1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,293
Parents. They're how we got here.

2
00:00:02,449 --> 00:00:04,309
But none of us want to think about

3
00:00:04,494 --> 00:00:06,765
what they had to do to
each other to get us here.

4
00:00:09,685 --> 00:00:10,902
Especially me.

5
00:00:11,075 --> 00:00:14,006
Because in my mind, my
mother's the Virgin Ruby.

6
00:00:15,950 --> 00:00:17,587
Now, my pops was a different story.

7
00:00:17,753 --> 00:00:18,998
After the divorce,

8
00:00:19,150 --> 00:00:21,192
he got right back into the dating game.

9
00:00:21,330 --> 00:00:24,232
Actually, according to the
show "Cheating Husband,"

10
00:00:24,266 --> 00:00:25,765
he might've jumped it by a week.

11
00:00:25,934 --> 00:00:27,535
♪ We're too gangsta for TV ♪

12
00:00:27,569 --> 00:00:29,504
♪ That's why you don't see us ♪
- Earl!

13
00:00:29,538 --> 00:00:31,372
- ♪ And still want to be us ♪
- Get out of that car!

14
00:00:31,407 --> 00:00:32,873
Get out of the car!

15
00:00:32,908 --> 00:00:35,576
Don't make me act a fool
in this sizzler parking lot!

16
00:00:35,610 --> 00:00:36,744
Hold my purse, baby.

17
00:00:36,778 --> 00:00:38,112
When Mama's done,

18
00:00:38,147 --> 00:00:40,090
we'll get you some cheddar biscuits, okay?

19
00:00:40,982 --> 00:00:42,383
Aah!

20
00:00:42,418 --> 00:00:44,052
Outside of some local fame,

21
00:00:44,086 --> 00:00:46,921
Pops and the single
life got along very well.

22
00:00:46,955 --> 00:00:50,690
Dre, this is Sharon. She
might be your new mama.

23
00:00:50,724 --> 00:00:53,660
This is Cathy. She might be your new mama.

24
00:00:53,694 --> 00:00:56,163
This is Janice. She might be your new mama.

25
00:00:56,197 --> 00:00:57,964
My name is Cheryl.

26
00:01:00,301 --> 00:01:01,668
Cheryl's needy.

27
00:01:01,702 --> 00:01:04,704
When it came to my dad,
I went with the flow.

28
00:01:04,738 --> 00:01:07,607
But my moms was so busy being my mom

29
00:01:07,641 --> 00:01:08,975
she didn't date much.

30
00:01:09,009 --> 00:01:11,945
And when she did, I was not a big fan.

31
00:01:11,979 --> 00:01:16,450
Now, Dre, be a good boy
and say hello to Frank.

32
00:01:16,484 --> 00:01:18,385
Ohh!

33
00:01:19,787 --> 00:01:21,654
Not in my house.

34
00:01:21,689 --> 00:01:23,823
You may think I overreacted,

35
00:01:23,857 --> 00:01:25,991
but as a man, I know what men think.

36
00:01:26,025 --> 00:01:27,759
I know what men want.

37
00:01:27,794 --> 00:01:30,662
So as a son, the worst
thing your mom can say is...

38
00:01:30,697 --> 00:01:32,898
Andre, I have a man in my life.

39
00:01:32,932 --> 00:01:36,268
He's a passionate and firm lover.

40
00:01:36,303 --> 00:01:38,137
I stand corrected.

41
00:01:38,171 --> 00:01:39,938
The second worst thing.

42
00:01:39,973 --> 00:01:44,744
Synced and corrected by VitoSilans
- www.addic7ed.com -

43
00:01:44,978 --> 00:01:47,713
I wonder what type of
guy would be into Ruby?

44
00:01:47,747 --> 00:01:49,248
Deaf maybe?

45
00:01:50,317 --> 00:01:52,884
Or crazy. I can totally see crazy.

46
00:01:52,919 --> 00:01:54,820
Crazy loves crazy.

47
00:01:54,854 --> 00:01:56,555
Yeah.

48
00:01:56,590 --> 00:01:59,257
Dre, what are you doing?

49
00:02:00,392 --> 00:02:02,327
I'm self-soothing. Stop talking.

50
00:02:03,529 --> 00:02:06,498
I don't know what you're
freaking out about.

51
00:02:06,565 --> 00:02:09,300
I mean, we literally know
nothing about this guy.

52
00:02:09,335 --> 00:02:11,169
You're right. We know nothing.

53
00:02:11,203 --> 00:02:13,904
He could be a freak with
a dungeon in the basement.

54
00:02:13,939 --> 00:02:16,274
He's definitely a freak if he's into Ruby.

55
00:02:16,308 --> 00:02:18,510
- Eh...
- Do you think it's a sex dungeon

56
00:02:18,544 --> 00:02:22,280
or a murder dungeon?

57
00:02:22,314 --> 00:02:23,615
Is it bad that I hope it's murder?

58
00:02:23,649 --> 00:02:26,351
No. I was thinking the same thing.

59
00:02:26,385 --> 00:02:29,187
So, Ruby, you said you met a new friend.

60
00:02:29,221 --> 00:02:32,123
Yes, a new friend who is my lover.

61
00:02:32,158 --> 00:02:33,958
Oh.

62
00:02:33,992 --> 00:02:35,425
His name is Davis.

63
00:02:35,460 --> 00:02:39,030
He owns several restaurants
and a general store.

64
00:02:39,064 --> 00:02:40,898
He's a good old-fashioned man.

65
00:02:40,932 --> 00:02:41,999
- Yeah.
- Come on, now.

66
00:02:42,868 --> 00:02:44,301
So, where'd you meet him?

67
00:02:44,335 --> 00:02:46,971
On one of those online
dating sites... Ratch.

68
00:02:47,005 --> 00:02:49,173
Do you mean Match?

69
00:02:49,207 --> 00:02:51,375
Mnh-mnh. Ratch.

70
00:02:51,409 --> 00:02:53,510
RatchOnly.com.

71
00:02:53,545 --> 00:02:56,881
It's for women of that
certain ratchet lifestyle.

72
00:02:56,915 --> 00:02:58,115
Oh.

73
00:02:58,150 --> 00:02:59,383
Online dating? How?

