1 00:00:01,404 --> 00:00:03,308 (JOHNNY READING) 2 00:00:06,747 --> 00:00:07,883 MOIRA: Ahhh! 3 00:00:07,916 --> 00:00:09,853 -Fuck me. Fuck me. -What? 4 00:00:09,887 --> 00:00:10,989 -Fuck me! -What? 5 00:00:11,023 --> 00:00:12,626 -John, there's something in the bed! -What? 6 00:00:12,659 --> 00:00:14,530 Something crawled up my leg and I can't see it! 7 00:00:14,563 --> 00:00:15,799 -What? -I can't see it! 8 00:00:15,832 --> 00:00:18,138 -A spider? -No! Something invisible like 9 00:00:18,171 --> 00:00:21,043 lice or scabies or bed bugs! 10 00:00:21,077 --> 00:00:23,115 -Oh, we don't have bed bugs. -(KNOCKING ON DOOR) 11 00:00:23,148 --> 00:00:25,419 Oh, John, I can't afford to burn all my clothes. 12 00:00:25,452 --> 00:00:27,723 -Oh, Moira, relax. -(WHIMPERS) 13 00:00:27,756 --> 00:00:30,762 Just relax. If we had lice, I'd have lice. 14 00:00:30,795 --> 00:00:32,099 Guess who? 15 00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:34,170 Dee Dee! 16 00:00:35,605 --> 00:00:38,911 -Hi, Momo. -What the hell? 17 00:00:38,945 --> 00:00:41,617 I'm sorry. I know I should've called, but, um, 18 00:00:41,651 --> 00:00:45,192 I just thought it'd be really fun to come see my older sister 19 00:00:45,225 --> 00:00:47,563 in her new digs. 20 00:00:47,596 --> 00:00:49,800 You know, a little visit. (CHUCKLES) 21 00:00:49,833 --> 00:00:51,437 Oh. Um... 22 00:00:51,471 --> 00:00:53,741 Do you really have lice? I'd hate to contract 23 00:00:54,543 --> 00:00:55,779 lice. 24 00:01:03,728 --> 00:01:05,732 So, Dee Dee, you are, uh, 25 00:01:07,903 --> 00:01:09,573 looking well. 26 00:01:09,607 --> 00:01:12,413 Seaweed facials. I get one every week. 27 00:01:12,446 --> 00:01:15,118 But enough about me, I wanna talk about you guys. 28 00:01:15,151 --> 00:01:16,487 (MUFFLED) Oh. 29 00:01:16,521 --> 00:01:20,529 I want you to know that I really wanted to come and visit you 30 00:01:20,562 --> 00:01:21,997 when I heard about your life collapsing, 31 00:01:22,031 --> 00:01:24,403 but I got this really big job promotion that week 32 00:01:24,437 --> 00:01:25,972 and things got, you know, kind of crazy. 33 00:01:26,005 --> 00:01:28,345 Plus, we haven't really seen much of each other recently. 34 00:01:28,378 --> 00:01:30,582 Yes, well, we've had kind of a hectic year. 35 00:01:30,615 --> 00:01:32,753 Well, thank goodness for the Internet. 36 00:01:32,786 --> 00:01:35,992 Seemed to be the only thing letting me know you two were still alive. 37 00:01:36,025 --> 00:01:37,796 MOIRA: Telephone is also amazing. 38 00:01:37,829 --> 00:01:39,533 You just push the buttons and say, 39 00:01:39,567 --> 00:01:42,172 "Hi, it's me, your deadbeat sister." 40 00:01:42,205 --> 00:01:45,745 Well, it's a treat seeing you two going at it again. 41 00:01:45,779 --> 00:01:46,914 Kids! 42 00:01:46,947 --> 00:01:48,851 Come in and say hi to your Aunt Dee Dee. 43 00:01:48,885 --> 00:01:52,024 Better hurry before she disappears for another decade. 44 00:01:52,057 --> 00:01:53,995 DEE DEE: Ohhh! Oh! 45 00:01:54,028 --> 00:01:55,265 What? 46 00:01:55,299 --> 00:01:58,069 Look at you guys. You've grown. 47 00:01:58,103 --> 00:02:00,409 Why did I think that you were dead? 48 00:02:00,442 --> 00:02:02,077 Ah, you're so sweet. 49 00:02:02,111 --> 00:02:04,850 Now, how long has it been since we've seen each other? 50 00:02:04,883 --> 00:02:06,621 I think you crashed one of my pool parties 51 00:02:06,654 --> 00:02:09,527 with some guy you were calling "Uncle Julio." 52 00:02:09,560 --> 00:02:11,564 Oh! (CHORTLING) 53 00:02:12,433 --> 00:02:14,001 I remember that. 54 00:02:14,035 --> 00:02:16,741 All right, you guys treat yourself, okay? Buy yourself something nice. 55 00:02:16,774 --> 00:02:18,411 -$100? -Oh, my God. 56 00:02:18,445 --> 00:02:20,281 -Oh, my God. I missed you. -Oh, my goodness. Wow. 57 00:02:20,315 --> 00:02:24,523 I missed you so much. I missed you so much. 58 00:02:24,557 --> 00:02:26,994 Oh, gosh, look at them. They are sweet kids. 59 00:02:27,027 --> 00:02:28,831 I don't know what you were so worried about, Moira. 60 00:02:28,865 --> 00:02:30,669 Dee Dee, what are you doing here? 61 00:02:30,702 --> 00:02:34,610 Are you staying here at the motel? Can I get you a room? 62 00:02:34,643 --> 00:02:36,381 No. God, no. 63 00:02:36,414 --> 00:02:37,483 No, I mean... 64 00:02:37,516 --> 00:02:39,587 No, I booked myself into a junior suite 65 00:02:39,620 --> 00:02:41,457 at the Comfort Inn in Elmdale, thank you. 66 00:02:41,491 --> 00:02:43,861 This is very darling. It's just, it doesn't have a gym 67 00:02:43,895 --> 00:02:45,599 and I'm kind of in the best shape of my life right now, 68 00:02:45,632 --> 00:02:46,767 and I kind of wanna keep it that way. 69 00:02:47,202 --> 00:02:48,304 Okay. 70 00:02:52,679 --> 00:02:56,320 Okay, so you're saying that I would be as in shape as you are 71 00:02:56,353 --> 00:02:57,856 if I just fixed lights all day? 72 00:02:57,889 --> 00:03:00,060 Pretty much. Well, 73 00:03:00,093 --> 00:03:01,731 a few pull-ups here and there. 74 00:03:01,764 --> 00:03:03,935 Okay, so you do work out. 75 00:03:03,968 --> 00:03:06,139 -You are such a liar. -(LAUGHING) 76 00:03:06,541 --> 00:03:07,743 Oh. 77 00:03:07,776 --> 00:03:10,682 Wow. Did Stevie say something funny or... 78 00:03:10,715 --> 00:03:12,619 -Grant, this is David Rose. -Hi. 79 00:03:12,653 --> 00:03:15,825 -He's one of our permanent guests here. -Don't say that, again. 80 00:03:15,859 --> 00:03:18,297 -Grant does repairs around here. -Oh, great. 81 00:03:18,330 --> 00:03:21,236 He was also just trying to tell me that he got that body 82 00:03:21,270 --> 00:03:23,508 from just being a handyman. 83 00:03:23,541 --> 00:03:26,079 Well, isn't Grant just a big, fat liar. 84 00:03:27,415 --> 00:03:28,485 Um... 85 00:03:28,518 --> 00:03:30,755 I gotta grab the right Marrette, so. 86 00:03:30,789 --> 00:03:33,561 My head is all over the place. She keeps distracting me. (CHUCKLES) 87 00:03:33,595 --> 00:03:34,863 -Yeah. -(BOTH CHUCKLE) 88 00:03:37,167 --> 00:03:40,642 Wow. He is wearing a tight shirt. 89 00:03:40,675 --> 00:03:41,977 (CHUCKLES) 90 00:03:42,011 --> 00:03:44,249 So, is he gonna do some repairs on your... 91 00:03:44,282 --> 00:03:45,384 On your undies? 92 00:03:45,418 --> 00:03:47,187 Who's to say he hasn't already? 93 00:03:47,221 --> 00:03:49,827 Wow. Great. 94 00:03:49,860 --> 00:03:51,631 Why? Is that a problem for you? 95 00:03:51,664 --> 00:03:53,199 No. No. Do you. 96 00:03:53,801 --> 00:03:56,273 Do him. Do both. 97 00:03:56,306 --> 00:03:58,778 -Do things. Yeah. -Great. I think I might. 98 00:03:58,811 --> 00:04:00,915 Good. Jump in. 99 00:04:03,821 --> 00:04:05,458 So... 100 00:04:07,763 --> 00:04:09,967 We should probably establish some boundaries 101 00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:12,338 about this whole friends-with-benefits thing. 102 00:04:12,372 --> 00:04:14,543 Okay. Yeah. No, let's do that. 103 00:04:14,577 --> 00:04:16,581 Let's, uh, let's put up some boundaries 104 00:04:16,614 --> 00:04:19,419 for the infrequent benefits that our friendship has. 105 00:04:19,452 --> 00:04:20,722 I think that's really good. 106 00:04:20,755 --> 00:04:23,327 Can we do that after you screw Mr. Fix-it, 107 00:04:23,360 --> 00:04:25,464 or would you like to do it now? 108 00:04:26,533 --> 00:04:28,404 Let's throw some boundaries up. 109 00:04:28,437 --> 00:04:29,439 Okay. 110 00:04:29,873 --> 00:04:31,142 (LAUGHS) 111 00:04:31,677 --> 00:04:33,079 Hey, Twyla. 112 00:04:33,113 --> 00:04:34,717 (TWYLA HUMMING) 113 00:04:34,750 --> 00:04:35,919 Twyla. 114 00:04:37,422 --> 00:04:38,758 Twyla? 115 00:04:43,099 --> 00:04:45,872 I'm so sorry. I really didn't think that was gonna hit you. 116 00:04:45,905 --> 00:04:48,009 That's okay. Your mom did the same thing to me this morning. 117 00:04:48,043 --> 00:04:50,047 -Okay. -What can I get you guys? 118 00:04:50,080 --> 00:04:51,550 Just coffees. Thanks. 119 00:04:52,886 --> 00:04:54,389 So what's going on over there? 120 00:04:54,422 --> 00:04:57,796 I'm just working on something. Just a little thing for Mutt. 121 00:04:57,829 --> 00:05:00,635 Oh. Is it his birthday or something? 122 00:05:00,669 --> 00:05:04,208 No. My dad always said, "When in doubt, say it with a song." 123 00:05:04,241 --> 00:05:05,679 He was a roadie with Fleetwood Mac 124 00:05:05,712 --> 00:05:08,350 and that was the last thing Mick Fleetwood said to him 125 00:05:08,384 --> 00:05:11,022 before the band hit him with a restraining order. 126 00:05:12,458 --> 00:05:14,797 So you're writing a song for Mutt, then? 127 00:05:14,830 --> 00:05:16,199 Yeah, I'm trying to. 128 00:05:16,232 --> 00:05:18,570 Cute. So what, is it about 129 00:05:18,604 --> 00:05:21,844 your feelings, or is it love and... What? 130 00:05:21,877 --> 00:05:24,181 Are we shooting a Dateline investigative report? 131 00:05:24,215 --> 00:05:27,355 No, we're not. I'm just looking out for my friend. 132 00:05:27,756 --> 00:05:29,426 Um... 133 00:05:29,459 --> 00:05:30,895 Honestly, Twy, 134 00:05:31,764 --> 00:05:33,534 ixnay on the ongsay. 135 00:05:33,567 --> 00:05:35,604 Because I tried it once 136 00:05:35,638 --> 00:05:39,011 and the guy ripped the guitar out of my hands 137 00:05:39,045 --> 00:05:42,452 and he just started smashing it on the ground. 138 00:05:42,485 --> 00:05:44,489 Granted, I am tone deaf and he was a... 139 00:05:45,691 --> 00:05:48,530 He was a super angry Marine, but... 140 00:05:48,564 --> 00:05:50,368 Just let the girl write her boyfriend a song. 141 00:05:50,401 --> 00:05:53,173 Okay, I know. And I'm all for it, I'm all for it. 142 00:05:53,206 --> 00:05:56,580 I just think it's... I think it's a super big mistake. 143 00:06:06,332 --> 00:06:07,468 (DOOR OPENING) 144 00:06:08,370 --> 00:06:09,406 (DOOR CLOSING) 145 00:06:11,042 --> 00:06:12,044 David! 146 00:06:13,146 --> 00:06:14,817 Jocelyn. Hi. 147 00:06:15,418 --> 00:06:18,023 Can I ask you something? 148 00:06:18,056 --> 00:06:19,692 Uh, that depends. 149 00:06:19,726 --> 00:06:21,329 How shall I put this? 150 00:06:21,362 --> 00:06:25,404 You strike me as the sort of person that had a hard time in high school. 151 00:06:25,939 --> 00:06:27,174 Thank you. 152 00:06:27,207 --> 00:06:29,880 Your floral top, for instance. 153 00:06:31,249 --> 00:06:32,986 Is there something I can help you with? 154 00:06:33,019 --> 00:06:36,693 Well, there's a new kid in my school and he's having a little trouble fitting in. 155 00:06:36,726 --> 00:06:38,263 Mm-hmm. 156 00:06:38,296 --> 00:06:40,701 He's also struggling with his sexuality, 157 00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:42,705 which I think that you may be also... 158 00:06:42,738 --> 00:06:44,341 What can I help you with, Jocelyn? 159 00:06:44,375 --> 00:06:46,580 Well, I was thinking, wouldn't it be wonderful 160 00:06:46,613 --> 00:06:48,817 if you could come down to the school, 161 00:06:48,851 --> 00:06:52,391 you know, maybe talk to him and tell him that things only get better. 162 00:06:55,230 --> 00:06:59,806 The idea of me life coaching another human being 163 00:06:59,839 --> 00:07:01,776 should scare you. 164 00:07:01,810 --> 00:07:03,747 A lot. I don't... 165 00:07:03,780 --> 00:07:07,822 I knew there was a good person in there somewhere, David. 166 00:07:07,855 --> 00:07:08,925 (LAUGHING) 167 00:07:08,958 --> 00:07:10,093 Oh, and, honey, 168 00:07:10,127 --> 00:07:12,933 get the quilted, that other stuff will chafe you right up. 169 00:07:15,538 --> 00:07:17,274 So, this is weird. 170 00:07:17,307 --> 00:07:22,017 Um, today marks the longest relationship that I've ever voluntarily had with someone. 171 00:07:22,051 --> 00:07:23,554 Voluntarily? 172 00:07:23,587 --> 00:07:26,526 Yeah. The actual longest relationship was, um, 173 00:07:26,560 --> 00:07:28,363 a three-month affair with a Saudi prince, 174 00:07:28,396 --> 00:07:29,699 but for the last two months of that, 175 00:07:29,732 --> 00:07:32,171 I was trapped in his palace trying to get to an embassy. 176 00:07:32,204 --> 00:07:35,578 Um, so, hey. How is it going with you and Twyla? 177 00:07:35,611 --> 00:07:37,482 You guys are looking cute. 178 00:07:37,515 --> 00:07:38,750 Uh... 179 00:07:40,420 --> 00:07:42,224 I don't know. 180 00:07:42,257 --> 00:07:44,061 Why? What's going on? 181 00:07:48,369 --> 00:07:50,541 I don't know. It... It's nothing. It's fine. 182 00:07:50,574 --> 00:07:55,050 Okay, if my boyfriend ever described our relationship as "fine," 183 00:07:55,083 --> 00:07:57,154 -I think I would literally... -It's just... 184 00:07:57,187 --> 00:07:59,692 -It feels like it's run its course. -What? 185 00:07:59,726 --> 00:08:01,630 And I think we've both known it for a while now. 186 00:08:05,504 --> 00:08:06,540 Oh. 187 00:08:08,744 --> 00:08:10,180 (DOOR OPENING) 188 00:08:14,021 --> 00:08:15,691 Oh, give me a break. 189 00:08:15,724 --> 00:08:17,227 How did you find me? 190 00:08:17,261 --> 00:08:19,566 Well, where else is there to go? 191 00:08:20,634 --> 00:08:22,437 And Johnny may have told me. 192 00:08:22,471 --> 00:08:23,707 Thank you, Johnny. 193 00:08:23,740 --> 00:08:26,546 Moira, why are you making this so difficult for me? 194 00:08:26,580 --> 00:08:28,416 Oh. Where do I start? 195 00:08:28,449 --> 00:08:30,821 Uh, you know, I think it's best we don't go there. 196 00:08:30,854 --> 00:08:33,059 No, I'd like to go there. Please, take me. 197 00:08:34,128 --> 00:08:37,334 $50,000. Does that sound familiar? 198 00:08:37,367 --> 00:08:40,273 -Yes. You gave that to me as a down payment... -No, loaned it. 199 00:08:40,307 --> 00:08:43,814 You gave it to me as a down payment for my Buffalonian town house. 200 00:08:43,847 --> 00:08:46,185 We handed you the money and you said... 201 00:08:50,093 --> 00:08:51,763 -Thank you? -Ugh. Too late. 202 00:08:52,197 --> 00:08:54,301 Well, Moira, 203 00:08:54,335 --> 00:08:57,708 considering you had over $500 million in the bank, 204 00:08:57,742 --> 00:09:00,480 I'm a little personally offended that I didn't get more. 205 00:09:00,513 --> 00:09:01,683 Go away, Dee Dee. 206 00:09:01,716 --> 00:09:03,554 No. No. 207 00:09:03,587 --> 00:09:06,392 Not till I do what I came here to do. 208 00:09:06,425 --> 00:09:08,429 Didn't want to hurt your feelings, but I forgot. 209 00:09:08,463 --> 00:09:10,601 -You don't have feelings. -Don't you dare. Don't you dare. 210 00:09:10,634 --> 00:09:13,373 Yes, yes. I am paying you back. 211 00:09:13,406 --> 00:09:15,143 It's not everything, but it's a start. 212 00:09:21,823 --> 00:09:25,964 So walk me through this, she offered you a check and you turned it down? 213 00:09:25,998 --> 00:09:27,735 She was insulting us. 214 00:09:27,768 --> 00:09:31,175 Moira, the woman dates dive-bar owners, okay? 215 00:09:31,209 --> 00:09:32,778 Let her insult us. 216 00:09:32,812 --> 00:09:36,151 Well, I don't know whether you've noticed, but we could use the money. 217 00:09:36,853 --> 00:09:38,423 You talk about bed bugs? 218 00:09:38,456 --> 00:09:40,293 That check could pay for fumigation. 219 00:09:40,327 --> 00:09:43,967 Better yet, we could move to a place that doesn't have bed bugs. 220 00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:47,173 I don't want her money. I want our money. She owes us. 221 00:09:47,207 --> 00:09:49,177 We loaned her $50,000. 222 00:09:49,211 --> 00:09:51,415 -We gave her $50,000, -Oh. 223 00:09:51,449 --> 00:09:54,221 and you spent more than that on wigs that year. 224 00:09:54,255 --> 00:09:57,093 I don't see anyone else lining up to give us checks. 225 00:09:57,126 --> 00:09:59,966 Why are you taking her side? 226 00:09:59,999 --> 00:10:02,772 I'm not taking her side, but she's offering us a way out 227 00:10:02,805 --> 00:10:04,976 and you're letting your pride get in the way. 228 00:10:05,009 --> 00:10:06,913 It's all I have left, John, literally. 229 00:10:06,946 --> 00:10:08,249 Swallow it, Moira. 230 00:10:08,283 --> 00:10:11,021 -I can't! -Yes, you can. 231 00:10:11,054 --> 00:10:16,098 And then we can buy a case of champagne to wash it down with. 232 00:10:16,131 --> 00:10:17,367 (BREATHES DEEPLY) 233 00:10:18,804 --> 00:10:21,008 DAVID: So, you and Grant. 234 00:10:21,041 --> 00:10:22,912 How are things going? 235 00:10:22,945 --> 00:10:28,255 Uh, well, he asked me out for dinner tonight, so we're gonna do that. 236 00:10:28,289 --> 00:10:30,928 We're gonna go for dinner, Grant and I. 237 00:10:30,961 --> 00:10:32,531 Yeah. Yeah, that's... 238 00:10:32,564 --> 00:10:35,069 Well, he seems like a really, like, respectable guy. 239 00:10:35,102 --> 00:10:37,240 Like one of those guys that has like a 240 00:10:37,273 --> 00:10:40,246 candy bowl of condoms on his bedside table or something. 241 00:10:40,279 --> 00:10:42,317 Oh, I hope so. Wonder what color I'll get. 242 00:10:42,351 --> 00:10:43,586 Yeah. (BOTH CHUCKLE) 243 00:10:43,619 --> 00:10:47,762 So, I am mentoring a teen in crisis, later. 244 00:10:47,795 --> 00:10:50,968 That's what I'm doing. One of Jocelyn's students, so. 245 00:10:51,001 --> 00:10:54,641 He's being bullied because he's different, so I'm helping to change his life. 246 00:10:55,410 --> 00:10:59,217 -Giving back. So, yeah. -Wow. 247 00:10:59,250 --> 00:11:04,962 And on a scale of one to 10, how much are you looking forward to that? 248 00:11:04,996 --> 00:11:08,737 Three point five. I'm gonna leave you be because it's not every day 249 00:11:08,770 --> 00:11:12,477 you get to go on a date with a guy who owns a windowless van, so that... 250 00:11:12,511 --> 00:11:13,613 -(DOOR OPENING) -Oh, Grant. 251 00:11:13,646 --> 00:11:14,716 GRANT: Hi. 252 00:11:15,818 --> 00:11:17,020 Hey. 253 00:11:17,053 --> 00:11:18,924 What're you doing? You checking out porn again? 254 00:11:18,957 --> 00:11:20,192 (LAUGHING) 255 00:11:20,226 --> 00:11:22,230 I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. 256 00:11:22,263 --> 00:11:24,736 Um... Warmest regards to you both. 257 00:11:24,769 --> 00:11:26,171 Best wishes. 258 00:11:28,409 --> 00:11:29,611 (DOOR CLOSING) 259 00:11:29,645 --> 00:11:31,649 Such a weird dude. 260 00:11:32,818 --> 00:11:35,222 Yes. Yes, he is. 261 00:11:55,864 --> 00:11:57,534 (METAL CLATTERING) 262 00:11:58,002 --> 00:11:59,471 (BALLS BOUNCING) 263 00:11:59,505 --> 00:12:01,041 You must be Connor. 264 00:12:01,074 --> 00:12:02,176 Yeah. 265 00:12:04,214 --> 00:12:06,018 I don't know how much Mrs. Schitt has told you, 266 00:12:06,051 --> 00:12:08,523 but she's asked me to come in and have a chat. 267 00:12:09,625 --> 00:12:13,733 She thinks that since we're both new here, 268 00:12:13,767 --> 00:12:17,842 it might be worth talking about some things like, you know, fitting in. 269 00:12:22,316 --> 00:12:24,856 Apparently you're having trouble fitting in. 270 00:12:25,690 --> 00:12:27,694 (STAMMERING) Who are you? 271 00:12:28,462 --> 00:12:29,799 Uh, my name is David. 272 00:12:29,832 --> 00:12:33,874 Are you like a doctor, or something? A psychologist? 273 00:12:33,907 --> 00:12:35,409 Am I what? Uh, no. 274 00:12:35,442 --> 00:12:37,647 So why would I talk to you? 275 00:12:38,182 --> 00:12:39,852 I don't know. 276 00:12:39,886 --> 00:12:43,058 Because your teacher is concerned that you're having trouble adjusting. 277 00:12:43,092 --> 00:12:46,164 So she told you to come here and, what, help me? 278 00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:50,006 Look at you. Look at your pants. 279 00:12:50,039 --> 00:12:53,078 Excuse me. I am sensing a tinge of disrespect here. 280 00:12:53,112 --> 00:12:54,816 Let me tell you what my problem is. 281 00:12:54,849 --> 00:12:58,957 I'm a 16-year-old gay kid living in a town that makes me wanna throw up. 282 00:12:58,990 --> 00:13:03,465 The issue isn't me not fitting in. It's me not wanting to fit in. 283 00:13:03,498 --> 00:13:06,504 Is there anything else you wanna help me with? 284 00:13:10,948 --> 00:13:11,983 No. 285 00:13:26,779 --> 00:13:29,250 Go ahead and order whatever you want. This is on us. 286 00:13:29,284 --> 00:13:30,486 Oh. 287 00:13:30,519 --> 00:13:33,225 They're letting you run up a long tab, are they? 288 00:13:33,258 --> 00:13:34,996 You see? 289 00:13:35,029 --> 00:13:37,801 Well, I hear the pork is very good here. 290 00:13:37,835 --> 00:13:39,504 The ribs, the chops, the roast. 291 00:13:40,807 --> 00:13:42,310 Nothing for me, thanks. 292 00:13:42,343 --> 00:13:45,582 Well, isn't that funny because Moira doesn't eat here, either. 293 00:13:45,616 --> 00:13:49,691 But I will be eating and I just don't know whether to have the ribs or the chops, 294 00:13:49,725 --> 00:13:51,661 but I'm definitely ordering pork. 295 00:13:51,695 --> 00:13:54,034 If you mention pork one more time... 296 00:13:54,067 --> 00:13:58,075 Moira, um, don't you have something you wanna say to your sister? 297 00:13:58,108 --> 00:13:59,310 No. 298 00:13:59,344 --> 00:14:01,148 Oh, I'm pretty sure you do. 299 00:14:01,181 --> 00:14:02,918 I'm pretty sure I don't. 300 00:14:02,952 --> 00:14:05,022 Thank you for trying, Johnny. Truly. 301 00:14:05,056 --> 00:14:07,260 But, like, I'm just really uncomfortable right now 302 00:14:07,293 --> 00:14:09,899 with my older sister acting like a stubborn child. 303 00:14:09,932 --> 00:14:12,270 Okay, why don't we all take a deep breath here 304 00:14:12,303 --> 00:14:15,576 and try and remember what's really important. 305 00:14:16,211 --> 00:14:18,415 Okay? We are family. 306 00:14:19,217 --> 00:14:22,023 And we have to hang on to that. 307 00:14:22,056 --> 00:14:25,062 And you know as well as I do, Moira, that times of crisis, 308 00:14:25,096 --> 00:14:27,902 the one thing we need to hang on to is family. 309 00:14:27,935 --> 00:14:29,304 Okay, okay. 310 00:14:30,006 --> 00:14:31,074 (CLEARS THROAT) 311 00:14:31,108 --> 00:14:32,376 Dee Dee, 312 00:14:35,149 --> 00:14:38,055 we appreciate you coming to this town 313 00:14:38,088 --> 00:14:42,965 and offering whatever it is you're offering, much appreciated. 314 00:14:42,998 --> 00:14:45,302 'Cause, seriously, I thought you were just coming here to gloat. 315 00:14:45,336 --> 00:14:46,906 No, no, no. 316 00:14:46,940 --> 00:14:50,948 I came here in the spirit of giving and forgiving. 317 00:14:50,981 --> 00:14:53,752 The gloating thing was a bonus. 318 00:14:54,354 --> 00:14:56,291 Moira, go on. 319 00:14:58,062 --> 00:15:00,132 Yes, go on. 320 00:15:05,542 --> 00:15:07,013 We need help. 321 00:15:07,646 --> 00:15:09,417 Please help us. 322 00:15:12,623 --> 00:15:15,696 Okay, I will. 323 00:15:16,098 --> 00:15:17,100 Hmm. 324 00:15:17,968 --> 00:15:20,272 Oh. 325 00:15:20,306 --> 00:15:23,145 I'm gonna do this for you, but mostly, I'm doing it for me. 326 00:15:23,178 --> 00:15:25,482 Why? Because you can't and I can. 327 00:15:25,516 --> 00:15:26,584 Oh. 328 00:15:26,618 --> 00:15:27,921 DEE DEE: Okay. 329 00:15:29,257 --> 00:15:30,893 How much we gonna make this out for? 330 00:15:30,927 --> 00:15:32,263 Oh. 331 00:15:32,296 --> 00:15:34,734 I haven't the foggiest. I couldn't... 332 00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:37,907 I couldn't come up with a number. I mean, I... 333 00:15:37,942 --> 00:15:39,610 Whatever you think is fair. 334 00:15:39,644 --> 00:15:41,781 Well, you guys gave me 50 grand, right? 335 00:15:41,814 --> 00:15:46,091 Yes, we gave you 50,000 when we had the money. 336 00:15:46,124 --> 00:15:47,693 But I can't... 337 00:15:47,726 --> 00:15:50,199 I can't ask you for $50,000. 338 00:15:51,334 --> 00:15:54,374 Whatever you think is the equivalent amount. 339 00:15:55,409 --> 00:15:57,346 Okay, I think I can do you 340 00:15:58,782 --> 00:16:00,953 a little better than that. Okay? 341 00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:08,468 Oh. 342 00:16:08,502 --> 00:16:11,341 So unnecessary, Dee Dee, 343 00:16:12,376 --> 00:16:13,645 but thank you. 344 00:16:15,849 --> 00:16:17,853 Well, who's up for pork? 345 00:16:18,755 --> 00:16:20,626 Okay, so you're telling me 346 00:16:20,659 --> 00:16:23,165 your girlfriend is on a date with someone else 347 00:16:23,198 --> 00:16:27,206 and instead of doing something about it, you're here talking to me, 348 00:16:27,240 --> 00:16:29,344 a kid who practically has no respect for you. 349 00:16:29,377 --> 00:16:31,781 Well, first of all, you're a little bitchy. 350 00:16:31,814 --> 00:16:34,120 Second of all, she is not my girlfriend. 351 00:16:34,154 --> 00:16:36,491 She's someone that I'm occasionally having sex with 352 00:16:36,524 --> 00:16:38,495 because we're both bored and desperate. 353 00:16:38,528 --> 00:16:41,834 Ah. You're doing a friends-with-benefits thing with this girl. 354 00:16:41,868 --> 00:16:46,478 Have you not seen the 42 films they've made about it? It never works. 355 00:16:46,511 --> 00:16:49,517 Okay, well, movies aren't always right, all right? 356 00:16:49,550 --> 00:16:50,752 You'll learn that later in life. 357 00:16:50,786 --> 00:16:52,756 I happen to be a little bit older than you are, so... 358 00:16:52,790 --> 00:16:54,294 -Obviously. -Okay. 359 00:16:54,327 --> 00:16:55,429 Well, I think we're good here. 360 00:16:58,202 --> 00:17:00,272 You're gonna be okay, right? You're stable? 361 00:17:00,306 --> 00:17:02,543 I have a party later. Can you buy me some beer? 362 00:17:02,576 --> 00:17:05,082 Uh, no. Can you buy me some beer? 363 00:17:15,836 --> 00:17:18,542 Hey. Can I grab a glass of water? 364 00:17:18,575 --> 00:17:20,612 -Yeah, sure. -Thank you. 365 00:17:20,646 --> 00:17:23,084 So how's the, uh, song going? Is that... 366 00:17:23,118 --> 00:17:26,324 -Is the song still a thing? -Yeah. Do you wanna hear some of it? 367 00:17:26,358 --> 00:17:29,430 Um, I would love to, but I actually hate music, 368 00:17:29,464 --> 00:17:31,768 so I don't think I'd be a very good judge. 369 00:17:31,801 --> 00:17:34,240 -You hate music? -Uh-huh. 370 00:17:34,274 --> 00:17:36,178 Are you sure that Mutt likes music? 371 00:17:36,211 --> 00:17:39,150 'Cause I feel like if he didn't, it could be kind of awkward. 372 00:17:40,017 --> 00:17:41,188 Are you feeling okay? 373 00:17:41,221 --> 00:17:44,727 Um, I just don't think 374 00:17:44,760 --> 00:17:47,833 that the song thing is a good idea. 375 00:17:47,866 --> 00:17:49,904 For, like, a lot of reasons. 376 00:17:50,439 --> 00:17:52,109 Um... 377 00:17:52,142 --> 00:17:55,182 Are you sure that you wanna put yourself in such a vulnerable situation, Twy? 378 00:17:55,216 --> 00:17:57,586 Are you saying you don't think Mutt would like it? 379 00:17:57,620 --> 00:17:59,790 I don't know. I mean... 380 00:17:59,824 --> 00:18:01,261 I'm not sure. 381 00:18:01,294 --> 00:18:05,000 Maybe, but... I don't... I'm not... Yeah, I'm not sure. 382 00:18:05,034 --> 00:18:06,304 Did you talk to Mutt? 383 00:18:06,338 --> 00:18:09,008 Because I know that we've been sort of off for a while, 384 00:18:09,042 --> 00:18:12,383 and I've been just trying to think of things to make it better, and so I'm... 385 00:18:12,416 --> 00:18:14,587 You know, I'm just trying to make it work. 386 00:18:16,190 --> 00:18:19,028 I think that you should talk to Mutt before 387 00:18:19,764 --> 00:18:21,501 breaking into song. 388 00:18:27,680 --> 00:18:29,250 Thank you, Alexis. 389 00:18:30,419 --> 00:18:31,688 For what? 390 00:18:33,258 --> 00:18:34,294 Bye. 391 00:18:36,398 --> 00:18:37,733 (DOOR OPENING) 392 00:18:38,502 --> 00:18:39,804 (DOOR CLOSING) 393 00:18:45,349 --> 00:18:49,223 In all honesty, Mutt was just a placeholder. 394 00:18:49,256 --> 00:18:52,830 According to my tea leaves, the guy I'm supposed to marry is black, so... 395 00:18:52,863 --> 00:18:53,865 (DOOR CLOSING) 396 00:18:55,969 --> 00:18:58,708 -What and why are we drinking? -Oh, my goodness. 397 00:18:58,742 --> 00:19:04,820 Um, I don't know, and today, some snippy teen told me that my life was a mess. 398 00:19:04,854 --> 00:19:07,058 And I am now a single person. 399 00:19:08,294 --> 00:19:09,964 Oh. 400 00:19:09,997 --> 00:19:13,972 So did you spend the night washing your clothes on Grant's abs? 401 00:19:14,005 --> 00:19:15,709 -You're funny. -Mm-hmm. 402 00:19:15,742 --> 00:19:18,281 Um, Grant went to the bathroom and never came back. 403 00:19:18,314 --> 00:19:19,450 -Thank you. -What? 404 00:19:19,484 --> 00:19:21,888 He went to the bathroom and never came back? 405 00:19:21,921 --> 00:19:23,191 -Mm-hmm. -Oh. 406 00:19:23,224 --> 00:19:25,529 So either I was stood up halfway through my date, 407 00:19:25,562 --> 00:19:28,301 or Grant has some serious digestive issues. 408 00:19:29,269 --> 00:19:30,338 Wow. 409 00:19:30,372 --> 00:19:31,774 Sounds like a real catch. 410 00:19:31,808 --> 00:19:33,512 -Mm-hmm -Um... 411 00:19:34,547 --> 00:19:36,984 So word on teen street 412 00:19:37,018 --> 00:19:42,061 is that our little friends-with-benefits situation is a... 413 00:19:42,094 --> 00:19:43,732 -Not a good idea? -Bad. Is a bad idea. 414 00:19:44,900 --> 00:19:47,205 And because I don't have any other friends here, 415 00:19:47,239 --> 00:19:51,548 I can't afford to lose you, so I think it's best if we just... 416 00:19:51,581 --> 00:19:52,850 -Friends. -Friends. Yeah. 417 00:19:52,883 --> 00:19:54,118 -I think that's best. -Yes. 418 00:19:54,754 --> 00:19:56,156 Good. This is good. 419 00:19:56,189 --> 00:19:57,593 -That's good, right? -It's good. 420 00:19:57,626 --> 00:20:00,999 Okay. Well, warmest wishes to that. 421 00:20:01,032 --> 00:20:02,870 -Kindest regards. -Yeah. 422 00:20:04,206 --> 00:20:05,208 Cheers. 423 00:20:08,146 --> 00:20:09,517 Hoo. (INHALES SHARPLY) 424 00:20:09,550 --> 00:20:11,488 -Twy, that's... -Hmm. 425 00:20:11,521 --> 00:20:13,023 -(SNIFFS) -It's good, right? 426 00:20:13,056 --> 00:20:14,827 My eyes are tearing. 427 00:20:16,464 --> 00:20:17,966 So this is it? 428 00:20:18,868 --> 00:20:20,405 After all that? 429 00:20:24,078 --> 00:20:26,651 And we paid for the dinner. 430 00:20:26,684 --> 00:20:29,122 So we lost money on the whole deal. 431 00:20:31,159 --> 00:20:32,930 (DEEP SIGHING) 432 00:20:32,963 --> 00:20:35,100 I'll tell ya, 433 00:20:35,134 --> 00:20:38,341 she's gonna be embarrassed when this thing gets cashed. 434 00:20:38,374 --> 00:20:40,546 She will be embarrassed. 435 00:20:41,212 --> 00:20:43,116 She missed a zero. 436 00:20:43,150 --> 00:20:45,455 Moira, she missed a zero or two. 437 00:20:47,158 --> 00:20:48,928 I... You know what? 438 00:20:48,962 --> 00:20:51,634 I'm gonna call her. I'm calling her right now, that... 439 00:20:51,668 --> 00:20:54,172 What a cheap-ass amount! 440 00:20:54,205 --> 00:20:56,242 Turn your light off, John. 441 00:20:59,950 --> 00:21:02,054 Your sister is a cheap-ass. 442 00:21:09,303 --> 00:21:10,538 (SIGHS) 443 00:21:14,880 --> 00:21:15,882 (EXHALES) 444 00:21:16,350 --> 00:21:17,620 Cheap-ass.