♪ ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> John: WELCOME, WELCOME,
WELCOME TO "LAST WEEK TONIGHT!"
I'M JOHN OLIVER.
THANKS SO MUCH FOR JOINING US.
IT'S BEEN A BUSY WEEK.
TAYLOR SWIFT WAS NAMED TIME'S
PERSON OF THE YEAR, DONALD TRUMP
WON ANOTHER DEBATE HE DIDN'T
ATTEND, AND THE BBC GAVE US THE
SINGLE GREATEST OPENING TO A
NEWS BROADCAST OF ALL TIME.
>> LIVE FROM LONDON, THIS IS BBC
♪ ♪
>> LIVE FROM LONDON, THIS IS BBC
NEWS.
>> John: EXCELLENT.
JUST FIRST-RATE MIDDLE FINGER
WORK.
I LOVE HOW QUICKLY HER
EXPRESSION WENT FROM "PLAYFUL
GOOF" TO "CONSTIPATED ROBOT."
BUT, WE'RE GOING TO START IN
CONGRESS, WHERE THIS WEEK,
FORMER HOUSE SPEAKER KEVIN
MCCARTHY ANNOUNCED HIS PLANS TO
LEAVE BEFORE HIS TERM WAS EVEN
UP.
YOU MAY REMEMBER, HE WAS DRUMMED
OUT OF HIS JOB BECAUSE HE WAS
SEEN AS TOO MUCH OF A MODERATE,
AND REPLACED BY MIKE JOHNSON.
WHO LOOKS LIKE HE'S THE MODEL
FOR "JUST FOR HOBBITS: TOUCH OF
GREY."
JOHNSON IS NOW AT THE CENTER OF
SOME OF THE MOST IMPORTANT
FIGHTS IN WASHINGTON, FROM THE
NEED TO AVERT A GOVERNMENT
SHUTDOWN, TO
SECURING CRITICAL FUNDING FOR
UKRAINE.
AND THIS WEEK, HE CONTINUED TO
REMIND EVERYONE THAT -- BENEATH
HIS MILD-MANNERED EXTERIOR --
LURKS A FAR-RIGHT CONSERVATIVE.
ON TUESDAY, FOLLOWING UP ON HIS
PROMISE TO MAKE 44,000 HOURS OF
JANUARY 6th FOOTAGE AVAILABLE TO
THE PUBLIC, HE TOLD REPORTERS
HE'D MADE A CRUCIAL EDIT.
>> WE HAVE TO BLUR SOME OF THE
FACES OF PERSONS WHO
PARTICIPATED IN THE EVENTS OF
THAT DAY, BECAUSE WE DON'T WANT
THEM TO BE RETALIATED AGAINST
AND TO BE CHARGED BY THE DOJ.
>> John: YEAH, JOHNSON ANNOUNCED
HE WANTED TO PROTECT
INSURRECTIONISTS' ANONYMITY BY
BLURRING THEIR FACES, WHICH IS
RIDICULOUS: THESE PEOPLE WERE A
PART OF AN ARMED INSURRECTION.
ALSO, THERE WAS MERCH.
IT WASN'T EXACTLY A SECRET.
AND, JOHNSON IS HEAVILY
IMPLICATED IN WHAT HAPPENED ON
JAN 6th -- TAKE IT FROM STEVE
BANNON.
>> HERE'S THE IMPORTANT THING ON
JOHNSON: HE IS PART OF THE TRUMP
ERA.
HE WAS ONE OF THE INTELLECTUAL
ARCHITECTS OF PUSHING BACK ON
THE STOLEN ELECTION.
>> John: OKAY, SET ASIDE THE
FACT HE CALLED IT "THE STOLEN
ELECTION," AND THAT HE USED THE
TERM "INTELLECTUAL ARCHITECT"
FOR AN ARGUMENT THAT BASICALLY
AMOUNTED TO "NUH-UH, I'M THE
PRESIDENT."
EVEN SET ASIDE HIS HAIR THERE,
WHICH MAKES HIM LOOKS LIKE THE
OLDEST T-BIRD IN GREASE APPLYING
TO BUSINESS SCHOOL.
STEVE BANNON IS RIGHT.
JOHNSON LED THE AMICUS BRIEF IN
SUPPORT OF THE TEXAS LAWSUIT TO
INVALIDATE THE ELECTION IN 2020.
NOW, WAS THAT A GOOD THING?
UNREASONABLE PEOPLE CAN
DISAGREE, BUT HIS INVOLVEMENT IS
NOT SOMETHING REPUBLICANS WANT
YOU TO ASK ABOUT.
JUST AFTER HE WAS NOMINATED AS
SPEAKER, THERE WAS THIS
MEMORABLE MOMENT.
>> MR. JOHNSON, YOU HELPED LEAD
THE EFFORTS TO OVERTURN THE 2020
ELECTION RESULTS.
DO YOU --
>> BOOO!
>> SHUT UP!
>> John: I HATE TO BE THAT GUY,
BUT "BOOOOOOO!
SHUT UP!"
IS NOT "NO."
AND, QUICK SHOUT-OUT TO VIRGINIA
FOXX THERE, REPEATEDLY YELLING
"SHUT UP" IN THE SAME TONE AS A
DRUNK GRANDMA AT THANKSGIVING
BEING TOLD SHE CAN'T SNEAK THE
DOG ANY MORE TURKEY SKIN.
"SHUT UP!
BOSCO LOVES IT!
HE'S JUST HUNGRY!
SHUT UP!"
AND, IF THERE WAS ANY HOPE
JOHNSON MIGHT MODERATE HIS VIEWS
NOW THAT HE'S SPEAKER, THAT'S
GONE.
LAST WEEK, HE SENT A FUNDRAISING
EMAIL EXPRESSING ALARM THAT HIGH
SCHOOLERS INCREASINGLY
SCHOOLERS INCREASINGLY IDENTIFY
AS LGBTQ, AND ON TUESDAY,
RECEIVED AN AWARD FROM THE
NATIONAL ASSOCIATION OF
CHRISTIAN LAWMAKERS FOR HONOR
AND COURAGE, AND A TV EVANGELIST
WHO CLAIMED "HOMOSEXUALITY IS
THREE TIMES WORSE THAN SMOKING."