74
00:02:59,417 --> 00:03:01,919
You don't even understand
how a drive-through works.

75
00:03:01,953 --> 00:03:04,722
What about the fillet of the fish?!

76
00:03:04,756 --> 00:03:06,423
- Ma'am, I can't hear you.
- Oh, my god.

77
00:03:06,457 --> 00:03:07,757
Could you repeat your order, please?

78
00:03:07,792 --> 00:03:09,793
Listen, you think I'm
playing with you, boy?!

79
00:03:09,827 --> 00:03:11,527
And a large budweiser!

80
00:03:11,562 --> 00:03:12,796
You want anything, baby?

81
00:03:12,830 --> 00:03:14,764
- Yeah, get me... get me a fry, Mama.
- _

82
00:03:14,799 --> 00:03:15,932
He wants a large fry!

83
00:03:15,966 --> 00:03:17,767
Thank god I've got grandchildren

84
00:03:17,802 --> 00:03:20,313
who are more helpful than you.

85
00:03:20,999 --> 00:03:22,724
- _
- All right, Grandma. Let's get you back out there.

86
00:03:22,758 --> 00:03:24,225
What kind of man are you looking for?

87
00:03:24,259 --> 00:03:26,795
Oh, Idris Elba,

88
00:03:26,829 --> 00:03:29,063
Tom Selleck, Al Jarreau,

89
00:03:29,098 --> 00:03:31,332
Jesse Jackson on the balcony...

90
00:03:31,367 --> 00:03:34,235
Uh, grandma, you're being too specific.

91
00:03:34,269 --> 00:03:37,171
Fine. Jesse Jackson on any platform.

92
00:03:37,239 --> 00:03:39,708
No, we need to figure out
who you're compatible with.

93
00:03:39,742 --> 00:03:41,543
What are your likes and dislikes?

94
00:03:41,577 --> 00:03:45,579
Likes... Elizabeth Taylor's white diamonds,

95
00:03:45,614 --> 00:03:49,317
filene's basement, intimacy.

96
00:03:49,351 --> 00:03:50,551
Dislikes...

97
00:03:50,585 --> 00:03:52,553
Satan.

98
00:03:52,587 --> 00:03:55,056
Mm. Demons.

99
00:03:56,758 --> 00:03:58,493
Cilantro.

100
00:03:58,527 --> 00:04:00,594
Ruby, I cook with cilantro all the time.

101
00:04:00,629 --> 00:04:02,163
Cook? Psh.

102
00:04:02,197 --> 00:04:03,297
Dislike.

103
00:04:03,332 --> 00:04:06,234
Now, look, I know you won't understand,

104
00:04:06,268 --> 00:04:09,037
but sometimes I just need a good hug.

105
00:04:09,071 --> 00:04:10,471
I can hug you, Mama.

106
00:04:10,506 --> 00:04:11,605
Oh.

107
00:04:11,640 --> 00:04:14,074
Not the way I need to be hugged.

108
00:04:14,379 --> 00:04:16,246
♪ Oh, my Lord! ♪

109
00:04:16,280 --> 00:04:17,714
♪ Lord, Lord, Lord ♪

110
00:04:17,748 --> 00:04:18,781
Andre.

111
00:04:18,816 --> 00:04:19,849
Boy, stop all that carrying on.

112
00:04:19,883 --> 00:04:21,084
Andre!

113
00:04:21,119 --> 00:04:24,154
Davis has invited us to
dinner tomorrow night,

114
00:04:24,188 --> 00:04:25,489
and I want you there.

115
00:04:25,523 --> 00:04:26,823
Understood?

116
00:04:26,857 --> 00:04:28,158
Yes, ma'am.

117
00:04:28,192 --> 00:04:29,626
Mm-hmm.

118
00:04:29,660 --> 00:04:32,129
And, bow, if you've got work
or whatever, that's fine.

119
00:04:32,163 --> 00:04:33,830
Mm-hmm.

120
00:04:35,065 --> 00:04:36,600
What... what did she just say to me?

121
00:04:36,634 --> 00:04:39,536
What... why are you
back on that dating site?

122
00:04:39,570 --> 00:04:41,338
Monitoring Grandma's profile.

123
00:04:41,372 --> 00:04:45,575
But this is a picture
of you and your profile.

124
00:04:45,610 --> 00:04:48,445
"I have 5/8 of my grown-man voice"?

125
00:04:48,479 --> 00:04:51,114
I haven't had the best luck meeting girls.

126
00:04:51,148 --> 00:04:52,448
It could be

127
00:04:52,482 --> 00:04:55,384
because you call yourself
the "Fortress of solid dude."

128
00:04:55,418 --> 00:04:57,186
Because girls love puns.

129
00:04:57,220 --> 00:04:58,387
Just so you know,

130
00:04:58,421 --> 00:05:01,357
tank-top selfies are not your strong suit.

131
00:05:02,592 --> 00:05:06,395
Well, Kiersten disagrees with all of you.

132
00:05:06,429 --> 00:05:07,864
Not only is she cute,

133
00:05:07,898 --> 00:05:10,332
but she's a fan of comic
books and message boards.

134
00:05:10,367 --> 00:05:12,869
No, she isn't, because
she's not a real person.

135
00:05:12,936 --> 00:05:14,236
You're being played.

136
00:05:14,271 --> 00:05:16,572
At best, this is a middle-aged Nigerian man

137
00:05:16,606 --> 00:05:18,240
who wants your money or your kidney.

138
00:05:18,275 --> 00:05:19,742
You think I'm being catfished?

139
00:05:19,777 --> 00:05:20,943
Absolutely.

140
00:05:20,978 --> 00:05:22,278
I'm trusting to a fault,

141
00:05:22,312 --> 00:05:24,846
and even I know this screams Nigerian scam.

142
00:05:24,881 --> 00:05:27,015
Yeah. Have you ever FaceTimed Kiersten?

143
00:05:27,050 --> 00:05:29,517
No, but only because
she's got spotty wireless.

144
00:05:29,552 --> 00:05:31,119
- Mm, mm, mm.
- Yikes.

145
00:05:31,154 --> 00:05:33,454
So, this is how we're gonna
get to the bottom of this.

146
00:05:33,489 --> 00:05:34,556
Next time you chat,

147
00:05:34,590 --> 00:05:36,725
say something that no
geek would agree with.

