1
00:00:00,193 --> 00:00:04,220
Marriage in all its forms is one
of the oldest human traditions.

2
00:00:04,433 --> 00:00:07,024
Two people coming together form one,

3
00:00:07,235 --> 00:00:09,655
or in my case, six...

4
00:00:09,848 --> 00:00:12,677
My perfect, chocolate,
Norman Rockwell family.

5
00:00:12,941 --> 00:00:15,109
Now my baby sister's getting married.

6
00:00:15,177 --> 00:00:17,749
And although it may be nontraditional,

7
00:00:17,789 --> 00:00:21,327
it did lead me to wonder
about one particular tradition.

8
00:00:21,642 --> 00:00:22,316
Hey.

9
00:00:22,656 --> 00:00:25,251
Who do you think is
gonna take whose last name

10
00:00:25,276 --> 00:00:26,905
when Rhonda and Sharon get married?

11
00:00:26,991 --> 00:00:28,737
Why do you think anyone's
gonna take anyone's name?

12
00:00:28,762 --> 00:00:29,762
I didn't take yours.

13
00:00:38,834 --> 00:00:40,389
What do you mean you
didn't take my name?

14
00:00:40,414 --> 00:00:42,591
What do you mean what do I
mean? I kept my maiden name, Dre,

15
00:00:42,616 --> 00:00:44,803
which should sound familiar
to you because we born

16
00:00:44,828 --> 00:00:46,266
with the same last name.

17
00:00:46,702 --> 00:00:48,318
Yep. That's right.

18
00:00:48,343 --> 00:00:51,112
I married a woman with
the same last name,

19
00:00:51,255 --> 00:00:53,647
like if Vivica A. married Michael J.

20
00:00:53,672 --> 00:00:56,029
Or if Daisy married Howard The.

21
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Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

22
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So, you're saying after all this time,

23
00:00:59,593 --> 00:01:01,404
for 17 years of marriage, I thought

24
00:01:01,429 --> 00:01:03,415
you were Rainbow
Johnson, but in reality,

25
00:01:03,482 --> 00:01:06,533
all along, you're Rainbow Johnson?

26
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You've made a fool of me.

27
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Oh, my God. What is wrong with you?

28
00:01:09,328 --> 00:01:10,780
Listen, listen, listen!

29
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Now, I know lesbians like Saltines.

30
00:01:14,436 --> 00:01:16,560
But how do they feel about a Triscuit?

31
00:01:16,585 --> 00:01:18,038
- Mama, what are you doing?
- What?

32
00:01:18,106 --> 00:01:19,983
I'm just trying to
make the lesbians feel

33
00:01:20,008 --> 00:01:21,870
more comfortable when they get here.

34
00:01:21,895 --> 00:01:23,603
Maybe crackers are all wrong.

35
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Maybe they're more
tuna-on-toast people.

36
00:01:26,078 --> 00:01:27,793
Mama, we're in the middle
of something right now.

37
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Yeah, well, I'm just...

38
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you know, the lesbians are coming.

39
00:01:31,009 --> 00:01:31,466
Ohh...

40
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- So, Bow, let me get this clear.
- Mm-hmm.

41
00:01:33,465 --> 00:01:36,056
- If my last name was Smith...
- Mm-hmm.

42
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- Or Jackson o...
- Mm-hmm.

43
00:01:37,976 --> 00:01:40,361
- Or Ndegeocello...
- Ooh.

44
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You would still be Rainbow Johnson?

45
00:01:43,141 --> 00:01:44,101
Yes, Dre.

46
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I never once considered
giving up my last name.

47
00:01:47,287 --> 00:01:49,820
- I'm a feminist, remember?
- So am I.

48
00:01:49,887 --> 00:01:51,154
I'm voting for Hillary...

49
00:01:51,222 --> 00:01:52,889
maybe.

50
00:01:52,957 --> 00:01:54,691
Mm-hmm. Dre, come on. I'm serious.

51
00:01:54,759 --> 00:01:58,221
I was born Rainbow
Johnson. It's who I am.

52
00:01:58,246 --> 00:02:00,130
We talked about this
on our wedding night.

53
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I thought you were kidding.

54
00:02:01,232 --> 00:02:02,833
Why would you think I was kidding?

55
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I didn't know your name
was so important to you.

56
00:02:04,731 --> 00:02:07,037
Didn't you change it the
minute you got to college?

57
00:02:07,362 --> 00:02:08,905
Peace God.

58
00:02:08,973 --> 00:02:11,808
I go by the title Yusef
Supreme Justice Allah.

59
00:02:11,923 --> 00:02:14,028
And I want to first say
that the Black man is

60
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the true Asiatic Nubian.

61
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I speak to the masses of
those who are deaf, dumb,

62
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and blind to knowledge
of self and wisdom.

63
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- College was a very confusing time for me.
- Oh, yeah. Okay.

64
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But this is a big deal.

65
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Had I known you weren't
gonna take my name...

66
00:02:28,426 --> 00:02:30,060
that could've been a deal-breaker.

67
00:02:30,128 --> 00:02:33,096
Well, you insisting I take
your name could have been

68
00:02:33,164 --> 00:02:34,297
a deal-breaker for me.

69
00:02:34,322 --> 00:02:36,843
Then maybe we have a broken deal.

70
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Well, maybe we do.

71
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And maybe I should go
set up an OkCupid profile.

72
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- Ah...
- I'm gonna go do that.

73
00:02:42,621 --> 00:02:44,076
You do that.

74
00:02:44,144 --> 00:02:46,645
'Cause you're stuck in
your ways with four kids.

75
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Nobody wants you!

76
00:02:48,348 --> 00:02:51,283
She just sprung this on me
and acts as if I'm crazy.

77
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153% of women take their
husband's last name.

