1
00:00:00,935 --> 00:00:02,973
(DAVID READING)

2
00:00:06,047 --> 00:00:07,583
(CRICKETS CHIRP)

3
00:00:08,851 --> 00:00:10,289
(DRIPPING)

4
00:00:20,409 --> 00:00:21,544
JOHNNY: Moira!
MOIRA: Hmm.

5
00:00:21,577 --> 00:00:23,148
JOHNNY: Moira!

6
00:00:23,181 --> 00:00:26,721
Oh, no! I just finally
cried myself to sleep.

7
00:00:26,754 --> 00:00:28,091
The bed's soaking wet.

8
00:00:28,558 --> 00:00:30,162
Is it blood?

9
00:00:30,195 --> 00:00:31,997
No! There's a leak
in the ceiling.

10
00:00:32,031 --> 00:00:34,603
-There is a brown disgusting
drip coming.
-Oh!

11
00:00:34,637 --> 00:00:37,176
Look at the...
Look at... Oh, my God.

12
00:00:37,209 --> 00:00:39,913
-I can't do it. I tried!
-This place is a dump!
It's a dump.

13
00:00:39,947 --> 00:00:41,217
You know what?
It's a hell hole.

14
00:00:41,251 --> 00:00:42,986
I tried, John, but I can't!

15
00:00:43,821 --> 00:00:45,192
-DAVID: Ah!
-Wake up.

16
00:00:45,225 --> 00:00:46,727
-BOTH: Ah!
-Start packing.

17
00:00:46,761 --> 00:00:50,402
The plumbing is shot to hell
in this place
and we are getting out.

18
00:00:50,435 --> 00:00:51,604
We are getting out!

19
00:00:51,637 --> 00:00:53,107
What are you wearing?
What is that? A nightgown?

20
00:00:53,141 --> 00:00:55,579
It's a nightshirt, David.
And that's not the issue.

21
00:00:55,612 --> 00:00:58,117
The issue is
the brown sludge in my bed.

22
00:00:58,151 --> 00:00:59,487
We're selling the place!

23
00:00:59,520 --> 00:01:00,855
DAVID: It's 6:00 a.m.!

24
00:01:00,889 --> 00:01:02,926
What's the name of
the mouthy kid
at the front desk?

25
00:01:02,959 --> 00:01:04,096
I don't know.
I'm trying very hard

26
00:01:04,129 --> 00:01:05,599
not to connect with
people right now.

27
00:01:05,632 --> 00:01:07,135
The mouth,
the mouth, the girl.

28
00:01:07,169 --> 00:01:08,938
You might want to rethink
the nightgown first.

29
00:01:08,971 --> 00:01:11,177
There's a whole
Ebenezer Scrooge
thing happening.

30
00:01:11,211 --> 00:01:13,315
Oh, my God,
that's who I was thinking of.

31
00:01:13,348 --> 00:01:15,084
You know what?
I'll do it myself.

32
00:01:15,118 --> 00:01:17,289
-My best to Bob Cratchit.
-Okay.

33
00:01:31,851 --> 00:01:34,857
Hello! Hello! Service?

34
00:01:36,827 --> 00:01:38,130
This bell is broken.

35
00:01:38,164 --> 00:01:42,071
Yeah, sorry.
It's more or less decorative.

36
00:01:43,006 --> 00:01:45,211
There's a leak in my room.

37
00:01:45,245 --> 00:01:49,787
Brown, disgusting sewage water
was dripping all over
my bed this morning.

38
00:01:49,820 --> 00:01:52,693
I was soaking wet.
So I need a plumber.

39
00:01:53,828 --> 00:01:55,231
You want me to call a plumber?

40
00:01:56,801 --> 00:01:58,103
Do I want you
to call a plumber?

41
00:01:58,137 --> 00:02:00,342
Yes, yes, I do.
I want you call...

42
00:02:00,375 --> 00:02:01,644
You should already be
on the phone.

43
00:02:01,677 --> 00:02:03,046
Could you call a plumber?

44
00:02:03,079 --> 00:02:04,983
I'll see if he's home.

45
00:02:05,017 --> 00:02:07,623
Or conscious.

46
00:02:07,656 --> 00:02:09,660
He's a good guy.
He's just a big drinker.

47
00:02:09,693 --> 00:02:10,995
I also need
a real-estate agent.

48
00:02:11,029 --> 00:02:14,035
The name of a
good real-estate agent
right away.

49
00:02:14,068 --> 00:02:16,407
Oh, there's a guy named Ray.

50
00:02:19,613 --> 00:02:23,621
Yeah. He's the best one.
He's also the only one, so...

51
00:02:23,655 --> 00:02:25,759
A guy named Ray...

52
00:02:27,829 --> 00:02:29,967
Is there anything else
I can help you with, Mr. Rose?

53
00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:34,141
Uh, yes. My wife and I
will be taking breakfast
in our room this morning.

54
00:02:34,176 --> 00:02:37,248
Eggs Florentine
and a yoghurt parfait.

55
00:02:37,282 --> 00:02:38,951
Yeah.

56
00:02:38,985 --> 00:02:41,857
Unfortunately, due to
a lack of everything,
we don't do room service.

57
00:02:41,891 --> 00:02:46,534
Um, but you're always welcome
to help yourself to our
complimentary espresso bar.

58
00:02:48,103 --> 00:02:49,640
I'd rather
drink the pipe water.

59
00:02:49,673 --> 00:02:51,310
I hear ya.

60
00:02:51,877 --> 00:02:52,879
Ew.

61
00:02:54,148 --> 00:02:56,687
Who even is this girl?

62
00:02:56,721 --> 00:02:59,760
He said that he would
never date anyone
with a toe ring and yet...

63
00:02:59,793 --> 00:03:01,129
(SHUSHING)

64
00:03:01,162 --> 00:03:02,232
DAVID: Oh!

65
00:03:02,265 --> 00:03:03,300
Rub my back.

66
00:03:03,334 --> 00:03:04,737
What? No.

67
00:03:04,770 --> 00:03:07,174
I rubbed your back
many a nights
when you were little.

68
00:03:07,208 --> 00:03:09,246
Yeah, in exchange for
half my allowance.

69
00:03:09,279 --> 00:03:12,385
Fine. You may select
one silver piece

70
00:03:12,419 --> 00:03:14,590
from my accessory case.
Right here.

71
00:03:14,623 --> 00:03:17,395
Oh, my God.
She has "hakuna matata"
tattooed on her foot.

72
00:03:17,429 --> 00:03:20,234
Stavros was seeing
escorts before you.

73
00:03:20,268 --> 00:03:21,904
A Disney tattoo
shouldn't be a surprise.

74
00:03:21,937 --> 00:03:24,209
We said no social media
post breakup.

75
00:03:24,242 --> 00:03:26,481
-We had a pact about that.
-He dates hookers.

76
00:03:26,514 --> 00:03:29,887
Well, I'm sorry that
I don't hire my friends
at model castings.

77
00:03:29,920 --> 00:03:32,124
Actually, now that
I think about it,
where are those friends?

78
00:03:32,157 --> 00:03:33,961
They're just giving me
space right now.

79
00:03:33,995 --> 00:03:35,298
-Because they're
considerate people.
-Oh, right.

80
00:03:35,331 --> 00:03:36,634
-Space. Yeah.
-Okay.

81
00:03:36,667 --> 00:03:38,571
Well, I think it's best
that he dumped you.

82
00:03:38,605 --> 00:03:40,308
He didn't dump me.

83
00:03:40,341 --> 00:03:43,213
We actually both decided
that it was best that
he see other people, so...

84
00:03:43,247 --> 00:03:47,455
Children, mindless bickering
is a luxury
we may no longer afford.

85
00:03:47,489 --> 00:03:51,831
You are blind to reality,
and for that, I am most proud.

86
00:03:51,864 --> 00:03:53,935
But our world's evil twin...

87
00:03:53,968 --> 00:03:55,639
Okay, I'm taking my journal
into the bathroom.

88
00:03:55,672 --> 00:03:58,310
-Has reared her ugly...
-DAVID: Where I will be
shutting the door.

89
00:03:58,344 --> 00:04:00,749
David! You might actually
want to hear this.

90
00:04:03,287 --> 00:04:04,289
(GROANS)

91
00:04:05,659 --> 00:04:07,529
Oh, hi!

92
00:04:07,563 --> 00:04:08,865
-JOHNNY: Are you Ray?
-Yes.

93
00:04:08,898 --> 00:04:10,200
You're late.

94
00:04:10,233 --> 00:04:11,904
Johnny Rose. My wife, Moira.

95
00:04:11,937 --> 00:04:13,875
-Hello.
-Hi.

96
00:04:13,908 --> 00:04:15,511
Oh, I love your complexion.

97
00:04:17,081 --> 00:04:19,987
So, what can I help you with?

98
00:04:20,020 --> 00:04:22,826
Housing,
investment opportunities?

99
00:04:22,859 --> 00:04:27,001
Mr. Rose and I would like
to put a "for sale" sign
on this incredible town.

100
00:04:27,034 --> 00:04:29,306
We're willing to settle
for what we paid for it.

101
00:04:29,339 --> 00:04:31,977
More if we can get it,
but definitely not less.

102
00:04:32,011 --> 00:04:35,619
Well, I'm not
gonna lie to you.
I'm not super optimistic.

103
00:04:35,652 --> 00:04:38,691
You know, because
the government saw
no value in Schitt's Creek.

104
00:04:38,725 --> 00:04:40,962
You know, when they
repossessed your assets.

105
00:04:40,995 --> 00:04:42,532
You know,
because of the humiliating...

106
00:04:42,565 --> 00:04:43,968
Yes, we know.
We know. We know.

107
00:04:44,001 --> 00:04:45,739
Well, we'll do our best.

108
00:04:45,772 --> 00:04:48,410
First, we just
have to get Roland
to sign off on the listing

109
00:04:48,444 --> 00:04:49,747
and then we're good to go.

110
00:04:51,316 --> 00:04:55,591
I need to confer with
the financial powerhouse
of the family.

111
00:04:55,625 --> 00:04:59,599
Since when did the mayor
need to sign off on this?

112
00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:02,806
Ray, since when did
the mayor need
sign off on this?

113
00:05:02,839 --> 00:05:05,945
Well, it's all right here.

114
00:05:10,889 --> 00:05:12,558
Son of a bitch!

115
00:05:13,026 --> 00:05:14,596
(CART RATTLING)

116
00:05:17,134 --> 00:05:18,705
Oh, excuse me.

117
00:05:18,738 --> 00:05:21,142
I don't think my sheets
have been cleaned.
They smell like cigarettes.

118
00:05:21,175 --> 00:05:22,779
No, that's just the way
they smell.

119
00:05:22,813 --> 00:05:25,317
Also, you can tell your dad
that the plumber was busy.

120
00:05:25,351 --> 00:05:29,125
So I just pushed the bed up
against the wall and put
a bucket where the bed was.

121
00:05:29,158 --> 00:05:30,995
Okay. We're gonna be
selling this town.

122
00:05:31,029 --> 00:05:32,733
So it's gonna be
someone else's problem soon.

123
00:05:32,766 --> 00:05:34,469
But it's such a
great place to live.

124
00:05:36,305 --> 00:05:37,408
I think you're funny.

125
00:05:37,442 --> 00:05:39,211
Thank you.

126
00:05:39,245 --> 00:05:40,815
(CHUCKLES) Um...

127
00:05:40,849 --> 00:05:43,888
Look, I know this probably
isn't your thing,

128
00:05:43,921 --> 00:05:46,994
but there's a
tailgate party later.

129
00:05:47,027 --> 00:05:49,900
It's not exactly clubbing,
but, you know, close.

130
00:05:49,933 --> 00:05:51,169
I don't know what
"tailgate" means.

131
00:05:51,202 --> 00:05:54,108
In my mind, I'm picturing
like a Klan rally.

132
00:05:54,141 --> 00:05:56,947
Yeah, just fewer pointy hats.

133
00:05:56,981 --> 00:05:59,652
Just townies with
un-ironic haircuts.

134
00:05:59,686 --> 00:06:01,322
Okay. I'm gonna pass.

135
00:06:01,355 --> 00:06:03,460
I'm not really in the mood
to be a victim of
a hate crime tonight, so...

136
00:06:03,494 --> 00:06:05,564
(MOUTHING) Okay.

137
00:06:05,598 --> 00:06:07,468
Stavros just posted
three more photos.

138
00:06:07,502 --> 00:06:09,940
Who are these jenky women?

139
00:06:09,973 --> 00:06:12,378
From the looks of it,
they're blonde
and mostly naked, so...

140
00:06:12,412 --> 00:06:14,048
(ALEXIS GROANS)

141
00:06:14,081 --> 00:06:18,023
Is there a bar in this place
or are we in one of those
religio-cult towns?

142
00:06:18,056 --> 00:06:20,193
I was just telling
your brother
about a party tonight.

143
00:06:20,227 --> 00:06:21,897
But he passed, so...

144
00:06:21,931 --> 00:06:25,170
Um, yes.
Love that journey for me.

145
00:06:25,203 --> 00:06:27,575
Okay. So I'm looking for a guy

146
00:06:27,608 --> 00:06:30,781
like a mechanic
or someone that hammers stuff.

147
00:06:31,716 --> 00:06:33,454
Um, at least 5'7".

148
00:06:33,487 --> 00:06:37,094
Kind of like full lips.
Athletic body.

149
00:06:37,127 --> 00:06:38,764
Maybe a neck tattoo
would be cute.

150
00:06:38,797 --> 00:06:41,169
No, it wouldn't.

151
00:06:41,202 --> 00:06:43,674
You know, I think
this could be
really good for me.

152
00:06:43,707 --> 00:06:45,143
So thank you.

153
00:06:45,611 --> 00:06:47,247
You're welcome.

154
00:06:47,281 --> 00:06:49,652
Yeah. I'm looking forward
to it.

155
00:06:49,686 --> 00:06:51,222
Having all that fun.

156
00:06:54,128 --> 00:06:55,965
(SNIFFS) Wow.

157
00:06:59,338 --> 00:07:03,179
So Johnny Rose wants
the ol' Johnny Hancock?

158
00:07:03,213 --> 00:07:05,851
-Well... (CHUCKLES)
-Shouldn't be
a problem, Johnny.

159
00:07:05,885 --> 00:07:07,855
I'm happy to sign off
on the listing, okay?

160
00:07:07,889 --> 00:07:09,759
Well, thank you very much,
Roland. Appreciate it.

161
00:07:09,792 --> 00:07:11,763
Sure. Why don't you
come over tonight
and pick it up?

162
00:07:12,565 --> 00:07:14,436
Uh, no. Mr. Mayor, I...

163
00:07:14,469 --> 00:07:16,540
No, no. Roland,
a signature,
that's all I need.

164
00:07:16,573 --> 00:07:17,976
Johnny, look, here is
what you're gonna do.

165
00:07:18,009 --> 00:07:19,746
You're gonna grab the kids,
you're gonna grab Moira,

166
00:07:19,779 --> 00:07:21,082
you're gonna come over,

167
00:07:21,115 --> 00:07:23,820
we're gonna sit down
like civilized people,
have a few laughs,

168
00:07:23,854 --> 00:07:27,194
and then at the end
of the evening we'll get to
the big signing, okay?

169
00:07:27,227 --> 00:07:29,131
Right. Okay.
Honestly, Roland,
it's just a...

170
00:07:29,165 --> 00:07:31,870
It's just a signature.
A flick of the wrist.
That's it.

171
00:07:31,903 --> 00:07:34,609
You're not rejecting
my hospitality,
are you, Johnny?

172
00:07:34,642 --> 00:07:36,212
Because that really wouldn't
be a good way

173
00:07:36,245 --> 00:07:37,915
to start things off,
I don't think.

174
00:07:37,949 --> 00:07:42,457
No, no. I'm not... I'd love to
come to dinner.
Are you kidding me?

175
00:07:42,492 --> 00:07:44,161
No. I just thought,
let's do business first,

176
00:07:44,195 --> 00:07:46,465
get the signature,
and then dinner.

177
00:07:46,500 --> 00:07:50,107
Johnny, you want that.
To get that you need this.

178
00:07:50,140 --> 00:07:51,876
So let's just do this my way.

179
00:07:51,910 --> 00:07:54,782
Yeah, yeah, sure.
Yeah, dinner it is.

180
00:07:54,816 --> 00:07:58,524
Yes, dinner it is, attaboy.
Okay.

181
00:08:00,861 --> 00:08:03,700
MOIRA: How did you not get
the contract signed, John?

182
00:08:03,734 --> 00:08:07,642
Can one thing, just one thing,
not be easy in this town?

183
00:08:07,675 --> 00:08:10,581
Look, Roland's
playing games, honey.
He's playing games.

184
00:08:10,614 --> 00:08:12,718
So this is something
we have to do.

185
00:08:12,752 --> 00:08:15,323
Okay. Well,
I would love to go,

186
00:08:15,357 --> 00:08:16,793
but I've actually
double-booked myself.

187
00:08:16,826 --> 00:08:20,568
I'm going to a truck party
with the front desk girl

188
00:08:20,601 --> 00:08:22,872
and obviously she'd be
super devastated

189
00:08:22,905 --> 00:08:26,445
if I bailed last minute.
So I can't. I can't go.

190
00:08:26,479 --> 00:08:29,385
Okay. Well, cancel it because
you're coming to dinner.

191
00:08:29,418 --> 00:08:30,453
No.

192
00:08:30,487 --> 00:08:32,023
One of you kids has to come.

193
00:08:32,057 --> 00:08:33,794
David, you've got
nothing on tonight.

194
00:08:33,827 --> 00:08:34,962
How do you know that?

195
00:08:34,996 --> 00:08:36,800
What do you have on tonight?

196
00:08:36,833 --> 00:08:38,804
-What?
-Good, it's settled.

197
00:08:38,837 --> 00:08:40,107
Or you could go alone, John.

198
00:08:40,140 --> 00:08:42,978
Since you are the one
who did not get
the contract signed.

199
00:08:43,012 --> 00:08:47,688
Moira, Roland wants
the family there tonight.

200
00:08:47,722 --> 00:08:49,659
So my family
has to go tonight.

201
00:08:49,692 --> 00:08:51,362
Let me explain something
about business.

202
00:08:51,395 --> 00:08:54,034
-Don't you dare...
-It's a dance.

203
00:08:54,067 --> 00:08:56,740
And sometimes you lead.
And sometimes you follow.

204
00:08:56,773 --> 00:08:58,544
And which are you
doing now, John?

205
00:08:58,577 --> 00:09:00,948
I am leading, Moira.

206
00:09:00,981 --> 00:09:03,820
In a Roland game,
I think you're following.

207
00:09:03,854 --> 00:09:10,066
Following in the game
but leading
in the dance, right?

208
00:09:10,099 --> 00:09:12,337
And he thinks
he's leading in the dance,

209
00:09:12,371 --> 00:09:16,445
but only because
I've allowed him to think...

210
00:09:16,479 --> 00:09:17,782
Are you listening to this?

211
00:09:17,815 --> 00:09:19,786
-Hmm?
-It doesn't matter.
I'm leading.

212
00:09:21,088 --> 00:09:23,092
I shall bathe.

213
00:09:23,125 --> 00:09:27,167
And if I bang my head
and slip beneath the surface,

214
00:09:27,201 --> 00:09:29,271
so be it, Mr. Rose.

215
00:09:29,839 --> 00:09:31,542
(DRIPPING)

216
00:09:31,576 --> 00:09:33,179
What's this?

217
00:09:33,213 --> 00:09:37,053
Yeah, Stevie called.
Apparently the plumber's
in rehab.

218
00:09:38,155 --> 00:09:40,761
Um, and you also...
You have something on your...

219
00:09:40,794 --> 00:09:42,564
I don't know what that is,
but it's a thing.

220
00:09:42,598 --> 00:09:43,834
ALEXIS: David, for the
gate party tonight,

221
00:09:43,867 --> 00:09:45,537
is it more of
a leather pants...

222
00:09:45,570 --> 00:09:47,507
Son of a bitch!

223
00:09:49,879 --> 00:09:52,050
JOHNNY: Thanks for
having us, Jocelyn.
Thank you.

224
00:09:52,083 --> 00:09:55,257
Make yourselves at home.
Roland's just on the toilet.

225
00:09:55,290 --> 00:09:57,728
Oh, what a surprise.

226
00:09:57,762 --> 00:10:02,838
You have a really lovely home.
It's really understated.

227
00:10:02,872 --> 00:10:06,680
Thank you.
I get a lot of my ideas
from magazines.

228
00:10:06,713 --> 00:10:07,948
MOIRA: Don't be modest.

229
00:10:07,982 --> 00:10:12,190
This is 100% you and only you.

230
00:10:12,223 --> 00:10:17,233
Hey, okay. It's the Roses.
(CHUCKLES)

231
00:10:17,267 --> 00:10:18,904
Come on, folks, please sit.

232
00:10:18,937 --> 00:10:21,041
Come on,
I'm just the mayor,
for crying out loud.

233
00:10:22,611 --> 00:10:25,116
Ooh, hors d'oeuvres.

234
00:10:25,149 --> 00:10:27,421
That's too bad about Alexis.

235
00:10:27,454 --> 00:10:30,527
Well, it is.
But we did bring
the life of the party.

236
00:10:30,560 --> 00:10:32,230
Our David.

237
00:10:32,263 --> 00:10:35,671
Well, I guess that just means
there's more for
you and me, right, Dave?

238
00:10:35,704 --> 00:10:38,443
I hope everybody
likes a cheeseball.

239
00:10:38,476 --> 00:10:40,948
-Cheeseball? (CHUCKLES)
-MOIRA: Ooh!

240
00:10:40,981 --> 00:10:43,453
It's the treat that keeps
our love life percolating.

241
00:10:43,486 --> 00:10:45,590
It's like an
aphrodisiac with him.

242
00:10:45,623 --> 00:10:47,193
Go ahead.

243
00:10:47,226 --> 00:10:50,266
Oh, yes, can't wait.
Can't wait. Mmm.

244
00:10:50,299 --> 00:10:53,573
JOCELYN: So, David,
tell us about yourself.

245
00:10:53,606 --> 00:10:56,713
-I hear you're a gallerist.
-Oh. Wow!

246
00:10:56,746 --> 00:10:58,315
There's a 10-dollar
word for you.

247
00:10:58,349 --> 00:10:59,819
David owned
a brilliant gallery.

248
00:10:59,852 --> 00:11:01,121
Tell them about
your last show.

249
00:11:01,154 --> 00:11:02,858
-It's not... It's not...
-You must, please.

250
00:11:02,892 --> 00:11:04,294
Tell them, David, tell them.

251
00:11:04,327 --> 00:11:07,000
The gallery worked with
Janet Kempfluugen.

252
00:11:07,033 --> 00:11:09,137
Kempfluugen?

253
00:11:09,170 --> 00:11:12,276
She's a Brooklyn-based
performance artist.
She's a big deal.

254
00:11:12,310 --> 00:11:18,355
Anyway, she would
walk into the space
wearing a clay mask of a fawn,

255
00:11:18,389 --> 00:11:22,698
remove her clothing
and breastfeed
members of the audience.

256
00:11:22,732 --> 00:11:25,804
It was a commentary
on income inequality.

257
00:11:28,910 --> 00:11:31,214
-Wow.
-Heady stuff.

258
00:11:31,248 --> 00:11:32,451
Yeah. Hmm...

259
00:11:35,356 --> 00:11:36,926
Lip gloss?

260
00:11:36,960 --> 00:11:38,095
STEVIE: No, thank you.

261
00:11:38,128 --> 00:11:40,834
I wish I could pull off
the whole gluey,
no makeup look.

262
00:11:40,868 --> 00:11:42,504
It's so French.

263
00:11:42,938 --> 00:11:43,974
Thank you.

264
00:11:44,007 --> 00:11:45,543
So, why are you single?

265
00:11:45,577 --> 00:11:46,980
Who said I'm single?

266
00:11:47,013 --> 00:11:49,217
Girl, we are on the hunt.
I hope you are single.

267
00:11:49,250 --> 00:11:51,421
Oh, no, no.
I'm not "on the hunt."

268
00:11:51,455 --> 00:11:52,758
A town this size,

269
00:11:52,792 --> 00:11:54,762
you've either been through 'em
or know way too much
about 'em.

270
00:11:54,796 --> 00:11:59,004
Okay. I'm gonna go do a lap
and this swan is best
when she flies solo.

271
00:11:59,037 --> 00:12:00,707
So you're gonna be okay?

272
00:12:00,741 --> 00:12:01,876
-I live here.
-Okay, okay.

273
00:12:01,910 --> 00:12:03,880
-Am I good? Yes? Okay.
-Mmm-hmm.

274
00:12:03,914 --> 00:12:05,851
-Thank you.
-You're not cold?

275
00:12:07,654 --> 00:12:09,525
Chuck, beer!

276
00:12:10,059 --> 00:12:11,328
(ROLAND GRUNTS)

277
00:12:13,132 --> 00:12:15,269
I know it's gotta be
in here somewhere.

278
00:12:15,302 --> 00:12:17,306
Slippery little bastard.

279
00:12:17,340 --> 00:12:19,746
Maybe a fork would help,
Roland?

280
00:12:19,779 --> 00:12:22,350
That's sweet. Thank you.
I'm okay. I'll find it.

281
00:12:23,820 --> 00:12:26,926
So is that the
contract over there?

282
00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:29,497
Yeah, it is. You know,
I gotta be honest with you.

283
00:12:29,531 --> 00:12:32,938
I tried reading that thing.
It is really boring.

284
00:12:32,972 --> 00:12:35,743
Ah, got it!
There she is! Okay.

285
00:12:38,616 --> 00:12:39,685
Oh!

286
00:12:39,718 --> 00:12:42,624
Oh, my God, honey.
Oh, that is good.

287
00:12:43,192 --> 00:12:44,494
That is good.

288
00:12:44,527 --> 00:12:47,200
I believe
you were saying, John...

289
00:12:47,233 --> 00:12:50,908
Yes. This reminds me
of a merger
I put together in Zurich.

290
00:12:50,941 --> 00:12:53,245
It was two families
breaking bread together,
and we...

291
00:12:53,278 --> 00:12:54,347
(GRUNTING)

292
00:12:54,380 --> 00:12:56,953
-Very, very...
-My head. My head hurts.

293
00:12:56,986 --> 00:12:58,322
No! Are you okay?

294
00:12:58,355 --> 00:13:00,794
I think it's the migraines
that I get a lot.

295
00:13:00,828 --> 00:13:03,498
Oh, I think that'll pass,
David.

296
00:13:03,532 --> 00:13:06,238
I don't think it's gonna pass.
I don't think it's passing.

297
00:13:06,271 --> 00:13:07,741
Migraines can be so awful.

298
00:13:07,774 --> 00:13:09,846
Yeah, well, not this one.
Not this one.

299
00:13:09,879 --> 00:13:12,651
Yeah, you know what?
I think I need to go.

300
00:13:12,684 --> 00:13:15,858
I think you need to
eat something
and that will help.

301
00:13:15,891 --> 00:13:17,493
No, I think I need to go back.

302
00:13:17,526 --> 00:13:18,729
(WHISPERING)
Take me with you, please.

303
00:13:18,763 --> 00:13:20,099
David, sit down.
Sit down. Sit back down.

304
00:13:20,132 --> 00:13:21,201
DAVID: Jocelyn, thank you
so much for dinner.

305
00:13:21,234 --> 00:13:22,905
Why don't you lie down
on our mattress?

306
00:13:22,938 --> 00:13:24,909
The sheets are in the dryer,
but there is rubber pad.

307
00:13:24,942 --> 00:13:26,244
No. Thanks.

308
00:13:26,278 --> 00:13:28,182
-David! Don't go
near the door.
-DAVID: Thank you.

309
00:13:28,215 --> 00:13:31,088
-David! Do not open that door.
-(DOOR OPENING AND CLOSING)

310
00:13:35,562 --> 00:13:37,868
I brought vodka
as a house gift.

311
00:13:37,902 --> 00:13:39,637
I don't see it.

312
00:13:39,671 --> 00:13:41,108
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

313
00:13:41,141 --> 00:13:42,310
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

314
00:13:48,789 --> 00:13:50,092
(ENGINE ROARING)

315
00:13:54,100 --> 00:13:55,737
ALEXIS: That's what I say.
(CHUCKLES)

316
00:13:56,304 --> 00:13:57,573
Crazy.

317
00:14:03,552 --> 00:14:05,322
I'm Twyla.

318
00:14:06,124 --> 00:14:08,395
From the cafe. Yeah.

319
00:14:08,428 --> 00:14:10,868
Yeah. David Rose.

320
00:14:10,901 --> 00:14:12,470
I'm a little drunk.

321
00:14:12,503 --> 00:14:13,672
Mmm-hmm.

322
00:14:13,705 --> 00:14:15,476
-Hey.
-Hey, Stevie.

323
00:14:17,213 --> 00:14:20,619
I am going to roast myself
a marshmallow.

324
00:14:20,652 --> 00:14:22,757
-Anybody?
-No. Thanks.

325
00:14:22,791 --> 00:14:24,127
-You're all good?
-No.

326
00:14:24,160 --> 00:14:25,496
-STEVIE: No, thanks.
-Great.

327
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:29,771
I don't know why you were
so reluctant to show up here.

328
00:14:29,805 --> 00:14:32,276
You fit right in.

329
00:14:32,310 --> 00:14:33,947
Well, my sister
texted me "help."

330
00:14:33,980 --> 00:14:35,749
And my mind went
straight to Deliverance.

331
00:14:35,783 --> 00:14:37,120
So I wasn't too far off.

332
00:14:37,153 --> 00:14:40,726
That's funny, because
your sister texted me
from across the bonfire

333
00:14:40,759 --> 00:14:42,730
and said you'd probably
show up here

334
00:14:42,763 --> 00:14:45,803
because you were
bored and lonely and had
nothing better to do.

335
00:14:45,837 --> 00:14:47,874
Well, my sister is
a broken shell
of a human being.

336
00:14:47,908 --> 00:14:49,777
That's where that's
coming from, so...

337
00:14:49,811 --> 00:14:51,916
Oh, okay.

338
00:14:51,950 --> 00:14:54,554
Oh. Well, she seems fine.

339
00:14:54,587 --> 00:14:58,028
Are you serious?
That's so funny.
That's so funny.

340
00:14:58,062 --> 00:15:01,168
So I guess you're free to go.

341
00:15:05,442 --> 00:15:09,017
I'm gonna need a stiff drink
to get through this. Stiff.

342
00:15:14,594 --> 00:15:19,504
So, Jocelyn,
you were saying that
you teach high school,

343
00:15:19,537 --> 00:15:21,274
or you want to
finish high school?

344
00:15:21,308 --> 00:15:23,445
I'm not sure.
I couldn't hear over your
husband's chewing.

345
00:15:24,982 --> 00:15:26,885
I teach high school.

346
00:15:26,919 --> 00:15:28,622
Oh, you're a saint.

347
00:15:28,655 --> 00:15:32,430
I love it.
I love connecting
with the young people.

348
00:15:32,463 --> 00:15:34,700
Although I know
those boys are undressing me

349
00:15:34,734 --> 00:15:36,704
every time I drop
a piece of chalk.

350
00:15:36,738 --> 00:15:39,244
Yeah. Well, maybe we should
hold onto our chalk. Hmm?

351
00:15:39,277 --> 00:15:41,081
They're boys. It's cute.

352
00:15:41,514 --> 00:15:42,783
John...

353
00:15:42,816 --> 00:15:44,520
Oh. Ah-ha!

354
00:15:44,554 --> 00:15:48,695
There it is! There it is!
The Vivien Blake bitch face!

355
00:15:48,728 --> 00:15:51,034
-Excuse me?
-I didn't want to
say anything,

356
00:15:51,068 --> 00:15:54,374
but you were
my favorite character
on Sunrise Bay.

357
00:15:55,609 --> 00:15:57,380
-Thanks.
-JOCELYN: It's true.

358
00:15:57,413 --> 00:16:00,319
He lived for Sunrise Bay.

359
00:16:00,352 --> 00:16:04,394
I could be doing
cartwheels in a thong
in front of that television,

360
00:16:04,427 --> 00:16:05,596
which I have done,

361
00:16:05,629 --> 00:16:09,237
but if your show was on,
I was as good as wallpaper.

362
00:16:09,270 --> 00:16:11,574
Hey, how many people
did you slap
on that show?

363
00:16:11,608 --> 00:16:13,045
I don't care.

364
00:16:13,078 --> 00:16:15,582
She can't remember.
There were so many slaps.
(CHUCKLES)

365
00:16:15,616 --> 00:16:21,128
Enough about me.
Let's talk about
you signing this contract.

366
00:16:21,161 --> 00:16:24,367
Well, somebody is
in a little hurry, isn't she?

367
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:26,104
No, no.
We're not in a hurry. No.

368
00:16:26,138 --> 00:16:28,875
-Aren't we? Really?
-No. We're not. No.

369
00:16:29,744 --> 00:16:32,183
(CHUCKLES)
There it is again! Bam!

370
00:16:32,216 --> 00:16:35,156
-Okay,
I'll tell you what, Vivien.
-Moira.

371
00:16:35,189 --> 00:16:37,660
-I will go ahead
and sign off on the sale...
-Moira.

372
00:16:37,993 --> 00:16:39,130
Good.

373
00:16:39,164 --> 00:16:40,499
For a slap.

374
00:16:44,607 --> 00:16:45,842
Excuse me?

375
00:16:45,876 --> 00:16:48,448
I've always wanted to be
slapped by Vivien Blake.

376
00:16:48,482 --> 00:16:51,488
It's true.
We've role-played it
like a thousand times.

377
00:16:51,521 --> 00:16:53,425
-Mmm-hmm.
-But it is not the real thing.

378
00:16:54,560 --> 00:16:56,764
-You'd like me to slap you?
-Yeah.

379
00:16:56,798 --> 00:16:57,933
I don't think that I...

380
00:16:57,966 --> 00:16:59,904
Well, don't think.
Just do it. Slap me.

381
00:16:59,937 --> 00:17:01,774
-I won't.
-Slap him, Moira.

382
00:17:01,808 --> 00:17:02,943
Go ahead and slap him.

383
00:17:02,976 --> 00:17:04,480
-Slap him.
Slap my husband, Moira.
-ROLAND: Just slap me.

384
00:17:04,514 --> 00:17:05,716
John, I won't!

385
00:17:05,749 --> 00:17:07,120
-Slap him or I'll slap him.
-JOCELYN: Slap him, Moira!

386
00:17:07,153 --> 00:17:08,288
-Slap me!
-I won't.

387
00:17:08,322 --> 00:17:11,060
-Slap me like a bitch!
-Sign the fucking contract!

388
00:17:11,094 --> 00:17:12,630
(BREATHING HEAVILY)

389
00:17:19,644 --> 00:17:20,779
(ALEXIS LAUGHING)

390
00:17:21,548 --> 00:17:22,583
Okay.

391
00:17:23,918 --> 00:17:25,356
Um, this has
been a lot of fun,

392
00:17:25,389 --> 00:17:28,528
but I'm starting to
smell a little too much
like campfire

393
00:17:28,562 --> 00:17:33,538
and denim and plaid
and stuff, so... Bye.

394
00:17:33,572 --> 00:17:35,576
STEVIE: Your choices are
beer or beer.

395
00:17:35,609 --> 00:17:38,282
I assume a pint glass
is out of the question?

396
00:17:38,982 --> 00:17:41,019
You came! How was dinner?

397
00:17:41,052 --> 00:17:42,190
Ah, worse than this.

398
00:17:42,223 --> 00:17:44,194
Although, at this point,
it's sort of a moving target.

399
00:17:44,227 --> 00:17:45,462
Here, hold this.

400
00:17:45,496 --> 00:17:46,864
So there are no guys
for me here.

401
00:17:46,898 --> 00:17:49,404
But it was kind of
nice to just, like,
flex the old muscle.

402
00:17:49,437 --> 00:17:50,872
Put your thumb over the tube.

403
00:17:52,476 --> 00:17:54,714
I kind of wanna
just go for it but...

404
00:17:54,747 --> 00:17:57,853
-Sometimes it
doesn't work out, I guess.
-Yeah.

405
00:17:57,886 --> 00:18:00,626
-Okay, now put the tube
in your mouth.
-What?

406
00:18:00,659 --> 00:18:02,630
-Yeah. And just
open your throat.
-DAVID: Oh.

407
00:18:02,663 --> 00:18:04,600
And go down,
'cause you're tall.

408
00:18:04,634 --> 00:18:06,571
David, how long are you
gonna be doing this?

409
00:18:06,604 --> 00:18:10,446
Yeah. Okay, just come get me
after you vomit, okay?

410
00:18:10,479 --> 00:18:12,583
STEVIE: Just open your throat!

411
00:18:15,689 --> 00:18:16,691
You!

412
00:18:20,232 --> 00:18:21,934
STEVIE: Chug! Chug! Chug!

413
00:18:21,968 --> 00:18:23,772
CROWD: Chug! Chug! Chug!

414
00:18:37,733 --> 00:18:39,837
Are you ready? Can we move?

415
00:18:41,039 --> 00:18:42,108
(ALL CHEERING)

416
00:18:42,142 --> 00:18:43,144
Yeah.

417
00:18:49,657 --> 00:18:51,260
(ROLAND HUMMING)

418
00:18:58,106 --> 00:19:03,016
And that's the
last one there! Done!

419
00:19:04,118 --> 00:19:05,255
All-righty.

420
00:19:06,290 --> 00:19:08,895
There you go,
Johnny, congratulations.

421
00:19:08,928 --> 00:19:11,568
Thank you very much.
Thank you.

422
00:19:11,601 --> 00:19:13,672
Just remember one thing, okay?

423
00:19:13,705 --> 00:19:17,513
This is my town
and you're gonna
play by my rules.

424
00:19:18,214 --> 00:19:19,750
Comprende?

425
00:19:21,721 --> 00:19:23,224
(LAUGHING)

426
00:19:23,257 --> 00:19:25,996
I'm just
messing with you, man!
Come on!

427
00:19:26,029 --> 00:19:28,066
(SARCASTIC CHUCKLE) Well...

428
00:19:28,100 --> 00:19:29,135
Or am I?

429
00:19:32,108 --> 00:19:33,745
No. I am.

430
00:19:33,778 --> 00:19:36,384
-Moira! Shall we?
-Yeah.

431
00:19:36,418 --> 00:19:38,855
Jocelyn, thank you
for an unforgettable evening,

432
00:19:38,888 --> 00:19:41,092
I will be dining out
on this for years.

433
00:19:41,126 --> 00:19:42,329
JOCELYN:
I'll send you the recipes.

434
00:19:42,362 --> 00:19:46,069
Yes, Jocelyn,
words can't express.

435
00:19:46,102 --> 00:19:49,243
ROLAND: Seriously, Johnny,
good luck selling the town.

436
00:19:49,276 --> 00:19:50,646
You're sure gonna need it.

437
00:19:50,679 --> 00:19:54,286
-Why's that?
-Well, it took a while
to sell the first time.

438
00:19:54,319 --> 00:19:57,626
I mean, it was on the market
for, like, what, 20 years

439
00:19:57,660 --> 00:19:58,762
before you bought it.

440
00:19:59,664 --> 00:20:01,199
Twenty years?

441
00:20:01,233 --> 00:20:03,304
Yeah. I mean, most people
just thought
it was a waste of money,

442
00:20:03,337 --> 00:20:04,740
that it would never sell,
you know?

443
00:20:04,774 --> 00:20:06,744
Who in their right mind
would buy it? (CHUCKLES)

444
00:20:07,746 --> 00:20:09,517
Then along come you.
(CLICKING TONGUE)

445
00:20:11,353 --> 00:20:12,923
(INHALES DEEPLY)

446
00:20:16,263 --> 00:20:18,234
MOIRA: John, did you know

447
00:20:18,267 --> 00:20:21,674
this town was on the market
for 20 years
before we bought it?

448
00:20:21,708 --> 00:20:22,910
How would I know that?

449
00:20:22,943 --> 00:20:26,016
Why would I know that?
I didn't know that.

450
00:20:26,049 --> 00:20:28,755
But look, let's look at
the bright side.

451
00:20:28,788 --> 00:20:32,262
There is no bright side.
This is the dark side
of the moon, Johnny.

452
00:20:32,295 --> 00:20:34,165
And we'll be here
another 20 years,

453
00:20:34,198 --> 00:20:36,871
tucked in a crater,
lost to all.

454
00:20:36,904 --> 00:20:39,810
Well, you know what?
I think that's being
a little dramatic.

455
00:20:39,844 --> 00:20:42,081
Yes! It's dramatic!

456
00:20:42,114 --> 00:20:46,290
Sweetheart! We got
the thing signed, okay?

457
00:20:46,323 --> 00:20:49,162
And if we have to
fix this town up
before we sell it,

458
00:20:49,195 --> 00:20:50,465
then we fix it up.

459
00:20:50,498 --> 00:20:52,269
We fix it up, bit by bit.

460
00:20:52,302 --> 00:20:53,972
And it's gonna take hard work.

461
00:20:54,005 --> 00:20:56,176
But we can do it
because we're Roses.

462
00:20:56,209 --> 00:20:58,815
And there's nothing
we can't do
if we put our minds...

463
00:20:58,848 --> 00:21:00,719
Hi, hi, hi. You guys are being
super loud right now.

464
00:21:00,752 --> 00:21:02,289
I can hear you
through the headphones.

465
00:21:02,322 --> 00:21:05,395
So if you can just
wrap it up in here...

466
00:21:05,428 --> 00:21:08,334
-Ten to a five. Thanks.
-Night, night.

467
00:21:08,367 --> 00:21:09,369
(DOOR CLOSING)

468
00:21:10,338 --> 00:21:13,511
I feel good about this.
I really do.

469
00:21:13,544 --> 00:21:14,714
(DRIPPING)