148
00:05:36,759 --> 00:05:38,426
Greedo shot first.

149
00:05:38,460 --> 00:05:39,561
"Lost" finale killed it.

150
00:05:39,595 --> 00:05:41,063
Val Kilmer was the best Batman...

151
00:05:41,097 --> 00:05:43,131
You don't have to
convince us you're a geek.

152
00:05:43,166 --> 00:05:44,265
We know.

153
00:05:44,300 --> 00:05:45,734
Just save it for Kiersten.

154
00:05:45,768 --> 00:05:48,269
A.K.A. Babatunde Adebayo.

155
00:05:53,191 --> 00:05:55,426
Hey. What are you doing?

156
00:05:55,460 --> 00:05:56,860
Stalling.

157
00:05:56,895 --> 00:05:59,096
I don't want to go meet my
mama's homie-lover-friend.

158
00:05:59,130 --> 00:06:00,130
Dre, go get dressed.

159
00:06:00,165 --> 00:06:01,265
What does one wear

160
00:06:01,299 --> 00:06:03,300
to meet the man that's smashing his mama?

161
00:06:03,334 --> 00:06:05,568
Get it together, Dre.

162
00:06:05,603 --> 00:06:07,337
Probably khakis.

163
00:06:07,371 --> 00:06:08,471
Hey, bow.

164
00:06:08,506 --> 00:06:10,707
Dre, this is Julie.

165
00:06:10,741 --> 00:06:12,242
She might be your new mama.

166
00:06:12,277 --> 00:06:13,243
Hey, Julie.

167
00:06:13,244 --> 00:06:14,178
Pops.

168
00:06:14,212 --> 00:06:15,545
- Hm?
- It started.

169
00:06:15,546 --> 00:06:17,214
Mom is dating.

170
00:06:17,248 --> 00:06:18,949
Oh.

171
00:06:18,983 --> 00:06:21,084
Sweetheart, would you
meet me in the guesthouse?

172
00:06:21,119 --> 00:06:22,219
And, uh, start the bath.

173
00:06:22,253 --> 00:06:23,553
Oh...

174
00:06:23,587 --> 00:06:25,055
Look here, boy. Your mama been dating.

175
00:06:25,089 --> 00:06:27,424
Which crusty old crypt keeper
we talking about this time?

176
00:06:27,458 --> 00:06:29,026
What are you talking about?

177
00:06:29,060 --> 00:06:30,827
Earl, I'd like you to meet

178
00:06:30,861 --> 00:06:33,563
my friend from Bible study, Lamont.

179
00:06:33,597 --> 00:06:34,931
Oh, hey, Lamont.

180
00:06:34,965 --> 00:06:37,834
So, how old were you when
you started writing Leviticus?

181
00:06:37,868 --> 00:06:41,137
Earl, this is my bridge partner, Nathaniel.

182
00:06:41,171 --> 00:06:43,239
Nice to meet you, Nate. Oh.

183
00:06:43,273 --> 00:06:45,074
Have a cigar.

184
00:06:45,108 --> 00:06:47,176
Earl, have you met chester?

185
00:06:47,211 --> 00:06:48,277
No, I haven't.

186
00:06:48,312 --> 00:06:49,813
But you might want to check on him.

187
00:06:51,449 --> 00:06:53,950
Wait, you mean an old
man died on our couch?

188
00:06:53,984 --> 00:06:55,985
He stopped breathing on your couch.

189
00:06:56,019 --> 00:06:57,286
He died in the hospital.

190
00:06:57,321 --> 00:07:00,490
How come nobody's told me
that my mama has boyfriends?

191
00:07:00,524 --> 00:07:02,459
Or that you have guests
over when we're not here?

192
00:07:02,493 --> 00:07:03,593
I didn't tell you nothing

193
00:07:03,627 --> 00:07:05,394
because there was nothing to tell you.

194
00:07:05,428 --> 00:07:07,529
Besides, she only parades
these chumps in front of me

195
00:07:07,564 --> 00:07:09,431
hoping I'll get jealous
and put her on my Medicaid.

196
00:07:09,466 --> 00:07:12,601
So, these guys really aren't boyfriends.

197
00:07:12,635 --> 00:07:14,403
Oh, not at your mama's age.

198
00:07:14,437 --> 00:07:16,339
- Which is your age.
- It's different for men.

199
00:07:16,373 --> 00:07:18,174
- Uh-huh.
- Older women just want companionship.

200
00:07:18,208 --> 00:07:19,708
You know, somebody to eat soup with.

201
00:07:19,743 --> 00:07:22,945
So... They're not... Uh...

202
00:07:22,980 --> 00:07:23,913
Uh...?

203
00:07:23,914 --> 00:07:25,547
- You know...
- Bangin' it out?

204
00:07:25,582 --> 00:07:26,615
- Bow!
- Hell no!

205
00:07:26,649 --> 00:07:28,384
Strictly against doctor's orders.

206
00:07:28,418 --> 00:07:29,919
These guys are just technically alive.

207
00:07:29,953 --> 00:07:31,453
Except for Chester. He's... he's dead.

208
00:07:31,488 --> 00:07:33,489
Okay. Well, why don't we step out

209
00:07:33,523 --> 00:07:35,591
Of this '50s time machine, shall we?

210
00:07:35,625 --> 00:07:37,626
This guy is very important to Ruby,

211
00:07:37,660 --> 00:07:40,028
so we are going to be nice to him

212
00:07:40,062 --> 00:07:41,662
no matter how old he is.

213
00:07:41,697 --> 00:07:45,000
Dre, this is Davis.

214
00:07:45,034 --> 00:07:48,803
I know they say black
don't crack, but damn!

215
00:07:48,837 --> 00:07:50,372
Dre, great meeting you.

216
00:07:51,774 --> 00:07:53,008
Let's have a seat.

217
00:07:53,042 --> 00:07:53,942
Okay.

218
00:07:53,943 --> 00:07:56,044
♪ Oh, my Lord! ♪

219
00:07:56,078 --> 00:07:58,007
♪ Lord, Lord, Lord! ♪

220
00:07:58,893 --> 00:08:01,857
Well, Davis seemed really nice.

