Announcer: TONIGHT ON "LATE NIGHT WITH SETH MEYERS,"
DAN AYKROYD, STAR OF "THE QUEEN'S GAMBIT," ACTRESS ANYA TAYLOR-JOY,
AN ALL NEW "CLOSER LOOK, FEATURING THE 8G BAND WITH CARTER McLEAN.
AND NOW, SETH MEYERS
Seth: WELCOME TO "LATE
NIGHT. HOW IS EVERYBODY DOING THAT'S GREAT TO HEAR
WELL, IT'S DAY SIX OF TRUMP WATCH. HE IS STILL REFUSING TO LEAVE
THE WHITE HOUSE, BUT WE DO HEAR HE'S WILLING TO SPEAK TO NEGOTIATORS.
"I WANT $400 MILLION, A COPY OF "SWANK" AND ONE OF THOSE DORITOS LOCOS TACOS.
LET'S GET TO THE NEWS. PRESIDENT-ELECT JOE BIDEN HAS SELECTED HIS LONG-TIME POLITICAL
ADVISOR, RON KLAIN, TO BE HIS WHITE HOUSE CHIEF OF STAFF AND IF THIS IS THE KIND OF
PRESIDENCY I HOPE IT IS, THIS WILL BE THE LAST TIME WE EVER HEAR HIS NAME.
AFTER BEING SELECTED TO THE WHITE HOUSE CHIEF OF STAFF, KLAIN SAID THE JOB WOULD BE,
QUOTE, "THE HONOR OF A LIFETIME." AS OPPOSED TO THE TRUMP
ADMINISTRATION WHERE THE POSITION OF CHIEF OF STAFF WAS MORE LIKE THE HONOR OF A MONTH
OR TWO PRESIDENT-ELECT JOE BIDEN IS REPORTEDLY PLANNING TO REVERSE
PRESIDENT TRUMP'S IMMIGRATION POLICIES THAT'S RIGHT
HE'S GOING TO TEAR DOWN THE BLUEPRINTS FOR THE WALL! FOUR SENIOR OFFICIALS AT THE
PENTAGON THIS WEEK WERE FIRED OR RESIGNED SAID TRUMP, "ONE FROM EACH SIDE
OF THE BUILDING. TWITTER CONFIRMED THIS WEEK THAT PRESIDENT TRUMP WILL BE SUBJECT
TO THEIR RULES JUST LIKE ANY OTHER USER ONCE PRESIDENT-ELECT JOE BIDEN TAKES OFFICE ON
JANUARY 20th "SAME," SAID THE SOUTHERN DISTRICT OF NEW YORK
NEW YORK GOVERNOR ANDREW CUOMO, YESTERDAY, ANNOUNCED NEW CORONAVIRUS RESTRICTIONS,
INCLUDING A 10:00 P.M. CURFEW FOR BARS, RESTAURANTS AND GYMS THOUGH IF YOUR HUSBAND WAS
LEAVING FOR THE GYM AT 10:00 P.M., HE'S CHEATING ON YOU AFTER IT WAS ANNOUNCED HE'D
CONTRACTED THE CORONAVIRUS, NEBRASKA STATE SENATOR MIKE GROENE SAID, QUOTE, "I
FINALLY GOT MY WISH AND CONTRACTED THE COVID-19 VIRUS. "OKAY, WELL, TWO LEFT," SAID A
BAFFLED GENIE. [ LAUGHTER ] ORGANIZERS ANNOUNCED YESTERDAY
THEY'D SELECTED THE 2020 ROCKEFELLER CENTER CHRISTMAS TREE, A 75-FOOT TALL,
11-TON NORWAY SPRUCE FROM ONEONTA, NEW YORK. OF COURSE, BECAUSE OF COVID,
IT'S GOING TO WORK FROM HOME [ LAUGHTER ] IT'S GOT TO LEAN INTO THE SHOT
A COMPANY IN JAPAN RECENTLY BEGAN PRODUCING RUBBER MASKS THAT RESEMBLE PRESIDENT-ELECT
JOE BIDEN. AND AT THIS POINT, TRUMP'S NOT ABOVE TRYING IT.
"HELLO, I'M PRESIDENT SLEEPY JOE. I'M IN CHARGE NOW.
TIME FOR MY NAP. BYE-BYE. AND FINALLY, RESEARCHERS HAVE
RECENTLY DEVELOPED FACIAL RECOGNITION FOR BEARS, SO NOW THEY CAN FINALLY FIGURE OUT WHO
ATE ALL THE MARMALADE IN THE KITCHEN. KAREN WROTE THAT JOKE.
ONCE AGAIN, PROVING OUR MOST ADORABLE WRITER DOES THE MOST ADORABLE JOKES
THAT WAS A MONOLOGUE WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.
THE ONE AND ONLY DAN AYKROYD WILL BE HERE I'M SO EXCITED TO TALK TO HIM.
AND SHE IS THE STAR OF THE HIT NETFLIX SHOW, "THE QUEEN'S GAMBIT," ANYA TAYLOR-JOY IS
HERE THAT SHOW IS FANTASTIC I CAN'T WAIT TO TALK TO HER
ABOUT THAT BUT BEFORE WE GET TO ALL OF THAT, EVERY TIME PRESIDENT TRUMP
AND HIS CAMPAIGN FILE A DUMB NEW LAWSUIT OR SPREAD A NEW LIE ABOUT VOTER FRAUD, THEY QUICKLY
GET BATTED DOWN AND THIS WILL SHOCK YOU, IT'S ALL A GIANT GRIFT.
FOR MORE ON THIS, IT'S TIME FOR "A CLOSER LOOK."
* Seth: WELL, PRESIDENT TRUMP HAS NOW ENTERED THE "FLUSHING
HIS WEED WHILE THE COPS POUND ON THE DOOR" STAGE OF HIS PRESIDENCY
EVERYONE WHO INHABITS THE WORLD OF OBSERVABLE REALITY FROM A MAJORITY OF AMERICANS TO WORLD
LEADERS, TO EVEN SOME REPUBLICAN STATE OFFICIALS, HAS ACCEPTED THAT TRUMP LOST AND JOE BIDEN IS
THE PRESIDENT-ELECT OF THE UNITED STATES. EVEN SOME OF TRUMP'S CLOSEST
FRIENDS AND ALLIES ON THE WORLD STAGE HAVE ABANDONED HIM, LIKE BRITISH PRIME MINISTER,
BORIS JOHNSON. NOT ONLY ARE THEY CLOSE FRIENDS AND ALLIES, BUT THEY LOOK LIKE
ESTRANGED HALF BROTHERS WHO CAME FROM THE SAME SPERM DONOR, AND I'M GUESSING THAT SPERM DONOR
WAS NICK NOLTE'S MUG SHOT? "OH, YOU GUYS ARE BOTH MY BOYS?" WELL, ON WEDNESDAY, EVEN
BORIS JOHNSON CALLED JOE BIDEN THE PRESIDENT-ELECT AND TOSSED IN AN EXTRA BURN ON TRUMP FOR
GOOD MEASURE
ONE OF THE MANY MERITS OF THE
EXCELLENT CONVERSATION I HAD YESTERDAY WITH PRESIDENT-ELECT JOE BIDEN WAS THAT WE WERE
STRONGLY AGREED ON THE NEED, ONCE AGAIN, FOR THE UNITED KINGDOM AND THE
UNITED STATES TO STAND TOGETHER. DOES THE PRIME MINISTER NOW HAVE ANY ADVICE FOR HIS
ERSTWHILE BEST FRIEND, PRESIDENT TRUMP, WHO'S CONTINUING REFUSAL TO ACCEPT THE RESULT IS BOTH
EMBARRASSING FOR HIM AND DANGEROUS FOR AMERICAN DEMOCRACY?
PRIME MINISTER? WELL, MRS. SPEAKER, I HAD, AND HAVE A GOOD RELATIONSHIP
WITH THE PREVIOUS PRESIDENT. I DO NOT RESOLVE FROM THAT AS IT IS THE DUTY OF ALL PRIME
MINISTERS TO HAVE A GOOD RELATIONSHIP WITH THE WHITE HOUSE.
