Announcer: TONIGHT ON "LATE NIGHT WITH SETH MEYERS."
HUGH LAURIE. WRITER AND ACTRESS, RACHEL BLOOM.
MUSIC FROM LP. FEATURING THE 8G BAND WITH VALERIE FRANCO.
AND NOW SETH MEYERS. Seth: GOOD EVENING, I'M SETH MEYERS.
THIS IS "LATE NIGHT." HOW IS EVERYBODY DOING TONIGHT? THAT'S GREAT TO HEAR.
LET'S GET TO THE NEWS. GEORGIA SECRETARY OF STATE BRAD RAFFENSPERGER SAID
YESTERDAY THAT REPUBLICAN SENATOR LINDSEY GRAHAM PRESSURED HIM TO FIND A WAY TO TOSS
LEGALLY CAST ABSENTEE BALLOTS TO REVERSE PRESIDENT TRUMP'S LOSS IN THE STATE.
MAN, JUST WHEN YOU THINK LINDSEY GRAHAM COULDN'T SINK ANY LOWER.
WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT? ACCORDING TO "THE NEW YORK TIMES," PRESIDENT TRUMP LAST
WEEK ASKED HIS SENIOR ADVISERS ABOUT MOVING AHEAD WITH A MILITARY STRIKE IN IRAN.
AND I THINK IT'S A BAD SIGN THAT I'M JUST RELIEVED HE DIDN'T ASK ABOUT MICHIGAN.
"MAYBE JUST THE UPPER PART. THE UPPER FINGER. I'M PRETTY SURE IT'S CALLED THE
FINGER." PRESIDENT ELECT JOE BIDEN HAS REPORTEDLY TOLD ADVISERS
PRIVATELY THAT HE DOESN'T WANT TO SPEND HIS ENTIRE PRESIDENCY INVESTIGATING PRESIDENT TRUMP.
OH, I DON'T THINK IT WILL TAKE THAT LONG. AS INVESTIGATIONS GO, THIS WILL
BE A REAL MONDAY CROSSWORD. HERE'S HOW YOU PRESENT THE EVIDENCE.
YOUR HONOR -- PRESIDENT ELECT JOE BIDEN YESTERDAY CALLED ON CONGRESS TO
PASS A LARGE -- NO. Seth: A LARGE CORONAVIRUS
STIMULUS -- NO. Seth: STIMULUS PACKAGE!
MAN, I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO FINISH THE SETUP! COME ON, DUDE.
YEAH, I CALLED YOU DUDE. PRESIDENT -- YEAH! BECAUSE OF YOUR BEHAVIOR!
PRESIDENT TRUMP TWEETED YESTERDAY ABOUT THE RECENT CORONAVIRUS VACCINE TRIALS AND
SAID, QUOTE, "FOR THOSE GREAT HISTORIANS, PLEASE REMEMBER THAT THESE GREAT DISCOVERIES WHICH
WILL END THE CHINA PLAGUE, ALL TOOK PLACE ON MY WATCH." IT'S TRUE, BEFORE HE WAS
PRESIDENT, NO ONE EVER CAME UP WITH THE CURE FOR THE CORONAVIRUS.
I MEAN I TRIED, BUT THEY LAUGHED ME OUT OF THE ROOM. 2015.
I SAID I HAVE A CURE FOR THE CORONAVIRUS. AND THEY SAID, "WHAT ARE YOU
EVEN TALKING ABOUT?" I SAID, "OH, YOU'LL SEE. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
YOU'LL SEE. WHO'S LAUGHING NOW?" WHAT?
THE CREW! [ LAUGHTER ] WELL, THAT'S ALL I'VE GOT.
DUDE! WHY ARE YOU BACK? AFTER CRITICIZING OTHER STATES'
CORONAVIRUS RESTRICTIONS, THE GOVERNOR OF IOWA YESTERDAY ANNOUNCED A STATEWIDE MASK
MANDATE AND BANNED INDOOR GATHERINGS OF MORE THAN 15 PEOPLE.
OR AS IT'S KNOWN IN IOWA, A CITY. DETROIT ANNOUNCED LAST WEEK THAT
ITS PUBLIC SCHOOLS WILL SHIFT TO REMOTE LEARNING AMID A NATIONWIDE CORONAVIRUS SURGE.
WHILE SOUTH DAKOTA ANNOUNCED IT WILL ALLOW PEOPLE TO WORK OUT INSIDE RESTAURANTS.
AMAZON CEO JEFF BEZOS ANNOUNCED YESTERDAY THAT HE WILL BE GIVING NEARLY $800 MILLION DOLLARS TO
VARIOUS ENVIRONMENTAL GROUPS. OF COURSE, THERE'S A 50/50 CHANCE IT WILL GET STOLEN
OFF THEIR PORCH. ACCORDING TO A NEW SURVEY, 25% OF AMERICANS SAID THAT THEY
WOULD NOT PRACTICE SOCIAL DISTANCING AT THEIR THANKSGIVING GATHERINGS.
SO IT LOOKS LIKE NANA'S HEALTH IS ALL UP TO YOU, WISHBONE. ACCORDING TO ADULT VIDEO WEBSITE
PORNHUB, THE MOST POPULAR SEARCH AMONG USERS IN MISSISSIPPI DURING ELECTION WEEK WAS THE
MISSPELLED WORD PRON. WOW, I MEAN EVEN BEYOND THE SPELLING, WHO GOES TO PORNHUB
AND SEARCHES FOR PORN? IT'S LIKE GOING TO GOOGLE AND SEARCHING FOR RESULTS.
THE MAKERS OF OREOS HAVE ANNOUNCED THEY WILL OFFER A GLUTEN-FREE VERSION OF THE
COOKIE NEXT YEAR, SO IF YOU LOVE -- I MEAN, BY THE WAY, THOSE PEOPLE HAVE TO SPELL
MISSISSIPPI EVERY DAY -- [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] AND THEN THEY DUFF IT ON PRON?
ANYWAYS, LET'S GO BACK TO OUR OREO JOKE. THE MAKERS OF OREOS HAVE
ANNOUNCED THEY'LL OFFER A GLUTEN FREE VERSION OF THE COOKIE NEXT YEAR SO IF YOU LOVE THE TASTE OF
OREOS, THESE WON'T HAVE THAT. AND FINALLY, ACCORDING TO A NEW SURVEY, 21% OF PARENTS TELL
THEIR CHILDREN BEDTIME STORIES THAT THEY HAVE MADE UP THEMSELVES.
STORIES LIKE MOMMY AND DADDY WERE JUST WRESTLING. AND THAT WAS THE MONOLOGUE.
WE HAVE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT. HE IS ONE OF MY FAVORITES.
YOU KNOW HIM FROM "HOUSE," "VEEP," AND THE GREAT NEW SERIES, "ROADKILL" ON
MASTERPIECE ON PBS, HUGH LAURIE IS HERE! AND SHE CREATED, STARRED IN, AND
WON AWARDS FOR "CRAZY EX-GIRLFRIEND." HER NEW BOOK, "I WANT TO BE
WHERE THE NORMAL PEOPLE ARE" IS OUT NOW. RACHEL BLOOM, OUR FRIEND, IS
BACK ON THE SHOW. AND MUSIC FROM THE INCREDIBLE, LP.
