1 00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:12,513 ♪ ♪ 2 00:00:12,579 --> 00:00:19,453 ♪ ♪ 3 00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:26,393 ♪ ♪ 4 00:00:26,460 --> 00:00:31,824 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 5 00:00:31,824 --> 00:00:33,126 >> John: WELCOME, WELCOME, 6 00:00:33,192 --> 00:00:34,460 WELCOME TO "LAST WEEK TONIGHT!" 7 00:00:34,527 --> 00:00:35,695 I'M JOHN OLIVER. 8 00:00:35,762 --> 00:00:36,562 THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR JOINING 9 00:00:36,629 --> 00:00:37,697 US. 10 00:00:37,764 --> 00:00:39,031 AND WE HAVE JUST TIME FOR A 11 00:00:39,098 --> 00:00:40,333 QUICK RECAP OF THE WEEK, WHICH 12 00:00:40,400 --> 00:00:41,534 SAW ELIZABETH WARREN AND 13 00:00:41,601 --> 00:00:42,435 MICHAEL BLOOMBERG ENDING THEIR 14 00:00:42,502 --> 00:00:43,736 PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGNS, IN 15 00:00:43,803 --> 00:00:44,637 BLOOMBERG'S CASE AFTER 16 00:00:44,704 --> 00:00:45,805 PERSONALLY SPENDING OVER 17 00:00:45,872 --> 00:00:47,840 HALF A BILLION DOLLARS. 18 00:00:47,907 --> 00:00:48,975 IT IS HARD TO OVERSTATE JUST HOW 19 00:00:49,041 --> 00:00:50,643 MUCH MONEY BLOOMBERG WASTED, 20 00:00:50,710 --> 00:00:52,378 ALTHOUGH, AS BRIAN WILLIAMS' 21 00:00:52,445 --> 00:00:53,513 VIEWERS KNOW, IT'S NOT 22 00:00:53,579 --> 00:00:56,449 IMPOSSIBLE. 23 00:00:56,516 --> 00:00:58,351 >> WHEN I READ IT TONIGHT ON 24 00:00:58,418 --> 00:00:59,085 SOCIAL MEDIA, IT KIND OF ALL 25 00:00:59,152 --> 00:01:00,887 BECAME CLEAR. 26 00:01:00,953 --> 00:01:02,355 "BLOOMBERG SPENT $500 MILLION ON 27 00:01:02,422 --> 00:01:08,094 ADS. 28 00:01:08,161 --> 00:01:09,228 U.S. POPULATION, 327 MILLION." 29 00:01:09,295 --> 00:01:11,063 DON'T TELL US IF YOU'RE AHEAD OF 30 00:01:11,130 --> 00:01:11,497 US ON THE MATH. 31 00:01:11,564 --> 00:01:12,498 HE COULD HAVE GIVEN EACH 32 00:01:12,565 --> 00:01:13,433 AMERICAN $1 MILLION AND HAVE HAD 33 00:01:13,499 --> 00:01:14,734 LUNCH MONEY LEFT OVER. 34 00:01:14,801 --> 00:01:15,968 IT'S AN INCREDIBLE WAY OF 35 00:01:16,035 --> 00:01:16,903 PUTTING IT. 36 00:01:16,969 --> 00:01:17,770 >> IT'S AN INCREDIBLE WAY OF 37 00:01:17,837 --> 00:01:18,604 PUTTING IT. 38 00:01:18,671 --> 00:01:19,505 IT'S TRUE. 39 00:01:19,572 --> 00:01:20,706 IT'S DISTURBING. 40 00:01:20,773 --> 00:01:21,507 >> John: OKAY, OKAY, FOR THE 41 00:01:21,574 --> 00:01:24,444 RECORD, IT'S NOT TRUE. 42 00:01:24,510 --> 00:01:30,716 $500 MILLION DIVIDED BY 43 00:01:30,783 --> 00:01:32,051 327 MILLION IS NOT $1 MILLION. 44 00:01:32,118 --> 00:01:32,885 IT'S AROUND $1.50. 45 00:01:32,952 --> 00:01:33,553 WHICH GOES TO SHOW, TWO, YOU 46 00:01:33,619 --> 00:01:34,220 CAN'T BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU SEE 47 00:01:34,287 --> 00:01:34,821 ON TWITTER. 48 00:01:34,887 --> 00:01:35,488 TWITTER IS NOT WHERE YOU GO FOR 49 00:01:35,555 --> 00:01:36,522 FACTS. 50 00:01:36,589 --> 00:01:37,824 IT'S WHERE YOU GO TO SEE THE 51 00:01:37,890 --> 00:01:39,192 OFFICIAL ACCOUNT FOR NEW JERSEY 52 00:01:39,258 --> 00:01:41,060 TWEET "GABAGOOL" OR 53 00:01:41,127 --> 00:01:43,696 POST MALONE TWEET, 54 00:01:43,763 --> 00:01:47,366 "IS MEATBALL AN FRUIT?" 55 00:01:47,433 --> 00:01:48,401 OR SEE HENRY WINKLER POST PHOTOS 56 00:01:48,468 --> 00:01:49,802 OF HIM HOLDING FISH. 57 00:01:49,869 --> 00:01:50,470 SERIOUSLY. 58 00:01:50,536 --> 00:01:53,406 IT'S ALL THE MAN DOES. 59 00:01:53,473 --> 00:01:54,373 BUT OBVIOUSLY THE BIG STORY OF 60 00:01:54,440 --> 00:01:56,309 THE WEEK WAS THE CORONAVIRUS: 61 00:01:56,375 --> 00:01:57,109 HOW THE COMMON COLD DESCRIBES 62 00:01:57,176 --> 00:02:00,079 ITSELF ON ITS RESUME. 63 00:02:00,146 --> 00:02:02,215 CASES CONTINUE TO RISE, AND 64 00:02:02,281 --> 00:02:03,349 UNFORTUNATELY, THE TRUMP 65 00:02:03,416 --> 00:02:04,884 ADMINISTRATION'S RESPONSE HAS 66 00:02:04,951 --> 00:02:06,319 LEFT A LOT TO BE DESIRED. 67 00:02:06,385 --> 00:02:07,687 >> ALL WEEK, THE PRESIDENT HAS 68 00:02:07,753 --> 00:02:08,754 BEEN PLAYING FAST AND LOOSE WITH 69 00:02:08,821 --> 00:02:09,789 THE FACTS, CLAIMING A 70 00:02:09,856 --> 00:02:11,123 CORONAVIRUS VACCINE COULD BE 71 00:02:11,190 --> 00:02:12,325 READY IN MONTHS. 72 00:02:12,391 --> 00:02:13,159 >> I DON'T THINK THEY KNOW WHAT 73 00:02:13,226 --> 00:02:14,961 THE TIME WILL BE. 74 00:02:15,027 --> 00:02:16,762 I'VE HEARD VERY QUICK NUMBERS, A 75 00:02:16,829 --> 00:02:18,130 MATTER OF MONTHS, AND I'VE HEARD 76 00:02:18,197 --> 00:02:19,165 PRETTY MUCH A YEAR WOULD BE AN 77 00:02:19,232 --> 00:02:20,967 OUTSIDE NUMBER. 78 00:02:21,033 --> 00:02:22,602 >> ONLY TO BE CONTRADICTED BY 79 00:02:22,668 --> 00:02:24,103 THE EXPERTS. 80 00:02:24,170 --> 00:02:25,705 >> SO HE'S ASKING THE QUESTION, 81 00:02:25,771 --> 00:02:27,306 "WHEN IS IT GOING TO BE 82 00:02:27,373 --> 00:02:28,741 DEPLOYABLE?" AND THAT IS GONNA 83 00:02:28,808 --> 00:02:30,309 BE, AT THE EARLIEST, A YEAR TO A 84 00:02:30,376 --> 00:02:31,344 YEAR AND A HALF, NO MATTER HOW 85 00:02:31,410 --> 00:02:32,945 FAST YOU GO. 86 00:02:33,012 --> 00:02:34,514 >> John: IT NOW SEEMS EVERY 87 00:02:34,580 --> 00:02:35,815 TRUMP PRESS CONFERENCE HAS TO 88 00:02:35,882 --> 00:02:37,049 COME WITH AN EPILOGUE FROM AN 89 00:02:37,116 --> 00:02:38,484 EXPERT CLARIFYING ALL THE THINGS 90 00:02:38,551 --> 00:02:40,186 HE JUST GOT WRONG. 91 00:02:40,253 --> 00:02:41,454 "IF I MAY JUMP IN HERE, THE 92 00:02:41,521 --> 00:02:42,555 PRESIDENT JUST SAID THAT A CURE 93 00:02:42,622 --> 00:02:43,523 WOULD COME VERY QUICKLY. 94 00:02:43,589 --> 00:02:44,357 IT'S MORE LIKELY TO TAKE AT 95 00:02:44,423 --> 00:02:45,892 LEAST A YEAR. 96 00:02:45,958 --> 00:02:47,126 HE ALSO SAID THAT ITS, 'THE 97 00:02:47,193 --> 00:02:48,327 MEANEST VIRUS HE'S EVER SEEN' ‐‐ 98 00:02:48,394 --> 00:02:49,128 THAT'S RIDICULOUS. 99 00:02:49,195 --> 00:02:50,296 IT'S A VIRUS. 100 00:02:50,363 --> 00:02:51,197 IT HAS NO INTENT. 101 00:02:51,264 --> 00:02:52,632 YOU ALSO SAW THE PRESIDENT 102 00:02:52,698 --> 00:02:57,003 ASSURE US THAT YOU COULDN'T GET 103 00:02:57,069 --> 00:02:58,137 THE VIRUS FROM SUCKING ON 104 00:02:58,204 --> 00:02:58,938 'DEEZ.' 105 00:02:59,005 --> 00:02:59,705 I THEN MISTAKENINGLY ASKED 106 00:02:59,772 --> 00:03:00,406 'DEEZ WHAT,' TO WHICH HE REPLIED 107 00:03:00,473 --> 00:03:01,073 'DEEZ NUTS' AND DEMANDED A 108 00:03:01,140 --> 00:03:01,741 HIGH FIVE. 109 00:03:01,807 --> 00:03:02,542 AND WHILE I CAN'T BELIEVE I HAVE 110 00:03:02,608 --> 00:03:03,676 TO SAY THIS, DEPENDING ON THE 111 00:03:03,743 --> 00:03:05,111 NUTS, WE CAN'T SAY FOR ABSOLUTE 112 00:03:05,177 --> 00:03:06,145 CERTAIN THAT YOU WOULDN'T GET 113 00:03:06,212 --> 00:03:07,146 THE CORONAVIRUS FROM SUCKING ON 114 00:03:07,213 --> 00:03:08,648 DOZE. 115 00:03:08,714 --> 00:03:12,251 ON DOZE NUTS." 116 00:03:12,318 --> 00:03:13,920 BUT IT IS NOT JUST THAT THE 117 00:03:13,986 --> 00:03:15,688 TRUMP ADMINISTRATION IS 118 00:03:15,755 --> 00:03:16,489 SOMETIMES DOLING OUT BAD 119 00:03:16,556 --> 00:03:17,356 INFORMATION ‐‐ IT'S OCCASIONALLY 120 00:03:17,423 --> 00:03:18,624 NO INFORMATION AT ALL. 121 00:03:18,691 --> 00:03:19,759 ON WEDNESDAY, THE VICE PRESIDENT 122 00:03:19,825 --> 00:03:21,027 GAVE A BRIEFING IN WHICH HE 123 00:03:21,093 --> 00:03:26,432 CLAIMED INSURANCE WOULD COVER 124 00:03:26,499 --> 00:03:28,434 THE CORONAVIRUS TESTING, BUT 125 00:03:28,501 --> 00:03:29,068 JUST WATCH AS HE LEAVES BEFORE A 126 00:03:29,135 --> 00:03:30,069 REPORTER CAN ASK A FAIRLY 127 00:03:30,136 --> 00:03:31,103 IMPORTANT FOLLOWUP: 128 00:03:31,170 --> 00:03:32,071 >> THANK YOU. 129 00:03:32,138 --> 00:03:34,640 >> CAN THE UNINSURED GET TESTED? 130 00:03:34,707 --> 00:03:36,108 GENTLEMEN, LADIES, CAN THE 131 00:03:36,175 --> 00:03:40,446 UNINSURED GET TESTED? 132 00:03:40,513 --> 00:03:41,747 >> SCREAMING FOR THE CAMERA 133 00:03:41,814 --> 00:03:43,416 ISN'T GOING TO GET YOU ANYWHERE. 134 00:03:43,482 --> 00:03:44,383 >> WELL, HOW ABOUT ANSWERING THE 135 00:03:44,450 --> 00:03:46,018 QUESTION? 136 00:03:46,085 --> 00:03:46,886 >> WE WOULD LIKE AN ANSWER TO 137 00:03:46,953 --> 00:03:47,553 THAT QUESTION. 138 00:03:47,620 --> 00:03:48,521 >> THAT'S A VALID QUESTION. 139 00:03:48,588 --> 00:03:49,655 >> John: YEAH, IT IS A VALID 140 00:03:49,722 --> 00:03:50,389 QUESTION. 141 00:03:50,456 --> 00:03:51,891 HE'S ASKING IF NEARLY 30 MILLION 142 00:03:51,958 --> 00:03:52,858 UNINSURED AMERICANS WILL HAVE 143 00:03:52,925 --> 00:03:53,926 ACCESS TO A TEST FOR A DEADLY, 144 00:03:53,993 --> 00:03:55,328 CONTAGIOUS VIRUS. 145 00:03:55,394 --> 00:03:57,563 THAT IS RELEVANT. 146 00:03:57,630 --> 00:03:59,465 IF HE WAS SHOUTING SOMETHING 147 00:03:59,532 --> 00:04:00,066 POINTLESS OUT LIKE "EXCUSE ME, 148 00:04:00,132 --> 00:04:01,200 MR. VICE PRESIDENT: 149 00:04:01,267 --> 00:04:02,101 WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN 150 00:04:02,168 --> 00:04:03,336 BISQUE AND CHOWDER?" 151 00:04:03,402 --> 00:04:04,270 OR "ARE CHIPMUNKS JUST 152 00:04:04,337 --> 00:04:05,771 BABY SQUIRRELS?" 153 00:04:05,838 --> 00:04:07,974 OR "SHOULD NELLY BE CONSIDERED 154 00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:08,741 AN ELITE RAPPER," SURE, IGNORE 155 00:04:08,808 --> 00:04:09,675 HIM. 156 00:04:09,742 --> 00:04:11,043 THOSE QUESTIONS ARE STUPID. 157 00:04:11,110 --> 00:04:12,745 AND FOR THE RECORD, THE ANSWERS 158 00:04:12,812 --> 00:04:13,980 TO THOSE QUESTIONS ARE: TEXTURE, 159 00:04:14,046 --> 00:04:14,780 NO, AND OF COURSE 160 00:04:14,847 --> 00:04:16,682 NELLY'S AN ELITE RAPPER! 161 00:04:16,749 --> 00:04:19,452 "COUNTRY GRAMMAR," "E. I.," 162 00:04:19,518 --> 00:04:20,386 "RIDE WIT ME," "BATTER UP," ON A 163 00:04:20,453 --> 00:04:23,189 DEBUT ALBUM? 164 00:04:23,222 --> 00:04:23,555 A DEBUT ALBUM? 165 00:04:23,589 --> 00:04:25,124 GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE WITH 166 00:04:25,191 --> 00:04:26,559 THIS NON‐ELITE RAPPER BULLSHIT! 167 00:04:26,626 --> 00:04:29,528 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 168 00:04:29,595 --> 00:04:30,696 BUT THE EVENT THAT TRULY SUMMED 169 00:04:30,763 --> 00:04:32,198 UP HOW CHAOTIC THE PRESIDENT'S 170 00:04:32,264 --> 00:04:33,833 RESPONSE HAS BEEN WAS WHEN HE 171 00:04:33,899 --> 00:04:35,868 VISITED THE CDC ON FRIDAY AND 172 00:04:35,935 --> 00:04:37,103 SPENT 45 MINUTES, AMONG OTHER 173 00:04:37,169 --> 00:04:39,639 THINGS, SAYING THE GOVERNOR OF 174 00:04:39,705 --> 00:04:41,207 WASHINGTON IS A SNAKE, ASKING IF 175 00:04:41,273 --> 00:04:42,775 HIS TOWN HALL ON FOX NEWS GOT 176 00:04:42,842 --> 00:04:43,643 GOOD RATINGS, AND BRAGGING THAT 177 00:04:43,709 --> 00:04:44,844 EVERY ONE OF THE DOCTORS AT THE 178 00:04:44,910 --> 00:04:46,712 CDC SAID, "HOW DO YOU KNOW SO 179 00:04:46,779 --> 00:04:48,280 MUCH ABOUT THIS?" TO WHICH HIS 180 00:04:48,347 --> 00:04:49,115 ANSWER WAS, MAYBE I HAVE A 181 00:04:49,181 --> 00:04:53,452 NATURAL ABILITY. 182 00:04:53,519 --> 00:04:54,854 THEN THERE WAS THE SUBJECT OF 183 00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:55,554 TESTING KITS, THE CURRENT 184 00:04:55,621 --> 00:04:56,622 SHORTAGE OF WHICH MAY BE 185 00:04:56,689 --> 00:04:57,790 ALLOWING THE VIRUS TO SPREAD 186 00:04:57,857 --> 00:04:59,291 UNDETECTED. 187 00:04:59,358 --> 00:05:00,893 EVEN MIKE PENCE HAS SAID IT 188 00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:01,994 COULD BE A MATTER OF WEEKS UNTIL 189 00:05:02,061 --> 00:05:03,295 THE TESTS ARE WIDELY AVAILABLE. 190 00:05:03,362 --> 00:05:04,764 SO RIGHT NOW, NOT EVERYONE WHO 191 00:05:04,830 --> 00:05:06,632 WANTS A TEST CAN GET A TEST. 192 00:05:06,699 --> 00:05:07,500 THAT'S IMPORTANT TO KNOW, YET 193 00:05:07,566 --> 00:05:08,801 FOR SOME REASON, TRUMP SAID 194 00:05:08,868 --> 00:05:10,936 THIS: 195 00:05:11,003 --> 00:05:12,571 >> ANYBODY THAT WANTS A TEST CAN 196 00:05:12,638 --> 00:05:13,739 GET A TEST. 197 00:05:13,806 --> 00:05:16,375 ANYBODY RIGHT NOW AND 198 00:05:16,442 --> 00:05:18,077 YESTERDAY ‐‐ ANYBODY THAT NEEDS 199 00:05:18,144 --> 00:05:18,844 A TEST GETS A TEST. 200 00:05:18,911 --> 00:05:19,612 WE ‐‐ THEY'RE THERE. 201 00:05:19,679 --> 00:05:20,813 THEY HAVE THE TESTS. 202 00:05:20,880 --> 00:05:24,950 AND THE TESTS ARE BEAUTIFUL. 203 00:05:25,017 --> 00:05:26,519 >> John: SET ASIDE HOW WEIRD IT 204 00:05:26,585 --> 00:05:28,821 IS TO CALL A TEST FOR A DEADLY 205 00:05:28,888 --> 00:05:33,392 DISEASE "BEAUTIFUL." 206 00:05:33,459 --> 00:05:34,527 THE FACT IS, WHAT HE JUST SAID 207 00:05:34,593 --> 00:05:35,194 IS FLAGRANTLY UNTRUE. 208 00:05:35,261 --> 00:05:35,895 THERE ARE CURRENTLY NOT ENOUGH 209 00:05:35,961 --> 00:05:36,629 AVAILABLE TESTS. 210 00:05:36,696 --> 00:05:37,797 AND YOU CAN'T JUST STATE 211 00:05:37,863 --> 00:05:38,431 SOMETHING AS A FACT BECAUSE YOU 212 00:05:38,497 --> 00:05:39,465 WISH IT WAS TRUE, ANYMORE THAN I 213 00:05:39,532 --> 00:05:40,032 CAN JUST DECLARE MYSELF 214 00:05:40,099 --> 00:05:41,967 AMERICA'S MOST FUCKABLE JOHN. 215 00:05:42,034 --> 00:05:42,968 I'M NOT. 216 00:05:43,035 --> 00:05:44,136 I'M JUST NOT. 217 00:05:44,203 --> 00:05:45,604 I'M THE SECOND‐MOST FUCKABLE 218 00:05:45,671 --> 00:05:47,373 JOHN, AND UNTIL HE DIES, I HAVE 219 00:05:47,440 --> 00:05:49,075 TO BE FINE WITH THAT. 220 00:05:49,141 --> 00:05:54,480 IT'S AN UNCOMFORTABLE FACT. 221 00:05:54,547 --> 00:05:56,215 PERHAPS EVEN MORE WORRYING 222 00:05:56,282 --> 00:05:57,817 THOUGH WAS HOW CLEAR IT BECAME 223 00:05:57,883 --> 00:05:59,351 THAT, TO TRUMP, MANAGING 224 00:05:59,418 --> 00:06:00,052 PERCEPTIONS IS A HUGE PRIORITY. 225 00:06:00,119 --> 00:06:00,753 HE KEPT BRAGGING THAT THE U. S. 226 00:06:00,820 --> 00:06:01,854 HAD SEEN ONLY 240 CONFIRMED 227 00:06:01,921 --> 00:06:02,788 CASES AND 11 DEATHS, FAR LOWER 228 00:06:02,855 --> 00:06:04,990 THAN SOME AFFECTED COUNTRIES. 229 00:06:05,057 --> 00:06:06,692 THOSE NUMBERS KEPT COMING UP. 230 00:06:06,759 --> 00:06:08,527 HE EVEN CITED THEM WHEN 231 00:06:08,594 --> 00:06:10,529 EXPLAINING WHY HE WAS PERSONALLY 232 00:06:10,596 --> 00:06:12,998 LOATHE TO EVACUATE THE CRUISE 233 00:06:13,065 --> 00:06:14,300 SHIP DOCKED OFF SAN FRANCISCO, 234 00:06:14,366 --> 00:06:15,735 WHERE 21 PEOPLE ABOARD HAVE 235 00:06:15,801 --> 00:06:18,204 TESTED POSITIVE FOR THE VIRUS. 236 00:06:18,270 --> 00:06:19,805 >> I WOULD RATHER ‐‐ BECAUSE I 237 00:06:19,872 --> 00:06:20,372 LIKE THE NUMBERS BEING WHERE 238 00:06:20,439 --> 00:06:21,941 THEY ARE. 239 00:06:22,007 --> 00:06:24,243 I DON'T NEED TO HAVE THE NUMBERS 240 00:06:24,310 --> 00:06:25,478 DOUBLE BECAUSE OF ONE SHIP. 241 00:06:25,544 --> 00:06:27,413 I WOULD RATHER HAVE THE NUMBERS 242 00:06:27,480 --> 00:06:29,148 STAY WHERE THEY ARE. 243 00:06:29,215 --> 00:06:29,882 BUT IF THEY WANT TO TAKE THEM 244 00:06:29,949 --> 00:06:31,150 OFF, THEY'LL TAKE THEM OFF. 245 00:06:31,217 --> 00:06:32,118 BUT IF THAT HAPPENS, ALL OF A 246 00:06:32,184 --> 00:06:33,219 SUDDEN YOUR 240 IS OBVIOUSLY 247 00:06:33,285 --> 00:06:34,920 GOING TO BE A MUCH HIGHER 248 00:06:34,987 --> 00:06:35,921 NUMBER, AND PROBABLY THE 11 WILL 249 00:06:35,988 --> 00:06:37,089 BE A HIGHER NUMBER TOO. 250 00:06:37,156 --> 00:06:39,258 >> John: YEAH. 251 00:06:39,325 --> 00:06:41,127 IT WILL. 252 00:06:41,193 --> 00:06:42,962 BUT YOU GET THAT THOSE NUMBERS 253 00:06:43,028 --> 00:06:44,130 ARE ALSO PEOPLE, RIGHT? 254 00:06:44,196 --> 00:06:45,664 AND THAT THINGS THAT HAPPEN ON 255 00:06:45,731 --> 00:06:47,733 BOATS STILL COUNT, RIGHT? 256 00:06:47,800 --> 00:06:50,336 BECAUSE OTHERWISE THAT WOULD 257 00:06:50,402 --> 00:06:51,537 MEAN HENRY WINKLER HAS 258 00:06:51,604 --> 00:06:52,505 NEVER CAUGHT A SINGLE FISH, AND 259 00:06:52,571 --> 00:06:55,241 HE HAS. 260 00:06:55,307 --> 00:06:56,275 LOOK AT IT, THE MAN IS OUT FOR 261 00:06:56,342 --> 00:06:57,977 TROUT. 262 00:06:58,043 --> 00:07:01,981 BUT ALSO, IF TRUMP GOT HIS WAY 263 00:07:02,047 --> 00:07:05,117 AND WE HAD LEFT PEOPLE ON 264 00:07:05,184 --> 00:07:07,052 BOARD INDEFINITELY, 265 00:07:07,119 --> 00:07:08,687 THE INFECTION COULD 266 00:07:08,754 --> 00:07:09,321 SPREAD MORE. 267 00:07:09,388 --> 00:07:10,055 I'D SAY IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO HAVE 268 00:07:10,122 --> 00:07:11,090 SUCH A CALLOUS INDIFFERENCE TO 269 00:07:11,157 --> 00:07:11,891 HUMAN LIFE, BUT HE DOES SEEM TO 270 00:07:11,957 --> 00:07:12,591 HAVE A NATURAL ABILITY FOR IT. 271 00:07:12,658 --> 00:07:13,225 BUT FOR NOW, LET'S MOVE ON TO A 272 00:07:13,292 --> 00:07:13,993 QUICK UPDATE ON INDIA, OR AS 273 00:07:14,059 --> 00:07:15,127 PEOPLE WITH THIS ACCENT HAVE 274 00:07:15,194 --> 00:07:17,897 HISTORICALLY CALLED IT, "MINE." 275 00:07:17,963 --> 00:07:19,465 A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO, WE 276 00:07:19,532 --> 00:07:21,600 DID A STORY ABOUT INDIA'S 277 00:07:21,667 --> 00:07:23,569 PRIME MINISTER, NARENDRA MODI, 278 00:07:23,636 --> 00:07:24,670 WHICH SOME DIE‐HARD MODI 279 00:07:24,737 --> 00:07:26,138 SUPPORTERS, LIKE ARNAB GOSWAMI, 280 00:07:26,205 --> 00:07:27,439 THE TUCKER CARLSON OF INDIA, DID 281 00:07:27,506 --> 00:07:30,442 NOT ENJOY. 282 00:07:30,509 --> 00:07:35,314 NOW, THE FIRST HINT I GOT THAT 283 00:07:35,381 --> 00:07:36,882 HE WAS NOT HAPPY WITH ME WAS IN 284 00:07:36,949 --> 00:07:37,616 A PROMO FOR HIS UPCOMING SHOW. 285 00:07:37,683 --> 00:07:38,317 >> GO LOOK AT YOURSELF IN THE 286 00:07:38,384 --> 00:07:39,485 MIRROR AND TELL YOURSELF WHETHER 287 00:07:39,552 --> 00:07:40,219 YOU ARE A MOTIVATED FOOL ‐‐ 288 00:07:40,286 --> 00:07:41,554 CONSCIOUSLY OR UNCONSCIOUSLY A 289 00:07:41,620 --> 00:07:42,588 FOOL, OR WHETHER YOU'RE JUST 290 00:07:42,655 --> 00:07:43,255 MALICIOUS. 291 00:07:43,322 --> 00:07:44,089 >> John: NOW, I DON'T KNOW IF 292 00:07:44,156 --> 00:07:44,690 YOU NOTICED THERE, BUT WHEN HE 293 00:07:44,757 --> 00:07:47,660 SAID "LOOK IN THE MIRROR," 294 00:07:47,726 --> 00:07:48,160 THIS IS WHAT WAS IN THE 295 00:07:48,227 --> 00:07:49,161 MIRROR. 296 00:07:49,228 --> 00:07:51,664 AND LOOK, THAT MIGHT NOT BE ME. 297 00:07:51,730 --> 00:07:52,698 IT MIGHT NOT BE ME. 298 00:07:52,765 --> 00:07:53,732 IT COULD BE STEVE MNUCHIN OR 299 00:07:53,799 --> 00:07:54,934 MILHOUSE FROM "THE SIMPSONS" OR 300 00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:55,668 THIS ONE OWL. 301 00:07:55,734 --> 00:07:57,636 YA KNOW, ANY NUMBER OF HOTTIES. 302 00:07:57,703 --> 00:07:59,271 BUT IN CASE YOU WERE THINKING IT 303 00:07:59,338 --> 00:08:00,272 COULD'VE BEEN SOMEONE ELSE, I'M 304 00:08:00,339 --> 00:08:01,507 AFRAID HIS SHOW CLEARED ANY 305 00:08:01,574 --> 00:08:04,743 CONFUSION UP. 306 00:08:04,810 --> 00:08:07,112 >> AN IGNORAMUS, AN IGNORAMUS OF 307 00:08:07,179 --> 00:08:08,180 EXCEEDINGLY, EXCEEDINGLY GLOBAL 308 00:08:08,247 --> 00:08:11,150 PROPORTIONS. 309 00:08:11,217 --> 00:08:13,986 A MAN WHOSE ONLY JOB IS AS A 310 00:08:14,053 --> 00:08:16,388 COMEDIAN. 311 00:08:16,455 --> 00:08:17,623 HE'S NOT EVEN SMART ENOUGH TO BE 312 00:08:17,690 --> 00:08:19,758 A SATIRIST. 313 00:08:19,825 --> 00:08:21,927 A PERSON WITH ABSOLUTELY NO ‐‐ 314 00:08:21,994 --> 00:08:23,529 NO KNOWLEDGE AND WHO, I'M TOLD, 315 00:08:23,596 --> 00:08:24,864 EVEN HAS HIS "GOOD MORNING" AND 316 00:08:24,930 --> 00:08:25,931 "GOOD EVENING" WRITTEN OUT TO 317 00:08:25,998 --> 00:08:27,766 HIM BY HIS TEAM OF RESEARCHERS. 318 00:08:27,833 --> 00:08:29,368 A BRITISH‐AMERICAN LATE‐NIGHT 319 00:08:29,435 --> 00:08:31,237 THIRD‐RATE TV HOST. 320 00:08:31,303 --> 00:08:32,438 JOHN OLIVER, YOU EMBARRASSED 321 00:08:32,504 --> 00:08:36,809 YOURSELF. 322 00:08:36,876 --> 00:08:38,410 >> John: LISTEN, LISTEN, I'LL 323 00:08:38,477 --> 00:08:39,278 GIVE YOU "IGNORAMUS." 324 00:08:39,345 --> 00:08:40,079 I'LL EVEN GIVE YOU "THIRD‐RATE 325 00:08:40,145 --> 00:08:40,913 TV HOST." 326 00:08:40,980 --> 00:08:42,248 MY RESEARCHERS ASSURE ME THAT'S 327 00:08:42,314 --> 00:08:43,182 ACTUALLY A COMPLIMENT. 328 00:08:43,249 --> 00:08:44,450 BUT "I EMBARRASSED MYSELF"? 329 00:08:44,516 --> 00:08:46,352 WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE 330 00:08:46,418 --> 00:08:48,053 TALKING TO? 331 00:08:48,120 --> 00:08:49,722 I USED HBO'S MONEY TO PURCHASE 332 00:08:49,788 --> 00:08:51,523 AND WEAR JEANS DESIGNED TO 333 00:08:51,590 --> 00:08:53,525 GIVE ME A SWEET PEACH ON 334 00:08:53,592 --> 00:08:55,461 TELEVISION, AND NOT ONLY DID I 335 00:08:55,527 --> 00:08:56,762 PUBLICLY RELEASE THIS PHOTO TO 336 00:08:56,829 --> 00:08:58,130 THE WORLD, I PUT IT ON 337 00:08:58,197 --> 00:09:00,399 BILLBOARDS TO PROMOTE THIS SHOW. 338 00:09:00,466 --> 00:09:01,867 THAT'S IN TIMES SQUARE RIGHT 339 00:09:01,934 --> 00:09:02,701 NOW! 340 00:09:02,768 --> 00:09:04,236 I AM BEYOND THE CAPACITY FOR 341 00:09:04,303 --> 00:09:07,940 SHAME! 342 00:09:08,007 --> 00:09:09,642 YOU CAN'T HURT ME! 343 00:09:09,708 --> 00:09:11,076 NOW, THE INTERESTING THING ABOUT 344 00:09:11,143 --> 00:09:11,944 HIM SCOLDING ME ABOUT OUR MODI 345 00:09:12,011 --> 00:09:13,646 SHOW IS THAT THAT EPISODE DIDN'T 346 00:09:13,712 --> 00:09:15,447 ACTUALLY AIR IN INDIA. 347 00:09:15,514 --> 00:09:16,482 A LOT OF OUR VIEWERS THERE 348 00:09:16,548 --> 00:09:17,716 ALERTED US TO THE FACT THAT 349 00:09:17,783 --> 00:09:18,717 HOTSTAR, THE STREAMING SERVICE 350 00:09:18,784 --> 00:09:20,019 THAT BROADCASTS US IN INDIA, 351 00:09:20,085 --> 00:09:26,959 NEVER UPLOADED THAT EPISODE. 352 00:09:27,026 --> 00:09:27,626 NOW, THERE'S NO EVIDENCE THE 353 00:09:27,693 --> 00:09:28,227 INDIAN GOVERNMENT MADE THEM DO 354 00:09:28,294 --> 00:09:28,861 THAT. 355 00:09:28,928 --> 00:09:29,495 AS BEST AS WE CAN TELL, HOTSTAR 356 00:09:29,561 --> 00:09:30,296 JUST DECIDED TO SELF‐CENSORED. 357 00:09:30,362 --> 00:09:31,196 WHICH IS STILL NOT GOOD. 358 00:09:31,263 --> 00:09:32,298 AND WHAT'S WORSE IS, IT'S 359 00:09:32,364 --> 00:09:33,065 APPARENTLY NOT EVEN THE FIRST 360 00:09:33,132 --> 00:09:38,504 TIME THAT THEY HAVE CENSORED US. 361 00:09:38,570 --> 00:09:39,171 WE'VE DISCOVERED THEY'VE BEEN 362 00:09:39,238 --> 00:09:39,805 QUIETLY DOING IT FOR A WHILE 363 00:09:39,872 --> 00:09:40,706 NOW, BUT NOT FOR THE REASON THAT 364 00:09:40,773 --> 00:09:41,340 YOU MIGHT EXPECT. 365 00:09:41,407 --> 00:09:42,474 JUST WATCH THIS CLIP FROM OUR 366 00:09:42,541 --> 00:09:43,108 SHOW ABOUT THE CENSUS LAST YEAR. 367 00:09:43,175 --> 00:09:44,777 THEY MADE A SMALL SPLICE RIGHT 368 00:09:44,843 --> 00:09:45,878 AFTER WE SHOWED AN AD FROM THE 369 00:09:45,945 --> 00:09:46,779 1980s. 370 00:09:46,845 --> 00:09:47,780 IT'S SUBTLE, BUT JUST SEE IF YOU 371 00:09:47,846 --> 00:09:52,284 CAN SPOT IT. 372 00:09:52,351 --> 00:09:53,218 >> ♪ CAN WE COUNT ON YOU? ♪ 373 00:09:53,285 --> 00:09:54,453 >> ♪ YOU CAN COUNT ON ME! ♪ 374 00:09:54,520 --> 00:09:56,021 [MICKEY GIGGLES] 375 00:09:56,088 --> 00:09:58,190 >> OKAY, FIRST, I'LL SAY THIS, 376 00:09:58,257 --> 00:09:59,792 THAT IS A BEAUTIFUL SONG. 377 00:09:59,858 --> 00:10:01,493 I MEAN, IT'S NO "EAT SHIT, BOB," 378 00:10:01,560 --> 00:10:04,330 BUT FRANKLY, WHAT IS?" 379 00:10:04,396 --> 00:10:05,798 THE CONCEPT OF THE CENSUS IS 380 00:10:05,864 --> 00:10:08,000 VERY SIMPLE ‐‐ 381 00:10:08,067 --> 00:10:09,034 >> John: DID YOU CATCH THAT? 382 00:10:09,101 --> 00:10:09,868 THAT BARELY NOTICEABLE MOMENT 383 00:10:09,935 --> 00:10:10,502 WHEN THEY SMASHED TO AN 384 00:10:10,569 --> 00:10:11,637 UNFLATTERING CLOSEUP OF MY FACE? 385 00:10:11,704 --> 00:10:12,271 YOU PROBABLY DIDN'T, BECAUSE IT 386 00:10:12,338 --> 00:10:12,838 FITS SO SEAMLESSLY INTO THE 387 00:10:12,905 --> 00:10:13,872 FAMILIAR RHYTHMS AND CONSISTENT 388 00:10:13,939 --> 00:10:15,741 VISUAL STYLE OF THIS TELEVISION 389 00:10:15,808 --> 00:10:17,476 SHOW. 390 00:10:17,543 --> 00:10:18,777 NOW, FOR THE RECORD, HERE'S WHAT 391 00:10:18,844 --> 00:10:21,080 THEY ACTUALLY CUT OUT. 392 00:10:21,146 --> 00:10:21,981 >> CAN WE ACTUALLY COUNT ON YOU, 393 00:10:22,047 --> 00:10:28,821 MICKEY? 394 00:10:28,887 --> 00:10:29,888 IT'S 1980, YOU'RE IN A TUXEDO 395 00:10:29,955 --> 00:10:31,056 IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY, AND 396 00:10:31,123 --> 00:10:32,257 YOUR PUPILS ARE THE SIZE OF 397 00:10:32,324 --> 00:10:32,958 PERSONAL PAN PIZZAS. 398 00:10:33,025 --> 00:10:33,559 WE ALL KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS, 399 00:10:33,625 --> 00:10:34,827 MICK: YOU'VE BEEN BAKING WITH 400 00:10:34,860 --> 00:10:35,226 BOOGER SUGAR. 401 00:10:35,227 --> 00:10:35,627 HORKING THE RAWDILLA. 402 00:10:35,694 --> 00:10:36,362 RIDING THE WHITE RAIL EXPRESS TO 403 00:10:36,428 --> 00:10:37,296 BLOWMAHA. 404 00:10:37,363 --> 00:10:38,230 WHAT I'M ‐‐ WHAT I'M TRYING TO 405 00:10:38,297 --> 00:10:39,064 SAY HERE IS, MICKEY MOUSE HAS A 406 00:10:39,131 --> 00:10:40,532 REALLY SERIOUS COCAINE PROBLEM. 407 00:10:40,599 --> 00:10:42,267 LISTEN, I'M JUST STATING A FACT. 408 00:10:42,334 --> 00:10:43,235 A DISNEY FACT. 409 00:10:43,302 --> 00:10:46,071 [MICKEY GIGGLES] 410 00:10:46,138 --> 00:10:47,039 >> John: YEAH, IT'S TRUE. 411 00:10:47,106 --> 00:10:47,906 THEY CUT OUT A JOKE ABOUT MICKEY 412 00:10:47,973 --> 00:10:49,875 MOUSE BEING A COCAINE ADDICT. 413 00:10:49,942 --> 00:10:50,976 WHY DID THEY DO THAT? 414 00:10:51,043 --> 00:10:51,810 IT'S HARD TO SAY. 415 00:10:51,877 --> 00:10:52,911 BUT IT MIGHT BE BECAUSE HOTSTAR 416 00:10:52,978 --> 00:10:54,480 IS ACTUALLY OWNED BY DISNEY. 417 00:10:54,546 --> 00:10:56,181 AND THEY SEEM EXTRA‐SENSITIVE 418 00:10:56,248 --> 00:10:57,583 ABOUT DISNEY REFERENCES, BECAUSE 419 00:10:57,649 --> 00:10:59,084 WE ALSO SPOTTED THIS SEAMLESS 420 00:10:59,151 --> 00:11:00,519 EDIT IN OUR PIECE ON CHINA'S 421 00:11:00,586 --> 00:11:02,955 ONE‐CHILD POLICY: 422 00:11:03,022 --> 00:11:04,189 >> IN THE '60s AND '70s, 423 00:11:04,256 --> 00:11:05,991 OVERPOPULATION WAS A HUGE GLOBAL 424 00:11:06,058 --> 00:11:07,860 CONCERN, WITH ALARMISTS MAKING 425 00:11:07,926 --> 00:11:09,461 APOCALYPTIC PREDICTIONS. 426 00:11:09,528 --> 00:11:12,064 THE OVERPOPULATION HYSTERIA WAS 427 00:11:12,131 --> 00:11:13,132 GLOBAL, AND CHINA WAS NO 428 00:11:13,198 --> 00:11:14,466 EXCEPTION. 429 00:11:14,533 --> 00:11:16,602 >> John: AGAIN, TOTALLY SEAMLESS 430 00:11:16,668 --> 00:11:17,870 AND BARELY NOTICEABLE AS AN 431 00:11:17,936 --> 00:11:19,204 EDIT. 432 00:11:19,271 --> 00:11:22,574 WELL DONE TO EVERYONE INVOLVED 433 00:11:22,641 --> 00:11:25,611 NOW, THE JOKE THEY CUT OUT OF 434 00:11:25,677 --> 00:11:26,512 THAT WAS ABOUT DONALD DUCK AND 435 00:11:26,578 --> 00:11:27,479 HOW HIS PENIS ‐‐ THIS IS TRUE ‐‐ 436 00:11:27,546 --> 00:11:28,981 IS SHAPED LIKE A CORKSCREW. 437 00:11:29,048 --> 00:11:30,149 THAT'S NOT EVEN A JOKE, BY THE 438 00:11:30,215 --> 00:11:31,350 WAY. 439 00:11:31,417 --> 00:11:32,284 ALL DUCKS HAVE CORKSCREW‐SHAPED 440 00:11:32,351 --> 00:11:33,185 DICKS. 441 00:11:33,252 --> 00:11:34,420 LOOK AT THIS ONE. 442 00:11:34,486 --> 00:11:35,387 LOOK RIGHT THERE. 443 00:11:35,454 --> 00:11:36,455 IT LOOKS LIKE A FRESHLY BOILED 444 00:11:36,522 --> 00:11:38,157 PIECE OF AL DENTE FUSILLI. 445 00:11:38,223 --> 00:11:39,625 AND I FRANKLY RESENT THAT 446 00:11:39,691 --> 00:11:41,060 FACTUALLY ACCURATE JOKE BEING 447 00:11:41,126 --> 00:11:42,928 CUT ALMOST MORE THAN I RESENT 448 00:11:42,995 --> 00:11:44,363 OUR MODI EPISODE BEING PULLED. 449 00:11:44,430 --> 00:11:46,298 AND LET ME SAY THIS TO HOTSTAR 450 00:11:46,365 --> 00:11:48,000 RIGHT NOW: IF YOU THINK YOU HAVE 451 00:11:48,067 --> 00:11:49,635 TO REMOVE ANYTHING THAT REFLECTS 452 00:11:49,701 --> 00:11:51,236 POORLY ON DISNEY FROM THIS SHOW, 453 00:11:51,303 --> 00:11:53,238 I HAVE SOME BAD NEWS FOR YOU, MY 454 00:11:53,305 --> 00:11:54,306 FRIENDS: 455 00:11:54,373 --> 00:11:56,909 I AM FUCKING ZAZU RIGHT HERE. 456 00:11:56,975 --> 00:11:58,410 EVERYTHING THAT COMES OUT OF 457 00:11:58,477 --> 00:12:00,612 THIS BEAK IS A DISNEY FACT. 458 00:12:00,679 --> 00:12:01,980 IF I SAY THAT COGSWORTH COLLECTS 459 00:12:02,047 --> 00:12:03,682 NAZI MEMORABILIA, GUESS WHAT? 460 00:12:03,749 --> 00:12:05,117 THAT'S CANON, BABY. 461 00:12:05,184 --> 00:12:07,086 THAT'S A DISNEY FUCKING FACT 462 00:12:07,152 --> 00:12:09,021 RIGHT THERE. 463 00:12:09,088 --> 00:12:11,023 AND FOR THE FORESEEABLE FUTURE, 464 00:12:11,090 --> 00:12:11,857 HOTSTAR, YOU CAN LOOK FORWARD TO 465 00:12:11,924 --> 00:12:13,258 LEARNING A LOT MORE OF THEM ON 466 00:12:13,325 --> 00:12:14,927 THIS SHOW, 'CAUSE WE'RE GOING TO 467 00:12:14,993 --> 00:12:16,261 BE SLIDING THEM INTO OUR STORIES 468 00:12:16,328 --> 00:12:17,529 LIKE CHIP AND DALE SLID INTO 469 00:12:17,596 --> 00:12:19,098 RICHARD GERE. 470 00:12:19,164 --> 00:12:20,799 THAT'S A DISNEY FACT, 471 00:12:20,866 --> 00:12:22,201 MOTHERFUCKERS! 472 00:12:22,267 --> 00:12:24,670 AND NOW THIS. 473 00:12:24,736 --> 00:12:26,105 >> Announcer: AND NOW, 474 00:12:26,171 --> 00:12:28,140 LARRY KUDLOW'S MANY BUTS. 475 00:12:28,207 --> 00:12:29,808 >> WHAT HE IS SAYING IS, WE'RE 476 00:12:29,875 --> 00:12:31,210 GOING TO GIVE YOU A RESPITE 477 00:12:31,276 --> 00:12:32,411 HERE. 478 00:12:32,478 --> 00:12:34,480 HE'S NOT GOING TO TAKE IMMEDIATE 479 00:12:34,546 --> 00:12:35,848 ACTION TO CLOSE THE BORDER OR 480 00:12:35,914 --> 00:12:38,650 THE PORTS OF ENTRY AND SO FORTH, 481 00:12:38,717 --> 00:12:40,352 BUT, BUT, BUT, BUT. 482 00:12:40,419 --> 00:12:41,019 BUT, BUT, BUT. 483 00:12:41,086 --> 00:12:41,987 BUT, BUT, BUT, BUT. 484 00:12:42,054 --> 00:12:43,088 BUT, BUT, BUT. 485 00:12:43,155 --> 00:12:44,022 BUT, BUT, BUT, BUT, BUT. 486 00:12:44,089 --> 00:12:45,557 BUT, BUT, BUT. 487 00:12:45,624 --> 00:12:46,258 BUT. 488 00:12:46,325 --> 00:12:47,826 BUT, BUT, BUT. 489 00:12:47,893 --> 00:12:48,560 BUT, BUT, BUT, BUT. 490 00:12:48,627 --> 00:12:49,595 BUT, BUT, BUT, BUT. 491 00:12:49,661 --> 00:12:50,963 BUT, BUT, BUT, BUT. 492 00:12:51,029 --> 00:12:52,531 BUT, BUT, BUT, BUT. 493 00:12:52,598 --> 00:12:54,633 BUT, BUT, BUT. 494 00:12:54,700 --> 00:12:56,768 BUT, BUT, BUT. 495 00:12:56,835 --> 00:12:57,736 BUT, BUT, BUT, BUT, BUT. 496 00:12:57,803 --> 00:12:58,604 BUT. 497 00:12:58,670 --> 00:12:59,872 BUT, BUT, BUT. 498 00:12:59,938 --> 00:13:01,640 BUT, BUT, BUT, BUT. 499 00:13:01,707 --> 00:13:03,075 BUT. 500 00:13:03,142 --> 00:13:04,076 BUT, BUT, BUT. 501 00:13:04,143 --> 00:13:05,310 BUT, BUT, BUT, BUT. 502 00:13:05,377 --> 00:13:06,545 BUT. 503 00:13:06,612 --> 00:13:07,379 BUT, BUT, BUT. 504 00:13:07,446 --> 00:13:08,347 BUT. 505 00:13:08,413 --> 00:13:11,817 BUT, BUT, BUT, BUT. 506 00:13:11,884 --> 00:13:14,720 >> John: MOVING ON. 507 00:13:14,786 --> 00:13:16,221 OUR MAIN STORY TONIGHT CONCERNS 508 00:13:16,288 --> 00:13:17,422 LAW ENFORCEMENT, AND 509 00:13:17,489 --> 00:13:19,258 SPECIFICALLY, THE JOB OF 510 00:13:19,324 --> 00:13:20,392 SHERIFF, NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH 511 00:13:20,459 --> 00:13:23,228 CHERIFF, THE PROPER WAY TO 512 00:13:23,295 --> 00:13:23,829 DESCRIBE CHER DRESSED LIKED A 513 00:13:23,896 --> 00:13:27,032 COWGIRL. 514 00:13:27,099 --> 00:13:27,766 THAT'S A SHERIFF. 515 00:13:27,833 --> 00:13:28,600 THIS IS A CHERIFF. 516 00:13:28,667 --> 00:13:29,501 IT'S A KEY DIFFERENCE YOU NEED 517 00:13:29,568 --> 00:13:30,802 TO LEARN. 518 00:13:30,869 --> 00:13:31,937 NOW, WHEN YOU HEAR THE WORD 519 00:13:32,004 --> 00:13:32,538 "SHERIFF," MOST OF US HAVE TWO 520 00:13:32,604 --> 00:13:33,639 IMMEDIATE ASSOCIATIONS. 521 00:13:33,705 --> 00:13:35,574 ONE, WESTERN LAWMEN WHO HANDLE 522 00:13:35,641 --> 00:13:36,441 CATTLE‐RUSTLIN' AND OTHER 523 00:13:36,508 --> 00:13:37,643 LIVESTOCK‐RELATED CRIMES. 524 00:13:37,709 --> 00:13:38,677 AND TWO, JOE ARPAIO, THE 525 00:13:38,744 --> 00:13:39,578 INFAMOUSLY ANTI‐IMMIGRANT 526 00:13:39,645 --> 00:13:41,380 SHERIFF. 527 00:13:41,446 --> 00:13:42,681 AND THIS NEXT CLIP ACTUALLY 528 00:13:42,748 --> 00:13:43,682 INCLUDES BOTH, AS SHERIFF JOE 529 00:13:43,749 --> 00:13:44,850 GIVES AN UPDATE ON A SUSPECT 530 00:13:44,917 --> 00:13:46,018 NABBED THROUGH AN INTERESTING 531 00:13:46,084 --> 00:13:53,358 INVESTIGATION. 532 00:13:53,425 --> 00:13:54,526 >> FINALLY HE DECIDED THAT HE 533 00:13:54,593 --> 00:13:56,628 WANTED TO TRAVEL TO PHOENIX TO 534 00:13:56,695 --> 00:13:59,598 MEET OUR UNDERCOVER AGENT AND TO 535 00:13:59,665 --> 00:14:06,371 HAVE SEX WITH HIS HORSE. 536 00:14:06,438 --> 00:14:07,206 >> John: YEAH. 537 00:14:07,272 --> 00:14:09,274 THAT SOUNDS TRULY BIZARRE UNTIL 538 00:14:09,341 --> 00:14:10,976 YOU REALIZE THE HORSE IN 539 00:14:11,043 --> 00:14:12,511 QUESTION WAS THIS ONE. 540 00:14:12,578 --> 00:14:13,512 SO YOU GET IT, RIGHT? 541 00:14:13,579 --> 00:14:14,179 I MEAN, I'M NOT SAYING I WANT TO 542 00:14:14,246 --> 00:14:15,948 FUCK A HORSE OR ANYTHING. 543 00:14:16,014 --> 00:14:16,815 BUT IF YOU'RE GONNA FUCK A 544 00:14:16,882 --> 00:14:18,083 HORSE, IT SHOULD DEFINITELY BE 545 00:14:18,150 --> 00:14:18,951 THIS ONE. 546 00:14:19,017 --> 00:14:20,752 NOW, WOULD I TRAVEL TO PHOENIX 547 00:14:20,819 --> 00:14:21,553 TO FUCK THAT HORSE? 548 00:14:21,620 --> 00:14:22,287 WELL, IT DEPENDS, DOESN'T IT? 549 00:14:22,354 --> 00:14:23,422 HOW MUCH ARE FLIGHTS? 550 00:14:23,488 --> 00:14:24,923 IF IT'S $300 ROUND TRIP? 551 00:14:24,990 --> 00:14:26,124 OF COURSE NOT. 552 00:14:26,191 --> 00:14:28,126 BUT IF IT'S $170 OR SOMETHING 553 00:14:28,193 --> 00:14:29,294 LIKE THAT AND THE HOT DADDY 554 00:14:29,361 --> 00:14:31,997 HORSE SEEMED OPEN TO IT? 555 00:14:32,064 --> 00:14:32,397 WELL, DEFINITELY. 556 00:14:32,464 --> 00:14:33,398 MY WIFE AND I HAVE A LIST OF 557 00:14:33,465 --> 00:14:34,600 FIVE PEOPLE WE'RE ALLOWED TO 558 00:14:34,666 --> 00:14:36,001 HAVE SEX WITH. 559 00:14:36,068 --> 00:14:37,236 HERS ARE ALL COMPLETELY 560 00:14:37,302 --> 00:14:38,637 UNDERSTANDABLE HANDSOME, KIND 561 00:14:38,704 --> 00:14:40,706 MEN AND MINE ARE THAT HORSE FIVE 562 00:14:40,772 --> 00:14:42,407 TIMES, SO IT SEEMS KIND OF IDEAL 563 00:14:42,474 --> 00:14:43,208 AS A SITUATION. 564 00:14:43,275 --> 00:14:49,181 ANYWAY: SHERIFFS. 565 00:14:49,248 --> 00:14:50,115 THERE ARE ACTUALLY MORE THAN 566 00:14:50,182 --> 00:14:51,316 3,000 OF THEM AROUND THE 567 00:14:51,383 --> 00:14:54,152 COUNTRY, AND GENERALLY SPEAKING, 568 00:14:54,219 --> 00:14:55,153 THEY RUN LAW ENFORCEMENT AT A 569 00:14:55,220 --> 00:14:56,288 COUNTY LEVEL. 570 00:14:56,355 --> 00:14:58,090 CITIES OR TOWNS MIGHT HAVE THEIR 571 00:14:58,156 --> 00:14:58,724 OWN POLICE DEPARTMENTS AS WELL, 572 00:14:58,790 --> 00:14:59,358 BUT IN MANY AREAS, SHERIFFS ARE 573 00:14:59,424 --> 00:15:02,094 THE ONLY LAW ENFORCEMENT AROUND. 574 00:15:02,160 --> 00:15:02,828 AND THEY OVERSEE A LOT OF 575 00:15:02,894 --> 00:15:03,862 OFFICERS. 576 00:15:03,929 --> 00:15:04,730 AROUND 25% OF LOCAL 577 00:15:04,796 --> 00:15:05,797 LAW ENFORCEMENT OFFICERS WORK 578 00:15:05,864 --> 00:15:06,898 FOR SHERIFFS. 579 00:15:06,965 --> 00:15:08,033 THAT'S ONE IN FOUR COPS. 580 00:15:08,100 --> 00:15:09,201 AND DEPENDING ON WHERE YOU LIVE, 581 00:15:09,268 --> 00:15:10,936 YOUR SHERIFF MIGHT BE GOOD, BAD, 582 00:15:11,003 --> 00:15:13,639 OR A TOTAL WEIRDO. 583 00:15:13,705 --> 00:15:15,340 AND I WILL NOT SAY WHICH ONES 584 00:15:15,407 --> 00:15:17,376 ARE THE WEIRDOS BECAUSE THAT 585 00:15:17,442 --> 00:15:19,177 WOULD BE UNFAIR TO KENNEY BOONE 586 00:15:19,244 --> 00:15:20,612 WHO, UNTIL RECENTLY, WAS 587 00:15:20,679 --> 00:15:22,214 SHERIFF IN FLORENCE COUNTY, 588 00:15:22,281 --> 00:15:24,583 SOUTH CAROLINA, WHERE HE MADE 589 00:15:24,650 --> 00:15:26,051 THIS INCREDIBLE PSA. 590 00:15:26,118 --> 00:15:28,320 >> THEY SAID ONE HIT WOULDN'T 591 00:15:28,387 --> 00:15:32,624 HURT. 592 00:15:32,691 --> 00:15:38,664 THEY SAID ONE HIT WOULDN'T HURT. 593 00:15:38,730 --> 00:15:39,798 >> THEY LIED. 594 00:15:39,865 --> 00:15:41,400 I'M SHERIFF KENNEY BOONE. 595 00:15:41,466 --> 00:15:46,972 PLEASE, PLEASE TALK TO YOUR KIDS 596 00:15:47,039 --> 00:15:49,207 ABOUT DRUGS. 597 00:15:49,274 --> 00:15:50,375 TALK TO YOUR KIDS ABOUT DRUGS. 598 00:15:50,442 --> 00:15:52,244 >> John: WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 599 00:15:52,311 --> 00:15:54,713 THAT IS SO MAGNIFICENTLY WEIRD. 600 00:15:54,780 --> 00:15:57,716 I WANT 900 MORE VERSIONS OF THAT 601 00:15:57,783 --> 00:15:59,151 WHERE KENNEY BOONE IMPLORES US 602 00:15:59,217 --> 00:16:00,585 TO TALK TO OUR KIDS ABOUT OTHER 603 00:16:00,652 --> 00:16:01,553 THINGS. 604 00:16:01,620 --> 00:16:03,655 "TALK TO YOUR KIDS ABOUT SLUGS. 605 00:16:03,722 --> 00:16:04,690 PLEASE TALK TO YOUR KIDS ABOUT 606 00:16:04,756 --> 00:16:06,325 RUGS. 607 00:16:06,391 --> 00:16:07,693 PEOPLE, I AM BEGGING YOU: 608 00:16:07,759 --> 00:16:09,828 TALK TO YOUR KIDS ABOUT PUGS. 609 00:16:09,895 --> 00:16:11,496 THEY SAID ONE LICK WOULDN'T 610 00:16:11,563 --> 00:16:11,997 HURT. 611 00:16:12,064 --> 00:16:14,366 THEY LIED." 612 00:16:14,433 --> 00:16:15,701 NOW, THE ROLE OF SHERIFF IS A 613 00:16:15,767 --> 00:16:18,170 UNIQUE POSITION BECAUSE SHERIFFS 614 00:16:18,236 --> 00:16:20,005 ARE ACTUALLY ELECTED, WHICH 615 00:16:20,072 --> 00:16:20,772 MEANS THEY OFTEN PRODUCE 616 00:16:20,839 --> 00:16:21,606 CAMPAIGN ADS. 617 00:16:21,673 --> 00:16:23,141 IN FACT, LAST YEAR, A CANDIDATE 618 00:16:23,208 --> 00:16:24,676 IN SOUTH CAROLINA PRODUCED A 619 00:16:24,743 --> 00:16:26,278 FRANKLY UNFORGETTABLE AD. 620 00:16:26,345 --> 00:16:27,779 YOU'RE ABOUT TO THINK YOU KNOW 621 00:16:27,846 --> 00:16:28,847 WHERE THIS IS GOING, BUT YOU'RE 622 00:16:28,914 --> 00:16:30,215 GOING TO NEED TO BRACE YOURSELF 623 00:16:30,282 --> 00:16:37,322 FOR A HARD TURN. 624 00:16:37,389 --> 00:16:38,056 >> I WANT TO TELL YOU AT THE 625 00:16:38,123 --> 00:16:39,091 START OF MY CAMPAIGN SOME THINGS 626 00:16:39,157 --> 00:16:39,691 THAT POLITICIANS WOULD TRY TO 627 00:16:39,758 --> 00:16:40,659 HIDE, THINGS MY OPPONENTS MAY 628 00:16:40,726 --> 00:16:41,693 TRY TO USE TO TARNISH MY 629 00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:43,028 INTEGRITY. 630 00:16:43,095 --> 00:16:44,029 AS A 16‐YEAR‐OLD, I RECEIVED A 631 00:16:44,096 --> 00:16:44,763 TICKET FOR NOT HAVING MY 632 00:16:44,830 --> 00:16:45,664 DRIVER'S LICENSE IN MY 633 00:16:45,731 --> 00:16:46,765 POSSESSION. 634 00:16:46,832 --> 00:16:48,700 I'VE BEEN IN FENDER BENDERS THAT 635 00:16:48,767 --> 00:16:50,769 WERE MY FAULT. 636 00:16:50,836 --> 00:16:51,970 AND ABOUT 10 YEARS AGO, AS A 637 00:16:52,037 --> 00:16:53,472 YOUNG POLICE OFFICER, I ATTENDED 638 00:16:53,538 --> 00:16:55,273 A LAW ENFORCEMENT HALLOWEEN 639 00:16:55,340 --> 00:16:56,408 PARTY DRESSED AS RUTHLESS 640 00:16:56,475 --> 00:17:00,879 DRUG KINGPIN BIG MEECH FLENNERY. 641 00:17:00,946 --> 00:17:02,681 I DID IT TO DISPARAGE A CRIMINAL 642 00:17:02,748 --> 00:17:03,648 WHOSE ACTIONS HURT OUR COMMUNITY 643 00:17:03,715 --> 00:17:05,050 AND COUNTRY. 644 00:17:05,117 --> 00:17:07,285 THAT WAS A DIFFERENT TIME. 645 00:17:07,352 --> 00:17:09,488 >> John: WOW. 646 00:17:09,554 --> 00:17:10,655 FOR THE RECORD AS WELL, THE 647 00:17:10,722 --> 00:17:12,591 DIFFERENT TIME HE'S TALKING 648 00:17:12,657 --> 00:17:14,292 ABOUT WAS 10 YEARS AGO, WHEN 649 00:17:14,359 --> 00:17:16,661 BLACK FACE WAS STILL WIDELY 650 00:17:16,728 --> 00:17:17,195 CONSIDERED ‐‐ AND THIS IS 651 00:17:17,262 --> 00:17:20,665 TRUE ‐‐ BAD. 652 00:17:20,732 --> 00:17:21,566 AND ONCE IN OFFICE, SHERIFFS 653 00:17:21,633 --> 00:17:22,401 HOLD MUCH MORE POWER THAN YOU 654 00:17:22,467 --> 00:17:23,702 MAY REALIZE. 655 00:17:23,769 --> 00:17:26,571 SO WITH OVER 1,000 SHERIFF 656 00:17:26,638 --> 00:17:47,259 ELECTIONS THIS YEAR, POSSIBLY 657 00:17:47,325 --> 00:17:48,360 WHERE YOU LIVE, WE THOUGHT 658 00:17:48,427 --> 00:17:49,928 TONIGHT MIGHT BE A GOOD TIME TO 659 00:17:49,995 --> 00:17:50,529 TAKE A LOOK AT THIS JOB. 660 00:17:50,595 --> 00:17:51,596 AND LET'S START WITH THE FACT 661 00:17:51,663 --> 00:17:53,231 THAT, IN MOST STATES, SHERIFFS' 662 00:17:53,298 --> 00:17:54,533 DUTIES ARE ENSHRINED IN THE 663 00:17:54,599 --> 00:17:55,367 STATE CONSTITUTION, MEANING THAT 664 00:17:55,434 --> 00:17:56,601 THEIR JOB DESCRIPTION CAN HAVE A 665 00:17:56,668 --> 00:17:57,903 CERTAIN OLD‐TIMEY FLAVOR. 666 00:17:57,969 --> 00:17:58,503 FOR INSTANCE, IN MANY PLACES, 667 00:17:58,570 --> 00:17:59,137 SHERIFFS CAN STILL TECHNICALLY 668 00:17:59,204 --> 00:18:00,172 FORM A POSSE, MEANING THAT THEY 669 00:18:00,238 --> 00:18:00,772 CAN ENLIST VOLUNTEERS TO HELP 670 00:18:00,839 --> 00:18:01,273 WITH "TASKS RANGING FROM 671 00:18:01,339 --> 00:18:02,073 PROVIDING SECURITY TO PURSUING 672 00:18:02,140 --> 00:18:03,175 FUGITIVES," AND THOSE POSSE 673 00:18:03,241 --> 00:18:03,809 MEMBERS CAN BE BASICALLY ANYONE, 674 00:18:03,875 --> 00:18:04,309 WHICH IS HOW THIS ACTUAL 675 00:18:04,376 --> 00:18:05,210 SCHOOL SHOOTING DRILL CAME TO 676 00:18:05,277 --> 00:18:05,877 INCLUDE AN ARGUABLY FAMOUS FACE. 677 00:18:05,944 --> 00:18:06,678 >> THIS IS EVERY PARENT'S WORST 678 00:18:06,745 --> 00:18:07,479 NIGHTMARE. 679 00:18:07,546 --> 00:18:08,246 >> GET ON THE GROUND. 680 00:18:08,313 --> 00:18:09,080 DO IT NOW. 681 00:18:09,147 --> 00:18:09,915 >> FACE DOWN. 682 00:18:09,981 --> 00:18:10,582 GET ON THE GROUND. 683 00:18:10,649 --> 00:18:11,316 >> THESE MEN ARE LEARNING HOW TO 684 00:18:11,383 --> 00:18:12,184 FIGHT THE NEXT SCHOOL SHOOTER. 685 00:18:12,250 --> 00:18:12,818 >> YOU CAN'T WAIT THAT LONG! 686 00:18:12,884 --> 00:18:13,752 >> AND ODDLY ENOUGH, THEIR COACH 687 00:18:13,819 --> 00:18:14,419 IS 1990s ACTION FILM LEGEND 688 00:18:14,486 --> 00:18:15,287 STEVEN SEAGAL. 689 00:18:15,353 --> 00:18:16,121 >> FOR EVERY SECOND THAT GOES 690 00:18:16,188 --> 00:18:17,088 BY, I TOLD YOU THAT YOU COULD 691 00:18:17,155 --> 00:18:18,890 HAVE DEAD CHILDREN. 692 00:18:18,957 --> 00:18:19,925 >> John: YEAH, THAT'S DEPUTY 693 00:18:19,991 --> 00:18:22,060 STEVEN SEAGAL. 694 00:18:22,127 --> 00:18:24,162 AND WATCHING STEVEN SEAGAL 695 00:18:24,229 --> 00:18:25,263 CONDUCT AN ACTIVE SHOOTER DRILL 696 00:18:25,330 --> 00:18:26,898 WHILE DISCUSSING DEAD CHILDREN 697 00:18:26,965 --> 00:18:28,233 IS A LOT LIKE LOOKING AT 698 00:18:28,300 --> 00:18:29,634 A PICTURE OF STEVEN SEAGAL'S 699 00:18:29,701 --> 00:18:31,670 CURRENT HAIR: YOU IMMEDIATELY 700 00:18:31,736 --> 00:18:32,537 THINK TO YOURSELF, "THIS IS 701 00:18:32,604 --> 00:18:34,172 HIGHLY UNUSUAL AND UPSETTINGLY 702 00:18:34,239 --> 00:18:36,475 DARK." 703 00:18:36,541 --> 00:18:37,943 STILL, ONE OF THE GREATEST 704 00:18:38,009 --> 00:18:39,511 POWERS SHERIFFS HAVE IS TO SET 705 00:18:39,578 --> 00:18:41,179 LAW ENFORCEMENT PRIORITIES IN 706 00:18:41,246 --> 00:18:43,081 THEIR COUNTY. 707 00:18:43,148 --> 00:18:44,282 AND THAT'S NOT ENTIRELY A BAD 708 00:18:44,349 --> 00:18:45,317 THING. 709 00:18:45,383 --> 00:18:47,319 SOME SHERIFFS HAVE ADVANCED 710 00:18:47,385 --> 00:18:48,253 GENUINELY PROGRESSIVE IDEAS, 711 00:18:48,320 --> 00:18:50,255 LIKE DE‐PRIORITIZING LOW‐LEVEL 712 00:18:50,322 --> 00:18:51,423 DRUG OFFENSES OR, IN THE CASE OF 713 00:18:51,490 --> 00:18:53,792 ONE TEXAS SHERIFF, FIGHTING HARD 714 00:18:53,859 --> 00:18:55,160 FOR BAIL REFORM: 715 00:18:55,227 --> 00:18:58,730 >> 75% OF OUR POPULATION, ON 716 00:18:58,797 --> 00:19:00,532 AVERAGE, OF THE 8300 THAT WE 717 00:19:00,599 --> 00:19:02,567 HAVE, IS THERE SIMPLY BECAUSE 718 00:19:02,634 --> 00:19:04,102 THEY'RE PRE‐TRIAL DETAINEES AND 719 00:19:04,169 --> 00:19:05,504 MANY ARE JUST SIMPLY TOO POOR TO 720 00:19:05,570 --> 00:19:06,838 PAY ‐‐ MANY NON‐VIOLENT 721 00:19:06,905 --> 00:19:07,939 OFFENDERS. 722 00:19:08,006 --> 00:19:10,008 I THINK WE NEED TO FIND A WAY TO 723 00:19:10,075 --> 00:19:10,709 MAKE SURE THAT THEY CAN STAY 724 00:19:10,775 --> 00:19:11,843 WITH THEIR FAMILIES, BE HELD 725 00:19:11,910 --> 00:19:13,345 ACCOUNTABLE STILL. 726 00:19:13,411 --> 00:19:15,347 BUT NO ONE CAN BE HELD IN JAIL 727 00:19:15,413 --> 00:19:16,014 SIMPLY BECAUSE THEY'RE TOO POOR 728 00:19:16,081 --> 00:19:17,115 TO PAY. 729 00:19:17,182 --> 00:19:18,116 >> John: HE'S RIGHT. 730 00:19:18,183 --> 00:19:19,551 THAT'S FANTASTIC. 731 00:19:19,618 --> 00:19:20,685 HE'S ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. 732 00:19:20,752 --> 00:19:22,320 AND HEARING SOMEONE IN UNIFORM 733 00:19:22,387 --> 00:19:24,656 SAY THAT IS GENUINELY WEIRD, BUT 734 00:19:24,723 --> 00:19:28,593 A GOOD WEIRD, YOU KNOW, LIKE 735 00:19:28,660 --> 00:19:29,528 EATING A BACON DONUT, OR 736 00:19:29,594 --> 00:19:30,295 SEEING HOW DOGS WALK WHEN THEY 737 00:19:30,362 --> 00:19:32,731 WEAR SHOES FOR THE FIRST TIME. 738 00:19:32,797 --> 00:19:33,532 >> GO GET THE BALL. 739 00:19:33,598 --> 00:19:39,004 >> COME ON! 740 00:19:39,070 --> 00:19:40,405 >> John: EXACTLY. 741 00:19:40,472 --> 00:19:43,575 WEIRD BUT GOOD. 742 00:19:43,642 --> 00:19:44,576 AND BY THE WAY, THAT SHERIFF'S 743 00:19:44,643 --> 00:19:47,312 NOT JUST TALK ‐‐ HE IMPLEMENTED 744 00:19:47,379 --> 00:19:49,814 A "CITE‐AND‐RELEASE" PROGRAM FOR 745 00:19:49,881 --> 00:19:50,582 LOW‐LEVEL OFFENSES RATHER THAN 746 00:19:50,649 --> 00:19:51,483 BOOKING PEOPLE INTO JAILS. 747 00:19:51,550 --> 00:19:52,551 WHICH IS GREAT. 748 00:19:52,617 --> 00:19:54,319 BUT OBVIOUSLY, SHERIFFS CAN ALSO 749 00:19:54,386 --> 00:19:56,021 GO HARD THE OTHER WAY. 750 00:19:56,087 --> 00:20:00,158 SHERIFF JOE FAMOUSLY PRIORITIZED 751 00:20:00,225 --> 00:20:01,126 IMMIGRATION ENFORCEMENT TO THE 752 00:20:01,192 --> 00:20:02,260 DETRIMENT OF OTHER CONCERNS, 753 00:20:02,327 --> 00:20:03,295 LIKE INVESTIGATING SEXUAL 754 00:20:03,361 --> 00:20:05,897 ASSAULT. 755 00:20:05,964 --> 00:20:07,065 AND SHERIFF RICHARD JONES IN 756 00:20:07,132 --> 00:20:08,199 BUTLER COUNTY, OHIO, HAS REFUSED 757 00:20:08,266 --> 00:20:09,067 TO ALLOW HIS DEPUTIES TO CARRY 758 00:20:09,134 --> 00:20:10,168 NARCAN TO RESCUE PEOPLE 759 00:20:10,235 --> 00:20:10,969 MID‐OVERDOSE, WHICH IS AN 760 00:20:11,036 --> 00:20:12,504 INCREDIBLE POLICY TO ADOPT IN A 761 00:20:12,571 --> 00:20:15,640 PLACE WHERE OVERDOSES HAVE BEEN 762 00:20:15,707 --> 00:20:17,275 KILLING MORE PEOPLE THAN ALL 763 00:20:17,342 --> 00:20:19,144 OTHER CAUSES OF DEATH COMBINED. 764 00:20:19,210 --> 00:20:20,912 JONES HAS ARGUED IT'S UNSAFE FOR 765 00:20:20,979 --> 00:20:21,980 HIS OFFICERS TO HELP REVIVE 766 00:20:22,047 --> 00:20:23,415 PEOPLE, BUT THE MORE HE TALKS, 767 00:20:23,481 --> 00:20:24,950 THE LESS IT SEEMS HE THINKS 768 00:20:25,016 --> 00:20:26,318 THOSE PEOPLE ARE WORTH REVIVING 769 00:20:26,384 --> 00:20:27,886 AT ALL. 770 00:20:27,953 --> 00:20:30,455 >> I'M NOT ADVOCATING THAT 771 00:20:30,522 --> 00:20:32,057 PEOPLE DIE, BUT I'M NOT 772 00:20:32,123 --> 00:20:33,592 ADVOCATING THAT THE POLICE, THIS 773 00:20:33,658 --> 00:20:35,393 IS THEIR JOB. 774 00:20:35,460 --> 00:20:36,828 AND I UNDERSTAND PEOPLE THAT SAY 775 00:20:36,895 --> 00:20:40,165 IT'S A DISEASE, I DON'T KNOW 776 00:20:40,231 --> 00:20:41,266 THAT I BELIEVE IT'S A DISEASE. 777 00:20:41,333 --> 00:20:42,334 SOME PEOPLE WILL EQUATE IT LIKE 778 00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:44,803 PEOPLE THAT HAVE CANCER AND I 779 00:20:44,869 --> 00:20:45,503 SAY IT'S NOT. 780 00:20:45,570 --> 00:20:46,404 PEOPLE DON'T CHOOSE TO HAVE 781 00:20:46,471 --> 00:20:47,339 CANCER. 782 00:20:47,405 --> 00:20:48,273 AND THE PEOPLE WITH CANCER 783 00:20:48,340 --> 00:20:49,240 AREN'T STEALING MY AIR 784 00:20:49,307 --> 00:20:50,075 CONDITIONS AND AREN'T STEALING 785 00:20:50,141 --> 00:20:51,076 THE COPPER OUT OF PEOPLE'S 786 00:20:51,142 --> 00:20:51,776 HOUSES AND RIPPING THE WIRES 787 00:20:51,843 --> 00:20:52,711 OUT. 788 00:20:52,777 --> 00:20:53,645 >> John: LOOK, THAT IS CLEARLY 789 00:20:53,712 --> 00:20:55,146 OFFENSIVE. 790 00:20:55,213 --> 00:20:56,281 AND NOT JUST TO THOSE DEALING 791 00:20:56,348 --> 00:20:57,248 WITH ADDICTION, BUT TO PEOPLE 792 00:20:57,315 --> 00:20:58,817 WITH CANCER. 793 00:20:58,883 --> 00:21:01,052 YOU THINK THAT THEY DON'T HAVE 794 00:21:01,119 --> 00:21:02,287 THE ABILITY TO STEAL COPPER? 795 00:21:02,354 --> 00:21:03,188 PEOPLE WITH CANCER CAN GRIP IT, 796 00:21:03,254 --> 00:21:03,788 RIP IT, AND STRIP IT WITH THE 797 00:21:03,855 --> 00:21:08,426 BEST METAL THIEVES OUT THERE. 798 00:21:08,493 --> 00:21:09,094 IN FACT, CANCER PATIENTS HAVE 799 00:21:09,160 --> 00:21:10,362 BEEN SOME OF THE BEST 800 00:21:10,428 --> 00:21:11,029 FIVE‐FINGER COPPER SHOPPERS I 801 00:21:11,096 --> 00:21:12,430 PERSONALLY KNOW. 802 00:21:12,497 --> 00:21:14,532 BUT PERHAPS THE MOST SIGNIFICANT 803 00:21:14,599 --> 00:21:15,133 DUTY OF A SHERIFF IS THAT, IN 804 00:21:15,200 --> 00:21:16,468 MOST PLACES, THEY'RE THE ONES 805 00:21:16,534 --> 00:21:18,003 OPERATING THE LOCAL JAIL, AND 806 00:21:18,069 --> 00:21:20,872 THEY CAN HAVE A TON OF LEEWAY 807 00:21:20,939 --> 00:21:22,140 OVER HOW TO DO THAT. 808 00:21:22,207 --> 00:21:23,508 UP UNTIL JUST LAST YEAR, IN 809 00:21:23,575 --> 00:21:24,876 ALABAMA, SHERIFFS WERE LEGALLY 810 00:21:24,943 --> 00:21:27,112 ALLOWED TO PERSONALLY POCKET ANY 811 00:21:27,178 --> 00:21:29,347 LEFTOVER MONEY DESIGNATED TO 812 00:21:29,414 --> 00:21:31,016 FEED PRISONERS, GIVING THEM A 813 00:21:31,082 --> 00:21:33,351 PRETTY STRONG INCENTIVE TO SKIMP 814 00:21:33,418 --> 00:21:35,587 ON INMATE FOOD, WHICH HAPPENED. 815 00:21:35,654 --> 00:21:37,689 THE MOST SPECTACULAR EXAMPLE OF 816 00:21:37,756 --> 00:21:38,890 THIS WAS SHERIFF TODD ENTREKIN 817 00:21:38,957 --> 00:21:40,058 OF ETOWAH COUNTY. 818 00:21:40,125 --> 00:21:41,192 OVER THE YEARS, THERE HAD BEEN 819 00:21:41,259 --> 00:21:42,394 ACCUSATIONS OF PROBLEMS WITH THE 820 00:21:42,460 --> 00:21:43,461 QUALITY AND QUANTITY OF FOOD IN 821 00:21:43,528 --> 00:21:44,629 HIS JAILS. 822 00:21:44,696 --> 00:21:46,898 AND WHILE HE DENIED THOSE 823 00:21:46,965 --> 00:21:47,666 ALLEGATIONS, TWO YEARS AGO, IT 824 00:21:47,732 --> 00:21:50,001 EMERGED THAT HE'D BOUGHT 825 00:21:50,068 --> 00:21:50,869 A $740,000 BEACH HOUSE, AND IF 826 00:21:50,935 --> 00:21:52,337 THAT SEEMS LIKE A SUSPICIOUSLY 827 00:21:52,404 --> 00:21:53,505 LARGE PURCHASE FOR SOMEONE WITH 828 00:21:53,571 --> 00:21:55,040 HIS SALARY, THIS PROBABLY WON'T 829 00:21:55,106 --> 00:21:57,809 SURPRISE YOU. 830 00:21:57,876 --> 00:21:59,344 >> OVER THE LAST THREE YEARS, 831 00:21:59,411 --> 00:22:01,112 THE SHERIFF'S FOOD PROGRAM HAS 832 00:22:01,179 --> 00:22:02,480 RUN UNDER BUDGET, LETTING HIM 833 00:22:02,547 --> 00:22:05,250 POCKET THE LEFTOVERS. 834 00:22:05,316 --> 00:22:08,153 $750,000 ‐‐ ALL OF IT TAXPAYER 835 00:22:08,219 --> 00:22:09,954 MONEY. 836 00:22:10,021 --> 00:22:10,922 DO YOU AGREE THAT THE OPTICS OF 837 00:22:10,989 --> 00:22:12,457 THIS ARE TERRIBLE? 838 00:22:12,524 --> 00:22:13,658 >> THE OPTICS, YES. 839 00:22:13,725 --> 00:22:14,626 BUT I CAN'T ‐‐ I CAN'T CHANGE 840 00:22:14,693 --> 00:22:22,734 THE OPTICS ‐‐ OPTICS. 841 00:22:22,801 --> 00:22:24,469 >> John: "OH, YEAH, I WOULD LOVE 842 00:22:24,536 --> 00:22:25,136 FOR THE OPTICS TO CHANGE. 843 00:22:25,203 --> 00:22:25,704 I MEAN, I WANT TO KEEP DOING 844 00:22:25,770 --> 00:22:26,304 WHAT I'M DOING, I JUST WISH IT 845 00:22:26,371 --> 00:22:26,938 WOULD LOOK BETTER WHEN I DID IT. 846 00:22:27,005 --> 00:22:27,672 PICTURE ME WITH SUNGLASSES AND A 847 00:22:27,739 --> 00:22:29,507 COOL JACKET. 848 00:22:29,574 --> 00:22:30,341 ARE THE OPTICS BETTER? 849 00:22:30,408 --> 00:22:31,609 I LIKE THESE BETTER." 850 00:22:31,676 --> 00:22:32,410 AND BAD JAIL CONDITIONS 851 00:22:32,477 --> 00:22:33,645 OBVIOUSLY DON'T STOP AT FOOD. 852 00:22:33,712 --> 00:22:34,779 TAKE SHERIFF GREG AHERN OF 853 00:22:34,846 --> 00:22:36,414 ALAMEDA COUNTY, CALIFORNIA. 854 00:22:36,481 --> 00:22:38,349 MORE THAN 40 INMATES HAVE 855 00:22:38,416 --> 00:22:41,486 DIED IN HIS JAILS IN THE PAST 856 00:22:41,553 --> 00:22:43,388 FIVE YEARS, AND AT LEAST 857 00:22:43,455 --> 00:22:45,090 29 FEMALE INMATES HAVE SUED 858 00:22:45,156 --> 00:22:46,791 AHERN OVER CONDITIONS AND 859 00:22:46,858 --> 00:22:48,493 TREATMENT, WITH ALLEGATIONS 860 00:22:48,560 --> 00:22:50,161 RANGING FROM BEING PUT IN A CELL 861 00:22:50,228 --> 00:22:52,363 WITH FECES AND BLOOD ON THE 862 00:22:52,430 --> 00:22:53,164 WALLS TO A WOMAN WHO SAYS SHE 863 00:22:53,231 --> 00:22:54,432 SCREAMED FOR HOURS AS SHE GAVE 864 00:22:54,499 --> 00:22:55,467 BIRTH ALONE IN AN ISOLATION 865 00:22:55,533 --> 00:22:56,434 CELL. 866 00:22:56,501 --> 00:22:57,869 NOW, THE SHERIFF HAS DEFENDED 867 00:22:57,936 --> 00:22:59,304 HIS FACILITIES AND DISPUTED 868 00:22:59,370 --> 00:23:00,438 THOSE ALLEGATIONS, THOUGH NOT IN 869 00:23:00,505 --> 00:23:02,040 A PARTICULARLY CONVINCING WAY. 870 00:23:02,107 --> 00:23:03,141 >> WHEN YOU HEAR PEOPLE SAY, 871 00:23:03,208 --> 00:23:04,209 "THERE WAS FECES ON THE WALL, 872 00:23:04,275 --> 00:23:06,077 BLOOD EVERYWHERE, AND TAMPONS 873 00:23:06,144 --> 00:23:07,545 STUCK EVERYWHERE," DOES THAT 874 00:23:07,612 --> 00:23:08,680 MAKE YOU ANGRY? 875 00:23:08,747 --> 00:23:10,315 >> YOU MEAN THE PEOPLE THAT ARE 876 00:23:10,381 --> 00:23:11,816 IN CUSTODY FOR MURDER, RAPE, 877 00:23:11,883 --> 00:23:13,451 ROBBERY, WHO HAVE LIED THEIR 878 00:23:13,518 --> 00:23:15,687 ENTIRE LIFE, AND THEY MAKE 879 00:23:15,754 --> 00:23:18,823 THINGS UP HABITUALLY? 880 00:23:18,890 --> 00:23:21,025 >> John: OKAY, HOLD ON. 881 00:23:21,092 --> 00:23:21,860 HOLD ON. 882 00:23:21,926 --> 00:23:22,527 FIRST, THE TWO WOMEN WHO MADE 883 00:23:22,594 --> 00:23:23,228 THOSE CLAIMS WERE NOT MURDERERS 884 00:23:23,294 --> 00:23:23,828 OR ROBBERS. 885 00:23:23,895 --> 00:23:24,929 THEY WERE ACTUALLY IN THERE ON 886 00:23:24,996 --> 00:23:25,830 MINOR CHARGES, ALL OF WHICH WERE 887 00:23:25,897 --> 00:23:26,331 DROPPED. 888 00:23:26,397 --> 00:23:27,065 SECOND, EVEN IF THEY WERE 889 00:23:27,132 --> 00:23:27,832 MURDERERS, THEY SHOULD BE 890 00:23:27,899 --> 00:23:29,000 TREATED HUMANELY. 891 00:23:29,067 --> 00:23:30,668 AND THIRD, HOW DO YOU WHIFF ON 892 00:23:30,735 --> 00:23:32,070 THE QUESTION, "THERE WAS FECES 893 00:23:32,137 --> 00:23:33,071 ON THE WALL, BLOOD EVERYWHERE, 894 00:23:33,138 --> 00:23:37,609 DOES THAT MAKE YOU ANGRY?" 895 00:23:37,675 --> 00:23:38,910 THAT IS ONE OF THE EASIER 896 00:23:38,977 --> 00:23:40,678 QUESTIONS, LIKE "IS CAKE GOOD" 897 00:23:40,745 --> 00:23:43,448 OR "IS THIS A FUCKABLE HORSE?" 898 00:23:43,515 --> 00:23:45,683 THE ANSWER IS "YES." 899 00:23:45,750 --> 00:23:46,751 IT'S OBVIOUSLY "YES," RIGHT? 900 00:23:46,818 --> 00:23:47,919 LOOK AT ME. 901 00:23:47,986 --> 00:23:50,155 "YES." 902 00:23:50,221 --> 00:23:51,856 AND AT THIS POINT, YOU MIGHT BE 903 00:23:51,923 --> 00:23:53,258 WONDERING: "HOW CAN SHERIFFS BE 904 00:23:53,324 --> 00:23:54,826 REINED IN?" 905 00:23:54,893 --> 00:23:56,961 THE PROBLEM IS, IT'S VERY 906 00:23:57,028 --> 00:23:57,996 DIFFICULT. 907 00:23:58,062 --> 00:23:59,464 WHILE POLICE CHIEFS CAN BE HIRED 908 00:23:59,531 --> 00:24:00,365 OR FIRED, REMOVING A SHERIFF 909 00:24:00,431 --> 00:24:01,332 BETWEEN ELECTIONS IS ALMOST 910 00:24:01,399 --> 00:24:03,067 IMPOSSIBLE. 911 00:24:03,134 --> 00:24:04,736 IT GENERALLY REQUIRES A CRIMINAL 912 00:24:04,803 --> 00:24:06,004 CONVICTION, INTERVENTION FROM 913 00:24:06,070 --> 00:24:07,472 STATE GOVERNMENT, OR A RECALL 914 00:24:07,539 --> 00:24:08,506 VOTE, AND THOSE ARE VERY RARELY 915 00:24:08,573 --> 00:24:09,974 SUCCESSFUL. 916 00:24:10,041 --> 00:24:11,442 SO SHERIFFS OPERATE WITH A LOT 917 00:24:11,509 --> 00:24:12,944 OF IMPUNITY AND CAN GET PRETTY 918 00:24:13,011 --> 00:24:14,145 BELLIGERENT IF ANYONE QUESTIONS 919 00:24:14,212 --> 00:24:15,880 THEM. 920 00:24:15,947 --> 00:24:17,649 REMEMBER KENNEY BOONE, THE 921 00:24:17,715 --> 00:24:18,883 SHERIFF WHO HATED DRUGS BUT 922 00:24:18,950 --> 00:24:20,285 LOVED YELLING AT FAKE CHILD 923 00:24:20,351 --> 00:24:22,020 FUNERALS? 924 00:24:22,086 --> 00:24:26,324 WELL, WHEN THE COUNTY FINANCE 925 00:24:26,391 --> 00:24:27,892 DIRECTOR STARTED ASKING 926 00:24:27,959 --> 00:24:29,360 QUESTIONS ABOUT HIS SPENDING, 927 00:24:29,427 --> 00:24:30,195 BOONE DID NOT TAKE IT WELL. 928 00:24:30,261 --> 00:24:31,496 >> KEVIN, KENNEY BOONE AGAIN. 929 00:24:31,563 --> 00:24:32,897 I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOUR DEAL IS 930 00:24:32,964 --> 00:24:33,731 PUTTING YOUR NOSE IN OTHER 931 00:24:33,798 --> 00:24:34,833 PEOPLE'S BUSINESS, NOW ALL OF A 932 00:24:34,899 --> 00:24:35,834 SUDDEN YOU WANT TO QUESTION 933 00:24:35,900 --> 00:24:37,535 THINGS THAT I DO? 934 00:24:37,602 --> 00:24:38,603 YOU LITTLE NERDY, UH, 935 00:24:38,670 --> 00:24:39,971 INTELLIGENT BASTARD. 936 00:24:40,038 --> 00:24:40,872 I'M TELLING YOU, PAYBACK'S GONNA 937 00:24:40,939 --> 00:24:42,373 BE HELL, I PROMISE YOU. 938 00:24:42,440 --> 00:24:43,274 THANK YOU. 939 00:24:43,341 --> 00:24:45,076 >> John: YES! 940 00:24:45,143 --> 00:24:48,246 YES, KENNEY, THAT'S FANTASTIC! 941 00:24:48,313 --> 00:24:49,314 I'D GIVE ANYTHING TO HEAR THE 942 00:24:49,380 --> 00:24:50,648 NEXT VOICEMAIL HE LEFT FOR THAT 943 00:24:50,715 --> 00:24:52,150 GUY. 944 00:24:52,217 --> 00:24:53,952 "HEY, KENNEY AGAIN, IGNORE THAT 945 00:24:54,018 --> 00:24:54,986 LAST MESSAGE, I JUST WANTED TO 946 00:24:55,053 --> 00:24:56,387 SAY, YOU'RE A BASTARD. 947 00:24:56,454 --> 00:24:57,789 I DON'T THINK YOU'RE 948 00:24:57,856 --> 00:24:58,756 INTELLIGENT, I THINK YOU'RE A 949 00:24:58,823 --> 00:25:00,024 NERDY, DORKY, UH... 950 00:25:00,091 --> 00:25:00,792 INSIGHTFUL INDIVIDUAL. 951 00:25:00,859 --> 00:25:02,260 DAMN IT! 952 00:25:02,327 --> 00:25:03,394 I BLEW IT AGAIN! 953 00:25:03,461 --> 00:25:04,195 IGNORE THIS CALL TOO. 954 00:25:04,262 --> 00:25:05,897 SPEAK TO YOU SOON. 955 00:25:05,964 --> 00:25:06,698 TALK TO YOUR KIDS ABOUT DRUGS, 956 00:25:06,764 --> 00:25:11,269 LOVE YOU, BYE. 957 00:25:11,336 --> 00:25:14,572 GOD DAMN IT, KENNEY!" 958 00:25:14,639 --> 00:25:15,440 NOW, YOU SHOULD KNOW, 959 00:25:15,506 --> 00:25:16,074 WE REACHED OUT TO KENNEY BOONE'S 960 00:25:16,140 --> 00:25:16,708 LAWYER LAST WEEK, AND THEY SAID 961 00:25:16,774 --> 00:25:17,609 THEY DISPUTE THE AUTHENTICITY OF 962 00:25:17,675 --> 00:25:19,477 THAT VOICEMAIL. 963 00:25:19,544 --> 00:25:20,445 YOU KNOW, THE ONE WHERE HE 964 00:25:20,511 --> 00:25:21,512 SAYS HE'S KENNEY BOONE. 965 00:25:21,579 --> 00:25:22,513 WHILE SOUNDING EXACTLY LIKE 966 00:25:22,580 --> 00:25:24,649 KENNEY BOONE. 967 00:25:24,716 --> 00:25:25,717 NOW, IDEALLY WE'D HAVE DISCUSSED 968 00:25:25,783 --> 00:25:27,018 THIS DIFFERENCE OF OPINION WITH 969 00:25:27,085 --> 00:25:28,353 KENNEY BOONE HIMSELF, BUT HE 970 00:25:28,419 --> 00:25:29,254 WASN'T AVAILABLE BECAUSE ‐‐ 971 00:25:29,320 --> 00:25:30,221 FUN FACT ‐‐ HE'S IN JAIL RIGHT 972 00:25:30,288 --> 00:25:32,390 NOW. 973 00:25:32,457 --> 00:25:33,758 HE RECENTLY PLEADED GUILTY TO 974 00:25:33,825 --> 00:25:37,095 FELONY EMBEZZLEMENT. 975 00:25:37,161 --> 00:25:37,829 WHICH ACTUALLY REMINDS ME: 976 00:25:37,896 --> 00:25:38,830 TALK TO YOUR KIDS ABOUT FELONY 977 00:25:38,897 --> 00:25:45,870 EMBEZZLEMENT! 978 00:25:45,937 --> 00:25:46,738 THE POINT IS, THE POINT HERE IS, 979 00:25:46,804 --> 00:25:47,372 TOO OFTEN, SHERIFFS ARE THE LAW 980 00:25:47,438 --> 00:25:48,106 WHEREVER THEY LIVE. 981 00:25:48,172 --> 00:25:49,207 AND IF YOU'RE WONDERING, 982 00:25:49,274 --> 00:25:50,174 "I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO MY 983 00:25:50,241 --> 00:25:50,875 SHERIFF IS ‐‐ DO I HAVE A BAD 984 00:25:50,942 --> 00:25:52,176 ONE?" 985 00:25:52,243 --> 00:25:53,011 THE VERY FACT THAT YOU'RE ASKING 986 00:25:53,077 --> 00:25:54,245 THAT IS KIND OF THE PROBLEM 987 00:25:54,312 --> 00:25:55,680 HERE. 988 00:25:55,747 --> 00:25:57,348 BECAUSE SHERIFF ELECTIONS, LIKE 989 00:25:57,415 --> 00:25:58,383 MOST DOWN‐BALLOT ELECTIONS, DO 990 00:25:58,449 --> 00:26:02,887 NOT RECEIVE NEARLY ENOUGH 991 00:26:02,954 --> 00:26:04,455 ATTENTION AND OFTEN THEY AREN'T 992 00:26:04,522 --> 00:26:05,156 EVEN COMPETITIVE. 993 00:26:05,223 --> 00:26:06,157 IN 2018, 59% OF ALL SHERIFF 994 00:26:06,224 --> 00:26:08,793 RACES WERE UNOPPOSED. 995 00:26:08,860 --> 00:26:09,527 IN FACT, REMEMBER SHERIFF AHERN, 996 00:26:09,594 --> 00:26:10,695 WITH THE NIGHTMARISH‐SOUNDING 997 00:26:10,762 --> 00:26:11,195 JAIL? 998 00:26:11,262 --> 00:26:12,263 HE'S BEEN UNOPPOSED FOR THE LAST 999 00:26:12,330 --> 00:26:14,399 FOUR ELECTION CYCLES. 1000 00:26:14,465 --> 00:26:15,700 AS FOR SHERIFF "NO NARCAN," 1001 00:26:15,767 --> 00:26:17,235 UNLESS SOMEONE STEPS UP TO 1002 00:26:17,302 --> 00:26:18,736 CHALLENGE HIM, HE WILL BE 1003 00:26:18,803 --> 00:26:20,004 UNOPPOSED WHEN HE RUNS FOR 1004 00:26:20,071 --> 00:26:21,506 REELECTION LATER THIS YEAR. 1005 00:26:21,572 --> 00:26:22,740 AND LOOK, RUNNING AGAINST AN 1006 00:26:22,807 --> 00:26:24,642 INCUMBENT SHERIFF IS NOT EASY. 1007 00:26:24,709 --> 00:26:27,045 THEIR OWN EMPLOYEES ARE OFTEN 1008 00:26:27,111 --> 00:26:29,047 LOATHE TO TAKE THEM ON, FEARING 1009 00:26:29,113 --> 00:26:30,248 RETRIBUTIONS, BECAUSE, AS YOU'VE 1010 00:26:30,315 --> 00:26:31,816 SEEN TONIGHT, THEY ARE VERY 1011 00:26:31,883 --> 00:26:33,184 POWERFUL. 1012 00:26:33,251 --> 00:26:35,286 BUT THAT CAN'T BE ALLOWED TO 1013 00:26:35,353 --> 00:26:36,120 CONTINUE. 1014 00:26:36,187 --> 00:26:36,988 THANKFULLY, THE SAME CRIMINAL 1015 00:26:37,055 --> 00:26:38,089 JUSTICE REFORM MOVEMENT THAT'S 1016 00:26:38,156 --> 00:26:39,157 BEEN PUTTING A SPOTLIGHT ON 1017 00:26:39,223 --> 00:26:40,191 DISTRICT ATTORNEYS' RACES IS NOW 1018 00:26:40,258 --> 00:26:41,292 INCREASINGLY FOCUSING ON 1019 00:26:41,359 --> 00:26:42,327 SHERIFFS' RACES TOO. 1020 00:26:42,393 --> 00:26:43,895 AND THAT IS NOT A MOMENT TOO 1021 00:26:43,962 --> 00:26:45,229 SOON, BECAUSE RIGHT NOW, WE HAVE 1022 00:26:45,296 --> 00:26:46,597 A POSITION THAT HAS A TREMENDOUS 1023 00:26:46,664 --> 00:26:48,399 AMOUNT OF AUTHORITY WITH LOW 1024 00:26:48,466 --> 00:26:49,867 ACCOUNTABILITY WHICH IS ALWAYS 1025 00:26:49,934 --> 00:26:52,470 AN INEVITABLE RECIPE FOR 1026 00:26:52,537 --> 00:26:54,539 DISASTER. 1027 00:26:54,605 --> 00:26:56,374 SO IF THERE IS A SHERIFFS RACE 1028 00:26:56,441 --> 00:26:57,942 IN YOUR AREA THIS YEAR, NOW 1029 00:26:58,009 --> 00:27:00,244 WOULD BE A GOOD TIME TO START 1030 00:27:00,311 --> 00:27:01,412 GOOGLING "WHO THE FUCK IS MY 1031 00:27:01,479 --> 00:27:02,847 SHERIFF?" AND LEARNING ABOUT 1032 00:27:02,914 --> 00:27:07,585 THEM. 1033 00:27:07,652 --> 00:27:09,320 OTHERWISE, YOU MIGHT WELL WIND 1034 00:27:09,387 --> 00:27:10,221 UP SEEING A CAMPAIGN AD LIKE 1035 00:27:10,288 --> 00:27:12,056 THIS: 1036 00:27:12,123 --> 00:27:13,124 ♪ ♪ 1037 00:27:13,191 --> 00:27:14,392 >> HI, I'M SCOTT WILKERSON, 1038 00:27:14,459 --> 00:27:19,297 CANDIDATE FOR SHERIFF. 1039 00:27:19,364 --> 00:27:23,001 IT'S BEEN MY HONOR TO SERVE THE 1040 00:27:23,067 --> 00:27:24,569 PEOPLE OF THIS COUNTY, AND I 1041 00:27:24,635 --> 00:27:25,770 HOPE YOU'LL REELECT ME AS YOUR 1042 00:27:25,837 --> 00:27:26,404 SHERIFF, BUT BEFORE MY CAMPAIGN 1043 00:27:26,471 --> 00:27:27,038 BEGINS, I'D LIKE TO TELL YOU 1044 00:27:27,105 --> 00:27:27,638 SOME THINGS OTHER POLITICIANS 1045 00:27:27,705 --> 00:27:28,606 MIGHT TRY TO HIDE. 1046 00:27:28,673 --> 00:27:29,907 I DRINK A LOT. 1047 00:27:29,974 --> 00:27:33,511 I OFTEN DRIVE WHILE DRUNK. 1048 00:27:33,578 --> 00:27:34,278 I HAVE WHAT MY THERAPIST CALLS A 1049 00:27:34,345 --> 00:27:36,180 HAIR‐TRIGGER TEMPER. 1050 00:27:36,247 --> 00:27:37,315 >> I DON'T LIKE YOUR ATTITUDE! 1051 00:27:37,382 --> 00:27:38,683 >> AND AS A YOUNGER MAN, I DID 1052 00:27:38,750 --> 00:27:50,561 WORK AS A HITLER IMPERSONATOR AT 1053 00:27:50,628 --> 00:27:52,897 BIRTHDAY PARTIES, QUICIENERAS, 1054 00:27:52,964 --> 00:27:53,898 AND ONE DISASTROUS BAT MITZVAH. 1055 00:27:53,965 --> 00:27:54,932 IT WAS A DIFFERENT TIME. 1056 00:27:54,999 --> 00:27:55,666 BUT THAT'S NOT ALL. 1057 00:27:55,733 --> 00:27:56,467 I SPENT MUCH OF THE '90s 1058 00:27:56,534 --> 00:27:57,135 TRYING, WITHOUT SUCCESS, TO 1059 00:27:57,201 --> 00:27:57,869 ASSASSINATE THAT LITTLE DOG FROM 1060 00:27:57,935 --> 00:27:58,569 "FRASIER." 1061 00:27:58,636 --> 00:27:59,604 I HAVE DABBLED IN WHAT YOU WOULD 1062 00:27:59,670 --> 00:28:01,039 CALL LIGHT CANNIBALISM. 1063 00:28:01,105 --> 00:28:02,006 I HAVE NEVER SEEN A FROG AND NOT 1064 00:28:02,073 --> 00:28:04,509 KILLED IT. 1065 00:28:04,575 --> 00:28:06,811 IN 2009, I CONTRACTED THE H1N1 1066 00:28:06,878 --> 00:28:09,013 VIRUS, BETTER KNOWN AS 1067 00:28:09,080 --> 00:28:10,715 SWINE FLU, AND THEN DROVE TO 1068 00:28:10,782 --> 00:28:12,650 EVERY SIZZLER'S STEAK HOUSE IN 1069 00:28:12,717 --> 00:28:14,786 THE STATE, LICKED MY FINGERS, 1070 00:28:14,852 --> 00:28:16,320 AND DIPPED THEM IN THE 1071 00:28:16,387 --> 00:28:17,055 SALAD BAR. 1072 00:28:17,121 --> 00:28:19,223 WHY DID I DO THIS? 1073 00:28:19,290 --> 00:28:22,126 WELL, I LOVE SIZZLER. 1074 00:28:22,193 --> 00:28:23,227 BUT BEYOND THAT, I ‐‐ I DO NOT 1075 00:28:23,294 --> 00:28:24,095 KNOW. 1076 00:28:24,162 --> 00:28:25,329 I CANNOT TELL YOU WHY. 1077 00:28:25,396 --> 00:28:26,330 WHENEVER THERE IS A COMPUTER IN 1078 00:28:26,397 --> 00:28:27,765 FRONT OF ME, I GO TO THE 1079 00:28:27,832 --> 00:28:28,866 WIKIPEDIA PAGE FOR THE ARMENIAN 1080 00:28:28,933 --> 00:28:30,635 GENOCIDE AND JUST SORT OF TONE 1081 00:28:30,701 --> 00:28:33,805 IT DOWN A BIT. 1082 00:28:33,871 --> 00:28:34,806 I DON'T THINK IT DIDN'T HAPPEN. 1083 00:28:34,872 --> 00:28:35,940 I JUST THINK PEOPLE ARE 1084 00:28:36,007 --> 00:28:37,408 EXAGGERATING. 1085 00:28:37,475 --> 00:28:38,509 I CAME UP WITH THE IDEA FOR 1086 00:28:38,576 --> 00:28:40,511 ZUCCHINI NOODLES. 1087 00:28:40,578 --> 00:28:42,046 IN EVERY SINGLE HOTEL ROOM I 1088 00:28:42,113 --> 00:28:44,182 HAVE EVER STAYED IN, I HAVE 1089 00:28:44,248 --> 00:28:45,850 LICKED THE PHONE, EAR PART AND 1090 00:28:45,917 --> 00:28:47,618 MOUTH PART. 1091 00:28:47,685 --> 00:28:49,520 THAT IS BOTH PARTS. 1092 00:28:49,587 --> 00:28:51,189 I GIVE BLACK PEOPLE DIFFERENT 1093 00:28:51,255 --> 00:28:52,657 HANDSHAKES THAN I DO WHITE 1094 00:28:52,723 --> 00:28:53,958 PEOPLE, WHETHER THEY WANT IT OR 1095 00:28:54,025 --> 00:28:56,594 NOT. 1096 00:28:56,661 --> 00:28:58,830 WHAT ELSE? 1097 00:28:58,896 --> 00:29:00,431 THAT'S, UH ‐‐ OH, YEAH. 1098 00:29:00,498 --> 00:29:02,834 I ALSO FUCKED THIS HORSE. 1099 00:29:02,900 --> 00:29:03,701 I THINK IT'S OKAY 'CAUSE I 1100 00:29:03,768 --> 00:29:05,303 TRAVELED OUT OF STATE TO DO IT. 1101 00:29:05,369 --> 00:29:07,371 IT WASN'T, LIKE, A LOCAL HORSE 1102 00:29:07,438 --> 00:29:08,239 OR ANYTHING. 1103 00:29:08,306 --> 00:29:12,110 I HOPE THAT, WITH THESE 1104 00:29:12,176 --> 00:29:12,743 CONFESSIONS, I HAVE EARNED YOUR 1105 00:29:12,810 --> 00:29:13,344 TRUST. 1106 00:29:13,411 --> 00:29:14,345 IT'S BEEN AN HONOR TO SERVE YOU 1107 00:29:14,412 --> 00:29:14,879 AS SHERIFF FOR THE PAST 42 1108 00:29:14,946 --> 00:29:15,980 YEARS. 1109 00:29:16,047 --> 00:29:16,948 SO VOTE SHERIFF WILKERSON WHEN 1110 00:29:17,014 --> 00:29:17,915 YOU GO TO THE POLLS ON 1111 00:29:17,982 --> 00:29:19,817 NOVEMBER 3RD, 2020. 1112 00:29:19,884 --> 00:29:20,985 IT'S NOT LIKE YOU HAVE A CHOICE, 1113 00:29:21,052 --> 00:29:24,155 BECAUSE I'M RUNNING UNOPPOSED. 1114 00:29:24,222 --> 00:29:24,755 SO SEE YOU ON THE STREETS, 1115 00:29:24,822 --> 00:29:26,457 SHITHEADS! 1116 00:29:26,524 --> 00:29:28,359 [LAUGHS] 1117 00:29:28,426 --> 00:29:32,997 I'M DANGEROUS! 1118 00:29:33,064 --> 00:29:33,898 >> John: THAT'S OUR SHOW. 1119 00:29:33,965 --> 00:29:34,599 THANKS SO MUCH FOR WATCHING. 1120 00:29:34,665 --> 00:29:35,399 SEE YOU NEXT WEEK. 1121 00:29:35,466 --> 00:29:36,334 GOOD NIGHT! 1122 00:29:36,400 --> 00:29:37,101 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 1123 00:29:37,168 --> 00:29:41,172 ♪ ♪ 1124 00:29:41,239 --> 00:29:43,908 >> GET THEM FISH DRUNK. 1125 00:29:43,975 --> 00:29:46,210 ENJOY YOURSELVES MY FINE FINNED 1126 00:29:46,277 --> 00:29:47,178 FRIENDS. 1127 00:29:47,245 --> 00:29:49,147 I MIGHT TRY AND CATCH A DOCK 1128 00:29:49,213 --> 00:29:52,049 TODAY. 1129 00:29:52,116 --> 00:29:53,117 HA, FUCK YOU, FROG.