[static buzzes]
[slow music]
Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull
[slow piano music]
[Vasili's Father] You can't keep that from me.
This is my fucking house!
Come on, give it to me!
- Give that to me right now! - [Lena] Get off of me!
Come on, give me that fucking bottle, you bitch!
I want it right fucking now, come on!
Give it to me!
[Vasili's father shouts] [somber piano music]
Oh, come on, give it to me!
Give it!
[slow piano music continues]
[whimsical orchestral music]
[slow orchestral music]
Take Potato to the neighbors', take him out of here!
Get him out of here, now!
[upbeat orchestral music]
[slow choral music]
Put it down.
Potato, where's your red scarf?
I won't wear it.
What?
The red stands for all the blood
that was spilled for the Revolution.
I won't wear your stupid Communist, bloodthirsty scarf.
And what if I have a word with your mother?
[Potato] My mom says we should question everything
the government tells us.
[Prisoner] You're a doctor, what are you waiting for?
Does she now?
Give him this.
The Communists are no better than the Nazis.
[prisoner coughs]
They killed so many people, they ruined this country.
I'm innocent, [trembles] help me.
If I said what you just said when I was your age.
[Prisoner] I'm innocent, get me out.
Look straight, everyone.
Can't you see I'll die in here?
[camera shutter clicks] [upbeat orchestral music]
I need help.
[camera shutter clicks]
Please.
[camera shutter clicks] [upbeat orchestral music]
So because Schwarz pressed
that big button before he let go,
there's all these giant machines
that start working, like, underground,
and suddenly they, like, make all this air,
and the air starts blowing from underground like geysers.
I've seen a geyser once.
We don't care.
What happened then?
So the air goes whoosh,
and breaks all the windows on Mars,
and everybody's just screaming.
What about the three-titted lady mutant?
Her, too, and they all think that they're gonna die.
Schwarzenegger and this girl have these big,
swollen heads like crazy puppets.
Hey, Dima, is this the geyser you saw?
[Group] Shut up.
And finally the oxygen spreads everywhere,
even where Schwarz is, so he stops dying, and he lives.
What about his girlfriend?
[Boy With Striped Shirt] And his girlfriend lives, too.
And the three-tittied lady mutant?
Your mom's a three-tittied mutant lady.
Ow, wait, wait, look.
Where did you find this?
The dumpster.
Pretty sweet, huh?
Potato, look.
Ew!
- Look, you can't even see- - Hey, give it back.
[boys laughing]
[Dima] Wow.
[Boy In Striped Shirt] Nice find.
Have you guys seen Star Wars, Episode 35?
[Boy In White Shirt] There's no episode 35.
Yes, there is.
I saw it at my grandma's neighbor's place.
[Boy In White Shirt] You're stupid.
Are there any hot chicks in it?
Several.
I wanna hear.
Me, too, someone told me it's very good.
Stupid!
- Tell it. - Tell it.
It begins...
in space.
[slow orchestral music]
Dear compatriots.
This is it, it's really happening, I'm not dreaming?
If my father were alive to see this,
he was so proud to serve in the Red Army.
Screw him.
Are we gonna be free now?
I don't even know what that means.
No more Soviet Union, no more Communism.
We'll have freedom of speech.
Oh, and maybe toilet paper.
I was thinking maybe I should move in with you.
Really, where is this coming from?
Just last week, you tried breaking up with me again.
Last week, I was lost.
After reading Nietzsche again, I didn't know who I was.
And now you do?
I feel inspired by this.
Everything's gonna be different now.
I feel like a new man.
A divorced woman with a child should be begging strangers
on the street to move in with her.
Grandma, don't be dumb.
You hear what he said to me?
Because you're dumb.
I don't know, you keep coming and going,
and Potato needs some stability in his life.
- Mom, I don't care- - You stay out of this.
If you're worried about crowding you,
I really don't have that many things.
Just some clothes and a color TV.
[slow music]
A color TV, did he just say a color TV?
When did you get a color TV?
Last month, my brother bought a new one
and gave me his old one.
You really could use a man around the house.
Why not?
Let's try it, the more, the merrier, right?
A color TV. [upbeat orchestral music]
What's going on?
[Vasili] Just you wait.
[static crackles]
Have you lost your mind?
We only have two channels.
It's coming.
What is, I don't see anything.
[static crackles]
[upbeat orchestral music]
Everyone at school was talking about it.
It came on last night, it's a renegade channel.
They show American movies.
I don't believe it, we have three channels now.
I wanna see, let me see.
♪ Light ♪
[toilet flushes]
American movies on TV.
American movies.
What's this?
The secret channel number three.
They show American movies late at night.
[circuit breaker pops]
[Lena groans]
No, no, no, not now!
[Lena] We'll never find out what happened.
[Vova] What happened?
[Prisoner] The power's out again.
[slow music] [chains rattling]
[Lena] Oh, God, not again.
[Prisoner] It was an accident.
[Prisoner] An accident.
[Lena cries]
He was beaten to death.
Died from an accident.
You need to write that in your report.
Accident.
[Grandma] Well, that didn't take long.
What?
Vova, how long before he moved out?
A couple months this time.
He said he needs to find himself.
Why can't he find himself in your apartment?
Beat's me, I don't care, I just miss his color TV.
The women in our family are cursed.
We just can't hold onto our men.
You wanna hold onto these lousy men,
you go right ahead.
I'd rather be alone if these are my only options.
Alone?
What about Potato?
What about me?
You need a father.
I have a father.
He's a sack of shit.
God, the bastard's refusing to pay child support.
I have to go to court again next month.
Any father is better than no father.
Are you kidding me?
You want your grandson
to grow up watching a mean drunk beat
your daughter every night?
Your trouble is you've never really loved a man.
Except Potato.
I'm okay with that.
Even right after you were born, you were always cold.
You had these thin, mean lips that you pursed.
I know, Mom, and bulging eyes like an ant.
Yes, bulging eyes. [laughs]
Mom, your lips are not thin.
What other compliments are in store for me today?
Oh, remember when you were a little girl
and you pulled your hair back, [laughs]
and all the neighbors kept telling you
you looked like an old Jew?
From what I recall, the only person saying that was you.
"We saw your little old Jew today,"
the neighbors would say, and I'd have to correct them.
"Oh, no, no, no, no.
You saw my little old half-Armenian girl today. [laughs]
She's not a Jew."
Glad you were there to clear that one up, Mom.
That's what mothers are for.
[gently chiming music]
In the beginning,
Christ himself only had a handful of followers,
and, today, there are millions around the world
who follow his word.
Now that the Red Babel has fallen, your classmates
and friends and neighbors will start believing in him, too.
The important thing is
you should never be ashamed of Christ.
Bring him home with you.
Bring him everywhere.
I'm not sure we have room at my apartment.
[slow harp music]
I don't need much space.
All I need is your love.
All I need is love, too.
You look like you could use a friend.