BUT BEFORE WE GET TO ALL THAT, WE DON'T ALWAYS HAVE ENOUGH TIME TO COVER ALL OF THE RECENT NEWS.
SO HERE IS WITH A RECAP IS ONE OF OUR WRITERS, AMBER RUFFIN, IN A SEGMENT WE CALL "AMBER SAYS
WHAT." ** YO GUYS!
NORMALLY I TELL YOU A BUNCH OF DIFFERENT THINGS GOING ON IN THE NEWS, BUT THIS WEEK, THERE IS
ONE STORY THAT IS SO CRAZY THAT IT'S ALL I CAN TALK ABOUT. ARE YOU READY?
OKAY, SO YOU KNOW HOW TWITTER IS MOSTLY A PLACE FOR JOKES AND POLITICAL MISINFORMATION?
WELL, THIS WEEK, ONE PARTICULAR THING ON TWITTER HAS HAD ME LIKE WHAT?
OKAY, SO A FEW DAYS AGO, A FORMER CONGRESSIONAL CANDIDATE NAMED DEAN BROWNING WHO IS, I'M
99% SURE, A STRAIGHT, WHITE GUY, TWEETED THIS. "I'M A BLACK GAY GUY.
AND I CAN PERSONALLY SAY THAT OBAMA DID NOTHING FOR ME. MY LIFE ONLY CHANGED A LITTLE
BIT, AND IT WAS FOR THE WORSE. EVERYTHING IS SO MUCH BETTER UNDER TRUMP THOUGH.
I FEEL RESPECTED, WHICH I NEVER DO WHEN DEMOCRATS ARE INVOLVED." AND I WAS LIKE, "WHAT?"
WHY DID HE TWEET THAT WEIRD LIE? THEN EVERYONE WAS LIKE, "OH, HE MUST HAVE A BURNER ACCOUNT AND
FORGOT TO LOG OUT OF IT, AND TWEETED THIS FROM HIS REGULAR ACCOUNT."
AND I WAS LIKE, "WHAT IS A BURNER ACCOUNT?" AND MY FRIEND WAS LIKE, "IT'S A
FAKE ACCOUNT YOU USE TO BACK UP YOUR OWN TWEETS." AND I WAS LIKE, "THAT'S
EMBARRASSING." AND MY FRIEND WAS LIKE, "EVERY TWEET IS A LITTLE BIT
EMBARRASSING." AND I WAS LIKE, "TRUE." BUT THAT WAS THE TIP OF THE
ICEBERG. OKAY. SO THEN THIS OTHER GUY WAS LIKE,
"YOU KNOW, I DO THINK HE HAS A BURNER ACCOUNT WHERE HE PRETENDS TO BE A BLACK GUY.
'CAUSE LOOK HOW OFTEN SOME MAN NAMED DAN PURDY REPLIES TO HIM." AND EVERYONE LOOKED AT IT AND
WAS LIKE, "WHAT? LOOK AT THESE REPLIES. THIS IS DEFINITELY NOT A NORMAL
PERSON. IT HAS GOT TO BE A BURNER ACCOUNT!"
MYSTERY SOLVED. IT'S A BURNER ACCOUNT. HE'LL DELETE IT AND NEVER
MENTION IT AGAIN. EVERYONE WILL FORGET. AND THEN MY FRIEND TEXTED ME,
"ARE YOU SEEING THIS?" AND I LOGGED BACK ON TO TWITTER AND WAS LIKE, "WHAT?
THINGS ARE STILL HAPPENING?" OKAY. SO, INSTEAD OF SHUTTING UP
FOREVER, I CAN'T -- I CAN'T SIT DOWN. I'M TOO EXCITED.
INSTEAD OF SHUTTING UP FOREVER, DEAN BROWNING TWEETED THAT HE HAD SIMPLY COPY AND PASTED A
MESSAGE AND FORGOT TO ATTRIBUTE WHO IT WAS FROM. AND I WAS LIKE, "WHAT?
I DON'T BELIEVE THIS, AND NEITHER DOES ANYONE ELSE." THEN I SAW THIS VIDEO.
HEY, GUYS. MY NAME IS DAN PURDY, AND I AM INDEED A GAY BLACK MAN.
AND I WAS LIKE, "WHAT? YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! THE TWISTS.
THE TURNS. THE BRAVERY." AND THAT'S THE END OF THE STORY.
NOW LET'S TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE. I'M JUST KIDDING.
THIS STORY WILL NEVER END. AND I WILL TALK ABOUT IT UNTIL MY LIPS FALL OFF.
OKAY. SO, AT THIS POINT, MY DUMB ASS WAS LIKE, "WELL, IT SEEMED LIKE
AN UNLIKELY STORY. BUT I GUESS HE JUST POSTED A MESSAGE WITHOUT ATTRIBUTING IT
TO ANYONE. STRANGE, BUT IT COULD HAPPEN." BUT TWITTER WAS LIKE, "WHAT IF
WE INVESTIGATE A LITTLE BIT MORE?" OKAY.
SO TWITTER GOT TO WORK ON THIS VIDEO, AND IT WAS HAPPENING ALMOST AS FAST AS I AM TELLING
YOU THIS. SO PEOPLE THOUGHT, "OKAY, WE WILL BE ABLE TO TELL WHETHER
THIS IS A REAL BLACK PERSON'S ACCOUNT OR A RACIST'S BURNER ACCOUNT BY LOOKING AT THEIR OLD
TWEETS." AND THEY SAW DAN PURDY TWEETED THINGS LIKE "BLACK WOMEN WILL BE
THE DEATH OF AMERICA. AND BLACK PEOPLE CAN'T COUNT!" AND EVERYONE WAS LIKE, "WHAT?"
OKAY. SO IMMEDIATELY PEOPLE FOUND OUT THAT THIS ACCOUNT HAD CHANGED
ITS NAME AND IDENTITY A BUNCH OF TIMES. IT HAS BEEN DAN PURDY AND ALSO
TWO DIFFERENT WHITE GUYS. THERE IS NO WAY THIS WAS NOT A BURNER ACCOUNT!
SO TWITTER FINDS THIS OUT AND SUSPENDS THE ACCOUNT! AND I WAS LIKE, "WHAT?"
MEANWHILE, THIS GUY? STILL NOT SUSPENDED. BUT, OKAY.
THEN TWITTER WAS LIKE, "WAIT, IF DAN PURDY TWEETED A BUNCH OF RACIST STUFF, THEN WHO IS THE
BLACK GUY FROM THE VIDEO?" AND THEY FIGURED IT OUT IN TWO SECONDS.
HIS NAME IS WILLIAM HOLT. AND THE WORLD WAS LIKE, "WHAT?" THAT'S RIGHT.
WILLIAM HOLT. SO THIS BLACK MAN LIED ABOUT BEING A RACIST'S BURNER ACCOUNT
TO SAVE A RACIST. MAN, PEOPLE ARE CRAZY! AND YOU WANT TO KNOW A FUN FACT
ABOUT WILLIAM HOLT? HE'S THE NEPHEW OF SOMEONE FAMOUS.
DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHO THAT SOMEONE FAMOUS IS? IT'S PATTI LABELLE!
I SAW THAT AND I WAS LIKE, "WHAT, WHAT, WHAT, WHAT, WHAT? WHAT, WHAT, WHAT, WHAT, WHAT?
