1 00:00:02,261 --> 00:00:03,561 This was a good choice. 2 00:00:03,595 --> 00:00:05,429 Yep. 3 00:00:05,464 --> 00:00:07,431 We make good choices. 4 00:00:07,466 --> 00:00:11,670 Mm-hmm, this was a really healthy choice. 5 00:00:11,704 --> 00:00:13,436 Well, I'm gonna go to work now. 6 00:00:13,471 --> 00:00:16,073 Okay. 7 00:00:16,107 --> 00:00:18,475 Which is where I should've been fifteen minutes ago. 8 00:00:18,509 --> 00:00:21,178 Mm-hmm. 9 00:00:21,212 --> 00:00:23,013 Stevie? 10 00:00:23,048 --> 00:00:24,481 Oh, Stevie! 11 00:00:26,951 --> 00:00:28,518 What? 12 00:00:28,553 --> 00:00:32,455 It's your dad, he saw me! (Bleep)! 13 00:00:32,490 --> 00:00:35,458 It's the towels again, we need towels! 14 00:00:35,493 --> 00:00:38,961 Your dad can't know about this! 15 00:00:38,996 --> 00:00:41,998 It's humiliating for me! 16 00:00:42,032 --> 00:00:43,300 Stevie, is this where you keep the towels? 17 00:00:43,334 --> 00:00:44,934 If it is, I'd love a key! 18 00:00:44,968 --> 00:00:47,003 Okay! 19 00:00:47,037 --> 00:00:48,905 Here you go. 20 00:00:48,939 --> 00:00:51,874 Okay, this is a face cloth, and a bath mat. 21 00:00:51,909 --> 00:00:54,944 Oh! Uh... 22 00:00:54,978 --> 00:00:57,080 I will get you some towels and I will bring them to your room. 23 00:00:57,114 --> 00:00:59,515 Oh, I'd love to take them with me, I need them now. 24 00:00:59,549 --> 00:01:01,116 Oh, no, no, no, no, no! 25 00:01:01,150 --> 00:01:03,118 I will deliver them to your room. 26 00:01:03,152 --> 00:01:04,620 Stevie! 27 00:01:04,654 --> 00:01:07,223 Is everything okay? 28 00:01:07,257 --> 00:01:10,058 Yes, I'm just a little tied up right now. 29 00:01:10,093 --> 00:01:12,528 - Is anyone in there? - What? No! 30 00:01:12,562 --> 00:01:14,863 Are you in danger? Blink if you're in danger. 31 00:01:14,897 --> 00:01:16,498 Stevie! 32 00:01:16,533 --> 00:01:19,368 That's really not necessary. 33 00:01:19,402 --> 00:01:22,737 Okay well, I'm going back to my room now... 34 00:01:22,771 --> 00:01:23,971 And I'm gonna call the police! 35 00:01:24,005 --> 00:01:26,107 No, Mr. Rose, please don't call the police! 36 00:01:26,141 --> 00:01:29,377 Dad, please just take the towels, and go! 37 00:01:32,814 --> 00:01:35,816 Oh... 38 00:01:35,851 --> 00:01:40,187 Well, I uh, I've got everything I need... 39 00:01:40,222 --> 00:01:42,323 Good seeing you both. 40 00:01:46,461 --> 00:01:51,431 41 00:01:51,466 --> 00:01:55,500 - Um, what happened with - Stop! 42 00:01:55,972 --> 00:01:58,438 - What um... Okay, what happened- - You said something about- 43 00:01:58,473 --> 00:02:01,008 You slept with Stevie! 44 00:02:01,042 --> 00:02:02,910 What, did dad tell the whole motel?! 45 00:02:02,944 --> 00:02:05,212 Well no, but I heard through the wall, 46 00:02:05,247 --> 00:02:08,348 'cause he was doing his high pitched voice. 47 00:02:08,383 --> 00:02:10,951 So, was it cute for you, or what? 48 00:02:10,986 --> 00:02:13,887 It was fine, it was weird, it was weird, it was good. 49 00:02:13,921 --> 00:02:15,188 - Love that. - It was good but weird. 50 00:02:15,222 --> 00:02:16,523 I love that! 51 00:02:16,557 --> 00:02:19,960 Um, okay, so I have to tell you this, 52 00:02:19,995 --> 00:02:23,430 um, Ted wants to meet my friends, 53 00:02:23,464 --> 00:02:25,899 So I think it's getting kinda serious. 54 00:02:25,933 --> 00:02:28,668 - It's been two weeks. - I know. 55 00:02:28,702 --> 00:02:31,337 What's your point, David?! 56 00:02:31,371 --> 00:02:33,739 Ugh! So anyway, 57 00:02:33,774 --> 00:02:36,109 We're throwing a party at his place tonight, 58 00:02:36,143 --> 00:02:38,577 so I would say be there around like, seven. 59 00:02:38,612 --> 00:02:40,709 That's presumptuous, what if I have plans? 60 00:02:40,747 --> 00:02:42,448 That's so cute, bring Stevie! 61 00:02:42,483 --> 00:02:43,716 No, I'm not bringing Stevie, it's not a good time, 62 00:02:43,750 --> 00:02:47,286 - I'm gonna let the dust settle on that... - Well okay, but Ted's already getting groceries, 63 00:02:47,320 --> 00:02:51,190 and I may... I already invited her. 64 00:02:51,224 --> 00:02:52,557 So it's gonna be fun! 65 00:02:52,591 --> 00:02:53,491 David, it's gonna be so much fun! 66 00:02:53,526 --> 00:02:56,195 Children, children! 