1 00:00:10,043 --> 00:00:14,647 Announcer: TONIGHT ON "LATE NIGHT WITH SETH MEYERS." 2 00:00:14,647 --> 00:00:21,021 HUGH LAURIE. WRITER AND ACTRESS, RACHEL BLOOM. 3 00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:26,826 MUSIC FROM LP. FEATURING THE 8G BAND WITH VALERIE FRANCO. 4 00:00:26,826 --> 00:00:30,997 AND NOW SETH MEYERS. Seth: GOOD EVENING, I'M SETH MEYERS. 5 00:00:30,997 --> 00:00:33,900 THIS IS "LATE NIGHT." HOW IS EVERYBODY DOING TONIGHT? THAT'S GREAT TO HEAR. 6 00:00:33,900 --> 00:00:39,205 LET'S GET TO THE NEWS. GEORGIA SECRETARY OF STATE BRAD RAFFENSPERGER SAID 7 00:00:39,205 --> 00:00:45,912 YESTERDAY THAT REPUBLICAN SENATOR LINDSEY GRAHAM PRESSURED HIM TO FIND A WAY TO TOSS 8 00:00:45,912 --> 00:00:50,383 LEGALLY CAST ABSENTEE BALLOTS TO REVERSE PRESIDENT TRUMP'S LOSS IN THE STATE. 9 00:00:50,383 --> 00:00:53,853 MAN, JUST WHEN YOU THINK LINDSEY GRAHAM COULDN'T SINK ANY LOWER. 10 00:00:53,853 --> 00:00:58,658 WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT? ACCORDING TO "THE NEW YORK TIMES," PRESIDENT TRUMP LAST 11 00:00:58,658 --> 00:01:03,430 WEEK ASKED HIS SENIOR ADVISERS ABOUT MOVING AHEAD WITH A MILITARY STRIKE IN IRAN. 12 00:01:03,430 --> 00:01:08,568 AND I THINK IT'S A BAD SIGN THAT I'M JUST RELIEVED HE DIDN'T ASK ABOUT MICHIGAN. 13 00:01:08,568 --> 00:01:14,474 "MAYBE JUST THE UPPER PART. THE UPPER FINGER. I'M PRETTY SURE IT'S CALLED THE 14 00:01:14,474 --> 00:01:20,413 FINGER." PRESIDENT ELECT JOE BIDEN HAS REPORTEDLY TOLD ADVISERS 15 00:01:20,413 --> 00:01:24,451 PRIVATELY THAT HE DOESN'T WANT TO SPEND HIS ENTIRE PRESIDENCY INVESTIGATING PRESIDENT TRUMP. 16 00:01:24,451 --> 00:01:28,822 OH, I DON'T THINK IT WILL TAKE THAT LONG. AS INVESTIGATIONS GO, THIS WILL 17 00:01:28,822 --> 00:01:32,325 BE A REAL MONDAY CROSSWORD. HERE'S HOW YOU PRESENT THE EVIDENCE. 18 00:01:32,325 --> 00:01:41,801 YOUR HONOR -- PRESIDENT ELECT JOE BIDEN YESTERDAY CALLED ON CONGRESS TO 19 00:01:41,801 --> 00:01:44,304 PASS A LARGE -- NO. Seth: A LARGE CORONAVIRUS 20 00:01:44,304 --> 00:01:46,673 STIMULUS -- NO. Seth: STIMULUS PACKAGE! 21 00:01:46,673 --> 00:01:54,014 MAN, I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO FINISH THE SETUP! COME ON, DUDE. 22 00:01:54,014 --> 00:02:05,225 YEAH, I CALLED YOU DUDE. PRESIDENT -- YEAH! BECAUSE OF YOUR BEHAVIOR! 23 00:02:05,225 --> 00:02:08,728 PRESIDENT TRUMP TWEETED YESTERDAY ABOUT THE RECENT CORONAVIRUS VACCINE TRIALS AND 24 00:02:08,728 --> 00:02:13,066 SAID, QUOTE, "FOR THOSE GREAT HISTORIANS, PLEASE REMEMBER THAT THESE GREAT DISCOVERIES WHICH 25 00:02:13,066 --> 00:02:16,870 WILL END THE CHINA PLAGUE, ALL TOOK PLACE ON MY WATCH." IT'S TRUE, BEFORE HE WAS 26 00:02:16,870 --> 00:02:22,075 PRESIDENT, NO ONE EVER CAME UP WITH THE CURE FOR THE CORONAVIRUS. 27 00:02:22,075 --> 00:02:27,247 I MEAN I TRIED, BUT THEY LAUGHED ME OUT OF THE ROOM. 2015. 28 00:02:27,247 --> 00:02:30,917 I SAID I HAVE A CURE FOR THE CORONAVIRUS. AND THEY SAID, "WHAT ARE YOU 29 00:02:30,917 --> 00:02:34,521 EVEN TALKING ABOUT?" I SAID, "OH, YOU'LL SEE. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] 30 00:02:34,521 --> 00:02:40,827 YOU'LL SEE. WHO'S LAUGHING NOW?" WHAT? 31 00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:45,465 THE CREW! [ LAUGHTER ] WELL, THAT'S ALL I'VE GOT. 32 00:02:45,465 --> 00:02:55,241 DUDE! WHY ARE YOU BACK? AFTER CRITICIZING OTHER STATES' 33 00:02:55,241 --> 00:02:59,579 CORONAVIRUS RESTRICTIONS, THE GOVERNOR OF IOWA YESTERDAY ANNOUNCED A STATEWIDE MASK 34 00:02:59,579 --> 00:03:02,916 MANDATE AND BANNED INDOOR GATHERINGS OF MORE THAN 15 PEOPLE. 35 00:03:02,916 --> 00:03:10,223 OR AS IT'S KNOWN IN IOWA, A CITY. DETROIT ANNOUNCED LAST WEEK THAT 36 00:03:10,223 --> 00:03:15,061 ITS PUBLIC SCHOOLS WILL SHIFT TO REMOTE LEARNING AMID A NATIONWIDE CORONAVIRUS SURGE. 37 00:03:15,061 --> 00:03:21,167 WHILE SOUTH DAKOTA ANNOUNCED IT WILL ALLOW PEOPLE TO WORK OUT INSIDE RESTAURANTS. 38 00:03:21,167 --> 00:03:25,338 AMAZON CEO JEFF BEZOS ANNOUNCED YESTERDAY THAT HE WILL BE GIVING NEARLY $800 MILLION DOLLARS TO 39 00:03:25,338 --> 00:03:29,576 VARIOUS ENVIRONMENTAL GROUPS. OF COURSE, THERE'S A 50/50 CHANCE IT WILL GET STOLEN 40 00:03:29,576 --> 00:03:35,115 OFF THEIR PORCH. ACCORDING TO A NEW SURVEY, 25% OF AMERICANS SAID THAT THEY 41 00:03:35,115 --> 00:03:39,452 WOULD NOT PRACTICE SOCIAL DISTANCING AT THEIR THANKSGIVING GATHERINGS. 42 00:03:39,452 --> 00:03:48,094 SO IT LOOKS LIKE NANA'S HEALTH IS ALL UP TO YOU, WISHBONE. ACCORDING TO ADULT VIDEO WEBSITE 43 00:03:48,094 --> 00:03:53,933 PORNHUB, THE MOST POPULAR SEARCH AMONG USERS IN MISSISSIPPI DURING ELECTION WEEK WAS THE 44 00:03:53,933 --> 00:04:01,474 MISSPELLED WORD PRON. WOW, I MEAN EVEN BEYOND THE SPELLING, WHO GOES TO PORNHUB 45 00:04:01,474 --> 00:04:08,148 AND SEARCHES FOR PORN? IT'S LIKE GOING TO GOOGLE AND SEARCHING FOR RESULTS. 46 00:04:08,148 --> 00:04:12,052 THE MAKERS OF OREOS HAVE ANNOUNCED THEY WILL OFFER A GLUTEN-FREE VERSION OF THE 47 00:04:12,052 --> 00:04:14,587 COOKIE NEXT YEAR, SO IF YOU LOVE -- I MEAN, BY THE WAY, THOSE PEOPLE HAVE TO SPELL 48 00:04:14,587 --> 00:04:24,431 MISSISSIPPI EVERY DAY -- [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] AND THEN THEY DUFF IT ON PRON? 49 00:04:24,431 --> 00:04:28,468 ANYWAYS, LET'S GO BACK TO OUR OREO JOKE. THE MAKERS OF OREOS HAVE 50 00:04:28,468 --> 00:04:32,172 ANNOUNCED THEY'LL OFFER A GLUTEN FREE VERSION OF THE COOKIE NEXT YEAR SO IF YOU LOVE THE TASTE OF 51 00:04:32,172 --> 00:04:39,979 OREOS, THESE WON'T HAVE THAT. AND FINALLY, ACCORDING TO A NEW SURVEY, 21% OF PARENTS TELL 52 00:04:39,979 --> 00:04:43,483 THEIR CHILDREN BEDTIME STORIES THAT THEY HAVE MADE UP THEMSELVES. 53 00:04:43,483 --> 00:04:50,523 STORIES LIKE MOMMY AND DADDY WERE JUST WRESTLING. AND THAT WAS THE MONOLOGUE. 54 00:04:50,523 --> 00:04:54,094 WE HAVE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT. HE IS ONE OF MY FAVORITES. 55 00:04:54,094 --> 00:04:57,831 YOU KNOW HIM FROM "HOUSE," "VEEP," AND THE GREAT NEW SERIES, "ROADKILL" ON 56 00:04:57,831 --> 00:05:02,869 MASTERPIECE ON PBS, HUGH LAURIE IS HERE! AND SHE CREATED, STARRED IN, AND 57 00:05:02,869 --> 00:05:06,706 WON AWARDS FOR "CRAZY EX-GIRLFRIEND." HER NEW BOOK, "I WANT TO BE 58 00:05:06,706 --> 00:05:10,043 WHERE THE NORMAL PEOPLE ARE" IS OUT NOW. RACHEL BLOOM, OUR FRIEND, IS 59 00:05:10,043 --> 00:05:13,646 BACK ON THE SHOW. AND MUSIC FROM THE INCREDIBLE, LP. 60 00:05:13,646 --> 00:05:17,317 BUT BEFORE WE GET TO ALL THAT, WE DON'T ALWAYS HAVE ENOUGH TIME TO COVER ALL OF THE RECENT NEWS. 61 00:05:17,317 --> 00:05:21,054 SO HERE IS WITH A RECAP IS ONE OF OUR WRITERS, AMBER RUFFIN, IN A SEGMENT WE CALL "AMBER SAYS 62 00:05:21,054 --> 00:05:26,860 WHAT." ** YO GUYS! 63 00:05:26,860 --> 00:05:31,064 NORMALLY I TELL YOU A BUNCH OF DIFFERENT THINGS GOING ON IN THE NEWS, BUT THIS WEEK, THERE IS 64 00:05:31,064 --> 00:05:36,169 ONE STORY THAT IS SO CRAZY THAT IT'S ALL I CAN TALK ABOUT. ARE YOU READY? 