I GOTTA WHAT, WHAT, WHAT. OH MY GOD."
SO THEN I DIED, CAME BACK TO LIFE AND SAID "WHAT" AGAIN. BUT THIS TIME LIKE THIS --
* WHAT WHAT WHAT HOW COULD IT WHAT THIS WAY * OKAY.
SO THEN PEOPLE WERE LIKE, "THIS CAN'T BE. IT CAN'T BE PATTI LABELLE."
SO THEY TOOK A CLOSER LOOK AT HIS VIDEO AND THEY NOTICED THE PAINTING IN THE BACKGROUND AND
THEY REALIZED IT'S A PAINTING THAT PATTI LABELLE OWNS! AND PEOPLE WERE LIKE, "WHAT?"
I WAS LIKE, "HOW ARE THESE PEOPLE ON TWITTER? THEY SHOULD BE OUT IN THE REAL
WORLD SOLVING CRIMES!" SO JUST TO RECAP, THIS IS WILLIAM HOLT.
THIS IS AN ADULT WEIRDO WHO RAN FOR CONGRESS. AND THIS IS PATTI LABELLE AND
SHE'S FLAWLESS, NO MATTER WHO SHE'S RELATED TO. AND THAT IS WHAT HAPPENED.
THIS HAS BEEN "AMBER SAYS WHAT." ** Seth: AMBER RUFFIN,
EVERYBODY! WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH HUGH LAURIE!
** * ONCE AGAIN THIS WASN'T WHAT
IT WAS SUPPOSED TO WHAT * ** Seth: BACK WITH US TONIGHT ON
DRUMS, SHE PLAYS FOR POP ARTISTS HAYLEY KIYOKO AND MILCK. HER NEW PODCAST "GAY CHURCH" IS
OUT NOW. BE SURE TO FOLLOW HER ON YOUTUBE AND INSTAGRAM @SEEVALDRUM.
VALERIE FRANCO IS HERE. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE, VAL!
OUR FIRST GUEST TONIGHT IS AN EMMY-NOMINATED AND GOLDEN GLOBE WINNING ACTOR YOU KNOW FROM HIS
WORK ON "HOUSE, M.D.," "VEEP," AND "THE NIGHT MANAGER." HE STARS IN THE MINISERIES
"ROADKILL," WHICH AIRS ITS FOURTH AND FINAL EPISODE SUNDAY NIGHT ON "MASTERPIECE" ON PBS.
LET'S TAKE A LOOK. LET ME TELL YOU, THERE IS A REASON WHY THIS COUNTRY HAS
NEVER MOVED INTO THE 21st CENTURY AND IT'S CALLED THE CIVIL SERVICE.
I AM AWARE OF YOUR VIEW. YOU'VE MADE THAT PLAIN. ANY TIME ANY MINISTER COMES
INTO OFFICE WITH ANY TRACE OF PASSION OR A SERIOUS IDEA FOR CHANGE, THERE YOU ARE IN THE
BEST TRADITIONS OF YOUR CALLING, READY TO THROW A WET BLANKET OVER ANYTHING THAT MIGHT IMPROVE
PEOPLE'S LIVES. RESTORE THE MISSING CLAUSES TO THE BILL.
THAT'S AN ORDER. IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE? Seth: PLEASE WELCOME TO THE
SHOW, HUGH LAURIE! HOW ARE YOU, HUGH? I'M VERY WELL, THANK YOU,
SETH. THANK YOU, HA, HA, HA. Seth: I'M SO HAPPY TO SEE
YOU. THIS IS YOUR FIRST TIME ON THIS SHOW.
IT IS. Seth: WE HAVE CROSSED PATHS BEFORE BUT, YOU KNOW, IT'S A
DELIGHT TO LAY EYES ON YOU AGAIN. CROSSED PATHS.
I THINK IT WAS A LITTLE MORE THAN THAT IN MY MEMORY. I FEEL -- IT WAS A MOMENTOUS
EVENT IN MY LIFE. Seth: WELL, YOU HOSTED -- YOU HOSTED "SNL."
I DID. Seth: YOU WERE HOSTING IT BECAUSE OF "HOUSE."
I KNEW YOU AS -- FROM "BLACKADDER." I KNEW YOU FROM "A BIT OF
FRY & LAURIE." I KNEW YOU FROM MY FAVORITE EPISODE OF "THE YOUNG ONES."
I KNEW YOU AS A COMEDY PERSON. I WAS SURPRISED TO HEAR YOU WERE NERVOUS ABOUT HOSTING "SNL."
I WAS. THAT WAS THE SINGLE MOST TERRIFYING THING I HAVE EVER
DONE. AND I HAVE JUMPED OUT OF AN AIRPLANE.
AND THIS WAS CONSIDERABLY WORSE. CONSIDERABLY WORSE. ALTHOUGH WHEN I JUMPED OUT OF AN
AIRPLANE, I HAD AN INSTRUCTOR TIED TO MY BACK. IN THE CASE OF "SNL," YOU WERE
THAT INSTRUCTOR TIED TO MY BACK AND YOU GUIDED ME. [ LAUGHTER ]
Seth: THAT'S SO -- WITH GENTLE AND LOVING HANDS AND I WILL FOREVER BE IN YOUR
DEBT. I AM NOT GOING TO REPAY THE DEBT, BUT I AM -- THANK YOU FOR
THAT. Seth: IT'S JUST NICE YOU ACKNOWLEDGE THERE IS A DEBT.
WHETHER IT'S REPAID OR NOT, IT'S JUST NICE TO KNOW. ALL RIGHT, YEAH, THAT'S THE
IMPORTANT THING. Seth: THIS SHOW, I WANT TO SAY ABOUT "ROADKILL," THIS IS
EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED. IT IS MY FAVORITE KIND OF SHOW. IT IS A PBS "MASTERPIECE,"
BRITISH POLITICAL INTRIGUE. IT'S A LIMITED MINISERIES. IT TICKS EVERY BOX FOR ME.
HOW DID YOU GET INVOLVED AND WHAT DREW YOU TO IT? WELL, I WAS DRAWN TO IT BY
THE NAME ON THE TITLE PAGE. IT WAS WRITTEN BY DAVID HARE, WHO IS A VERY RESPECTED -- I
WOULD SAY EVEN REVERED PLAYWRIGHT IN THIS COUNTRY, AND IN YOURS, TOO.
SO THAT PIQUED MY INTEREST. AND I THOUGHT IT WAS AN INTERESTING NOTION TO EXAMINE
THE WHOLE IDEA OF POLITICAL SHAME. THE FACT THAT SHAME AND DISGRACE
IN THE PUBLIC SPHERE, IN THE POLITICAL SPHERE, HAS JUST SORT OF VANISHED.
WEIRDLY SPEAKING, SORT OF, REPLACED BY SHAME IN THE PRIVATE SPHERE, OR THE SPHERE OF THE
PRIVATE CITIZEN. BUT PARTITIONS NOW HAVE A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT APPROACH,
COMPLETELY DIFFERENT RELATIONSHIP WITH THEIR CONSTITUENCY.
AND I THOUGHT THAT WAS A REALLY INTERESTING, PARTICULARLY INTERESTING TO EXAMINE IT FROM
THE, SORT OF, RIGHT WING PERSPECTIVE. THERE'S BEEN SO MUCH WRITTEN
ABOUT THE LEFT. BUT THE RIGHT WING IS -- GENERALLY GOES UNREMARKED.