Seth: WOW, NOT ONLY DID HE CALL JOE BIDEN PRESIDENT-ELECT, HE CALLED TRUMP "THE PREVIOUS
PRESIDENT. THAT'S SUCH AN EFFORTLESS LITTLE ENGLISH BURN
THE ENGLISH CAN INSULT YOU IN SUCH A WAY THAT YOU CAN BE ON YOUR DEATHBED 20 YEARS LATER AND
THINK, "HEY. YOUR BEST FRIEND SAID THAT MY ERSTWHILE BEST FRIEND
"OH, TRUST ME, HE'S ERSTWHILE NOW. BUT AS THE OLD SAYING GOES, IF
YOU CAN'T TRUST A FELLOW RIGHT-WING GOON WHO ONCE GOT STUCK ON A ZIP LINE AND TACKLED
A SMALL BOY DURING A RUGBY GAME, THEN WHO CAN YOU TRUST THAT'S HOW CLEAR AND DECISIVE
BIDEN'S VICTORY WAS. EVEN TRUMP'S CLOSEST ALLIES ON THE WORLD STAGE HAVE GONE OUT OF
THEIR WAY TO CONGRATULATE JOE BIDEN AND RECOGNIZE HIS VICTORY IN THE ELECTION.
AND THEY'RE NOT ALONE. SEVERAL REPUBLICAN OFFICIALS IN KEY SWING STATES, FROM THE
GEORGIA SECRETARY OF STATE, TO THE ARIZONA ATTORNEY GENERAL, TO THE PHILADELPHIA CITY
COMMISSIONER, HAVE ALL MADE CLEAR THAT THERE IS NO WIDESPREAD FRAUD AND THAT THE
RESULTS IN THEIR STATES ARE NOT GOING TO CHANGE.
DO YOU HAVE ANY INDICATION OF MAJOR IRREGULARITIES OR FRAUD IN THIS ELECTION?
WE HAVEN'T FOUND ANY WIDESPREAD FRAUD OUR OFFICE RECEIVED MORE THAN
A THOUSAND COMPLAINTS SHORTLY AFTER THE ELECTION DEALING WITH BLEED-THROUGHS AND PEOPLE USING
SHARPIES WE LOOKED INTO THAT. WE WERE ABLE TO DETERMINE THAT
THAT DID NOT AFFECT ANYONE'S VOTE THEY ALSO DID A RANDOM AUDIT OF
2% OF THE PRECINCTS, AND IT CAME BACK 100% THAT THERE WASN'T ANY STATISTICAL ANOMALIES OR ERRORS.
I HAVE SEEN THE MOST FANTASTICAL THINGS ON SOCIAL MEDIA, MAKING COMPLETELY
RIDICULOUS ALLEGATIONS THAT HAVE NO BASIS IN FACT AT ALL. Seth: OH, SO YOU ALSO FOLLOW
THE PRESIDENT ON TWITTER "I HAVE SEEN THE MOST FANTASTICAL THINGS" SOUNDS LIKE
SOMETHING DOROTHY WOULD SAY IN "THE WIZARD OF OZ," AND YET HE'S ACCURATELY DESCRIBING THE
PRESIDENT'S TWITTER ACCOUNT. "I HAVE SEEN THE MOST FANTASTICAL THINGS
WITCHES AND MUNCHKINS AND A VIDEO OF THE PRESIDENT TACKLING VINCE McMAHON WITH THE CNN LOGO
ON HIS FACE! AND NOT ONLY ARE THOSE THREE REPUBLICANS, BUT EVEN KARL ROVE
WROTE AN OP-ED DECLARING THAT THERE IS NO EVIDENCE OF FRAUD THAT COULD OVERTURN THE
ELECTION KARL ROVE, THE GUY WHO ENGINEERED THE LAST DISASTROUS
REPUBLICAN PRESIDENCY TO LOSE THE POPULAR VOTE WHEN YOU LOSE KARL ROVE, YOU
NEED TO DO SOME SERIOUS LACK OF A SOUL SEARCHING THIS IS LIKE DARTH VADER SAYING,
"GUYS, WHY ARE WE TRYING TO REBUILD THE DEATH STAR THEY'RE JUST GONNA BLOW IT UP
AGAIN. "NO, DARTH, DON'T TALK TO YOURSELF THAT WAY.
"I GUESS I CAN MAKE A BIGGER ONE. [ LAUGHTER ]
AND IF THE WORD OF THOSE REPUBLICANS ISN'T ENOUGH FOR YOU, "THE NEW YORK TIMES" CALLED
ELECTION OFFICIALS IN EVERY STATE AND FOUND THAT THERE IS NO EVIDENCE OF FRAUD.
A POSTAL WORKER WHO CLAIMED TO HAVE WITNESSED BALLOT TAMPERING RECANTED HIS CLAIMS AND SAID
THEY WERE MADE UP. EVEN THE TRUMP CAMPAIGN'S LAWSUITS HAVE MOSTLY BEEN
LAUGHED OUT OF COURT FOR EXAMPLE, YOU MIGHT HAVE HEARD ONE OF THEIR MOST COMMON
COMPLAINTS, THAT THEIR POLL WATCHERS IN STATES LIKE PENNSYLVANIA AND MICHIGAN
WEREN'T ALLOWED TO OBSERVE THE VOTE COUNTING. ACCORDING TO TRUMP, THIS IS
RESPONSIBLE FOR HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF VOTES THAT SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO COUNT.
THEREFORE, I EASILY WIN BOTH STATES HE KEEPS DOING THIS THING WHERE
HE THINKS HE CAN JUST CALL DIBS ON STATES THE WAY A STONER CALLS DIBS ON THE LAST SLICE OF
PEPPERONI. "DEVON, THERE'S NO PIZZA LEFT. THAT'S THE DRAWING ON THE BOX,
DEVON. DEVON! [ LAUGHTER ]
LOOK, DEVON, WE ALL LOVE WEED, DEVON, BUT YOU'VE GOT TO STOP. TRUMP THINKS IT'S OFFICIAL AS
LONG AS HE THROWS IN A "HEREBY" OR A "THEREFORE. THAT'S THE SAME TACTIC DRUNK RED
SOX FANS USE WHEN THEY'RE GETTING DRAGGED AWAY BY COPS "I HEREBY CLAIM SQUATTERS
RIGHTS, THEREFORE GRANTED TO ME BY THE COMMONWEALTH, ALLOWING ME TO CONTINUE URINATING FROM ATOP
THIS TELEPHONE POLE! BUT THE MORE IMPORTANT THING IS, IT'S NOT TRUE.
TRUMP LAWYERS HAVE FILED A BUNCH OF FRIVOLOUS LAWSUITS, CLAIMING THAT BECAUSE THEY WERE BARRED
FROM OBSERVING THE COUNT, THE STATES SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWED TO CERTIFY THEIR RESULTS, WHICH IS
INSANE BECAUSE, FIRST OF ALL, THE BALLOT COUNTING WAS LITERALLY SHOWN LIVE ON
TELEVISION FOR EVERYONE TO WATCH. I REMEMBER, BECAUSE I WAS
SITTING ON MY COUCH STARING AT CABLE NEWS 24 HOURS A DAY, FOUR DAYS STRAIGHT LIKE I WAS IN "A
CLOCKWORK ORANGE." I WATCHED SO MUCH CABLE NEWS I STARTED DRESSING LIKE
STEVE KORNACKI WHEN I CLOSE MY EYES, I CAN STILL SEE JAKE TAPPER'S FOREHEAD
FURROWS. SECOND, TRUMP LAWYERS BROUGHT THIS CLAIM BEFORE A JUDGE, WHO
DISMISSED IT AS ABSURD HERE'S HOW ONE CASE WENT IN PENNSYLVANIA BEFORE A JUDGE
APPOINTED, IT SHOULD BE NOTED, BY GEORGE W. BUSH. "JUDGE: ARE YOUR OBSERVERS IN
THE COUNTING ROOM? TRUMP LAWYER: THERE'S A NONZERO NUMBER OF PEOPLE
JUDGE: ARE PEOPLE REPRESENTING TRUMP FOR PRESIDENT IN THAT ROOM
TRUMP LAWYER: YES. JUDGE: I'M SORRY, THEN WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM
" IT'S GREAT THAT THE MORE TRUMP USES FANCY COURTROOM WORDS LIKE HEREBY AND THEREFORE, THE MORE
JUDGES START TALKING LIKE THEY'RE THE ONES FROM QUEENS "YOUR HONOR THERE WERE A NONZERO
NUMBER OF PEOPLE IN THE COUNTING ROOM." "WELL, THERE'S A NONZERO CHANCE
I'M GOING TO KNOCK YOUR [ BLEEP ] BLOCK OFF IF YOU DON'T START GIVING ME STRAIGHT
ANSWERS. NONZERO. I BELIEVE THAT CASE WAS CALLED
"TRUMP V. GET A LOAD OF THIS GUY. AND THEN THERE'S THE REPEATEDLY
DEBUNKED MYTH THAT DEAD PEOPLE ARE VOTING THIS IS ONE OF THE DUMBEST VOTER
FRAUD LIES BECAUSE IT ALMOST ALWAYS TURNS OUT THAT IT'S AN ADMINISTRATIVE ERROR OR A CASE
OF MISTAKEN IDENTITY YOU KNOW, BECAUSE SOMETIMES MULTIPLE PEOPLE HAVE THE SAME
NAME, AN IDEA THAT IS TO COME AS A SHOCK TO DONALD TRUMP AND HIS SON WHO'S -- WHAT'S HIS NAME
OH, IT'S ESCAPING ME OH, RIGHT, FORREST STUMP ANYWAY, CNN DID AN INVESTIGATION
WHERE THEY SAMPLED 50 NAMES OF DEAD PEOPLE WHO HAD SUPPOSEDLY VOTED IN MICHIGAN.