WHICH IS ABSURD.
THE ONLY THING A SMOKING HABIT
AND SOMEONE'S SEXUALITY HAVE IN
COMMON IS THAT THEY COULD BOTH
BE STRONGLY INFLUENCED BY THIS
PICTURE OF JOE CAMEL.
LOOK AT HIM: BROAD AS FUCK AND
TAILORED TIGHT.
HE'S NOT JUST SERVING HUMPS:
HE'S CAUSING THEM.
AND, BECAUSE THERE WAS SO LITTLE
VETTING BEFORE JOHNSON BECAME
SPEAKER, WE KEEP DISCOVERING NEW
UNSETTLING FACTS ABOUT HIM, LIKE
THAT HE APPARENTLY USES AN APP
THAT ALERTS HIM IF HIS SON LOOKS
AT PORN ONLINE, AND VICE VERSA.
>> IT SCANS ALL THE ACTIVITY ON
YOUR PHONE, OR YOUR DEVICES,
YOUR LAPTOP, TABLET, WHAT HAVE
YOU: WE DO ALL OF IT.
IT SENDS A REPORT TO YOUR
ACCOUNTABILITY PARTNER.
MY ACCOUNTABILITY PARTNER RIGHT
NOW IS JACK, MY SON.
RIGHT?
HE'S 17.
SO, HE AND I GET A REPORT ABOUT
ALL THE THINGS THAT ARE ON OUR
PHONES, ALL OF OUR DEVICES, ONCE
A WEEK.
IF ANYTHING OBJECTIONABLE COMES
UP, YOUR ACCOUNTABILITY PARTNER
GETS AN IMMEDIATE NOTICE.
I'M PROUD TO TELL YOU, MY SON,
HE'S GOT A CLEAN SLATE.
>> John: OKAY.
FIRST, OBVIOUSLY, IF MIKE
JOHNSON'S SON IS WATCHING THIS,
I'M REALLY SORRY.
YOUR DAD SEEMS LIKE A LOT.
AND, IF HE'S WATCHING THIS
ONLINE, THEN I GUESS MIKE
PROBABLY IS, TOO.
HI, MIKE!
YOU MUST'VE GOT THE ALERT AFTER
WE SHOWED THAT PICTURE OF THE
CAMEL.
AND, WHILE EVERYONE'S FOCUSING
ON HIS SON'S ACTIVITY BEING SENT
TO HIM, THAT SON'S ALSO GETTING
A REPORT OF HIS DAD'S INTERNET
ACTIVITY, WHICH MIGHT BE WORSE.
NOT JUST BECAUSE IT'S
TRAUMATIZING TO LEARN YOUR DAD
SEARCHED FOR "THE SEX STUFF,
LIGHTS OFF, SHIRTS ON,"
ITS THAT HAVING ACCESS TO YOUR
DAD'S MOM PORN SEARCHES IS --
"SHAMPOO FOR THINNING HAIR,"
"KNEE CLICKING CANCER QUESTION
MARK,"
"IS VIAGRA CHRISTIAN,"
THAT'S A DARK GLIMPSE INTO
TOMORROW NO 17-YEAR-OLD WANTS.
THE APP HE'S TALKING ABOUT IS
CALLED "COVENANT EYES."
AND, IF YOU'RE A COMPANY TRYING
TO STOP PEOPLE FROM CONSTANTLY
THINKING ABOUT SEX, MAYBE DON'T
MAKE YOUR LOGO LOOK LIKE A
TANTALIZING HOLE.
THERE ARE EVEN ADS FOR THE APP,
AND THEY'RE SPECTACULAR.
>> SO, WHAT'S BETTER THAN JUST A
PORN BLOCKER?
USING A PORN BLOCKER WITH
ACCOUNTABILITY.
ACCOUNTABILITY ENABLES A TRUSTED
FRIEND TO SEE HOW YOU'RE USING
YOUR DEVICE.
EVEN IF PORN SLIPS THROUGH THE
CRACKS, SOMEONE ELSE KNOWS AND
CAN HELP YOU GET BACK ON TRACK.
THAT'S SOMETHING PORN BLOCKERS
CAN NEVER DO.
>> John: HOLD ON A SECOND.
ARE WE ABSOLUTELY SURE THIS IS
AN "ANTI-PORN" APP?
BECAUSE, THESE TWO HAVE
DEFINITELY FUCKED.
"HEY!
HOW'S IT GOING?
WANT TO GET TOGETHER?"
WHEN YOU KNOW SOMEONE IS
MASTURBATING COULD JUST AS
EASILY BE A TEXT THAT SAYS "U
UP?
SMILEY FACE TONGUE-OUT EMOJI."
AND, THAT'S NOT THE ONLY AD.
I KNOW THE ANIMATED CHARACTERS
WERE WEIRD, BUT WAIT UNTIL YOU
SEE HUMANS GET INVOLVED.
>> INTRODUCING COVENANT EYES:
THE APP THAT HELPS YOU FIGHT
PORN BY KEEPING YOU ACCOUNTABLE.
JUST DOWNLOAD THE APP, CHOOSE A
FRIEND OR FAMILY MEMBER TO BE
YOUR ALLY, AND QUIT PORN FOR
GOOD.
HERE'S HOW IT WORKS:
PERIODICALLY, YOUR ALLY WILL
RECEIVE A REPORT OF ANY ONLINE
ACTIVITY, AND ANY RISKY ACTIVITY
IS CALLED OUT IN THE REPORT.
BEFORE COVENANT EYES, I OFTEN
FOUND MYSELF FEELING WEAK IN
TEMPTING SITUATIONS.
BUT NOW, KNOWING THAT JEFF WILL
KNOW IF I STRUGGLE?
THAT'S ENOUGH TO GIVE ME THE
EXTRA STRENGTH I NEED TO WIN THE
FIGHT.
>> John: NO!
