>> Steve: FROM STUDIO 6B IN ROCKEFELLER CENTER IN THE HEART
OF NEW YORK CITY, IT'S "THE TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON."
TONIGHT, JOIN JIMMY AND HIS GUESTS - SAVANNAH GUTHRIE AND HODA KOTB
COLIN QUINN, MUSICAL GUEST, MADISON CUNNINGHAM
AND FEATURING THE LEGENDARY ROOTS CREW >> Questlove: 1771
>> Steve: AND NOW, HERE HE IS, JIMMY FALLON
*
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: HELLO, EVERYONE!
WELCOME! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE WELCOME TO "THE TONIGHT SHOW."
GUYS, BEFORE WE GET STARTED, DOES ANYONE HERE WANT TO BE SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE
[ LAUGHTER AND CHEERS YEP, AS OF TONIGHT'S TAPING, IT'S BEEN THREE DAYS AND NINE
VOTES, AND WE STILL DON'T HAVE A SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
BEFORE TODAY'S VOTE, C-SPAN WAS LIKE, "WE SWEAR THIS IS NOT A RERUN.
[ LAUGHTER ] RIGHT NOW, KEVIN McCARTHY IS SO EMBARRASSED, HE WENT UP TO
GEORGE SANTOS AND SAID, "HELP ME CREATE A NEW IDENTITY." [ LAUGHTER ]
McCARTHY HAS LOST NINE TIMES IT IS BRUTAL I MEAN, THERE'S A REASON WHY
YOU ONLY GET THREE STRIKES IN BASEBALL I MEAN, IT'S JUST HARD TO
WATCH. NINE THAT'S A LOT
THAT'S SOMEWHERE BETWEEN COVID VARIANTS AND "YELLOWSTONE" SPINOFFS
NINE NINE [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
AND GET THIS - I READ THAT SOME DEMOCRATS AND REPUBLICANS ARE CONSIDERING
A DEAL FOR A SPEAKER BOTH PARTIES CAN GET BEHIND SO CONGRATULATIONS TO OUR NEW
SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE, "TOP GUN: MAVERICK." [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
THAT'S A GOOD MOVIE. MEANWHILE, McCARTHY IS NOW IN THE NEGOTIATION PHASE, WHERE
HE'S MAKING A BUNCH OF CONCESSIONS WITH THE REPUBLICANS WHO ARE AGAINST
HIM. AND ONE OF THOSE CONCESSIONS IS A CHANGE TO THE RULES THAT
WOULD MAKE IT EASIER TO REMOVE HIM. [ LAUGHTER ]
YOU KNOW IT'S BAD WHEN THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN GET HIRED IS IF YOU PROMISE TO GET FIRED, YOU KNOW
WHAT I'M SAYING? [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] COURSE, WITH EVERYTHING GOING
ON IN WASHINGTON, IT'S BEEN A BUSY WEEK FOR NEWS ANCHORS, AND I THINK THEY NEED A BREAK.
I MEAN, CHECK OUT THIS CLIP OF ANDREA MITCHELL ON MSNBC EARLIER TODAY.
BIG CONCESSIONS TO THE NEVER-KEVINS, AT THE RISK OF ALIENATING SOME OF HIS ORIGINAL
SUPPORTERS IN THE REPUBLICAN CAUCUS - [ GAGS ]
EXCUSE ME. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Steve: HEY!
OI WOW. [ RIM SHOT ]
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: AND THEN, FOR THE FIRST TIME IN TV HISTORY,
A NEWS ANCHOR COUGHED UP A HAIR BALL [ LAUGHTER ]
THAT'S THE SOUND YOU MAKE WHEN THE DOCTORS CHECKS IF YOU HAVE STREP THROAT, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M
SAYING [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] THAT'S THE SOUND YOUR KETCHUP
BOTTLE MAKES WHEN YOU TRY TO SQUEEZE OUT THE LAST DROP. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
THE CLOSED CAPTIONING JUST SAID -
[ LAUGHTER ]
YEP, CONGRESS SPENT A THIRD DAY VOTING FOR A NEW SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE.
AND AFTER SO MANY ROUNDS, I FEEL BAD FOR THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE TO KEEP READING ALL THE
NAMES OF THE REPRESENTATIVES TO GET THEIR VOTE >> Steve: YOU KNOW WHAT?
DON'T FEEL BAD IT'S EASY. >> Jimmy: I'M JUST SAYING, IT'S
TEDIOUS. AND SOME OF THE NAMES ARE HARD TO PRONOUNCE
>> Steve: NOT WHEN YOU'RE A PROFESSIONAL ANNOUNCER LIKE ME
GO AHEAD, TEST ME. >> Jimmy: OKAY, I GUESS I CAN. I'LL TEST REAL QUICK
WHO'S THIS >> Steve: OKAY, EASY JERRY CURL
>> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] OKAY, WHO'S -- WHO'S THIS?
>> Steve: COME ON. BARRY MANILOW. COME ON.
[ LAUGHTER ] GIVE ME SOME HARDER ONES RAPID FIRE ME.
>> Jimmy: OKAY HERE WE GO WHO'S THIS
>> Steve: OKAY DAVID SCHWIMMER. [ LAUGHTER ]
RIHANNA. LADY MACBETH [ LAUGHTER ]
BAD SALMON CHIPS AHOY [ LAUGHTER ]
FRANK STALLONE AH, AH, AH-CHOO. [ LAUGHTER ]
OH, IT'S SCOTT DELIVERY, IT'S DiGIORNO [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
AH NA-NA-NA-NA, NA-NA-NA, NA-NA-NA, NA-NA-NA [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* NA-NA-NA-NA-NAH. LYRICAL GANGSTER
[ APPLAUSE ] NICE BLUNT ROTATION. >> Jimmy: OKAY
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Steve: OH, YANK JOHNSON MENAGE A TROIS IN GREECE
[ LAUGHTER ] OH, VICIOUS SHARTS [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
AND LIAR [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: OKAY, THAT'S -
THANK YOU VERY - STEVE HIGGINS, A PROFESSIONAL. STEVE HIGGINS, EVERYONE.
* [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: EVERYONE IS WEIGHING
IN ON THIS TODAY, ELON MUSK TWEETED, "KEVIN McCARTHY SHOULD BE
SPEAKER. IT MAKES SENSE BECAUSE KEVIN McCARTHY IS A LOT LIKE A
A TESLA -- HE WAS ON THE ROAD TO HIS DESTINATION AND THEN SUDDENLY
VEERED OFF COURSE. [ AUDIENCE OHS ] MEANWHILE, PRESIDENT BIDEN IS
STAYING OUT OF THE SPEAKER DRAMA, CALLING IT EMBARRASSING, BUT SAYING, QUOTE, "THAT'S NOT
MY PROBLEM." [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] THEN HE ADDED, "BUT IF IT WERE
MY PROBLEM, I DEFINITELY WOULDN'T BE LAUGHING AT KEVIN McCARTHY RIGHT NOW LIKE I
AM AND I WOULDN'T BE CHECKING THE NEWS EVERY FIVE MINUTES TO SEE
IF HE LOST ANOTHER VOTE WHILE RUBBING MY HANDS LIKE IT'S DINNER TIME.
FORTUNATELY, I DON'T HAVE TO GIVE MY OPINION. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
BIDEN THEN ADDED, "BUT IF I DID HAVE TO GIVE MY OPINION -- [ LAUGHTER ]
"-- I'D PROBABLY SAY THIS IS THE MOST FUN I'VE HAD IN MY ENTIRE PRESIDENCY.