67 00:02:56,229 --> 00:02:58,630 Your father and I have something to discuss. 68 00:02:58,664 --> 00:02:59,965 I'm really busy right now, though. 69 00:02:59,999 --> 00:03:01,300 I can't right now, I don't have time. 70 00:03:01,334 --> 00:03:04,769 We understand you have found some local friends 71 00:03:04,804 --> 00:03:08,206 - with whom to spend "time" with - Oh my God! 72 00:03:08,240 --> 00:03:08,840 Okay, I can't deal with this right now- 73 00:03:08,874 --> 00:03:11,042 And that's fine. 74 00:03:11,076 --> 00:03:15,513 But we do have to be careful with our hearts and our parts. 75 00:03:15,548 --> 00:03:19,150 Because a podunk baby out of wedlock 76 00:03:19,184 --> 00:03:21,319 is not something your father and I can afford 77 00:03:21,354 --> 00:03:23,588 to negotiate at this moment. 78 00:03:23,622 --> 00:03:25,155 Well, that's crazy, 79 00:03:25,189 --> 00:03:27,658 because all I want to negotiate right now 80 00:03:27,692 --> 00:03:30,361 is some podunk baby out of wedlock! So- 81 00:03:30,395 --> 00:03:32,929 Okay, hi. Hi! 82 00:03:32,964 --> 00:03:35,799 I don't wanna sound negative about this at all, 83 00:03:35,834 --> 00:03:38,935 but I think that you two really actually need to consider 84 00:03:38,970 --> 00:03:43,340 the idea of um... Getting a life. 85 00:03:43,375 --> 00:03:45,842 Alexis, I would not concern yourself with your mother and me, 86 00:03:45,877 --> 00:03:49,279 because we have a flourishing social life here. 87 00:03:49,313 --> 00:03:51,647 Walking over to the cafe and ordering a tuna melt 88 00:03:51,682 --> 00:03:53,917 is hardly what I would call a flourishing social life. 89 00:03:53,951 --> 00:03:56,786 Oh, that's funny. That's funny. 90 00:03:56,820 --> 00:03:58,821 Yeah, it's just that you're so involved 91 00:03:58,856 --> 00:04:00,723 in our lives right now, 92 00:04:00,758 --> 00:04:03,459 and that was fine when we were child actors for a little bit, 93 00:04:03,494 --> 00:04:05,661 but now David and I are grown up adults, 94 00:04:05,696 --> 00:04:08,398 and we're just feeling very like, um... 95 00:04:08,432 --> 00:04:09,164 - Suffocated. - Suffocated. 96 00:04:09,199 --> 00:04:12,978 - Suffocated?! - Wait, stop, stop! 97 00:04:13,003 --> 00:04:16,238 We came in here to speak about you two! 98 00:04:16,273 --> 00:04:19,074 What could you possibly have to say now? 99 00:04:21,278 --> 00:04:22,678 Well, now I don't remember. 100 00:04:22,713 --> 00:04:24,046 Yeah, I don't remember. 101 00:04:24,080 --> 00:04:26,756 Oh my God! Thanks. 102 00:04:30,486 --> 00:04:32,487 You know, the more I think about it, 103 00:04:32,522 --> 00:04:35,089 the more I wonder whether David's whole... 104 00:04:35,124 --> 00:04:37,759 "Sexually adventurous" thing was just a phase. 105 00:04:37,794 --> 00:04:39,461 It's not a phase. 106 00:04:39,495 --> 00:04:42,597 Well, you know, he was very influenced in college, 107 00:04:42,632 --> 00:04:45,233 - all those haircuts. - It's not a phase, John! 108 00:04:45,267 --> 00:04:47,235 The kids are right, 109 00:04:47,269 --> 00:04:50,338 we've been talking about them far more than I care to do. 110 00:04:50,372 --> 00:04:52,206 Something about that top that just knocks me out, baby! 111 00:04:52,241 --> 00:04:53,541 Hey, how you doing? 112 00:04:53,575 --> 00:04:55,676 Ah, okay... 113 00:04:55,710 --> 00:04:58,179 - Jocelyn, hi! - Hi, Moira. 114 00:04:58,213 --> 00:04:59,314 Why don't you join us? 115 00:04:59,348 --> 00:05:00,915 Moira, what're you doing? 116 00:05:00,950 --> 00:05:03,516 Attempting to be social, support me. 117 00:05:03,551 --> 00:05:05,652 - Won't you, please? - Hey, sure! Hi! 118 00:05:05,686 --> 00:05:07,187 Of course. 119 00:05:07,221 --> 00:05:09,456 - Hello! - Well! 120 00:05:09,490 --> 00:05:10,690 - Hello. - Hello. 121 00:05:10,724 --> 00:05:11,758 Good to see you! 122 00:05:11,792 --> 00:05:14,261 Look at us, all being together! 123 00:05:14,295 --> 00:05:17,998 - Yes... - Jonathan and I were just saying, 124 00:05:18,032 --> 00:05:20,167 wouldn't it be fun to have the mayor and his wife 125 00:05:20,201 --> 00:05:23,369 over for cocktails and charades tonight! 126 00:05:23,403 --> 00:05:26,072 Yes... Tonight. 127 00:05:26,106 --> 00:05:29,008 Oh, yeah, no, unfortunately that's not gonna work for us. 128 00:05:29,042 --> 00:05:31,310 We're having a huge party tonight at our place. 129 00:05:31,357 --> 00:05:33,578 Ton of people coming to our house. Whoo! 130 00:05:33,612 --> 00:05:35,181 Oh yeah, big! 131 00:05:35,215 --> 00:05:37,615 But we're free any other night, other than tonight. 132 00:05:51,597 --> 00:05:55,164 - Hey. - So, um... 133 00:05:55,901 --> 00:05:59,971 So the other... so, last night um... 134 00:06:00,006 --> 00:06:01,772 - That was just a... - Was a one time thing. 135 00:06:01,807 --> 00:06:03,274 - That was a one time - Like a blip. 136 00:06:03,309 --> 00:06:07,277 Just a blip... Just a blip blop. Just a... 137 00:06:09,147 --> 00:06:12,349 My sister said that she uh... 138 00:06:12,384 --> 00:06:13,784 - Invited me to Ted's, yeah. - Yes, she'd asked you to Ted's. 139 00:06:13,819 --> 00:06:16,754 - Yeah. - Yep, um... 140 00:06:16,788 --> 00:06:18,228 Okay, well I'm gonna leave from here, 141 00:06:18,256 --> 00:06:19,657 should I just come by your place, 142 00:06:19,691 --> 00:06:21,325 and get you when I'm done? 143 00:06:21,359 --> 00:06:23,093 Yeah, we can go together, 'cause that's... 144 00:06:23,128 --> 00:06:25,530 That's like, a totally normal thing for us to do. 145 00:06:25,564 --> 00:06:27,764 - Why would it not be? - No, it's not! I mean... 146 00:06:27,798 --> 00:06:30,667 So um... 147 00:06:30,701 --> 00:06:32,461 - So, cool! - Yeah, no, this is a good thing. 148 00:06:32,469 --> 00:06:34,771 So I'll just um... 149 00:06:34,805 --> 00:06:36,285 I'll see you when you swing by, so... 150 00:06:36,306 --> 00:06:38,174 Yeah, I'll be- 151 00:06:38,208 --> 00:06:40,692 okay, all right, blippity blop. Blippity blip. 152 00:06:44,181 --> 00:06:46,416 You're quiet today. 153 00:06:46,450 --> 00:06:48,884 Am I? 154 00:06:48,919 --> 00:06:50,686 It's just that you're not talking, 155 00:06:50,720 --> 00:06:53,488 and it's annoying, because I'm bored. 156 00:06:53,523 --> 00:06:54,857 Can't we just think and work, 157 00:06:54,891 --> 00:06:57,125 or do we always have to talk? 158 00:06:57,160 --> 00:06:58,594 Okay, you're being super sketchy and emo right now, 159 00:06:58,628 --> 00:07:00,295 what is going on? 160 00:07:00,329 --> 00:07:02,064 Have you ever been in a relationship 161 00:07:02,098 --> 00:07:03,465 - where you find yourself cheating - Yes! 162 00:07:03,499 --> 00:07:05,333 With someone in your dreams? 163 00:07:05,368 --> 00:07:08,069 Oh, what? 164 00:07:08,103 --> 00:07:11,305 Oh. Um... you know that if it's in your dreams, 165 00:07:11,339 --> 00:07:15,910 or over the clothes, it's not cheating, right? 166 00:07:15,945 --> 00:07:17,712 Yeah well, it's been happening a lot lately, 167 00:07:17,746 --> 00:07:21,049 and then I look over and I see Twyla, and I feel bad. 168 00:07:21,083 --> 00:07:23,651 Also, Ted is throwing a party tonight, 169 00:07:23,686 --> 00:07:28,455 maybe that's something exciting for you two to do together? 170 00:07:28,489 --> 00:07:31,157 That's probably not such a good idea. 171 00:07:33,928 --> 00:07:36,229 Mmm... 172 00:07:36,263 --> 00:07:38,699 Oh. Oh! Oh. 173 00:07:42,284 --> 00:07:46,672 I'm sorry, what kind of event are you hosting this evening? 174 00:07:46,707 --> 00:07:48,841 Event! 175 00:07:48,875 --> 00:07:51,944 Oh, it's more of a soiree. 176 00:07:51,979 --> 00:07:55,547 He's just teasing, it's our annual Hawaiian night. 177 00:07:55,582 --> 00:07:58,550 Pineapples, pig on the spit, the whole nine yards. 178 00:07:58,585 --> 00:08:00,987 Oh, you roast pigs? 179 00:08:01,021 --> 00:08:02,154 - We do! - Sure do. 180 00:08:02,188 --> 00:08:03,688 We have a big one hanging in the garage. 181 00:08:03,723 --> 00:08:05,857 Hm-hm. 182 00:08:05,891 --> 00:08:10,561 Wow, it sounds like um... quite the evening. 183 00:08:10,596 --> 00:08:14,766 So whose pig do we have to slaughter to get an invite? 184 00:08:14,800 --> 00:08:18,003 Oh my goodness, well, um... 185 00:08:18,037 --> 00:08:22,273 We just didn't think that you and Johnny would wanna come, so... 186 00:08:22,307 --> 00:08:23,941 Well, that's a touch presumptuous Jocelyn, 187 00:08:23,975 --> 00:08:26,243 why would we not want to be involved 188 00:08:26,277 --> 00:08:28,345 in a themed party in your yard? 189 00:08:28,379 --> 00:08:30,380 Right. 190 00:08:30,414 --> 00:08:32,916 Well, I mean, for one thing, 191 00:08:32,951 --> 00:08:35,285 you know, the two of you are a little... 192 00:08:35,319 --> 00:08:38,055 A little what? 193 00:08:38,089 --> 00:08:40,524 Hoity-toity. 194 00:08:40,558 --> 00:08:42,458 All right, I've said it. 195 00:08:42,492 --> 00:08:45,561 We didn't think that you'd wanna hang out with "regular people." 196 00:08:45,595 --> 00:08:47,030 What? 197 00:08:47,064 --> 00:08:49,365 Regular people?! 198 00:08:49,399 --> 00:08:53,102 Regular people are how Rose Video became such a- 199 00:08:53,137 --> 00:08:55,437 Right, c-careful, Moira. 200 00:08:55,472 --> 00:08:57,907 Regular people! I mean, they made us who we were- 201 00:08:57,941 --> 00:08:59,341 What am I trying to say? 202 00:08:59,376 --> 00:09:01,209 We love regular people. 203 00:09:01,243 --> 00:09:02,911 W-we love regular people. 204 00:09:02,945 --> 00:09:06,581 Well, by all means then, the two of you are invited. 205 00:09:06,615 --> 00:09:08,248 Thank you! 206 00:09:12,952 --> 00:09:17,792 So, just to be clear, um, I'm a red wine drinker. 207 00:09:17,856 --> 00:09:19,590 - That's fine. - Okay, cool. 208 00:09:19,625 --> 00:09:22,059 But uh, I only drink red wine. 209 00:09:22,093 --> 00:09:24,996 Okay. 210 00:09:25,030 --> 00:09:28,132 And up until last night I was under the impression 211 00:09:28,166 --> 00:09:32,469 that you too only drank red wine. 212 00:09:32,516 --> 00:09:34,638 But I guess I was wrong? 213 00:09:34,672 --> 00:09:36,372 I see where you're going with this. 214 00:09:36,407 --> 00:09:40,805 Um... I do drink red wine. 215 00:09:40,878 --> 00:09:44,280 But I also drink white wine. 216 00:09:44,314 --> 00:09:47,417 - Oh. - And I've been known to sample the occasional Rose. 217 00:09:47,451 --> 00:09:50,554 And a couple summers back I tried a Merlot, 218 00:09:50,588 --> 00:09:53,088 that used to be a chardonnay. 219 00:09:53,122 --> 00:09:54,122 - Uh-okay. - Which got a bit complicated. 220 00:09:54,157 --> 00:09:56,391 Yeah, so, you're just really open to all wines. 221 00:09:56,426 --> 00:09:57,786 I like the wine, and not the label. 222 00:09:57,794 --> 00:09:59,428 Does that make sense? 223 00:09:59,462 --> 00:10:01,263 - Yes, that does. - Okay. 224 00:10:01,297 --> 00:10:04,033 Um, this is just very new to me, 225 00:10:04,067 --> 00:10:05,935 so as long as you didn't roll over, 226 00:10:05,969 --> 00:10:07,502 and cry yourself to sleep with regret, 227 00:10:07,537 --> 00:10:09,337 then we're good, right? 228 00:10:09,372 --> 00:10:11,073 No, no, no, I absolutely did that. 229 00:10:11,107 --> 00:10:13,240 Just wept for hours in the dark. 230 00:10:13,275 --> 00:10:14,995 I say we go with this one, it's the biggest. 231 00:10:17,079 --> 00:10:20,748 Wow Ted, the place is very... New looking. 232 00:10:20,783 --> 00:10:22,984 Did you design the interior? 233 00:10:23,018 --> 00:10:25,820 Oh, I wish! 234 00:10:25,854 --> 00:10:27,922 No, I found this website online that sells off 235 00:10:27,957 --> 00:10:30,024 old department store show rooms. 236 00:10:30,059 --> 00:10:32,059 So this whole room- 237 00:10:32,094 --> 00:10:34,128 Just gets delivered, as is. 238 00:10:34,162 --> 00:10:36,397 This is the "bachelor's den" here, 239 00:10:36,431 --> 00:10:37,831 and then that's the "executive dining lounge" 240 00:10:37,865 --> 00:10:40,573 that I got on black Friday. 241 00:10:41,570 --> 00:10:43,070 - Wow! - Yeah. 242 00:10:43,105 --> 00:10:44,605 Wow. 243 00:10:47,942 --> 00:10:51,712 So... Are we the only ones showing up to this party? 244 00:10:51,746 --> 00:10:53,814 No, we're still waiting for Mutt and Twyla. 245 00:10:53,848 --> 00:10:55,682 Oh, I should take the rolls out of the microwave. 246 00:10:55,717 --> 00:10:58,318 Hot rolls! 247 00:10:58,352 --> 00:11:01,354 Alexis had just said that this was a "party" party. 248 00:11:01,388 --> 00:11:02,656 Ah well, you must've been misinformed then, David. 249 00:11:02,690 --> 00:11:04,357 No, it's a dinner party. 250 00:11:04,391 --> 00:11:06,026 I wanted to get to know Alexis' friends a bit, 251 00:11:06,060 --> 00:11:08,261 so I figured we'd invite a few couples over, 252 00:11:08,295 --> 00:11:10,362 huh, have some dinner, play some games? 253 00:11:16,970 --> 00:11:18,504 You guys showed! 254 00:11:18,538 --> 00:11:20,205 Yeah, why wouldn't we show? 255 00:11:20,240 --> 00:11:21,406 Twyla, I love your outfit, 256 00:11:21,441 --> 00:11:24,644 you look like a little Georgia peach! 257 00:11:24,678 --> 00:11:26,445 - Hi. - So, where is everybody? 258 00:11:26,479 --> 00:11:28,380 I thought this was a party. 259 00:11:28,414 --> 00:11:31,549 It is, it's an exclusive little party. 260 00:11:37,089 --> 00:11:39,724 Hey, who turned off don ho?! 261 00:11:39,759 --> 00:11:42,160 - Oh hey, aloha, Roses! - Look who it is. 262 00:11:42,194 --> 00:11:43,895 It's the Schitts! 263 00:11:43,929 --> 00:11:46,031 Hey! Yeah, there you go. 264 00:11:46,065 --> 00:11:47,065 - Jocelyn. - Moira. 265 00:11:47,066 --> 00:11:48,666 Ooh, Johnny! 266 00:11:48,700 --> 00:11:51,001 I gotta tell you, that suit, 267 00:11:51,036 --> 00:11:53,370 that's pretty dangerous to wear at a party like this! 268 00:11:53,404 --> 00:11:54,872 I just wanna wipe my hands all over that! 269 00:11:54,906 --> 00:11:56,540 Oh! 270 00:11:56,574 --> 00:11:58,008 You just keep getting funnier. 271 00:11:58,043 --> 00:12:00,744 I'm not joking though, I really do. 272 00:12:00,779 --> 00:12:03,714 Moira, I have to ask you, are those wigs real hair? 273 00:12:03,748 --> 00:12:04,548 I just wanna reach out and just touch them- 274 00:12:04,582 --> 00:12:06,283 oh, please don't! 275 00:12:06,317 --> 00:12:08,651 No, Maureen does not like to be manhandled! 276 00:12:08,686 --> 00:12:10,386 - Sorry, sorry. - Hey Roses, if I tell you a secret, 277 00:12:10,420 --> 00:12:11,821 you promise to keep it? 278 00:12:11,855 --> 00:12:14,023 Uh no, I don't think we would, what is it? 279 00:12:14,058 --> 00:12:15,624 Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! Johnny... 280 00:12:20,097 --> 00:12:22,231 Now listen, I'm the guy in charge 281 00:12:22,265 --> 00:12:23,666 of upholding the law around here, 282 00:12:23,701 --> 00:12:26,101 so if you have any ideas about turning me in, 283 00:12:26,135 --> 00:12:28,770 you'd just be turning me in to myself! 284 00:12:30,973 --> 00:12:32,107 Spark it up, Roley! Spark it up. 285 00:12:32,141 --> 00:12:33,842 You got it, honey. 286 00:12:33,876 --> 00:12:36,344 Listen, I don't know if you guys wanna partake in this, 287 00:12:36,378 --> 00:12:38,080 because I'm sure your fancy dinner parties 288 00:12:38,114 --> 00:12:41,382 didn't have illegal substances! 289 00:12:41,417 --> 00:12:43,118 Illegal substances. 290 00:12:43,152 --> 00:12:45,586 Amateurs. 291 00:12:45,620 --> 00:12:47,588 We had friends in the fda, but... 292 00:12:47,622 --> 00:12:49,123 When in Rome. 293 00:12:49,157 --> 00:12:51,325 Well damn, Roses! 294 00:12:51,359 --> 00:12:53,127 Let this party begin. 295 00:12:53,161 --> 00:12:55,529 I'll fire up the cheese fountain! 296 00:13:06,741 --> 00:13:10,043 Oh! 297 00:13:10,077 --> 00:13:12,979 No thank you. 298 00:13:13,013 --> 00:13:16,750 So Mutt, did you two criminals 299 00:13:16,784 --> 00:13:18,952 do any good for the community today? 300 00:13:18,986 --> 00:13:21,087 You washed a car, wow. 301 00:13:21,122 --> 00:13:23,155 The judicial system is really cracking down 302 00:13:23,189 --> 00:13:25,057 on its delinquents these days, huh? 303 00:13:25,091 --> 00:13:26,558 You know what I always wondered, 304 00:13:26,592 --> 00:13:29,228 what do you two talk about all day out there? 305 00:13:30,764 --> 00:13:33,365 Nothing. 306 00:13:33,399 --> 00:13:35,968 I mean we talk, but... 307 00:13:36,002 --> 00:13:37,335 We don't really talk about anything important. 308 00:13:37,370 --> 00:13:39,371 So... Like what? 309 00:13:41,407 --> 00:13:43,776 Like, nothing! 310 00:13:43,810 --> 00:13:45,777 Okay, um... 311 00:13:45,811 --> 00:13:47,879 Like, Mutt was having a bad day today, 312 00:13:47,913 --> 00:13:50,714 so we talked about that. 313 00:13:50,749 --> 00:13:53,251 You didn't tell me you were having a bad day. 314 00:13:55,420 --> 00:13:57,688 - Ted, this is delicious. - Mm-hmm. 315 00:13:57,722 --> 00:13:59,791 I didn't mean a bad day, Twy, 316 00:13:59,825 --> 00:14:02,026 I just meant like, he was questioning things. 317 00:14:02,060 --> 00:14:04,328 Thank you, Stevie, I ordered it online from Nevada. 318 00:14:04,362 --> 00:14:06,230 No sales tax. 319 00:14:06,265 --> 00:14:08,399 - What were you questioning? - It's nothing. 320 00:14:08,433 --> 00:14:10,801 So when the lasagna gets delivered, 321 00:14:10,835 --> 00:14:13,404 does it come frozen, or... ? 322 00:14:13,438 --> 00:14:15,739 Okay, I just uh... 323 00:14:15,774 --> 00:14:16,807 I don't know why you didn't feel comfortable 324 00:14:16,841 --> 00:14:18,241 talking to me about it. 325 00:14:18,276 --> 00:14:20,444 It's not important. 326 00:14:20,478 --> 00:14:22,613 That's why I was talking to Alexis about it. 327 00:14:22,647 --> 00:14:26,316 Stevie, how long have you and David been um... 328 00:14:26,350 --> 00:14:28,150 It's very fresh, and new. 329 00:14:28,185 --> 00:14:28,751 - No, it's not. - It is, I would say. 330 00:14:28,786 --> 00:14:30,986 Uh uh! 331 00:14:31,021 --> 00:14:34,123 So everyone knows? 332 00:14:34,157 --> 00:14:37,593 - Knows what? - These two have... 333 00:14:37,628 --> 00:14:40,463 What an elegant gesture, Ted. 334 00:14:40,497 --> 00:14:43,333 I-I'm sorry, I thought everyone knew. 335 00:14:43,367 --> 00:14:46,535 - No. - It's okay. 336 00:14:46,569 --> 00:14:48,437 Sorry! 337 00:14:55,611 --> 00:14:57,379 I've been with these people before. 338 00:14:57,413 --> 00:15:00,115 I know them all. 339 00:15:00,150 --> 00:15:03,618 Wow, you've really been getting around town. 340 00:15:03,653 --> 00:15:07,756 No, I was with them in my other life. 341 00:15:07,790 --> 00:15:10,158 I'm gonna tell you something. 342 00:15:10,192 --> 00:15:13,695 I'm from a small town, just like this. 343 00:15:13,730 --> 00:15:16,598 No, I'm not buying that! 344 00:15:16,632 --> 00:15:19,401 - It's true. - Really? 345 00:15:19,435 --> 00:15:21,470 Why would you leave? 346 00:15:21,504 --> 00:15:24,105 Oh God, I couldn't wait to get out. 347 00:15:24,139 --> 00:15:26,474 I was dying there. 348 00:15:26,508 --> 00:15:28,509 Have you never dreamed? 349 00:15:28,543 --> 00:15:31,645 Of a life beyond? 350 00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:35,182 You have what ifs, like, what if... 351 00:15:35,216 --> 00:15:37,418 I had enlisted in the military, 352 00:15:37,452 --> 00:15:39,453 what if Roland hadn't been such a smooth talker, what- 353 00:15:39,488 --> 00:15:41,989 oh man, what if! 354 00:15:42,023 --> 00:15:46,861 What if I had not been crowned "miss snow cone" at 16, 355 00:15:46,895 --> 00:15:49,196 and moved to the city with my driving instructor? 356 00:15:49,230 --> 00:15:50,964 Awesome. 357 00:15:50,999 --> 00:15:53,300 And what if I had not hand modeled 358 00:15:53,334 --> 00:15:55,735 at that microwave trade show? 359 00:15:55,770 --> 00:15:56,770 Yeah. 360 00:15:56,771 --> 00:15:58,671 What if I didn't ask, 361 00:15:58,706 --> 00:16:02,242 who's the eyebrows buying everyone's drinks? 362 00:16:02,277 --> 00:16:05,078 Wow, now you know. 363 00:16:05,113 --> 00:16:07,614 Whatever happened to privacy? 364 00:16:07,648 --> 00:16:10,149 Now your whole family thinks I'm this big hooker! 365 00:16:10,183 --> 00:16:13,452 My whole family does not think you're a big hooker! 366 00:16:13,486 --> 00:16:15,754 It a funny one night thing! 367 00:16:15,789 --> 00:16:17,123 Everyone here is fine with it. 368 00:16:17,157 --> 00:16:19,959 It was funny? 369 00:16:19,993 --> 00:16:21,794 Yeah, it was a f-it was a fun- 370 00:16:21,828 --> 00:16:24,897 it was a-it was a funny-it was-yes. 371 00:16:24,932 --> 00:16:26,365 I had a best friend that hooked. 372 00:16:26,400 --> 00:16:27,599 She married one of her Johns on my birthday. 373 00:16:27,634 --> 00:16:29,035 Wow, so cool! 374 00:16:29,069 --> 00:16:31,102 It's not the time, Twyla. 375 00:16:31,137 --> 00:16:33,439 Um Stevie, I don't think you're a big hooker. 376 00:16:33,473 --> 00:16:35,073 You don't talk all dinner, 377 00:16:35,107 --> 00:16:37,309 and now you're telling me I can't talk about Trixie?! 378 00:16:37,343 --> 00:16:39,244 I'm sorry, it's just I think sometimes you have a tendency 379 00:16:39,278 --> 00:16:41,447 to say the wrong thing, that's all. 380 00:16:41,481 --> 00:16:44,616 Is there a right time to talk about being a hooker? 381 00:16:44,651 --> 00:16:46,718 I bet nobody thought sex with Trixie was funny. 382 00:16:46,753 --> 00:16:48,620 I never said it was bad! 383 00:16:48,655 --> 00:16:51,722 Okay, you know what I think is happening, 384 00:16:51,757 --> 00:16:53,491 is things are just getting blown out of proportion, 385 00:16:53,525 --> 00:16:57,027 and honestly, if Alexis, 386 00:16:57,062 --> 00:16:58,162 you just tell us what you and mutt were talking about, 387 00:16:58,196 --> 00:16:59,997 it'd probably help. 388 00:17:00,031 --> 00:17:03,000 Oh my God, Ted! 389 00:17:03,034 --> 00:17:04,802 We were just washing a car, and talking about bad dreams. 390 00:17:04,837 --> 00:17:07,204 - Okay? - Okay. 391 00:17:07,238 --> 00:17:09,039 You sound a little defensive. 392 00:17:09,074 --> 00:17:10,708 - I'd agree. - Well... 393 00:17:10,742 --> 00:17:11,809 You know what, i just remembered, 394 00:17:11,844 --> 00:17:13,043 I have to wake up early tomorrow, 395 00:17:13,078 --> 00:17:14,678 I have an early check in. 396 00:17:14,712 --> 00:17:17,380 Uh, nobody checks in. 397 00:17:17,414 --> 00:17:20,116 Tomorrow someone is, early. 398 00:17:20,150 --> 00:17:23,687 Uh Ted, you have a really special place, 399 00:17:23,721 --> 00:17:26,923 and we should all do this again some time. 400 00:17:26,958 --> 00:17:28,692 David, would you mind walking me home, 401 00:17:28,726 --> 00:17:30,226 I don't think we're finished talking. 402 00:17:30,260 --> 00:17:31,728 Oooh, David! 403 00:17:31,762 --> 00:17:33,763 Don't! 404 00:17:36,700 --> 00:17:40,435 My son lives in a barn in the woods, by choice! 405 00:17:43,006 --> 00:17:47,142 He could be the next mayor of this town if he wanted it. 406 00:17:47,176 --> 00:17:48,911 My son is "pansexual." 407 00:17:51,615 --> 00:17:54,149 Mm-hmm, I've heard of that. 408 00:17:54,183 --> 00:17:56,851 I know what that is, that's uh... 409 00:17:56,886 --> 00:17:58,786 That cookware fetish. 410 00:17:58,821 --> 00:18:00,122 - No. - Mm-hmm! 411 00:18:00,156 --> 00:18:01,956 - No, no. - No, I read about that! 412 00:18:01,957 --> 00:18:05,227 No, he loves everyone, men, women, 413 00:18:05,261 --> 00:18:09,597 women who become men, men who become women. 414 00:18:09,632 --> 00:18:13,635 I'm his father, and I always wanted his life to be easy. 415 00:18:13,669 --> 00:18:18,072 But you know, just pick one gender, and maybe, 416 00:18:18,106 --> 00:18:20,608 maybe everything would've been less... confusing. 417 00:18:23,111 --> 00:18:25,780 Well... You know Johnny, 418 00:18:25,814 --> 00:18:29,017 when it comes to matters of the heart, 419 00:18:29,051 --> 00:18:31,185 we can't tell our kids who to love. 420 00:18:33,488 --> 00:18:35,008 - Who said that? - You did. 421 00:18:35,024 --> 00:18:37,425 When? 422 00:18:37,459 --> 00:18:39,993 - You just said it now! - When? 423 00:18:40,028 --> 00:18:41,995 Now, right this second, you just said it. 424 00:18:42,030 --> 00:18:43,550 And you're right, you can't tell them. 425 00:18:43,565 --> 00:18:45,199 And I'm fine with that. 426 00:18:47,436 --> 00:18:51,572 Whoa, thank you for playing along. 427 00:18:51,606 --> 00:18:53,246 I'm sorry, I just had to get out of there, 428 00:18:53,275 --> 00:18:55,242 it was like being in an episode of "couples therapy." 429 00:18:55,277 --> 00:18:57,844 Okay wait, this was all a put on, 430 00:18:57,879 --> 00:19:00,080 just to get out of dinner? 431 00:19:00,114 --> 00:19:03,817 Yeah, I thought you were in on it. 432 00:19:03,851 --> 00:19:06,987 Well, you deserve a daytime Emmy for that performance. 433 00:19:07,021 --> 00:19:09,656 Thank you, I think so. 434 00:19:09,691 --> 00:19:13,293 Okay, so you're not like, raging mad at me, then. 435 00:19:13,327 --> 00:19:15,662 No. I think it's fair to say that neither of us 436 00:19:15,697 --> 00:19:18,331 have ever worked with a ceiling mirror before. 437 00:19:18,365 --> 00:19:20,467 - True. - It was funny! 438 00:19:20,501 --> 00:19:22,535 And a little humiliating. 439 00:19:22,570 --> 00:19:25,271 Yeah, I uh... 440 00:19:25,306 --> 00:19:28,108 Saw a lot of my body, and I didn't like it. 441 00:19:28,142 --> 00:19:29,222 - Mm-hmm. - So... 442 00:19:29,243 --> 00:19:31,844 I'm actually that way. 443 00:19:31,878 --> 00:19:34,180 Okay, yeah, I was um- 444 00:19:34,215 --> 00:19:36,949 wondering if maybe we should um... 445 00:19:36,984 --> 00:19:38,783 Try it again, for the sake of practice? 446 00:19:38,818 --> 00:19:41,052 I'd be into that idea... 447 00:19:41,087 --> 00:19:43,222 For the sake of proficiency. 448 00:19:48,961 --> 00:19:51,529 So I guess we won't be playing headbandz. 449 00:19:56,618 --> 00:19:59,053 - Why did you say that? - Oh my God. 450 00:19:59,087 --> 00:20:00,487 What the hell 451 00:20:00,521 --> 00:20:02,222 Just don't, just stay here. 452 00:20:02,257 --> 00:20:04,825 Oh, hello again! 453 00:20:04,859 --> 00:20:05,759 Spending another night together? 454 00:20:05,794 --> 00:20:07,494 Dad! 455 00:20:07,528 --> 00:20:10,798 Oh, Stevie, I hope you're being smart. 456 00:20:10,832 --> 00:20:12,266 - Oh my God! - Oh my God! 457 00:20:12,300 --> 00:20:14,834 Because we can't afford a baby right now, 458 00:20:14,868 --> 00:20:18,037 and, let's be honest, neither can you! 459 00:20:18,071 --> 00:20:20,539 Okay, well, I think it's about time that you two go to bed. 460 00:20:20,573 --> 00:20:22,875 Excuse me! 461 00:20:22,910 --> 00:20:25,577 David, I just want you to know that I support this. 462 00:20:25,612 --> 00:20:29,148 Not the fact that you're sleeping with a girl, which is great. 463 00:20:29,183 --> 00:20:31,184 But you know, I'd be just as happy 464 00:20:31,218 --> 00:20:33,785 if you were to bring home one of your guy friends. 465 00:20:33,820 --> 00:20:36,121 What are you talking about?! 466 00:20:36,155 --> 00:20:38,056 Excuse me while I just go draw a warm bath, 467 00:20:38,090 --> 00:20:39,590 and plug in my hair dryer. 468 00:20:39,625 --> 00:20:42,327 No, no, Stevie! 469 00:20:42,361 --> 00:20:44,963 You're a lovely girl, lovely girl. 470 00:20:44,997 --> 00:20:48,066 Bit of an edge, but you know, it's growing on me. 471 00:20:48,100 --> 00:20:51,336 David, I just want you to know that I endorse 472 00:20:51,370 --> 00:20:54,238 all your sexual encounters. 473 00:20:54,272 --> 00:20:55,540 A-are you drunk?! 474 00:20:55,574 --> 00:20:57,709 Grass, too much grass. 475 00:20:57,743 --> 00:21:00,244 - A little bit, but. - What the... ? 476 00:21:00,278 --> 00:21:03,214 Hey, track that cycle, missy! 477 00:21:03,248 --> 00:21:05,249 Okay, good night! 478 00:21:05,283 --> 00:21:07,084 Hey, good night! 479 00:21:07,118 --> 00:21:08,018 Good night. 480 00:21:08,020 --> 00:21:14,725 Hey! 481 00:21:14,727 --> 00:21:15,825 Come in and say hi 482 00:21:15,827 --> 00:21:16,993 to your aunt Dee Dee. 483 00:21:16,995 --> 00:21:18,027 Better hurry before she 484 00:21:18,029 --> 00:21:19,695 disappears for another decade. 485 00:21:19,697 --> 00:21:21,231 We should probably establish 486 00:21:21,233 --> 00:21:22,232 some boundaries about this whole 487 00:21:22,234 --> 00:21:23,333 friends with benefits thing. 488 00:21:23,335 --> 00:21:24,567 Can we do that after 489 00:21:24,569 --> 00:21:26,936 you screw Mr. fix-it? Or... 490 00:21:26,938 --> 00:21:27,938 Hey!