You're right.
My old friends are starting to drink
and sniff glue and talk about vaginas.
Oh.
I can't do any of those things.
My mom is already stressed out enough as it is.
Tell me more about your mom.
My mom is my best friend, but she's always sad.
I'm always worried about her.
Let me take care of your mom.
Let me take care of everything.
For real?
[door rattles]
Mom, I found Christ.
That's nice.
Your mom looks like she could be your sister.
Everyone says that, she had me young.
Why do you think your mom is always sad?
All she thinks about is when I turn 18
and get drafted into military.
She says nothing is worse than the Russian military.
She's afraid I have no future.
Do you think you have a future?
I can't let myself think about the future.
I have to stay strong for Mom.
You have to have faith.
In what?
In good things that are gonna happen to you,
a better tomorrow.
Easier said than done.
It's like the American movies.
Why do you think the hero always wins in the end?
Because they're in America.
No... well, yeah, because they're in America,
but also because they believe.
Our lives are like Russian movies.
Nothing good ever happens, bad guys always win.
Then believe in American movies.
You have to believe, and get your mother to believe.
[gently chiming music]
[gong rattles]
Stop it.
I think some
of you are taking these new freedoms a bit too far.
My parents say we can never be free
until we get rid of all the Jews.
Well, that's a little harsh, don't you think?
[Student] Put all the kikes in an oven like Hitler did.
Too bad Hitler didn't finish the job.
Oh, shut up.
You know who's worse than kikes?
Faggots.
Faggots make me sick.
They're not really human.
[Student] I heard you can tell a faggot
by the way they walk.
Now, class, we really don't have any
of those people in Russia, it's an American thing.
Drugs, perverts, and AIDS.
They all have AIDS.
Freddie Mercury.
Freddie was not a faggot.
Of course he wasn't, he was too talented.
Anyway, let's talk about something more pleasant.
Back to the subject of kikes.
We're not supposed to use that word.
[Students] Kikes, kikes, kikes, kikes, kikes, kikes,
kikes, kikes, kikes, kikes,
kikes, kikes, kikes, kikes, kikes, kikes, kikes.
Come on, you don't have to do what everyone does.
Let go.
No, don't do it.
- I know your dad- - Shut up, shut up!
- You know nothing about me. - Kikes, kikes, kikes, kikes,
kikes, kikes, kikes, kikes, kikes, kikes, kikes,
kikes, kikes, kikes, kikes.
[sad orchestral music]
[Student Voiceover] You can tell a faggot
by the way they walk.
[Teacher Voiceover] Not in Russia.
[Student Voiceover] They're not really human.
[Student Voiceover] Faggot.
[Student Voiceover] By the way he walks.
[Student Voiceover] The way he walks.
[door rattles]
[television chatters]
Jesus?
What?
Am I a...
- Am I- - What?
Never mind.
Shh, Jean-Claude is really
about to kick some ass right now.
[slow rock music]
♪ Silence is my last resort ♪
♪ And the only option I will choose ♪
♪ My words are falling ♪
♪ Rather short ♪
♪ And making things hard to ♪
[Potato screams]
Oh my God, oh my God!
Oh my God, I think I'm dying.
What?
Something's just happened to me.
What's happening, what's happening to me?
Uh, I don't know, maybe you should ask your mom.
You don't know?
Jesus, you're supposed to know everything.
Don't ask me, ask Mom.
What if she doesn't know, either?
What if it's something bad?
What am I supposed to do, huh?
Give me the tissue.
What is this stuff?
[whimsical orchestral music]
That is weird.
[Vasili] It came out of me.
Do you think it's that thing men squirt
into women to make babies?
Oh my God, [spits] oh, I hope not.
What if it happens again?
No, I am sure that this is never gonna happen again.
What if it does?
Well, then, we will just have
to tell your mother, won't we?
Happy March eighth.
May you stay young and beautiful forever, see?
You thought you were in trouble with me, but you're not.
Why should I be in trouble?
Lena, Lena, Lena.
How can I say this without sounding too harsh?
You need to start doing your job.
I have been doing my job.
But have you been following my orders?
Whatever happened last night was no accident.
I will not lie and say it was an accident in my report.
I took an oath as a doctor-
- You took an oath to help the living, not the dead.
He wouldn't be dead if they hadn't murdered him.
Who are they?
Can you tell me?
Or could you be accusing someone I know?
I'm not accusing anyone.
That's good, because you really don't want
to be throwing accusations around here.
All I know is there was foul play.
The boy was beaten to death.
I won't dishonor his memory by lying.
Maybe you should stop worrying about this dead boy
and start thinking about your own son.
I am thinking about my son.
Are you?
He's all I think about, and I don't want
- him to live in a world where- - Forget the world!
This isn't the world.
This is prison, a purgatory for lost causes.
But your son, he is out there in the real world,
and when he grows up and gets drafted by the army,
will your principles protect him from hazing, torture,
malnutrition, and his own very unfortunate accident?
Because I can protect him.
I've got connections in the army.
I can make sure that he gets through it all alive, or not.
It's your call.
Who do you think you are, anyway?
You think now the USSR is done, you can stick your neck out?
The name may be different, a new flag perhaps,
but the people are the same, the same old Russia,
and it will grind you up and shit you out,
you and your fucking principles,
unless you learn to accept things
as they always have been and will always be.
[slow ambient music]
[door creaks]
[door slams]
[Lena trembles]
[slow piano music]
[Lena] Anything interesting this time?
[Grandma] Oh, yes, they're at it again.
Oh, let me see.
[Grandma] Huh?
[Lena] I wanna see.
Oh, I like how they decorated their place.
They sure are lucky.
How come they never get outages
when we have one every night?
[Lena] The governor's nephew lives in their building.
I thought it was the mayor's mistress.
See, I told you capitalism wasn't gonna be all that.
This is not capitalism, Mom.
Okay, well, then what is capitalism?
I know it's not capitalism when the same old farts
who were Communist Party leaders are
suddenly privatizing all public land
and property for themselves.
Well, at least we can agree that nothing's gotten better.
Some things got better.
Yeah, some things got better.
Like what?
Like toilet paper.
We have channel number three.
We can watch American movies.
Yes, and that does us a lot of good
when the electricity goes out every night.
The Iron Curtain is lifted.
We can travel, we can even get the hell out if we want.
You know, if you ask me, that's an improvement.
You would leave the country?
Uh-huh.
And where would you go?
Anywhere.
Uh, what he said.
Anywhere is better than our beloved motherland?
Shame on you!
If your grandfather were alive to hear you say that,
he'd have a heart attack.
Thank goodness he's dead then.
[electricity buzzes]
Hooray! [slow orchestral music]
No, I don't wanna dance with you, you're a bad boy.
[Vasili] Yeah, you do.
No, I don't.
[Salesman] Are you tired of Russian men?
Interested in meeting men from America?