DO NOT BRING JEFF INTO THIS.
HE'S AT WORK!
HE DOESN'T NEED TO GET UP TO THE
MINUTE NOTIFICATIONS ABOUT YOU
SCRAPING YOUR APE TO
"STEPSIBLING PORN, LONG LEGS."
AGAIN, I FEEL LIKE THIS APP MAY
BE HAVING THE OPPOSITE OF ITS
INTENDED EFFECT.
I'M JUST SAYING, IF I WERE THIS
GUY'S WIFE, I'D WORRY LESS ABOUT
THE PORN THING, AND MORE ABOUT
THE JEFF THING.
NOT ONLY ARE THEY SHARING THEIR
PORN SEARCHES WITH EACH OTHER,
THEY'RE ALSO GOING ON CUTE
MUFFIN DATES: A LEVEL OF
INTIMACY HIS WIFE CAN ONLY
IMAGINE!
AND, JUST LOOK HOW HAPPY JEFF
SEEMS TO MAKE HIM!
HE'S GLOWING!
HIS WIFE BETTER OPEN HER EYES
AND REALIZE THERE ARE THREE
PEOPLE IN THIS MARRIAGE, AND
SHE'S THE THIRD.
AND LOOK: WHILE THIS IS FUN, A
FEW THINGS.
FIRST, IT'S PROBABLY NOT IDEAL
FOR NATIONAL SECURITY, IF A GUY
SECOND IN LINE TO THE PRESIDENCY
HAS THAT APP ON HIS PHONE.
BUT ALSO, THE STUFF PEOPLE ARE
NOW UNEARTHING ABOUT MIKE
JOHNSON EXTENDS BEYOND THE
PERSONAL.
JUST LAST WEEK, IT EMERGED HE'D
BOTH PROMOTED AND WRITTEN THE
FORWARD FOR "THE REVIVALIST
MANIFESTO," A BOOK BY A
RIGHT-WING BLOGGER THAT, AMONG
OTHER THINGS, GIVES CREDENCE TO
UNFOUNDED CONSPIRACY THEORIES,
INCLUDING THE 'PIZZAGATE' HOAX
AND DISPARAGES POOR VOTERS AS
"UNSOPHISTICATED AND SUSCEPTIBLE
TO GOVERNMENT DEPENDENCY" WHO
ARE "EASY TO MANIPULATE WITH
"BLACK LIVES MATTER 'DEFUND THE
POLICE' PANDERING."
A PRETTY CLEAR DOG WHISTLE.
NOW, A JOHNSON SPOKESPERSON
INSISTS HE NEVER READ THOSE
PASSAGES, WHICH HE STRONGLY
DISAGREES WITH, AND THAT HE
WROTE THE FOREWORD AS A FAVOR,
NOT AS AN ENDORSEMENT OF ALL THE
OPINIONS EXPRESSED.
BUT, JOHNSON HIMSELF WOULD
DISAGREE WITH THAT, GIVEN WHAT
HE SAID LAST YEAR ON HIS OWN
PODCAST.
>> I OBVIOUSLY BELIEVE IN THE
PRODUCT, OR I WOULDN'T HAVE
WRITTEN THE FOREWORD.
SO, I ENDORSE THE WORK.
LOOK, I LOVE IT.
I LOVE THE BOOK.
EVERYBODY CAN GO AND GET THE
BOOK.
I HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT.
>> John: YEAH, TURNS OUT HIS
ENDORSEMENT WAS PRETTY
FULL-THROATED.
WHICH, INCIDENTALLY, IS A GOOGLE
IMAGE SEARCH STRICTLY OFF LIMITS
TO MIKE AND HIS SON.
AND, I'M SURE THAT'S NOT THE
LAST UPSETTING REVELATION WE'RE
GOING TO GET ABOUT HIM.
BUT, IT'S TOO LATE.
HE'S ALREADY SPEAKER.
FOR ALL THE FEAR OF A SECOND
TRUMP TERM, IT'S WORTH
REMEMBERING: OUR CURRENT SPEAKER
OF THE HOUSE IS AN ANTI-LGBT
BIGOT WHO BELIEVES IN MORE
ACCOUNTABILITY FOR HIS SON'S
PORN SEARCH HISTORY THAN HE DOES
FOR THE PEOPLE WHO TRIED TO
OVERTHROW THE GOVERNMENT.
BUT THANKFULLY, THIS ISN'T
INSURRECTION FOOTAGE: HE CAN'T
BLUR HIS VIEWS AND HOPE NO ONE
NOTICES.
BECAUSE -- MUCH LIKE HIS SON --
WE'RE ALL, UNFORTUNATELY, NOW
WATCHING HIM.
AND NOW, THIS.
>> Announcer: AND NOW: EVERYONE
ON CBS MORNINGS WANTS TO FUCK
METEOROLOGIST JIM CANTORE.
>> WE TURN TO A GUY THAT WOULD
LOVE TO TALK TO IN TIMES LIKE
THIS, METEOROLOGIST JIM CANTORE
GOOD MORNING.
WHAT IS THE WINTER OUTLOOK?
>> WE WILL FOLLOW THE STORMS
FROM START TO FINISH.
>> I KNOW YOU ARE ON TOP OF IT.
YOU LOOK ELECTRIC AND THAT
ELECTRIC BLUE.
THANK YOU, JIM CANTORE.
>> METEOROLOGIST JIM CANTORE
LOOKING DAPPER AS USUAL.
>> WHO PICKED HER OUTFIT THIS
MORNING HI YOU LOOK REALLY GOOD.
>> THANK YOU, JIM CANTORE.
MY EYE JUST SAY, YOU LOOK REALLY
DAPPER THIS MONEY.
THANK YOU.
>> THANK YOU, I APPRECIATE THAT.
>> OH, BOY.
>> I SEE YOU'VE GOT THAT TODAY,
BY THE WAY.
>> WE ARE LOOKING GOOD, JIM,
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
>> ON YOUR TV, THAT'S NOT
MR. CLEAN DOING THE WEATHER
REPORT.
