Trevor: This old guy is my grandpa, Reynold Harmony.
Trevor: And not to sound selfish with him about to kick the bucket and all,
Trevor: spoiler alert,
Trevor: destiny is about to do a mic drop into my nuts.
Trevor: I'm actually a highly educated biologist.
Trevor: I graduated at the top of my class,
Trevor: Trevor Harmony, Valictorian, and look where it got me.
Trevor: It all started after college.
Reynold: Come here, little man. Hard for me to talk.
Reynold: God damn Alzheimer's... can barely string two congruent thoughts together.
Reynold: So I better make this quick before I short out again.
Reynold: You're... now how shall I put this lightly?
Reynold: Such a goddamn motherfucking disappointment!
Trevor: Say what you want about the old man. He knew how to get a point across.
Trevor: What do you mean?
Trevor: I have a master's degree in cytosubiology.
Trevor: I'm going to Alaska to study orcas.
Reynold: Such a goddamn disappointment.
Reynold: Whale mating?
Trevor: I'm not sure I follow.
Reynold: You know good goddamn well what I mean, you little shithead.
Reynold: You're a harmony.
Reynold: It's been passed down from the eldest born male for 11 generations.
Reynold: Trevor, you're a good boy.
Reynold: Always been a man of your word.
Reynold: A trait you probably got from me.
Reynold: You see, we're not just a family of janitors.
Reynold: We're more, way more.
Reynold: What I'm gonna tell you has been passed down
Reynold: from Harmony Man to Harmony Man for 275 years.
Trevor: I had no idea what he was about to say
Trevor: or how important it would be, but I could see it in his eyes
Trevor: that this revelation was about to change my world forever.
Trevor: it seemed like my eyes were about to be open for the first time.
Trevor: That it was all about to make sense.
Reynold: The axe holds the keys. Keys. Keys.
Reynold: Baseball bat.
Reynold: Get away from me, demons.
Reynold: I will destroy you.
Reynold: Trevor, there you are.
Reynold: Keep running. They'll kill us all.
Trevor: Who will?
Reynold: The werewolves. Witches. Zombies.
Trevor: Oh, this shit again.
Reynold: Witches. Zombies.
Reynold: Margo...Margo...
Trevor: Alzheimer's is a bitch.
Trevor: And Margo's his car.
Trevor: And this is Margo.
Trevor: That I own.
Trevor: It's okay.
Trevor: Thanks Gramps, Thanks.
Trevor: I hate you girls. I hate you girls.
Trevor: I hate all of you.
Trevor: From valedictorian to sorority house janitor.
Trevor: Fucking hate you.
Trevor: And my life.
Maura: Someone get the door. Jesus.
Grace: I'm not getting it.
Circey: I'm not getting it, Amber's trucker shits clogged the toilet.
Amber: No I didn't!
Jenny: Don't worry, I'll get it.
Jenny: Even though no one else seems to care, Trevor, I still do.
Jenny: Rumpy Gans is at the door.
Morgan: Maura, isn't it for you?
Maura: I need to get dressed. And no, Cersei's the one that clogged the toilet.
Trevor: Hey, Jenny.
Jenny: Hi, Trevor.
Trevor: Let me guess. Toilet?
Jenny: Toilet.
Trevor: Mm.
Trevor: Which bathroom?
Jenny: Upstairs.
Trevor: That's great.
Trevor: I just don't understand...What is that?
Trevor: I don't know.
Circey: Let's hurry, Trevi.
Trevor: I've replaced orcas with turds and tampons.
Trevor: It's fine. It's fine. It's all fine.
Music: *music *
Speaker 5: ugh. Seriously, dude, just fix the thing already.
Trevor: What is in here?
Speaker 5: What do they do?
Circey: I know, right? If you actually did something instead of standing there yelling at the toilet, you'd be done already.
Grace: Yeah, you may have some anger issues and you may want to see somebody about that because my psychologist says that stress can lead to anger.
Grace: and anger can lead to a heart attack.
Trevor: - Thanks Yoda.
Grace: - Who's Yoda?
Maura: Her name is Grace.
Trevor: - What?
Trevor: You've never seen Star Wars?
Amber: - Jenny!
Amber: Jenny, hello? Jenny, hello?
Amber: Hi, Jenny.
Jenny: Oh, hey, guys.
Amber: God, I've been calling your name for like an hour.
Amber: What are you doing?
Jenny: Just--
Circey: Yes, Jenny, what are you doing?
Speaker 5: I was just gonna go to English.
Amber: Is that my biology book?
Speaker 5: Yes.
Amber: Did you get my homework done?