78
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Does not sound accurate.

79
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You don't sound accurate!

80
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Whoa. Nice one, Dre.

81
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- Thank you.
- Whatever.

82
00:03:00,760 --> 00:03:02,607
First of all, you and
Bow have the same name,

83
00:03:02,632 --> 00:03:04,095
- so this is idiotic.
- Mm-hmm.

84
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And times are changing, Dre.

85
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When I get married, I'm keeping my name.

86
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No one is ever going to marry you.

87
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Wow.

88
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Mm! Mm, table's on
fire! Light that ass up.

89
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Come on.

90
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I can't believe I'm about to say this,

91
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but, uh, I actually agree with you, Dre.

92
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I took my ex-husband's last name...

93
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And, in the divorce, his
pride, his pizza stone,

94
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his dead mother's ashes,
all his dress shoes.

95
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- What size you wear?
- 13.

96
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Okay, look, when I get married...

97
00:03:29,689 --> 00:03:31,624
No one is gonna marry you, either.

98
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What is with these two?

99
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- Okay, if I get married...
- Come on.

100
00:03:35,288 --> 00:03:36,487
I would specifically request

101
00:03:36,512 --> 00:03:38,223
that my wife not take my name.

102
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Not everyone's good
enough to be an Oppenhol.

103
00:03:41,621 --> 00:03:43,965
I-I'm sorry. Did you
just say "open hole?"

104
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No. Oppenhol.

105
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That's what I said.

106
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No, "open hole" sounds gross.

107
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It's Oppenhol.

108
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Oppenhols help found this country.

109
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There were Oppenhols on the Mayflower.

110
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In fact, being an Oppenhol is so coveted

111
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that for the longest time,

112
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only Oppenhols were good enough for us.

113
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- Hm.
- Oh.

114
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So, you're saying you're inbred?

115
00:04:01,955 --> 00:04:04,032
Uh I'm saying I can't taste sugar.

116
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And don't get me bleeding.

117
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Cannot clot.

118
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Uh, well, Bossman, I hope
you didn't tell your boys

119
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that your wife kept her name,

120
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because I'm paid to
pretend to respect you.

121
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They may not take it so easy

122
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because everyone takes the man's name.

123
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Exactly!

124
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Kim Kardashian became
Kim Kardashian West.

125
00:04:20,221 --> 00:04:23,529
Amber Rose became Amber Rose Khalifa.

126
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Beyoncé? Beyoncé Z.

127
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- No. No. No.
- Not really.

128
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I mean, I've never even met my daddy,

129
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and I'm still Curtis Miller, Jr.

130
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I actually agree with
the bastard Miller.

131
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I think this is starting
to make you look like

132
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less of a man, Dre.

133
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Mm, Rainbow didn't take your name,

134
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but she sure did take your balls.

135
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- Ooh!
- Oh!

136
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Oh, wow.

137
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This is not a locker room.

138
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All right.

139
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- Come on, Lucy.
- Okay.

140
00:04:48,496 --> 00:04:49,868
What's wrong with you?

141
00:04:54,001 --> 00:04:56,604
My God. What are you wearing?

142
00:04:56,629 --> 00:04:58,158
I heard gay weddings go big,

143
00:04:58,183 --> 00:05:00,813
so I'm taking some
fashion risks to stand out.

144
00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:02,948
There's nothing worse than
getting lost in a crowd.

145
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Except looking like an idiot.

146
00:05:04,718 --> 00:05:06,008
I wouldn't expect you to understand

147
00:05:06,033 --> 00:05:08,106
in those 2012 saddle shoes.

148
00:05:08,131 --> 00:05:09,154
It had to be said.

149
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I plan on making a splash, too.

150
00:05:11,458 --> 00:05:14,042
I'm not saying I'm the greatest
ring bearer of all time,

151
00:05:14,067 --> 00:05:16,154
but I'm also not not saying it, either.

152
00:05:16,487 --> 00:05:19,284
- I'll say it. You're spectacular.
- Thank you.

153
00:05:19,309 --> 00:05:22,201
And your flower girl's pretty
much become industry standard.

154
00:05:22,227 --> 00:05:23,702
Well, we all have our gifts.

155
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Should we give them a little taste?

156
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Terrible. Just terrible.

157
00:05:36,750 --> 00:05:38,884
Yeah, there was no tension, no drama.

158
00:05:38,952 --> 00:05:41,270
Not once did I believe that
you were gonna drop the ring

159
00:05:41,295 --> 00:05:42,821
- or pick your nose.
- Not once.

160
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I can pick my nose.

161
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Yeah, we know, Jack.

162
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It's not cute anymore.

163
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- Ohh.
- Just face it, guys.

164
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You've aged out of the game.

165
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Nice try.

166
00:05:51,627 --> 00:05:53,832
We're getting that gig.

167
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I mean, really, who else
are they gonna give it to?

168
00:05:55,935 --> 00:05:57,951
- You two leathery, old hags?
- Mm.

169
00:05:58,766 --> 00:06:00,584
- Ooh! The homosexuals are here.
- I just...

170
00:06:00,609 --> 00:06:02,908
Grandma, Grandma, Grandma.

171
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Before you answer the door,

172
00:06:05,225 --> 00:06:06,786
let's pump our breaks for a second.

173
00:06:06,811 --> 00:06:08,511
The last time you saw Sharon and Rhonda,

174
00:06:08,536 --> 00:06:10,988
you weren't quite ready to
accept their relationship.

175
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- Not gay. No, no, baby. No!
- Mama! Mama!

176
00:06:13,953 --> 00:06:16,755
Oh, I've grown a lot since then.

177
00:06:16,823 --> 00:06:18,057
Are you sure?

178
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Because you just said,
"The homosexuals are here."

179
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Well, that's what they
are. And they're here.