65 00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:40,440 OKAY, SO YOU KNOW HOW TWITTER IS MOSTLY A PLACE FOR JOKES AND POLITICAL MISINFORMATION? 66 00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:45,679 WELL, THIS WEEK, ONE PARTICULAR THING ON TWITTER HAS HAD ME LIKE WHAT? 67 00:05:45,679 --> 00:05:50,550 OKAY, SO A FEW DAYS AGO, A FORMER CONGRESSIONAL CANDIDATE NAMED DEAN BROWNING WHO IS, I'M 68 00:05:50,550 --> 00:05:55,989 99% SURE, A STRAIGHT, WHITE GUY, TWEETED THIS. "I'M A BLACK GAY GUY. 69 00:05:55,989 --> 00:05:59,492 AND I CAN PERSONALLY SAY THAT OBAMA DID NOTHING FOR ME. MY LIFE ONLY CHANGED A LITTLE 70 00:05:59,492 --> 00:06:03,029 BIT, AND IT WAS FOR THE WORSE. EVERYTHING IS SO MUCH BETTER UNDER TRUMP THOUGH. 71 00:06:03,029 --> 00:06:08,501 I FEEL RESPECTED, WHICH I NEVER DO WHEN DEMOCRATS ARE INVOLVED." AND I WAS LIKE, "WHAT?" 72 00:06:08,501 --> 00:06:12,839 WHY DID HE TWEET THAT WEIRD LIE? THEN EVERYONE WAS LIKE, "OH, HE MUST HAVE A BURNER ACCOUNT AND 73 00:06:12,839 --> 00:06:16,509 FORGOT TO LOG OUT OF IT, AND TWEETED THIS FROM HIS REGULAR ACCOUNT." 74 00:06:16,509 --> 00:06:20,080 AND I WAS LIKE, "WHAT IS A BURNER ACCOUNT?" AND MY FRIEND WAS LIKE, "IT'S A 75 00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:22,949 FAKE ACCOUNT YOU USE TO BACK UP YOUR OWN TWEETS." AND I WAS LIKE, "THAT'S 76 00:06:22,949 --> 00:06:25,385 EMBARRASSING." AND MY FRIEND WAS LIKE, "EVERY TWEET IS A LITTLE BIT 77 00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:28,955 EMBARRASSING." AND I WAS LIKE, "TRUE." BUT THAT WAS THE TIP OF THE 78 00:06:28,955 --> 00:06:33,059 ICEBERG. OKAY. SO THEN THIS OTHER GUY WAS LIKE, 79 00:06:33,059 --> 00:06:36,963 "YOU KNOW, I DO THINK HE HAS A BURNER ACCOUNT WHERE HE PRETENDS TO BE A BLACK GUY. 80 00:06:36,963 --> 00:06:42,068 'CAUSE LOOK HOW OFTEN SOME MAN NAMED DAN PURDY REPLIES TO HIM." AND EVERYONE LOOKED AT IT AND 81 00:06:42,068 --> 00:06:45,271 WAS LIKE, "WHAT? LOOK AT THESE REPLIES. THIS IS DEFINITELY NOT A NORMAL 82 00:06:45,271 --> 00:06:48,742 PERSON. IT HAS GOT TO BE A BURNER ACCOUNT!" 83 00:06:48,742 --> 00:06:52,078 MYSTERY SOLVED. IT'S A BURNER ACCOUNT. HE'LL DELETE IT AND NEVER 84 00:06:52,078 --> 00:06:57,083 MENTION IT AGAIN. EVERYONE WILL FORGET. AND THEN MY FRIEND TEXTED ME, 85 00:06:57,083 --> 00:07:00,020 "ARE YOU SEEING THIS?" AND I LOGGED BACK ON TO TWITTER AND WAS LIKE, "WHAT? 86 00:07:00,020 --> 00:07:04,024 THINGS ARE STILL HAPPENING?" OKAY. SO, INSTEAD OF SHUTTING UP 87 00:07:04,024 --> 00:07:07,060 FOREVER, I CAN'T -- I CAN'T SIT DOWN. I'M TOO EXCITED. 88 00:07:07,060 --> 00:07:11,631 INSTEAD OF SHUTTING UP FOREVER, DEAN BROWNING TWEETED THAT HE HAD SIMPLY COPY AND PASTED A 89 00:07:11,631 --> 00:07:17,570 MESSAGE AND FORGOT TO ATTRIBUTE WHO IT WAS FROM. AND I WAS LIKE, "WHAT? 90 00:07:17,570 --> 00:07:22,275 I DON'T BELIEVE THIS, AND NEITHER DOES ANYONE ELSE." THEN I SAW THIS VIDEO. 91 00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:28,381 HEY, GUYS. MY NAME IS DAN PURDY, AND I AM INDEED A GAY BLACK MAN. 92 00:07:28,381 --> 00:07:32,285 AND I WAS LIKE, "WHAT? YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! THE TWISTS. 93 00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:36,222 THE TURNS. THE BRAVERY." AND THAT'S THE END OF THE STORY. 94 00:07:36,222 --> 00:07:38,525 NOW LET'S TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE. I'M JUST KIDDING. 95 00:07:38,525 --> 00:07:41,561 THIS STORY WILL NEVER END. AND I WILL TALK ABOUT IT UNTIL MY LIPS FALL OFF. 96 00:07:41,561 --> 00:07:46,766 OKAY. SO, AT THIS POINT, MY DUMB ASS WAS LIKE, "WELL, IT SEEMED LIKE 97 00:07:46,766 --> 00:07:51,204 AN UNLIKELY STORY. BUT I GUESS HE JUST POSTED A MESSAGE WITHOUT ATTRIBUTING IT 98 00:07:51,204 --> 00:07:56,509 TO ANYONE. STRANGE, BUT IT COULD HAPPEN." BUT TWITTER WAS LIKE, "WHAT IF 99 00:07:56,509 --> 00:07:59,212 WE INVESTIGATE A LITTLE BIT MORE?" OKAY. 100 00:07:59,212 --> 00:08:02,549 SO TWITTER GOT TO WORK ON THIS VIDEO, AND IT WAS HAPPENING ALMOST AS FAST AS I AM TELLING 101 00:08:02,549 --> 00:08:07,721 YOU THIS. SO PEOPLE THOUGHT, "OKAY, WE WILL BE ABLE TO TELL WHETHER 102 00:08:07,721 --> 00:08:11,524 THIS IS A REAL BLACK PERSON'S ACCOUNT OR A RACIST'S BURNER ACCOUNT BY LOOKING AT THEIR OLD 103 00:08:11,524 --> 00:08:16,296 TWEETS." AND THEY SAW DAN PURDY TWEETED THINGS LIKE "BLACK WOMEN WILL BE 104 00:08:16,296 --> 00:08:23,336 THE DEATH OF AMERICA. AND BLACK PEOPLE CAN'T COUNT!" AND EVERYONE WAS LIKE, "WHAT?" 105 00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:28,074 OKAY. SO IMMEDIATELY PEOPLE FOUND OUT THAT THIS ACCOUNT HAD CHANGED 106 00:08:28,074 --> 00:08:32,679 ITS NAME AND IDENTITY A BUNCH OF TIMES. IT HAS BEEN DAN PURDY AND ALSO 107 00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:37,817 TWO DIFFERENT WHITE GUYS. THERE IS NO WAY THIS WAS NOT A BURNER ACCOUNT! 108 00:08:37,817 --> 00:08:41,955 SO TWITTER FINDS THIS OUT AND SUSPENDS THE ACCOUNT! AND I WAS LIKE, "WHAT?" 109 00:08:41,955 --> 00:08:48,728 MEANWHILE, THIS GUY? STILL NOT SUSPENDED. BUT, OKAY. 110 00:08:48,728 --> 00:08:55,468 THEN TWITTER WAS LIKE, "WAIT, IF DAN PURDY TWEETED A BUNCH OF RACIST STUFF, THEN WHO IS THE 111 00:08:55,468 --> 00:08:59,139 BLACK GUY FROM THE VIDEO?" AND THEY FIGURED IT OUT IN TWO SECONDS. 112 00:08:59,139 --> 00:09:03,076 HIS NAME IS WILLIAM HOLT. AND THE WORLD WAS LIKE, "WHAT?" THAT'S RIGHT. 113 00:09:03,076 --> 00:09:06,579 WILLIAM HOLT. SO THIS BLACK MAN LIED ABOUT BEING A RACIST'S BURNER ACCOUNT 114 00:09:06,579 --> 00:09:12,252 TO SAVE A RACIST. MAN, PEOPLE ARE CRAZY! AND YOU WANT TO KNOW A FUN FACT 115 00:09:12,252 --> 00:09:18,191 ABOUT WILLIAM HOLT? HE'S THE NEPHEW OF SOMEONE FAMOUS. 116 00:09:18,191 --> 00:09:24,631 DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHO THAT SOMEONE FAMOUS IS? IT'S PATTI LABELLE! 