DRE: Everyone's got a family tree.
A record of who they are and where they come from.
Ancient branches that reach back in time to the deepest roots of identity.
Okay. Maybe not that deep.
(SIGHS) We're so getting an "F."
Hope you love summer school, friend.
Can we beef up our family tree with dead pets?
Won't help.
Lyla Chilton's family came here on the Mayflower.
Hey, you tell your teacher we sailed over on a boat, too.
But unlike Lyla Chilton's family, we came with a receipt.
- Dre. - Hey!
It's not my fault nobody shows any love
to the history of the enslaved and the oppressed.
All we get is a boring mini-series every 400 years.
Well, babies, I know a lot about your heritage.
I actually did a genetic swab once.
- Let me see if I still have that e-mail. - Swab.
They don't need no damn Q-tip telling them where they're from.
Pops, DNA analysis is amazing. You get a whole rundown.
Oh, oh! Here it is. Here it is.
Okay, put this on my part, okay?
23% Yoruba, 19% Gaelic,
and no doubt for some horrific reason, 1% Mongol.
Ha! That's where you're from.
- A weird, old-timey five spot. - Mmm-hmm.
Thanks, but we'll just eat the "F."
Oh. Okay.
Guess you don't want to hear about how your Pops' Pops' Pops
used that to bet the future of our whole family
against a notorious and ruthless gangster.
A gangster?
Oh, no. Go ahead. Go ahead.
Watch another one of your SpongeBob ShirtPants.
Okay, guys. Buckle up. You're in for a real Pops special.
It all went down in the year of our Lord 19 and 27,
during the Harlem Renaissance.
Oh, those dudes are hilarious
with their trick dunks and the confetti bucket!
Agreed.
But what I'm talking about, baby boy, is a golden age
when black writers and artists and musicians
planted our cultural flag deep in the soul of this country.
I don't mean your great-great-grandpa Drexler.
He was just a butt-ugly dope who delivered ice.
- Looked a lot like your dad. - DRE: Thanks, Pops.
POPS: But one of his regular stops was the legendary Savoy Club.
(UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS)
It was electric, children.
The hottest dancers wowed them every night.
The gents came for the dames. The dames came for the game.
Running it all, a shrewd and moody gangster, Elroy Savoy.
Send two women and four bottles to the G-men at table 6,
and do something about this music.
This music is terrible.
Keep it the same but different.
Hey, ice boy.
Uh, excuse me, did you say "Ice boy" or "Ass boy"?
What I said is next time you come through here,
use the service corridor.
You're dripping all over my rug.
I caught malaria in Peru looking for this rug.
I ain't peed the same since.
Okay.
POPS: The only one who could warm Elroy
was the soulful songbird Mirabelle Chalet.
Hey, baby, you looking fine.
Well, you ain't got to tell me that.
Right.
But seriously, I... I do look good, don't I?
You look great.
I know, but you think I need to change?
'Cause I got something in the back that's a little better.
POPS: But the hippest cat in the joint
was the legendary sports bookie Bippy Barnes.
Call you back in a few ticks, Mac.
Dolly, go collect on the markers from today's bangtail races.
- With pleasure. - Jolly, go buy me a bag of bullets.
.45s for the Tommy?
You bet your sweet Bippy.
- Where were... - BOW: Hold on.
You're saying, "You bet your sweet Bippy"
came from a bookie named Bippy?
Who's telling the story?
- All right. Oh. - And besides, that's not the point.
The point is that ice wasn't the main reason
that Drex was at the Savoy.
- He was there for Bea. - Who's Bea?
Only the love of his life.
(UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS)
POPS: A dancer with lustrous ebony locks, the smile of an angel,
and getaway sticks that went on for days.
I actually saw a picture of her once.
She looked just like your mama.
- Oh. - Pops, that don't even make sense, man.
She wasn't even related to Bow...
Zip it, ass boy.
Go on, Pops.
- Thank you, Rainbow. - BOW: Mmm-hmm.
DRE: And we're off.
Ripped By mstoll
POPS: Drex and Bea were crazy about each other,
but they really couldn't go public
in a place that stamped both their meal tickets.
Hey, Drexy. Oh! Oh!
- Drexy. - What?
Not here. Way too many eyes.
I swear, Bea, one day, you'll never have to work again.
Oh, really?
Just a breezy life raising our 10 children,
cleaning our house,
mending our clothes, and stomping on rats.
- (GASPS) Rats. - Mmm-hmm. We gonna be rich.
Oh, Drexy... Oh, God.
- What? Oh? - Moon rash.
I swear, one of these days, that thing's gonna tip over and kill me.
- You know what, Bea? - Hmm?
You and the rest of the girls
should organize into a group and demand safer working conditions.
Wow, I never thought of...
- (DINGS) - ZOEY: Hold on.
You're saying our great-great-grandfather
invented unions?
Who's telling the story?
Besides, he didn't just do it for Bea.
He did it for everyone.
Like, uh, Zora the coat-check girl
in her dangerously unventilated closet.
This was an exquisite creature. Copper-colored, timeless beauty.
She looked a lot like you, Zo-Zo.
- Continue. - Very well.
(TELEGRAPH CLICKING)
- Hi. - Yeah, yeah. Hold your horses.
I'll get your coat in a jiff.
I didn't bring a coat.
Coat thief, huh?
- Uh... - Okay, here's how it goes.
You can pinch up to three furs, we'll split the fence 50/50.
What? No, no, no, no.
I figured a hardworking girl like you
stuck in this sweat box smelling like dead fox deserves some ice.
Now we're talking.
I've been looking to score a good diamond heist.
(CHUCKLING) But... No, not that kind of ice.
Ice, ice, baby.
Oh, thanks.
You're welcome.
(TELEGRAPH CLICKING)
POPS: So you see, children,
while there might have been a Renaissance in Harlem,
downtown they were still living in the dark ages.
So, in keeping with the triumphant past campaigns
of Kimble, Kollins & Klark,
I give you Madsen Coffee Beans.
"Mammy said you like it dark."
Outstanding! Now you're on the trolley.
Very triple "K."
But I think we should make the servant child a little darker.
I don't want people mistaking her for a Mexican.
- Ah! - She should be as dark as, uh... As him.
Ooh, that's dark.
Oh. Honored, sir... And smart. (LAUGHS)
That's why you're the big cheese, and I live under a train.
Shall we pop the breakfast bubbly?
Oh. Why is this still warm?
Gentlemen, uh, sorry about the late delivery.
Ah, young Drex.
You look a little more haggard than usual.
Mooning over your dame all night at the Savoy again?
Ooh, now that's a frolic pad I'd like to cut a rug at.
Love that negro music and negro dance and negro style.
Just a huge negro lover.
Wow, you really like using that word, huh?
Now, I know it's the exact right word for our times,
but, mmm, just the way you say it.
Hey, janitor, you say it.
(STAMMERS) Negro.
See. Fine. Your turn.
Negro.
Whoo-hoo-hoo. Makes my fists ball up every time you say it.
Listen, Drex, if you want to take it to the next level
- with your little Barlow... - What?
...you got to make her feel like she's the cat's pajamas.
And you have to dress to the nines to show you deserve her.
Drex, love is all about outward appearance.
Capital idea.
I'll have my opium guy stitch you a suit.
By the way, he's also your man for ivory and panda meat. Mmm!
- Panda meat. - DREX: Wow. Thanks.
You gents ever want to come down to the Savoy, let me know.
- I got an in to get you a good table. - (CHUCKLES)
Ah, you're a sweet boy, but, uh, I think that our in
is that we're incredibly rich and, uh, absurdly white.
(BOTH LAUGH)
Me, I'll never get into Savoy.
- Too dark to pass the paper-bag test. - Mmm-hmm.
But my old roomie, Langston, get in with no problem.
Old caramel-colored bastard.
Nabbed some fancy book deal writing about raisins in the sun.
Got that from me.
Love putting stuff in the sun.
Raisins, damp socks, uncured bacon.
Uh...
It's probably why I'm so dark.
(TELEPHONE RINGING IN DISTANCE)
The sun, man. That crazy fireball don't play.
(HORN HONKS IN DISTANCE)
All right.
You stay light-skinned out there, boy.
- (DINGS) - Hold on.
You're saying Langston Hughes
plagiarized an insane janitor who lived under a train?
Who is telling this story?
Besides, a lot of truth came from a lot of poor folks who never got credit.
I'll give you a "For instance."
Back in the day, there was a wise shoeshine called Jojo Rags.
He was known as the child prophet of Harlem,
stood about your height,
had your same princely bearing there, Junior.
- Proceed. - Very well.
(HORNS HONKING)
If you ask Jojo Rags,
the stock market's due for a big tumble.
If you have any cabbage, I'd pull it out lickety.
Also, I'm pretty sure Germany's up to no good.
Been hearing about some beady-eyed Fritz
named Adolf who stole Charlie Chaplin's mustache.
Uh, boy, do you ever shut your damn yap?
The only thing that shuts Jojo Rags' yap is a good tip.
Fair enough.
- (GRUNTS) - I got to go get my girl.
(HORN HONKS)
I'm telling you, something's different with my moon.
It feels less deadly.
- You're welcome. - What? (GASPS)
Hello, Rudolph Valentino.
- Whoa, not here. Too many eyes. - Oh.
- (BOTH CHUCKLE) - So, you fixed it?
Well, I wouldn't want it falling down, banging my Bea's knees.
- Aw, Drexy... - Wasn't nothing.
I just took some music stands and shored it up, that's all.
- (CHUCKLING) - Hey, where the hell's our sheet music?
Oh. Hey, hey, hey, man, I'm sorry.
I'm over here trying to make a safer work environment. Uh...
Hey, why don't you guys improvise today?
Okay, drum man, give me a...
(IMITATES CYMBALS)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, like that.
Bass man.
(IMITATES BASS LINE)
- (PLAYS BASS) - (DREX LAUGHS)
Dizzy! Blow your horn!
- (TRUMPET PLAYS) - BEA: Oh!
(LAUGHS) Yeah!
(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)
(LAUGHS)
- (DINGS) - RUBY: Earl Johnson!
Stop lying about how your idiot grandaddy invented jazz.
Never said jazz. Just beats by Drex.
Even had the mean, drunk, old club madam
tapping her fat ham hocks.
Uh-huh. You're not even trying to grease my wheels, are you?
Nope.
All right, girls, come on. Come on. Come on.
Hop to it, hop to it.
Lord knows you ain't getting any younger or prettier.
You're one to talk.
You know, I can't wait
till someone shoves a roscoe in your button
and blasts your grits all over the wallpaper.
- Beat it. - Uh...
Come on, girls. Let's get a wiggle on.
Let's go! Whoo! Come on!
(JAZZ MUSIC CONTINUES)
Babe, listen, I've been saving up.
And I don't have as much as I'd like, but all we need is each other, right?
- What are you getting at, Drexy? - Run away with me.
- (GASPS) Really? - Look, away from all of this.
- (GASPS) - Hey, we could leave tonight.
- Oh, my gosh. - Ass boy!
What you doing?
You trying to make time with my girl?
(STAMMERS) I'm sorry, Mr. Savoy.
But I thought Mirabelle was your girl.
They're all my girls.
Except for that one right there.
Yeah, hit bricks, palooka!
- Hey! - (BAND GROANS)
That's right.
And if I ever see you talking with one of my girls again,
- (MOUTHING) - I'm gonna fill that belly with lead.
Now go peddle some ice, ass boy.
(MOUTHING)
So, he can definitely say "Ice."
DRE: So, Pops' fish tale had taken a lot out of him.
(SNORING)
- Come on, Pops! Wake up! - Huh?
(CLEARS THROAT)
- How long was I out? - Not long enough.
I want to hear how great-great-grandpa Drex
saved his sweet honey Bea from Elroy Savoy.
My money's on Jojo Rags.
Seriously? Dude has "Rags" in his name.
BOW: (SOFTLY) Dre, this is amazing.
No one's texting, posting, streaming.
- They're just listening about their family. - Hmm.
Things were dire, children, very dire.
See, Drex knew with Elroy in his way, he could never be with Bea.
He was heartbroken.
And no one could sing of heartbreak better than Mirabelle Chalet.
(SLOW MUSIC PLAYING)
Time On My Hands
Since you been away, boy
I ain't got no plans
No, no, no, no
And the sound of the rain against my windowpane
Is slowly
Is slowly driving me insane
Boy, I'm going down
I'm going down
'Cause you ain't around
Baby, my whole world's
Upside down
Ooh, baby, love
I've sung that song 2,000 times.
And every time, all eyes was on me.
But you didn't take your eyes off Bea for a second.
Man, I wish someone loved me like that.
What about Elroy?
Elroy loves Elroy.
- Oh, and hobo fights. - (CHUCKLES)
But what you got, man. What you got is special.
So fight for her.
(SCOFFS) This chump?
Elroy's boys will chop him up
and spit him out like cheap Carolina leaf.
Look, y'all don't have to beat Elroy's thugs,
just that big, swollen head of his.
He think he can dance, but look.
(UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS)
That ain't his only weakness.
The man is a degenerate gambler.
Also, you could play that angle.
- So now you believe in me? - Not at all.
I just don't like the way this boy Elroy operates.
No honor.
By my book, when you bump a guy,
at least have the decency to chop him up in little pieces,
then throw him in the river.
Elroy, he shoots you in the back
and leaves you in an alley for cats to eat your face.
Don't even have the class to barneymug your bereaved woman.
- What? - Well, thank you.
Really good pep talk.
All I'm saying is between Elroy's unlucky hand
and two left feet, you stand a chance at taking him down.
Come on, Drex. Don't let love die.
Go get your girl.
Damn it. You're right.
- Cats are gonna eat his face. - The dogs, too.
- No, I got it, Bea. No, Bea. - Drexy!
- And the security tries... - Excuse me, Mr. Savoy.
We need to confabulate.
I'm in love with Bea, Bea's in love with me,
and we want to spend the rest of our lives together.
Boom! All I got in this world.
- Five bucks? - Mmm-hmm.
Drexy, I thought you said you've been saving up.
I wasn't expecting you to put down an Abraham.
Okay, but that's how we start.
It's fine. But going forward, I'm gonna do the bookkeeping.
- DREXY: Okay, you got it. - Go ahead, go ahead, go ahead.
All right. Elroy Savoy, I challenge you to a dance duel.
(CHUCKLES)
And if I win, you let Bea out of her contract
and you leave us alone forever.
But if you win, you get my life savings.
Oh, you know I love to dance!
- Ice boy, you on. - Mmm-hmm.
But one thing, I'm gonna use this proxy dancer.
What?
See, I've been recently informed that I'm a horrible hoofer, by my brother.
May he rest in peace.
Me? Dance for you?
I'm loyal to Bippy till the day I die.
Here's a nickel.
Bippy's dead to me.
(UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS)
Ow!
BEA: Yeah, I'm gonna die on that moon.
Ladies and gentlemen, guys and dolls,
the main event of the evening for your entertainment and pleasure,
Drex "The ice man cometh" vs. Jolly "The jumping runner."
Time to set the stage for the Savoy Salvo!
- (APPLAUSE) - Bets here. Place your bets here.
Why don't you get up and do some squats?
Uh, can't. Bum legs.
I once had scurvy and currently have rickets.
And yet, you chose a dance battle?
- (STUTTERS) Well, I... - Never mind. Never mind.
- Just go out there and do your best. - Mmm-hmm.
And know that no matter what happens,
I will always remember you.
Okay. Uh...
- What? - Boys, throw me a beat for hot feet!
(UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS)
- (MUSIC STOPS) - (APPLAUSE)
- Is it me? Okay. - Let's go.
I got this. All right. Uh, give me a shimmy.
(UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS)
That's my man.
- (MUSIC STOPS) - Ha!
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
Bring the swing!
(UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS)
- (MUSIC STOPS) - (AUDIENCE CHEERING)
- All right. You ready? - DREXY: Hey, band.
- Why don't you just go and give me... - (ALL EXCLAIMS)
- Drexy! - Ow!
- Drexy! - I slipped on something.
- Huh. (GASPS) - (AUDIENCE MURMURING)
Ice. Oh, the irony.
Oh, no. I can't let Savoy win.
But you can't stand up.
Maybe I don't have to.
- Really? Okay. - Uh-huh. Band.
(IMITATING CYMBALS)
(MAN PLAYS CYMBALS)
(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS)
(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS)
Whoo!
Okay.
(AUDIENCE GASPS)
(MUSIC STOPS)
(AUDIENCE CHEERS)
Turn it up! (LAUGHS)
Yeah!
- JACK: Hold on. - (DINGS)
He beat Jolly by inventing break-dancing?
Nope. I reject that.
Don't be a sore moron. Our family won!
Actually...
Disqualified?
I didn't agree to no worm-like dancing.
- I'm gonna rip his head off. - No, Bea. Bea, Bea.
Dancing like a worm.
We can still buy back your contract.
My bank don't take ice chips.
- (CHUCKLES) - Oh. Too bad.
How about the two grand I made through Bippy
betting against myself?
That's right.
I didn't trust you, so I hedged my chances to win even if I lost. Ha!
- Kill him. - Hey...
- Run! Run! - DREXY: Let's go! Let's go!
BEA: Move your rickety legs! Go!
DREXY: They rickety, baby, they rickety!
The kid... The kid tied my shoes to the... To the...
The kid tied... The kid tied my shoes to the table.
- Run! - Go, go!
(SIGHS) Now, what I was trying to say to y'all before
is I'm thinking about starting this line of lingerie.
Savoy Javoy.
You like that?
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
- We got to get my coat. - Oh, to hell with it!
No, no, the only reason I'm down to $5
is because your wedding ring is in there!
- We got to get your coat. - Okay, let's go.
DRE: Oh! Drat. One of Elroy's goons.
(TELEGRAPH CLICKING)
Hold on a sec.
(TELEGRAPH CLICKING)
BEA: Here she comes.
DREXY: Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on, coat check.
Go! Go!
Uh, go show them my emergency escape route.
But he just won a huge bet off you.
Exactly. He gets away, Bippy don't have to pay.
They're gonna need fast wheels.
Give them these.
Hey, awful nice giving up your breezer, Bippy.
You getting soft?
Not really.
That was the key to your car.
(BLEEP)
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
Get in the car! Get in the car!
(BOTH PANTING)
Thank you, guys. Risking your lives to save us.
I just hate Elroy.
That clown's a worse tipper than you.
Seriously. Your parents, they raised you right.
We're all orphans.
Awkward.
Well...
(STAMMERS)
- We can't leave them here. - BEA: No.
Okay. All right.
Well, you're not orphans anymore. Get in the car!
(EXCITED SQUEALING)
Shotgun! (LAUGHS)
- We're not orphans! - (COCKS GUN)
And that is the God's honest truth.
(GASPS) Wow! So, they kept the plucky orphans?
Yeah, at least till the Spanish flu wiped them all out.
- (BOTH GASP) - (CHUCKLES) Just kidding.
(LAUGHS)
No, they all became the great aunts and uncles
that you're all named after.
ANDRE: So awesome!
Diane, make sure to put that uncle Jojo Rags
predicted the great depression and World War II.
- Yes! - Whatever.
Aunt Zora invented texting.
All right, all right, all right, everybody listen up.
Listen up, listen up.
I've got a story to tell.
I bet you do.
It's about your great-great-great-grandma.
Aunt Jemima.
What? Did she...
RUBY: Oh, she was big, she was black, and she was beautiful.
- A lot like your grandma Ruby. - (BOTH LAUGHING)
DRE: So, the twins had plenty of information
for their family-history project.
Would their teacher buy it?
Do you think this is a joke?
DRE: Not at all. They got the "F."
But the point is, there is a story to tell.
The story of us, our family, our culture.
The details of the story might change over time,
but the important thing is we tell it.
(DINGS)
Ripped By mstoll