OF THOSE 50, IT TURNS OUT, 37 WERE INDEED DEAD AND HAD NOT VOTED.
FIVE PEOPLE OUT OF THE 50 HAD VOTED AND THEY'RE ALL STILL ALIVE.
THE REMAINING EIGHT ARE ALSO ALIVE, BUT DIDN'T VOTE I THINK MY FAVORITE PART IS THE
FIVE PEOPLE WHO VOTED AND WERE STILL ALIVE. IT MUST SUCK TO GET MISTAKEN FOR
DEAD RUDY GIULIANI, OF ALL PEOPLE, SHOULD BE ABLE TO SYMPATHIZE
"HEY, STOP THROWING DIRT ON ME CAN'T A GUY CATCH A FEW WINKS IN A SHALLOW DITCH ANYMORE?
ALTHOUGH MY FAVORITE DUMB CONSPIRACY THEORY HAS TO BE THE EXISTENCE OF A MYSTERIOUS
BIDEN/HARRIS VAN IN NEVADA WHERE DEMOCRATS WERE SUPPOSEDLY FILLING OUT MAIL BALLOTS
IT'S A CLAIM THAT HAS BEEN REPEATED MULTIPLE TIMES BY TRUMP'S LEGAL TEAM AND FOX NEWS.
BRINGING HANDFULS OF BALLOTS TO A BIDEN/HARRIS CAMPAIGN VAN.
THOSE BALLOTS WERE THEN FILLED OUT AT THE VAN, PLACED IN RETURN ENVELOPES.
MAIL-IN BALLOTS WERE FILLED OUT ON THE SIDE OF A BIDEN/HARRIS VAN.
YOU SAW SOMETHING SUSPICIOUS, WE'RE GOING TO GET RIGHT INTO IT TONIGHT, HAPPENING ON THE SIDE
OF A BIDEN/HARRIS VAN IN THE PARKING LOT OF THE POLLING STATION.
A VAN PULLED UP AT THE CENTER MARKED, "BIDEN/HARRIS. WOW
THE DOORS OF THE VAN WERE OPEN BALLOTS WERE CLEARLY VISIBLE
BALLOTS WERE OPENED WITH LETTER OPENERS AND BALLOTS WERE FILLED IN AND RESEALED IN ENVELOPES
Seth: NOBODY GETS A VAN SO THEY CAN DO CRIMES OUTSIDE OF IT
YOU DO THE CRIMES IN THE VAN THAT'S WHAT VANS ARE FOR YOU'RE EITHER DOING MOBILE PET
GROOMING OR CRIMES AND IF IT'S FOR CRIMES, YOU DON'T PUT YOUR NAME ON THE SIDE
OF IT. YOU NEVER SEE A VAN AIR BRUSHED "MOLESTER MOBILE."
[ LAUGHTER ] ALTHOUGH THE KIDS WOULD KNOW I THINK THEY'RE GOING TO HAVE
CANDY. AND THEN YESTERDAY, TRUMP SHARED AN EVEN DUMBER CONSPIRACY
THEORY, A VIDEO BY SOME RANDOM LADY OF ELECTION OFFICIALS IN CALIFORNIA PICKING UP MAIL
BALLOTS FROM A DROP BOX, WHICH IS PERFECTLY NORMAL AND LEGAL.
I THOUGHT THEY COLLECTED THEM ALL. I JUST WANT TO DOCUMENT.
NO, THEY'RE STILL COLLECTING. HOW -- WAIT BUT HOW COME THEY ALREADY CALLED
THE STATE? BECAUSE THESE ARE MAIL-IN BALLOTS.
ARE YOU GUYS OFFICIAL ELECTION GUYS? WHERE DO YOU GUYS TAKE THEM?
ELECTION CENTER THAT'S IT. Seth: I'M BEGINNING TO THINK
A LOT OF THESE PEOPLE GENUINELY DON'T KNOW HOW MAIL WORKS. "I'M SORRY, WHERE IS THAT WHITE
PIECE OF PAPER GOING AND WHY DOES IT HAVE A LITTLE STICKER OF AN AMERICAN FLAG ON
IT AND WHY ARE YOU GUYS WEARING SHORTS IN NOVEMBER
OKAY OKAY I'M JUST ASKING.
AND IT WILL NOT SHOCK YOU TO LEARN THE TRUMP CAMPAIGN AND REPUBLICAN PARTY'S ATTEMPTS TO
INVALIDATE THE RESULTS OF THE ELECTIONS ARE, IN LARGE PART, A GIANT GRIFT WITH THE SIDE EFFECT
OF LIGHTING OUR DEMOCRACY ON FIRE THE TRUMP CAMPAIGN HAS BEEN
SOLICITING DONATIONS TO PAY FOR LEGAL CHALLENGES TO SUPPOSEDLY DEFEND THE INTEGRITY OF THE
ELECTION, BUT AS REUTERS REPORTED, IT TURNS OUT, IN THE FINE PRINT THAT DONATIONS UNDER
$8 THOUSAND GO TO THE PRESIDENT AND THE REPUBLICAN NATIONAL COMMITTEE.
LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE TRUMP AND THE GOP DO, THIS IS ALSO A SCAM. THE MONEY'S JUST GOING TO THEM
WHEN TRUMP FINALLY CONCEDES, HE'LL PROBABLY DO IT IN A BUGATTI, WEARING
DIAMOND-ENCRUSTED CARTIER SUNGLASSES AND THE NECKLACE FROM THE TITANIC.
"THANKS FOR ALL YOUR DONATIONS, BUT UNFORTUNATELY IT WASN'T ENOUGH TO STOP THE DEEP STATE.
IF YOU NEED ME, I'LL BE VACATIONING IN FIJI. WITH ONLY A FEW EXCEPTIONS, THE
REPUBLICAN PARTY IS STANDING IN LOCKSTEP BEHIND PRESIDENT TRUMP AND PERHAPS HIS FINAL GRIFT AS
PRESIDENT BECAUSE THEY KNOW IT WILL FIRE UP HIS BASE. AND THEY DON'T CARE WHAT DAMAGE
THEY DO TO DEMOCRACY IN THE PROCESS. EVEN AFTER TRUMP LEAVES OFFICE,
CYNICAL REPUBLICANS KNOW TRUMPISM IS THE FUTURE OF THEIR PARTY AND THEY WANT TO
MAINTAIN -
PREVIOUS PRESIDENT
Seth: THIS HAS BEEN "A CLOSER LOOK."
* Seth: WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE "LATE NIGHT.