Speaker 5: No, but that's because I had an essay to do this morning.
Speaker 5: I'll get yours done at lunch.
Amber: I don't have time, Jenny. I need it in like an hour.
Amber: God, I swear, if you mess up my grade in biology and I fail and I don't get my dad's money,
Amber: I will strangle you with a telephone cord.
Amber: I'm just kidding. I would never do that.
Amber: But I so would if I don't get my dad's money.
Amber: You don't want to get kicked out of the sorority, do you?
Speaker 5: Well...
Speaker 5: Where are you going to go? Alphabet and dogface? I mean, really.
Jenny: It's not even a real sorority.
Amber: Cram it, Jenny. Get my homework done. Seriously. Go. Now.
Amber: Circey, come on. Grace and Moria are waiting for us.
Amber: Bye, Jenny. Love you. Don't change.
Amber: JK, LOL. Like, change a little.
Amber: Go on a diet or something.
Amber: But you're beautiful.
Morgan: Why do you let those girls talk to you like that?
Jenny: Sadly, those are the only friends I got.
Morgan: Jenny.
Morgan: You need new friends.
Jenny: Yeah.
Morgan: See? Idiots.
Jenny: Well, I mean, librarians are friends.
Jenny: And Trevor-Trevor's a friend, I think.
Jenny: And then there's... Morgan?
Trevor: - Fuckin' fuck, man.
Trevor: Come on, what, seriously?
Trevor: Aw, man.
Trevor: Amber! Fuck...
Trevor: What do we have here?
Trevor: What the fuck?
Trevor: Reynold and Heidi Harmony...
Trevor: Dad.
Trevor: That's mine now.
Trevor: Fuck you, girl.
Trevor: Ah!
Trevor: Oh, damn, Angela!
Angela: Yes?
Angela: Well, don't be scared, little kitty.
Angela: I have to leave for a few days on business.
Trevor: Vampire convention?
Angela: Wisecracks will only get you so far.
Trevor: I was going to study whales.
Angela: That's nice.
Angela: Did you get the toilet fixed?
Trevor: I did. And I'm so happy to have accomplished something in my life.
Angela: Keep it up.
Angela: You might do really well in life,
Angela: if you don't have a heart attack or something stupid.
Grace: - I am smart.
Grace: I am beautiful. I will overcome everything.
Grace: Flawless.
Amber: Ladies, we have two days before pledge day.
Amber: We have pledges to seek and hazing to do.
Amber: My favorite part.
Amber: Cersei, where do we stand with sign-ups?
Amber: Huh? Hello?
Circey: None.
Grace: None?
Grace: No one wants to sign up with us because they hear we're bitches.
Amber: We are. But so what? Who isn't?
Maura: Jenny isn't. neither is Morgan.
Amber: Morgan?
Amber: Lesbo, if you ask me.
Maura: Amber? That's mean.
Amber: She likes girls.
Amber: Like, have you ever seen her with a man?
Amber: Lesbo. Hello?
Amber: Gross.
Grace: You literally make out with your best friend when she's drunk.
Amber: That's different.
Grace: Right.
Amber: I'm not a lesbo.
Circey: Aw, and I'm an Astronaut Boop.
Amber: Oh.
Amber: Uh-huh.
Circey: Uh, uh, what's--
Grace: - Yeah!
Trevor: Please.
Trevor: Heidi Harmony and Trevor Agent 2.
Angela: Mom and Dad.
Trevor: What is this?
Trevor: Washington, two dens.
Trevor: Colorado, nine covens.
Trevor: New York, unlimited...
Trevor: limited sectors?
Trevor: Too much?
Trevor: What
Trevor: Whoa!
Trevor: Goonies never say die.
Circey: Sagittarius, you are going to be extremely successful.
Circey: This could prove to be one of your most adventurous years.
Circey: Your free spirit and love of nature will prove useful in the coming months.
Circey: And although you'll fight inner demons, your true nature will come to light.
Circey: See, so things are looking up.
Amber: my true nature.
Circey: What is it, Amber?
Amber: Nothing.
Circey: What?
Amber: I just...
Amber: I don't know. It's scary.
Circey: Understanding your true self is always complicated, Amber.
Circey: Amber, you are so special.
Amber: I...
Circey: What are you doing?
Amber: What?
Amber: I...
Circey: Do you like me?
Amber: No.
Amber: I was just messing.
Amber: Oh, you're getting so sentimental on me.
Amber: Oh, no.
Circey: OK, because for a second there, I was like, what?
Amber: What?
Amber: Ew. Gross. That's gross. No.
Amber: You think I like girls? You're crazy.
Circey: You're crazy.
