1 00:00:30,467 --> 00:00:31,900 >> John: WELCOME, WELCOME, 2 00:00:31,967 --> 00:00:34,500 WELCOME TO "LAST WEEK TONIGHT!" 3 00:00:34,567 --> 00:00:35,700 I'M JOHN OLIVER. 4 00:00:35,767 --> 00:00:38,467 THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR JOINING 5 00:00:38,533 --> 00:00:38,633 US. 6 00:00:38,700 --> 00:00:40,066 WE ARE BACK, AND JUST TIME FOR A 7 00:00:40,133 --> 00:00:41,934 QUICK RECAP OF THE WEEK, A WEEK 8 00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:43,000 THAT SAW NORTH KOREA RESUMING 9 00:00:43,066 --> 00:00:44,667 MISSILE LAUNCHES, ROBERT MUELLER 10 00:00:44,734 --> 00:00:46,867 SOMEHOW MANAGING TO IRRITATE ALL 11 00:00:46,934 --> 00:00:47,734 OF CONGRESS, AND THE PRESIDENT 12 00:00:47,800 --> 00:00:49,133 THREATENING FRANCE WITH TARIFFS 13 00:00:49,200 --> 00:00:50,834 ON THEIR WINES IN THE DUMBEST 14 00:00:50,900 --> 00:00:53,133 POSSIBLE WAY. 15 00:00:53,200 --> 00:00:54,667 >> I'VE ALWAYS LIKED AMERICAN 16 00:00:54,734 --> 00:00:56,600 WINES BETTER THAN FRENCH WINES. 17 00:00:56,667 --> 00:00:58,166 EVEN THOUGH I DON'T DRINK WINE. 18 00:00:58,233 --> 00:01:05,300 I JUST LIKE THE WAY THEY LOOK. 19 00:01:05,367 --> 00:01:06,133 >> John: I MEAN, LOOK, ON 20 00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:06,967 ONE HAND, YES, THAT'S STUPID. 21 00:01:07,066 --> 00:01:08,333 ON THE OTHER HAND, JUDGING 22 00:01:08,400 --> 00:01:10,500 THINGS PURELY ON THEIR LOOKS IS 23 00:01:10,567 --> 00:01:11,500 EXTREMELY ON BRAND FOR TRUMP. 24 00:01:11,567 --> 00:01:12,467 HE MIGHT AS WELL HAVE SAID, 25 00:01:12,533 --> 00:01:13,800 "I NEED MY WINE TO BE AT LEAST A 26 00:01:13,867 --> 00:01:19,633 DOUBLE-D." 27 00:01:19,700 --> 00:01:21,166 IT WOULD HAVE MADE AT LEAST AS 28 00:01:21,233 --> 00:01:22,000 MUCH SENSE. 29 00:01:22,066 --> 00:01:22,900 BUT INSTEAD OF DWELLING ON 30 00:01:22,967 --> 00:01:23,967 TRUMP, LET'S INSTEAD TURN 31 00:01:24,033 --> 00:01:25,500 TO PUERTO RICO, OBJECTIVELY THE 32 00:01:25,567 --> 00:01:26,400 BEST ISLAND AFTER, OF COURSE, 33 00:01:26,467 --> 00:01:26,967 "TEMPTATION" AND "LOVE" AND 34 00:01:27,033 --> 00:01:28,400 KITCHEN. 35 00:01:28,467 --> 00:01:29,934 YES, SORRY, HAWAII, BUT UNTIL 36 00:01:30,000 --> 00:01:31,433 YOU CAN DISPLAY A KNIFE BLOCK 37 00:01:31,500 --> 00:01:33,400 AND A DECORATIVE FRUIT BOWL 38 00:01:33,467 --> 00:01:34,934 WHILE ALSO HAVING HIDDEN 39 00:01:35,000 --> 00:01:35,834 STORAGE, YOU'RE NOT EVEN ON MY 40 00:01:35,900 --> 00:01:37,233 LIST. 41 00:01:37,300 --> 00:01:38,700 DADDY NEEDS HIS FENG SHUI. 42 00:01:38,767 --> 00:01:39,967 THERE WAS -- THERE WAS BIG NEWS 43 00:01:40,033 --> 00:01:41,233 OUT OF PUERTO RICO THIS WEEK. 44 00:01:41,300 --> 00:01:41,867 >> THE EMBATTLED GOVERNOR OF 45 00:01:41,934 --> 00:01:43,033 PUERTO RICO FINALLY GIVES IN AND 46 00:01:43,100 --> 00:01:44,767 AGREES TO STEP DOWN. 47 00:01:44,834 --> 00:01:45,533 PROTESTS TURNING TO CELEBRATION 48 00:01:45,600 --> 00:01:47,066 IN THE STREETS. 49 00:01:47,133 --> 00:01:48,400 >> AFTER HOURS OF DELAY, 50 00:01:48,467 --> 00:01:50,233 ROSSELLO FINALLY SAID THE WORDS 51 00:01:50,300 --> 00:01:52,133 THESE PEOPLE HAVE BEEN WAITING 52 00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:53,367 12 DAYS TO HEAR: "I WILL BE 53 00:01:53,433 --> 00:01:54,567 RESIGNING." 54 00:01:58,500 --> 00:02:00,467 >> John: HOLY SHIT. 55 00:02:00,500 --> 00:02:01,800 IT DOES NOT BODE WELL FOR YOUR 56 00:02:01,867 --> 00:02:03,467 POLITICAL CAREER WHEN PEOPLE ARE 57 00:02:03,533 --> 00:02:04,934 REACTING TO YOUR RESIGNATION 58 00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:07,100 LIKE OPRAH JUST GAVE THEM A CAR. 59 00:02:07,166 --> 00:02:08,600 "YOU GET A NEW GOVERNOR! 60 00:02:08,667 --> 00:02:11,000 YOU GET A NEW GOVERNOR! 61 00:02:11,066 --> 00:02:14,967 EVERYBODY GETS A NEW GOVERNOR!" 62 00:02:15,033 --> 00:02:17,000 LOOK, IT IS HARD TO OVERSTATE 63 00:02:17,066 --> 00:02:21,066 JUST HOW HISTORIC A MOMENT THIS 64 00:02:21,133 --> 00:02:22,333 WAS: PUERTO RICO HAS ENDURED 65 00:02:22,400 --> 00:02:23,533 DECADES OF SYSTEMIC CORRUPTION, 66 00:02:23,600 --> 00:02:24,834 A MASSIVE DEBT CRISIS, CRIPPLING 67 00:02:24,900 --> 00:02:26,200 AUSTERITY MEASURES, AN 68 00:02:26,266 --> 00:02:27,467 INADEQUATE RESPONSE TO 69 00:02:27,533 --> 00:02:28,734 HURRICANE MARIA, AND MOST 70 00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:30,333 RECENTLY, A HIGH-PROFILE PROBE 71 00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:31,300 THAT SAW TWO FORMER TOP 72 00:02:31,367 --> 00:02:32,400 GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS ARRESTED 73 00:02:32,467 --> 00:02:34,233 EARLIER THIS MONTH. 74 00:02:34,300 --> 00:02:36,166 BUT THE LAST STRAW WAS THIS. 75 00:02:36,233 --> 00:02:38,166 >> GOVERNOR RICARDO ROSSELLO HAS 76 00:02:38,233 --> 00:02:40,100 BEEN UNDER FIRE SINCE NEARLY 77 00:02:40,166 --> 00:02:41,767 900 PAGES OF A PRIVATE GROUP 78 00:02:41,834 --> 00:02:43,033 CHAT WERE LEAKED AND PUBLISHED 79 00:02:43,100 --> 00:02:44,467 BY THE CENTER FOR INVESTIGATIVE 80 00:02:44,533 --> 00:02:45,900 JOURNALISM IN PUERTO RICO. 81 00:02:45,967 --> 00:02:47,467 THE REPORTED MESSAGES BETWEEN 82 00:02:47,533 --> 00:02:49,433 ROSSELLO AND SEVERAL CLOSE AIDES 83 00:02:49,500 --> 00:02:51,533 INCLUDE PERSONAL ATTACKS ON 84 00:02:51,600 --> 00:02:52,533 RIVAL POLITICIANS, SEXIST 85 00:02:52,567 --> 00:02:55,133 COMMENTS, AND ANTI-GAY SLURS. 86 00:02:55,200 --> 00:02:57,300 >> John: YEAH, THAT'S NOT GOOD. 87 00:02:57,367 --> 00:02:59,033 NOBODY LEAKS 900 PAGES FROM A 88 00:02:59,100 --> 00:03:01,233 GROUP CHAT UNLESS THERE'S 89 00:03:01,300 --> 00:03:02,967 SOMETHING TERRIBLE IN THERE, 90 00:03:03,033 --> 00:03:04,200 BECAUSE OTHERWISE, ALL GROUP 91 00:03:04,266 --> 00:03:05,700 CHATS ARE THE SAME. 92 00:03:05,767 --> 00:03:07,633 THERE'S THE GIRL WHO WRITES IN 93 00:03:07,700 --> 00:03:09,567 FULL PARAGRAPHS, THE GUY WHO 94 00:03:09,633 --> 00:03:11,033 ONLY SAYS "K," AND INEVITABLY, 95 00:03:11,100 --> 00:03:12,967 THE ONE PERSON APOLOGIZING 96 00:03:13,033 --> 00:03:14,700 BECAUSE THEY THOUGHT THAT THIS 97 00:03:14,767 --> 00:03:16,800 WAS THE GROUP CHAT THAT DANIELLE 98 00:03:16,867 --> 00:03:17,967 WASN'T IN, BUT IT TURNS OUT IT 99 00:03:18,033 --> 00:03:20,133 WAS THE GROUP CHAT THAT DANIELLE 100 00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:21,066 WAS IN AND NOW SHE KNOWS 101 00:03:21,133 --> 00:03:21,767 McKENNA THINKS THAT SHE'S 102 00:03:21,834 --> 00:03:22,600 BASIC. 103 00:03:22,667 --> 00:03:23,467 I MEAN, DANIELLE IS BASIC, BUT 104 00:03:23,533 --> 00:03:24,400 THAT'S NOT REALLY THE POINT, IS 105 00:03:24,467 --> 00:03:25,166 IT? 106 00:03:25,233 --> 00:03:26,200 AND ROSSELLO'S GROUP CHAT WAS 107 00:03:26,266 --> 00:03:29,066 VERY, VERY BAD. 108 00:03:29,133 --> 00:03:31,567 IT FEATURED THE GOVERNOR CALLING 109 00:03:31,633 --> 00:03:33,934 ONE FEMALE ADVERSARY "A WHORE" 110 00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:34,934 AND AN ASSOCIATE OF HIS SAYING 111 00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:36,367 HE WAS SALIVATING TO SHOOT THE 112 00:03:36,433 --> 00:03:37,800 MAYOR OF SAN JUAN, TO WHICH THE 113 00:03:37,867 --> 00:03:38,867 GOVERNOR RESPONDED, "YOU'D BE 114 00:03:38,934 --> 00:03:40,200 DOING ME A GRAND FAVOR." 115 00:03:40,266 --> 00:03:41,900 BUT PERHAPS THE MOST DEVASTATING 116 00:03:41,967 --> 00:03:43,367 TEXT WAS A JOKE ABOUT THE 117 00:03:43,433 --> 00:03:45,400 DEAD BODIES ACCUMULATING DURING 118 00:03:45,467 --> 00:03:46,367 AND AFTER HURRICANE MARIA AT AN 119 00:03:46,433 --> 00:03:48,033 UNDERSTAFFED MORGUE. 120 00:03:48,066 --> 00:03:50,600 SO IT'S FRANKLY UNDERSTANDABLE 121 00:03:50,667 --> 00:03:51,900 THAT PEOPLE WANTED HIM GONE, BUT 122 00:03:51,967 --> 00:03:53,633 I DON'T THINK ANYONE SAID IT 123 00:03:53,700 --> 00:03:55,133 BETTER THAN THIS PROTESTOR: 124 00:03:55,200 --> 00:03:57,300 >> AFTER THE HURRICANE, I -- 125 00:03:57,367 --> 00:03:57,700 I WAS HUNGRY. 126 00:03:57,767 --> 00:03:59,633 I DIDN'T HAVE WATER. 127 00:03:59,700 --> 00:04:01,700 LIKE, I DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING. 128 00:04:01,767 --> 00:04:02,834 AND THEN THIS GUY WAS LIVING IT 129 00:04:02,900 --> 00:04:03,433 UP? 130 00:04:03,500 --> 00:04:04,166 NAH, BRAH. 131 00:04:04,233 --> 00:04:05,433 YOU'RE NOT FIT TO BE GOVERNOR. 132 00:04:05,500 --> 00:04:06,266 OUT. 133 00:04:06,333 --> 00:04:08,800 >> John: WOW. 134 00:04:08,867 --> 00:04:10,166 WELL, I MEAN, SHE IS NOT WRONG 135 00:04:10,233 --> 00:04:12,033 THERE. 136 00:04:12,100 --> 00:04:14,166 AND I KNOW THIS ISN'T THE POINT, 137 00:04:14,233 --> 00:04:14,767 BUT SOMEONE NEEDS TO MAKE THAT 138 00:04:14,834 --> 00:04:16,800 WOMAN THE NEXT BACHELORETTE. 139 00:04:16,867 --> 00:04:18,800 BECAUSE I WOULD TUNE IN EVERY 140 00:04:18,867 --> 00:04:20,633 WEEK JUST TO WATCH HER LOOK LUKE 141 00:04:20,700 --> 00:04:21,367 IN THE EYE AND SAY, "YOU WANNA 142 00:04:21,433 --> 00:04:22,300 KNOW WHAT I'M DOIN' IN THE 143 00:04:22,367 --> 00:04:23,100 FANTASY SUITE? 144 00:04:23,166 --> 00:04:24,734 NAH, BRAH, YOU'RE OUT. 145 00:04:24,800 --> 00:04:26,467 YOU'RE OUT. 146 00:04:26,533 --> 00:04:27,800 NAH, BRAH. 147 00:04:27,867 --> 00:04:30,934 NAH." 148 00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:32,767 THE PROTESTS AGAINST ROSSELLO 149 00:04:32,834 --> 00:04:34,467 WERE ENORMOUS, WITH HUNDREDS OF 150 00:04:34,533 --> 00:04:35,300 THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE ON THE 151 00:04:35,367 --> 00:04:36,834 STREETS, SOME ON BICYCLES, SOME 152 00:04:36,900 --> 00:04:38,633 UNDERWATER, AND SOME EVEN ON 153 00:04:38,667 --> 00:04:40,767 HORSEBACK, WHICH DOES SEEM 154 00:04:40,834 --> 00:04:42,333 UNFAIR SINCE WE DON'T 155 00:04:42,400 --> 00:04:43,400 TECHNICALLY KNOW WHO THE HORSES 156 00:04:43,467 --> 00:04:46,100 SUPPORT FOR GOVERNOR. 157 00:04:46,166 --> 00:04:47,300 SURE, YOU ASSUME YOU KNOW WHAT 158 00:04:47,367 --> 00:04:48,767 SIDE HORSES ARE ON, BUT THEN YOU 159 00:04:48,834 --> 00:04:50,000 MEET ONE AT A PARTY WITH A MAGA 160 00:04:50,066 --> 00:04:51,800 HAT AND YOU REALIZE, "WHOA, 161 00:04:51,867 --> 00:04:53,033 MAYBE I DON'T KNOW THEM AS WELL 162 00:04:53,100 --> 00:04:54,367 AS I THOUGHT I DID." 163 00:04:54,433 --> 00:04:56,300 AND THEN THE HORSE STOPS BECAUSE 164 00:04:56,367 --> 00:04:56,934 YOU SAID "WHOA," AND YOU HAVE TO 165 00:04:57,000 --> 00:04:58,333 SAY, "NO, I DIDN'T MEAN THAT 166 00:04:58,400 --> 00:04:59,133 KIND OF WHOA," BUT YOU'RE 167 00:04:59,200 --> 00:04:59,934 OBVIOUSLY STILL JUDGING HIM FOR 168 00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:01,567 THE HAT. 169 00:05:01,633 --> 00:05:02,900 AND YET INCREDIBLY, ROSSELLO 170 00:05:02,967 --> 00:05:05,033 REFUSED TO STEP DOWN FOR OVER A 171 00:05:05,100 --> 00:05:06,400 WEEK, EVEN TRYING TO STAND HIS 172 00:05:06,467 --> 00:05:08,000 GROUND DURING THIS TESTY 173 00:05:08,066 --> 00:05:09,333 INTERVIEW WITH FOX NEWS' 174 00:05:09,400 --> 00:05:10,967 SHEP SMITH: 175 00:05:11,033 --> 00:05:12,200 >> GOVERNOR, WHO'S COME FORWARD 176 00:05:12,266 --> 00:05:13,166 TO SUPPORT YOU IN THE MIDDLE OF 177 00:05:13,233 --> 00:05:13,967 THIS CHAOS? 178 00:05:14,033 --> 00:05:16,433 >> PUERTO RICO DIDN'T -- 179 00:05:16,500 --> 00:05:17,967 THERE -- THERE ARE FOLKS THAT 180 00:05:18,033 --> 00:05:24,533 HAVE SUPPORTED ME. 181 00:05:24,600 --> 00:05:25,667 >> WHO SPECIFICALLY? 182 00:05:25,734 --> 00:05:27,333 >> THERE ARE FOLKS THAT SUPPORT 183 00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:28,033 THE ROLE, THE ROLE -- THERE ARE 184 00:05:28,100 --> 00:05:29,000 PEOPLE, YOU JUST HAVE TO SEE 185 00:05:29,066 --> 00:05:29,567 THEM. 186 00:05:29,633 --> 00:05:30,400 >> COULD YOU GIVE ME ONE NAME? 187 00:05:30,467 --> 00:05:31,633 >> THERE -- THERE IS A PROTEST. 188 00:05:31,700 --> 00:05:32,600 IT'S -- IT'S -- I'VE TALKED -- 189 00:05:32,667 --> 00:05:33,200 >> JUST ONE NAME, GOVERNOR. 190 00:05:33,266 --> 00:05:34,233 >> TO PEOPLE FROM DIFFERENT 191 00:05:34,333 --> 00:05:34,700 GROUPS. 192 00:05:34,767 --> 00:05:35,533 A LOT OF PEOPLE FROM THE 193 00:05:35,600 --> 00:05:36,367 ADMINISTRATION. 194 00:05:36,433 --> 00:05:37,600 >> GOVERNOR, YOU'RE NOT ABLE TO 195 00:05:37,667 --> 00:05:38,600 GIVE ME THE NAME OF ONE PERSON 196 00:05:38,667 --> 00:05:39,233 IN PUERTO RICO WHO SUPPORTS YOU 197 00:05:39,300 --> 00:05:39,867 CONTINUING AS GOVERNOR; IS THAT 198 00:05:39,934 --> 00:05:41,266 CORRECT? 199 00:05:41,333 --> 00:05:42,100 >> YES. 200 00:05:42,166 --> 00:05:43,967 I CAN. 201 00:05:44,033 --> 00:05:45,333 SO THE MAYOR OF SAN SEBASTIAN, 202 00:05:45,400 --> 00:05:46,133 FOR EXAMPLE, SUPPORTED THIS 203 00:05:46,200 --> 00:05:46,500 EFFORT. 204 00:05:46,567 --> 00:05:48,033 >> WHOSE NAME IS? 205 00:05:48,100 --> 00:05:49,200 >> FROM DIFFERENT 206 00:05:49,266 --> 00:05:50,333 MUNICIPALITIES. 207 00:05:50,400 --> 00:05:53,633 JAVIER JIMENEZ, FOR EXAMPLE. 208 00:05:53,700 --> 00:05:55,467 >> John: THAT WAS EXCRUCIATING. 209 00:05:55,533 --> 00:05:57,000 HE TOOK SO LONG TO COME UP WITH 210 00:05:57,066 --> 00:05:58,033 THE NAME. 211 00:05:58,100 --> 00:05:59,033 YOU MAY EVEN BE THINKING THAT HE 212 00:05:59,100 --> 00:06:01,166 JUST MADE "JAVIER JIMENEZ" UP. 213 00:06:01,233 --> 00:06:02,767 WELL, IN FAIRNESS TO THE 214 00:06:02,834 --> 00:06:04,233 GOVERNOR, I SHOULD SAY, 215 00:06:04,300 --> 00:06:05,500 JAVIER JIMENEZ IS, IN FACT, THE 216 00:06:05,567 --> 00:06:06,767 MAYOR OF SAN SEBASTIAN. 217 00:06:06,834 --> 00:06:08,667 BUT THERE IS ONE PROBLEM, AND I 218 00:06:08,734 --> 00:06:11,200 THINK YOU CAN PROBABLY GUESS IT. 219 00:06:11,266 --> 00:06:12,567 >> WE SPOKE TO JAVIER JIMENEZ 220 00:06:12,633 --> 00:06:14,300 LAST NIGHT VIA FACETIME, AND HE 221 00:06:14,367 --> 00:06:15,433 SAYS HE DOESN'T SUPPORT THE 222 00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:17,467 GOVERNOR AT ALL. 223 00:06:17,533 --> 00:06:20,133 >> I AM NOT SUPPORTING HIM. 224 00:06:20,200 --> 00:06:21,367 OF COURSE NOT. 225 00:06:21,433 --> 00:06:22,934 THAT IS TOTALLY INCORRECT. 226 00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:25,600 >> John: WOW. 227 00:06:25,667 --> 00:06:28,400 SO THE ONE NAME ROSSELLO CAME UP 228 00:06:28,467 --> 00:06:29,667 WITH WAS BULLSHIT, WHICH IS SUCH 229 00:06:29,734 --> 00:06:30,900 A STUPID MISTAKE. 230 00:06:30,967 --> 00:06:32,300 WHY GIVE THEM A NAME THEY CAN 231 00:06:32,367 --> 00:06:33,934 CHECK IN SECONDS? 232 00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:35,166 WHEN 14-YEAR-OLDS LIE ABOUT 233 00:06:35,233 --> 00:06:36,667 HAVING A CANADIAN GIRLFRIEND, 234 00:06:36,734 --> 00:06:38,233 THEY KNOW TO KEEP THE DETAILS 235 00:06:38,300 --> 00:06:40,300 VAGUE AND UNTRACEABLE. 236 00:06:40,367 --> 00:06:41,967 THEY DON'T SAY SHE'S 237 00:06:42,033 --> 00:06:43,800 CELINE DION BECAUSE THEY'LL GET 238 00:06:43,867 --> 00:06:46,166 FOUND OUT IMMEDIATELY. 239 00:06:46,233 --> 00:06:47,667 BUT FINALLY, ON WEDNESDAY, 240 00:06:47,734 --> 00:06:48,800 GOVERNOR ROSSELLO DID ANNOUNCE 241 00:06:48,867 --> 00:06:50,266 THAT HE'D LEAVE OFFICE NEXT 242 00:06:50,333 --> 00:06:52,100 WEEK, BUT IT'S STILL NOT CLEAR 243 00:06:52,166 --> 00:06:53,100 WHAT HAPPENS NEXT. 244 00:06:53,166 --> 00:06:54,266 THE NEXT IN LINE WAS HIS 245 00:06:54,333 --> 00:06:55,900 SECRETARY OF STATE, BUT HE WAS 246 00:06:55,967 --> 00:06:58,166 ALSO IN THE GROUP CHAT AND HAS 247 00:06:58,233 --> 00:06:58,567 ALREADY RESIGNED. 248 00:06:58,633 --> 00:06:59,667 THE PERSON IN LINE AFTER THAT IS 249 00:06:59,734 --> 00:07:01,500 HIS SECRETARY OF JUSTICE, WHO 250 00:07:01,567 --> 00:07:02,767 PROTESTORS THINK IS TOO CLOSE TO 251 00:07:02,834 --> 00:07:04,066 ROSSELLO, AND JUST TODAY 252 00:07:04,133 --> 00:07:04,667 ANNOUNCED SHE DOESN'T WANT THE 253 00:07:04,734 --> 00:07:05,767 JOB. 254 00:07:05,834 --> 00:07:06,900 SO PUERTO RICO'S FUTURE IS 255 00:07:06,967 --> 00:07:07,867 UNCLEAR, ALTHOUGH I WILL SAY 256 00:07:07,934 --> 00:07:08,800 THIS: PEOPLE THERE SEEM 257 00:07:08,867 --> 00:07:10,166 INCREDIBLY OPTIMISTIC. 258 00:07:10,233 --> 00:07:12,000 IN FACT, ROSSELLO MAY HAVE BEEN 259 00:07:12,066 --> 00:07:14,200 A TERRIBLE GOVERNOR, BUT HE MAY 260 00:07:14,266 --> 00:07:15,033 HAVE INADVERTENTLY ACCOMPLISHED 261 00:07:15,100 --> 00:07:18,533 SOMETHING HERE. 262 00:07:18,600 --> 00:07:20,200 >> THANK YOU, GOVERNOR, BECAUSE 263 00:07:20,266 --> 00:07:22,600 YOU UNITED ONE ISLAND. 264 00:07:22,667 --> 00:07:24,467 >> THE PEOPLE IN PUERTO RICO ALL 265 00:07:24,533 --> 00:07:26,166 TOGETHER WERE ABLE TO GET HIM 266 00:07:26,233 --> 00:07:29,433 OUT OF THE SEAT THAT HE WAS IN. 267 00:07:29,500 --> 00:07:32,734 >> THE THINGS THAT WE CAN DO 268 00:07:32,800 --> 00:07:33,600 TOGETHER NOW AS A WHOLE, 269 00:07:33,667 --> 00:07:36,700 YOU KNOW, THIS IS AMAZING. 270 00:07:36,767 --> 00:07:37,867 >> John: YEAH, IT IS AMAZING, 271 00:07:37,934 --> 00:07:38,867 BECAUSE IN A WAY, BY BEING SUCH 272 00:07:38,934 --> 00:07:40,967 A SPECTACULAR SHITHEAD, ROSSELLO 273 00:07:41,033 --> 00:07:42,100 ENDED UP UNITING PUERTO RICO IN 274 00:07:42,166 --> 00:07:43,734 HATING HIM, AND THAT'S AN 275 00:07:43,800 --> 00:07:45,834 INCREDIBLE ACHIEVEMENT. 276 00:07:45,900 --> 00:07:47,066 BUT BEFORE HE THINKS FOR EVEN A 277 00:07:47,133 --> 00:07:48,166 SECOND THAT WHAT I JUST SAID 278 00:07:48,233 --> 00:07:50,000 CONSTITUTES PRAISE, I'D LIKE TO 279 00:07:50,066 --> 00:07:51,166 REMIND HIM OF THE WORDS OF ONE 280 00:07:51,233 --> 00:07:52,533 OF HIS ISLAND'S GREATEST 281 00:07:52,600 --> 00:07:53,367 PHILOSOPHERS: 282 00:07:53,433 --> 00:07:54,433 >> NAH, BRAH. 283 00:07:54,500 --> 00:07:55,433 YOU'RE NOT FIT TO BE GOVERNOR. 284 00:07:55,500 --> 00:07:56,767 OUT. 285 00:07:56,834 --> 00:07:59,000 >> John: EXACTLY. 286 00:07:59,066 --> 00:08:00,600 AND NOW THIS. 287 00:08:00,667 --> 00:08:03,533 >> Announcer: AND NOW, THE 288 00:08:03,600 --> 00:08:08,166 NOT-SO-SECRET SADNESS OF 289 00:08:08,233 --> 00:08:10,266 FOX 10 PHOENIX'S CORY McCLOSKEY. 290 00:08:10,333 --> 00:08:11,533 >> WHEN WE WERE KIDS, TROY, THAT 291 00:08:11,600 --> 00:08:13,133 WAS FUN TO CLIMB UP ON A BARN 292 00:08:13,166 --> 00:08:16,233 AND THEN JUMP OFF INTO A WAGON 293 00:08:16,300 --> 00:08:17,533 FULL OF OF MAYBE HAY OR GARBAGE 294 00:08:17,600 --> 00:08:17,934 OR WHATEVER. 295 00:08:18,000 --> 00:08:18,667 WHEN I WAS A KID, WE ALWAYS HAD 296 00:08:18,734 --> 00:08:19,600 TO BUST THESE THINGS IN HALF. 297 00:08:19,667 --> 00:08:20,633 I NEVER GOT A WHOLE POPSICLE. 298 00:08:20,700 --> 00:08:21,767 >> NEVER? 299 00:08:21,834 --> 00:08:24,100 >> NO, NEVER. 300 00:08:24,166 --> 00:08:25,200 THIS IS MY WHOLE YOUTH, BEING 301 00:08:25,266 --> 00:08:26,567 WHACKED IN THE FACE BY A 302 00:08:26,633 --> 00:08:27,133 SNOWBALL. 303 00:08:27,200 --> 00:08:28,467 >> I GREW UP NEAR PHILADELPHIA, 304 00:08:28,533 --> 00:08:29,100 PENNSYLVANIA. 305 00:08:29,166 --> 00:08:29,700 >> REALLY? 306 00:08:29,767 --> 00:08:30,934 A VERY SMALL TOWN CALLED 307 00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:33,767 KENNETT SQUARE. 308 00:08:33,834 --> 00:08:34,700 >> KENNETT SQUARE? 309 00:08:34,767 --> 00:08:37,066 I LIVED OUT THAT WAY. 310 00:08:37,133 --> 00:08:37,633 I HAD TO LIVE ON THE JERSEY 311 00:08:37,700 --> 00:08:40,967 SIDE, THOUGH. 312 00:08:41,033 --> 00:08:41,834 NOT A LOT OF COOKING WHEN ON 313 00:08:41,900 --> 00:08:42,734 IN OUR HOUSE. 314 00:08:42,800 --> 00:08:43,467 WE PREPARED MEALS, BUT I 315 00:08:43,533 --> 00:08:44,300 WOULDN'T SAY THAT MY MOM WAS 316 00:08:44,367 --> 00:08:45,300 REALLY A CHEF. 317 00:08:45,367 --> 00:08:46,033 WE ALL GREW UP WITH CRAYOLA, OF 318 00:08:46,100 --> 00:08:48,100 COURSE, AND, MAN, YOU KNOW WHO I 319 00:08:48,166 --> 00:08:51,800 ALWAYS ENVIED? 320 00:08:51,867 --> 00:08:53,400 THE KIDS WHO HAD THE BOX WITH 321 00:08:53,467 --> 00:08:54,433 THE SHARPENER. 322 00:08:54,500 --> 00:08:55,400 I WAS ALWAYS REDUCED TO GETTING 323 00:08:55,467 --> 00:08:56,767 A PARING KNIFE OUT TO TRY TO 324 00:08:56,834 --> 00:08:57,467 SHAVE SOMETHING INTO A POINT. 325 00:08:57,533 --> 00:08:58,333 I GREW UP WITH THE WORLD'S 326 00:08:58,400 --> 00:08:59,333 SMALLEST BOUNCE HOUSES AT THE 327 00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:01,100 CARNIVALS WHERE I USED TO LIVE. 328 00:09:01,166 --> 00:09:02,967 AND THEY ALWAYS SMELLED LIKE A 329 00:09:03,033 --> 00:09:03,867 COMBINATION OF CORN CHIPS AND 330 00:09:03,967 --> 00:09:06,433 FEET. 331 00:09:06,500 --> 00:09:07,767 THIS IS ALL DIFFERENT. 332 00:09:07,834 --> 00:09:09,400 IT'S OUT IN THE OPEN AIR. 333 00:09:09,467 --> 00:09:15,166 NOTHING CAN HURT YOU HERE. 334 00:09:15,233 --> 00:09:18,033 >> John: MOVING ON. 335 00:09:18,100 --> 00:09:20,000 OUR MAIN STORY TONIGHT CONCERNS 336 00:09:20,066 --> 00:09:21,200 THE UNITED KINGDOM, HOME OF 337 00:09:21,266 --> 00:09:22,834 FASCINATING WILDLIFE, LIKE THE 338 00:09:22,900 --> 00:09:24,400 FEARLESS MATING FOXES OF KENT, 339 00:09:24,467 --> 00:09:25,867 AND BEAUTIFUL MOUNTAINS THAT GO 340 00:09:25,934 --> 00:09:27,467 LARGELY UNEXPLORED BY THE 341 00:09:27,533 --> 00:09:30,000 CAREFREE MATING FOXES OF KENT. 342 00:09:30,066 --> 00:09:31,500 IT'S ALSO HOME TO SOME OF THE 343 00:09:31,567 --> 00:09:33,367 WORLD'S MOST GIFTED ARTISTS, 344 00:09:33,433 --> 00:09:34,367 LIKE WHOMEVER TOOK THIS PICTURE 345 00:09:34,433 --> 00:09:35,367 OF THE STOIC MATING FOXES OF 346 00:09:35,433 --> 00:09:37,200 KENT. 347 00:09:37,266 --> 00:09:39,433 UNFORTUNATELY, THE U.K. IS ABOUT 348 00:09:39,500 --> 00:09:40,734 TO BE COMPLETELY FUCKED, IN A 349 00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:41,934 WAY NOT UNLIKE THE RESIGNED 350 00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:44,834 MATING FOXES OF KENT. 351 00:09:44,900 --> 00:09:46,734 AND THE REASON FOR THAT IS THAT 352 00:09:46,800 --> 00:09:48,500 THIS WEEK, THE U.K. HAD SOME 353 00:09:48,567 --> 00:09:50,266 VERY BIG NEWS: 354 00:09:50,333 --> 00:09:51,400 >> THE U.K. HAS A NEW 355 00:09:51,467 --> 00:09:52,867 PRIME MINISTER. 356 00:09:52,934 --> 00:09:54,467 BORIS JOHNSON TOOK OVER TODAY 357 00:09:54,533 --> 00:09:55,867 FROM THERESA MAY, SEALING THE 358 00:09:55,934 --> 00:09:57,467 TRANSITION OF POWER IN A 359 00:09:57,533 --> 00:09:59,433 HANDSHAKE WITH THE QUEEN. 360 00:09:59,500 --> 00:10:01,367 >> HE BOWED, THEN BROKE THE 361 00:10:01,433 --> 00:10:02,600 RULES BY TELLING HIS NEW STAFF 362 00:10:02,667 --> 00:10:04,467 WHAT SHE SAID. 363 00:10:04,533 --> 00:10:05,300 >> John: EXACTLY. 364 00:10:05,367 --> 00:10:06,667 AND IT WAS APPARENTLY, AND I 365 00:10:06,734 --> 00:10:08,333 QUOTE, "DEEZ NUTS." 366 00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:09,233 IT'S TRUE. 367 00:10:09,300 --> 00:10:10,033 IT'S TRUE. 368 00:10:10,100 --> 00:10:10,834 SHE'S SAID IT TO EVERY 369 00:10:10,900 --> 00:10:11,533 PRIME MINISTER SINCE 370 00:10:11,600 --> 00:10:12,367 WINSTON CHURCHILL, AND SHE WON'T 371 00:10:12,433 --> 00:10:15,633 SAY WHY. 372 00:10:15,700 --> 00:10:17,066 BUT YES, INCREDIBLY, BRITAIN'S 373 00:10:17,133 --> 00:10:18,500 NEW PRIME MINISTER IS 374 00:10:18,567 --> 00:10:19,900 BORIS JOHNSON, AND EVEN IF YOU 375 00:10:19,967 --> 00:10:21,333 KNOW NOTHING ABOUT BRITISH 376 00:10:21,400 --> 00:10:22,633 POLITICS, YOU'RE PROBABLY 377 00:10:22,700 --> 00:10:24,000 ALREADY VAGUELY AWARE OF HIM. 378 00:10:24,066 --> 00:10:26,066 AS MAYOR OF LONDON, HE FAMOUSLY 379 00:10:26,133 --> 00:10:26,867 GOT STUCK ON A ZIP LINE WHILE 380 00:10:26,934 --> 00:10:29,333 PROMOTING THE 2012 OLYMPICS. 381 00:10:29,400 --> 00:10:30,433 AND IF YOU'VE EVER SEEN A PHOTO 382 00:10:30,500 --> 00:10:31,600 OF HIM, YOU WILL PROBABLY 383 00:10:31,667 --> 00:10:33,700 REMEMBER IT, BECAUSE IT'S HARD 384 00:10:33,767 --> 00:10:34,533 TO FIND ONE WHERE HE DOESN'T 385 00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:36,333 LOOK RIDICULOUS. 386 00:10:36,400 --> 00:10:38,000 IN FACT, EVERYTHING ABOUT HIS 387 00:10:38,066 --> 00:10:39,400 APPEARANCE IS CONSISTENTLY 388 00:10:39,467 --> 00:10:41,000 IMMACULATELY WRONG. 389 00:10:41,066 --> 00:10:43,066 HERE HE IS WEARING A BIKE HELMET 390 00:10:43,133 --> 00:10:45,367 THAT'S SOMEHOW BOTH TOO SMALL 391 00:10:45,433 --> 00:10:47,033 AND TOO BIG FOR HIS HEAD. 392 00:10:47,100 --> 00:10:49,300 THAT'S NOT EASY TO DO. 393 00:10:49,367 --> 00:10:50,700 HERE HE IS LOOKING LIKE WHAT 394 00:10:50,767 --> 00:10:51,767 WOULD HAPPEN IF AN EGG COULD BE 395 00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:54,266 BOTH HAIRY AND SAD. 396 00:10:54,333 --> 00:10:55,967 EVEN HIS CHILDHOOD PICTURES ARE 397 00:10:56,033 --> 00:10:57,066 FUNNY, BECAUSE HERE HE IS 398 00:10:57,133 --> 00:10:58,300 LOOKING MORE LIKE A YOUNG 399 00:10:58,367 --> 00:10:59,633 ANNA WINTOUR THAN I'M GUESSING 400 00:10:59,700 --> 00:11:02,400 SHE DID AT THAT AGE. 401 00:11:02,467 --> 00:11:03,734 YOU MAY EVEN HAVE SEEN THIS CLIP 402 00:11:03,800 --> 00:11:04,667 THAT WENT VIRAL RECENTLY OF 403 00:11:04,734 --> 00:11:06,166 BORIS' ENDEARINGLY WEIRD ANSWER 404 00:11:06,233 --> 00:11:08,133 TO A VERY SIMPLE QUESTION ABOUT 405 00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:11,834 WHAT HE DOES TO RELAX. 406 00:11:11,900 --> 00:11:14,033 >> I HAVE A THING WHERE I MAKE 407 00:11:14,100 --> 00:11:18,600 MODELS OF... 408 00:11:18,667 --> 00:11:19,967 WHEN I WAS IN -- WHEN I WAS 409 00:11:20,033 --> 00:11:20,700 MAYOR OF LONDON WE'D BUILD A 410 00:11:20,767 --> 00:11:21,767 BEAUTIFUL -- I MAKE BUSES. 411 00:11:21,834 --> 00:11:22,600 >> YOU MAKE MODELS OF BUSES? 412 00:11:22,667 --> 00:11:23,800 >> I MAKE MODELS OF BUSES. 413 00:11:23,867 --> 00:11:24,800 >> THEY'RE GOING TO BE AT 414 00:11:24,867 --> 00:11:26,066 DOWNING STREET? 415 00:11:26,133 --> 00:11:27,333 >> SO, WHAT I DO -- NO, WELL, I 416 00:11:27,400 --> 00:11:28,333 DID MEAN MODELS OF BUSES, WHAT I 417 00:11:28,400 --> 00:11:31,233 MAKE IS, I GET OLD -- UM, I 418 00:11:31,300 --> 00:11:33,200 DON'T KNOW, WOODEN CRATES -- 419 00:11:33,266 --> 00:11:33,934 >> YEAH. 420 00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:35,133 >> RIGHT? 421 00:11:35,200 --> 00:11:36,400 AND THEN I PAINT THEM. 422 00:11:36,467 --> 00:11:37,033 >> YOU'RE MAKING CARDBOARD 423 00:11:37,100 --> 00:11:37,567 BUSES. 424 00:11:37,633 --> 00:11:38,333 >> I PAINT -- 425 00:11:38,400 --> 00:11:39,300 >> OKAY, THAT'S WHAT YOU DO TO 426 00:11:39,367 --> 00:11:40,000 ENJOY YOURSELF -- 427 00:11:40,066 --> 00:11:41,467 >> NO, I PAINT -- NO, I PAINT 428 00:11:41,533 --> 00:11:41,967 THE PASSENGERS ENJOYING 429 00:11:42,033 --> 00:11:42,600 THEMSELVES -- 430 00:11:42,667 --> 00:11:43,633 >> OKAY, GREAT. 431 00:11:43,667 --> 00:11:46,900 >> ON THE WONDERFUL BUS. 432 00:11:46,967 --> 00:11:48,900 >> John: OKAY, OKAY, SO THREE 433 00:11:48,967 --> 00:11:49,967 THINGS ABOUT THAT: ONE, IT'S 434 00:11:50,033 --> 00:11:51,200 MAGNIFICENT. 435 00:11:51,266 --> 00:11:52,367 TWO, THERE'S JUST NO WAY THAT'S 436 00:11:52,433 --> 00:11:54,000 TRUE. 437 00:11:54,066 --> 00:11:55,467 BUT THREE, IF IT WERE TRUE, I 438 00:11:55,533 --> 00:11:56,767 NOW WANT NOTHING MORE THAN TO 439 00:11:56,834 --> 00:11:59,100 SEE ONE OF THOSE FUCKING BUSES, 440 00:11:59,166 --> 00:12:00,300 BECAUSE IF THEY'RE TERRIBLE, 441 00:12:00,367 --> 00:12:01,967 THAT'S WEIRD. 442 00:12:02,033 --> 00:12:02,767 BUT IF THEY'RE IMPRESSIVE, 443 00:12:02,834 --> 00:12:05,367 THAT'S SOMEHOW WEIRDER. 444 00:12:05,433 --> 00:12:06,367 THE VERY IDEA OF THE NEW 445 00:12:06,433 --> 00:12:07,567 PRIME MINISTER PAINTING 446 00:12:07,633 --> 00:12:09,033 CRATE BUSES IN HIS SPARE TIME TO 447 00:12:09,100 --> 00:12:10,934 RELAX IS JUST ENDLESSLY 448 00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:15,066 FASCINATING. 449 00:12:15,133 --> 00:12:16,400 BUT BORIS IS SO MUCH MORE THAN 450 00:12:16,467 --> 00:12:17,767 THE POTENTIAL MICHELANGELO OF 451 00:12:17,834 --> 00:12:21,500 VEHICULAR CRAFTS. 452 00:12:21,567 --> 00:12:22,834 HE WAS AN ABSOLUTELY CRUCIAL 453 00:12:22,900 --> 00:12:25,033 LEADER IN THE BREXIT CAMPAIGN, 454 00:12:25,100 --> 00:12:26,500 FAMOUSLY RIDING AROUND IN A 455 00:12:26,567 --> 00:12:28,400 GIGANTIC RED NON-CRATE BUS WITH 456 00:12:28,467 --> 00:12:29,633 A COMPLETE LIE SPLASHED ACROSS 457 00:12:29,700 --> 00:12:31,600 THE SIDE OF IT. 458 00:12:31,667 --> 00:12:34,166 AND NOW HE IS PRIME MINISTER AND 459 00:12:34,233 --> 00:12:35,500 HAS TO FACE THE CHALLENGE OF 460 00:12:35,567 --> 00:12:37,867 FINALIZING A BREXIT WITHDRAWAL 461 00:12:37,967 --> 00:12:39,867 DEAL BY OCTOBER 31, WHICH IS 462 00:12:39,934 --> 00:12:41,433 LESS THAN 100 DAYS FROM NOW, AND 463 00:12:41,500 --> 00:12:43,100 THE CONSEQUENCES OF MESSING THAT 464 00:12:43,166 --> 00:12:44,400 UP COULD HAVE CATASTROPHIC 465 00:12:44,467 --> 00:12:46,233 RAMIFICATIONS FOR BRITAIN, 466 00:12:46,300 --> 00:12:48,333 EUROPE, AND THE WORLD. 467 00:12:48,400 --> 00:12:49,800 SO TONIGHT, WE THOUGHT IT MIGHT 468 00:12:49,867 --> 00:12:50,800 BE HELPFUL TO EXPLAIN WHO, 469 00:12:50,867 --> 00:12:53,000 EXACTLY, BORIS JOHNSON IS. 470 00:12:53,066 --> 00:12:54,900 AND LET'S START WITH THE FACT 471 00:12:54,967 --> 00:12:56,400 THAT, GIVEN THAT BRITAIN'S NEW 472 00:12:56,467 --> 00:12:58,400 LEADER IS A CLOWNISH FIGURE WITH 473 00:12:58,467 --> 00:13:00,533 SILLY HAIR AND A PASSING 474 00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:05,667 RELATIONSHIP WITH THE TRUTH, 475 00:13:05,734 --> 00:13:06,533 YOU MAY ALREADY BE THINKING 476 00:13:06,600 --> 00:13:09,467 OF THE PERSON YOU'RE ALMOST 477 00:13:09,533 --> 00:13:10,800 ALWAYS THINKING ABOUT ANYWAY, 478 00:13:10,867 --> 00:13:11,467 AND YOU'RE NOT ALONE IN THAT. 479 00:13:11,533 --> 00:13:12,300 THERE'VE BEEN COUNTLESS 480 00:13:12,367 --> 00:13:13,300 HEADLINES COMPARING BORIS TO 481 00:13:13,367 --> 00:13:14,266 DONALD TRUMP. 482 00:13:14,333 --> 00:13:15,166 AND JUST THIS WEEK, TRUMP DID IT 483 00:13:15,233 --> 00:13:15,734 HIMSELF. 484 00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:16,667 >> THEY'RE SAYING 485 00:13:16,734 --> 00:13:17,567 "BRITAIN TRUMP." 486 00:13:17,633 --> 00:13:18,433 THEY CALL HIM "BRITAIN TRUMP," 487 00:13:18,500 --> 00:13:19,667 AND PEOPLE ARE SAYING THAT'S A 488 00:13:19,734 --> 00:13:20,233 GOOD THING. 489 00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:22,000 THEY LIKE ME OVER THERE. 490 00:13:22,066 --> 00:13:22,834 >> John: NO. 491 00:13:22,900 --> 00:13:24,000 THEY DON'T. 492 00:13:24,066 --> 00:13:29,567 THEY DON'T. 493 00:13:29,633 --> 00:13:30,333 THEY ABSOLUTELY DO NOT. 494 00:13:30,400 --> 00:13:31,033 THEY DON'T LIKE YOU OVER THERE, 495 00:13:31,100 --> 00:13:32,166 AND NO ONE EVER SAYS 496 00:13:32,233 --> 00:13:32,867 "BRITAIN TRUMP" UNLESS IT'S IN 497 00:13:32,934 --> 00:13:33,567 THE CONTEXT OF A SENTENCE LIKE 498 00:13:33,633 --> 00:13:34,467 "I'M GETTING THE FUCK OUT OF 499 00:13:34,533 --> 00:13:35,467 BRITAIN; TRUMP IS COMING TO 500 00:13:35,533 --> 00:13:36,867 VISIT THIS WEEKEND." 501 00:13:36,934 --> 00:13:38,367 BUT TO CALL BORIS JOHNSON 502 00:13:38,433 --> 00:13:40,233 "BRITAIN TRUMP" IS NEITHER 503 00:13:40,300 --> 00:13:44,667 EXACTLY WRONG NOR EXACTLY RIGHT. 504 00:13:44,734 --> 00:13:45,934 JOHNSON IS ACTUALLY A LOT MORE 505 00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:46,900 COMPLEX THAN TRUMP IN A NUMBER 506 00:13:46,967 --> 00:13:48,300 OF IMPORTANT WAYS. 507 00:13:48,367 --> 00:13:50,233 FOR ONE, WHILE TRUMP TELLS YOU 508 00:13:50,300 --> 00:13:51,934 HE HAS "THE BEST WORDS" BUT 509 00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:52,967 DOESN'T, JOHNSON IS MORE THAN 510 00:13:53,033 --> 00:13:54,367 HAPPY TO SHOW YOU HOW ERUDITE HE 511 00:13:54,433 --> 00:13:56,233 IS. 512 00:13:56,300 --> 00:13:57,500 JUST WATCH HIM CHARMINGLY DROP 513 00:13:57,567 --> 00:13:59,000 SOME SPORTING TRIVIA AHEAD OF 514 00:13:59,066 --> 00:14:00,533 THE LONDON OLYMPICS. 515 00:14:00,600 --> 00:14:03,033 >> PING-PONG WAS INVENTED ON THE 516 00:14:03,100 --> 00:14:04,233 DINING TABLES OF ENGLAND, LADIES 517 00:14:04,300 --> 00:14:05,867 AND GENTLEMEN, IN THE 19TH 518 00:14:05,934 --> 00:14:07,500 CENTURY, IT WAS! 519 00:14:07,567 --> 00:14:09,834 AND IT WAS CALLED WHIFF-WAFF. 520 00:14:09,900 --> 00:14:10,700 AND THERE I THINK YOU HAVE THE 521 00:14:10,767 --> 00:14:11,767 ESSENTIAL DIFFERENCE BETWEEN US 522 00:14:11,834 --> 00:14:13,567 AND THE REST OF THE WORLD. 523 00:14:13,633 --> 00:14:14,533 OTHER NATIONS, THE FRENCH, LOOK 524 00:14:14,600 --> 00:14:16,300 TO THE DINING TABLE AND SAW AN 525 00:14:16,367 --> 00:14:18,500 OPPORTUNITY TO HAVE DINNER. 526 00:14:18,567 --> 00:14:19,934 WE LOOKED AT THE DINING TABLE 527 00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:21,400 AND SAW AN OPPORTUNITY TO PLAY 528 00:14:21,467 --> 00:14:24,667 WHIFF-WAFF. 529 00:14:24,734 --> 00:14:26,700 >> John: LOOK, LOOK, YES, I WILL 530 00:14:26,767 --> 00:14:28,133 ADMIT, THAT IS OBJECTIVELY 531 00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:30,467 FUNNY, ALTHOUGH I'M NOT SURE 532 00:14:30,533 --> 00:14:31,767 THAT THAT WHIFF-WAFF ANECDOTE 533 00:14:31,834 --> 00:14:34,867 REFLECTS QUITE AS WELL ON THE 534 00:14:34,934 --> 00:14:35,600 BRITISH AS HE'S IMPLYING THERE. 535 00:14:35,667 --> 00:14:36,333 THE FRENCH LOOKED AT THE 536 00:14:36,400 --> 00:14:37,600 DINING TABLE AS A CANVAS ON 537 00:14:37,667 --> 00:14:38,266 WHICH TO CREATE EXCEPTIONAL 538 00:14:38,333 --> 00:14:39,467 CUISINE, AND THE BRITISH SAW A 539 00:14:39,533 --> 00:14:40,900 WAY TO BASICALLY INVENT 540 00:14:40,967 --> 00:14:47,000 MOUSE TENNIS. 541 00:14:47,066 --> 00:14:48,266 AND, LOOK, JOHNSON IS MORE THAN 542 00:14:48,333 --> 00:14:49,066 HAPPY TO LOOK RIDICULOUS. 543 00:14:49,133 --> 00:14:50,000 IT'S ENABLED HIM TO NOT JUST 544 00:14:50,066 --> 00:14:50,734 SURVIVE WHEN HE FUCKS UP BUT 545 00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:51,700 ACTUALLY BENEFIT. 546 00:14:51,767 --> 00:14:52,834 THAT ABSURD ZIP LINE PHOTO FROM 547 00:14:52,900 --> 00:14:53,567 THE OLYMPICS WOULD'VE KILLED 548 00:14:53,633 --> 00:14:56,834 MOST POLITICIANS' CAREERS. 549 00:14:56,900 --> 00:14:57,967 BUT BORIS FOUND A WAY TO LAUGH 550 00:14:58,033 --> 00:14:59,367 AT HIMSELF AND CHARM EVERYONE. 551 00:14:59,433 --> 00:15:01,066 JUST WATCH HOW IT GOT COVERED AT 552 00:15:01,133 --> 00:15:02,200 THE TIME: 553 00:15:02,266 --> 00:15:05,667 >> ISN'T THAT FANTASTIC? 554 00:15:05,734 --> 00:15:06,333 >> THIS IS A MAN WHO SOME 555 00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:07,400 ARE TIPPING AS A FUTURE 556 00:15:07,467 --> 00:15:10,200 PRIME MINISTER. 557 00:15:10,266 --> 00:15:11,166 >> LOOK, I THINK IF 558 00:15:11,233 --> 00:15:11,934 ANYONE HAS WON THE OLYMPICS, I 559 00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:13,266 WOULD SAY IT'S BORIS JOHNSON. 560 00:15:13,333 --> 00:15:13,934 >> John: HOLD ON. 561 00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:14,834 HOLD ON THERE. 562 00:15:14,900 --> 00:15:16,333 "IF" ANYONE WON THE OLYMPICS? 563 00:15:16,400 --> 00:15:17,367 TO BE CLEAR, PEOPLE DEFINITELY 564 00:15:17,433 --> 00:15:19,066 WON THE OLYMPICS. 565 00:15:19,133 --> 00:15:20,467 SPECIFICALLY, THE WINNERS. 566 00:15:20,533 --> 00:15:23,333 THE WINNERS WON THE OLYMPICS. 567 00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:25,000 AND IN A NUTSHELL, THAT HAS BEEN 568 00:15:25,066 --> 00:15:26,500 THE ROOT OF BORIS'S APPEAL: 569 00:15:26,567 --> 00:15:28,000 A LOVABLE MESS WEATHERING 570 00:15:28,066 --> 00:15:28,967 ADVERSITY WITH HUMOR AND GOOD 571 00:15:29,033 --> 00:15:31,400 CHEER. 572 00:15:31,467 --> 00:15:32,934 BUT THE TRUTH IS, THERE MAY BE A 573 00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:35,033 GREAT DEAL MORE CALCULATION 574 00:15:35,100 --> 00:15:36,734 BEHIND THAT IMAGE THAN FIRST 575 00:15:36,800 --> 00:15:37,700 APPEARS, BECAUSE BORIS LEARNED 576 00:15:37,767 --> 00:15:38,900 AT AN EARLY AGE THE BENEFIT OF 577 00:15:38,967 --> 00:15:40,667 MAKING YOURSELF THE BUTT OF THE 578 00:15:40,734 --> 00:15:42,100 JOKE, AS HIS OWN SISTER 579 00:15:42,166 --> 00:15:44,266 REMEMBERS. 580 00:15:44,333 --> 00:15:46,033 >> HE DISCOVERED HE COULD MAKE 581 00:15:46,100 --> 00:15:47,867 PEOPLE LAUGH WHEN HE WAS IN A 582 00:15:47,934 --> 00:15:49,500 FRENCH PLAY AND HE HAD TO RECITE 583 00:15:49,567 --> 00:15:51,233 MOLIERE AND HE HADN'T BOTHERED 584 00:15:51,300 --> 00:15:52,900 TO LEARN HIS LINES AND HE HID 585 00:15:52,967 --> 00:15:54,300 BEHIND A PILLAR READING THEM 586 00:15:54,367 --> 00:15:56,033 OUT, WHICH WAS OBVIOUSLY MUCH 587 00:15:56,100 --> 00:15:56,934 FUNNIER THAN IF HE'D LEARNED 588 00:15:57,000 --> 00:15:58,834 THEM PERFECTLY AND HAD STOOD ON 589 00:15:58,900 --> 00:16:01,567 A STAGE AND DECLAIMED THEM. 590 00:16:01,633 --> 00:16:03,367 >> John: YEAH, OBVIOUSLY. 591 00:16:03,433 --> 00:16:05,300 IT'S ALWAYS FUNNIER WHEN THINGS 592 00:16:05,367 --> 00:16:06,900 GO WRONG. 593 00:16:06,967 --> 00:16:08,066 LIKE IN THIS PHOTO OF JOHNSON 594 00:16:08,133 --> 00:16:09,200 SHAKING HANDS WITH THE QUEEN. 595 00:16:09,266 --> 00:16:10,967 OH, NO! 596 00:16:11,033 --> 00:16:12,100 OH! 597 00:16:12,166 --> 00:16:13,433 WHAT AN EMBARRASSING MISTAKE! 598 00:16:13,500 --> 00:16:14,266 SEE? 599 00:16:14,333 --> 00:16:15,400 OBJECTIVELY FUNNIER. 600 00:16:15,467 --> 00:16:16,967 AND BY THE WAY, HOW ARE NEITHER 601 00:16:17,033 --> 00:16:21,700 OF YOU INTO THIS? 602 00:16:21,767 --> 00:16:23,400 BORIS ACTUALLY LEARNED A GREAT 603 00:16:23,467 --> 00:16:25,633 DEAL FROM THAT INCIDENT, AS HE 604 00:16:25,700 --> 00:16:26,934 HIMSELF WILL ADMIT. 605 00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:30,400 >> DO YOU THINK YOU LEARNED 606 00:16:30,467 --> 00:16:31,934 SOMETHING FOR LATER IN LIFE FROM 607 00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:33,300 ACTING IN PLAYS AT ETON, THAT 608 00:16:33,367 --> 00:16:34,200 YOU COULD ACTUALLY GET MORE 609 00:16:34,266 --> 00:16:35,467 LAUGHS BY LOOKING AS IF YOU 610 00:16:35,533 --> 00:16:36,600 DON'T KNOW YOUR LINES THAN 611 00:16:36,667 --> 00:16:40,367 ACTUALLY REMEMBERING THEM? 612 00:16:40,433 --> 00:16:41,900 >> WELL, I CERTAINLY THINK THAT 613 00:16:41,967 --> 00:16:44,200 AS A GENERAL TACTIC IN LIFE, IF 614 00:16:44,266 --> 00:16:46,467 THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE DRIVING AT, 615 00:16:46,533 --> 00:16:50,800 IT IS OFTEN USEFUL TO GIVE THE 616 00:16:50,867 --> 00:16:53,934 SLIGHT IMPRESSION THAT YOU ARE 617 00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:55,500 DELIBERATELY PRETENDING NOT TO 618 00:16:55,567 --> 00:16:56,867 KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON BECAUSE 619 00:16:56,934 --> 00:16:58,200 THE REALITY MAY BE THAT YOU 620 00:16:58,266 --> 00:16:59,934 DON'T KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON BUT 621 00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:01,166 PEOPLE WON'T BE ABLE TO TELL THE 622 00:17:01,233 --> 00:17:02,266 DIFFERENCE. 623 00:17:02,333 --> 00:17:03,633 >> John: AND THAT, RIGHT THERE, 624 00:17:03,700 --> 00:17:06,266 IS THE KEY TO BORIS JOHNSON. 625 00:17:06,333 --> 00:17:07,367 PRESENTING HIS OWN LACK OF 626 00:17:07,433 --> 00:17:08,567 PREPARATION SO CHARMINGLY THAT 627 00:17:08,633 --> 00:17:09,834 YOU ACTUALLY DOUBT HE'S 628 00:17:09,900 --> 00:17:13,266 UNPREPARED BUT HE IS. 629 00:17:13,333 --> 00:17:14,467 IT'S AN INCREDIBLY POWERFUL 630 00:17:14,533 --> 00:17:15,934 TRICK. 631 00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:17,467 AND INCIDENTALLY, IT'S CLIPS 632 00:17:17,533 --> 00:17:18,467 LIKE THAT ARE ONE MAJOR REASON 633 00:17:18,533 --> 00:17:20,367 WHY BORIS IS NOT THE BRITAIN 634 00:17:20,433 --> 00:17:21,900 TRUMP, BECAUSE CAN YOU IMAGINE 635 00:17:21,967 --> 00:17:22,900 TRUMP HAVING THAT LEVEL OF 636 00:17:22,967 --> 00:17:26,200 SELF-REFLECTION? 637 00:17:26,266 --> 00:17:27,734 "LOOK, WITH 'COVFEFE', THE 638 00:17:27,800 --> 00:17:29,800 TACTIC WAS TO PRESENT MYSELF AS 639 00:17:29,867 --> 00:17:32,266 A KIND OF SUBLITERATE CLOWN TO 640 00:17:32,333 --> 00:17:34,567 DISTRACT YOU FROM THE FACT I'M A 641 00:17:34,633 --> 00:17:37,600 MOUND OF SKIN TAUTLY STRETCHED 642 00:17:37,667 --> 00:17:41,100 ACROSS THE HOWLING CHASM OF THE 643 00:17:41,166 --> 00:17:42,066 SPACE WHERE A SOUL SHOULD BE." 644 00:17:42,133 --> 00:17:43,600 IT'S A VERY USEFUL TOOL WHEN 645 00:17:43,667 --> 00:17:49,867 DEPLOYED WELL. 646 00:17:49,934 --> 00:17:52,233 THE POINT HERE IS THOUGH, 647 00:17:52,300 --> 00:17:53,433 JOHNSON'S BUMBLING PERSONA IS A 648 00:17:53,500 --> 00:17:54,300 CAREFULLY CALIBRATED ACT. 649 00:17:54,367 --> 00:17:55,066 TAKE HIS HAIR. 650 00:17:55,133 --> 00:17:55,734 MULTIPLE PEOPLE HAVE SAID HE 651 00:17:55,800 --> 00:17:56,867 ACTUALLY MESSES IT UP ON 652 00:17:56,967 --> 00:17:57,500 PURPOSE. 653 00:17:57,600 --> 00:17:58,400 A BBC PRODUCER TWEETED THAT HE'D 654 00:17:58,467 --> 00:18:00,000 "ALWAYS RUFFLE IT RIGHT BEFORE 655 00:18:00,066 --> 00:18:05,266 THE CAMERA STARTED ROLLING." 656 00:18:05,333 --> 00:18:06,900 WHICH KIND OF MAKES SENSE, 657 00:18:06,967 --> 00:18:07,533 DOESN'T IT? 658 00:18:07,600 --> 00:18:08,500 HE'S BEEN ON TV HUNDREDS OF 659 00:18:08,567 --> 00:18:09,367 TIMES, AND HE ALWAYS LOOKS LIKE 660 00:18:09,433 --> 00:18:10,133 A MESS. 661 00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:10,867 WHAT WERE THE CHANCES THAT, 662 00:18:10,934 --> 00:18:11,834 BEFORE EVERY ONE OF THOSE 663 00:18:11,900 --> 00:18:12,800 APPEARANCES, HE COMBED, GELLED, 664 00:18:12,867 --> 00:18:13,667 AND CAREFULLY PARTED HIS HAIR, 665 00:18:13,734 --> 00:18:14,667 ONLY TO THEN BE HIT IN THE FACE 666 00:18:14,734 --> 00:18:16,433 BY A GOOSE RIGHT AS THEY STARTED 667 00:18:16,500 --> 00:18:17,900 FILMING? 668 00:18:17,967 --> 00:18:19,266 NO, HE LOOKS LIKE THAT BECAUSE 669 00:18:19,333 --> 00:18:20,867 HE WANTS TO. 670 00:18:20,934 --> 00:18:22,300 OR TAKE HIS CLOTHING. 671 00:18:22,367 --> 00:18:23,433 HE'S OFTEN SEEN OUTSIDE IN 672 00:18:23,500 --> 00:18:25,567 ECCENTRIC, CHAOTIC OUTFITS. 673 00:18:25,633 --> 00:18:27,934 BUT HE KNOWS HOW TO DRESS -- HE 674 00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:29,867 JUST ALSO KNOWS THAT THAT IS A 675 00:18:29,934 --> 00:18:31,667 MORE RELATABLE IMAGE THAN THIS 676 00:18:31,734 --> 00:18:33,367 ONE FROM WHEN HE WAS IN THE 677 00:18:33,433 --> 00:18:35,300 NOTORIOUSLY ELITE BULLINGDON 678 00:18:35,367 --> 00:18:37,266 CLUB AT OXFORD UNIVERSITY WITH 679 00:18:37,333 --> 00:18:38,767 HIS FRIEND DAVID CAMERON. 680 00:18:38,834 --> 00:18:40,633 NOW, THAT PHOTO WAS A HUGE 681 00:18:40,700 --> 00:18:42,200 LIABILITY FOR CAMERON, BUT NOT 682 00:18:42,266 --> 00:18:44,233 FOR JOHNSON, BECAUSE HE'S 683 00:18:44,300 --> 00:18:45,533 CLEVERLY INOCULATED HIMSELF 684 00:18:45,600 --> 00:18:47,033 AGAINST THAT IMAGE OF 685 00:18:47,100 --> 00:18:48,367 ASTONISHING PRIVILEGE BY 686 00:18:48,433 --> 00:18:50,333 PRESENTING HIMSELF AS A 687 00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:51,834 CARTOON ENGLISHMAN WHO DRESSES 688 00:18:51,900 --> 00:18:52,667 LIKE A RACCOON WHO JUST EMERGED 689 00:18:52,734 --> 00:18:53,900 FROM DAVID FOSTER WALLACE'S 690 00:18:53,967 --> 00:18:56,066 TRASH. 691 00:18:56,133 --> 00:18:58,000 AND ONCE YOU REALIZE WHAT HE'S 692 00:18:58,066 --> 00:18:59,266 DOING, IT MAKES YOU QUESTION 693 00:18:59,333 --> 00:19:00,500 EVERYTHING THAT YOU PREVIOUSLY 694 00:19:00,567 --> 00:19:02,100 FOUND CHARMING ABOUT HIM. 695 00:19:02,166 --> 00:19:04,000 REMEMBER THAT CLIP OF HIM 696 00:19:04,066 --> 00:19:05,433 TALKING ABOUT PAINTING BUSES? 697 00:19:05,500 --> 00:19:07,367 UNDENIABLY FUNNY. 698 00:19:07,433 --> 00:19:08,834 BUT SOME IN BRITAIN HAVE POINTED 699 00:19:08,900 --> 00:19:10,467 OUT THAT IT MIGHT'VE BEEN AN 700 00:19:10,533 --> 00:19:11,967 ATTEMPT TO CHANGE THE GOOGLE 701 00:19:12,033 --> 00:19:13,900 SEARCH RESULTS PEOPLE RECEIVE 702 00:19:13,967 --> 00:19:14,567 WHEN THEY LOOK FOR SOMETHING 703 00:19:14,633 --> 00:19:18,900 LIKE "BORIS JOHNSON BUS," 704 00:19:18,967 --> 00:19:20,767 MEANING THAT PEOPLE WOULD SEE 705 00:19:20,834 --> 00:19:22,000 THAT DELIGHTFUL CLIP RATHER THAN 706 00:19:22,066 --> 00:19:23,500 THIS SIGNIFICANTLY LESS 707 00:19:23,567 --> 00:19:24,200 DELIGHTFUL BULLSHIT. 708 00:19:24,266 --> 00:19:25,233 NOW, WAS THAT ACTUALLY HIS 709 00:19:25,300 --> 00:19:25,500 INTENTION? 710 00:19:25,567 --> 00:19:26,300 IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO KNOW. 711 00:19:26,367 --> 00:19:27,333 BUT YOU CAN'T RULE IT OUT 712 00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:28,367 EITHER. 713 00:19:28,433 --> 00:19:29,734 AND ONCE YOU SEE THE POSSIBILITY 714 00:19:29,800 --> 00:19:30,900 THAT HIS GAFFES ARE, IN FACT, 715 00:19:30,967 --> 00:19:32,133 CALCULATED MANIPULATIONS, YOU 716 00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:34,000 CAN'T UN-SEE IT. 717 00:19:34,066 --> 00:19:35,700 IT'S LIKE LOOKING AT THE FED EX 718 00:19:35,767 --> 00:19:37,467 LOGO AND FINALLY NOTICING THE 719 00:19:37,533 --> 00:19:40,633 ARROW OR LOOKING AT THE 720 00:19:40,700 --> 00:19:41,934 STARBUCKS LOGO AND FINALLY 721 00:19:41,967 --> 00:19:50,066 NOTICING ROBERT DE NIRO'S FACE. 722 00:19:50,133 --> 00:19:50,800 YOU CAN NEVER LOOK AT IT IN 723 00:19:50,867 --> 00:19:51,767 QUITE THE SAME WAY AGAIN. 724 00:19:51,834 --> 00:19:52,700 AND BENEATH ALL OF BORIS' 725 00:19:52,767 --> 00:19:53,467 SURFACE CHARM ARE SOME TRULY 726 00:19:53,533 --> 00:19:54,333 NASTY ELEMENTS. 727 00:19:54,400 --> 00:19:59,433 FOR ONE THING, HE IS A LIAR. 728 00:19:59,500 --> 00:20:00,166 AS A YOUNG JOURNALIST, HE WAS 729 00:20:00,233 --> 00:20:01,100 FIRED FROM HIS FIRST JOB AT 730 00:20:01,166 --> 00:20:02,400 "THE TIMES OF LONDON" FOR 731 00:20:02,467 --> 00:20:04,900 COMPLETELY MAKING UP A QUOTE. 732 00:20:04,967 --> 00:20:05,467 IN FACT, HIS EDITOR CLAIMED 733 00:20:05,533 --> 00:20:06,233 JOHNSON "WAS THE SINGLE WORST 734 00:20:06,300 --> 00:20:07,567 EMPLOYEE HE'S EVER HAD AND 735 00:20:07,633 --> 00:20:08,533 SKIPPED MANY WORKDAYS TO HANG 736 00:20:08,600 --> 00:20:09,800 OUT WITH HIS BEST FRIEND, 737 00:20:09,867 --> 00:20:17,700 JEFFREY EPSTEIN." 738 00:20:17,767 --> 00:20:18,633 WHICH IS TERRIBLE. 739 00:20:18,700 --> 00:20:19,633 IT'S NOT TRUE. 740 00:20:19,700 --> 00:20:20,200 I JUST MADE THAT QUOTE UP. 741 00:20:20,266 --> 00:20:21,367 BUT NOW YOU CAN SEE JUST HOW 742 00:20:21,433 --> 00:20:22,100 IRRESPONSIBLE IT IS TO FABRICATE 743 00:20:22,166 --> 00:20:24,100 THEM. 744 00:20:24,166 --> 00:20:25,133 AND FROM THERE, JOHNSON FAILED 745 00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:25,900 UPWARDS TO A JOB AT 746 00:20:25,967 --> 00:20:26,800 "THE DAILY TELEGRAPH" WHERE HE 747 00:20:26,867 --> 00:20:28,133 BUILT A FOLLOWING ON A SERIES OF 748 00:20:28,200 --> 00:20:31,333 FLAGRANT FALSEHOODS ABOUT THE 749 00:20:31,400 --> 00:20:32,300 EUROPEAN UNION AS THEIR BRUSSELS 750 00:20:32,367 --> 00:20:33,567 CORRESPONDENT -- FALSEHOODS THAT 751 00:20:33,633 --> 00:20:34,400 WOULD HELP LAY THE GROUNDWORK 752 00:20:34,467 --> 00:20:35,767 FOR THE BREXIT VOTE DECADES 753 00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:39,834 LATER. 754 00:20:39,900 --> 00:20:41,567 JOHNSON EVEN ADMITS THAT HE HAD 755 00:20:41,633 --> 00:20:42,200 SOMETHING CALLED A "SAVE-GET" -- 756 00:20:42,266 --> 00:20:43,066 A KEY COMMAND LIKE A 757 00:20:43,133 --> 00:20:43,934 "COPY PASTE" -- OF A PHRASE HE 758 00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:45,433 LIKED TO USE TO PAINT A 759 00:20:45,500 --> 00:20:50,433 CARICATURE OF THE EU. 760 00:20:50,500 --> 00:20:51,233 >> I HAD A SORT OF SAVE-GET. 761 00:20:51,300 --> 00:20:52,166 DON'T KNOW -- DO YOU STILL HAVE 762 00:20:52,233 --> 00:20:53,667 SAVE-GET KEYS? 763 00:20:53,734 --> 00:20:55,166 A SAVE-GET KIND OF INTRO WHICH 764 00:20:55,233 --> 00:20:59,333 WAS "BRITAIN STOOD ALONE 765 00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:00,266 LAST NIGHT AS --" AND THEN I 766 00:21:00,333 --> 00:21:01,367 WOULD FILL IN WHATEVER IT WAS. 767 00:21:01,433 --> 00:21:02,767 "AS EUROPE PROCEEDED WITH PLANS 768 00:21:02,834 --> 00:21:04,000 TO ABOLISH THE PRAWN COCKTAIL 769 00:21:04,066 --> 00:21:11,166 FLAVOR CRISP" OR -- OR WHATEVER. 770 00:21:11,233 --> 00:21:12,367 >> John: OKAY, SO FIRST, FOR 771 00:21:12,433 --> 00:21:13,066 THOSE UNFAMILIAR, PRAWN COCKTAIL 772 00:21:13,133 --> 00:21:14,033 CRISPS ARE REAL. 773 00:21:14,100 --> 00:21:18,200 THEY SHOULDN'T BE, BUT THEY ARE. 774 00:21:18,266 --> 00:21:19,834 AND EXPLAIN HOW IT HAPPENED, 775 00:21:19,900 --> 00:21:20,533 IT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN A COUNTRY 776 00:21:20,600 --> 00:21:21,367 LOOKS AT A DINING TABLE AND 777 00:21:21,433 --> 00:21:21,900 FOREGOES FOOD IN FAVOR OF 778 00:21:21,967 --> 00:21:25,266 PLAYING WHIFF-WAFF. 779 00:21:25,333 --> 00:21:26,600 BUT JOHNSON ACTUALLY DID WRITE A 780 00:21:26,667 --> 00:21:28,000 SERIES OF COLUMNS CLAIMING 781 00:21:28,066 --> 00:21:29,667 EUROPE WAS ATTEMPTING TO BAN THE 782 00:21:29,767 --> 00:21:30,433 PRAWN COCKTAIL CRISP, WHICH WAS 783 00:21:30,500 --> 00:21:34,700 A COMPLETE LIE. 784 00:21:34,767 --> 00:21:35,800 EUROPE WAS NEVER PLANNING TO 785 00:21:35,867 --> 00:21:36,266 ABOLISH THEM, AND THEY 786 00:21:36,333 --> 00:21:41,700 IMMEDIATELY POINTED THAT OUT. 787 00:21:41,767 --> 00:21:43,567 BUT BORIS' ALLEGATION SPREAD 788 00:21:43,633 --> 00:21:45,033 LIKE WILDFIRE AND BECAME A 789 00:21:45,100 --> 00:21:46,200 POPULAR EXAMPLE OF AN 790 00:21:46,266 --> 00:21:47,000 OUT-OF-CONTROL EU. 791 00:21:47,066 --> 00:21:47,867 AND AS RECENTLY AS 2016, A FULL 792 00:21:47,934 --> 00:21:49,066 25 YEARS AFTER HIS BULLSHIT WAS 793 00:21:49,133 --> 00:21:50,934 COMPLETELY DEBUNKED, BORIS 794 00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:53,200 ACTUALLY CITED THE "GREAT WAR 795 00:21:53,266 --> 00:21:54,800 AGAINST THE BRITISH PRAWN 796 00:21:54,867 --> 00:21:55,500 COCKTAIL CRISP" AS PART OF HIS 797 00:21:55,567 --> 00:22:00,600 CASE FOR BREXIT. 798 00:22:00,667 --> 00:22:01,800 AND BY THE WAY, IF THERE EVER IS 799 00:22:01,867 --> 00:22:02,300 A GREAT WAR AGAINST THE 800 00:22:02,367 --> 00:22:03,033 PRAWN COCKTAIL CRISP, THERE WILL 801 00:22:03,100 --> 00:22:05,600 BE NO WINNERS. 802 00:22:05,667 --> 00:22:06,767 BELIEVE ME, BECAUSE I WILL SAY 803 00:22:06,834 --> 00:22:12,433 THIS. 804 00:22:12,500 --> 00:22:13,333 EATING THEM, IT'S LIKE EATING A 805 00:22:13,400 --> 00:22:17,066 CREMATED MERMAID. 806 00:22:17,133 --> 00:22:17,734 BUT IN A BAD WAY. 807 00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:19,734 AND... 808 00:22:24,100 --> 00:22:25,400 OH, THAT'S BAD. 809 00:22:29,834 --> 00:22:30,767 LOOK, IT WOULD BE BAD ENOUGH IF 810 00:22:30,834 --> 00:22:31,867 BORIS WERE JUST A LIAR, BUT HE'S 811 00:22:31,934 --> 00:22:33,000 ALSO BEEN MORE THAN WILLING TO 812 00:22:33,066 --> 00:22:36,300 TAP INTO OUTRIGHT BIGOTRY TO GET 813 00:22:36,367 --> 00:22:37,200 AHEAD. 814 00:22:37,266 --> 00:22:37,934 HE'S MADE REPEATED REFERENCES TO 815 00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:38,700 SOME IMMIGRANTS AS PEOPLE THAT 816 00:22:38,767 --> 00:22:42,567 WANT TO LEACH OF THE STATE, 817 00:22:42,633 --> 00:22:43,934 MADE REFERENCES TO 818 00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:44,567 "PICKANINNIES," SAID THE PEOPLE 819 00:22:44,633 --> 00:22:45,633 OF CONGO HAD "WATERMELON 820 00:22:45,700 --> 00:22:46,667 SMILES," CALLED GAY MEN 821 00:22:46,734 --> 00:22:47,567 "TANK-TOPPED BUM-BOYS," AND JUST 822 00:22:47,633 --> 00:22:49,700 LAST YEAR, THERE WAS THIS: 823 00:22:49,767 --> 00:22:50,767 >> "THEY LOOK LIKE LETTERBOXES," 824 00:22:50,834 --> 00:22:53,433 BORIS JOHNSON WROTE ON MONDAY. 825 00:22:53,500 --> 00:22:57,934 HE EVEN COMPARED WOMEN WHO WEAR 826 00:22:58,000 --> 00:22:58,934 THEM TO BANK ROBBERS. 827 00:22:59,000 --> 00:23:04,800 >> John: THAT IS AN APPALLING 828 00:23:04,867 --> 00:23:06,333 COMMENT THAT LEAVES A TRULY 829 00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:08,100 DISGUSTING TASTE IN YOUR MOUTH, 830 00:23:08,166 --> 00:23:09,467 MUCH LIKE THE SHRIMP CRISP DUST 831 00:23:09,533 --> 00:23:12,100 THAT HAS VERY MUCH VOTED TO 832 00:23:12,166 --> 00:23:13,166 REMAIN ON MY FUCKING TONGUE. 833 00:23:13,233 --> 00:23:13,934 AND WHEN REPORTERS CAMPED 834 00:23:13,967 --> 00:23:14,700 OUTSIDE JOHNSON'S HOUSE, HE 835 00:23:14,767 --> 00:23:15,767 REALLY TURNED THE CARTOON 836 00:23:15,800 --> 00:23:16,834 VERSION OF HIMSELF UP TO 11, 837 00:23:16,900 --> 00:23:17,900 RUFFLING UP HIS HAIR, DONNING AN 838 00:23:17,967 --> 00:23:20,066 ABSURD OUTFIT, AND WADDLING OUT 839 00:23:20,133 --> 00:23:22,600 TO CHARM THEM. 840 00:23:22,667 --> 00:23:24,133 AND JUST WATCH HOW DEPRESSINGLY 841 00:23:24,200 --> 00:23:25,533 EFFECTIVE IT WINDS UP BEING. 842 00:23:25,600 --> 00:23:26,233 >> WOULD YOU APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT 843 00:23:26,300 --> 00:23:27,066 YOU -- 844 00:23:27,133 --> 00:23:27,667 >> WILL YOU -- 845 00:23:27,734 --> 00:23:28,367 >> FOR YOUR COMMENT? 846 00:23:28,433 --> 00:23:29,033 >> WILL YOU -- WILL YOU -- WILL 847 00:23:29,100 --> 00:23:29,767 YOU HAVE A CUP OF TEA? 848 00:23:29,834 --> 00:23:30,367 >> WILL YOU APOLOGIZE FOR YOUR 849 00:23:30,433 --> 00:23:30,800 COMMENT? 850 00:23:30,867 --> 00:23:32,333 >> WOULD YOU LIKE A CUP OF TEA? 851 00:23:32,400 --> 00:23:32,667 >> YEAH, SURE. 852 00:23:32,734 --> 00:23:33,266 >> OKAY, GO ON, HAVE A CUP OF 853 00:23:33,333 --> 00:23:33,800 TEA. 854 00:23:33,867 --> 00:23:34,567 >> THANK YOU, THANK YOU. 855 00:23:34,633 --> 00:23:35,300 DO YOU -- DO YOU REGRET -- DO 856 00:23:35,367 --> 00:23:36,000 YOU REGRET -- 857 00:23:36,066 --> 00:23:36,700 >> WOULD YOU LIKE A CUP OF TEA? 858 00:23:36,767 --> 00:23:37,567 >> DO YOU REGRET YOUR COMMENT? 859 00:23:38,367 --> 00:23:39,600 DO YOU REGRET YOUR COMMENT? 860 00:23:39,667 --> 00:23:40,734 >> I DON'T -- GO ON, HAVE A CUP 861 00:23:40,800 --> 00:23:41,000 OF TEA. 862 00:23:41,066 --> 00:23:42,166 >> THANK YOU VERY MUCH, SIR. 863 00:23:42,233 --> 00:23:43,433 >> THERE YOU GO. 864 00:23:43,500 --> 00:23:44,200 THERE YOU GO. 865 00:23:44,266 --> 00:23:45,233 >> DO YOU REGRET YOUR COMMENT, 866 00:23:45,300 --> 00:23:45,834 SIR? 867 00:23:45,900 --> 00:23:47,100 >> I WANT YOU -- I WANT YOU TO 868 00:23:47,166 --> 00:23:49,233 HAVE A CUP OF TEA. 869 00:23:49,300 --> 00:23:49,967 >> IF I HAVE A CUP OF TEA, WILL 870 00:23:50,033 --> 00:23:50,500 YOU -- WILL YOU ANSWER MY 871 00:23:50,567 --> 00:23:51,166 QUESTION? 872 00:23:51,233 --> 00:23:51,800 >> NO. 873 00:23:52,467 --> 00:23:53,066 NO, I'M HERE SOLELY ON A 874 00:23:53,133 --> 00:23:54,166 HUMANITARIAN MISSION BECAUSE 875 00:23:54,233 --> 00:23:54,934 YOU'VE BEEN HERE ALL DAY AND 876 00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:55,533 YOU'VE BEEN INCREDIBLY PATIENT 877 00:23:55,600 --> 00:23:57,000 AND INCREDIBLY -- AND I FEEL 878 00:23:57,066 --> 00:23:58,133 VERY SORRY FOR YOU BECAUSE I 879 00:23:58,200 --> 00:23:59,367 HAVE NOTHING TO SAY ABOUT THIS 880 00:23:59,433 --> 00:24:00,233 MATTER EXCEPT TO OFFER YOU SOME 881 00:24:00,300 --> 00:24:00,867 TEA! 882 00:24:01,967 --> 00:24:02,367 OKAY. 883 00:24:02,433 --> 00:24:02,967 >> OKAY. 884 00:24:03,033 --> 00:24:03,600 GO ON. 885 00:24:03,667 --> 00:24:04,700 >> OKAY, THANK YOU. 886 00:24:04,767 --> 00:24:05,633 THANK YOU SO MUCH. 887 00:24:05,700 --> 00:24:07,100 >> John: NO! 888 00:24:07,166 --> 00:24:08,367 DON'T TAKE THE TEA! 889 00:24:08,400 --> 00:24:10,233 AND DEFINITELY DON'T THANK HIM 890 00:24:10,300 --> 00:24:16,967 FOR IT! 891 00:24:17,033 --> 00:24:17,734 BECAUSE THINK ABOUT WHAT JUST 892 00:24:17,800 --> 00:24:18,667 HAPPENED THERE, HE REFERRED TO 893 00:24:18,734 --> 00:24:19,300 MUSLIM WOMEN AS LETTERBOXES, AND 894 00:24:19,367 --> 00:24:20,233 IN THE SPACE OF 30 SECONDS, HE 895 00:24:20,300 --> 00:24:20,800 HAD THEM LAUGHING ALONG WITH 896 00:24:20,867 --> 00:24:21,467 HIM. 897 00:24:21,533 --> 00:24:22,367 HE WAS IN TROUBLE, HE PUT ON 898 00:24:22,433 --> 00:24:24,367 FULL BRIT-FACE, AND THOSE 899 00:24:24,433 --> 00:24:25,000 JOURNALISTS FUCKING FELL FOR IT. 900 00:24:25,066 --> 00:24:25,934 AND FOR THE RECORD, I CAN SAY 901 00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:26,900 "BRIT-FACE." 902 00:24:26,967 --> 00:24:28,433 YOU CAN'T. 903 00:24:28,500 --> 00:24:30,200 I CAN DEFINITELY SAY IT. 904 00:24:30,266 --> 00:24:37,500 WE CAN SAY IT TOGETHER. 905 00:24:37,567 --> 00:24:38,300 YOU CAN'T SAY IT AT ALL. 906 00:24:38,367 --> 00:24:39,600 THAT'S THE RULE. 907 00:24:39,667 --> 00:24:40,266 BUT UNFORTUNATELY, BORIS THE 908 00:24:40,333 --> 00:24:41,266 PRIME MINISTER MAY HAVE JUST HIT 909 00:24:41,333 --> 00:24:41,967 THE LIMITS OF WHERE THAT CHARM 910 00:24:42,033 --> 00:24:42,834 CAN TAKE HIM, BECAUSE, 911 00:24:42,900 --> 00:24:43,934 CRUCIALLY, HE NOW HAS LESS THAN 912 00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:45,000 100 DAYS TO NEGOTIATE A BREXIT 913 00:24:45,066 --> 00:24:46,033 DEAL, AND HIS WELL-ENGINEERED 914 00:24:46,100 --> 00:24:47,567 CLUMSY BRIT PERSONA DOESN'T 915 00:24:47,633 --> 00:24:49,900 NECESSARILY TRAVEL WELL. 916 00:24:49,967 --> 00:24:51,200 WE SAW THAT DURING HIS TIME AS 917 00:24:51,266 --> 00:24:53,934 FOREIGN SECRETARY. 918 00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:55,433 IN 2017, HE WAS IN MYANMAR 919 00:24:55,500 --> 00:24:57,433 WHERE, FOR SOME REASON, HE KEPT 920 00:24:57,500 --> 00:24:58,967 MUTTERING RUDYARD KIPLING'S 921 00:24:59,033 --> 00:25:00,000 COLONIALIST POEM "MANDALAY" TO 922 00:25:00,066 --> 00:25:01,734 HIMSELF. 923 00:25:01,800 --> 00:25:04,867 >> "THE TEMPLE BELLS THEY SAY. 924 00:25:04,934 --> 00:25:08,100 COME YOU BACK, YOU ENGLISH 925 00:25:08,166 --> 00:25:08,367 SOLDIER." 926 00:25:08,433 --> 00:25:17,367 REMEMBER THAT? 927 00:25:17,433 --> 00:25:18,066 "THE WIND IS IN THE PALM 928 00:25:18,133 --> 00:25:18,967 TREES. 929 00:25:19,033 --> 00:25:19,967 TEMPLE BELLS THEY SAY." 930 00:25:20,033 --> 00:25:20,934 >> ON MIC. 931 00:25:21,000 --> 00:25:21,934 >> THE AMBASSADOR IS QUICK TO 932 00:25:22,000 --> 00:25:22,767 SPOT THAT REMINDING THEIR HOSTS 933 00:25:22,834 --> 00:25:23,633 OF BRITISH RULE MIGHT NOT BE 934 00:25:23,700 --> 00:25:24,600 WISE. 935 00:25:24,667 --> 00:25:26,433 >> PROBABLY NOT A GOOD IDEA. 936 00:25:26,500 --> 00:25:27,300 >> WHAT, "THE ROAD TO 937 00:25:27,367 --> 00:25:28,433 MANDALAY"? 938 00:25:28,500 --> 00:25:31,000 >> NO, NOT APPROPRIATE. 939 00:25:31,066 --> 00:25:33,133 >> GOOD STUFF. 940 00:25:33,200 --> 00:25:34,667 >> John: IS IT GOOD STUFF? 941 00:25:34,734 --> 00:25:42,300 OR IS THAT ACTUALLY BAD STUFF? 942 00:25:42,367 --> 00:25:44,066 'CAUSE I WOULD ARGUE, AS A 943 00:25:44,133 --> 00:25:45,467 FOREIGN SECRETARY, IT'S BEST NOT 944 00:25:45,533 --> 00:25:46,166 TO REMIND PEOPLE OF WHEN YOUR 945 00:25:46,233 --> 00:25:46,834 COUNTRY SUBJUGATED THEIRS FOR 946 00:25:46,900 --> 00:25:47,433 MORE THAN A CENTURY. 947 00:25:47,500 --> 00:25:48,000 IT WOULD BE HONESTLY BE MORE 948 00:25:48,066 --> 00:25:49,033 DIPLOMATIC AT THAT POINT TO 949 00:25:49,100 --> 00:25:50,133 RECITE THE LYRICS TO "MY NECK, 950 00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:52,233 MY BACK (LICK IT)" BY KHIA. 951 00:25:52,300 --> 00:25:53,166 "MY NECK. 952 00:25:53,233 --> 00:25:55,233 MY BACK. 953 00:25:55,300 --> 00:25:57,200 LICK MY PUSSY AND MY CRACK. 954 00:25:57,266 --> 00:26:02,300 GOOD STUFF." 955 00:26:02,367 --> 00:26:02,934 AND, LOOK, THAT WASN'T A 956 00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:04,600 ONE-OFF. 957 00:26:04,667 --> 00:26:05,767 JOHNSON'S TIME IN THE FOREIGN 958 00:26:05,834 --> 00:26:07,567 OFFICE WAS LITTERED WITH GAFFES, 959 00:26:07,633 --> 00:26:08,133 AS THIS JOURNALIST EXPLAINED 960 00:26:08,200 --> 00:26:09,467 WITH THE HELP OF A VISUAL AID: 961 00:26:09,533 --> 00:26:10,934 >> I'VE SPOKEN TO ONE FIGURE WHO 962 00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:12,200 SAID THAT WORKING WITH 963 00:26:12,266 --> 00:26:13,600 BORIS JOHNSON IS LIKE WALKING A 964 00:26:13,667 --> 00:26:15,200 FEW FEET BEHIND A HORSE 965 00:26:15,266 --> 00:26:19,066 SHOVELING ITS SHIT. 966 00:26:19,133 --> 00:26:21,100 >> John: WOW. 967 00:26:21,166 --> 00:26:22,433 THAT IS A STRIKING QUOTE, 968 00:26:22,500 --> 00:26:23,433 ALTHOUGH I'M NOT REALLY SURE WHY 969 00:26:23,500 --> 00:26:24,867 THAT JOURNALIST FELT THE NEED TO 970 00:26:24,934 --> 00:26:26,033 BE NEXT TO A HORSE TO DELIVER 971 00:26:26,100 --> 00:26:27,467 IT. 972 00:26:27,533 --> 00:26:28,867 HOW DID HE PITCH THAT TO THE 973 00:26:28,934 --> 00:26:29,333 STABLE OWNER? 974 00:26:29,400 --> 00:26:30,700 "LOOK, I'M JUST WORRIED PEOPLE 975 00:26:30,767 --> 00:26:32,367 HAVE FORGOTTEN WHAT HORSES LOOK 976 00:26:32,433 --> 00:26:33,600 LIKE, SO PLEASE STAND ASIDE 977 00:26:33,667 --> 00:26:35,033 WHILE I HUMILIATE YOUR ANIMAL ON 978 00:26:35,100 --> 00:26:38,367 THE NEWS." 979 00:26:38,433 --> 00:26:39,900 AND THE PROBLEM IS, IF JOHNSON 980 00:26:39,967 --> 00:26:41,000 MESSES UP THE BREXIT 981 00:26:41,066 --> 00:26:42,734 NEGOTIATION, THE PILEUP OF SHIT 982 00:26:42,800 --> 00:26:44,834 COULD BE CONSIDERABLE HERE, AS 983 00:26:44,900 --> 00:26:46,066 MOST ECONOMISTS BELIEVE A 984 00:26:46,133 --> 00:26:47,734 NO-DEAL BREXIT WOULD CAUSE A 985 00:26:47,800 --> 00:26:49,367 DEEP RECESSION, AND THE EU MAY 986 00:26:49,433 --> 00:26:50,800 BE EXTRA IMMUNE TO BORIS' 987 00:26:50,867 --> 00:26:52,533 CHARMS. 988 00:26:52,600 --> 00:26:54,600 REMEMBER, HE WAS A KEY FIGURE IN 989 00:26:54,667 --> 00:26:56,734 THE BREXIT CAMPAIGN AND HAS LIED 990 00:26:56,800 --> 00:26:57,767 ABOUT THEM FOR DECADES IN HIS 991 00:26:57,834 --> 00:26:59,200 NEWSPAPER COLUMNS, ON TOP OF 992 00:26:59,266 --> 00:27:01,767 WHICH, HE'S PRIVATELY REFERRED 993 00:27:01,834 --> 00:27:03,467 TO THE FRENCH AS "TURDS" AND 994 00:27:03,533 --> 00:27:04,767 PUBLICLY COMPARED THE EU TO 995 00:27:04,834 --> 00:27:09,567 HITLER. 996 00:27:09,633 --> 00:27:10,667 SO HE'S NOT WORKING WITH A LOT 997 00:27:10,734 --> 00:27:11,767 OF GOODWILL AT THIS POINT, AND 998 00:27:11,834 --> 00:27:13,734 BORIS HAS MADE EXTRAVAGANT, 999 00:27:13,800 --> 00:27:15,500 UNKEEPABLE PROMISES, INCLUDING 1000 00:27:15,567 --> 00:27:21,867 THAT HE'LL SOMEHOW FIND A WAY TO 1001 00:27:21,934 --> 00:27:23,834 SEVER NORTHERN IRELAND FROM THE 1002 00:27:23,900 --> 00:27:24,567 EU WITHOUT CREATING A HARD 1003 00:27:24,633 --> 00:27:25,266 BORDER WITH IRELAND. 1004 00:27:25,333 --> 00:27:25,967 BUT HIS SUGGESTIONS CAN'T WORK, 1005 00:27:26,033 --> 00:27:27,066 AND EU COMMISSIONER 1006 00:27:27,133 --> 00:27:27,567 JEAN-CLAUDE JUNCKER HAS 1007 00:27:27,633 --> 00:27:28,300 RESPONDED PRETTY CLEARLY TO 1008 00:27:28,367 --> 00:27:29,100 THEM: 1009 00:27:29,166 --> 00:27:30,567 >> JUNCKER REITERATED THAT 1010 00:27:30,633 --> 00:27:32,166 "THE EU'S POSITION THAT THE 1011 00:27:32,233 --> 00:27:33,633 WITHDRAWAL AGREEMENT IS THE BEST 1012 00:27:33,700 --> 00:27:35,500 AND ONLY AGREEMENT POSSIBLE." 1013 00:27:35,567 --> 00:27:36,367 IN OTHER WORDS, JUNCKER SAID NO 1014 00:27:36,433 --> 00:27:37,900 TO JOHNSON. 1015 00:27:37,967 --> 00:27:39,333 >> John: YEAH, OF COURSE HE DID. 1016 00:27:39,400 --> 00:27:40,900 SO JOHNSON IS SHIT OUT OF LUCK 1017 00:27:40,967 --> 00:27:42,166 AT THIS POINT. 1018 00:27:42,233 --> 00:27:45,033 HIS BUMBLING CHARM MAY WORK 1019 00:27:45,100 --> 00:27:46,633 WONDERS IN LOW-STAKES 1020 00:27:46,700 --> 00:27:47,600 SITUATIONS, BUT THAT'S NOT WHERE 1021 00:27:47,667 --> 00:27:48,934 HE IS NOW. 1022 00:27:49,000 --> 00:27:50,233 THINK OF IT LIKE THIS: 1023 00:27:50,300 --> 00:27:51,700 HUGH GRANT IS DELIGHTFUL IN 1024 00:27:51,767 --> 00:27:52,467 ROMANTIC COMEDIES. 1025 00:27:52,533 --> 00:27:53,266 THE STAMMERING. 1026 00:27:53,333 --> 00:27:54,934 THE HESITATION. 1027 00:27:55,000 --> 00:27:56,467 THE INABILITY TO RELATE TO HIS 1028 00:27:56,533 --> 00:27:57,100 IMMEDIATE SURROUNDINGS WITH ANY 1029 00:27:57,166 --> 00:27:59,567 LEVEL OF COMPETENCE. 1030 00:27:59,633 --> 00:28:01,633 YOU WANT TO SEE HUGH GRANT IN 1031 00:28:01,700 --> 00:28:02,600 "FOUR WEDDINGS AND A FUNERAL," 1032 00:28:02,667 --> 00:28:04,800 BUT NO ONE WANTS TO SEE HIM IN 1033 00:28:04,867 --> 00:28:06,533 "UNITED 93." 1034 00:28:06,600 --> 00:28:07,700 BECAUSE THE CONTEXT WOULD MAKE 1035 00:28:07,767 --> 00:28:08,600 HIS CHARACTER A LOT LESS 1036 00:28:08,667 --> 00:28:10,900 CHARMING. 1037 00:28:10,967 --> 00:28:12,667 "SORRY, I JUST, UM, WELL, THIS 1038 00:28:12,734 --> 00:28:14,734 IS A REALLY STUPID QUESTION, 1039 00:28:14,800 --> 00:28:16,734 PAR-PARTICULARLY IN VIEW OF YOUR 1040 00:28:16,800 --> 00:28:19,100 RECENT JIHAD. 1041 00:28:19,166 --> 00:28:21,300 BUT, I -- I JUST WONDERED, IF, 1042 00:28:21,367 --> 00:28:23,233 BY ANY CHANCE, IN THE WORDS OF 1043 00:28:23,300 --> 00:28:24,300 DAVID CASSIDY WHEN HE WAS STILL 1044 00:28:24,367 --> 00:28:25,767 WITH THE PARTRIDGE FAMILY, I 1045 00:28:25,834 --> 00:28:26,400 BELIEVE, YOU MIGHT BE PERSUADED 1046 00:28:26,467 --> 00:28:27,767 TO, SHOULD ALLAH WILL IT, 1047 00:28:27,834 --> 00:28:32,767 OBVIOUSLY, LAND THIS PLANE. 1048 00:28:32,867 --> 00:28:34,767 ALLAHU -- AS I BELIEVE YOU SAY 1049 00:28:34,834 --> 00:28:39,000 IT -- AKBAR." 1050 00:28:39,066 --> 00:28:42,667 BECAUSE, YEAH, IT'S LESS GOOD. 1051 00:28:42,734 --> 00:28:43,567 IT'S LESS GOOD IN A SITUATION 1052 00:28:43,633 --> 00:28:46,400 THAT MATTERS. 1053 00:28:46,467 --> 00:28:50,800 BECAUSE JOHNSON CANNOT GET WHAT 1054 00:28:50,867 --> 00:28:51,734 HE WANTS OR HAS PROMISED HERE, 1055 00:28:51,800 --> 00:28:52,734 AND HIS ONLY HOPE OF AVOIDING 1056 00:28:52,800 --> 00:28:53,667 COMPLETE CATASTROPHE IS THROUGH 1057 00:28:53,734 --> 00:28:54,600 FOCUS, DISCIPLINE, AND DETAIL, 1058 00:28:54,667 --> 00:28:55,867 BUT THOSE ARE THREE ACHILLES' 1059 00:28:55,934 --> 00:28:56,567 HEELS OF HIS. 1060 00:28:56,633 --> 00:28:57,800 I'LL SHOW YOU: ONE OF HIS GREAT 1061 00:28:57,867 --> 00:29:01,467 PLANS FOR MITIGATING THE 1062 00:29:01,533 --> 00:29:03,600 POTENTIALLY CATASTROPHIC EFFECTS 1063 00:29:03,667 --> 00:29:05,200 OF A NO-DEAL BREXIT IS TO 1064 00:29:05,266 --> 00:29:06,600 SUGGEST THAT, IF THE U.K. MISSES 1065 00:29:06,667 --> 00:29:07,300 THE OCTOBER DEADLINE, IT COULD 1066 00:29:07,367 --> 00:29:09,266 SIMPLY TRADE FREELY WITH THE EU 1067 00:29:09,333 --> 00:29:10,233 UNDER ARTICLE 24, PARAGRAPH 5B 1068 00:29:10,300 --> 00:29:11,400 OF THIS EXISTING TRADE 1069 00:29:11,467 --> 00:29:13,400 AGREEMENT. 1070 00:29:13,467 --> 00:29:14,600 BUT -- AND YOU DO NOT NEED TO 1071 00:29:14,667 --> 00:29:16,800 KNOW THE DETAILS OF THIS -- THE 1072 00:29:16,867 --> 00:29:17,967 VERY NEXT PARAGRAPH, 5C, MAKES 1073 00:29:18,033 --> 00:29:19,667 IT CLEAR THAT THAT IS SIMPLY NOT 1074 00:29:19,734 --> 00:29:21,133 POSSIBLE. 1075 00:29:21,200 --> 00:29:22,266 AND JUST WATCH AS A JOURNALIST 1076 00:29:22,333 --> 00:29:23,800 WHO ACTUALLY UNDERSTOOD THAT 1077 00:29:23,867 --> 00:29:26,333 CHALLENGED JOHNSON ON IT. 1078 00:29:26,400 --> 00:29:28,367 >> YOU TALK ABOUT ARTICLE 5B -- 1079 00:29:28,433 --> 00:29:29,934 >> PARAGRAPH 5B. 1080 00:29:30,000 --> 00:29:31,100 >> IN ARTICLE 24. 1081 00:29:31,166 --> 00:29:31,934 >> ARTICLE 24. 1082 00:29:32,000 --> 00:29:32,900 GET THE DETAIL RIGHT. 1083 00:29:32,967 --> 00:29:34,266 GET THE DETAIL RIGHT, ANDREW. 1084 00:29:34,333 --> 00:29:35,200 ARTICLE 24, PARAGRAPH 5B. 1085 00:29:35,266 --> 00:29:36,433 >> AND HOW WOULD YOU HANDLE 1086 00:29:36,500 --> 00:29:39,867 PARAGRAPH 5C? 1087 00:29:39,934 --> 00:29:42,000 >> I WOULD CONFIDE ENTIRELY IN 1088 00:29:42,066 --> 00:29:43,834 PARAGRAPH 5B BECAUSE THAT IS -- 1089 00:29:43,900 --> 00:29:44,900 >> BUT HOW WOULD YOU GET ROUND 1090 00:29:44,967 --> 00:29:46,367 PARTS IN 5C? 1091 00:29:46,433 --> 00:29:47,633 >> I WOULD CONFIDE ENTIRELY IN 1092 00:29:47,700 --> 00:29:48,867 PARAGRAPH 5B, WHICH IS ENOUGH 1093 00:29:48,934 --> 00:29:49,567 FOR OUR PURPOSES -- 1094 00:29:49,633 --> 00:29:50,700 >> DO YOU KNOW WHAT'S IN 5C? 1095 00:29:50,767 --> 00:29:52,600 >> NO. 1096 00:29:52,667 --> 00:29:56,567 >> John: OH, FOR FUCK'S SAKE. 1097 00:29:56,633 --> 00:29:57,567 THAT "NO" WAS DELIVERED WITH THE 1098 00:29:57,633 --> 00:29:59,400 CONFIDENCE OF A MAN WHO DOESN'T 1099 00:29:59,467 --> 00:30:01,433 KNOW WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT, 1100 00:30:01,500 --> 00:30:02,400 BUT THINKS IT DOESN'T MATTER. 1101 00:30:02,467 --> 00:30:03,266 IT'S A "NO" THAT SAYS "YEAH, I'M 1102 00:30:03,333 --> 00:30:04,567 FULL OF SHIT. 1103 00:30:04,633 --> 00:30:06,333 SO WHAT? 1104 00:30:06,400 --> 00:30:07,834 JUST WALK A FEW FEET BEHIND ME 1105 00:30:07,900 --> 00:30:10,867 AND CLEAN IT UP WITH A SHOVEL." 1106 00:30:10,934 --> 00:30:13,033 BUT THAT LACK OF ATTENTION TO 1107 00:30:13,100 --> 00:30:14,333 DETAIL FOR A PROCESS THAT HAS 1108 00:30:14,400 --> 00:30:16,300 THE POTENTIAL TO IMPACT MILLIONS 1109 00:30:16,367 --> 00:30:19,767 OF PEOPLE IS REALLY ALARMING, 1110 00:30:19,800 --> 00:30:21,033 AND THERE IS NO REASON FOR MUCH 1111 00:30:21,133 --> 00:30:24,333 HOPE HERE, BECAUSE ALL THE 1112 00:30:24,400 --> 00:30:26,000 SKILLS THAT HELPED JOHNSON TO 1113 00:30:26,066 --> 00:30:28,166 BECOME PRIME MINISTER WILL NOT 1114 00:30:28,233 --> 00:30:29,266 PAPER OVER ALL THE DEFICITS THAT 1115 00:30:29,333 --> 00:30:30,567 ARE GOING TO MAKE HIM TERRIBLE 1116 00:30:30,633 --> 00:30:31,567 AT THAT JOB. 1117 00:30:31,633 --> 00:30:32,333 JOHNSON HAS NOW BACKED HIMSELF 1118 00:30:32,400 --> 00:30:32,834 INTO A CORNER, BECAUSE 1119 00:30:32,900 --> 00:30:33,500 PARLIAMENT'S REJECTED THE EU'S 1120 00:30:33,567 --> 00:30:34,233 DEAL. 1121 00:30:34,300 --> 00:30:34,967 THE EU SAYS THERE'S NO BETTER 1122 00:30:35,033 --> 00:30:36,166 DEAL TO BE HAD. 1123 00:30:36,233 --> 00:30:37,600 THERE'S REALLY NO GOOD WAY OUT 1124 00:30:37,667 --> 00:30:39,133 OF THIS, MEANING THAT HE'S 1125 00:30:39,200 --> 00:30:40,166 PRETTY MUCH NOW STRANDED, AND 1126 00:30:40,233 --> 00:30:41,266 NOT THE CHARMING KIND OF 1127 00:30:41,333 --> 00:30:42,734 STRANDED THAT MEANS YOU'VE 1128 00:30:42,800 --> 00:30:45,233 SOMEHOW "WON THE OLYMPICS." 1129 00:30:45,300 --> 00:30:46,500 BECAUSE THIS TIME, THAT ZIP LINE 1130 00:30:46,567 --> 00:30:48,467 ISN'T OVER OLYMPIC SPECTATORS. 1131 00:30:48,533 --> 00:30:51,433 IT'S OVER A VOLCANO, IT'S SET TO 1132 00:30:51,500 --> 00:30:53,567 ERUPT IN THREE MONTHS' TIME, AND 1133 00:30:53,633 --> 00:30:55,700 THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO CAN HELP HIM 1134 00:30:55,767 --> 00:30:57,333 GET DOWN ARE THE SAME PEOPLE 1135 00:30:57,400 --> 00:30:57,967 HE'S ACCUSED OF BEING TURDS AND 1136 00:30:58,033 --> 00:30:59,166 HITLERS. 1137 00:30:59,233 --> 00:31:02,767 AND UNFORTUNATELY FOR JOHNSON, 1138 00:31:02,834 --> 00:31:04,667 BRITAIN, EUROPE, AND THE WORLD, 1139 00:31:04,734 --> 00:31:09,333 I JUST DON'T THINK HE'S GOING TO 1140 00:31:09,400 --> 00:31:09,934 BE ABLE TO WHIFF WAFF HIS WAY 1141 00:31:10,000 --> 00:31:10,400 OUT OF THIS ONE. 1142 00:31:10,467 --> 00:31:11,033 AND NOW THIS. 1143 00:31:11,100 --> 00:31:11,767 >> Announcer: AND NOW, CNBC'S 1144 00:31:11,834 --> 00:31:13,100 JOE KERNAN IRRITATES HIS 1145 00:31:13,166 --> 00:31:18,066 COWORKERS. 1146 00:31:18,133 --> 00:31:19,967 >> RAMI MALEK'S TEETH, THOSE 1147 00:31:20,033 --> 00:31:23,700 FAKE TEETH, WON BEST ACTOR, I 1148 00:31:23,767 --> 00:31:24,233 THINK, DID THEY NOT? 1149 00:31:24,300 --> 00:31:25,967 OR... 1150 00:31:26,033 --> 00:31:29,233 >> NO, I THINK THEY DID NOT. 1151 00:31:29,300 --> 00:31:29,900 >> NO, BABY SKIN. 1152 00:31:29,967 --> 00:31:32,500 >> GET A LITTLE OLDER, GRAVITY 1153 00:31:32,567 --> 00:31:33,333 TAKES OVER. 1154 00:31:33,400 --> 00:31:35,333 THE BABY POWDER... 1155 00:31:35,400 --> 00:31:37,633 >> GRAVITY TAKES OVER? 1156 00:31:37,700 --> 00:31:39,100 IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT TO TELL 1157 00:31:39,166 --> 00:31:40,800 THE AMERICAN PEOPLE AT 6:08 IN 1158 00:31:40,867 --> 00:31:41,100 THE MORNING? 1159 00:31:41,166 --> 00:31:42,000 >> IT'S JUST A FACT. 1160 00:31:42,066 --> 00:31:42,767 THERE ARE SPECIFIC TYPE OF SWEAT 1161 00:31:42,834 --> 00:31:47,433 GLANDS IN YOUR EAR CANAL. 1162 00:31:47,500 --> 00:31:48,700 >> SO GROSS. 1163 00:31:48,767 --> 00:31:49,500 >> REALLY ACTIVE ONES. 1164 00:31:49,567 --> 00:31:50,500 IT'S SPECTACULAR. 1165 00:31:50,567 --> 00:31:51,200 IT'S REAL, THEY ARE REAL, AND 1166 00:31:51,266 --> 00:31:52,967 THEY'RE SPECTACULAR. 1167 00:31:53,033 --> 00:31:54,633 >> NICE. 1168 00:31:54,700 --> 00:31:55,667 >> YEAH. 1169 00:31:55,734 --> 00:31:56,900 LIKE HE SAID. 1170 00:31:56,967 --> 00:31:59,300 >> MM-HMM. 1171 00:31:59,367 --> 00:32:01,867 >> WHAT'S HIS FACE, THE 1172 00:32:01,934 --> 00:32:02,900 AUSTIN POWERS DUDE WITH THE 1173 00:32:02,967 --> 00:32:04,000 TEETH. 1174 00:32:04,066 --> 00:32:04,867 >> MIKE MYERS? 1175 00:32:04,934 --> 00:32:07,300 >> NO! 1176 00:32:07,367 --> 00:32:10,934 THE GUY WHO SUMMARIZES A WEEK IN 1177 00:32:11,000 --> 00:32:12,934 A DAY ON SUNDAY NIGHT? 1178 00:32:13,000 --> 00:32:13,834 >> OH. 1179 00:32:13,900 --> 00:32:18,867 >> GOD ALMIGHTY. 1180 00:32:18,934 --> 00:32:20,400 HE IS NOT REPRESENTATIVE OF -- 1181 00:32:20,467 --> 00:32:22,367 IS HE? 1182 00:32:22,433 --> 00:32:23,266 DO YOU TAKE CREDIT -- 1183 00:32:23,333 --> 00:32:24,467 >> I THINK IT'S A GOOD SHOW. 1184 00:32:24,533 --> 00:32:28,834 I LIKE HIM. 1185 00:32:28,900 --> 00:32:29,400 >> HOW ABOUT TIME FOR THE 1186 00:32:29,467 --> 00:32:30,433 SQUAWK PLANNER? 1187 00:32:30,500 --> 00:32:31,433 >> John: THAT'S OUR SHOW. 1188 00:32:31,500 --> 00:32:32,133 THANKS SO MUCH FOR WATCHING. 1189 00:32:32,200 --> 00:32:33,333 SEE YOU NEXT WEEK. 1190 00:32:33,400 --> 00:32:35,033 GOOD NIGHT!