A POP Original Series
(Birds chirp)
- All right.
(Door opens)
- Morning, David.
- Ew. What are you all doing here?
- We have a surprise for you.
- Judging from the looks on your faces, I don't want it.
- Stevie? - Stevie?
- Something arrived at the front desk for you.
Ah!
- It appears someone has something to celebrate.
- Why would Patrick do that?
- That was my first thought.
Celebrating a monthly anniversary
seems a bit of a reach.
But then Alexis informed us
that this is the longest relationship you've ever had!
- Four whole months, David. - How 'bout that?
- Okay, this is not the longest relationship I've ever had.
I had a... very intimate connection with Tony,
for several years.
I had a... very intimate connection with Tony,
for several years.
- She was your pen pal, David.
- She was in a penitentiary, dear.
- Well, this calls for a celebration.
- Now Roland just found a barbecue in the shed,
so I say you invite Patrick over, we fire it up,
and have a good old fashioned Rose family barbecue.
- Yes, David.
- I mean, we already have dessert.
I mean, this would feed at least 10 people.
- Okay, first of all, no one's sharing the cookie.
And second of all,
Patrick is not being invited to a barbecue.
- Is he pulling back? - No!
- Has he asked you about an open relationship?
- Not yet. Anyway, everything is fine,
which is why I would rather not subject him
to eating charred meat with this group of carnies.
- Carnies are people too.
- David, could you just once embrace joy?
- Okay.
- Perhaps it's this nay-saying reticence
that caused your past relationships to...
- Fall apart. -...oxidize.
- Oxidize. - Okay, you know what?
I think we're good here. Thanks.
- So you're bringing Patrick?
- Nope, Patrick's still not coming.
Bye bye.
(Sniffs cookie) Oh yeah, it's soft.
♪♪♪
(Jazz music plays)
(Door opens and closes)
Do you have any idea what you've done?
- Take it the cookie went over well?
- I have told you for three months now,
that I don't want a monthly anniversary gift.
And I know you think it's very funny,
but this time it went too far.
- It's a cookie, David, what's the big deal?
- First of all, a cookie is always a big deal,
especially when that cookie just alerted my entire family
to the fact that this is
officially the longest relationship I've ever had.
- This is the longest relationship you've ever had?
Oh, I shoulda got you more than a cookie.
- Okay, well the cookie was almost too much.
Figuratively speaking.
I ate half of it on the way here.
Bottom line, I just don't think we need to celebrate as much.
You know, we could just go day-to-day like normal people.
If we throw a... if we throw a renaissance fair every month,
I just feel like we might be tempting fate.
- We are not tempting fate, okay?
I can't speak to your past,
but I think you might have an easier time of it,
and maybe a little bit more fun,
if you just learn to trust people.
- The last time I heard that, I was dating a birthday clown
who painted my face in the night,
and was literally never seen from again.
- Noted.
You have nothing to worry about, David,
and I can return these tickets to the Julia Stiles-a-thon
at the drive-in tonight. - Let me see those.
- I agree, that might have been a little overboard.
- Okay, first of all, let it be known
that supporting Julia Stiles is never going overboard.
- Oh, so you can go? - Um, not tonight.
Tonight I have a thing, but tomorrow I could come.
- What's your thing tonight?
- Um, it's just like a family thing at the motel.
It's like a nothing thing. You wouldn't...
- Okay, well tomorrow night it is.
Now I gotta go to town hall to get some signatures
for our permit renewal, but don't worry, David,
unlike the birthday clown, I will be back.
- He was never found. - Probably dead.
(Bell jingles, door shuts)
- You just fill this out and I'll get ya checked in.
- Great, thanks. - Hey girl.
- Oh, you're talkin' to me?
- Yeah, who else would I be talking to? No offense.
- What's up?
- Okay, so I wanted to get some advice, like girl-to-girl,
'cause you're always so good with boy stuff.
- So David's at work and you had nobody else to talk to?
- What?
That's...
So I got this message from Ted,
and I wanted to get someone's - your -
- Mhmm. - your, specific opinion
before I replied.
Okay, so this is what Ted sent this morning.
- I'm more of a bagel guy, winky face?
- Keep in mind we haven't seen each other in weeks.
- Okay, so it was an accident.
- Or, it was made to look like an accident.
- Okay. - It's a tactic, Stevie.
You send someone a random text message to get their attention,
and then the next thing you know, you're talking again.
- Who would do that? - I've done that. Like a lot.
- I did it last week.
- This is why I choose not to be in a relationship.
- Hey... Alexis.
- Rachel, sorry, I didn't mean to eavesdrop,
but that's like the oldest trick in the book.
Texting a bunch of letters and saying your phone
was unlocked in your purse. - Right?
I used to text Zac Efron just like a question mark
whenever I wanted a booty call.
Poor thing would be like buzzing my apartment
before I even pressed send.
- That's actually how my fiancé and I
keep getting back together.
- Okay, Rachel, you're in Room 9.
- Oh, actually we're just finishing up.
Um, okay so what do you think I should write back?
- Honestly, I don't know anything about your relationship,
but I do know that games only get you so far.
Unless you wanna end up like me, 6 months later,
tryin' to win him back for the 50th time.
- Mmhm. Having flashbacks of Zac Efron.
- Isn't it easier to just be direct?
Either way, you get an answer.
- You're like super smart, and pretty in like a breezy,
non-threatening sort of way.
- Another successful girl talk.
(Door shuts, footsteps clank)
- You know, Roland, when you said you found a grill,
this isn't exactly what I had in mind.
- What'd you expect Johnny, Benihana? (Laughs)
- No, there's no dials, no tanks, no side burners.
I mean, I wasn't expecting a built-in wine fridge,
but this is nothing... like what I'm used to cooking on.
(Roland scoffs) - What?
- No, I'm sorry, I just had an image of you cooking.
Come on, Johnny, you're talking to a grill master.
Do you know that I've been given three different aprons
because of my barbecue skills?
Let's see, I've got License to Grill,
I've got Working Grill,
oh and I have Grills Just Wanna Have Fun.
- It's gonna take more than a license to grill
to get this thing back to life.
- Okay look, um, I can smell your fear, okay?
So why don't you go grab the meat and the briquettes,
and I'll get this bad boy up and running for ya?
- Okay well, thank you, Roland.
And just so you're aware,
this has nothing to do with me not knowing my way around a grill.
I've watched many a personal chef flip a burger in my day.
- I've got the perfect apron for ya,
Poor Little Rich Grill. (Laughs)
I'll get it made up. (Laughs)
♪♪♪
(Quick footsteps thud)
- I think so. - I hope so.
It would only be fair. Please tell me yes.
- Uh, hi.
- David, someone's ears must be a-flame.
- When you said that you were coming back,
you just meant that you weren't coming back,
and that I would have to spend the afternoon searching for you
on the train tracks, and among various unmarked vans.
- You did that for me?
- No, but there was a moment when I thought about doing it.
- David, blame me. - Oh, I do.
- Patrick was about to slip away with the signatures
when I corralled him into a little lunchtime chin wag.
- Yes, which is how I found out about the barbecue
that I was invited to, but didn't know about.
- Hmm.
- Why didn't you tell me I was invited to the barbecue?
- Well, they only wanted to have the barbecue
after reading what was on your cookie.
- Yeah, sorry that still sounds pretty nice to me.
- Thank you, Pat. - It is nice.
No one's saying it's not nice. What I'm saying is--
- Yeah, okay. - (Grunts)
- Pat, do you mind giving us the room for just a moment?
- Certainly. - Okay.
- Somebody should probably be at the store anyway, huh?
Lovely talking to you, Mrs. Rose.
- You too.
Wow. (Door creak shut)
- What are you doing?
I told you I didn't want to make a big deal out of this.
- David you can't blame us for being excited.
Your father and I,
we weren't involved in your past relationships,
and from what I understand it was one bungle after another.
I'm not saying there's a connection.
- There's no connection,
it's just a long string of very bad luck,
and I don't know what kind of carnage
I inflicted in a past life, to deserve it.
I must've been... Dracula, or a spin instructor.
- And what if we could finally tie a sailor's knot
in that string of bad luck?
Because after spending 5 minutes alone with sweet Pat,
- We're not doing Pat.
- He sees you. For all that you are.
- Well, hopefully not all that I am, I mean that would be--
- Oh, David, you have the opportunity to climb out
of the quicksand that was your past,
and stand firmly in the present.
Let us celebrate that.
- (Sighs) Fine. He can come.
- Excellent. And he's bringing - (Sighs) Fine. He can come. his guitar.
- Excellent. And he's bringing his guitar.
- What?
- Well, it was mostly his idea, you know,
in case there's a rousing fireside sing-along?
- No, I draw the line at sing-along.
(Birds chirping)
- Whoa, geez, Louise.
(Light taps)
Alexis, hey.
- Hey. I was in the neighbourhood,
so I thought I'd just pop in and say hey.
I was gonna send a text but um,
I thought it'd be better if I just came in.
- I'm glad you did.
- I'm also glad I did.
- It's good to see you. - It's also good to see you.
Okay, well I just wanted to say hey,
and I'm here, and I got your text.
- What text? - The text.
- Did I send a text?
- Maybe... no?
Maybe you didn't. Did you? I'm not sure.
- What, uh, what'd it say?
- Nothing. I don't think it said anything,
now that I think about it.
Um... no something about you being more of a bagel guy.
- Oh my god, did I send that to you?
- No, I don't think so. - Oh my gosh, I did.
- Did you, though? - I'm sorry,
that wasn't supposed to be sent to you.
- Hello dummy, why do you think I'm here?
I'm here to tell you to be careful
because with those texts, those texts in the wrong hands...
- Yeah, it was actually meant for Heather.
- Heather, yes. Yes.
You and Heath and the bagels. - Yeah, she was just asking
if she should pick up scones or bagels.
- Anyway, now we know. Now we know.
- You shoulda just texted.
You didn't have to come all the way down here.
- Well no... um, as I was saying, I was in the area.
So, I just wanted to pop in and see the look on your face
when you realized that you'd sent the text
to the wrong person. - Ooh.
- (Fake squeal) (Laughs)
Um, hmm.
- Um, hey I'm sorry if I haven't been in touch
as much recently. - Oh my god, please. Please.
Uh no, I should get outta your hair.
But it was good to see you, Mr. Bagel. (Laughs)
That's a you-and-Heather thing,
but now that you texted me,
it's kind of like an all-of-us thing.
So, have a great afternoon today.
(Door shuts)
- Looking good, Roland!
What time do you wanna fire this baby up?
- Uh, I dunno, probably about an hour before you wanna eat.
- Oh, well I was hoping to eat around 8.
- Where are we, Barcelona? (Laughs)
- Uh, well then 7. - Yeah, 7 sounds better.
- Honey, you ready to go? - Yeah.
- Wait, wait, where are you going?
- Oh, Jocelyn and I have another one of those
birthing rehearsals we gotta go to.
- I just bought $100 worth of sliders.
- Geez Johnny, thanks for rubbing it in
when you know I can't come. - You can't come?
You didn't say you can't come!
You were bragging about being a grill master.
- He really is. Did you tell him about the aprons?
- Yes he did! And I was counting on him
to do the grilling!
- You know, Johnny, maybe you should consider
calling off the barbecue.
- Well, I'm not calling it off!
I just have to figure this thing out.
- Right, cut to (Explosion sound)
- Well, we're not cutting to (Explosion sound).
- Cut to, I've ruined my sliders! (Laughs)
Cut to, how does this thing work? (Laughs)
- See, this wasn't as hard as you thought it was.
- Mr. Rose, would you mind taking a few steps back?
- Oh, what you're gonna spray the briquettes again?
- Nope.
- You guys want me to jump in?
- No, I think we've got it covered.
- Oh, you do, oh great, 'cause I'm gonna get another beer.
- Hmm? - There ya go.
- All right.
Well, finally.
Back at the old grill.
- I'd say that one looks about perfect.
- I was gonna say the same thing.
Specifically which one were you talking about?
- Just this one, here. - Oh yeah, that's the one.
- Okay, should I save him?
- Oh they'll be fine.
Let's just sit back and enjoy the sight
of our two strapping men bonding over an open flame.
Johnny: This one looks good, is this one cooked?
- Okay, so what else is new? How's the shop?
- Hmm, thriving. - Yes.
- Which is shocking because as you may or may not know,
I've struggled with group work in the past.
- David, you are living an exciting new chapter
in the book on tape of your life.
And you, you did this all by yourself.
- Okay, just so you know,
that's not really a compliment,
but thank you.
- Oh my god, hey. - Hi.
- Um, so I took your advice, which in retrospect is weird
considering we like literally just met.
- Fair enough. And?
- Turns out that text message wasn't for me after all.
- Oh.
- His girlfriend was at a bakery,
hence the whole "I prefer bagels thing".
- Right. So that girlfriend detail
woulda been pretty useful in the conversation
we had earlier, but still, I'm sorry.
Oh, I feel somewhat responsible.
- Yeah, I can see that.
It's just weird because like,
I'm always the one being chased.
- I assumed that, based on your face, and... body.
- Right?
- At least you got your answer.
- You know what, Rach, part of me feels like
we were destined to meet today.
- Well, that would make you the one good thing
to come outta my day.
- Oh no. - Yeah.
To be honest, I came here to win someone back,
and it didn't happen.
So, my big grand gesture ends here.
Sleeping alone in some roadside motel.
- Listen, it's not over yet.
Why don't you come with me to the barbecue
that my parents are throwing?
We can be each other's little... little daties.
- I would love that.
Thank you.
- That's it, watch your step. - Yeah.
- Okay, right, here. Perfect.
Perfect. There ya go, we make a good team, Pat.
- No, John, no, we're not doing Pat.
- No we're not.
- Okay, we're not waiting for Alexis, are we?
Because honestly, I could eat this tablecloth.
- Medium rare for David. - Thank you.
- You know um, this wasn't actually the first time
that I've been put to work by the Rose family.
My first job in high school was actually at a Rose Video.
- Get outta town! What branch?
- 785. - 785.
Impressive late fees. - Thank you.
- Can you pass the ketchup, please?
- Okay, how did I not know that you worked at a Rose Video?
- Well, let's hope that you continue
to surprise each other.
It keeps the relationship titillating.
- Okay, please never say titillating
when referring to my relationship.
- Oh, can I though? - No.
- Well, anyone with a glass, please raise them.
To relationships...
old and new.
(Approaching footsteps thud)
- Um, thanks for waiting.
- Alexis! Just in time!
- Everybody, this is my new friend Rachel,
she's having a bit of a day.
- Patrick?
- Rachel, what are you doing here?
- What are you doing here? I've been texting you for 2 days.
- Wait, Patrick is your fiancé?
- Uh, I'm sorry you have a fiancée?
- No I... I mean I don't... now.
But yes, at some point I mean, we... we were...
- Patrick, what's going on here?
- Okay, um, I just think I might need a sec.
- (Sighs) David.
- I'm gonna talk to you in a minute,
we've got a lot to talk about.
- Who is she?
I glanced down at my plate for two seconds.
- (Sighs)
(Door opens and shuts)
David, I-I need to explain a couple of things.
- Um, what would be the main one, do you think?
- Rachel and I were engaged,
but I called it off before I moved here.
- Okay, you know what, you don't need to explain yourself.
- I think...I think that I do. - No, I know you do,
that's just what I'm supposed to be saying in the moment,
so, please continue. - Okay um,
we got together when we were in high school,
and we've been on and off ever since.
I don't know we always just sorta fell back into it.
Anyway, she's been reaching out
and expecting us to get back together
for the past few months. - Whoa.
Over the past few months?
And you didn't think to tell me about this?
You stood in front of me and told me to trust people.
- I know.
- When I was perfectly fine not trusting people.
Not trusting people is what I'm used to.
It is my comfort zone. But next thing I know,
there's an oversized cookie on my doorstep,
and you are telling me that I have nothing to worry about.
- I didn't want it to affect what we have. Okay?
And I mean it when I tell you
that you have nothing And I mean it when I tell you to worry about.
that you have nothing to worry about.
'Cause no matter how hard I tried with her,
it just never felt right.
And up until recently, I didn't understand why.
David, I've spent most of my life
not knowing what right was supposed to feel like,
and then I met you.
And everything changed.
You make me feel right, David.
- That is quite possibly one of the most beautiful things
I've ever heard anyone say.
Um... outside of the "Downton Christmas Special".
- It's the truth. - I know um...
it's just that my truth
is that I am damaged goods,
and this has really messed things up for me.
And I think I need some time with it.
- All right.
(Light receding footsteps)
- Actually um,
I haven't had dinner yet, so...
- I'll grab ya a slider.
- More than one, um, and some potato salad,
and I think there were some other sides on the table,
but I couldn't see,
so maybe just a smattering of everything.
- Okay.
(Emotional) Okay.
(Door opens and closes)
Woman on TV: I talked to Tommy yesterday,
he seemed very, very upset.
- Okay, how long do you think before I can go in there?
- Well, I don't know, he had 6 sliders.
I'm assuming he'll be falling asleep soon.
- My poor baby.
I told him he was out of the quicksand,
but he's not, John, he's sinking.
And there's nothing I can do about it.
- Okay, don't get me wrong, I feel super bad,
and partially responsible because I invited Rachel
to the barbecue, but at the same time,
he's been watching that show for 3 hours
and my phone's in there.
- Well, you might have to go one night
without your phone, Alexis. - Ugh!
(Knocks) David! David!
Woman on TV: I know he will, but what's gone so wrong
between the two of you?
What's so wrong that it can't be patched up?
You don't mean-- - Yes, it's true!