117 00:09:24,631 --> 00:09:29,102 I SAW THAT AND I WAS LIKE, "WHAT, WHAT, WHAT, WHAT, WHAT? WHAT, WHAT, WHAT, WHAT, WHAT? 118 00:09:29,102 --> 00:09:37,544 WHAT, WHAT, WHAT, WHAT, WHAT? I GOTTA WHAT, WHAT, WHAT. OH MY GOD." 119 00:09:37,544 --> 00:09:41,648 SO THEN I DIED, CAME BACK TO LIFE AND SAID "WHAT" AGAIN. BUT THIS TIME LIKE THIS -- 120 00:09:41,648 --> 00:09:48,154 * WHAT WHAT WHAT HOW COULD IT WHAT THIS WAY * OKAY. 121 00:09:48,154 --> 00:09:52,092 SO THEN PEOPLE WERE LIKE, "THIS CAN'T BE. IT CAN'T BE PATTI LABELLE." 122 00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:56,563 SO THEY TOOK A CLOSER LOOK AT HIS VIDEO AND THEY NOTICED THE PAINTING IN THE BACKGROUND AND 123 00:09:56,563 --> 00:10:02,502 THEY REALIZED IT'S A PAINTING THAT PATTI LABELLE OWNS! AND PEOPLE WERE LIKE, "WHAT?" 124 00:10:02,502 --> 00:10:06,106 I WAS LIKE, "HOW ARE THESE PEOPLE ON TWITTER? THEY SHOULD BE OUT IN THE REAL 125 00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:11,878 WORLD SOLVING CRIMES!" SO JUST TO RECAP, THIS IS WILLIAM HOLT. 126 00:10:11,878 --> 00:10:16,750 THIS IS AN ADULT WEIRDO WHO RAN FOR CONGRESS. AND THIS IS PATTI LABELLE AND 127 00:10:16,750 --> 00:10:20,954 SHE'S FLAWLESS, NO MATTER WHO SHE'S RELATED TO. AND THAT IS WHAT HAPPENED. 128 00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:25,191 THIS HAS BEEN "AMBER SAYS WHAT." ** Seth: AMBER RUFFIN, 129 00:10:25,191 --> 00:10:29,129 EVERYBODY! WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH HUGH LAURIE! 130 00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:33,199 ** * ONCE AGAIN THIS WASN'T WHAT 131 00:10:33,199 --> 00:10:59,359 IT WAS SUPPOSED TO WHAT * ** Seth: BACK WITH US TONIGHT ON 132 00:10:59,359 --> 00:11:04,064 DRUMS, SHE PLAYS FOR POP ARTISTS HAYLEY KIYOKO AND MILCK. HER NEW PODCAST "GAY CHURCH" IS 133 00:11:04,064 --> 00:11:09,636 OUT NOW. BE SURE TO FOLLOW HER ON YOUTUBE AND INSTAGRAM @SEEVALDRUM. 134 00:11:09,636 --> 00:11:13,139 VALERIE FRANCO IS HERE. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE, VAL! 135 00:11:13,139 --> 00:11:17,110 OUR FIRST GUEST TONIGHT IS AN EMMY-NOMINATED AND GOLDEN GLOBE WINNING ACTOR YOU KNOW FROM HIS 136 00:11:17,110 --> 00:11:21,748 WORK ON "HOUSE, M.D.," "VEEP," AND "THE NIGHT MANAGER." HE STARS IN THE MINISERIES 137 00:11:21,748 --> 00:11:25,985 "ROADKILL," WHICH AIRS ITS FOURTH AND FINAL EPISODE SUNDAY NIGHT ON "MASTERPIECE" ON PBS. 138 00:11:25,985 --> 00:11:30,290 LET'S TAKE A LOOK. LET ME TELL YOU, THERE IS A REASON WHY THIS COUNTRY HAS 139 00:11:30,290 --> 00:11:33,860 NEVER MOVED INTO THE 21st CENTURY AND IT'S CALLED THE CIVIL SERVICE. 140 00:11:33,860 --> 00:11:38,131 I AM AWARE OF YOUR VIEW. YOU'VE MADE THAT PLAIN. ANY TIME ANY MINISTER COMES 141 00:11:38,131 --> 00:11:43,003 INTO OFFICE WITH ANY TRACE OF PASSION OR A SERIOUS IDEA FOR CHANGE, THERE YOU ARE IN THE 142 00:11:43,003 --> 00:11:46,172 BEST TRADITIONS OF YOUR CALLING, READY TO THROW A WET BLANKET OVER ANYTHING THAT MIGHT IMPROVE 143 00:11:46,172 --> 00:11:51,811 PEOPLE'S LIVES. RESTORE THE MISSING CLAUSES TO THE BILL. 144 00:11:51,811 --> 00:11:56,182 THAT'S AN ORDER. IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE? Seth: PLEASE WELCOME TO THE 145 00:11:56,182 --> 00:11:59,552 SHOW, HUGH LAURIE! HOW ARE YOU, HUGH? I'M VERY WELL, THANK YOU, 146 00:11:59,552 --> 00:12:04,124 SETH. THANK YOU, HA, HA, HA. Seth: I'M SO HAPPY TO SEE 147 00:12:04,124 --> 00:12:09,596 YOU. THIS IS YOUR FIRST TIME ON THIS SHOW. 148 00:12:09,596 --> 00:12:14,534 IT IS. Seth: WE HAVE CROSSED PATHS BEFORE BUT, YOU KNOW, IT'S A 149 00:12:14,534 --> 00:12:18,805 DELIGHT TO LAY EYES ON YOU AGAIN. CROSSED PATHS. 150 00:12:18,805 --> 00:12:21,074 I THINK IT WAS A LITTLE MORE THAN THAT IN MY MEMORY. I FEEL -- IT WAS A MOMENTOUS 151 00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:23,677 EVENT IN MY LIFE. Seth: WELL, YOU HOSTED -- YOU HOSTED "SNL." 152 00:12:23,677 --> 00:12:26,746 I DID. Seth: YOU WERE HOSTING IT BECAUSE OF "HOUSE." 153 00:12:26,746 --> 00:12:29,983 I KNEW YOU AS -- FROM "BLACKADDER." I KNEW YOU FROM "A BIT OF 154 00:12:29,983 --> 00:12:34,921 FRY & LAURIE." I KNEW YOU FROM MY FAVORITE EPISODE OF "THE YOUNG ONES." 155 00:12:34,921 --> 00:12:39,492 I KNEW YOU AS A COMEDY PERSON. I WAS SURPRISED TO HEAR YOU WERE NERVOUS ABOUT HOSTING "SNL." 156 00:12:39,492 --> 00:12:42,095 I WAS. THAT WAS THE SINGLE MOST TERRIFYING THING I HAVE EVER 157 00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:46,199 DONE. AND I HAVE JUMPED OUT OF AN AIRPLANE. 158 00:12:46,199 --> 00:12:50,570 AND THIS WAS CONSIDERABLY WORSE. CONSIDERABLY WORSE. ALTHOUGH WHEN I JUMPED OUT OF AN 159 00:12:50,570 --> 00:12:54,274 AIRPLANE, I HAD AN INSTRUCTOR TIED TO MY BACK. IN THE CASE OF "SNL," YOU WERE 160 00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:58,712 THAT INSTRUCTOR TIED TO MY BACK AND YOU GUIDED ME. [ LAUGHTER ] 161 00:12:58,712 --> 00:13:02,048 Seth: THAT'S SO -- WITH GENTLE AND LOVING HANDS AND I WILL FOREVER BE IN YOUR 162 00:13:02,048 --> 00:13:05,251 DEBT. I AM NOT GOING TO REPAY THE DEBT, BUT I AM -- THANK YOU FOR 163 00:13:05,251 --> 00:13:09,189 THAT. Seth: IT'S JUST NICE YOU ACKNOWLEDGE THERE IS A DEBT. 164 00:13:09,189 --> 00:13:12,392 WHETHER IT'S REPAID OR NOT, IT'S JUST NICE TO KNOW. ALL RIGHT, YEAH, THAT'S THE 165 00:13:12,392 --> 00:13:15,362 IMPORTANT THING. Seth: THIS SHOW, I WANT TO SAY ABOUT "ROADKILL," THIS IS 166 00:13:15,362 --> 00:13:21,434 EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED. IT IS MY FAVORITE KIND OF SHOW. IT IS A PBS "MASTERPIECE," 167 00:13:21,434 --> 00:13:27,540 BRITISH POLITICAL INTRIGUE. IT'S A LIMITED MINISERIES. IT TICKS EVERY BOX FOR ME. 168 00:13:27,540 --> 00:13:32,345 HOW DID YOU GET INVOLVED AND WHAT DREW YOU TO IT? WELL, I WAS DRAWN TO IT BY 169 00:13:32,345 --> 00:13:36,750 THE NAME ON THE TITLE PAGE. IT WAS WRITTEN BY DAVID HARE, WHO IS A VERY RESPECTED -- I 170 00:13:36,750 --> 00:13:41,621 WOULD SAY EVEN REVERED PLAYWRIGHT IN THIS COUNTRY, AND IN YOURS, TOO. 171 00:13:41,621 --> 00:13:47,394 SO THAT PIQUED MY INTEREST. AND I THOUGHT IT WAS AN INTERESTING NOTION TO EXAMINE 172 00:13:47,394 --> 00:13:52,165 THE WHOLE IDEA OF POLITICAL SHAME. THE FACT THAT SHAME AND DISGRACE 173 00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:57,437 IN THE PUBLIC SPHERE, IN THE POLITICAL SPHERE, HAS JUST SORT OF VANISHED. 174 00:13:57,437 --> 00:14:01,841 WEIRDLY SPEAKING, SORT OF, REPLACED BY SHAME IN THE PRIVATE SPHERE, OR THE SPHERE OF THE 175 00:14:01,841 --> 00:14:07,147 PRIVATE CITIZEN. BUT PARTITIONS NOW HAVE A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT APPROACH, 176 00:14:07,147 --> 00:14:13,853 COMPLETELY DIFFERENT RELATIONSHIP WITH THEIR CONSTITUENCY. 