1
00:00:03,070 --> 00:00:05,672
I love all my children equally,
2
00:00:05,673 --> 00:00:08,475
but Zoey and I are particularly close.
3
00:00:08,476 --> 00:00:11,878
After all, she's beautiful,
popular, stylish...
4
00:00:13,681 --> 00:00:15,849
Basically the most like me.
5
00:00:15,850 --> 00:00:18,685
So I really look forward
to driving her to school.
6
00:00:18,686 --> 00:00:20,687
It's our special time...
7
00:00:20,688 --> 00:00:22,455
just me and my little girl connecting.
8
00:00:22,456 --> 00:00:24,257
So, how's school?
9
00:00:26,027 --> 00:00:28,361
Well, glad to hear it's going well.
10
00:00:28,363 --> 00:00:30,063
Anything exciting happening?
11
00:00:30,064 --> 00:00:32,699
What? What? What? Something happen?
12
00:00:35,335 --> 00:00:36,536
Oops!
13
00:00:36,537 --> 00:00:37,837
You dropped your phone.
14
00:00:37,905 --> 00:00:40,289
Come on, Zoey. Talk to me.
15
00:00:40,407 --> 00:00:43,765
Well, Mischa Dixon was on her
Tumblr, which is so ancient,
16
00:00:43,879 --> 00:00:46,080
but she found this super-cute
gif of Jaden and Justin...
17
00:00:46,081 --> 00:00:47,281
Timberlake not Bieber.
18
00:00:47,282 --> 00:00:48,615
- Mm-hmm.
- Bieber is the worst.
19
00:00:48,616 --> 00:00:50,251
Well, anyway, we sent it to Monica
20
00:00:50,252 --> 00:00:52,452
'cause she's obsessed with Jaden.
21
00:00:52,453 --> 00:00:53,620
Oh, speaking of Dreamy,
22
00:00:53,621 --> 00:00:56,690
Andre was so not checking me out so hard.
23
00:00:56,691 --> 00:00:57,691
Complete stalker.
24
00:00:57,692 --> 00:00:59,562
Hey, whoa! Whoa. Back it up.
25
00:00:59,760 --> 00:01:01,127
Andre? Dreamy?
26
00:01:01,129 --> 00:01:03,263
- What's that all about?
- God, dad.
27
00:01:03,264 --> 00:01:06,218
Did you not hear me say that Mischa
Dixon still uses Tumblr? Uh...
28
00:01:06,435 --> 00:01:08,936
But anyway, yes. Andre's cool.
29
00:01:08,937 --> 00:01:10,371
We've been hanging out.
30
00:01:10,372 --> 00:01:14,776
Andre... solid name, good name, my name.
31
00:01:14,777 --> 00:01:17,278
So, tell me about this Andre.
32
00:01:17,279 --> 00:01:18,929
Well, he plays on the basketball team.
33
00:01:19,047 --> 00:01:22,249
Oh, my name and a baller. Hmm. Two for two.
34
00:01:22,250 --> 00:01:24,084
Oh, and he's from Marseille.
35
00:01:24,085 --> 00:01:26,253
Marseille? Is that near Compton?
36
00:01:26,254 --> 00:01:28,195
No, dad. Marseille is in France.
37
00:01:28,257 --> 00:01:30,258
French?!
38
00:01:30,259 --> 00:01:32,627
Oh, he's one of those Tony Parker Brothers.
39
00:01:32,628 --> 00:01:35,063
- Well, he is a point guard.
- Oh!
40
00:01:35,064 --> 00:01:36,264
Hey, Zoey!
41
00:01:36,265 --> 00:01:37,966
Oh, that's him!
42
00:01:44,507 --> 00:01:46,296
That's him?!
For her first boyfriend,
43
00:01:46,298 --> 00:01:48,399
she's feeling some three-point shooting,
44
00:01:48,444 --> 00:01:50,445
pick-setting point guard who hustles!
45
00:01:50,446 --> 00:01:51,880
Why can't you just say he's white?
46
00:01:51,881 --> 00:01:52,981
I just did!
47
00:01:56,483 --> 00:01:58,562
Black-ish - 01x14
Andre from Marseille
48
00:01:58,564 --> 00:02:00,564
sync and correction by solfieri
www.addic7ed.com
49
00:02:01,224 --> 00:02:03,025
So, that's when
we show the graphic
50
00:02:03,026 --> 00:02:04,026
of action body spray.
51
00:02:04,027 --> 00:02:05,561
"The power of a shower in a can."
52
00:02:05,562 --> 00:02:06,762
Get ready, Pittsburgh,
53
00:02:06,763 --> 00:02:10,125
to go to work directly from the gym.
54
00:02:10,199 --> 00:02:12,200
So, what do you think? Dre?
55
00:02:12,201 --> 00:02:14,370
Huh? Hey. Yeah. It's fine.
56
00:02:14,371 --> 00:02:17,038
You okay? You look a little clammy.
57
00:02:18,445 --> 00:02:19,808
My daughter's dating a white boy.
58
00:02:19,810 --> 00:02:21,811
- Sweet!
- What?
59
00:02:21,812 --> 00:02:24,613
Did you just say "sweet,"
like it's some kind of victory?
60
00:02:24,614 --> 00:02:26,014
No, no, no, no, no.
I'm just saying that it's cool.
61
00:02:26,015 --> 00:02:28,315
You know, like, uh, "Ebony and Ivory."
62
00:02:28,317 --> 00:02:30,117
What's wrong with Ebony and Ebony?
63
00:02:30,119 --> 00:02:31,920
That would be a pretty hard piano to play.
64
00:02:31,921 --> 00:02:34,022
You know, I don't have a problem
with white people.
65
00:02:34,023 --> 00:02:35,857
Some of my best friends are white.
66
00:02:35,858 --> 00:02:37,459
- Come on. Okay.