180
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- Come on. Come on.
- No.

181
00:06:26,039 --> 00:06:26,923
Baby!

182
00:06:26,948 --> 00:06:28,567
- Mama. Hi.
- Ohh!

183
00:06:28,635 --> 00:06:29,802
Mwah.

184
00:06:29,869 --> 00:06:31,766
- Hello. How are you?
- Well, hello! - Oh!

185
00:06:31,791 --> 00:06:33,405
- Good to see you.
- Hey, what's up?

186
00:06:33,473 --> 00:06:34,306
Uh-huh.

187
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Now, listen. Listen.

188
00:06:36,266 --> 00:06:38,343
Now, I'm not gonna ask
which one of you drove

189
00:06:38,368 --> 00:06:41,914
or if it was in a mid-sized,
sport-utility vehicle

190
00:06:41,981 --> 00:06:43,321
because it doesn't matter.

191
00:06:43,346 --> 00:06:44,750
- Auntie Rhonda!
- Sharon!

192
00:06:44,781 --> 00:06:46,453
Jack, Diane! Oh, my goodness.

193
00:06:46,478 --> 00:06:47,786
Look how much you guys have grown!

194
00:06:47,854 --> 00:06:49,054
No, we haven't!

195
00:06:49,232 --> 00:06:51,790
Oh, my God. The ride is over.

196
00:06:52,787 --> 00:06:53,918
What in the world is that?

197
00:06:53,943 --> 00:06:55,461
Well, looks like my folks are here.

198
00:06:56,140 --> 00:06:57,874
- Duckworths in the house!
- Hey, hey!

199
00:06:57,914 --> 00:06:59,932
Ah, Mama D!

200
00:07:00,658 --> 00:07:01,823
Wait a minute.

201
00:07:01,848 --> 00:07:04,644
Did she just call another woman "Mama?"

202
00:07:04,864 --> 00:07:06,305
Oh, my God!

203
00:07:06,372 --> 00:07:08,055
Bow! Give in to that.

204
00:07:08,080 --> 00:07:09,908
- Oh, good to see you!
- Bow.

205
00:07:10,153 --> 00:07:11,253
- These are my parents...
- Hey.

206
00:07:11,278 --> 00:07:12,344
Frank and Donna Duckworth.

207
00:07:12,378 --> 00:07:13,512
Aah! Oh, my God!

208
00:07:13,580 --> 00:07:15,152
Oh, my God! Hey!

209
00:07:15,177 --> 00:07:16,572
- It's so good to meet you.
- So nice to meet you.

210
00:07:16,597 --> 00:07:17,216
Oh, thanks for having us.

211
00:07:17,217 --> 00:07:18,728
Oh, you guys. How was the
drive? How was the drive?

212
00:07:18,753 --> 00:07:20,723
No bad, you know, until an innocent game

213
00:07:20,748 --> 00:07:22,752
of "Truth or Dare" got
a little too truthful.

214
00:07:23,035 --> 00:07:24,742
Mm-hmm. It was one time in college.

215
00:07:24,767 --> 00:07:26,802
- Oh, uhh, I know that whole thing.
- The Duckworths love to play games,

216
00:07:26,899 --> 00:07:28,667
especially Mama D.

217
00:07:28,747 --> 00:07:30,289
Oh, my gosh. She did it again.

218
00:07:30,314 --> 00:07:32,097
Rhonda.

219
00:07:32,122 --> 00:07:33,432
- Hey.
- Come here.

220
00:07:33,457 --> 00:07:35,673
- I've done it.
- Please, have you met my husband yet?

221
00:07:35,698 --> 00:07:39,044
Listen, I don't like you
calling another woman "Mama."

222
00:07:39,069 --> 00:07:40,839
Why? It's nice.

223
00:07:41,032 --> 00:07:42,167
Hey, you might be closer to Sharon

224
00:07:42,192 --> 00:07:44,746
if you stopped insisting
she call you "Deaconess."

225
00:07:44,771 --> 00:07:48,180
But that's what I am... a Deaconess.

226
00:07:48,205 --> 00:07:49,205
Nice talk, Mom.

227
00:07:52,469 --> 00:07:54,186
Bow, I was talking to people at work.

228
00:07:54,427 --> 00:07:55,280
And you know what?

229
00:07:55,305 --> 00:07:57,865
You took my balls. Now
you must take my name.

230
00:07:57,890 --> 00:08:00,006
- Oh, my God. Dre, are you serious?
- Yes.

231
00:08:00,031 --> 00:08:01,126
What do you want me to do?

232
00:08:01,151 --> 00:08:02,972
You want me to go down to
the Social Security office

233
00:08:02,997 --> 00:08:04,763
and be like, "Hey, I'd
like to change my name

234
00:08:04,831 --> 00:08:07,053
from Rainbow Johnson
to Rainbow Johnson"?

235
00:08:07,078 --> 00:08:08,411
They open at 9:00.

236
00:08:08,436 --> 00:08:09,436
No.

237
00:08:10,099 --> 00:08:12,638
Okay, well, I-I'm not
100% certain that they open

238
00:08:12,706 --> 00:08:14,746
at that time, but I'm pretty
sure it's before 10:00.

239
00:08:15,639 --> 00:08:18,034
- I don't even see why this is an issue.
- Exactly.

240
00:08:18,059 --> 00:08:21,391
Yeah, I just want you to
do what 179% of women do

241
00:08:21,416 --> 00:08:23,773
when they get married. Take my name.

242
00:08:23,798 --> 00:08:24,945
You didn't take my baby's name?

243
00:08:25,013 --> 00:08:26,885
- No.
- No, I didn't, Ruby.

244
00:08:26,910 --> 00:08:28,001
And it has nothing to do with Dre

245
00:08:28,026 --> 00:08:30,098
and everything to do with
my beliefs about feminism.

246
00:08:30,123 --> 00:08:31,886
Oh, so, I see.

247
00:08:32,146 --> 00:08:35,225
You done turned into one of
these hairy-legged man-haters.

248
00:08:35,250 --> 00:08:36,724
Mom, for the last time,

249
00:08:36,791 --> 00:08:39,802
lesbians don't hate men or love tuna.

250
00:08:39,827 --> 00:08:41,862
No, baby, I'm talking
about feminists now.

251
00:08:41,930 --> 00:08:43,297
Oh, well, they really do hate men.

252
00:08:43,365 --> 00:08:45,156
I don't know how they feel about tuna.

253
00:08:45,181 --> 00:08:48,235
Feminists do not hate
men. We actually love tuna.

254
00:08:48,303 --> 00:08:49,894
- Mm.
- We simply believe

255
00:08:49,919 --> 00:08:51,539
that women and men are equal.

256
00:08:51,758 --> 00:08:54,642
And I will fight up against
any custom or tradition

257
00:08:54,667 --> 00:08:56,143
that reinforces that we're not.

258
00:08:56,211 --> 00:08:58,812
Women like Alice Paul, Betty Friedan,

259
00:08:58,880 --> 00:09:00,494
Gloria Steinem, these are the women

260
00:09:00,519 --> 00:09:02,122
that paved the way
for me to be the doctor

261
00:09:02,150 --> 00:09:03,083
that I am today.

262
00:09:04,486 --> 00:09:05,419
I say that a lot don't I?

263
00:09:05,444 --> 00:09:06,622
- Yes, you do.
- Okay.

264
00:09:06,647 --> 00:09:09,803
The point is everyone
should be a feminist.

265
00:09:09,828 --> 00:09:12,159
Rainbow, ain't nobody got time for that!

266
00:09:12,396 --> 00:09:15,071
I couldn't' afford to burn my bra.

267
00:09:15,096 --> 00:09:17,364
I only had the one!

268
00:09:17,666 --> 00:09:19,068
What I think Mama's trying to say is

269
00:09:19,093 --> 00:09:21,298
that Black feminists
and White feminists had

270
00:09:21,323 --> 00:09:22,602
- a little bit of a different path.
- Mm-hmm.

271
00:09:22,637 --> 00:09:24,229
It wasn't as simple for Black feminists

272
00:09:24,254 --> 00:09:26,128
because they had to
choose between civil rights

273
00:09:26,153 --> 00:09:26,964
and feminism.

274
00:09:26,989 --> 00:09:29,554
- And I chose civil rights!
- Mm.

275
00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:30,563
Yeah.

276
00:09:30,943 --> 00:09:32,631
I didn't march or anything.

277
00:09:32,656 --> 00:09:34,682
But ain't nobody got
time for that either...

278
00:09:34,749 --> 00:09:36,766
Except privileged White girls.

279
00:09:36,791 --> 00:09:38,018
It wasn't just White girls, Ma.

280
00:09:38,043 --> 00:09:39,829
And even if it had been,
we need to thank them

281
00:09:39,854 --> 00:09:41,371
for getting that ball
rolling down the field.

282
00:09:41,396 --> 00:09:42,853
I-I'm not trying to move the ball

283
00:09:42,878 --> 00:09:44,026
in the wrong direction, Bow.

284
00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:48,462
I just believe that a family
should all have the same name.

285
00:09:48,530 --> 00:09:49,869
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm! Mm-hmm!

286
00:09:49,963 --> 00:09:52,039
Especially a Black family.

287
00:09:52,152 --> 00:09:54,895
See, back in my day, a
single Black woman had

288
00:09:54,920 --> 00:09:57,675
a better chance of being
eaten by a shark on Tuesday

289
00:09:57,700 --> 00:09:59,640
than to become someone's missus.

290
00:09:59,708 --> 00:10:03,281
Being married and taking my
husband's name was a trophy!

291
00:10:03,812 --> 00:10:06,080
It meant I was I was chosen.

292
00:10:06,250 --> 00:10:10,718
Hell, you think I kept Earl's
name to honor that idiot?

293
00:10:10,838 --> 00:10:13,360
I kept it to honor me.

294
00:10:13,385 --> 00:10:14,464
- What?
- See?

295
00:10:14,888 --> 00:10:15,689
See?

296
00:10:15,896 --> 00:10:19,123
Taking my name doesn't
mean you love or respect me.

297
00:10:19,148 --> 00:10:22,264
It just means that we are
one family with one name.

298
00:10:22,291 --> 00:10:23,897
Your name. What about my name?

299
00:10:23,931 --> 00:10:25,833
Dre, my name is just as important.

300
00:10:25,900 --> 00:10:28,636
And I don't understand how
an educated, career-minded,

301
00:10:29,018 --> 00:10:32,442
self-respecting woman
would change her name.

302
00:10:32,467 --> 00:10:34,682
So, I can't be an
educated, career-minded,

303
00:10:34,707 --> 00:10:36,859
self-respecting woman if
I take my husband's name?

304
00:10:36,884 --> 00:10:39,988
Shaming other women doesn't
sound very feminist, Mom.

305
00:10:40,013 --> 00:10:40,844
- Mnh-mnh.
- It doesn't.

306
00:10:40,869 --> 00:10:42,575
- That is not what I meant.
- Oh.

307
00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:47,087
Feminism is about women having choices.

308
00:10:47,155 --> 00:10:49,577
And obviously, there is a right choice.

309
00:10:49,602 --> 00:10:52,804
Yes... taking your husband's name.

310
00:10:52,994 --> 00:10:53,830
Wait.

311
00:10:53,855 --> 00:10:54,874
So, when we get married,

312
00:10:54,899 --> 00:10:56,700
you don't want us to
be Johnsons anymore?

313
00:10:56,725 --> 00:10:59,627
So, you're trusting Jack and
Junior to carry on your lineage?

314
00:10:59,834 --> 00:11:01,201
That feels right to you?

315
00:11:01,745 --> 00:11:03,177
Diane nailed it.

316
00:11:03,237 --> 00:11:05,071
That did not feel right to me.

317
00:11:05,191 --> 00:11:08,565
But luckily, there was
still a move I could make.

318
00:11:12,747 --> 00:11:13,747
Hmm...

319
00:11:15,383 --> 00:11:18,419
Okay, how we gonna make
this wedding about us?

320
00:11:18,487 --> 00:11:19,996
Can it involve my food allergy?

321
00:11:20,021 --> 00:11:22,756
Because I've been itching
to try out this new EpiPen.

322
00:11:22,824 --> 00:11:24,945
No. And is this a joke to you?

323
00:11:24,970 --> 00:11:26,173
No.

324
00:11:26,198 --> 00:11:28,574
But what are we gonna do?

325
00:11:28,858 --> 00:11:30,664
Are we just going to be guests?

326
00:11:30,732 --> 00:11:32,700
Or worse...

327
00:11:33,014 --> 00:11:33,667
Ushers?

328
00:11:33,857 --> 00:11:34,857
No.

329
00:11:34,983 --> 00:11:36,451
I refuse to be a nobody

330
00:11:36,476 --> 00:11:38,118
like some random cousin or Junior.

331
00:11:38,143 --> 00:11:41,008
Together, we'll figure out a way
to make this wedding about us.

332
00:11:41,076 --> 00:11:43,344
"Together" like you and me,

333
00:11:43,369 --> 00:11:45,479
or the "together" where
you do all the work?

334
00:11:45,547 --> 00:11:47,229
The one where I do all the work.

335
00:11:47,254 --> 00:11:49,016
I think that's best for all involved.

336
00:11:53,788 --> 00:11:55,155
Hey, pals.

337
00:11:55,223 --> 00:11:57,064
Peep my new wedding suit.

338
00:11:57,089 --> 00:11:58,893
- You look stupid.
- Sorry.

339
00:11:59,189 --> 00:12:00,995
Aww, that's sweet of you Donna,

340
00:12:01,062 --> 00:12:02,524
but I'm used to it.

341
00:12:02,549 --> 00:12:04,965
No, no. We're playing "Sorry!"

342
00:12:05,512 --> 00:12:07,762
Ohh. Not to toot my own horn...

343
00:12:08,044 --> 00:12:10,704
toot-toot... but I'm
really good at games.

344
00:12:10,729 --> 00:12:12,139
Because he has no friends.

345
00:12:12,207 --> 00:12:14,050
I once saw him play an entire game

346
00:12:14,075 --> 00:12:15,809
of Movie Quiz by himself.

347
00:12:16,171 --> 00:12:18,212
Robin Williams. Jungle in the house.

348
00:12:18,280 --> 00:12:20,514
Your favorite movie. Uh...

349
00:12:22,784 --> 00:12:25,386
Ah, "Jumanji."

350
00:12:25,453 --> 00:12:26,720
I was right there.

351
00:12:27,124 --> 00:12:28,322
I eventually won.

352
00:12:28,390 --> 00:12:30,658
Hey, listen, listen.

353
00:12:30,683 --> 00:12:31,725
I've been thinking.

354
00:12:31,955 --> 00:12:34,063
And we're about to be family.

355
00:12:34,088 --> 00:12:34,791
Mm.

356
00:12:35,037 --> 00:12:37,765
And I feel like "Deaconess"
is so impersonal.

357
00:12:38,098 --> 00:12:40,138
So how about you just call me...

358
00:12:40,163 --> 00:12:41,662
Ruby...

359
00:12:41,903 --> 00:12:43,289
Johnson...

360
00:12:44,192 --> 00:12:46,639
Mrs. Ruby Johnson.

361
00:12:47,842 --> 00:12:49,109
Uh...

362
00:12:49,177 --> 00:12:50,578
Mrs. Johnson.

363
00:12:50,645 --> 00:12:53,191
Okay, Mrs. Johnson.

364
00:12:53,216 --> 00:12:56,071
Now isn't that better?

365
00:12:56,484 --> 00:12:57,484
Okay, so...

366
00:12:59,993 --> 00:13:02,074
Martina Navratilova.

367
00:13:02,281 --> 00:13:03,144
What about her?

368
00:13:03,169 --> 00:13:05,025
Billie Jean King.

369
00:13:06,294 --> 00:13:07,595
Are you just naming lesbians?

370
00:13:07,662 --> 00:13:10,397
Oh, are those lesbians? I had no idea.

371
00:13:10,516 --> 00:13:11,799
Ellen Degeneres.

372
00:13:11,866 --> 00:13:13,467
- Hey, Grandma.
- Huh?

373
00:13:13,492 --> 00:13:15,225
Can we go do something other than this?

374
00:13:15,250 --> 00:13:16,162
Oh, yeah. All right.

375
00:13:16,187 --> 00:13:18,205
I'll be right back. Be right back.

376
00:13:19,451 --> 00:13:21,775
All right, everybody. Dinner's served!

377
00:13:21,843 --> 00:13:24,271
All right. Hold on. Hold on.

378
00:13:24,296 --> 00:13:27,011
Before we dig in, can we
have your attention please?

379
00:13:27,036 --> 00:13:29,141
Rhonda has come up with a great way

380
00:13:29,166 --> 00:13:31,151
to celebrate her and Sharon's union...

381
00:13:31,219 --> 00:13:32,741
All her idea.

382
00:13:32,766 --> 00:13:34,598
- Mm.
- Had nothing to do with me.

383
00:13:34,623 --> 00:13:35,656
Rhonda, take it away.

384
00:13:36,879 --> 00:13:38,959
Baby, you know you're
the love of my life,

385
00:13:39,302 --> 00:13:40,561
and I cannot wait to marry you.

386
00:13:40,799 --> 00:13:42,963
So will you please do me the honor

387
00:13:43,031 --> 00:13:45,480
of taking my last name
and becoming a Johnson?

388
00:13:45,505 --> 00:13:46,667
Yes.

389
00:13:46,692 --> 00:13:47,735
- Yes? Yes?
- Yes!

390
00:13:47,802 --> 00:13:50,004
- Yes!
- Wow.

391
00:13:50,029 --> 00:13:51,972
So easy.

392
00:13:52,269 --> 00:13:54,475
What kind of monster did I marry?

393
00:13:54,543 --> 00:13:55,564
I can't believe this.

394
00:13:55,589 --> 00:13:58,049
So, wait. Uh, you're
giving up Duckworth?

395
00:13:58,074 --> 00:13:59,079
You can't do that.

396
00:13:59,225 --> 00:14:01,081
No, how we gonna play
"Duck, Duck, Worth"

397
00:14:01,330 --> 00:14:02,465
- if you're not a Duckworth?
- Yeah, yeah.

398
00:14:02,490 --> 00:14:04,324
H-Hold on. Hold on.

399
00:14:04,349 --> 00:14:07,919
You have been sharing
Duckworth your entire life.

400
00:14:07,944 --> 00:14:11,547
A-Are you... are you
sure that you just want

401
00:14:11,572 --> 00:14:13,193
to just give up your identity like that?

402
00:14:13,218 --> 00:14:14,402
What are you doing, Bow?

403
00:14:14,427 --> 00:14:16,983
Oh, it's just that
Duckworth is such a strong

404
00:14:17,008 --> 00:14:19,589
and distinctive, distinctive name.

405
00:14:19,614 --> 00:14:21,411
- So is Johnson.
- Mm.

406
00:14:21,436 --> 00:14:23,103
- All right, we've had two presidents.
- Mm-hmm.

407
00:14:23,128 --> 00:14:24,764
We have Earvin "Magic."

408
00:14:24,917 --> 00:14:27,881
- We have Dwayne "The Rock."
- Mm-hmm.

409
00:14:27,906 --> 00:14:29,979
- But there is a lot wrong with Johnson.
- What?

410
00:14:30,004 --> 00:14:32,875
You can never name a
kid Peter or Willie.

411
00:14:32,900 --> 00:14:34,748
Or Harry or Hugh.

412
00:14:35,074 --> 00:14:36,283
It's a really long list.

413
00:14:36,308 --> 00:14:38,552
- It's a long list. Now, Sharon...
- Mm.

414
00:14:38,752 --> 00:14:41,642
Are you really sure

415
00:14:41,667 --> 00:14:45,626
that this is what you want?

416
00:14:45,818 --> 00:14:48,629
I don't know. I mean,
it seemed really sweet.

417
00:14:49,024 --> 00:14:49,964
Now I'm not sure.

418
00:14:50,031 --> 00:14:51,073
Okay, now, hold up now.

419
00:14:51,098 --> 00:14:52,494
15 seconds ago, you said you were down

420
00:14:52,519 --> 00:14:54,101
with being a Johnson, and
now you're not so sure?

421
00:14:54,299 --> 00:14:55,925
Better you find out now

422
00:14:55,950 --> 00:14:57,887
- than 17 years from now.
- What?

423
00:14:58,139 --> 00:14:59,062
Uh-huh.

424
00:14:59,087 --> 00:15:01,790
Everybody, my wife cuckolded me.

425
00:15:01,815 --> 00:15:03,874
- That's not even what that means, Dre.
- But it's what you did.

426
00:15:03,945 --> 00:15:05,371
- No, no, I didn't. No!
- Yes.

427
00:15:05,396 --> 00:15:07,384
You didn't take my name so we
don't have the same last name!

428
00:15:07,409 --> 00:15:09,814
I have the same name!
Started with the same name!

429
00:15:09,851 --> 00:15:11,819
I'm sorry, but you
just put me on the spot.

430
00:15:11,886 --> 00:15:14,054
Y-You know what, Sharon?
Take it from me...

431
00:15:14,122 --> 00:15:17,430
it's very important that
the entire family have

432
00:15:17,455 --> 00:15:19,813
- the same last name.
- It's not, though.

433
00:15:19,838 --> 00:15:21,971
Well, then maybe, you know,
Rhonda should become a Duckworth.

434
00:15:21,996 --> 00:15:23,831
Ooh, shots fired.

435
00:15:23,898 --> 00:15:25,432
Well, the way I see it,

436
00:15:25,457 --> 00:15:26,940
there's only one way to settle this.

437
00:15:28,870 --> 00:15:29,870
All right.

438
00:15:30,164 --> 00:15:32,488
Duckworths versus the Johnsons.

439
00:15:32,513 --> 00:15:34,130
Winner gets the name.

440
00:15:34,679 --> 00:15:37,305
Here are the rules. Single elimination.

441
00:15:38,013 --> 00:15:39,967
- That's all you need to know.
- Let's get it on!

442
00:15:54,740 --> 00:15:56,708
He's a child!

443
00:15:56,733 --> 00:15:58,376
I thought you said
you were great at his.

444
00:15:58,401 --> 00:16:00,745
I've never played against
another person before.

445
00:16:02,748 --> 00:16:04,649
Told you... no friends.

446
00:16:04,717 --> 00:16:06,237
Come on!

447
00:16:07,317 --> 00:16:09,573
I'm gonna beat the black off of you.

448
00:16:09,598 --> 00:16:11,888
- Can you really do that?
- Oh, no, sweetheart.

449
00:16:15,876 --> 00:16:17,383
Ohh!

450
00:16:17,408 --> 00:16:18,897
- It's okay, Mama.
- Stop it.

451
00:16:19,165 --> 00:16:21,332
- All right, Rhonda. I got this.
- Okay.

452
00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:23,886
Going over the top.

453
00:16:24,103 --> 00:16:26,646
The anterior Malaysian sub-grip...

454
00:16:26,671 --> 00:16:28,876
the Grip of Kings.

455
00:16:28,901 --> 00:16:31,495
Yeah, I really don't care.
I just want you to win.

456
00:16:40,968 --> 00:16:42,681
Aah! Ow!

457
00:16:42,706 --> 00:16:43,429
Ohh!

458
00:16:43,556 --> 00:16:46,720
- Okay, time out. Time out.
- Time... time out?

459
00:16:46,798 --> 00:16:47,905
- Yes.
- You just hurt your wrist

460
00:16:47,930 --> 00:16:48,793
playing ping-pong?

461
00:16:48,794 --> 00:16:51,066
It's the risk of the sub-grip.

462
00:16:51,091 --> 00:16:52,668
- Do we have a forfeit?
- No!

463
00:16:52,693 --> 00:16:54,099
- Just got to wrap this up.
- He got it.

464
00:16:54,124 --> 00:16:55,500
I can play on this.

465
00:16:55,568 --> 00:16:57,669
I can't play on this. Ow!

466
00:16:57,694 --> 00:17:00,019
Shoot me up... steroids,
cortisone, any... Aah!

467
00:17:00,044 --> 00:17:01,361
Cut me, Bow. Just cut me.

468
00:17:01,386 --> 00:17:02,574
- Cut you?
- Yes.

469
00:17:02,599 --> 00:17:05,820
Dre, this is a bruise at
best and a boo-boo at worst.

470
00:17:05,845 --> 00:17:07,579
- Open your hand.
- I... Ow, ow!

471
00:17:07,646 --> 00:17:08,882
Ohh!

472
00:17:08,907 --> 00:17:10,340
What is this? Huh?

473
00:17:10,549 --> 00:17:11,849
This feels like a hate-taping.

474
00:17:11,874 --> 00:17:13,448
Oh, God. Fine. You know what, Dre?

475
00:17:13,473 --> 00:17:14,900
You're the man. Do it yourself.

476
00:17:14,925 --> 00:17:16,503
I will do it myself.

477
00:17:16,528 --> 00:17:19,062
You don't have my name.
You don't have my back...

478
00:17:19,317 --> 00:17:22,090
Classic Rainbow Johnson.

479
00:17:22,115 --> 00:17:24,317
Yep. Yep. Okay. What are you...

480
00:17:24,637 --> 00:17:27,605
Put this here. Keep my grip.

481
00:17:29,871 --> 00:17:31,002
Come on, now.

482
00:17:31,773 --> 00:17:34,484
Ready for this? Five serving six.

483
00:17:37,610 --> 00:17:39,567
Ow! Ohh! Aah!

484
00:17:39,592 --> 00:17:41,892
This must be what childbirth feels like!

485
00:17:41,917 --> 00:17:43,420
Okay, this is ridiculous.

486
00:17:43,758 --> 00:17:44,398
Aah!

487
00:17:44,423 --> 00:17:45,823
Look what we're doing, everybody.

488
00:17:46,032 --> 00:17:46,900
This is stupid.

489
00:17:46,925 --> 00:17:48,567
No, no, no, no! No, I'm cool.

490
00:17:48,635 --> 00:17:51,236
Sharon, listen. I don't
care what name we have.

491
00:17:51,532 --> 00:17:53,381
You know, for years,
we couldn't get married.

492
00:17:53,406 --> 00:17:55,007
But now we can.

493
00:17:55,131 --> 00:17:58,443
And the only name that I
insist on calling you is "wife."

494
00:17:59,796 --> 00:18:01,680
That's a name I'm happy to take.

495
00:18:01,748 --> 00:18:03,782
Yeah.

496
00:18:03,907 --> 00:18:06,685
That is so beautiful.

497
00:18:06,753 --> 00:18:07,918
If you guys had kissed,

498
00:18:07,943 --> 00:18:10,298
I would have only barely turned away.

499
00:18:11,316 --> 00:18:12,577
Thanks, Mrs. Johnson.

500
00:18:12,602 --> 00:18:15,093
Oh, no more Mrs. Johnson.

501
00:18:15,269 --> 00:18:17,796
You call me Goodmama RuRu.

502
00:18:17,864 --> 00:18:19,226
Yes.

503
00:18:19,251 --> 00:18:20,888
Welcome to the family, baby.

504
00:18:20,913 --> 00:18:22,966
Oh, you two are gonna
make beautiful brides.

505
00:18:22,991 --> 00:18:24,924
Can't wait for the wedding.

506
00:18:25,324 --> 00:18:26,642
- You know what?
- Daddy...

507
00:18:26,667 --> 00:18:28,211
Mm, I think we are familied out.

508
00:18:28,236 --> 00:18:29,188
- Elope?
- What?

509
00:18:29,213 --> 00:18:30,098
- Good idea, babe.
- Yep.

510
00:18:30,123 --> 00:18:31,284
So, no wedding?

511
00:18:31,411 --> 00:18:32,844
I was gonna go big.

512
00:18:33,044 --> 00:18:35,124
Uh, bigger than this? Really?

513
00:18:35,197 --> 00:18:36,369
Wait, if there's no wedding,

514
00:18:36,394 --> 00:18:38,729
where will we do our
choreographed dance number?

515
00:18:38,754 --> 00:18:39,985
Hit it.

516
00:18:42,789 --> 00:18:44,696
Pathetic.

517
00:18:45,637 --> 00:18:46,939
♪ Let's get it crunk ♪

518
00:18:46,964 --> 00:18:50,662
♪ We gonna have fun
up on in this dancery ♪

519
00:18:50,949 --> 00:18:52,255
♪ We got ya open ♪

520
00:18:52,280 --> 00:18:53,732
- ♪ Now ya floatin' ♪
- Ohh, yeah.

521
00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:55,967
♪ So you gots to dance for me ♪

522
00:18:56,035 --> 00:18:58,403
They learned that.

523
00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:01,073
- Oh, my God, they...
- Look at that...

524
00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:03,375
Pure desperation.

525
00:19:03,443 --> 00:19:05,744
♪ While you're waiting,
so just dance for me ♪

526
00:19:07,337 --> 00:19:09,915
Look, I just want to say that I'm sorry

527
00:19:09,982 --> 00:19:12,484
for getting so worked up over this.

528
00:19:12,552 --> 00:19:13,556
You should be.

529
00:19:13,581 --> 00:19:15,530
When we met,

530
00:19:15,555 --> 00:19:16,607
I was a scrub.

531
00:19:17,724 --> 00:19:19,285
Yes, I know.

532
00:19:19,310 --> 00:19:21,279
- I'm serious.
- Yes, I'm serious, too.

533
00:19:21,304 --> 00:19:22,561
And as a Black man,

534
00:19:22,586 --> 00:19:25,397
the odds are already stacked against me.

535
00:19:25,609 --> 00:19:27,833
So, for a woman like you to take my name

536
00:19:27,858 --> 00:19:29,000
when I wasn't anything...

537
00:19:30,286 --> 00:19:32,286
it would've shown that
you really believed in me.

538
00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:36,375
And I don't need a name change to know

539
00:19:36,400 --> 00:19:39,502
that you really believe in me anymore.

540
00:19:39,688 --> 00:19:41,688
I fell in love with Rainbow Johnson.

541
00:19:41,762 --> 00:19:44,664
Why wouldn't I want to be
married to Rainbow Johnson?

542
00:19:44,731 --> 00:19:46,198
Aww, Dre.

543
00:19:46,373 --> 00:19:47,903
Sweetheart...

544
00:19:48,576 --> 00:19:50,320
I love that you feel
like you can conceded

545
00:19:50,345 --> 00:19:51,705
something really meaningful to me.

546
00:19:52,137 --> 00:19:55,307
Honestly, I don't know

547
00:19:55,502 --> 00:19:59,512
if I need to be Rainbow Johnson anymore.

548
00:19:59,537 --> 00:20:02,314
And if you need me
to be Rainbow Johnson,

549
00:20:02,382 --> 00:20:03,949
I will be Rainbow Johnson.

550
00:20:04,051 --> 00:20:06,110
- How about this?
- Mm-hmm?

551
00:20:06,786 --> 00:20:08,277
We just stay the Johnsons?

552
00:20:08,302 --> 00:20:10,327
- Okay, it'll take some getting used to...
- Okay.

553
00:20:11,237 --> 00:20:13,693
But I will give it a shot.

554
00:20:13,798 --> 00:20:15,174
- Me, too.
- I'm just... you, too?

555
00:20:15,199 --> 00:20:16,630
- Mm-hmm.
- Okay.

556
00:20:16,655 --> 00:20:17,950
- Oh, my God.
- Come on. Mwah.

557
00:20:17,975 --> 00:20:20,130
- Ow! Ow!
- Oh, come on, Dre.

558
00:20:20,155 --> 00:20:21,434
- Really!
- Yeah.

559
00:20:21,501 --> 00:20:23,729
It feels like a baby is
coming out of my wrist.

560
00:20:23,754 --> 00:20:25,004
You know what? That makes sense, Dre.

561
00:20:25,072 --> 00:20:27,640
Because people always say bruises,

562
00:20:27,708 --> 00:20:30,161
- ping-pong wounds, and birth...
- Yeah, stop. Stop, stop. Look, look...

563
00:20:30,186 --> 00:20:31,788
- so similar, so similar.
- Okay, look at the babies.

564
00:20:31,813 --> 00:20:34,173
- Look at the babies dance.
- Look at the babies.

565
00:20:38,737 --> 00:20:40,724
There you go. There you go!

566
00:20:42,240 --> 00:20:43,473
Good job!

567
00:20:43,809 --> 00:20:45,891
- Yeah, guys!
- God, I love these kids.

568
00:20:46,184 --> 00:20:48,173
Aye, Donkey!

569
00:20:48,198 --> 00:20:49,790
"Shrek!"

570
00:20:49,821 --> 00:20:52,358
Okay. O-Okay, um...

571
00:20:52,383 --> 00:20:54,084
Bill Paxton... no, no, no, no, no.

572
00:20:54,109 --> 00:20:56,897
No, no, Bill Pullman
is the president and...

573
00:20:56,922 --> 00:20:59,725
and... and aliens, aliens...

574
00:20:59,750 --> 00:21:01,100
"Independence Day!"

575
00:21:01,125 --> 00:21:03,904
- _
- You haven't seen this. Pass!

576
00:21:04,160 --> 00:21:05,530
_

577
00:21:05,555 --> 00:21:07,750
Okay, He's a wolf on Wall Street.

578
00:21:07,775 --> 00:21:09,037
Yeah, he's taking people's money.

579
00:21:09,090 --> 00:21:10,692
Oh...

580
00:21:12,027 --> 00:21:14,529
Oh, "Wolf of Wall Street."

581
00:21:14,554 --> 00:21:16,097
Should've said "Jonah Hill."

582
00:21:16,621 --> 00:21:20,121
Synced and corrected by Octavia
- www.addic7ed.com -