177 00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:17,057 AND I THOUGHT THAT WAS A REALLY INTERESTING, PARTICULARLY INTERESTING TO EXAMINE IT FROM 178 00:14:17,057 --> 00:14:19,392 THE, SORT OF, RIGHT WING PERSPECTIVE. THERE'S BEEN SO MUCH WRITTEN 179 00:14:19,392 --> 00:14:22,962 ABOUT THE LEFT. BUT THE RIGHT WING IS -- GENERALLY GOES UNREMARKED. 180 00:14:22,962 --> 00:14:25,732 WE JUST ASSUME THEY MAKE THE TRAINS RUN ON TIME AND NOTHING ELSE. 181 00:14:25,732 --> 00:14:29,836 BUT OF COURSE THEY ARE CAPABLE OF BEING EVERY BIT AS IDEOLOGICAL, IF NOT MORE SO, 182 00:14:29,836 --> 00:14:35,342 THAN THE LEFT. Seth: IT IS FUN TO WATCH A SHOW THAT IS BOTH ABOUT POLITICS 183 00:14:35,342 --> 00:14:38,978 AND ABOUT BAD BEHAVIOR IN POLITICS THAT ISN'T TIED DIRECTLY TO THE MOMENT WE ARE 184 00:14:38,978 --> 00:14:42,949 LIVING THROUGH. I MEAN, A LOT OF IT OVERLAPS AND YOU CAN CERTAINLY SEE, CERTAINLY 185 00:14:42,949 --> 00:14:46,786 WHEN WE TALK ABOUT SHAME AND BEING ABLE TO ESCAPE -- RIGHT. 186 00:14:46,786 --> 00:14:50,223 Seth: -- BEING SHAMED. BUT IT MUST BE FUN TO PLAY A SORT OF CHARISMATIC POLITICIAN 187 00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:57,097 WHO IS ULTIMATELY TRYING TO GET AWAY WITH STUFF. WELL, IF IT SAYS CHARISMATIC 188 00:14:57,097 --> 00:15:02,268 IN THE CHARACTER DESCRIPTION, WHERE ARE THEY GONNA GO? YOU KNOW? 189 00:15:02,268 --> 00:15:06,106 I MEAN, HOW MANY -- YEAH, IT WAS. BUT, AS YOU SAY, IT WAS VERY 190 00:15:06,106 --> 00:15:09,376 PECULIAR. IT SEEMS PECULIAR TO ME NOW LOOKING BACK. 191 00:15:09,376 --> 00:15:14,047 WE MADE THIS JUST OVER -- WE STARTED IT JUST OVER -- ABOUT A YEAR AGO. 192 00:15:14,047 --> 00:15:17,150 AND I THINK THERE IS JUST ONE MENTION OF BREXIT, NO MENTION OF THE PANDEMIC, EVEN THOUGH IT WAS 193 00:15:17,150 --> 00:15:24,190 KIND OF ON THE HORIZON. IT SEEMS SO DISTANT NOW TO ME. IT SEEMS ALMOST QUAINT, LIKE WE 194 00:15:24,190 --> 00:15:29,062 ARE DOING SOMETHING ABOUT TUDOR ENGLAND. IT'S -- THE WORLD HAS CHANGED, 195 00:15:29,062 --> 00:15:35,535 OUT OF ALL RECOGNITION, IN 12 MONTHS. AND I WOULD LIKE TO OFFER IT AS 196 00:15:35,535 --> 00:15:40,807 A -- AS A PARALLEL UNIVERSE, WHERE NONE OF THE CHARACTERS ARE DRAWN FROM CONTEMPORARY 197 00:15:40,807 --> 00:15:45,845 POLITICS. IT IS A STORY SET IN A PARALLEL UNIVERSE AND I AM A PARALLEL 198 00:15:45,845 --> 00:15:49,916 PERSON. Seth: IT'S -- I THINK WE NEED MORE PARALLEL UNIVERSES. 199 00:15:49,916 --> 00:15:55,288 WE NEED TO TAKE A -- JUST A LIGHT BREAK FROM THIS UNIVERSE. THAT'S EXACTLY RIGHT. 200 00:15:55,288 --> 00:15:59,859 Seth: BUT IT IS FUNNY HOW YOU'VE CONSUMED STUFF THAT MADE RIGHT BEFORE THE PANDEMIC. 201 00:15:59,859 --> 00:16:04,330 FOR EXAMPLE, THERE'S A PRISON RIOT IN THE FIRST EPISODE AND -- RIGHT. 202 00:16:04,330 --> 00:16:07,767 Seth: -- I WAS WATCHING IT THINKING "NO ONE IS WEARING A MASK. 203 00:16:07,767 --> 00:16:12,839 GUYS, YOU CAN'T PRISON RIOT WITHOUT YOUR MASKS." IF YOU ARE GOING TO RIOT, 204 00:16:12,839 --> 00:16:16,810 PLEASE THROW CHAIRS, DON'T PUNCH. THROW CHAIRS FROM AT LEAST SIX 205 00:16:16,810 --> 00:16:19,079 FEET. Seth: YOU CAN THROW A CHAIR FROM SIX FEET AWAY, THEY ARE NOT 206 00:16:19,079 --> 00:16:24,250 HEAVY CHAIRS. IF YOU CAN'T, YOU CAN'T RIOT, IT'S THAT SIMPLE. 207 00:16:24,250 --> 00:16:31,891 Seth: YOU -- YOU WENT TO UNIVERSITY WITH EMMA THOMPSON, WITH STEPHEN FRY, AND YOU HAD 208 00:16:31,891 --> 00:16:36,129 A -- AT THE TIME, YOU HAD A VERY FAMOUS REVIEW, I GUESS. IS THAT WHAT YOU'D WOULD CALL 209 00:16:36,129 --> 00:16:41,101 THE FOOTLIGHTS? YES, IT IS, WITH A U-E AT THE END. 210 00:16:41,101 --> 00:16:45,438 Seth: OF COURSE, YES. IT'S AN OLD -- IT'S SORT OF OLD -- ALMOST SORT OF VAUDEVILLE 211 00:16:45,438 --> 00:16:50,977 THING, REALLY, WITH SKETCHES AND SONGS AND MONOLOGUES. YOU DID MUCH THE SAME. 212 00:16:50,977 --> 00:16:57,851 YOU DID EXACTLY THE SAME, BUT MORE OF IT AND BETTER, SETH. [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] 213 00:16:57,851 --> 00:17:03,256 Seth: CERTAINLY I WAS DOING STUFF LIKE THAT WHEN I WAS IN COLLEGE BUT YOU GUYS WERE DOING 214 00:17:03,256 --> 00:17:07,627 IT IN COLLEGE AND IT BECAME SORT OF A BIT OF A PHENOMENON. THAT MUST'VE BEEN -- 215 00:17:07,627 --> 00:17:14,067 DID YOU THINK AT THE TIME -- WERE YOU AWARE OF HOW WELL IT WAS GOING FOR YOU? 216 00:17:14,067 --> 00:17:20,040 I WAS -- I KNEW IT WAS PRETTY GOOD. I WAS PROUD OF IT. 217 00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:25,045 I SPENT SO MUCH OF MY LIFE IN A POSITION OF ABJECT SHAME, BUT THIS IS ONE OF THOSE MOMENTS 218 00:17:25,045 --> 00:17:29,049 WHERE I ACTUALLY FELT QUITE PROUD OF WHAT WE WERE DOING. I WAS -- I THINK WE ALL FELT WE 219 00:17:29,049 --> 00:17:34,888 WERE ON TO SOMETHING GOOD. BUT AT THAT POINT, I WAS 21. I HAD NO IDEA ABOUT DOING THIS 220 00:17:34,888 --> 00:17:43,196 FOR A LIVING. AND I MEAN IT JUST DIDN'T OCCUR TO ANYBODY TO DO SUCH A THING. 221 00:17:43,196 --> 00:17:48,101 IT WAS JUST -- IT WAS OUT OF ANYBODY'S TENT -- UNTIL A MAN TURNED UP WITH A BIG CIGAR AND 222 00:17:48,101 --> 00:17:55,475 SAID "I AM AN AGENT, DO YOU WANT TO DO THIS FOR A LIVING?" AND I, YOU KNOW, I WILL GIVE IT 223 00:17:55,475 --> 00:18:00,914 A GO AND HERE I AM. Seth: ONE OF THE FIRST WAY -- FIRST TIMES AN AMERICAN 224 00:18:00,914 --> 00:18:05,018 AUDIENCE, OBVIOUSLY, GOT TO KNOW YOU WAS FROM "HOUSE, M.D." YOUR FATHER WAS A DOCTOR AND 225 00:18:05,018 --> 00:18:11,191 YOUR SON IS IN MEDICAL SCHOOL, CORRECT? I AM PROUD TO SAY THAT I AM 226 00:18:11,191 --> 00:18:17,564 THE HAM IN THE SANDWICH OF GENUINE DOCTORS. YES, MY FATHER, WHO I ABSOLUTELY 227 00:18:17,564 --> 00:18:21,601 WORSHIPPED, WAS A GENERAL PRACTITIONER AND MY SON IS NOW A JUNIOR DOCTOR. 228 00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:29,275 HE'S JUST HAD A PRETTY HAIRY FOUR MONTHS DEALING WITH COVID IN THE E.R. 229 00:18:29,275 --> 00:18:36,316 BUT HE'S NOW JUST SORT OF COME OUT OF THAT AND BACK ON HIS ROTATION. 230 00:18:36,316 --> 00:18:39,352 AND HE'S, AT THE MOMENT, HE IS ON PSYCHIATRY AND RATHER LOVING IT. 231 00:18:39,352 --> 00:18:42,956 I AM A BIT NERVOUS ABOUT THAT. I JUST DON'T KNOW THAT I WANT TO HAVE A CHILD WHO IS A 232 00:18:42,956 --> 00:18:45,959 PSYCHIATRIST. I JUST FIND IT SLIGHTLY UNNERVING. 233 00:18:45,959 --> 00:18:49,062 [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] I FEEL IT MAYBE JUDGMENT. Seth: RIGHT, OF COURSE. 234 00:18:49,062 --> 00:18:53,166 IT'S INTERESTING TO ME THAT YOUR SON BECAME A DOCTOR. YOU WERE OBVIOUSLY AN ACTOR. 