUR NEXT GUEST PLAYS CAMERON SULLIVAN IN THE SECOND INSTALLMENT OF "THE WHITE
LOTUS. YOU CAN CATCH NEW EPISODES EVERY SUNDAY ON HBO AND HBO
MAX. PLEASE WELCOME THEO JAMES.
*
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: THEO JAMES
YEAH YOU GET THAT, SIR. >> OH, MY GOD.
>> Jimmy: HE'S A STUD RIGHT HERE YEAH, COME ON.
YEAH >> THANK YOU >> Jimmy: THE CROWD KNOW IT.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE YEAH, THEY -- THAT'S RIGHT >> GOSH, GOSH.
>> Jimmy: THEO, WE HAVE TO GET INTO IT. I WANT TO GET INTO "WHITE
LOTUS" AND I HAVE QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU AND YOU PERSONALLY AND ALL THAT STUFF
AND DON'T WORRY -- >> VERY PERSONAL ALL RIGHT.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, VERY PERSONAL. YEAH AND YEAH
AND THAT ONE SCENE BUT ANYWAY -- [ LAUGHTER ]
IT JUST -- YEAH, I REALLY WANT TO KNOW ABOUT THAT ON YOUR DAY OFF.
BUT A LOT OF PEOPLE OUT THERE -- BUT FIRST, YOU GOT TO SEE
KEVIN BACON. >> OH, JESUS, KEVIN BACON. >> Jimmy: HE'S UNBELIEVABLE,
RIGHT? >> OH, MY GOSH SO GOOD.
>> Jimmy: TALENTED GUY >> MY WIFE WORKED WITH HIM YEARS AGO.
>> Jimmy: ON WHAT SHOW >> AND THEY KNOW EACH OTHER. IT'S CALLED "THE FOLLOWING."
>> Jimmy: OH, YEAH >> IT'S ABOUT SERIAL KILLERS >> Jimmy: OF COURSE, YEAH.
>> SEXY SERIAL KILLERS [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: YES.
>> YEAH. BUT I HAVEN'T MET HIM BEFORE WHAT A [ BLEEP ] LEGEND.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, HE IS -- YEAH HE CAN DO EVERYTHING
HE CAN SING, ACT I HEARD YOU WERE IN A BAND >> I WAS IN LOTS OF TERRIBLE
BANDS. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] YEAH
>> Jimmy: PLEASE, LET'S TALK ABOUT THAT I LOVE EMBARRASSING MY GUESTS.
WHAT WAS THE FIRST EMBARRASSING BAND YOU WERE IN >> MY FIRST BAND I WAS IN -- I
WAS AT UNIVERSITY AND WE CALLED OURSELVES "BARRACUDA," LIKE THE FISH
>> Jimmy: YEAH [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> AND MY LASTING MEMORY OF
IT -- BECAUSE WE, KIND OF, DID IT IN PEOPLE'S LIVING ROOMS. WE WERE THAT LOW KEY
>> Jimmy: YEAH, THAT'S GOOD. >> MY LASTING MEMORY OF IT WAS SOMEONE THROWING A BOTTLE OF
URINE AT ME. AND WE -- YOU KNOW [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: WAIT, WHY WAS SOMEONE CARRYING A BOTTLE OF URINE IN THE HOUSE?
[ LAUGHTER ] >> BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, WE WERE 20 AND WE WERE THE TERRIBLE
ACTS >> Jimmy: THAT'S WHAT KIDS DO. YEAH
>> YEAH, LIKE, WE PEE IN BOTTLES. SPINNING EACH OTHER OF THEM
OUT. >> YEAH, WOW WERE YOU A PUNK BAND
>> NO, WE WERE LIKE A -- WE WERE A FOLK BAND FOR SOME STRANGE REASON
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: WHAT WHAT ARE YOU TALKING
SOMEONE THREW A BOTTLE OF URINE AT A FOLK BAND >> YEAH.
LATELY, WE WOULD DO THESE GIGS AND WE WOULD TURN OUT. BUT WE WOULD HAVE A CELLO,
LIKE, YOU KNOW, VERY PRETENTIOUS STUFF. AND PEOPLE WOULD BE VOMITING
AND, LIKE, DOING ECSTASY IN FRONT OF US. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: OH, MY GOD >> WE REALIZED THAT -- THE WRONG CROWD, BASICALLY
>> Jimmy: I THINK SO A BAD GIG. AND, OH, MY GOSH
>> Jimmy: WELL, NOW YOU'RE A A SUPERSTAR. COME ON.