WE JUST ASSUME THEY MAKE THE TRAINS RUN ON TIME AND NOTHING ELSE.
BUT OF COURSE THEY ARE CAPABLE OF BEING EVERY BIT AS IDEOLOGICAL, IF NOT MORE SO,
THAN THE LEFT. Seth: IT IS FUN TO WATCH A SHOW THAT IS BOTH ABOUT POLITICS
AND ABOUT BAD BEHAVIOR IN POLITICS THAT ISN'T TIED DIRECTLY TO THE MOMENT WE ARE
LIVING THROUGH. I MEAN, A LOT OF IT OVERLAPS AND YOU CAN CERTAINLY SEE, CERTAINLY
WHEN WE TALK ABOUT SHAME AND BEING ABLE TO ESCAPE -- RIGHT.
Seth: -- BEING SHAMED. BUT IT MUST BE FUN TO PLAY A SORT OF CHARISMATIC POLITICIAN
WHO IS ULTIMATELY TRYING TO GET AWAY WITH STUFF. WELL, IF IT SAYS CHARISMATIC
IN THE CHARACTER DESCRIPTION, WHERE ARE THEY GONNA GO? YOU KNOW?
I MEAN, HOW MANY -- YEAH, IT WAS. BUT, AS YOU SAY, IT WAS VERY
PECULIAR. IT SEEMS PECULIAR TO ME NOW LOOKING BACK.
WE MADE THIS JUST OVER -- WE STARTED IT JUST OVER -- ABOUT A YEAR AGO.
AND I THINK THERE IS JUST ONE MENTION OF BREXIT, NO MENTION OF THE PANDEMIC, EVEN THOUGH IT WAS
KIND OF ON THE HORIZON. IT SEEMS SO DISTANT NOW TO ME. IT SEEMS ALMOST QUAINT, LIKE WE
ARE DOING SOMETHING ABOUT TUDOR ENGLAND. IT'S -- THE WORLD HAS CHANGED,
OUT OF ALL RECOGNITION, IN 12 MONTHS. AND I WOULD LIKE TO OFFER IT AS
A -- AS A PARALLEL UNIVERSE, WHERE NONE OF THE CHARACTERS ARE DRAWN FROM CONTEMPORARY
POLITICS. IT IS A STORY SET IN A PARALLEL UNIVERSE AND I AM A PARALLEL
PERSON. Seth: IT'S -- I THINK WE NEED MORE PARALLEL UNIVERSES.
WE NEED TO TAKE A -- JUST A LIGHT BREAK FROM THIS UNIVERSE. THAT'S EXACTLY RIGHT.
Seth: BUT IT IS FUNNY HOW YOU'VE CONSUMED STUFF THAT MADE RIGHT BEFORE THE PANDEMIC.
FOR EXAMPLE, THERE'S A PRISON RIOT IN THE FIRST EPISODE AND -- RIGHT.
Seth: -- I WAS WATCHING IT THINKING "NO ONE IS WEARING A MASK.
GUYS, YOU CAN'T PRISON RIOT WITHOUT YOUR MASKS." IF YOU ARE GOING TO RIOT,
PLEASE THROW CHAIRS, DON'T PUNCH. THROW CHAIRS FROM AT LEAST SIX
FEET. Seth: YOU CAN THROW A CHAIR FROM SIX FEET AWAY, THEY ARE NOT
HEAVY CHAIRS. IF YOU CAN'T, YOU CAN'T RIOT, IT'S THAT SIMPLE.
Seth: YOU -- YOU WENT TO UNIVERSITY WITH EMMA THOMPSON, WITH STEPHEN FRY, AND YOU HAD
A -- AT THE TIME, YOU HAD A VERY FAMOUS REVIEW, I GUESS. IS THAT WHAT YOU'D WOULD CALL
THE FOOTLIGHTS? YES, IT IS, WITH A U-E AT THE END.
Seth: OF COURSE, YES. IT'S AN OLD -- IT'S SORT OF OLD -- ALMOST SORT OF VAUDEVILLE
THING, REALLY, WITH SKETCHES AND SONGS AND MONOLOGUES. YOU DID MUCH THE SAME.
YOU DID EXACTLY THE SAME, BUT MORE OF IT AND BETTER, SETH. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
Seth: CERTAINLY I WAS DOING STUFF LIKE THAT WHEN I WAS IN COLLEGE BUT YOU GUYS WERE DOING
IT IN COLLEGE AND IT BECAME SORT OF A BIT OF A PHENOMENON. THAT MUST'VE BEEN --
DID YOU THINK AT THE TIME -- WERE YOU AWARE OF HOW WELL IT WAS GOING FOR YOU?
I WAS -- I KNEW IT WAS PRETTY GOOD. I WAS PROUD OF IT.
I SPENT SO MUCH OF MY LIFE IN A POSITION OF ABJECT SHAME, BUT THIS IS ONE OF THOSE MOMENTS
WHERE I ACTUALLY FELT QUITE PROUD OF WHAT WE WERE DOING. I WAS -- I THINK WE ALL FELT WE
WERE ON TO SOMETHING GOOD. BUT AT THAT POINT, I WAS 21. I HAD NO IDEA ABOUT DOING THIS
FOR A LIVING. AND I MEAN IT JUST DIDN'T OCCUR TO ANYBODY TO DO SUCH A THING.
IT WAS JUST -- IT WAS OUT OF ANYBODY'S TENT -- UNTIL A MAN TURNED UP WITH A BIG CIGAR AND
SAID "I AM AN AGENT, DO YOU WANT TO DO THIS FOR A LIVING?" AND I, YOU KNOW, I WILL GIVE IT
A GO AND HERE I AM. Seth: ONE OF THE FIRST WAY -- FIRST TIMES AN AMERICAN
AUDIENCE, OBVIOUSLY, GOT TO KNOW YOU WAS FROM "HOUSE, M.D." YOUR FATHER WAS A DOCTOR AND
YOUR SON IS IN MEDICAL SCHOOL, CORRECT? I AM PROUD TO SAY THAT I AM
THE HAM IN THE SANDWICH OF GENUINE DOCTORS. YES, MY FATHER, WHO I ABSOLUTELY
WORSHIPPED, WAS A GENERAL PRACTITIONER AND MY SON IS NOW A JUNIOR DOCTOR.
HE'S JUST HAD A PRETTY HAIRY FOUR MONTHS DEALING WITH COVID IN THE E.R.
BUT HE'S NOW JUST SORT OF COME OUT OF THAT AND BACK ON HIS ROTATION.
AND HE'S, AT THE MOMENT, HE IS ON PSYCHIATRY AND RATHER LOVING IT.
I AM A BIT NERVOUS ABOUT THAT. I JUST DON'T KNOW THAT I WANT TO HAVE A CHILD WHO IS A
PSYCHIATRIST. I JUST FIND IT SLIGHTLY UNNERVING.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] I FEEL IT MAYBE JUDGMENT. Seth: RIGHT, OF COURSE.
IT'S INTERESTING TO ME THAT YOUR SON BECAME A DOCTOR. YOU WERE OBVIOUSLY AN ACTOR.
YOU HAVE A PIANO BEHIND YOU I SEE. YOUR CHILDREN WERE MUSICAL,
RIGHT? YES, THEY ARE. YEAH, ABSOLUTELY.