221
00:08:01,892 --> 00:08:03,025
- Nice?
- Mm-hmm.

222
00:08:03,060 --> 00:08:05,295
He's a sick, perverted sex monster

223
00:08:05,329 --> 00:08:07,897
who couldn't keep his hands off my mama.

224
00:08:07,931 --> 00:08:09,432
Let's all join hands for grace.

225
00:08:09,466 --> 00:08:10,433
- Oh.
- Oh.

226
00:08:10,467 --> 00:08:11,627
- Oh, okay.
- Dre?

227
00:08:12,603 --> 00:08:16,038
And an inconsiderate jerk
who talked over everybody.

228
00:08:17,408 --> 00:08:20,276
I'd like to make a toast to
Ruby and her wonderful family.

229
00:08:20,311 --> 00:08:21,578
Oh.

230
00:08:21,612 --> 00:08:22,579
I don't trust him.

231
00:08:22,613 --> 00:08:24,113
Well, I thought he was super handsome.

232
00:08:24,147 --> 00:08:26,583
And really sweet, and
your mom really liked him.

233
00:08:26,617 --> 00:08:28,484
Why are you defending this guy?

234
00:08:28,519 --> 00:08:30,986
I'm not defending him, I
just... I enjoyed talking to him.

235
00:08:31,021 --> 00:08:32,988
And he said a lot of things
that really landed on me.

236
00:08:33,023 --> 00:08:34,924
You know, there's nothing
that would make me happier

237
00:08:34,958 --> 00:08:37,025
than taking Ruby on a
trip around the world.

238
00:08:37,093 --> 00:08:39,004
- A... around the world?
- Mm-hmm.

239
00:08:39,192 --> 00:08:40,061
That takes a really long time.

240
00:08:40,096 --> 00:08:41,697
A really long time.

241
00:08:41,731 --> 00:08:43,881
Would you fly or sail?

242
00:08:44,064 --> 00:08:46,635
- Oh, sailing is so nice.
- Yeah, that's a great idea.

243
00:08:46,669 --> 00:08:49,726
And take that lucky lady with you, huh?

244
00:08:49,918 --> 00:08:51,184
- Yeah.
- Far away.

245
00:08:51,401 --> 00:08:52,980
I just thought he was really great.

246
00:08:53,703 --> 00:08:56,352
Really, really great.

247
00:08:56,566 --> 00:08:58,667
He was a great guy. He was sweet.

248
00:08:58,906 --> 00:09:00,315
Bow was out of her mind.
I needed to talk to people

249
00:09:00,350 --> 00:09:03,882
who would see things
from my perspective. Men.

250
00:09:04,065 --> 00:09:05,692
Hey, drinks tonight? My treat.

251
00:09:05,911 --> 00:09:08,047
- No.
- Oh, sorry, I can't make it.

252
00:09:08,330 --> 00:09:10,469
I'm dealing with my mother
and her new boyfriend.

253
00:09:10,670 --> 00:09:12,350
Whoa-ho! Ruby's dating?

254
00:09:12,604 --> 00:09:13,561
'Bout time.

255
00:09:13,562 --> 00:09:16,226
You have got one curvy mom, there, Dre.

256
00:09:16,430 --> 00:09:17,527
- Mm, mm, mm.
- He's not wrong.

257
00:09:17,638 --> 00:09:18,706
- Just sayin'.
- Even I see it.

258
00:09:18,707 --> 00:09:20,788
Hey, hey, hey, hey. It's my moms.

259
00:09:21,025 --> 00:09:22,505
What is up with guys and their moms?

260
00:09:22,506 --> 00:09:25,409
So what if she's dating?
Maybe she's lonely.

261
00:09:25,573 --> 00:09:26,652
My mom's not lonely.

262
00:09:26,653 --> 00:09:28,778
She gets plenty of love from
her wine club and grandcat.

263
00:09:28,779 --> 00:09:30,712
Look, my mother is not lonely, all right?

264
00:09:30,746 --> 00:09:33,114
She has grandkids and...
and hobbies, probably.

265
00:09:33,149 --> 00:09:34,582
She doesn't need anyone else.

266
00:09:34,616 --> 00:09:36,450
And you know the worst part of this is

267
00:09:36,485 --> 00:09:38,520
is the guy is basically my age.

268
00:09:39,580 --> 00:09:40,847
Well, there's nothing wrong with that.

269
00:09:40,882 --> 00:09:42,883
See, I almost exclusively date older women.

270
00:09:42,917 --> 00:09:45,018
Listening.

271
00:09:45,052 --> 00:09:46,952
They know how to take care of a brother.

272
00:09:46,987 --> 00:09:48,954
You see this watch? You see this shirt?

273
00:09:48,989 --> 00:09:49,889
You see this jacket?

274
00:09:49,923 --> 00:09:52,691
Ethel Watkins all day, every day.

275
00:09:52,726 --> 00:09:55,360
O... okay, so... so you saying
it's not really physical.

276
00:09:55,395 --> 00:09:57,530
It's mainly about companionship and gifts?

277
00:09:57,564 --> 00:09:59,398
Oh, no. The Golden Girls like to get down.

278
00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:00,833
And the great thing about it

279
00:10:00,867 --> 00:10:02,167
is that they can't get pregnant,

280
00:10:02,201 --> 00:10:04,436
won't get pregnant, and
will never get pregnant.

281
00:10:04,470 --> 00:10:05,538
Oh, that's menopause right there.

282
00:10:05,572 --> 00:10:06,739
Okay, curtis... curtis, what do you mean?

283
00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:07,907
What he's talking about, Dre,

284
00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:10,475
is that your mom and this younger man

285
00:10:10,510 --> 00:10:12,945
are having really risky,
unprotected, skin-on-skin sex,

286
00:10:12,979 --> 00:10:14,479
the most intimate kind of sex there is.

287
00:10:14,514 --> 00:10:15,614
Stay with us, Dre.

288
00:10:15,649 --> 00:10:16,815
Tha... tha... that's it! You know what?

289
00:10:16,850 --> 00:10:18,116
I got to put an end to this right now.

290
00:10:18,151 --> 00:10:19,552
Rachel, call for my car.

291
00:10:19,586 --> 00:10:21,253
Oh, my god.

292
00:10:21,287 --> 00:10:22,421
No.