235 00:18:53,166 --> 00:18:56,536 YOU HAVE A PIANO BEHIND YOU I SEE. YOUR CHILDREN WERE MUSICAL, 236 00:18:56,536 --> 00:19:06,479 RIGHT? YES, THEY ARE. YEAH, ABSOLUTELY. 237 00:19:06,479 --> 00:19:11,418 ODDLY ENOUGH, I THINK THERE IS -- IT SEEMS TO ME THAT DOCTORS ARE ABOVE AVERAGELY 238 00:19:11,418 --> 00:19:16,222 MEDICAL. FIRST OF ALL, THEY ARE ABOVE AVERAGELY FUNNY. 239 00:19:16,222 --> 00:19:21,428 I FIND DOCTORS FUNNY. THEY TEND TO BE QUITE -- YOU KNOW, THERE IS A HINT OF THE 240 00:19:21,428 --> 00:19:27,133 PERFORMER IN A LOT OF DOCTORS, BUT THEY ALSO SEEM TO BE VERY MUSICAL. 241 00:19:27,133 --> 00:19:29,402 AND THEY ARE -- YES, MY KIDS ARE MUSICAL. WE ACTUALLY HAD A BAND WHEN THEY 242 00:19:29,402 --> 00:19:33,139 WERE TEENAGERS. WE WERE PERFORMERS, THE VON CRAPP FAMILY. 243 00:19:33,139 --> 00:19:42,449 [ LAUGHTER ] WE LIVED OUT THE TITLE AND WE DID WEDDINGS AND BAR MITZVAHS. 244 00:19:42,449 --> 00:19:49,956 VERY, VERY UNSUCCESSFULLY, BUT MEMORABLY FOR ME. Seth: I HOPE NO ONE EVER 245 00:19:49,956 --> 00:19:55,362 RECOGNIZES YOUR SON, ONCE HE'S A FULL DOCTOR, AS BEING ONE OF THE MEMBERS OF THE VON CRAPP FAMILY. 246 00:19:55,362 --> 00:19:58,965 I WOULD HAVE LESS CONFIDENCE GOING INTO SURGERY. YEAH, WAIT A MINUTE, GET AWAY 247 00:19:58,965 --> 00:20:02,802 FROM ME. YEAH, NO, THAT WOULD BE A PROBLEM. 248 00:20:02,802 --> 00:20:05,005 NO, I THINK HE COULD LIVE THAT DOWN. I THINK HE COULD PROBABLY LIVE 249 00:20:05,005 --> 00:20:08,675 THAT DOWN. Seth: I -- IT'S ALWAYS WONDERFUL TO SEE YOU. 250 00:20:08,675 --> 00:20:12,178 I DO HAVE TO TELL YOU, I MENTIONED TO MY MOM THAT YOU WERE GOING TO BE ON THE SHOW 251 00:20:12,178 --> 00:20:16,282 TONIGHT AND SHE SAID PLEASE SAY HELLO TO BERTIE WOOSTER FOR ME. I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW THAT 252 00:20:16,282 --> 00:20:20,053 ALL THESE YEARS LATER, THAT'S THE ONLY THING THAT EVER MATTERED TO HER. 253 00:20:20,053 --> 00:20:22,889 TO YOUR MOTHER I WOULD SAY "WHAT HO." Seth: "WHAT HO" IS A PERFECT, 254 00:20:22,889 --> 00:20:25,558 PERFECT RESPONSE. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING HERE. 255 00:20:25,558 --> 00:20:29,963 THE FINALE OF "ROADKILL" AIRS SUNDAY NIGHT ON "MASTERPIECE" ON PBS. 256 00:20:29,963 --> 00:20:49,015 WE WILL BE RIGHT BACK WITH RACHEL BLOOM. ** 257 00:20:49,015 --> 00:20:51,818 Seth: OUR NEXT GUEST IS THE EMMY AND GOLDEN GLOBE WINNING CO-CREATOR AND STAR OF THE SHOW 258 00:20:51,818 --> 00:20:56,756 "CRAZY EX-GIRLFRIEND." HER BOOK, "I WANT TO BE WHERE THE NORMAL PEOPLE ARE" IS 259 00:20:56,756 --> 00:20:59,959 AVAILABLE TODAY. PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO THE SHOW, OUR FRIEND RACHEL BLOOM! 260 00:20:59,959 --> 00:21:04,064 HOW ARE YOU, RACHEL? I'M GOOD. OH, I'M LOOKING AT MYSELF. 261 00:21:04,064 --> 00:21:09,436 Seth: OH WELL, IT'S HARD NOT TO, RIGHT? I THINK WE ARE ALL DRAWN TO -- 262 00:21:09,436 --> 00:21:13,773 HOW ARE YOU? Seth: I'M VERY WELL. HOW ARE YOU? 263 00:21:13,773 --> 00:21:18,745 NOT ONLY DO YOU HAVE A BOOK, WHICH IS DUE, CONGRATULATIONS, BUT YOU ALSO HAD A BABY THIS 264 00:21:18,745 --> 00:21:23,750 SPRING. YOU KNOW, IT'S GOING. IT'S GOING WELL. 265 00:21:23,750 --> 00:21:28,221 THIS IS ONE OF THE FEW THINGS I OWN THAT DOESN'T HAVE VOMIT ON IT, AS YOU ARE WELL AWARE. 266 00:21:28,221 --> 00:21:34,260 IT'S GREAT. SHE IS THE PANDEMIC, BASICALLY. I HAD HER WHEN LOCKDOWN STARTED 267 00:21:34,260 --> 00:21:38,932 IN LATE MARCH, AND SO, SHE IS THE AGE OF THE PANDEMIC. AND IT'S, BECAUSE A LOT OF 268 00:21:38,932 --> 00:21:41,668 PEOPLE ASK, LIKE, "OH, HAVING A BABY DURING A PANDEMIC MUST BE HARD." 269 00:21:41,668 --> 00:21:45,505 BUT THE ONE SILVER LINING IS THAT WHEN YOU HAVE A NEWBORN, IT'S BASICALLY BEING IN 270 00:21:45,505 --> 00:21:47,841 QUARANTINE. Seth: RIGHT. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS 271 00:21:47,841 --> 00:21:51,911 TIME. YOU DON'T SEE ANYONE. YOU ARE IN YOUR HOUSE ALL OF THE 272 00:21:51,911 --> 00:21:55,648 TIME. YOU SMELL AND SOMETIMES YOU BURST INTO TEARS. 273 00:21:55,648 --> 00:22:00,086 LIKE, SAME THING. Seth: RIGHT, EXACTLY. ALL STUFF THAT IS BEST TO DO 274 00:22:00,086 --> 00:22:05,759 BEHIND CLOSED DOORS. A LOT OF PEOPLE COME UP WITH WAYS THAT THEY ARE GOING TO 275 00:22:05,759 --> 00:22:10,263 MANAGE THEIR LABOR, WHICH MAKES SENSE BECAUSE PEOPLE TELL YOU, AND OBVIOUSLY IT IS TRUE, OR AT 276 00:22:10,263 --> 00:22:14,234 LEAST I HAVE BEEN TOLD, THAT IT'S VERY PAINFUL, VERY STRESSFUL. 277 00:22:14,234 --> 00:22:19,105 YOU SANG A SONG DURING YOUR LABOR THAT I FEEL LIKE IS NOT ON A LOT OF LABOR PLAYLISTS. 278 00:22:19,105 --> 00:22:25,078 YEAH, I DID. Seth: FROM THE FILM "SPACE JAM." 279 00:22:25,078 --> 00:22:28,915 YEAH, IT'S THE TITLE SONG FROM THE MOVIE "SPACE JAM." BY THE QUAD CITY DJs. 280 00:22:28,915 --> 00:22:33,420 [ LAUGHTER ] YOU KNOW, I WAS MAKING A LABOR PLAYLIST AND I WAS, LIKE, WHAT 281 00:22:33,420 --> 00:22:39,159 IS GOING TO MAKE ME HAPPY AND WHAT IS GOING TO MAKE MY VAGINA MUSCLES WANT TO PUSH A BABY OUT, 282 00:22:39,159 --> 00:22:44,297 AND THERE WAS ONLY ONE ANSWER. Seth: WE ACTUALLY HAVE A VIDEO OF "SPACE JAM" MAKING YOU 283 00:22:44,297 --> 00:22:46,633 HAPPY. IN THE MOMENT. HERE IT IS. 284 00:22:46,633 --> 00:23:00,380 YEAH. ** [ LAUGHTER ] 285 00:23:00,380 --> 00:23:06,119 Seth: WE HAVE PHOTOS OF YOUR HUSBAND DAN, HERE. HOW DID HE MANAGE -- AGAIN, IT'S 286 00:23:06,119 --> 00:23:11,057 VERY JARRING TO SEE MASKS, BUT OF COURSE, THAT'S WHAT A PANDEMIC BABY WILL DO. 287 00:23:11,057 --> 00:23:18,732 WHAT IS DAN DOING RIGHT HERE? CAN YOU TALK US THROUGH THIS? WELL, YOU KNOW, I ACTUALLY -- 288 00:23:18,732 --> 00:23:21,501 I HAVE A SPECIAL GUEST HERE WITH ME. I HAVE MY HUSBAND DAN -- 289 00:23:21,501 --> 00:23:25,071 Seth: BRING HIM IN. -- TO TALK ABOUT THAT MOMENT IN THIS ELEVATOR. 290 00:23:25,071 --> 00:23:28,141 HELLO. Seth: HI DAN, WELCOME. THANK YOU FOR JOINING US. 291 00:23:28,141 --> 00:23:32,078 HOW IS IT GOING? HI. YEAH, THAT'S ME HOLDING, 292 00:23:32,078 --> 00:23:38,251 HONESTLY, TAKEOUT TUPPERWARE OF PLACENTA. [ LAUGHTER ] 293 00:23:38,251 --> 00:23:43,923 Seth: NOW, HOW -- TALK US THROUGH WHY YOU HAVE THAT. I THINK RACHEL WANTED TO EAT 294 00:23:43,923 --> 00:23:48,862 IT AFTERWARDS. YEAH, OKAY, SO WE HAD A DOULA WHO WASN'T ALLOWED TO EVEN BE IN 295 00:23:48,862 --> 00:23:54,501 THE HOSPITAL ROOM BECAUSE OF COVID, AND SHE'S LIKE, "HEY, FOR A COUPLE EXTRA BUCKS," LIKE 296 00:23:54,501 --> 00:23:57,170 200 BUCKS, "I WILL MAKE YOUR PLACENTA INTO PILLS." AND I WAS LIKE, "ISN'T THAT 297 00:23:57,170 --> 00:24:00,907 B.S." AND SHE WAS LIKE, "PROBABLY." AND I WAS LIKE, "YEAH, I WILL DO 298 00:24:00,907 --> 00:24:05,845 IT ANYWAY." BUT SHE COULDN'T BE IN THE ROOM, SO HE HAD TO CARRY THE PLACENTA 299 00:24:05,845 --> 00:24:08,915 DOWN. WHICH IS -- IT'S AMAZING BECAUSE HE HAS NO STOMACH FOR ANY OF 300 00:24:08,915 --> 00:24:14,454 THIS. I CAN'T SEE BLOOD WITHOUT DRY HEAVING. 