>> I GET IT. I GET IT >> Jimmy: THEO JAMES
THEO JAMES, PLEASE, LET'S TALK ABOUT "THE WHITE LOTUS." >> YEAH.
>> Jimmy: BECAUSE THE SCENE THAT EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT IS --
>> WHICH SCENE IS THAT [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: WELL, I'M SURE THIS
IS THE FIRST TIME YOU'VE HEARD OF THIS, BUT YOU DO THE NUDE SCENE IN THE FIRST EPISODE
>> OH, THE "PEE-PEE SCENE. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: IS THAT WHAT YOU CALL
IT >> NO, THAT'S WHAT THEY CALL IT
>> Jimmy: YEAH, BUT WOW. >> EVERYONE ON SET [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: DUDE, PEOPLE THOUGHT IT WAS THE LOCH NESS MONSTER [ LAUGHTER ]
WHAT IN THE WHAT IN THE -- GOOD FOR YOU, BY THE WAY. OH, MY GOD
[ LAUGHTER ] >> NO. SO --
SORRY. >> Jimmy: AND PLEASE, STAY SEATED
I DON'T WANT YOU GETTING EXHAUSTED. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
I DON'T WANT YOU GETTING TIRED OR GET LEAVING OR STANDING UP. YEAH
>> YEAH. >> Jimmy: WE'LL HELP YOU JUST STAY IN YOUR CHAIR.
WE'LL WHEEL YOU OUT OF HERE. YEAH [ LAUGHTER ]
WHEW OH, MY GOSH. >> I CAN'T BREATHE SOMETIMES
BECAUSE THE WEIGHT OF IT [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE *
>> Jimmy: WHEN THAT SCENE COMES UP, DO YOU GO, "OH, I GOT THIS"?
YEAH >> YEAH, I WAS JUST LIKE, "JESUS CHRIST, I'M UP FOR IT."
NO, THE TRUTH OF IT WAS -- SO, YOU KNOW, YOU GO INTO THESE THINGS AND YOU HAVE
A CONVERSATION WITH THE DIRECTOR AND THE PRODUCERS AND THEY GO, "FOR THIS, WE'RE GOING
TO USE A PROSTHETIC. WE'RE GOING TO USE SOMETHING." AND YOU SAY, "OKAY
THAT SOUNDS GOOD." AND THEY SAY -- >> Jimmy: SO, IT IS
A PROSTHETIC >> IT'S A -- YEAH, IT'S A PIECE OF PROSTHETIC.
>> Jimmy: THANK GOODNESS [ LAUGHTER ] WOW.
>> IT'S A PIECE OF -- YEAH, EXACTLY. >> Jimmy: THAT MAKE SO MANY MEN
FEEL SO GOOD RIGHT NOW [ LAUGHTER ] >> RIGHT, EXACTLY.
[ LAUGHTER ] SO, I'LL TELL YOU THE STORY BECAUSE -- SO, YOU KNOW, YOU
HAVE A CONVERSATION, AND THE LOVELY REBECCA, WHO WAS THE -- THE MAKE-UP DESIGNER COMES UP.
AND SHE'S LIKE, "YOU KNOW, THIS IS WHAT THEY WANT TO DO. BUT OBVIOUSLY, WE WANT TO HAVE
SOME INPUT." >> Jimmy: SURE >> SO, I SAID, HONESTLY, I JUST
WANT IT NOT TO BE DISTRACTING. HE NEEDS TO BE REGULAR JOE BECAUSE THE SCENE'S ABOUT --
YOU KNOW, IT'S NOT ABOUT THE PEE-PEE. IT'S ABOUT HOW PLAIN SEX --
IT'S ABOUT, YOU KNOW -- >> Jimmy: YEAH, WHETHER -- >> WHETHER -- WHETHER HE DID IT
DELIBERATELY OR WHETHER IT WAS AN ACCIDENT AND WHAT THAT MEANS, AND --
>> Jimmy: YEAH >> -- ALL THAT KIND OF STUFF AND SHE SAYS, "I GOT YOU
YEAH, I GOT YOU. [ LAUGHTER ] REGULAR JOE.
>> Jimmy: REGULAR JOE. >> YEAH. OKAY, COOL
SO, WE GET TO SET, AND SHE'S GOT, LIKE, A HAMMER OR SOMETHING.
OR LIKE -- [ LAUGHTER ] I MEAN, IT'S BIGGER THAN THAT.