Amber: You're crazy.
Circey: You're crazy.
Amber: You're crazy.
Circey: You're crazy.
Circey: OK.
Circey: All right.
Amber: You're funny.
Amber: - Good one.
Circey: - All right, go to
Speaker 5: - Go to bed.
Amber: - Oh my God.
Jenny: - Hi Trevor.
Trevor: - Hey Jenny.
Jenny: I told him you were gonna be pissed.
Trevor: Oh, that's great. Which bathroom?
Jenny: Upstairs.
Trevor: Great.
Amber: Wasn't me? I don't flush tampons.
Trevor: What? What? Gross. Seriously? Come on! Why?
Amber: It wasn't. It Wasn't Ugh!
Trevor: Seriously?
Trevor: Yay! That fixed it.
Trevor: What?
Trevor: I hate you girls. I hate all of you!
Trevor: Fuck, man.
Trevor: Seriously?
Trevor: Ugh!
Trevor: Pfft!
Angela: What?
Trevor: Looks like Gringotts up in this bitch!
Morgan: Hey.
Morgan: Buddy, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Trevor: Ow, ow, ow, ow! Stop it!
Morgan: What? You were sleeping.
Trevor: I'm not sleeping! I'm on a shelf!
Trevor: Does it look like I'm taking a nap?!
Trevor: If you need my hammer, it's in my ass. There's a door over there.
Morgan: - What? - Come on.
Trevor: We gotta move this.
Morgan: Jesus.
Trevor: Do you wanna help?!
Trevor: you want help?
Morgan: You look like you had it under control.
Trevor: I don't.
Trevor: Oh my god, what was that made of?
Morgan: Why the hell is there a door here?
Trevor: We're gonna find out.
Morgan: Okay.
Trevor: Do you want a flashlight?
Morgan: Yeah.
Morgan: You go.
Morgan: What do you think this is?
Trevor: I think it's a hallway.
Morgan: Come on.
Angela: Clearly.
Angela: This
Trevor: is...
Trevor: Sorry.
Morgan: Does this feel like we're going down?
Morgan: This might be like under the backyard.
Angela: Ew.
Trevor: A door.
Trevor: Holy smokes, man.
Trevor: What?
Trevor: Open it.
Trevor: No, I can't.
Trevor: There's a huge lock on it.
Trevor: Oh, wait a minute.
Trevor: Wait a minute.
Morgan: What, what, what, what?
Trevor: Oh, my God.
Trevor: I just found this key yesterday.
Morgan: What?
Morgan: Try it.
Trevor: No.
Morgan: Yes.
Trevor: OK.
Morgan: Oh, my God.
Trevor: - What?
Morgan: - No way, dude.
Morgan: - Okay.
Morgan: - Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Morgan: Okay, go.
Trevor: - Okay.
Trevor: - Ah!
Trevor: - God!
Trevor: - Are you coming?
Trevor: - Yeah.
Trevor: Hey.
Morgan: What?
Morgan: Sorry.
Trevor: Don't say anything.
Trevor: Mum's the word.
Morgan: Mum's the word?
Morgan: What the fuck does that even mean?
Trevor: You know, like, don't say anything.
Trevor: It's like Bob's your uncle.
Morgan: What?
Morgan: How the fuck do you know Bob's my uncle?
Trevor: How would
Trevor: How would I know that you have an Uncle Bob?
Trevor: I don't even know your family.
Morgan: Okay. Well, I do. His name is Robert, actually, but Mom's the word.
Trevor: Bob's your uncle.
Morgan: Dude.
Morgan: This is amazing.
Morgan: I want this room.
Trevor: - That's probably a bad idea.
Morgan: - No, this must be where the old sorority
Morgan: held their meetings and pledge nights,
Morgan: fingering each other and shit.
Morgan: Ew.
Trevor: - Yeah, right before they sacrificed the virgins.
Morgan: - Look at that.
Morgan: - No, no, no, no.
Trevor: have bad feelings in here.
Trevor: Bad, bad, bad feelings.
Trevor: - Wait, can
Morgan: Oh my, will you stop being a baby?
Morgan: This is awesome. This must be the original pledge book.
Trevor: - I don't think so. - Yeah,
Morgan: I think it is.
Trevor: - No. - I'm
Morgan: 1
Trevor: - Okay.
Trevor: Okay, alright. Well, don't listen to me. I'm a big fat idiot.
Trevor: Wait for me.
Trevor: No, no, no. No, no.
Trevor: Try this.
Trevor: - Oh, yes.
Trevor: - Get out of here.
Trevor: Ugh, here.
Trevor: Ugh.
