A POP Original Series
[Crickets chirp]
[Door opens]
Moira: John! Are you awake?
John! - What? What's happening?
- Your wayfaring thespian has returned!
I-I don't wanna jinx anything,
but the shoot was a triumph.
The local Bosnians are calling it a stunning reinvigoration
of the "Crows Have Eyes" franchise.
That, of course, is a loose translation.
- Oh, well that sounds great, sweetheart.
- John, no need to get out of bed, dear.
I'm sure you considered planning a little more fanfare
for my return, but...
oh, it's best to ease back in.
- It's 3:30 in the morning,
you said you were coming in today at noon.
- Yes! Noon Bosnian Mountain Time, that is!
Which was several hours ago, John.
Oh, and what a journey it has been!
Production had me routed through Nairobi
for some reason, and then our plane was grounded
after flying through a swarm of locusts.
I didn't want to miss my third connection,
so I took a Bosnian upper just to keep awake.
Those things are the size of a nickel,
so I only took one,
at least, I think I did.
I may have taken a second one just to be safe,
because I don't know if I took that first one, or not.
Either way, I've been up since eight am three days ago,
with time changes factored in,
and I couldn't be happier to see you!
- Oh!
Well Moira, it sounds like a nightmare of a trip.
Why don't we leave the unpacking 'til tomorrow,
and just get some rest?
- Good idea.
Kids!
- No Moira, it's 3:30. - David!
Alexis!
- Oh! Who is it? - Oh my God, what?!
- I don't know what you kids are still doing up so late.
I didn't want to disturb you,
I just wanted you to know that Mummy got home safe and sound!
- Okay, good night. - Great.
- Okay, if you insist, one quick story.
So, day three of shooting, Hamza and I
find ourselves stuck in a hail storm--
- Oh my God, not tonight, thank you, though.
- I'm sorry kids, your mother's had a rough couple of days.
Moira, why don't we get to bed, sweetheart?
- Ooh, frisky, John.
- Oh! Bye! - Ewww!
Eww. - Ugh!
♪♪♪
Moira: No! No one would believe this!
These cannot be real!
- What's going on?
- Well, instead of sleeping last night,
I decided to just power right through.
You know, best to round up to an even four days.
And while I was doing some light reorganization,
I came upon this stack of love letters
written to your father by another woman.
- Okay.
- Best not to be concerned, Alexis.
I'm sure there's a logical explanation for all of this.
- Sure there is. - Yes. Some of them!
Some of them are even funny!
Listen. Where's that one? Oh! Read this.
[Cackles wildly]
- [Clears throat]
"Dearest John-John,
I'm lying here, stuck, sweaty.
All I can think about is you,
and the last night we spent together,
bed shaking..." ew!
Why are you making me read this?
- I know, right? - Eugh!
- Before your father met me,
he was not quite so selective.
I hesitate to add, he even had a predilection
for boom boom girls!
- Okay, I would like to remind you
that I don't have a therapist anymore.
- No, as you said,
there's a logical explanation for all of this.
- No, you've said that like, three times now.
So I think it's probably for the best
that we put these down, and we go have a nap, okay?
- Yes. You're right. - Mhm.
- You're right, Alexis, you're always so right.
[Sighs]
- Okay.
- All right...
[Sighs]
Just a few more, just to lull me to sleep.
That's all.
[Car engine starts]
[Light Jazz music plays]
[Bell on door jingles]
[Hurried footsteps thud]
- Good morning.
Is there something I can help you with?
- Yeah, I'd like you to open your cash register,
and give me your money!
- Okay, small problem.
Um, our money isn't for sale.
- I'm robbing you! - Thought so, yeah. Um...
- I'm gonna ask you one more time.
Hey! Hey! Where do you think you're going?!
- Here.
David: So here's the problem.
Our till doesn't currently have any cash in it,
because my partner is at the bank
getting money for the float.
- What about you, what do you have?
- A wallet full of debt.
- Can someone put something in a bag, please?!
- Um, we only have cloth totes, I hope that's okay.
- Whatever! - Would you like some wine?
- Okay, yeah, yes, put some booze in a bag.
- Do you drink red wine, or white wine?
Maybe some chilled rose in the back?
- I'll get it!
Robber: I'm not letting you go into the back!
What else?
- Cheese goes good with wine.
- Suddenly she's a sales associate.
Would you like some cheese?
- Uh yeah, I'll take some cheese.
- God forbid he be specific.
I guess throw in some brie,
some aged cheddar.
Uh, that tapenade goes good with the brie.
- Tapenades, great, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Do you have bad skin? - Yeah, sure, just hurry it up!
- There you go.
Could you help the man with the door?
His hands are full. - Sorry.
Thank you. - Okay, thank you.
[Bottles clank]
[Door shuts]
- Why do I feel like we did something wrong?
[Birds chirp]
[Dog barks]
- Look at you all dressed up, Mr. Sporty Spice.
- Uh yeah, I'm dressed for the run
that we're supposed to be going on,
but I don't think you can run in those.
- Tell that to me at 21, escaping the yakuza.
- So that's a no on the run, then?
- Okay, honestly Ted, I've had a very traumatic
morning at home, so going on a run is like,
the last thing that I wanna do. Also, I forgot.
- Okay well, that's actually like, scary,
because we texted about it twice last night,
and twice this morning, but anyway,
is everything okay?
- Like, other than reading some very porny love letters
that someone sent my dad, sure.
Like, who holds on to things like that?
- I've held on to some things.
- Oh my God, should I be worried?
- Well, I-I did keep this waterproof watch
that Heather gave me.
- Okay, I asked if I should be worried.
- I don't know, I think it's kind of romantic
to hang on to things from old relationships.
I've certainly kept some things from our past.
- Ted!
- I take it that you haven't?
- Um, harsh. I for sure have.
- Yeah, it's just that your face is doing
some really weird stuff right now.
- No... because you put me on the spot!
There's like, a very long list of things that I've kept.
- Oh, really.
Like what?
- Like... that empty book that you gave me.
- The journal? - Yes! The journal.
And very likely some jewelry.
Like a ring, or...
- A locket? - Yes.
The locket you gave me.
I kept that the most.
- Oh yeah, it's just funny,
I don't think I've ever seen you wear it.
- I'm just so scared of losing it.
- That makes sense.
- Okay, well, you have a run to go on,
so I should probably go and update my journal.
- You've never written in a journal, have you?
- No, but um,
one time I did do a book report on David's diary,
and it was very dark. Okay.
[Door slams]
[Door closed]
- Jocelyn!
- Moira, you're back.
Did you just let yourself in?
- I have been knocking on your door
since the beginning of time!
Although now that I'm standing here,
it's equally possible that I didn't knock at all.
I suppose we'll never know, will we?
- Ah! Sorry. I just need to...
catch my breath. - Oh, as do I.
I don't know if you know what it's like to be mortally
deprived of one's sleep!
- I haven't slept in eight months.
- Why's that? - Because of the baby.
- I've had a bit of a rebirth myself, in Bosnia.
- I hope it wasn't as painful as mine.
- The music, Jocelyn.
In Bosni-wood, as the industry will soon be calling it,
I... I picked up some beautiful Sevdah,
that I absolutely must teach to the Jazzigals!
Would you like to hear me sing
a traditional love song?
- I-I would, it's just the baby's sleeping, so--
- Shhh...
[Singing in Bosnian]
[Sings a slow tune]
- Yeah... it's a sad one.
I would be feeling it too, if I knew...
what the heck you were singing about.
- [Laughs]
Oh...
- What are these?
- Oh, just some old love letters,
written by another woman,
onto which John has been clutching.
- Wow, I have been down this road.
I once found a bag of Roland's ex-girlfriends' bras.
Burned them.
Except for the ones that were my size.
- But this is incomparable, Jocelyn,
there's a perfectly logical explanation for this!
- Oh, there always is.
Woo! Wow. [Laughs]
This little "butterfly" is quite the writer.
It's like 50 Shades of Johnny Rose!
- Holy cow.
[Birds chirp, cars rumble]
- You know, I've never been robbed before,
and I had friends that lived in Brooklyn.
- Yeah... that was a robbery, right?
I mean, we were robbed.
Right? - Yeah!
- Someone walked out of here with two bags of product,
I mean, I don't know what else you'd call it.
- I mean, he had a weapon, right?
- Yeah! Yes.
I mean, it must've been in his pocket,
because he used both hands to carry the bags
out of the store, but...
- I can't believe you just offered him the wine.
- You offered him the skincare, I mean,
we don't know what was going on under that mask!
He could've had perfect skin.
- I can't believe this happened,
I was gone for like, 45 minutes.
Are you guys sure you're okay?
- Surprisingly, yes.
- Yeah, I'm not. - Thanks.
- I'm very startled.
- It just doesn't make any sense.
I mean, I can understand taking the wine,
but who steals a jar of tapenade?
And the brie?! - Yeah, the brie.
Stevie? The brie?
- Well, at least we know if the cops don't get him,
his cholesterol will.
- Well, there's no need to keep talking about it now.
You guys are gonna have to go through this all again
in much more detail when the police get here.
- Yeah, I um,
I don't know if going to the police is...
is necessary at this point.
- If we want any insurance money
for the things that were stolen,
you have to explain everything to the police.
- I was pretty much in the back
while all of this was going down, so...
- Mm, I remember you being pretty involved, actually.
- Yeah well, between the two of you,
I'm pretty sure you can piece it together.
- Yeah. Right? So...
[Car rumbles, birds chirp]
- Hey, Twy?
I've always admired your jewelry game.
You just like, pick a few pieces,
and just and wear them to death.
- Oh, if you're talking about my earrings the clasp broke,
so I actually physically cannot take them off.
- Okay, I am experiencing the same problem.
all of my jewelry is boring.
- Is that what I said?
- So way back when, all of my girlfriends and I
used to throw the diamonds we got from our parents
on a table, and just do like, a big jewelry swap.
- [Sighs]
- I wish I had someone in this town to swap with.
- Yeah, I used to think that a lot growing up,
when I'd see other kids with their families.
- Okay, you just gave me a great idea!
Why don't we do a jewelry swap?
- Well, I do have a large collection
of my grandfather's hospital bracelets.
- Yum! Um, but I also love
that cute little locket around your neck.
- Well, that makes sense,
because you gave it to me for Christmas,
and I wear it every day.
- Yeah, and I always think like,
what would I look like in it?
- S-so do you want the locket?
- No, Twy, I got it for you.
But what I'm saying is, let's swap for it.
I have a toe ring that would look so cute on you!
- We're not allowed to wear open-toed shoes, but um...
maybe I could...
take that bracelet?
- Yes!
Um, I actually got this in a swap with Sienna Miller.
And by that I mean it fell off her wrist at a Halloween party,
and I kept it.
- Well, maybe I could come over on my lunch break,
and we can swap some more stuff!
- Yes, Twy! - [Laughs]
I mean, I actually thought this would be like,
a one-for-one situation,
but if you want to open it up...
let me help you with that. - Oh, that's okay, I got it.
- No, the necklace.
- Oh, right now?
- Okay...
[Sighs impatiently]
[Door opens and shuts]
[Shade rattles]
- What are you doing? - Uh...
word on the street is that
you're in a little hot water with Moira, huh?
- No, everything's fine with Moira.
I just thought she was coming in today.
- Look Johnny, everybody likes to take trips down memory lane,
but you gotta get rid of the evidence.
Do you know what a burnt underwire smells like?
- Okay, Roland,
I actually don't know what you're talking about.
- Those spicy letters from Miss Butterfly
that you left out for Moira to find.
- How do you know about those letters?
- Well, Moira's out showing 'em around town.
Jocelyn's read 'em.
She told me about some very racy parts, young man.
- Moira is showing my letters?
- Yeah, I was talking to Bob about it.
Why were you talking to Bob about it?!
- We're trying to save your marriage, bud!
Although, Gwen thinks it's probably a lost cause.
She's thinks you might be a sexaholic.
- Okay, first of all,
everyone should mind their own business,
and stay out of my affairs.
- Affairs, plural? Oh.
- There's no affair, okay?
Now, would you unlock the door, and open the blind?
- Jeez, Johnny, I'm on your side, pal.
Unless things get messy,
in that case, I'm gonna be on Moira's side.
[Clucks tongue]
- So I guess it was sort of like a...
a low end poly-blend hooded sweatshirt,
in what I could only describe as an aubergine colour.
- And just in case he changes his outfit,
do you have a rough idea of his physical description?
- Right, um...
Well, I guess, my build.
- That's being generous. - If I was at my goal weight.
- Officer, they mentioned there was a weapon involved.
- Can you describe the weapon?
- You describe it.
- Well, if there was a weapon, it was concealed.
- Yeah, so you know, it's- it's sort of hard to describe
a concealed weapon.
- Yeah, I mean, if we could tell you what it looked like,
he wouldn't be doing a good job of concealing it.
- [Laughs nervously] Yeah!
- So let me get this straight.
You have no idea what it looks like,
or whether there was one in the first place.
- You guys said you were held up!
- Emotionally!
I mean, I don't know if there was a gun,
but it was still a robbery, he was wearing a mask.
And would we all not agree that words are weapons?!
- Okay, so you offered the wine,
and you offered the cheese and the tapenade,
and there was no gun?
This guy just sounds like a lucky customer, David!
- You know what? I am just gonna... [pen scratches]
file this report, and you can follow up
if you have any more information.
- Yes...
[Door opens and shuts]
- [Patrick sighs]
[David clears his throat]
- So you upsold the robber.
- I did not! I didn't even tell him
about the vintage wines we have in the back.
- Oh. Stevie: Speaking of...
I think we should probably open one of those bottles,
just to calm the nerves.
- Yeah, I thought you had to go to work.
- Great. Great stuff, you guys.
[Low hum of voices from TV]
- [Laughs]
- Can I have some more popcorn? - Oh, sure.
- Oh, don't worry, I'll get it.
- I uh, see you're wearing the locket.
- Oh! I don't know, am I?
Oh, right.
- Well, you proved me wrong, Alexis.
And I have to say, I'm actually kind of relieved,
because that means that you also kept favourite photo
of the two of us.
- I keep that photo in a locked folder on my phone.
- No, no, I'm talking about the one in the locket.
Hmm!
Now, this appears to be a photo of Twyla?
- Yes... I put that there.
Because Twyla is an important friend.
- And Twyla's mom?
- Is her important friend.
- You gave the locket to Twyla, didn't you?
- Okay, I would've kept it.
But the necklace just kept reminding me
of all the bad things that I'd done,
and then Twyla gave me a Christmas gift,
and I didn't have anything to give her--
- Okay, Alexis, I think we should just agree
to stop feeling bad about our past,
and just focus on the future.
- Yes, Ted.
- And, in that spirit,
I should probably tell you that I didn't actually keep
everything that you gave me.
- That's fine.
- Yeah, after the breakup, I uh...
well, I took some of your stuff to the incinerator,
along with some pets that needed to be cremated.
- Ew. - And you think you feel bad?
The wallet that you gave me was still in there,
and I had forgotten to take some of the cards out,
and I was actually only one stamp away from a free sub, so.
- Okay well, if it makes you feel any better,
that was David's wallet.
[Ted laughs]
[Door opens]
- Well, well, "John-John" returns.
- Okay, Moira, don't tell me you still haven't slept.
- What would give you that impression?
- Sweetheart, you've got to find a way
of getting some sleep!
- Easier said than done, John,
when your only husband is longing for
his epistle-writing inamorata.
- You know what, if you had taken a nap,
and cleared your head,
instead of running around town
showcasing our personal business--
- When we were herded from our home,
and forced to grab what few precious items we could,
you chose to grab those letters!
- That's right. - Who is this woman?!
- Oh... okay.
If you must know,
she's someone who's very important to me.
- Oh?
- Moira, you wrote those letters!
- Don't be absurd, that is not my writing!
- It was that week on "Sunrise Bay"
when Vivian Blake had her accident,
you were in a body cast, they wouldn't let you take it off.
You were writing with your left hand!
- The spelunking incident.
- No.
It was after she got thrown upwards through a skylight.
- [Realising gasps] - Look...
"I'm lying here in bed,
I can't move, I miss you."
It's all there, Moira.
You're telling me none of this rings a bell?
- In my defense, John,
I had asked for actual painkillers,
to help ease me into my character's plight.
But why are you reading them now?
- [Sighs]
I was missing you,
so I took out the letters,
because reading them made me
feel like you were still here with me.
- Oh, you're too sweet.
Unfortunately, we're going to have to stick with
my version of the events.
- What? Why would we do that?
- I don't want anyone thinking I wrote these!
- Well, I don't want people thinking I'm reading
some other woman's love letters!
- Well, it'll give you an edge.
No one will ever accuse you of being vanilla again.
- Who's saying that?
Johnny: Now kids, I understand you both have read
a somewhat adult-themed correspondence
between a loving wife and her husband?
- Yeah, and I'd prefer if you could stop talking about it.
- This is why I think it's best to torch everything
from past failed relationships.
- I'd hardly call this a failed relationship, David.
We're still here, 35 years later.
- Okay, here we go.
I know you asked for a small,
but I "swapped it" for a large.
- Twyla, may I say, you are looking very chic.
Johnny: Would you look at that? That looks like the tiara
you wore at your bat mitzvah, Alexis.
- Well, I had a little help from a friend.
- We should probably coordinate a time
to swap everything back.
- Oh, don't worry, I'm fine.
- [Giggles]
And what exactly did you get out of this fun swap?
- I got Twyla's step-brother's dog tags.
And a whistle. Moira: Caw! Caw!
Oh! [Speaking Bosnian]
- Is she okay?
- Yeah, she's just sleeping.
Well, I'm ready to order.
- Okay, can somebody close her eyelids, at least?
Please? - [Snoring]