Look no further, we got 'em all, cowboys, businessmen,
doctors,
lawyers.
Cowboys, businessmen,
other employed men.
Request a free application to add your profile
to our mail-order bride catalog
so you, too, can be chosen by an eligible bachelor
in a faraway exotic place like Dallas
or Santa Barbara or Milwaukee.
Don't let your American prince charming slip away.
Apply now.
[slow electronic music]
[Woman] So, who's the lucky guy?
Are you kidding, a divorced mother?
She's the lucky one as long as he's breathing.
Shut up!
So are you gonna tell us?
Nope.
Why?
Leave her alone.
Why don't you wanna tell us about your fancy date?
She probably doesn't wanna jinx it.
I understand, don't tell 'em, do not tell them.
These are some jealous broads.
Finish telling the movie.
All right, where was I?
Um, he brought her back to the store.
That's right, so, get this, he brings her back
to that expensive store and tells her she can buy anything.
[Lena] Anything?
Anything, and-
- [Lena] No way.
And he tells those stuck-up salesmen
to spoil her, treat her like a queen.
That store where she got kicked out for being a hooker?
Yeah.
If I was her, I'd say, "Big mistake, big mistake.
"I got money, bitches."
[group laughs]
Okay, okay, tell me one thing.
Does he marry her at the end?
Let her finish telling the movie.
If it's not a happy ending, I don't wanna hear the rest.
Of course he marries her, it's an American movie.
Aw, I wish I was a hooker in America.
Don't we all.
[light jazz music]
[Lena] Occupation.
Doctor in prison.
Prison doesn't sound very romantic.
I'll just say doctor.
Doctor in prison sounds badass.
I don't know if men go for badass.
Fine.
[Lena] Children.
Me.
Should I tell them about you, though?
Grandma would definitely say no.
Yeah, that's a strike against me.
I think I should just wait until you get married
and show up at your doorstep as a surprise.
[Lena] Religion.
- Russian Orthodox. - Oh, you need to get to bed.
Your Sunday school's in the morning.
I'm not feeling it, I got Jesus right here.
- [television chatters] - No, why would you do that?
He's clearly cheating on you.
[slow percussive music]
Nunchucks, really?
That's what it's called, confiscated from a gang.
Cowabunga, like Michelangelo.
Who?
Never mind.
[typewriter clacks]
Did he die?
Yes.
She did.
I took a train to her village
and begged her parents to donate it to me.
Don't you get sad doing this?
Oh, yes, I'm sad.
Life is sad.
Look at them, those manly boys.
Some day, that'll be you if you're fortunate.
Fortunate?
Yes, well, it's either here or the Police Academy,
if I can get you in with the right connections,
or the military, and, if it's the latter,
you'll never make it out alive.
But I don't wanna be a policeman.
Oh, really, what do you wanna be?
I wanna make movies.
[Grandma scoffs]
No one in our family has...
Do you know anyone that gets to do what they like?
No.
You think when I was a little girl,
I wanted to run a police museum?
No, I wanted to be a ballerina.
You see me dancing?
What makes you so special?
The fact that I want it so bad.
Huh, sure.
You gotta give it to these gang members,
they're very creative.
Tell you what, why don't you keep that?
Bring it with you to school.
What?
You heard me, bring it with you to school.
That way, the next time somebody picks on you,
you can pull it out and. [hisses]
No one is picking on me at school.
Oh, really?
That's not what your teachers say.
When did you speak to my teachers?
You can't tell Mom.
Oh, my mommy, my mommy, oh, she's so fragile.
Fine, I'll bring it to school.
But if you ever tell Mom, I will kill you.
Nice.
That's a great way to talk to your grandma.
[pipes gurgling]
They turned off the water again.
[Vasili] Mom?
[Lena] I told you, I don't want
to open the letter in the middle of the street.
We're almost home.
We'll get there and open it properly.
What do you mean properly?
I don't wanna open it here.
Mom, it's a letter from America-
- Shh, I don't want anyone to hear.
There is no one here, please?
Fine, I'll do it.
Look, it's in English.
There's a photo of him.
How old is he?
Such a friendly face.
Let's get home and open it with a dictionary.
Look, his name is John.
John.
He works for Microsoft.
What is that?
It says something about computers.
Computers?
Wow.
"Dear John, thank you so much for your interest in me.
Your letter was a nice surprise when I came home today.
What can I tell you about us?
Vladivostok is a big city in the Far East,
right next to China and Japan.
My son and I live in an apartment on a fifth floor.
It's a little place, but we try to make it cozy.
We're lucky there's only two of us here.
Same-size apartments in our building are shared
by three generations.
But my mother does visit us often.
I work as a doctor in prison.
It's challenging, and sometimes they pay me.
I'm lucky to have a job, but I don't love it.
I call my son Potato.
He's a very good student.
He loves school, American movies, and Jesus Christ.
He was so excited last week.
I saved and saved and bought us a new color TV.
All we know about America are American movies,
but it's enough to fall in love with your country.
There are always happy endings."
[slow rock music]
[gun fires]
Mom?
[Lena] What?
Mom, I have to tell you something.
[Lena] What is it?
It's something terrible.
My little Potato, what is it?
My biology book.
Yes?
It says that when a boy exercises,
he's not going to want to.
[Lena] What?
Touch himself.
Touch?
There.
Masturbating?
I guess.
I did.
I do, sometimes.
The book says it's a very dangerous to your health.
I exercise and I exercise just like the book says
and I still end up.
Are there any other terrible things
you're planning on telling me?
Am I going to die?
Someday, when you're really, really old, yes,
but not from doing that.
But my biology book says-
- Your biology book is outdated garbage.
Look, I'm sorry you were so worried,
but everyone, hey, everyone does it, okay?
Men and women.
Everyone?
[Lena] Everyone.
Even Grandma?
Even Grandma.
[Grandma knocks]
[Vasili] Grandma, we were just talking about you.
[Grandma] Oh, you were, were you?
Why can't you live on the first floor? [sighs]
How was work?
I had a 48 hour shift in prison, Mom,
and they haven't paid me in two months.
How do you think work was?
What, I can't even ask now?
I got you that job, I'd like to know how it's going.
All right, since you really wanna know,
we had another accident.
Another dead boy, another neck broken.
I'm supposed to say it was a heart attack,
but I'm not going to say that,
so my boss is threatening to God knows what, kill me?
All the prisoners have tuberculosis,
and I don't have anything to treat them with,
so now every time that I cough,
I think maybe I've caught it from them.
Oh, and did I mention
that my boss is threatening to kill me?
What else would you like to know?
No need to be so dramatic.
I just wanna come home and try
to forget about what's happening at work, okay?
Is that all right with you?
Fine.
[knife rattles] [dramatic music]
[Lena] Potato, what is that?
A gift from Grandma.
It's nothing.
He was being bullied so badly at school
he was skipping class. [door knocks]
It's not true.
[Lena groans]
What do you want?