IT'S LIKE SHE STOLE IT OFF A A DONKEY IN THE FIELD. [ LAUGHTER ]
THE THING IS GINORMOUS AND ME AND THE DIRECTOR, MIKE WHITE, ARE SITTING THERE
GOING, "THAT'S AVERAGE?" [ LAUGHTER ] YEAH, WE'RE LIKE --
>> Jimmy: WOW! >> CALLING OUR RESPECT TO -- IS BEING LIKE, "I'M SO SORRY.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: YEAH, SO OKAY. GOOD
>> YEAH, SO IT WAS NINE INCHES FLACCID AND ABOUT FOUR INCHES WIDE
WE WERE LIKE, "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?" [ LAUGHTER ]
FUNNY ENOUGH, YOUR PRODUCER SAID, "SO -- SO WHAT DID YOU DO WITH IT?
I MEAN, YOU STILL GOT IT?" I WAS LIKE, "NO, I DON'T HAVE IT."
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: DID YOU SAVE IT? OH, YEAH, YOU DON'T SAVE IT.
>> LIKE, THIS IS SLEEPING IN IT [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: "SLEEP NEXT TO IT. THERE'S NOT MUCH WE CAN SAY ABOUT THE SHOW SO MUCH BECAUSE
I DON'T WANT TO SPOIL ANYTHING >> TRUE. >> Jimmy: THERE'S TWO EPISODES
LEFT IS -- IS EVERYONE TRYING TO GET YOU TO SAY, "HEY, WHO WAS
MURDERED AND WHO MURDERED WHO? >> YEAH, AND I CAN TELL YOU TONIGHT, THE PERSON WHO WAS
MURDERED WAS -- JUST JOKE. BUT, YEAH, EVERYONE IS TRYING INCLUDING -- I WAS -- YOU KNOW,
I CAME THIS MORNING ON THE PLANE AND I WAS AT THE URINAL. AND SOMEONE WAS LIKE, "GOOD
JOB, MAN." "OKAY, THANKS. YEAH
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] "YOU GOING TO GIVE ME SOME TIPS AT THE END?"
"NOT EXACTLY SURE WHAT THAT MEANS HERE IN NEW YORK." >> Jimmy: YEAH, YOU'RE IN
THE -- YOU'RE IN THE URINAL. >> YEAH, YEAH. >> Jimmy: YEAH, YOU WERE GOING
TO THE BATHROOM. >> SO, WE TOOK A PHOTO TOGETHER, HAD A SMALL KISS
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: HE WANTED A PHOTO TOO?
>> YEAH, YEAH. >> Jimmy: GUESS YOU CAN'T SAY NO TWICE, RIGHT?
YOU GO, "YEAH, I CAN'T GIVE YOU THE SPOILER. BUT YEAH, LET'S DO A SELFIE.
SURE." HE'S LIKE, "HEY, CAN YOU GET YOUR CO-STAR IN THERE TOO?
[ LAUGHTER ] >> YEAH. "MR. SNAKE."
[ CYMBAL CRASH ] >> Jimmy: I WAS WATCHING I GO, "MAN, THAT IS SUCH A
A TRICKY ROLE TO PLAY. BUT EVERY CHARACTER IS SO -- >> THEY'RE WELL DRAWN.
IT'S TRICKY. >> Jimmy: TRICKY SO WELL DRAWN, SO WELL DONE, SO
WELL-ACTED JENNIFER COOLIDGE, OBVIOUSLY, WE LOVE.
AUBREY PLAZA IS OFF THE CHARTS IN THIS. >> RIGHT
>> Jimmy: SHE'S HIT A GRAND SLAM [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
AND YOU -- YOU AND AUBREY -- OH, MY GOD DUDE, I'M JUST LOVING IT
THE WHOLE CAST IS GREAT. >> THANK YOU >> Jimmy: I WANT TO SHOW
EVERYONE A CLIP. HERE'S THEO JAMES IN "THE WHITE LOTUS.
TAKE A LOOK. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> TO VOLCANOES AND ALL THE
THREESOMES OF PAST AND PRESENT AND FUTURE [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
>> I FEEL LIKE YOU SEW YOUR OATS WHEN YOU'RE YOUNG AND THEN YOU JUST -- YOU KNOW, YOU GET
IT OUT OF YOUR SYSTEM. >> I DON'T KNOW. I'M NOT SURE IT WORKS LIKE
THAT >> I KNOW BUT THAT'S THE IDEA. >> IT'S KIND OF LIKE FOOD, YOU
KNOW YOU KNOW, GORGE YOURSELF UNTIL YOU'RE SICK.
YOU SWEAR YOU'LL NEVER EAT ANOTHER BITE AND THEN, A FEW DAYS LATER,
YOU'RE HUNGRY AGAIN. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: THEO JAMES
CHECK OUT THE SECOND INSTALLMENT OF "THE WHITE LOTUS" SUNDAYS ON HBO AND HBO
MAX. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH STANDUP FROM JAY JURDEN.
STICK AROUND, EVERYBODY. THANK YOU. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* >> Jimmy: OUR NEXT GUEST CAN BE SEEN AT ZANIES IN NASHVILLE
DECEMBER 28th. PLEASE WELCOME THE VERY FUNNY JAY JURDEN
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> HEY Y'ALL I'M PRETTY DUMB. YEAH
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] NO, DON'T LET THIS TURTLENECK FOOL YOU
I CAN COME OUT HERE AND PRETEND LIKE I KNOW STUFF. BUT WHEN I GO HOME, I'M
DEFINITELY GONNA BE LIKE, "OH, THERE'S A 'U' IN 'CAMOUFLAGE'? [ LAUGHTER ]
DOING A GOOD JOB OF HIDING LIKE, THAT'S -- SPEAKING OF BEING DUMB, I
RECENTLY GOT MARRIED [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE OKAY
ALL RIGHT. YEAH TO A DUDE.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE OH, OKAY YEAH
ALL RIGHT. I SAW SOME PEOPLE STOP CLAPPING
LISTEN [ LAUGHTER ] I LOVE HOMOPHOBIA, IT KEEPS ME
ON MY TOES [ LAUGHTER ] NOW, I KNOW THERE ARE SOME OLD
FASHIONED PEOPLE HERE, SOME PEOPLE HERE WHO BELIEVE MARRIAGE IS STRICTLY BETWEEN A
A MAN, A WOMAN, AND EVENTUALLY A MUCH YOUNGER WOMAN [ LAUGHTER ]
A MUCH YOUNGER WOMAN WHO HAPPENED TO GET THIS EXECUTIVE ASSISTANT POSITION WITH NO
EXPERIENCE [ LAUGHTER ] ALL I'M SAYING IS I DON'T THINK
TASHA KNOWS EXCEL. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ME AND MY HUSBAND, WE GOT
MARRIED IN NEW YORK CITY, BUT WE WANTED TO HAVE A TRADITIONAL SOUTHERN GAY WEDDING
[ CHEERS ] SO, WE HAD A CAKE. WE HAD A DEEJAY.
WE HAD PROTESTERS. [ LAUGHTER ] AND Y'ALL, THEY WERE MAKING
SOME GOOD POINTS [ LAUGHTER ] ONE OF THE SIGNS SAID, "THIS IS
A CHOICE." I WAS LIKE, "OF COURSE WE HAVE VEGAN OPTIONS.
COME ON, MAN [ LAUGHTER ] HERE'S WHAT THEY DON'T TELL
YOU. WHEN YOU GET MARRIED AS A MAN TO ANOTHER MAN, YOU SPEND MOST
OF YOUR WEDDING DAY INTRODUCING GAY MEN WHO LIVE IN NEW YORK CITY TO OTHER GAY MEN
THEY HAVE ALREADY SLEPT WITH [ LAUGHTER ] SO, MOST OF MY WEDDING DAY, I
WAS STUCK SAYING STUFF LIKE, "WELL, BENJAMIN, YOU KNOW TODD."
[ LAUGHTER ] "SHANE, YOU KNOW TODD. [ LAUGHTER ]
"MICHAEL, YOU KNOW TODD. WAIT A SECOND, DOES EVERYONE KNOW TODD?
[ LAUGHTER ] AND THEN MY HUSBAND WAS LIKE, "JAY, DO YOU KNOW TODD?"
I WAS LIKE, "OOH." [ LAUGHTER ] I DO
[ LAUGHTER ] AND THEN -- AND THEN I HAD TO REMIND HIM
I SAID, "NO, BABY. WE KNOW TODD." AND HE WAS LIKE, "OH, THAT'S
TODD I DIDN'T RECOGNIZE HIM STANDING UP."
[ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE I'M SURPRISED Y'ALL LET ME GET
AWAY WITH THAT ONE [ LAUGHTER ] WE HAD A FUN OFFICIANT AT OUR
WEDDING. OUR WEDDING OFFICIANT, DANI, WITH AN "I," SHE WAS THE BEST.
SHE WALKED IN. SHE WAS LIKE, "HEY, Y'ALL, WE ARE GATHERED HERE TODAY IN
FRONT OF FRIENDS, FAMILY, GOD. I'M KIDDING. HE AIN'T WATCHING.
