1 00:00:10,043 --> 00:00:11,511 >> Steve: FROM STUDIO 6B IN ROCKEFELLER CENTER IN THE HEART 2 00:00:11,511 --> 00:00:19,419 OF NEW YORK CITY, IT'S "THE TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON." 3 00:00:19,419 --> 00:00:23,023 TONIGHT, JOIN JIMMY AND HIS GUESTS - KEVIN BACON, 4 00:00:23,023 --> 00:00:32,532 THEO JAMES COMEDIAN JAY JURDEN, AND FEATURING THE LEGENDARY 5 00:00:32,532 --> 00:00:34,834 ROOTS CREW >> Questlove: 1758 >> Steve: AND NOW, HERE HE IS, 6 00:00:34,834 --> 00:00:41,041 >> Questlove: 1758 >> Steve: AND NOW, HERE HE IS, JIMMY FALLON 7 00:00:45,812 --> 00:01:01,294 * * 8 00:01:01,294 --> 00:01:04,764 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: OH, MY GOODNESS. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 9 00:01:04,764 --> 00:01:07,400 THANK YOU VERY MUCH. WELCOME, EVERYBODY WELCOME, WELCOME TO "THE 10 00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:10,470 TONIGHT SHOW." YOU'RE HERE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 11 00:01:10,470 --> 00:01:14,074 YOU'RE WATCHING AT HOME. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. HAPPY FRIDAY, EVERYONE 12 00:01:14,074 --> 00:01:18,278 HAPPY FRIDAY [ CHEERS ] YOU GUYS, IT IS OFFICIALLY THE 13 00:01:18,278 --> 00:01:21,948 HOLIDAY SEASON RIGHT NOW WE'RE IN THE THICK OF IT YEAH 14 00:01:21,948 --> 00:01:25,652 THIS IS THE TIME OF YEAR, WE'RE ALL DECIDING WHO'S GIFT WORTHY AND WHO'S GIFT CARD WORTHY 15 00:01:25,652 --> 00:01:28,621 YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING. [ LAUGHTER ] BUT AREN'T THE HOLIDAYS IN 16 00:01:28,621 --> 00:01:31,558 NEW YORK A SPECIAL TIME? IT IS. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 17 00:01:31,558 --> 00:01:35,095 THIS MORNING, ON THE SUBWAY, I SAW A GUY WEARING A SANTA HAT AND NOTHING ELSE 18 00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:37,564 [ LAUGHTER ] AND I JUST THOUGHT "IT'S THAT TIME OF YEAR." 19 00:01:37,564 --> 00:01:39,332 SPEAKING OF THE CITY, FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, NEW YORK CITY HAS BEEN NAMED THE MOST 20 00:01:39,332 --> 00:01:46,639 EXPENSIVE CITY IN THE WORLD. >> WHOOOOO [ LAUGHTER ] 21 00:01:46,639 --> 00:01:49,609 REALLY YOU LIKE THAT, SIR [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] 22 00:01:49,609 --> 00:01:51,378 THINGS ARE SO EXPENSIVE, NBC CAN ONLY AFFORD TO PLUG IN THE BOTTOM HALF OF THE ROCKEFELLER 23 00:01:51,378 --> 00:01:57,250 CENTER CHRISTMAS TREE. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] THINGS ARE SO EXPENSIVE, THE 24 00:01:57,250 --> 00:02:01,321 STATUE OF LIBERTY JUST STARTED AN ONLYFANS. [ LAUGHTER ] 25 00:02:01,321 --> 00:02:03,923 THINGS ARE SO EXPENSIVE, PICKPOCKETS ARE RUNNING CREDIT CHECKS TO SEE IF YOU'RE WORTH 26 00:02:03,923 --> 00:02:07,961 THE EFFORT [ LAUGHTER ] BUT EVERYONE'S EXCITED ABOUT 27 00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:10,063 THIS - TOMORROW THE U.S. PLAYS THE NETHERLANDS IN THE KNOCKOUT 28 00:02:10,063 --> 00:02:17,937 ROUND OF THE WORLD CUP [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE WHOOO! 29 00:02:17,937 --> 00:02:19,773 THAT'S RIGHT, TOMORROW IS THE HIGHLY ANTICIPATED WORLD CUP MATCH BETWEEN THE UNITED STATES 30 00:02:19,773 --> 00:02:24,077 AND THE NETHERLANDS. IT'S GOING TO BE A TOUGH CHALLENGE, BUT I KNOW WE CAN DO 31 00:02:24,077 --> 00:02:27,881 THIS, ESPECIALLY IF EVERY PERSON IN THE STUDIO CHEERS THEIR HARDEST. 32 00:02:27,881 --> 00:02:32,986 SAY IT WITH ME U.S.A. >> U.S.A., U.S.A., U.S.A., 33 00:02:32,986 --> 00:02:35,622 U. - >> Jimmy: WAIT, SORRY, STOP, STOP, STOP 34 00:02:35,622 --> 00:02:38,591 SORRY. I THINK I SEE SOMEONE WHO'S NOT CHEERING OVER THERE. 35 00:02:38,591 --> 00:02:41,327 NO -- YES. YEAH, YOU. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] 36 00:02:41,327 --> 00:02:47,000 WHAT IS -- WHAT IS YOUR NAME >> GERTRUDE. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] 37 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:50,737 >> Jimmy: WELCOME TO THE SHOW, GERTRUDE I DON'T MEAN TO BE RUDE, BUT 38 00:02:50,737 --> 00:02:57,811 WHERE ARE YOU FROM >> I AM FROM TAMPA, IN YOUR AMERICAN STATE OF FLORIDA. 39 00:02:57,811 --> 00:03:02,649 >> Jimmy: NO, NO, WHERE ARE YOU ACTUALLY FROM, GERTRUDE? >> I AM VISITING FROM EINDHOVEN 40 00:03:02,649 --> 00:03:07,654 IN THE NETHERLANDS >> Jimmy: THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT. 41 00:03:07,654 --> 00:03:11,391 NOW, I NORMALLY WOULDN'T DO THIS, BUT GET OUT OF HERE. [ LAUGHTER ] 42 00:03:11,391 --> 00:03:16,629 >> OH, NO! >> Jimmy: GET OUT OF HERE! SECURITY 43 00:03:16,629 --> 00:03:19,699 >> NO! >> Jimmy: GET OUT! >> NO, NO! 44 00:03:19,699 --> 00:03:23,403 [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: GET OUT OF HERE! >> OH, NO! 45 00:03:23,403 --> 00:03:27,440 >> Jimmy: OH, MY CAN -- NO -- TRY - OH, MY 46 00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:29,209 FOR THE LOVE OF -- JUST HELP HER OUT. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 47 00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:40,353 GERTRUDE SO SORRY Y'ALL HAD TO SEE THAT [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 48 00:03:40,353 --> 00:03:43,556 WELL, THIS IS INTERESTING. I SAW THAT UNESCO HAS AWARDED SPECIAL PROTECTED STATUS TO THE 49 00:03:43,556 --> 00:03:48,428 FRENCH BAGUETTE. AND GET THIS, FRENCH PRESIDENT EMMANUEL MACRON IS IN THE 50 00:03:48,428 --> 00:03:50,196 COUNTRY FOR THE STATE DINNER, AND HE ACTUALLY ASKED IF HE COULD STOP BY HERE AND SING 51 00:03:50,196 --> 00:03:56,302 A SONG ABOUT THE GOOD NEWS SO LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE WELCOME FRENCH PRESIDENT 52 00:03:56,302 --> 00:04:05,278 EMMANUEL MACRON. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * 53 00:04:05,278 --> 00:04:15,555 [ LAUGHTER ] * BONJOUR HOW DO YOU DO I BROUGHT YOU A BAGUETTE 54 00:04:15,555 --> 00:04:20,260 POUR VOUS * * THEY'RE SO HARD TO CHEW BUT THEY'RE GOOD 55 00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:25,398 WITH FONDUE * [ LAUGHTER ] * CAN I SHARE ONE WITH YO 56 00:04:25,398 --> 00:04:32,939 AS WE STROLL DOWN THE RU WITH MY CHEST HAIR IN VIEW I USE SPECIAL SHAMPOO * 57 00:04:32,939 --> 00:04:41,681 [ LAUGHTER ] * SELSUN BLUE * [ LAUGHTER ] 58 00:04:41,681 --> 00:04:48,555 * WE COULD GO TO THE ZO FEED ONE TO A KANGAROO * * THEN USE YOUR ROK 59 00:04:48,555 --> 00:04:55,762 TO WATCH "WHITE LOTUS" SEASON DEUX * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 60 00:04:55,762 --> 00:05:01,334 * I GOT MY SPOTIFY REVIEW MY TOP BAND WAS U2 * [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] 61 00:05:01,334 --> 00:05:10,310 * TOP SONG WAS DEJA V BY OLIVIA RODRIGOO * [ LAUGHTER ] 62 00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:15,782 * OH BEFORE I FORGE WE MUST SAVE THE BAGUETTE * * THEY'RE THE HOTTEST THING 63 00:05:15,782 --> 00:05:21,888 FROM FRANCE * SINCE TIMOTHEE CHALAMET * [ LAUGHTER ] 64 00:05:21,888 --> 00:05:25,625 * BUT MY FLIGHT LEAVE SO SOO I'M BOARDING ZONE DEUX * 65 00:05:25,625 --> 00:05:32,265 * I'M FLYING JETBLU WITH A LAYOVER IN HONOLULU * [ LAUGHTER ] 66 00:05:32,265 --> 00:05:39,506 * BUT FOR NOW I BID YOU ADIEU ADIEU ADIEU * * 67 00:05:39,506 --> 00:05:46,913 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 68 00:05:46,913 --> 00:05:49,215 >> Jimmy: FRENCH PRESIDENT EMMANUEL MACRON. HE RAN AWAY. 69 00:05:49,215 --> 00:05:53,386 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE HE'S IN THE HALLWAY NOW. THERE HE IS. 70 00:05:53,386 --> 00:05:55,088 THERE HE IS. THERE HE IS. THAT'S THE FRENCH PRESIDENT 71 00:05:55,088 --> 00:06:08,568 WITH THE NETHERLANDS FAN AND THE FRENCH PRESIDENT SOME MOVIE NEWS -- 72 00:06:08,568 --> 00:06:10,203 TODAY, "TOP GUN: MAVERICK" RETURNED TO THEATERS FOR A A TWO-WEEK RUN 73 00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:12,605 [ CHEERS ] IT'S LIKE NETFLIX SAYING, "YOU RECENTLY WATCHED 'TOP GUN: 74 00:06:12,605 --> 00:06:14,474 MAVERICK.' WE THOUGHT YOU MIGHT BE INTERESTED IN 'TOP GUN: MAVERICK.'" [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] 75 00:06:14,474 --> 00:06:16,643 SOME BUSINESS NEWS, PEPSI JUST LAUNCHED A HOLIDAY CAMPAIGN ENCOURAGING PEOPLE TO EAT THEIR 76 00:06:16,643 --> 00:06:21,815 COOKIES WITH PILK. WHICH IS PEPSI MIXED WITH MILK [ AUDIENCE EWs ] 77 00:06:21,815 --> 00:06:24,384 [ AUDIENCE EWs ] HERE'S THE AD THEY RELEASED FOR IT 78 00:06:25,552 --> 00:06:27,153 >> OOH, NAUGHTY. 79 00:06:27,153 --> 00:06:34,594 PEPSI AND MILK PILK [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] 80 00:06:34,594 --> 00:06:36,062 >> Jimmy: THEN IN RESPONSE, ANOTHER COMPANY RELEASED THIS AD 81 00:06:39,599 --> 00:06:44,104 PEPSI AND MILK PILK >> COKE, WE WOULD NEVER DO 82 00:06:44,104 --> 00:06:54,581 THIS UGH! [ LAUGHTER [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 83 00:06:54,581 --> 00:06:56,383 >> Jimmy: WELL, I HEARD THAT IN AN EFFORT TO COMPETE WITH DOLLAR GENERAL, FAMILY DOLLAR 84 00:06:56,383 --> 00:07:02,856 IS LOWERING THEIR PRICES [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THEIR PRICES ARE SO LOW, THAT 85 00:07:02,856 --> 00:07:07,394 THEY'RE NOW CHANGING THEIR NAME TO FAMILY CRYPTO [ LAUGHTER ] 86 00:07:07,394 --> 00:07:10,230 FINALLY, TOMORROW IS THE 30th ANNIVERSARY OF THE FIRST TEXT MESSAGE. 87 00:07:10,230 --> 00:07:13,833 [ AUDIENCE OOHS AND IT JUST SAID, "MERRY CHRISTMAS. 88 00:07:13,833 --> 00:07:16,870 YEAH, THAT'S REAL. AND THE SECOND TEXT -- WE GOT A HOLD OF THE SECOND TEXT 89 00:07:16,870 --> 00:07:21,041 MESSAGE THAT WAS SENT SIX YEARS LATER. IT SAYS, "SORRY, JUST SEEING 90 00:07:21,041 --> 00:07:22,809 THIS NOW." [ LAUGHTER ] WE SHOULD TOTALLY CATCH UP 91 00:07:22,809 --> 00:07:25,311 SOON." [ APPLAUSE ] WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW EVERYBODY, 92 00:07:25,311 --> 00:07:28,381 TONIGHT. KEVIN BACON IS HERE. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 93 00:07:28,381 --> 00:07:31,851 THEO JAMES IS ON THE SHOW. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE AND WE'VE GOT STANDUP FROM VERY 94 00:07:31,851 --> 00:07:34,387 FUNNY JAY JURDEN LET'S GO WRITE SOME THANK YOU NOTES. 95 00:07:34,387 --> 00:07:34,788 LET'S GO WRITE SOME THANK YOU NOTES. COME ON. 96 00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:48,468 * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 97 00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:50,437 >> Jimmy: GUYS, I JUST WANT TO QUICKLY MENTION, THIS MONDAY, DECEMBER 5th, NBC IS AIRING 98 00:07:50,437 --> 00:07:55,575 A SPECIAL HOLIDAY EDITION OF MY SHOW, "THAT'S MY JAM." [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 99 00:07:55,575 --> 00:07:58,878 * IT'S GOING TO BE FUN TUNE IN MONDAY 100 00:07:58,878 --> 00:08:02,582 A LOT OF MUSIC, A LOT OF COMEDY 10:00 P.M., NBC. 101 00:08:02,582 --> 00:08:05,652 SET YOUR DVRs, SET YOUR TIVOS. "THAT'S MY JAM." IT'S GOING TO BE GOOD. 102 00:08:05,652 --> 00:08:08,822 BUT, GUYS -- [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE RIGHT NOW, TODAY IS FRIDAY, AND 103 00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:11,658 THAT'S USUALLY WHEN I CATCH UP ON SOME PERSONAL STUFF I CHECK MY INBOX, I RETURN SOME 104 00:08:11,658 --> 00:08:15,695 EMAILS, AND I, OF COURSE, SEND OUT THANK YOU NOTES. AND I WAS RUNNING A BIT BEHIND 105 00:08:15,695 --> 00:08:17,330 [ APPLAUSE ] CAN I WRITE OUT SOME THANK YOU NOTES RIGHT NOW? 106 00:08:17,330 --> 00:08:21,701 IS THAT OKAY WITH YOU GUYS [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THANK YOU. 107 00:08:21,701 --> 00:08:23,903 I APPRECIATE THAT. JAMES, CAN I GET SOME THANK YOU NOTE WRITING MUSIC, PLEASE 108 00:08:23,903 --> 00:08:26,740 * AH, HOW ABOUT SOMETHING DIFFERENT? 109 00:08:26,740 --> 00:08:35,382 [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] * [ CLAPPING IN TIME ] 110 00:08:35,382 --> 00:08:44,124 * I WANT TO SAY THANK YOU I WANT TO SAY THANK YOU NO I WANT TO SAY THANK YO 111 00:08:44,124 --> 00:08:47,527 THANK YOU* * I WANT TO SAY THANK YOU OUT LOUD * 112 00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:53,533 * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * 113 00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:55,535 [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] THANK YOU, NUTCRACKERS, FOR ALWAYS LOOKING LIKE YOU JUST 114 00:08:55,535 --> 00:09:03,043 SAW WHAT KANYE POSTED. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE >> Steve: AY-YI-YI 115 00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:08,281 WHAT * >> Jimmy: THANK YOU, 116 00:09:08,281 --> 00:09:12,118 RESTAURANTS WHOSE SPECIALS TODAY ARE CRANBERRY TURKEY FOR MAKING IT PRETTY OBVIOUS THIS 117 00:09:12,118 --> 00:09:16,056 FOOD IS A WEEK OLD [ LAUGHTER ] IT'S LIKE, "THAT'S CRANBERRY 118 00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:22,929 TURKEY?" * THANK YOU, MISTLETOE, FOR BEING 119 00:09:22,929 --> 00:09:31,771 THE MOST FESTIVE WAY TO GET CANCELLED. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 120 00:09:31,771 --> 00:09:34,474 * THANK YOU, SPOTIFY WRAPPED, OR AS YOU'RE ALSO KNOWN, SPOTIFY: 121 00:09:34,474 --> 00:09:41,948 TAYLOR'S VERSION CRUSHED. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 122 00:09:41,948 --> 00:09:46,119 SHE CRUSHED. * THANK YOU, THE MORNING AFTER 123 00:09:46,119 --> 00:09:48,054 BLACK FRIDAY, FOR BEING THE MOMENT I WAKE UP NEXT TO A NEW FLAT SCREEN TV LIKE, "WAIT, DID 124 00:09:48,054 --> 00:10:01,201 WE --? [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE * 125 00:10:01,201 --> 00:10:03,103 THANK YOU, REAL CHRISTMAS TREES, FOR BEING SO EXCITED TO COME HOME, RELAX, AND TAKE OFF 126 00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:13,446 YOUR SPANX [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE JUST RELAX 127 00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:17,050 * THANK YOU, CHRISTMAS CRAFT FAIRS, FOR BEING A FUN, FESTIVE 128 00:10:17,050 --> 00:10:26,659 WAY TO WALK AROUND DOZENS OF LITTLE SHOPS GOING, "EH. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 129 00:10:26,659 --> 00:10:30,797 "YOU NEED THIS?" >> Steve: NO, I'M GOOD * 130 00:10:30,797 --> 00:10:35,635 [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] THANK YOU, POINSETTIAS, FOR BEING THE PO-TAY-TO/PO-TAH-TO 131 00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:38,805 OF CHRISTMAS [ LAUGHTER ] IS IT POINSETTIAS? 