EVERY MORNING FEELS LIKE CHRISTMAS AND MY BIRTHDAY COMBINED
THAT SAID, THIS IS A MATTER REGARDING A DIFFERENT BRANCH OF GOVERNMENT AND I DON'T HAVE TO
GET INVOLVED." [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THEN HE ADDED, "BUT IF I DID
HAVE TO GET INVOLVED --" [ LAUGHTER ] "-- I'D PROBABLY THROW A PARADE
OF SORTS, MAYBE USING 15,000 DRONES TO FORM AN IMAGE OF KEVIN McCARTHY'S FACE IN THE
SKY AND THEN IT'D MORPH INTO THE CRYING JORDAN MEME, WHILE PLAYING 'EVERYBODY HURTS' AT
FULL VOLUME. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE AT WHICH HE -- AT WHICH POINT
BIDEN JUST POSTED THE KERMIT DRINKING TEA MEME. THERE YOU GO
THAT'S INTERESTING [ APPLAUSE ] EVERYBODY'S TALKING ABOUT
THIS - IN HIS FORTHCOMING BOOK, PRINCE HARRY CLAIMS THAT
PRINCE WILLIAM ONCE KNOCKED HIM TO THE FLOOR DURING AN ARGUMENT ABOUT MEGHAN
[ AUDIENCE OOHS APPARENTLY THE FIGHT HAPPENED AT THE BUCKINGHAM WAFFLE
PALACE [ LAUGHTER ] IT'S FUN WHEN ROYALS FIGHT,
'CAUSE THEY KEEP THEIR PINKIES OUT. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
HARRY WAS SHOCKED, BECAUSE USUALLY WHEN THEY FIGHT, THEY JUST STAND BACK AND TELL THEIR
BUTLERS WHAT TO DO "BUT NOW -- NOW, PERHAPS A KNEE TO THE GROIN."
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] "CHOKE HIM OUT, JEEVES." HARRY ALSO WRITES IN HIS NEW
BOOK, THAT BEFORE HE MARRIED MEGHAN, WILLIAM AND KATE WERE RELIGIOUS VIEWERS OF HER SHOW
"SUITS." I FEEL LIKE I BELIEVED EVERYTHING PRINCE HARRY SAID
UNTIL JUST NOW [ LAUGHTER ] I DON'T THINK EVEN THE STARS OF
"SUITS" WERE RELIGIOUS VIEWERS OF "SUITS. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
WELL, SOME MOVIE NEWS, "AVATAR: THE WAY OF WATER" HAS OFFICIALLY PASSED "TOP GUN:
MAVERICK" TO BECOME THE NUMBER ONE MOVIE OF 2022. [ SCATTERED CHEERS ]
IT IS A HUGE, HUGE HIT IT MADE US WONDER, WHAT WOULD OTHER CLASSIC MOVIES LOOK LIKE
IF THEY TOOK PLACE UNDERWATER? CHECK THIS OUT
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
* >> Jimmy: THAT'S IT. PRETTY GOOD.
I'D WATCH THAT WELL, LISTEN TO THIS - I HEARD THAT PEOPLE ON TIKTOK
ARE CLAIMING THAT A GREAT WAY TO BEAT THE FLU IS BY SLEEPING WITH POTATO SLICES IN YOUR
SOCKS. THERE'S A LOT OF QUESTIONABLE MEDICAL ADVICE ONLINE, AND
DEPENDING ON WHERE YOU LOOK, YOU GET PRETTY DIFFERENT ANSWERS.
FOR INSTANCE, FOR THE FLU, TIKTOK SAYS "SLEEP WITH POTATO SLICES YOUR SOCKS.
FACEBOOK SAYS, "ASK BILL GATES -- HE OWNS YOUR DNA, ROBOT.
[ LAUGHTER ] WEBMD SAYS, "GET YOUR AFFAIRS IN ORDER, YOU'RE GONNA DIE."
[ LAUGHTER ] NEXT UP, FOR A COLD, TIKTOK SAYS, "MAKE NYQUIL CHICKEN
SOUP." [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] TWITTER SAYS, "BRING IN
ELON MUSK TO FIRE HALF YOUR GERMS. WEBMD SAYS, "GET YOUR AFFAIRS
IN ORDER, YOU'RE GONNA DIE." [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE AND FINALLY, FOR COVID, TIKTOK
SAYS, "SWAB YOUR NOSE WITH A A MINI MICROPHONE. TRUTH SOCIAL SAYS, "TAKE A SHOT
OF BLEACH. AND WEBMD SAYS, "GET YOUR AFFAIRS IN ORDER, YOU'RE GONNA
DIE. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE I THINK JUST CALL A REAL
DOCTOR GUYS, I READ ABOUT A NEW COVID VARIANT THAT HAS SOME PEOPLE
WORRIED. IT'S CALLED XBB.1.5. I GUESS THEY COULDN'T THINK OF
A CATCHIER NAME. AND IT ACTUALLY INSPIRED ME TO WRITE A TINY SONG.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* THERE WAS ALPHA THEN DELT THEN OMICRON NEX
BUT THIS LATEST VARIAN MIGHT BE THE BEST * * IT'S XBB.1.
ANOTHER FRIEND OF COVID-19 HAS ARRIVED * * IT'S A NEW STRAIN
BUT IT ISN'T THE SAM SOUNDS MORE LIKE ELON MUSK'S KID'S NAME *
* IT'S XBB.1. NOT UB40 WHO SINGS RED RED WINE *
* PUT ON YOUR MAS WHEN YOU'RE INSIDE A FACILIT IT COULD BE A ROBO
FROM A STAR WARS TRILOGY * * IT'S XBB.1. NOT OMG OR MP3 OR TCBY
OR AN EYE CHAR MADE BY A REALLY HIGH GUY * * SOUNDS LIKE THE PASSWOR
OF YOUR PARENTS' WIF IT'S XBB.1.5 XBB.1.5 *
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: THAT'S THE MOST APPLAUSE I'VE GOTTEN IN FIVE
YEARS. >> Steve: WOW. >> Jimmy: IT'S UNBELIEVABLE.
SWITCHING GEARS, A BIG CONSUMER ELECTRONICS SHOW JUST KICKED OFF IN LAS VEGAS, AND THERE ARE
SO MANY NEW PRODUCTS ON DISPLAY, INCLUDING A A SELF-DRIVING STROLLER THAT'S
POWERED BY ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
THE ONLY QUESTION IS, WILL IT BE A BILLION DOLLAR LAWSUIT OR A TRILLION DOLLAR LAWSUIT?
[ LAUGHTER ] YEAH, THE COMMERCIAL SAYS, "ORDER ONE NOW BEFORE WE ALL
GET ARRESTED." [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] BUT DON'T WORRY, IT COMES WITH
AN OVERRIDE BUTTON, IN CASE YOUR BABY NEEDS TO TAKE CONTROL OF THE STROLLER.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] ANOTHER INTERESTING PRODUCT BEING UNVEILED, IS THE
HIGH-TECH SNORE SILENCING PILLOW [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
ALTHOUGH THAT'S ANY PILLOW IF YOU HOLD IT AGAINST SOMEONE'S FACE LONG ENOUGH, YOU KNOW WHAT
I'M SAYING [ LAUGHTER ] A PILLOW THAT STOPS YOU FROM
SNORING, WHICH HAS GOT TO BE THE MOST PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE GIFT OF ALL TIME
[ LAUGHTER ] AND FINALLY, A 19-YEAR-OLD JUST TRAVELLED NEARLY 2,000 MILES
FROM MAINE TO FLORIDA ON A A UNICYCLE [ AUDIENCE OOHS
AND MUCH LIKE HIS WHEEL, IT'S A PRETTY SAFE BET THAT HE'S SINGLE
YEAH [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW
GIVE IT UP FOR THE ROOTS, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN COME ON.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * >> Jimmy: WHAT A SHOW WE HAVE
FOR YOU TONIGHT. THEY ARE CELEBRATING THEIR FIVE-YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF
CO-ANCHORING "THE TODAY SHOW" TOGETHER, WHICH AIRS EVERY MORNING HERE ON NBC.
