1 00:00:01,035 --> 00:00:03,037 (DAVID READING) 2 00:00:07,775 --> 00:00:09,777 DAVID: Mom, can you come here, please? 3 00:00:10,978 --> 00:00:12,946 -MOIRA: What? -I said, come here, please. 4 00:00:12,980 --> 00:00:14,082 You come here. 5 00:00:14,115 --> 00:00:16,217 We got a big box sent to us. 6 00:00:16,250 --> 00:00:17,751 -We did? -It's a package. 7 00:00:17,785 --> 00:00:19,387 -Who's it from? -I don't know. 8 00:00:19,420 --> 00:00:21,589 Oh! It's for me. 9 00:00:22,556 --> 00:00:23,891 "Thinking of you." 10 00:00:25,626 --> 00:00:27,761 "Dear M, hope this helps, 11 00:00:27,795 --> 00:00:31,965 "I only wish I could do more, xoxo J.S.P." 12 00:00:31,999 --> 00:00:33,967 Justine St. Pierre! 13 00:00:34,001 --> 00:00:37,471 David, one of my dear friends is finally reaching out, 14 00:00:37,505 --> 00:00:40,007 and you know what, I knew it would be Justine. 15 00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:42,543 She can be an angry drunk, but we were always close. 16 00:00:44,545 --> 00:00:47,715 "Congratulations on your Allez Vous starter kit." 17 00:00:47,748 --> 00:00:48,916 That frigid whore. 18 00:00:48,949 --> 00:00:49,983 What's Allez Vous? 19 00:00:50,017 --> 00:00:51,219 It's a scam, 20 00:00:51,252 --> 00:00:53,754 -it's her stupid cosmetics company. -(GASPS) 21 00:00:53,787 --> 00:00:56,324 It's a pyramid scheme for desperate housewives 22 00:00:56,357 --> 00:00:57,791 and struggling actors. 23 00:00:57,825 --> 00:00:59,260 Well, how much can we make from this? 24 00:00:59,293 --> 00:01:01,862 David, it's an insult. We're sending it back. 25 00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:03,231 Well, apparently you can win an Audi. 26 00:01:03,864 --> 00:01:05,199 What color? 27 00:01:05,233 --> 00:01:06,767 A champagne Audi, look at that. 28 00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:08,869 As if you could ever sell 29 00:01:08,902 --> 00:01:10,771 enough of this crap to get a car. 30 00:01:10,804 --> 00:01:13,141 Well, Kristi Stubbs and her team out of Montreal 31 00:01:13,174 --> 00:01:14,875 have sold enough to get the car, so... 32 00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:17,211 Don't believe everything you read, dear, please. 33 00:01:18,346 --> 00:01:19,780 (GASPS) 34 00:01:19,813 --> 00:01:21,182 Burn it. Except this mascara. 35 00:01:28,556 --> 00:01:32,025 So, Ray can't lend me his car today, because he has to drive 36 00:01:32,059 --> 00:01:34,562 his 92-year-old mother somewhere. 37 00:01:34,595 --> 00:01:37,565 Where does a 92-year-old woman need to go? 38 00:01:37,598 --> 00:01:39,767 I don't know, John, perhaps the hospital? 39 00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:42,403 Yeah, well, it's just I needed that car 40 00:01:42,436 --> 00:01:44,405 to get to my appointment today. 41 00:01:44,438 --> 00:01:45,773 What appointment? 42 00:01:45,806 --> 00:01:48,008 Well, you know, the, uh... 43 00:01:48,041 --> 00:01:50,644 The thing that I had, I had a thing that I... 44 00:01:50,678 --> 00:01:52,045 What thing? 45 00:01:52,079 --> 00:01:55,449 (SIGHS) An unemployment thing, okay? 46 00:01:55,483 --> 00:01:57,351 To get unemployment insurance, 47 00:01:57,385 --> 00:01:58,686 I have a meeting this afternoon, 48 00:01:58,719 --> 00:02:01,622 and now I have to grovel to Roland, 49 00:02:01,655 --> 00:02:04,024 to get his truck, in order to get 50 00:02:04,057 --> 00:02:06,394 to Elmdale, to get this money... 51 00:02:06,427 --> 00:02:08,562 Well, I think you're brave, 52 00:02:08,596 --> 00:02:10,198 and while I didn't see us 53 00:02:10,231 --> 00:02:11,565 living off of food stamps, 54 00:02:11,599 --> 00:02:14,835 I think there is something very masculine 55 00:02:14,868 --> 00:02:17,538 about the way you're taking control of the situation. 56 00:02:17,571 --> 00:02:20,174 Sweetheart, I'm about to beg for a truck, 57 00:02:20,208 --> 00:02:21,942 in order to beg for money, 58 00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:24,812 I think you've gotta raise that masculinity bar just... 59 00:02:24,845 --> 00:02:25,979 Just a little. 60 00:02:27,448 --> 00:02:28,916 (LAWNMOWER BUZZING) 61 00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:34,288 Roland. 62 00:02:34,322 --> 00:02:36,156 -Hey, Johnny. -Hi. 63 00:02:36,190 --> 00:02:38,226 -What? -Hi. 64 00:02:38,259 --> 00:02:39,327 Can't hear you. 65 00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:40,494 Hey, turn the motor off. 66 00:02:40,528 --> 00:02:42,496 I can't hear you, the motor's on. 67 00:02:42,530 --> 00:02:44,898 Turn the motor off! 68 00:02:44,932 --> 00:02:47,335 -Turn the motor off, you dumb son of a... -(BUZZING STOPS) 69 00:02:48,469 --> 00:02:50,938 Well, what can I do for you, 70 00:02:50,971 --> 00:02:52,673 you dumb son of a... 71 00:02:52,706 --> 00:02:54,308 (BOTH LAUGHING) 72 00:02:54,342 --> 00:02:57,978 Hey Roland, I need to borrow your truck. 73 00:02:58,011 --> 00:03:00,914 I've got a very important appointment today, 74 00:03:00,948 --> 00:03:03,217 and, uh, I sure could use it. 75 00:03:03,251 --> 00:03:05,519 Well, of course, Johnny. You know my truck is your truck, 76 00:03:05,553 --> 00:03:06,787 any time you wanna borrow it, 77 00:03:06,820 --> 00:03:08,389 it's fine with me. No problem whatsoever. 78 00:03:08,422 --> 00:03:09,823 Well, that's very nice. 79 00:03:09,857 --> 00:03:12,025 Listen, as the owner of the truck, 80 00:03:12,059 --> 00:03:13,827 would you do me one favor though? 81 00:03:13,861 --> 00:03:14,895 When you return it, 82 00:03:14,928 --> 00:03:16,297 can you bring the seats back up? 83 00:03:16,330 --> 00:03:17,931 -The way I had 'em... I'd appreciate that. -(STUTTERS) I do. 84 00:03:17,965 --> 00:03:19,099 Well, you don't. 85 00:03:19,132 --> 00:03:20,334 But if you could, I'd appreciate it. 86 00:03:20,368 --> 00:03:21,469 Well, I think I do. 87 00:03:21,502 --> 00:03:22,803 Here's the keys, 88 00:03:22,836 --> 00:03:25,105 and, uh, also, when you return it, 89 00:03:25,138 --> 00:03:26,974 if you don't mind just backing it in, 90 00:03:27,007 --> 00:03:28,208 because in the morning... 91 00:03:28,242 --> 00:03:29,977 Yeah, I'll back it in, I'll back it in. 92 00:03:30,010 --> 00:03:32,112 ...my neck like that, if you could back it in... 93 00:03:32,145 --> 00:03:33,314 Sure, I'll back it in. 94 00:03:34,081 --> 00:03:35,983 The wiper fluid, um, 95 00:03:36,016 --> 00:03:38,386 I had to replace sooner than usual. 96 00:03:38,419 --> 00:03:39,520 Now, I'm not asking... 97 00:03:39,553 --> 00:03:40,621 I don't touch the wiper fluid. 98 00:03:40,654 --> 00:03:42,290 -Well, okay, somebody did. -I never use it. 99 00:03:42,323 --> 00:03:45,559 Yeah, well, I guess your "Imaginary friend" uses wiper fluid, right? 100 00:03:45,593 --> 00:03:47,261 I don't know. I'm not asking for payback here, 101 00:03:47,295 --> 00:03:48,829 but whatever you think is fair would be terrific. 102 00:03:48,862 --> 00:03:50,431 Okay, I never use it, though. 103 00:03:50,464 --> 00:03:52,633 The radio was at a four. I like it at a 10, so... 104 00:03:52,666 --> 00:03:54,167 Okay, you know what, I'm gonna walk, so... 105 00:03:54,201 --> 00:03:55,403 -Where are you going? -I'm gonna walk, Roland. 106 00:03:55,436 --> 00:03:56,904 What do you mean you're walking? 107 00:03:56,937 --> 00:03:58,772 -No, no, the truck's right there. -I don't need your truck. 108 00:03:58,806 --> 00:04:00,541 It's gonna be there all day. 109 00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:02,676 I'm just asking, maybe you could put a little air in the tires 110 00:04:02,710 --> 00:04:03,877 from time to time. 111 00:04:04,378 --> 00:04:05,579 Bonjour. 112 00:04:05,613 --> 00:04:08,048 Now that you've opened your Allez Vous starter kit, 113 00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:10,584 let's begin with those essential tips and tricks 114 00:04:10,618 --> 00:04:14,555 you'll need to make up to 600,000 dollars a year. 115 00:04:14,588 --> 00:04:16,324 That's 50,000 a month. 116 00:04:16,357 --> 00:04:18,859 That's 7,000 dollars a week. 117 00:04:18,892 --> 00:04:22,296 No, it isn't. She didn't finish high school. 118 00:04:22,330 --> 00:04:24,698 Now, you've heard of other get rich quick schemes, 119 00:04:24,732 --> 00:04:27,368 but this isn't a scheme, it's a system. 120 00:04:27,401 --> 00:04:29,570 Look at the work she's had done. 121 00:04:30,971 --> 00:04:32,039 It's grotesque. 122 00:04:32,072 --> 00:04:33,173 Go grab a pen and paper, 123 00:04:33,206 --> 00:04:34,375 because I'm about to share with you 124 00:04:34,408 --> 00:04:36,276 some essential tips and tricks 125 00:04:36,310 --> 00:04:39,046 to maximize your sales productivity. 126 00:04:39,079 --> 00:04:40,948 If this seems like a dream come true, 127 00:04:40,981 --> 00:04:44,985 you need to pay attention to my tips and tricks. 128 00:04:45,018 --> 00:04:46,554 But the best part is, the products sell themselves. 129 00:04:46,587 --> 00:04:48,221 Okay, where are the tips and tricks? 130 00:04:48,255 --> 00:04:50,858 We've been watching this for five minutes, she's talking in circles. 131 00:04:50,891 --> 00:04:52,793 Because it's a scam. 132 00:04:52,826 --> 00:04:53,894 But if your father's willing 133 00:04:53,927 --> 00:04:55,396 to go out there and sell his soul, dear, 134 00:04:55,429 --> 00:04:57,631 the least we can do is try to sell this garbage. 135 00:04:59,433 --> 00:05:01,201 -What's this? -Huh? 136 00:05:01,234 --> 00:05:03,771 Oh, it's a sunless bronzing. 137 00:05:03,804 --> 00:05:06,206 Okay, let's sell it. How hard could it be? 138 00:05:06,239 --> 00:05:10,878 You sell you. You sell you using Allez Vous. 139 00:05:10,911 --> 00:05:13,781 -Okay, we're going to have a luncheon. -A luncheon? 140 00:05:13,814 --> 00:05:16,550 Mm-hmm. A luncheon for our little townie friends. 141 00:05:17,284 --> 00:05:18,786 It's the least we could do. 142 00:05:19,587 --> 00:05:21,188 -Hmm. -(INDISTINCT TALKING) 143 00:05:23,691 --> 00:05:25,125 ALEXIS: Twyla? 144 00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:27,327 -Hey, what's up? -Nothing. 145 00:05:27,361 --> 00:05:29,997 So, um, Ted ordered toast, 146 00:05:30,030 --> 00:05:32,065 not home fries, and he got home fries. 147 00:05:32,099 --> 00:05:33,867 -So, would you just be a peach, and... -Oh, sorry. 148 00:05:33,901 --> 00:05:36,470 No, you know what? It's okay. I'm good with it. 149 00:05:36,504 --> 00:05:39,573 I like home fries. I'm gonna eat 'em, so... 150 00:05:39,607 --> 00:05:41,675 First day of a cleanse, so she's a little... 151 00:05:42,142 --> 00:05:43,744 (TWYLA CHUCKLES) 152 00:05:43,777 --> 00:05:44,845 Okay, so I can take it back. 153 00:05:44,878 --> 00:05:45,979 That'd actually be great, 154 00:05:46,013 --> 00:05:47,180 -if you wouldn't... -No. No, thank you. 155 00:05:47,214 --> 00:05:50,017 Lex, if you'll just let me eat my breakfast here. 156 00:05:50,050 --> 00:05:51,385 It's not like there's broken glass in it. 157 00:05:51,419 --> 00:05:52,853 There's broken glass? 158 00:05:52,886 --> 00:05:54,321 No, there is not broken glass in it, 159 00:05:54,354 --> 00:05:57,558 just a lot of great flavors that I can't wait to taste. 160 00:05:58,559 --> 00:05:59,593 Great. 161 00:06:00,728 --> 00:06:01,929 Thank you. 162 00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:05,198 I'm just trying to help you. 163 00:06:05,232 --> 00:06:07,701 Well, if you wanna help, eat something. 164 00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:11,204 I do not like what this cleanse is doing to your brain. 165 00:06:12,172 --> 00:06:13,674 You're being very rude. 166 00:06:14,708 --> 00:06:16,076 I'm sorry for yelling. 167 00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:29,089 Ain't she a beaut? 168 00:06:29,122 --> 00:06:32,092 Boy, is she ever, Bob. You know, I, uh... 169 00:06:32,125 --> 00:06:33,961 I woke up this morning, I said to myself, 170 00:06:33,994 --> 00:06:35,929 "Johnny, you've gotta buy yourself a car." 171 00:06:35,963 --> 00:06:38,098 You may have a business meeting in Elmdale 172 00:06:38,131 --> 00:06:39,633 one day and you're gonna be in trouble. 173 00:06:39,667 --> 00:06:40,834 Oh, yeah, I wouldn't have thought 174 00:06:40,868 --> 00:06:42,135 this was your cup of tea. 175 00:06:42,169 --> 00:06:45,839 Oh, this is exactly what I was looking for. 176 00:06:45,873 --> 00:06:47,608 Yeah, I'd love to, uh, 177 00:06:47,641 --> 00:06:49,710 take this baby out for a test drive. 178 00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:52,513 Yeah? I've got the keys, let's take her for a spin. 179 00:06:52,546 --> 00:06:55,649 Not with you, Bob, I don't wanna bother you. 180 00:06:55,683 --> 00:06:57,317 It's no bother. 181 00:06:57,350 --> 00:06:59,653 I would just love to take this out myself, Bob, 182 00:06:59,687 --> 00:07:02,189 you know, a little peccadillo of mine when I'm buying a car. 183 00:07:02,222 --> 00:07:05,292 I like to experience the car one-on-one, 184 00:07:05,325 --> 00:07:08,095 just me and the machine, you know what I mean? 185 00:07:08,128 --> 00:07:10,097 No, I don't. 186 00:07:10,130 --> 00:07:11,465 I just wanna take it out 187 00:07:11,499 --> 00:07:13,000 for a test drive, Bob, just for a spin. 188 00:07:13,033 --> 00:07:15,268 So, once around the block? 189 00:07:15,302 --> 00:07:16,870 Oh, yeah, once around the block, 190 00:07:16,904 --> 00:07:19,206 you know, maybe around the corner, up the road a bit. 191 00:07:19,239 --> 00:07:20,641 What road? 192 00:07:20,674 --> 00:07:22,910 Well, this road, I'll take it up this road. 193 00:07:22,943 --> 00:07:24,812 Okay, but, uh, no lefts, okay? 194 00:07:24,845 --> 00:07:26,346 Because they lead to the highway, 195 00:07:26,379 --> 00:07:29,583 and I really don't want her on the highway. 196 00:07:31,051 --> 00:07:33,386 Why would I take it on the highway? 197 00:07:33,420 --> 00:07:34,488 (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO) 198 00:07:34,522 --> 00:07:37,691 * Driving down that highway of life 199 00:07:37,725 --> 00:07:41,294 * Feelin' fine and feelin' sunny 200 00:07:41,328 --> 00:07:44,565 * Going to pick me up some money * 201 00:07:44,598 --> 00:07:46,934 (HAMMERING) 202 00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:48,536 You do know that just staring at the fence 203 00:07:48,569 --> 00:07:49,970 isn't gonna help me fix it, right? 204 00:07:50,704 --> 00:07:52,973 Yeah, I am. 205 00:07:53,006 --> 00:07:56,544 I'm just thinking about Ted, and how nice he is 206 00:07:56,577 --> 00:07:59,079 and generous... Like, almost too generous. 207 00:07:59,112 --> 00:08:01,582 And I just wanna grab him by the sweater sometime, 208 00:08:01,615 --> 00:08:05,285 and be like, "Stop being so generous and nice." (CHUCKLES) 209 00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:06,654 He always has been. 210 00:08:06,687 --> 00:08:08,321 I feel bad thinking about all those times 211 00:08:08,355 --> 00:08:09,857 I pinned him against a locker. 212 00:08:09,890 --> 00:08:13,527 You pinned somebody against a locker? 213 00:08:13,561 --> 00:08:16,229 Well, I was a different person then, 214 00:08:16,263 --> 00:08:18,999 a lot changed since after high school. 215 00:08:19,032 --> 00:08:21,935 So what did he do to make you such a teenage cliche? 216 00:08:21,969 --> 00:08:23,771 He always said "hi" when he passed me in the halls 217 00:08:23,804 --> 00:08:25,205 and for some reason, it bugged me. 218 00:08:26,506 --> 00:08:27,775 Yeah, I can see that. 219 00:08:28,609 --> 00:08:30,277 So, he's bugging you. 220 00:08:30,310 --> 00:08:31,444 What? No. Oh, my God, no. 221 00:08:31,478 --> 00:08:32,680 Oh, yes. 222 00:08:32,713 --> 00:08:35,583 No, I'm just saying, generally speaking, 223 00:08:35,616 --> 00:08:36,850 when you order breakfast 224 00:08:36,884 --> 00:08:38,686 and they give you the wrong order, 225 00:08:38,719 --> 00:08:41,388 send it back and get the right order. 226 00:08:41,421 --> 00:08:43,423 I never return food. I think that's so rude. 227 00:08:45,292 --> 00:08:46,827 (SCATTING) 228 00:08:49,196 --> 00:08:50,430 (ENGINE BREAKS DOWN) 229 00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:53,066 Oh, no. 230 00:08:54,101 --> 00:08:55,769 Oh, son of a bum! 231 00:08:56,837 --> 00:08:58,505 Son of a bitch! 232 00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:04,211 (GROANS) 233 00:09:04,244 --> 00:09:06,179 What the hell? 234 00:09:06,814 --> 00:09:07,815 Oh. 235 00:09:10,618 --> 00:09:11,752 Oh! 236 00:09:12,452 --> 00:09:13,553 Oh! 237 00:09:17,290 --> 00:09:18,558 (SIGHS) 238 00:09:25,799 --> 00:09:26,934 Well, the good news is 239 00:09:26,967 --> 00:09:28,501 all you need is a new fan belt, 240 00:09:28,535 --> 00:09:30,771 -and then you'll be right back on the road. -Good, good. 241 00:09:30,804 --> 00:09:32,405 Well, it was important 242 00:09:32,439 --> 00:09:33,774 I get to Elmdale today, Roland. 243 00:09:33,807 --> 00:09:35,876 I appreciate you helping me out. 244 00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:37,577 Ah, it's no problem, Johnny. 245 00:09:37,611 --> 00:09:40,881 So, where in Elmdale am I taking you? 246 00:09:40,914 --> 00:09:42,515 Oh, just the, uh, general 247 00:09:42,549 --> 00:09:45,619 downtown area will be fine. 248 00:09:45,653 --> 00:09:47,220 Okay, don't wanna tell me 249 00:09:47,254 --> 00:09:48,956 where we're going. Interesting. 250 00:09:48,989 --> 00:09:51,191 It's, uh, just a business meeting, 251 00:09:51,224 --> 00:09:52,760 uh, just I've gotta meet a guy. 252 00:09:52,793 --> 00:09:53,994 Uh-huh. What guy? 253 00:09:54,027 --> 00:09:56,363 A financial guy, it's a financial matter. 254 00:09:56,396 --> 00:09:57,731 Well, Johnny, it's gonna be awfully hard for me 255 00:09:57,765 --> 00:09:58,832 to get you to this meeting 256 00:09:58,866 --> 00:10:00,200 if I don't know where we're going. 257 00:10:00,233 --> 00:10:01,935 I mean, why is this such a big secret? 258 00:10:01,969 --> 00:10:04,104 It's not a big secret. It's not a big secret, Roland, 259 00:10:04,137 --> 00:10:06,139 and you're only doing 25, if we could pick it up... 260 00:10:06,173 --> 00:10:07,841 Oh, my God, now you're in such a hurry. 261 00:10:07,875 --> 00:10:09,743 What's the big rush here? I don't get that, either. 262 00:10:09,777 --> 00:10:11,511 The office closes at 4:00, that's all. 263 00:10:11,544 --> 00:10:12,646 What office are you talking about? 264 00:10:12,680 --> 00:10:13,914 The financial guy that... 265 00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:15,515 What financial guy? 266 00:10:15,548 --> 00:10:18,051 -The guy I'm doing business with, I told you. -Where are we going? 267 00:10:18,085 --> 00:10:19,586 The unemployment office! 268 00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:21,755 Okay? 269 00:10:21,789 --> 00:10:23,256 I'm applying for unemployment. 270 00:10:24,424 --> 00:10:25,625 Pfft. 271 00:10:25,659 --> 00:10:27,627 Jeez, pal, your business is your business. 272 00:10:27,661 --> 00:10:29,196 I don't know why you're telling me. 273 00:10:32,666 --> 00:10:34,702 Well, good afternoon. 274 00:10:34,735 --> 00:10:37,070 Everyone have a full glass, I hope? 275 00:10:37,104 --> 00:10:39,039 We've wanted to have you all here for ages. 276 00:10:39,072 --> 00:10:41,208 You've all so graciously welcomed us 277 00:10:41,241 --> 00:10:44,011 into your heavenly hamlet. 278 00:10:44,044 --> 00:10:47,147 Now, if you'll be so good as to follow me, 279 00:10:47,180 --> 00:10:50,383 David is setting out some hors d'oeuvres in our adjoining suite. 280 00:10:51,318 --> 00:10:52,585 David, we have guests. 281 00:10:52,619 --> 00:10:53,821 (GASPS) 282 00:10:53,854 --> 00:10:55,255 You were supposed to have cleaned up 283 00:10:55,288 --> 00:10:56,790 all these quality products. 284 00:10:56,824 --> 00:10:58,558 I must've lost track of time. 285 00:10:58,591 --> 00:11:00,460 Now the seating areas are covered 286 00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:02,162 in Allez Vous cosmetics. 287 00:11:02,195 --> 00:11:03,764 I know, I just didn't want to put 288 00:11:03,797 --> 00:11:05,332 such high quality paraben 289 00:11:05,365 --> 00:11:07,467 and PABA-free product on the floor. 290 00:11:09,136 --> 00:11:10,303 Come on in. 291 00:11:12,305 --> 00:11:15,042 Okay, well everything's going super well, I can see, so... 292 00:11:15,075 --> 00:11:17,077 Well, no, come on, we've gotta stay for a bit. 293 00:11:17,110 --> 00:11:19,346 No, we've made our appearance and now we can go. 294 00:11:19,379 --> 00:11:21,414 Your mom asked me to come. 295 00:11:21,448 --> 00:11:23,383 Well, she asked everybody to come. 296 00:11:23,416 --> 00:11:25,518 Can you not just say "no" for one time, Ted? 297 00:11:27,988 --> 00:11:30,157 Jocelyn, you can hold this lip plumper. 298 00:11:31,358 --> 00:11:33,426 Ronnie, this is a mineral moisturizer. 299 00:11:33,460 --> 00:11:35,428 You could keep it on your lap, or sample it. 300 00:11:35,462 --> 00:11:37,965 David, now is not the time to discuss 301 00:11:37,998 --> 00:11:40,467 Allez Vous' preferred customer discounts. 302 00:11:42,502 --> 00:11:45,138 Actually, I think, I'm going to be getting lunch elsewhere. 303 00:11:45,172 --> 00:11:46,573 Can I come with you? 304 00:11:46,606 --> 00:11:47,908 I don't think so. 305 00:11:47,941 --> 00:11:49,209 Now you get all decisive-y? 306 00:11:50,811 --> 00:11:53,013 I was just so excited about Allez Vous' 307 00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:54,915 exclusive anti-aging formula, 308 00:11:54,948 --> 00:11:57,317 and rejuvenation serums. 309 00:11:57,350 --> 00:11:59,286 Alexis, you'd like this product. 310 00:11:59,319 --> 00:12:01,755 It's all about aging and dry skin. 311 00:12:01,789 --> 00:12:03,590 Oh, my God, ew, David. 312 00:12:03,623 --> 00:12:05,392 David, I know you're excited 313 00:12:05,425 --> 00:12:06,827 to be part of the fastest growing 314 00:12:06,860 --> 00:12:08,962 multilevel marketing community 315 00:12:08,996 --> 00:12:12,265 on the continent, but honestly. 316 00:12:12,299 --> 00:12:14,467 There's something wrong with your face. 317 00:12:14,501 --> 00:12:15,702 With my face? (SCOFFS) 318 00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:18,205 Well, if any of you do happen to have 319 00:12:18,238 --> 00:12:19,907 questions about the products, 320 00:12:19,940 --> 00:12:24,177 or how to make up to 600,000 dollars a year, 321 00:12:24,211 --> 00:12:26,746 I suppose I'd be willing to share with you what I know. 322 00:12:33,720 --> 00:12:36,456 In the meantime, please, eat, drink. 323 00:12:37,290 --> 00:12:39,126 To your possible beauty. 324 00:12:41,862 --> 00:12:43,196 How can I help you today, sir? 325 00:12:43,230 --> 00:12:44,297 Uh, yes, Johnny Rose, 326 00:12:44,331 --> 00:12:45,933 I have an appointment to get some money. 327 00:12:46,900 --> 00:12:47,968 Get some money? 328 00:12:48,001 --> 00:12:50,603 I need a check, preferably today. 329 00:12:50,637 --> 00:12:52,105 Ideally in the next few minutes 330 00:12:52,139 --> 00:12:53,706 'cause I have somebody waiting in the car. 331 00:12:54,674 --> 00:12:57,878 Well, we don't just give out money. 332 00:12:57,911 --> 00:12:59,346 First, we need some information. 333 00:12:59,379 --> 00:13:01,314 Oh, yeah, sure, yeah. Mm-hmm. 334 00:13:01,348 --> 00:13:03,016 -Your name? -Johnny Rose. 335 00:13:04,217 --> 00:13:06,653 -Uh, last employer? -Johnny Rose. 336 00:13:06,686 --> 00:13:08,755 And how long did you work for yourself? 337 00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:10,190 All my life. 338 00:13:11,491 --> 00:13:13,793 And your reason for being out of work? 339 00:13:13,827 --> 00:13:15,162 I sold my business 340 00:13:15,195 --> 00:13:17,164 and I got screwed by my business manager. 341 00:13:18,165 --> 00:13:20,367 Did you pay into unemployment insurance? 342 00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:23,403 I don't know. Maybe I did, maybe I didn't. 343 00:13:23,436 --> 00:13:26,139 It never came across my desk, I... 344 00:13:26,173 --> 00:13:29,076 (CHUCKLES) We can't give you money 345 00:13:29,109 --> 00:13:30,810 unless you contributed to the program. 346 00:13:32,379 --> 00:13:33,580 I don't think you're understanding. 347 00:13:33,613 --> 00:13:36,583 I employed people, hundreds of people. 348 00:13:37,450 --> 00:13:39,619 You see, and now I'm unemployed. 349 00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:42,923 But that doesn't mean you qualify for unemployment. 350 00:13:42,956 --> 00:13:44,057 I lost my job. 351 00:13:44,091 --> 00:13:45,292 You lost your business. 352 00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:47,895 Okay, let me walk you through this. 353 00:13:47,928 --> 00:13:50,163 You see, I need money 354 00:13:50,197 --> 00:13:51,531 to get back on my feet 355 00:13:51,564 --> 00:13:53,600 so I can employ more people, 356 00:13:53,633 --> 00:13:54,701 that might actually end up 357 00:13:54,734 --> 00:13:56,136 saving you money in the long run. 358 00:13:56,169 --> 00:13:57,637 Now, am I the only one who understands 359 00:13:57,670 --> 00:13:59,072 how an economy works around here? 360 00:13:59,106 --> 00:14:01,841 Let me walk you through this, Mr. Rose. 361 00:14:01,875 --> 00:14:03,743 Unless you can prove that you contributed, 362 00:14:03,776 --> 00:14:05,012 you don't qualify. 363 00:14:05,045 --> 00:14:06,379 If you were laid off, or fired, 364 00:14:06,413 --> 00:14:07,714 or could show that you were out looking for work, 365 00:14:07,747 --> 00:14:09,082 that would be a different story. 366 00:14:09,116 --> 00:14:11,484 I'd like to talk to your supervisor, please. 367 00:14:11,518 --> 00:14:12,785 I am the supervisor. 368 00:14:13,786 --> 00:14:16,256 And, may I say, doing... 369 00:14:16,289 --> 00:14:17,958 ...a fantastic job. 370 00:14:20,093 --> 00:14:21,428 BOTH: Who's interested? 371 00:14:24,297 --> 00:14:26,733 Well, it doesn't look like anybody's really interested. 372 00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:29,069 Get out. 373 00:14:29,102 --> 00:14:34,207 I know someone here wants in on this exclusive opportunity. 374 00:14:34,241 --> 00:14:35,375 Moira, honey, 375 00:14:35,408 --> 00:14:37,844 that champagne Audi is really hard to get. 376 00:14:37,877 --> 00:14:39,412 -Excuse me? -Take it from me. 377 00:14:39,446 --> 00:14:41,881 Roland and I have been Allez Vous reps for two years 378 00:14:41,915 --> 00:14:43,783 and we're still driving that old truck. 379 00:14:45,185 --> 00:14:46,987 -Sorry, you're... -(INHALES SHARPLY) 380 00:14:47,020 --> 00:14:48,721 You're an Allez Vous consultant? 381 00:14:48,755 --> 00:14:52,292 I'm actually an executive area manager. 382 00:14:52,325 --> 00:14:54,027 I'm a district manager. 383 00:14:54,061 --> 00:14:56,463 I'm an executive district manager. 384 00:14:56,496 --> 00:14:58,498 -I gave up. -What? 385 00:14:58,531 --> 00:15:00,100 -(LAUGHS) -The Allez Vous craze 386 00:15:00,133 --> 00:15:01,401 hit the town a couple years ago, 387 00:15:01,434 --> 00:15:03,170 and you should've seen us. 388 00:15:03,203 --> 00:15:05,038 In two weeks we had sold everything 389 00:15:05,072 --> 00:15:07,140 to the other half of town, and vice versa. 390 00:15:07,174 --> 00:15:09,309 That's... That's funny. 391 00:15:09,342 --> 00:15:11,111 It became a bit incestuous, yeah, 392 00:15:11,144 --> 00:15:12,812 very small sales pool. 393 00:15:12,845 --> 00:15:15,949 It became literally impossible to climb the ladder. 394 00:15:16,749 --> 00:15:18,818 Anywho, good luck. 395 00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:26,926 Somehow, we got off on the wrong foot, okay? 396 00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:30,230 So if I in any way gave you the impression that... 397 00:15:30,263 --> 00:15:31,764 I am locking up now, Mr. Rose. 398 00:15:31,798 --> 00:15:33,166 Johnny, how long is this gonna take? 399 00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:34,767 'Cause I got a couple... 400 00:15:36,036 --> 00:15:37,570 Roland? 401 00:15:37,604 --> 00:15:41,608 Well, Marnie, hello. How are you? 402 00:15:41,641 --> 00:15:43,210 Haven't seen you in a while. 403 00:15:43,243 --> 00:15:45,445 Yeah, it has been a while, hasn't it? 404 00:15:45,478 --> 00:15:47,080 (CHUCKLES) 405 00:15:47,114 --> 00:15:50,417 Marnie and I were, um... How shall I say it? 406 00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:53,453 Close friends in high school. 407 00:15:53,486 --> 00:15:54,587 Isn't that right, Marnie? 408 00:15:54,621 --> 00:15:55,788 Okay, that's enough of that. 409 00:15:55,822 --> 00:15:56,923 (LAUGHING) 410 00:15:56,956 --> 00:15:58,358 Marnie likes the bad boys. 411 00:15:58,691 --> 00:16:00,160 Roland. 412 00:16:00,193 --> 00:16:01,594 Are you taking care of my bad boy over there? 413 00:16:01,628 --> 00:16:03,096 No, she's being quite obstinate 414 00:16:03,130 --> 00:16:04,364 about this whole situation. 415 00:16:04,397 --> 00:16:06,266 I'm getting nothing. 416 00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:07,667 Well, unfortunately, Mr. Rose 417 00:16:07,700 --> 00:16:09,269 doesn't qualify for unemployment 418 00:16:09,302 --> 00:16:11,104 because he's never had a job. 419 00:16:11,138 --> 00:16:12,339 Oh, well, didn't he tell you 420 00:16:12,372 --> 00:16:13,773 about the job he was doing for me? 421 00:16:14,241 --> 00:16:15,408 No, what job? 422 00:16:15,442 --> 00:16:17,777 (SCOFFS) You didn't tell her? 423 00:16:17,810 --> 00:16:20,913 No, not specifically, I...(STAMMERS) 424 00:16:20,947 --> 00:16:22,915 Well, that's important information, Mr. Rose. 425 00:16:22,949 --> 00:16:25,118 You working for Roland makes you an employee. 426 00:16:25,152 --> 00:16:26,619 -Yes. -Oh. 427 00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:28,355 I forgot. 428 00:16:28,388 --> 00:16:29,589 Well, what were your duties? 429 00:16:29,622 --> 00:16:33,160 Well, I was in more of a, uh, consulting position. 430 00:16:33,193 --> 00:16:34,261 Oh. (CHUCKLES) 431 00:16:34,294 --> 00:16:35,595 No, no, no. 432 00:16:35,628 --> 00:16:37,197 It was not a consulting position, 433 00:16:37,230 --> 00:16:38,398 he was my assistant. 434 00:16:38,431 --> 00:16:39,932 He was like my little guy Friday. 435 00:16:39,966 --> 00:16:41,034 He would fetch things for me. 436 00:16:41,068 --> 00:16:43,470 I'd tell him where to go and he'd go running off 437 00:16:43,503 --> 00:16:44,937 and fetching things for me. 438 00:16:44,971 --> 00:16:46,439 What were some of the things you fetched? 439 00:16:46,473 --> 00:16:48,041 -You fetched like, uh... -Coffee. 440 00:16:48,075 --> 00:16:50,243 -Coffee, you'd get that, and, um... -I get his coffee. 441 00:16:50,277 --> 00:16:52,245 -Sometimes you'd have to... -Get a hanky? 442 00:16:52,279 --> 00:16:53,746 No, you'd pick up... 443 00:16:53,780 --> 00:16:55,215 His dry-cleaning. 444 00:16:55,248 --> 00:16:56,816 Yeah, you had to do that and then... 445 00:16:56,849 --> 00:16:58,718 How about these guys down there, those are boots. 446 00:16:58,751 --> 00:16:59,952 Nothing with the boots. 447 00:16:59,986 --> 00:17:01,188 Oh, there was something with the boots. 448 00:17:01,221 --> 00:17:02,855 Polish them every once in a while. 449 00:17:02,889 --> 00:17:04,424 Every now and then, he had to do that, too. 450 00:17:04,457 --> 00:17:05,858 He was a hell of a worker 451 00:17:05,892 --> 00:17:07,594 and I really, really needed him, 452 00:17:07,627 --> 00:17:09,729 because you know how busy... 453 00:17:10,830 --> 00:17:11,898 I can get. 454 00:17:12,965 --> 00:17:14,201 Yes I do. 455 00:17:14,234 --> 00:17:16,736 (BOTH LAUGHING) 456 00:17:16,769 --> 00:17:19,606 Yeah, unfortunately I had to can his ass though, 457 00:17:19,639 --> 00:17:22,875 because of that whole "cut the gravy" thing, so. 458 00:17:22,909 --> 00:17:24,311 Oh. 459 00:17:24,344 --> 00:17:25,812 Well... 460 00:17:25,845 --> 00:17:27,480 I think we can make this work. 461 00:17:28,948 --> 00:17:30,150 (DOOR OPENS) 462 00:17:30,183 --> 00:17:31,551 (POP MUSIC PLAYING) 463 00:17:35,122 --> 00:17:37,757 Hey, I come in peace. 464 00:17:38,258 --> 00:17:39,392 What's this? 465 00:17:39,426 --> 00:17:41,594 I don't know, it's, um, a pre-shave 466 00:17:41,628 --> 00:17:43,196 follicle mask or something. 467 00:17:43,230 --> 00:17:46,166 I took it from the, um, pile of product that nobody bought. 468 00:17:48,568 --> 00:17:49,836 Sweet gesture. 469 00:17:53,873 --> 00:17:55,775 I'm sorry for being rude. 470 00:17:55,808 --> 00:17:57,410 You have to understand that 471 00:17:57,444 --> 00:17:59,379 you're the first nice guy that I've dated. 472 00:17:59,412 --> 00:18:02,048 Lex, I am not always nice. 473 00:18:02,081 --> 00:18:04,083 I just really want my family to like you. 474 00:18:04,117 --> 00:18:06,186 -They don't like me? -No, they do. 475 00:18:06,219 --> 00:18:08,621 They do. They've just always seen nice as a sign of weakness, 476 00:18:08,655 --> 00:18:09,956 they take advantage of nice. 477 00:18:09,989 --> 00:18:13,493 No, nice does not always mean weak, it's... 478 00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:15,562 Okay. 479 00:18:15,595 --> 00:18:17,063 So, get mad then. 480 00:18:18,030 --> 00:18:19,732 Say something super mean. 481 00:18:19,766 --> 00:18:23,936 What, I can't just turn it on in an instant, like you can. 482 00:18:23,970 --> 00:18:26,506 Okay, well, um... 483 00:18:26,539 --> 00:18:28,408 Consider it a kind of role play then, 484 00:18:28,975 --> 00:18:30,510 and just let it out. 485 00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:34,414 I don't know. 486 00:18:35,282 --> 00:18:37,184 I find your brother can be 487 00:18:37,217 --> 00:18:39,652 a little pretentious sometimes. 488 00:18:39,686 --> 00:18:42,955 Yes, yes. He is so pretentious, and it is so gross. 489 00:18:42,989 --> 00:18:44,491 This is good, keep going. 490 00:18:44,524 --> 00:18:45,558 Well, and your mother... 491 00:18:45,592 --> 00:18:46,593 Mmm. 492 00:18:46,626 --> 00:18:49,296 Seems to be a little uninformed at times. 493 00:18:49,329 --> 00:18:52,199 She's uninformed most of the time. 494 00:18:52,232 --> 00:18:54,801 This is great, this is really good. Keep going. 495 00:18:54,834 --> 00:18:56,569 Well, and you, what about you? 496 00:18:56,603 --> 00:18:57,804 Are you just going to sit around all day, 497 00:18:57,837 --> 00:18:59,105 while I work and buy you dinners? 498 00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:00,807 You've gotta go out there and get a job... 499 00:19:01,408 --> 00:19:03,176 -Too far. Okay. -Mm-hmm. 500 00:19:03,210 --> 00:19:05,144 That's too far. 501 00:19:05,178 --> 00:19:07,580 All right, and there we go. 502 00:19:07,614 --> 00:19:08,848 Boy, thank you. 503 00:19:08,881 --> 00:19:10,250 Oh, stop it. 504 00:19:10,283 --> 00:19:13,853 No, no, Roland. I owe you big. 505 00:19:14,454 --> 00:19:16,456 Well, um, one day, 506 00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:18,458 and that day may never come, 507 00:19:18,491 --> 00:19:20,660 I may call upon you to perform a function. 508 00:19:21,794 --> 00:19:23,330 Marlon Brando. 509 00:19:23,363 --> 00:19:24,831 Yes, but from what movie? 510 00:19:25,665 --> 00:19:27,300 The Godfather. 511 00:19:27,334 --> 00:19:29,469 No, it's the one where he's the big mafia guy. 512 00:19:30,102 --> 00:19:31,338 The Godfather. 513 00:19:31,371 --> 00:19:32,539 Hold on a second, I'll think of it. 514 00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:35,608 Anyway, I appreciate 515 00:19:35,642 --> 00:19:37,244 what you've done, Roland, I really do, I'm... 516 00:19:37,277 --> 00:19:39,779 Don't you worry about it, Johnny, I'm happy to do it. 517 00:19:39,812 --> 00:19:42,249 Why don't you just get me, uh, a little wiper fluid, 518 00:19:42,282 --> 00:19:43,983 and we'll call it even, okay? 519 00:19:44,016 --> 00:19:45,184 Okay, wiper fluid, you got it. 520 00:19:45,218 --> 00:19:47,220 And also maybe a Kleenex caddy? 521 00:19:47,254 --> 00:19:48,955 I've always wanted one of those. 522 00:19:48,988 --> 00:19:50,357 That's funny. 523 00:19:50,390 --> 00:19:51,991 It is, but I'm not joking. 524 00:19:52,024 --> 00:19:55,662 All right, one Kleenex caddy, and wiper fluid. 525 00:20:00,367 --> 00:20:01,834 (TIRES SCREECHING) 526 00:20:04,103 --> 00:20:05,305 (ENGINE SPUTTERING) 527 00:20:06,205 --> 00:20:08,040 Roland, you screwed it up! 528 00:20:10,277 --> 00:20:11,311 Roland! 529 00:20:12,945 --> 00:20:14,146 Roland! 530 00:20:16,516 --> 00:20:18,150 Son of a bitch! 531 00:20:21,153 --> 00:20:22,489 Oh, Johnny, 532 00:20:22,522 --> 00:20:24,491 I told you not to take her on the highway. 533 00:20:24,524 --> 00:20:25,758 Yeah, I'm sorry, Bob, 534 00:20:25,792 --> 00:20:27,394 I guess I, uh, took one of those 535 00:20:27,427 --> 00:20:29,562 left turns, and, yeah. 536 00:20:29,596 --> 00:20:31,731 Okay, well, uh, let's get her hooked up, 537 00:20:31,764 --> 00:20:33,600 get you back to the garage, 538 00:20:33,633 --> 00:20:35,268 and we'll start on the paperwork. 539 00:20:36,703 --> 00:20:37,837 What paperwork? 540 00:20:37,870 --> 00:20:40,540 It's all filled in, you just have to sign it, 541 00:20:40,573 --> 00:20:42,575 and she's all yours. 542 00:20:43,610 --> 00:20:45,177 I'm not buying this car. 543 00:20:45,211 --> 00:20:46,679 You change your mind? 544 00:20:46,713 --> 00:20:49,982 It broke, twice. It's a broken car. 545 00:20:50,016 --> 00:20:51,718 We'll play a little hardball, okay. (CHUCKLES) 546 00:20:51,751 --> 00:20:54,153 I'll knock 20 bucks off. 547 00:20:54,186 --> 00:20:56,489 You couldn't get 20 bucks for scrap. 548 00:20:56,523 --> 00:20:57,624 (CHUCKLES) Oh. 549 00:20:57,657 --> 00:20:59,726 All right, 30 bucks. 550 00:20:59,759 --> 00:21:01,093 How about zero bucks? 551 00:21:01,127 --> 00:21:03,062 I wouldn't give you a dime for this. 552 00:21:03,095 --> 00:21:05,064 Johnny, you're killing me here. 553 00:21:05,097 --> 00:21:06,566 -Fifty bucks. -Oh, you know what, Bob, 554 00:21:06,599 --> 00:21:08,368 I'm walking. I'm walking. 555 00:21:10,637 --> 00:21:12,672 I'll throw in a couple of floor mats, 556 00:21:12,705 --> 00:21:14,106 but that's my final offer. 557 00:21:14,140 --> 00:21:15,174 Walking.