132 00:10:38,805 --> 00:10:44,377 OR POINSETTAS? POINSETTIAS? * 133 00:10:44,377 --> 00:10:46,880 >> Jimmy: THANK YOU, RUDOLPH THE RED NOSED REINDEER, FOR TEACHING CHILDREN THAT IT 134 00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:49,949 DOESN'T MATTER IF YOU'RE DIFFERENT. WHAT MATTERS IS THAT YOU'RE 135 00:10:49,949 --> 00:10:52,986 USEFUL ONCE A YEAR [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE THERE YOU HAVE IT, EVERYBODY 136 00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:54,754 THOSE ARE OUR "THANK YOU NOTES. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 137 00:10:54,754 --> 00:11:00,860 GUYS, WE HAVE -- WE HAVE EXACTLY 11 SHOWS LEFT BEFORE WE GO ON CHRISTMAS 138 00:11:00,860 --> 00:11:02,395 BREAK, WHICH MEANS IT'S TIME FOR THAT BELOVED "TONIGHT SHOW" TRADITION. 139 00:11:02,395 --> 00:11:05,231 TRADITION. IT'S TIME FOR "12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS SWEATERS." 140 00:11:07,067 --> 00:11:07,867 * 12 DAYS 141 00:11:07,867 --> 00:11:15,642 OF CHRISTMAS SWEATER 11 DAYS LEFT * >> Jimmy: THAT'S RIGHT 142 00:11:15,642 --> 00:11:17,477 EVERY SHOW BETWEEN NOW AND CHRISTMAS, WE'LL BE GIVING ONE LUCKY AUDIENCE MEMBER 143 00:11:17,477 --> 00:11:21,214 A MARVELOUS CHRISTMAS SWEATER FROM THE COUNTDOWN TO CHRISTMAS CABINET. 144 00:11:21,214 --> 00:11:24,217 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE NOW, SINCE THERE ARE 11 SHOWS LEFT, LET'S OPEN DOOR NUMBER 145 00:11:24,217 --> 00:11:30,724 11 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE P READY? 146 00:11:30,724 --> 00:11:35,628 >> I THINK SO. >> Jimmy: GO FOR IT. OOH, LA LA 147 00:11:35,628 --> 00:11:40,000 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * WOW. 148 00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:48,408 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ALL RIGHT. NOW LET'S SEE WHO'S GOING HOME 149 00:11:48,408 --> 00:11:49,676 WITH TONIGHT'S CHRISTMAS SWEATER. EVERYONE LOOK AT YOUR SEAT 150 00:11:49,676 --> 00:11:51,578 NUMBER IF I CALL YOUR NUMBER, GET UP, SCREAM, COME ON DOWN HERE AND 151 00:11:51,578 --> 00:11:52,812 GET READY FOR YOUR NEW CHRISTMAS SWEATER. WHO WANTS ONE? 152 00:11:52,812 --> 00:11:56,616 QUEST, CAN I GET A DRUMROLL PLEASE [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 153 00:11:56,616 --> 00:12:02,522 [ DRUMROLL ] 428! * 154 00:12:02,522 --> 00:12:22,842 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 155 00:12:22,842 --> 00:12:25,478 COMING IN -- COMING IN HOT RIGHT NOW. COMING IN HOT. 156 00:12:25,478 --> 00:12:27,447 >> I HOPE THAT WAS MY NUMBER >> Jimmy: YOU KNEW IT WAS YOUR NUMBER 157 00:12:27,447 --> 00:12:29,582 YEAH, HI HOW YOU DOING? >> I'M GOOD JIMMY, HOW ARE YOU 158 00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:31,484 I'M JOE. >> Jimmy: JOE, NICE TO MEET YOU. 159 00:12:31,484 --> 00:12:34,554 WELCOME, JOE, WHERE ARE YOU FROM >> FROM NAVARRE, FLORIDA 160 00:12:34,554 --> 00:12:36,623 >> Jimmy: HEY, WELL -- [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> ORIGINALLY FROM WESTERN 161 00:12:36,623 --> 00:12:38,825 NEW YORK, GO BILLS >> Jimmy: ARE YOU REALLY WELCOME BACK TO NEW YORK 162 00:12:38,825 --> 00:12:41,127 THANKS FOR COMING TO THE SHOW TONIGHT. DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING LIKE THIS 163 00:12:41,127 --> 00:12:43,196 WELL, YOU DO >> NOT AT ALL. I DO NOW 164 00:12:43,196 --> 00:12:45,932 >> Jimmy: YOU DO NOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO TRY IT ON? >> I WOULD LOVE TO 165 00:12:45,932 --> 00:12:50,637 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * >> Jimmy: YEAH, IT'S VERY 166 00:12:50,637 --> 00:12:54,007 HEAVY -- IT'S A HEFTY - IT'S LIKE TWO SWEATERS IN ONE. 167 00:12:54,007 --> 00:12:55,875 >> I'M SWEATIN' ALREADY. >> Jimmy: YEAH, NO, YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS. 168 00:12:55,875 --> 00:12:57,911 [ CHEERS ] >> THIS IS GOOD. >> Jimmy: IT'S GOT GOOD 169 00:12:57,911 --> 00:13:06,586 SHOULDERS IN THERE FOR YOU TOO [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE YEAH 170 00:13:06,586 --> 00:13:09,522 YOU LOOK GOOD, BUD LOOK AT YOU. LOOK AT THAT 171 00:13:09,522 --> 00:13:13,259 YOU LOOK GOOD, RIGHT >> COUPLE HANDSOME GUYS WE ARE >> Jimmy: YEAH, I LIKE THAT. 172 00:13:13,259 --> 00:13:15,328 THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. JOE, THANK YOU VERY MUCH NICE TO SEE YOU. 173 00:13:15,328 --> 00:13:17,630 GIVE IT UP FOR JOE STICK AROUND [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 174 00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:25,138 WE'VE GOT MORE "TONIGHT SHOW" AFTER THE BREAK. * 175 00:13:26,439 --> 00:13:31,945 OF "GUARDIAN'S OF THE GALAXY" AND SAW ALL OF THOSE ALIENS. NOT TO MENTION THE GUARDIANS 176 00:13:31,945 --> 00:13:35,548 AND THEY ARE ALL IN DIFFERENT MAKEUPS AND WARDROBE AND THERE'S CHRISTMAS STUFF ALL 177 00:13:35,548 --> 00:13:39,686 OF THE PLACE I LITERALLY WAS LIKE - ONE OF THOSE MOMENTS LIKE, 178 00:13:39,686 --> 00:13:40,987 I LITERALLY WAS LIKE - ONE OF THOSE MOMENTS LIKE, "DAMN, THIS IS FUN." 179 00:13:58,471 --> 00:14:04,044 WE HAVE A REALLY GREAT SHOW TONIGHT. IT'S A REALLY FUN SHOW 180 00:14:04,044 --> 00:14:09,716 AND -- I DON'T KNOW, MAN I JUST - >> Steve: WHAT 181 00:14:09,716 --> 00:14:13,553 >> Jimmy: I JUST FEEL LIKE - I JUST FEEL LIKE I - I'VE GOTTA BLOW OFF SOME STEAM 182 00:14:13,553 --> 00:14:15,722 >> Steve: WHAT >> Jimmy: I JUST FEEL LIKE I'VE GOT TO - 183 00:14:15,722 --> 00:14:17,924 IT'S BEEN A ROUGH WEEK, YOU KNOW IT'S BEEN ONE OF THOSE WEEKS 184 00:14:17,924 --> 00:14:20,093 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE YOU JUST GOTTA GET OUT THERE, AND BLOW OFF SOME STEAM. 185 00:14:20,093 --> 00:14:25,665 HELMET ME. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THAT'S IT. 186 00:14:25,665 --> 00:14:35,075 I'M JUST GOING TO GO OUT GET IN THIS MUSTANG, I HAD A A ROUGH WEEK 187 00:14:35,075 --> 00:14:37,711 BLOW SOME STEAM OFF HERE LET ME GET IN THE CAR, PUT MY SEATBELT ON, AND BURN SOME 188 00:14:37,711 --> 00:14:42,415 RUBBER WHOO HOO [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 189 00:14:42,415 --> 00:14:46,353 YEAH, MY BLINKER ON. YEAH OH MY, YEAH! 190 00:14:46,353 --> 00:14:49,622 THIS IS WILD THIS IS WHAT I WANT! YEAH 191 00:14:49,622 --> 00:14:54,427 WHOO E-BRAKE BY THIS ABANDONED FACTORY. 192 00:14:54,427 --> 00:14:56,730 HERE WE GO HA HA HA HA! SORRY, LEAVES. 193 00:14:56,730 --> 00:15:01,201 SEE YOU LATER! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE HERE WE GO 194 00:15:01,201 --> 00:15:05,805 DOUGHNUT TIME! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE WHOO 195 00:15:05,805 --> 00:15:12,145 LOOK AT ME NOW, MAN! I'M ALIVE! I'M ALIVE! 196 00:15:12,145 --> 00:15:18,051 THAT FELT GOOD [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THAT FELT REAL GOOD. 197 00:15:18,051 --> 00:15:31,698 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE [ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 198 00:15:31,698 --> 00:15:34,434 THAT MUSTANG WAS BADASS. [ LAUGHTER ] THANK YOU TO FORD. 199 00:15:34,434 --> 00:15:38,705 GO CHECK OUT THE 2 2024 FORD MUSTANG AT FORD.COM. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 200 00:15:38,705 --> 00:15:40,774 WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE "TONIGHT SHOW," EVERYBODY. * 201 00:15:40,774 --> 00:15:51,117 "TONIGHT SHOW," EVERYBODY. * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 202 00:15:52,519 --> 00:15:54,888 FIRST TIME YOU'VE HEARD OF THIS, BUT YOU DO A NUDE SCENE 203 00:15:54,888 --> 00:15:57,791 IN THE FIRST EPISODE >> OH, THE PEE-PEE SCENE [ LAUGHTER ] 204 00:16:05,031 --> 00:16:18,545 HAPPENING. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: OUR FIRST GUEST IS A 205 00:16:18,545 --> 00:16:23,350 A VERY TALENTED ACTOR STARRING IN MARVEL'S "THE GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY: HOLIDAY SPECIAL" 206 00:16:23,350 --> 00:16:25,652 WHICH IS STREAMING NOW ON DISNEY PLUS. PLEASE WELCOME KEVIN BACON, 207 00:16:25,652 --> 00:16:26,286 DISNEY PLUS. PLEASE WELCOME KEVIN BACON, EVERYBODY. 208 00:16:27,053 --> 00:16:38,965 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * 209 00:16:38,965 --> 00:16:47,273 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: OH, YOU'RE A STUD. WELCOME BACK TO THE SHOW 210 00:16:47,273 --> 00:16:51,344 >> I JUST WAS WATCHING YOU THANKSGIVING AT THE PARADE AWESOME JOB. 211 00:16:51,344 --> 00:16:53,179 >> Jimmy: OH, YEAH THANK YOU. ROOTS, YEAH. 212 00:16:53,179 --> 00:16:58,651 >> SUPER COOL. >> Jimmy: WE HAD A GOOD TIME HOW WAS YOUR THANKSGIVING? 213 00:16:58,651 --> 00:17:01,488 >> IT WAS REALLY NICE. I TELL YOU WHAT, THERE'S A A GUY -- I WROTE HIS NAME DOWN 214 00:17:01,488 --> 00:17:03,590 BECAUSE HE'S HARD TO REMEMBER. HIS NAME IS JAY KINSEY LOPEZ AUT 215 00:17:03,590 --> 00:17:09,162 DO YOU KNOW WHO THIS IS? THIS IS THE GUY WHO SAVED OUR THANKSGIVING THIS YEAR, OR 216 00:17:09,162 --> 00:17:12,032 LET'S SAY CHANGED IT FOREVER FOR THE GOOD EVERY YEAR, WE TALK ABOUT THE 217 00:17:12,032 --> 00:17:18,338 TURKEY THING HOW WE'RE GOING TO DO IT, WET BRINE, DRY BRINE - 218 00:17:18,338 --> 00:17:23,576 >> Jimmy: SPATCHCOCK SPATCHCOCK, NEW THING. EVERYONE IS SPATCHCOCKING. 219 00:17:23,576 --> 00:17:27,414 >> THIS GUY IS A SPATCHCOCKER. THIS GUY IS AN AVID SPATCHCOCKER 220 00:17:27,414 --> 00:17:31,551 [ LAUGHTER ] WE DIDN'T ACTUALLY -- WHAT WHAT'S FUNNY 221 00:17:31,551 --> 00:17:34,621 >> Jimmy: THAT'S ON HIS RESUME HE'S AN AVID SPATCHCOCKER. >> WE DIDN'T ACTUALLY 222 00:17:34,621 --> 00:17:41,928 SPATCHCOCK THIS YEAR BUT WHAT WE DID WAS BEFORE IT GOES INTO THE OVEN, YOU COVER 223 00:17:41,928 --> 00:17:46,433 IT IN MAYONNAISE [ LAUGHTER ] YOU LOVE MAYONNAISE, RIGHT, 224 00:17:46,433 --> 00:17:49,469 JIMMY? JIMMY? WHAT'S UP? 225 00:17:49,469 --> 00:17:52,172 WHAT'S UP? YOU HAVEN'T LIVED UNTIL YOU'VE TAKEN A RAW BIRD AND FILLED 226 00:17:52,172 --> 00:18:01,281 EVERY SINGLE CREVICE WITH HERBED MAYONNAISE. I'M NOT KIDDING. 227 00:18:01,281 --> 00:18:05,552 >> Jimmy: HERBED MAYONNAISE? THAT MAKES IT EVEN GROSSER SOUNDING 228 00:18:05,552 --> 00:18:08,521 HERBED MAYONNAISE? ROOM TEMPERATURE HERBED MAYONNAISE 229 00:18:08,521 --> 00:18:12,025 >> YES, ROOM TEMPERATURE IT WAS THE BREAST TURKEY -- IT WAS THE BEST TURKEY WE'VE EVER 230 00:18:12,025 --> 00:18:18,465 HAD. >> Jimmy: YEAH RIGHT, THE BEST TURKEY YOU'VE EVER HAD 231 00:18:18,465 --> 00:18:23,036 GIVE ME A BREAK. WHAT WAS THIS MAN'S NAME AGAIN >> JAY KINSEY LOPEZ AUT. 232 00:18:23,036 --> 00:18:26,206 >> Jimmy: NO THANKS. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> YOU DON'T TASTE THE 233 00:18:26,206 --> 00:18:29,743 MAYONNAISE IT'S CRISPY. >> Jimmy: IF YOU DON'T TASTE 234 00:18:29,743 --> 00:18:32,779 IT, WHY DO IT? IF YOU DON'T TASTE IT, GET IT OUT OF THE HOUSE 235 00:18:32,779 --> 00:18:36,583 [ LAUGHTER ] >> YOU CAN TALK TO JAY KINSEY LOPEZ ABOUT THIS. 236 00:18:36,583 --> 00:18:42,622 HE'S A SCIENTIST, AND IT HAS TO DO WITH THE PROTEINS INTERACTING WITH THE BIRD. 237 00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:45,125 >> Jimmy: OH, MY GOD >> I'M SERIOUS >> Jimmy: JUST SPATCHCOCK IT, 238 00:18:45,125 --> 00:18:47,527 MAN. THAT'S WHAT YOU GOT TO DO. [ LAUGHTER ] 239 00:18:47,527 --> 00:18:50,063 JUST SPATCHCOCK IT HEY, WE HAVE A LOT TO TALK ABOUT. 240 00:18:50,063 --> 00:18:51,798 LAST TIME YOU WERE HERE, YOU TOLD ME YOU WERE ABOUT TO DO "BEVERLY HILLS COP 4" WITH 241 00:18:51,798 --> 00:18:56,836 EDDIE MURPHY >> I DID >> Jimmy: YOU DID? 242 00:18:56,836 --> 00:19:00,640 >> I DID >> Jimmy: HOW WAS IT [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 243 00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:02,609 >> IT WAS SO FUN >> Jimmy: I'M SO PSYCHED I LOVE EDDIE 244 00:19:02,609 --> 00:19:05,779 AND I LOVE KEVIN BACON >> HE MADE ME LAUGH SO MANY TIMES. 245 00:19:05,779 --> 00:19:08,848 IT WAS GREAT WE HAD A GOOD TIME >> Jimmy: HAD YOU MET HIM 246 00:19:08,848 --> 00:19:10,817 BEFORE >> NO, I HAD NEVER MET HIM BEFORE 247 00:19:10,817 --> 00:19:15,055 BUT HE TOLD ME SOME GREAT STORIES. >> Jimmy: CAN YOU TELL EVERYONE 248 00:19:15,055 --> 00:19:17,257 WHO YOU'RE PLAYING I CAN TELL YOU -- I THINK I CAN SAY I'M PLAYING A BEVERLY HILLS 249 00:19:17,257 --> 00:19:22,729 COP. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: WOW. 250 00:19:22,729 --> 00:19:25,131 >> I THINK THAT'S ALL I CAN SAY. >> Jimmy: NO SPOILERS. 251 00:19:25,131 --> 00:19:30,704 >> YOU KNOW WHAT I DID I BINGED WATCHED ALL THREE OF THEM BEFORE TO GET READY 252 00:19:30,704 --> 00:19:35,308 AND I GET THIS THING WHERE, LIKE, SONGS GET INTO MY HEAD SO, FOR MONTHS, IT WAS - 253 00:19:35,308 --> 00:19:42,849 [ HUMMING "BEVERLY HILLS COP THEME FIND THAT KEY. 254 00:19:42,849 --> 00:20:03,503 [ HUMMING "BEVERLY HILLS COP THEME * 255 00:20:03,503 --> 00:20:05,905 WOW. >> Jimmy: YEAH, BUT NOW YOU HAVE IT IN ALL OF OUR HEADS. 256 00:20:05,905 --> 00:20:07,874 WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS? [ LAUGHTER ] IS IT TRAPPED IN YOUR HEAD 257 00:20:07,874 --> 00:20:11,711 >> WELL, IT IS NOW >> Jimmy: AXLE F SO, YOU'RE DOING THAT GIANT 258 00:20:11,711 --> 00:20:14,981 THING. AND YOU DO "GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY: HOLIDAY SPECIAL. 259 00:20:14,981 --> 00:20:18,818 >> I KNOW MAN. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: IT'S VERY FUNNY. 260 00:20:18,818 --> 00:20:22,856 IT'S ON DISNEY PLUS. IT'S ON DISNEY PLU I DON'T WANT TO GIVE TOO MUCH 261 00:20:22,856 --> 00:20:27,227 AWAY FOR PEOPLE WHO HAVEN'T SEEN THE SPECIAL YET BUT IN THIS HOLIDAY SPECIAL, 262 00:20:27,227 --> 00:20:29,262 IT'S A CALL BACK TO THE FIRST "GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY" MOVIE BECAUSE CHRIS PRATT'S CHARACTER 263 00:20:29,262 --> 00:20:36,503 IS OBSESSED WITH YOU >> YES HE THINKS I'M A GREAT HERO 264 00:20:36,503 --> 00:20:39,673 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: YEAH SO, THEY -- I DON'T WANT TO -- 265 00:20:39,673 --> 00:20:45,812 BUT THEY KIDNAP YOU, KIND OF >> THEY DO, YEAH YEAH, THEY KIDNAP ME 266 00:20:45,812 --> 00:20:48,114 >> Jimmy: I SAW A TWEET BY THE WAY. A FAN TWEETED THIS 267 00:20:48,114 --> 00:20:49,783 I THOUGHT THIS WAS VERY FUN. IT'S FROM THE ALPHA VICTOR, "SINGLE GREATEST DECISION 268 00:20:49,783 --> 00:20:54,754 MARVEL EVER MADE WAS KIDNAPPING KEVIN BACON, PERIOD. [ LAUGHTER ] 269 00:20:54,754 --> 00:20:59,459 THAT'S HOW EXCITED FANS ARE THAT THIS HAPPENED AND YOU MADE IT HAPPEN 270 00:20:59,459 --> 00:21:02,862 I LOVE THAT YOU DID THIS >> I HAD SO MUCH FUN, YOU KNOW WHEN I WAS PROBABLY STARTING 271 00:21:02,862 --> 00:21:06,366 OUT -- WHEN I HAD AMAZING EXPERIENCES, I KIND OF USED IT TO FEEL LIKE I WAS TOO COOL TO 272 00:21:06,366 --> 00:21:11,938 REACT TO THINGS. YOU KNOW I WOULD BE LIKE, "YEAH, 273 00:21:11,938 --> 00:21:15,875 WHATEVER, MERYL STREEP WHATEVER, GOING TO THE MOON, OKAY, WHATEVER." 