*
"CLOSER LOOKS" BE SURE TO
SUBSCRIBE TO "LATE NIGHT" ON YOUTUBE. Seth: WELCOME BACK TO
"LATE NIGHT. AFTER KEY VICTORIES IN ARIZONA AND GEORGIA, MANY ON THE NEWS
AND SOCIAL MEDIA GAVE A SORT OF CREDIT TO DECEASED FIGURES LIKE CONGRESSMAN JOHN LEWIS AND
SENATOR JOHN McCAIN. HERE TO DISCUSS THIS PARANORMAL CONTRIBUTION TO THE ELECTION IS
OUR FRIEND AND GHOST ENTHUSIAST, JOHN MULANEY WHERE WERE WE
Seth: OH! OH, I'M SORRY I STARTLED YOU
WOULD YOU LIKE TO PAUSE? DO YOU NEED TO CUT CAMERA? Seth: NO
NO, I'M OKAY SO, JOHN, WHAT WAS YOUR REACTION TO THE VARIOUS CONVERSATIONS
ABOUT LEWIS AND McCAIN HAVING PLAYED A ROLE IN THE ELECTION OUTCOME?
WELL, AS WITH MANY THINGS, I WAS PSYCHED AND THEN I OVERTHOUGHT IT, AND I BECAME
ANNOYED AND THAT'S STILL WHERE I'M AT CAN WE SHOW THE VIDEO CLIPS THAT
I BROUGHT, PLEASE?
THE EVIDENCE AMONG THE
DECEASED PEOPLE WHO HAD A REAL INFLUENCE IN THIS ELECTION ARE JOHN LEWIS IN GEORGIA AND
JOHN McCAIN IN ARIZONA I FELT LIKE JOHN LEWIS WAS SPEAKING TO US AND HE WAS DOING
HIS HAPPY DANCE IN HEAVEN. I HAVE HAD A VISION OF JOHN McCAIN UP IN HEAVEN,
SMILING DOWN AT THESE RESULTS. AND FRANKLY, I THINK RUTH BADER GINSBURG, AND
JOHN LEWIS, AND JOHN McCAIN ARE LOOKING DOWN ON US AND SMILING Seth: SO, JOHN, YOUR
ANNOYANCE IS IT'S LIKE, "HEY, AMERICA, DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS OR NOT?"
YOU KNOW MAKE UP YOUR MINDS MANY TIMES YOU HEAR PEOPLE SAY,
"OH, I FELT LIKE POP WAS WATCHING OVER ME TODAY WHEN I HIT THAT HOME RUN," OR "I COULD
FEEL MAMA WITH US WHEN WE BOUGHT THE HOUSE TODAY," OR "LOOK AT THAT DEAD GHOST KID IN 'THREE
MEN AND A BABY.' BUT WHEN YOU ACTUALLY SAY, "I BELIEVE IN GHOSTS," PEOPLE LAUGH
AT YOU THEY SHOULDN'T LAUGH, THEY SHOULD BELIEVE
Seth: SO YOU'RE SAYING GHOSTS DID PLAY A ROLE, AND THE MEDIA SHOULD LEAN MORE INTO IT
I LIKE HOW YOU PHRASED THAT, YES. YES.
McCAIN AND LEWIS STRAIGHT UP HAUNTED THIS ELECTION. BUT THEY WERE NOT THE ONLY ONES.
THE, UH -- THE SUBURBAN MOM VOTING BLOCK WAS NOT THE DECIDING FACTOR IN THIS
ELECTION, BUT RATHER ANGRY MIDDLE-CLASS GHOSTS AND GHOULS, WHO MAYBE HAD SUPPORTED TRUMP IN
2016, MAYBE DID NOT, BUT AT THIS POINT SAID, "LOOK, I'M A GHOST BOO.
I CAN'T TAKE FOUR MORE YEARS OF THIS." Seth: WHY WOULD SO MANY GHOSTS
SUPPORT BIDEN? WE KNOW THAT MANY OF THE ELDERLY WENT FOR TRUMP, SO WHY WOULD WE
NOT SEE A LARGER RED WAVE AMONG THE PASSED AWAY? I LIKE HOW YOU PHRASED THAT
AS WELL. WELL, TRUMP HELD RALLIES IN MANY STATES, AS WE KNOW
BUT WHAT IS NOW CLEAR TO ME IS THAT BIDEN MUST HAVE TRAVELLED TO THE UNDERWORLD, CROSSED THE
RIVER STYX, CHARMED HEDRA, THE SEVEN-HEADED DOG WHO GUARDS THE GATES OF HELL, AND PLAYED HIS
FIFE FOR PERSEPHONE, THE QUEEN OF HELL HERSELF. Seth: SO, THAT WHOLE TIME WE
THOUGHT JOE BIDEN WAS JUST IN HIS BASEMENT, HE WAS IN A METAPHORIC BASEMENT?
HADES, YES. I THINK THAT'S VERY CLEAR FROM THE ELECTION RETURNS
BELIEVE. BUT DESPITE THAT, NEXT WEEK WHEN IT'S ALL OVER AND NO ONE CARES
ABOUT THIS ELECTION, YOU'LL SEE THIS HONEST DISCOURSE ABOUT GHOSTS DISAPPEAR FROM THE MEDIA.
AND I'M SICK OF IT DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE SEEN A GHOST
I DON'T. BUT BASED ON MY OWN FIELD WORK, I KNOW LIKE 70 PEOPLE WHO HAVE
SO, I'M SURE THERE'S ONE SEEN EVERY DAY. AND COVERAGE OF THESE HAUNTINGS
SHOULDN'T BE SOMETHING THAT WE ONLY TALK ABOUT EVERY FOUR YEARS AT ELECTION TIME
Seth: SO, YOUR POINT IS, YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS, EVEN THOUGH YOU HAVEN'T SEEN ONE, BUT WANT
TO I'M SCARED OF IT, BUT YES Seth: AND A LOT OF TIMES,
PEOPLE DON'T BELIEVE IN GHOSTS AND NOW PEOPLE ARE SORT OF WAXING IMAGINATIVELY THAT
JOHN LEWIS AND JOHN McCAIN'S MEMORIES AFFECTED THEIR CONSTITUENCY AND THEY ARE GOING
FAR WITH THIS IDEA AND SAYING IT WAS THEM FROM THE AFTERLIFE. AND RIGHT NOW WHAT YOU WANT
IS - PARANORMAL CONSISTENCY. Seth: PARANORMAL CONSISTENCY.
YES, THANK YOU. Seth: NOW, REPUBLICANS SAY DEAD PEOPLE VOTED IN 2020, BUT
THEY MEAN LIVING PEOPLE ARE USING DEAD PEOPLE'S NAMES IN VOTER FRAUD.
I ASSUME, BASED ON WHAT YOU SAID, YOU THINK THAT IF A DEAD PERSON -- AN ACTUAL DEAD PERSON
MANAGES TO VOTE ON THEIR OWN, IT SHOULD COUNT IT SHOULD COUNT
BUT DON'T GO PATTING VOTING GHOSTS ON THE BACK, BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T HAVE TO WAIT IN LONG
LINES. YOU KNOW, THEY CAN GO THROUGH WALLS AND THEY CAN FLOAT, AS
WELL AS OTHER THINGS YOU CAN DO WHEN YOU'RE A GHOST. Seth: YOU KNOW, I READ ONCE
THAT IF THEY CONCENTRATE VERY HARD - YES
Seth: THEY CAN KICK A CAN -- YES, YES, YES, YES. Seth: DOWN A SUBWAY PLATFORM.
YES, YOU DID NOT READ THAT. WHAT YOU DID WAS YOU SAW THAT IN THE MOVIE "GHOST," WHICH STARS
PATRICK SWAYZE, WHO HAS PASSED AWAY, AND BECAUSE OF HIS "DIRTY DANCING" TIES, HE MAY
HAVE DELIVERED THAT KEY CATSKILLS BLOCK. Seth: NOW,
RUTH BADER GINSBURG'S LAST WORDS WERE, "MY MOST FERVENT WISH IS THAT I WILL NOT BE REPLACED
UNTIL A NEW PRESIDENT IS INSTALLED. TRUMP, SHOCKINGLY, DID NOT HONOR
THAT WISH AND PUSHED THROUGH THE APPOINTMENT OF AMY CONEY BARRETT.
BABY CONEY ISLAND, YES. Seth: HER DYING WISH WAS REJECTED AND IF GHOSTS ARE REAL,
YOU THINK SHE WOULD HAVE INTERVENED OH, OH, OH, NO.