293
00:10:22,455 --> 00:10:24,089
What?

294
00:10:24,123 --> 00:10:26,291
I told Kiersten I thought
the best Marvel movie

295
00:10:26,325 --> 00:10:28,927
was "The Incredible Hulk," and she agreed.

296
00:10:28,961 --> 00:10:30,429
Do we live in a world where

297
00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:32,764
"Captain America: The Winter
Soldier" doesn't exist?!

298
00:10:32,798 --> 00:10:36,268
See? Whoever that is is
definitely scamming you.

299
00:10:36,302 --> 00:10:37,936
No. There has to be a reason.

300
00:10:37,970 --> 00:10:40,638
Maybe she's a big Ed Norton fan, or...

301
00:10:40,673 --> 00:10:42,674
Maybe I was wrong.

302
00:10:42,708 --> 00:10:44,976
Maybe "Hulk" is the best one.

303
00:10:45,010 --> 00:10:48,780
Or maybe Kiersten is actually
a 40-year-old Nigerian man

304
00:10:48,814 --> 00:10:51,582
living in an empty swimming pool in Lagos.

305
00:10:51,616 --> 00:10:53,184
So, this is what we're gonna do.

306
00:10:53,253 --> 00:10:56,355
We are going to get even
and catfish the catfisher.

307
00:10:56,389 --> 00:10:57,856
But I'm not being catfished.

308
00:10:57,890 --> 00:10:58,857
You'll see.

309
00:10:58,891 --> 00:11:00,792
We're gonna meet Kiersten for a date

310
00:11:00,860 --> 00:11:03,429
and see what "she" is really after.

311
00:11:03,463 --> 00:11:05,598
Any luck, you'll be abducted.

312
00:11:07,501 --> 00:11:11,670
I realized the best way to
confront the enemy was head on.

313
00:11:11,704 --> 00:11:13,380
- Ooh!
- Yes!

314
00:11:13,595 --> 00:11:16,209
So I went to pick a fight.

315
00:11:17,164 --> 00:11:19,165
Oh! Come on! Dad!

316
00:11:19,199 --> 00:11:20,599
There's like two minutes to go in the game!

317
00:11:20,633 --> 00:11:23,069
Sorry about that, bro.
We're not a big TV family.

318
00:11:23,103 --> 00:11:25,037
Since when? There's one in every room.

319
00:11:25,072 --> 00:11:27,739
You put one in front of
your toilet like at a hotel.

320
00:11:27,774 --> 00:11:30,108
Nope. Just not into screens.

321
00:11:30,142 --> 00:11:31,509
Hey, man, I understand.

322
00:11:31,544 --> 00:11:32,644
Mm-hmm.

323
00:11:32,679 --> 00:11:33,779
Kids, tell you what.

324
00:11:33,813 --> 00:11:35,714
Next time, you won't
have to watch it on TV.

325
00:11:35,748 --> 00:11:37,683
Got these Clipper tickets
from one of my regulars.

326
00:11:37,717 --> 00:11:40,085
Oh, so you think you can just
take my kids to a Clipper game?

327
00:11:40,119 --> 00:11:41,219
Man, I don't even know you.

328
00:11:41,253 --> 00:11:42,888
No, no, no. There's six tickets.

329
00:11:42,922 --> 00:11:44,556
One for you, Bow, and the kids.

330
00:11:44,591 --> 00:11:47,459
So you can just stay at home
alone with my mama at night?

331
00:11:47,493 --> 00:11:48,660
No thanks.

332
00:11:48,695 --> 00:11:50,095
Why are you hassling Pop-Pop, Dad?

333
00:11:50,129 --> 00:11:51,162
It's...

334
00:11:51,197 --> 00:11:52,731
"Pop-Pop"?

335
00:11:52,765 --> 00:11:55,200
Yeah. Because he's twice as strong as Pops.

336
00:11:55,267 --> 00:11:57,335
Well, I just started going to crossfit.

337
00:11:57,369 --> 00:11:58,804
Got some extra passes, Dre,

338
00:11:58,838 --> 00:12:00,639
if you want to get in there
and, you know, mix it up.

339
00:12:00,673 --> 00:12:02,741
I am not for sale.

340
00:12:02,775 --> 00:12:04,976
But for the sake of my children,

341
00:12:05,010 --> 00:12:07,645
I will take these Clipper tickets.

342
00:12:11,027 --> 00:12:13,762
Hey, son. Who's that?

343
00:12:13,797 --> 00:12:15,030
Some manny that you hired

344
00:12:15,065 --> 00:12:17,266
to give your kids a decent male role model?

345
00:12:17,301 --> 00:12:18,701
No.

346
00:12:18,735 --> 00:12:20,269
That's Mama's new boyfriend.

347
00:12:20,304 --> 00:12:21,704
Say what? Him?

348
00:12:21,738 --> 00:12:23,272
- Mm-hmm.
- Wait a minute.

349
00:12:23,307 --> 00:12:25,241
What's he doing raising
the roof with my grandson?

350
00:12:25,275 --> 00:12:26,775
Because he's twice as strong as you.

351
00:12:26,810 --> 00:12:29,278
That's why the kids call him Pop-Pop.

352
00:12:29,313 --> 00:12:30,346
Say what?

353
00:12:30,380 --> 00:12:32,114
Davis is here to replace you.

354
00:12:32,148 --> 00:12:34,226
No, Davis got to go.

355
00:12:34,951 --> 00:12:37,353
Ohh, there he is.

356
00:12:37,387 --> 00:12:39,120
Why didn't I think of this sooner?

357
00:12:39,154 --> 00:12:42,257
Who knows more about destroying
mom's happiness than you, Pops?

358
00:12:42,291 --> 00:12:44,058
Well, she does bring out the artist in me.

359
00:12:44,093 --> 00:12:45,993
So, what are you thinking,
hm? You gonna scare him?

360
00:12:46,028 --> 00:12:47,596
You gonna show him where Mama shot you?

361
00:12:47,630 --> 00:12:49,431
Cut his brake lines.

362
00:12:49,465 --> 00:12:51,499
Pillowcase-bat beating.

363
00:12:51,534 --> 00:12:53,134
It's not about what I'm
gonna do to him, son.