ODDLY ENOUGH, I THINK THERE IS -- IT SEEMS TO ME THAT DOCTORS ARE ABOVE AVERAGELY
MEDICAL. FIRST OF ALL, THEY ARE ABOVE AVERAGELY FUNNY.
I FIND DOCTORS FUNNY. THEY TEND TO BE QUITE -- YOU KNOW, THERE IS A HINT OF THE
PERFORMER IN A LOT OF DOCTORS, BUT THEY ALSO SEEM TO BE VERY MUSICAL.
AND THEY ARE -- YES, MY KIDS ARE MUSICAL. WE ACTUALLY HAD A BAND WHEN THEY
WERE TEENAGERS. WE WERE PERFORMERS, THE VON CRAPP FAMILY.
[ LAUGHTER ] WE LIVED OUT THE TITLE AND WE DID WEDDINGS AND BAR MITZVAHS.
VERY, VERY UNSUCCESSFULLY, BUT MEMORABLY FOR ME. Seth: I HOPE NO ONE EVER
RECOGNIZES YOUR SON, ONCE HE'S A FULL DOCTOR, AS BEING ONE OF THE MEMBERS OF THE VON CRAPP FAMILY.
I WOULD HAVE LESS CONFIDENCE GOING INTO SURGERY. YEAH, WAIT A MINUTE, GET AWAY
FROM ME. YEAH, NO, THAT WOULD BE A PROBLEM.
NO, I THINK HE COULD LIVE THAT DOWN. I THINK HE COULD PROBABLY LIVE
THAT DOWN. Seth: I -- IT'S ALWAYS WONDERFUL TO SEE YOU.
I DO HAVE TO TELL YOU, I MENTIONED TO MY MOM THAT YOU WERE GOING TO BE ON THE SHOW
TONIGHT AND SHE SAID PLEASE SAY HELLO TO BERTIE WOOSTER FOR ME. I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW THAT
ALL THESE YEARS LATER, THAT'S THE ONLY THING THAT EVER MATTERED TO HER.
TO YOUR MOTHER I WOULD SAY "WHAT HO." Seth: "WHAT HO" IS A PERFECT,
PERFECT RESPONSE. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE.
THE FINALE OF "ROADKILL" AIRS SUNDAY NIGHT ON "MASTERPIECE" ON PBS.
WE WILL BE RIGHT BACK WITH RACHEL BLOOM. **
Seth: OUR NEXT GUEST IS THE EMMY AND GOLDEN GLOBE WINNING CO-CREATOR AND STAR OF THE SHOW
"CRAZY EX-GIRLFRIEND." HER BOOK, "I WANT TO BE WHERE THE NORMAL PEOPLE ARE" IS
AVAILABLE TODAY. PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO THE SHOW, OUR FRIEND RACHEL BLOOM!
HOW ARE YOU, RACHEL? I'M GOOD. OH, I'M LOOKING AT MYSELF.
Seth: OH WELL, IT'S HARD NOT TO, RIGHT? I THINK WE ARE ALL DRAWN TO --
HOW ARE YOU? Seth: I'M VERY WELL. HOW ARE YOU?
NOT ONLY DO YOU HAVE A BOOK, WHICH IS DUE, CONGRATULATIONS, BUT YOU ALSO HAD A BABY THIS
SPRING. YOU KNOW, IT'S GOING. IT'S GOING WELL.
THIS IS ONE OF THE FEW THINGS I OWN THAT DOESN'T HAVE VOMIT ON IT, AS YOU ARE WELL AWARE.
IT'S GREAT. SHE IS THE PANDEMIC, BASICALLY. I HAD HER WHEN LOCKDOWN STARTED
IN LATE MARCH, AND SO, SHE IS THE AGE OF THE PANDEMIC. AND IT'S, BECAUSE A LOT OF
PEOPLE ASK, LIKE, "OH, HAVING A BABY DURING A PANDEMIC MUST BE HARD."
BUT THE ONE SILVER LINING IS THAT WHEN YOU HAVE A NEWBORN, IT'S BASICALLY BEING IN
QUARANTINE. Seth: RIGHT. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS
TIME. YOU DON'T SEE ANYONE. YOU ARE IN YOUR HOUSE ALL OF THE
TIME. YOU SMELL AND SOMETIMES YOU BURST INTO TEARS.
LIKE, SAME THING. Seth: RIGHT, EXACTLY. ALL STUFF THAT IS BEST TO DO
BEHIND CLOSED DOORS. A LOT OF PEOPLE COME UP WITH WAYS THAT THEY ARE GOING TO
MANAGE THEIR LABOR, WHICH MAKES SENSE BECAUSE PEOPLE TELL YOU, AND OBVIOUSLY IT IS TRUE, OR AT
LEAST I HAVE BEEN TOLD, THAT IT'S VERY PAINFUL, VERY STRESSFUL.
YOU SANG A SONG DURING YOUR LABOR THAT I FEEL LIKE IS NOT ON A LOT OF LABOR PLAYLISTS.
YEAH, I DID. Seth: FROM THE FILM "SPACE JAM."
YEAH, IT'S THE TITLE SONG FROM THE MOVIE "SPACE JAM." BY THE QUAD CITY DJs.
[ LAUGHTER ] YOU KNOW, I WAS MAKING A LABOR PLAYLIST AND I WAS, LIKE, WHAT
IS GOING TO MAKE ME HAPPY AND WHAT IS GOING TO MAKE MY VAGINA MUSCLES WANT TO PUSH A BABY OUT,
AND THERE WAS ONLY ONE ANSWER. Seth: WE ACTUALLY HAVE A VIDEO OF "SPACE JAM" MAKING YOU
HAPPY. IN THE MOMENT. HERE IT IS.
YEAH. ** [ LAUGHTER ]
Seth: WE HAVE PHOTOS OF YOUR HUSBAND DAN, HERE. HOW DID HE MANAGE -- AGAIN, IT'S
VERY JARRING TO SEE MASKS, BUT OF COURSE, THAT'S WHAT A PANDEMIC BABY WILL DO.
WHAT IS DAN DOING RIGHT HERE? CAN YOU TALK US THROUGH THIS? WELL, YOU KNOW, I ACTUALLY --
I HAVE A SPECIAL GUEST HERE WITH ME. I HAVE MY HUSBAND DAN --
Seth: BRING HIM IN. -- TO TALK ABOUT THAT MOMENT IN THIS ELEVATOR.
HELLO. Seth: HI DAN, WELCOME. THANK YOU FOR JOINING US.
HOW IS IT GOING? HI. YEAH, THAT'S ME HOLDING,
HONESTLY, TAKEOUT TUPPERWARE OF PLACENTA. [ LAUGHTER ]
Seth: NOW, HOW -- TALK US THROUGH WHY YOU HAVE THAT. I THINK RACHEL WANTED TO EAT
IT AFTERWARDS. YEAH, OKAY, SO WE HAD A DOULA WHO WASN'T ALLOWED TO EVEN BE IN
THE HOSPITAL ROOM BECAUSE OF COVID, AND SHE'S LIKE, "HEY, FOR A COUPLE EXTRA BUCKS," LIKE
200 BUCKS, "I WILL MAKE YOUR PLACENTA INTO PILLS." AND I WAS LIKE, "ISN'T THAT
B.S." AND SHE WAS LIKE, "PROBABLY." AND I WAS LIKE, "YEAH, I WILL DO
IT ANYWAY." BUT SHE COULDN'T BE IN THE ROOM, SO HE HAD TO CARRY THE PLACENTA
DOWN. WHICH IS -- IT'S AMAZING BECAUSE HE HAS NO STOMACH FOR ANY OF
THIS. I CAN'T SEE BLOOD WITHOUT DRY HEAVING.