YOUR FOLLY IS NOT IN YOUR LOGIC, BUT IN YOUR THEOLOGY YOU SEE, IN JUDAISM, THERE IS NO
DEFINED AFTERLIFE. SO RUTH BADER GHOSTBURG WOULD, THEREFORE, HAVE TO BE WHAT WE
CALL A DYBBUK, WHICH IS A MUCH MORE DANGEROUS SPIRIT, WHO CAN POSSESS A HUMAN BEING AND CAN
TERRORIZE THE LIVING I WOULD KEEP AN EYE ON PEOPLE LIKE SUSIE ESSMAN AND SEE IF
THEY HAVE LACED COLLARS ALL OF A SUDDEN Seth: SO WHAT YOU'RE SAYING IS
TRUMP COULD HAVE A DYBBUK ON HIS HANDS? AND NOT JUST ONE DYBBUK
I BELIEVE ANOTHER JEWISH PHANTASM HUMILIATED THE TRUMP CAMPAIGN THIS WEEK WHEN ED KOCH,
THANK YOU, FORMER MAYOR OF NEW YORK, AND A PLAYFUL GHOST, LIKE A JEWISH CASPER, SENT HIS
FORMER ENEMY, RUDY GIULIANI TO THE FOUR SEASONS LANDSCAPING COMPANY, A PRANK THAT HAS DEAD
KOCH WRITTEN ALL OVER IT Seth: BUT NOW HERE'S MY QUESTION
WHY WOULD GIULIANI TRUST THE GHOST ED KOCH? AKA, DEAD KOCH
AH. WELL, THE DEAD KOCH DYBBUK, YES, PROBABLY TOOK THE FORM OF A
YOUNG BLONDE REPORTER FROM EASTERN EUROPE AS YOU KNOW, RUDY CANNOT RESIST
THOSE. PRETTY EMBARRASSING FOR MR. BAFAN-GHOUL-IANI, THE
ITALIAN SILLY GHOST. Seth: GIULIANI IS NOT DEAD, NOR DO I THINK THAT
BAFAN-GHOUL-IANI IS THE ITALIAN WORD FOR GHOST NO, BUT IT'S A GOOD NAME FOR
RUDY Seth: YEAH. JOHN, THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE
OR WAS I? CUT TO FOUR. CUT TO CAMERA FOUR, PLEASE
CUT TO FOUR. I'LL JUST ROLL OFF THE GROUND. Seth: ALL RIGHT
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH DAN AKYROYD. *
Seth: ALL THIS WEEK WE'VE HAD THE LONG-RUNNING DRUMMER WITH BROADWAY'S "THE LION KING"
SITTING IN WITH THE 8G BAND. BE SURE TO CHECK OUT HIS NEW EDUCATIONAL WEBSITE
CARTERMcLEAN.COM, AS WELL AS HIS INSTAGRAM. CARTER McLEAN, EVERYBODY
THANKS FOR A GREAT WEEK, CARTER! OUR FIRST GUEST TONIGHT IS AN ACADEMY AWARD NOMINATED AND EMMY
WINNING ACTOR AND WRITER YOU KNOW AS ONE OF THE ORIGINAL CAST MEMBERS OF "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE"
AND FROM THE MOVIES, "GHOSTBUSTERS," "THE BLUE BROTHERS", AND SO MANY OTHERS.
HE HAS RECENTLY ADDED CRYSTAL HEAD ONYX, AN AGAVE-BASED VODKA IN A BEAUTIFUL BOTTLE TO HIS
AWARD-WINNING CRYSTAL HEAD VODKA LINE PLEASE WELCOME TO THE SHOW, THE
GREAT, THE FANTASTIC DAN AYKROYD. HOW ARE YOU, DANNY
AHH, A1 SIR GOOD TO TALK TO YOU. GOOD TO TALK TO YOU.
Seth: AND YOU'RE OUTSIDE -- I AM HERE - Seth: YOU'RE OUTSIDE WITH THE
BLUES MOBILE RIGHT NOW I KNOW. LISTEN, YOU KNOW, I'VE ALWAYS
LOOKED FOR THESE OLD FORD MARQUISES, THE GRAND MARQUISES THEY DON'T MAKE THEM ANYMORE
AND THEY RIDE LIKE A ROLLS ROYCE. THEY'RE SO OVERBUILT
AND I WAS IN UPSTATE NEW YORK A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO, AND I -- MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT IN A TOWN UP
THERE, AND I JUST FLASHED BY THIS TOWN, AND IN A CAR LOT I JUST SAW A CORNER OF THIS CAR.
AND I WAS LOOKING FOR A BLACK ONE. SO I CALL UP, AND I FIND OUT
THAT THE GUY SAYS, "OH, I'VE GOT TWO OF THEM. I SAID WELL, "I WANT BOTH.
HE SAID, "YOU KNOW YOUR CARS, MAN. THEY'RE FBI CARS."
SO I GET THEM HOME DIG THIS DIG THIS
WATCH THIS SETH, THESE -- THIS CAR WASN'T AN FBI CAR, BUT IT WAS -- IT
BELONGED TO THE STATE DEPARTMENT Seth: WOW
SEE THAT? YOU SEE? LET ME GET IT RIGHT HERE
CAUSE YOU REALLY GOT TO SEE THIS HERE HOW DO WE GET THAT
DO YOU SEE Seth: THERE YOU GO. THERE IT IS
THERE IT IS. LOOK SEE?
DEPARTMENT OF STATE, WASHINGTON D.C AND IT HAS A GUN SAFE IN IT.
IT HAD A LIGHT AND SIREN, AND THEY WERE MADE, YOU KNOW, FOR DIPLOMATIC ASSISTANTS, FOR
COURIERS, YOU KNOW, TAKE TO THE AIRPORT. AND MY FANTASY IS THAT
HILLARY CLINTON RODE IN THIS CAR. AND, YOU KNOW, I'M GOING TO LEND
IT TO MIKE POMPEO. I'VE GOT TWO OF THEM I'M GOING TO LEND THEM TO HIM TO
PACK UP HIS FAMILY AND HEAD ON OUT ANY TIME AND I'LL DRIVE THEM MYSELF
Seth: THAT'S SO KIND OF YOU YEAH. Seth: NOW DAN, WHAT HAPPENS
WHEN - LET'S GO INSIDE Seth: YEAH, LET'S GO INSIDE
I HAVE TO ASK THOUGH DAN, WHAT DOES A GENTLEMAN SAY WHEN HE'S SELLING TWO CARS AND HE REALIZES
DAN AYKROYD'S THE ONE WHO'S BUYING THEM? WELL, I ALWAYS HAVE
INTERMEDIARIES, YOU SEE. Seth: OH, VERY SMART. SO I DON'T HAVE TO OVERPAY.
LIKE, I'VE GOT -- I HAVE TWO OF THOSE GOVERNMENT CARS AND I HAVE THREE OTHER MARQUISES.
AND SETH, FOR ALL OF THESE CARS, ALL OF THEM, I'M INTO THEM -- I'VE GOT FIVE OF THEM.
MY DAUGHTER HAS ONE. OUR NEIGHBOR HAS ONE I'VE GOT THOSE TWO
MY DAD USED TO DRIVE ONE $60 THOUSAND FOR ALL OF THEM Seth: THAT'S FANTASTIC.
I MEAN, THAT'S REALLY GOOD. SO, WHEN THE NAME AYKROYD COMES UP, YOU KNOW THE PRICE WILL GO
UP BY SEVEN TIMES, SO I -- Seth: RIGHT, AND I GUESS YOU CAN SAY YOU'RE NOT THAT
DAN AYKROYD. NO, NO. YEAH -
Seth: HEY, I WANT TO SAY THIS, THE LAST TIME I SAW YOU WAS AT THE "SNL" 40th AND THIS
YEAR IS THE 40th ANNIVERSARY OF "THE BLUES BROTHERS. YEAH.
Seth: WHICH MUST BE EVEN HARDER FOR YOU TO WRAP YOUR HEAD AROUND
IS IT TRUE THAT YOU GUYS ACTUALLY, JUST ONE DAY, JUST LOST JOHN?
WELL, ON THE MOVIE -- THIS IS A GREAT STORY. WE WERE SHOOTING AT THE
HARVEY, ILLINOIS MALL, YOU KNOW, THAT FAMOUS MALL SCENE IT WAS AN ABANDONED MALL AT THE
TIME THE AREA HAD SUFFERED SOME ECONOMIC SETBACKS.