SAVANNAH GUTHRIE AND HODA KOTB ARE HERE [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
COME ON! PLUS - >> Steve: OH, COME ON.
>> Jimmy: HE'S ONE OF THE FUNNIEST - >> Steve: FUNNIEST HUMAN ALIVE
>> Jimmy: -- SMARTEST, WITTIEST, WOULD YOU SAY? >> Steve: I WOULD SAY.
QUICKEST >> Jimmy: YEAH HIS NEW SONG "COLIN QUINN:
SMALL TALK" BEGINS PREVIEWS TOMORROW AT THE LUCILLE LORTEL THEATER, HERE IN NEW YORK CITY
COLIN QUINN IS HERE TONIGHT! >> Steve: OH [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: "COLIN QUINN: SMALL TALK." AND WE'VE GOT GREAT MUSIC FROM
MADISON CUNNINGHAM, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. >> Steve: OH
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: MADISON CUNNINGHAM IT IS TIME FOR "TONIGHT SHOW
HASHTAGS." HERE WE GO
HASHTAGS *
>> Jimmy: NOW, WE DO THIS THING EVERY WEEK WHERE I SEND OUT A HASHTAG AND WE ASK YOU GUYS
TO RESPOND TO THAT TOPIC SO, THIS WEEK I SENT OUT THE HASHTAG "THREE WORD
RESOLUTION." AND I ASKED YOU TO TWEET OUT YOUR NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION IN
JUST THREE WORDS WITHIN MINUTES IT WAS A TRENDING TOPIC IN THE U.S.,
SO THANK YOU FOR PLAYING ALONG [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE WE DO IT EVERY WEEK.
THANK YOU, THANK YOU NOW I THOUGHT I'D SHARE SOME OF MY FAVORITE THREE WORD
RESOLUTION TWEETS FROM YOU GUYS HERE WE GO
THIS FIRST ONE IS @2MUCHTODO56 SHE SAYS, "DON'T FLY SOUTHWEST.
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE THIS ONE'S FROM @VIDMAN. HE SAYS, "EAT HEALTHIER CANDY.
WELL, THAT SOUNDS GOOD [ APPLAUSE ] THIS ONE'S FROM
@RYANBARTHOLOMEE HE SAYS, "RELAX AT GYM." THERE YOU GO
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE THIS ONE'S FROM @LB64. SHE SAYS, "WORDLE, FIRST TRY."
AH, RESPECT. [ APPLAUSE ] THIS ONE'S FROM
@DUNDERMIFFLIN84 THEY SAY, "BREAKFAST ICE CREAM.
HEY, NOT BAD [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE I LIKE THAT IDEA
TONIGHT DOUGH. THIS ONE'S FROM @CALLIEGRAYACTS.
SHE SAYS, "'LOSE' ROOMMATE'S CAT. AH, YEAH
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE >> Steve: I DON'T KNOW WHERE IT WENT TO.
>> Jimmy: THIS ONE'S FROM @JULIACOLLINSART SHE SAYS, "FLOSS THY TEETH."
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE >> Steve: "THY"? WHY THE "THY"?
>> Jimmy: WHAT >> Steve: WHY "THY"? >> Jimmy: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING
ABOUT? >> Steve: "FLOSS THY TEETH"? WHAT IS THAT
FORSOOTH >> Jimmy: "FLOSS THY TEETH." >> Steve: YES.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: THIS ONE'S FROM @THEREALOLMUSKY.
HE SAYS, "FIND THY ABS." [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE IT'S A THING, IT'S A THING
>> Steve: THEY KNOW EACH OTHER >> Jimmy: THIS ONE'S FROM @ISLEEYA
>> Steve: OH NO. >> Jimmy: HE SAYS, "LEARN HOW TO COUNT."
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE >> Steve: OH, GET IT >> Jimmy: THIS ONE'S FROM
@ITSLORADIO. SHE SAYS, "START IN FEBRUARY." THAT'S PRETTY GOOD
[ APPLAUSE ] THIS LAST ONE'S FROM @SHANNONMcCREADY
SHE SAYS, "KEEP IT FUNKY!" HEY! >> Steve: YEAH
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: THOSE ARE "TONIGHT SHOW HASHTAGS.
CHECK OUT MORE OF OUR FAVORITES. GO TO TONIGHTSHOW.COM/HASHTAGS
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH "WHAT'S UP DOG?" COME ON BACK
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * >> Jimmy: DOG PLAYS THE PIANO.
>> YEAH. HE PLAYS THE PIANO AND SINGS AT THE SAME TIME.
[ AUDIENCE OHs ] >> Jimmy: IT'S A DOUBLE -- I'VE GOT TO SEE THIS.
>> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY. NOW, I LOVE DOGS, AND I REALLY
LOVE TALENTED DOGS AND WE FOUND SOME TALENTED DOGS THAT WE THINK YOU'RE GOING TO
LOVE IT'S TIME FOR "WHAT'S UP DOG?"
WHAT'S UP DO
WHAT'S UP DOG * >> Jimmy: THIS IS "WHAT'S UP DOG?
THE "TONIGHT SHOW" SHOWCASE FOR TALENTED DOGS. NOW, LET'S SAY WHAT'S UP TO OUR
FIRST DOG. WELCOME. HEY.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE HOW'RE YOU DOING NICE TO SEE YOU.
HEY, BUD, NICE TO SEE YOU. HOW ARE YOU? HELLO -- HI.
HOW'RE YOU DOING NICE TO SEE YOU. WHAT ARE YOUR GUY'S NAMES
FIRST? >> I'M HAILEY. >> I'M NICK.
>> Jimmy: HI HAILEY, NICK. AND YOUR DOG'S NAME? >> THIS IS DARRELL THE DOG
>> Jimmy: HI, DARRELL THE DOG. HI -- HI, DARRELL. NICE TO -- OH, I SEE YOU'RE
WEARING A BOWTIE THAT'S VERY NICE NOW, WHAT IS DARRELL'S TALENT?
>> HE LOVES SPORTS BUT RIGHT NOW, HIS VERY FAVORITE IS HOCKEY
>> Jimmy: HE LOVES HOCKEY. OKAY, INTERESTING. SO, WAIT, HE PLAYS HOCKEY?
>> HE PLAYS HOCKEY >> Jimmy: OH, MY GOSH. ALL RIGHT, THIS IS GOING TO BE
FANTASTIC. OH, WOW, HERE WE GO. ALL RIGHT, SO THERE'S A GOAL
THERE. THERE'S A -- >> GOALIE.
>> Jimmy: THERE'S A GOALIE I THOUGHT IT WAS A SLOTH OKAY, THANK YOU.
>> ALSO THAT, ALSO THAT. >> Jimmy: SO, DARRELL -- SO, WHAT DO WE HAVE TO DO FOR THIS
>> SO, I HAVE MY HANDYMAN OVER HERE >> Jimmy: OKAY, YEP.
>> HE'S GOING TO HELP ME PUT THE BALL DOWN. AND FIRST, HE'S GOING TO GET
HIMSELF READY AND PUMPED-UP. DARRELL. >> Jimmy: OH, WATCH OUT.
HE'S WANDERING OFF [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] HE'S AN ATTACK DOG, EVERYBODY.