AND I CAME BACK INTO THE ROOM AFTER THEY WHEELED RACHEL TO THE NEXT ROOM.
THERE ARE A LOT OF ROOMS. AND THE PLACENTA WAS JUST ON A TABLE.
IT WAS JUST LYING ON A TABLE, AND THERE IS A NOTE ON THIS BOX WITH TUPPERWARE SAYING, LIKE,
ASK SOMEONE TO PUT THE PLACENTA INTO THE TUPPERWARE AND THEN CALL WHAT I THINK WAS AN UBER
DELIVERY GUY TO COME PICK IT UP AND BRING IT TO ANOTHER PLACE WHERE THEY FREEZE IT.
I DON'T REALLY KNOW WHAT HAPPENED. I JUST KNOW IT WAS MY JOB TO GET
TRULY A BIG BLOODY MESS OF SOMETHING INTO A BOX AND TAKE IT DOWN THE ELEVATOR.
Seth: AND THAT'S JUST A CASE WHERE YOU DON'T WANT TO GET STOPPED AND ASKED BY SOMEONE,
LIKE, "WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT'S IN THE BOX?" NO, NO.
THEY WOULDN'T LET ME BACK INTO THE HOSPITAL WITHOUT AN ID, SO I REALLY DIDN'T WANT TO BE WALKING
THE STREETS LOOKING FOR MY UBER DRIVER WHO LIKE IS ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE STREET OR SOMETHING.
Seth: DID YOU -- I MEAN, I SORT OF HADN'T PLANNED OUT WHETHER OR NOT I WAS GOING TO
WATCH THE BIRTH. I ENDED UP DOING IT JUST BECAUSE THINGS WERE SO CHAOTIC THAT I
SORT OF ENDED UP IN THE FIELD OF VIEW. AND I'M GLAD, GENUINELY GLAD I
IS IT SAFE TO SAY BASED ON HOW YOU REACT TO THESE SORT OF THINGS, THAT YOU DID NOT?
MY DREAM FOR MANY, MANY MONTHS WAS TO SIT IN A ROOM WITH A CIGAR AND TOLD LIKE HOURS
LATER THAT YOU HAVE A CHILD NOW. BUT THAT'S NOT WHAT HAPPENED. I MEAN, WE WENT TO THE ROOM.
I DEFINITELY WAS PLANNING TO JUST TO BE BEHIND RACHEL. AND LIKE, TO BE SUPPORTIVE,
REALLY RUB THOSE SHOULDERS, AND -- BUT I FOUND OUT ONCE THEY PUT US IN THE ROOM, THAT THE
WALL OPPOSITE RACHEL'S VAGINA WAS JUST A GIANT MIRROR. [ LAUGHTER ]
SO IT REALLY DIDN'T MATTER WHERE I WAS STANDING -- Seth: BEST LAID PLANS.
THAT'S HOW THEY GET YOU, THE VAGINA MIRROR. YEAH, EXACTLY.
BUT HE WAS REALLY GOOD. LIKE, WHEN THEY CAME IN WITH THE EPIDURAL, WHICH IS THE REASON I
COULD ROCK OUT TO "SPACE JAM" WHILE I WAS PUSHING. BY THE WAY, I HAD AN EPIDURAL.
I DILATED TO TEN CENTIMETERS. CENTIMETERS? DOES THAT MAKE SENSE?
IS IT TEN CENTIMETERS? MILLIMETERS? [ LAUGHTER ]
Seth: I DON'T KNOW, I THINK CENTIMETERS. OH, MY GOD.
DILATE, THAT'S SO BIG. I DILATED TO THE FULL TEN WHILE I WAS ASLEEP.
Seth: OH, WOW! BUT WHEN THEY CAME IN WITH THE NEEDLE -- FIRST OF ALL, THE
ANESTHESIOLOGIST WAS -- OH, WHAT CHARACTER DID YOU DESCRIBE HIM AS?
HE WAS -- WHAT'S HIS NAME -- LANCE REDDICK FROM "THE WIRE." [ LAUGHTER ]
LIKE LITERALLY THE MOST SERIOUS PERSON YOU HAVE EVER MET IN YOUR LIFE.
AND I WAS LIKE, "I AM A LITTLE SCARED OF NEEDLES." HE WAS LIKE, "DO NOT MOVE."
[ LAUGHTER ] DOES IT REALLY HURT? THE SHOT REALLY HURTS.
AND AT ONE POINT, I SHIFTED AND HE WAS LIKE, "DON'T MOVE, THAT'S VERY DANGEROUS.
YOU COULD BE PARALYZED FOR LIFE." Seth: OH, WOW.
IN A VERY DEEP BARITONE. YOU REALLY HAD TO TAKE IT VERY SERIOUSLY.
[ LAUGHTER ] BEAUTIFUL BARITONE. Seth: I LIKE THINKING OF THAT
CHARACTER FROM "THE WIRE" GOING ON TO WORK IN CHILDBIRTH. I MEAN, HE WAS REALLY VERY,
VERY FORCEFUL. BUT HE WAS REALLY GOOD ABOUT, LIKE, BECAUSE I COULDN'T SEE THE
NEEDLE. I WAS JUST HUNCHED OVER WITH, LIKE, A SHOWER CAP ON.
AND I WAS HOLDING THE NURSE'S HANDS. THE NURSE VERY SMARTLY WAS LIKE,
"SHE SHOULDN'T BE NEAR HER HUSBAND FOR THIS." SO I WAS HOLDING THE NURSE'S
HANDS. BUT HE COULD STILL SEE THE NEEDLE.
AND I FELT HIM TRYING TO, LIKE, BE PROFESSIONAL ABOUT THE NEEDLE.
AND TO HIS CREDIT, HE DIDN'T REACT TO HOW BIG THE NEEDLE IS. AND THAT'S ONE OF THE BIG TIPS I
CAN GIVE FOR PARTNERS IN CHILDBIRTH, IS, DON'T REACT TO HOW BIG THE NEEDLE IS.
Seth: THAT'S VERY -- VERY GOOD ADVICE. WELL, CONGRATULATIONS TO BOTH OF
YOU. NICE WORK, DAN. I THINK YOU OVERCAME.
THANK YOU. Seth: AGAIN, APOLOGIES, RACHEL.
I THINK DAN IS THE HERO OF THIS STORY. YEAH, I AGREE.
[ LAUGHTER ] Seth: I ALSO, YOU WERE CLEARLY --
NO HELP FROM DAN HERE. YOU WROTE THIS BOOK, THIS IS AN AUTOBIOGRAPHICAL BOOK.
NO HELP FROM YOU. Seth: NOTHING. FIRST OF ALL, I LOVED IT.
A WONDERFUL COVER. THANK YOU. Seth: VERY EVOCATIVE OF BOOKS
FROM 20, 30 YEARS AGO. AND YOU HAVE SOME POEMS THAT YOU WROTE IN JOURNALS GROWING UP.