AND WE WERE THERE AT 3:00 IN THE MORNING SHOOTING THE MALL SCENE, AND LUNCH HAD BROKEN AND WE WENT
LOOKING FOR JOHN, COULDN'T FIND HIM ANYWHERE, YOU KNOW AND SO I JUST -- WHAT ARE WE
GOING TO DO? SO I SAW THIS PATH KIND OF LEADING OUT OF THE -- THE, YOU
KNOW, WEED-STREWN PARKING LOT INTO A SUBURBAN NEIGHBORHOOD NEARBY AND I THOUGHT, "I'LL JUST
TRY THAT." AND I WALKED DOWN THIS PATH, AND I WALKED INTO THE NEIGHBORHOOD
AND I LOOKED ALL THE HOUSES WERE DARK, BUT HALFWAY DOWN ONE OF THE STREETS
THERE WERE LIGHTS ON AND I THOUGHT, "WELL, I DON'T KNOW
I'M GOING TO -- I'VE GOT AN INSTINCT HERE. I'M GONNA TRY.
AND I KNOCKED ON THE DOOR, AND THE GUY SAID, "YEAH? AND I SAID, "WE'RE SHOOTING A
MOVIE OVER HERE. "YEAH, I KNOW, I KNOW. "WELL, WE'RE LOOKING FOR ONE OF
OUR ACTORS." "YEAH, I KNOW, BELUSHI HE CAME IN HERE ABOUT AN HALF AN
HOUR AGO -- HE RAIDED MY FRIDGE. HE'S ASLEEP ON MY COUCH. HE WAS THE GUEST WHO NEVER LEFT.
YOU KNOW, WHO COULD -- YOU KNOW, HE WOULD WALK INTO ANY -- ANYBODY'S HOUSE IN AMERICA AND
BE WELCOMED. YOU KNOW, RAID THE FRIDGE AND LAY DOWN
IT'S LIKE MURRAY, WHO GOES INTO THESE WEDDINGS AND GOES AND -- YOU KNOW, THEY'RE AMBASSADORS OF
COMEDY Seth: AND IT'S TRUE YOU KNOW, AGAIN, YOU DO IT FOR
THAT LONG AND YOU DO IT AT A TIME WHERE, YOU KNOW, THE SHOW IS OBVIOUSLY THE MOST ICONIC
THING ON TELEVISION. OBVIOUSLY, ITS LONGEVITY HAS SPOKEN TO WHAT YOU GUYS
ESTABLISHED. YOU AND JOHN SHARED AN OFFICE. ONE DAY I WOULD LOVE TO WALK THE
HALLS OF 17 WITH YOU, BECAUSE I BELIEVE IT WAS AN OFFICE I ENDED UP WITH, AND -- BUT YOU ACTUALLY
INSTALLED -- YOU MADE SOME CALLS AS TO WHAT THE 17th FLOOR NEEDED, INCLUDING A SHOWER AND
IS IT TRUE YOU PUT IN BUNK BEDS? YOU KNOW, I BET YOU USED THAT SHOWER WHEN YOU WERE THERE
I MEAN, I ESTABLISHED THAT SHOWER FOR THE WRITERS STAYING OVER
YES, I PUT IN BUNK BEDS, AND A TOASTER OVEN AND A KETTLE. AND, YOU KNOW, IT WAS -- IT WAS
LIVING THERE FOR ME, I LIVED THERE LIKE FOR MOST OF THE SHOW, I LIVED THERE
EVERY TUESDAY NIGHT. AND SOMETIMES EVERY WEDNESDAY NIGHT.
SO, DURING THE ENTIRE RUN OF "SNL" WHEN I WAS THERE AND, YOU KNOW, BEAUTIFUL TIMES
AND BEAUTIFUL MEMORIES BUT "THE BLUES BROTHERS," WE STILL DO IT.
JIMMY, JOHN'S BROTHER AND I, STILL HAVE "THE BLUES BROTHERS" CLASSIC REVIEW
WHEN WE -- YOU KNOW, IN PRE-COVID TIMES WE WERE GOING OUT TO CASINOS, AND CORPORATE
EVENTS, AND CONCERT HALLS AND HAVING REALLY A LOT OF FUN WITH IT
I DO MISS THE MUSIC. THAT IS SOMETHING THAT'S SO ESSENTIAL, YOU KNOW.
AND IT'S TOO BAD THAT WE CAN'T PERFORM, ALL OF US, IN THE MUSIC INDUSTRY OR BROADWAY PERFORMER
TODAY, HIS GIG IS DOWN ALL MY PEOPLE IN "HOUSE OF BLUES" WE HAVE 13 NIGHTCLUBS
WE HAVE, YOU KNOW, SEVERAL THOUSAND EMPLOYEES THAT CAN'T COME TO WORK, BAR-BACKS,
WAITERS, WAITRESSES. THIS VIRUS IS MORE POWERFUL THAN ANY CEO, OR YOU KNOW, HEAD OF
STATE. IT'S JUST -- IT'S A DEAD ZOMBIE CALLING THE SHOTS.
AND I HAVE OPTIMISM, THOUGH. I THINK THAT MANKIND, IF WE ALL PULL TOGETHER AND ARE SENSIBLE
ABOUT WEARING MASKS, AND ACCEPTING THE VACCINES, AND DON'T PLAY INTO THE IGNORANCE OF
MANY WHO WOULD DENY WHAT GOOD THESE THINGS ARE GOING TO DO, WE'LL GET THROUGH THIS
AND I WELCOME YOU TO THE HOUSE OF BLUES IN VEGAS. COME AND PARTY WITH US WHEN
WE'RE BACK UP. Seth: ONE OF THE THINGS THAT CAN HELP PEOPLE GET THROUGH
WHILE THEY'RE SOCIAL DISTANCING IS, OF COURSE, SOME SPIRITS. YOU'VE GOT A NEW CRYSTAL SKULL
ARE YOU EXCITED ABOUT HAVING -- AND I POURED MYSELF A DRINK THAT I'M GOING TO JOIN YOU WITH
BUT TELL US ABOUT THE NEW -- THE ONYX WELL, THIS HAS NEVER BEEN --
THIS HAS NEVER DONE BEFORE, TO TAKE THE BLUE AGAVE PLANT, WHICH IS WHAT TEQUILA IS MADE OUT OF,
AND GIVE IT A VODKA FINISH IT'S DANGEROUS YOU'RE GOING TO LIKE THAT.
Seth: IT'S WONDERFUL. IT HAS KIND OF AN EARTHY, ABSINTHE KIND OF SMELL TO IT
WHAT WE'VE DONE IS, TAKEN THE BLUE AGAVE FLUID, MASH, AND WE'VE MIXED IT WITH THE
NEWFOUNDLAND WATER, AND WE HAVE A PEPPERY, KIND OF FIERY, EARTHY VODKA HERE THAT IS BASED -- AND
NEVER BEEN BASED ON BLUE AGAVE, A VODKA. IT NEVER HAS BEEN.
WE'RE THE FIRST TO DO IT HERE'S OUR PRIDE DIVERSITY BOTTLE WHICH COMES OUT AT PRIDE
TIMES. WE'RE VERY HAPPY THAT THAT CONSTITUENCY FOLLOWS US, BECAUSE
WE'RE A CANADIAN-MADE VODKA AND NOT A VODKA MADE IN SOME COUNTRIES WHERE GAY PEOPLE ARE
PERSECUTED AND THE CONSUMER IN AMERICA, AND CANADA AND THE WORLD IS VERY CONSCIOUS OF OUR
IDENTITY AS A CANADIAN PRODUCT DID YOU HAVE A SIP OF THAT ISN'T THAT NICE?