DARRELL, COME HERE DARRELL? DARRELL, COME HERE
COME ON, DARRELL >> NOW WE'RE GOING TO GIVE HIM THE STICK.
ARE YOU READY BUD? YES, OH, YOU'RE READY. HE'S READY
AND WE'RE GOING TO GIVE HIM THE STICK. AND HE'S GOING TO GO PLAY
HOCKEY READY, BUD >> Jimmy: OH, DARRELL, GOOD
JOB. >> YES LET'S PLAY HOCKEY.
* [ LAUGHTER ] ALL RIGHT, YES
WE'RE READY. >> Jimmy: NO, NO, THIS IS GOOD YEAH, I LIKE IT.
>> WE'RE READY ALL RIGHT. >> Jimmy: GO FOR IT, DARRELL
>> GO HOCKEY HOCKEY, BUD. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: YOU'RE CLOSE HE'S GETTING IT. >> ALL RIGHT, THIRD TIME'S THE
CHARM. >> Jimmy: NO, HE GOT IT, HE GOT IT
COME ON, DARRELL COME ON, DARRELL MAYBE DON'T USE THE STICK.
>> GO, GO, GO. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: ARE YOU SURE THE DOG
DOES THIS? [ LAUGHTER ] >> READY
AND -- READY >> Jimmy: YEAH >> HOCKEY, BUD
READY? HIT THE BALL HIT THE BALL
>> Jimmy: YEAH, START THERE. >> LET'S START RIGHT THERE >> Jimmy: START THERE, DARRELL
>> READY AND HOCKEY >> Jimmy: YES!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * >> Jimmy: DARRELL!
DARRELL! DARRELL, COME HERE WOW!
HIGH FIVE. HIGH FIVE. OH, THANK YOU.
HE SHOOTS, HE SCORES DARRELL, GOOD JOB. DON'T BE SCARED, DARRELL
YOU'RE OKAY. >> GOOD BOY. >> Jimmy: THANK YOU GUYS VERY
MUCH GREAT JOB, DARRELL [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
BUILD THE SUSPENSE BUILD THE SUSPENSE WELL DONE.
FOR A SECOND THERE, I'M NOT SURE THAT WAS DARRELL'S TALENT BUT YEAH -
[ LAUGHTER ] HE GAVE ME A HIGH FIVE VERY QUICKLY.
LET'S MEET OUR NEXT DOG. HERE WE GO *
WOW. >> HELLO >> Jimmy: NICE TO SEE YOU.
WHAT'S YOUR NAME >> MY NAME IS KELLY. >> Jimmy: HEY KELLY.
WHAT'S THE DOG'S NAME? >> THIS IS ZAIN. >> Jimmy: HI ZAIN.
OH, YEAH, OH YEAH. OH, WOW, WOW, WOW. NOW, ZAIN IS VERY CUTE
WHAT DOES ZAIN DO? >> ZAIN IS GOING TO ACHIEVE EVERY DOG'S DREAM.
HE'S GOING TO CHASE HIS TAIL AND CATCH IT [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: CHASE HIS TAIL AND CATCHES IT >> AND CATCH HIS OWN TAIL.
>> Jimmy: NO, ZAIN - >> CAN YOU SIT >> Jimmy: WHAT'S HAPPENING
>> CAN YOU WAVE HELLO? WAVE HELLO WAVE HELLO
[ AWWs AND APPLAUSE GOOD BOY GOOD BOY
GOOD >> Jimmy: THAT'S VERY CUTE I'LL LET YOU TAKE IT FROM HERE
>> DOWN. ZAIN, ARE YOU SHY? ARE YOU SHY?
[ AWWs AND APPLAUSE IT'S OKAY. YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE SHY
CAN YOU GET YOUR TAIL? >> Jimmy: YES! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT
RIGHT THERE. ZAIN, WELL DONE! >> GOOD JOB.
>> Jimmy: THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR BEING HERE >> YEAH, THANK YOU
>> Jimmy: GOOD JOB, ZAIN THAT WAS GREAT THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
NOT TOO SHABBY * NOW IT'S TIME TO MEET OUR LAST
DOG. COME ON OVER HERE. HELLO.
NICE TO SEE YOU. * NICE TO SEE YOU.
WHAT IS YOUR NAME? >> MY NAME IS GLEN WOLFE >> Jimmy: HEY, GLEN.
WHAT IS YOUR DOG'S NAME. >> BUDDY MERCURY [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: BUDDY MERCURY IS HERE OH, MY GOD
HEY, BUDDY NICE TO SEE YOU. HOW ARE YOU?
OH, WOW. HI, BUDDY. NICE TO SEE YOU.
HOW OLD IS BUDDY >> HE'S ABOUT EIGHT. >> Jimmy: EIGHT YEARS OLD.
WHEN DID YOU REALIZE HE, BUDDY HAD THIS TALENT? >> ABOUT FIVE OR SIX YEARS AGO
>> Jimmy: YEAH SO, IT'S A GOOD BIT. FIVE OR SIX YEARS AGO.
I'M ASSUMING THE DOG PLAYS THE PIANO. >> YEAH.
HE PLAYS THE PIANO AND SINGS AT THE SAME TIME. [ AUDIENCE OHs ]
>> Jimmy: IT'S A DOUBLE -- I'VE GOT TO SEE THIS. [ APPLAUSE ]
NOW WE'RE TALKING. THIS IS IT WHENEVER YOU'RE READY, I'D LIKE
TO SEE IT. THANK YOU, GLEN. *
>> COME ON, GOOD BOY [ APPLAUSE ] >> Jimmy: VERY SHORT SONG.
* [ DOG HOWLS [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: GOOD DOG GOOD DOG THAT'S A GREAT JOB
THAT WAS FANTASTIC, BUDDY! OH, HEY, COME ON OVER HERE, BUDDY.
* THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE
GUYS, IF YOU HAVE A DOG WITH A A FUN TALENT, I WANT TO SEE IT SUBMIT A VIDEO OF YOUR DOG TO
WHATSUPDOG@TONIGHTSHOW.COM STICK AROUND WE'LL BE BACK WITH
SAVANNAH GUTHRIE AND HODA KOTB COME ON BACK GREAT JOB!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * >> I TOOK MY TWO GIRLS, HALEY
AND HOPE, TO UNIVERSAL >> Jimmy: THEY'RE THE CUTEST KIDS
>> FIRST OF ALL, THEY MET YOU HERE >> Jimmy: YEAH
>> AND THEY ADORE YOU. SO, WHEN WE WERE WALKING AROUND, I GO, "LOOK, THERE'S A
A JIMMY FALLON RIDE. JIMMY, SHE WAS TERRIFIED SHE KEPT GOING, "WHERE'S JIMMY,
WHERE'S JIMMY? NO GET ME OUT, GET ME OUT, GET ME
OUT! [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
CELEBRATING THEIR FIVE-YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF CO-ANCHORING "THE TODAY SHOW," WHICH AIRS
EVERY MORNING HERE ON NBC. PLEASE WELCOME SAVANNAH GUTHRIE AND HODA KOTB!
* * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> HI, HI, HI. >> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK >> JIMMY
>> Jimmy: LOOK AT YOU. YOU'RE THE HARDEST WORKING PEOPLE IN SHOW BUSINESS.
>> OH, STOP IT YOU ARE. >> Jimmy: YOU START THE NETWORK
IN THE MORNING - >> WE OPENED IT. >> Jimmy: AND YOU'RE CLOSING -
>> WE'RE SHUTTING IT DOWN. >> Jimmy: SHUTTING IT DOWN WITH "THE TONIGHT SHOW.
COME ON. >> COME ON >> Jimmy: THANK YOU AGAIN FOR
COMING BACK. >> WE LOVE YOU >> Jimmy: I ALWAYS LOVE SEEING
YOU. I WATCH YOU EVERY SINGLE DAY YOU FINALLY GOT A LITTLE TIME
OFF DURING THE HOLIDAYS. >> WE DID. >> Jimmy: A LITTLE BREAK
>> OH, MY GOD. >> Jimmy: WHAT'D YOU DO? >> OKAY, SO JIMMY, I TOOK MY
TWO GIRLS, HALEY AND HOPE, TO UNIVERSAL. >> Jimmy: THEY'RE THE CUTEST
KIDS >> FIRST OF ALL, THEY MET YOU HERE -
>> Jimmy: YEAH >> -- AND THEY ADORE YOU SO, WHEN WE'RE WALKING AROUND,
"I GO, LOOK, THERE'S A A JIMMY FALLON RIDE. >> Jimmy: I HAVE MY OWN RIDE
>> WAIT, YOU HAVE YOUR OWN -- HAVE YOU ALL EVER BEEN ON IT [ AUDIENCE ANSWERS ]
IT'S -- OKAY, IT'S REALLY FUN. SO, MY 3-YEAR-OLD PUT THE GLASSES ON, YOU GET LOCKED IN.
IT'S LIKE YOU'RE IN "THE TONIGHT SHOW." JIMMY -- SHE WAS TERRIFIED
SHE IS LIKE SCARRED. >> Jimmy: I DON'T THINK SHE CAN DO THAT.
>> SHE LOVED YOU - >> Jimmy: SHE'S TOO YOUNG. >> BUT NOW -- YEAH, SHE JUST -
>> DID SHE THROW UP? >> SHE JUST MADE THE HEIGHT. SHE DIDN'T THROW UP.
>> Jimmy: DID SHE UNDERSTAND WHAT WAS HAPPENING >> JIMMY, SHE WAS TERRIFIED.
SHE KEPT GOING, "WHERE'S JIMMY WHERE'S JIMMY? NO
GET ME OUT, GET ME OUT, GET ME OUT! AND YOU CAN'T GET OUT ONCE
YOU'RE IN. >> Jimmy: JUST LIKE "THE TONIGHT SHOW."
YEAH, THEY'RE ALL STRAPPED IN. [ LAUGHTER ] THEY'RE NOT ALLOWED TO LEAVE
>> BY THE WAY, IT WAS SUPER FUN. BUT SHE WAS WAY TOO LITTLE
>> Jimmy: OH, MY GOSH. >> BUT YOU HAVE TO, LIKE, COME AND HUG HER.
>> Jimmy: ALL RIGHT. NEXT TIME, BRING HER OVER. YEAH, I'LL COME BY AND SEE YOU
YOU HAVE A BIRTHDAY AROUND CHRISTMAS. >> YES, I DO
THE COVETED TWO DAYS AFTER CHRISTMAS BIRTHDAY WHEN EVERYBODY WAS REALLY IN
THE MOOD TO CELEBRATE. [ LAUGHTER ] AND ALSO, I TURNED 51.
>> Jimmy: OH, MY GOSH. HAPPY BIRTHDAY >> WHICH IS SO NOT EXCITING.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: YES! COME ON.
>> IT IS EXCITING. >> BUT MY LITTLE BOY ASKED ME LITERALLY THE OTHER DAY --
YOU KNOW HOW WHEN THEY'RE LITTLE, THEY'RE LIKE, THEY HAVE THE 4-YEAR-OLD VISIT, THE
5-YEAR-OLD VISIT MY LITTLE BOY GOES, "MOMMY, DID YOU HAVE YOUR 51-YEAR-OLD
VISIT? >> Jimmy: OH, NO >> I KNOW.
AND I WAS LIKE, "YEAH, THEY WEIGHED AND MEASURED ME. I GOT THE SHINGLES VACCINE."
YEAH, SO, WE DID THAT. AND IT WAS FUN >> Jimmy: IT WAS FUN -
>> YEAH. >> Jimmy: DID YOU GET ANY GOOD GIFTS?
>> YOU KNOW WHAT THE CUTEST THING IS THE KIDS ACTUALLY WROTE DOWN
WHAT THEY LIKED ABOUT ME WHICH IS REALLY -- >> OH, MY --
>> Jimmy: ARE YOU JOKING >> I KNOW. I KNOW
AND I THINK THEY WERE, LIKE, YOU KNOW, PROMPTED TO DO THAT. BUT MY LITTLE BOY SAID I
SMELLED GOOD >> Jimmy: HEY. >> YES
AND MY DAUGHTER SAID, SHE ACTS LIKE A LITTLE GIRL AND THAT I SING, BUT BADLY.
>> Jimmy: NO >> YES >> Jimmy: STILL, YOU TAKE IT
>> I KNOW. IT WAS GOOD. >> Jimmy: THAT'S SO CUTE
>> YEAH. >> Jimmy: COME ON. BEFORE WE TALK ABOUT THE FIVE
YEARS, I WANT TO TALK ABOUT YOUR NEW PODCAST TALK TO ME ABOUT THIS.
"MAKING SPACE. >> BY THE WAY, I LOVE THIS PODCAST, JIMMY
THERE ARE CERTAIN THINGS YOU DO AND YOU'RE CRAZY ABOUT THIS WHOLE -- THIS PODCAST IS
ALL KIND OF INSPIRATIONAL LEADERS AND TEACHERS SO -
>> Jimmy: YOU LOVE -- YOU'RE GOOD AT -- YOU LOVE THAT >> I'M SO -- I'M SO IN
I FEEL LIKE IF I WASN'T DOING THE PODCAST, LIKE, I WOULD BE LISTENING TO IT.
BUT WE HAD THIS LADY ON NAMED MEL ROBBINS, WHO'S A VERY, LIKE, SHE'S A MOTIVATIONAL
SPEAKER. >> Jimmy: YEAH >> AND SHE WAS SAYING TO -- SHE
WAS SAYING, "LOOK, IN THE NEW YEAR, YOU SHOULD DO -- YOU CAN START OFF BY THIS RESOLUTION."
SHE SAID, "THE VERY FIRST DECISION YOU MAKE EVERY MORNING WHEN YOU WAKE UP, THE VERY,
VERY FIRST DECISION WHEN YOUR ALARM GOES OFF, IS YOU'RE GOING TO DECIDE WHETHER OR NOT YOU'RE
GOING TO PROCRASTINATE TO START YOUR DAY OR YOU'RE GOING TOHOP UP."
SHE SAID, "THE VERY FIRST DECISION YOU MAKE IN THE MORNING, NEVER EVER HIT SNOOZE
FEET ON THE FLOOR, GET UP, GET TO THE SHOWER RIGHT AWAY MAKE YOUR BED RIGHT AWAY
AND SHE SAID, ONCE YOU DO THOSE THINGS - >> Jimmy: I DON'T KNOW
>> ONCE YOU DO THOSE - >> Jimmy: I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THIS
>> JIMMY, THAT MEANS THE WHOLE -- >> Jimmy: I MIGHT DO THE FIRST
ONE. BUT I CAN'T DO BOTH THINGS >> THAT'S TOO MUCH
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: FEELS LIKE I'M IN THE --
>> IT'S A LOT. >> Jimmy: YEAH, THE ARMED FORCES
I WANT TO TALK ABOUT "TODAY. >> UH-HUH. >> Jimmy: OKAY
THIS IS -- THIS IS A LANDMARK SHOW, OBVIOUSLY, ONE OF THE -- "TONIGHT SHOW," "TODAY SHOW.