301 00:24:14,454 --> 00:24:18,692 AND I CAME BACK INTO THE ROOM AFTER THEY WHEELED RACHEL TO THE NEXT ROOM. 302 00:24:18,692 --> 00:24:23,463 THERE ARE A LOT OF ROOMS. AND THE PLACENTA WAS JUST ON A TABLE. 303 00:24:23,463 --> 00:24:30,704 IT WAS JUST LYING ON A TABLE, AND THERE IS A NOTE ON THIS BOX WITH TUPPERWARE SAYING, LIKE, 304 00:24:30,704 --> 00:24:33,973 ASK SOMEONE TO PUT THE PLACENTA INTO THE TUPPERWARE AND THEN CALL WHAT I THINK WAS AN UBER 305 00:24:33,973 --> 00:24:40,747 DELIVERY GUY TO COME PICK IT UP AND BRING IT TO ANOTHER PLACE WHERE THEY FREEZE IT. 306 00:24:40,747 --> 00:24:45,151 I DON'T REALLY KNOW WHAT HAPPENED. I JUST KNOW IT WAS MY JOB TO GET 307 00:24:45,151 --> 00:24:50,390 TRULY A BIG BLOODY MESS OF SOMETHING INTO A BOX AND TAKE IT DOWN THE ELEVATOR. 308 00:24:50,390 --> 00:24:53,460 Seth: AND THAT'S JUST A CASE WHERE YOU DON'T WANT TO GET STOPPED AND ASKED BY SOMEONE, 309 00:24:53,460 --> 00:24:58,098 LIKE, "WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT'S IN THE BOX?" NO, NO. 310 00:24:58,098 --> 00:25:02,569 THEY WOULDN'T LET ME BACK INTO THE HOSPITAL WITHOUT AN ID, SO I REALLY DIDN'T WANT TO BE WALKING 311 00:25:02,569 --> 00:25:07,941 THE STREETS LOOKING FOR MY UBER DRIVER WHO LIKE IS ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE STREET OR SOMETHING. 312 00:25:07,941 --> 00:25:10,310 Seth: DID YOU -- I MEAN, I SORT OF HADN'T PLANNED OUT WHETHER OR NOT I WAS GOING TO 313 00:25:10,310 --> 00:25:15,048 WATCH THE BIRTH. I ENDED UP DOING IT JUST BECAUSE THINGS WERE SO CHAOTIC THAT I 314 00:25:15,048 --> 00:25:21,221 SORT OF ENDED UP IN THE FIELD OF VIEW. AND I'M GLAD, GENUINELY GLAD I 315 00:25:21,221 --> 00:25:27,627 IS IT SAFE TO SAY BASED ON HOW YOU REACT TO THESE SORT OF THINGS, THAT YOU DID NOT? 316 00:25:27,627 --> 00:25:32,298 MY DREAM FOR MANY, MANY MONTHS WAS TO SIT IN A ROOM WITH A CIGAR AND TOLD LIKE HOURS 317 00:25:32,298 --> 00:25:38,338 LATER THAT YOU HAVE A CHILD NOW. BUT THAT'S NOT WHAT HAPPENED. I MEAN, WE WENT TO THE ROOM. 318 00:25:38,338 --> 00:25:44,077 I DEFINITELY WAS PLANNING TO JUST TO BE BEHIND RACHEL. AND LIKE, TO BE SUPPORTIVE, 319 00:25:44,077 --> 00:25:50,283 REALLY RUB THOSE SHOULDERS, AND -- BUT I FOUND OUT ONCE THEY PUT US IN THE ROOM, THAT THE 320 00:25:50,283 --> 00:25:57,924 WALL OPPOSITE RACHEL'S VAGINA WAS JUST A GIANT MIRROR. [ LAUGHTER ] 321 00:25:57,924 --> 00:26:01,861 SO IT REALLY DIDN'T MATTER WHERE I WAS STANDING -- Seth: BEST LAID PLANS. 322 00:26:01,861 --> 00:26:05,665 THAT'S HOW THEY GET YOU, THE VAGINA MIRROR. YEAH, EXACTLY. 323 00:26:05,665 --> 00:26:09,135 BUT HE WAS REALLY GOOD. LIKE, WHEN THEY CAME IN WITH THE EPIDURAL, WHICH IS THE REASON I 324 00:26:09,135 --> 00:26:12,706 COULD ROCK OUT TO "SPACE JAM" WHILE I WAS PUSHING. BY THE WAY, I HAD AN EPIDURAL. 325 00:26:12,706 --> 00:26:15,709 I DILATED TO TEN CENTIMETERS. CENTIMETERS? DOES THAT MAKE SENSE? 326 00:26:15,709 --> 00:26:18,511 IS IT TEN CENTIMETERS? MILLIMETERS? [ LAUGHTER ] 327 00:26:18,511 --> 00:26:22,182 Seth: I DON'T KNOW, I THINK CENTIMETERS. OH, MY GOD. 328 00:26:22,182 --> 00:26:25,085 DILATE, THAT'S SO BIG. I DILATED TO THE FULL TEN WHILE I WAS ASLEEP. 329 00:26:25,085 --> 00:26:31,691 Seth: OH, WOW! BUT WHEN THEY CAME IN WITH THE NEEDLE -- FIRST OF ALL, THE 330 00:26:31,691 --> 00:26:34,661 ANESTHESIOLOGIST WAS -- OH, WHAT CHARACTER DID YOU DESCRIBE HIM AS? 331 00:26:34,661 --> 00:26:40,967 HE WAS -- WHAT'S HIS NAME -- LANCE REDDICK FROM "THE WIRE." [ LAUGHTER ] 332 00:26:40,967 --> 00:26:44,804 LIKE LITERALLY THE MOST SERIOUS PERSON YOU HAVE EVER MET IN YOUR LIFE. 333 00:26:44,804 --> 00:26:48,108 AND I WAS LIKE, "I AM A LITTLE SCARED OF NEEDLES." HE WAS LIKE, "DO NOT MOVE." 334 00:26:48,108 --> 00:26:51,845 [ LAUGHTER ] DOES IT REALLY HURT? THE SHOT REALLY HURTS. 335 00:26:51,845 --> 00:26:54,647 AND AT ONE POINT, I SHIFTED AND HE WAS LIKE, "DON'T MOVE, THAT'S VERY DANGEROUS. 336 00:26:54,647 --> 00:26:58,084 YOU COULD BE PARALYZED FOR LIFE." Seth: OH, WOW. 337 00:26:58,084 --> 00:26:59,853 IN A VERY DEEP BARITONE. YOU REALLY HAD TO TAKE IT VERY SERIOUSLY. 338 00:26:59,853 --> 00:27:04,924 [ LAUGHTER ] BEAUTIFUL BARITONE. Seth: I LIKE THINKING OF THAT 339 00:27:04,924 --> 00:27:10,030 CHARACTER FROM "THE WIRE" GOING ON TO WORK IN CHILDBIRTH. I MEAN, HE WAS REALLY VERY, 340 00:27:10,030 --> 00:27:14,034 VERY FORCEFUL. BUT HE WAS REALLY GOOD ABOUT, LIKE, BECAUSE I COULDN'T SEE THE 341 00:27:14,034 --> 00:27:18,738 NEEDLE. I WAS JUST HUNCHED OVER WITH, LIKE, A SHOWER CAP ON. 342 00:27:18,738 --> 00:27:22,242 AND I WAS HOLDING THE NURSE'S HANDS. THE NURSE VERY SMARTLY WAS LIKE, 343 00:27:22,242 --> 00:27:27,313 "SHE SHOULDN'T BE NEAR HER HUSBAND FOR THIS." SO I WAS HOLDING THE NURSE'S 344 00:27:27,313 --> 00:27:30,283 HANDS. BUT HE COULD STILL SEE THE NEEDLE. 345 00:27:30,283 --> 00:27:33,520 AND I FELT HIM TRYING TO, LIKE, BE PROFESSIONAL ABOUT THE NEEDLE. 346 00:27:33,520 --> 00:27:36,423 AND TO HIS CREDIT, HE DIDN'T REACT TO HOW BIG THE NEEDLE IS. AND THAT'S ONE OF THE BIG TIPS I 347 00:27:36,423 --> 00:27:41,461 CAN GIVE FOR PARTNERS IN CHILDBIRTH, IS, DON'T REACT TO HOW BIG THE NEEDLE IS. 348 00:27:41,461 --> 00:27:43,396 Seth: THAT'S VERY -- VERY GOOD ADVICE. WELL, CONGRATULATIONS TO BOTH OF 349 00:27:43,396 --> 00:27:46,332 YOU. NICE WORK, DAN. I THINK YOU OVERCAME. 350 00:27:46,332 --> 00:27:49,202 THANK YOU. Seth: AGAIN, APOLOGIES, RACHEL. 351 00:27:49,202 --> 00:27:51,838 I THINK DAN IS THE HERO OF THIS STORY. YEAH, I AGREE. 352 00:27:51,838 --> 00:27:55,875 [ LAUGHTER ] Seth: I ALSO, YOU WERE CLEARLY -- 353 00:27:55,875 --> 00:28:01,614 NO HELP FROM DAN HERE. YOU WROTE THIS BOOK, THIS IS AN AUTOBIOGRAPHICAL BOOK. 354 00:28:01,614 --> 00:28:05,285 NO HELP FROM YOU. Seth: NOTHING. FIRST OF ALL, I LOVED IT. 355 00:28:05,285 --> 00:28:08,922 A WONDERFUL COVER. THANK YOU. Seth: VERY EVOCATIVE OF BOOKS 356 00:28:08,922 --> 00:28:15,362 FROM 20, 30 YEARS AGO. AND YOU HAVE SOME POEMS THAT YOU WROTE IN JOURNALS GROWING UP. 357 00:28:15,362 --> 00:28:18,732 WAS IT FUN TO GO BACK AND FIND THOSE? YEAH, WELL, IT'S ALL IN THE 358 00:28:18,732 --> 00:28:23,603 "HELLO KITTY" DIARY. WHICH IS GREAT BECAUSE IT'S LIKE -- IT'S ALL ME TALKING 359 00:28:23,603 --> 00:28:29,075 ABOUT MY SEXUAL AWAKENING. BUT IT'S LIKE -- BUT "HELLO KITTY" IS LIKE ON THE CORNER OF 360 00:28:29,075 --> 00:28:33,413 EVERY PAGE BEING, LIKE, "WHAT DO YOU WANT TO WRITE TODAY?" [ LAUGHTER ] 361 00:28:33,413 --> 00:28:38,051 AND I AM JUST LIKE, "SEX, BOOBS, WET, HARD." SO I CAME ACROSS -- I HAD 362 00:28:38,051 --> 00:28:41,521 WRITTEN SOME EROTIC POETRY AROUND AGE 12. AND THAT'S THE ONE PART OF THE 363 00:28:41,521 --> 00:28:46,459 BOOK ACTUALLY THAT WAS LIKE EMBARRASSING TO WRITE. Seth: AND COULD YOU SHARE A 364 00:28:46,459 --> 00:28:50,430 POEM WITH US NOW? OF COURSE I CAN. Seth: GREAT. 365 00:28:50,430 --> 00:29:02,876 US WRAPPING OUR ARMS AROUND EACH OTHER. I AM GOING TO STOP WHENEVER 366 00:29:02,876 --> 00:29:10,016 THERE IS A SPACE. US WRAPPING OUR ARMS AROUND EACH OTHER, KISSING PASSIONATELY. 367 00:29:10,016 --> 00:29:13,753 SLOWLY, I COME TOWARDS YOU, SETH. IT'S REALLY WEIRD. 368 00:29:13,753 --> 00:29:18,124 SETH IS WRITTEN RIGHT THERE. [ LAUGHTER ] YOU WRAP YOUR HANDS AROUND MY 369 00:29:18,124 --> 00:29:24,731 WAIST. Seth: THAT'S CLASSIC. -- SILENTLY, BUT YET SO 370 00:29:24,731 --> 00:29:29,602 CLOSELY, BECAUSE YOU CAN'T USUALLY DO TWO AT THE SAME TIME I GUESS. 371 00:29:29,602 --> 00:29:36,576 MY ARMS ON YOUR SHOULDERS GAZING INTO YOUR EYES. SUDDENLY YOU STOP, BEND FORWARD 372 00:29:36,576 --> 00:29:43,416 AND KISS ME. I RETURN THE KISS. OUR MOUTHS SLOWLY OPEN. 373 00:29:43,416 --> 00:29:48,388 WE KISS PASSIONATELY NOW. I WROTE "OUR TONGUES TOUCH," BUT THEN I CROSSED IT OUT. 374 00:29:48,388 --> 00:29:52,659 [ LAUGHTER ] BECAUSE I WAS LIKE, "NO, NO, NO. THIS IS TOO MUCH." 375 00:29:52,659 --> 00:29:57,430 Seth: THAT'S TOO MUCH. THAT'S TOO MUCH. OUR ARMS AND HANDS ARE INVOLVED. 376 00:29:57,430 --> 00:30:02,002 [ LAUGHTER ] Seth: INVOLVED. INVOLVED. 377 00:30:02,002 --> 00:30:08,174 THAT'S ALL IT SAYS. LOVE ENCASED IN LUST AND PASSION IN THIS MOMENT. 378 00:30:08,174 --> 00:30:14,014 AND THEN, I WROTE "AND MANY MORE," BUT ALSO CROSSED THAT OUT. 379 00:30:14,014 --> 00:30:19,185 [ LAUGHTER ] I GUESS IT WAS REDUNDANT. I WAS LIKE, "NO, NO, NO, THAT'S 380 00:30:19,185 --> 00:30:23,556 TRITE. THAT'S TRITE." AND THEN, I WROTE "ON THIS 381 00:30:23,556 --> 00:30:25,692 NIGHT" AND I WROTE "FOREVER" BY RACHEL BLOOM, BUT ALSO CROSSED THAT OUT. 382 00:30:25,692 --> 00:30:30,663 [ LAUGHTER ] Seth: WELL, THERE'S ONLY TWO WORDS I CAN SAY TO THAT POEM. 383 00:30:30,663 --> 00:30:39,039 HELLO, KITTY. [ LAUGHTER ] RACHEL, CONGRATULATIONS SO MUCH 384 00:30:39,039 --> 00:30:45,712 ON YOUR DAUGHTER. CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR BOOK. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SHARING 385 00:30:45,712 --> 00:30:49,516 YOUR POETRY, AND THANKS FOR BEING BACK WITH US. IT'S ALWAYS SUCH A DELIGHT TO 386 00:30:49,516 --> 00:30:53,119 SEE YOU. IT WAS SO FUN TO BE HERE WITH YOU. 387 00:30:53,119 --> 00:30:56,489 AND MY HUSBAND HAD FUN, TOO. Seth: OKAY, GOOD. "I WANT TO BE WHERE THE NORMAL 388 00:30:56,489 --> 00:30:58,992 PEOPLE ARE." IT'S AVAILABLE NOW. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE 389 00:30:58,992 --> 00:31:23,350 "LATE NIGHT." ** Seth: WELCOME BACK TO "LATE 390 00:31:23,350 --> 00:31:26,786 NIGHT." MANY OF US THIS YEAR HAVE HAD TO ADJUST TO NEW WORKING 391 00:31:26,786 --> 00:31:31,424 CONDITIONS, WHICH, IN A LOT OF CASES, INCLUDES WORKING REMOTELY. 392 00:31:31,424 --> 00:31:36,229 AND WHILE I CAN APPRECIATE WE'RE STILL LEARNING TO NAVIGATE THIS, RECENTLY ONE OF MY WRITERS, 393 00:31:36,229 --> 00:31:41,735 MIKE SCOLLINS, COMMITTED THE CARDINAL SIN OF WORKING FROM HOME. 394 00:31:41,735 --> 00:31:45,505 HE WORE A TANK TOP TO A ZOOM MEETING. HERE TO TALK ABOUT IT IS THAT 395 00:31:45,505 --> 00:31:50,276 WRITER, MIKE SCOLLINS. MIKE, HOW ARE YOU DOING? I'VE BEEN BETTER. 396 00:31:50,276 --> 00:31:54,881 Seth: IS IT BECAUSE WE MADE FUN OF YOU RELENTLESSLY FOR WEARING A TANK TOP ON ZOOM? 397 00:31:54,881 --> 00:31:58,351 WHAT HAPPENED TO ME WAS NOT MAKING FUN. IT WAS AN ASSAULT. 398 00:31:58,351 --> 00:32:03,056 Seth: WAS IT REALLY THAT BAD? I DON'T KNOW. LET'S SEE AN ARTIST'S RENDERING 399 00:32:03,056 --> 00:32:07,060 OF THE DAY IN QUESTION. I DON'T REMEMBER MY ARMS BEING QUITE THAT SCRAWNY. 400 00:32:07,060 --> 00:32:09,562 THANKS A LOT, GRAPHICS DEPARTMENT. Seth: I MEAN, I WOULDN'T SAY 401 00:32:09,562 --> 00:32:14,234 IT'S INACCURATE. OKAY, JUST TAKE IT DOWN. I'D LIKE TO RUN THROUGH A LIST 402 00:32:14,234 --> 00:32:21,941 OF MY SO-CALLED FRIENDS ON STAFF AND SEE WHAT THEY HAVE TO SAY. THIS IS HEAD WRITER ALEX BAZE. 403 00:32:21,941 --> 00:32:24,878 WHEN I EXPLAINED I WAS WEARING A TANK TOP 'CAUSE I THOUGHT I WAS IN THE ZOOM WAITING ROOM, HE 404 00:32:24,878 --> 00:32:29,249 SAID, "DO YOU MEAN THE ZOOM WEIGHT ROOM?" Seth: THAT'S A GREAT BURN. 405 00:32:29,249 --> 00:32:34,187 THEY'RE ALL GREAT BURNS. THE QUALITY OF THE BURNS IS NOT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT. 406 00:32:34,187 --> 00:32:39,359 THIS IS KAREN CHEE. SHE'S 4'11", BUT TURNS OUT SHE CAN STILL DUNK ON ME. 407 00:32:39,359 --> 00:32:43,096 WHEN I DEFENDED THE TANK, AND SAID I THOUGHT IT WAS NICE, SHE SAID, "IF YOU LIKE IT SO MUCH, 408 00:32:43,096 --> 00:32:46,700 WHY DID YOU CUT THE SLEEVES OFF?" Seth: GOOD ONE, CHEE. 409 00:32:46,700 --> 00:32:50,904 WELL, GUESS WHAT, KAREN? YOU WENT TO HARVARD AND I WENT TO MANHATTAN COLLEGE, AND WE 410 00:32:50,904 --> 00:32:55,675 HAVE THE SAME JOB. NOW WHO MAKES BAD DECISIONS? Seth: I MEAN, SHE GOT THE JOB 411 00:32:55,675 --> 00:33:00,113 LIKE RIGHT OUT AT THAT COLLEGE THOUGH. BRYAN DONALDSON. 412 00:33:00,113 --> 00:33:04,050 SHOWN HERE IN A SCREEN GRAB FROM "TO CATCH A PREDATOR" SAID, "IF YOU LIKE IT SO MUCH, WHY DIDN'T 413 00:33:04,050 --> 00:33:08,588 YOU BUY THE REST OF IT?" IT'S THE ONLY QUESTION HE'S EVER ASKED BESIDES HAVE YOU TRIED 414 00:33:08,588 --> 00:33:12,625 RESETTING THE ROUTER? MIKE SHOEMAKER. Seth: OH, COME ON, THAT IS 415 00:33:12,625 --> 00:33:17,797 NOT MIKE SHOEMAKER. SIMILAR VIBE THOUGH. SIMILAR VIBE. 416 00:33:17,797 --> 00:33:23,169 ALLY HORD. SHE TEXTED, "GETTING ATTACKED IS THE PITS." 417 00:33:23,169 --> 00:33:26,740 A CLEAR REFERENCE TO MY VISIBLE ARMPIT HAIR. Seth: ALLY HORD FROM THE TOP 418 00:33:26,740 --> 00:33:31,144 ROPE! BE GLAD IT WAS OVER ZOOM, ALLY, 'CAUSE I USE TOM'S OF 419 00:33:31,144 --> 00:33:35,482 MAINE DEODORANT, AND THE WAY IT WORKS IS, IT DOESN'T. ALSO, IF YOU'RE WONDERING WHY 420 00:33:35,482 --> 00:33:38,818 SHE'S SMILING IN THAT PHOTO, IT WAS TAKEN THE MINUTE SHE FOUND OUT TOM HANKS HAD COVID. 421 00:33:38,818 --> 00:33:43,089 Seth: THAT IS NOT TRUE. SOUNDS TRUE THOUGH. NEXT! 422 00:33:43,089 --> 00:33:47,627 AMBER RUFFIN! SHE DECIDED TO TAKE MY TANK TOP BURNS NATIONAL. 423 00:33:47,627 --> 00:33:51,765 LET'S SEE WHAT SHE HAD TO SAY. Seth: I AM NOT GOING TO NAME NAMES BUT OBVIOUSLY SOMEONE -- 424 00:33:51,765 --> 00:33:54,768 MIKE SCOLLINS! Seth: SHOWED UP ON ZOOM IN A TANK TOP. 425 00:33:54,768 --> 00:33:59,839 [ LAUGHTER ] YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE PROMOTING YOUR SHOW, AMBER! 426 00:33:59,839 --> 00:34:02,776 THAT'S NOT WHY YOU WERE INVITED ON. Seth: IT'S PARTIALLY WHY SHE 427 00:34:02,776 --> 00:34:09,349 WAS INVITED ON. THAT BRINGS ME TO YOU, SETH. ROLL THE CLIP, WALLY. 428 00:34:09,349 --> 00:34:13,820 SCOLLINS, I DO CUE CARDS. YOU, TOO? SERIOUSLY? 429 00:34:13,820 --> 00:34:16,756 SOMEBODY ROLL IT. Seth: I MEAN, LOOK AT YOUR OUTFIT. 430 00:34:16,756 --> 00:34:22,295 YOU LOOK LIKE MIKE SCOLLINS IN A ZOOM MEETING. UNBELIEVABLE! 431 00:34:22,295 --> 00:34:25,598 THAT'S NOT EVEN THE TYPE OF TANK I LIKE. THOSE SLEEVES WERE CLEARLY CUT. 432 00:34:25,598 --> 00:34:29,069 Seth: UH-HUH. WELL, SETH, YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE COULD USE SOME CLEAR CUTS? 433 00:34:29,069 --> 00:34:31,705 "A CLOSER LOOK." Seth: YOU ABOUT FINISHED, PAL? 434 00:34:31,705 --> 00:34:35,875 NOPE. SETH, DO YOU KNOW WHY I WEAR A TANK TOP ON ZOOM? 435 00:34:35,875 --> 00:34:40,447 Seth: I DON'T KNOW. 'CAUSE YOU DON'T THINK THINGS THROUGH? 436 00:34:40,447 --> 00:34:44,250 I WEAR A TANK TOP ON ZOOM FOR THE LITTLE KID WATCHING AT HOME WHO CLEARLY DOES NOT HAVE THE 437 00:34:44,250 --> 00:34:48,421 ARMS TO PULL SOMETHING LIKE THAT OFF, BUT HE DOES IT ANYWAY. Seth: SORRY. 438 00:34:48,421 --> 00:34:51,858 HOW IS A KID WATCHING OUR ZOOM MEETING? I DO IT FOR THE LITTLE KID IN 439 00:34:51,858 --> 00:34:57,097 THE MIDWEST WHO, ALL HIS LIFE, HAS BEEN TOLD HE NEEDS TO HIDE HIS WEIRD CHEST HAIR. 440 00:34:57,097 --> 00:34:59,566 Seth: WHAT LITTLE KID HAS CHEST HAIR? I DON'T KNOW. 441 00:34:59,566 --> 00:35:05,038 HE'S LIKE ITALIAN. ** Seth: SCOLLINS. 442 00:35:05,038 --> 00:35:09,075 SETH, TANK TOPS AREN'T JUST FOR LIFEGUARDS, OR STEPDADS OR GUYS WHO WANT YOU TO KNOW, "IF 443 00:35:09,075 --> 00:35:12,479 YOU CAN READ THIS, MY OLD LADY FELL OFF." THEY'RE FOR SCOLLINS' AND 444 00:35:12,479 --> 00:35:17,050 KARNELLS' -- Seth: ANOTHER WRITER WHO WEARS TANK TOPS BUT GETS A FREE 445 00:35:17,050 --> 00:35:18,918 PASS. AND, OF COURSE, THE FOLKS WHO JUST DON'T FEEL LIKE GETTING 446 00:35:18,918 --> 00:35:21,454 DRESSED FOR A ZOOM MEETING, GOD BLESS THEM! Seth: OKAY, MIKE, I HATE TO 447 00:35:21,454 --> 00:35:26,092 CUT YOU OFF -- WAS THAT A -- Seth: IT WAS. 448 00:35:26,092 --> 00:35:27,961 ALL RIGHT. WE'RE DONE HERE. WE'RE DONE. 449 00:35:27,961 --> 00:35:36,970 Seth: HEY, MIKE? TANKS! I HATE YOU. 450 00:35:36,970 --> 00:35:39,272 Seth: MIKE SCOLLINS, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MUSIC 451 00:35:39,272 --> 00:36:07,133 FROM LP! ** Seth: IN 2016 SHE MADE HER 452 00:36:07,133 --> 00:36:10,136 TELEVISION DEBUT WITH US PERFORMING HER HIT, "LOST ON YOU," WHICH WOULD GO ON TO TOP 453 00:36:10,136 --> 00:36:15,141 THE CHARTS IN 18 COUNTRIES. BACK TO PERFORM HER LATEST SINGLE, "THE ONE THAT YOU LOVE," 454 00:36:15,141 --> 00:36:27,587 HERE IS LP. ** * NOW THAT YOU'VE GOT 455 00:36:27,587 --> 00:36:33,893 WHAT YOU WANTED NOW THAT YOU'VE GOT WHAT YOU NEED * 456 00:36:33,893 --> 00:36:38,732 * GIRL IF WE'RE GONNA BE HONEST HONESTLY WHAT'S 457 00:36:38,732 --> 00:36:48,208 LEFT FOR ME * * OH OH OH OH OH 'CAUSE ALL I GOT 458 00:36:48,208 --> 00:36:59,586 IS CLOSE BUT NOT AND ALL I WANT * * IS TO KNOW JUST HOW 459 00:36:59,586 --> 00:37:04,758 TRY TO BE THE FIRE FOR YOU TRY TO BE THE SUN TRY TO BE YOUR HOME AND * 460 00:37:04,758 --> 00:37:09,629 * THE PLACE THAT YOU COME TO BABE I TOOK THE WHOLE WORLD AND PUT IT 461 00:37:09,629 --> 00:37:14,434 IN YOUR HANDS * * I'M REALLY TRYING HARD BUT I DON'T UNDERSTAND 462 00:37:14,434 --> 00:37:22,609 TELL ME OH OH OH HOW TO BE THE * * ONE THAT YOU LOVE 463 00:37:22,609 --> 00:37:30,050 OH OH OH OH OH OH HOW TO BE THE ONE THAT YOU LOVE * 464 00:37:30,050 --> 00:37:40,193 ** * DON'T TREAT MY LOVE LIKE A HABIT 465 00:37:40,193 --> 00:37:45,632 WHY DON'T YOU SHOW ME A WAY * * I'D GIVE IT TO YOU 466 00:37:45,632 --> 00:37:54,507 YOU CAN HAVE IT I JUST WISH I KNEW WHAT TO SAY * 467 00:37:54,507 --> 00:38:04,017 * 'CAUSE ALL I GOT IS CLOSE BUT NOT AND ALL I WANT IS TO KNOW 468 00:38:04,017 --> 00:38:14,027 JUST HOW * * TRY TO BE THE FIRE FOR YOU TRY TO BE THE SUN 469 00:38:14,027 --> 00:38:19,232 TRY TO BE YOUR HOME AND THE PLACE THAT YOU COME TO * * BABE I TOOK THE WHOLE 470 00:38:19,232 --> 00:38:22,869 WORLD AND PUT IT IN YOUR HANDS I'M REALLY TRYING HARD * 471 00:38:22,869 --> 00:38:29,909 * BUT I DON'T UNDERSTAND TELL ME OH OH OH HOW TO BE THE ONE 472 00:38:29,909 --> 00:38:38,852 THAT YOU LOVE * * OH OH OH OH OH OH HOW TO BE THE ONE 473 00:38:38,852 --> 00:39:00,540 HOW TO BE THE ONE HOW TO BE THE ONE * ** 474 00:39:00,540 --> 00:39:06,346 * TRY TO BE THE FIRE FOR YOU TRY TO BE THE SUN TRY TO BE YOUR HOME AND 475 00:39:06,346 --> 00:39:11,785 THE PLACE THAT YOU COME TO * * BABE I TOOK THE WHOLE WORLD AND PUT IT 476 00:39:11,785 --> 00:39:18,825 IN YOUR HANDS I'M REALLY TRYING HARD * * BUT I DON'T UNDERSTAND 477 00:39:18,825 --> 00:39:27,300 HOW TO BE THE ONE OH OH OH HOW TO BE THE ONE THAT YOU LOVE * 478 00:39:27,300 --> 00:39:34,607 * OH OH OH OH OH OH HOW TO BE THE ONE THAT YOU LOVE 479 00:39:34,607 --> 00:39:42,315 OH OH OH OH OH OH * * HOW TO BE THE ONE THAT YOU LOVE 480 00:39:42,315 --> 00:39:50,490 OH OH OH OH OH OH HOW TO BE THE ONE * * HOW TO BE THE ONE 481 00:39:50,490 --> 00:39:59,566 THAT YOU LOVE * ** Seth: MY THANKS TO LP. 482 00:39:59,566 --> 00:40:04,137 CHECK OUT HER SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA DRIVE-IN LIVESTREAM CONCERT AND A SNEAK PEEK OF NEW 483 00:40:04,137 --> 00:40:29,029 MUSIC AT IAMLP.COM. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. ** 484 00:40:29,029 --> 00:40:32,165 Seth: I WANT TO THANK MY GUESTS, HUGH LAURIE, RACHEL BLOOM, AND LP. 485 00:40:32,165 --> 00:40:34,601 I WANT TO THANK VALERIE FRANCO AND THE 8G BAND. STAY TUNED FOR "LILLY SINGH." 486 00:40:34,601 --> 00:40:37,270 STAY SAFE. WASH YOUR HANDS. WEAR A MASK. 487 00:40:37,270 --> 00:40:55,188 WEAR A MASK. WE LOVE YOU. **