[LAUGHTER]
THAT'S THE GREAT JIM CANTORE.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
>> HAVE A HAPPY AND SAFE ONE,
NATE, BACK TO YOU.
>> I KNOW ONE THING, I'M GOING
TO STAY WITH FOR MY KIDS HANDY
SO I CAN FILL UP MY JACKET LIKE
YOU TO PICK THE WEATHER MAY BE
DRY, BUT YOU ARE NOT.
JIM CANTORE, THANK YOU SO MUCH.
YOU LOOK LOOK AT AND THAT BLAZER,
MAN!
YOU MAKE ME WANT TO GET IN THE
WEIGHT ROOM.
>> LET'S JUST HOPE THIS WEEK'S
WEATHER DOESN'T GIVE AS MANY
SURPRISES AS WE GOT WITH THE
PACKERS AND THE CHIEFS LAST
NIGHT.
HOLY SMOKE.
WHAT HAPPENED?
>> NO DOUBT ABOUT IT.
I DON'T KNOW, BUT THE WAY THAT
YOU ARE BUILT, THE CHIEFS COULD
HAVE USED IO.
JIM CANTORE, WE APPRECIATE YOU.
>> John: MOVING ON.
OUR MAIN STORY TONIGHT CONCERNS
TRAINS.
IN THE 1800S, THE PREFERRED
METHOD OF MURDERING DAMSELS.
AND NOWADAYS, ANTI-DEPRESSANTS
FOR MIDDLE-AGED DADS.
TRAINS AREN'T JUST A MODE OF
TRANSPORTATION: THEY'RE BELOVED
CHILDREN'S CHARACTERS, IN SHOWS
LIKE "THOMAS THE TANK ENGINE" --
EXCEPT, NOT THAT ONE.
I'M TALKING ABOUT THE BRITISH
ORIGINAL NARRATED BY RINGO
STARR, WHICH IS MUCH DARKER.
TAKE THIS EPISODE, IN WHICH
HENRY THE GREEN ENGINE GETS
FRIGHTENED OF THE RAIN, AND
WON'T COME OUT OF A TUNNEL.
EVERYONE BEGS HIM, AND THEN
YELLS AT HIM.
THOMAS EVEN TRIES TO PHYSICALLY
PUSH HIM OUT.
AND THEN, FINALLY, THE HEAD OF
THE RAILWAY STEPS IN WITH A
DRASTIC SOLUTION.
>> "WE SHALL TAKE AWAY YOUR
RAILS," HE SAID, "AND LEAVE YOU
HERE FOR ALWAYS AND ALWAYS AND
ALWAYS."
THEY TOOK UP THE OLD RAILS AND
BUILT A WALL IN FRONT OF HIM SO
THAT HENRY COULDN'T GET OUT OF
THE TUNNEL ANYMORE.
♪ ♪
>> John: YEAH, THE BRITISH
VERSION OF "THOMAS" DIDN'T FUCK
AROUND.
AN EPISODE WHOSE PREMISE IS
"STOP COMPLAINING ABOUT WORK OR
WE'LL THROW YOU IN YOUR FOREVER
HOLE" HAS GOTTA BE ONE OF THE
MOST DISTURBING EPISODES OF
CHILDREN'S TV EVER, RIGHT UP
THERE WITH THE EPISODE OF
"BLUE'S CLUES" WHERE BLUE
REVEALS HERSELF TO BE THE ZODIAC
KILLER.
C'MON, STEVE: THE CLUES WERE A
HANDGUN, A ZODIAC SYMBOL, AND AN
ISSUE OF THE "SAN FRANCISCO
CHRONICLE" FROM 1969: SHE
BASICALLY WANTED TO GET CAUGHT!
AND, IF YOU'RE THINKING, "SURELY
THAT WAS THE MIDPOINT OF THE
EPISODE, AND HENRY WAS
EVENTUALLY ALLOWED OUT SO
THERE'D BE A HAPPY ENDING WITH
ALL HIS FRIENDS," IT WASN'T.
THIS IS HOW IT ENDS.
>> "HE WONDERED IF HE WOULD EVER
BE ALLOWED TO PULL TRAINS AGAIN.
BUT, I THINK HE DESERVED HIS
PUNISHMENT, DON'T YOU?
♪ ♪
>> John: LOOK: THERE ARE
CHILDREN'S SHOWS, AND THEN THERE
ARE "BRITISH" CHILDREN'S SHOWS,
AND THAT'S WHY I AM -- AND THIS
IS TRUE -- LIKE THIS.
BUT, WE'RE GOING TO BE TALKING
ABOUT ONE KIND OF TRAIN IN
PARTICULAR TONIGHT: FREIGHT
TRAINS.
AND, LET ME SAY FOR THE RECORD:
THIS SHOW IS PRO-TRAIN.
THEY'RE OBJECTIVELY GOOD.
THEY'RE FAST, THEY'RE LOUD, AND
THEY MAKE NOISES LIKE "CHUGGA
CHUGGA CHOO CHOO," AND
"DINGDINGDINGDING."
I LOVE TRAINS.
AND, FREIGHT TRAINS ARE
ESSENTIAL: WE RELY ON THEM TO
TRANSPORT ABOUT 28% OF THE
COUNTRY'S FREIGHT.
AND, WHILE TRUCKS ALSO CARRY
FREIGHT GREAT DISTANCES AND HAVE
SOME PRETTY HIT SOUNDS OF THEIR
OWN --
TO WIT --
[TRAIN HORN]
-- TRAINS ARE MUCH BETTER FOR
THE ENVIRONMENT, AS THEY ONLY
ACCOUNT FOR 2% OF US
TRANSPORTATION EMISSIONS.
BUT UNFORTUNATELY, AS WE SAW
EARLIER THIS YEAR, IN EAST
PALESTINE, OHIO, WHEN FREIGHT
TRAINS GO OFF THE RAILS, THEY
CAN CAUSE IMMENSE DAMAGE.
THAT CRASH INCURRED AN ESTIMATED
COST OF AT LEAST $803 MILLION IN
TOTAL DAMAGES, AND 80% OF
RESIDENTS SURVEYED SAY THEY'VE
EXPERIENCED HEADACHES, RASH,
COUGHS, EYE IRRITATION AND
DIARRHEA, AND ABOUT 40% SAID
THEY SUFFER FROM PTSD.
BUT, WHILE THAT WAS A
PARTICULARLY NASTY DERAILMENT,
THE TRUTH IS, IT SHOULDN'T HAVE
BEEN THAT SURPRISING.
LAST YEAR, THERE WERE MORE THAN
1,000 TRAIN DERAILMENTS IN THE
U.S.
THAT MEANS AN AVERAGE OF THREE
PER DAY.
AND, WHILE MOST OCCUR IN RAIL
YARDS AND AREN'T MAJOR
INCIDENTS, THE ONES THAT OCCUR
OUTSIDE OF THEM, CAN CAUSE A
HUGE MESS.
>> THE FLAMING FREIGHT TRAIN
INFERNO OUTSIDE PHOENIX,
ARIZONA, DERAILING ON A BRIDGE
IN TEMPE.
>> A RUNAWAY TRAIN DERAILING IN
THE MOJAVE DESERT CAUSING A
MANGLED MESS.
>> TONIGHT, NEW DASH CAM VIDEO
SHOWS THE MOMENT A NORFOLK
SOUTHERN TRAIN DERAILED IN
SPRINGFIELD, OHIO.
>> FROM LIVE COPTER 3, AN
EXCLUSIVE VIEW AT THE UNION
PACIFIC TRAIN DERAILMENT.
33 CARS TOTAL, 22 DERAILED.
A RED SUBSTANCE WAS SPILLED, BUT
OFFICIALS HAVE NOT CONFIRMED
WHAT IT IS.
>> John: NONE OF THAT IS GOOD,
BUT THE PHRASE "A RED SUBSTANCE
WAS SPILLED BUT OFFICIALS HAVE
NOT CONFIRMED WHAT IT IS" IS
TRULY CHILLING.
IT SOUNDS LESS LIKE A LEGITIMATE
NEWS REPORT AND MORE LIKE THE
FIRST DRAFT OF A STEPHEN KING
NOVEL.
TRAIN DERAILMENTS HAPPEN A LOT,
AND EXPERTS SAY THE REASON WE
HAVEN'T HAD MASSIVE LOSS OF LIFE
IN THIS COUNTRY AS A RESULT IS
MORE LUCK THAN ANYTHING ELSE.
>> THE RAILROADS ARE GOING TO
KEEP FLIRTING WITH DANGER, KEEP
FLIRTING WITH DISASTER, AS LONG
AS PEOPLE ARE GETTING RICH
I DON'T WANT TO SAY THAT WE
DODGED A BULLET IN EAST
PALESTINE.
BUT, THE NEXT ONE MAY BE IN A
MAJOR URBAN AREA.
IT MAY BE IN A DOWNTOWN CHICAGO.
IT MAY BE IN A DOWNTOWN NEW YORK
CITY.
>> John: IT'S TERRIFYING TO
THINK A TRAIN DISASTER LIKE EAST
PALESTINE COULD HAPPEN IN NEW
YORK.
PARTLY BECAUSE I LIVE HERE, AND
PARTLY BECAUSE NEW YORKERS ARE
DEALING WITH ENOUGH DREAD AND
PANIC AS IT IS.
WE ARE A PERPETUAL TERROR
TARGET, WE
GOT THE COUNTRY'S FIRST BIG WAVE
OF COVID, WE HAD A BIBLICAL
PLAGUE OF LANTERNFLIES LAST
SUMMER, AND THERE'S AN ARMY OF
CREEPY ELMOS RUNNING RAMPANT IN
TIMES SQUARE: WE DON'T HAVE THE
ANXIETY BANDWIDTH TO ALSO WORRY
ABOUT A GIANT TRAIN FULL OF
POISON EXPLODING IN THE MIDDLE
OF THE CITY.
SO, IF FREIGHT TRAINS HAVE THE
POWER TO CAUSE THAT MUCH DAMAGE,
TONIGHT, LET'S TALK ABOUT THEM.
AND, LET'S START WITH THE FACT
THE FREIGHT RAIL INDUSTRY "USED"
TO BE HEAVILY REGULATED.
BUT, IN THE 1970S, AFTER THE
INTERSTATE HIGHWAY SYSTEM CAME
ALONG, AND RAIL SHIPPING LOST A
LOT OF BUSINESS TO TRUCKING,
THERE WAS PRESSURE TO DEREGULATE
THE INDUSTRY SO IT COULD
COMPETE.
AND, IN 1980, A LOT OF THE
CONTROLS WE'D HAD IN PLACE WERE
REMOVED, ALLOWING FOR HUGE
CONSOLIDATION OF RAILROAD
COMPANIES, TO THE POINT WHERE --
WHILE THERE USED TO BE OVER 100
CLASS 1 RAILROADS IN NORTH
AMERICA, THERE ARE NOW JUST SIX
MASSIVE, EXTREMELY POWERFUL
COMPANIES.
AND, MUCH OF THE OVERSIGHT OF
SAFETY IS LEFT TO THE FEDERAL
RAILROAD ADMINISTRATION, WHICH
IS A FAIRLY WEAK REGULATOR.
AND, IT'S NOT JUST ME SAYING
THAT: A GOVERNMENT REPORT FOUND
THAT THE AGENCY ITSELF ESTIMATES
ITS INSPECTORS HAVE THE ABILITY
TO INSPECT LESS THAN 1% OF THE
RAILROAD ACTIVITIES COVERED IN
REGULATION.
AND, AS A RESULT, RAILROADS
THEMSELVES HAVE THE PRIMARY
RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE SAFETY OF
THE RAILROAD SYSTEM.
AND, IF HISTORY HAS TAUGHT US
ANYTHING, THAT'S NOT A FORMULA
FOR GOOD OUTCOMES.