- Yeah, not you.
67
00:02:37,460 --> 00:02:39,662
You know, it's just that
for her first boyfriend,
68
00:02:39,663 --> 00:02:42,864
I was hoping that she would find
somebody more like me.
69
00:02:42,865 --> 00:02:43,945
Dre, it's 2015.
70
00:02:44,001 --> 00:02:46,302
Your kids are gonna date
who they're gonna date.
71
00:02:46,303 --> 00:02:49,405
Race don't matter. 'Cause in 10 years,
we all gonna look Puerto Rican.
72
00:02:49,406 --> 00:02:50,672
You got a point.
73
00:02:50,673 --> 00:02:52,475
You know, I-I don't even know
why I'm tripping.
74
00:02:52,476 --> 00:02:54,726
He ain't even a real white boy.
You know, he's from France.
75
00:02:54,728 --> 00:02:55,978
- France?!
- France?!
76
00:02:55,979 --> 00:02:58,114
Oh, you buried the lead on that.
77
00:02:58,115 --> 00:02:59,562
Forget about that whole white thing.
78
00:02:59,564 --> 00:03:01,551
- You need to worry about that French thing.
- What?
79
00:03:01,552 --> 00:03:04,020
Dude, the French
are renowned erotic pioneers.
80
00:03:04,021 --> 00:03:06,022
This is true. They ain't no joke.
81
00:03:06,023 --> 00:03:08,203
Look, t-they invented
the, uh... the French kiss,
82
00:03:08,258 --> 00:03:11,460
uh, the ménage à trois, uh, that toast.
83
00:03:11,461 --> 00:03:12,694
French toast?
84
00:03:12,695 --> 00:03:14,554
Just what you gonna need
after knocking it out.
85
00:03:14,564 --> 00:03:17,333
I cheated on my husband with
a French Canadian. What?
86
00:03:17,334 --> 00:03:20,002
His French-ness was so powerful
that I forgot he was Canadian.
87
00:03:20,003 --> 00:03:21,539
- Okay.
- Bottom line, Dre...
88
00:03:21,605 --> 00:03:23,172
if a French kid is dating your daughter,
89
00:03:23,173 --> 00:03:24,874
sex is knocking at your door.
90
00:03:26,310 --> 00:03:28,311
So, the French thing
has overtaken the white thing
91
00:03:28,312 --> 00:03:30,212
on your list of stupid reasons
to freak out.
92
00:03:30,213 --> 00:03:32,814
Hey, look... not stupid, rational,
all right? Mm-hmm.
93
00:03:32,815 --> 00:03:35,618
The entire French culture
revolves around sex.
94
00:03:35,619 --> 00:03:36,852
- Look at this.
- What?
95
00:03:36,853 --> 00:03:38,220
- Josh sent me this picture right here.
- Ooh.
96
00:03:38,221 --> 00:03:40,031
This is what they wear to the beach.
97
00:03:40,223 --> 00:03:41,590
French swimming panties.
98
00:03:43,293 --> 00:03:45,528
I don't know why you listen
to those guys at work anyway.
99
00:03:45,529 --> 00:03:47,229
They're the ones that convinced you
100
00:03:47,230 --> 00:03:48,203
to get that PT cruiser.
101
00:03:48,205 --> 00:03:50,199
Hey, I pulled that off.
102
00:03:54,838 --> 00:03:56,372
Maybe they were wrong about that.
103
00:03:56,373 --> 00:03:57,640
- Hey, but you know what?
- Huh?
104
00:03:57,641 --> 00:03:59,642
They're definitely not wrong
about this French thing.
105
00:03:59,643 --> 00:04:02,411
Hey, I don't want to take any chances
106
00:04:02,412 --> 00:04:03,476
with our beautiful daughter.
107
00:04:03,548 --> 00:04:05,382
Dre, Zoey is a really smart girl,
108
00:04:05,383 --> 00:04:06,984
and she's gonna date.
109
00:04:06,985 --> 00:04:10,120
So we're gonna have to trust her at some
point, or she's never gonna trust herself.
110
00:04:10,121 --> 00:04:11,689
I don't want her to trust herself.
111
00:04:11,690 --> 00:04:14,492
I want her to stay in her room,
ideally forever.
112
00:04:14,493 --> 00:04:16,193
Why are you driving yourself crazy?
113
00:04:16,194 --> 00:04:18,362
Why don't we just invite the kid
over here and meet him?
114
00:04:18,363 --> 00:04:19,796
Fine. Invite him over.
115
00:04:19,797 --> 00:04:21,198
- But I'm gonna tell you this.
- Hmm?
116
00:04:21,199 --> 00:04:23,400
I will not like him.
117
00:04:23,401 --> 00:04:24,801
Good. You're keeping an open mind.
118
00:04:24,802 --> 00:04:26,403
Oh.
119
00:04:26,404 --> 00:04:28,205
Whoa.
120
00:04:28,206 --> 00:04:29,306
What?
121
00:04:29,307 --> 00:04:31,708
Somebody's got a gray hair.
122
00:04:31,709 --> 00:04:33,410
Oh, my God. Where?
123
00:04:33,411 --> 00:04:34,411
- Ohh.
- Not there, buddy.
124
00:04:34,413 --> 00:04:36,273
What?
125
00:04:36,275 --> 00:04:38,048
Oh, my God!
126
00:04:38,049 --> 00:04:39,883
Oh, my God! Dre, when did that happen?!
127
00:04:39,884 --> 00:04:41,251
No, no, no, no, no.
128
00:04:41,252 --> 00:04:42,486
- Oh, my God.
- Baby, baby, baby.
129
00:04:42,487 --> 00:04:43,156
- Ohh.
- Baby. Baby.
130
00:04:43,187 --> 00:04:45,589
There's no need to be embarrassed, okay?