274 00:21:15,875 --> 00:21:17,944 YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN BUT I'M AT A POINT IN MY LIFE NOW, WHERE I CAN JUST STOP AND 275 00:21:17,944 --> 00:21:24,184 GO, "OH, MY GOD, THIS IS CRAZY WHAT I DO FOR A LIVING THIS IS SO COOL. 276 00:21:24,184 --> 00:21:26,453 WHEN I WALKED ONTO THE SET OF "GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY" AND SAW ALL OF THOSE ALIENS, NOT TO 277 00:21:26,453 --> 00:21:32,092 MENTION THE GUARDIANS, AND THEY'RE ALL IN DIFFERENT MAKE-UP, AND WARDROBE, AND 278 00:21:32,092 --> 00:21:36,529 THERE'S CHRISTMAS STUFF ALL OVER THE PLACE I LITERALLY WAS LIKE ONE OF 279 00:21:36,529 --> 00:21:39,265 THOSE MOMENTS LIKE, "DAMN, THIS IS FUN." >> Jimmy: THAT'S WHAT I'M 280 00:21:39,265 --> 00:21:42,535 TALKING ABOUT. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE FUN. 281 00:21:42,535 --> 00:21:46,806 THIS IS ALL FUN. >> I AM SO GRATEFUL TO HAVE THIS GIG 282 00:21:46,806 --> 00:21:52,379 >> Jimmy: I COULDN'T HAPPEN TO A COOLER DUDE. I WANT TO SHOW EVERYONE A CLOP 283 00:21:52,379 --> 00:21:53,913 HERE'S KEVIN BACON IN "GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY: HOLIDAY SPECIAL. 284 00:21:53,913 --> 00:21:54,314 "GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY: HOLIDAY SPECIAL. TAKE A LOOK AT THIS. 285 00:21:56,583 --> 00:21:58,118 >> THERE'S TWO -- I DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY ARE -- PEOPLE IN 286 00:21:58,118 --> 00:22:04,624 COSTUME. * I WANT AN ALIEN FOR CHRISTMAS BRING ME AN ALIE 287 00:22:04,624 --> 00:22:13,566 THIS YEAR I WANT A LITTL GREEN GUY ABOUT THREE FEET * * HIGH WITH 17 EYES WHO KNOWS 288 00:22:13,566 --> 00:22:21,675 HOW TO FLY I WANT AN ALIEN FOR CHRISTMAS THIS YEAR * * 289 00:22:21,675 --> 00:22:36,222 [ GRUNTING ] * >> Jimmy: COME ON. 290 00:22:36,222 --> 00:22:39,225 YOU'RE THE BEST. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ONLY YOU CAN DO ALL THIS COOL 291 00:22:39,225 --> 00:22:42,762 STUFF. I LOVE IT. WHAT I ALSO THINK IS COOL ABOUT 292 00:22:42,762 --> 00:22:44,531 IT -- ALSO, IN THIS, BY THE WAY, ON THE SOUNDTRACK HERE, YOU GET TO SING A HOLIDAY SONG 293 00:22:44,531 --> 00:22:52,706 WITH THE GREAT, BAND OLD 97s IT IS ON THE SOUNDTRACK, WHICH I HAVE HERE. 294 00:22:52,706 --> 00:22:56,209 BUT THIS IS VERY EXCITING. NOT ONLY ARE YOU AWESOME, BUT YOU CAME HERE TONIGHT. 295 00:22:56,209 --> 00:22:57,911 YOU'RE GOING TO PERFORM WITH OLD 97s THE SONG FROM "THE GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY: 296 00:22:57,911 --> 00:23:05,185 HOLIDAY SPECIAL" CALLED "HERE IT IS, CHRISTMAS TIME" ON THE SHOW TONIGHT 297 00:23:05,185 --> 00:23:08,355 KEVIN BACON, EVERYBODY [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE "GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY: 298 00:23:08,355 --> 00:23:11,725 HOLIDAY SPECIAL" STREAMING NOW ON DISNEY PLUS KEVIN IS PERFORMING AFTER THE 299 00:23:11,725 --> 00:23:14,361 BREAK. STICK AROUND [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 300 00:23:14,361 --> 00:23:34,748 THANK YOU FOR DOING THIS * >> Jimmy: HERE NOW PERFORMING 301 00:23:34,748 --> 00:23:42,188 "HERE IT IS CHRISTMAS TIME" FROM MARVEL'S "THE GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY: HOLIDAY SPECIAL" ON 302 00:23:42,188 --> 00:23:49,396 DISNEY PLUS. GIVE IT UP FOR KEVIN BACON AND OLD 97s. 303 00:23:49,396 --> 00:24:01,641 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * * WHEN WE ARE BORN WE ARE 304 00:24:01,641 --> 00:24:07,047 SWADDLED AND SNUGGLE WHISPERED TO, FUSSED OVE TICKLED AND CUDDLED * 305 00:24:07,047 --> 00:24:13,787 * AND WHEN WE GROW UP THINGS GET MUDDLED AND HERE IT IS CHRISTMAS * 306 00:24:13,787 --> 00:24:21,761 * TIME WILL YOU STOP BY FOR A PIECE OF DELICIOUS PEACH PIE WHILE I TELL * 307 00:24:21,761 --> 00:24:27,334 * YOU MY YULETIDE WISHE YOU CAN HELP ME DO THE DISHES AND HERE * 308 00:24:27,334 --> 00:24:38,078 * IT IS CHRISTMAS TIM CASUE WE ALL WAN SOMEONE WHO WILL * 309 00:24:38,078 --> 00:24:48,421 * TO LOVE US AND HOLD U TO CURL UP ALONGSIDE WHEN NIGHTS ARE THE * 310 00:24:48,421 --> 00:24:54,427 * COLDEST WE ALL WANT SOMEONE WHO WILL HUG US AND KISS US * 311 00:24:54,427 --> 00:25:00,567 * ALL I WANT IS YOU FOR CHRISTMA LET US EXAMINE * 312 00:25:00,567 --> 00:25:06,339 * THE HOLIDAY SPIRI LET THE SMALL KIDS SING SO WE CAN ALL HEAR IT * 313 00:25:06,339 --> 00:25:11,378 * LIGHT UP A FIRE AND PUL THE CHAIR NEAR I CAUSE HERE IT * 314 00:25:11,378 --> 00:25:18,385 * IS CHRISTMAS TIME WE ALL WANT SOMEON WHO WILL LOVE US AND * 315 00:25:18,385 --> 00:25:28,862 * HOLD US TO CURL U ALONGSIDE WHEN NIGHT ARE THE COLDEST * 316 00:25:28,862 --> 00:25:38,371 * AND WE ALL WANT SOMEONE WHO WILL HUG US AND KISS US ALL I WANT IS 317 00:25:38,371 --> 00:26:11,571 YOU FOR CHRISTMAS * * * 318 00:26:14,407 --> 00:26:20,480 SWADDLED AND SNUGGLE WHISPERED TO FUSSED OVER TICKLED AND CUDDLED * 319 00:26:20,480 --> 00:26:26,386 * WHEN WE GROW UP THINGS GET MUDDLED AND HERE IT IS CHRISTMAS * 320 00:26:26,386 --> 00:26:35,128 * TIME AND WE ALL WAN SOMEONE WHO WILL LOV US AND HOLD US * 321 00:26:35,128 --> 00:26:43,636 * TO CURL UP ALONGSID WHEN NIGHTS ARE TH COLDEST WE ALL WANT * 322 00:26:43,636 --> 00:26:53,813 * SOMEONE WHO CAN HUG US AND KISS US ALL I WANT IS * 323 00:26:53,813 --> 00:26:59,085 * YOU FOR CHRISTMAS ALL I WANT I YOU FOR CHRISTMAS * 324 00:26:59,085 --> 00:27:10,330 * ALL I WANT IS YOU FOR CHRISTMAS * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 325 00:27:10,330 --> 00:27:16,670 >> Jimmy: OH, COME ON! THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. 326 00:27:16,670 --> 00:27:18,505 HEY, BUD NICE TO SEE YOU. THANK YOU. 327 00:27:18,505 --> 00:27:23,810 OLD 97s, KEVIN BACON [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE CHECK OUT MARVEL'S "GUARDIANS 328 00:27:23,810 --> 00:27:27,814 OF THE GALAXY: HOLIDAY SPECIAL" ON DISNEY PLUS LOTS MORE "TONIGHT SHOW" AFTER 329 00:27:27,814 --> 00:27:30,817 THE BREAK. COME ON BACK, EVERYBODY. YEAH, THAT WAS FUN 330 00:27:42,295 --> 00:27:44,197 >> Jimmy: OUR NEXT GUEST PLAYS CAMERON SULLIVAN IN THE SECOND INSTALLMENT OF "THE WHITE 331 00:27:44,197 --> 00:27:47,334 LOTUS. YOU CAN CATCH NEW EPISODES EVERY SUNDAY ON HBO AND HBO 332 00:27:47,334 --> 00:27:50,570 EVERY SUNDAY ON HBO AND HBO MAX. PLEASE WELCOME THEO JAMES. 