IF ANYTHING, THE FORMULA IS
"INDUSTRY PLUS DEREGULATION
MINUS GOVERNMENT OVERSIGHT
EQUALS EPISODE OF "LAST WEEK
TONIGHT"."
AND, GUESS WHAT?
HERE WE ARE!
ALTHOUGH, I'LL GIVE THE FRA SOME
CREDIT: IT DOES PRODUCE SOME
SPECTACULAR RAILWAY-SAFETY
VIDEOS TO SHOW YOU WHAT NOT TO
DO AROUND TRAIN TRACKS.
>> SHOOT.
I THINK THE CAR JUST DIED.
UGH.
SERIOUSLY, THIS IS NOT
HAPPENING.
>> WHY DID WE STOP?
WHAT HAPPENED?
>> ARE WE STUCK?
>> IT'S FINE.
WE'LL JUST -- WE'LL SIT HERE FOR
A MINUTE, AND I WILL CALL
SOMEONE.
>> BUT, WHAT IF THERE'S A TRAIN
COMING?
>> DON'T WORRY.
THERE'S NEVER A TRAIN HERE, AND
I'M SURE WE WOULD HEAR ONE
COMING FROM PRETTY FAR AWAY.
>> John: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
IT'S HARD TO PICK A FAVORITE
REACTION FROM THE WORLD'S
CALMEST OR DUMBEST MOM -- "I
THINK THE CAR JUST DIED" WHEN
YOUR CAR 'CLEARLY' DIED IS AN
OBVIOUS HALL OF FAMER -- BUT FOR
MY MONEY, I'M GOING WITH THE
ABSOLUTE BLIND CONFIDENCE OF
"THERE'S NEVER A TRAIN HERE," A
FACT SHE CANNOT KNOW AND DOESN'T
SEEM TO TOTALLY BELIEVE HERSELF.
ALSO -- AND THIS ISN'T HUGELY
IMPORTANT -- BUT "I WILL CALL
SOMEONE?"
"WHO" EXACTLY DO YOU THINK YOU'D
CALL?
AND, HOW DO YOU THINK THAT WOULD
GO?
"HI, MY CAR BROKE DOWN ON SOME
TRAIN TRACKS, I'M IN THE CAR
WITH MY CHILDREN."
"GET OUT OF THE CAR AND OFF THE
TRACKS."
"I'M PRETTY SURE THERE'S NEVER A
TRAIN HERE."
"REALLY?
BECAUSE TRAINS GENERALLY GO
WHERE THE TRACKS ARE.
PUT ONE OF YOUR CHILDREN ON THE
PHONE."
"ARE YOU GOING TO SEND SOMEONE
TO HELP ME, OFFICER?
"LADY, I'M NOT EVEN THE POLICE,
THIS IS JUST A NUMBER YOU
CALLED, GET OFF THE FUCKING
TRACKS."
BUT, BACK TO THE FRA.
AS I WAS SAYING, THE PROBLEM IS
THAT THEY HAVE LIMITED INSIGHT
INTO WHAT'S ACTUALLY HAPPENING
ON THE RAILS.
AND, NOT EVERY PROBLEM IS AS
PAUL
EASY TO SOLVE AS TAKING AWAY
THIS WOMAN'S DRIVERS LICENSE
FOREVER.
AS WE LEARNED IN EAST PALESTINE,
SOME TRAINS HAUL HAZARDOUS
MATERIALS, AND THE TRUTH IS,
NEITHER THE FRA NOR ANYONE ELSE
KNOWS THEY'RE THERE, WHICH IS
WILD.
IT'S CRAZY THAT THE FAA KNOWS
ABOUT THE EXACT LOCATION OF
5,000 PLANES IN THE SKY, BUT THE
FRA CAN'T TELL YOU WHERE MOST
TRAINS ARE, OR WHAT THEY
CONTAIN.
IN FACT, IN THE NEW YORK AREA A
WHILE BACK, PEOPLE GOT PRETTY
ALARMED WHEN THEY LEARNED THAT
VOLATILE CRUDE OIL WAS BEING
TRANSPORTED, RIGHT ALONG THE
HUDSON RIVER.
>> THIS IS THE GREATEST THREAT
TO THE HUDSON I'VE EXPERIENCED
IN MY ENTIRE CAREER.
THESE TRAINS THAT RUN FOR ALMOST
50 MILES RIGHT NEXT TO THE RIVER
CARRYING HIGHLY EXPLOSIVE CRUDE
OIL IN RAIL CARS THAT WERE NOT
DESIGNED FOR THIS, THAT SHEER ON
IMPACT.
>> 120 CARS ON SOME OF THESE
TRAINS, 30,000 GALLONS OF FUEL
PER CAR, VERY VOLATILE FUEL.
WHEN IT COMES DOWN TO IT, EACH
OF THESE TRAIN CARS IS LIKE A
ROLLING BOMB.
>> John: IT'S TRUE, AND THAT
IS NOT UNIQUE TO THE HUDSON
RAIL LINE.
TRAINS THAT CARRY COMBUSTIBLE
CARGO ARE REGULARLY REFERRED TO
BY RAIL WORKERS AS "BOMB
TRAINS."
WHICH IS TERRIFYING.
"BOMB TRAIN" DOESN'T SOUND LIKE
SOMETHING THAT SHOULD EVER BE
ALLOWED ON A RAILWAY: IT SOUNDS
LIKE THE TITLE OF A JASON
STATHAM MOVIE THAT'S GOT 27%ON
ROTTEN TOMATOES.
BUT, "ROLLING BOMB" IS A PRETTY
STATHAM MOVIE THAT'S GOT 27% ON
BUT, "ROLLING BOMB" IS A PRETTY
ACCURATE DESCRIPTION.
JUST 22 TRAIN CARS CARRYING
LIQUEFIED NATURAL GAS HOLD THE
EQUIVALENT BLAST ENERGY OF THE
NUCLEAR BOMB DROPPED ON
HIROSHIMA.
AND, THERE'VE BEEN INCIDENTS
WHERE TRAIN CARS FULL OF CRUDE
OIL HAVE EXPLODED IN POPULATED
AREAS.