Seth: IT'S REALLY NICE. IT'S REALLY -- MM. IT'S JUST WHAT WE NEED
IT'S REALLY GREAT. YEAH. YOU KNOW, SOME PEOPLE HAVE SAID
IT'S LIKE A WHITE WHISKEY OR A KIND OF MORE EARTHY, SWEETER ABSINTHE
AND IT'S JUST EXACTLY WHAT -- EXACTLY, WHAT WE NEED IN MODERATION
I WOULD TAKE FIVE PEOPLE TO A HEAD NOT ONE PERSON TO A HEAD. YOU KNOW
BUT IN THIS KIND OF TIME OF ISOLATION, A LOT OF REFLECTION I'VE BEEN DOING, A LOT OF
INTROSPECTION. I'VE BEEN ANSWERING A LOT OF EMAILS
SETH, YOU'VE REALLY MADE IT IN COMEDY YOU'RE AT THE PINNACLE, THE
PEAK YOU HAVE YOUR OWN SHOW YOU HAVE YOUR OWN -- YOU CAN DO
STAND-UP, YOU'RE GOING TO BE PRODUCING OTHER TELEVISION YOU GOT TO WORK WITH AMY POEHLER
IN "UPDATE." YOU GUYS MANAGED THAT DESK, DIDN'T YOU
Seth: YEAH. YEAH, YEAH. Seth: IT WAS SOME OF THE BEST
YEARS OF MY LIFE AND NOW IT'S JOST AND CHE, AND THEY'RE DOING SUCH A GOOD
JOB. Seth: THE BEST. IT'S JUST WONDERFUL
IT WASN'T A GIG I ENJOYED DOING, BUT WHEN I SAW PEOPLE WHO COULD REALLY HANDLE IT LIKE YOU AND
AMY, IT WAS WONDERFUL. NOW SO - Seth: WELL, YOU JUST -- YOU
SORT OF DID IT AS A CHARACTER. ISN'T THAT A SAFE WAY TO SAY IT? I DID, AND I -- AND IT DIDN'T
REALLY FIT I WAS TRYING TO BE STRAIGHT ALL THE WAY THROUGH AND NOT
ACCEPTING THE JOKES. YOU GUYS HAD IT PERFECTLY, ESPECIALLY YOU
I THINK PROBABLY YOU WERE ONE OF THE BEST EVER TO DELIVER THAT MATERIAL
AND YOU'VE MADE IT AND YOU MUST HAVE YOUNG PEOPLE ALWAYS COMING TO YOU AND SAYING,
"HOW DO I GET INTO THE BUSINESS?" "HOW DO I GET INTO THE
INDUSTRY?" OR "HOW DO I LEARN ABOUT COMEDY"?
WELL I HAVE -- TONIGHT I'VE GOT SOME TIPS FOR YOU. Seth: OH, GREAT
FOR THOSE YOUNG PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO WANT TO LEARN ABOUT COMEDY, AND IMPROV AND STAND-UP.
THE FIRST THING THAT YOU HAVE TO DO IS YOU'VE GOT TO GO THE NATIONAL COMEDY MUSEUM IN ERIE,
IN JAMESTOWN, NEW YORK IT'S IN THE OLD ERIE RAILWAY STATION THERE.
AND IT TAKES YOU RIGHT FROM, YOU KNOW, THE GREEK COMEDIES, ARISTOPHANES, "THE FROGS," ALL
THE WAY THROUGH THE BLUE COMEDY OF THE '50s. YOU KNOW, THOSE BLUE RECORDS
THAT WOMEN AND MEN WERE MAKING RIGHT THROUGH TO "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE" AND "SECOND CITY."
IT IS A MUSEUM OF COMEDY, AND NOT TO BE MISSED AND ANY KID IN HIGH SCHOOL OR COLLEGE THAT
WANTS TO BE A WRITER, A COMEDY WRITER, THEY GO THERE, THEY'RE GOING TO GET AN AFTERNOON COURSE
IN COMEDY HISTORY. AND MY MOTORCYCLE IS THERE THE MOTORCYCLE THAT I RODE TO
"SNL" ON EVERY FOUR --- EACH OF THOSE FOUR YEARS, I RODE DOWN THE NEW YORK THROUGHWAY TAKING
MY LIFE IN MY HANDS ON THAT HARLEY, AND THEY CAME TO ME AND SAID, "IS THERE ANY MEMORABILIA
WE CAN GET FROM YOUR TIME AT 'SNL'? I SAID, "THE BIKE THAT KEPT ME
ALIVE FOR THOSE FOUR YEARS." SO THAT'S THERE AND THE STORY'S THERE.
THE OTHER THING IS THERE'S AN AUTHOR CALLED KLIPH NESTEROFF, N-E-S-T-R -- -E-R-H-O-F-F.
HE WROTE A BOOK CALLED "THE COMEDIANS. IT'S A MANUAL FOR UNDERSTANDING
BRITISH AND AMERICAN COMEDY, THE INFLUENCE OF CANADIANS IT'S ONE OF THE BEST COMPENDIUMS
OF COMEDY THAT I'VE EVER READ. AND THEN STEVE MARTIN'S BOOK, "BORN STANDING UP," AND HIS BOOK
"THE TROUBADOUR" AND THEN JOHN LITHGOW WROTE A BOOK CALLED "DRAMA."
AND SO ANY NOVICE THERE THAT WANTS TO GET INTO THE INDUSTRY, WANTS TO UNDERSTAND RHYTHM,
COMEDY, PERFORMANCE, THE COMMITMENT OF AN ACTOR IN COMEDY, I WOULD SAY THOSE ARE
THE BOOKS TO READ, "BORN STANDING UP," "TROUBADOUR," NESTEROFF'S BOOK, "THE COMEDIAN"
AND GET TO THE MUSEUM IN JAMESTOWN. IT'S THERE BECAUSE
LUCILLE BALL'S HOME WAS THERE. Seth: THAT'S FANTASTIC ADVICE
SO KIND OF YOU TO PASS IT ALONG. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE, DAN.
OH, ABSOLUTELY. Seth: IT'S ALWAYS SUCH A PLEASURE
CRYSTAL HEAD ONYX IS AVAILABLE NOW. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH
ANYA TAYLOR-JOY. * Seth: OUR NEXT GUEST IS A
TALENTED ACTRESS YOU KNOW FROM FILMS LIKE, "EMMA," "SPLIT," AND "THE WITCH."
SHE CURRENTLY STARS IN "THE QUEEN'S GAMBIT," WHICH IS STREAMING ON NETFLIX
LET'S TAKE A LOOK.
DO YOU IMAGINE THAT YOU SAW
THE KING AS A FATHER AND THE QUEEN AS A MOTHER? I MEAN, ONE TO ATTACK, ONE TO
PROTECT? THEY'RE JUST PIECES AND ANYWAY, IT WAS THE BOARD I
NOTICED FIRST. THE BOARD YES
IT'S AN ENTIRE WORLD OF JUST 64 SQUARES I FEEL SAFE IN IT.
Seth: PLEASE WELCOME TO THE SHOW ANYA TAYLOR-JOY
HOW ARE YOU, ANYA? HELLO THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME.
I'M GOOD, THANKS Seth: THIS SHOW IS SO FANTASTIC, FOR ANYONE WHO HASN'T
WATCHED IT, YOU PLAY AN ORPHAN WHO IS A CHESS PRODIGY AND OF COURSE, TO SOME DEGREE
YOU HAD TO LEARN THE GAME, I WOULD IMAGINE. HOW DID THAT EDUCATION GO?
YES SO, I HAD THIS WONDERFUL IDEA THAT I WAS GOING TO GET
FANTASTIC AT CHESS, AND YOU KNOW, IT WAS GOING TO BE MY SUPERPOWER FOREVER
BUT THE REALITY WAS THAT I WAS WORKING BACK-TO-BACK AND SO I JUST HAD TO KIND OF GIVE MYSELF
TO IT AND LEARN AS MUCH AS I COULD. BUT THE ACTUAL SEQUENCES WERE
LEARNED FIVE MINUTES BEFORE, BECAUSE THERE WAS NO WAY THAT I WAS GOING TO BE ABLE TO PLAY
350 GAMES FROM MEMORY. SO, YEAH, JUST FIVE MINUTES BEFORE
Seth: WELL, I WILL SAY IT MAKES ME FEEL BETTER BECAUSE, OF COURSE, THE WAY THIS STORY IS
PRESENTED IS THAT SOMEONE WHO IS A CHESS PRODIGY SORT OF SEES THE BOARD AND KNOWS THE WORLD
IMMEDIATELY. IT'S NOT THE CASE OF SORT OF LEARNING OVER TIME
SO, I FELT BETTER ABOUT THE FACT THAT I'VE ALWAYS BEEN BAD AT CHESS.
I MEAN, I HAD TO LEARN LIKE -- I HAD TO UNDERSTAND CHESS FOR MYSELF, BECAUSE I FELT
THAT PEOPLE CARE ABOUT IT SO MUCH THAT I COULDN'T JUST SORT OF SHOW UP AND NOT UNDERSTAND
THE THEORY OF IT BUT THE THEORY AND THEN APPLYING THAT THEORY ARE TWO VERY
DIFFERENT THINGS Seth: HAVE YOU PLAYED AT ALL SINCE YOU WRAPPED?
YES I HAVE A HUGE CHESS BOARD HERE WITH ME.
I'M WORKING IN NORTHERN IRELAND, BUT THE CHESS BOARD IS HUGE, AND THAT MEANS THAT IF I HAVE TO GO
HOME, THAT MEANS I'M GETTING ON A PLANE AND THAT'S THE CHESS GIRL WITH THE CHESS SET IN THE
CHESS SHOW [ LAUGHTER ] LIKE IT'S A BIT MUCH
SO I'M TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO GET IT HOME WITH ME Seth: RIGHT
IT'S LIKE YOU'RE BASICALLY WANTING PEOPLE TO REMEMBER YOU FROM THAT SHOW AND THEN PRAISE
YOU. SO I SEE THAT YOU'RE IN TROUBLE HERE
I WANTED TO DYE MY HAIR RED FOR CHRISTMAS AND I WAS LIKE, "MAYBE NOT THE TIME.
LIKE, MAYBE NOT THIS YEAR. Seth: IT'S GOOD IT'S A VERY NICE POSITION TO BE
IN THAT YOU'RE DOING THAT TO AVOID PEOPLE BEING HAPPY TO SEE YOU AS OPPOSED TO THE OTHER WAY
AROUND YES, I THINK. Seth: YEAH, I THINK SO.
YOU -- SO THE SHOW, A LOT OF THE SHOW TAKES PLACE IN KENTUCKY, BUT YOU SHOT MOST OF IT IN
BERLIN HOW -- A CITY THAT'S JUST KNOWN FOR BEING A 24-HOUR CITY
A CITY I LOVE. DID YOU ENJOY YOUR TIME THERE? I LOVED IT.
I ALWAYS WANTED TO LIVE IN BERLIN I LOVE THE PEOPLE.
I LOVE THE SPACE THAT THE CITY HAS, BUT MY FAVORITE THING ABOUT IT IS THAT ITS CONNECTION TO
NIGHTLIFE AND DANCING ISN'T NECESSARILY LIKE A LET'S GET WRECKED ALL THE TIME THING
LIKE, YOU CAN ACTUALLY DO IT SEMI-HOLISTICALLY AND WITH THE WAY THAT I WAS WORKING, IT WAS
LIKE -- I DON'T KNOW WE'D FINISH A NIGHT SHOOT AT 5:00 A.M. AND I COULD GO TO THE
CLUB AND DANCE FOR LIKE A LONG TIME AND GET RID OF WHATEVER IT WAS THAT I WAS CARRYING, OR
SUNDAYS, 2:00 UNTIL 8:00 P.M AND THEN YOU GO HOME, HAVE A BATH AND YOU'RE LIKE, "I'M
READY. I'M PREPARED." Seth: IT'S INTERESTING,
BECAUSE I WOULD IMAGINE HAVING A SORT OF A PHYSICAL OUTLET WOULD BE HELPFUL FOR THIS CHARACTER
BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, AGAIN, PLAYING A PRODIGY WHERE SO MUCH IS HAPPENING IN YOUR HEAD, YOU
KNOW, OBVIOUSLY YOU'RE ALWAYS WONDERING WHAT YOUR CHARACTER IS THINKING WHEN YOU'RE AN ACTOR,
BUT THIS WAS A PARTICULARLY THINKY CHARACTER FOR LACK OF A BETTER TERM.
DID YOU FIND THAT CHALLENGING? I WAS DESPERATELY THINKY IN THIS PROGRAM, ABSOLUTELY
I DON'T KNOW I THINK I'VE BEEN LUCKY ENOUGH TO PLAY VERY INTROSPECTIVE
CHARACTERS, AND I WAS TOLD BY SOMEBODY FAR MORE TALENTED THAN I AM THAT IF YOU HAVE THE RIGHT
THOUGHTS IT WILL SHOW ON YOUR FACE AND IF THEY'RE STICKING A CAMERA THAT CLOSE TO YOUR FACE,
YOU HOPE THAT THE AUDIENCE IS GETTING WHATEVER IT IS THAT YOU'RE GIVING OUT.
SO, YEAH, I THINK GETTING TO SPEND SO MUCH TIME IN BETH'S HEADSPACE WAS WONDERFUL BECAUSE
I REALLY CARE ABOUT HER AS A PERSON, BUT IT WAS CERTAINLY AN INTENSE EXPERIENCE
LIKE, I WAS READY AT THE END Seth: SO YOU WERE BORN IN MIAMI, GREW UP IN BUENOS AIRES,
YOUR FIRST LANGUAGE IS SPANISH I HEARD THAT YOU LEARNED BASICALLY HOW TO SPEAK ENGLISH
FROM "HARRY POTTER," IS THAT CORRECT? YES
Seth: OKAY. MY UNCLE TAUGHT ME TO READ AND TO SPEAK AT THE SAME TIME
WITH THE "HARRY POTTER" BOOKS. Seth: SO DOES THAT MEAN THAT MAYBE SOME OF YOUR FIRST ENGLISH
THAT YOU COULD SPEAK WAS SPELL-BASED? YES
[ LAUGHTER ] I WAS SUCH AN ANNOYING CHILD I LIKE -- GOD BLESS MY PARENTS
IT MEANS THAT I WAS EITHER CASTING SPELLS CONTINUOUSLY OR USING VERY ANNOYING WORDS.
LIKE I WAS SUCH A PRECOCIOUS, ANNOYING LITTLE KID, IT'S LIKE, "MOMMY, I CLEANED THE DISHES
METICULOUSLY." YOU KNOW, THAT KIND OF THING SO YEAH.
Seth: OH, WELL. I THINK YOU WERE PROBABLY A PRETTY GOOD KID TO HAVE AROUND
NONETHELESS. HEY, CONGRATULATIONS ON THE SHOW
IT'S WONDERFUL YOU'RE WONDERFUL IN IT AND IT'S SO LOVELY TO MEET YOU
OH, LIKEWISE. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR HAVING ME. Seth: "THE QUEEN'S GAMBIT" IS
STREAMING ON NETFLIX WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE "LATE NIGHT.
* Seth: COME BACK NEXT WEEK FOR ALL NEW SHOWS AND A GREAT LINE
UP OF GUESTS KALEY CUOCO, HUGH LAURIE, RACHEL BLOOM, MICHAEL MOORE AND
HUGH GRANT MY PRODUCER WANTS ME TO DO MY HUGH GRANT IMPRESSION HERE, BUT
I WON'T DO IT. OR WILL I? I DIDN'T KILL THAT WOMAN,
NICOLE KIDMAN. PLUS, ALL NEW "CLOSER LOOKS. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
* Seth: I WANNA THANK MY GUESTS, DAN AYKROYD AND
ANYA TAYLOR-JOY. I WANNA THANK CARTER McLEAN AND THE 8G BAND.
STAY TUNED FOR "LILLY SINGH. AND USUALLY, RIGHT NOW, AMBER SHOWS UP TO TELL ME TO GET OUT
SO SHE CAN MOVE IN HERE FOR TOMORROW'S "AMBER RUFFIN SHOW. SETH, YOU ALREADY KNOW YOU
HAVE TO LEAVE, SO I'M JUST GONNA TELL YOU WITH A LOOK Seth: OOH, THAT'S AN
EFFECTIVE LOOK STAY SAFE, WASH YOUR HANDS, WEAR A MASK
WE LOVE YOU. WE LOVE YOU *
* WE LOVE YOU SO FREAKING BA FREAKING MEAN IT
WE LOVE YOUR GUTS * * YOUR GUTS AND YOUR BUTT BUT MOSTLY YOUR GUTS *
* WE LOVE YOUR GUTS WE LOVE YOUR BUT WE LOVE YOUR GUT