To give you this and talk about getting back together.
No.
No?
Not interested.
I understand why you'd feel this way,
and I really appreciate you giving me space
when I asked for it, but I've had time to think it all over
and I believe I've finally found myself.
Well, I don't like what I see, so keep looking.
- But maybe I could- - Do you see that over there?
You got a new color TV.
That's right, I saved and I saved and I saved
and finally got us our very own color TV.
So?
So I don't need
your indecisive ass anymore, okay, goodbye.
What did you do that for?
Who's gonna want you now?
[Lena] Nobody, nobody's gonna want me, Mom.
You would tell me if you were skipping school
and getting bullied, wouldn't you?
He doesn't tell you anything.
Mom, I didn't want you to worry.
Look at his back, it's covered in bruises.
They beat the shit out of him last week.
Stop, Mom, stop! [dramatic orchestral music]
[Lena gasps]
[Lena] Who did this to you?
[Grandma] Bunch of his classmates.
Mom, where are you going?
I'm going to your school, and I'm gonna find out
who's been bullying you and kill them.
You can't protect him forever.
[Vasili] Mom, you can't do this.
It will only make it worse.
- You should listen to him. - Stop, no, no, Mom-
- He's right, you're only gonna make it worse.
The kid needs to toughen up.
[Vasili] It's only going to make it worse.
You know, he's going to be drafted in a couple of years,
and the bullies at school,
they're gonna look like angels compared
to what's coming for him.
I've told you and told you and told you
you were not raising him right.
He is far too sensitive.
The army will be the death of him.
You never should have left his father.
At least then Potato would have a male figure in his life.
I mean, I have told you-
[Lena screams]
[slow orchestral music]
You have to eat.
There's no point.
What do you mean, Mom?
Don't you feel the walls closing in?
[building rumbles]
Mom, you're just sad.
It's okay.
You will feel better, like before.
I never felt better.
I don't remember feeling better.
There's always been this dark cloud
that follows me around no matter where I go.
That's not a cloud, Mom, that's just Grandma.
I wish we could fall asleep right now and never wake up.
I could keep you safe. [building rumbles]
This place is gonna crumble all around us, I can feel it.
Mom,
get better.
Please.
I don't know what's going on.
Mom, please, you're scaring me.
[door knocks] [slow piano music]
[lively orchestral music]
Good evening.
Good evening, Nina Ivanovna.
Look what I got in the mail today.
It's for you.
Must be because we have the same apartment number.
Wrong building, though.
The postman must've messed up.
I was very surprised to find a letter from the USA.
I didn't mean to open it, but I didn't look at the name.
I just thought it was for me.
That's okay, thank you, thank you so much.
It's not every day you get a letter like this.
Thank you so much for bringing it.
I hope you don't mind, I smelled it.
American paper smells different, isn't that strange?
Mm, have a good night.
Be sure and tell your American friend
to write the address more clearly.
We will, we will.
Thank you, good night, Nina Ivanovna.
Good night.
Good night!
- Good night. - Good night.
- Good night!
[door slams]
Do you know what it says?
What does it say?
I don't know, I should get a dictionary to make sure.
What does it say, Mom?
Oh God, I'm afraid to say it out loud.
Mom?
I think it says here that John wants
to bring us to America.
Are you serious?
Oh God, I'm afraid to believe.
I'm afraid to get my hopes up.
You should never be afraid to believe, let's pray.
Darling dear Mary, you're a mother like me,
so you know why I feel so desperate.
Please let me marry this kind man, this John.
Let me bring Potato to America
so he's safe and doesn't get drafted into the Russian Army.
There's nothing I wouldn't do to protect him.
Please, dear Mother of God, do this for us
and I'll never ask for anything else.
[building rumbles]
♪ If you're quiet enough in the height of the night ♪
♪ You can hear the song of freedom ♪
♪ The stunning song of freedom ♪
♪ It beats in the dreams of the girls and the queens ♪
♪ And the men and the boy chicks and in-betweens ♪
♪ While their fears are busy away ♪
♪ The rumble of the moon ♪
♪ It will drown and swoon ♪
♪ The years of yeses and nos ♪
♪ Gather the highs and the lows ♪
♪ What's left is freedom ♪
♪ Spread your span ♪
♪ Raise your hands ♪
♪ Catch this song of freedom, catch this song of freedom ♪
♪ Right her light ♪
♪ And do the sweet of the night ♪
♪ This is your song of freedom, this is your song of freedom ♪
♪ Demons will think ♪
♪ They will think that you're down ♪
♪ They say no, and they claw and they fight ♪
♪ Insisting that they're in the right ♪
♪ You can hold onto your pride ♪
♪ What was lost is now sound ♪
♪ You can hear the song of freedom ♪
♪ The gorgeous song of freedom ♪
♪ The rumble of the moon ♪
♪ It will drown and swoon ♪
♪ The years of yeses and nos ♪
♪ Gather the highs and the lows ♪
♪ What's left is freedom ♪
♪ Freedom ♪
♪ Spread your span ♪
♪ Raise your hands ♪
♪ And catch this song of freedom ♪
♪ Catch this song of freedom ♪
♪ Ride your light ♪
♪ Into the sweet of the night ♪
♪ This is your song of freedom, this is your song of freedom ♪
♪ Freedom ♪
[somber choral music]
[slow orchestral music]
What?
Oh my God!
Oh my God, oh my God!
You give him computer?
Oh my God!
How can you, it's too expensive.
Oh, it's worth it to see him so happy.
You are kind, thank you, I love you.
Hey, he looks like he's never seen a computer before.
Are you kidding? [laughs]
in our family, nobody had phone.
Computer is like spaceship to him.
You're more than welcome.
Oh.
Ah, for me?
Ah, let's see, what could this be?
Oh, toy train, I love toy trains.
How did you know?
Your letters, one time you say you love toy trains.
And you remembered?
Of course.
Well, this is great, great.
It makes me feel like I was a kid.
[both laughing]
[bell rings]
[gently chiming music]
Oh, how do you say your name?
Vasili.
[Teacher] I'm sorry, can you say it louder
so the whole class can hear it?
Why?
Well, you've got a beautiful Russian name,
or is it Czech or something?
How do you pronounce it?
Vasili.
Um, Vissil?
Yeah, that's fine.
What's this part?
Name of the my father, it goes in middle.
Oh, say your middle name for me.
I do not want to.
Say your name, please.
I do not want my father's name.
I'm sorry, I'm having a hard time understanding you,
but I can't start class until you say your whole name.
Vasili Sergei Vitz Naumenko.
[teacher claps]
Oh, that's nice, thank you.
Isn't that a beautiful name, class?
Great, you can have a seat, thank you.
And see, class, this is what we were talking about,
about awareness and inclusivity,
really, really paying attention to how we're all alike
and also different at the same time,
to be able to ask questions of one another,
to really explore these things.
Want to know what other people might.