131
00:04:45,590 --> 00:04:49,660
Because you are
a very attractive older woman.
132
00:04:49,661 --> 00:04:51,812
Stop it! That's not funny!
133
00:04:51,930 --> 00:04:54,031
I disagree strongly.
134
00:04:54,032 --> 00:04:56,634
Did I make fun of you
when you gained 40 pounds?
135
00:04:56,635 --> 00:05:00,004
It was 30, and yes.
You called me "flubber."
136
00:05:00,005 --> 00:05:01,139
I did, didn't I?
137
00:05:01,140 --> 00:05:03,468
- Anyway, babe...
- Hmm?
138
00:05:03,470 --> 00:05:05,476
I think you look distinguished,
139
00:05:05,477 --> 00:05:07,311
going all Frederick Douglass down there.
140
00:05:07,312 --> 00:05:09,614
Okay, get out now, flubber!
141
00:05:09,615 --> 00:05:12,450
You got a whole lot to abolish
below that Mason-Dixon line.
142
00:05:14,219 --> 00:05:16,898
So, I was about to meet
the first boyfriend,
143
00:05:16,914 --> 00:05:18,315
but I wasn't scared.
144
00:05:18,324 --> 00:05:20,593
I was confident
I could stare this kid down.
145
00:05:20,626 --> 00:05:22,226
Whoo.
146
00:05:22,227 --> 00:05:24,629
Sex is here. Okay.
147
00:05:27,934 --> 00:05:30,535
Hey, bonsoir! You must be Monsieur Johnson.
148
00:05:30,536 --> 00:05:31,936
I am Andre Du Maurier.
149
00:05:31,937 --> 00:05:33,938
Ah, Andre "doo mar-yay yay."
150
00:05:33,939 --> 00:05:36,040
- Nice to meet you.
- Mon dieu. So strong.
151
00:05:36,041 --> 00:05:37,937
Uh, yeah. That's my judo hand.
152
00:05:38,010 --> 00:05:40,178
- Okay, so you met him. Got to go.
- Mm-hmm.
153
00:05:40,179 --> 00:05:42,380
Wait, no, no, no. Hey, baby girl, hold on.
154
00:05:42,381 --> 00:05:43,548
He just got here.
155
00:05:43,549 --> 00:05:44,983
We're getting to know one another.
156
00:05:44,984 --> 00:05:47,140
So, uh, Andre, what's crackin'?
157
00:05:47,142 --> 00:05:48,920
Uh, uh, "cracking"?
158
00:05:48,921 --> 00:05:50,321
Uh, I don't... I don't understand.
159
00:05:50,322 --> 00:05:52,890
It means, "what's up?"
Who doesn't know that?
160
00:05:52,891 --> 00:05:54,398
Yeah, who doesn't know that?
161
00:05:54,426 --> 00:05:56,427
Mm-hmm.
- Okay.
162
00:05:56,428 --> 00:05:58,063
So let's go meet my mom. She's normal.
163
00:05:58,064 --> 00:06:00,498
But...
164
00:06:00,499 --> 00:06:02,085
I don't like him.
165
00:06:02,146 --> 00:06:04,102
Yeah, we don't like him.
166
00:06:04,104 --> 00:06:06,421
Oh. I'm into this. Keep the pressure up.
167
00:06:06,472 --> 00:06:08,740
Let's roll.
168
00:06:08,741 --> 00:06:10,142
- So, madam...
- Mm.
169
00:06:10,143 --> 00:06:12,143
Uh, Zoey tells me that you are a doctor.
170
00:06:12,144 --> 00:06:13,414
Oh, I am.
171
00:06:13,479 --> 00:06:14,646
- Impossible.
- Hmm?
172
00:06:14,647 --> 00:06:16,682
Someone so young and beautiful
173
00:06:16,683 --> 00:06:18,570
cannot also be brilliant and accomplished.
174
00:06:18,651 --> 00:06:22,454
I mean... you.
175
00:06:22,455 --> 00:06:24,990
You know, I also do hot yoga.
176
00:06:24,991 --> 00:06:27,026
Well, my father is also a doctor.
177
00:06:27,027 --> 00:06:29,028
Really? He works for, um -
excuse my English, uh...
178
00:06:29,029 --> 00:06:30,662
Oh, no, please.
179
00:06:30,663 --> 00:06:32,064
Médecins Sans Frontières.
180
00:06:32,065 --> 00:06:33,031
Oh. Yes.
181
00:06:33,033 --> 00:06:34,415
Doctors without borders.
182
00:06:34,534 --> 00:06:35,914
Thank you, Rosetta Stone.
183
00:06:36,103 --> 00:06:39,771
While his dad was in Guatemala fixing
cleft palates, Andre Dug Wells.
184
00:06:39,773 --> 00:06:41,240
Oui, we were trying to find
185
00:06:41,241 --> 00:06:42,942
the clean water for the orphans.
186
00:06:42,943 --> 00:06:44,610
"Zorphans"?
187
00:06:44,611 --> 00:06:47,031
What are zorphans?
188
00:06:47,048 --> 00:06:49,882
You know, the children whose
parents have died from the AIDS.
189
00:06:52,253 --> 00:06:53,886
Oh.
190
00:06:53,887 --> 00:06:55,454
I-I did not mean to darken the mood.
191
00:06:55,455 --> 00:06:58,257
Uh, perhaps I can lighten it with candy.
192
00:06:58,258 --> 00:06:59,858
Oh.
193
00:06:59,859 --> 00:07:01,260
Et voilá!
194
00:07:01,261 --> 00:07:02,894
Sourball!
195
00:07:02,895 --> 00:07:04,500
Look at that! Dad, I love sourballs.
196
00:07:04,502 --> 00:07:06,332
Focus, son.
197
00:07:06,333 --> 00:07:07,934
It's a common parlor trick.