333 00:27:53,807 --> 00:28:04,017 * 334 00:28:04,017 --> 00:28:05,452 * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: THEO JAMES 335 00:28:05,452 --> 00:28:09,723 YEAH YOU GET THAT, SIR. >> OH, MY GOD. 336 00:28:09,723 --> 00:28:11,491 >> Jimmy: HE'S A STUD RIGHT HERE YEAH, COME ON. 337 00:28:11,491 --> 00:28:13,460 YEAH >> THANK YOU >> Jimmy: THE CROWD KNOW IT. 338 00:28:13,460 --> 00:28:15,428 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE YEAH, THEY -- THAT'S RIGHT >> GOSH, GOSH. 339 00:28:15,428 --> 00:28:17,163 >> Jimmy: THEO, WE HAVE TO GET INTO IT. I WANT TO GET INTO "WHITE 340 00:28:17,163 --> 00:28:20,767 LOTUS" AND I HAVE QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU AND YOU PERSONALLY AND ALL THAT STUFF 341 00:28:20,767 --> 00:28:24,170 AND DON'T WORRY -- >> VERY PERSONAL ALL RIGHT. 342 00:28:24,170 --> 00:28:26,239 >> Jimmy: YEAH, VERY PERSONAL. YEAH AND YEAH 343 00:28:26,239 --> 00:28:27,874 AND THAT ONE SCENE BUT ANYWAY -- [ LAUGHTER ] 344 00:28:27,874 --> 00:28:29,409 IT JUST -- YEAH, I REALLY WANT TO KNOW ABOUT THAT ON YOUR DAY OFF. 345 00:28:29,409 --> 00:28:30,710 BUT A LOT OF PEOPLE OUT THERE -- BUT FIRST, YOU GOT TO SEE 346 00:28:30,710 --> 00:28:34,314 KEVIN BACON. >> OH, JESUS, KEVIN BACON. >> Jimmy: HE'S UNBELIEVABLE, 347 00:28:34,314 --> 00:28:36,516 RIGHT? >> OH, MY GOSH SO GOOD. 348 00:28:36,516 --> 00:28:38,585 >> Jimmy: TALENTED GUY >> MY WIFE WORKED WITH HIM YEARS AGO. 349 00:28:38,585 --> 00:28:40,887 >> Jimmy: ON WHAT SHOW >> AND THEY KNOW EACH OTHER. IT'S CALLED "THE FOLLOWING." 350 00:28:40,887 --> 00:28:43,390 >> Jimmy: OH, YEAH >> IT'S ABOUT SERIAL KILLERS >> Jimmy: OF COURSE, YEAH. 351 00:28:43,390 --> 00:28:45,925 >> SEXY SERIAL KILLERS [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: YES. 352 00:28:45,925 --> 00:28:48,061 >> YEAH. BUT I HAVEN'T MET HIM BEFORE WHAT A [ BLEEP ] LEGEND. 353 00:28:48,061 --> 00:28:49,963 >> Jimmy: YEAH, HE IS -- YEAH HE CAN DO EVERYTHING 354 00:28:49,963 --> 00:28:53,700 HE CAN SING, ACT I HEARD YOU WERE IN A BAND >> I WAS IN LOTS OF TERRIBLE 355 00:28:53,700 --> 00:28:56,302 BANDS. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] YEAH 356 00:28:56,302 --> 00:29:00,340 >> Jimmy: PLEASE, LET'S TALK ABOUT THAT I LOVE EMBARRASSING MY GUESTS. 357 00:29:00,340 --> 00:29:02,242 WHAT WAS THE FIRST EMBARRASSING BAND YOU WERE IN >> MY FIRST BAND I WAS IN -- I 358 00:29:02,242 --> 00:29:04,711 WAS AT UNIVERSITY AND WE CALLED OURSELVES "BARRACUDA," LIKE THE FISH 359 00:29:04,711 --> 00:29:06,913 >> Jimmy: YEAH [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> AND MY LASTING MEMORY OF 360 00:29:06,913 --> 00:29:11,284 IT -- BECAUSE WE, KIND OF, DID IT IN PEOPLE'S LIVING ROOMS. WE WERE THAT LOW KEY 361 00:29:11,284 --> 00:29:13,353 >> Jimmy: YEAH, THAT'S GOOD. >> MY LASTING MEMORY OF IT WAS SOMEONE THROWING A BOTTLE OF 362 00:29:13,353 --> 00:29:18,158 URINE AT ME. AND WE -- YOU KNOW [ LAUGHTER ] 363 00:29:18,158 --> 00:29:19,693 >> Jimmy: WAIT, WHY WAS SOMEONE CARRYING A BOTTLE OF URINE IN THE HOUSE? 364 00:29:19,693 --> 00:29:23,530 [ LAUGHTER ] >> BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, WE WERE 20 AND WE WERE THE TERRIBLE 365 00:29:23,530 --> 00:29:26,466 ACTS >> Jimmy: THAT'S WHAT KIDS DO. YEAH 366 00:29:26,466 --> 00:29:28,435 >> YEAH, LIKE, WE PEE IN BOTTLES. SPINNING EACH OTHER OF THEM 367 00:29:28,435 --> 00:29:30,036 OUT. >> YEAH, WOW WERE YOU A PUNK BAND 368 00:29:30,036 --> 00:29:34,240 >> NO, WE WERE LIKE A -- WE WERE A FOLK BAND FOR SOME STRANGE REASON 369 00:29:34,240 --> 00:29:36,509 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: WHAT WHAT ARE YOU TALKING 370 00:29:36,509 --> 00:29:39,579 SOMEONE THREW A BOTTLE OF URINE AT A FOLK BAND >> YEAH. 371 00:29:39,579 --> 00:29:43,616 LATELY, WE WOULD DO THESE GIGS AND WE WOULD TURN OUT. BUT WE WOULD HAVE A CELLO, 372 00:29:43,616 --> 00:29:45,719 LIKE, YOU KNOW, VERY PRETENTIOUS STUFF. AND PEOPLE WOULD BE VOMITING 373 00:29:45,719 --> 00:29:48,054 AND, LIKE, DOING ECSTASY IN FRONT OF US. [ LAUGHTER ] 374 00:29:48,054 --> 00:29:50,523 >> Jimmy: OH, MY GOD >> WE REALIZED THAT -- THE WRONG CROWD, BASICALLY 375 00:29:50,523 --> 00:29:53,560 >> Jimmy: I THINK SO A BAD GIG. AND, OH, MY GOSH 376 00:29:53,560 --> 00:29:55,428 >> Jimmy: WELL, NOW YOU'RE A A SUPERSTAR. COME ON. 377 00:29:55,428 --> 00:29:59,799 >> I GET IT. I GET IT >> Jimmy: THEO JAMES 378 00:29:59,799 --> 00:30:04,070 THEO JAMES, PLEASE, LET'S TALK ABOUT "THE WHITE LOTUS." >> YEAH. 379 00:30:04,070 --> 00:30:07,474 >> Jimmy: BECAUSE THE SCENE THAT EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT IS -- 380 00:30:07,474 --> 00:30:10,610 >> WHICH SCENE IS THAT [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: WELL, I'M SURE THIS 381 00:30:10,610 --> 00:30:13,813 IS THE FIRST TIME YOU'VE HEARD OF THIS, BUT YOU DO THE NUDE SCENE IN THE FIRST EPISODE 382 00:30:13,813 --> 00:30:16,716 >> OH, THE "PEE-PEE SCENE. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: IS THAT WHAT YOU CALL 383 00:30:16,716 --> 00:30:18,184 IT >> NO, THAT'S WHAT THEY CALL IT 384 00:30:18,184 --> 00:30:21,354 >> Jimmy: YEAH, BUT WOW. >> EVERYONE ON SET [ LAUGHTER ] 385 00:30:21,354 --> 00:30:23,189 >> Jimmy: DUDE, PEOPLE THOUGHT IT WAS THE LOCH NESS MONSTER [ LAUGHTER ] 386 00:30:23,189 --> 00:30:27,227 WHAT IN THE WHAT IN THE -- GOOD FOR YOU, BY THE WAY. OH, MY GOD 387 00:30:27,227 --> 00:30:29,529 [ LAUGHTER ] >> NO. SO -- 388 00:30:29,529 --> 00:30:30,964 SORRY. >> Jimmy: AND PLEASE, STAY SEATED 389 00:30:30,964 --> 00:30:34,034 I DON'T WANT YOU GETTING EXHAUSTED. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 390 00:30:34,034 --> 00:30:35,435 I DON'T WANT YOU GETTING TIRED OR GET LEAVING OR STANDING UP. YEAH 391 00:30:35,435 --> 00:30:37,637 >> YEAH. >> Jimmy: WE'LL HELP YOU JUST STAY IN YOUR CHAIR. 392 00:30:37,637 --> 00:30:39,706 WE'LL WHEEL YOU OUT OF HERE. YEAH [ LAUGHTER ] 393 00:30:39,706 --> 00:30:41,775 WHEW OH, MY GOSH. >> I CAN'T BREATHE SOMETIMES 394 00:30:41,775 --> 00:30:49,883 BECAUSE THE WEIGHT OF IT [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE * 395 00:30:49,883 --> 00:30:51,384 >> Jimmy: WHEN THAT SCENE COMES UP, DO YOU GO, "OH, I GOT THIS"? 396 00:30:51,384 --> 00:30:55,889 YEAH >> YEAH, I WAS JUST LIKE, "JESUS CHRIST, I'M UP FOR IT." 397 00:30:55,889 --> 00:31:03,863 NO, THE TRUTH OF IT WAS -- SO, YOU KNOW, YOU GO INTO THESE THINGS AND YOU HAVE 398 00:31:03,863 --> 00:31:05,598 A CONVERSATION WITH THE DIRECTOR AND THE PRODUCERS AND THEY GO, "FOR THIS, WE'RE GOING 399 00:31:05,598 --> 00:31:09,069 TO USE A PROSTHETIC. WE'RE GOING TO USE SOMETHING." AND YOU SAY, "OKAY 400 00:31:09,069 --> 00:31:11,071 THAT SOUNDS GOOD." AND THEY SAY -- >> Jimmy: SO, IT IS 401 00:31:11,071 --> 00:31:12,939 A PROSTHETIC >> IT'S A -- YEAH, IT'S A PIECE OF PROSTHETIC. 402 00:31:12,939 --> 00:31:15,075 >> Jimmy: THANK GOODNESS [ LAUGHTER ] WOW. 403 00:31:15,075 --> 00:31:16,443 >> IT'S A PIECE OF -- YEAH, EXACTLY. >> Jimmy: THAT MAKE SO MANY MEN 404 00:31:16,443 --> 00:31:19,813 FEEL SO GOOD RIGHT NOW [ LAUGHTER ] >> RIGHT, EXACTLY. 