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♪ ♪

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♪ ♪

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[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

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♪ ♪

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>> John: WELCOME, WELCOME,

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WELCOME TO "LAST WEEK TONIGHT!"

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I'M JOHN OLIVER, THANKS FOR

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JOINING US.

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IT'S BEEN A BUSY WEEK.

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BIDEN MET WITH XI JINPING, KING

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CHARLES CELEBRATED HIS 75TH

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BIRTHDAY WHILE LOOKING AT LEAST

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97, AND GEORGE SANTOS ANNOUNCED

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HE WOULDN'T BE SEEKING

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RE-ELECTION AFTER AN ETHICS

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COMMITTEE REPORT HE DISPUTES

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FOUND -- AMONG OTHER THINGS --

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HE'D USED CAMPAIGN DONATIONS FOR

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PERSONAL PURCHASES ON BOTOX,

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SEPHORA, AND ONLYFANS.

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AND HONESTLY?

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I LIKE HIM NOW, AND I THINK HE

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SHOULD STAY.

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MEANWHILE, ISRAEL'S AIRSTRIKES

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AND GROUND INVASION CONTINUED IN

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GAZA, AND THE DISCOURSE ON IT

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HERE REACHED ITS ABSOLUTE NADIR

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WHEN FOX BUSINESS WELCOMED FABIO

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FOR A 10-MINUTE INTERVIEW ON THE

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SUBJECT, INCLUDING THIS WILD

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DIGRESSION CONCERNING HAMAS.

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>> THESE PEOPLE, THEY FIND SO

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MUCH PLEASURE TO KILL, JUST THE

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WORST.

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10,000 TIMES WORSE THAN THE

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NAZIS, YOU KNOW?

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AND ALSO, THEY ADVERTISE, THEY

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PUBLICIZE, THEY ARE SO HAPPY,

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"HEY, I KILLED 10 JEW, I DID

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THAT" -- YOU KNOW, IT'S LIKE, AT

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LEAST THE NAZIS, THEY KEPT IT

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KIND OF QUIET.

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>> John: HOLD ON, FABIO.

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FAR BE IT FOR ME TO CONTRADICT A

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NOTED GEOPOLITICAL EXPERT AND

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FORMER "I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT

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BUTTER" SPOKESPERSON, BUT -- "AT

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LEAST THE NAZIS KEPT IT KIND OF

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QUIET?"

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THE NAZIS KEPT IT MANY THINGS.

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THEY KEPT IT PUNCTUAL.

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THEY KEPT IT BLONDE.

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THEY KEPT IT HUMORLESS.

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AND YES, THEY KEPT IT TIGHT.

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THEY WERE WELL-TAILORED PIECES

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OF SHIT.

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BUT SUBTLETY WAS -- FAMOUSLY --

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NOT THEIR CALLING CARD, FABIO.

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BUT, WE'RE GOING TO FOCUS ON

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CONGRESS, WHICH BEFORE RECESSING

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THIS WEEK PASSED A CONTINUING

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RESOLUTION "TO KEEP THE

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GOVERNMENT OPEN" INTO THE NEW

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YEAR.

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BUT, IN THE RUNUP, THINGS GOT

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PRETTY WEIRD.

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FIRST, THERE WAS A TENSE

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CONFRONTATION BETWEEN OKLAHOMA

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SENATOR MARKWAYNE MULLIN, AND

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THE HEAD OF THE TEAMSTERS, SEAN

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O'BRIEN.

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THEY'D GONE BACK AND FORTH

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ONLINE A FEW MONTHS AGO, WITH

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O'BRIEN SAYING, "QUIT THE TOUGH

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GUY ACT IN THESE SENATE

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HEARINGS.

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YOU KNOW WHERE TO FIND ME.

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ANYPLACE, ANYTIME COWBOY.

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#LittleManSyndrome," WITH AN

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IMAGE OF MULLIN STANDING ON A

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BOX AT A DEBATE.

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WELL, THIS WEEK, MULLIN ANSWERED

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THAT CHALLENGE.

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>> SIR, THIS IS A TIME, THIS IS

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A PLACE.

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IF YOU WANT TO RUN YOUR MOUTH,

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WE CAN BE TWO CONSENTING ADULTS,

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WE CAN FINISH IT HERE.

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>> OKAY, THAT'S FINE, PERFECT.

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>> YOU WANT TO DO IT NOW?

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>> I'D LOVE TO DO IT RIGHT NOW.

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>> WELL STAND YOUR BUTT UP THEN.

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>> YOU STAND YOUR BUTT UP.

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[CROSSTALK]

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>> STOP IT, STOP IT.

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SIT DOWN -- YOU KNOW, YOU'RE A

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UNITED STATES SENATOR.

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>> John: THAT VOICE WAS BERNIE

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SANDERS, AND RESPECTFULLY

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BERNIE, SHUT UP.

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I MEAN, IT IS NICE TO HEAR YOU

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CALL FOR A CEASEFIRE -- A LOT OF

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US THOUGHT YOU'D FORGOTTEN HOW

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TO DO THAT --

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BUT SHUT UP.

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I WANT TO SEE ANABOLIC JIM

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HALPERT GET HIS ASS HANDED TO

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HIM.

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BECAUSE, DO YOU KNOW WHO SEAN

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O'BRIEN IS?

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HE'S A FOURTH GENERATION BOSTON

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TEAMSTER.

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HE BASICALLY CAME OUT OF THE

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WOMB WEARING BRASS KNUCKLES.

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I WANT TO SEE SENATOR ANGER

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MANAGEMENT GET HIS JOCK ROCKED

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BY BEANTOWN'S MR. CLEAN.

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THAT'S WHAT I WANT!

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AND, WHILE BERNIE DID STOP THE

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FIGHTING, HE COULDN'T STOP THE

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PETTINESS.

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>> HE MADE A LOT OF STATEMENTS,

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RIGHT?

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AND, HIS STATEMENTS ARE FICTION,

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AT BEST.

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>> FICTION?

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I READ 'EM!

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>> [MOCKING NOISE]

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WHAT?

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>> ANSWER THE QUESTION, PLEASE.

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>> I CAN'T UNDERSTAND HIM, TO BE

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HONEST WITH YOU.

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>> John: THAT'S SO CHILDISH,

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IT'S ACTUALLY BRILLIANT.

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O'BRIEN'S GOT THE DEMEANOR OF A

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MOB BOSS, THE BODY OF A FIRE

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HYDRANT, AND THE INSULTS OF A

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FIVE YEAR OLD.

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AND AMAZINGLY, IT STILL WASN'T

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OVER.

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BECAUSE, MULLIN ACTUALLY

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CHALLENGED O'BRIEN TO A CHARITY

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FIGHT, AND LATER SAID THIS.

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>> I'M NOT AFRAID OF BITING.

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I WILL BITE.

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>> BITING?

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>> IF I'M IN A FIGHT, I'M GOING

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TO BITE, I'LL DO ANYTHING.

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I MEAN, I'M NOT ABOVE IT.

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AND, I DON'T CARE WHERE I BITE,

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BY THE WAY.

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IT JUST IS GONNA BE A BITE.

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>> John: YOU DON'T CARE WHERE

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YOU BITE?

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THERE'S SIMPLY NO OTHER WAY TO

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INTERPRET THAT THAN MULLIN'S

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GOING TO BITE HIM IN THE DICK.

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AND, HOW IS THAT TOUGH-GUY

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BEHAVIOR?

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"WATCH OUT, HE BITES," ISN'T

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WHAT YOU SAY ABOUT A SENATOR WHO

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EVERYONE RESPECTS: IT'S WHAT YOU

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SAY ABOUT A 3-YEAR-OLD NAMED

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DYLAN AFTER HE'S HAD TWO CAPRI

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SUNS.

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AND, THAT WASN'T CONGRESS'S ONLY

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FIGHT THIS WEEK.

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KEVIN MCCARTHY ALLEGEDLY ELBOWED

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TENNESSEE REPRESENTATIVE TIM

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BURCHETT IN THE BACK, WITH

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BURCHETT LATER RESPONDING, "I

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PRAYED FOR HIM THIS MORNING,

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BECAUSE I KNOW HE'S HURTING,"

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WHICH WE ALL KNOW IS SOUTHERN

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FOR "I HOPE THAT SHITBAG SITS ON

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A NAIL."

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AND, IN A HOUSE HEARING,

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KENTUCKY REP. JAMES COMER GOT

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INTO AN ARGUMENT WITH FLORIDA

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REP. JARED MOSKOWITZ, IN THE

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COURSE OF WHICH COMER DROPPED A

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WEIRDLY SPECIFIC INSULT.

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>> YOU ALL CONTINUE -- YOU LOOK

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LIKE A SMURF HERE JUST GOIN'

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AROUND AND ALL THIS STUFF.

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>> MR. CHAIRMAN, YOU HAVE -- NO

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-- HOLD ON -- IF WE'RE NOT ON

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TIME --

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>> YOU CONTINUE TO SPEW

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DISINFORMATION.

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>> John: NOW, YOU MIGHT THINK

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IT'S COMPLETELY UNCALLED FOR:

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FOR AN ELECTED REPRESENTATIVE TO

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CALL A FELLOW CONGRESSMAN A

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SMURF.

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IN COMER'S DEFENSE, THIS IS HOW

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MOSKOWITZ WAS DRESSED THAT DAY.

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AND, I HATE TO SAY HE WAS ASKING

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FOR IT, BUT HE WAS KIND OF

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ASKING FOR IT.

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THERE'S NO REASON FOR YOU TO

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DRESS IN ALL BLUE UNLESS YOU

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"WANT" TO BE CALLED A SMURF, OR

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MAYBE YOU'RE THE SPECIAL GUEST

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AT A J.CREW SPONSORED GENDER

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REVEAL.

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MOSKOWITZ HIT BACK BY POSTING,

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"GARGAMEL WAS VERY ANGRY TODAY,"

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WHICH, I'LL BE HONEST, IS

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EXACTLY WHAT A SMURF WOULD SAY.

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AND, CNN'S ANALYSIS OF THE

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BACK-AND-FORTH CONTAINED THE

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AMAZING SENTENCE, "FOR THE MANY

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NON-AFFICIONADOS OF THE ANIMATED

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SERIES, GARGAMEL WAS AN EVIL

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WIZARD WHO HUNTED SMURFS FOR

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FUN," WHICH -- I'M SORRY, CNN --

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IS AN INSULTINGLY REDUCTIVE

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MISINTERPRETATION OF GARGAMEL'S

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MOTIVATIONS.

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FOR THE RECORD, GARGAMEL DOESN'T

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"HUNT" SMURFS: HE KIDNAPS THEM

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IN ORDER TO EAT THEM OR TURN

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THEM INTO GOLD.

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AND, IT'S NOT FOR FUN.

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IT IS TO SEEK REVENGE AFTER THE

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SMURFS NOT ONLY DEFEATED HIM,

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BUT SUBJECTED HIM TO CRUEL

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HUMILIATION IN 1961'S "THE

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SMURFNAPPER," OR "LE VOLEUR DE

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SCHTROUMPF," IN WHICH THE SMURFS

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TRICKED HIM INTO DRINKING A

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POTION THAT SHRANK HIM TO THE

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SIZE OF A SMURF.

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AND, CNN'S EXCLUSION OF THAT

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BACKSTORY IS, FRANKLY, WHY

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AMERICANS NO LONGER TRUST THE

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NEWS MEDIA.

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ALL IN ALL, IT WAS A WEEK THAT

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SHOWED A LEGISLATIVE BODY ON ITS

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LAST NERVE.

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AS A SPOKESPERSON FOR MITCH

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MCCONNELL PUT IT, "TODAY IS

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ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF WHY CONGRESS

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SHOULDN'T BE IN SESSION FOR 5

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WEEKS STRAIGHT.

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WEIRD THINGS HAPPEN."

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TO WHICH I'D SAY "TOTALLY!"

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BUT ALSO, DID YOU KNOW THAT MOST

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PEOPLE -- AND THIS IS TRUE --

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WORK TEN TIMES THAT MANY WEEKS

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IN A ROW AND MANAGE NOT TO

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PHYSICALLY OR EMOTIONALLY

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ASSAULT THEIR COLLEAGUES?

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AND, SO MUCH OF THIS IS ENTIRELY

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SELF-INFLICTED, GIVEN THAT HOUSE

257
00:06:35,765 --> 00:06:36,330
REPUBLICANS SPENT WEEKS TEARING

258
00:06:36,399 --> 00:06:37,231
EACH OTHER APART OVER THE CHOICE

259
00:06:37,300 --> 00:06:39,700
OF HOUSE SPEAKER.

260
00:06:39,769 --> 00:06:40,835
THIS WHOLE SESSION RAISES THE

261
00:06:40,904 --> 00:06:41,702
QUESTION OF WHETHER REPUBLICANS

262
00:06:41,771 --> 00:06:45,106
CAN ACTUALLY GOVERN AT ALL --

263
00:06:45,175 --> 00:06:46,874
AND IT'S NOT JUST ME SAYING

264
00:06:46,943 --> 00:06:47,076
THAT.

265
00:06:47,143 --> 00:06:49,043
HERE'S TEXAS REP CHIP ROY.

266
00:06:49,112 --> 00:06:50,311
>> ONE THING -- I WANT MY

267
00:06:50,380 --> 00:06:51,712
REPUBLICAN COLLEAGUES TO GIVE ME

268
00:06:51,781 --> 00:06:54,649
ONE THING, ONE, THAT I CAN GO

269
00:06:54,718 --> 00:06:55,249
CAMPAIGN ON AND SAY WE DID --

270
00:06:55,318 --> 00:06:58,953
ONE!

271
00:06:59,022 --> 00:07:00,855
ANYBODY SITTING IN THE COMPLEX,

272
00:07:00,924 --> 00:07:01,956
IF YOU WANT TO COME DOWN TO THE

273
00:07:02,025 --> 00:07:04,225
FLOOR AND COME EXPLAIN TO ME,

274
00:07:04,294 --> 00:07:06,828
ONE MATERIAL, MEANINGFUL,

275
00:07:06,897 --> 00:07:07,762
SIGNIFICANT THING THE REPUBLICAN

276
00:07:07,831 --> 00:07:09,397
MAJORITY HAS DONE BESIDES --

277
00:07:09,466 --> 00:07:12,233
WELL, I GUESS IT'S NOT AS BAD AS

278
00:07:12,302 --> 00:07:14,669
THE DEMOCRATS.

279
00:07:14,738 --> 00:07:16,204
>> John: HE'S RIGHT!

280
00:07:16,273 --> 00:07:19,140
IN FACT, HE'S SO RIGHT I'M NOT

281
00:07:19,209 --> 00:07:19,709
EVEN GOING TO COMMENT ON HOW

282
00:07:19,776 --> 00:07:20,975
"CHIP ROY" SOUNDS LIKE AN ICE

283
00:07:21,044 --> 00:07:22,276
CREAM SANDWICH THEY'D SELL AT

284
00:07:22,345 --> 00:07:24,212
FRENCH BURGER KING.

285
00:07:24,281 --> 00:07:25,113
BECAUSE, INSTEAD OF SPENDING THE

286
00:07:25,182 --> 00:07:27,115
LAST YEAR ACTUALLY SERVING

287
00:07:27,184 --> 00:07:27,915
PEOPLE, REPUBLICANS HAVE WASTED

288
00:07:27,984 --> 00:07:28,883
A HUGE AMOUNT OF TIME, BICKERING

289
00:07:28,952 --> 00:07:29,817
AMONGST THEMSELVES AND BASICALLY

290
00:07:29,886 --> 00:07:30,618
RUNNING AROUND WITH THEIR DICKS

291
00:07:30,687 --> 00:07:33,788
IN THEIR HANDS.

292
00:07:33,857 --> 00:07:34,388
DICKS THAT, WE SADLY NOW KNOW,

293
00:07:34,457 --> 00:07:36,023
AT LEAST ONE SENATOR IS IN NO

294
00:07:36,092 --> 00:07:38,126
WAY AFRAID TO BITE.

295
00:07:38,195 --> 00:07:39,694
AND, NOW THIS.

296
00:07:39,763 --> 00:07:40,862
>> AND NOW, YOU'LL NEVER GUESS

297
00:07:40,931 --> 00:07:41,529
WHERE FOX'S PETE HEGSETH WENT TO

298
00:07:41,598 --> 00:07:44,932
COLLEGE.

299
00:07:45,001 --> 00:07:46,768
>> JOE BIDEN SAID THEY WILL

300
00:07:46,837 --> 00:07:50,605
CANCEL $10,000 IN STUDENT LOANS.

301
00:07:50,674 --> 00:07:51,372
MY ALMA MATER PRINCETON -- THEY

302
00:07:51,441 --> 00:07:54,509
DIDN'T DO THIS WHEN I WAS THERE.

303
00:07:54,578 --> 00:07:55,943
AN ELITE EDUCATION WAS

304
00:07:56,012 --> 00:07:56,778
PRINCETON, WHERE I WENT.

305
00:07:56,847 --> 00:07:57,578
I THINK IT WAS $33,000 WHEN I

306
00:07:57,647 --> 00:07:58,980
FIRST WENT TO PRINCETON.

307
00:07:59,049 --> 00:07:59,881
THE MOST IMPORTANT THING YOU

308
00:07:59,950 --> 00:08:01,449
NEED TO KNOW ABOUT ME IS THAT I

309
00:08:01,518 --> 00:08:04,719
WENT TO PRINCETON.

310
00:08:04,788 --> 00:08:05,620
THE HISTORY DEPARTMENT AT

311
00:08:05,689 --> 00:08:06,220
PRINCETON UNIVERSITY, WHERE I

312
00:08:06,289 --> 00:08:07,388
WENT TO SCHOOL.

313
00:08:07,457 --> 00:08:07,957
A PROFESSOR OF MINE AT

314
00:08:08,024 --> 00:08:08,756
PRINCETON.

315
00:08:08,825 --> 00:08:10,191
YOU AND I WENT TO PRINCETON.

316
00:08:10,260 --> 00:08:10,627
I WENT TO PRINCETON.

317
00:08:10,694 --> 00:08:11,459
I PLAYED AT PRINCETON.

318
00:08:11,528 --> 00:08:12,093
I WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU ALL KNOW

319
00:08:12,162 --> 00:08:14,128
I WENT TO PRINCETON.

320
00:08:14,197 --> 00:08:14,497
PLAY BASKETBALL?

321
00:08:14,564 --> 00:08:15,563
>> I DID.

322
00:08:15,632 --> 00:08:16,164
>> LET'S NOT FORGET I WENT TO

323
00:08:16,233 --> 00:08:18,432
PRINCETON.

324
00:08:18,501 --> 00:08:19,834
>> HE WENT TO PRINCETON.

325
00:08:19,903 --> 00:08:20,835
>> LET'S NOT FORGET THE PEOPLE

326
00:08:20,904 --> 00:08:21,736
FROM PRINCETON.

327
00:08:21,805 --> 00:08:22,370
YOU CAN COUNT THE LEGS, MAYBE I

328
00:08:22,439 --> 00:08:22,839
AM MISSING SOMETHING.

329
00:08:22,906 --> 00:08:23,938
>> THAT'S SMART.

330
00:08:24,007 --> 00:08:25,106
THAT'S WHY HE WENT TO PRINCETON.

331
00:08:25,175 --> 00:08:26,040
[LAUGHTER]

332
00:08:26,109 --> 00:08:30,845
[LAUGH IN ECHO]

333
00:08:30,914 --> 00:08:31,047
♪ ♪

334
00:08:31,114 --> 00:08:31,879
>> I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO BE

335
00:08:31,948 --> 00:08:34,048
AN NBA PLAYER, SO I WANTED TO GO

336
00:08:34,117 --> 00:08:35,516
TO PRINCETON.

337
00:08:35,585 --> 00:08:37,685
I SAT ON THE BENCH FOR FOUR

338
00:08:37,754 --> 00:08:39,320
YEARS.

339
00:08:39,389 --> 00:08:39,689
[LAUGH IN ECHO]

340
00:08:39,756 --> 00:08:40,888
I USED TO SAY "COACH, WHY DON'T

341
00:08:40,957 --> 00:08:42,123
I PLAY MORE?"

342
00:08:42,192 --> 00:08:43,191
COACH SAID "WHY DON'T YOU PLAY

343
00:08:43,260 --> 00:08:43,858
BETTER?"

344
00:08:43,927 --> 00:08:45,660
MINNESOTA GOPHERS FAN.

345
00:08:45,729 --> 00:08:47,395
I SAT ON THE BENCH.

346
00:08:47,464 --> 00:08:48,229
>> TALKING TO A BASKET BALL

347
00:08:48,298 --> 00:08:49,997
COACH WHO SAID HE COACHED

348
00:08:50,066 --> 00:08:52,500
AGAINST YOU AND YOU WERE NOT ON

349
00:08:52,569 --> 00:08:53,069
THE SCOUTING REPORT.

350
00:08:53,136 --> 00:08:55,670
[LAUGH IN ECHO]

351
00:08:55,739 --> 00:08:56,604
>> OUR OWN PETE HEGSETH, WHO DID

352
00:08:56,673 --> 00:08:58,206
PLAY BASKETBALL AT PRINCETON, BY

353
00:08:58,275 --> 00:08:59,107
THE WAY.

354
00:08:59,176 --> 00:08:59,907
>> ON THE BENCH.

355
00:08:59,976 --> 00:09:01,142
[LAUGH IN ECHO]

356
00:09:01,211 --> 00:09:03,511
[BUZZER]

357
00:09:03,580 --> 00:09:06,881
[APPLAUSE]

358
00:09:06,950 --> 00:09:08,716
>> John: MOVING ON.

359
00:09:08,785 --> 00:09:09,350
OUR MAIN STORY TONIGHT CONCERNS

360
00:09:09,419 --> 00:09:11,152
SHOPPING: AN EASY AND ENJOYABLE

361
00:09:11,221 --> 00:09:11,853
WAY TO FORGET THAT YOU, AND

362
00:09:11,922 --> 00:09:12,687
EVERYONE YOU KNOW, WILL ONE DAY

363
00:09:12,756 --> 00:09:15,423
DIE.

364
00:09:15,492 --> 00:09:16,691
SPECIFICALLY, IT CONCERNS ONE OF

365
00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:17,358
THE MOST UBIQUITOUS PLACES TO GO

366
00:09:17,427 --> 00:09:18,392
SHOPPING IN THIS COUNTRY: DOLLAR

367
00:09:18,461 --> 00:09:19,760
STORES: THE DISCOUNT OUTLETS

368
00:09:19,829 --> 00:09:21,195
WHERE YOU CAN GET A VARIETY OF

369
00:09:21,264 --> 00:09:24,432
GOODS AT SOMETIMES $1 OR LESS,

370
00:09:24,501 --> 00:09:27,301
AND THAT POSITION THEMSELVES

371
00:09:27,370 --> 00:09:28,569
WITH UPBEAT MATERIALS LIKE THIS:

372
00:09:28,638 --> 00:09:29,904
>> WHETHER YOU'RE MAKING A QUICK

373
00:09:29,973 --> 00:09:30,538
FILL IN STOP OR STOCKING UP FOR

374
00:09:30,607 --> 00:09:31,139
THE WEEK, DOLLAR GENERAL HELPS

375
00:09:31,208 --> 00:09:33,641
YOU SAVE ON THE THINGS YOU NEED

376
00:09:33,710 --> 00:09:34,709
AND THE UNEXPECTED ITEMS THAT

377
00:09:34,778 --> 00:09:38,846
MAKE SHOPPING FUN.

378
00:09:38,915 --> 00:09:39,480
SOMETHING NEW FOR THE HOUSE, A

379
00:09:39,549 --> 00:09:40,882
GREETING CARD, OR A SURPRISE FOR

380
00:09:40,951 --> 00:09:42,884
SOMEONE SPECIAL.

381
00:09:42,953 --> 00:09:44,285
ULTIMATELY, WE LOVE HELPING OUR

382
00:09:44,354 --> 00:09:45,620
CUSTOMERS SAVE TIME AND MONEY.

383
00:09:45,689 --> 00:09:47,455
IT'S WHAT DRIVES US.

384
00:09:47,524 --> 00:09:49,624
THAT'S WHY MORE THAN 125,000

385
00:09:49,693 --> 00:09:51,292
PEOPLE HAVE JOINED OUR TEAM, AND

386
00:09:51,361 --> 00:09:52,593
WE'RE GROWING EVERYDAY

387
00:09:52,662 --> 00:09:53,294
>> John: WOW, THEY REALLY

388
00:09:53,363 --> 00:09:54,195
CAPTURED A WIDE ARRAY OF

389
00:09:54,264 --> 00:09:56,898
"DEFINITELY HUMAN PEOPLE" IN

390
00:09:56,967 --> 00:09:58,566
THAT AD.

391
00:09:58,635 --> 00:10:00,201
THEY'VE GOT AN OLD LADY,

392
00:10:00,270 --> 00:10:01,335
A NURSE,

393
00:10:01,404 --> 00:10:02,603
A MAN WHO ABSOLUTELY DOES NOT

394
00:10:02,672 --> 00:10:03,771
HAVE KIDS,

395
00:10:03,840 --> 00:10:04,972
MOLLY RINGWALD,

396
00:10:05,041 --> 00:10:05,673
AND SOME IDIOT ABOUT TO BUY A

397
00:10:05,742 --> 00:10:06,541
BOUQUET OF HALF-INFLATED

398
00:10:06,610 --> 00:10:08,643
BALLOONS.

399
00:10:08,712 --> 00:10:09,377
TODAY, TWO COMPANIES DOMINATE

400
00:10:09,446 --> 00:10:10,945
THIS PARTICULAR RETAIL

401
00:10:11,014 --> 00:10:11,546
LANDSCAPE: DOLLAR GENERAL, AND

402
00:10:11,615 --> 00:10:12,814
DOLLAR TREE, WHICH ALSO OWNS

403
00:10:12,883 --> 00:10:15,283
FAMILY DOLLAR.

404
00:10:15,352 --> 00:10:17,885
THESE TWO CORPORATIONS OPERATE

405
00:10:17,954 --> 00:10:18,653
MORE THAN 35,000 DOLLAR STORES

406
00:10:18,722 --> 00:10:22,590
IN THE US.

407
00:10:22,659 --> 00:10:23,524
THAT'S MORE THAN ALL WALMART,

408
00:10:23,593 --> 00:10:24,592
STARBUCKS, AND MCDONALD'S

409
00:10:24,661 --> 00:10:26,327
COMBINED.

410
00:10:26,396 --> 00:10:26,863
AND, THEY HAVE EARNINGS TO

411
00:10:26,930 --> 00:10:27,562
MATCH.

412
00:10:27,631 --> 00:10:28,162
LAST YEAR, DOLLAR GENERAL MADE

413
00:10:28,231 --> 00:10:30,798
$2.4 BILLION IN PROFIT, WHILE

414
00:10:30,867 --> 00:10:32,700
DOLLAR TREE MADE $1.6 BILLION.

415
00:10:32,769 --> 00:10:33,269
AND, THEIR GROWTH HAS BEEN

416
00:10:33,336 --> 00:10:34,836
FUELED BY TARGETING LOW-INCOME

417
00:10:34,905 --> 00:10:36,003
CUSTOMERS, SINGLING OUT

418
00:10:36,072 --> 00:10:36,539
COMMUNITIES THAT HAVE BEEN

419
00:10:36,606 --> 00:10:37,371
MARGINALIZED ECONOMICALLY --

420
00:10:37,440 --> 00:10:37,841
OFTEN RURAL AREAS AND

421
00:10:37,908 --> 00:10:41,175
NEIGHBORHOODS OF COLOR.

422
00:10:41,244 --> 00:10:41,943
A FORMER DOLLAR GENERAL CEO ONCE

423
00:10:42,012 --> 00:10:42,877
DESCRIBED THEIR CUSTOMER BASE AS

424
00:10:42,946 --> 00:10:44,779
BEING IN A PERMANENT RECESSION,

425
00:10:44,848 --> 00:10:46,647
AND THEIR CURRENT CEO SUMMED UP

426
00:10:46,716 --> 00:10:47,949
THE BUSINESS LIKE THIS:

427
00:10:48,018 --> 00:10:49,183
>> I WOULD TELL YOU WE DO VERY

428
00:10:49,252 --> 00:10:52,253
GOOD IN GOOD TIMES, AND WE DO

429
00:10:52,322 --> 00:10:53,588
FABULOUS IN -- IN BAD TIMES.

430
00:10:53,657 --> 00:10:56,157
>> John: RIGHT, IT'S A STORE

431
00:10:56,226 --> 00:10:56,924
THAT TENDS TO DO BETTER WHEN ITS

432
00:10:56,993 --> 00:10:58,459
CUSTOMERS ARE DOING WORSE, WHICH

433
00:10:58,528 --> 00:10:59,494
ISN'T SOMETHING THAT REQUIRES

434
00:10:59,563 --> 00:11:01,195
USE OF THE WORD "FABULOUS."

435
00:11:01,264 --> 00:11:03,364
"FABULOUS" IS BEST USED TO

436
00:11:03,433 --> 00:11:04,165
DESCRIBE A QUIRKY HAT, OR THE

437
00:11:04,234 --> 00:11:06,067
CAST OF "THE GOLDEN BACHELOR,"

438
00:11:06,136 --> 00:11:07,969
OR THE FACT THAT KIM CATTRALL

439
00:11:08,038 --> 00:11:09,070
MADE $1 MILLION TO SIT IN A CAR

440
00:11:09,139 --> 00:11:10,705
AND "NOT" TALK TO SARAH JESSICA

441
00:11:10,774 --> 00:11:12,106
PARKER.

442
00:11:12,175 --> 00:11:14,809
"THAT" IS "FABULOUS."

443
00:11:14,878 --> 00:11:16,210
BUT, A COMPANY BRAGGING ABOUT

444
00:11:16,279 --> 00:11:17,311
HOW IT CAN PROFIT OFF FINANCIAL

445
00:11:17,380 --> 00:11:18,279
HARDSHIP?

446
00:11:18,348 --> 00:11:19,547
NOT SO MUCH.

447
00:11:19,616 --> 00:11:21,649
YOU MIGHT'VE HEARD STORIES ABOUT

448
00:11:21,718 --> 00:11:22,250
HOW DOLLAR STORES IMPACT THE

449
00:11:22,319 --> 00:11:24,218
COMMUNITIES THEY'RE IN, WHERE

450
00:11:24,287 --> 00:11:25,286
THEY CAN BE THE ONLY FOOD

451
00:11:25,355 --> 00:11:29,791
RETAILER AROUND.

452
00:11:29,860 --> 00:11:31,192
IN SOME CASES, THAT MAY BE

453
00:11:31,261 --> 00:11:32,660
BECAUSE THEY'VE DRIVEN OTHERS

454
00:11:32,729 --> 00:11:33,761
OUT.

455
00:11:33,830 --> 00:11:34,462
IN OTHERS, IT COULD BE BECAUSE

456
00:11:34,531 --> 00:11:35,329
THEY'VE ENTERED A MARKET THAT'S

457
00:11:35,398 --> 00:11:36,264
ALREADY A FOOD DESERT.

458
00:11:36,333 --> 00:11:38,933
BUT, EITHER WAY, CUSTOMERS OFTEN

459
00:11:39,002 --> 00:11:40,501
TURN TO THESE STORES FOR THEIR

460
00:11:40,570 --> 00:11:41,202
CONVENIENCE AND LOW PRICES,

461
00:11:41,271 --> 00:11:42,370
ALTHOUGH THOSE PRICES CAN BE A

462
00:11:42,439 --> 00:11:42,970
BIT MISLEADING, AS THIS CLIP

463
00:11:43,039 --> 00:11:44,338
FROM A FEW YEARS AGO

464
00:11:44,407 --> 00:11:45,940
DEMONSTRATES.

465
00:11:46,009 --> 00:11:46,808
>> AT DOLLAR TREE, A TWO-PACK OF

466
00:11:46,877 --> 00:11:49,010
IRISH SPRING SOAP COSTS $1.

467
00:11:49,079 --> 00:11:50,111
AT TARGET, AN EIGHT-PACK COSTS

468
00:11:50,180 --> 00:11:51,879
$3.99.

469
00:11:51,948 --> 00:11:52,847
BUT, IF YOU LOOK VERY CLOSELY,

470
00:11:52,916 --> 00:11:53,915
THE BARS SOLD AT DOLLAR TREE --

471
00:11:53,984 --> 00:11:56,818
THEY'RE SMALLER.

472
00:11:56,887 --> 00:11:58,085
SO, IF YOU DO THE MATH, IRISH

473
00:11:58,154 --> 00:12:00,054
SPRING BY THE OUNCE IS ACTUALLY

474
00:12:00,123 --> 00:12:00,390
MORE EXPENSIVE

475
00:12:00,457 --> 00:12:02,523
AT DOLLAR TREE.

476
00:12:02,592 --> 00:12:03,891
>> John: RIGHT, DESPITE THE

477
00:12:03,960 --> 00:12:04,959
PROMISE OF VALUE, YOU CAN END UP

478
00:12:05,028 --> 00:12:06,594
GETTING LESS FOR MORE.

479
00:12:06,663 --> 00:12:11,032
ALTHOUGH I WILL SAY, IN THE CASE

480
00:12:11,101 --> 00:12:11,601
OF IRISH SPRING, THAT'S NOT

481
00:12:11,668 --> 00:12:14,001
NECESSARILY A BAD THING.

482
00:12:14,070 --> 00:12:15,837
I'M JUST SAYING, I PERSONALLY

483
00:12:15,906 --> 00:12:17,071
DON'T WANT MORE OF SOMETHING

484
00:12:17,140 --> 00:12:17,939
THAT SMELLS LIKE A CITRUS

485
00:12:18,008 --> 00:12:19,540
BERGAMOT FART AND LEAVES THESE

486
00:12:19,609 --> 00:12:20,741
MONEYMAKERS ASHY AS HELL.

487
00:12:20,810 --> 00:12:22,376
BUT, THE FACT IS, IF ALL YOU CAN

488
00:12:22,445 --> 00:12:23,945
AFFORD FOR SOAP IS $1 RIGHT NOW,

489
00:12:24,014 --> 00:12:24,879
A DOLLAR STORE WILL SELL IT TO

490
00:12:24,948 --> 00:12:25,546
YOU.

491
00:12:25,615 --> 00:12:26,314
BUT, LOOK: WE'RE NOT GOING TO

492
00:12:26,383 --> 00:12:28,149
FOCUS ON THE LOCATION OR PRICING

493
00:12:28,218 --> 00:12:29,417
OF DOLLAR STORES.

494
00:12:29,486 --> 00:12:30,918
WE'RE GOING TO FOCUS ON HOW THEY

495
00:12:30,987 --> 00:12:32,253
ARE RUN, BECAUSE IF YOU'VE EVER

496
00:12:32,322 --> 00:12:33,121
SET FOOT IN ONE, YOU KNOW: THEY

497
00:12:33,190 --> 00:12:36,390
CAN LOOK LIKE A TOTAL DISASTER.

498
00:12:36,459 --> 00:12:37,358
>> I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHERE

499
00:12:37,427 --> 00:12:39,961
EVERYBODY ELSE IS GETTING THEIR

500
00:12:40,030 --> 00:12:40,962
DOLLAR TREES, 'CAUSE EVERY

501
00:12:41,031 --> 00:12:42,964
SINGLE ONE I'VE EVER WALKED INTO

502
00:12:43,033 --> 00:12:46,300
HAS LOOKED LIKE THIS.

503
00:12:46,369 --> 00:12:50,037
>> AH YES, SHOPPING AT THE DG.

504
00:12:50,106 --> 00:12:51,672
I NEED STAPLES, AND THEY'RE

505
00:12:51,741 --> 00:12:54,442
ABOUT 20 FEET DOWN THAT WAY.

506
00:12:54,511 --> 00:12:56,310
>> MY GOD, WHY DOES MY DOLLAR

507
00:12:56,379 --> 00:12:58,279
TREE LOOK LIKE CACA?

508
00:12:58,348 --> 00:13:00,248
>> LOOK AT THIS DOLLAR TREE.

509
00:13:00,317 --> 00:13:02,917
LIKE, WHAT THE FUCK?

510
00:13:02,986 --> 00:13:04,485
>> John: YEAH, "WHAT THE FUCK"

511
00:13:04,554 --> 00:13:05,720
IS RIGHT.

512
00:13:05,789 --> 00:13:07,288
THOSE LOOK LESS LIKE FUNCTIONING

513
00:13:07,357 --> 00:13:08,356
STORES AND MORE LIKE "AMERICAN

514
00:13:08,425 --> 00:13:14,829
NINJA WARRIOR: RETAIL EDITION."

515
00:13:14,898 --> 00:13:15,730
THEY LOOK LIKE SOMEONE PICKED UP

516
00:13:15,799 --> 00:13:16,964
A DOLLAR STORE, SHOOK IT, AND

517
00:13:17,033 --> 00:13:17,698
DUMPED IT OUT INTO ANOTHER

518
00:13:17,767 --> 00:13:20,468
DOLLAR STORE.

519
00:13:20,537 --> 00:13:21,068
AND, A QUICK SHOUT OUT TO THE

520
00:13:21,137 --> 00:13:21,638
AUTOMATED TIKTOK VOICE THERE

521
00:13:21,705 --> 00:13:22,970
TRYING TO SAY THE WORD "CACA."

522
00:13:23,039 --> 00:13:23,838
SHE'S DOING HER ABSOLUTE BEST.

523
00:13:23,907 --> 00:13:24,472
THAT'S ALL WE CAN ASK OF HER --

524
00:13:24,541 --> 00:13:25,506
THAT AND MAYBE TO SAY NAUGHTY

525
00:13:25,575 --> 00:13:26,009
THINGS LIKE:

526
00:13:26,076 --> 00:13:27,108
>> PENIS.

527
00:13:27,177 --> 00:13:28,075
>> John: OR --

528
00:13:28,144 --> 00:13:28,545
>> VAGINA.

529
00:13:28,612 --> 00:13:29,644
>> John: OR --

530
00:13:29,713 --> 00:13:30,244
>> CHARLES MANSON WAS LOW-KEY

531
00:13:30,313 --> 00:13:31,245
HOT, IN A

532
00:13:31,314 --> 00:13:32,447
CHARACTER-ACTOR-GRIFFIN DUNNE

533
00:13:32,516 --> 00:13:33,714
KIND OF WAY.

534
00:13:33,783 --> 00:13:34,949
>> John: EXACTLY.

535
00:13:35,018 --> 00:13:35,716
BUT, TO AN EXTENT YOU MAY NOT

536
00:13:35,785 --> 00:13:38,653
REALIZE, THAT CHAOS ISN'T A

537
00:13:38,722 --> 00:13:39,287
ONE-OFF MISTAKE, OR THE FAULT OF

538
00:13:39,356 --> 00:13:40,755
THOSE STORES' EMPLOYEES: IT'S

539
00:13:40,824 --> 00:13:41,656
THE NATURAL END PRODUCT OF HOW

540
00:13:41,725 --> 00:13:43,357
THE COMPANIES BEHIND THESE

541
00:13:43,426 --> 00:13:44,992
STORES CHOOSE TO OPERATE THEM.

542
00:13:45,061 --> 00:13:46,727
AND, IF YOU THINK IT CAN BE BAD

543
00:13:46,796 --> 00:13:47,962
SHOPPING AT A DOLLAR STORE, IT'S

544
00:13:48,031 --> 00:13:48,830
NOTHING COMPARED TO WHAT IT'S

545
00:13:48,899 --> 00:13:50,364
LIKE WORKING THERE.

546
00:13:50,433 --> 00:13:54,202
IT'S BEEN SAID THAT WORKING AT

547
00:13:54,271 --> 00:13:55,436
DOLLAR GENERAL MAY BE THE WORST

548
00:13:55,505 --> 00:13:57,271
RETAIL JOB IN AMERICA.

549
00:13:57,340 --> 00:13:59,407
AND, IF THESE STORES ARE THIS

550
00:13:59,476 --> 00:14:00,441
UBIQUITOUS, MAKE THIS MUCH

551
00:14:00,510 --> 00:14:01,909
MONEY, AND ARE THIS TERRIBLE TO

552
00:14:01,978 --> 00:14:03,311
WORK FOR, TONIGHT, AS WE GET

553
00:14:03,380 --> 00:14:03,911
READY FOR BLACK FRIDAY, LET'S

554
00:14:03,980 --> 00:14:05,179
TALK ABOUT DOLLAR STORES.

555
00:14:05,248 --> 00:14:05,813
AND, LET'S START WITH THE FACT

556
00:14:05,882 --> 00:14:08,082
THAT ONE OF THE KEY WAYS THEY

557
00:14:08,151 --> 00:14:08,683
SQUEEZE MARGINS ISN'T ON TINY

558
00:14:08,752 --> 00:14:12,120
SOAPS: IT'S ON LABOR COSTS.

559
00:14:12,189 --> 00:14:12,622
THEY OFTEN HAVE JUST TWO

560
00:14:12,689 --> 00:14:14,622
EMPLOYEES -- OR SOMETIMES EVEN

561
00:14:14,691 --> 00:14:16,858
ONE -- MANNING THE ENTIRE STORE.

562
00:14:16,927 --> 00:14:17,925
WATCH AS THIS DOLLAR TREE

563
00:14:17,994 --> 00:14:19,227
CUSTOMER DISCOVERS IN REAL TIME

564
00:14:19,296 --> 00:14:23,464
THAT THERE'S ONLY ONE PERSON

565
00:14:23,533 --> 00:14:23,967
WORKING THERE.

566
00:14:24,034 --> 00:14:27,835
>> ONLY WORKER HERE.

567
00:14:27,904 --> 00:14:28,204
>> ONLY WORKER.

568
00:14:28,271 --> 00:14:29,370
>> DOING THIS WITH NO SHELVES,

569
00:14:29,439 --> 00:14:29,672
NO NOTHING.

570
00:14:29,739 --> 00:14:32,373
LOOK AT THIS.

571
00:14:32,442 --> 00:14:36,477
SHE'S THE ONLY WORKER HERE.

572
00:14:36,546 --> 00:14:38,646
>> EVERYTHING, GUYS.

573
00:14:38,715 --> 00:14:40,181
THESE PEOPLE DON'T EVEN WORK

574
00:14:40,250 --> 00:14:44,385
HERE AND THEY'RE HELPING HER.

575
00:14:44,454 --> 00:14:45,319
LOOK AT THIS: WALLS OF BOXES,

576
00:14:45,388 --> 00:14:47,421
ALL BY HERSELF.

577
00:14:47,490 --> 00:14:49,724
>> John: YEAH, OF COURSE THE

578
00:14:49,793 --> 00:14:51,659
STORES ARE GONNA LOOK LIKE THAT

579
00:14:51,728 --> 00:14:52,794
WHEN THERE'S ONLY ONE PERSON

580
00:14:52,863 --> 00:14:53,861
THERE TO DO EVERYTHING.

581
00:14:53,930 --> 00:14:54,929
IT'S SO BAD, RANDOM DUDES ARE

582
00:14:54,998 --> 00:14:56,464
PITCHING IN TO HELP HER FOR

583
00:14:56,533 --> 00:14:57,000
FREE.

584
00:14:57,067 --> 00:14:57,899
IMAGINE HOW MONUMENTALLY SHITTY

585
00:14:57,968 --> 00:14:59,767
A STORE WOULD HAVE TO BE FOR

586
00:14:59,836 --> 00:15:00,768
YOU, A CUSTOMER, TO WALK IN AND

587
00:15:00,837 --> 00:15:06,841
SAY, "OH, FUCK, THEY NEED ME."

588
00:15:06,910 --> 00:15:11,312
IT REMINDS ME OF THAT FAMOUS MR.

589
00:15:11,381 --> 00:15:11,881
ROGERS QUOTE: "WHEN YOU WALK

590
00:15:11,948 --> 00:15:13,848
INTO A DOLLAR STORE THAT LOOKS

591
00:15:13,917 --> 00:15:14,482
LIKE CHERNOBYL AFTER THE BLAST,

592
00:15:14,551 --> 00:15:16,284
LOOK FOR THE HELPERS: YOU WILL

593
00:15:16,353 --> 00:15:17,418
ALWAYS FIND PEOPLE WHO ARE

594
00:15:17,487 --> 00:15:18,786
HELPING."

595
00:15:18,855 --> 00:15:21,622
AND, INCIDENTALLY, THE PEOPLE

596
00:15:21,691 --> 00:15:22,824
EMPLOYED BY DOLLAR STORES ARE

597
00:15:22,893 --> 00:15:24,025
NOT MAKING MUCH MORE THAN THOSE

598
00:15:24,094 --> 00:15:25,393
VOLUNTEER HELPERS.

599
00:15:25,462 --> 00:15:26,327
JUST WATCH AS A FORMER DOLLAR

600
00:15:26,396 --> 00:15:27,428
GENERAL WORKER POINTS OUT THE

601
00:15:27,497 --> 00:15:28,029
DISPARITY BETWEEN WHAT THE TOP

602
00:15:28,098 --> 00:15:28,763
EXECS MAKE, AND WHAT THE

603
00:15:28,832 --> 00:15:29,697
RANK-AND-FILE DO.

604
00:15:29,766 --> 00:15:30,865
>> Y'ALL OUT THERE RIDING IN

605
00:15:30,934 --> 00:15:32,733
DAMN EXPENSIVE CARS.

606
00:15:32,802 --> 00:15:34,302
Y'ALL CAN GO OUT, EAT CRABS AND

607
00:15:34,371 --> 00:15:35,803
STEAK AND FILET MIGNON AND

608
00:15:35,872 --> 00:15:38,106
ESCARGOT AND ALL THIS SHIT.

609
00:15:38,175 --> 00:15:39,640
MEANWHILE, Y'ALL WORKERS ARE

610
00:15:39,709 --> 00:15:41,576
EATING RAMEN NOODLES.

611
00:15:41,645 --> 00:15:42,743
COME ON NOW.

612
00:15:42,812 --> 00:15:44,479
Y'ALL MAKING MILLIONS.

613
00:15:44,548 --> 00:15:45,213
THINK ABOUT IT.

614
00:15:45,282 --> 00:15:46,180
I WANT EVERYBODY TO THINK ABOUT

615
00:15:46,249 --> 00:15:47,715
IT.

616
00:15:47,784 --> 00:15:49,283
LET ME KNOW: WHEN DID A DOLLAR

617
00:15:49,352 --> 00:15:50,885
GENERAL WORKER MAKE MORE THAN

618
00:15:50,954 --> 00:15:52,753
$20,000 IN A WHOLE YEAR?

619
00:15:52,822 --> 00:15:56,023
DON'T WORRY, I'LL WAIT.

620
00:15:56,092 --> 00:15:59,927
>> John: EXCELLENT.

621
00:15:59,996 --> 00:16:00,761
I'VE NEVER HEARD A HARSHER

622
00:16:00,830 --> 00:16:02,597
INSULT THAN SIMPLY LISTING OUT

623
00:16:02,666 --> 00:16:03,431
FOODS YOU ASSUME SOMEONE ELSE

624
00:16:03,500 --> 00:16:04,799
EATS: "CRABS, STEAK, FILET

625
00:16:04,868 --> 00:16:05,433
MIGNON, ESCARGOT, AND ALL THIS

626
00:16:05,502 --> 00:16:07,335
SHIT."

627
00:16:07,404 --> 00:16:07,969
SHE'S DESCRIBING A CARTOON RICH

628
00:16:08,038 --> 00:16:09,804
PERSON, AND IT'S DEVASTATING.

629
00:16:09,873 --> 00:16:10,404
I HAVE NO DOUBT SHE'D TAKE ONE

630
00:16:10,473 --> 00:16:11,939
LOOK AT ME AND GO: "MUSHY PEAS,

631
00:16:12,008 --> 00:16:14,242
FIGGY PUDDING, AND ALL THAT

632
00:16:14,311 --> 00:16:16,811
MILK," AND, I WOULD BE WRECKED.

633
00:16:16,880 --> 00:16:18,513
AND, SHE'S RIGHT ABOUT THE

634
00:16:18,582 --> 00:16:21,682
NUMBERS: THE MEDIAN COMPENSATED

635
00:16:21,751 --> 00:16:22,884
EMPLOYEE FOR DOLLAR GENERAL

636
00:16:22,953 --> 00:16:24,786
MAKES ABOUT $18,000 A YEAR.

637
00:16:24,855 --> 00:16:25,753
AND, A REPORT TWO YEARS AGO

638
00:16:25,822 --> 00:16:27,555
FOUND THAT 92% OF DOLLAR

639
00:16:27,624 --> 00:16:31,392
GENERAL'S STAFF WAS MAKING LESS

640
00:16:31,461 --> 00:16:35,196
THAN $15 AN HOUR.

641
00:16:35,265 --> 00:16:35,830
THAT'S A HIGHER PERCENTAGE THAN

642
00:16:35,899 --> 00:16:37,064
EVERY OTHER COMPANY THEY

643
00:16:37,133 --> 00:16:38,299
SURVEYED.

644
00:16:38,368 --> 00:16:40,368
ON TOP OF THAT, LAWSUITS AND

645
00:16:40,437 --> 00:16:41,169
PRESS REPORTS HAVE REPEATEDLY

646
00:16:41,238 --> 00:16:41,704
DOCUMENTED DOLLAR GENERAL

647
00:16:41,771 --> 00:16:43,704
SEVERELY RESTRICTING THE TOTAL

648
00:16:43,773 --> 00:16:44,338
HOURS IT ALLOCATES IN A WEEK TO

649
00:16:44,407 --> 00:16:45,840
NON-MANAGERS, AND THEN EXPECTING

650
00:16:45,909 --> 00:16:47,175
STORE MANAGERS, WHO ARE

651
00:16:47,244 --> 00:16:47,875
SALARIED, TO COVER THE REST

652
00:16:47,944 --> 00:16:50,645
WITHOUT OVERTIME.

653
00:16:50,714 --> 00:16:51,546
AND, WITHOUT ENOUGH PEOPLE TO DO

654
00:16:51,615 --> 00:16:53,014
EVERYTHING -- FROM RUNNING THE

655
00:16:53,083 --> 00:16:53,583
REGISTER, TO RECEIVING TRUCK

656
00:16:53,650 --> 00:16:55,216
DELIVERIES, TO STOCKING THE

657
00:16:55,285 --> 00:16:56,350
SHELVES, TO KEEPING PRICES

658
00:16:56,419 --> 00:16:58,453
UPDATED, AND CLEANING THE

659
00:16:58,522 --> 00:16:59,720
BATHROOMS -- THINGS CAN QUICKLY

660
00:16:59,789 --> 00:17:00,822
FALL APART.

661
00:17:00,891 --> 00:17:01,956
JUST WATCH AS THIS ASSISTANT

662
00:17:02,025 --> 00:17:05,760
MANAGER SENDS UP WHAT'S

663
00:17:05,829 --> 00:17:07,795
BASICALLY AN SOS TO THE COMPANY.

664
00:17:07,864 --> 00:17:08,496
>> OKAY, THIS IS A VIDEO FOR

665
00:17:08,565 --> 00:17:10,665
HELP TO ANYONE INSIDE THIS

666
00:17:10,734 --> 00:17:11,866
COMPANY THAT ACTUALLY CARES.

667
00:17:11,935 --> 00:17:13,067
WE ARE OVERLOADED WITH FREIGHT,

668
00:17:13,136 --> 00:17:14,635
AND WE DON'T HAVE ENOUGH HOURS

669
00:17:14,704 --> 00:17:15,636
IN THE WEEK OR PEOPLE IN THE

670
00:17:15,705 --> 00:17:18,206
WEEK TO PUT THEM AWAY.

671
00:17:18,275 --> 00:17:19,807
WE ARE COMPLETELY OVERWHELMED.

672
00:17:19,876 --> 00:17:26,876
THE BACK ROOM IS LIKE THIS.

673
00:17:31,855 --> 00:17:32,687
I CAN'T EVEN GET TO THE COOLER,

674
00:17:32,756 --> 00:17:33,287
AND I'VE GOT A MILK DELIVERY

675
00:17:33,356 --> 00:17:34,021
OUTSIDE.

676
00:17:34,090 --> 00:17:35,223
SO, HOPEFULLY IT ALL GOES OUT ON

677
00:17:35,292 --> 00:17:36,224
THE SALES FLOOR.

678
00:17:36,293 --> 00:17:37,859
I DON'T FUCKING KNOW.

679
00:17:37,928 --> 00:17:38,493
AGAIN, THIS VIDEO IS FOR ANYBODY

680
00:17:38,562 --> 00:17:39,894
IN THE COMPANY THAT CARES.

681
00:17:39,963 --> 00:17:40,230
THIS IS TRAVIS

682
00:17:40,297 --> 00:17:41,162
BENNETT, THE ASSISTANT MANAGER

683
00:17:41,231 --> 00:17:42,430
AT STORE 11320.

684
00:17:42,499 --> 00:17:43,064
>> John: WOW, IT IS NOT GOOD IF

685
00:17:43,133 --> 00:17:44,665
YOUR EMPLOYEES ARE MAKING

686
00:17:44,734 --> 00:17:45,366
TIKTOKS THAT LOOK LIKE HOSTAGE

687
00:17:45,435 --> 00:17:46,968
VIDEOS.

688
00:17:47,037 --> 00:17:47,602
BECAUSE, THAT'S NOT WHAT TIKTOK

689
00:17:47,671 --> 00:17:48,469
IS FOR.

690
00:17:48,538 --> 00:17:49,537
AS WE ALL KNOW, IT'S FOR FINDING

691
00:17:49,606 --> 00:17:50,438
OUT WHICH ANIME CHARACTER

692
00:17:50,507 --> 00:17:51,205
STRANGERS WOULD PORK, AND SEEING

693
00:17:51,274 --> 00:17:53,074
WHAT YOU'D LOOK LIKE POSITIVELY

694
00:17:53,143 --> 00:17:55,076
SNATCHED.

695
00:17:55,145 --> 00:17:56,844
BUT, THE PROBLEM WITH ADDRESSING

696
00:17:56,913 --> 00:17:58,446
THAT TO "ANYBODY IN THE COMPANY

697
00:17:58,515 --> 00:18:01,516
THAT CARES" IS THAT IT SURE

698
00:18:01,585 --> 00:18:03,151
SEEMS LIKE THESE COMPANIES DO

699
00:18:03,220 --> 00:18:04,452
NOT CARE, AT ALL.

700
00:18:04,521 --> 00:18:05,386
IT'S HARD TO OVERSTATE THE

701
00:18:05,455 --> 00:18:06,354
INDIFFERENCE THESE CHAINS CAN

702
00:18:06,423 --> 00:18:08,689
SHOW TO THEIR EMPLOYEES' WORKING

703
00:18:08,758 --> 00:18:09,690
CONDITIONS -- AND NOT JUST IN

704
00:18:09,759 --> 00:18:11,192
THEIR STORES, BUT IN SOME OF

705
00:18:11,261 --> 00:18:12,960
THEIR DISTRIBUTION CENTERS, TOO.

706
00:18:13,029 --> 00:18:13,661
>> YOU MAY REMEMBER US SHOWING

707
00:18:13,730 --> 00:18:17,632
YOU VIDEO OF RATS INSIDE THE

708
00:18:17,701 --> 00:18:18,299
FAMILY DOLLAR STORE IN WHITE

709
00:18:18,368 --> 00:18:22,270
HAVEN AND THE COMPANY'S

710
00:18:22,339 --> 00:18:23,070
DISTRIBUTION CENTER IN WEST

711
00:18:23,139 --> 00:18:24,338
MEMPHIS, ARKANSAS.

712
00:18:24,407 --> 00:18:25,873
TAKE ANOTHER LOOK.

713
00:18:25,942 --> 00:18:27,008
RIGHT NOW, FEDERAL INSPECTORS

714
00:18:27,077 --> 00:18:28,142
SAY THEY HAVE FOUND MORE THAN

715
00:18:28,211 --> 00:18:28,910
1,000 RODENTS INSIDE THE SAME

716
00:18:28,979 --> 00:18:32,447
DISTRIBUTION CENTER.

717
00:18:32,516 --> 00:18:32,615
OH!

718
00:18:32,682 --> 00:18:34,115
MY GOODNESS!

719
00:18:34,184 --> 00:18:35,883
>> John: OKAY, SET ASIDE THE

720
00:18:35,952 --> 00:18:37,418
1,000 RODENTS --WHICH, I KNOW,

721
00:18:37,487 --> 00:18:41,322
IS ALREADY A BIG ASK -- I JUST

722
00:18:41,391 --> 00:18:41,825
WANT TO TAKE A SECOND TO

723
00:18:41,892 --> 00:18:45,960
ACKNOWLEDGE THIS LITTLE DIVA.

724
00:18:46,029 --> 00:18:47,061
LOOK AT HER, NOT GIVING TWO

725
00:18:47,130 --> 00:18:47,995
SHITS ABOUT BEING FED A PRINGLE.

726
00:18:48,064 --> 00:18:48,796
OTHER RATS WOULD POUNCE AT THE

727
00:18:48,865 --> 00:18:49,564
SIGHT OF THAT CHIP, BUT NOT HER.

728
00:18:49,633 --> 00:18:50,133
SHE'S GIVING IT A BLANK LOOK

729
00:18:50,200 --> 00:18:51,132
THAT SAYS, "HONEY, NOT EVEN AT

730
00:18:51,201 --> 00:18:52,767
MY LOWEST."

731
00:18:52,836 --> 00:18:54,936
SHE'S GOT STANDARDS, SHE'S GOT

732
00:18:55,005 --> 00:18:56,637
TASTE, SHE'S "RATATOUILLE 2:

733
00:18:56,706 --> 00:18:59,140
ABSOLUTE FOOD BITCH."

734
00:18:59,209 --> 00:19:02,443
BUT, THAT FDA INSPECTION NOT

735
00:19:02,512 --> 00:19:04,679
ONLY FOUND THAT MORE THAN 1,000

736
00:19:04,748 --> 00:19:06,514
DEAD RODENTS HAD BEEN RECOVERED

737
00:19:06,583 --> 00:19:07,648
AT THAT DISTRIBUTION CENTER LAST

738
00:19:07,717 --> 00:19:09,050
YEAR, BUT ALSO THAT THE

739
00:19:09,119 --> 00:19:10,651
COMPANY'S OWN RECORDS SHOWED IT

740
00:19:10,720 --> 00:19:11,819
HAD COLLECTED MORE THAN 2,300

741
00:19:11,888 --> 00:19:12,687
RODENTS THERE THE SPRING AND

742
00:19:12,756 --> 00:19:14,088
SUMMER BEFORE, DEMONSTRATING,

743
00:19:14,157 --> 00:19:14,657
AND I QUOTE, "A HISTORY OF

744
00:19:14,724 --> 00:19:18,326
INFESTATION."

745
00:19:18,395 --> 00:19:19,560
BUT, AT THAT POINT, IT'S LESS AN

746
00:19:19,629 --> 00:19:20,595
INFESTATION AND MORE A

747
00:19:20,664 --> 00:19:21,929
FLOURISHING COMMUNITY OF RATS.

748
00:19:21,998 --> 00:19:24,999
ESTABLISHING AN INTERNAL ORDER.

749
00:19:25,068 --> 00:19:26,400
BUILDING OUT THEIR ENVIRONMENT.

750
00:19:26,469 --> 00:19:29,403
PROBABLY EXPLORING THE ARTS.

751
00:19:29,472 --> 00:19:30,037
THIS WAS BOTH A MASSIVE PROBLEM

752
00:19:30,106 --> 00:19:32,807
FOR FAMILY DOLLAR AND A

753
00:19:32,876 --> 00:19:34,308
GENUINELY INSPIRING STORY OF

754
00:19:34,377 --> 00:19:35,443
RODENT FORTITUDE.

755
00:19:35,512 --> 00:19:36,043
NOW: THE COMPANY WANTS YOU TO

756
00:19:36,112 --> 00:19:37,245
KNOW: THEY'VE SINCE SHUT DOWN

757
00:19:37,314 --> 00:19:37,912
THAT DISTRIBUTION CENTER AND ARE

758
00:19:37,981 --> 00:19:40,615
THOROUGHLY REMODELING IT.

759
00:19:40,684 --> 00:19:41,949
BUT, THAT'S JUST ONE EXAMPLE IN

760
00:19:42,018 --> 00:19:43,251
A HORRIFYING PATTERN FOR DOLLAR

761
00:19:43,320 --> 00:19:43,985
STORES.

762
00:19:44,054 --> 00:19:44,819
DOLLAR GENERAL HAS ALSO HAD TO

763
00:19:44,888 --> 00:19:47,488
TEMPORARILY CLOSE MULTIPLE

764
00:19:47,557 --> 00:19:49,157
STORES AND A DISTRIBUTION CENTER

765
00:19:49,226 --> 00:19:51,492
FOR RAT INFESTATIONS, AND AT ONE

766
00:19:51,561 --> 00:19:52,426
STORE IN OKLAHOMA, BIRDS NESTED

767
00:19:52,495 --> 00:19:53,661
IN THE CEILING AND -- I'M SO

768
00:19:53,730 --> 00:19:55,263
SERIOUS -- STARTED SHITTING ALL

769
00:19:55,332 --> 00:19:59,000
OVER THE MERCHANDISE.

770
00:19:59,069 --> 00:19:59,901
NOT JUST THAT.

771
00:19:59,970 --> 00:20:03,037
WHEN THE STAFF TOLD HIGHER-UPS

772
00:20:03,106 --> 00:20:03,638
IN THE COMPANY, THEY SAY THEY

773
00:20:03,707 --> 00:20:04,972
WERE ORDERED "NOT TO THROW THE

774
00:20:05,041 --> 00:20:05,573
SOILED PRODUCTS OUT," BUT TO

775
00:20:05,642 --> 00:20:07,375
CLEAN THEM, IN SOME CASES BY

776
00:20:07,444 --> 00:20:08,676
BRINGING THEM HOME TO WASH, AND

777
00:20:08,745 --> 00:20:12,814
THEN RETURN THEM TO THE SHELVES.

778
00:20:12,883 --> 00:20:13,383
AND, WHEN THAT STORE MANAGER

779
00:20:13,450 --> 00:20:14,449
ASKED FOR HELP IN REMOVING THE

780
00:20:14,518 --> 00:20:15,082
NESTS, HE SAYS HE GOT THE SENSE

781
00:20:15,151 --> 00:20:16,851
HE WAS BEING IGNORED, BECAUSE

782
00:20:16,920 --> 00:20:17,420
"THE BIRDS WEREN'T STEALING

783
00:20:17,487 --> 00:20:18,653
ANYTHING."

784
00:20:18,722 --> 00:20:19,487
AND, LOOK: THERE ARE PLENTY OF

785
00:20:19,556 --> 00:20:22,056
REASONS TO KICK ANYONE OR

786
00:20:22,125 --> 00:20:23,257
ANYTHING OUT OF A STORE, EVEN IF

787
00:20:23,326 --> 00:20:28,729
THEY AREN'T "STEALING ANYTHING,"

788
00:20:28,798 --> 00:20:29,363
AND NUMBER ONE ON THAT LIST IS

789
00:20:29,432 --> 00:20:31,032
"THEY'RE POOPING EVERYWHERE."

790
00:20:31,101 --> 00:20:33,434
I DON'T CARE IF IT'S A BIRD OR A

791
00:20:33,503 --> 00:20:34,769
TODDLER.

792
00:20:34,838 --> 00:20:35,369
THE SECOND SHIT IS PART OF THE

793
00:20:35,438 --> 00:20:37,071
EQUATION, THEY'VE GOT TO GO.

794
00:20:37,140 --> 00:20:38,372
NOW, LEGALLY, I DO HAVE TO TELL

795
00:20:38,441 --> 00:20:39,407
YOU: DOLLAR GENERAL WAS ASKED

796
00:20:39,476 --> 00:20:40,775
ABOUT THAT BIRD STORY, AND ITS

797
00:20:40,844 --> 00:20:44,812
RESPONSE WAS THAT IT TAKES

798
00:20:44,881 --> 00:20:47,048
PROMPT ACTION WHEN STORES MAKE

799
00:20:47,117 --> 00:20:47,682
MAINTENANCE OR REPAIR REQUESTS.

800
00:20:47,751 --> 00:20:48,416
WHICH, AS STATEMENTS GO, SOUNDS

801
00:20:48,485 --> 00:20:49,784
TO ME A LITTLE BIT LIKE --

802
00:20:49,853 --> 00:20:50,685
WHAT'S THE WORD?

803
00:20:50,754 --> 00:20:51,385
>> CACA.

804
00:20:51,454 --> 00:20:52,720
>> John: THAT'S RIGHT.

805
00:20:52,789 --> 00:20:53,754
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

806
00:20:53,823 --> 00:20:54,388
AND IF YOU'RE THINKING, "OKAY,

807
00:20:54,457 --> 00:20:55,923
I'M CONVINCED -- THESE STORES

808
00:20:55,992 --> 00:20:56,691
SOUND LIKE A TERRIBLE PLACE TO

809
00:20:56,760 --> 00:20:59,327
WORK," I'M NOT NEARLY DONE YET.

810
00:20:59,396 --> 00:20:59,927
SOME DOLLAR GENERAL EMPLOYEES

811
00:20:59,996 --> 00:21:01,696
HAVE SAID THEY'RE UNABLE TO

812
00:21:01,765 --> 00:21:02,864
CONTROL THE THERMOSTATS AT

813
00:21:02,933 --> 00:21:04,465
STORES, AND OTHERS SAY THEY

814
00:21:04,534 --> 00:21:05,099
DON'T HAVE FUNCTIONING HEAT AND

815
00:21:05,168 --> 00:21:09,537
COOLING SYSTEMS AT ALL.

816
00:21:09,606 --> 00:21:10,171
>> THE HEAT WOULD CAUSE ALL THE

817
00:21:10,240 --> 00:21:11,839
CANDY TO MELT, AND I DON'T KNOW

818
00:21:11,908 --> 00:21:12,473
IF IT WAS NEGATORY ON THE

819
00:21:12,542 --> 00:21:15,910
MEDICATIONS, BUT, I MEAN, I KNOW

820
00:21:15,979 --> 00:21:16,379
THEY GOTTA BE CLIMATE

821
00:21:16,446 --> 00:21:18,079
CONTROLLED.

822
00:21:18,148 --> 00:21:19,380
MY ASSISTANT MANAGER WAS SITTING

823
00:21:19,449 --> 00:21:20,014
IN THERE WITH ICE PACKS DOWN HER

824
00:21:20,083 --> 00:21:20,648
PANTS AND HER SHIRT AND A TOWEL,

825
00:21:20,717 --> 00:21:21,282
'CAUSE WE WERE JUST DRIPPING IN

826
00:21:21,351 --> 00:21:22,416
SWEAT.

827
00:21:22,485 --> 00:21:23,084
>> John: THAT'S NOT GREAT.

828
00:21:23,153 --> 00:21:24,685
AN ICE PACK DOWN THE PANTS IS

829
00:21:24,754 --> 00:21:25,887
NOT HOW YOU IMAGINE A DAY AT

830
00:21:25,956 --> 00:21:26,189
WORK GOING.

831
00:21:26,256 --> 00:21:27,889
IT IS, HOWEVER, HOW I IMAGINE

832
00:21:27,958 --> 00:21:30,491
THESE TWO FREAKS FUCK.

833
00:21:30,560 --> 00:21:32,393
AND, WHEN YOU TAKE ALL THIS

834
00:21:32,462 --> 00:21:33,461
TOGETHER -- THE HEAT, THE

835
00:21:33,530 --> 00:21:36,664
UNDERSTAFFING, THE BOXES

836
00:21:36,733 --> 00:21:37,365
EVERYWHERE MEANING YOU CAN'T

837
00:21:37,434 --> 00:21:38,299
MOVE AROUND PROPERLY -- IT'S

838
00:21:38,368 --> 00:21:40,201
PRETTY CLEAR THESE PLACES AREN'T

839
00:21:40,270 --> 00:21:41,936
JUST UNPLEASANT: THEY'RE UNSAFE.

840
00:21:42,005 --> 00:21:43,337
DOLLAR GENERAL IS ON OSHA'S

841
00:21:43,406 --> 00:21:45,973
SEVERE VIOLATORS LIST, RACKING

842
00:21:46,042 --> 00:21:47,141
UP MORE THAN $25 MILLION IN

843
00:21:47,210 --> 00:21:48,576
PROPOSED FINES SINCE 2017 FOR

844
00:21:48,645 --> 00:21:49,310
ALLEGED VIOLATIONS SPANNING

845
00:21:49,379 --> 00:21:51,345
DOZENS OF STATES.

846
00:21:51,414 --> 00:21:52,013
AND, AS FOR DOLLAR TREE, IN THAT

847
00:21:52,082 --> 00:21:54,215
SAME TIME FRAME, OSHA'S

848
00:21:54,284 --> 00:21:55,550
IDENTIFIED MORE THAN 400

849
00:21:55,619 --> 00:21:57,218
VIOLATIONS AT ITS STORES,

850
00:21:57,287 --> 00:21:57,852
IMPOSING MORE THAN $13 MILLION

851
00:21:57,921 --> 00:22:04,921
IN FINES.

852
00:22:06,463 --> 00:22:07,261
NOW, I HAVE TO SAY: DOLLAR TREE

853
00:22:07,330 --> 00:22:08,596
RECENTLY ENTERED A SETTLEMENT

854
00:22:08,665 --> 00:22:09,197
WITH OSHA AND CLAIMS THAT IT'S

855
00:22:09,266 --> 00:22:10,231
"IMPLEMENTING SUBSTANTIAL SAFETY

856
00:22:10,300 --> 00:22:10,767
POLICIES, PROCEDURES, AND

857
00:22:10,834 --> 00:22:11,566
TRAINING TO SAFEGUARD THE

858
00:22:11,635 --> 00:22:12,166
WELLBEING OF OUR ASSOCIATES."

859
00:22:12,235 --> 00:22:13,167
ALTHOUGH, YOU SHOULD ALSO KNOW:

860
00:22:13,236 --> 00:22:16,404
THEY HAD A SIMILAR SETTLEMENT

861
00:22:16,473 --> 00:22:17,004
BACK IN 2015 AND MADE SIMILAR

862
00:22:17,073 --> 00:22:17,638
PROMISES BACK THEN, SO THEY'RE,

863
00:22:17,707 --> 00:22:18,539
AT BEST, A SLOW LEARNER.

864
00:22:18,608 --> 00:22:20,441
AND, THERE IS ONE LAST INDIGNITY

865
00:22:20,510 --> 00:22:23,044
FOR DOLLAR STORE EMPLOYEES, AND

866
00:22:23,113 --> 00:22:23,811
THAT IS THE THREAT OF VIOLENCE.

867
00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:24,479
DOLLAR STORES HAVE BECOME

868
00:22:24,548 --> 00:22:27,348
"MAGNETS FOR CRIME AND KILLING,"

869
00:22:27,417 --> 00:22:27,982
WITH EMPLOYEES AT DOLLAR GENERAL

870
00:22:28,051 --> 00:22:30,084
SAYING THEY'VE BEEN STABBED,

871
00:22:30,153 --> 00:22:32,286
SHOT, HELD AT GUNPOINT, PUNCHED

872
00:22:32,355 --> 00:22:33,988
AND PISTOL-WHIPPED ON THE JOB.

873
00:22:34,057 --> 00:22:35,656
AND, WHEN A ROBBERY DOES HAPPEN,

874
00:22:35,725 --> 00:22:36,524
THE RESPONSE FROM CORPORATE CAN

875
00:22:36,593 --> 00:22:38,759
BE LESS THAN COMPASSIONATE.

876
00:22:38,828 --> 00:22:39,627
REMEMBER THAT WORKER TALKING

877
00:22:39,696 --> 00:22:41,062
ABOUT HOW THE BOSSES WERE EATING

878
00:22:41,131 --> 00:22:42,663
FILET MIGNON?

879
00:22:42,732 --> 00:22:43,798
HERE SHE IS TALKING ABOUT THE

880
00:22:43,867 --> 00:22:47,668
DAY HER STORE WAS ROBBED.

881
00:22:47,737 --> 00:22:48,503
>> I WAS ROBBED AT THE SAME

882
00:22:48,572 --> 00:22:50,104
DOLLAR GENERAL WHERE I CURRENTLY

883
00:22:50,173 --> 00:22:51,105
WORK.

884
00:22:51,174 --> 00:22:51,973
I PICKED UP MY PHONE AND CALLED

885
00:22:52,042 --> 00:22:53,875
911.

886
00:22:53,944 --> 00:22:54,709
I LOCKED THE DOOR, I SECURED THE

887
00:22:54,778 --> 00:23:00,047
CUSTOMERS, I FOLLOWED PROTOCOL.

888
00:23:00,116 --> 00:23:00,648
CALLED OUR MANAGER, SHE SHOWED

889
00:23:00,717 --> 00:23:04,719
UP.

890
00:23:04,788 --> 00:23:05,319
I CALLED OUR DISTRICT MANAGER

891
00:23:05,388 --> 00:23:07,288
LIKE TWO TO THREE TIMES.

892
00:23:07,357 --> 00:23:08,956
SHE DIDN'T ANSWER.

893
00:23:09,025 --> 00:23:09,590
BUT, WHEN MY MANAGER CALLED, SHE

894
00:23:09,659 --> 00:23:10,958
ANSWERED.

895
00:23:11,027 --> 00:23:11,893
THE FIRST QUESTION WAS, "IS

896
00:23:11,962 --> 00:23:13,427
EVERYBODY OKAY?"

897
00:23:13,496 --> 00:23:14,061
THE SECOND THING SHE SAID, "WHAT

898
00:23:14,130 --> 00:23:16,497
ARE WE GOING TO DO ABOUT

899
00:23:16,566 --> 00:23:19,433
REOPENING THE STORE?"

900
00:23:19,502 --> 00:23:21,402
WE HAVEN'T EVEN BEEN ROBBED EVEN

901
00:23:21,471 --> 00:23:24,205
DOGGONE 10 TO 15 MINUTES AND

902
00:23:24,274 --> 00:23:25,840
YOU'RE ALREADY TALKING ABOUT

903
00:23:25,909 --> 00:23:27,775
OPENING UP THE STORE!?

904
00:23:27,844 --> 00:23:28,843
>> John: THAT'S RIDICULOUS.

905
00:23:28,912 --> 00:23:29,844
AN ARMED ROBBERY IS A TRAUMATIC

906
00:23:29,913 --> 00:23:30,678
EVENT PEOPLE NEED TIME TO

907
00:23:30,747 --> 00:23:32,647
RECOVER FROM.

908
00:23:32,716 --> 00:23:33,281
IT'S NOT SOMETHING YOU CAN JUST

909
00:23:33,350 --> 00:23:35,149
IGNORE, LIKE A SPAM CALL, OR A

910
00:23:35,218 --> 00:23:36,150
BROKEN LIGHTBULB, OR ANY SHOW ON

911
00:23:36,219 --> 00:23:40,988
APPLE TV.

912
00:23:41,057 --> 00:23:41,656
DID YOU KNOW OCTAVIA SPENCER

913
00:23:41,725 --> 00:23:42,757
STARRED AS A TRUE CRIME

914
00:23:42,826 --> 00:23:44,358
PODCASTER ON A SHOW CALLED

915
00:23:44,427 --> 00:23:45,460
"TRUTH BE TOLD" FOR THREE YEARS?

916
00:23:45,529 --> 00:23:46,327
OF COURSE YOU DIDN'T!

917
00:23:46,396 --> 00:23:47,862
IT'S APPLE TV: WHERE CELEBRITIES

918
00:23:47,931 --> 00:23:50,031
GO TO HIDE.

919
00:23:50,100 --> 00:23:53,301
WHILE RESEARCHING THIS PIECE,

920
00:23:53,370 --> 00:23:54,869
DOLLAR STORE WORKERS REPEATEDLY

921
00:23:54,938 --> 00:23:56,471
TOLD US HOW THEY FEARED FOR

922
00:23:56,540 --> 00:23:56,806
THEIR SAFETY.

923
00:23:56,873 --> 00:23:58,339
AND, WHILE THESE COMPANIES SAY

924
00:23:58,408 --> 00:24:00,908
THEY TAKE SECURITY CONCERNS

925
00:24:00,977 --> 00:24:02,577
SERIOUSLY, EXPERTS HAVE SAID THE

926
00:24:02,646 --> 00:24:03,578
LEVEL OF VIOLENCE MAY BE DOWN TO

927
00:24:03,647 --> 00:24:04,812
HOW THESE STORES ARE SET UP AND

928
00:24:04,881 --> 00:24:06,814
ORGANIZED.

929
00:24:06,883 --> 00:24:07,715
HAVING SO FEW PEOPLE WORKING

930
00:24:07,784 --> 00:24:08,783
THERE, WITH NO SECURITY GUARD

931
00:24:08,852 --> 00:24:09,650
TYPICALLY PRESENT, MAKES THEM AN

932
00:24:09,719 --> 00:24:10,818
INCREDIBLY ENTICING TARGET.

933
00:24:10,887 --> 00:24:12,186
IN TEXAS, A DOLLAR GENERAL

934
00:24:12,255 --> 00:24:13,888
EMPLOYEE -- WHO HAD A COWORKER

935
00:24:13,957 --> 00:24:16,190
DIE IN HER ARMS -- CLAIMED IN A

936
00:24:16,259 --> 00:24:16,791
LAWSUIT THAT HER STORE HAD NO

937
00:24:16,860 --> 00:24:17,925
LIGHTS AT THE BACK OF THE

938
00:24:17,994 --> 00:24:19,794
BUILDING, AND CASH REGISTERS

939
00:24:19,863 --> 00:24:21,295
THAT DIDN'T HAVE PANIC BUTTONS,

940
00:24:21,364 --> 00:24:22,530
AND THAT THE SIGN ANNOUNCING A

941
00:24:22,599 --> 00:24:23,531
REMOTELY MONITORED SECURITY

942
00:24:23,600 --> 00:24:24,765
SYSTEM WAS A SHAM.

943
00:24:24,834 --> 00:24:26,701
AT THAT POINT, THEY MIGHT AS

944
00:24:26,770 --> 00:24:28,169
WELL PUT UP ONE OF THOSE FLOPPY

945
00:24:28,238 --> 00:24:29,670
MEN HOLDING A "PLUNDER ME, BABE"

946
00:24:29,739 --> 00:24:31,739
SIGN.

947
00:24:31,808 --> 00:24:32,540
AT ALMOST EVERY TURN, DOLLAR

948
00:24:32,609 --> 00:24:34,108
STORES SEEM TO TREAT THEIR

949
00:24:34,177 --> 00:24:35,676
WORKERS WITH EITHER STUNNING

950
00:24:35,745 --> 00:24:37,011
INDIFFERENCE OR OUTRIGHT

951
00:24:37,080 --> 00:24:38,780
CONTEMPT.

952
00:24:38,849 --> 00:24:41,415
AND, SOME ARE SO FED UP, THEY'RE

953
00:24:41,484 --> 00:24:42,383
WALKING OUT, LEADING TO STORIES

954
00:24:42,452 --> 00:24:43,751
LIKE THIS.

955
00:24:43,820 --> 00:24:44,385
>> WE SAW DOZENS OF PEOPLE

956
00:24:44,454 --> 00:24:49,323
TRYING TO GO INSIDE FAMILY

957
00:24:49,392 --> 00:24:50,291
DOLLAR THIS AFTERNOON, ONLY TO

958
00:24:50,360 --> 00:24:51,225
FIND THE DOORS LOCKED AND NO ONE

959
00:24:51,294 --> 00:24:52,426
INSIDE.

960
00:24:52,495 --> 00:24:53,995
GARFIELD RESIDENT DODI BYRNE

961
00:24:54,064 --> 00:24:55,363
WENT TO FAMILY DOLLAR ON TED

962
00:24:55,432 --> 00:24:56,864
AVENUE YESTERDAY, ONLY TO FIND

963
00:24:56,933 --> 00:24:57,465
THIS SIGN READING "STAFF QUIT,

964
00:24:57,534 --> 00:24:59,100
Y'ALL BE EASY" ON THE DOOR.

965
00:24:59,169 --> 00:25:01,068
>> John: YEAH, AND NONE OF THAT

966
00:25:01,137 --> 00:25:03,337
IS AT ALL UNCOMMON.

967
00:25:03,406 --> 00:25:04,872
AT ANOTHER FAMILY DOLLAR IN

968
00:25:04,941 --> 00:25:05,940
NEBRASKA, STAFF LEFT THIS SIGN

969
00:25:06,009 --> 00:25:06,974
ON THE DOOR: "WE ALL QUIT!

970
00:25:07,043 --> 00:25:09,377
SORRY FOR THE INCONVENIENCE."

971
00:25:09,446 --> 00:25:10,077
AND, AT A DOLLAR GENERAL IN

972
00:25:10,146 --> 00:25:10,845
MAINE, WORKERS LEFT A SERIES OF

973
00:25:10,914 --> 00:25:12,280
SIGNS READING: "CLOSED

974
00:25:12,349 --> 00:25:13,748
INDEFINITELY BECAUSE DOLLAR

975
00:25:13,817 --> 00:25:15,450
GENERAL DOESN'T PAY A LIVING

976
00:25:15,519 --> 00:25:16,050
WAGE OR TREAT THEIR EMPLOYEES

977
00:25:16,119 --> 00:25:17,485
WITH RESPECT," AND "CAPITALISM

978
00:25:17,554 --> 00:25:19,253
WILL DESTROY THIS COUNTRY.

979
00:25:19,322 --> 00:25:19,854
IF YOU DON'T PAY PEOPLE ENOUGH

980
00:25:19,923 --> 00:25:20,955
TO LIVE THEIR LIVES, WHY SHOULD

981
00:25:21,024 --> 00:25:21,756
THEY SLAVE AWAY FOR YOU?"

982
00:25:21,825 --> 00:25:23,724
ALL OF WHICH IS PUNCTUATED

983
00:25:23,793 --> 00:25:26,794
PERFECTLY BY THE EXCITED "NOW

984
00:25:26,863 --> 00:25:29,363
HIRING SIGN," WHICH "REALLY" HAS

985
00:25:29,432 --> 00:25:33,401
ITS WORK CUT OUT FOR IT.

986
00:25:33,470 --> 00:25:35,870
AND, WHILE THOSE WORKERS ARE

987
00:25:35,939 --> 00:25:36,838
JUSTIFIABLY WALKING OUT, OTHERS

988
00:25:36,907 --> 00:25:39,474
ARE CHOOSING TO FIGHT BACK.

989
00:25:39,543 --> 00:25:40,875
OVER THE PAST FEW YEARS, GROUPS

990
00:25:40,944 --> 00:25:41,509
LIKE "STEP UP LOUISIANA" AND THE

991
00:25:41,578 --> 00:25:42,443
UNION OF SOUTHERN SERVICE

992
00:25:42,512 --> 00:25:48,282
WORKERS HAVE STAGED STRIKES AND

993
00:25:48,351 --> 00:25:50,518
PROTESTS AGAINST DOLLAR GENERAL.

994
00:25:50,587 --> 00:25:51,152
BUT, THE COMPANY HAS PUSHED BACK

995
00:25:51,221 --> 00:25:52,353
HARD, IN ALL THE USUAL

996
00:25:52,422 --> 00:25:53,421
UNION-BUSTING WAYS.

997
00:25:53,490 --> 00:25:54,222
IN CONNECTICUT, WHEN WORKERS

998
00:25:54,291 --> 00:25:55,490
TRIED TO ORGANIZE, DOLLAR

999
00:25:55,559 --> 00:25:56,257
GENERAL VIOLATED FEDERAL LAW BY

1000
00:25:56,326 --> 00:25:57,492
FIRING A PRO-UNION WORKER,

1001
00:25:57,561 --> 00:25:58,693
ILLEGALLY SURVEILLING AND

1002
00:25:58,762 --> 00:26:00,027
INTERROGATING EMPLOYEES, AND

1003
00:26:00,096 --> 00:26:01,596
THREATENING TO CLOSE THE STORE.

1004
00:26:01,665 --> 00:26:03,097
THEY ALSO MAKE ALL NEW EMPLOYEES

1005
00:26:03,166 --> 00:26:03,798
WATCH A VIDEO WHERE THEY

1006
00:26:03,867 --> 00:26:04,966
SHIT-TALK THE VERY IDEA OF

1007
00:26:05,035 --> 00:26:06,467
JOINING A UNION, WHICH ONE

1008
00:26:06,536 --> 00:26:08,069
WORKER FILMED, AND POSTED

1009
00:26:08,138 --> 00:26:12,840
ONLINE.

1010
00:26:12,909 --> 00:26:13,574
>> WE DON'T BELIEVE THAT OUR

1011
00:26:13,643 --> 00:26:15,376
EMPLOYEES NEED A THIRD PARTY OR

1012
00:26:15,445 --> 00:26:15,945
UNION TO COME BETWEEN US AND

1013
00:26:16,012 --> 00:26:17,011
THEM.

1014
00:26:17,080 --> 00:26:17,912
OUR EMPLOYEES DON'T NEED A UNION

1015
00:26:17,981 --> 00:26:19,180
TO HAVE THEIR VOICES HEARD HERE

1016
00:26:19,249 --> 00:26:20,748
AT DOLLAR GENERAL.

1017
00:26:20,817 --> 00:26:21,516
>> John: I'M SORRY, YOUR

1018
00:26:21,585 --> 00:26:23,317
EMPLOYEES ARE ABLE TO GET THEIR

1019
00:26:23,386 --> 00:26:28,256
VOICES HEARD?

1020
00:26:28,325 --> 00:26:29,957
ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT?

1021
00:26:30,026 --> 00:26:30,591
SEEMS LIKE THE GUY PLEADING FOR

1022
00:26:30,660 --> 00:26:32,026
AID FROM TIKTOK STRANGERS MIGHT

1023
00:26:32,095 --> 00:26:32,860
BEG TO DIFFER.

1024
00:26:32,929 --> 00:26:34,495
SO, WHAT IS THERE TO DO?

1025
00:26:34,564 --> 00:26:35,797
WELL, SINCE 2019, AT LEAST 75

1026
00:26:35,866 --> 00:26:36,764
COMMUNITIES -- MANY OF THEM

1027
00:26:36,833 --> 00:26:37,899
LOWER-INCOME -- HAVE ACTUALLY

1028
00:26:37,968 --> 00:26:39,667
BLOCKED PROPOSALS TO BUILD NEW

1029
00:26:39,736 --> 00:26:40,868
DOLLAR STORES.

1030
00:26:40,937 --> 00:26:41,869
BUT, THE TRUTH IS, MOST OF THESE

1031
00:26:41,938 --> 00:26:44,372
STORES ARE UNLIKELY TO GO

1032
00:26:44,441 --> 00:26:45,139
ANYWHERE: REMEMBER, IN MANY

1033
00:26:45,208 --> 00:26:46,374
AREAS, THEY'RE THE ONLY RETAILER

1034
00:26:46,443 --> 00:26:47,909
AROUND.

1035
00:26:47,978 --> 00:26:49,177
SO, MUCH MORE ATTENTION NEEDS TO

1036
00:26:49,246 --> 00:26:50,645
BE PAID TO WHAT WORKERS HAVE

1037
00:26:50,714 --> 00:26:53,414
BEEN SAYING, AND FOR YEARS NOW.

1038
00:26:53,483 --> 00:26:54,048
DOLLAR STORE WORKERS AT "STEP UP

1039
00:26:54,117 --> 00:26:56,317
LOUISIANA" HAVE DEVELOPED A LIST

1040
00:26:56,386 --> 00:26:57,051
OF WHAT THEY'RE ASKING FOR FROM

1041
00:26:57,120 --> 00:26:58,719
THESE COMPANIES: FROM THINGS

1042
00:26:58,788 --> 00:26:59,787
LIKE HAVING SAFE STAFFING

1043
00:26:59,856 --> 00:27:01,222
LEVELS, TO CREATING SAFE STORE

1044
00:27:01,291 --> 00:27:02,957
INFRASTRUCTURE, TO GIVING

1045
00:27:03,026 --> 00:27:04,459
WORKERS A "RIGHT TO HEAL" AFTER

1046
00:27:04,528 --> 00:27:07,428
VIOLENT INCIDENTS.

1047
00:27:07,497 --> 00:27:08,996
NONE OF WHICH IS ASKING MUCH.

1048
00:27:09,065 --> 00:27:10,331
AND, UNTIL SUCH TIME AS THESE

1049
00:27:10,400 --> 00:27:11,432
COMPANIES ACTUALLY DO THESE

1050
00:27:11,501 --> 00:27:12,867
THINGS, THEY SHOULD, AT THE VERY

1051
00:27:12,936 --> 00:27:14,669
LEAST, HAVE TO BE MUCH MORE

1052
00:27:14,738 --> 00:27:15,870
TRANSPARENT WHEN IT COMES TO THE

1053
00:27:15,939 --> 00:27:17,405
RETAIL AND WORKPLACE EXPERIENCE

1054
00:27:17,474 --> 00:27:19,941
THEY'RE ACTUALLY PROVIDING.

1055
00:27:20,010 --> 00:27:22,610
♪ ♪

1056
00:27:22,679 --> 00:27:23,911
>> HI, THERE.

1057
00:27:23,980 --> 00:27:25,847
HERE AT DOLLAR BUCKET, WHETHER

1058
00:27:25,916 --> 00:27:27,949
YOU'RE MAKING A QUICK FILL AND

1059
00:27:28,018 --> 00:27:28,883
STOP OR STOCKING UP FOR THE

1060
00:27:28,952 --> 00:27:29,517
WEEK, WE'VE GOT EVERYTHING YOU

1061
00:27:29,586 --> 00:27:31,919
NEED.

1062
00:27:31,988 --> 00:27:33,521
LIKE THIS ROLL OF TOILET PAPER,

1063
00:27:33,590 --> 00:27:34,755
OR AN ADORABLE BAR OF IRISH

1064
00:27:34,824 --> 00:27:37,091
SPRING.

1065
00:27:37,160 --> 00:27:38,159
DOLLAR BUCKET HELPS YOU SAVE ON

1066
00:27:38,228 --> 00:27:39,660
THE THINGS YOU NEED, BUT ALSO

1067
00:27:39,729 --> 00:27:40,495
THE SPECIAL TREATS THAT MAKE

1068
00:27:40,564 --> 00:27:43,131
LIFE A LITTLE MORE FUN, LIKE

1069
00:27:43,200 --> 00:27:43,898
THIS FLACCID BALLOON, OR THIS

1070
00:27:43,967 --> 00:27:50,967
BAG OF SKITTLE.

1071
00:27:51,441 --> 00:27:55,109
>> YOU MEAN SKITTLES.

1072
00:27:55,178 --> 00:27:56,410
>> NOPE.

1073
00:27:56,479 --> 00:27:57,011
AT DOLLAR BUCKET, WHATEVER YOU

1074
00:27:57,080 --> 00:28:00,114
NEED, WE'VE GOT IT, SOMEWHERE.

1075
00:28:00,183 --> 00:28:00,882
UH-OH.

1076
00:28:00,951 --> 00:28:05,920
AND, ALWAYS AT THE RIGHT PRICE.

1077
00:28:05,989 --> 00:28:11,025
TOWELS?

1078
00:28:11,094 --> 00:28:11,926
$1.

1079
00:28:11,995 --> 00:28:12,660
BATTERIES, $1.

1080
00:28:12,729 --> 00:28:14,729
THIS RAT, $1.

1081
00:28:14,798 --> 00:28:17,365
ARCTIC BLITZ, $1.

1082
00:28:17,434 --> 00:28:18,833
THIS OTHER RAT, $1.

1083
00:28:18,902 --> 00:28:20,201
THAT LAST RAT WAS PREGNANT, SO

1084
00:28:20,270 --> 00:28:21,335
THAT IS A TWOFER.

1085
00:28:21,404 --> 00:28:21,936
WE LOVE HELPING OUR CUSTOMERS

1086
00:28:22,005 --> 00:28:23,304
SAVE TIME AND MONEY.

1087
00:28:23,373 --> 00:28:25,840
THAT'S WHY OVER 125,000 PEOPLE

1088
00:28:25,909 --> 00:28:27,542
HAVE JOINED OUR TEAM, AND WE ARE

1089
00:28:27,611 --> 00:28:30,344
GROWING EVERY DAY.

1090
00:28:30,413 --> 00:28:31,546
>> I DON'T WORK HERE, I'M JUST

1091
00:28:31,615 --> 00:28:35,616
TRYING TO GET THE MILK

1092
00:28:35,685 --> 00:28:36,784
REFRIGERATED BEFORE IT GOES BAD.

1093
00:28:36,853 --> 00:28:38,853
THIS PLACE IS FUCKED.

1094
00:28:38,922 --> 00:28:39,454
>> YOU BETTER HURRY, WE'VE GOT

1095
00:28:39,523 --> 00:28:41,189
ANOTHER SHIPMENT COMING IN.

1096
00:28:41,258 --> 00:28:42,023
DOLLAR BUCKET IS A PROUD

1097
00:28:42,092 --> 00:28:43,391
PROVIDER OF JOBS IN OUR

1098
00:28:43,460 --> 00:28:44,459
COMMUNITY.

1099
00:28:44,528 --> 00:28:45,460
TAKE BRENDA HERE.

1100
00:28:45,529 --> 00:28:46,360
SHE IS OUR LONGEST-SERVING

1101
00:28:46,429 --> 00:28:47,562
EMPLOYEE.

1102
00:28:47,631 --> 00:28:48,162
HEY, BRENDA, HOW LONG HAVE YOU

1103
00:28:48,231 --> 00:28:48,896
BEEN WITH US?

1104
00:28:48,965 --> 00:28:49,630
>> I'VE BEEN HERE FOR THREE

1105
00:28:49,699 --> 00:28:52,733
WEEKS, OKAY?

1106
00:28:52,802 --> 00:28:55,036
IT'S A NIGHTMARE.

1107
00:28:55,105 --> 00:28:59,774
I GOT A NICE --

1108
00:28:59,843 --> 00:29:00,675
I'VE GOT ICE PACKS IN PLACES

1109
00:29:00,744 --> 00:29:03,344
ONLY GOD AND MY HUSBAND --

1110
00:29:03,413 --> 00:29:04,112
-- I'VE BEEN SHITTING IN A

1111
00:29:04,181 --> 00:29:05,179
DIAPER BECAUSE I CAN'T GO TO THE

1112
00:29:05,248 --> 00:29:05,947
BATHROOM, WE'VE BEEN ROBBED

1113
00:29:06,016 --> 00:29:07,048
THREE TIMES SINCE LAUNCH AND WE

1114
00:29:07,117 --> 00:29:07,882
ARE STILL OPEN!

1115
00:29:07,951 --> 00:29:08,683
>> BRENDA, IF WE CLOSED DOWN

1116
00:29:08,752 --> 00:29:09,617
EVERY TIME WE GOT ROBBED, WE

1117
00:29:09,686 --> 00:29:10,952
WOULDN'T BE OPEN, AND YOU

1118
00:29:11,021 --> 00:29:13,888
WOULDN'T HAVE A JOB, YOUNG LADY.

1119
00:29:13,957 --> 00:29:15,656
>> I'VE BEEN HERE SO LONG, I

1120
00:29:15,725 --> 00:29:18,459
DON'T KNOW WHAT DAY IT IS.

1121
00:29:18,528 --> 00:29:20,595
I KEEP HEARING VOICES.

1122
00:29:20,664 --> 00:29:21,097
>> BRENDA, CAN YOU HELP?

1123
00:29:21,164 --> 00:29:22,763
CAN YOU HELP ME?

1124
00:29:22,832 --> 00:29:23,664
>> IS THAT THE VOICE?

1125
00:29:23,733 --> 00:29:25,099
>> THIS IS A VIDEO FOR HELP TO

1126
00:29:25,168 --> 00:29:26,067
ANYONE INSIDE THIS COMPANY THAT

1127
00:29:26,136 --> 00:29:27,168
ACTUALLY CARES.

1128
00:29:27,237 --> 00:29:28,536
I CAN'T LEAVE THE STOCK ROOM.

1129
00:29:28,605 --> 00:29:29,170
THERE ARE TOO MANY BOXES IN THE

1130
00:29:29,239 --> 00:29:30,371
WAY, AND ALSO, THE BIRDS WON'T

1131
00:29:30,440 --> 00:29:32,507
LET ME LEAVE.

1132
00:29:32,576 --> 00:29:33,474
OH, GOD, BRENDA.

1133
00:29:33,543 --> 00:29:34,609
GOD.

1134
00:29:34,678 --> 00:29:35,209
>> IS HE OKAY?

1135
00:29:35,278 --> 00:29:36,444
>> WHAT'S HAPPENING TO TRAVIS?

1136
00:29:36,513 --> 00:29:39,514
>> DOES IT MATTER?

1137
00:29:39,583 --> 00:29:40,848
WHAT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND IS

1138
00:29:40,917 --> 00:29:43,284
THAT YOUR LIVES ARE

1139
00:29:43,353 --> 00:29:45,052
INSIGNIFICANT, YOUR PAIN IS OUR

1140
00:29:45,121 --> 00:29:46,254
FUEL.

1141
00:29:46,323 --> 00:29:47,989
THE MORE YOU SUFFER, THE BETTER

1142
00:29:48,058 --> 00:29:49,056
WE DO.

1143
00:29:49,125 --> 00:29:52,593
THIS COMPANY WAS BUILT ON PAIN,

1144
00:29:52,662 --> 00:29:56,998
SWEAT, TEARS, AND THE TINIEST

1145
00:29:57,067 --> 00:30:04,067
LITTLE BARS OF DULL SOAP YOU

1146
00:30:06,977 --> 00:30:07,542
HAVE EVER SEEN IN YOUR WORTHLESS

1147
00:30:07,611 --> 00:30:08,443
GODDAMN LIES.

1148
00:30:08,512 --> 00:30:12,346
>> NUMBER ONE, GO FUCK YOURSELF.

1149
00:30:12,415 --> 00:30:14,649
THAT SUIT IS TIGHT.

1150
00:30:14,718 --> 00:30:15,917
>> WHAT HAPPENED THIS MORNING,

1151
00:30:15,986 --> 00:30:16,152
BRENDA.

1152
00:30:16,219 --> 00:30:16,719
>> REALLY?

1153
00:30:16,786 --> 00:30:17,351
>> YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE TO PAY

1154
00:30:17,420 --> 00:30:18,319
$1 FOR --

1155
00:30:18,388 --> 00:30:19,187
>> I'LL PAY NOTHING, BECAUSE I

1156
00:30:19,256 --> 00:30:19,987
QUIT.

1157
00:30:20,056 --> 00:30:20,888
CAN YOU READ THAT?

1158
00:30:20,957 --> 00:30:21,458
>> I CAN'T, BECAUSE I QUIT.

1159
00:30:21,525 --> 00:30:21,891
>> I QUIT.

1160
00:30:21,958 --> 00:30:22,292
>> GOODBYE, BITCH.

1161
00:30:22,359 --> 00:30:24,025
>> BUH-BYE, BITCH.

1162
00:30:24,094 --> 00:30:26,694
>> BUH-BYE, BITCH.

1163
00:30:26,763 --> 00:30:30,498
>> BRENDA.

1164
00:30:30,567 --> 00:30:30,967
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

1165
00:30:31,034 --> 00:30:32,233
>> GOODBYE!

1166
00:30:32,302 --> 00:30:34,569
>> DO YOU WANT A JOB?

1167
00:30:34,638 --> 00:30:38,539
WE CAN PAY YOU IN RAT BABIES.

1168
00:30:38,608 --> 00:30:40,074
>> HOW MANY?

1169
00:30:40,143 --> 00:30:41,476
>> DOLLAR BUCKET: GIVING

1170
00:30:41,545 --> 00:30:42,410
EVERYONE LESS WHILE WE MAKE

1171
00:30:42,479 --> 00:30:44,879
MORE.

1172
00:30:44,948 --> 00:30:45,348
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

1173
00:30:45,415 --> 00:30:46,881
>> John: MOVING ON.

1174
00:30:46,950 --> 00:30:48,116
FINALLY TONIGHT, A QUICK UPDATE

1175
00:30:48,185 --> 00:30:49,917
ON NEW ZEALAND, MY ABSOLUTE

1176
00:30:49,986 --> 00:30:52,653
FAVORITE ZEALAND.

1177
00:30:52,722 --> 00:30:53,654
AS YOU KNOW, TWO WEEKS AGO, WE

1178
00:30:53,723 --> 00:30:54,689
ENTERED THEIR BIRD OF THE

1179
00:30:54,758 --> 00:30:56,591
CENTURY COMPETITION ON BEHALF OF

1180
00:30:56,660 --> 00:30:57,225
THE PUTEKETEKE, A WEIRD-LOOKING

1181
00:30:57,294 --> 00:30:58,259
BIRD WITH BAD HAIR AND A NERVOUS

1182
00:30:58,328 --> 00:30:58,960
STOMACH -- TRULY, A RELATABLE

1183
00:30:59,029 --> 00:31:00,962
KING.

1184
00:31:01,031 --> 00:31:02,296
IT ALSO CARRIES ITS BABIES ON

1185
00:31:02,365 --> 00:31:03,698
ITS BACK, LIKE IT'S A POOL

1186
00:31:03,767 --> 00:31:05,266
INFLATABLE.

1187
00:31:05,335 --> 00:31:06,334
THIS IS AN INCREDIBLE BIRD.

1188
00:31:06,403 --> 00:31:08,369
AND, WE CAMPAIGNED FOR IT BY,

1189
00:31:08,438 --> 00:31:08,938
AMONG OTHER THINGS, FLYING A

1190
00:31:09,005 --> 00:31:10,071
BANNER AD OVER THE BEACHES OF

1191
00:31:10,140 --> 00:31:11,105
IPANEMA, AND ERECTING BILLBOARDS

1192
00:31:11,174 --> 00:31:12,907
IN MUMBAI, TOKYO, AND PARIS,

1193
00:31:12,976 --> 00:31:15,510
FRANCE, AS WELL AS THE PARIS OF

1194
00:31:15,579 --> 00:31:17,545
AMERICA: MANITOWOC, WISCONSIN.

1195
00:31:17,614 --> 00:31:18,980
WELL, THIS WEEK, THE RESULTS

1196
00:31:19,049 --> 00:31:21,516
FINALLY CAME IN.

1197
00:31:21,585 --> 00:31:23,184
>> FOREST & BIRD IS PROUD TO

1198
00:31:23,253 --> 00:31:25,353
ANNOUNCE THAT NEW ZEALAND'S BIRD

1199
00:31:25,422 --> 00:31:27,922
OF THE CENTURY IS --

1200
00:31:27,991 --> 00:31:32,226
[DRUMROLL]

1201
00:31:32,295 --> 00:31:36,664
THE PUTEKETEKE!

1202
00:31:36,733 --> 00:31:37,133
>> AW.

1203
00:31:37,200 --> 00:31:42,904
>> AH.

1204
00:31:42,973 --> 00:31:44,872
>> JOHN OLIVER WILL BE THRILLED.

1205
00:31:44,941 --> 00:31:47,341
>> John: YES, I'M THRILLED!

1206
00:31:47,410 --> 00:31:48,276
EVEN IF YOU GUYS CLEARLY AREN'T!

1207
00:31:48,345 --> 00:31:51,045
AND, I'M ALSO A BIT RELIEVED.

1208
00:31:51,114 --> 00:31:52,580
BECAUSE, WE ACTUALLY HAVE A

1209
00:31:52,649 --> 00:31:53,214
HORRENDOUS RECORD WHEN IT COMES

1210
00:31:53,283 --> 00:31:54,015
TO CONTESTS.

1211
00:31:54,084 --> 00:31:54,882
WE ENTERED A DUCK STAMP

1212
00:31:54,951 --> 00:31:56,651
COMPETITION WITH A BUNCH OF

1213
00:31:56,720 --> 00:31:57,187
PAINTINGS THAT EITHER GOT

1214
00:31:57,254 --> 00:31:59,554
DISQUALIFIED OR GOT ZERO VOTES.

1215
00:31:59,623 --> 00:32:00,123
AND, WE ENTERED A CONTEST TO

1216
00:32:00,190 --> 00:32:01,789
PREDICT WHEN THIS GIANT WOODEN

1217
00:32:01,858 --> 00:32:02,390
TRIPOD WOULD BREAK THROUGH THE

1218
00:32:02,459 --> 00:32:04,826
ICE ON A FROZEN ALASKAN RIVER,

1219
00:32:04,895 --> 00:32:06,561
AND WERE WILDLY OFF.

1220
00:32:06,630 --> 00:32:08,763
SO, WE REALLY NEEDED THIS WIN.

1221
00:32:08,832 --> 00:32:10,031
AND TO BE CLEAR, WE DIDN'T JUST

1222
00:32:10,100 --> 00:32:12,066
WIN THIS BY A LITTLE.

1223
00:32:12,135 --> 00:32:14,602
WE WON BY A LOT.

1224
00:32:14,671 --> 00:32:16,771
>> THE BILLBOARD IN MUMBAI, THE

1225
00:32:16,840 --> 00:32:18,072
PLANE IN BRAZIL, AND THIS

1226
00:32:18,141 --> 00:32:21,709
COSTUME ALL PAID OFF.

1227
00:32:21,778 --> 00:32:23,778
AND, IT WASN'T EVEN CLOSE.

1228
00:32:23,847 --> 00:32:24,912
THIS SHOWS THE AMOUNT OF VOTERS

1229
00:32:24,981 --> 00:32:27,915
THE RUNNERS-UP GOT, FROM THE

1230
00:32:27,984 --> 00:32:30,017
FANTAIL IN 7,800, TO THE SECOND-

1231
00:32:30,086 --> 00:32:32,820
PLACED KIWI AT JUST 13,000.

1232
00:32:32,889 --> 00:32:34,789
BUT, THE PUTEKETEKE SOARED TO

1233
00:32:34,858 --> 00:32:37,725
VICTORY, WITH MORE THAN 290,000

1234
00:32:37,794 --> 00:32:39,327
VOTES.

1235
00:32:39,396 --> 00:32:41,462
>> John: YES, IT'S TRUE: 290,000

1236
00:32:41,531 --> 00:32:44,465
VOTES!

1237
00:32:44,534 --> 00:32:45,833
FOR CONTEXT, THE PUTEKETEKE GOT

1238
00:32:45,902 --> 00:32:47,435
OVER THREE TIMES AS MANY VOTES

1239
00:32:47,504 --> 00:32:49,070
"BY ITSELF" AS ALL THE OTHER TOP

1240
00:32:49,139 --> 00:32:51,506
TEN BIRDS COMBINED.

1241
00:32:51,575 --> 00:32:52,673
WHEN YOU TALK ABOUT HISTORIC,

1242
00:32:52,742 --> 00:32:54,275
ALL-TIME LEVELS OF DOMINANCE,

1243
00:32:54,344 --> 00:32:55,076
THE CONVERSATION NOW BEGINS AND

1244
00:32:55,145 --> 00:32:56,444
ENDS WITH MICHAEL JORDAN, LIONEL

1245
00:32:56,513 --> 00:32:58,179
MESSI, SERENA WILLIAMS, AND THE

1246
00:32:58,248 --> 00:33:00,414
PUTEKETEKE.

1247
00:33:00,483 --> 00:33:01,749
THOSE ARE NOW THE GOATS, THE

1248
00:33:01,818 --> 00:33:03,651
BEST TO EVER DO IT, AND NO ONE

1249
00:33:03,720 --> 00:33:05,520
ELSE EVEN COMES CLOSE.

1250
00:33:05,589 --> 00:33:06,354
APPARENTLY, VERIFIED VOTES WERE

1251
00:33:06,423 --> 00:33:10,324
CAST IN 195 COUNTRIES.

1252
00:33:10,393 --> 00:33:10,958
THAT'S TWO MORE THAN THE CURRENT

1253
00:33:11,027 --> 00:33:11,959
MEMBERSHIP OF THE UNITED

1254
00:33:12,028 --> 00:33:13,561
NATIONS.

1255
00:33:13,630 --> 00:33:14,962
NOW, I WILL SAY, THERE WAS SOME

1256
00:33:15,031 --> 00:33:16,998
VOTER FRAUD, INCLUDING 40,000

1257
00:33:17,067 --> 00:33:18,499
VOTES CAST BY A SINGLE PERSON

1258
00:33:18,568 --> 00:33:21,068
FOR THE ROCKHOPPER PENGUIN.

1259
00:33:21,137 --> 00:33:22,503
AND, COME ON.

1260
00:33:22,572 --> 00:33:24,138
THIS ROCKHOPPER PENGUIN?

1261
00:33:24,207 --> 00:33:24,906
YOU COMMITTED BIRD ELECTION

1262
00:33:24,975 --> 00:33:27,108
FRAUD FOR THE ONLY PENGUIN IN

1263
00:33:27,177 --> 00:33:28,109
THE ANIMAL KINGDOM WITH FROSTED

1264
00:33:28,178 --> 00:33:29,777
TIPS?

1265
00:33:29,846 --> 00:33:31,245
I COULD SEE DOING IT FOR THE

1266
00:33:31,314 --> 00:33:32,680
ROYAL SPOONBILL, THAT'S A

1267
00:33:32,749 --> 00:33:33,614
QUALITY BIRD, BUT NOT ONE OF

1268
00:33:33,683 --> 00:33:35,583
THESE ALT-PUNK ASSHOLES.

1269
00:33:35,652 --> 00:33:37,118
ALSO, APPARENTLY, 45 VALID VOTES

1270
00:33:37,187 --> 00:33:39,987
WERE CAST BY PEOPLE GIVING THE

1271
00:33:40,056 --> 00:33:41,355
NAME JOHN OLIVER, ALL FOR THE

1272
00:33:41,424 --> 00:33:42,824
PUTEKETEKE, EXCEPT ONE, WHICH

1273
00:33:42,893 --> 00:33:44,859
WAS FOR THE NEW ZEALAND FAIRY

1274
00:33:44,928 --> 00:33:46,461
TERN, A BIRD THAT LOOKS LIKE

1275
00:33:46,530 --> 00:33:47,662
THIS.

1276
00:33:47,731 --> 00:33:48,463
AND, NO, I DON'T KNOW WHAT

1277
00:33:48,532 --> 00:33:49,430
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

1278
00:33:49,499 --> 00:33:50,498
PERSONALLY, I THINK HE'S PULLING

1279
00:33:50,567 --> 00:33:52,233
IT OFF.

1280
00:33:52,302 --> 00:33:53,267
EVERYTHING ABOUT THE WAY NEW

1281
00:33:53,336 --> 00:33:54,869
ZEALAND HANDLED THIS CONTEST WAS

1282
00:33:54,938 --> 00:33:56,471
PERFECT.

1283
00:33:56,540 --> 00:33:57,572
OTHER BIRDS CONCEDED THIS WEEK

1284
00:33:57,641 --> 00:33:59,841
IN A VARIETY OF DELIGHTFUL WAYS.

1285
00:33:59,910 --> 00:34:00,376
THE TEAM BEHIND THE TAKAHE

1286
00:34:00,443 --> 00:34:02,410
POSTED THIS "ANCHORMAN" MEME OF

1287
00:34:02,479 --> 00:34:04,479
THEIR BIRD SAYING, "WELL, THAT

1288
00:34:04,548 --> 00:34:06,180
WAS UNEXPECTED."

1289
00:34:06,249 --> 00:34:07,815
WHICH ISN'T QUITE RIGHT.

1290
00:34:07,884 --> 00:34:08,616
THE LINE FROM THE MOVIE IS,

1291
00:34:08,685 --> 00:34:10,017
"BOY, THAT ESCALATED QUICKLY."

1292
00:34:10,086 --> 00:34:11,519
AND, FRANKLY, IT'S THAT KIND OF

1293
00:34:11,588 --> 00:34:12,420
LACK OF ATTENTION TO DETAIL THAT

1294
00:34:12,489 --> 00:34:14,489
MIGHT EXPLAIN WHY THE TAKAHE

1295
00:34:14,558 --> 00:34:16,691
LOST THIS CONTEST SO BADLY.

1296
00:34:16,760 --> 00:34:17,859
MEANWHILE, CAMPAIGNERS FOR THE

1297
00:34:17,928 --> 00:34:19,560
KAKI POSTED THIS VIDEO OF THEIR

1298
00:34:19,629 --> 00:34:20,928
BIRDS SURROUNDING A PICTURE OF

1299
00:34:20,997 --> 00:34:22,463
ME, AND THEN PECKING AT IT ON

1300
00:34:22,532 --> 00:34:24,732
THE GROUND.

1301
00:34:24,801 --> 00:34:27,001
BUT, MY FAVORITE RESPONSE CAME

1302
00:34:27,070 --> 00:34:28,669
FROM THE NEW ZEALAND BREAKERS, A

1303
00:34:28,738 --> 00:34:29,504
PROFESSIONAL BASKETBALL TEAM,

1304
00:34:29,573 --> 00:34:30,371
WHOSE MASCOT WAS CAMPAIGNING FOR

1305
00:34:30,440 --> 00:34:31,839
THE KEA PARROT.

1306
00:34:31,908 --> 00:34:32,974
THEY DELIVERED A CONCESSION

1307
00:34:33,043 --> 00:34:35,076
SPEECH ON WEDNESDAY THAT REALLY

1308
00:34:35,145 --> 00:34:37,111
MET THE GRAVITY OF THE MOMENT.

1309
00:34:37,180 --> 00:34:38,579
>> WELL, LOOK, I'D LIKE TO JUST

1310
00:34:38,648 --> 00:34:40,014
READ A STATEMENT, IF I COULD,

1311
00:34:40,083 --> 00:34:42,316
FROM CHEEKY THE KEA.

1312
00:34:42,385 --> 00:34:45,920
HE'S NOT ABLE TO SPEAK TODAY.

1313
00:34:45,989 --> 00:34:47,789
"OVER THE LAST WEEK, I HAVE BEEN

1314
00:34:47,858 --> 00:34:49,657
SPEARHEADING AN ELECTION

1315
00:34:49,726 --> 00:34:50,458
CAMPAIGN FOR KEA AS BIRD OF THE

1316
00:34:50,527 --> 00:34:52,593
CENTURY.

1317
00:34:52,662 --> 00:34:53,327
THIS MORNING, IT HAS BEEN

1318
00:34:53,396 --> 00:34:54,428
NECESSARY TO CONCEDE THIS

1319
00:34:54,497 --> 00:34:55,830
ELECTION, AND WHILST IT IS NOT

1320
00:34:55,899 --> 00:34:57,131
THE RESULT THE KEA COMMUNITY

1321
00:34:57,200 --> 00:34:58,833
WANTED, IT IS NOW IMPORTANT THAT

1322
00:34:58,902 --> 00:35:01,102
WE ALL GET BEHIND THE

1323
00:35:01,171 --> 00:35:03,271
PUTEKETEKE."

1324
00:35:03,340 --> 00:35:05,706
>> John: THAT IS MAGNIFICENT.

1325
00:35:05,775 --> 00:35:07,575
FROM THE FACT SOMEONE HAD TO SET

1326
00:35:07,644 --> 00:35:09,076
UP THE STEP-AND-REPEAT BACKDROP

1327
00:35:09,145 --> 00:35:10,945
AND INVITE JOURNALISTS TO THIS

1328
00:35:11,014 --> 00:35:11,414
"VERY IMPORTANT" PRESS

1329
00:35:11,481 --> 00:35:12,780
CONFERENCE, TO THE LINE "HE'S

1330
00:35:12,849 --> 00:35:14,549
NOT ABLE TO SPEAK TODAY," AS IF

1331
00:35:14,618 --> 00:35:15,850
THE KEA IS NORMALLY A REAL

1332
00:35:15,919 --> 00:35:17,218
CHATTERBOX BUT IS TOO BROKEN TO

1333
00:35:17,287 --> 00:35:18,786
COMMENT RIGHT NOW, TO THE

1334
00:35:18,855 --> 00:35:20,288
REVERENT TONE THE SHE'S

1335
00:35:20,357 --> 00:35:21,322
EMPLOYING THERE, AS IF SHE'S

1336
00:35:21,391 --> 00:35:23,458
GENUINELY WORRIED THERE'S A

1337
00:35:23,527 --> 00:35:24,125
CHANCE OF RIOTING IN THE STREETS

1338
00:35:24,194 --> 00:35:24,926
OVER THIS RESULT UNLESS SHE CAN

1339
00:35:24,995 --> 00:35:29,330
CALM EVERYONE DOWN.

1340
00:35:29,399 --> 00:35:29,964
NOW, THIS CONTEST IS OVERSEEN BY

1341
00:35:30,033 --> 00:35:31,899
THE CONSERVATION ORGANIZATION

1342
00:35:31,968 --> 00:35:33,134
"FOREST & BIRD," TO RAISE

1343
00:35:33,203 --> 00:35:34,902
AWARENESS OF NEW ZEALAND'S

1344
00:35:34,971 --> 00:35:36,003
MAGNIFICENT WILDLIFE, AND RAISE

1345
00:35:36,072 --> 00:35:37,138
MONEY TO PROTECT IT.

1346
00:35:37,207 --> 00:35:39,507
AND, I'M HAPPY TO SAY THEY GOT

1347
00:35:39,576 --> 00:35:41,042
HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS

1348
00:35:41,111 --> 00:35:43,044
IN DONATIONS THIS YEAR.

1349
00:35:43,113 --> 00:35:44,812
IF YOU WANT TO SUPPORT THEM, YOU

1350
00:35:44,881 --> 00:35:46,614
CAN GIVE TO THEM DIRECTLY, OR

1351
00:35:46,683 --> 00:35:47,248
THERE'S ACTUALLY ANOTHER OPTION.

1352
00:35:47,317 --> 00:35:47,915
BECAUSE, THEY'VE BEEN PARTNERING

1353
00:35:47,984 --> 00:35:48,816
WITH A COMPANY TO PRODUCE METAL

1354
00:35:48,885 --> 00:35:51,185
SCULPTURES OF THE WINNING BIRD,

1355
00:35:51,254 --> 00:35:52,420
WITH A PORTION OF THE PROCEEDS

1356
00:35:52,489 --> 00:35:53,554
GOING TO THEIR CONSERVATION

1357
00:35:53,623 --> 00:35:54,889
EFFORTS.

1358
00:35:54,958 --> 00:35:56,023
HERE'S LAST YEAR'S SCULPTURE OF

1359
00:35:56,092 --> 00:35:57,625
THE TRIUMPHANT ROCK WREN.

1360
00:35:57,694 --> 00:35:58,759
WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE THE

1361
00:35:58,828 --> 00:35:59,827
SCUPLTURE THEY'VE MADE FOR THIS

1362
00:35:59,896 --> 00:36:01,496
YEAR'S WINNER?

1363
00:36:01,565 --> 00:36:02,964
'CAUSE, HERE IT IS!

1364
00:36:03,033 --> 00:36:04,665
A MAGNIFICENT PUTEKETEKE, WITH,

1365
00:36:04,734 --> 00:36:05,833
AS YOU CAN SEE, ME RIDING ON ITS

1366
00:36:05,902 --> 00:36:07,401
BACK LIKE ONE OF ITS BABIES.

1367
00:36:07,470 --> 00:36:09,070
AND, AS THE WEBSITE POINTS OUT

1368
00:36:09,139 --> 00:36:12,707
WITH A HELPFUL ANIMATION, THE

1369
00:36:12,776 --> 00:36:14,475
JOHN OLIVER PART CAN BE REMOVED

1370
00:36:14,544 --> 00:36:16,644
IF YOU SO CHOOSE.

1371
00:36:16,713 --> 00:36:18,045
WHICH IS MAGNIFICENT.

1372
00:36:18,114 --> 00:36:18,846
WOULD THAT WE ALL HAD THAT

1373
00:36:18,915 --> 00:36:20,515
OPTION.

1374
00:36:20,584 --> 00:36:21,649
IF YOU WANT ONE, WITH OR WITHOUT

1375
00:36:21,718 --> 00:36:23,618
ME ON IT, YOU CAN ORDER A

1376
00:36:23,687 --> 00:36:24,585
SCULPTURE AT THIS WEBSITE RIGHT

1377
00:36:24,654 --> 00:36:26,320
HERE.

1378
00:36:26,389 --> 00:36:27,088
WE ACTUALLY HAVE ONE FOR EACH

1379
00:36:27,157 --> 00:36:28,356
MEMBER OF OUR STUDIO AUDIENCE

1380
00:36:28,425 --> 00:36:29,123
TONIGHT.

1381
00:36:29,192 --> 00:36:30,625
THAT'S RIGHT!

1382
00:36:30,694 --> 00:36:31,993
YOU GET A BIRD STATUE WITH A

1383
00:36:32,062 --> 00:36:37,899
REMOVABLE JOHN OLIVER OPTION!

1384
00:36:37,968 --> 00:36:38,468
YOU GET A BIRD STATUE WITH A

1385
00:36:38,535 --> 00:36:39,500
REMOVABLE JOHN OLIVER OPTION!

1386
00:36:39,569 --> 00:36:40,069
EVERYBODY GETS A BIRD STATUE

1387
00:36:40,136 --> 00:36:41,469
WITH A REMOVABLE JOHN OLIVER

1388
00:36:41,538 --> 00:36:43,604
OPTION!

1389
00:36:43,673 --> 00:36:44,906
LOOK, THIS HAS BEEN TREMENDOUS

1390
00:36:44,975 --> 00:36:47,842
FUN, AND THERE'S REALLY ONLY ONE

1391
00:36:47,911 --> 00:36:48,910
MORE THING FOR US TO DO RIGHT

1392
00:36:48,979 --> 00:36:50,077
NOW.

1393
00:36:50,146 --> 00:36:51,612
BECAUSE, WE'VE SEEN A GRACIOUS

1394
00:36:51,681 --> 00:36:52,880
CONCESSION SPEECH, AND THAT'S

1395
00:36:52,949 --> 00:36:54,482
IMPORTANT IN A DEMOCRACY.

1396
00:36:54,551 --> 00:36:56,417
BUT, NOW IT'S TIME FOR A VICTORY

1397
00:36:56,486 --> 00:36:57,151
SPEECH FROM THE WORTHY WINNER.

1398
00:36:57,220 --> 00:37:00,421
SO PLEASE, WON'T YOU JOIN ME?

1399
00:37:00,490 --> 00:37:03,024
♪ ♪

1400
00:37:03,093 --> 00:37:08,362
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

1401
00:37:08,431 --> 00:37:10,731
[CAW]

1402
00:37:10,800 --> 00:37:12,500
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

1403
00:37:12,569 --> 00:37:13,701
ON BEHALF OF MYSELF AND NEW

1404
00:37:13,770 --> 00:37:15,770
ZEALAND'S NEW BIRD OF THE

1405
00:37:15,839 --> 00:37:16,771
CENTURY, I WANT TO THANK

1406
00:37:16,840 --> 00:37:18,072
EVERYONE WHO VOTED.

1407
00:37:18,141 --> 00:37:19,407
WHEN WE FIRST DECIDED TO

1408
00:37:19,476 --> 00:37:21,175
CAMPAIGN FOR THE PUTEKETEKE,

1409
00:37:21,244 --> 00:37:22,610
HAVING RANDOMLY STUMBLED ACROSS

1410
00:37:22,679 --> 00:37:24,378
IT AFTER GOOGLING "NEW ZEALAND

1411
00:37:24,447 --> 00:37:27,148
BIRD WEIRD," WE NEVER COULD HAVE

1412
00:37:27,217 --> 00:37:28,683
ANTICIPATED THE OUTPOURING OF

1413
00:37:28,752 --> 00:37:30,952
SUPPORT.

1414
00:37:31,021 --> 00:37:31,488
SO, TONIGHT ISN'T JUST THE

1415
00:37:31,555 --> 00:37:38,555
PUTEKETEKE'S VICTORY: IT'S

1416
00:37:39,062 --> 00:37:42,365
YOUR VICTORY, AS THE SELECTION

1417
00:37:43,500 --> 00:37:43,600
--

1418
00:37:43,667 --> 00:37:47,502
YOUR VICTORY, AS THIS ELECTION

1419
00:37:47,571 --> 00:37:48,136
REPRESENTS THE COLLECTIVE WISHES

1420
00:37:48,205 --> 00:37:49,070
OF GOOD, BIRD-LOVING PEOPLE FROM

1421
00:37:49,139 --> 00:37:50,705
195 COUNTRIES.

1422
00:37:50,774 --> 00:37:51,241
I'D ALSO LIKE TO THANK OUR

1423
00:37:51,308 --> 00:37:52,273
WORTHY OPPONENTS, WHO GRACIOUSLY

1424
00:37:52,342 --> 00:37:53,374
CONCEDED.

1425
00:37:53,443 --> 00:37:54,208
THE KIWI.

1426
00:37:54,277 --> 00:37:55,376
THE TAKAHE.

1427
00:37:55,445 --> 00:37:56,577
THE KEA.

1428
00:37:56,646 --> 00:37:57,378
AND YES, EVEN THE ROCKHOPPER

1429
00:37:57,447 --> 00:37:58,312
PENGUIN.

1430
00:37:58,381 --> 00:37:59,847
THANK YOU, BIRDS, FOR YOUR

1431
00:37:59,916 --> 00:38:00,548
GENEROSITY, BUT ALSO KNOW THAT

1432
00:38:00,617 --> 00:38:02,016
YOU WILL DIE IN THE CENTURY THAT

1433
00:38:02,085 --> 00:38:03,451
WEARS THE PUTEKETEKE'S NAME.

1434
00:38:03,520 --> 00:38:04,285
AND FINALLY, I'D LIKE TO THANK

1435
00:38:04,354 --> 00:38:05,419
THE PUTEKETEKE ITSELF.

1436
00:38:05,488 --> 00:38:06,554
POOT, MY OLD FRIEND: NONE OF

1437
00:38:06,623 --> 00:38:08,422
THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN POSSIBLE

1438
00:38:08,491 --> 00:38:09,223
WITHOUT YOUR SID VICIOUS-ESQUE

1439
00:38:09,292 --> 00:38:10,992
HAIRSTYLE, YOUR FEATHER-BONE

1440
00:38:11,061 --> 00:38:11,859
PUKING, OR JUST HOW WEIRD YOU

1441
00:38:11,928 --> 00:38:13,294
ARE AT SEX.

1442
00:38:13,363 --> 00:38:14,529
YOU'RE A DEEPLY ODD BIRD, AND AT

1443
00:38:14,598 --> 00:38:16,397
THE END OF THE DAY, I THINK

1444
00:38:16,466 --> 00:38:18,432
THAT'S WHAT PEOPLE RESPONDED TO.

1445
00:38:18,501 --> 00:38:20,501
THAT, AND JUST HOW FUN IT IS TO

1446
00:38:20,570 --> 00:38:22,904
SAY YOUR NAME.

1447
00:38:22,973 --> 00:38:24,205
SO, LET ME SAY THIS LOUD AND

1448
00:38:24,274 --> 00:38:26,107
PROUD ONCE MORE: PUTEKETEKE

1449
00:38:26,176 --> 00:38:27,408
TODAY.

1450
00:38:27,477 --> 00:38:29,477
PUTEKETEKE TOMORROW.

1451
00:38:29,546 --> 00:38:31,145
PUTEKETEKE FOR THE NEXT 100

1452
00:38:31,214 --> 00:38:32,680
YEARS.

1453
00:38:32,749 --> 00:38:33,915
WE DID IT!

1454
00:38:33,984 --> 00:38:35,116
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

1455
00:38:35,185 --> 00:38:40,254
WE DID IT!

1456
00:38:40,323 --> 00:38:40,457
[CAW]

1457
00:38:40,524 --> 00:38:41,088
THAT IS OUR SHOW, THANK YOU SO

1458
00:38:41,157 --> 00:38:42,023
MUCH FOR WATCHING!

1459
00:38:42,092 --> 00:38:43,124
WE'RE OFF NEXT WEEK, BACK

1460
00:38:43,193 --> 00:38:44,025
DECEMBER 3RD.

1461
00:38:44,094 --> 00:38:45,827
GOOD NIGHT!

1462
00:38:45,896 --> 00:38:47,361
PUTEKETEKE!

1463
00:38:47,430 --> 00:38:48,996
PUUUUTEKETEKE!

1464
00:38:49,065 --> 00:38:54,469
PUTEKETEKE!

1465
00:38:54,538 --> 00:38:54,671
[CAW]

1466
00:38:54,738 --> 00:38:56,838
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

1467
00:38:56,907 --> 00:39:00,475
♪ ♪

1468
00:39:00,544 --> 00:39:01,642
[CAW]

1469
00:39:01,711 --> 00:39:02,977
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

1470
00:39:03,046 --> 00:39:04,178
♪ ♪

1471
00:39:04,247 --> 00:39:04,380
[CAW]

1472
00:39:04,447 --> 00:39:07,949
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

1473
00:39:08,018 --> 00:39:10,384
♪ ♪

1474
00:39:10,453 --> 00:39:10,587
[CAW]

1475
00:39:10,654 --> 00:39:14,021
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

1476
00:39:14,090 --> 00:39:21,090
♪ ♪

1477
00:39:25,502 --> 00:39:26,877
>> OH, GOD, LOOK