Morgan: - You all right?
Morgan: You look a little bit woozy.
Trevor: - Ugh.
Trevor: Ugh.
Trevor: What?
Trevor: That was like a white squall.
Trevor: Is this made of human
Trevor: flesh?
Morgan: - No, it's like cow or goat or something.
Morgan: Why would it be human?
Trevor: - Oh, I don't know, it's just a shot in the dark.
Trevor: Are you sure it's not human flesh?
Morgan: - Well, no, but no, no, no, I'm sure it's not human.
Amber: What is that?! Oh, hey Trevor
Morgan: - We found this in a secret room in the basement.
Trevor: - Mum's the word.
Morgan: - Bob's your uncle.
Trevor: - His name is Touchy.
Amber: - Wait, a secret room in the what?
Morgan: - Yeah, we have like a whole set of rooms under the house.
Amber: - We do?
Morgan: - Yeah, it's awesome.
Trevor: - Stop talking!
Amber: - So what is that?
Morgan: - I think it might be the original sorority pledge book.
Morgan: - I don't know, I'm not sure though. It might be something else entirely.
Jenny: I wanna take it to the school and look it up.
Amber: - If that is the original Omega Zeta pledge book, I want it now.
Trevor: - It's literally right here.
Trevor: We're not holding the hostage.
Amber: - Give it.
Amber: Give it!
Trevor: - It's right here.
Morgan: Yeah, literally just walk over here and look at it.
Amber: - No! Ugh! Give it to me. I'm taking it to my room to read.
Morgan: - UH What?
Morgan: First of all, it's like in Latin or something.
Morgan: And second of all, we need to examine it.
Morgan: - We should call Angela and tell her.
Angela: Tell me what.
Trevor: - Jesus!
Amber: - Angela, hi.
Morgan: We found this awesome book
Morgan: and we have like a whole set of rooms under the house.
Angela: - Thank you, Trevor.
Angela: - Well, this is very interesting,
Angela: but I think we should leave it here for now.
Angela: And Amber, if you wanna read it,
Angela: and I mean really read it, you should do it right here.
Amber: - No, no, I wanna take it to my room to read. It'll be fine.
Angela: - No, no, no, no, it's very old.
Angela: And it's getting late.
Angela: Trevor, whatever you're doing here to maintenance,
Angela: you can do tomorrow morning. You may leave now.
Trevor: - What, no, I'm, hey, no, I wanna, I'm also--
Angela: - The book will be here tomorrow.
Angela: Girls, clean up and do your homework.
Morgan: Really?
Morgan: Really.
Angela: Trevor.
Angela: Thank you so much for finding that book.
Angela: It'll finally help the girls understand their reasons for being here.
Trevor: How long do you think it was down there?
Angela: Too long.
Angela: It's time I set things right.
Trevor: Okay.
Maura: You have a boner.
Trevor: Who doesn't?
Trevor: Am I right? That was hot.
Trevor: *Sigh*
Trevor: - Reynolds, I'm writing you to inform you
Trevor: that we have failed.
Trevor: Some of us did not make it out,
Trevor: including Harvey and Heidi.
Trevor: I'm truly sorry.
Trevor: - Hence it came of courage and grace,
Trevor: for the magic they bestow is from an ancient place.
Trevor: - What?
Trevor: - They are not to be trifled with. They too are magic born.
Trevor: If it is evil you cast, that shall be your last.
Trevor: The of the name did not be harmed to the protectors of the cursed,
Trevor: for they have stopped many.
Trevor: What?
Trevor: They be named Harmony.
Trevor: Then I'm the stoned one... Okay, yep. You're right. You're right.
Trevor: I'm the stoner. I'm the loser.
Trevor: Thank you very much. Thank you.
Trevor: I'm dreaming.
Circey: What?
Circey: You have an erection again.
Trevor: It's a compliment.
Grace: Thanks.
Trevor: You're welcome.
Trevor: Hey guys, the floor is still wet.
Trevor: Okay, thank you.
Amber: Wow, this place is intense.
Angela: I like it this way.
Angela: Have you never seen my room before?
Speaker 5: No.
Speaker 5: I would have taken you for a blue kind of person.
Angela: What do you mean?
Speaker 5: Like your aura.
Speaker 5: I feel like you're blue.
Speaker 5: Like you seem blue.
Angela: Why blue, dear?
Speaker 5: I don't know.
Angela: Do you see everyone's auras?
Speaker 5: No, I don't think so. But I think Morgan's a lesbian.
Angela: That's not the same thing.
Speaker 5: Well, she has that vibe. Like, when I see her, her aura's like yellow. Like sunburst. Like I see a sunburst when I look at her.