198
00:07:07,935 --> 00:07:11,838
Diane does not have sourballs
behind her ears.
199
00:07:11,839 --> 00:07:13,639
- But she does!
- Oh!
200
00:07:13,640 --> 00:07:15,007
Look at that.
201
00:07:15,008 --> 00:07:16,195
- Oh.
- What?
202
00:07:16,309 --> 00:07:18,177
- You also!
- No!
203
00:07:18,178 --> 00:07:21,750
With that, the frenchman launched
an all-out-charm offensive.
204
00:07:30,057 --> 00:07:33,320
He had all the Johnson women
eating out of his hand,
205
00:07:33,461 --> 00:07:35,228
and I was terrified.
206
00:07:35,229 --> 00:07:37,796
It was a strong move.
207
00:07:37,797 --> 00:07:39,731
If I had any chance of countering,
208
00:07:39,732 --> 00:07:41,533
it was gonna take some more intel.
209
00:07:41,534 --> 00:07:42,934
Let's start with his Facebook
210
00:07:42,935 --> 00:07:45,537
so we can get an idea
of his most recent activities.
211
00:07:45,538 --> 00:07:47,139
Okay.
212
00:07:47,140 --> 00:07:49,208
Wow. You hacked in there pretty fast, man.
213
00:07:49,209 --> 00:07:50,960
That's some next-level stuff, son.
214
00:07:51,111 --> 00:07:53,345
Can't anybody just get onto Facebo...?
215
00:07:53,346 --> 00:07:55,915
No, I did something special,
and dad loves me for it.
216
00:07:55,916 --> 00:07:57,716
All right. Let's see here. Okay.
217
00:07:57,718 --> 00:07:59,018
Whoa.
218
00:07:59,019 --> 00:08:00,553
Look at these pictures
Zoey tagged this guy in.
219
00:08:00,554 --> 00:08:02,221
They are entirely too close.
220
00:08:02,222 --> 00:08:04,724
Man, that's less than a phone
book's difference between them.
221
00:08:04,725 --> 00:08:06,392
Holding hands?!
222
00:08:06,393 --> 00:08:08,160
Unh-unh. No, no, no.
That's almost first base.
223
00:08:08,161 --> 00:08:09,762
I do not like that.
224
00:08:09,763 --> 00:08:13,165
Oh, my God! Are they kissing?!
225
00:08:13,166 --> 00:08:16,168
Wow. He really is French.
226
00:08:16,169 --> 00:08:17,737
This ends right now.
227
00:08:18,938 --> 00:08:20,718
Zoey, we need to talk. All right?
228
00:08:20,840 --> 00:08:23,309
- This guy is not good enough for you.
- Dad!
229
00:08:23,310 --> 00:08:25,703
Sweetheart, you're young.
230
00:08:25,812 --> 00:08:26,946
You'll have plenty of time to...
231
00:08:26,947 --> 00:08:29,682
Dad, it's over between me and Andre.
232
00:08:29,683 --> 00:08:32,885
Oh... no!
233
00:08:32,886 --> 00:08:33,853
Mnh!
234
00:08:33,854 --> 00:08:35,554
Really?
235
00:08:35,555 --> 00:08:40,515
Look, babe, I know it's hard right now,
236
00:08:40,662 --> 00:08:42,862
but breaking up with him
is the right thing to do.
237
00:08:42,863 --> 00:08:45,364
No, dad. He broke up with me.
238
00:08:45,365 --> 00:08:47,967
What?
239
00:08:47,968 --> 00:08:49,501
How dare he?!
240
00:08:51,536 --> 00:08:52,703
Oh, I can't believe this.
241
00:08:52,704 --> 00:08:55,059
I can't believe he broke up with her.
242
00:08:55,061 --> 00:08:56,396
Oh, hey, Diane. At's wrong?
243
00:08:56,398 --> 00:08:58,139
We got a Zoey problem.
244
00:08:58,141 --> 00:08:59,408
What?
245
00:08:59,410 --> 00:09:01,911
Sweetheart, are you concerned
about your sister?
246
00:09:01,912 --> 00:09:04,547
Yes, I'm concerned!
She ate all the ice cream.
247
00:09:04,548 --> 00:09:07,350
Everybody knows that chunky monkey is mine.
248
00:09:07,351 --> 00:09:09,752
I ask for so little!
249
00:09:09,753 --> 00:09:10,920
Good night.
250
00:09:10,921 --> 00:09:12,755
Go to bed, sweetie.
251
00:09:13,924 --> 00:09:15,325
- See that?
- Mm-hmm.
252
00:09:15,326 --> 00:09:16,725
Now both of our daughters are upset
253
00:09:16,726 --> 00:09:18,515
- because of this monster.
- Okay, listen.
254
00:09:18,528 --> 00:09:21,530
Dre, did you ever think
that maybe Zoey just wasn't right for him?
255
00:09:21,531 --> 00:09:23,432
You mean not white for him.
256
00:09:23,434 --> 00:09:24,882
- Oh, my God! Dre!
- What?
257
00:09:24,902 --> 00:09:26,303
There is zero evidence
258
00:09:26,303 --> 00:09:27,870
that race had anything to do with this!
259
00:09:27,871 --> 00:09:31,437
Our daughter is perfect, so
there is no other reason. Ohh.
260
00:09:31,542 --> 00:09:34,544
I hate bigotry. And that kid is a bigot.
261
00:09:34,545 --> 00:09:37,614
All right? He's a filthy,
French, cheese-munching bigot.
262
00:09:37,615 --> 00:09:40,983
Dre, they broke up.
Isn't that what you wanted?
263
00:09:40,984 --> 00:09:42,384
What I wanted was some ice cream,
264
00:09:42,385 --> 00:09:43,653
but we don't have any more,
265
00:09:43,654 --> 00:09:45,320
so now I have to go downstairs
266
00:09:45,321 --> 00:09:47,356
and eat a bag of semi-sweet chocolate chips
267
00:09:47,358 --> 00:09:49,992
because food takes my pain away!
268
00:09:50,060 --> 00:09:52,595
Um... Pam.
269
00:09:52,596 --> 00:09:54,656
- Yeah?
- I kind of got a situation.
270
00:09:54,799 --> 00:09:56,800
The other day, I noticed
271
00:09:56,801 --> 00:10:00,737
that a single, white female
272
00:10:00,738 --> 00:10:03,906
moved in downstairs.
273
00:10:03,907 --> 00:10:05,492
And then this morning,
274
00:10:05,542 --> 00:10:07,877
I noticed that she got a roommate.
275
00:10:07,878 --> 00:10:09,478
Yeah, well, you got to get used to it.
276
00:10:09,479 --> 00:10:10,746
Oh.
277
00:10:10,747 --> 00:10:12,648
Once a couple move in,
others are not far behind.
278
00:10:12,649 --> 00:10:15,140
So how long before downtown
gets totally gentrified?
279
00:10:15,152 --> 00:10:16,952
- It happens fast.
- Oh.
280
00:10:16,953 --> 00:10:18,521
When you get to be my age,
281
00:10:18,522 --> 00:10:21,157
it's like a Dave Matthews
concert down there.
282
00:10:22,860 --> 00:10:25,061
I wanted to prove that the only reason
283
00:10:25,062 --> 00:10:27,463
Andre from Marseille
had broken up with Zoey
284
00:10:27,464 --> 00:10:28,865
was because she was black,
285
00:10:28,866 --> 00:10:31,976
so I sent my two moles in
to do a little more recon.
286
00:10:32,236 --> 00:10:34,637
I learned a lot about
Andre from Marseille today.
287
00:10:34,638 --> 00:10:38,062
I learned a lot, too, like how he did this.
288
00:10:38,309 --> 00:10:40,443
Voilà! Sourball!
289
00:10:40,444 --> 00:10:43,746
Yeah, Jack, you're cute,
but you age out of that.
290
00:10:43,748 --> 00:10:45,048
I was cute once.
291
00:10:45,049 --> 00:10:47,384
Not like me. I've seen the pictures.
292
00:10:49,153 --> 00:10:50,353
Hey.
293
00:10:50,354 --> 00:10:51,754
Hey.
294
00:10:51,755 --> 00:10:53,718
So what's the 411 on Cordon Bleu?
295
00:10:53,724 --> 00:10:55,525
Here's what I got.
296
00:10:55,526 --> 00:10:58,661
He should be out
of jazz band in three, two...
297
00:10:58,663 --> 00:11:01,609
Amazing. How did you know that?
298
00:11:01,699 --> 00:11:03,867
He posted it on Instagram,
and I was about to...
299
00:11:03,868 --> 00:11:06,503
Damn, son! Are you Jason Bourne?!
300
00:11:06,504 --> 00:11:09,172
I want to live in this moment forever.
301
00:11:09,173 --> 00:11:11,141
- Sourball.
- Not now, Jack.
302
00:11:11,142 --> 00:11:13,929
Yeah, not now, Jack.
And, dad, that's not all.
303
00:11:13,978 --> 00:11:15,412
I have unconfirmed sources who say
304
00:11:15,413 --> 00:11:17,113
Andre has a new girlfriend named Becky.
305
00:11:17,114 --> 00:11:18,348
What?
306
00:11:18,349 --> 00:11:20,918
Aha! Becky.
307
00:11:20,919 --> 00:11:23,520
Body's not even cold yet,
and he's got him a blond Becky.
308
00:11:23,521 --> 00:11:24,688
You know what? I'm gonna talk to this...
309
00:11:24,689 --> 00:11:27,824
Hold on. What?!
310
00:11:27,825 --> 00:11:29,092
Becky is black?
311
00:11:29,093 --> 00:11:31,539
Come on, son! How could you not know this?!
312
00:11:31,696 --> 00:11:33,063
Um, um, h-how could I know?
313
00:11:33,065 --> 00:11:34,899
Wh-what kind of black girl's named Becky?
314
00:11:34,931 --> 00:11:37,099
One whose real name is B'Keesha.
315
00:11:37,101 --> 00:11:40,036
She's a high-school girl.
They all love to give me hugs.
316
00:11:41,006 --> 00:11:43,307
Don't underestimate cute.
317
00:11:48,116 --> 00:11:50,748
I can't believe he's already
dating somebody else.
318
00:11:50,750 --> 00:11:52,251
Aw, sweetheart, I know this is hard.
319
00:11:52,252 --> 00:11:54,687
My world is ending,
and you're giving me a lecture?
320
00:11:54,688 --> 00:11:55,721
- No, uh...
- Okay.
321
00:11:55,722 --> 00:11:56,722
Thanks a lot, mom.
322
00:11:56,723 --> 00:11:58,558
I-I-I was just... my bad.
323
00:11:58,559 --> 00:12:00,545
Hey. Hey, babe, it's not your fault.
324
00:12:00,627 --> 00:12:02,295
Okay? The French boy broke our daughter.
325
00:12:02,296 --> 00:12:04,497
It's all a part of adolescence.
326
00:12:04,498 --> 00:12:05,664
- She's fine.
- Mm.
327
00:12:05,665 --> 00:12:08,310
And thank God you know that Andre didn't
break up with her 'cause she's black.
328
00:12:08,335 --> 00:12:09,902
If he's so into black girls,
329
00:12:09,903 --> 00:12:11,904
why isn't our black girl
good enough for him?
330
00:12:11,905 --> 00:12:13,927
- I don't know.
- I'm glad you asked.
331
00:12:14,108 --> 00:12:16,910
Oh. Look who it is. James "Bomb."
332
00:12:16,911 --> 00:12:19,612
"Bomb" because you blew it.
333
00:12:19,613 --> 00:12:21,447
Dad, it's true. I let you down.
334
00:12:21,448 --> 00:12:24,650
But I feel like we're a family
that believes in second chances.
335
00:12:24,651 --> 00:12:25,751
- Are we?
- I know you told me
336
00:12:25,752 --> 00:12:28,154
to drop the case, but I just couldn't,
337
00:12:28,155 --> 00:12:30,957
so I found out why
Andre broke up with Zoey.
338
00:12:30,958 --> 00:12:33,615
And let me tell you, it wasn't easy.
339
00:12:33,693 --> 00:12:36,996
I broke up with your sister
because she is shallow.
340
00:12:36,997 --> 00:12:38,663
He said she's shallow?
341
00:12:38,665 --> 00:12:39,998
His exact words were...
342
00:12:39,999 --> 00:12:42,412
Oui. Like the kiddie pool.
343
00:12:42,536 --> 00:12:44,970
Good job, Junior. You're back.
344
00:12:44,971 --> 00:12:47,540
Boo-yah! You will not regret this!
345
00:12:47,541 --> 00:12:50,743
Yes! Bang, bang! Whoo!
346
00:12:50,744 --> 00:12:51,977
Yeah!
347
00:12:51,978 --> 00:12:54,013
I'm already regretting it.
348
00:12:54,214 --> 00:12:55,347
Shallow.
349
00:12:55,348 --> 00:12:57,716
- Our baby is not shallow.
- Oh, I know this.
350
00:12:57,717 --> 00:13:00,152
Now he's taking shots at her character?
351
00:13:00,153 --> 00:13:02,721
Look, this boy's a jerk. Uh, a French jerk.
352
00:13:02,722 --> 00:13:03,922
Mm-hmm.
353
00:13:03,923 --> 00:13:06,424
Or as the French would say, un crétin.
354
00:13:06,425 --> 00:13:08,482
Yeah, I've been brushing up on my French.
355
00:13:08,484 --> 00:13:10,717
I was hoping they'd stay together.
356
00:13:14,834 --> 00:13:16,268
Why are we here?
357
00:13:16,269 --> 00:13:17,836
'Cause I have to take care of something.
358
00:13:17,837 --> 00:13:20,599
And if I left you home alone,
mommy would go to prison.
359
00:13:20,607 --> 00:13:22,908
Hey, Bow. Hey, Connie.
360
00:13:22,909 --> 00:13:24,154
What you in for? A touch-up?
361
00:13:24,244 --> 00:13:26,998
- Legs and brows?
- Maybe a little more.
362
00:13:27,014 --> 00:13:29,448
Oh. Whose birthday is it?
363
00:13:29,449 --> 00:13:31,016
Is it someone's birthday?
Are we having cake?
364
00:13:31,017 --> 00:13:32,951
No, we're not having cake.
365
00:13:32,952 --> 00:13:34,520
But, sweetheart,
why don't you take my phone?
366
00:13:34,521 --> 00:13:35,959
Go sit over there, okay?
367
00:13:35,989 --> 00:13:38,224
So, if you want to take it
down to the deck,
368
00:13:38,225 --> 00:13:41,127
our two best options are hot wax or laser.
369
00:13:41,128 --> 00:13:43,716
Ooh. Hot wax or laser? Does that hurt?
370
00:13:43,765 --> 00:13:47,100
It's hot wax and lasers,
so, yeah, sweetie, it hurts.
371
00:13:47,101 --> 00:13:49,636
Well, if they hurt, why would you do that?
372
00:13:49,637 --> 00:13:52,238
Well, it's a... it's a beauty treatment.
373
00:13:52,239 --> 00:13:56,642
It's something that women do
to help them look better.
374
00:13:56,643 --> 00:13:58,927
Should I do hot wax and lasers, too?
375
00:13:58,946 --> 00:14:01,181
No. You should not.
376
00:14:01,182 --> 00:14:02,215
Oh.
377
00:14:05,553 --> 00:14:07,387
You know what?
378
00:14:07,388 --> 00:14:10,590
Sweetheart, we should be who we are.
379
00:14:10,591 --> 00:14:11,758
Yeah.
380
00:14:11,759 --> 00:14:14,360
You're already the most beautiful person
381
00:14:14,361 --> 00:14:15,360
in the world, mommy.
382
00:14:15,361 --> 00:14:16,663
Aww. Thank you, sweetie.
383
00:14:16,763 --> 00:14:18,564
- Except your toes.
- What?
384
00:14:18,565 --> 00:14:20,433
Those are jacked up.
385
00:14:22,102 --> 00:14:24,514
Hey, baby girl. How you doing?
386
00:14:24,606 --> 00:14:25,606
Terrible.
387
00:14:25,606 --> 00:14:27,007
How was school?
388
00:14:27,008 --> 00:14:29,710
You mean that place Andre goes
where I met him and then I lost him?
389
00:14:29,744 --> 00:14:31,835
Thanks for bringing that up, dad.
390
00:14:32,180 --> 00:14:35,182
Okay. My bad.
391
00:14:36,584 --> 00:14:38,184
What's wrong, Dre?
392
00:14:38,185 --> 00:14:39,485
Nothing.
393
00:14:39,486 --> 00:14:41,929
Nah, player. Nah. Talk to me.
394
00:14:41,931 --> 00:14:43,356
I can tell something's wrong.
395
00:14:43,357 --> 00:14:45,892
You got the droopy eyelids,
and your elbow's all ashy.
396
00:14:45,893 --> 00:14:48,928
Come on. Talk to me.
397
00:14:48,929 --> 00:14:50,811
Okay, look, man.
398
00:14:50,998 --> 00:14:53,400
The French kid dumped my daughter.
399
00:14:53,401 --> 00:14:56,503
He thinks she's shallow.
Can you believe he said that?
400
00:14:56,504 --> 00:14:58,338
Well, she is your daughter.
401
00:14:58,339 --> 00:15:00,339
Unless she's not.
402
00:15:00,340 --> 00:15:02,136
I mean, you swabbed her, right?
403
00:15:02,176 --> 00:15:03,409
Of course I swabbed her.
404
00:15:03,410 --> 00:15:05,178
Man, you've seen her.
She don't even look like me.
405
00:15:05,180 --> 00:15:08,245
Hey, wait. Are you calling me shallow?
406
00:15:08,416 --> 00:15:09,683
I mean, not in a bad way.
407
00:15:09,684 --> 00:15:12,386
I mean, we are men.
We supposed to be shallow.
408
00:15:12,387 --> 00:15:15,422
Oh, my God. You're right.
409
00:15:15,423 --> 00:15:16,856
How's she taking the whole thing?
410
00:15:16,857 --> 00:15:18,225
She doesn't even know it, man.
411
00:15:18,226 --> 00:15:20,605
The coward broke up with her
and didn't even tell her why.
412
00:15:20,662 --> 00:15:22,929
Well, that's why she's so sad.
She don't know what happened.
413
00:15:22,930 --> 00:15:24,628
You got to tell her why.
414
00:15:24,630 --> 00:15:25,830
Man, I can't tell her that.
415
00:15:25,900 --> 00:15:27,801
Look, you've got to keep it real
with your kids.
416
00:15:27,802 --> 00:15:29,636
Just find a way to say it.
417
00:15:29,637 --> 00:15:33,308
Look. I'm gonna help you.
Pretend I'm your daughter.
418
00:15:33,308 --> 00:15:35,276
I'm not pretending
you're my daughter, Charlie.
419
00:15:35,277 --> 00:15:36,677
Come on, man. I'm your daughter.
420
00:15:36,678 --> 00:15:38,753
- No.
- I don't want you being mad at me
421
00:15:38,755 --> 00:15:40,315
because I ain't role-play when
you needing me to role-play.
422
00:15:40,316 --> 00:15:41,583
- Now, come on, now.
- No.
423
00:15:41,584 --> 00:15:42,851
Come on! Come on, come on,
come on, come on!
424
00:15:42,852 --> 00:15:44,285
- Come on, come on.
- Okay, fine.
425
00:15:44,286 --> 00:15:45,653
Okay.
426
00:15:47,089 --> 00:15:49,357
Zoey, sweetie, I...
427
00:15:49,358 --> 00:15:51,025
I'm pregnant, and I hate you!
428
00:15:51,026 --> 00:15:53,011
I knew this was a bad idea.
429
00:15:53,069 --> 00:15:54,495
I'm moving to North Carolina
to be with him,
430
00:15:54,496 --> 00:15:56,031
and there ain't nothing
you can do about it!
431
00:15:56,032 --> 00:15:58,533
He's not even from North Carolina!
432
00:15:58,534 --> 00:15:59,867
I need $800!
433
00:15:59,868 --> 00:16:01,769
Okay. We're done.
434
00:16:01,770 --> 00:16:04,540
No, I'm... I'm just playing.
It's is your boy Charlie talking right now.
435
00:16:04,542 --> 00:16:06,274
All right. I really need $800.
436
00:16:06,275 --> 00:16:10,144
Uh, y-you ever lose your walk-around money
at a cock fight?
437
00:16:11,880 --> 00:16:14,214
Teach me the thing.
438
00:16:14,215 --> 00:16:15,650
You know, the sourball trick.
439
00:16:15,651 --> 00:16:16,884
Only if you say it.
440
00:16:16,885 --> 00:16:18,485
Dude, just show me.
441
00:16:18,486 --> 00:16:19,720
Dude, just say it.
442
00:16:19,721 --> 00:16:21,588
Fine. You're cute.
443
00:16:21,589 --> 00:16:23,357
No, that's not it.
444
00:16:24,726 --> 00:16:27,261
- You're cuter than...
- I can't hear you.
445
00:16:27,262 --> 00:16:28,863
You're cuter than me!
446
00:16:28,864 --> 00:16:31,042
Thank you. That so hard?
447
00:16:31,066 --> 00:16:33,067
Where are you going?
448
00:16:33,068 --> 00:16:34,469
I'm also smarter than you.
449
00:16:34,470 --> 00:16:36,971
The sourball trick dies with me.
450
00:16:39,274 --> 00:16:42,076
I was out of ideas on how to cheer Zoey up,
451
00:16:42,077 --> 00:16:44,261
so I tried an old standby.
452
00:16:44,313 --> 00:16:45,713
Oh, hey, hey, hey.
453
00:16:45,714 --> 00:16:47,120
These are the ones, all right?
454
00:16:47,150 --> 00:16:48,716
These are the more expensive version
455
00:16:48,717 --> 00:16:50,718
of the pair that you just got.
456
00:16:50,719 --> 00:16:52,319
So definitely these.
457
00:16:52,320 --> 00:16:53,706
I don't know.
458
00:16:53,756 --> 00:16:56,056
Come on. Snap out of it.
459
00:16:56,057 --> 00:16:58,136
I don't get it. Like, why would he
break up with me?
460
00:16:58,160 --> 00:17:00,428
Who knows why dumb people
do dumb things? All right?
461
00:17:00,429 --> 00:17:02,997
They're dumb, and they're
French, and they're dumb.
462
00:17:02,998 --> 00:17:06,101
I just feel like if I knew,
I could actually get past it.
463
00:17:09,305 --> 00:17:11,113
Look, Zo-zo,
464
00:17:11,207 --> 00:17:15,175
I may have found out
from an anonymous secret source
465
00:17:15,176 --> 00:17:19,238
that Andre thinks you're...