IN CANADA IN 2013, THERE WAS AN
EXPLOSION IN THE AREA OF
LAC-MEGANTIC THAT KILLED 47
PEOPLE AND LEFT THE TOWN LOOKING
LIKE THIS, WHICH MAY NOT SEEM SO
ALARMING, UNTIL YOU SEE WHAT
THAT EXACT SPOT LOOKED LIKE
BEFORE THE BLAST.
IT'S HARD TO TELL, BUT IF YOU
LOOK VERY CLOSELY, YOU'LL NOTICE
THAT THE "TOWN" PART OF THAT
TOWN IS GONE.
AND, THE NOTION THAT PROFITS
MIGHT BE GETTING PRIORITIZED
OVER SAFETY IS IN KEEPING WITH
THE LARGER TREND SHAPING THE
FREIGHT RAIL INDUSTRY.
BECAUSE, LIKE MANY BIG
COMPANIES, THESE GIANT RAILWAY
FIRMS HAVE FELT INCREASING
PRESSURE TO SQUEEZE MARGINS TO
PLEASE INVESTORS.
AND, THAT BRINGS US TO THE KEY
TREND IN FREIGHT RAIL OVER THE
PAST FEW DECADES: PRECISION
SCHEDULED RAILROADING, OR PSR.
IT'S THE BRAINCHILD OF THIS MAN:
HUNTER HARRISON, SEEN HERE
MID-COLONOSCOPY.
UNTIL HIS DEATH SIX YEARS AGO,
HARRISON WORKED AS A CEO AT FOUR
MAJOR RAILROADS, AND HIS
PHILOSOPHY OF PSR HAS NOW TAKEN
OVER THE INDUSTRY.
AND, IT'S ABOUT AGGRESSIVELY
PURSUING EFFICIENCY.
TO THAT END, RAILROADS HAVE
CLOSED FACILITIES, RETIRED
LOCOMOTIVES AND RAILCARS AND CUT
WORKERS TO LOWER COSTS.
AND, ALL OF THAT IS THE KIND OF
STUFF THAT MAKES WALL STREET
IDIOTS EXTREMELY HAPPY.
IN FACT, HERE'S ONE OF THEM NOW!
>> HUNTER HARRISON!
THE NEW DARLING OF WALL STREET
HARRISON WILL IMPLEMENT A
STRATEGY THAT'S KNOWN AS
PRECISION SCHEDULED RAILROADING.
HE'S ALREADY CHANGED ROUTES AND
SCHEDULES AND THE WAY THE
COMPANY SORTS LONG TRAINS.
HE ACTUALLY MAPS THEM OUT IN HIS
OWN LIVING ROOM.
I'M NOT KIDDING.
THIS GUY'S THE REAL DEAL.
THE GUY IS THE TRAIN WHISPERER.
>> John: COOL!
YOU KNOW A PERSON IS PRETTY
AWESOME IF THEY GET A RINGING,
SOUND-EFFECT-LADEN ENDORSEMENT
ON AN ESTEEMED SHOW LIKE "BIG
BUCKS WORD PUKE WITH CAPTAIN
MONEY CLOWN."
BUT, IT'S TRUE: HUNTER HARRISON
WAS THE TYPE OF GUY WHO MAPPED
TRAIN ROUTES OUT AT HOME.
HE WAS ALSO THE TYPE OF GUY WHO
LOOKED FOR EVEN THE SMALLEST
WAYS TO CUT COSTS, FROM TEARING
UP UNUSED TRACKS TO ELIMINATING
OVERNIGHT STAYS FOR TRAIN CREWS.
HE EVEN FLEW AROUND IN A
CORPORATE JET WITH A TAIL NUMBER
THAT READ OR59, HIS ASPIRATIONAL
OPERATING RATIO.
PRESUMABLY SOMETHING THAT MADE
HIM SO HAPPY, HE SMILED LIKE
THIS.
BUT, THAT EFFICIENCY FOR THE
COMPANIES HAS COME AT TREMENDOUS
COST TO EVERYONE ELSE.
AND, LET'S START WITH ONE OF THE
THINGS THAT MYSPACE MIGHT BE
LOIS
--
THINGS THAT MAY BE LESS OBVIOUS,
BECAUSE A KEY COMPONENT OF
PRECISION SCHEDULED RAILROADING
IS RUNNING FEWER, BUT MUCH
LONGER TRAINS -- AND I MEAN
"MUCH" LONGER.
SOME TRAINS NOW STRETCH NEARLY
THREE MILES LONG.
AND, THOSE LONGER TRAINS AREN'T
JUST DANGEROUS WHEN THEY'RE
MOVING: THEY CAN ALSO BE
DANGEROUS WHEN THEY'RE NOT.
TRAINS FREQUENTLY NEED TO STOP
TO ALLOW OTHER TRAINS TO PASS,
OR TO WORK ON MECHANICAL ISSUES.
AND, TRACKS WERE BUILT TO
ACCOMMODATE THIS, WITH SIDINGS
ALONGSIDE THE MAIN LINE, WHERE
TRAINS CAN PULL OVER.
THE PROBLEM IS, THOSE SIDINGS
WERE BUILT WHEN TRAINS WERE MUCH
SHORTER, AND NOWADAYS, WHEN THEY
ARE MULTIPLE MILES LONG, THEY
CAN WIND UP STRETCHING BACK ONTO
THE MAIN TRACK, AND POSSIBLY
ACROSS ROADS, BLOCKING TRAFFIC.
AND, THAT'S ONE REASON WHY THIS
CAN HAPPEN.
>> FOR SOME EAST END
NEIGHBORHOODS, THIS HAS BECOME A
WAY TOO UNWELCOME SOUNDTRACK.
THE BELLS START, TRAFFIC STOPS,
THIS DRIVER SLEEPS, THIS GUY
CLIMBS OVER, THIS ONE, TOO,
ANOTHER RIGHT UNDER.
ALL OF IT WITHOUT A THOUGHT TO
THE POTENTIALLY DEADLY
CONSEQUENCES.