Angela: That's very interesting.
Speaker 5: I know, right?
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Angela: - Well, do you believe in magic then?
Speaker 5: - Yes, yes, I believe we all have magic inside of us.
Speaker 5: Like we are one with the universe.
Speaker 5: Like we can talk to the earth.
Angela: And why do you feel this way?
Speaker 5: Because I have since I was a little girl.
Speaker 5: This one time my mom caught me talking to a ghost.
Speaker 5: I can like see things.
Angela: Ghost.
Angela: Looking
Speaker 5: Yeah, I know. It's stupid. I just thought I was meant for bigger things.
Angela: Maybe you are.
Speaker 5: Yeah, maybe.
Angela: I want to show you something.
Speaker 5: Okay. Wait, I don't know if I'm ready for this. No, no, go ahead.
Angela: This is called...
Angela: - The Book of Shadows - What?
Angela: What did you think was happening?
Speaker 5: Nothing.
Speaker 5: That's like a journal, right?
Angela: It is.
Speaker 5: Good job.
Speaker 5: I had one when I was a little girl.
Speaker 5: But my dad didn't like it, so he threw it out.
Angela: Men can be so destructive.
Speaker 5: Right?
Speaker 5: Do you like men?
Angela: Well, that's a hard question.
Angela: I've been with men before.
Angela: But I never want to get attached to one for too long.
Speaker 5: I was with two guys.
Angela: How was that?
Speaker 5: Well, I don't know. Clumsy.
Speaker 5: They thought they were amazing.
Angela: They always did.
Angela: In this book, I can show you great things,
Angela: but sacrifices will have to be made.
Speaker 5: - Nothing's free.
Angela: - That's very true.
Angela: How many pledges do we have tonight?
Angela: - All of one.
Angela: - That's all we need.
Angela: And then we can grow exponentially.
Angela: I'm gonna show you so much, Amber.
Angela: But I know it's gonna seem kind of weird.
Angela: But I feel that you're open to some suggestions.
Angela: - Hey, Char, where you going?
Trevor: - I was just leaving.
Trevor: - You better run, 'cause I'm about to fuck up some shizzit!
Trevor: - Shit!
Angela: - I will cut you like a fucking pig!
Trevor: - Ah!
Trevor: - Stop!
Amber: - I do what she says and get the fuck out.
Angela: - Now let's have a little fun.
Jenny: Well, I guess we don't have any pledges.
Morgan: - That's normal.
Maura: - I can't believe our one pledge didn't show.
Morgan: - Is she acting weird to anybody else?
Circey: - Right?
Grace: - Yeah.
Grace: What is that?
Morgan: - Um, I think that's the original pledge book.
Angela: No pledges?
Angela: Okay, well, Jenny, you're up, sweetheart.
Angela: It's your lucky day.
Morgan: What's happening?
Angela: Come, girls. Let me show you what I've done for you.
Angela: Stop!
Angela: If I tell you to stop, I mean it.
Angela: The hazings go like this.
Angela: Jenny, start.
Angela: Strip her down to her underwear.
Jenny: What? No, no, no, no, no, I don't think I'm ready for that.
Angela: Come on, It'll be fun.
Jenny: Eh, define fun.
Angela: Huh?
Jenny: No.
Angela: Amber, make Jenny cooperate.
Jenny: Oh okay
Jenny: What?
Amber: You have no idea how much you like.
Jenny: Oh, uh...
Speaker 5: It's just hazing. It'll be fun.
Speaker 5: Don't worry. Nothing will happen.
Speaker 5: Wait, are you Menzies?
Jenny: What? No.
Angela: Good.
Jenny: Okay.
Angela: Let's go
Angela: do it.
Angela: Pants.
Jenny: I got it. Thank you. Thank you. I can do this part.
Angela: And get on the table.
Angela: It will all be over soon.
Angela: And you will be free as it does.
Angela: Yes, yes.
Angela: I'm sorry.
Jenny: Now!
Jenny: No.
Angela: Grace, hold her wrists tightly.
Angela: Grace!
Angela: I said hold her wrists tightly now.
Angela: It's Hazing! Fuck!
Circey: Are we not all getting naked?
Jenny: No, put your clothes on, dufus.
Angela: Cersei Maura, you hold her feet.
Angela: Amber, hold her down.
Jenny: What is that noise?
Jenny: Is that screaming coming from outside?
Angela: I don't hear anything.
Angela: Oh, my God.
Angela: But after tonight, we'll all be sisters.
Angela: And we will be more powerful than you could ever imagine.
Jenny: What is happening?
Angela: By way of the three and the power of three,
Angela: I unleash thee from your tomb!
Angela: Come forth, O Great One,
Angela: and give your power unto me!
Angela: Are you ready?
Amber: Yes.
Jenny: I'm not.
Jenny: What the fuck?
Jenny: What the shit are you guys doing?
Amber: Jenny, you'll all be dead soon enough.
Jenny: What? Did you just say?
Morgan: Okay.
Morgan: God, why is everyone getting naked?
Jenny: Cersei, put your fucking hands on!
Morgan: God, guys!
Morgan: It's getting a little nuts in here.
Angela: Girls! Follow suit.
Angela: Cersei first.
Jenny: - Ow. - Squeeze!
Jenny: Yeah, I'd like to get up now.
Jenny: Can someone please hand me my fucking clothes?
Grace: I'm not drinking that.
Grace: I was at a party once, only there was a bunch of dudes and...
Grace: Let's just say I'll never do that again.
Grace: Because now I have genital warts.
Maura: Gross! Ew, Grace.
Maura: Wait, you used to date my boyfriend.
Maura: What the fuck, Grace?
Maura: Ah!
Angela: Okay.
Angela: Good girl.
Angela: Ah!
Angela: Oh, man.
Angela: Oh.
Angela: Oh,
Jenny: my God.
Jenny: Is that a--
Jenny: Is that a human heart?
Jenny: Oh.
Jenny: Oh,
Angela: my God.
Angela: No, my dear. It's a lamb's heart.
Morgan: Oh, that's better.
Amber: - What?
Speaker 5: - What?
Jenny: - What?
Jenny: - Stop it!
Trevor: - What?
Jenny: - What the fuck?
Jenny: Shit is happening!
Angela: - Shut up!
Angela: Shut up!
Jenny: - Can someone please give me my fucking clothes?
Morgan: - Yeah.
Angela: I summon the sisters.
Angela: I summon the four sisters of destruction.
Angela: Come to us.
Angela: Use us and your children.
Angela: They will fulfill our destinies.
Jenny: Can I get up now?
Angela: I said, shut up.
Angela: And you will drink from the chalice, the blood.
Angela: Mm-mm.
Angela: So my sisters can enter this realm.
Jenny: Mm
Morgan: Oh, oh.
Jenny: What is happening?
Angela: *Screaming*
Witch: You dare summon us?
Angela: My queen!
Angela: I am your servant!
Angela: I summon for the sake of evil!
Witch: There are none other than us.
Angela: I have awaited your return!
Jenny: Well, we have returned.
Witch: I like this one.
Trevor: Okay, so my parents are dead.
Trevor: My grandpa's dead.
Trevor: I have no answer.
Trevor: There's a hidden room and some book wrapped in flesh.
Trevor: And everything's leading to one impossible answer.
Trevor: Demon Hunter.
Jenny: Where are our bodies?
Grace: What?
Jenny: Our bodies, our true forms.
Speaker 5: Jenny, it's me. It's Gra ce.
Speaker 5: Ah!
Circey: Ah!
Maura: Ah!
Morgan: Ah!
Jenny: Ah!
Music: *music*
Witch: What year is it?
Jenny: According to this one, it's 2020.
Jenny: About the right time to turn the world to shit.
Jenny: Won't have to do much work.
Circey: We have company.
Music: *Intensifying music*
Trevor: In case you haven't caught on by now, I'm the-
Circey: Hey, Trevi!
Circey: Where's your boner now? Huh? You dead? Alive?
Trevor: That hurt a lot!
Circey: Poor baby!
Circey: shh...It'll be over soon. Just like that.
Trevor: There's my boner right beside your head, biatch!
Trevor: What's wrong with your foreheads?
Amber: Trevor, you're always such a...
Amber: Loser! That's the word.
Amber: God, this girl's got all kinds of emotions going on up here. Like, crazy.
Trevor: Amber, what the hell?
Amber: Kill him now?
Jenny: This one has a soft hearrt for him. Leave him.
Jenny: He'll die tomorrow when we end the world.
Jenny: What did you say?
Jenny: Bye, Trevy.
Trevor: Morgan!
Trevor: Amber!
Trevor: Cersei!
Trevor: Jenny!
Trevor: Hey!
Trevor: What the hell?
Ken: Hey, you ladies lost.
Ken: You want a ride?
Witch: Amber.
Amber: Do you know where Rebook Cemetery is?
Ken: Well, babe, I'm Ken, and this is my dog Levi.
Ken: And what's going on with your forehead?
Ken: You wear like a hat too tight or something?
Speaker 5: Well, do you know?
Ken: Me? I..I don't know.
Levi: You mean Old Town?
Jenny: Bow to me.
Jenny: Do you know where the cemetery
Jenny: Do you know where the Cemetery is or do you not?
Levi: Yes! Yes! You crazy bitch! Yes!
Witch: Take us there.
Amber: Gross!
Reynold: It's about time, loser. This is your destiny. So don't fuck it up!
Trevor: and Bob's your uncle.
Trevor: I guess destiny does find a way.
Witch: Amber, perhaps one should not kill a victim
Witch: until the resources of said victim have been drained.
Amber: I know.
Amber: At first I was all like I wasn't going to,
Amber: but then I was, so I did.
Amber: I'll focus and try harder next time.
Witch: That's fine.
Amber: Levi, you really need to hold it together
Amber: and stop being such a little bitch
Levi: - Well, why can't I stop driving!
Witch: *laughs
Witch: Get out.
Levi: Please don't kill me.
Levi: Please, please, please don't kill me.
Witch: Levi.
Witch: What did Amber say?
Witch: Don't be such a bitch.
Levi: I can help you.
Witch: How?
Levi: I don't know.
Levi: and, um, bring you coffee or do your laundry or something.
Witch: Fine.
Jenny: Come, Servant.
Jenny: Where is the cemetery?
John: Right through there, but I said we're closed.
John: You gotta come back around 9:00 AM.
Jenny: Morgan?
John: *stuttering
Trevor: What are we doing?
Trevor: Well hello handsome.
Trevor: Harmony.
Witch: Welcome home.
Trevor: Not so fast, ladies!
Witch: Attack!
Trevor: Fuck!
Amber: Stronger than a trashcan.
Amber: Noted
Trevor: Jenny!
Trevor: Get. off. me!
Trevor: I don't want to have to kill you girls!
Trevor: Okay.
Amber: - Can we kill him now?
Jenny: - Just can't yet.
Jenny: So adorable.
Jenny: Wow, this girl is like really liking this guy.
Jenny: Come on.
Circey: Is he gonna be okay?
Jenny: He's not alive. Technically.
Trevor: Ow!
Trevor: Ladies, seriously, Morgan, I don't want to have to kill you girls.
Trevor: Didn't hurt.
Trevor: Well this isn't where I saw this going.
Trevor: Seriously, guys!
Witch: - No! - No!
Jenny: - You are resilient.
Trevor: You're welcome. Cunt punch!
Witch: Hey Janitor.
Trevor: That was intense.
Trevor: Want to help kill some demons?
Trevor: What the fuck?
Statue: Offering...Accepted!
Statue: Trevor harmony has summoned me to destroy evil.
Statue: Lead me to the evil.
Trevor: - Yeah, all right, cool. Come on.
Witch: - Three by three, bring thy souls unto thee.
Witch: From hence we can, shall we return.
Witch: bring back the darkness to watch the world burn.
Amber: This tastes like pure shit!
Amber: When do we stop fucking puking!
Trevor: Yeah, why not?
Trevor: Witches? Walking statues? Sure.
Trevor: Ah, shit! I thought we killed you!
Statue: Die, demon!
Statue: I would like to banquish you!
Statue: Banquish! Banquishing!
Statue: Banquish!
Trevor: Okay. Fair enough.
Trevor: Oh Yeah, take those bodies back, you idiots.
Statue: Time to kill the witches, Harmony!
Statue: Witches!
Trevor: Yes, kill the witches, but don't kill the girls.
Trevor: Don't kill the bodies the witches are in.
Statue: The Harmony is confusing.
Trevor: Why are you stonewalling me? You're like talking to a w-
Statue: Stop! Your lips are buttery and full of lies.
Statue: Enough! I am made to kill witches, you fat Harmony.
Statue: I will squash them like bugs! Hello evil bug!
Witch: Now you will see the execution of the world!
Statue: Harmony, one has escaped!
Statue: Rrrr, let go of me, you tentacle witch!
Statue: Rrrr, let go!
Statue: Rrrr, I shall destroy you!
Witch: I will take great pleasure in killing you.
Trevor: Ah, get in line
Angela: You'll pay for that.
Trevor: Cersei! Get out of here!
Witch: You must succumb to death, quietly
Trevor: How do you like it? Weed killer!
Trevor: Ah!
Trevor: Fuck you, Treebeard!
Trevor: I'm fucking Frodo!
Trevor: Statue man!
Statue: Freedom!
Trevor: Save Morgan and the girls. I'll fight these witches.
Statue: As you wish, soft compatriot!
Morgan: What the fuck are you?
Jenny: Your death.
Statue: Air Witch, prepare for DEATH!
Statue: There is no match for stone!
Statue: You are weak, Witch!
Statue: Witch!
Statue: You
Morgan: What the fuck are you?
Statue: Have no fear, for Trevor Harmony has sent me here to protect you.
Morgan: Okay. You've got a name?
Statue: I am nameless from the darkness.
Morgan: Okay. I'm Morgan. You're Slater.
Morgan: Ow, fuck!
Statue: Be careful!
Amber: We're in a fucking cemetery?!
Circey: Where's Morgan?
Amber: Cersei! You're alive!
Circey: What the hell?
Jenny: You guys, what's going on?
Jenny: I have a fucking headache.
Jenny: She chewed my brain like Hubba Bubba!
Amber: Um... What do we do?
Jenny: -Where's Morgan?
Amber: We have to do something.
Amber: I feel like this is all my fault.
Jenny: I mean, it's not entirely your fault.
Jenny: How are you supposed to know that Angela was a witch?
Speaker 5: Well... She told me.
Speaker 5: I thought she was kidding. I thought she meant she was a lesbian...
Amber: Like me.
Circey: Finally.
Circey: How long were you gonna deny that?
Jenny: okay okay guys. We have to do something.
Jenny: My soul hurts. Does that make sense?
Witch: And is anyone gonna talk about the fact that Trevor was fighting a tree back there?
Circey: It's been a long night.
Trevor: Ah! Fucking Jesus! Ah!
Trevor: Ah! Fuck! Ah you need a breath bit!
Morgan: Hey.
Amber: Where'd you get a gun?
Morgan: Dead Levi.
Amber: What the fuck is that?
Morgan: No, no, he's cool. He's cool. This is Slater.
Morgan: Slater, this is, um, Jenny, Amber, and Cersei.
Statue: It is my pleasure, ladies.
Circey: Do you have genitalia?
Jenny: Cersei, what? that's a personal question.
Jenny: But, I mean, do you?
Statue: I am a blood oath activated automaton.
Statue: I am here to defend the Harmony.
Statue: In his time of need, he has sent me to protect you.
Amber: So that's a talking statue?
Morgan: I don't know. I'm...
Amber: - Where's Trevor?
Jenny: - Holy shit!
Statue: - The soft one approaching!
Trevor: - I'm fine.
Morgan: - Trevor, what the hell is going on?
Jenny: - Are we dead?
Jenny: - Where are we?
Jenny: - Where did he come from?
Jenny: h-how does he work?! Where those witches?
Circey: - Does hell exist?
Circey: - Oh my God, are vampires real?
Amber: - Yes, what is real?
Jenny: - Is heaven real?
Circey: Does anyone's mouth taste mouth taste like hobo semen?
Jenny: Yeah.
Amber: Yeah.
Statue: Evil has returned!
Trevor: My name is Trevor Harmony.
Trevor: I'm the last of my bloodline.
Trevor: For over 200 years, my family has fought evil.
Trevor: I vow from this day forward to rid the world of you.
Trevor: You ain't bringing back the darkness.
Trevor: You ain't bringing back shit.
Trevor: I'm gonna hunt each and every one of you evil motherfuckers down on this planet and extinguish you.
Jenny: Yeah, bitch!
Witch: Are you done?
Trevor: Yeah.
Jenny: Hey!
Morgan: I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!
Jenny: Ow!
Statue: Bring on the day! I love to fight!
Statue: I'll kill you!
Statue: Squish!
Trevor: Fuck you, dickfingers!
Amber: I was a cheer captain for six years.
Statue: Air Witch, we meet again!
Statue: Your weak wind will never defeat me, Air Witch!
Witch: Cut his head off! My pleasure!
Trevor: Fuck you!
Circey: Amber, that was awesome.
Amber: I'm really discovering myself today.
Morgan: You, you, I think I have the hots for the statue.
Circey: Talk about rock hard.
Witch: Cut his head off!
Jenny: Okay, we should go, we should go, go.
Statue: Catch!
Statue: Oh, yes, Harmony
Statue: Smash her with my instruments!
Statue: Smash the evil!
Statue: Smash her!
Witch: Behold! I am the bringer of death!
Trevor: Oh, shut up!
Trevor: You girls okay?
Morgan: No.
Statue: I'm afraid it is time for me to return to the darkness, round one.
Morgan: Wait, really?
Statue: Ladies, it was my pleasure.
Statue: Call me again should you idiots cause the apocalypse.
Jenny: Okay, so now what?
Trevor: Well, now that you're all caught up.
Music: *Rewinding*
Trevor: Suck on this!