405 00:31:19,813 --> 00:31:21,715 [ LAUGHTER ] SO, I'LL TELL YOU THE STORY BECAUSE -- SO, YOU KNOW, YOU 406 00:31:21,715 --> 00:31:27,153 HAVE A CONVERSATION, AND THE LOVELY REBECCA, WHO WAS THE -- THE MAKE-UP DESIGNER COMES UP. 407 00:31:27,153 --> 00:31:29,823 AND SHE'S LIKE, "YOU KNOW, THIS IS WHAT THEY WANT TO DO. BUT OBVIOUSLY, WE WANT TO HAVE 408 00:31:29,823 --> 00:31:32,792 SOME INPUT." >> Jimmy: SURE >> SO, I SAID, HONESTLY, I JUST 409 00:31:32,792 --> 00:31:36,763 WANT IT NOT TO BE DISTRACTING. HE NEEDS TO BE REGULAR JOE BECAUSE THE SCENE'S ABOUT -- 410 00:31:36,763 --> 00:31:41,801 YOU KNOW, IT'S NOT ABOUT THE PEE-PEE. IT'S ABOUT HOW PLAIN SEX -- 411 00:31:41,801 --> 00:31:46,506 IT'S ABOUT, YOU KNOW -- >> Jimmy: YEAH, WHETHER -- >> WHETHER -- WHETHER HE DID IT 412 00:31:46,506 --> 00:31:49,342 DELIBERATELY OR WHETHER IT WAS AN ACCIDENT AND WHAT THAT MEANS, AND -- 413 00:31:49,342 --> 00:31:51,644 >> Jimmy: YEAH >> -- ALL THAT KIND OF STUFF AND SHE SAYS, "I GOT YOU 414 00:31:51,644 --> 00:31:53,913 YEAH, I GOT YOU. [ LAUGHTER ] REGULAR JOE. 415 00:31:53,913 --> 00:31:56,016 >> Jimmy: REGULAR JOE. >> YEAH. OKAY, COOL 416 00:31:56,016 --> 00:31:58,952 SO, WE GET TO SET, AND SHE'S GOT, LIKE, A HAMMER OR SOMETHING. 417 00:31:58,952 --> 00:32:01,588 OR LIKE -- [ LAUGHTER ] I MEAN, IT'S BIGGER THAN THAT. 418 00:32:01,588 --> 00:32:05,091 IT'S LIKE SHE STOLE IT OFF A A DONKEY IN THE FIELD. [ LAUGHTER ] 419 00:32:05,091 --> 00:32:07,594 THE THING IS GINORMOUS AND ME AND THE DIRECTOR, MIKE WHITE, ARE SITTING THERE 420 00:32:07,594 --> 00:32:13,833 GOING, "THAT'S AVERAGE?" [ LAUGHTER ] YEAH, WE'RE LIKE -- 421 00:32:13,833 --> 00:32:16,102 >> Jimmy: WOW! >> CALLING OUR RESPECT TO -- IS BEING LIKE, "I'M SO SORRY. 422 00:32:16,102 --> 00:32:20,373 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: YEAH, SO OKAY. GOOD 423 00:32:20,373 --> 00:32:22,242 >> YEAH, SO IT WAS NINE INCHES FLACCID AND ABOUT FOUR INCHES WIDE 424 00:32:22,242 --> 00:32:24,210 WE WERE LIKE, "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?" [ LAUGHTER ] 425 00:32:24,210 --> 00:32:28,081 FUNNY ENOUGH, YOUR PRODUCER SAID, "SO -- SO WHAT DID YOU DO WITH IT? 426 00:32:28,081 --> 00:32:30,316 I MEAN, YOU STILL GOT IT?" I WAS LIKE, "NO, I DON'T HAVE IT." 427 00:32:30,316 --> 00:32:33,820 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: DID YOU SAVE IT? OH, YEAH, YOU DON'T SAVE IT. 428 00:32:33,820 --> 00:32:35,455 >> LIKE, THIS IS SLEEPING IN IT [ LAUGHTER ] 429 00:32:35,455 --> 00:32:38,591 >> Jimmy: "SLEEP NEXT TO IT. THERE'S NOT MUCH WE CAN SAY ABOUT THE SHOW SO MUCH BECAUSE 430 00:32:38,591 --> 00:32:40,660 I DON'T WANT TO SPOIL ANYTHING >> TRUE. >> Jimmy: THERE'S TWO EPISODES 431 00:32:40,660 --> 00:32:42,228 LEFT IS -- IS EVERYONE TRYING TO GET YOU TO SAY, "HEY, WHO WAS 432 00:32:42,228 --> 00:32:47,100 MURDERED AND WHO MURDERED WHO? >> YEAH, AND I CAN TELL YOU TONIGHT, THE PERSON WHO WAS 433 00:32:47,100 --> 00:32:49,536 MURDERED WAS -- JUST JOKE. BUT, YEAH, EVERYONE IS TRYING INCLUDING -- I WAS -- YOU KNOW, 434 00:32:49,536 --> 00:32:57,777 I CAME THIS MORNING ON THE PLANE AND I WAS AT THE URINAL. AND SOMEONE WAS LIKE, "GOOD 435 00:32:57,777 --> 00:33:02,148 JOB, MAN." "OKAY, THANKS. YEAH 436 00:33:02,148 --> 00:33:04,651 [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] "YOU GOING TO GIVE ME SOME TIPS AT THE END?" 437 00:33:04,651 --> 00:33:07,687 "NOT EXACTLY SURE WHAT THAT MEANS HERE IN NEW YORK." >> Jimmy: YEAH, YOU'RE IN 438 00:33:07,687 --> 00:33:09,889 THE -- YOU'RE IN THE URINAL. >> YEAH, YEAH. >> Jimmy: YEAH, YOU WERE GOING 439 00:33:09,889 --> 00:33:11,958 TO THE BATHROOM. >> SO, WE TOOK A PHOTO TOGETHER, HAD A SMALL KISS 440 00:33:11,958 --> 00:33:15,261 [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: HE WANTED A PHOTO TOO? 441 00:33:15,261 --> 00:33:17,764 >> YEAH, YEAH. >> Jimmy: GUESS YOU CAN'T SAY NO TWICE, RIGHT? 442 00:33:17,764 --> 00:33:20,300 YOU GO, "YEAH, I CAN'T GIVE YOU THE SPOILER. BUT YEAH, LET'S DO A SELFIE. 443 00:33:20,300 --> 00:33:21,835 SURE." HE'S LIKE, "HEY, CAN YOU GET YOUR CO-STAR IN THERE TOO? 444 00:33:21,835 --> 00:33:24,771 [ LAUGHTER ] >> YEAH. "MR. SNAKE." 445 00:33:24,771 --> 00:33:27,374 [ CYMBAL CRASH ] >> Jimmy: I WAS WATCHING I GO, "MAN, THAT IS SUCH A 446 00:33:27,374 --> 00:33:32,212 A TRICKY ROLE TO PLAY. BUT EVERY CHARACTER IS SO -- >> THEY'RE WELL DRAWN. 447 00:33:32,212 --> 00:33:34,080 IT'S TRICKY. >> Jimmy: TRICKY SO WELL DRAWN, SO WELL DONE, SO 448 00:33:34,080 --> 00:33:37,884 WELL-ACTED JENNIFER COOLIDGE, OBVIOUSLY, WE LOVE. 449 00:33:37,884 --> 00:33:40,620 AUBREY PLAZA IS OFF THE CHARTS IN THIS. >> RIGHT 450 00:33:40,620 --> 00:33:42,689 >> Jimmy: SHE'S HIT A GRAND SLAM [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 451 00:33:42,689 --> 00:33:45,191 AND YOU -- YOU AND AUBREY -- OH, MY GOD DUDE, I'M JUST LOVING IT 452 00:33:45,191 --> 00:33:47,160 THE WHOLE CAST IS GREAT. >> THANK YOU >> Jimmy: I WANT TO SHOW 453 00:33:47,160 --> 00:33:49,796 EVERYONE A CLIP. HERE'S THEO JAMES IN "THE WHITE LOTUS. 454 00:33:49,796 --> 00:33:51,398 LOTUS. TAKE A LOOK. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 455 00:33:53,767 --> 00:33:54,401 >> TO VOLCANOES AND ALL THE 456 00:33:54,401 --> 00:33:56,903 THREESOMES OF PAST AND PRESENT AND FUTURE [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] 457 00:33:56,903 --> 00:33:58,905 >> I FEEL LIKE YOU SEW YOUR OATS WHEN YOU'RE YOUNG AND THEN YOU JUST -- YOU KNOW, YOU GET 458 00:33:58,905 --> 00:34:03,343 IT OUT OF YOUR SYSTEM. >> I DON'T KNOW. I'M NOT SURE IT WORKS LIKE 459 00:34:03,343 --> 00:34:07,380 THAT >> I KNOW BUT THAT'S THE IDEA. >> IT'S KIND OF LIKE FOOD, YOU 460 00:34:07,380 --> 00:34:12,085 KNOW YOU KNOW, GORGE YOURSELF UNTIL YOU'RE SICK. 461 00:34:12,085 --> 00:34:16,923 YOU SWEAR YOU'LL NEVER EAT ANOTHER BITE AND THEN, A FEW DAYS LATER, 462 00:34:16,923 --> 00:34:21,294 YOU'RE HUNGRY AGAIN. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: THEO JAMES 463 00:34:21,294 --> 00:34:22,862 CHECK OUT THE SECOND INSTALLMENT OF "THE WHITE LOTUS" SUNDAYS ON HBO AND HBO 464 00:34:22,862 --> 00:34:27,634 MAX. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH STANDUP FROM JAY JURDEN. 465 00:34:27,634 --> 00:34:30,570 STICK AROUND, EVERYBODY. THANK YOU. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 466 00:34:30,570 --> 00:34:54,594 * >> Jimmy: OUR NEXT GUEST CAN BE SEEN AT ZANIES IN NASHVILLE 467 00:34:54,594 --> 00:34:58,732 DECEMBER 28th. PLEASE WELCOME THE VERY FUNNY JAY JURDEN 468 00:34:59,699 --> 00:35:08,274 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 469 00:35:08,274 --> 00:35:11,878 >> HEY Y'ALL I'M PRETTY DUMB. YEAH 470 00:35:11,878 --> 00:35:14,280 [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] NO, DON'T LET THIS TURTLENECK FOOL YOU 471 00:35:14,280 --> 00:35:17,517 I CAN COME OUT HERE AND PRETEND LIKE I KNOW STUFF. BUT WHEN I GO HOME, I'M 472 00:35:17,517 --> 00:35:23,890 DEFINITELY GONNA BE LIKE, "OH, THERE'S A 'U' IN 'CAMOUFLAGE'? [ LAUGHTER ] 473 00:35:23,890 --> 00:35:28,461 DOING A GOOD JOB OF HIDING LIKE, THAT'S -- SPEAKING OF BEING DUMB, I 474 00:35:28,461 --> 00:35:33,066 RECENTLY GOT MARRIED [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE OKAY 475 00:35:33,066 --> 00:35:36,236 ALL RIGHT. YEAH TO A DUDE. 476 00:35:36,236 --> 00:35:40,173 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE OH, OKAY YEAH 477 00:35:40,173 --> 00:35:41,708 ALL RIGHT. I SAW SOME PEOPLE STOP CLAPPING 478 00:35:41,708 --> 00:35:45,745 LISTEN [ LAUGHTER ] I LOVE HOMOPHOBIA, IT KEEPS ME 479 00:35:45,745 --> 00:35:48,815 ON MY TOES [ LAUGHTER ] NOW, I KNOW THERE ARE SOME OLD 480 00:35:48,815 --> 00:35:50,517 FASHIONED PEOPLE HERE, SOME PEOPLE HERE WHO BELIEVE MARRIAGE IS STRICTLY BETWEEN A 481 00:35:50,517 --> 00:36:00,293 A MAN, A WOMAN, AND EVENTUALLY A MUCH YOUNGER WOMAN [ LAUGHTER ] 482 00:36:00,293 --> 00:36:02,028 A MUCH YOUNGER WOMAN WHO HAPPENED TO GET THIS EXECUTIVE ASSISTANT POSITION WITH NO 483 00:36:02,028 --> 00:36:07,500 EXPERIENCE [ LAUGHTER ] ALL I'M SAYING IS I DON'T THINK 484 00:36:07,500 --> 00:36:17,043 TASHA KNOWS EXCEL. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ME AND MY HUSBAND, WE GOT 485 00:36:17,043 --> 00:36:21,848 MARRIED IN NEW YORK CITY, BUT WE WANTED TO HAVE A TRADITIONAL SOUTHERN GAY WEDDING 486 00:36:21,848 --> 00:36:27,220 [ CHEERS ] SO, WE HAD A CAKE. WE HAD A DEEJAY. 487 00:36:27,220 --> 00:36:30,156 WE HAD PROTESTERS. [ LAUGHTER ] AND Y'ALL, THEY WERE MAKING 488 00:36:30,156 --> 00:36:32,859 SOME GOOD POINTS [ LAUGHTER ] ONE OF THE SIGNS SAID, "THIS IS 489 00:36:32,859 --> 00:36:36,796 A CHOICE." I WAS LIKE, "OF COURSE WE HAVE VEGAN OPTIONS. 490 00:36:36,796 --> 00:36:40,200 COME ON, MAN [ LAUGHTER ] HERE'S WHAT THEY DON'T TELL 491 00:36:40,200 --> 00:36:41,735 YOU. WHEN YOU GET MARRIED AS A MAN TO ANOTHER MAN, YOU SPEND MOST 492 00:36:41,735 --> 00:36:43,403 OF YOUR WEDDING DAY INTRODUCING GAY MEN WHO LIVE IN NEW YORK CITY TO OTHER GAY MEN 493 00:36:43,403 --> 00:36:52,345 THEY HAVE ALREADY SLEPT WITH [ LAUGHTER ] SO, MOST OF MY WEDDING DAY, I 494 00:36:52,345 --> 00:36:55,815 WAS STUCK SAYING STUFF LIKE, "WELL, BENJAMIN, YOU KNOW TODD." 495 00:36:55,815 --> 00:37:00,653 [ LAUGHTER ] "SHANE, YOU KNOW TODD. [ LAUGHTER ] 496 00:37:00,653 --> 00:37:03,490 "MICHAEL, YOU KNOW TODD. WAIT A SECOND, DOES EVERYONE KNOW TODD? 497 00:37:03,490 --> 00:37:06,426 [ LAUGHTER ] AND THEN MY HUSBAND WAS LIKE, "JAY, DO YOU KNOW TODD?" 498 00:37:06,426 --> 00:37:11,364 I WAS LIKE, "OOH." [ LAUGHTER ] I DO 499 00:37:11,364 --> 00:37:14,200 [ LAUGHTER ] AND THEN -- AND THEN I HAD TO REMIND HIM 500 00:37:14,200 --> 00:37:17,937 I SAID, "NO, BABY. WE KNOW TODD." AND HE WAS LIKE, "OH, THAT'S 501 00:37:17,937 --> 00:37:20,540 TODD I DIDN'T RECOGNIZE HIM STANDING UP." 502 00:37:20,540 --> 00:37:32,052 [ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE I'M SURPRISED Y'ALL LET ME GET 503 00:37:32,052 --> 00:37:35,221 AWAY WITH THAT ONE [ LAUGHTER ] WE HAD A FUN OFFICIANT AT OUR 504 00:37:35,221 --> 00:37:39,059 WEDDING. OUR WEDDING OFFICIANT, DANI, WITH AN "I," SHE WAS THE BEST. 505 00:37:39,059 --> 00:37:40,694 SHE WALKED IN. SHE WAS LIKE, "HEY, Y'ALL, WE ARE GATHERED HERE TODAY IN 506 00:37:40,694 --> 00:37:45,131 FRONT OF FRIENDS, FAMILY, GOD. I'M KIDDING. HE AIN'T WATCHING. 507 00:37:45,131 --> 00:37:50,170 LET'S TURN UP. [ LAUGHTER ] AND I WAS LIKE, "LET'S GO. 508 00:37:50,170 --> 00:37:53,173 NOW, SOMETHING INTERESTING JUST HAPPENED WHEN I SAID I WAS MARRIED TO A 509 00:37:53,173 --> 00:37:57,143 A DUDE, I HEARD A BUNCH OF "WHOOS." AND THAT LET ME KNOW, IT'S A 510 00:37:57,143 --> 00:38:02,015 A LOT OF STRAIGHT WOMEN HERE [ LAUGHTER ] STRAIGHT GIRLS, I LOVE Y'ALL 511 00:38:02,015 --> 00:38:04,384 WE GO WAY BACK MIDDLE SCHOOL. [ LAUGHTER ] 512 00:38:04,384 --> 00:38:14,394 NOW -- [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE STRAIGHT WOMEN, ARE Y'ALL DOING 513 00:38:14,394 --> 00:38:17,931 OKAY [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ALL RIGHT. 514 00:38:17,931 --> 00:38:20,767 THEN WHY Y'ALL LOVE DATING UGLY DUDES? [ LAUGHTER ] 515 00:38:20,767 --> 00:38:24,904 WHAT IS THE REASONING? DO YOU KNOW THAT BEING STRAIGHT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE A DARE? 516 00:38:24,904 --> 00:38:29,576 [ LAUGHTER ] YOU CAN ENJOY IT AND Y'ALL COME UP TO ME AFTER 517 00:38:29,576 --> 00:38:31,411 THE SHOW AND SAY STUFF LIKE, "WELL, JAY, JUST SO YOU KNOW, I HAPPEN TO LIKE MY MEN A LITTLE 518 00:38:31,411 --> 00:38:37,817 UGLY RIGHT, BABE? AND THIS POOR GUY IS LIKE, "YOU 519 00:38:37,817 --> 00:38:42,288 HEAR THAT? SHE ONLY SAID A LITTLE." [ LAUGHTER ] 520 00:38:42,288 --> 00:38:44,958 Y'ALL WILL BRAG TO ME ABOUT YOUR UGLY MAN. YOU'LL BE LIKE, "WELL, JAY, 521 00:38:44,958 --> 00:38:47,427 JUST SO YOU KNOW, ME AND MY UGLY MAN, WE'RE FLYING TO PARIS. 522 00:38:47,427 --> 00:38:50,096 I'M LIKE, "YEAH, HE'S GOT TO GET BACK TO NOTRE DAME THOSE BELLS AREN'T GONE RING 523 00:38:50,096 --> 00:38:58,204 THEMSELVES." [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE OF COURSE, I DON'T MEAN ANYONE 524 00:38:58,204 --> 00:39:00,640 HERE EVERY STRAIGHT GUY HERE IS A A 10 525 00:39:00,640 --> 00:39:03,510 IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME, I'LL KISS YOU ON THE WAY OUT. [ LAUGHTER ] 526 00:39:03,510 --> 00:39:13,019 THAT GOES FOR YOU TOO, JIMMY I LIKE THE BEARD [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 527 00:39:13,019 --> 00:39:15,088 BUT SERIOUSLY, ONE OF MY FRIENDS, HE'S AN OLD SCHOOL COMEDIAN 528 00:39:15,088 --> 00:39:17,390 WHAT'S THE WORD FOR THAT HE'S A MISOGYNIST. AND HE SAID -- 529 00:39:17,390 --> 00:39:21,294 [ LAUGHTER ] HE SAID, "JAY, THESE WOMEN DATE THEIR UGLY MEN JUST SO THEY CAN 530 00:39:21,294 --> 00:39:24,164 GET THEIR MONEY. AND I WAS LIKE, "YEAH, I KNOW UGLY MEN HAVE MONEY. 531 00:39:24,164 --> 00:39:28,201 I'VE BEEN ON A BOAT BEFORE." [ LAUGHTER ] SOMEONE OUT THERE IS LIKE, 532 00:39:28,201 --> 00:39:31,371 "WAIT, I HAVE A BOAT." [ LAUGHTER ] I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT YOU. 533 00:39:31,371 --> 00:39:36,042 YOU'RE GORGEOUS. [ LAUGHTER ] SERIOUSLY, DO YOU THINK THE 534 00:39:36,042 --> 00:39:38,778 UGLY COMMUNITY IS GOING TO CANCEL ME FOR THAT JOKE? DO YOU THINK THE UGLY COMMUNITY 535 00:39:38,778 --> 00:39:42,048 IS GOING TO COME FOR ME? AS LONG AS I'M DOING IT IN PERSON, YUCK 536 00:39:42,048 --> 00:39:46,586 [ LAUGHTER ] NO, EVERYONE RIGHT NOW IS SO OBSESSED WITH CANCEL CULTURE 537 00:39:46,586 --> 00:39:52,492 EVERYONE'S WORRIED ABOUT CANCEL CULTURE. EVERYONE EXCEPT FOR ME 538 00:39:52,492 --> 00:40:00,033 BECAUSE DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW HARD IT WOULD BE TO CANCEL ME? COME ON, Y'ALL 539 00:40:00,033 --> 00:40:02,435 I'M BLACK. I'M QUEER. I'M LEFT-HANDED. 540 00:40:02,435 --> 00:40:12,145 THERE ARE -- [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE -- LOTS OF WORDS I CAN SAY 541 00:40:12,145 --> 00:40:14,981 ALL RIGHT. THANK Y'ALL SO MUCH. I'VE BEEN JAY JURDEN 542 00:40:14,981 --> 00:40:20,353 * >> Jimmy: YOU'RE LEFT-HANDED YOU'RE LEFT-HANDED 543 00:40:20,353 --> 00:40:24,190 >> YEAH, I AM. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: JAY JURDEN 544 00:40:24,190 --> 00:40:26,693 JAY JURDEN COME ON. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 545 00:40:26,693 --> 00:40:30,196 HE'LL BE AT ZANIES IN NASHVILLE. I LOVE ZANIES. 546 00:40:30,196 --> 00:40:34,134 IN NASHVILLE DECEMBER 28th MY THANKS TO KEVIN BACON, THEO JAMES, OLD 97's, 547 00:40:34,134 --> 00:40:41,775 JAY JURDEN ONCE AGAIN. HE'S LEFT-HANDED FOLKS THANK YOU FOR WATCHING 548 00:40:41,775 --> 00:40:43,510 STAY TUNED FOR "LATE NIGHT WITH SETH MEYERS. GOODNIGHT, EVERYBODY 549 00:40:43,510 --> 00:40:45,645 THANK YOU. YOU'VE BEEN GREAT, JAY [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE