1
00:00:07,006 --> 00:00:08,739
Okay,
so, I'm just your standard,
2
00:00:08,741 --> 00:00:10,774
Regular ol'
incredibly handsome,
3
00:00:10,776 --> 00:00:13,477
Unbelievably charismatic
black dude.
4
00:00:13,479 --> 00:00:15,312
Now, this drooling,
pigment-challenged,
5
00:00:15,314 --> 00:00:17,547
Mixed-race woman
is my wife, rainbow.
6
00:00:17,549 --> 00:00:21,018
And, despite what she looks
like right now, she's a doctor.
7
00:00:21,020 --> 00:00:22,753
We're lucky.
8
00:00:22,755 --> 00:00:26,356
We've got a great house,
four great kids, and my pops.
9
00:00:26,358 --> 00:00:28,458
It's a far cry
from where it all began.
10
00:00:28,460 --> 00:00:31,161
That's why I promised my
parents I'd get an education,
11
00:00:31,163 --> 00:00:33,263
Graduate,
and get myself out of there.
12
00:00:33,265 --> 00:00:34,765
I guess for a kid
from the hood,
13
00:00:34,767 --> 00:00:36,533
I'm living the american dream.
14
00:00:36,535 --> 00:00:39,703
The only problem is,
whatever american
15
00:00:39,705 --> 00:00:41,738
Had this dream
probably wasn't where I'm from.
16
00:00:41,740 --> 00:00:44,107
And if he was,
he should've mentioned the part
17
00:00:44,109 --> 00:00:46,109
About how when brothers
start getting a little money,
18
00:00:46,111 --> 00:00:47,778
Stuff starts getting
a little weird --
19
00:00:47,780 --> 00:00:49,346
Like in my neighborhood.
20
00:00:49,348 --> 00:00:52,182
Sometimes I feel like
a bit of an oddity.
21
00:00:52,184 --> 00:00:54,584
And if you look to your left,
22
00:00:54,586 --> 00:00:58,522
You'll see the mythical
and majestic black family
23
00:00:58,524 --> 00:01:02,259
Out of their natural habitat
and yet still thriving.
24
00:01:02,261 --> 00:01:04,494
Go ahead and wave.
They'll wave right back.
25
00:01:04,496 --> 00:01:06,563
They're smiling. Hi. Hello.
- The little ones are cute.
26
00:01:06,565 --> 00:01:08,732
They're just --
just amazing.
27
00:01:08,734 --> 00:01:11,101
Sometimes I worry that,
in an effort to make it,
28
00:01:11,103 --> 00:01:14,071
Black folks have dropped
a little bit of their culture
29
00:01:14,073 --> 00:01:15,672
And the rest of the world
has picked it up.
30
00:01:15,674 --> 00:01:17,107
They even renamed it "urban."
31
00:01:17,109 --> 00:01:19,076
And in the "urban" world,
32
00:01:19,078 --> 00:01:21,678
Justin timberlake
and robin thicke are r&b gods,
33
00:01:21,680 --> 00:01:24,748
Kim kardashian's the symbol
for big butts,
34
00:01:24,750 --> 00:01:28,218
And asian guys are just
unholdable on the dance floor.
35
00:01:28,220 --> 00:01:31,555
Come on! Big butts?
R&b and dancing?
36
00:01:31,557 --> 00:01:33,857
Those were
the black man's go-tos!
37
00:01:33,859 --> 00:01:35,725
I'm definitely not complaining.
38
00:01:35,727 --> 00:01:36,860
I love my life.
39
00:01:36,862 --> 00:01:39,129
And not that I want to go back
40
00:01:39,131 --> 00:01:41,865
To the days of being
the big, scary black guy.
41
00:01:43,634 --> 00:01:45,702
But I have to admit --
42
00:01:45,704 --> 00:01:48,772
It did kind of have
its advantages.
43
00:01:55,313 --> 00:01:58,415
Even though we were close,
my pops had a weird way
44
00:01:58,417 --> 00:01:59,783
Of showing he loved me.
Hey, pops.
45
00:01:59,785 --> 00:02:02,519
Hey, hey, son, can I just
get some coffee in me
46
00:02:02,521 --> 00:02:06,790
And by "weird," I meant
he didn't show it at all.
47
00:02:07,892 --> 00:02:09,759
Good morning, zoey.
48
00:02:09,761 --> 00:02:11,128
Hey, dad.
49
00:02:11,130 --> 00:02:12,796
Are you wearing
that awful cologne again?
50
00:02:12,798 --> 00:02:15,765
Why?
Because it smells like you're
51
00:02:15,767 --> 00:02:17,801
Did seem like a
pretty straightforward
52
00:02:17,803 --> 00:02:19,669
Right?
53
00:02:19,671 --> 00:02:22,405
Nice try. I'm not
gonna let you ruin my day.
54
00:02:23,876 --> 00:02:25,809
Good morning,
mr. Senior vice president.
55
00:02:25,811 --> 00:02:26,877
Mwah!
Hey, baby.
56
00:02:26,879 --> 00:02:28,778
Hey.
Hear that, pops?
57
00:02:28,780 --> 00:02:30,881
Stevens is announcing
my svp promotion at work today.
58
00:02:30,883 --> 00:02:33,150
Whoo-hoo!
Yeah, and if you'd have joined
59
00:02:33,152 --> 00:02:36,653
Like I told you, you'd have been
mr. President five years ago.
60
00:02:36,655 --> 00:02:37,754
Yeah,
but for half the money.
61
00:02:37,756 --> 00:02:39,756
So?
It's a black company.
62
00:02:39,758 --> 00:02:42,893
You got to make an adjustment
for the negro inflation tax.
63
00:02:42,895 --> 00:02:46,897
Pops, I am gonna be the first
black svp at stevens & lido.
64
00:02:46,899 --> 00:02:48,832
This job is about more
than just money to me.
65
00:02:48,834 --> 00:02:49,933
Uh-huh.
66
00:02:49,935 --> 00:02:51,768
It's about
breaking down barriers.
67
00:02:51,770 --> 00:02:55,805
Yeah. Breaking down barriers --
equally important to money.
68
00:02:55,807 --> 00:02:57,340
But just
so that I'm clear,
69
00:02:57,342 --> 00:02:58,942
There is a salary increase,
right?
70
00:02:58,944 --> 00:02:59,910
Yes, baby.
Okay.
71
00:02:59,912 --> 00:03:01,578
All right.
Hey, junior.
72
00:03:01,580 --> 00:03:03,914
Mm, mm, mm, mm!
Unh!
73
00:03:03,916 --> 00:03:05,682
All right, all right.
Let's go.
74
00:03:05,684 --> 00:03:07,551
Oh, why don't y'all
go get a room?
75
00:03:07,553 --> 00:03:09,386
I can't believe
I marched on washington
76
00:03:09,388 --> 00:03:11,688
And fought for my country
to watch y'all do that mess.
77
00:03:11,690 --> 00:03:13,757
You shot yourself in the foot
to get out of the army.
78
00:03:13,759 --> 00:03:16,826
And you were in d.C.
For an isley brothers concert.
79
00:03:16,828 --> 00:03:20,230
You shot yourself?
Can we see?
80
00:03:20,232 --> 00:03:22,465
Look here.
Mnh-mnh, mnh-mnh. Mnh-mnh-mnh-mnh. Pops.
81
00:03:22,467 --> 00:03:24,668
I want to see!
82
00:03:24,670 --> 00:03:26,970
Why do you have to
get to school so early, son?
83
00:03:26,972 --> 00:03:28,672
Oh, uh,
tryouts are today.
84
00:03:28,674 --> 00:03:30,774
I want to get a little extra
work in so I'd be ready.
85
00:03:30,776 --> 00:03:33,210
Okay.
Work on the handle.
86
00:03:33,212 --> 00:03:35,278
Lock down
that point-guard spot.
87
00:03:35,280 --> 00:03:38,415
Um...There's no point guards
in field hockey, dad.
88
00:03:39,850 --> 00:03:41,418
Field hockey?!
89
00:03:41,420 --> 00:03:43,954
Man, isn't that
a woman's sport?
90
00:03:43,956 --> 00:03:46,623
Nope. Um, a lot of people
think that, though.
91
00:03:46,625 --> 00:03:49,960
A lot of people never think
about field hockey, man.
92
00:03:49,962 --> 00:03:53,396
What happened?
We were hoopin' all summer long.
93
00:03:53,398 --> 00:03:55,432
I thought you were gonna
try out for the team,
94
00:03:55,434 --> 00:03:58,235
Show these valley glen boys
the johnson family jumper.
95
00:03:58,237 --> 00:03:59,703
The johnson family wha--
96
00:03:59,705 --> 00:04:01,238
Dad, you didn't hit
one jump shot all summer.
97
00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:02,706
Hey.
98
00:04:02,708 --> 00:04:04,841
It's not about the accuracy,
son, all right?
99
00:04:04,843 --> 00:04:07,010
The family is known
for our form.
100
00:04:07,012 --> 00:04:08,478
Look at that.
Look at that elbow.
101
00:04:08,480 --> 00:04:09,479
Look at that.
102
00:04:09,481 --> 00:04:10,680
Right.
103
00:04:10,682 --> 00:04:12,816
Anyway, I thought
about playing hoop,
104
00:04:12,818 --> 00:04:14,918
But all my friends are
fee-hocking it this year,
105
00:04:14,920 --> 00:04:17,520
Fee--
so I figured, you know,
106
00:04:17,522 --> 00:04:19,356
W-when in rome?
107
00:04:19,358 --> 00:04:22,492
You are not in rome!
You're in l.A.!
108
00:04:22,494 --> 00:04:24,461
You know what?
109
00:04:24,463 --> 00:04:26,263
I'm not gonna let you
ruin my day.
110
00:04:26,265 --> 00:04:28,265
Field hockey.
111
00:04:28,267 --> 00:04:29,633
What's up, mr. J?
What's up, zach?
112
00:04:29,635 --> 00:04:31,434
What's up, andy?
What's up?
113
00:04:31,436 --> 00:04:32,769
"andy"?
114
00:04:32,771 --> 00:04:34,571
That's not even close
to "andre."
115
00:04:34,573 --> 00:04:36,473
I think it says
I'm edgy but approachable.
116
00:04:36,475 --> 00:04:38,275
I think it says,
"I hate my father
117
00:04:38,277 --> 00:04:39,909
And I play field hockey."
118
00:04:39,911 --> 00:04:41,611
Well,
zach thinks it's cool,
119
00:04:41,613 --> 00:04:43,380
And it's also
a derivative of "andre."
120
00:04:43,382 --> 00:04:44,614
We discussed it,
and I think I like that --
121
00:04:49,721 --> 00:04:51,721
There were so few of us
at stevens & lido
122
00:04:51,723 --> 00:04:53,890
That being black
made you feel like
123
00:04:53,892 --> 00:04:56,026
You were part
of a little family.
124
00:04:56,028 --> 00:04:58,895
So when one of us made it,
it was kind of like we all did.
125
00:04:58,897 --> 00:05:01,731
♪ who do you think you are? ♪
126
00:05:01,733 --> 00:05:04,301
And right now, I was that one.
127
00:05:04,303 --> 00:05:06,403
I'm not saying
I was the jackie robinson
128
00:05:06,405 --> 00:05:08,571
Of stevens & lido advertising
or anything,
129
00:05:08,573 --> 00:05:11,341
But, I mean, if other people
were saying it,
130
00:05:11,343 --> 00:05:12,809
They wouldn't be wrong.
131
00:05:14,946 --> 00:05:16,012
Hold on a second.
132
00:05:16,014 --> 00:05:17,947
Killer kris.
133
00:05:17,949 --> 00:05:19,349
Big dre, what up?
134
00:05:19,351 --> 00:05:21,351
Or should I say
"mr. Senior vee-peezy"?
135
00:05:21,353 --> 00:05:23,019
This is my assistant, kris.
136
00:05:23,021 --> 00:05:24,988
Notice how I do the shake
with him.
137
00:05:24,990 --> 00:05:28,091
That's because I consider him
an honorary brother.
138
00:05:28,093 --> 00:05:29,826
Hey, kris,
let me ask you a question.
139
00:05:29,828 --> 00:05:31,795
Did you ever want to play
the same sport
140
00:05:31,797 --> 00:05:33,330
Your dad played
in high school?
141
00:05:33,332 --> 00:05:35,532
Are you kidding?
Of course.
142
00:05:35,534 --> 00:05:38,635
My dad was a frickin'
field-hockey god.
143
00:05:38,637 --> 00:05:40,370
Meeting's in 10.
144
00:05:40,372 --> 00:05:41,938
Whatever.
145
00:05:43,741 --> 00:05:45,508
Yo! Dr. Dre!
146
00:05:45,510 --> 00:05:46,743
This is josh.
Um...
147
00:05:46,745 --> 00:05:48,378
Not an honorary brother.
148
00:05:48,380 --> 00:05:49,979
...Just "andre."
149
00:05:49,981 --> 00:05:51,915
Right. Sorry. Andre.
150
00:05:51,917 --> 00:05:53,850
Hey, bro, we--
oh. I mean "andre."
151
00:05:53,852 --> 00:05:56,019
Listen, we're working on
this folgers copy,
152
00:05:56,021 --> 00:05:58,655
And we wanted to know
how you think a black guy
153
00:05:58,657 --> 00:06:02,525
Would say "good morning."
154
00:06:02,527 --> 00:06:04,627
Hmm.
155
00:06:04,629 --> 00:06:05,829
Probably just like that.
156
00:06:05,831 --> 00:06:07,731
Cool.
Cool, cool, cool.
157
00:06:07,733 --> 00:06:08,898
Hey, hey,
stevens called a meeting,
158
00:06:08,900 --> 00:06:10,433
And I think something big
might be up.
159
00:06:10,435 --> 00:06:12,936
You know,
I'm hearing "historic,"
160
00:06:12,938 --> 00:06:14,971
"game-changing"
being tossed around.
161
00:06:14,973 --> 00:06:17,107
Could just be office gossip.
Ha ha!
162
00:06:17,109 --> 00:06:18,842
If I could have
your attention...
163
00:06:18,844 --> 00:06:20,944
At stevens & lido,
there was a clear separation
164
00:06:20,946 --> 00:06:22,746
Between lower management...
165
00:06:22,748 --> 00:06:24,047
And upper management.
166
00:06:24,049 --> 00:06:25,949
...In a bidding war...
167
00:06:25,951 --> 00:06:28,752
And that always made me feel
like it was us...
168
00:06:28,754 --> 00:06:30,120
Versus them.
...Get ready to work.
169
00:06:30,122 --> 00:06:31,888
Even our snacks were divided.
170
00:06:31,890 --> 00:06:34,090
We get cheetos and grape soda,
171
00:06:34,092 --> 00:06:37,660
While they always get what
looks like a medieval feast.
172
00:06:37,662 --> 00:06:41,064
Let's eat! Let's eat!
173
00:06:41,066 --> 00:06:43,933
That's why this promotion
was such a big deal.
174
00:06:43,935 --> 00:06:45,769
For once, one of us
175
00:06:45,771 --> 00:06:47,604
Was going to get a chance
to be one of them.
176
00:06:49,141 --> 00:06:50,507
More wine!
177
00:06:54,812 --> 00:06:55,612
To us!
178
00:06:55,614 --> 00:06:57,180
Actually, no!
179
00:06:57,182 --> 00:06:59,449
To them!
180
00:07:00,118 --> 00:07:01,651
Like my daddy said,
181
00:07:01,653 --> 00:07:03,553
You chase a squirrel,
182
00:07:03,555 --> 00:07:05,188
You better be prepared
to eat his nuts.
183
00:07:06,892 --> 00:07:09,426
All right...
184
00:07:09,428 --> 00:07:11,694
Uh, I'm sure you've all heard
I have an announcement.
185
00:07:11,696 --> 00:07:14,831
Uh, myself and the board
have decided to up
186
00:07:14,833 --> 00:07:17,634
A new senior vice president
here in the company.
187
00:07:18,937 --> 00:07:21,204
What?! Ha ha!
188
00:07:21,206 --> 00:07:23,907
That's crazy!
Oh, my god!
189
00:07:23,909 --> 00:07:25,608
Hey, hey,
but very wise.
190
00:07:26,745 --> 00:07:28,478
Yeah. Yeah.
Hm.
191
00:07:28,480 --> 00:07:31,848
And this new svp
will also be heading up
192
00:07:31,850 --> 00:07:33,216
Our creative presentation
193
00:07:33,218 --> 00:07:38,521
To grab the $250 million
l.A. Tourism account.
194
00:07:38,523 --> 00:07:39,923
All right.
195
00:07:39,925 --> 00:07:41,891
It is a big deal for us.
We need a home run here.
196
00:07:41,893 --> 00:07:43,726
Sabrina, I'm not gonna
forget about you
197
00:07:43,728 --> 00:07:45,528
When I become one of them,
all right?
198
00:07:45,530 --> 00:07:48,731
Excuse me. Excuse me.
All right.
199
00:07:48,733 --> 00:07:50,533
Uh, excuse me.
Yeah.
200
00:07:50,535 --> 00:07:53,870
So,
without any further ado,
201
00:07:53,872 --> 00:07:56,873
I would like us all
to give a warm congrats
202
00:07:56,875 --> 00:07:59,809
To the svp of our new
urban division, andre johnson!
203
00:07:59,811 --> 00:08:01,978
Huh?!
204
00:08:03,682 --> 00:08:04,881
That's right.
205
00:08:04,883 --> 00:08:06,816
Andre!
Uh, I'm --
206
00:08:06,818 --> 00:08:09,152
Uh...
Did you say "urban"?
207
00:08:09,154 --> 00:08:11,488
Urban division.
208
00:08:11,490 --> 00:08:15,959
Wait. Did they just put me
in charge of black stuff?
209
00:08:20,764 --> 00:08:23,266
I don't like the social media at the table. I told you that.
- Junior, pass the hot sauce.
210
00:08:23,268 --> 00:08:25,702
Okay. Hello! Okay.
211
00:08:25,704 --> 00:08:29,839
To my husband,
senior vice president.
212
00:08:29,841 --> 00:08:31,641
Yes!
Yeah!
213
00:08:31,643 --> 00:08:34,143
Congrats to my son!
Yeah!
214
00:08:34,145 --> 00:08:35,278
Finally made it, son.
215
00:08:35,280 --> 00:08:37,180
Finally made it...
Holla!
216
00:08:37,182 --> 00:08:38,915
...To head puppet
of the white man.
217
00:08:38,917 --> 00:08:41,150
Oh, pops. Come on.
You're here to celebrate him.
218
00:08:41,152 --> 00:08:43,219
Actually, you told
me I was coming over
219
00:08:43,221 --> 00:08:45,255
I have no idea
what the hell this is.
220
00:08:45,257 --> 00:08:48,691
Really?
It's baked fried chicken.
221
00:08:48,693 --> 00:08:50,960
Oh, so fried fried chicken
is too black for you.
222
00:08:50,962 --> 00:08:52,595
Pops!
Pops, seriously?
223
00:08:52,597 --> 00:08:53,963
Hey, hey. Hey, hey.
Babe, babe, babe, babe.
224
00:08:53,965 --> 00:08:55,632
What?
You know what?
225
00:08:55,634 --> 00:08:57,267
You know,
I-I do feel like a puppet.
226
00:08:57,269 --> 00:08:58,968
As you should.
227
00:08:58,970 --> 00:09:02,138
I said I wanted to be the first
black svp for stevens & lido,
228
00:09:02,140 --> 00:09:04,307
When, actually,
I wanted to be the first svp
229
00:09:04,309 --> 00:09:05,875
Who happened to be black.
230
00:09:05,877 --> 00:09:06,976
What's the difference?
231
00:09:06,978 --> 00:09:08,745
Obama's the first
black president.
232
00:09:08,747 --> 00:09:11,014
I mean, does that make him
any less president? No.
233
00:09:11,016 --> 00:09:12,882
No, because he's
the first black president
234
00:09:12,884 --> 00:09:14,617
Of the United States,
235
00:09:14,619 --> 00:09:18,221
Not the first black president
of the urban United States.
236
00:09:18,223 --> 00:09:20,857
Obama's the first
black president?
237
00:09:20,859 --> 00:09:22,158
You're doing a bang-up job
over here.
238
00:09:22,160 --> 00:09:24,027
No, no, no. Hold on a second.
Let's explore this.
239
00:09:24,029 --> 00:09:25,562
Jack, did you really
not know
240
00:09:25,564 --> 00:09:27,297
That obama was
the first black president?
241
00:09:27,299 --> 00:09:30,033
He's the only president
I've ever known.
242
00:09:30,035 --> 00:09:32,869
"only." did you hear that?
"only."
243
00:09:32,871 --> 00:09:36,072
So that explains his complete
lack of presidential trivia.
244
00:09:36,074 --> 00:09:38,007
Hey. You two.
245
00:09:38,009 --> 00:09:40,710
You knew that obama was the
first black president, right?
246
00:09:40,712 --> 00:09:42,345
I g-guess.
Okay.
247
00:09:42,347 --> 00:09:44,013
"okay"?
248
00:09:44,015 --> 00:09:45,181
Mm-hmm.
See what I'm talking about?
249
00:09:45,183 --> 00:09:47,650
Baked chicken.
250
00:09:48,986 --> 00:09:50,887
What you doing?
251
00:09:50,889 --> 00:09:51,921
Looking at pictures...
252
00:09:53,091 --> 00:09:54,924
...Of my urban family.
253
00:09:54,926 --> 00:09:56,225
Oh, my god.
254
00:09:56,227 --> 00:09:58,695
You got to stop
with the whole pity-party thing.
255
00:09:58,697 --> 00:10:01,598
You don't think I go through
this kind of thing all the time
256
00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:04,601
It's not that big of a deal.
You got to keep it real.
257
00:10:04,603 --> 00:10:08,338
That's what I said.
O-okay. All --
258
00:10:08,340 --> 00:10:12,875
A biracial or mixed
or omni-colored-complexion,
259
00:10:12,877 --> 00:10:14,744
Whatever-it-is-
they're-calling-it-today woman
260
00:10:14,746 --> 00:10:17,313
Who technically
isn't even really black?
261
00:10:17,315 --> 00:10:18,881
Okay, well,
if I'm not really black,
262
00:10:18,883 --> 00:10:21,918
Then could somebody please tell
my hair and my ass?
263
00:10:21,920 --> 00:10:23,853
Babe, you don't get it.
No.
264
00:10:23,855 --> 00:10:25,388
This is how it starts.
What?
265
00:10:25,390 --> 00:10:28,992
Babe, junior wants to play
field hockey.
266
00:10:28,994 --> 00:10:30,960
I know.
What's wrong with that?
267
00:10:30,962 --> 00:10:31,861
I --
268
00:10:31,863 --> 00:10:33,696
Today,
it's field hockey.
269
00:10:33,698 --> 00:10:35,932
Tomorrow, he's running from
the police in a white bronco.
270
00:10:35,934 --> 00:10:37,767
Oh, my god --
are you suggesting
271
00:10:37,769 --> 00:10:39,268
That our son is gonna grow up
and murder his wife?
272
00:10:39,270 --> 00:10:42,271
Aha! You think o.J. Did it!
Oh, come on.
273
00:10:42,273 --> 00:10:44,941
We can't have a keeping-it-real
conversation with that attitude.
274
00:10:44,943 --> 00:10:46,242
No, no, no.
Stop, babe.
275
00:10:46,244 --> 00:10:47,877
Baby,
the gloves didn't fit!
276
00:10:47,879 --> 00:10:50,079
You need to focus.
Okay.
277
00:10:50,081 --> 00:10:51,948
This is
what you always wanted.
278
00:10:51,950 --> 00:10:54,717
This is your dream
and this is our plan.
279
00:10:54,719 --> 00:10:57,920
We're gonna climb the himalayas,
sex in the louvre,
280
00:10:57,922 --> 00:11:00,156
And then we're gonna
successfully raise our family
281
00:11:00,158 --> 00:11:01,924
In a better situation
than we had.
282
00:11:01,926 --> 00:11:05,862
If you pass up this promotion,
we're 0 for 3.
283
00:11:07,432 --> 00:11:08,965
Maybe you're right,
babe.
284
00:11:08,967 --> 00:11:10,166
Ooh.
Thank you.
285
00:11:10,168 --> 00:11:12,035
You're welcome.
Mwah. I love you.
286
00:11:12,037 --> 00:11:13,369
I love you, too.
287
00:11:13,371 --> 00:11:14,771
No.
288
00:11:14,773 --> 00:11:16,172
You didn't even let me
get it out.
289
00:11:16,174 --> 00:11:18,041
I know, 'cause I can hear
what you're thinking.
290
00:11:18,043 --> 00:11:19,676
Okay, well,
I'm just gonna do it.
291
00:11:21,946 --> 00:11:24,013
There he is --
my main man.
292
00:11:24,015 --> 00:11:25,882
Can't wait to see what you do
with that presentation.
293
00:11:25,884 --> 00:11:28,217
Me too.
Really looking forward to it.
294
00:11:28,219 --> 00:11:30,953
And, remember, really put
your swag on it, you know?
295
00:11:30,955 --> 00:11:32,689
Keep it -- keep it real.
296
00:11:33,691 --> 00:11:34,924
Keep it real?
297
00:11:34,926 --> 00:11:38,094
Yeah. Be honest, be smart,
be you.
298
00:11:38,096 --> 00:11:40,263
What, uh,
what did you think I meant?
299
00:11:41,765 --> 00:11:42,999
I thought you meant that.
300
00:11:43,001 --> 00:11:43,966
Okay.
301
00:11:47,706 --> 00:11:49,872
"keep it real."
302
00:11:49,874 --> 00:11:52,475
What's up, drigitty-dre?
Rewind!
303
00:11:52,477 --> 00:11:53,976
My name's not --
304
00:11:53,978 --> 00:11:55,445
Drigitty-dre-dre -- what?
Kick it.
305
00:11:55,447 --> 00:11:57,080
That's inappropriate!
Bow-wow, wow-wow-wow.
306
00:11:57,082 --> 00:11:58,481
Highly inappropriate!
307
00:12:01,418 --> 00:12:02,852
Hey, babe.
Hey, babe.
308
00:12:02,854 --> 00:12:05,354
Mommy, mommy. Mom.
Yeah?
309
00:12:05,356 --> 00:12:07,290
Liza jackson asked
if we could have a playdate.
310
00:12:07,292 --> 00:12:09,859
She's weird,
so feel free to say "no."
311
00:12:09,861 --> 00:12:12,428
Liza jackson?
Which one is she?
312
00:12:12,430 --> 00:12:14,997
You know, wears the nemo shoes
every...Single...Day?
313
00:12:14,999 --> 00:12:17,166
Huh.
And the polka-dot
314
00:12:17,168 --> 00:12:19,001
Kind of smells like
a turkey burger.
315
00:12:19,003 --> 00:12:20,503
Ew!
Wait a second.
316
00:12:20,505 --> 00:12:21,971
Are you guys talking about
317
00:12:21,973 --> 00:12:23,973
The only other little black girl
in your class?
318
00:12:23,975 --> 00:12:25,742
Yeah.
Yeah.
319
00:12:25,744 --> 00:12:27,376
Why didn't you
just say that?
320
00:12:27,378 --> 00:12:29,145
Guess when I hear
"liza jackson,"
321
00:12:29,147 --> 00:12:31,147
I just think
"nemo and turkey burgers."
322
00:12:31,149 --> 00:12:32,882
Yep.
Thank you.
323
00:12:32,884 --> 00:12:34,016
You're welcome.
324
00:12:34,018 --> 00:12:35,952
What?
325
00:12:35,954 --> 00:12:38,154
Don't you think
that's beautiful?
326
00:12:38,156 --> 00:12:40,757
No. I think
they need to be tested.
327
00:12:40,759 --> 00:12:43,126
But when I say it,
I'm wrong.
328
00:12:44,862 --> 00:12:45,995
I made the team!
329
00:12:45,997 --> 00:12:47,930
Whoo! Yes!
Oh, my goodness!
330
00:12:47,932 --> 00:12:49,265
That's so exciting!
Of course you did.
331
00:12:49,267 --> 00:12:50,333
Yes!
332
00:12:50,335 --> 00:12:52,301
Oh, god, I'm so happy!
Thank you.
333
00:12:53,505 --> 00:12:55,972
Uh, zach? Can I help you
with something?
334
00:12:55,974 --> 00:12:58,007
Uh, yeah, I've just been craving
some grape soda all day,
335
00:12:58,009 --> 00:13:00,042
And my parents
just never buy any.
336
00:13:00,044 --> 00:13:01,978
And why would you assume
we have --
337
00:13:01,980 --> 00:13:04,547
Oh, and, dad,
me and some of the field mob
338
00:13:04,549 --> 00:13:06,249
Decided what I should do
for my birthday party.
339
00:13:06,251 --> 00:13:08,551
I want to have
a bar mitzvah.
340
00:13:08,553 --> 00:13:11,020
Before you say anything,
I know we're not jewish,
341
00:13:11,022 --> 00:13:13,489
But zach knows a rabbi
who's great at pushing
342
00:13:13,491 --> 00:13:17,827
Hold on -- so you'd be willing
to forsake your own religion
343
00:13:17,829 --> 00:13:18,995
To have a party?
344
00:13:18,997 --> 00:13:20,229
Short answer -- yes.
345
00:13:20,231 --> 00:13:21,898
Are you listening
to this?
346
00:13:21,900 --> 00:13:23,332
Dad,
now that I think about it,
347
00:13:23,334 --> 00:13:25,101
If I do,
you won't have to worry
348
00:13:25,103 --> 00:13:27,270
About anyone
calling me "andy" anymore,
349
00:13:27,272 --> 00:13:29,071
Because when I convert,
I'll get a hebrew name.
350
00:13:29,073 --> 00:13:31,474
I'm gonna go with
either "schlomo" or "shmuel."
351
00:13:31,476 --> 00:13:33,042
What?
352
00:13:33,044 --> 00:13:34,377
Both pretty solid, bro.
353
00:13:34,379 --> 00:13:36,245
Shut up! Shut --
354
00:13:36,247 --> 00:13:37,880
You know what?
Family meeting!
355
00:13:37,882 --> 00:13:40,249
Everybody,
'round the table -- now!
356
00:13:40,251 --> 00:13:42,985
I smell a group hug coming on.
I'm going to the track.
357
00:13:42,987 --> 00:13:44,821
See you later, pops.
358
00:13:44,823 --> 00:13:46,122
All right, listen up.
359
00:13:46,124 --> 00:13:47,957
I may have to be "urban"
at work,
360
00:13:47,959 --> 00:13:51,527
But I'm still going to need
my family to be black.
361
00:13:51,529 --> 00:13:53,029
Not black-ish...
362
00:13:53,031 --> 00:13:54,831
Wha--
but black.
363
00:13:54,833 --> 00:13:57,033
So we're gonna start
with some strict guidelines.
364
00:13:57,035 --> 00:13:59,268
So, then he sent me
a smiley face with a wink.
365
00:13:59,270 --> 00:14:00,503
I mean,
I should be offended, right?
366
00:14:00,505 --> 00:14:03,139
I'll text you.
All right.
367
00:14:03,141 --> 00:14:04,974
From heretoforth,
368
00:14:04,976 --> 00:14:08,077
We are going to
keep it real.
369
00:14:08,079 --> 00:14:12,281
If I hear anybody calling you
"schlomo" or "shmuel"
370
00:14:12,283 --> 00:14:13,983
Or especially "andy,"
371
00:14:13,985 --> 00:14:16,385
I'm gonna back you over
and whoever else is saying it
372
00:14:16,387 --> 00:14:17,420
In my car.
373
00:14:17,422 --> 00:14:19,055
Dad --
quiet!
374
00:14:19,057 --> 00:14:20,556
Now, I may have to
watch you play
375
00:14:20,558 --> 00:14:23,292
Possibly the dumbest sport
in the world,
376
00:14:23,294 --> 00:14:26,395
But I do not have to sit back
and listen to you rave
377
00:14:26,397 --> 00:14:28,998
About other kids'
bar mitzvahs.
378
00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:31,968
So, next Saturday,
when you turn 13,
379
00:14:31,970 --> 00:14:35,004
You're becoming a man,
too --
380
00:14:35,006 --> 00:14:37,940
A black man,
because I'm throwing you
381
00:14:37,942 --> 00:14:39,508
An african
rites of passage ceremony.
382
00:14:39,510 --> 00:14:40,877
Ha!
383
00:14:40,879 --> 00:14:43,179
That does not sound
as fun.
384
00:14:43,181 --> 00:14:45,047
No, it does not.
385
00:14:45,049 --> 00:14:46,983
Okay, I have an idea.
386
00:14:46,985 --> 00:14:50,019
Why don't we
take a black break
387
00:14:50,021 --> 00:14:51,621
And go get
some white yogurt?
388
00:14:51,623 --> 00:14:53,222
Yeah!
Yeah!
389
00:14:53,224 --> 00:14:55,091
Hey, hey! Hold on, hold on.
Slow your roll, you two.
390
00:14:55,093 --> 00:14:57,159
From here on out,
I'm gonna need you two
391
00:14:57,161 --> 00:14:59,962
To describe people using
keeping-it-real identifications.
392
00:14:59,964 --> 00:15:02,198
"the assailant was
a hispanic male
393
00:15:02,200 --> 00:15:05,001
Between the ages
of 10 and 60."
394
00:15:05,003 --> 00:15:07,303
See? Now I know
who I'm looking for.
395
00:15:07,305 --> 00:15:10,172
Mommy,
daddy's scaring me.
396
00:15:10,174 --> 00:15:12,408
Me too, baby. Me too.
397
00:15:12,410 --> 00:15:14,911
Mm-hmm.
398
00:15:14,913 --> 00:15:16,145
Okay, are we done with
this whole life-and-death,
399
00:15:16,147 --> 00:15:18,014
Keeping-it-real speech?
400
00:15:18,016 --> 00:15:23,085
And I'm not gonna be thinking
about keeping it real.
401
00:15:23,087 --> 00:15:25,488
I'm gonna be thinking
about keeping him alive.
402
00:15:25,490 --> 00:15:29,025
You're not the only one in this
house with an important job.
403
00:15:29,027 --> 00:15:30,126
My job
is pretty important.
404
00:15:30,128 --> 00:15:31,460
And, as I recall,
405
00:15:31,462 --> 00:15:32,461
You were the one
who brought up
406
00:15:32,463 --> 00:15:35,164
So this is my fault?
Yes, it's your fault.
407
00:15:35,166 --> 00:15:37,133
Oh, this is my fault?
Oh, yes.
408
00:15:37,135 --> 00:15:39,101
And, tomorrow, I have a very
important presentation to make.
409
00:15:39,103 --> 00:15:41,604
And you know what I'm gonna do
when I go in there?
410
00:15:41,606 --> 00:15:43,606
I'm gonna go in there, I'm gonna
keep it real as
411
00:15:43,608 --> 00:15:46,342
Oka--
yeah, because that's
412
00:15:46,344 --> 00:15:48,477
Oh, I'm pretty sure that's not
what I told you to do.
413
00:15:48,479 --> 00:15:50,212
Oh, no, that's exactly
what you said.
414
00:15:50,214 --> 00:15:52,214
If she thinks I'm finished
with keeping it real,
415
00:15:52,216 --> 00:15:53,983
I am just getting started.
416
00:15:53,985 --> 00:15:57,053
And if stevens & lido
really wants an urban svp,
417
00:15:57,055 --> 00:15:58,955
I'll give them their urban svp.
418
00:15:58,957 --> 00:15:59,956
Ha!
419
00:15:59,958 --> 00:16:00,990
Oh, my god.
420
00:16:02,926 --> 00:16:07,063
♪ it's bigger
than hip, hop, hip, hop ♪
421
00:16:07,065 --> 00:16:09,065
Lalonde --
leonard landing at will.
422
00:16:09,067 --> 00:16:11,200
And lalonde goes down!
423
00:16:15,539 --> 00:16:19,141
So, that's my urban pitch
for the l.A. Tourism account.
424
00:16:19,143 --> 00:16:20,643
Thoughts?
425
00:16:23,113 --> 00:16:25,381
We're not really
doing this, right?
426
00:16:27,084 --> 00:16:29,385
I thought it was funny.
427
00:16:39,397 --> 00:16:42,264
Operation "keepin' it real"
was in full effect,
428
00:16:42,266 --> 00:16:44,467
And although
it was off to a rocky start,
429
00:16:44,469 --> 00:16:46,669
I still had high hopes.
430
00:16:46,671 --> 00:16:48,504
Mm!
- Andre.
431
00:16:48,506 --> 00:16:49,672
Yes?
432
00:16:49,674 --> 00:16:51,374
What is this mess
you're doing?
433
00:16:51,376 --> 00:16:53,409
This ain't no mess, pops.
This is our culture.
434
00:16:53,411 --> 00:16:56,212
This ain't our culture.
We black, not african.
435
00:16:56,214 --> 00:16:58,080
Africans don't even like us.
436
00:16:58,082 --> 00:16:59,648
Dad, can I go?
437
00:16:59,650 --> 00:17:01,650
No. Stand right there
and experience your roots.
438
00:17:01,652 --> 00:17:03,386
You're better off
watching "roots."
439
00:17:03,388 --> 00:17:04,420
Ah.
440
00:17:08,392 --> 00:17:10,026
Uh-oh.
441
00:17:11,061 --> 00:17:12,661
Should I start,
or do you want to?
442
00:17:12,663 --> 00:17:15,064
Okay. Okay.
Uh, take that, son. Take that!
443
00:17:15,066 --> 00:17:17,133
What is he doing?
- Don't look at me.
444
00:17:17,135 --> 00:17:18,734
Ohh!
445
00:17:18,736 --> 00:17:20,269
Hey, bow.
Look, baby, I had --
446
00:17:20,271 --> 00:17:22,138
The boy wanted
a bar mitzvah!
447
00:17:22,140 --> 00:17:24,774
Bow, I could use your support
right now.
448
00:17:24,776 --> 00:17:27,410
I was trying to support you
when I called you at work today,
449
00:17:27,412 --> 00:17:29,412
And my call was rerouted
to corporate security.
450
00:17:29,414 --> 00:17:31,313
And they questioned me
for like 30 minutes
451
00:17:31,315 --> 00:17:33,449
About my husband's
mental state.
452
00:17:33,451 --> 00:17:36,118
Hmm. Weird.
Next time, just call my cell.
453
00:17:36,120 --> 00:17:38,788
Ohh. Dre, what happened
at work today?
454
00:17:38,790 --> 00:17:41,057
Look, mr. Stevens
failed to fully grasp
455
00:17:41,059 --> 00:17:43,559
The irony of my pitch,
so we mutually decided
456
00:17:43,561 --> 00:17:45,561
That we would take the weekend
to figure out
457
00:17:45,563 --> 00:17:48,798
If...Stevens & lido was still
a perfect fit for me.
458
00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:50,599
Still a perfect fit?
459
00:17:50,601 --> 00:17:51,734
Dre?
460
00:17:51,736 --> 00:17:53,769
He's thinking
about firing you?
461
00:17:53,771 --> 00:17:55,771
I guess, if you want
to oversimplify it like that.
462
00:17:55,773 --> 00:17:58,774
Oh, my god. Dre!
There is no winning with you!
463
00:17:58,776 --> 00:18:00,810
You're upset because
they gave you the job
464
00:18:00,812 --> 00:18:02,845
If they'd given it
to someone white,
465
00:18:02,847 --> 00:18:05,147
You'd be upset they didn't
give it to someone black!
466
00:18:05,149 --> 00:18:07,750
This "keeping it real" b.S.
Has got to stop.
467
00:18:07,752 --> 00:18:10,086
I'm not gonna have you
running around torturing my son.
468
00:18:10,088 --> 00:18:12,488
What was that? What are
you wear-- what are you wearing?
469
00:18:12,490 --> 00:18:15,391
Whatever issues
you are working through,
470
00:18:15,393 --> 00:18:18,294
You need
to get over them -- now.
471
00:18:18,296 --> 00:18:20,162
Okay?
472
00:18:22,833 --> 00:18:24,834
Nice shot.
473
00:18:24,836 --> 00:18:26,669
So much
for the johnson family form.
474
00:18:26,671 --> 00:18:28,204
Dad, listen, I get it.
475
00:18:28,206 --> 00:18:30,372
You feel like
I'm turning into a white boy.
476
00:18:30,374 --> 00:18:31,507
Mm-hmm.
477
00:18:31,509 --> 00:18:33,209
But I'm not.
I'm just being me.
478
00:18:33,211 --> 00:18:35,878
I'm just not quite sure
who that is yet.
479
00:18:35,880 --> 00:18:37,580
Son, I realize
how difficult it must be
480
00:18:37,582 --> 00:18:39,348
To feel like
the different one at school.
481
00:18:39,350 --> 00:18:41,884
But it's also important for you
to hold on to your culture
482
00:18:41,886 --> 00:18:43,752
And realize
how special it is.
483
00:18:43,754 --> 00:18:46,122
Honestly, the only thing
I'm really trying
484
00:18:46,124 --> 00:18:48,224
To hold on to right now
is my first boob.
485
00:18:49,560 --> 00:18:50,626
I'm a ninth-grader
playing varsity.
486
00:18:50,628 --> 00:18:51,794
That means something.
487
00:18:51,796 --> 00:18:54,363
So this was all
a part of your plan.
488
00:18:54,365 --> 00:18:55,865
Yeah.
Me and the field mob --
489
00:18:55,867 --> 00:18:58,868
Hey, son, please --
stop calling yourselves that.
490
00:18:58,870 --> 00:18:59,869
Fine.
491
00:18:59,871 --> 00:19:01,904
Me and my boys
figured that
492
00:19:01,906 --> 00:19:03,772
If we could just get our foot
in the door with other jocks,
493
00:19:03,774 --> 00:19:05,474
We'd really get in there
and make some noise.
494
00:19:08,345 --> 00:19:10,913
So, you really do
want to play basketball.
495
00:19:10,915 --> 00:19:12,915
Yeah, dad.
But I suck at it.
496
00:19:12,917 --> 00:19:15,151
All right, little man,
get in the house.
497
00:19:15,153 --> 00:19:16,752
Go.
498
00:19:16,754 --> 00:19:19,755
Who knew?
Boy wants to hold a boob.
499
00:19:19,757 --> 00:19:21,757
You can't be mad at him
for that.
500
00:19:21,759 --> 00:19:24,760
Hey, pops, how the hell
did you keep it real with us
501
00:19:24,762 --> 00:19:26,362
When we were growing up?
502
00:19:26,364 --> 00:19:28,464
I didn't.
I kept it honest.
503
00:19:28,466 --> 00:19:30,833
So, I really screwed this up,
didn't I?
504
00:19:30,835 --> 00:19:32,535
Screwing things up
is just another part
505
00:19:32,537 --> 00:19:35,371
Of what it means
to be a father, dre.
506
00:19:35,373 --> 00:19:38,507
It's how you learn
to fix things.
507
00:19:38,509 --> 00:19:40,910
Just remember, son,
whatever you do,
508
00:19:40,912 --> 00:19:43,913
Make sure it's right
for who you are.
509
00:19:43,915 --> 00:19:45,748
If that boy
wants a bar mitzvah,
510
00:19:45,750 --> 00:19:47,616
I'm gonna throw that boy
a bar mitzvah.
511
00:19:47,618 --> 00:19:49,451
There you go.
Mm!
512
00:19:49,453 --> 00:19:50,753
"hold a boob."
513
00:19:54,425 --> 00:19:55,824
♪ yeah, yeah! ♪
514
00:19:55,826 --> 00:19:57,960
Ladies and gentlemen,
may I present
515
00:19:57,962 --> 00:20:01,764
Andre jr.'s hip-hop bro mitzvah.
516
00:20:01,766 --> 00:20:03,933
♪ yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
517
00:20:03,935 --> 00:20:05,668
♪ let's go ♪
518
00:20:05,670 --> 00:20:07,636
♪ now, I say, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
519
00:20:07,638 --> 00:20:10,773
♪ shorty got down on me
and said, "come and get me" ♪
520
00:20:10,775 --> 00:20:12,808
♪ yeah, yeah ♪
521
00:20:12,810 --> 00:20:15,511
♪ I got so caught up,
I forgot she told me ♪
522
00:20:15,513 --> 00:20:17,446
♪ yeah, yeah ♪
523
00:20:17,448 --> 00:20:19,348
♪ her and my girl used to be
the best of homies ♪
524
00:20:19,350 --> 00:20:21,550
♪ yeah, yeah ♪
525
00:20:21,552 --> 00:20:24,753
♪ next thing I knew, she was
all up on me screamin' ♪
526
00:20:24,755 --> 00:20:26,755
♪ yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
527
00:20:26,757 --> 00:20:28,824
♪ yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
528
00:20:28,826 --> 00:20:31,460
♪ yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
529
00:20:31,462 --> 00:20:33,929
Sometimes keeping it real
means admitting you were wrong
530
00:20:33,931 --> 00:20:37,266
But, as a dad, still finding
a way to be right.
531
00:20:37,268 --> 00:20:39,468
Be damned if I'm calling him
andy, though.
532
00:20:39,470 --> 00:20:40,436
Ha!
533
00:20:43,873 --> 00:20:45,708
So, that los angeles
tourism campaign
534
00:20:45,710 --> 00:20:47,476
Went a lot better
once I realized
535
00:20:47,478 --> 00:20:51,313
That "urban" can also mean
hip, cool, and colorful,
536
00:20:51,315 --> 00:20:52,881
Just like my family.
537
00:20:58,856 --> 00:21:01,657
So, taking a cue
from my very wise son,
538
00:21:01,659 --> 00:21:03,559
I decided
to get my foot in the door
539
00:21:03,561 --> 00:21:04,760
And really make some noise.
540
00:21:04,762 --> 00:21:06,729
And, just like that,
541
00:21:06,731 --> 00:21:10,566
I became the svp of stevens
& lido's urban division.
542
00:21:10,568 --> 00:21:13,736
Funny thing is --
I didn't feel urban.
543
00:21:13,738 --> 00:21:15,537
I just felt like a dad
who was willing
544
00:21:15,539 --> 00:21:17,773
To do whatever he had to
for his family.
545
00:21:17,775 --> 00:21:20,643
And isn't that
the american dream?