[slow orchestral music]
You know why American women so independent?
Why?
Because you have all these machines,
washing machine, drying machine,
microwave, dishes washing machine.
In Russia, they have nothing.
[timer buzzes]
[box clatters]
[somber orchestral music]
I see you've found Lena number one.
Huh?
Yeah, her name was Lena also.
I met her through the same catalog as you.
She lived with you in America?
Briefly, the marriage only lasted three months.
Marriage?
Well, I didn't tell you
because I didn't think it was much of a marriage.
What happened?
Didn't work out.
Our beliefs were not compatible,
so I sent her back to Russia.
Sent her back?
I didn't want to make a big deal out of it,
but now that you know, I guess it's a good reminder
for you not to disappoint me.
It's just a joke.
Mostly.
Oh.
[somber orchestral music continues]
[Teacher] I am very concerned about you.
Why?
Because you're losing your beautiful culture.
People come to this country
and they lose their beautiful heritage,
and that's not what we want.
People say this country is a melting pot,
and I just disagree.
Why would you want a boring, mushy melting pot
when you could just toss a salad, right?
Every culture is beautiful and unique.
I want to learn English, this is all.
No, no, you're not, you're not hearing me,
and don't worry about English.
I think you should be at a school
with other Russian speakers and Russian interpreters
so you can be with your own kind.
I do not want to be-
- I want you to meet someone, Timur, this is Vasili.
[Timur] Nice to meet you.
He is also Russian, so I'll leave you two
to talk amongst yourselves.
Be sure to speak Russian together.
Timur, Vasili really needs some friends.
Oh, and Vasili, I'm gonna move you
from my class into an ESL class.
It's gonna be a better fit for you.
Would you fuck her?
What?
Would you fuck that bitch?
Would you, uh, take your cock
and rub it in her face like this?
Look at her ass.
I do not want.
Oh, fresh off the boat, huh?
No, I'm from Vladivostok.
Ah, cool, cool.
No, not cool.
I'm from Tbilisi, but that cunt thinks I'm Russian
because she don't know difference.
I'm serious, if she was, like, coming onto you, you know,
like, "Hey, I suck your big Russian penis long time,"
would you, uh, you know, stick it in her?
I don't understand.
[Timur laughs]
What, are you a faggot or something?
[slow orchestral music]
A homo?
Man, I'm just kidding you, man.
I hate faggots, you know?
In Tbilisi, if we think some guy is a faggot,
we kill him, nobody even care.
Okay, later.
Hi, you survived the first day?
Oh, American school, very easy.
Back where I come from, school is like hell.
Really?
[slow orchestral music]
Did you come here with your whole family?
My mom, she is my whole family.
Hey, so I'm taking an art class this quarter
and I have to do all these sketches for homework.
No, art is great.
I was thinking, 'cause I'm tired
of drawing pots and flowers,
it'd be cool to have a life model.
Would you model for me?
Like naked with no clothes?
No, no, no, um, I just mean you have a cool face.
I mean, drawing your face, why, did you want to pose naked?
No, but yeah, you can draw my face.
Um, here's my number.
[slow blues music]
So it says here you went to medical school.
Yes.
So you're a doctor?
Yes.
You know, here, we just make tacos.
I know.
So why do you want to work here?
I need work, [laughs] my English, not good.
Uh, I cannot be doctor here.
Fair enough. [laughs]
So when can you start?
It's comforting to know that the tracks are already there.
The number of routes
and destinations are predetermined. [chuckles]
Not like automobiles.
Here we say cars.
Cars.
You know, as you grow older,
you will see that sometimes it's hard
for us to understand God's plan.
He gives us all this free will,
just to watch us fail and make bad choices.
It might even seem cruel at times,
but it's not for us to understand that.
Our job is to do what the Bible says.
Bible says so many things.
What was that?
I say, Bible say so many things.
Exactly, everything we need to know is right there,
if only we listen.
You know, I tried a number of faiths
before I settled on Russian Orthodox,
and you know why I chose it?
Why?
There's no wiggle room in its interpretation.
It's the purest of doctrines.
[somber orchestral music]
And it's this rigidity that we all need now
as the world turns into a dark, wild jungle,
it's this rigidity that will shelter us from temptation,
you know, keep us out of trouble, you know?
[train rattles]
Oh, that's too small, you cut like this.
[Lena] Sorry.
It's okay, you'll do fine.
Thank you.
Is it true that you were a doctor in Russia?
Yes.
My husband was a professor back home.
He actually works at the gas station.
I'd rather scrub floors here
than be doctor back in Russia.
I understand, you come to this country alone?
My son and me came, I married American man.
American, [laughs] you must be so happy.
Your son can live here now and have a real future.
So happy, no words how happy.
Your American husband, he's good looking?
He is nice.
He is not rich, either, huh,
or you would not have to work here. [laughs]
It's okay, it's okay, I understand.
I am very lucky.
At least you got a man.
Her, over there, she's a lesbian.
She loves only women.
Really?
Hmm.
Good for her.
Yes, good for her. [laughs]
[slow metal music]
How's it going?
Good.
Hey, how was "Taxi Driver"?
My stepfather loves it.
Of course he does.
[slow rock music]
♪ I've landed in an [indistinct] ♪
♪ Sat down and wrote his obituary ♪
♪ [indistinct] ♪
♪ You only really hurt the one that you love ♪
Such a good film, Gregg Araki is one of my favorites.
Have you seen "The Doom Generation"?
It's so good, but I like this one, too.
Cool cover, huh?
We have his new one, too, "Nowhere,"
it's in the new section if you want to check it out.
Due Wednesday by 8:00 pm, have a good day.
[slow rock music]
♪ I've landed in an [indistinct] ♪
♪ Sat down and wrote his obituary ♪
You want to know what it is I like best about guy bodies?
Well, you see, they got this line running right
through the middle of them, dividing their torsos in two.
It starts right here, around the bead of the collarbone.
If you had to choose,
which would you rather die from, sex?
Or love?
♪ Right down through the 10 ♪
♪ Looked up to God and said ♪
[slow music]
[slow orchestral music]
Getting some air?
Yeah, outside very nice.
Good night.
Oh, Christ God, bless the food and drink
of thy servants, for holy art thou always,
now, ever, and onto the ages of ages, amen.
So, must be a big culture shock for you,
going to an American school, huh?
I like it very much, people very friendly with me here,
and students don't try to kill you every day like in Russia,
so very nice.
Yeah, well, we are lucky we live here.
But you tell that to the liberals,
they will destroy this country yet.
I mean, prayer not allowed in school,
homosexuality condoned, millions of innocent,
unborn children slaughtered.
The government gets bigger and bigger, hmm?
And believe me, they would round us all up, too,
if they could, but in the United States,
we have the right to bear arms.
Where you find bear arms?
Poor bear, no.
No, no, no, [laughs] it means the right to own guns.
Don't shoot gun at bear, hunting is mean-
- Nobody is shooting bears!
It's the government we have to protect ourselves from.
They're the ones that are out to get us.
I mean, they're vaccinating everybody,
putting fluoride in the water.
Fluoride is good for teeth, I learn in medical-
- No, it's not.
No, not good.
No, fluoride is bad.
Fluoride is very bad.
[John] Very bad.
So what to do?
Well, I don't know, there's nothing to do.
They have us cornered.
Who?
The government!
Then you should get lost.
She means hide.
[Lena] Mm-hmm.
There's nowhere to hide, they control everything,
the phones, the water supply, the liberal media.
But, and you will learn this in school,
but basically, this is a Christian nation,
but the government has forgotten that.
They have taken God away, and pretty soon they will come
and take our guns away, too.
What they do with God?
Not allowed, they said, no God allowed.
Really?
Really, and if we keep telling God
that he is not welcome here,
I am sure he will abandon this nation.
All this, so great.
What's great?
Dinner.
Hotdog, this green thing.
Relish.
Relish, everything.
You know, every day I wake up and my life feel upside down.
I feel, uh, how you say, uh, upside down now.
Upside down?
Before, I feel I have bad dream
and always afraid bad dream never finish.
Now I think I have wonderful dream,
and always afraid I will wake up.
Right side up.
[doorbell rings]
Ah, I'm expecting something, I'll get it.
[Delivery Woman] Good afternoon,
I have quite a few packages for you.
Will you sign here?
Thank you, bring it on in.
[slow jazzy music]
[John] Okay.
[Lena] What is this?
Spices and baking products, and it's our retirement plan.
I'm gonna be selling these, I didn't tell you.
You sell salt and papers?
Peppers.
Yeah, not exactly, I have to get other people
to sign up with the same company.
That's where the real money is.
It's capitalism, it's a little confusing, but you'll learn.
No, I heard about it before.
In Russia we call pyramid, no?
[ominous orchestral music]
What?
Pyramid, a pyramid.
Pyramid?
It's not a pyramid scheme!
This is our future here... what do you know about business?
No, no, no, I know nothing, I know nothing.
I know nothing, I am happy you are happy.
I hope you can be retarded very soon.
[Vasili] Uh, retired.
Look, garlic and salt together.
Beautiful, so easy, they put garlic and salt together
so you do not have to, uh, how do you say?
To mix it.
Do not have to mix it with your hand. [laughs]
Life in America's so easy, they think of everything.
Cinnamon.
Vanilla concentrate.
I never know they make spice from pumpkin.
Where?
Here.
Pumpkin spice, it's true. [laughs]
[slow orchestral music]
You know my friend Hannah?
She has a lot of acne.
Yeah, I think I know.
You know what she told me?
You can't tell anyone, promise.
I do not have anyone to tell.
Her boyfriend asks her to give him blowjobs,
like every day they go out.
Really?
Gross, right?
Yeah.
What is it with some guys?
I do not know.
Would you ever pressure a girl to give you a blowjob?
I would never pressure a girl.
Ah, I just love your cute little accent.
I hate it, I will learn to get rid of it.
Don't, it's cute.
First time I feel like I find home,
a place I want to be, but nobody let me forget my past.
They all ask, "Where you from?
Oh, Russia, I love Russia." [scoffs]
It only makes you special.
[Vasili sighs]
I want other things to make me special.
I think you're special in every way.
You too, Mandy, you're my only real friend here.
You're so funny, I like being your friend.
My mom thinks we're dating, though.
Dating? [laughs]
It's funny, right?
Very funny. [laughs]
It is?
I think so. [laughs]
Why?
You're my best friend. [laughs]
Your only friend, according to you.
It is true.
So if I started dating someone, you wouldn't mind?
Of course, no, I'd be happy for you, why would I mind?
Because we talk on the phone every day.
Everybody thinks we're dating.
I thought it was only your mom.
[slow orchestral music]
[Mandy sighs]
[slow rock music]
Marilyn Manson?
Yes.
[Lena] He sounds angry.
Me too.
I know.
I hate that he tells us how to pray, know what to believe.
I think he's crazy.
John is different, I know.
He's not what we thought he was.
It's people like him who want people like me
to stay second class.
What people?
You wouldn't understand.
Potato, what are you talking about?
I can't tell you.
Please tell me.
You always tell me everything-
- Not everything, I could never tell you everything.
In Russia, you had so much depression.
How could I tell you everything? [sighs]
I promise, I promise you can tell me.
You don't have to protect me, I am strong.
I'm gay.
What?
Gay.
Gay?
Do you even know what that means?
[Lena laughs]
This is all?
This is why you were so depressed all the time?
This is why you sneak out at night?
Yes, I just, [cries] I feel so much, I have to run.
I run and run until I am so tired that I can finally sleep.
Potato, you promise nothing else has happened to you?
You promise this is all?
Yes.
[Lena laughs]
What do you mean, "This is all"?
You think I care that you are gay? [laughs]
Everyone is a little bit gay.
What?
Sometimes I see my friends change clothes, you know?
I notice, I have gay thoughts. [laughs]
You wanted to have sex with your women friends?
Oh, no, no.
No, Mom, I am real gay, gay all the way.
This is fine, [laughs] this is fine.
I am so happy.
Happy that you finally trust to telling me.
I'm happy because now I know you finish school.
You will not marry some girl
who tells you she is pregnant and you drop your studies
and work all your life to support this silly girl
and some ugly screaming baby
who's probably not even your baby.
In Russia, I was always afraid it would happen that way.
Oh, [laughs] I am so happy you're gay.
Mom.
I'm sorry, I know, I know [laughs] it's serious.
Oh, but I think it is good news.
But, Potato,
we cannot tell John.
[slow orchestral music]
Of course not, no.
If he find out, he will kick us out of America.
I would kill myself before I go back.
I am serious, Potato, he will send us back to Russia.
He had Russian wife before.
What?
He made rid of her.
She is back in Russia now. [laughs]
He changes Russian wives like old socks.
[upbeat orchestral music]
Just be patient, okay?
[doorbell buzzes]
Will you tell me what the surprise is about?
No.
[Lena knocks]
[Cheryl] Come in.
Hi.
[Cheryl] Hi.
Hi. [laughs]
This is Cheryl, she is my manager at work.
And I'm gay.
My partner Carrie is in the back,
and this is Brian, he is also gay.
Hi.
You're gay?
Yes, I hear you are, too.
You have the best mom, come in.
[Carrie] We've been together five years now.
You're my first real gay people.
In Russia, I did not know if I was only one,
or if gay people were monsters on Mars.
That's how I felt in Tennessee.
No, but you have to remember, it will get better.
Yeah, and once you can move out of the house
and live on your own.
[Cheryl] Sorry, but it's true.
[Brian] No, she's a great mom.
Of course, she's not the problem,
but the man she's married to.
I am more like his slave than his wife.
He knows how can do anything to us
because we cannot go back to Russia,
and is like he has gun to our head.
When you get permanent status, he can't send you back.
Mm-hmm, this one's studying to be a lawyer.
Maybe you can help them someday.
You will be okay, I promise.
[Cheryl] We know how hard it is when you're young.
Let's take a photo, I have some film left over
from your engagement party.
Engagement?
Yes, we're going to marry in February.
Marry?
Well, it's not legal yet, but it will be, someday.
For now, we can still have a ceremony in our church.
In a church?
[slow rock music]
♪ On the chair ♪
[intense rock music]
[slow orchestral music]
Oh, hey, just to let you know, we got an extra copy
of "The Living End" for sale right here.
"The Living End"?
Yeah, I see you rented it, like, 100 times,
so I figured you might just want to buy our extra copy.
I never rented this.
[Cashier] Oh, my bad, maybe someone else on the account?
My stepson.
Anyone on the account can rent it.
Anyway, let him know in case he wants to buy it.
I will.
[slow orchestral music continues]
I thought we'd have a movie night.
Wait, I finish my English lesson soon.
No, now.
Where's Potato?
Uh, he go out with friends.
Friends, oh, I can just imagine.
That's all right, he doesn't need to see this.
He's seen it many, many times before.
He did?
[John] Oh, yeah, it's his favorite movie.
[Jon] What do you want me to do?
When I start to come, choke me.
Now how do you explain that?
What, I do not understand.
What do you make of it?
I do not make of it, it must be mistake.
- Why you so angry? - It's no mistake!
Potato has rented this homosexual movie for months now.
I just found out today, and I was afraid to tell you
because I thought you'd be devastated,
like any good Christian mother would be!
But it doesn't seem to bother you, does it?
Are you condoning this behavior?
I do not, I do not.
Good, then let's send him away.
[ominous orchestral music]
Send him away?
Yeah, there are good Christian schools
and camps where we can send him where they'll fix him.
Fix him?
No, what, what are you saying?
No, no, no, please-
- I, I wanted a Christian family.
This is why I married you.
I thought you were Russian Orthodox.
You told me you were Russian Orthodox, you lied to me!
I never lied.
We were supposed to help each other stay on track,
but you've just been mocking me this whole time.
Potato and I are Christian, I promise you-
- Oh, all this, lies, lies!
I don't want to hear it anymore!
Look, you go pack your bags and I'm gonna take you
to the airport and buy you two tickets back to Russia.
No, you cannot, you cannot, please, please!
Please, please, please-
- You really think I can't?
What do you think the INS will say
if I tell them I don't want to be married to you anymore?
Oh, please, please!
Huh, huh, what do you think they will say!
No, no, no, no, please, please!
No, I promise you.
I promise!
[bell tolls] [dramatic orchestral music]
[Lena cries]
[Lena vomits]
[slow piano music]
♪ Happy birthday ♪
What's wrong?
Oh, what is, well, what is it?
[Lena cries]
Nothing matters, this job do not matter.
I just do not know where else to go.
What is it?
He is kicking us out.
Oh.
He will send us back to Russia, he said this.
He wants us to go.
Your husband?
He's threatened this before, hasn't he?
Not like this, this time he mean it.
Bastard.
Asshole.
My son, [cries] I cannot have my son go back to Russia,
get drafted in Russian Army.
Well, he has future here.
We come so far, we cannot go back.
You won't have to go back.
We'll hide you here, behind the tortilla boxes.
I'll talk to Carrie, maybe we can find you a lawyer
or something, maybe we can do something to help.
We are just immigrants, we have no rights.
That can't be true, Lena, that can't be true.
You don't have to go, they cannot kick you out
if they cannot find you.
I feel like I cannot breathe. [cries]
[slow music]
[car engine revs]
[door slams]
Hello, Lena.
[slow orchestral music]
My name is Grace, sit with me, please.
You must be so confused, there's so much to explain.
Grace?
Mm, Grace like Grace Slick. [laughs]
You must have so many questions.
Questions.
Yes, I have questions.
And where do I start?
When I was a wee child, I realized
that I wanted to be just like my little girl cousins.
Deep down, I knew I was just like them.
When I borrowed one of their dresses,
I didn't even know it was supposed to be wrong.
Then my mother saw me.
She straightened me out.
She had this look, I'll never forget it.
It's like she wanted to kill me.
And after that day, she never mentioned it again.
But for me, well, every time I looked at her,
all I could see was that look on that day.
I didn't wear a dress for a long time after that,
but, oh, I did let Grace sneak out just before I went
into the Navy.
But then I met my first wife,
and I thought everything was gonna be okay somehow.
I loved her.
[slow piano music]
Then she caught me in the dress,
and the names she called me
and the things she threatened me with. [cries]
She told me I would never be able to see my child again.
She hated me so much, [cries] just like my mother.
And
the loathing, it just rubbed off on me,
and I was steeped in it.
My soul was infused with this self-hatred.
I tried different drugs and then I quit them,
move every few years to try to start a new life,
and then between trying on dresses,
I tried different religions,
and some of them were very tolerant to me.
[slow music continues]
But I,
I couldn't stand the tolerance.
It was like an unfulfilled promise.
They said that God loved me for who I am.
[overlapping shouting]
And then I'd go in the real world,
and the real world told me something very different.
[Protestor] Burn in hell.
[Protestor] Abomination.
I am so sorry.
No, no, I'm sorry, [cries] I'm sorry I lashed out at you.
You don't know how much you helped me.
You see, I married a Russian Orthodox woman
because I thought you would be narrow-minded
and help me repress this.
But here you are, with so much love for everybody. [laughs]
And it's this love
[slow orchestral music]
that has allowed me to be who I am.
Thank you.
[door slams]
[slow orchestral music continues]
[slow piano music]
♪ Until you find home ♪
[audience applauds]
[Grace] I'm back.
Oh my God, it's Grace.
Oh my God.
I haven't seen you forever, this is wonderful.
Where have you been?
Oh, gosh, and who's this adorable little thing?
This is my lovely wife, Lena.
This is your wife?
You're her wife, she came out to you?
[Lena] Yes.
- Oh my gosh. - Oh my God.
You know, we have not seen Ms. Grace
in quite a while, mm-mm.
If leaping in and out of that closet was an Olympic sport,
she'd have got a gold medal already.
Very funny.
[Bald Man] In and out, in and out.
But remember, girls, no judgment.
Here, make yourself useful.
Oh, everyone has their own path.
That's right.
Yet we all ended up in here.
That's right, that's right, queen, it's so good.
Grace lives for karaoke.
[slow piano music]
Oh, this is my song, I want to go, I want in.
[overlapping chattering]
Bitch is trying to steal my song, oh no, uh-uh.
Oh, excuse me, excuse me.
Would you be so kind, [indistinct] here.
♪ Time before I had to make ♪
You're the best, by the way, I want one of you. [kisses]
♪ Everything I knew slipped away ♪
♪ And now I see it, I feel it ♪
♪ I breathe it ♪
♪ And now you see it, but this is mine ♪
♪ But this is ♪
[slow orchestral music]
What is your accent?
What accent?
Come on, what is it?
Russia, but I do not like talking about it.
Russia, right on, I have a neighbor who's Russian.
Really, must be my cousin.
Your who?
He's probably my cousin.
Oh, what are you saying?
Sorry, I don't understand.
My cousin, cousin, cousin.
Oh, your cousin, really?
No, I make joke.
Oh.
So is Russia, like, really cold?
No, my grandma just moved to Sochi where it's, like, very-
- Oh, God, I love "Broski."
Russian, I knew you weren't American.
I am American.
No, you're not.
I am.
You're not.
Yes, I am.
You're not American.
I knew you were Russian from the moment I saw you.
How did you know?
Your crazy Russian accent. [laughs]
And those cheekbones, those cheekbones give it away.
Thanks.
My roommate is reading "War and Peace."
Tolstoy is bad writer, Gogol and Bulgakov are much better.
What?
Do you love borscht?
Which city are you from?
Vladivostok.
Come again?
Vladivostok.
What, were, what?
Vladivostok.
Nirvana hard rock?
Valley Woodstock?
Vladi [indistinct].
Good job.
Speak Russian to me.
Why?
'Cause it's hot, do it, do it!
But what should I say?
Anything, Perestroika, babushka.
Really?
Gorbachev. [speaking in foreign language]
I'm not a parrot.
Fucking do it!
Do it.
Do it!
"Anna Karenina."
Oh, you're fucking turning me on.
Gulag, Chernobyl.
So fucking hot.
[Vasili speaking in foreign language]
[men screaming]
♪ Let me love your ♪
♪ Is that because you're a shining light ♪
♪ No light is needed when you're close ♪
♪ Nobody else would make my night ♪
♪ You [indistinct] my breath and took me higher ♪
♪ You are a ♪
What does that mean?
It means you have nice ass in Russian.
You want me to come over and teach you some more?
♪ Fire, fire, fire, fire ♪
♪ You are, you are, you are ♪
♪ You are the fire, fire, fire ♪
♪ Fire, fire, fire ♪
♪ Will you love me, loving again ♪
♪ Will you forgive me ♪
♪ As friends ♪
♪ Oh, will you free me from the trouble I'm in ♪
♪ Will you love me, lover ♪
♪ Will you love me forever ♪
♪ Love could make ♪
[Lena sighs]
[phone rings]
Mom?
Potato, I cannot do this anymore.
What?
Karaoke, transgender is fine with me, but karaoke?
Nobody wants karaoke every night.
Are you going to divorce?
[Lena] Yep.
[Vasili] Did you tell Grace?
I will, I will now, I already told your grandma.
You did, what did grandma say?
Your grandma does not want me to get another divorce.
Your grandma said I must do sex change
to become male so Grace and I can be normal married couple.
[Vasili laughs]
That sounds like Grandma.
I tried to tell Grandma about karaoke,
but your grandma, she will never understand karaoke.
Hold on, I will call you right back.
Grace, we need to talk.
I know, I meant to tell you.
We're gonna be hosting the Wiccan sister night here.
We're learning how to do spells,
and Tricia's place is the size of a broom closet.
It smells like cat piss. [laughs]
Awesome, this is not
what I was going to talk to you about.
Oh?
[slow orchestral music]
Want to grab breakfast together?
I can't, I fly back today, but thank you.
You're sweet.
Are you afraid?
Of what?
[Vasili] To go back to Iraq.
I mean, a little, but I also love being in the Navy.
If I give you something,
promise you won't think I'm weird.
I can't promise that until I see what it is.
Jerk. [laughs]
Okay, I'm not a Jesus freak or anything,
but I want you to have this.
Oh, only if you want it, of course.
Really, you're so sweet, are you sure?
This little lady's been through a lot with me.
[Lover] I can tell, you sure you want me to take it?
Because I will take it.
[slow orchestral music]
Be safe.
When I get back, you have to tell me all
about your life in Russia, okay?
I'm going to make a movie about it,
and you can watch it with everyone else.
[Lover] Smart ass.
[slow orchestral music continues]
[jet engine roars] [slow piano music]
[announcer speaking in foreign language]
This is it.
We're about to find out what it feels like
to have your biggest dream come true.
Just like in the movies.
I'm ready for our happy American ending.
[Assistant] Boom, let's cut.
Jesus fucking Christ.
What the heck? [overlapping chattering]
Um, I really don't appreciate that kind of language.
[overlapping chattering]
[slow orchestral music]
♪ One, two, ready ♪
[slow rock music]
Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull
♪ One more, one more dip in your ink ♪
♪ 'Cause my quill is dry, my quill is dry ♪
♪ One more, one more dip, don't you think ♪
♪ And I know that's a lie ♪
♪ I know that's a lie ♪
♪ I need your nectar ♪
♪ I want that water ♪
♪ I taste the panic to see your face ♪
♪ I sip that sweetness though it's arsenic laced ♪
♪ One more, one more dip in your ink ♪
♪ 'Cause my quill is dry, my quill is dry ♪
♪ One more, one more dip, don't you think ♪
♪ We both know that's a lie ♪
♪ We know that's a lie ♪
♪ I'll feed you with kisses ♪
♪ And drink all your tears ♪
♪ Jump in your ocean while it's condense ♪
♪ Give me your blood ♪
♪ To fill my pain ♪
♪ One more, one more dip in your ink ♪
♪ 'Cause my quill is dry, my quill is dry ♪
♪ One more, one more dip, don't you think ♪
♪ We both know that's a lie ♪
♪ You'll be the death of me ♪
♪ Slowly killing me ♪
♪ You'll be the death of me ♪
♪ Slowly killing me ♪
♪ Creeping me ♪
♪ Oh, darkness ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ One more, one more dip in your ink ♪
♪ 'Cause my quill is dry, my quill is dry ♪
♪ One more, one more dip, don't you think ♪
♪ And we know that's a lie ♪
♪ Both know that's a lie ♪
♪ One more, one more, one more, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ My quill is dry, my quill is dry ♪
♪ One more, one more dip in your ink ♪
♪ That's a lie ♪
♪ We both know that's a lie ♪
[slow rock music]
♪ Sometimes and always ♪
♪ I worry I can't help it ♪
♪ And sometimes these days ♪
♪ I see you two lucky ♪
♪ And neither of you empathize ♪
♪ With just how it feels ♪
♪ I'm morbid yet funny ♪
♪ To feel like happiness kills ♪
♪ How useless and foolish ♪
♪ Alsatians like these ♪
♪ But nights like ours ♪
♪ Vaguely devilish tricks ♪
♪ Your love consumes it all ♪
♪ Whenever you're near ♪
♪ I will learn ♪
♪ To not fear ♪