364
00:12:53,168 --> 00:12:54,502
It's about what I'm gonna do to her.

365
00:12:54,537 --> 00:12:55,503
Ooh.

366
00:12:55,538 --> 00:12:57,272
I'm about to unleash the power

367
00:12:57,306 --> 00:12:59,641
Of the South African krugerrand.

368
00:12:59,675 --> 00:13:02,777
I suggest you take the
family to the movies tonight.

369
00:13:02,811 --> 00:13:04,912
To the movies?

370
00:13:04,947 --> 00:13:08,133
Oh, yeah. A double feature.

371
00:13:09,456 --> 00:13:11,724
All set.

372
00:13:11,759 --> 00:13:14,626
"Kiersten" will meet us tomorrow.

373
00:13:14,661 --> 00:13:16,262
Stop saying "Kiersten."

374
00:13:16,296 --> 00:13:17,830
It's going to be Kiersten.

375
00:13:17,864 --> 00:13:19,799
Sure. You keep thinking that.

376
00:13:19,833 --> 00:13:22,601
Anyway, I told Kiersten
you'll both know each other

377
00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:24,036
because you're both gonna be wearing...

378
00:13:24,070 --> 00:13:27,606
now, get this... white denim jackets.

379
00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:29,208
Like, what?!

380
00:13:29,242 --> 00:13:31,510
And then we'll post the
whole thing on youtube

381
00:13:31,544 --> 00:13:33,779
so that the world can
laugh at the catfisher

382
00:13:33,814 --> 00:13:35,080
in a white denim jacket.

383
00:13:35,115 --> 00:13:37,582
You're wrong. She's going to be there.

384
00:13:37,617 --> 00:13:39,251
We're soul mates.

385
00:13:39,286 --> 00:13:41,353
But in general...

386
00:13:41,387 --> 00:13:42,988
White denim.

387
00:13:43,023 --> 00:13:45,524
That's not something I
should be trying to pull off?

388
00:13:51,468 --> 00:13:55,604
Your son asked me to bring
up your plate, Quasimodo.

389
00:13:55,638 --> 00:13:57,405
What's up, baby girl?

390
00:13:57,440 --> 00:14:01,142
Just poured myself two
glasses of cutty sark.

391
00:14:01,177 --> 00:14:02,945
Would you care for one?

392
00:14:02,979 --> 00:14:05,113
Well, you know I've never been one

393
00:14:05,147 --> 00:14:07,215
to let a cutty sark go to waste.

394
00:14:07,249 --> 00:14:09,384
Mm.

395
00:14:12,388 --> 00:14:13,889
Maybe we can dance a little bit.

396
00:14:13,923 --> 00:14:16,492
Your lasagna's getting cold, Earl.

397
00:14:16,526 --> 00:14:18,927
Well, maybe I should

398
00:14:18,962 --> 00:14:21,129
heat things up a bit.

399
00:14:21,163 --> 00:14:23,498
Okay, now. Not the South African amulet.

400
00:14:23,532 --> 00:14:25,666
I thought you would've pawned that by now.

401
00:14:25,701 --> 00:14:30,038
Waiting for gold prices to
get back to 2010 levels, baby.

402
00:14:30,072 --> 00:14:31,506
Earl, you don't fight fair.

403
00:14:31,540 --> 00:14:33,441
But I'm spoken for.

404
00:14:33,476 --> 00:14:36,378
And as much as the
krugerrand gets me going,

405
00:14:36,412 --> 00:14:38,579
it's Davis that gets me there.

406
00:14:38,614 --> 00:14:39,680
Ugh!

407
00:14:39,715 --> 00:14:41,149
Hey, Ruby, I was...

408
00:14:41,183 --> 00:14:43,018
am I interrupting something?

409
00:14:43,052 --> 00:14:44,585
No. No, no, baby.

410
00:14:44,620 --> 00:14:46,821
Just a jackass in leggings

411
00:14:46,855 --> 00:14:51,759
that's too cheap to spring
for Cutty Sark Golden Jubilee.

412
00:14:53,062 --> 00:14:54,229
Come on, baby.

413
00:14:56,898 --> 00:15:00,234
So, Pops had failed. I had failed.

414
00:15:00,268 --> 00:15:03,370
Maybe I could find an answer in the fridge.

415
00:15:03,405 --> 00:15:05,472
Mm, you're so bad, Davis.

416
00:15:05,507 --> 00:15:06,773
Yeah.

417
00:15:06,807 --> 00:15:08,608
Unh-unh. This was too much.

418
00:15:08,643 --> 00:15:11,145
I couldn't let it happen in my own home.

419
00:15:11,179 --> 00:15:13,247
I knew what my 10-year-old self would do.

420
00:15:13,281 --> 00:15:14,714
Aah!

421
00:15:17,285 --> 00:15:18,885
Not in my house.

422
00:15:18,920 --> 00:15:21,588
But I knew I would be tried as an adult.

423
00:15:21,622 --> 00:15:22,889
So this time around,

424
00:15:22,924 --> 00:15:25,859
I decided to do the more mature thing.

425
00:15:25,893 --> 00:15:28,462
Mama! I'm having a heart attack!

426
00:15:28,496 --> 00:15:29,863
Oh, my god! Oh, my god!

427
00:15:29,897 --> 00:15:31,464
Baby! I got you, baby!

428
00:15:31,498 --> 00:15:33,032
Mama! Call an ambulance!

429
00:15:33,067 --> 00:15:34,934
Oh, no, they'll never get here fast enough!

430
00:15:34,968 --> 00:15:37,336
Get on my back! I'll carry you to Cedars!

431
00:15:37,371 --> 00:15:38,571
I'm not a doctor,

432
00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:39,872
but I don't think he's
having a heart attack.

433
00:15:39,906 --> 00:15:41,040
I am a doctor,

434
00:15:41,075 --> 00:15:42,908
and he's definitely not
having a heart attack.

435
00:15:42,943 --> 00:15:44,210
I see a white light!

436
00:15:44,244 --> 00:15:46,045
Oh, my god! There's demons in the light!

437
00:15:46,080 --> 00:15:48,647
- Stop! Stop! Dre, enough.
- Don't go! Don't go into the light!

438
00:15:48,682 --> 00:15:50,783
I'm so sorry, Davis.

439
00:15:50,817 --> 00:15:52,118
You know what?

440
00:15:52,152 --> 00:15:53,886
I think this family's got
a few issues to work out,

441
00:15:53,920 --> 00:15:55,354
so I'm gonna... I'm
gonna leave you to them.

442
00:15:55,389 --> 00:15:56,522
Mm. Good night, Dre.

443
00:15:56,557 --> 00:15:57,423
Ruby, I'll call you.

444
00:15:57,458 --> 00:15:58,691
Oh, no, don't go, baby!

445
00:15:58,725 --> 00:16:00,025
Oh, Mama! I see the light again!

446
00:16:00,060 --> 00:16:01,360
Oh, no! I see the light again!

447
00:16:01,395 --> 00:16:03,229
Devil, come out! Devil, come out!

448
00:16:03,263 --> 00:16:06,465
Okay. I'm going back to sleep.

449
00:16:06,499 --> 00:16:09,067
Was I proud of what I had done?

450
00:16:09,102 --> 00:16:12,170
Well, I got rid of Davis
and kept his Clipper tickets.

451
00:16:12,205 --> 00:16:14,500
You tell me.

452
00:16:17,171 --> 00:16:18,872
That fake heart attack... inspired.

453
00:16:18,906 --> 00:16:21,140
The moment just came, and I ran with it.

454
00:16:21,175 --> 00:16:22,275
Well, you did her a favor,

455
00:16:22,309 --> 00:16:23,510
'cause she looked ridiculous
with that young dude.

456
00:16:23,544 --> 00:16:24,511
Yes, she did.

457
00:16:24,545 --> 00:16:25,512
- Earl.
- Hm?

458
00:16:25,546 --> 00:16:26,546
We're gonna be late.

459
00:16:26,581 --> 00:16:27,681
Okay, baby. Got to go.

460
00:16:27,715 --> 00:16:28,882
- Hm?
- Going to soulcycle.

461
00:16:32,229 --> 00:16:33,763
Good morning, Andre.

462
00:16:33,797 --> 00:16:34,697
Huh.

463
00:16:34,731 --> 00:16:36,366
And how are you feeling?

464
00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:38,201
- Stronger.
- Mm.

465
00:16:38,235 --> 00:16:40,036
Yeah, it turns out it was only heartburn,

466
00:16:40,071 --> 00:16:42,405
but I really did think I
was having a heart attack.

467
00:16:42,440 --> 00:16:43,806
No, you did not.

468
00:16:45,475 --> 00:16:47,709
But I understand why you had to fake one.

469
00:16:47,743 --> 00:16:49,678
Ever since you were a little boy,

470
00:16:49,712 --> 00:16:51,413
we've always been like this.

471
00:16:51,448 --> 00:16:52,647
Mm-hmm.

472
00:16:52,682 --> 00:16:54,583
You never wanted a man to
come between what we had.

473
00:16:54,617 --> 00:16:55,650
Mnh-mnh.

474
00:16:55,685 --> 00:16:58,019
Which is why, out of respect for you,

475
00:16:58,054 --> 00:16:59,020
I snuck around.

476
00:16:59,055 --> 00:17:00,722
It's... you did?

477
00:17:00,756 --> 00:17:02,824
The gardener, the chimney sweep.

478
00:17:02,858 --> 00:17:04,226
Oh, baby, wake up.

479
00:17:04,260 --> 00:17:05,327
We didn't have a garden,

480
00:17:05,361 --> 00:17:06,928
and we sure didn't have a chimney.

481
00:17:06,963 --> 00:17:08,297
It did seem weird

482
00:17:08,331 --> 00:17:10,365
they had Christmas dinner with us.

483
00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:12,434
But I thought, now that you're 40,

484
00:17:12,469 --> 00:17:15,937
with four kids and a wife, of sorts,

485
00:17:15,972 --> 00:17:18,340
that you might be able to handle the idea

486
00:17:18,408 --> 00:17:20,441
of me being in a real relationship.

487
00:17:22,265 --> 00:17:23,665
I really should be.

488
00:17:23,699 --> 00:17:25,667
Yeah, and it's a shame that you're not.

489
00:17:25,701 --> 00:17:28,703
But you know what? Doesn't matter anyway.

490
00:17:28,738 --> 00:17:32,308
Davis and I are over.

491
00:17:32,342 --> 00:17:33,875
- You are?
- Yeah.

492
00:17:33,910 --> 00:17:35,044
It would've been fun

493
00:17:35,078 --> 00:17:37,446
to travel around the
world with my boyfriend

494
00:17:37,480 --> 00:17:40,282
and maybe see New Jersey.

495
00:17:41,717 --> 00:17:44,253
I guess I'll just buy a selfie stick

496
00:17:44,287 --> 00:17:47,289
and take the Amtrak to Albuquerque.

497
00:17:48,825 --> 00:17:50,125
Mm.

498
00:17:53,363 --> 00:17:54,496
Hm.

499
00:17:54,755 --> 00:17:55,808
- Rainbow.
- Huh?

500
00:17:55,922 --> 00:17:57,022
You got any shampoo?

501
00:17:57,056 --> 00:17:58,357
I got... I... I... I got a situation.

502
00:17:58,392 --> 00:17:59,558
Oh, my god.

503
00:17:59,593 --> 00:18:02,027
Look, I... I thought I washed it out,

504
00:18:02,061 --> 00:18:04,263
but 10 minutes into soulcycle,
I started leaking oil.

505
00:18:05,666 --> 00:18:06,932
I'm... I'm sorry.

506
00:18:06,966 --> 00:18:09,302
I'm sorry. I shouldn't be laughing.

507
00:18:09,336 --> 00:18:10,536
But hair dye?

508
00:18:10,570 --> 00:18:12,905
Really? Oh, my god.
Pops, you look ridiculous.

509
00:18:12,939 --> 00:18:14,807
I was trying to help my son.

510
00:18:14,841 --> 00:18:17,943
- Oh, you were trying to help your son.
- Mm-hmm.

511
00:18:17,977 --> 00:18:20,946
'Cause it seems like you
went to very great lengths

512
00:18:20,980 --> 00:18:23,048
to come between Ruby and her man.

513
00:18:24,531 --> 00:18:25,765
- Oh.
- Too much.