WAS IT FUN TO GO BACK AND FIND THOSE? YEAH, WELL, IT'S ALL IN THE
"HELLO KITTY" DIARY. WHICH IS GREAT BECAUSE IT'S LIKE -- IT'S ALL ME TALKING
ABOUT MY SEXUAL AWAKENING. BUT IT'S LIKE -- BUT "HELLO KITTY" IS LIKE ON THE CORNER OF
EVERY PAGE BEING, LIKE, "WHAT DO YOU WANT TO WRITE TODAY?" [ LAUGHTER ]
AND I AM JUST LIKE, "SEX, BOOBS, WET, HARD." SO I CAME ACROSS -- I HAD
WRITTEN SOME EROTIC POETRY AROUND AGE 12. AND THAT'S THE ONE PART OF THE
BOOK ACTUALLY THAT WAS LIKE EMBARRASSING TO WRITE. Seth: AND COULD YOU SHARE A
POEM WITH US NOW? OF COURSE I CAN. Seth: GREAT.
US WRAPPING OUR ARMS AROUND EACH OTHER. I AM GOING TO STOP WHENEVER
THERE IS A SPACE. US WRAPPING OUR ARMS AROUND EACH OTHER, KISSING PASSIONATELY.
SLOWLY, I COME TOWARDS YOU, SETH. IT'S REALLY WEIRD.
SETH IS WRITTEN RIGHT THERE. [ LAUGHTER ] YOU WRAP YOUR HANDS AROUND MY
WAIST. Seth: THAT'S CLASSIC. -- SILENTLY, BUT YET SO
CLOSELY, BECAUSE YOU CAN'T USUALLY DO TWO AT THE SAME TIME I GUESS.
MY ARMS ON YOUR SHOULDERS GAZING INTO YOUR EYES. SUDDENLY YOU STOP, BEND FORWARD
AND KISS ME. I RETURN THE KISS. OUR MOUTHS SLOWLY OPEN.
WE KISS PASSIONATELY NOW. I WROTE "OUR TONGUES TOUCH," BUT THEN I CROSSED IT OUT.
[ LAUGHTER ] BECAUSE I WAS LIKE, "NO, NO, NO. THIS IS TOO MUCH."
Seth: THAT'S TOO MUCH. THAT'S TOO MUCH. OUR ARMS AND HANDS ARE INVOLVED.
[ LAUGHTER ] Seth: INVOLVED. INVOLVED.
THAT'S ALL IT SAYS. LOVE ENCASED IN LUST AND PASSION IN THIS MOMENT.
AND THEN, I WROTE "AND MANY MORE," BUT ALSO CROSSED THAT OUT.
[ LAUGHTER ] I GUESS IT WAS REDUNDANT. I WAS LIKE, "NO, NO, NO, THAT'S
TRITE. THAT'S TRITE." AND THEN, I WROTE "ON THIS
NIGHT" AND I WROTE "FOREVER" BY RACHEL BLOOM, BUT ALSO CROSSED THAT OUT.
[ LAUGHTER ] Seth: WELL, THERE'S ONLY TWO WORDS I CAN SAY TO THAT POEM.
HELLO, KITTY. [ LAUGHTER ] RACHEL, CONGRATULATIONS SO MUCH
ON YOUR DAUGHTER. CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR BOOK. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SHARING
YOUR POETRY, AND THANKS FOR BEING BACK WITH US. IT'S ALWAYS SUCH A DELIGHT TO
SEE YOU. IT WAS SO FUN TO BE HERE WITH YOU.
AND MY HUSBAND HAD FUN, TOO. Seth: OKAY, GOOD. "I WANT TO BE WHERE THE NORMAL
PEOPLE ARE." IT'S AVAILABLE NOW. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE
"LATE NIGHT." ** Seth: WELCOME BACK TO "LATE
NIGHT." MANY OF US THIS YEAR HAVE HAD TO ADJUST TO NEW WORKING
CONDITIONS, WHICH, IN A LOT OF CASES, INCLUDES WORKING REMOTELY.
AND WHILE I CAN APPRECIATE WE'RE STILL LEARNING TO NAVIGATE THIS, RECENTLY ONE OF MY WRITERS,
MIKE SCOLLINS, COMMITTED THE CARDINAL SIN OF WORKING FROM HOME.
HE WORE A TANK TOP TO A ZOOM MEETING. HERE TO TALK ABOUT IT IS THAT
WRITER, MIKE SCOLLINS. MIKE, HOW ARE YOU DOING? I'VE BEEN BETTER.
Seth: IS IT BECAUSE WE MADE FUN OF YOU RELENTLESSLY FOR WEARING A TANK TOP ON ZOOM?
WHAT HAPPENED TO ME WAS NOT MAKING FUN. IT WAS AN ASSAULT.
Seth: WAS IT REALLY THAT BAD? I DON'T KNOW. LET'S SEE AN ARTIST'S RENDERING
OF THE DAY IN QUESTION. I DON'T REMEMBER MY ARMS BEING QUITE THAT SCRAWNY.
THANKS A LOT, GRAPHICS DEPARTMENT. Seth: I MEAN, I WOULDN'T SAY
IT'S INACCURATE. OKAY, JUST TAKE IT DOWN. I'D LIKE TO RUN THROUGH A LIST
OF MY SO-CALLED FRIENDS ON STAFF AND SEE WHAT THEY HAVE TO SAY. THIS IS HEAD WRITER ALEX BAZE.
WHEN I EXPLAINED I WAS WEARING A TANK TOP 'CAUSE I THOUGHT I WAS IN THE ZOOM WAITING ROOM, HE
SAID, "DO YOU MEAN THE ZOOM WEIGHT ROOM?" Seth: THAT'S A GREAT BURN.
THEY'RE ALL GREAT BURNS. THE QUALITY OF THE BURNS IS NOT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT.
THIS IS KAREN CHEE. SHE'S 4'11", BUT TURNS OUT SHE CAN STILL DUNK ON ME.
WHEN I DEFENDED THE TANK, AND SAID I THOUGHT IT WAS NICE, SHE SAID, "IF YOU LIKE IT SO MUCH,
WHY DID YOU CUT THE SLEEVES OFF?" Seth: GOOD ONE, CHEE.
WELL, GUESS WHAT, KAREN? YOU WENT TO HARVARD AND I WENT TO MANHATTAN COLLEGE, AND WE
HAVE THE SAME JOB. NOW WHO MAKES BAD DECISIONS? Seth: I MEAN, SHE GOT THE JOB
LIKE RIGHT OUT AT THAT COLLEGE THOUGH. BRYAN DONALDSON.
SHOWN HERE IN A SCREEN GRAB FROM "TO CATCH A PREDATOR" SAID, "IF YOU LIKE IT SO MUCH, WHY DIDN'T
YOU BUY THE REST OF IT?" IT'S THE ONLY QUESTION HE'S EVER ASKED BESIDES HAVE YOU TRIED
RESETTING THE ROUTER? MIKE SHOEMAKER. Seth: OH, COME ON, THAT IS
NOT MIKE SHOEMAKER. SIMILAR VIBE THOUGH. SIMILAR VIBE.
ALLY HORD. SHE TEXTED, "GETTING ATTACKED IS THE PITS."
A CLEAR REFERENCE TO MY VISIBLE ARMPIT HAIR. Seth: ALLY HORD FROM THE TOP
ROPE! BE GLAD IT WAS OVER ZOOM, ALLY, 'CAUSE I USE TOM'S OF
MAINE DEODORANT, AND THE WAY IT WORKS IS, IT DOESN'T. ALSO, IF YOU'RE WONDERING WHY
SHE'S SMILING IN THAT PHOTO, IT WAS TAKEN THE MINUTE SHE FOUND OUT TOM HANKS HAD COVID.
Seth: THAT IS NOT TRUE. SOUNDS TRUE THOUGH. NEXT!
AMBER RUFFIN! SHE DECIDED TO TAKE MY TANK TOP BURNS NATIONAL.
LET'S SEE WHAT SHE HAD TO SAY. Seth: I AM NOT GOING TO NAME NAMES BUT OBVIOUSLY SOMEONE --
MIKE SCOLLINS! Seth: SHOWED UP ON ZOOM IN A TANK TOP.
[ LAUGHTER ] YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE PROMOTING YOUR SHOW, AMBER!
THAT'S NOT WHY YOU WERE INVITED ON. Seth: IT'S PARTIALLY WHY SHE
WAS INVITED ON. THAT BRINGS ME TO YOU, SETH. ROLL THE CLIP, WALLY.
SCOLLINS, I DO CUE CARDS. YOU, TOO? SERIOUSLY?
SOMEBODY ROLL IT. Seth: I MEAN, LOOK AT YOUR OUTFIT.
YOU LOOK LIKE MIKE SCOLLINS IN A ZOOM MEETING. UNBELIEVABLE!
THAT'S NOT EVEN THE TYPE OF TANK I LIKE. THOSE SLEEVES WERE CLEARLY CUT.
Seth: UH-HUH. WELL, SETH, YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE COULD USE SOME CLEAR CUTS?
"A CLOSER LOOK." Seth: YOU ABOUT FINISHED, PAL?
NOPE. SETH, DO YOU KNOW WHY I WEAR A TANK TOP ON ZOOM?
Seth: I DON'T KNOW. 'CAUSE YOU DON'T THINK THINGS THROUGH?
I WEAR A TANK TOP ON ZOOM FOR THE LITTLE KID WATCHING AT HOME WHO CLEARLY DOES NOT HAVE THE
ARMS TO PULL SOMETHING LIKE THAT OFF, BUT HE DOES IT ANYWAY. Seth: SORRY.
HOW IS A KID WATCHING OUR ZOOM MEETING? I DO IT FOR THE LITTLE KID IN
THE MIDWEST WHO, ALL HIS LIFE, HAS BEEN TOLD HE NEEDS TO HIDE HIS WEIRD CHEST HAIR.
Seth: WHAT LITTLE KID HAS CHEST HAIR? I DON'T KNOW.
HE'S LIKE ITALIAN. ** Seth: SCOLLINS.
SETH, TANK TOPS AREN'T JUST FOR LIFEGUARDS, OR STEPDADS OR GUYS WHO WANT YOU TO KNOW, "IF
YOU CAN READ THIS, MY OLD LADY FELL OFF." THEY'RE FOR SCOLLINS' AND
KARNELLS' -- Seth: ANOTHER WRITER WHO WEARS TANK TOPS BUT GETS A FREE
PASS. AND, OF COURSE, THE FOLKS WHO JUST DON'T FEEL LIKE GETTING
DRESSED FOR A ZOOM MEETING, GOD BLESS THEM! Seth: OKAY, MIKE, I HATE TO
CUT YOU OFF -- WAS THAT A -- Seth: IT WAS.
ALL RIGHT. WE'RE DONE HERE. WE'RE DONE.
Seth: HEY, MIKE? TANKS! I HATE YOU.
Seth: MIKE SCOLLINS, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MUSIC
FROM LP! ** Seth: IN 2016 SHE MADE HER
TELEVISION DEBUT WITH US PERFORMING HER HIT, "LOST ON YOU," WHICH WOULD GO ON TO TOP
THE CHARTS IN 18 COUNTRIES. BACK TO PERFORM HER LATEST SINGLE, "THE ONE THAT YOU LOVE,"
HERE IS LP. ** * NOW THAT YOU'VE GOT
WHAT YOU WANTED NOW THAT YOU'VE GOT WHAT YOU NEED *
* GIRL IF WE'RE GONNA BE HONEST HONESTLY WHAT'S
LEFT FOR ME * * OH OH OH OH OH 'CAUSE ALL I GOT
IS CLOSE BUT NOT AND ALL I WANT * * IS TO KNOW JUST HOW
TRY TO BE THE FIRE FOR YOU TRY TO BE THE SUN TRY TO BE YOUR HOME AND *
* THE PLACE THAT YOU COME TO BABE I TOOK THE WHOLE WORLD AND PUT IT
IN YOUR HANDS * * I'M REALLY TRYING HARD BUT I DON'T UNDERSTAND
TELL ME OH OH OH HOW TO BE THE * * ONE THAT YOU LOVE
OH OH OH OH OH OH HOW TO BE THE ONE THAT YOU LOVE *
** * DON'T TREAT MY LOVE LIKE A HABIT
WHY DON'T YOU SHOW ME A WAY * * I'D GIVE IT TO YOU
YOU CAN HAVE IT I JUST WISH I KNEW WHAT TO SAY *
* 'CAUSE ALL I GOT IS CLOSE BUT NOT AND ALL I WANT IS TO KNOW
JUST HOW * * TRY TO BE THE FIRE FOR YOU TRY TO BE THE SUN
TRY TO BE YOUR HOME AND THE PLACE THAT YOU COME TO * * BABE I TOOK THE WHOLE
WORLD AND PUT IT IN YOUR HANDS I'M REALLY TRYING HARD *
* BUT I DON'T UNDERSTAND TELL ME OH OH OH HOW TO BE THE ONE
THAT YOU LOVE * * OH OH OH OH OH OH HOW TO BE THE ONE
HOW TO BE THE ONE * **
* TRY TO BE THE FIRE FOR YOU TRY TO BE THE SUN TRY TO BE YOUR HOME AND
THE PLACE THAT YOU COME TO * * BABE I TOOK THE WHOLE WORLD AND PUT IT
IN YOUR HANDS I'M REALLY TRYING HARD * * BUT I DON'T UNDERSTAND
HOW TO BE THE ONE OH OH OH HOW TO BE THE ONE THAT YOU LOVE *
* OH OH OH OH OH OH HOW TO BE THE ONE THAT YOU LOVE
OH OH OH OH OH OH * * HOW TO BE THE ONE THAT YOU LOVE
OH OH OH OH OH OH HOW TO BE THE ONE * * HOW TO BE THE ONE
THAT YOU LOVE * ** Seth: MY THANKS TO LP.
CHECK OUT HER SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA DRIVE-IN LIVESTREAM CONCERT AND A SNEAK PEEK OF NEW
MUSIC AT IAMLP.COM. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. **
Seth: I WANT TO THANK MY GUESTS, HUGH LAURIE, RACHEL BLOOM, AND LP.
I WANT TO THANK VALERIE FRANCO AND THE 8G BAND. STAY TUNED FOR "LILLY SINGH."
STAY SAFE. WASH YOUR HANDS. WEAR A MASK.
WE LOVE YOU. **