RECENTLY WE LOST A LEGEND, JOURNALIST BARBARA WALTERS, WHO WAS ON "THE TODAY SHOW" FOR
15 YEARS WHAT DID HER LEGACY LEAVE BEHIND
WHAT DOES SHE MEAN TO YOU GUYS >> I THINK SHE SAID IT BEST WHEN WE, A FEW YEARS AGO, WHEN
SHE RETIRED FROM THE VIEW. THEY INVITED NEWS WOMEN PAST AND PRESENT.
AND EVERYONE WALKED OUT AND SURPRISED HER. AND, I MEAN, EVERYBODY WAS
THERE. OPRAH WAS THERE, EVERYONE. AND BARBARA LOOKED AROUND, AND
SHE SAID, YOU GUYS ARE MY LEGACY >> YEAH.
>> AND I THINK WE KNOW THAT THAT IS TRUE I MEAN, AT "THE TODAY SHOW" IN
PARTICULAR, WE'RE NOT HERE WITHOUT BARBARA WALTERS KNOCKING DOWN THAT DOOR.
AND DOING IT WHEN THERE WAS NO PRECEDENT. THERE WAS NO EXAMPLE
THERE WAS NO REPRESENTATION OF -- OF THAT PATH SHE DID IT
SHE BLAZED THE TRAIL LIKE A PIONEER. >> WE ARE ABLE TO SIT AND HAVE
TWO WOMEN ANCHORING TOGETHER, WHICH IS NOW TOTALLY NORMAL, BECAUSE OF WHAT BARBARA DID.
>> Jimmy: BUT WHAT DID -- YEAH, YOU SAY BARBARA WALTERS -- YEAH, OF COURSE.
SHE WAS A TRAILBLAZER. BUT THINK ABOUT THAT THAT'S FIVE YEARS OF DOING THIS
TOGETHER WHEN YOU FIRST WERE SAT TOGETHER AND YOU OPENED "THE
TODAY SHOW," - >> YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. >> Jimmy: -- DID IT FEEL LIKE
A MOMENT TO YOU? >> IT FELT LIKE A MOMENT, BUT NOT BECAUSE IT WAS TWO WOMEN
IT WAS BECAUSE IT WAS US >> YEAH. >> YOU KNOW, IT WAS -- WE
LITERALLY HELD HANDS AND SAID, LET'S DO THIS. >> LET'S GO.
YOU KNOW, AND IT WAS JUST -- >> Jimmy: BUT IT WAS A MOMENT FOR WOMEN, I WOULD THINK
>> I THINK IT WAS. WE DIDN'T REALIZE IT, BECAUSE I REMEMBER I WENT TO A SOUL CYCLE
SPIN CLASS AND I WALKED IN SHORTLY AFTER SAVANNAH AND I HAD STARTED
AND I SAT IN THE SAME SEAT I ALWAYS SAT IN IN SUE'S SOUL CYCLE CLASS.
AND I SAT IN MY CHAIR, AND PEOPLE STARTED CLAPPING. AND I WAS LIKE, OH, MY GOD,
SOMEONE HAS A BIRTHDAY YOU KNOW HOW THEY DO >> Jimmy: YEAH, THE BIG CLAP,
THEY ROOT FOR EACH OTHER YOU GO >> YOU GOT IT, YEAH.
>> Jimmy: YOU GOT IT >> 50 LOOKS GOOD ANYWAY
AND AS I WAS SITTING, I WAS LOOKING AROUND AND THEY WERE LOOKING AT ME.
AND I SAID -- I GO, WHAT'S GOING ON THEY GO, WHAT YOU AND SAVANNAH
DID TODAY. IT WAS BIG IT WAS BIG
AND I TOLD SAVANNAH, I SAID, "OH, MY GOD, IT MATTERED." LIKE, WE DIDN'T REALIZE, I
THINK, IN THE MOMENT, THAT IT DID, AND NOW - >> Jimmy: HAVE YOU SEEN THINGS
CHANGE SINCE YOU'VE STARTED? >> YOU KNOW, ONE THING THAT WE NOTICED A LOT, IS IN LOCAL
NEWS -- WHICH WE CAME UP IN LOCAL NEWS -- YOU KNOW, IF SOMEBODY WAS GONE, AND YOU
NEEDED A SUB, IT WAS ALWAYS A GUY AND A GIRL >> YEAH, YEAH.
>> IT WAS ALWAYS A MAN AND A A WOMAN. IT WAS LIKE DINA AND TODD.
OR WHOEVER AND WHOEVER >> YEAH. >> THEY WOULD NEVER PUT TWO
WOMEN -- THEY WOULD NEVER SAY, "OH, TODD'S OFF TONIGHT. HODA CAN YOU FILL IN
SAVANNAH?" NO WE CAN'T HAVE TWO WOMEN.
>> Jimmy: TWO WOMEN. >> NOW, WE NOTICE, BECAUSE WE DO ALL THESE AFFILIATE CROSS
TAGS AND WE SEE IT IN LOCAL NEWS ALL THE TIME
THERE ARE A LOT OF FEMALE PARTNERSHIPS >> YEAH.
>> SO, I DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S - >> WHY NOT
>> -- PROBABLY NOT BECAUSE OF US, BUT NOW IT'S JUST MORE NORMAL
AND I THINK THAT'S REALLY COOL >> Jimmy: I THINK IT IS BECAUSE OF YOU GUYS, YEAH.
>> TODD SHOULDN'T HAVE TAKEN ALL THAT TIME OFF. >> Jimmy: NO, EXACTLY RIGHT,
YEAH >> AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE IS REALLY COOL?
>> Jimmy: YEAH >> GUESS WHO'S COMING BACK TOMORROW, JIMMY, ON OUR SHOW
>> Jimmy: AL >> GUESS WHO'S COMING BACK >> Jimmy: AL ROKER
>> YES >> Jimmy: AL ROKER'S BACK? [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
WE LOVE YOU, AL. NO, NO, NO I'M GOING TO LOSE IT
I LOVE -- I'M GOING TO LOSE IT I LOVE THAT GUY SO MUCH. >> YOU SENT HIM SUCH COOL
VIDEOS WHEN HE WAS IN THE HOSPITAL >> Jimmy: HE'S SUCH A GOOD GUY
I CAN'T WAIT ALL RIGHT. GOOD
I'LL TRY TO WATCH -- I'LL COME IN TOMORROW EARLY JUST TO SAY HI TO HIM.
>> NO, YOU WILL NOT. >> YOU'LL HAVE TO WAKE UP IN THE MORNING HOURS.
>> Jimmy: I WON'T HIT SNOOZE YEAH, EXACTLY. BUT REALLY, I WANTED TO THANK
YOU FOR COMING ON THE SHOW AGAIN, BUT ALSO THANK YOU FOR WHAT YOU'RE DOING AND WHAT
YOU'VE DONE. FIVE YEARS, THIS IS MASSIVE WHAT YOU'RE DOING.
AND YOU'RE THE BEST. I WATCH YOU EVERY MORNING. YOU'RE THE GREATEST.
THANK YOU, GUYS, SO MUCH >> JIMMY, WE LOVE YOU. WE LOVE YOU.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: SAVANNAH GUTHRIE, HODA KOTB, NO ONE BETTER, RIGHT
HERE ON "THE TODAY SHOW" ON NBC. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH
COLIN QUINN, EVERYBODY STICK AROUND [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* >> Jimmy: OUR NEXT GUEST IS A VERY FUNNY COMEDIAN AND
WRITER, WHOSE NEW SHOW, "COLIN QUINN: SMALL TALK" BEGINS PREVIEWS AT THE
LUCILLE LORTEL THEATER FOR LIMITED ENGAGEMENT EVERYONE, PLEASE WELCOME
COLIN QUINN!
* >> Jimmy: COME ON NOW.
OH, MY GOODNESS. COME ON. RETURNING -- RETURNING TO THE
STAGE. >> YES, COMEDIAN AND WRITER. I LIKE THAT.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, ME TOO >> I GUESS MY PEOPLE SAID, "THROW IN WRITER, SO PEOPLE
WILL BE LIKE, HE'S -- OH." >> Jimmy: THIS IS EXCITING YOU ON THE STAGE
YOU'RE THE NEW "FUNNY GIRL." YOU'RE REPLACING LEA MICHELE IN "FUNNY GIRL.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] THAT'S WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT.
THIS IS "SMALL TALK. >> YEAH. >> Jimmy: ARE YOU -- I'M TRYING
TO THINK DO YOU LIKE SMALL TALK >> I LOVE SMALL TALK
I'M GREAT AT -- MY WHOLE LIFE, I TALK TO EVERYBODY. YOU -- I MEAN, I FEEL LIKE
YOU'RE KIND OF LIKE THAT TOO, LIKE A FRIENDLY TYPE PERSON. I GO IN THE STORE, YOU KNOW,
YOU HAVE A LITTLE CONVERSATION LITTLE -- "YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?"
SHOULDN'T -- [ LAUGHTER ] "LITTLE TOO MUCH ON THE
HOLIDAYS I ATE TOO MUCH." A LITTLE BONDING MOMENT.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, YOU DO THOSE THINGS YOU THROW LITTLE BONDING
MOMENTS. >> I FEEL LIKE YOU DO THAT TOO WITH PEOPLE?
>> Jimmy: I DO A LITTLE BIT. >> DON'T SOUND DEFENSIVE IT'S A POSITIVE QUALITY.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: DEFENSIVE? >> YOU DID
HIS VOICE GOES, "I DO. >> Jimmy: NO >> YOUR VOICE WENT UP LIKE,
"HEY." >> Jimmy: YOU KNOW WHAT I KEEP THINKING OF?
>> WHAT? >> Jimmy: DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN WE WERE BACK ON "SATURDAY NIGHT
LIVE," YOU WERE ALWAYS VERY NICE TO ME, BY THE WAY I CONSIDER YOU THE WHOLE REASON
I HAVE THE SHOW IS BECAUSE YOU >> WHAT? [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: ANYWAYS, DO YOU REMEMBER - YOU KNOW WHAT I WAS THINKING
DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN - >> I DIDN'T WANNA BELIEVE IT >> Jimmy: YEAH, NO, I DID.
BUT, WHEN WE WOULD GO GET TEA AT, LIKE, 2:00 IN THE MORNING. >> YES, EXACTLY.
>> Jimmy: THIS DELI AT THIS BODEGA >> THE BODEGA.
THAT GUY WAS AN OLYMPIC JUDO CHAMPION, ACCORDING TO HIM I'M SURE HE COULD JUST SAY IT.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: HOW DO YOU KNOW ALL THIS ABOUT THIS GUY?
>> FROM SMALL TALKING. >> Jimmy: SMALL TALK BUT I REMEMBER WE WERE GOING
AND SOMEBODY YELLS - BECAUSE WALKING WITH COLIN QUINN IN NEW YORK CITY IS
LIKE THE MAYOR "COLIN, COLIN QUINN. COME ON BACK TO BROOKLYN, MAN.
>> IT'S LIKE A BAD COMMERCIAL. LIKE, "HEY, PAL. >> Jimmy: I REMEMBER THE GUY
GOES, "YO, COLIN, COME HERE. AND YOU GO, "YOU COME HERE." [ LAUGHTER ]
>> YEAH, BECAUSE THAT WAS, LIKE, A POWER MOVE GUYS LIKE, "HEY, COLIN."
HE WASN'T DO ANYTHING THAT COULDN'T BE -- HE'S LIKE CALLING ME OVER.
WHY ARE YOU TAKING HIS SIDE? YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW THE GUY? [ LAUGHTER ]
YOU SOUND LIKE A REAL LOON CALL ME OVER YOU DON'T CALL ME OVER HERE.
>> Jimmy: YOU GO, "YOU COME OVER HERE. YEAH, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"
BUT HERE'S THE THING ABOUT "SMALL TALK. IT'S -
[ LAUGHTER ] IS THAT -- IT IS IT'S ABOUT BEING FRIENDLY.
AND IT'S SO FUNNY TO ME BECAUSE ONE OF THE CRITICISMS YOU ALWAYS HEAR IS, "OH, JIMMY'S SO
ENTHUSIASTIC SO FRIENDLY WITH HIS GUESTS. IT'S LIKE, "YEAH, WHAT IS HE
SUPPOSED TO -- HE BRINGS 'EM OUT, 'HEY, I HEARD YOUR NEW MOVIE.
SOUNDS LIKE IT SUCKS.' YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: I CAN'T DO THAT. >> NO, YOU CAN'T GOTTA YOU'RE NICE.
>> Jimmy: NO, EXACTLY, YEAH. WITHOUT MOVIES AND TV, I WOULDN'T HAVE A SHOW
>> EXACTLY >> Jimmy: I WANT THEM ALL TO WORK
>> PEOPLE THINK SULLEN IS SO HIP. WELL, GUESS WHAT
I DON'T BUY IT MUSICIANS ARE DIFFERENT. YOU'RE ALLOWED TO BE SULLEN.
DIFFERENT VIBE I'M TALKING ABOUT IN COMEDY. >> Jimmy: I'M TALKING ABOUT
THIS GUY I'M TALKING ABOUT "SMALL TALK. I'M ALSO TALKING ABOUT THIS
GUY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE >> Jimmy: DUDE, WHAT
WHAT IN THE WORLD? WHO IS THIS? WHO IS THIS?
>> GIVE ME A BREAK >> Jimmy: WHO IS THIS? WHAT PORNO IS THIS FROM?
[ LAUGHTER ] >> I WAS HUNG OVER >> Jimmy: A CALENDAR
YOU'RE VERY GOOD LOOKING >> YOU SEE THE NEW CHIPPENDALES SHOW
>> Jimmy: YOU'RE A VERY GOOD LOOKING GUY. YOU'RE A VERY GOOD LOOKING GUY
>> I REALLY WAS. THAT WAS A GREAT PICTURE THE GUY WAS JUST A HUNGOVER
FRIEND OF MINE HE HAD A CAMERA AND TOOK A A PICTURE.
THEY NEEDED PICTURES IN THOSE DAYS YOU GO OUT, AND YOU HAND AROUND
YOUR PICTURES. >> Jimmy: OF COURSE. >> YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
>> Jimmy: FORGET AUDITIONS AND STUFF LIKE THAT. >> STUFF LIKE THAT
>> Jimmy: ANY BIG MOVIES YOU EVER AUDITIONED FOR THAT YOU DIDN'T GET
>> WELL, TOM CRUISE, "COCKTAIL. WHICH, YOU SEE THAT PICTURE --
I DON'T KNOW HOW I COULDN'T GET IT [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
I AUDITIONED FOR "COCKTAIL", BUT I DID -- I WAS A BARTENDER SO I WAS LIKE, "I'M GOING TO DO
A LITTLE STAGE BUSINESS. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN SO, I SHOW UP AT THE AUDITION,
I MET TOM CRUISE KIND OF -- I WAS STAR STRUCK A A LITTLE BIT
YOU KNOW, TOM CRUISE, I DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS GOING TO BE THERE. >> Jimmy: YEAH
>> SO, I START DOING THE THING WHERE I'M THE OTHER BARTENDER, IF YOU SAW THE MOVIE
NOBODY DID IT WAS A HORRIBLE MOVIE. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: IT WAS A GOOD MOVIE. >> IT'S ONE OF THE WORST MOVIES OF ALL TIME.