466
00:17:19,348 --> 00:17:20,348
Shallow.
467
00:17:20,349 --> 00:17:21,850
Shallow?
468
00:17:21,852 --> 00:17:24,058
I-I know, baby. He is so wrong.
469
00:17:24,060 --> 00:17:25,746
That is such a relief.
470
00:17:25,755 --> 00:17:27,656
I thought it was something
serious, like I was ugly.
471
00:17:27,657 --> 00:17:30,258
You know what, dad?
Those are cute. Can I get those?
472
00:17:30,259 --> 00:17:32,260
- Absolutely!
- Thank you.
473
00:17:32,262 --> 00:17:34,462
Boys are wack.
474
00:17:34,463 --> 00:17:36,431
Ha! Now you're talking. Hey, you know what?
475
00:17:36,432 --> 00:17:38,233
- Let's get some sunglasses, too.
- Ooh.
476
00:17:38,234 --> 00:17:41,886
And just like that,
I had my baby girl back.
477
00:17:41,888 --> 00:17:44,105
And a tight new pair
of Ray-bans for myself.
478
00:17:45,552 --> 00:17:48,344
The next couple of days
with Zoey were golden,
479
00:17:48,345 --> 00:17:50,146
just like my grilled cheese.
480
00:17:50,147 --> 00:17:51,147
Ha!
481
00:17:51,148 --> 00:17:52,948
Now, I don't know why
482
00:17:52,949 --> 00:17:55,351
you have an Instagram account
for grilled cheese
483
00:17:55,352 --> 00:17:56,552
or who follows it,
484
00:17:56,553 --> 00:17:59,855
but you let everyone know
that this is mine.
485
00:17:59,857 --> 00:18:01,157
Okay, I'm gonna hashtag it...
486
00:18:01,158 --> 00:18:03,226
Lovingmydaddysgrilledcheese.
487
00:18:03,227 --> 00:18:05,061
I mean, if that's what you want do.
488
00:18:06,196 --> 00:18:07,997
- That's Derrick.
- What?
489
00:18:09,299 --> 00:18:10,266
Derrick?
490
00:18:14,871 --> 00:18:16,672
Hey. Thanks for having me.
491
00:18:16,673 --> 00:18:18,774
Of course. You ready to go?
492
00:18:20,943 --> 00:18:23,545
What kind of name is "Derrick"?
493
00:18:23,546 --> 00:18:26,482
It's just "Eric" with a "d." Just be Eric.
494
00:18:26,483 --> 00:18:27,716
Uh-huh.
495
00:18:27,717 --> 00:18:29,485
Do you see what he's wearing?
496
00:18:29,486 --> 00:18:31,660
He's dressed exactly like you.
497
00:18:31,662 --> 00:18:34,023
No. His shoes are blue.
498
00:18:34,024 --> 00:18:35,991
- Who does that?
- You do.
499
00:18:35,992 --> 00:18:38,827
Every Thursday.
You call it Blueshoe Thursdays.
500
00:18:38,828 --> 00:18:39,962
No.
501
00:18:39,963 --> 00:18:42,931
Dre, don't you see what's going on here?
502
00:18:42,932 --> 00:18:46,378
He's you, and you still don't like him.
503
00:18:46,469 --> 00:18:48,637
Through your eyes,
there's never gonna be any boy
504
00:18:48,638 --> 00:18:50,039
that's good enough for Zoey.
505
00:18:51,574 --> 00:18:53,542
Ha!
506
00:18:53,543 --> 00:18:54,714
She's right.
507
00:18:54,745 --> 00:18:56,979
I just had to own up to the fact
508
00:18:56,980 --> 00:18:58,808
that my little girl was growing up.
509
00:18:58,849 --> 00:19:00,216
She was going to date,
510
00:19:00,217 --> 00:19:02,852
and I was gonna hate all of them.
511
00:19:02,853 --> 00:19:05,628
But I could not hate that kid's shoes.
512
00:19:05,630 --> 00:19:07,791
They were awesome.
513
00:19:13,210 --> 00:19:14,839
What's he doing here?
514
00:19:14,912 --> 00:19:16,513
Yeah, what's he doing here?
515
00:19:16,514 --> 00:19:18,464
Hey, guys, I got this, okay?
516
00:19:18,894 --> 00:19:21,852
Derrick, what are you doing here?
517
00:19:21,853 --> 00:19:23,620
- Nice job, Dre.
- No, seriously.
518
00:19:23,655 --> 00:19:26,324
Why should I let you date my daughter?
519
00:19:26,325 --> 00:19:28,980
Well, I'm a gentleman.
520
00:19:28,982 --> 00:19:30,626
I volunteer at a Youth Center.
521
00:19:30,628 --> 00:19:32,542
Derrick's also an amazing artist.
522
00:19:32,544 --> 00:19:34,565
Oh, so you're practicing to be homeless.
523
00:19:34,566 --> 00:19:37,167
Uh, actually, I'd like to
work in advertising.
524
00:19:37,168 --> 00:19:40,136
It's kind of the last
great American art form.
525
00:19:51,115 --> 00:19:52,748
- Ha!
- Ha!
526
00:19:59,390 --> 00:20:02,926
Oh, man. I like your shoe game, son.
527
00:20:02,927 --> 00:20:04,558
I can say the same.
528
00:20:04,629 --> 00:20:06,863
Hey, how about we all do laser tag?
529
00:20:06,864 --> 00:20:09,232
- What do you say?
- And I'm out.
530
00:20:09,233 --> 00:20:11,870
- I'm out, too.
- Way to make it weird, dad.
531
00:20:12,770 --> 00:20:14,437
He never took me to play laser tag.
532
00:20:14,438 --> 00:20:16,974
- Uh...
- He took me.
533
00:20:16,975 --> 00:20:20,975
sync and correction by solfieri
www.addic7ed.com