LET'S TURN UP. [ LAUGHTER ] AND I WAS LIKE, "LET'S GO.
NOW, SOMETHING INTERESTING JUST HAPPENED WHEN I SAID I WAS MARRIED TO A
A DUDE, I HEARD A BUNCH OF "WHOOS." AND THAT LET ME KNOW, IT'S A
A LOT OF STRAIGHT WOMEN HERE [ LAUGHTER ] STRAIGHT GIRLS, I LOVE Y'ALL
WE GO WAY BACK MIDDLE SCHOOL. [ LAUGHTER ]
NOW -- [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE STRAIGHT WOMEN, ARE Y'ALL DOING
OKAY [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ALL RIGHT.
THEN WHY Y'ALL LOVE DATING UGLY DUDES? [ LAUGHTER ]
WHAT IS THE REASONING? DO YOU KNOW THAT BEING STRAIGHT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE A DARE?
[ LAUGHTER ] YOU CAN ENJOY IT AND Y'ALL COME UP TO ME AFTER
THE SHOW AND SAY STUFF LIKE, "WELL, JAY, JUST SO YOU KNOW, I HAPPEN TO LIKE MY MEN A LITTLE
UGLY RIGHT, BABE? AND THIS POOR GUY IS LIKE, "YOU
HEAR THAT? SHE ONLY SAID A LITTLE." [ LAUGHTER ]
Y'ALL WILL BRAG TO ME ABOUT YOUR UGLY MAN. YOU'LL BE LIKE, "WELL, JAY,
JUST SO YOU KNOW, ME AND MY UGLY MAN, WE'RE FLYING TO PARIS.
I'M LIKE, "YEAH, HE'S GOT TO GET BACK TO NOTRE DAME THOSE BELLS AREN'T GONE RING
THEMSELVES." [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE OF COURSE, I DON'T MEAN ANYONE
HERE EVERY STRAIGHT GUY HERE IS A A 10
IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME, I'LL KISS YOU ON THE WAY OUT. [ LAUGHTER ]
THAT GOES FOR YOU TOO, JIMMY I LIKE THE BEARD [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
BUT SERIOUSLY, ONE OF MY FRIENDS, HE'S AN OLD SCHOOL COMEDIAN
WHAT'S THE WORD FOR THAT HE'S A MISOGYNIST. AND HE SAID --
[ LAUGHTER ] HE SAID, "JAY, THESE WOMEN DATE THEIR UGLY MEN JUST SO THEY CAN
GET THEIR MONEY. AND I WAS LIKE, "YEAH, I KNOW UGLY MEN HAVE MONEY.
I'VE BEEN ON A BOAT BEFORE." [ LAUGHTER ] SOMEONE OUT THERE IS LIKE,
"WAIT, I HAVE A BOAT." [ LAUGHTER ] I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT YOU.
YOU'RE GORGEOUS. [ LAUGHTER ] SERIOUSLY, DO YOU THINK THE
UGLY COMMUNITY IS GOING TO CANCEL ME FOR THAT JOKE? DO YOU THINK THE UGLY COMMUNITY
IS GOING TO COME FOR ME? AS LONG AS I'M DOING IT IN PERSON, YUCK
[ LAUGHTER ] NO, EVERYONE RIGHT NOW IS SO OBSESSED WITH CANCEL CULTURE
EVERYONE'S WORRIED ABOUT CANCEL CULTURE. EVERYONE EXCEPT FOR ME
BECAUSE DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW HARD IT WOULD BE TO CANCEL ME? COME ON, Y'ALL
I'M BLACK. I'M QUEER. I'M LEFT-HANDED.
THERE ARE -- [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE -- LOTS OF WORDS I CAN SAY
ALL RIGHT. THANK Y'ALL SO MUCH. I'VE BEEN JAY JURDEN
* >> Jimmy: YOU'RE LEFT-HANDED YOU'RE LEFT-HANDED
>> YEAH, I AM. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: JAY JURDEN
JAY JURDEN COME ON. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
HE'LL BE AT ZANIES IN NASHVILLE. I LOVE ZANIES.
IN NASHVILLE DECEMBER 28th MY THANKS TO KEVIN BACON, THEO JAMES, OLD 97's,
JAY JURDEN ONCE AGAIN. HE'S LEFT-HANDED FOLKS THANK YOU FOR WATCHING
STAY TUNED FOR "LATE NIGHT WITH SETH MEYERS. GOODNIGHT, EVERYBODY
THANK YOU. YOU'VE BEEN GREAT, JAY [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE