♪ ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
John: WELCOME, WELCOME,
WELCOME TO "LAST WEEK TONIGHT!"
I'M JOHN OLIVER, THANKS SO MUCH
FOR JOINING US.
IT HAS BEEN A BUSY WEEK.
A TEXAS JUDGE MOVED TO SUSPEND
FDA APPROVAL OF A KEY DRUG FOR
MEDICATION ABORTIONS, A RICH
WHITE MAN SUFFERED THE BEGINNING
OF A POTENTIAL CONSEQUENCE, AND
WWE SOLD A CONTROLLING STAKE IN
ITSELF, A DECISION VINCE McMAHON
WENT ON CNBC TO EXPLAIN.
YOU ARE THE WWE, AND THE WWE
IS YOU.
SO WHY?
IT'S THE RIGHT TIME.
IT'S THE RIGHT TIME TO DO THE
RIGHT THING.
John: OKAY, I'M SO GLAD HE'S
THAT SAYING NOTHING THERE,
BECAUSE I AM EXCLUSIVELY
INTERESTED IN WHAT IS HAPPENING
ON HIS FACE.
IF YOU HAVE NEVER SEEN VINCE
McMAHON BEFORE, DON'T WORRY, YOU
STILL HAVEN'T.
BECAUSE THIS IS WHAT HE'S LOOKED
LIKE FOR THE LAST 30 YEARS OR
SO, WHEREAS THIS IS CLEARLY AN
AI-GENERATED RESPONSE TO THE
PROMPT "SNAKE TYCOON."
LOOK, SADLY, I CAN'T DEVOTE THE
REST OF THE SHOW TO TALKING
ABOUT THE DECISIONS ON DISPLAY
HERE, SO I'LL JUST DEVOTE 30
MORE SECONDS TO IT.
HE LOOKS LIKE THE ANSWER TO THE
QUESTION "WHAT IF SALVADOR DALI
CHOSE TO LIVE WITHOUT
IMAGINATION?"
HE LOOKS LIKE HE'S ABOUT TO
CHALLENGE SOMEONE TO A BALLOON
RACE AROUND THE WORLD.
HE LOOKS LIKE VINCENT PRICE
HAVING AN ALLERGIC REACTION TO
BEING STUNG BY BEES.
HE LOOKS LIKE A CIRCUS OWNER
FROM THE 1930S WHO HARASSES THE
DANCERS, MISTREATS THE ANIMALS
FOR FUN, AND IS EVENTUALLY
MURDERED BY A LION WHILE THE
WHOLE TOWN CHEERS.
AND SADLY, THAT'S MY TIME.
AND THE REASON WE CAN'T TALK
MORE ABOUT THIS MAN'S FACE IS
THAT WE NEED TO DISCUSS THE
EVENTS IN TENNESSEE.
AFTER LAST WEEK'S MASS SHOOTING
AT COVENANT SCHOOL, YOUNG
ACTIVISTS HAVE BEEN AT THE STATE
CAPITOL PROTESTING THE LACK OF
RESPONSE FROM THE LEGISLATURE,
WHILE ENGAGING IN SOME CATCHY
CHANTS CONCERNING GOVERNOR
BILL LEE.
FUCK BILL LEE!
John: LOOK, YOU CAN TRY AND
GET CLEVER WITH IT, BUT AT THE
END OF THE DAY, THERE'S NOTHING
LIKE A CHANT THAT GOES "FUCK,"
AND THEN THE NAME OF THE PERSON
THAT YOU'RE MAD AT.
IT'S SHORT, IT'S SWEET, IT'S TO
THE POINT, IT'S FUCK BILL LEE.
AND THAT ANGER IS TOTALLY
JUSTIFIED, AS THE RESPONSE FROM
LEE AND HIS FELLOW REPUBLICANS
HAS BEEN DEEPLY UNDERWHELMING.
HERE'S ONE REPRESENTATIVE
ARGUING TO YOUNG PEOPLE'S FACES
THAT IT WOULD BE POINTLESS TO
BAN AR-15'S.
YOU'RE NOT GONNA LIKE MY
ANSWER, AND LOOK, I'M GONNA SAY
THAT STRAIGHT UP.
IT'S NOT ABOUT THIS ONE GUN.
IF THERE IS A FIREARM OUT THERE
THAT YOU'RE COMFORTABLE BEING
SHOT WITH, PLEASE SHOW ME WHICH
ONE IT IS.
John: I MEAN, THAT IS A
HALL-OF-FAME SHITTY RESPONSE
BUT, ALSO, IF YOUR OPENER IS
"YOU'RE NOT GONNA LIKE MY
ANSWER," MAYBE START THINKING OF
SOME BETTER ONES.
AND, FOR THE RECORD, I DON'T
WANT TO BE SHOT BY ANY GUNS.
I DON'T EVEN WANT TO GET SHOT BY
A NERF GUN.
AND NOT BECAUSE THEY STING MY
PAPER BONES, WHICH THEY DO, BUT
JUST BASED ON THE FACT THAT THIS
IS MURPH, NERF'S ACTUAL MASCOT.
AND I'M PRETTY SURE EVERY NERF
DART IS ONE OF THE MANY PENISES
THAT MAKE UP MURPH'S NUDE BODY.
SOME PROTESTORS ACTUALLY MADE
THEIR WAY INTO THE HOUSE GALLERY
LAST WEEK, AND THREE STATE
REPRESENTATIVES TOOK TO THE
FLOOR TO VOICE THEIR SUPPORT FOR
THEM.
THAT, IN TURN, LED TO
REPUBLICANS INTRODUCING
RESOLUTIONS TO EXPEL THE
LAWMAKERS, WHICH THE HOUSE
SPEAKER SUPPORTED AFTER CLAIMING
THEY WERE "INCITING VIOLENCE."
ALTHOUGH WHEN PRESSED FOR PROOF,
HE DIDN'T HAVE MUCH TO OFFER.
THERE'S NO DOUBT THEY WERE
DISRUPTIVE, BUT WHAT'S THE
EVIDENCE THAT THEY WERE TRYING
TO INCITE VIOLENCE?
WELL THEY WERE TRYING TO JAZZ
PEOPLE UP, WHEN WE HAVE
REPRESENTATIVES--
BUT INCITE VIOLENCE.
WELL, WHEN WE HAD
REPRESENTATIVES TRYING TO GO TO
THE RESTROOM, THEY GOT SPIT ON.
DO YOU HAVE ANY EVIDENCE THAT
THESE THREE MEMBERS WERE
ENCOURAGING PROTESTERS TO SPIT
ON MEMBERS OR TROOPERS?
I MEAN, YOU CAN'T PROVE THAT.
John: OH, OKAY, SO YOU CAN'T
PROVE THEY WERE INCITING
VIOLENCE, BUT IN THE INTEREST OF
SAFETY, YOU FEEL YOU HAVE A
RESPONSIBILITY TO TAKE THEIR
DANGEROUS PLATFORM AWAY FROM
THEM.
BUT IF INSTEAD OF MEGAPHONES,
THEY HAD, SAY, SOMETHING THAT
CAN FIRE A HUNDRED ROUNDS IN A
MATTER OF MINUTES, THEN, SADLY,
IT'S LITERALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO DO
ANYTHING TO PREVENT THAT,
BECAUSE WE ASKED THE PREMATURELY
EMBALMED MAYOR OF WHOVILLE AND
HE SAID "NO."
ALSO, TO THE EXTENT THIS IS
ABOUT "DECORUM," IT'S WORTH
KNOWING THIS LEGISLATURE HAS
APPARENTLY SEEN FAR WORSE
BEHAVIOR.
AS GLORIA JOHNSON, ONE OF THE
LAWMAKERS THREATENED WITH
EXPULSION, POINTED OUT, "WE HAD
A CHILD MOLESTER ON THE FLOOR
FOR YEARS, THEY HELPED HIM GET
REELECTED AND DID NOTHING TO
EXPEL HIM.
WE'VE HAD MEMBERS PEE IN EACH
OTHERS CHAIRS, WE'VE HAD MEMBERS
PRESCRIBE DRUGS TO THEIR
COUSIN-MISTRESS, AND NOTHING
HAPPENED.
AND, SORRY, "COUSIN-MISTRESS?"
DO YOU KNOW HOW CRAZY A LIST OF
ALLEGATIONS HAS TO BE FOR
SOMEONE TO GO, "THERE WAS THAT
CHILD MOLESTER FOR YEARS, BUT
HONESTLY DON'T EVEN BOTHER
WRITING THAT DOWN BECAUSE WAIT
UNTIL YOU HEAR ABOUT THE NEXT
COUPLE OF THINGS THAT I'M ABOUT
TO SAY."
THE HOUSE VOTED ON WHETHER TO
EXPEL THE THREE MEMBERS ON
THURSDAY, AND THERE WAS A
PATTERN TO THE RESULTS THAT WAS
PRETTY HARD TO MISS.
THE GOP-CONTROLLED HOUSE
VOTING THURSDAY TO OUST STATE
REPRESENTATIVES JUSTIN JONES AND
JUSTIN PEARSON.
WHILE A MOTION TO EXPEL
REPRESENTATIVE GLORIA JOHNSON
NARROWLY FAILED BY JUST ONE
VOTE.
WHEN ASKED WHY SHE WAS SPARED,
JOHNSON SAYING THIS.
IT MIGHT HAVE TO DO WITH THE
COLOR OF OUR SKIN.
BUT STATE HOUSE REPUBLICANS
DENYING THAT CLAIM.
OUR MEMBERS LITERALLY DIDN'T
LOOK AT THE ETHNICITY OF THE
MEMBERS THAT WERE UP FOR
EXPULSION.
John: OKAY NOW, LEGALLY, I
CAN'T SAY THAT GUY IS LYING,
WHICH IS WHY IT'S GOING TO BE AN
INTERESTING DAY FOR OUR LAWYERS
TOMORROW WHEN THEY FIND OUT THAT
I SAID THAT GUY IS DEFINITELY
LYING.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
"WE LITERALLY DON'T EVEN SEE
COLOR" IS THE UNIVERSAL TELL FOR
PEOPLE WHO SPEND ALL DAY
THINKING ABOUT HOW THEY'D LIKE
TO SEE LESS COLOR.
NOW, FORTUNATELY, PEARSON AND
JONES COULD BE RE-APPOINTED
FAIRLY SOON, OR RE-ELECTED DOWN
THE ROAD.
AND WHILE REPUBLICANS CLAIMED--
GALLINGLY-- THAT THIS WAS TO
TEACH THEM A LESSON ABOUT
GRANDSTANDING, PEARSON WANTED TO
MAKE IT CLEAR EXACTLY WHY THIS
ESCALATED IN THE FIRST PLACE.
I DON'T PERSONALLY WANT
ATTENTION.
WHAT I WANT IS ATTENTION ON THE
ISSUE OF GUN VIOLENCE.
BUT INSTEAD, WE'RE HERE WITH THE
RESOLUTION YOU PUT UP, TALKING
ABOUT EXPELLING ME FOR
ADVOCATING FOR ENDING GUN
VIOLENCE IN THE STATE OF
TENNESSEE.
John: EXACTLY.
AND IT'S NOT A GREAT SIGN FOR
TENNESSEE WHEN THEY PUNISH THE
ONES SPEAKING OUT AGAINST GUN
VIOLENCE, WHILE KEEPING THE ONES
WHO ASK "WHICH GUN WOULD YOU BE
COMFORTABLE BEING SHOT WITH?"
LOOK, THERE ARE PRETTY CLEARLY
TWO BIG ISSUES GOING ON HERE:
RACISM AND GUN VIOLENCE--
WHICH, INCIDENTALLY, WILL IN ALL
LIKELIHOOD BE THE NAME OF THE
NEXT KID ROCK ALBUM.
AND TENNESSEE LAWMAKERS CAN
CONTINUE TO BRUSH BOTH OF THOSE
ISSUES ASIDE, SAYING "GUNS
AREN'T THE PROBLEM" OR "WE DON'T
SEE COLOR."
BUT THE YOUNG PEOPLE OF
TENNESSEE ARE MAKING IT VERY
CLEAR THEY'RE SICK OF WAITING,
AND THAT CHANGE IS LONG OVERDUE.
OR IF I MAY PUT THAT IN THE
WORDS OF THIS SEGA GENESIS VIDEO
GAME VILLAIN.
IT'S THE RIGHT TIME TO DO THE
RIGHT THING.
John: THANK YOU, FRENCH
DRACULA, I COULDN'T HAVE SAID IT
BETTER MYSELF.
AND NOW THIS.
Announcer: AND NOW, IT'S
EASTER, THE MOST TERRIFYING TIME
OF THE YEAR.
IT'S ALMOST TIME TO MEET THE
EASTER BUNNY.
ARE YOU READY?
SOMETIMES, THE EASTER BUNNY'S
A LITTLE SCARY ANIMAL.
I SAW ONE AT THE MALL THE OTHER
DAY.
I WAS LIKE, I'M NOT DOING THAT.
I ALWAYS THOUGHT THE EASTER
BUNNY WAS CREEPY.
YEAH, I AGREE.
SANTA I CAN DEAL WITH.
I HAVE YET TO SEE A REALLY
CUTE EASTER BUNNY, NOT A CUTE
EASTER BUNNY THERE.
A KIND OF SCARY.
A CREEPY EFFECT.
I WAS SCARED OF THE
EASTER BUNNY AS A KID.
IF THE EYES ARE DEAD UP
THERE, NO THANK YOU.
TALKING ABOUT A 6-FOOT
TALL--
I WAS JUST GOING TO SAY, THE
VISUAL OF THE BUNNY.
GIGANTIC BUNNY, DOES ANYBODY
LIKE THAT?
CUTE BUNNY.
CUTE BUNNY?
NIGHTMARE BUNNY.
SO MANY LITTLE ONES ARE
AFRAID OF THE BIG BUNNY.
MANY ENCOUNTERS WITH THE
EASTER BUNNY PROVIDES
CHILDREN WITH THE FIRST INTIMATE
UNDERSTANDING OF THE CONCEPT OF
FIGHT OR FLIGHT.
♪ ♪
John: MOVING ON.
OUR MAIN STORY TONIGHT CONCERNS
HOME OWNERSHIP.
SO, IF YOU'RE UNDER 35,
HONESTLY, THIS STORY ISN'T FOR
YOU.
IT'LL NEVER BE FOR YOU.
YOU WILL NEVER OWN A HOME.
SORRY, THAT IS THE DEAL YOU MADE
WHEN YOU DECIDED TO BE BORN
AFTER 1988.
BUT WE DIDN'T WANT YOU TO FEEL
LEFT OUT SO WE'VE ACTUALLY
PREPARED A FULL, ALTERNATIVE
STORY FOR YOU TONIGHT ABOUT
CHUCK E. CHEESE, A DIFFERENT
CRUMBLING AMERICAN INSTITUTION
THAT YOU SHOULD GO WATCH NOW
INSTEAD.
THIS IS REAL.
IT'S 25 MINUTES LONG, AND YOU
CAN FIND IT AT
LastSqueakTonight.com.
PLEASE GO DO THAT NOW.
BECAUSE THERE IS GENUINELY
NOTHING FOR YOU TO SEE HERE.
OKAY, FOR EVERYONE WHO REMAINS,
THIS STORY'S ABOUT HOA'S, WHICH
STANDS FOR HOMEOWNERS
ASSOCIATIONS.
NOT, AS YOU MIGHT'VE THOUGHT,
HORSE ON ADDERALL, WHICH I
BELIEVE IS THE POTENTIAL SEQUEL
TO COCAINE BEAR.
HOA'S, ALSO SOMETIMES KNOWN AS
"COMMUNITY ASSOCIATIONS", ARE
ENTITIES SET UP TO GOVERN GROUPS
OF HOMES, LIKE SUBURBAN
NEIGHBORHOOD DEVELOPMENTS OR
CONDOS, AND OFTEN MAKE LOCAL
NEWS AS THE VILLAINS IN STORIES
LIKE THIS.
IT'S A SIMPLE STORY OF A MAN
WITH SOME SIMPLE NEEDS.
SIT DOWN AND HAVE HIS LITTLE
CHIPS AND A SODA IF HE WANTS,
AND SAY HELLO TO SOME PEOPLE.
TANYA'S TALKING ABOUT HER
NEIGHBOR TED.
I'LL BE 92 IN SEPTEMBER.
AND THE BENCH OUTSIDE HIS
DOOR.
I HAVE A PLACE I LIKE TO COME
OUT HERE AND SIT AND RELAX.
NOTICES FROM HIS HOA, THE
BETHANY VILLA ASSOCIATION,
SAYING SIMPLY, "REMOVE YOUR
BENCH FROM THE COMMON AREA, OR
IT WILL BE REMOVED."
THE MAN DESERVES A PLACE TO
REST AND ENJOY NATURE AND EAT
HIS LITTLE SNACKS AND SAY HELLO
TO PEOPLE AND PET PUPPIES.
John: YEAH, LET THAT MAN HAVE
HIS FUCKING BENCH!
HE DESERVES TO EAT SNACKS AND
PET PUPPIES!
WHICH IS, BY THE WAY, THE SINGLE
GREATEST WAY YOU COULD SPEND A
DAY.
NOTHING TOPS THAT.
IF ON THE DAY THAT YOUR BABY WAS
BORN, A FRIEND CAME AND TOLD YOU
THEY SPENT THE AFTERNOON EATING
SNACKS AND PETTING PUPPIES, THEY
HAD A BETTER DAY THAN YOU DID.
THE MIRACLE OF LIFE CAN'T
COMPETE WITH THE SIMPLE JOY OF
MUNCHIN' SNACKS AND SCRATCHIN'
BACKS.
NOM, NOM, NOM, NOM-- AND THIS
IS TRUE-- A RUB-RUB.
ALSO, QUICK SHOUT-OUT TO TANYA
THERE, THE NEIGHBOR BILLED BY
THAT LOCAL STATION AS SIMPLY,
"NEIGHBOR AND TED FAN."
SHE MAY BE A TED FAN, BUT I, FOR
ONE, AM A TANYA FAN, BECAUSE I
SEE THE EFFORT THAT IT TAKES TO
PUT ON A FULL FACE FIRST THING
IN THE MORNING AND GO ON THE
NEWS, JUST TO SAY, "STOP FUCKING
WITH TED!"
BUT THAT IS NOT A ONE-OFF.
STORIES OF HOA'S BEING PETTY ARE
LEGION.
A VALLEY HOMEOWNER SAYS HER
HOA WANTS TO FINE HER BECAUSE
SHE INSTALLED ARTIFICIAL GRASS.
A HOMEOWNERS' ASSOCIATION
TOLD ONE SAN ANTONIO FAMILY
THEIR HOLIDAY DECORATIONS ARE UP
TOO EARLY, SO THEY'VE GOTTA COME
DOWN.
I GOT LOTS AND LOTS OF
LETTERS FROM THE HOA TELLING ME
TO STOP FEEDING THE DUCKS.
I MEAN, WHEN YOU RECEIVE A
VIOLATION FOR A TREE NOT BEING
TREE-SHAPED, IT BOGGLES YOUR
MIND.
John: YEAH, OF COURSE IT
DOES.
BECAUSE WHAT DOES "NOT
TREE-SHAPED" EVEN MEAN?
IF IT HAS BRANCHES, BARK, AND A
PLACE FOR A SQUIRREL TO STORE
SOME NUTS AND GET SOME FUCKS,
IT'S A TREE.
IT'S TREE-SHAPED, BY DEFINITION.
THE FACT IS, A LOT OF PEOPLE
LIVE IN HOA'S.
29% OF THE U.S. POPULATION LIVES
IN A COMMUNITY ASSOCIATION.
AND IT'S ACTUALLY INCREASINGLY
HARD TO FIND A HOME THAT DOESN'T
COME WITH ONE.
AS OF ALL THE NEW SINGLE-FAMILY
HOMES SOLD IN 2021, 82% WERE IN
AN HOA.
THAT'S UP FROM AROUND 40% IN
1990.
WHICH IS PRETTY REMARKABLE,
GIVEN THAT, WHEN ONE LOCAL
STATION ASKED VIEWERS HOW THEY
FELT ABOUT THEIR HOA, THE
RESULTS WERE NEARLY UNIVERSALLY
NEGATIVE, WITH ONE NOTABLE
EXCEPTION.
THIS WAS A RARE COMMENT, "I
LIKE OUR HOA...
I GUESS I'M THE LUCKY ONE?"
BUT IT WAS QUICKLY FOLLOWED
WITH, "DON'T COUNT YOURSELF
LUCKY TOO SOON.
EVERY HOA IS JUST ONE VOTE AWAY
FROM HELLISH NIGHTMARES."
John: WOW, "ONE VOTE AWAY
FROM HELLISH NIGHTMARES" IS A
PRETTY INTENSE COMMENT.
IT'S ALSO, INCIDENTALLY, THE
DNC'S SOLE CAMPAIGN MESSAGE FOR
THE LAST TWO ELECTIONS.
SO IF THEY'RE THIS WIDELY USED,
AND THIS WIDELY LOATHED,
TONIGHT, LET'S LOOK AT HOA'S,
WHAT THEY ARE, WHAT PURPOSE THEY
SERVE, AND THE SURPRISING POWERS
THEY HAVE TO WREAK HAVOC IN
PEOPLE'S LIVES.
AND LET'S START WITH THE BASICS,
COURTESY OF THIS OLD EXPLAINER
VIDEO.
JUST WHAT IS A COMMUNITY
ASSOCIATION?
THE ASSOCIATION IS A LEGAL
ENTITY CREATED AS A RESULT OF A
PLANNED COMMUNITY.
A BOARD OF DIRECTORS IS
RESPONSIBLE FOR GOVERNING YOUR
ASSOCIATION.
WORKING TOGETHER WITH THE
BOARD MEMBERS AND COMMITTEE
MEMBERS CAN ENSURE THAT YOUR
COMMUNITY WILL RUN SMOOTHLY AND
EFFECTIVELY.
AFTER ALL, BOARD MEMBERS ARE
OWNERS JUST LIKE YOURSELF.
John: OKAY, YOU CAN REALLY
TELL THAT VIDEO'S FROM THE '90S,
NOT JUST BECAUSE IT'S SHOT WITH
A QUALITY THAT CAN ONLY BE
DESCRIBED AS "AFTER SCHOOL
PORNO," BUT ALSO BECAUSE THE
BOARD IN QUESTION IS JUST THREE
MEN AND ONE WOMAN THAT THEY ALL
IGNORE.
IN OTHER WORDS, ALMOST EVERY
'90S SITCOM.
THE POINT IS, HOA'S ARE RUN BY
ELECTED BOARDS OF YOUR FELLOW
HOMEOWNERS.
AND THEY REQUIRE THE PAYMENT OF
DUES, WHICH AVERAGE AROUND
$200-$300 A MONTH, BUT CAN BE
MUCH MORE DEPENDING ON WHERE YOU
LIVE.
AND IN RETURN, THE HOA COVERS
UPKEEP OF THE COMMON AREAS AND
AMENITIES IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD,
LIKE PLAYGROUNDS OR SWIMMING
POOLS.
THEY ALSO, CRUCIALLY, ENFORCE
ARCHITECTURAL AND LANDSCAPING
GUIDELINES, LIKE "NO BENCHES" OR
"TREES MUST BE TREE-SHAPED"--
WHICH ARE OFTEN TRYING TO PUSH
AESTHETIC UNIFORMITY AND
PRESERVE PROPERTY VALUES.
YOU CAN FIND HOA RULES LIKE,
HOMES MAY DISPLAY A MAXIMUM OF 2
EXTERIOR DECORATIVE OBJECTS, OR
"ALL GARAGE DOORS MUST BE
PAINTED BENJAMIN MOORE
MAYONNAISE OC-85."
AND ONE ARIZONA HOA REQUIRED
THAT FRONT YARD LANDSCAPING MUST
CONTAIN A MINIMUM OF ONE 36-INCH
BOX TREE, ONE 24-INCH BOX TREE,
TEN 5-GALLON SHRUBS, AND TEN
1-GALLON SHRUBS."
AND I GENUINELY CAN'T TELL IF
THOSE ARE HOA REQUIREMENTS FOR
TAKING CARE OF YOUR LAWN OR
RULES TO SETTLERS OF CATAN.
AND THOSE RULES AREN'T JUST
ADVISORY, THEY'RE ENFORCED
THROUGH FINES.
AND HOA'S CAN BE PRETTY
UNFORGIVING ABOUT HANDING THEM
OUT.
TAKE A CLOSE LOOK AT
DEBRA BLUE'S WAKE COUNTY HOME.
THE COLOR OF HER SHUTTERS HAD
HER FACING STEEP FINES WITH HER
HOMEOWNERS' ASSOCIATION.
THEY DECIDED TO FINE ME $25 A
DAY.
DEBRA PAID CLOSE TO $2,000 IN
FINES AND TOOK DOWN HER PLUM
SHUTTERS.
WHICH WAS IMMEDIATELY MET
WITH A RESPONSE.
NOW THEY WERE GOING TO FINE ME
IN VIOLATION OF TAKING THE
SHUTTERS OFF THE HOUSE AND START
FINING ME AGAIN.
John: THAT IS ABSURD.
SHE GOT FINED FOR THE COLOR OF
HER SHUTTERS, TOOK THEM DOWN,
AND THEN GOT IN TROUBLE FOR THE
ABSENCE OF SHUTTERS.
IT'S ONE OF THOSE SITUATIONS
WHERE NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO YOU
LOSE, SORT OF LIKE GOING ON
"THE VOICE."
SURE, THERE ARE TECHNICALLY
WINNERS, BUT NAME A SINGLE ONE.
THE SHOW HAS BEEN ON FOR A
CONSERVATIVE 50 YEARS AND NOT A
SINGLE WINNER IS A HOUSEHOLD
NAME.
SERIOUSLY, TELL ME THE FIRST AND
LAST NAME OF JUST ONE.
YOU CAN'T.
NO ONE CAN.
NOT EVEN HONKY TONK FRANKENSTEIN
COULD DO IT.
AND SOME HOA'S CAN BE
SURPRISINGLY AGGRESSIVE ABOUT
ACTIVELY SEEKING OUT RULE
VIOLATORS, AS THIS MAN
DISCOVERED.
THREE YEARS AFTER BUYING THIS
PROPERTY, THE HENRYS RECEIVED A
LETTER FROM THEIR HOMEOWNERS'
ASSOCIATION.
SAYING THAT THEY WERE DOING
AN AUDIT AND THEY NOTICED THAT I
HAD A SHED IN MY BACKYARD, AND
IT WASN'T APPROVED BY MY
HOMEOWNERS' ASSOCIATION.
GAVIN, WHO WAS A DISABLED
VETERAN, TOLD THE HOA THE SHED
WAS THERE BEFORE HE BOUGHT THE
PROPERTY AND NONE OF HIS
NEIGHBORS HAVE EVER COMPLAINED.
SINCE YOU CAN'T SEE THE SHED
FROM THE FRONT YARD AND NO ONE
CAME KNOCKING AT THE HENRYS'
FRONT DOOR, THEY ASKED THEIR
HOMEOWNERS ASSOCIATION HOW THEY
WERE ABLE TO PERFORM AN AUDIT.
THAT'S WHEN THEY WERE TOLD OVER
THE PHONE THAT GOOGLE MAPS WAS
USED TO SCOPE OUT THEIR
BACKYARD.
John: YEAH, THEY SPIED ON HIM
WITH GOOGLE MAPS.
WHICH FEELS EXTREME.
IF YOU'RE RELYING ON THE
ACHIEVEMENTS OF THE SPACE
PROGRAM TO FIND OUT WHAT'S IN
SOMEONE'S BACKYARD, IT'S
PROBABLY NOT YOUR BUSINESS.
AND IF YOU'RE WONDERING HOW
HOA'S GET THE AUTHORITY TO DO
ALL THIS, THE ANSWER IS THEY'RE
BASICALLY BORN WITH IT.
HOA'S ARE TYPICALLY CREATED BY
DEVELOPERS WHEN THEY BUILD A NEW
NEIGHBORHOOD.
THEY WRITE THE HOA INTO DEED
RESTRICTIONS, WITH MEMBERSHIP
AUTOMATIC UPON PURCHASING YOUR
HOME.
AND THEY'RE SET UP AS
NOT-FOR-PROFIT PRIVATE
CORPORATIONS THAT CAN OFTEN
FUNCTION LIKE A LOCAL
GOVERNMENT.
SOME HOA'S HANDLE STREET PAVING,
SNOW PLOWING, LIGHTING, AND RUN
PRIVATE SEWER AND WATER SYSTEMS.
AND OTHERS EVEN DABBLE IN
TRAFFIC ENFORCEMENT.
IN THE PARKVIEW COMMUNITY IN
SPRING VALLEY, AN HOA BOARD
EMAIL SAYS THEY INSTALLED THIS
- A SPEED CAMERA.
THEY SAY MORE ARE COMING.
NEIGHBOR TED MORRIS SAYS WHAT
WORRIES HIM AND SOME OTHER
NEIGHBORS IS HOW MUCH A
VIOLATION WILL COST YOU FOR
GOING SLIGHTLY OVER 15 MILES AN
HOUR.
THE NOTICE SAYS IT'S $250 FOR
THE FIRST TICKET, $500 FOR THE
SECOND, $1,000 FOR THE THIRD,
AND ANY MORE VIOLATIONS FOR YOU
AND YOUR GUESTS.
John: $1000 SPEEDING TICKETS,
GIVEN OUT NOT BY THE CITY, BUT
BY THE HOA!
BASICALLY, THE WAY HOA'S WORK
IS, THEY GET TO SET THE RULES,
AND SELECT THE PUNISHMENT FOR
BREAKING THEM.
THINK OF IT LIKE DISNEYWORLD.
WHEN YOU WALK INTO THE MOUSE'S
HOUSE, YOU PLAY BY THE MOUSE'S
RULES, AND IF YOU STEP OUT OF
LINE, GOOFY IS ALLOWED TO BREAK
YOUR FUCKING KNEES.
AND THE EXISTENCE OF HOA'S IS
SOMETHING MANY LOCAL GOVERNMENTS
ACTUALLY APPRECIATE.
CASH-STRAPPED MUNICIPALITIES
LIKE THEM BECAUSE DEVELOPERS
BUILD ROADS AND PARKS AND PASS
THE COSTS ALONG TO THE
HOMEOWNERS.
IN FACT, MANY MUNICIPALITIES
EVEN MANDATE THE CREATION OF
HOA'S IN NEW RESIDENTIAL
DEVELOPMENTS.
WHICH MIGHT BE WHY THE RISE OF
HOA'S HAS BEEN CALLED "THE MOST
SIGNIFICANT PRIVATIZATION OF
LOCAL GOVERNMENT
RESPONSIBILITIES IN RECENT
TIMES."
AND THAT GETS TO AN IMPORTANT
POINT HERE, BECAUSE HOA'S CAN
HAVE THE AUTHORITY OF A
GOVERNMENT, AND COLLECT FEES AND
FINES LIKE ONE, BUT WHEN IT
COMES TO ACCOUNTABILITY, THEY
CAN ACTIVELY RESIST IT, IN WAYS
GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS COULD ONLY
DREAM ABOUT.
AFTER THE RESIDENTS OF ONE HOA
IN ARIZONA POSTED SOME SOCIAL
MEDIA COMMENTS ABOUT AN UPCOMING
BOARD ELECTION, THE HOA DEMANDED
THEY REMOVE POSTS THAT WERE
CRITICAL OF ITS BOARD, AND
THREATENED TO FINE THEM AS MUCH
AS $250 A DAY IF THEY DIDN'T.
AND WHILE THEY EVENTUALLY WALKED
BACK THAT THREAT, THAT'S A
PRETTY STRIKING LEVEL OF
HOSTILITY TOWARD BASIC SCRUTINY,
EVEN BEFORE YOU LEARN THIS IS
HOW ONE BOARD MEMBER DEALT WITH
PRESS INQUIRIES AS THE STORY
UNFOLDED.
I GOT TO ASK YOU--
NO COMMENT.
NO, I'M SORRY, BUT YOU HAVE A
LOT OF--
GET AWAY FROM ME.
NO, YOU'VE GOT A LOT OF--
GET AWAY FROM ME!
THAT'S VALVISTA LAKE'S BOARD
DIRECTOR TODD McCOY FOLLOWING A
PRIVATE BOARD MEETING TONIGHT IN
GILBERT.
AFTER BEING SHOVED, WE
REITERATED TO McCOY THAT THE
COMMUNITY WAS VERY UPSET.
TO WHICH, HE REPLIED--
I DON'T CARE ABOUT THEM RIGHT
NOW.
John: HOLY SHIT, HE CAME AT
THAT REPORTER WITH THE FIRE OF A
THOUSAND MEL GIBSONS.
THERE'S ALMOST NO SCENARIO WHERE
YELLING "GET AWAY FROM ME" THAT
AGGRESSIVELY IS CALLED FOR,
ASIDE FROM MAYBE BUMPING INTO
EZRA MILLER IN HAWAII.
AND AT THIS POINT, YOU PROBABLY
WON'T BE SURPRISED TO LEARN THAT
"PRIVATE ASSOCIATIONS DESIGNED
TO HAVE THE FORCE OF LAW IN
SUBURBAN NEIGHBORHOODS," HAVE A
HISTORY OF BEING USED TO EXCLUDE
CERTAIN GROUPS.
AS WE DISCUSSED IN OUR HOUSING
DISCRIMINATION PIECE, MANY
NEIGHBORHOODS HAD RACIAL
COVENANTS BARRING THE SALE OF
HOUSING TO BLACK AMERICANS.
AND IN SOME CASES, HOA'S TRIED
TO ENFORCE THOSE COVENANTS, EVEN
AFTER THE SUPREME COURT RULED
THEM UNCONSTITUTIONAL.
BUT EVEN TODAY, THERE ARE CASES
WHERE HOA'S ARE USED TO ACTIVELY
EXCLUDE CERTAIN TYPES OF
RESIDENTS.
JUST LAST JUNE, THE BOARD OF THE
PROVIDENCE HOA IN DENTON COUNTY,
TEXAS-- WHICH OVERSEES A
COMMUNITY MADE UP OF 2,200 HOMES
- PASSED A RULE THAT WOULD BAN
RENTING A HOUSE TO ANYONE USING
A PUBLICLY FINANCED OR
SUBSIDIZED HOUSING PROGRAM, SUCH
AS SECTION 8.
AND THE IMPACTS OF THAT WERE
IMMEDIATE.
REVISHA THREAT FEARS BEING
HOMELESS SOON.
THAT'S BECAUSE THE RULES HAVE
CHANGED IN THEIR PROVIDENCE
VILLAGE SUBDIVISION.
I SIT IN MY LIVING ROOM AND
CRY 'CAUSE I JUST DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO DO.
John: THAT IS TERRIBLE.
BUT IT'S NOT JUST HER, THAT NEW
RULE THREATENED TO DISPLACE MORE
THAN 150 FAMILIES RENTING IN THE
NEIGHBORHOOD, WITH BLACK
FAMILIES MAKING UP 93% OF THOSE
HOUSEHOLDS.
AND I KNOW THOSE HOA OFFICIALS
MIGHT NOT THINK OF THEMSELVES AS
RACISTS, BUT 93% IS A PRETTY
SOLID A FOR RACISM.
THAT HOA'S POLICY IS NOW UNDER
INVESTIGATION, BUT THE FACT IS,
THERE IS NOTHING IN STATE OR
FEDERAL LAW THAT EXPLICITLY
FORBIDS HOA'S FROM ENACTING BANS
LIKE THIS.
IT'S BASICALLY A SEGREGATION
LOOPHOLE, WHICH, BY THE WAY,
WOULD BE A PRETTY GOOD SLOGAN
FOR THE SUBURBS.
AND IF YOU'RE THINKING, "WELL,
THIS ALL SEEMS FUCKED UP, BUT
THANK GOD THERE AREN'T PRIVATE
COMPANIES MAKING THIS WORSE!"
HOLD ON, I'VE GOT SOME BAD NEWS.
BECAUSE AT THIS POINT, WE SHOULD
DISCUSS MANAGEMENT COMPANIES.
YOU SEE, WHILE, AS I MENTIONED,
ALL THE BIG DECISION-MAKING IN
HOA'S IS DONE BY ELECTED BOARDS
OF HOMEOWNERS, THEY MAY NOT HAVE
THE TIME OR SKILLS TO DO
EVERYTHING RUNNING AN HOA
ENTAILS, OR THEY MAY NOT WANT TO
GET THEIR HANDS DIRTY POLICING
THEIR NEIGHBORS.
THAT'S WHY THE MAJORITY OF HOAS
HIRE PROFESSIONAL COMPANIES TO
HANDLE THEIR DAY-TO-DAY NEEDS,
UNDER THE BOARD'S DIRECTION.
HERE'S HOW ONE OF THE BIGGEST,
ASSOCIA, PITCHES ITSELF.
THE PEOPLE WHO SERVE ON OUR
BOARDS ARE VOLUNTEERS, AND FOR
MOST OF THEM, THEY HAVE OTHER
FULL-TIME JOBS.
SO, OUR ROLE IS TO COME
ALONGSIDE THEM AND HELP DO THE
HEAVY LIFTING OF WHAT IT TAKES
TO MANAGE THAT NEIGHBORHOOD THAT
THEY MAY NOT HAVE THE TIME FOR
OR THE EXPERTISE FOR.
OUR ROLE IS REALLY TO HELP THEM
ACHIEVE THAT VISION.
John: NOW, IN THEORY, THAT
SOUNDS PRETTY GOOD, DOESN'T IT?
BUT IN PRACTICE, IT CAN GET MUCH
MESSIER THAN THAT.
REMEMBER TED, WHO WAS GETTING
HIS BENCH TAKEN AWAY?
HIS NEIGHBORHOOD WAS RUN BY
ASSOCIA.
SO IF ALL THEY WANT TO DO IS
HELP A NEIGHBORHOOD "ACHIEVE A
VISION," AS LONG AS THAT VISION
INCLUDES "TED DOESN'T GET TO SIT
DOWN," I GUESS, MISSION
ACCOMPLISHED.
THE PROBLEM IS, WHEN YOU
INTRODUCE FOR-PROFIT COMPANIES
TO FIND PROBLEMS IN YOUR
NEIGHBORHOOD, THINGS CAN CHANGE
FAST.
MANY OF THESE MANAGEMENT
COMPANIES HAVE PEOPLE WHOSE JOB
IS TO DRIVE AROUND
NEIGHBORHOODS, LOOKING FOR
INFRACTIONS.
IF YOU LOOK AT THAT LETTER THAT
TED GOT REGARDING HIS BENCH,
YOU'LL SEE THAT IT SAYS THE
INFRACTION WAS NOTED BY THE
ASSOCIA ARIZONA "INSPECTION
TEAM."
AND JUST WATCH AS ONE WOMAN
EXPLAINS JUST HOW QUICKLY THINGS
SNOWBALLED AFTER A NEW
MANAGEMENT COMPANY TOOK OVER HER
HOA.
FIRST, THE HOA TOLD HER HER
TRASH CANS COULDN'T BE VISIBLE
FROM THE STREET.
YOU HAVE TO TURN YOUR HEAD SO
FAR OVER LIKE THIS TO SEE IT FOR
THE SECOND THAT YOU ARE PASSING
MY HOUSE.
SO SHE MOVED THEM INSIDE.
WHICH IS VERY HARD TO GET
THEM IN AND OUT.
THEN THE PROBLEM WAS HER
HOSE.
IT WAS, YOU KNOW, ALL WRAPPED
UP, SO IT REALLY DIDN'T LOOK
BAD.
THEN IT WAS HER LAWN ART.
YOU CAN'T HAVE THOSE.
THEN THEY WANTED HER TO POWER
WASH HER HOUSE AND SWEEP UP HER
DRIVEWAY.
BUT WHEN SHE DIDN'T GET IT DONE
FAST ENOUGH, SHE GOT LATE FEES
ON TOP OF LATE FEES, $25 A DAY
FOR EACH INFRACTION.
THESE ARE THINGS THAT ARE SO
INCIDENTAL, THEY'RE NOT
IMPORTANT!
THEY'RE ASININE.
AND YOU'RE CHARGING ME $17,000
DOLLARS?
John: $17,000!
THAT'S CLEARLY RIDICULOUS.
I ADORE EVERYTHING ABOUT THAT
WOMAN!
INCLUDING HER WORLD-CLASS
DELIVERY OF ASININE.
ALTHOUGH, FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH: I
DO THINK SHE COULD DO BETTER
WITH HER LAWN ART.
IT'S NOT "$17,000 DOLLAR FINE"
BAD, BUT IT'S CLEARLY A WASTE
WHEN YOU COULD HAVE SOMETHING
SPECTACULAR, LIKE THESE DUCKS
WEARING BOOTS, OR THESE DUCKS
MADE OF BANANAS.
YOUR LAWN IS A CANVAS, PAT.
FILL IT WITH WHATEVER DUCK ART
SPEAKS TO YOU.
THE POINT IS, THIS IS A SYSTEM
THAT CAN QUICKLY TRAP PEOPLE IN
A VICIOUS CYCLE OF DEBT.
HERE'S HOW IT WORKS, LET'S SAY
YOU FALL BEHIND ON HOA PAYMENTS.
YOU MIGHT BE CHARGED INTEREST,
AND HAVE TO PAY ADDITIONAL
PENALTIES.
BUT THAT'S JUST THE BEGINNING
HERE, BECAUSE ONCE THE
MANAGEMENT COMPANY STARTS
PURSUING PAYMENT, THEY CAN
INVOLVE LAWYERS, WHOSE FEES CAN
BE ASTRONOMICAL, AND THINGS CAN
GET OUT OF HAND FAST.
HERE'S THE BILL OF JUST ONE
88-YEAR-OLD HOMEOWNER IN TEXAS.
SHE FELL ILL, AND WAS IN A
NURSING HOME, SO SHE MISSED AN
ANNUAL DUES PAYMENT AT THE START
OF 2021, OF $423.
HER HOA THEN STARTED CHARGING
INTEREST AND FEES FOR MISSED
PAYMENTS, AND JUST FIVE MONTHS
LATER, HER BILL WAS ALREADY UP
TO $682.
BUT THINGS REALLY STARTED
ESCALATING WHEN LAWYERS' FEES
STARTED GETTING INTRODUCED.
BECAUSE THERE ARE A LOT OF THEM.
AND OVER THE COURSE OF JUST TWO
YEARS, SHE SUDDENLY OWED OVER
$8,000, WELL OVER HALF OF WHICH
WAS LAWYERS' FEES.
AND IF YOU'RE WONDERING WHY
LAWYERS ARE EVEN GETTING
INVOLVED HERE, IT'S BECAUSE THEY
OFTEN COME IN WHEN HOA'S ARE
READY TO EXERCISE A TRULY
INCREDIBLE POWER THEY HAVE OVER
HOMEOWNERS, WHICH THIS WOMAN
FOUND OUT ABOUT THE HARD WAY.
THERE WAS A PROCESS SERVER
WHO CAME AND KNOCKED ON MY DOOR
AND SERVED ME WITH A FORECLOSURE
NOTICE.
AND OF COURSE, YOU KNOW, I
FREAKED OUT.
MIESHA HAD FALLEN BEHIND ON A
LOT OF HER BILLS, BUT SHE SAID
SHE'D WORK SOMETHING OUT WITH
THE MORTGAGE COMPANY.
BUT THIS WAS THE HOA, AND I
HAD NO IDEA THAT AN HOA COULD
FORECLOSE ON YOU.
John: IT'S TRUE, HOA'S CAN
FORECLOSE ON YOUR HOME.
WHICH IS ONE OF THOSE THINGS
THAT SOUNDS RIDICULOUS, BUT IS
ABSOLUTELY TRUE.
LIKE HOW THERE ARE FOUR TIMES AS
MANY CHICKENS AS PEOPLE ON
EARTH, OR LENNY KRAVITZ IS
AL ROKER'S SECOND COUSIN, OR
THAT THE FIRST SONG CHARLIE PUTH
EVER MASTURBATED TO WAS
"THIS LOVE" BY MAROON 5.
THAT'S A TRUE FACT!
AND I HATE THAT I KNOW IT!
BUT I LOVE THAT YOU NOW KNOW IT,
TOO.
[LAUGHTER]
AND THIS POWER GETS DEPLOYED ALL
OVER THE COUNTRY.
COLORADO'S HOA'S ALONE FILED
MORE THAN 2400 FORECLOSURE CASES
FROM JANUARY 2018 TO FEBRUARY OF
LAST YEAR.
AND TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE, THOSE
HOMES CAN THEN BE SOLD AT
AUCTION, SOMETIMES WITHOUT THE
HOMEOWNER EVEN REALIZING.
JUST LISTEN TO THIS WOMAN
EXPLAIN HOW-- DESPITE
DESPERATELY TRYING TO PAY LATE
HOA FEES-- SHE WOUND UP LOSING
EVERYTHING.
WALKED IN, PAID OFF THE
$2,700.
AND WHEN I WALKED OUT, I SAID,
"THIS IS ALL I OWE, RIGHT?"
"YES."
THEN HERE COMES THE NEXT SET OF
LETTERS, AND NOW IT'S UP TO
$6,400.
TURNS OUT THERE WERE
POST-JUDGMENT LEGAL FEES AND 18%
BACK INTEREST.
SO, EVEN AFTER SHE'D PAID MORE
THAN $9,000, SHE WAS STILL
SOMEHOW BEHIND ON HER DUES.
BUT IN 2018, SHE RECEIVED THE
MOST SHOCKING LETTER OF ALL.
AN EVICTION NOTICE.
YOU KNOW, YOU LOSE YOUR HOME.
THAT'S HARD.
BUT SADNESS TURNED TO ANGER
WHEN SHE REALIZED THE HOA HAD
PURCHASED HER HOME THROUGH
FORECLOSURE FOR $3.24 A YEAR
BEFORE SHE WAS EVICTED.
John: THAT HAPPENED.
THEY BOUGHT HER WHOLE HOUSE FOR
$3.24.
AND LOSING YOUR HOME ALONE IS
HORRIFYING, BUT SEEING IT SOLD
FOR SO LITTLE IS GENUINELY
INSULTING.
BECAUSE $3.24 IS SIGNIFICANTLY
LESS THAN WHAT IT COSTS TO BUY
JUST ONE OF THOSE BANANA DUCKS.
THEY COST $17.98.
AND THE REASON I KNOW THAT IS
I BOUGHT ONE.
AND YES, I, TOO, WAS SURPRISED
BY HOW SMALL IT IS.
BUT MUCH LESS SURPRISED THAN I
WAS TO LEARN THAT IT TECHNICALLY
COSTS MORE THAN SOMEONE'S ENTIRE
FUCKING HOUSE.
AND MOST STATES DON'T EVEN
REQUIRE HOA'S TO OFFER A PAYMENT
PLAN BEFORE TAKING LEGAL ACTION
AGAINST A HOMEOWNER.
AND THE REASON FOR THAT IS
SIMPLE.
REMEMBER, HOA'S ARE PRIVATE
ORGANIZATIONS.
THAT MEANS THE NATION'S 350,000
HOAS ARE LARGELY UNREGULATED.
AND THE GOVERNMENT SEES ANY
DISPUTES AS PRIVATE MATTERS.
THE CALIFORNIA AG'S OFFICE SAYS
THAT IT "DOES NOT HANDLE MOST
HOMEOWNERS ASSOCIATIONS
COMPLAINTS," THE TEXAS SECRETARY
OF STATE SAYS THAT "NO STATE
AGENCY REGULATES HOME OR
PROPERTY OWNERS' ASSOCIATIONS,"
AND THE NEW YORK STATE AG SAYS
"IN MOST CASES THERE IS NO
GOVERNMENT AGENCY THAT CAN HELP
UNHAPPY HOME OWNERS WHO ARE
HAVING PROBLEMS WITH THEIR
HOMEOWNERS ASSOCIATION," ADDING,
"GOOD LUCK!"
WHICH IS BASICALLY JUST A CUTE
WAY TO SAY "YOU'RE FUCKED."
IT'S LIKE "YOU'RE FUCKED" WASHED
HER HAIR AND PUT ON A LITTLE
CHURCH DRESS.
AND IF AFTER ALL THIS YOU'RE
THINKING, "WELL, I'VE LEARNED MY
LESSON.
I WILL NEVER BUY A HOUSE IN AN
HOA."
REMEMBER OVER 80% OF NEW HOMES
THAT ARE SOLD, COME WITH ONE.
ALSO, YOU MIGHT NOT KNOW YOU'RE
DEALING WITH A BAD HOA UNTIL
IT'S TOO LATE.
AS IN MOST PLACES, YOU AREN'T
LEGALLY REQUIRED TO BE GRANTED
ACCESS TO ALL OF ITS RULES UNTIL
AFTER YOUR OFFER TO BUY A HOME
IS ACCEPTED.
WHICH SEEMS A BIT WEIRD DOESN'T
IT?
IF YOUR HOA CAN SEE YOUR
BACKYARD FROM SPACE, YOU SHOULD
PROBABLY BE ABLE TO SEE YOUR HOA
DOCUMENTS BEFORE YOU SIGN.
AND LOOK, I'M NOT SAYING THAT
ALL HOA'S SHOULD IMMEDIATELY BE
GONE.
FOR A START, SOME PEOPLE DO LIKE
THEIRS.
BESIDES, RIGHT NOW, LOCAL
GOVERNMENTS JUST AREN'T EQUIPPED
TO SUDDENLY TAKE OVER THE
SERVICES LIKE TRASH COLLECTION
OR MAINTENANCE THAT THEY
PROVIDE.
BUT AT THE VERY LEAST, STATES
SHOULD BE LOOKING FOR WAYS TO
AVOID THE WORST POSSIBLE OUTCOME
FOR HOMEOWNERS WHO FIND
THEMSELVES IN A TOUGH SPOT.
LIKE MANDATING HOA'S OFFER
PAYMENT PLANS ON UNPAID DEBT
BEFORE THEY TAKE LEGAL ACTION,
AND BANNING FORECLOSURES BASED
SOLELY ON FINES AND ATTORNEYS
FEES.
BECAUSE AT THEIR BEST, HOA'S ARE
ANNOYING STUDENT COUNCIL ADULTS
TELLING YOU TO TRIM YOUR SHRUBS
AND MOVE YOUR TRASH CANS, BUT AT
THEIR WORST THEY'RE GLORIFIED
DEBT COLLECTORS WITH THE POWER
TO UPEND YOUR LIFE AND EXPEL
PEOPLE FROM A NEIGHBORHOOD.
AND AT ABSOLUTE MINIMUM, FROM
NOW ON, HOA'S SHOULD PROBABLY BE
FORCED TO BE MUCH CLEARER WITH
PEOPLE ABOUT WHAT THEY'RE
POTENTIALLY GETTING INTO.
♪ ♪
GOOD MORNING, STEPHANIE AND
CHLOE.
HI, THEY ARE, WELCOME TO CEDAR
PARADISE.
THE MOMENT YOU PURCHASE YOUR
HOME, YOU JOIN OUR WONDERFUL
HOMEOWNERS ASSOCIATION, WHETHER
YOU WANTED TO OR NOT.
THE HOA IS HERE TO TAKE CARE OF
YOU.
YOU GIVE US MONEY, AND RENEWED
RETURN WE MAINTAIN ALL THE
BEAUTY YOU SEE AROUND US.
AND IF YOU DON'T PAY OFF,
WE'LL TURN YOUR LIFE UPSIDE
FUCKING DOWN.
LET ME SHOW YOU THE
NEIGHBORHOOD.
HERE AT CEDAR PARADISE, WE
REQUIRE ONE TREE, SIX
GALLON, A GARDEN GNOME, A SECOND
NUMBER THAT WANT TO TALK TO, A
THIRD ONE THEY IGNORE, ONE
VICTORIAN CHILD PLAYING
HOPSCOTCH, AND AN AMERICAN FLAG.
BUT NO BENCHES.
PLEASE, NO!
EAT SHIT, TED!
WHEN YOU JOIN IN HOA, YOU'RE
REALLY JOINING A COMMUNITY THAT
LOOKS AFTER EACH OTHER.
AS YOUR ELECTED REPRESENTATIVE,
I MAKE SURE TO TAKE A HANDS-ON
APPROACH.
OH, NOVELTY MAILBOX.
THAT'S A VIOLATION.
OH, YEAH.
THAT'S A VIOLATION.
WIND CHIMES.
GROSS.
THREE VIOLATIONS.
NOPE, I DON'T CARE FOR THAT
TREE.
THAT'S A VIOLATION.
16 AND A 15, THAT'S ANOTHER
$1,000, KEN!
FUCK YOU!
AND KEN ISN'T THE ONLY ONE
WHO APPRECIATES EVERYTHING THE
HOA DOES.
FUCK THE HOA!
BASTARDS SONS OF BITCHES.
THEY FOUND MY SHED BY
STRAPPING A GO-PRO TO A RACCOON.
A DAMN RACCOON.
THAT'S SOME WHITE PEOPLE
BULLSHIT.
APPARENTLY MY CANS ARE TOO
VISIBLE, BUT YOU HAVE TO TURN
YOUR HEAD LIKE THIS TO EVEN SEE
THEM BUT I'M NOT SURE WHAT I'M
SUPPOSED TO DO.
HEY, PAM.
CANS AREN'T ALLOWED TO GO DOWN
TO THE CURB UNTIL 4:00 P.M. ON
TRASH DAY.
IT'S 3:57.
HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN IN
THERE?
PAM, THIS IS RECYCLE ONLY.
I KNOW.
PAM.
I KNOW.
YOU THIS, PAM.
NO BROKEN GLASS ON THE
DRIVEWAY!
THAT'S ANOTHER FINE.
ARE YOU ALLOWED TO DO THAT?
THERE'S NOTHING IN THE ROLES
THAT SAYS I CAN'T.
THESE RULES ARE STUPID--
WHAT DID YOU SAY?
NOTHING.
HAVE A GOOD DAY!
BOB!
AND HEY, IF YOU FALL BEHIND
ON YOUR PAYMENTS, WE GET IT.
WE'RE NOT MONSTERS.
OH, HELLO, WE ARE HERE FOR THE
DEBT.
I DIDN'T KNOW I OWE YOU
ANYTHING.
WE SENT YOU A $20 FINE THREE
MONTHS AGO, AND WE HAVEN'T HEARD
FROM YOU SINCE.
THANK YOU, BUT THAT'S NOT ALL.
THERE'S THIS BILL, TOO.
WHAT IS THIS NOW?
I'LL LET OUR LAWYER EXPLAINS.
AND THAT STARTS MY HOUR.
YOU'VE GOT FEES, LATE FEES, LATE
LATE FEES, LAWYER FEES THAT'S
ME, FEES FOR THIS CONVERSATION
WE'RE HAVING RIGHT NOW FEES,
THERE IS A RACCOON FEE THERE.
YEAH, A RACCOON FEE.
ANYWAY, IT COMES TO $11,067.38.
WAIT, I CAN'T AFFORD THAT!
WELL, GREAT NEWS THEN!
DURING THIS CONVERSATION, WE
FORECLOSED ON YOUR HOUSE!
I JUST BOUGHT IT!
OH, $4!
CAN YOU BREAK A $20?
WAIT, WAIT, THIS FEELS REALLY
ILLEGAL.
IT'S NOT!
IT'S NOT ILLEGAL AT ALL!
IT'S NOT ILLEGAL, I'M A
LAWYER!
HE KNOWS!
I KNOW!
WHAT THE FUCK, YO!
DAMN, Y'ALL ARE STRONG!
[LAUGHTER]
I NEVER GET SICK OF THAT!
HEY, WANT TO COME INTO MY NEW
HOUSE?
YEAH.
LET'S HAVE A DRINK!
YEAH, LET'S SEE WHAT HE'S GOT
IN THE REFRIGERATOR.
OH, THERE'S A LOT OF FUN ART.
SO WELCOME TO THE HOA.
I THINK YOU'RE GOING TO LIKE IT
HERE.
AND IF YOU DON'T COME OUT TOUGH
NUTS.
YOU'VE GOT NO OTHER CHOICE.
BYE!
[APPLAUSE]
John: THAT'S OUR SHOW!
THANKS SO MUCH FOR WATCHING!
WE'LL SEE YOU NEXT WEEK!
GOOD NIGHT!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ ♪
GET OFF!
GUESS WHO'S EATING RACCOON
TONIGHT?
DELICIOUS.