1
00:00:00,433 --> 00:00:03,102
Growing up, we didn't have much,
2
00:00:03,103 --> 00:00:05,062
so when you actually got a gift?
3
00:00:05,063 --> 00:00:06,392
It was special.
4
00:00:06,393 --> 00:00:09,812
There you go, baby,
the "Running Scared" soundtrack.
5
00:00:09,813 --> 00:00:12,062
Found it on the ground at work.
6
00:00:12,063 --> 00:00:13,102
There you go.
7
00:00:13,103 --> 00:00:14,932
All right, now.
8
00:00:14,933 --> 00:00:17,482
For real, whoever said
"It's the thought that counts"
9
00:00:17,483 --> 00:00:19,392
never got a gift from Andre Johnson.
10
00:00:19,393 --> 00:00:20,590
Voilà!
11
00:00:20,591 --> 00:00:21,932
Ohh!
12
00:00:21,933 --> 00:00:24,061
Baby, look at this!
13
00:00:24,062 --> 00:00:25,971
There gonna be some
changes around here.
14
00:00:25,972 --> 00:00:28,141
Anybody got a problem
wearing short shorts?
15
00:00:28,142 --> 00:00:30,801
And no one gets
more Andre Johnson gifts
16
00:00:30,802 --> 00:00:32,261
than Andre Johnson's queen.
17
00:00:32,262 --> 00:00:33,301
Bam!
18
00:00:33,302 --> 00:00:35,101
Ohh, Dre.
19
00:00:35,102 --> 00:00:36,971
Bam!
20
00:00:36,972 --> 00:00:39,511
It's incredible!
21
00:00:39,512 --> 00:00:41,181
- Bam!
- Oh, oh!
22
00:00:41,182 --> 00:00:42,931
Oh!
23
00:00:42,932 --> 00:00:45,221
You'd think someone
as gifted as I was
24
00:00:45,222 --> 00:00:46,761
in the art of presentry
25
00:00:46,762 --> 00:00:49,351
would marry someone
with similar skills, right?
26
00:00:49,352 --> 00:00:51,301
Happy birthday.
27
00:00:58,432 --> 00:01:00,011
No. No, Dre.
28
00:01:00,012 --> 00:01:01,641
Hey, hey. Where's it at?
29
00:01:01,642 --> 00:01:03,061
- Dre.
- What?
30
00:01:03,062 --> 00:01:04,181
Dre.
31
00:01:05,972 --> 00:01:08,181
Look at that,
it's your first print ad.
32
00:01:08,182 --> 00:01:10,761
Oh. How thoughtful.
33
00:01:10,762 --> 00:01:14,069
But no, Bow's terrible
at giving gifts.
34
00:01:14,517 --> 00:01:19,181
Subtitle sync and corrections by
awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.
35
00:01:19,182 --> 00:01:20,601
- So, Dre.
- Yeah?
36
00:01:20,602 --> 00:01:22,971
So what'd you get Bow
for her birthday?
37
00:01:22,972 --> 00:01:24,681
How did you know it was
my wife's birthday?
38
00:01:24,682 --> 00:01:26,721
Well, I keep all the
important Black Lady Birthdays
39
00:01:26,722 --> 00:01:28,931
in my Important Black Lady
Birthday calendar.
40
00:01:28,932 --> 00:01:30,431
November, Whoopi.
41
00:01:30,432 --> 00:01:32,221
December, Janelle.
42
00:01:32,222 --> 00:01:33,561
January, Oprah.
43
00:01:33,562 --> 00:01:35,641
February, your wife.
44
00:01:35,642 --> 00:01:37,301
- Now...
- Mm-hmm.
45
00:01:37,302 --> 00:01:39,351
...if you haven't
gotten her anything yet,
46
00:01:39,352 --> 00:01:41,446
I am happy to pop out
of a cake for you.
47
00:01:41,470 --> 00:01:42,460
What?
48
00:01:42,461 --> 00:01:43,511
What are you gonna get her?
49
00:01:43,512 --> 00:01:44,721
I mean, are you
gonna get her flowers,
50
00:01:44,722 --> 00:01:47,471
a spa day, or a hall pass?
51
00:01:47,472 --> 00:01:50,301
No. No, I got her something
that she's going to love
52
00:01:50,302 --> 00:01:53,181
because we all know that
I am great at gift-giving.
53
00:01:53,182 --> 00:01:54,561
- That's true.
- That's true.
54
00:01:54,562 --> 00:01:56,851
- This man once gave me clean urine.
- It wasn't mine.
55
00:01:56,852 --> 00:01:58,721
And you once gave me that DNA test
56
00:01:58,722 --> 00:02:00,351
that proved I was
23 percent Norwegian
57
00:02:00,352 --> 00:02:02,431
and zero percent my father's child.
58
00:02:02,432 --> 00:02:06,061
I wish Bow was as good
at gift-giving as I am.
59
00:02:06,062 --> 00:02:08,181
You know, last week for my birthday,
60
00:02:08,182 --> 00:02:10,931
she framed my awful first print ad.
61
00:02:10,932 --> 00:02:13,431
Not... not the Honda
"Run Dat" campaign?
62
00:02:13,432 --> 00:02:15,391
- No.
- "Getting Jiggy with Jif"?
63
00:02:15,392 --> 00:02:18,301
- Nope.
- "Kaiser Permanente: Ooh Child"?
64
00:02:18,302 --> 00:02:19,066
No.
65
00:02:19,090 --> 00:02:21,351
Wow, Dre, you really were
phoning it in back then.
66
00:02:21,352 --> 00:02:22,988
But you know what? Giving good gifts
67
00:02:23,012 --> 00:02:24,801
is a solid half of
what a wife is for.
68
00:02:24,802 --> 00:02:27,391
I mean, what else does that
woman do with her time?
69
00:02:27,392 --> 00:02:29,561
She's a massage therapist,
for God's sakes.
70
00:02:29,562 --> 00:02:31,511
My wife is an anesthesiologist.
71
00:02:31,512 --> 00:02:33,301
And janitors are custodians.
72
00:02:33,302 --> 00:02:35,391
I get it, Dre, but you have
got to talk to her about this.
73
00:02:35,392 --> 00:02:36,601
She's never gonna get better.
74
00:02:36,602 --> 00:02:38,011
Okay, hold on, hold on.
75
00:02:38,012 --> 00:02:39,761
My wife is one of the busiest,
76
00:02:39,762 --> 00:02:42,181
most badass people that I know.
77
00:02:42,182 --> 00:02:44,301
And she does everything great
that matters.
78
00:02:44,302 --> 00:02:47,561
So, you know, I-I really think
I'm overreacting on this.
79
00:02:47,562 --> 00:02:49,891
Yes, you are. Because you have
a beautiful wife.
80
00:02:49,892 --> 00:02:52,261
A beautiful Black lady wife.
81
00:02:52,262 --> 00:02:55,761
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have to go send Erykah Badu
82
00:02:55,762 --> 00:02:57,851
an Edible Arrangement
for her birthday.
83
00:02:57,852 --> 00:02:59,681
- Oh, okay.
- I don't have the address,
84
00:02:59,682 --> 00:03:02,101
but I figured if I put
"Erykah Badu, Atlanta"
85
00:03:02,102 --> 00:03:04,391
on there, she should get it.
86
00:03:10,182 --> 00:03:11,761
Uh-oh.
87
00:03:11,762 --> 00:03:14,471
Must be girl trouble.
88
00:03:14,472 --> 00:03:17,301
Your father used to look
like that when he got dumped.
89
00:03:17,302 --> 00:03:20,801
Damaged a lot of kitchen tables
with that anvil head of his.
90
00:03:20,802 --> 00:03:23,141
All right, what happened?
91
00:03:23,142 --> 00:03:25,971
Well, Jack asked Savannah out.
92
00:03:25,972 --> 00:03:27,511
It was the best lunchtime drama
93
00:03:27,512 --> 00:03:29,351
since Britney lied and told people
94
00:03:29,352 --> 00:03:31,351
that she was dating one of
the "Stranger Things" kids.
95
00:03:31,352 --> 00:03:33,561
- It was supposed to be romantic.
- Mm.
96
00:03:33,562 --> 00:03:35,301
Like one of those
YouTube prom-posals.
97
00:03:35,302 --> 00:03:37,061
But instead...
98
00:03:37,062 --> 00:03:38,971
I found out she has...
99
00:03:38,972 --> 00:03:41,561
...a boyfriend.
100
00:03:41,562 --> 00:03:43,011
I don't understand.
101
00:03:43,012 --> 00:03:45,471
We talked all night
at Diane's sleepover.
102
00:03:45,472 --> 00:03:46,851
We had a connection.
103
00:03:46,852 --> 00:03:48,011
I told her my hopes...
104
00:03:48,012 --> 00:03:49,431
Meeting Mr. Peanut.
105
00:03:49,432 --> 00:03:50,432
And my fears.
106
00:03:50,433 --> 00:03:51,511
Mr. Peanut's a jerk.
107
00:03:51,512 --> 00:03:52,851
It's not fair.
108
00:03:52,852 --> 00:03:55,101
Okay, Jack, let me ask you something.
109
00:03:55,102 --> 00:03:57,221
Have you ever met this boyfriend?
110
00:03:57,222 --> 00:03:58,301
Hmm, no.
111
00:03:58,302 --> 00:04:00,141
Mm-hmm.
112
00:04:00,142 --> 00:04:03,261
Sounds to me like she's
just playing the game.
113
00:04:03,262 --> 00:04:06,761
You ignore this girl
and ask out her best friend.
114
00:04:06,762 --> 00:04:09,141
She'll be yours in no time.
115
00:04:09,142 --> 00:04:10,801
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
116
00:04:10,802 --> 00:04:14,971
Trust me, it's how I
imploded The Commodores.
117
00:04:14,972 --> 00:04:18,851
I played Walter Orange
like a slap bass.
118
00:04:22,142 --> 00:04:24,511
Almond milk? That's Charlie's.
119
00:04:24,512 --> 00:04:27,301
Dijon mustard? That's Charlie's.
120
00:04:27,302 --> 00:04:30,101
Amoxicillin?
Better believe that's Charlie's.
121
00:04:30,102 --> 00:04:32,101
Hey, Charlie,
122
00:04:32,102 --> 00:04:34,650
Mr. Stevens is letting me
pitch an account,
123
00:04:34,651 --> 00:04:36,610
and I wanted to run
a few ideas by you.
124
00:04:36,611 --> 00:04:37,900
Okay, that makes sense.
125
00:04:37,901 --> 00:04:40,270
I am a respected advertising
professional, so go ahead.
126
00:04:40,271 --> 00:04:42,270
That you are!
127
00:04:42,271 --> 00:04:44,650
Also everyone else is at lunch.
128
00:04:44,651 --> 00:04:47,690
So, the campaign is for
these pants called Fielders,
129
00:04:47,691 --> 00:04:49,480
and I was thinking we take
a social media approach
130
00:04:49,481 --> 00:04:50,690
- and try to...
- Hold on.
131
00:04:50,691 --> 00:04:53,150
Fielders sell khakis old
men buy at grocery stores.
132
00:04:53,151 --> 00:04:55,440
You as much as mention "hashtag,"
133
00:04:55,441 --> 00:04:56,900
you lost their business.
134
00:04:56,901 --> 00:05:01,770
Now, imagine advertising
something basic, like potatoes.
135
00:05:01,771 --> 00:05:04,360
How am I supposed to come up
with a good campaign
136
00:05:04,361 --> 00:05:06,360
if I have to be basic and bland?
137
00:05:06,361 --> 00:05:08,190
Therein lies the challenge.
138
00:05:08,191 --> 00:05:10,860
You must immerse yourself
in blandness.
139
00:05:10,861 --> 00:05:14,110
Hey, guys, there's a green
pepper in my chicken salad...
140
00:05:14,111 --> 00:05:15,560
- too spicy for me...
- I'll take it.
141
00:05:15,561 --> 00:05:18,371
- Um...
- Charlie's.
142
00:05:20,061 --> 00:05:22,331
Hey. Necco wafer?
143
00:05:24,361 --> 00:05:26,400
Hey, Josh.
144
00:05:26,401 --> 00:05:27,900
Let me pick your brain for a second.
145
00:05:27,901 --> 00:05:29,440
Sure!
146
00:05:29,441 --> 00:05:31,560
Talking to the guys
made me realize...
147
00:05:31,561 --> 00:05:34,440
so what if Bow was terrible at gifts?
148
00:05:34,441 --> 00:05:37,270
I was big enough to put
my personal feelings aside
149
00:05:37,271 --> 00:05:38,770
and get my badass wife
150
00:05:38,771 --> 00:05:40,730
the fanciest present I could find.
151
00:05:40,731 --> 00:05:42,360
- Bow?
- Mm-hmm?
152
00:05:42,361 --> 00:05:43,440
Come in here, babe.
153
00:05:43,441 --> 00:05:45,900
You know what today is!
154
00:05:45,901 --> 00:05:48,360
- Is it Flag Day?
- No.
155
00:05:48,361 --> 00:05:50,230
Arbor Day?
156
00:05:50,231 --> 00:05:51,560
Unh-unh, guess again.
157
00:05:51,561 --> 00:05:54,270
Oh, is it my birthday?
158
00:05:54,271 --> 00:05:56,320
Yes, it is!
159
00:05:56,321 --> 00:05:58,900
And you have something for me?
160
00:05:58,901 --> 00:06:01,060
Yes, I do.
161
00:06:01,061 --> 00:06:02,021
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
162
00:06:02,022 --> 00:06:04,060
- Okay, I'm gonna open it.
- Okay.
163
00:06:05,111 --> 00:06:07,610
Ohh, Dre!
164
00:06:07,611 --> 00:06:08,820
Mm-hmm.
165
00:06:08,821 --> 00:06:11,110
Oh, this is incredible.
166
00:06:11,111 --> 00:06:14,020
It's the most beautiful
thing I've ever seen!
167
00:06:14,021 --> 00:06:15,440
- It is, isn't it?
- Oh, what...
168
00:06:15,441 --> 00:06:17,440
D-Dre, I can't wait
to show everybody.
169
00:06:17,441 --> 00:06:18,661
Yeah, at least one of us
170
00:06:18,685 --> 00:06:19,980
knocks it out of the park every year.
171
00:06:19,981 --> 00:06:21,108
What did you say? Hmm?
172
00:06:21,109 --> 00:06:23,020
You know what, babe?
173
00:06:23,021 --> 00:06:24,980
I'm just going to come clean.
174
00:06:24,981 --> 00:06:27,400
- Year after year...
- Yeah.
175
00:06:27,401 --> 00:06:29,480
...I give you the best
presents in the world,
176
00:06:29,481 --> 00:06:32,110
and your gifts to me
don't even come close.
177
00:06:32,111 --> 00:06:33,360
Huh?
178
00:06:33,361 --> 00:06:35,060
Baby, I love you.
179
00:06:35,061 --> 00:06:37,820
But your gift game is straight trash.
180
00:06:39,651 --> 00:06:45,610
Dre, Dre, Dre, Dre, Dre, Dre.
181
00:06:45,611 --> 00:06:48,230
We're being honest right now, right?
182
00:06:48,231 --> 00:06:49,690
Tell the truth and shame the devil.
183
00:06:49,691 --> 00:06:51,110
Uh-huh.
184
00:06:51,111 --> 00:06:53,190
- You give terrible gifts.
- What?!
185
00:06:53,191 --> 00:06:55,690
You give boo-boo gifts!
186
00:06:55,691 --> 00:06:57,940
Boo-boo gifts, Dre!
187
00:06:57,941 --> 00:06:59,150
You have the receipt for that?
188
00:06:59,151 --> 00:07:00,541
Huh?
189
00:07:02,902 --> 00:07:05,893
I do not give boo-boo gifts, Bow!
190
00:07:05,894 --> 00:07:07,331
You're just lashing out.
191
00:07:07,332 --> 00:07:09,531
I see your eyes when
you open your presents.
192
00:07:09,532 --> 00:07:10,781
You love them.
193
00:07:10,782 --> 00:07:12,991
Oh, I do?
194
00:07:12,992 --> 00:07:14,531
Yes, you do.
195
00:07:14,532 --> 00:07:16,241
Oh!
196
00:07:16,242 --> 00:07:18,951
Ohh!
197
00:07:18,952 --> 00:07:20,661
Dre!
198
00:07:21,782 --> 00:07:23,701
You've been faking it?
199
00:07:23,702 --> 00:07:24,781
Yeah!
200
00:07:24,782 --> 00:07:26,411
I bought you diamonds.
201
00:07:26,412 --> 00:07:28,071
It was nice at first,
202
00:07:28,072 --> 00:07:30,781
but how much jewelry
does a woman need?
203
00:07:30,782 --> 00:07:33,071
You can never have
too many diamonds, Bow.
204
00:07:33,072 --> 00:07:34,451
Let me tell you, Dre.
205
00:07:34,452 --> 00:07:39,741
The best gift that I ever got
in my entire life
206
00:07:39,742 --> 00:07:41,621
was when I was a kid.
207
00:07:41,622 --> 00:07:45,371
My dad... he hand-sewed me
a doll that looked like me.
208
00:07:45,372 --> 00:07:48,371
There's no way that
a store-bought gift
209
00:07:48,372 --> 00:07:51,661
can compare to something
with meaning behind it.
210
00:07:51,662 --> 00:07:54,571
Why do you think I took
that art class last year?
211
00:07:54,572 --> 00:07:56,031
Mnh-mnh.
212
00:07:56,032 --> 00:07:59,571
So I could hand-paint you a tree
213
00:07:59,572 --> 00:08:02,701
that represents our family.
214
00:08:02,702 --> 00:08:04,121
But I wanted a fur.
215
00:08:04,122 --> 00:08:05,991
Yeah, and you bought
yourself the fur, Dre.
216
00:08:05,992 --> 00:08:08,411
It's not the same thing, Bow!
217
00:08:08,412 --> 00:08:13,871
Okay, look, what you're
saying is nice, I get it.
218
00:08:13,872 --> 00:08:14,951
Thank you.
219
00:08:14,952 --> 00:08:16,951
But, babe...
220
00:08:16,952 --> 00:08:21,031
I never thought I would
be able to spend real money
221
00:08:21,032 --> 00:08:22,531
on the people I love.
222
00:08:22,532 --> 00:08:23,661
Tsk. Mm.
223
00:08:23,662 --> 00:08:25,661
And now that I'm able to,
it's what I do.
224
00:08:25,662 --> 00:08:27,451
Okay, you know what, Dre?
225
00:08:27,452 --> 00:08:29,331
Forget I said anything.
Get me whatever you want.
226
00:08:29,332 --> 00:08:31,201
No, no, no. Dre...
227
00:08:31,202 --> 00:08:33,491
Babe...
228
00:08:33,492 --> 00:08:34,831
I can change.
229
00:08:34,832 --> 00:08:36,701
Because I love you.
230
00:08:36,702 --> 00:08:39,071
So, for Valentine's Day,
231
00:08:39,072 --> 00:08:42,911
I am going to find
you a thoughtful gift.
232
00:08:42,912 --> 00:08:44,531
Thank you, my love.
233
00:08:44,532 --> 00:08:46,281
But I also need to be
treated in the gift lifestyle
234
00:08:46,282 --> 00:08:47,831
to which I've become accustomed.
235
00:08:47,832 --> 00:08:49,871
Then I will buy you
236
00:08:49,872 --> 00:08:53,201
something so expensive...
237
00:08:53,202 --> 00:08:56,121
that our home insurance
policy won't cover it.
238
00:08:57,372 --> 00:08:58,871
So I had to get Bow
239
00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:01,621
a meaningful but cheap-ass gift,
240
00:09:01,622 --> 00:09:04,411
which meant I was the first Black man
241
00:09:04,412 --> 00:09:06,241
to ever walk into a craft store.
242
00:09:06,242 --> 00:09:07,281
Ow! Damn it!
243
00:09:07,282 --> 00:09:09,071
What is going on, Dad?
244
00:09:09,072 --> 00:09:10,871
Ohh.
245
00:09:10,872 --> 00:09:13,951
Court-mandated art therapy
to manage your anger?
246
00:09:13,952 --> 00:09:15,161
Shut up, Junior!
247
00:09:15,162 --> 00:09:17,871
I'm just trying to be thoughtful.
248
00:09:17,872 --> 00:09:19,571
I just made your mother
this nightmare.
249
00:09:19,572 --> 00:09:21,121
Oh, my God!
250
00:09:21,122 --> 00:09:22,661
What is that?!
251
00:09:22,662 --> 00:09:23,831
It's supposed to be her.
252
00:09:23,832 --> 00:09:25,571
Yeah, you cannot give that to Mom.
253
00:09:25,572 --> 00:09:26,951
I know!
254
00:09:26,952 --> 00:09:28,531
Look, I need your help, all right?
255
00:09:28,532 --> 00:09:30,411
Look, I just found out
that your mother
256
00:09:30,412 --> 00:09:33,371
is the only person alive
that does not like diamonds.
257
00:09:33,372 --> 00:09:35,661
Help me, uh, come up
258
00:09:35,662 --> 00:09:37,661
with a thoughtful
Valentine's Day gift for her.
259
00:09:37,662 --> 00:09:39,281
Oh!
260
00:09:39,282 --> 00:09:42,371
Well, I have a whole Pinterest
board full of ideas.
261
00:09:42,372 --> 00:09:43,661
I've got to be honest, though,
262
00:09:43,662 --> 00:09:46,531
they are all son-to-mother
vibes, not romantic.
263
00:09:46,532 --> 00:09:48,661
She shut that down years ago.
264
00:09:48,662 --> 00:09:50,331
This is stupid.
265
00:09:50,332 --> 00:09:53,331
Why can't we just go back to
the way things were, hmm?
266
00:09:53,332 --> 00:09:55,701
We were lying to each other,
but at least we were happy.
267
00:09:55,702 --> 00:09:57,451
Oh, come on, Dad!
268
00:09:57,452 --> 00:09:58,531
You've got to keep trying.
269
00:09:58,532 --> 00:10:00,121
Maybe just do what I do.
270
00:10:00,122 --> 00:10:02,451
Every time the sun pokes out
from behind a cloud,
271
00:10:02,452 --> 00:10:04,552
give a little thought to Mom.
272
00:10:06,162 --> 00:10:09,331
Look, man, just give me an idea.
273
00:10:09,332 --> 00:10:10,571
Ugh.
274
00:10:10,572 --> 00:10:12,831
Mom could have done so much better.
275
00:10:12,832 --> 00:10:14,161
Get out of here!
276
00:10:14,162 --> 00:10:16,331
Get out!
277
00:10:16,332 --> 00:10:18,621
Son, wait a minute,
please don't leave me!
278
00:10:18,622 --> 00:10:20,371
I'll pay you!
279
00:10:20,372 --> 00:10:22,781
You want some diamonds?!
280
00:10:22,782 --> 00:10:25,071
I got lots of diamonds.
281
00:10:25,072 --> 00:10:26,741
Oh, that's too bad, Savannah.
282
00:10:26,742 --> 00:10:28,951
I'm sorry things didn't work out
with your boyfriend.
283
00:10:28,952 --> 00:10:31,781
How about we talk about it
over froyo tonight?
284
00:10:31,782 --> 00:10:35,161
See you then.
285
00:10:35,162 --> 00:10:36,241
Great news, Grandma.
286
00:10:36,242 --> 00:10:37,701
I played the game and I won.
287
00:10:37,702 --> 00:10:39,281
Oh, yeah?
288
00:10:39,282 --> 00:10:40,951
I went out with Savannah's
best friend, Jessie.
289
00:10:40,952 --> 00:10:42,281
You're so funny.
290
00:10:42,282 --> 00:10:44,701
And then my mom...
she turned the corner and...
291
00:10:44,702 --> 00:10:46,991
And Savannah got jealous.
292
00:10:46,992 --> 00:10:48,781
So now she wants the froyo, yo.
293
00:10:48,782 --> 00:10:49,742
That's great, baby.
294
00:10:49,743 --> 00:10:51,831
Don't forget your Lactaid.
295
00:10:51,832 --> 00:10:53,571
I mean, I'm happy for you, Jack,
296
00:10:53,572 --> 00:10:55,871
but do you really think
you can land this plane?
297
00:10:55,872 --> 00:10:58,071
I mean, what are you
gonna do about Jessie?
298
00:10:58,072 --> 00:10:59,951
He's got to drop her
like a peanut shell
299
00:10:59,952 --> 00:11:01,491
at a barbecue place.
300
00:11:01,492 --> 00:11:02,951
Oh, no.
301
00:11:02,952 --> 00:11:04,701
I have to break up with her, don't I?
302
00:11:04,702 --> 00:11:06,491
Unless...
303
00:11:06,492 --> 00:11:08,831
you're not ready to play the game.
304
00:11:08,832 --> 00:11:09,782
No. No, no, no, no.
305
00:11:09,783 --> 00:11:11,371
I-I can do it.
306
00:11:11,372 --> 00:11:12,621
I'll just break up with her tomorrow.
307
00:11:12,622 --> 00:11:14,071
I'm proud of you, baby.
308
00:11:14,072 --> 00:11:16,661
You know, your father
could never play the game.
309
00:11:16,662 --> 00:11:18,741
That's how he ended up dating
310
00:11:18,742 --> 00:11:21,831
a string of useless chickenheads.
311
00:11:21,832 --> 00:11:23,762
Until he met Mom, you mean.
312
00:11:24,872 --> 00:11:26,071
Sure, baby.
313
00:11:26,072 --> 00:11:27,701
Junior had been useless.
314
00:11:27,702 --> 00:11:29,741
I spent days trying to be thoughtful,
315
00:11:29,742 --> 00:11:33,222
and all I had to show for it
were hot glue burns.
316
00:11:34,622 --> 00:11:36,201
I've been having trouble coming up
317
00:11:36,202 --> 00:11:37,531
with a Valentine's gift for you.
318
00:11:37,532 --> 00:11:39,161
I've got nothing, baby.
Please don't leave me.
319
00:11:39,162 --> 00:11:41,991
Dre, I am not having any
luck, either.
320
00:11:41,992 --> 00:11:45,331
Would you wear a Gucci wetsuit?
321
00:11:45,332 --> 00:11:47,991
When have I wanted to go
into the ocean, Bow?
322
00:11:47,992 --> 00:11:49,331
See? This is really hard.
323
00:11:49,332 --> 00:11:52,871
You know, maybe we're
putting too much pressure
324
00:11:52,872 --> 00:11:55,201
on this Valentine's Day
presents thing.
325
00:11:55,202 --> 00:12:02,031
You know, why don't we do
no Valentine's presents?
326
00:12:02,032 --> 00:12:04,071
Oh.
327
00:12:04,072 --> 00:12:05,951
That's not a bad idea.
328
00:12:05,952 --> 00:12:07,741
I mean, we're driving
ourselves crazy.
329
00:12:07,742 --> 00:12:09,661
And gifts are not important.
330
00:12:09,662 --> 00:12:11,121
- Exactly!
- Exactly!
331
00:12:11,122 --> 00:12:12,241
You know what?
332
00:12:12,242 --> 00:12:15,071
How about we just have
a nice meal together?
333
00:12:15,072 --> 00:12:16,621
- You know...
- Oh!
334
00:12:16,622 --> 00:12:18,451
...a low-key Valentine's experience
335
00:12:18,452 --> 00:12:21,201
with no gifts, no surprises.
336
00:12:21,202 --> 00:12:23,281
No extra pressure on it.
337
00:12:23,282 --> 00:12:24,531
And then we can take the money
338
00:12:24,532 --> 00:12:27,331
that we would save
from buying presents
339
00:12:27,332 --> 00:12:29,531
and pop bottles at the restaurant.
340
00:12:29,532 --> 00:12:30,951
Or...
341
00:12:30,952 --> 00:12:32,491
Or...
342
00:12:32,492 --> 00:12:36,411
...we could make it rain on our IRAs
343
00:12:36,412 --> 00:12:39,161
that we haven't
contributed to since 2014!
344
00:12:39,162 --> 00:12:43,241
Just like pah, pah, pah-pah,
pah, pah, pah-pah-pah-pah.
345
00:12:43,242 --> 00:12:45,121
It's so adorable that you think
346
00:12:45,122 --> 00:12:47,911
there's still money in that account.
347
00:12:49,122 --> 00:12:50,072
Huh?!
348
00:12:50,073 --> 00:12:51,281
Coming, children!
349
00:12:51,282 --> 00:12:52,411
No, no, wait.
350
00:12:52,412 --> 00:12:54,571
Where's the money, though, Dre?
351
00:12:54,572 --> 00:12:55,741
Remember...
352
00:12:55,742 --> 00:12:57,571
When you're working for
a company like Fielder,
353
00:12:57,572 --> 00:13:00,281
you have to be aggressively bland.
354
00:13:00,282 --> 00:13:02,491
Yeah, but what does that mean
for the campaign?
355
00:13:02,492 --> 00:13:04,621
Start by thinking of the most
vanilla statement you can
356
00:13:04,622 --> 00:13:05,572
about the brand and go from there.
357
00:13:05,573 --> 00:13:08,121
Okay, uh...
358
00:13:08,122 --> 00:13:10,371
Fielders are...
359
00:13:10,372 --> 00:13:12,121
good?
360
00:13:12,122 --> 00:13:13,032
No!
361
00:13:13,033 --> 00:13:14,911
"Good" is a value judgment.
362
00:13:14,912 --> 00:13:16,371
Not bland enough. You almost had it.
363
00:13:16,372 --> 00:13:17,781
Take a step back. Deep breath, go.
364
00:13:17,782 --> 00:13:18,871
Uh...
365
00:13:18,872 --> 00:13:20,331
Um...
366
00:13:20,332 --> 00:13:21,951
Fielders are...
367
00:13:21,952 --> 00:13:22,912
Go on.
368
00:13:22,913 --> 00:13:24,371
- ...durable?
- No!
369
00:13:24,372 --> 00:13:25,621
- Comfortable?
- Even blander!
370
00:13:25,622 --> 00:13:26,991
Ah...
371
00:13:26,992 --> 00:13:27,952
Pants?
372
00:13:27,953 --> 00:13:28,991
Bingo.
373
00:13:28,992 --> 00:13:30,951
Fielders are pants.
374
00:13:30,952 --> 00:13:32,241
Good start.
375
00:13:32,242 --> 00:13:34,121
It is?
376
00:13:34,122 --> 00:13:37,991
So I went out and had my
first gift-free Valentine's,
377
00:13:37,992 --> 00:13:39,451
doing what mattered most...
378
00:13:39,452 --> 00:13:41,831
sharing an overpriced prix fixe
379
00:13:41,832 --> 00:13:43,031
with the woman I love.
380
00:13:43,032 --> 00:13:44,032
Mmm.
381
00:13:44,033 --> 00:13:45,281
That's nice.
382
00:13:45,282 --> 00:13:46,411
Yes, it is.
383
00:13:46,412 --> 00:13:47,781
- Oh, my God.
- What?
384
00:13:47,782 --> 00:13:49,831
Look at him.
385
00:13:49,832 --> 00:13:51,871
Look at him patting his pockets.
386
00:13:51,872 --> 00:13:54,241
Every single person
in this restaurant
387
00:13:54,242 --> 00:13:56,121
knows there's something in there.
388
00:13:58,032 --> 00:13:59,661
Valentine's Day chumps.
389
00:13:59,662 --> 00:14:01,071
Amateurs.
390
00:14:01,072 --> 00:14:02,451
- Okay, babe, you know what?
- Hmm?
391
00:14:02,452 --> 00:14:03,571
- I'll be right back.
- Mm.
392
00:14:03,572 --> 00:14:06,911
But this... this is good, right?
393
00:14:06,912 --> 00:14:08,201
Yes!
394
00:14:08,202 --> 00:14:09,871
No pressure Valentine's Day is great,
395
00:14:09,872 --> 00:14:14,871
and maybe we shouldn't do
Christmas gifts this year.
396
00:14:14,872 --> 00:14:18,871
Your face in this candlelight
is all the gift I need.
397
00:14:18,872 --> 00:14:20,411
I'll be right back, baby.
398
00:14:20,412 --> 00:14:22,571
- Hurry back.
- Mm-hmm.
399
00:14:26,492 --> 00:14:28,121
- For the lady.
- Oh, oh, no.
400
00:14:28,122 --> 00:14:29,491
I'm sorry, we didn't order that.
401
00:14:29,492 --> 00:14:30,492
We didn't order that.
402
00:14:30,493 --> 00:14:32,331
Oh, let's just say somebody
403
00:14:32,332 --> 00:14:34,411
wanted to do something
special for you.
404
00:14:34,412 --> 00:14:35,621
Oh!
405
00:14:35,622 --> 00:14:37,071
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
406
00:14:37,072 --> 00:14:38,701
Thank you.
407
00:14:41,202 --> 00:14:43,201
Oh, my God, okay.
408
00:14:43,202 --> 00:14:46,031
The cake.
409
00:14:48,333 --> 00:14:50,331
Posted.
410
00:14:51,492 --> 00:14:52,722
Mm.
411
00:14:54,572 --> 00:14:56,281
I knew.
412
00:14:56,282 --> 00:14:59,371
I knew you had some tricks
up those sleeves.
413
00:14:59,372 --> 00:15:01,552
What are you talking about?
414
00:15:03,872 --> 00:15:05,911
- The cake.
- Oh.
415
00:15:05,912 --> 00:15:07,331
Listen, I should be mad
416
00:15:07,332 --> 00:15:09,071
because we decided
no gifts or surprises,
417
00:15:09,072 --> 00:15:12,241
but I have to say that I am
so glad you got me something.
418
00:15:12,242 --> 00:15:15,031
I didn't send you that cake, babe.
419
00:15:15,032 --> 00:15:17,451
Really? Oh.
420
00:15:17,452 --> 00:15:20,161
We agreed there would be
no gifts and no surprises.
421
00:15:20,162 --> 00:15:21,701
I didn't send you that.
422
00:15:21,702 --> 00:15:22,951
Oh.
423
00:15:22,952 --> 00:15:25,031
Sorry, this is for another table.
424
00:15:25,032 --> 00:15:26,201
Oh, but...
425
00:15:26,202 --> 00:15:27,531
Okay, alright.
426
00:15:27,532 --> 00:15:29,571
You said...
427
00:15:32,452 --> 00:15:33,831
I guess I...
428
00:15:33,832 --> 00:15:35,491
I guess I did want something.
429
00:15:36,872 --> 00:15:38,121
It just feels like with no gifts,
430
00:15:38,122 --> 00:15:39,411
part of Valentine's Day is missing.
431
00:15:39,412 --> 00:15:40,991
Yeah.
432
00:15:40,992 --> 00:15:43,121
The men's room attendant
comped me a mint,
433
00:15:43,122 --> 00:15:44,531
and I almost cried.
434
00:15:44,532 --> 00:15:46,491
Who were we kidding?
435
00:15:46,492 --> 00:15:49,781
Valentine's Day without gifts
isn't Valentine's Day.
436
00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:51,621
It's just a day.
437
00:15:51,622 --> 00:15:54,161
- It was my mother's.
- Oh, my God!
438
00:15:54,162 --> 00:15:56,031
It's beautiful.
439
00:15:56,032 --> 00:15:57,491
It means the world to me.
440
00:15:59,072 --> 00:16:01,172
Valentime's Day is so stupid.
441
00:16:05,282 --> 00:16:07,701
Mmm! Raspberry compote?
442
00:16:07,702 --> 00:16:09,451
Nice try, Reginald.
443
00:16:10,832 --> 00:16:12,571
- Hey, Ruby.
- Hey.
444
00:16:12,572 --> 00:16:13,621
How y'all doing?
445
00:16:13,622 --> 00:16:15,451
Happy Valentine's Day.
446
00:16:15,452 --> 00:16:17,991
Why did I think I wanted
447
00:16:17,992 --> 00:16:19,911
a low-key Valentine's Day, huh?
448
00:16:19,912 --> 00:16:23,661
There's nothing about
me that says low-key.
449
00:16:23,662 --> 00:16:25,411
Hell, I'm the one
that got Funkmaster Flex
450
00:16:25,412 --> 00:16:27,241
to record my outgoing voicemail.
451
00:16:27,242 --> 00:16:29,371
How do we not know how
to take care of each other
452
00:16:29,372 --> 00:16:30,831
after all of these years?
453
00:16:30,832 --> 00:16:33,121
That's making me wonder.
454
00:16:33,122 --> 00:16:35,241
You know, what else
are we messing up?
455
00:16:35,242 --> 00:16:38,241
- I'm starting to question it all.
- Oh, yeah.
456
00:16:38,242 --> 00:16:41,451
This marriage
is really falling apart.
457
00:16:41,452 --> 00:16:43,411
What with the way
you fix her a drink,
458
00:16:43,412 --> 00:16:44,781
and the way you're trying to rub
459
00:16:44,782 --> 00:16:47,451
the stress out of his back.
460
00:16:47,452 --> 00:16:50,012
You two are doomed.
461
00:16:51,452 --> 00:16:52,951
Oh.
462
00:16:52,952 --> 00:16:55,031
But doesn't it mean something
that we missed the mark?
463
00:16:55,032 --> 00:16:56,331
I mean, gift-giving
464
00:16:56,332 --> 00:16:58,701
is one of the most important
ways of expressing love.
465
00:16:58,702 --> 00:17:02,241
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah, well, so are shared experiences.
466
00:17:02,242 --> 00:17:04,371
- Mm-hmm.
- Quiet times together.
467
00:17:04,372 --> 00:17:05,123
Yep.
468
00:17:05,147 --> 00:17:07,371
And working your way
through the Kama Sutra.
469
00:17:07,372 --> 00:17:09,741
- Mama.
- You two fulfill each other's needs
470
00:17:09,742 --> 00:17:11,121
in so many other ways.
471
00:17:11,122 --> 00:17:12,531
This is just a little thing
472
00:17:12,532 --> 00:17:14,161
you don't have to worry
about, alright?
473
00:17:14,162 --> 00:17:15,871
Maybe we are being
too hard on ourselves.
474
00:17:15,872 --> 00:17:17,781
Maybe.
475
00:17:17,782 --> 00:17:19,871
- Thank you, Ruby.
- Mm-hmm.
476
00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:23,241
- I'm gonna go check on Devante, and I'm taking this.
- Okay, baby. Mm-hmm.
477
00:17:23,242 --> 00:17:24,991
You know what? I'm right behind you.
478
00:17:24,992 --> 00:17:26,911
- Thank you, Mama.
- Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
479
00:17:26,912 --> 00:17:27,578
Yeah?
480
00:17:27,602 --> 00:17:29,571
Where the hell do you
think you're going?
481
00:17:29,572 --> 00:17:31,951
You can't buy your wife a gift?
482
00:17:31,952 --> 00:17:33,911
I raised you better than that.
483
00:17:33,912 --> 00:17:35,496
But, Mama, you just said that gifts
484
00:17:35,520 --> 00:17:37,031
- are something...
- No, no, no, no!
485
00:17:37,032 --> 00:17:39,451
How is it no man in this family
486
00:17:39,452 --> 00:17:41,781
- knows how to play the game?
- What?
487
00:17:41,782 --> 00:17:43,911
You go think about Rainbow
488
00:17:43,912 --> 00:17:46,241
and get her something she wants.
489
00:17:46,242 --> 00:17:47,571
Mama, I tried.
490
00:17:47,572 --> 00:17:49,121
Hell, I made her a ugly-ass doll
491
00:17:49,122 --> 00:17:50,281
just like the one her daddy did.
492
00:17:50,282 --> 00:17:52,201
She doesn't want a doll.
493
00:17:52,202 --> 00:17:55,071
She wants what the doll represents.
494
00:17:55,072 --> 00:17:57,571
That you're thinking about her.
495
00:17:57,572 --> 00:17:59,531
Okay, Mama.
496
00:18:01,532 --> 00:18:04,031
I didn't think you cared this
much about Bow's happiness.
497
00:18:04,032 --> 00:18:06,161
I don't.
498
00:18:06,162 --> 00:18:07,491
I just know I didn't raise
499
00:18:07,492 --> 00:18:10,451
no raspberry compote boy.
500
00:18:10,452 --> 00:18:13,831
Old sorry Reginald think he
can get a crack at me
501
00:18:13,832 --> 00:18:15,621
with this cheap candy assortment!
502
00:18:15,622 --> 00:18:17,621
Mm-hmm.
503
00:18:19,572 --> 00:18:23,621
So, I was thinking for Easter,
504
00:18:23,622 --> 00:18:25,161
we should coordinate outfits.
505
00:18:25,162 --> 00:18:26,741
You're a girl's medium, right?
506
00:18:26,742 --> 00:18:29,281
Oh, and Jackie,
507
00:18:29,282 --> 00:18:31,911
today's our four-day
anniversary! Yay!
508
00:18:31,912 --> 00:18:33,741
Oh, yeah.
509
00:18:33,742 --> 00:18:35,331
Happy anniversary, dear.
510
00:18:35,332 --> 00:18:37,661
I'll go get you an Uncrustable.
511
00:18:41,832 --> 00:18:43,741
So you couldn't dump her, could you?
512
00:18:43,742 --> 00:18:45,071
Nah.
513
00:18:45,072 --> 00:18:46,871
I never should have
listened to Grandma.
514
00:18:46,872 --> 00:18:48,741
Well, most of Grandma's
advice stopped being useful
515
00:18:48,742 --> 00:18:51,371
around the Clarence Thomas hearings.
516
00:18:51,372 --> 00:18:52,661
So what are you gonna do?
517
00:18:52,662 --> 00:18:54,371
Well, I've already
committed to Easter,
518
00:18:54,372 --> 00:18:56,781
so I can't break up
with her before then.
519
00:18:56,782 --> 00:18:58,621
Then her birthday's
right around the corner,
520
00:18:58,622 --> 00:19:00,241
then the spring dance.
521
00:19:00,242 --> 00:19:02,831
I'm-a be honest with you, Diane.
522
00:19:02,832 --> 00:19:05,411
I don't see a way out.
523
00:19:05,412 --> 00:19:07,701
Welcome to your first
loveless marriage.
524
00:19:07,702 --> 00:19:09,871
Thought we'd be having
this talk at 25
525
00:19:09,872 --> 00:19:11,781
when you got trapped
by a French CrossFit star
526
00:19:11,782 --> 00:19:13,331
who needed a green card.
527
00:19:13,332 --> 00:19:15,713
But it's nice to know it feels
just as good as I imagined.
528
00:19:17,532 --> 00:19:19,491
I had spent too much time
529
00:19:19,492 --> 00:19:21,991
focusing on the gift instead
of the more important thing...
530
00:19:21,992 --> 00:19:24,991
the person it was for.
531
00:19:24,992 --> 00:19:27,661
And once I did that, I realized
532
00:19:27,662 --> 00:19:29,871
it was pretty easy
to find things she liked.
533
00:19:33,782 --> 00:19:35,831
Hey, babe. Hey.
534
00:19:35,832 --> 00:19:38,121
How was your day?
535
00:19:38,122 --> 00:19:40,491
Much better
after I got a text from you
536
00:19:40,492 --> 00:19:42,281
about Larry's Chili Dogs.
537
00:19:42,282 --> 00:19:43,911
- Mm-hmm.
- That was so sweet.
538
00:19:43,912 --> 00:19:46,241
- Babe, it's where we first met.
- I know.
539
00:19:46,242 --> 00:19:48,031
And I could not drive past that place
540
00:19:48,032 --> 00:19:49,951
and not think about you.
541
00:19:49,952 --> 00:19:52,031
Hey...
542
00:19:52,032 --> 00:19:54,371
What?
543
00:19:54,372 --> 00:19:55,661
I got you something.
544
00:19:55,662 --> 00:19:56,871
What's the occasion?
545
00:19:56,872 --> 00:19:59,831
Just showing you I love you.
546
00:19:59,832 --> 00:20:01,281
Oh. Tsk.
547
00:20:01,282 --> 00:20:02,911
Can I open it?
548
00:20:02,912 --> 00:20:04,491
- Please.
- Okay.
549
00:20:06,282 --> 00:20:07,701
Yes!
550
00:20:07,702 --> 00:20:09,491
Oh, my God, yes!
551
00:20:09,492 --> 00:20:11,831
- Oh, this is so thoughtful.
- Mm.
552
00:20:11,832 --> 00:20:13,121
I'm so glad that you realized
553
00:20:13,122 --> 00:20:15,531
that you don't have to
spend a lot of money on me.
554
00:20:15,532 --> 00:20:17,781
It's the small and sweet gestures.
555
00:20:17,782 --> 00:20:18,871
Oh, God, I love you.
556
00:20:18,872 --> 00:20:20,241
Mwah. Thank you, baby.
557
00:20:20,242 --> 00:20:22,161
Hey, do you want red or white
with the chili dogs?
558
00:20:22,162 --> 00:20:23,531
Which goes better? Uh, red.
559
00:20:23,532 --> 00:20:24,701
- Red? Okay.
- Yeah.
560
00:20:24,702 --> 00:20:26,331
Like Bow said,
561
00:20:26,332 --> 00:20:28,781
I didn't have to spend a lot
of money on a great gift.
562
00:20:28,782 --> 00:20:32,071
But I did... on this
expensive-ass marching band.
563
00:20:32,072 --> 00:20:34,571
So, as a small, sweet gesture,
564
00:20:34,572 --> 00:20:36,307
I got them out before she could see.
565
00:20:36,308 --> 00:20:38,224
Baby steps.
566
00:20:39,296 --> 00:20:42,113
So, Dre's kid, huh?
567
00:20:42,114 --> 00:20:44,573
Fielders pants.
What do you got for me?
568
00:20:44,574 --> 00:20:45,954
Psst. You got this.
569
00:20:47,404 --> 00:20:48,783
Fielders.
570
00:20:48,784 --> 00:20:51,113
They've survived a long time.
571
00:20:51,114 --> 00:20:55,453
Not by being flashy or by
following seasonal trends,
572
00:20:55,454 --> 00:20:57,403
but by being timeless.
573
00:20:57,404 --> 00:20:59,153
And by keeping it simple.
574
00:20:59,154 --> 00:21:02,323
So their new slogan
keeps it simple, too.
575
00:21:02,324 --> 00:21:06,403
"Fielders:
They're the pants you wear."
576
00:21:06,404 --> 00:21:08,823
Yeah, I really hoped you'd
come up with something
577
00:21:08,824 --> 00:21:10,823
more urban, you know? Like, um...
578
00:21:10,824 --> 00:21:13,863
"Fielders: Ooh, Child."
579
00:21:13,864 --> 00:21:16,533
What about "Fielders:
Where the Homies at?"
580
00:21:16,534 --> 00:21:17,953
Yes! Outstanding, Charles.
581
00:21:17,954 --> 00:21:19,863
We will run with that.
582
00:21:19,864 --> 00:21:22,884
- Mom!
- Shh! Daddy's working.
583
00:21:24,351 --> 00:21:29,451
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