514
00:18:25,799 --> 00:18:27,232
Yeah, I've been told that before.

515
00:18:27,267 --> 00:18:28,567
Admit it, Pops.

516
00:18:28,602 --> 00:18:31,803
You like your floozies, but deep down,

517
00:18:31,837 --> 00:18:34,773
you want Ruby to wait for you.

518
00:18:34,807 --> 00:18:36,308
- Oh, she waits for me.
- Mm-hmm.

519
00:18:36,342 --> 00:18:38,010
In shadows with a brick or a bat.

520
00:18:38,044 --> 00:18:39,811
One time a tube sock full of batteries.

521
00:18:39,845 --> 00:18:41,679
You know why you're joking, right?

522
00:18:41,714 --> 00:18:43,115
'Cause you know I'm right.

523
00:18:43,149 --> 00:18:44,516
Yeah.

524
00:18:44,550 --> 00:18:47,386
Ultimately, you know that
Ruby is the only one for you.

525
00:18:47,620 --> 00:18:49,621
- I'm not saying you're wrong.
- Mm-hmm.

526
00:18:49,655 --> 00:18:50,889
Just give me the shampoo

527
00:18:50,924 --> 00:18:53,225
so I can go take a shower
with my 25-year-old.

528
00:18:53,259 --> 00:18:54,626
Oh, that's disgusting.

529
00:18:54,660 --> 00:18:56,661
Oh, hey. Hey, Davis.

530
00:18:56,695 --> 00:18:59,164
Dre, hey. Uh, what are you doing here?

531
00:18:59,198 --> 00:19:01,633
I want to apologize to you for last night.

532
00:19:01,782 --> 00:19:03,516
Nah, we're cool, man. Nothing
more to say about that.

533
00:19:03,551 --> 00:19:05,484
No, no. No, no, no, no,
no. There is more to say.

534
00:19:05,519 --> 00:19:08,588
Man, I almost pushed you down the stairs.

535
00:19:08,622 --> 00:19:09,923
What's that?

536
00:19:09,957 --> 00:19:13,726
Look, you clearly make my mother happy,

537
00:19:13,761 --> 00:19:16,829
and I just need to grow up
and let her be her own person.

538
00:19:16,864 --> 00:19:18,130
Hey, that's great, man.

539
00:19:18,165 --> 00:19:19,699
But I'm a little busy right
now, so if you could come back...

540
00:19:19,733 --> 00:19:20,900
- Okay, not...
- Davis?

541
00:19:20,935 --> 00:19:22,602
Baby, if you find my drawers...

542
00:19:22,716 --> 00:19:23,750
Ma?

543
00:19:23,784 --> 00:19:25,852
Oh. Andre.

544
00:19:25,886 --> 00:19:28,587
Uh, listen, th... this
is not what it looks like.

545
00:19:28,622 --> 00:19:30,389
Uh, there was a... there was a hornet

546
00:19:30,423 --> 00:19:32,892
that came toward my drawers, and then...

547
00:19:32,926 --> 00:19:35,294
Mama, this is exactly what it looks like.

548
00:19:35,328 --> 00:19:38,797
And... and I'm okay with that.

549
00:19:38,831 --> 00:19:41,066
Okay, I'm not really okay with it,

550
00:19:41,100 --> 00:19:43,935
but if it makes you happy, it's...

551
00:19:43,970 --> 00:19:45,904
Thank you, baby.

552
00:19:45,938 --> 00:19:47,673
I am happy.

553
00:19:47,707 --> 00:19:49,675
I'm very happy.

554
00:19:51,110 --> 00:19:53,579
Very, very happy.

555
00:19:58,084 --> 00:19:59,851
♪ Oh, my Lord! ♪

556
00:19:59,886 --> 00:20:02,014
♪ Lord, lord, lord! ♪

557
00:20:05,172 --> 00:20:07,139
Oh, white jacket. Boom.

558
00:20:07,174 --> 00:20:08,808
She is a he.

559
00:20:08,843 --> 00:20:11,444
Who is definitely not
pulling off that white denim.

560
00:20:11,479 --> 00:20:13,413
Well, I'm going to put an end to this.

561
00:20:13,447 --> 00:20:16,082
Yeah. We're gonna want to film this.

562
00:20:16,116 --> 00:20:18,418
Yeah. Okay.

563
00:20:18,452 --> 00:20:19,918
Your attention, please.

564
00:20:19,952 --> 00:20:22,120
This man tried to catfish me.

565
00:20:22,154 --> 00:20:23,121
What?

566
00:20:23,155 --> 00:20:24,256
He was going to try to trick me

567
00:20:24,290 --> 00:20:26,759
into giving him money, an organ,

568
00:20:26,793 --> 00:20:28,727
and worst of all, my heart!

569
00:20:28,762 --> 00:20:31,263
Which is also technically an organ,

570
00:20:31,297 --> 00:20:34,199
but in this case, heart means affections.

571
00:20:34,233 --> 00:20:36,635
As you can see, I'm flummoxed.

572
00:20:36,669 --> 00:20:39,905
People of the coffee house, boo this man!

573
00:20:39,939 --> 00:20:41,440
Dude, seriously?

574
00:20:41,474 --> 00:20:42,608
Booo!

575
00:20:42,642 --> 00:20:44,710
Why are you not booing? Come on.

576
00:20:44,744 --> 00:20:46,311
- Boo!
- Junior?

577
00:20:47,947 --> 00:20:50,849
Kiersten? You're real!

578
00:20:50,884 --> 00:20:53,519
See, Zoey? I told you she was real!

579
00:20:53,553 --> 00:20:56,921
My selfie game is strong.
She came here for this.

580
00:20:56,955 --> 00:20:59,757
And this. And all of this.

581
00:21:00,826 --> 00:21:02,159
Kiersten, tell 'em

582
00:21:02,193 --> 00:21:03,661
whose milkshake brought you to the yard.

583
00:21:03,695 --> 00:21:06,030
Ah...

584
00:21:06,064 --> 00:21:08,232
Kiersten?

585
00:21:08,266 --> 00:21:10,367
- Did we get all that?
- Oh, yeah.

586
00:21:10,606 --> 00:21:16,606
Synced and corrected by VitoSilans
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