PEOPLE WRITE ABOUT YOU, "YOU'RE TOO ENTHUSIASTIC." [ LAUGHTER ]
>> Jimmy: THEY CAN'T SAY THAT TO ME. I LIKE THAT.
THE HIPPY HIPPY SHAKE. >> OH, THE WORST [ LAUGHTER ]
I AUDTIONED FOR THE BARTENDER. I DIDN'T KNOW, THE BARTENDER, THE FIX IS IN AND ALL THESE
THINGS I GET YOU HAVE TO SHOW UP FOR THE AUDITION, BUT I SHOW UP --
>> Jimmy: FIX IS IN. >> FIX IS IN AND I START DOING, LIKE,
PANTOMIME BARTENDING I USED TO BE A BARTENDER, SO - >> Jimmy: OH MY GOSH
>> I'M LIKE THIS - >> Jimmy: IS TOM CRUISE THERE? >> YEAH.
I SUCKED THE ENERGY OUT OF THE ROOM SO BAD. [ LAUGHTER ]
BECAUSE I WAS ALWAYS -- I WAS A TERRIBLE ACTOR, AND I WAS ALSO DOING, LIKE, MIME,
PRETENDING TO BARTEND. AND I WAS MAKING DRINKS. LIKE, JUST STRAINING THEM.
>> Jimmy: GET OUT OF HERE, DUDE YOU WERE STRAINING DRINKS?
>> OH, YEAH. YOU SHOULD'VE SEEN -- THEY COULDN'T WAIT FOR IT TO END.
IT WAS JUST SO HORRIBLE. >> Jimmy: THAT'S SO FUNNY. >> I DID WHAT NOBODY COULD DO.
I WIPED THE SMILE OFF TOM CRUISE'S FACE. [ LAUGHTER ]
BECAUSE HE CAME IN - >> Jimmy: HE WAS LIKE, THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
HE'S WASTING MY TIME >> HE'S ALL SMILING. CHARMING GUY, YOU KNOW
HE GOES, "OKAY, THANKS, MAN. [ LAUGHTER ] NOBODY CALLS YOU "MAN" IN AN
AUDITION IT'S USUALLY, THEY DON'T LIKE YOU.
>> Jimmy: YEAH, YEAH YOU WERE ALMOST IN A MOVIE WITH MIKE MYERS -- OFFERED YOU
A ROLE >> THAT WAS A FAMOUS ONE, YEAH I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE IN
"AUSTIN POWERS." BUT HE CALLED ME UP AND LITERALLY SAID, "YOU GOT THE
PART." AND I GO, "NO, MIKE, I DON'T WANT THE PART.
FOR NO REASON. >> I WAS GOING TO BE SCOTT EVIL, THE SON.
'CAUSE SAW ME ON -- HE SAW ME ON "LARRY SANDERS," AND HE WAS LIKE, "DO WHAT YOU DID WITH
RIP TORN BE THE SON." ALL THREE OF THEM.
>> Jimmy: YOU DON'T WANT TO BE IN THAT. YOU WOULDN'T HAVE WANTED TO DO
THAT >> EXACTLY >> Jimmy: LOOK AT WHAT YOU'RE
DOING NOW. >> WHY BE IN A FRANCHISE OF MOVIES
>> Jimmy: THEN EVERYONE'S YELLING, "SCOTT EVIL," WHEN YOU CROSS THE STREET
>> YEAH. >> Jimmy: NOW, THEY'RE LIKE, "COLIN QUINN, WHAT'S UP.
SMALL TALK." >> "SCOTT EVIL COME OVER HERE. "YOU COME HERE."
>> Jimmy: "NO, YOU COME HERE, BUDDY. YEAH, EXACTLY.
I THINK YOU MADE THE RIGHT MOVE >> OH, THANKS.
>> Jimmy: 'CAUSE I THINK THIS MAN WILL BE PROUD OF WHAT YOU'RE DOING
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE COLIN QUINN. "SMALL TALK" PREMIERES -- THE
PREVIEWS START TOMORROW AT THE LUCILLE LORTEL THEATER HERE IN NEW YORK CITY.
THE ONE AND ONLY WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A A PERFORMANCE FROM
MADISON CUNNINGHAM STICK AROUND, EVERYBODY. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* >> Jimmy: OUR NEXT GUESTS EARNED TWO GRAMMY NOMINATIONS
FOR BEST FOLK ALBUM AND BEST AMERICAN ROOTS PERFORMANCE PERFORMING "LIFE ACCORDING TO
RAECHEL" FROM HER ALBUM, "REVEALER. HERE'S MADISON CUNNINGHAM.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
* ONCE YOUR GIR I'M ALWAYS YOUR GIRL
WHEN I'M HERE OR WHEN I'M THERE * * OR ON A PLANE HEADE
SOMEWHERE YOU WERE STARING DOWN THE CARS * * HOPING IT WOULD
BE ONE OF OURS CHILDREN AND GRANDCHILDREN * * WRITING YOU CARDS
BUT HOW LONG WER YOU WAITING FOR ME * * TO MAKE A LEF
DOWN YOUR STREET IT'S NOT IF DARLING * * IT'S WHEN WAS THERE
SOMETHING LEFT UNSAI WERE YOUR EYES GREEN * * WERE THEY BLU
WHAT WAS IT THAT I FORGOT TO ASK YOU * * BUSY HANDS I'LL SET 'EM
DOWN TO SAY I LOVE YOU RIGHT OUT LOUD * * I'LL BET YOU'RE MAKIN
HEAVEN LAUGH BUT IT FEEL LIKE TEARS AND MEMORIE ARE ALL WE HAVE *
* * ONCE I KNEW I I WAS ALWAYS A KNOW IT ALL *
* TOO BUSY TOO STRESSED OUT TO TAKE YOUR CAL YOU THOUGHT I WOULD ALWAYS *
* FIND YOU THER SITTING IN YOUR TV CHAIR WHILE TIME IS IN A BAR *
* HAVING A LAUGH SOMEWHER THE NURSE SAID YOU WERE WAITING FOR ME *
* TO LET GO TO LET IT B IT'S NOT IF DARLING IT'S WHEN THERE'S ALWAYS *
* SOMETHING LEFT UNSAID WERE YOUR EYES GREEN WERE THEY BLUE *
* WHAT WAS IT THAT FORGOT TO ASK YO BUSY HANDS I'LL *
* SET 'EM DOW SAY I LOVE YOU HERE NO I BET YOU'RE MAKIN
HEAVE LAUGH BUT IT FEELS * * LIKE TEARS AND MEMEORIE ARE ALL WE HAV
ONCE YOUR GIRL I'M ALWAYS YOUR GIRL * [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
>> Jimmy: OH, GOD, THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL. FANTASTIC.
OH, MY GOSH. MADISON CUNNINGHAM [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
MADISON CUNNINGHAM "REVEALER" IS OUT NOW. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK, EVERYBODY
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE * >> Jimmy: MY THANKS TO
SAVANNAH GUTHRIE, HODA KOTB, COLIN QUINN, MADISON CUNNINGHAM, ONCE AGAIN
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE THAT WAS UNBELIEVABLE. AND THE ROOTS, RIGHT THERE,
FROM PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THANK YOU
FOR WATCHING STAY TUNED FOR "LATE NIGHT WITH SETH MEYERS.
GOODNIGHT, EVERYBODY [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE