1 00:00:01,800 --> 00:00:03,701 You got me? You got me, Zoey? 2 00:00:03,703 --> 00:00:05,565 He-e-e-e-y! Merry Christmas! 3 00:00:05,665 --> 00:00:07,331 I love Christmas. 4 00:00:07,333 --> 00:00:09,667 And I especially love Christmas traditions... 5 00:00:09,669 --> 00:00:12,269 the presents, the stockings, 6 00:00:12,271 --> 00:00:15,272 my mom cooking her amazing Christmas Eve dinner, 7 00:00:15,274 --> 00:00:17,675 bow resenting the hell 8 00:00:17,677 --> 00:00:20,978 out of my mom's amazing Christmas Eve dinner, 9 00:00:20,980 --> 00:00:22,613 and me giving my kids 10 00:00:22,615 --> 00:00:26,383 all the Christmas bells and whistles I never had. 11 00:00:26,385 --> 00:00:28,452 But in the midst of all the festivities, 12 00:00:28,454 --> 00:00:32,356 I never want my kids to forget the true meaning of Christmas 13 00:00:32,358 --> 00:00:34,591 and the man this day is really about... 14 00:00:34,593 --> 00:00:36,126 Santa. 15 00:00:36,128 --> 00:00:39,430 Santa was the first white man I ever loved. 16 00:00:39,432 --> 00:00:42,099 Followed by a close second, Terry Bradshaw. 17 00:00:42,101 --> 00:00:43,334 But back to Santa. 18 00:00:43,336 --> 00:00:45,235 I love Santa so much 19 00:00:45,237 --> 00:00:48,072 because I never got to believe in him as a kid. 20 00:00:48,074 --> 00:00:49,573 Look what Santa brought me, daddy! 21 00:00:49,575 --> 00:00:52,409 Unh-unh! You better get out of here with that. 22 00:00:52,411 --> 00:00:54,178 That was from me and your daddy. 23 00:00:54,180 --> 00:00:58,482 You think some fat white man showed up on Jesus' birthday 24 00:00:58,484 --> 00:01:00,417 and gave you those full-priced socks? 25 00:01:00,419 --> 00:01:02,252 Ha! I don't think so. 26 00:01:02,254 --> 00:01:04,288 But no matter how hard they tried... 27 00:01:04,290 --> 00:01:08,292 or didn't try at all... no parent can ever beat Santa, 28 00:01:08,294 --> 00:01:10,728 because Santa is Christmas. 29 00:01:10,730 --> 00:01:12,529 Ho, ho, ho! 30 00:01:12,531 --> 00:01:14,598 And at the Stevens & Lido Christmas party, 31 00:01:14,600 --> 00:01:18,702 Santa is and always has been Fred Garner. 32 00:01:18,704 --> 00:01:23,173 364 days a year, Fred is a low-level account manager 33 00:01:23,175 --> 00:01:25,342 with a high-level meat intake. 34 00:01:25,344 --> 00:01:26,744 But one day a year, 35 00:01:26,746 --> 00:01:30,014 Fred becomes a hero to every child at the party 36 00:01:30,016 --> 00:01:31,682 because he's Santa. 37 00:01:31,684 --> 00:01:33,283 And Santa's the man. 38 00:01:33,285 --> 00:01:35,285 - So, we're on for Tuesday? Mm-hmm. 39 00:01:35,287 --> 00:01:36,620 Hey. Hey. What do you think, Fred? 40 00:01:38,290 --> 00:01:42,435 But not that man, because he's dead. 41 00:01:44,142 --> 00:01:48,232 - Sync and corrected by TheDelta - - www.addic7ed.com - 42 00:01:48,332 --> 00:01:50,399 I mean, who'd be a better Santa than me? 43 00:01:50,401 --> 00:01:52,501 I'm fun, I'm love kids, 44 00:01:52,503 --> 00:01:55,271 and everybody at work is like family to me. 45 00:01:55,273 --> 00:01:56,705 Hey, how's everybody taking Fred's death? 46 00:01:56,707 --> 00:01:58,674 How am I supposed to know? 47 00:01:58,676 --> 00:02:02,945 First of all, Christmas is about Jesus, not Santa. 48 00:02:02,947 --> 00:02:05,281 And second, leave Santa to the white folks. 49 00:02:05,283 --> 00:02:08,317 Let's get a black James Bond first. 50 00:02:08,319 --> 00:02:09,685 Idris Elba. 51 00:02:09,687 --> 00:02:12,955 Hennessy... Shaken, not stirred. 52 00:02:12,957 --> 00:02:14,790 Ooh! Ooh! 53 00:02:14,792 --> 00:02:16,425 Calm down, all right? 54 00:02:16,427 --> 00:02:19,495 Look, Stevens & Lido needs a black Santa. 55 00:02:19,497 --> 00:02:22,938 I mean, everybody at the office invites an adopt-a-family to the party, 56 00:02:23,038 --> 00:02:24,585 for most of these kids, the only Santa 57 00:02:24,685 --> 00:02:26,752 they've ever known has been some random white guy. 58 00:02:26,754 --> 00:02:29,121 This is my opportunity to show these kids 59 00:02:29,123 --> 00:02:31,056 that Santa can look like them. 60 00:02:31,058 --> 00:02:32,124 Mm-hmm. 61 00:02:32,126 --> 00:02:33,658 How can Santa look like a kid? 62 00:02:33,660 --> 00:02:34,893 Santa looks like Santa. 63 00:02:34,895 --> 00:02:35,961 Of... Course, baby. 64 00:02:35,963 --> 00:02:37,863 Santa looks just like Santa. 65 00:02:37,865 --> 00:02:39,765 Yep, because there's only one Santa. 66 00:02:39,767 --> 00:02:43,635 But daddy wants to be one of Santa's helpers. 67 00:02:43,637 --> 00:02:47,773 But we'll still get our presents from the real Santa, right? 68 00:02:47,775 --> 00:02:48,974 The white one. 69 00:02:51,577 --> 00:02:53,445 - Yeah. - Yeah. 70 00:02:53,447 --> 00:02:55,447 Now, now. 71 00:02:55,449 --> 00:02:57,749 At some point, everyone has to move on. 72 00:02:57,751 --> 00:02:59,117 So here we go. 73 00:02:59,119 --> 00:03:01,086 Oh! Dre! 74 00:03:01,088 --> 00:03:02,721 It's so unfair! 75 00:03:02,723 --> 00:03:04,623 Oh. Ooh. 76 00:03:04,625 --> 00:03:05,857 Okay. 77 00:03:05,859 --> 00:03:07,492 Uh-huh. 78 00:03:09,061 --> 00:03:11,163 Finally getting rid of her, huh? 79 00:03:11,165 --> 00:03:12,164 Good call. 80 00:03:12,166 --> 00:03:13,198 - Angelica? - Mm-hmm. 81 00:03:13,200 --> 00:03:15,967 God, no. She is an H.R. Genius. 82 00:03:15,969 --> 00:03:17,335 She's saved me millions. 83 00:03:17,435 --> 00:03:20,941 I had no idea I wasn't allowed to say "sugar tush." 84 00:03:21,041 --> 00:03:22,208 But... 85 00:03:22,210 --> 00:03:24,143 okay, well, why was she crying? 86 00:03:24,145 --> 00:03:25,811 She's upset about Fred. We all are. 87 00:03:25,813 --> 00:03:28,314 Oh, right... Fred. 88 00:03:28,316 --> 00:03:30,549 Yeah. Makes you think. 89 00:03:30,551 --> 00:03:32,885 So, anyway, the Christmas party's coming up, 90 00:03:32,887 --> 00:03:35,821 and I know you must be thinking about the new Santa. 91 00:03:35,823 --> 00:03:37,723 God, Dre. Fred's not even in the ground. 92 00:03:37,725 --> 00:03:39,425 Oh. Though he will be in an hour. 93 00:03:39,427 --> 00:03:40,693 You coming to the funeral? 94 00:03:40,695 --> 00:03:41,794 People are doing that? 95 00:03:41,796 --> 00:03:45,331 And I will pick a Santa when I get back. 96 00:03:45,333 --> 00:03:46,398 Lot of choices. 97 00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:48,667 Look at all those fat bastards. 98 00:03:48,669 --> 00:03:51,270 You know everyone you're looking at is white, right? 99 00:03:51,272 --> 00:03:52,304 Are they? 100 00:03:52,306 --> 00:03:54,373 You know, I-I don't see color. 101 00:03:54,375 --> 00:03:55,241 Oh. 102 00:03:55,243 --> 00:03:56,375 I'm kidding. 103 00:03:56,377 --> 00:03:57,409 Can you imagine? 104 00:03:57,411 --> 00:03:58,811 Yeah. 105 00:03:58,813 --> 00:04:00,412 Oh, wait. Mr. Stevens? 106 00:04:00,414 --> 00:04:02,648 All I'm saying is that when it comes to Santa, 107 00:04:02,650 --> 00:04:06,218 keep an opened mind, hey, don't be afraid to think outside the box. 108 00:04:07,420 --> 00:04:11,157 I can't wait to make you my Christmas Eve dinner. 109 00:04:11,159 --> 00:04:13,626 I'll cook all your favorite foods. 110 00:04:13,628 --> 00:04:17,329 Oh, grandma works her fingers to the bone every year 111 00:04:17,331 --> 00:04:18,631 for you babies. 112 00:04:18,633 --> 00:04:20,766 And tonight, I'll make the glaze 113 00:04:20,768 --> 00:04:22,801 for my juicy Christmas Eve ham. 114 00:04:22,803 --> 00:04:24,270 Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. 115 00:04:24,272 --> 00:04:25,404 Oh, yeah. 116 00:04:25,406 --> 00:04:27,640 You look about the size of a ham. 117 00:04:27,642 --> 00:04:29,775 You careful I don't put you in the oven. 118 00:04:29,777 --> 00:04:31,677 I love when you put me in the oven! 119 00:04:31,679 --> 00:04:32,945 Put me in the oven! 120 00:04:32,947 --> 00:04:34,346 Me too! 121 00:04:35,315 --> 00:04:38,217 I mean... I'm too old for that stuff. 122 00:04:38,219 --> 00:04:40,586 But I'll go in if you want me to. 123 00:04:40,588 --> 00:04:42,354 Hey, I have an idea. 124 00:04:42,356 --> 00:04:46,425 Maybe this year, I could cook Christmas Eve dinner. 125 00:04:46,427 --> 00:04:47,760 But grandma always cooks. 126 00:04:47,762 --> 00:04:48,694 Always. 127 00:04:48,696 --> 00:04:49,962 Every time. 128 00:04:49,964 --> 00:04:51,697 We love it so much. 129 00:04:51,699 --> 00:04:53,732 I-I know. I mean, grandma's the best. 130 00:04:53,734 --> 00:04:55,301 And she tells me. 131 00:04:55,303 --> 00:04:56,335 A lot. 132 00:04:56,337 --> 00:04:59,153 And everybody tells her, a lot. 133 00:04:59,253 --> 00:05:01,340 So, I was thinking it would be really fun 134 00:05:01,342 --> 00:05:05,611 if maybe this year, you guys tell me how great I am. 135 00:05:05,613 --> 00:05:09,281 A-after we try some of my family's traditions. 136 00:05:09,283 --> 00:05:11,417 Well, now, that sounds good, 137 00:05:11,419 --> 00:05:14,753 but seeing that your swirly parents are in a cult, 138 00:05:14,755 --> 00:05:17,523 your traditions may not jibe 139 00:05:17,525 --> 00:05:22,428 with our Judeo-Christian, human, Christmas beliefs. 140 00:05:22,430 --> 00:05:25,531 Okay, my parents are not in a cult. 141 00:05:25,533 --> 00:05:26,699 Anymore. 142 00:05:26,701 --> 00:05:28,500 But that is... that's not the point. 143 00:05:28,502 --> 00:05:30,536 Because I have some really good ideas, too. 144 00:05:30,538 --> 00:05:32,371 I can be fun. 145 00:05:32,373 --> 00:05:35,574 I'm gonna chop you up, 146 00:05:35,576 --> 00:05:37,409 put you on a cookie sheet, 147 00:05:37,411 --> 00:05:38,944 and shove you in the oven! 148 00:05:38,946 --> 00:05:40,012 Aaah! 149 00:05:40,014 --> 00:05:41,814 It's scary when you do it. 150 00:05:44,584 --> 00:05:47,853 So, if I was going to win the Santa account, 151 00:05:47,855 --> 00:05:49,622 I had to come up with a great pitch. 152 00:05:49,624 --> 00:05:51,957 People used to think that the President of the United States 153 00:05:51,959 --> 00:05:53,259 could only be white... 154 00:05:53,261 --> 00:05:55,294 George Washington... 155 00:05:55,296 --> 00:05:56,595 John Adams... 156 00:05:56,597 --> 00:05:57,963 Thomas Jefferson... 157 00:05:57,965 --> 00:05:59,365 James Madison... 158 00:05:59,367 --> 00:06:00,532 James Monroe... 159 00:06:00,534 --> 00:06:01,900 John Quincy Adams... 160 00:06:01,902 --> 00:06:03,936 damn it, Charlie, I said "a few presidents," 161 00:06:03,938 --> 00:06:05,971 not "every president"! 162 00:06:05,973 --> 00:06:08,807 What? You want to sleep on my man Chester Arthur's whole naval reform? 163 00:06:08,809 --> 00:06:10,976 That mess was off the chain. 164 00:06:10,978 --> 00:06:12,444 Look, man, my point is, 165 00:06:12,446 --> 00:06:14,980 the White House was just that... white. 166 00:06:14,982 --> 00:06:18,884 Until one man broke through and gave my people hope. 167 00:06:19,519 --> 00:06:22,521 Dennis Haysbert in "24." 168 00:06:22,523 --> 00:06:24,723 Here's another man that people assume should be white. 169 00:06:25,592 --> 00:06:29,061 But I ask you, what is the color of joy? 170 00:06:29,063 --> 00:06:30,963 A child's smile? 171 00:06:30,965 --> 00:06:34,300 This year, let Stevens & Lido pave the way, 172 00:06:34,302 --> 00:06:36,935 and show the children the new face of Santa. 173 00:06:36,937 --> 00:06:38,604 Mm! 174 00:06:38,606 --> 00:06:39,905 That's what I'm talking about. 175 00:06:39,907 --> 00:06:43,042 That was beautiful. You're gonna nail Santa. 176 00:06:43,044 --> 00:06:46,312 Terrible choice of words. 177 00:06:46,314 --> 00:06:47,513 Oh. They're back. 178 00:06:47,515 --> 00:06:48,947 I got to go hit Stevens up. 179 00:06:48,949 --> 00:06:50,549 Hey. Cue that back up. 180 00:06:50,551 --> 00:06:51,583 Mr. Stevens. 181 00:06:51,585 --> 00:06:52,751 Oh, hey, Dre. Listen. 182 00:06:52,753 --> 00:06:54,687 I've been mulling over what you said 183 00:06:54,689 --> 00:06:56,455 about thinking outside the box. 184 00:06:56,457 --> 00:06:58,657 Really? Really? That's great. 185 00:06:58,659 --> 00:07:01,927 Everyone, I am very proud to announce 186 00:07:01,929 --> 00:07:05,064 Stevens & Lido's brand-new Santa... 187 00:07:06,667 --> 00:07:08,100 Angelica Rodriguez! 188 00:07:08,102 --> 00:07:10,536 Oh, my God! 189 00:07:11,605 --> 00:07:13,072 What a surprise! 190 00:07:13,074 --> 00:07:14,973 Wait. What? 191 00:07:14,975 --> 00:07:16,675 Mexican female Santa? 192 00:07:16,677 --> 00:07:19,078 No! Too far from the box! 193 00:07:19,080 --> 00:07:21,680 Get closer! Closer to the box! 194 00:07:23,918 --> 00:07:27,520 When I was a little girl, my mom used to dress me and my sisters up 195 00:07:27,522 --> 00:07:31,257 as the Three Wise Women and we would sing "o little town of Bethlehem." 196 00:07:31,259 --> 00:07:33,392 Why? Was she a drinker? 197 00:07:33,394 --> 00:07:34,593 No, we loved it! 198 00:07:34,595 --> 00:07:37,763 And you guys are gonna dress up as elves 199 00:07:37,765 --> 00:07:39,698 and sing at dad's office party. 200 00:07:39,700 --> 00:07:41,534 And then we're gonna come back here 201 00:07:41,536 --> 00:07:43,769 and we're gonna have my Christmas Eve dinner. 202 00:07:43,771 --> 00:07:46,238 But we love grandma's ham and grandma's Greens 203 00:07:46,240 --> 00:07:48,407 and grandma's sweet potato pie. 204 00:07:48,409 --> 00:07:52,678 Yes, but just wait until you try mama's roast turkey 205 00:07:52,680 --> 00:07:56,682 and mama's creamed spinach and mama's pumpkin pie. 206 00:07:56,684 --> 00:07:57,716 Who's mama? 207 00:07:57,718 --> 00:07:59,785 Me! I'm mama! 208 00:07:59,787 --> 00:08:02,922 It'll be nice. You guys will try something different. 209 00:08:02,924 --> 00:08:04,490 We don't like different. 210 00:08:04,492 --> 00:08:05,624 We like the same. 211 00:08:05,626 --> 00:08:07,259 Go do your homework. 212 00:08:07,261 --> 00:08:08,260 Bye, mama. 213 00:08:08,262 --> 00:08:09,295 G... 214 00:08:10,797 --> 00:08:14,300 you know, Rainbow, you're too hard on the kids. 215 00:08:14,302 --> 00:08:19,772 If I didn't know you were mixed, I'd swear you were Chinese. 216 00:08:19,774 --> 00:08:21,640 Ruby! That's racist! 217 00:08:21,642 --> 00:08:23,809 Black people can't be racist. 218 00:08:23,811 --> 00:08:25,678 I was robbed by a damn Mexican! 219 00:08:25,680 --> 00:08:27,313 See? Totally acceptable. 220 00:08:27,315 --> 00:08:28,414 What happened, Dre? 221 00:08:28,416 --> 00:08:30,716 I opened Stevens' mind so wide 222 00:08:30,718 --> 00:08:33,452 that he chose a Mexican lady Santa! 223 00:08:33,454 --> 00:08:35,821 A female Santa? Very exciting. 224 00:08:35,823 --> 00:08:38,791 Of course you'd think it is, miss "I campaigned for Hillary." 225 00:08:38,793 --> 00:08:40,826 I went to one fundraiser, Dre. 226 00:08:40,828 --> 00:08:43,262 - That you hosted. - Co-hosted! 227 00:08:43,264 --> 00:08:46,632 Anyway, I don't have a problem with a woman being Santa, 228 00:08:46,634 --> 00:08:48,500 other than it being insane. 229 00:08:48,502 --> 00:08:49,635 But a Mexican? 230 00:08:49,637 --> 00:08:50,803 Wait... are you serious? 231 00:08:50,805 --> 00:08:52,805 Are you saying a Mexican can't be Santa? 232 00:08:52,807 --> 00:08:54,873 No way, José! Not yet! 233 00:08:54,875 --> 00:08:56,408 We've been waiting longer. 234 00:08:56,410 --> 00:09:00,779 My mama's right, there's supposed to be a black Santa before a Mexican Santa. 235 00:09:00,781 --> 00:09:02,314 It's just like the presidency... 236 00:09:02,316 --> 00:09:03,816 white president, black president, 237 00:09:03,818 --> 00:09:05,251 Mexican president, gay. 238 00:09:05,253 --> 00:09:08,754 White Santa, black Santa, Mexican Santa... 239 00:09:08,756 --> 00:09:09,855 Thunderdome. 240 00:09:09,857 --> 00:09:12,024 Mexicans can't be jumping the line. 241 00:09:12,026 --> 00:09:15,761 It's bad enough they started taking black people's jobs 242 00:09:15,763 --> 00:09:18,264 with sneaky tricks like... like... like... 243 00:09:18,266 --> 00:09:20,799 like working harder for less pay. 244 00:09:20,801 --> 00:09:24,470 Okay, now, that is racist and insane. 245 00:09:24,472 --> 00:09:26,438 Black people can't be racist. 246 00:09:26,440 --> 00:09:29,608 Oh, my God! I'm living in a nightmare! 247 00:09:35,682 --> 00:09:36,949 Okay, we need a plan. 248 00:09:36,951 --> 00:09:39,318 Yeah, son. We got your back, playa. 249 00:09:39,320 --> 00:09:40,519 Bros befo... 250 00:09:40,521 --> 00:09:41,387 get out. 251 00:09:41,389 --> 00:09:42,454 No, no, no, no. Please? 252 00:09:42,456 --> 00:09:44,023 Can I stay if I'm just super-quiet? 253 00:09:44,025 --> 00:09:45,724 I want to be part of this so bad. 254 00:09:45,726 --> 00:09:46,959 I don't know. 255 00:09:46,961 --> 00:09:49,395 Maybe I should just go talk to Angelica. 256 00:09:49,397 --> 00:09:54,667 All we got to do is plant some cocaine in her desk. 257 00:09:54,669 --> 00:09:56,769 Charlie! She could get fired for that. 258 00:09:58,972 --> 00:10:02,041 I got to go take care of something... unrelated. 259 00:10:04,878 --> 00:10:10,416 ♪ merry, merry, merry Christmas ♪ 260 00:10:10,418 --> 00:10:12,384 Okay. It's not bad. 261 00:10:12,386 --> 00:10:14,520 Mom, we suck. 262 00:10:14,522 --> 00:10:16,955 Let grandma sing. She has the best voice. 263 00:10:16,957 --> 00:10:18,590 - Yeah. - Oh, no, thank you, baby. 264 00:10:18,592 --> 00:10:19,992 I wouldn't want to get in the way 265 00:10:19,994 --> 00:10:22,428 of your mom's strange, new traditions 266 00:10:22,430 --> 00:10:24,396 with my old, beautiful voice. 267 00:10:24,398 --> 00:10:26,899 Okay. We're gonna start from the top. 268 00:10:26,901 --> 00:10:29,468 ♪ hark how the bells ♪ 269 00:10:29,470 --> 00:10:31,370 ♪ Sweet silver bells ♪ 270 00:10:31,372 --> 00:10:33,505 ♪ All seem to say ♪ 271 00:10:33,507 --> 00:10:34,840 ♪ Throw cares away ♪ 272 00:10:34,842 --> 00:10:35,874 Okay, stop. 273 00:10:35,876 --> 00:10:37,376 - ♪ Christmas is here ♪ - Stop! 274 00:10:37,378 --> 00:10:38,610 We are in trouble, okay? 275 00:10:38,612 --> 00:10:40,412 And I don't want to point fingers, 276 00:10:40,414 --> 00:10:42,114 but you guys are not great. 277 00:10:44,819 --> 00:10:48,087 You got a minute to talk about that whole Santa thing? 278 00:10:48,089 --> 00:10:50,856 It's exciting, isn't it? Dream come true for me. 279 00:10:50,858 --> 00:10:54,660 Really? You know, Fred said it was a thankless nightmare. 280 00:10:54,662 --> 00:10:56,662 You know, peeing kids, pushy parents. 281 00:10:56,664 --> 00:10:59,131 Dre, I get it... you want to be Santa. 282 00:10:59,133 --> 00:11:00,966 Pfft! No. 283 00:11:00,968 --> 00:11:03,435 Hey, was that the vibe that I was giving off? 284 00:11:03,437 --> 00:11:06,105 It's just that, I was the one who hooked up Stevens & Lido 285 00:11:06,107 --> 00:11:08,107 with this whole adopt-a family program, 286 00:11:08,109 --> 00:11:09,942 and I've loved working behind the scenes, 287 00:11:09,944 --> 00:11:13,579 but this year, I get to put on that suit 288 00:11:13,581 --> 00:11:17,850 and greet all of those children with a hearty "ho, ho-ho!" 289 00:11:19,786 --> 00:11:22,020 Dre, I promised Angelica that she could be Santa 290 00:11:22,022 --> 00:11:23,689 over the grave of a man I love. 291 00:11:23,691 --> 00:11:25,424 Now, I am not changing my mind. 292 00:11:25,426 --> 00:11:28,627 Excuse me. Uh, could you do your Santa laugh one more time? 293 00:11:28,629 --> 00:11:30,562 "Ho, ho-ho!" 294 00:11:30,564 --> 00:11:31,897 You're out. 295 00:11:31,899 --> 00:11:33,565 Dre, you're the new Santa. 296 00:11:33,567 --> 00:11:35,000 Yes! 297 00:11:36,404 --> 00:11:39,705 Babe? How'd did you get the job from Angelica? 298 00:11:39,707 --> 00:11:41,573 I did what I had to do. 299 00:11:41,575 --> 00:11:44,076 Oh, dear God. Please tell me you didn't kill her. 300 00:11:44,078 --> 00:11:46,011 Hey, I saved the day, baby. 301 00:11:46,013 --> 00:11:49,515 Look, these kids came this close to getting an incompetent Santa. 302 00:11:49,517 --> 00:11:51,450 Ooh. Check out my fat suit. 303 00:11:51,452 --> 00:11:53,552 It's gonna transform my fit body 304 00:11:53,554 --> 00:11:55,988 into a jolly wonderland for children. 305 00:11:55,990 --> 00:11:58,090 Terrible choice of words. 306 00:11:58,092 --> 00:11:59,191 Hater. 307 00:12:00,928 --> 00:12:01,994 What? 308 00:12:01,996 --> 00:12:03,061 Why do you smell like turkey? 309 00:12:03,063 --> 00:12:05,697 Oh, I had a brining accident. 310 00:12:05,699 --> 00:12:06,999 No! Come back! 311 00:12:07,001 --> 00:12:08,167 Oh, God! 312 00:12:08,169 --> 00:12:09,168 Mom-fail. 313 00:12:09,170 --> 00:12:10,702 Worldstar! 314 00:12:10,704 --> 00:12:12,104 God. 315 00:12:12,106 --> 00:12:13,839 Why were you even making a turkey? 316 00:12:13,841 --> 00:12:15,107 For Christmas Eve dinner. 317 00:12:15,109 --> 00:12:18,444 Babe, my mom does Christmas Eve. 318 00:12:18,446 --> 00:12:19,878 Not this year, okay? 319 00:12:19,880 --> 00:12:21,847 I'm so sick of it being all about your mom. 320 00:12:21,849 --> 00:12:22,981 I'm cooking. 321 00:12:22,983 --> 00:12:25,784 I'm putting my stank on Christmas. 322 00:12:25,786 --> 00:12:27,186 What? When did that happen? 323 00:12:27,188 --> 00:12:28,687 Dre, I told you, like, five times, 324 00:12:28,689 --> 00:12:30,556 and you said it sounded like a good idea. 325 00:12:30,558 --> 00:12:31,857 Were you even listening to me? 326 00:12:31,859 --> 00:12:32,891 I was. 327 00:12:32,893 --> 00:12:34,593 Santa, Santa, Santa. 328 00:12:34,595 --> 00:12:36,728 Santa, Santa, Santa-Santa. 329 00:12:36,730 --> 00:12:37,729 Santa. 330 00:12:37,731 --> 00:12:39,031 Sounds good. 331 00:12:39,033 --> 00:12:41,600 Dre, I could really use a little support. 332 00:12:41,602 --> 00:12:44,903 Uh, well, bow, I could really use some support, okay? 333 00:12:44,905 --> 00:12:48,574 Why don't you use your legs and help me get into this outfit? 334 00:12:48,576 --> 00:12:49,608 Come on. All right. 335 00:12:49,610 --> 00:12:50,843 My butt. Push up on my butt. 336 00:12:50,845 --> 00:12:52,508 I'm coming. I'm coming. 337 00:12:52,608 --> 00:12:53,640 - Ready? - Yeah, I'm ready. 338 00:12:54,410 --> 00:12:56,176 So, it was Christmas Eve 339 00:12:56,178 --> 00:12:58,612 and the Stevens & Lido party. 340 00:12:58,614 --> 00:13:00,614 I was nervous for bow, but luckily, 341 00:13:00,616 --> 00:13:03,250 she had a plan to help our tone-deaf kids shine. 342 00:13:03,252 --> 00:13:05,485 We're gonna get dirty with it. 343 00:13:06,621 --> 00:13:09,923 ♪ hark how the bells, sweet silver bells ♪ 344 00:13:09,925 --> 00:13:12,593 - ♪ Ooh, yeah ♪ - ♪ All seem to say "throw cares away" ♪ 345 00:13:12,595 --> 00:13:16,296 ♪ Christmas is here, bringing good cheer ♪ 346 00:13:16,298 --> 00:13:19,433 ♪ To young and old, meek and the bold ♪ 347 00:13:19,435 --> 00:13:22,102 ♪ Dingdong, dingdong, that is their song ♪ 348 00:13:22,104 --> 00:13:24,972 ♪ With joyful ring, all caroling ♪ 349 00:13:24,974 --> 00:13:28,008 ♪ One seems to hear words of good cheer ♪ 350 00:13:28,010 --> 00:13:30,911 ♪ From everywhere, filling the air ♪ 351 00:13:30,913 --> 00:13:34,214 ♪ merry, merry, merry, merry, merry, merry Christmas ♪ 352 00:13:34,216 --> 00:13:37,017 ♪ merry, merry, merry, merry, merry, merry Christmas ♪ 353 00:13:37,919 --> 00:13:41,154 Yay! Yeah! 354 00:13:41,156 --> 00:13:42,522 So good! 355 00:13:42,524 --> 00:13:43,957 Oh, my God! 356 00:13:43,959 --> 00:13:46,460 Oh, my God! That was amazing! 357 00:13:46,462 --> 00:13:48,328 I'm so proud of you! 358 00:13:48,330 --> 00:13:50,597 Oh, gosh! That was so good! 359 00:13:50,599 --> 00:13:53,133 Now can we go have grandma's food? 360 00:13:53,135 --> 00:13:56,270 No, baby. Everything's cooked. We're having my dinner. 361 00:13:57,573 --> 00:13:59,072 Pull it together, buddy. 362 00:13:59,074 --> 00:14:02,209 Christmas isn't about getting everything we want. 363 00:14:02,211 --> 00:14:03,944 Or anything we want. 364 00:14:03,946 --> 00:14:04,945 It's about mom. 365 00:14:04,947 --> 00:14:07,214 - N... what? - Okay. 366 00:14:08,651 --> 00:14:11,084 Sweetheart, I... s... 367 00:14:11,086 --> 00:14:13,587 oh, my God. What have I done? I've ruined their Christmas. 368 00:14:13,589 --> 00:14:16,089 Now, now. You made one bad choice. 369 00:14:16,091 --> 00:14:18,625 One terrible, terrible choice. 370 00:14:18,627 --> 00:14:19,626 I said, "I know." 371 00:14:19,628 --> 00:14:21,094 What can I do, Ruby? 372 00:14:21,096 --> 00:14:23,163 Well, dinner's not for three hours. 373 00:14:23,165 --> 00:14:24,431 Maybe it's not too late 374 00:14:24,433 --> 00:14:27,634 for grandma to cook up a Christmas Eve miracle. 375 00:14:27,636 --> 00:14:31,038 No. No, no. You won't help me. You'd just slow me down. 376 00:14:31,040 --> 00:14:32,272 Okay. 377 00:14:32,274 --> 00:14:33,707 All right. Settle down, everybody. 378 00:14:33,709 --> 00:14:35,375 We've got somebody pretty exciting. 379 00:14:35,377 --> 00:14:36,543 What's that I hear? 380 00:14:36,545 --> 00:14:38,078 Ooh. Sleigh bells, baby! 381 00:14:38,080 --> 00:14:40,247 - Ring! - Definitely not sirens. 382 00:14:40,249 --> 00:14:42,182 'Cause I got that stuff out my desk. 383 00:14:42,184 --> 00:14:45,519 All right. Now, put 'em together for my main man... 384 00:14:45,521 --> 00:14:48,221 Santa [Bleep] claus! 385 00:14:48,223 --> 00:14:49,489 Ohh. 386 00:14:49,491 --> 00:14:50,958 Santa claus, kids. 387 00:14:50,960 --> 00:14:52,225 Kids. 388 00:14:52,227 --> 00:14:53,560 Huh? 389 00:14:53,562 --> 00:14:54,628 San-ta! 390 00:14:54,630 --> 00:14:58,332 San-ta! San-ta! San-ta! 391 00:14:58,334 --> 00:15:01,034 Ho, ho, ho! 392 00:15:01,036 --> 00:15:02,936 Merry Christmas! 393 00:15:02,938 --> 00:15:05,372 I see a lot of little boys and girls out there. 394 00:15:05,374 --> 00:15:07,174 Hey, have you been good? 395 00:15:07,176 --> 00:15:09,476 Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! 396 00:15:09,478 --> 00:15:13,013 Unh-unh. I said, "have you been good?" 397 00:15:13,015 --> 00:15:14,247 Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! 398 00:15:14,249 --> 00:15:17,451 All right, then it's time for some presents! 399 00:15:17,453 --> 00:15:19,319 Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! 400 00:15:19,321 --> 00:15:21,121 Uh... 401 00:15:21,123 --> 00:15:25,392 I said, "it's time for some presents!" 402 00:15:25,394 --> 00:15:27,594 Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! 403 00:15:27,596 --> 00:15:29,096 Did I forget to tell you 404 00:15:29,098 --> 00:15:31,131 that Santa's in charge of the toy drive? 405 00:15:31,133 --> 00:15:33,633 Um... Yes, you did. 406 00:15:33,635 --> 00:15:35,402 Oh, wow. 407 00:15:35,404 --> 00:15:37,704 'Cause if I did that, that would make you look like 408 00:15:37,706 --> 00:15:39,639 a complete and total real-life jackass. 409 00:15:39,641 --> 00:15:41,274 - Dre? - Huh? 410 00:15:41,276 --> 00:15:43,110 Have you ruined Christmas? 411 00:15:43,112 --> 00:15:44,077 Uh... 412 00:15:44,079 --> 00:15:46,013 Yes, sir, he has. 413 00:15:46,015 --> 00:15:47,014 Ho, ho, ho. 414 00:15:47,016 --> 00:15:49,449 You could have just told me. 415 00:15:49,451 --> 00:15:51,284 Okay. 416 00:15:51,286 --> 00:15:54,321 Boys and girls, I am so sorry to say, 417 00:15:54,323 --> 00:15:57,157 but there'll be no presents tonight. 418 00:15:58,494 --> 00:16:00,360 But please, enjoy the raw bar. 419 00:16:00,362 --> 00:16:01,461 No toys? 420 00:16:01,463 --> 00:16:03,797 This never happened with white Santa! 421 00:16:07,605 --> 00:16:10,605 So, now only that I'd become the first black Santa, 422 00:16:10,630 --> 00:16:14,430 I also managed to become the worst black Santa... 423 00:16:14,530 --> 00:16:16,997 or, for that matter, the worst Santa of any color. 424 00:16:16,999 --> 00:16:18,098 I'm sorry. 425 00:16:18,100 --> 00:16:20,534 But Santa had a secret weapon... 426 00:16:20,536 --> 00:16:22,703 four happy elves. 427 00:16:22,705 --> 00:16:25,105 All right, elves. Let's go. It's game time. 428 00:16:25,107 --> 00:16:26,707 Will this day not end? 429 00:16:26,709 --> 00:16:29,576 Look, I need your help. Okay? I blew it. 430 00:16:29,578 --> 00:16:32,012 I was so excited about being Santa 431 00:16:32,014 --> 00:16:34,181 that I forgot what Santa was really about. 432 00:16:34,183 --> 00:16:36,717 It's not about what I look like in this suit and this beard... 433 00:16:36,719 --> 00:16:39,720 even though I do look pretty fly. 434 00:16:39,722 --> 00:16:42,522 You peep these sideburns? You see how they lay down? 435 00:16:42,524 --> 00:16:43,557 Daddy. 436 00:16:43,559 --> 00:16:46,026 Weren't you trying to make a point? 437 00:16:46,028 --> 00:16:51,164 Santa is about children and bringing them joy and hope! 438 00:16:51,166 --> 00:16:52,299 And presents. 439 00:16:52,301 --> 00:16:53,300 And presents! 440 00:16:53,302 --> 00:16:54,701 Damn! What is wrong with me? 441 00:16:54,703 --> 00:16:55,702 Come on! Let's go! 442 00:16:55,704 --> 00:17:00,140 It wasn't about black Santa versus Mexican Santa. 443 00:17:00,142 --> 00:17:02,743 It was about stepping up and just being Santa. 444 00:17:02,745 --> 00:17:06,013 Hey, I felt bad. I wanted to help. 445 00:17:06,015 --> 00:17:07,047 Oh! 446 00:17:07,049 --> 00:17:08,348 Hey, why aren't you cooking? 447 00:17:08,350 --> 00:17:11,118 Oh, uh... I'm just taking a break. 448 00:17:11,120 --> 00:17:13,053 My shoulders are all knotted up 449 00:17:13,055 --> 00:17:16,428 from all that kneading and chopping an Christmas save it, 450 00:17:16,528 --> 00:17:18,525 you go on back to the party. Now, go on back to the party. 451 00:17:19,762 --> 00:17:21,762 What is that? Is there someone here? 452 00:17:21,764 --> 00:17:23,697 Wait, no! It... it's nobody. It's nobody. 453 00:17:23,699 --> 00:17:24,731 I-I-it's... I've... 454 00:17:24,733 --> 00:17:26,466 I've taken a lover! 455 00:17:26,468 --> 00:17:28,035 Oh... Ruby, get out of the way. 456 00:17:28,037 --> 00:17:30,604 Unh-unh! Don't go back there! Don't go back there! 457 00:17:30,606 --> 00:17:32,606 Oh, my... 458 00:17:32,608 --> 00:17:33,774 hello? 459 00:17:33,776 --> 00:17:38,145 Okay, two sweet-potato pies completes your order. 460 00:17:38,147 --> 00:17:40,480 And no rush charge for my most loyal customer. 461 00:17:41,483 --> 00:17:44,251 Most loyal customer? 462 00:17:44,253 --> 00:17:47,320 Oh, Ruby has been ordering my Christmas dinners 463 00:17:47,322 --> 00:17:48,455 for 10 years now. 464 00:17:48,457 --> 00:17:49,389 Ohhhh. 465 00:17:49,391 --> 00:17:50,791 I will invoice you, chica. 466 00:17:50,793 --> 00:17:52,592 Feliz navidad. Merry Christmas. 467 00:17:54,496 --> 00:17:56,296 Merry Christmas, stranger. 468 00:17:57,733 --> 00:18:02,102 Oh... My God. 469 00:18:02,104 --> 00:18:05,472 "Grandma's homemade dinner"? 470 00:18:05,474 --> 00:18:08,375 It is grandma's... just not their grandma's. 471 00:18:08,377 --> 00:18:10,210 But, Ruby, you're a great cook. 472 00:18:10,212 --> 00:18:13,113 Why would you have a Mexican caterer make your dinner? 473 00:18:13,115 --> 00:18:17,084 Christmas is too much work, Rainbow, too much pressure. 474 00:18:17,086 --> 00:18:18,552 And who else would I trust 475 00:18:18,554 --> 00:18:21,321 with my authentic, down-home holiday feast? 476 00:18:21,323 --> 00:18:24,691 Mexicans are dependable, affordable, 477 00:18:24,693 --> 00:18:27,394 and the backbone of the American workforce! 478 00:18:27,396 --> 00:18:29,362 Now, stop being racist, bow! 479 00:18:29,364 --> 00:18:30,864 - But... - Come on. Come on! 480 00:18:30,866 --> 00:18:35,335 - What are you doing? - Making a mess to make this lie look real. 481 00:18:35,337 --> 00:18:38,305 Now go put your cooking clothes on! 482 00:18:38,307 --> 00:18:40,474 ♪ hark how the bells, sweet silver bells ♪ 483 00:18:40,476 --> 00:18:41,775 ♪ All seem to say "throw cares away" ♪ 484 00:18:41,777 --> 00:18:45,345 ♪ Christmas is here, bringing good cheer ♪ 485 00:18:45,347 --> 00:18:47,647 ♪ To young and old, meek and the bold ♪ 486 00:18:47,649 --> 00:18:50,117 ♪ dingdong, dingdong, that is their song ♪ 487 00:18:50,119 --> 00:18:52,252 ♪ With joyful ring, all caroling ♪ 488 00:18:52,254 --> 00:18:54,888 ♪ one seems to hear words of good cheer ♪ 489 00:18:54,890 --> 00:18:57,324 ♪ From everywhere, filling the air ♪ 490 00:18:57,326 --> 00:18:59,626 ♪ oh, how they pound, raising the sound ♪ 491 00:18:59,628 --> 00:19:01,895 ♪ o'er hill and Dale, telling their tale ♪ 492 00:19:01,897 --> 00:19:04,631 ♪ with joyful ring, all caroling ♪ 493 00:19:04,633 --> 00:19:07,134 ♪ one seems to hear words of good cheer ♪ 494 00:19:07,136 --> 00:19:09,503 ♪ From everywhere, filling the air ♪ 495 00:19:09,505 --> 00:19:11,605 ♪ oh, how they pound, raising the sound ♪ 496 00:19:11,607 --> 00:19:13,473 ♪ o'er hill and Dale, telling their tale ♪ 497 00:19:13,475 --> 00:19:15,842 - Ho, ho, ho! ♪ gaily they ring while people sing ♪ 498 00:19:15,844 --> 00:19:18,478 - Ho, ho, ho! ♪ songs of good cheer, Christmas is here ♪ 499 00:19:18,480 --> 00:19:19,813 - Ho, ho, ho! - ♪ Merry, merry, merry, merry Christmas ♪ 500 00:19:19,815 --> 00:19:21,815 Ho, ho, hey! 501 00:19:21,817 --> 00:19:24,351 - Ho, ho, ho! - ♪ merry, merry, merry, merry, merry Christmas ♪ 502 00:19:24,353 --> 00:19:25,785 We saved Christmas. 503 00:19:25,787 --> 00:19:27,487 I mean, I guess we had to do it anyway 504 00:19:27,489 --> 00:19:29,589 since I was the one who destroyed... It. 505 00:19:29,591 --> 00:19:32,225 What the hell is going on in here? 506 00:19:32,227 --> 00:19:34,227 How is there gravy on the ceiling? 507 00:19:34,229 --> 00:19:38,865 I mean, you should go check out what you're having for dinner, 508 00:19:38,867 --> 00:19:39,833 my babies. 509 00:19:39,835 --> 00:19:40,867 Floor turkey. 510 00:19:40,869 --> 00:19:43,336 Mac 'n' cheese?! Greens?! 511 00:19:43,338 --> 00:19:47,240 It's a miracle! Jesus turned the turkey to ham! 512 00:19:47,242 --> 00:19:49,609 But... How'd you do it so fast? 513 00:19:49,611 --> 00:19:52,245 Your grandmother and I worked our fingers to the bone, 514 00:19:52,247 --> 00:19:53,547 and it was all worth it. 515 00:19:53,549 --> 00:19:54,714 I did most of it. 516 00:19:55,783 --> 00:19:58,351 Come on. Let's go eat this food. Let's go. 517 00:19:58,353 --> 00:19:59,753 You better share the glory, lady, 518 00:19:59,755 --> 00:20:01,555 or I will burn down your house of lies. 519 00:20:01,557 --> 00:20:04,524 Or, should I say casa of lies. 520 00:20:04,526 --> 00:20:08,495 Well, I didn't do it all! Your mama washed the lettuce! 521 00:20:08,497 --> 00:20:10,197 Hey, baby, this is perfect. 522 00:20:10,199 --> 00:20:11,765 Thank you for working with my mother. 523 00:20:11,767 --> 00:20:12,899 It really means a lot. 524 00:20:12,901 --> 00:20:13,900 Ohh. Merry Christmas. 525 00:20:13,902 --> 00:20:15,435 - Oh, merry Christmas. - Mwah. 526 00:20:15,437 --> 00:20:17,304 Um, why are there 10 empty boxes 527 00:20:17,306 --> 00:20:19,206 from Molina & Sons catering in the garage? 528 00:20:19,208 --> 00:20:22,342 What are all those websites in your search history? 529 00:20:22,344 --> 00:20:24,211 Hmm. Okay! Let's eat! 530 00:20:24,213 --> 00:20:25,312 All right. 531 00:20:25,314 --> 00:20:26,646 Oh! That's my piece right here. 532 00:20:26,648 --> 00:20:27,514 Hey! 533 00:20:27,516 --> 00:20:29,616 Take the Greens, baby. 534 00:20:29,618 --> 00:20:30,617 I am so sorry. 535 00:20:30,619 --> 00:20:31,718 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 536 00:20:35,890 --> 00:20:39,826 ♪ o little town of Bethlehem ♪ 537 00:20:39,828 --> 00:20:43,730 ♪ How still we see thee lie ♪ 538 00:20:43,732 --> 00:20:45,332 She just took my idea. 539 00:20:45,334 --> 00:20:46,933 Babe, it's okay. It's okay. 540 00:20:46,935 --> 00:20:48,902 It's not okay! She's leaving soon. 541 00:20:48,904 --> 00:20:49,903 ♪ ...sleep ♪ 542 00:20:49,905 --> 00:20:53,573 ♪ The silent stars go by ♪ 543 00:20:54,643 --> 00:20:59,846 ♪ Yet in the dark streets shineth ♪ 544 00:20:59,848 --> 00:21:03,817 ♪ The everlasting light ♪ 545 00:21:05,587 --> 00:21:09,623 ♪ The hopes and fears of all the years ♪ 546 00:21:09,625 --> 00:21:10,824 ♪ Ahh ♪ 547 00:21:10,826 --> 00:21:13,960 ♪ Are met in thee tonight ♪ 548 00:21:13,962 --> 00:21:16,696 ♪ go, Jesus, go, Jesus ♪ 549 00:21:16,698 --> 00:21:19,733 ♪ Go, Jesus, go, Jesus ♪ 550 00:21:19,735 --> 00:21:22,636 ♪ Go, Jesus, go, Jesus, go, Jesus ♪ 551 00:21:22,638 --> 00:21:24,938 ♪ Go, Jesus, go, Jesus ♪