THE WAIT JUST BECOMES TOO LONG.
WELL, HOW OFTEN DOES THIS
HAPPEN, LORENZO?
>> UM, JUST ABOUT EVERY DAY.
>> John: IT'S TRUE: IN CERTAIN
TOWNS, TRAINS CAN BLOCK TRAFFIC,
AND FOR HOURS.
AND, IT'S NOT LIKE THEY CAN
QUICKLY GET OUT OF THE WAY BY
TURNING AROUND.
TRAINS ARE LIKE LIAM PAYNE: THEY
REALLY ONLY WORK IN ONE
DIRECTION.
LAST YEAR ALONE, THERE WERE MORE
THAN 30,000 REPORTS OF BLOCKED
TRAIN CROSSINGS ACROSS THE
NATION, WITH NEARLY 1,000
BLOCKED FOR MORE THAN A DAY.
AND, THAT CAN MEAN PEOPLE WIND
UP MAKING RISKY DECISIONS TO GET
TO WORK -- OR EVEN TO SCHOOL.
>> IT'S THE KIND OF MOMENT THAT
TAKES YOUR BREATH AWAY.
A LITTLE GIRL IN A BRIGHT RED
COAT.
TINY ARMS AND LEGS, WIGGLING
UNDERNEATH A TRAIN CAR THAT
COULD MOVE AT ANY MOMENT.
IT'S QUIET AS SHE DUSTS HERSELF
OFF, CASUALLY PICKS UP HER
BOOKBAG AND A DROPPED WATER
BOTTLE, AND CARRIES ON.
>> John: THAT'S TOUGH TO WATCH,
BUT IT'S KIND OF NICE FOR THE
YOUNGER GENERATION TO HAVE AN
IMMEDIATE COUNTER WHENEVER THEIR
OLDER RELATIVES COMPLAIN ABOUT
HOW THEY USED TO WALK TO SCHOOL
IN THE SNOW.
"OH, WAS IT COLD, GRAMPA?
DIDYA GET CHILLY?
GUESS I WASN'T REALLY THINKING
ABOUT THE WEATHER WHEN I WAS
CRAWLING UNDER A TRAIN THAT
COULD CRUSH MY TINY ARMS AND
LEGS' TO GET TO HOMEROOM ON
TIME."
AND, WHILE THAT GIRL,
THANKFULLY, WAS OKAY, OTHERS
HAVEN'T BEEN.
PEDESTRIANS TRYING TO CUT
THROUGH TRAINS HAVE BEEN
DISFIGURED, DISMEMBERED AND
KILLED, AFTER THE TRAINS
SUDDENLY STARTED MOVING.
ON TOP OF WHICH, BLOCKED TRAINS
CAN ALSO SERIOUSLY DELAY
EMERGENCY SERVICES, LIKE FIRE
ENGINES OR AMBULANCES, AS THIS
OKLAHOMA MAN KNOWS ALL TOO WELL.
>> I THINK IT'S GONNA TAKE A
MAJOR TRAGEDY FOR THE RAILROAD
COMPANY TO WAKE UP AND DECIDE
THAT THEY'RE GOING TO DO
SOMETHING.
>> THAT WAS ABOUT SIX AND A HALF
YEARS AGO.
CHAD BYRD COMPLAINING ABOUT
THESE TRACKS NEAR THEIR HOME.
AND, AT THE TIME, SITTING ON THE
ONLY CROSSING TO GET TO THEIR
HOME.
>> I THINK THE MAJOR CONCERN IS,
IF SOMEBODY'S INJURED, TRYING TO
GET AN AMBULANCE TO THAT SIDE.
>> FAST FORWARD TO EARLY
SEPTEMBER OF 2020.
CHAD'S PREMONITIONS BECOMING
REALITY.
HIS FATHER, LARRY GENE BYRD,
DYING FROM A HEART ATTACK, AND
EMERGENCY VEHICLES WERE STUCK
BEHIND A TRAIN ON THOSE SAME
TRACKS.
WHEN EMERGENCY CREWS ARRIVED,
POLICE ASKED THE CONDUCTOR IF IT
COULD BE MOVED.
HE SAID NO.
THE LAWSUIT ADDING THAT HE
QUOTE, "CLOSED THE LOCOMOTIVE'S
WINDOW AND WOULD NOT RESPOND TO
ANY FURTHER QUESTIONS."
>> John: THAT'S AWFUL.
AND, WHILE IT'S NOT THE MOST
IMPORTANT THING, ARE WE ALL
ALLOWED TO JUST CLOSE OUR
WINDOWS AND NOT TALK TO COPS?
OR, IS THAT ONLY FOR TRAIN
CONDUCTORS?
BECAUSE IF SO, I WILL BUY ONE OF
THOSE STUPID LITTLE HATS
TOMORROW.
BUT ALSO, I WOULDN'T CALL HIS
PREDICTION A "PREMONITION."
IT WAS AN EASILY FORESEEABLE
CONSEQUENCE OF POOR POLICY.
AND, THAT'S NOT A ONE-OFF: THERE
HAVE BEEN MULTIPLE SIMILAR
STORIES OF PEOPLE DYING AND
HOUSES BURNING DOWN AFTER
EMERGENCY VEHICLES WERE DELAYED
AT CROSSINGS.
BUT, LONGER STOPPED TRAINS ARE
JUST THE BEGINNING OF THE ISSUES
WITH PSR.
THERE'S ALSO THE ISSUE OF WHAT
THE RELENTLESS DRIVE FOR SAVINGS
DOES TO WORKERS.
EVEN AS TRAINS GOT LONGER,
STAFFING HAS BEEN CUT TO
RIDICULOUSLY LOW LEVELS.
JUST WATCH AS A UNION LEADER
EXPLAINS TO A FLABBERGASTED NEWS
ANCHOR, RIGHT AFTER EAST
PALESTINE, JUST HOW LOW THESE
LEVELS HAD BECOME.
>> LOOK, IF YOU ADD MORE AND
MORE CARS TO THESE TRAINS,
YOU'RE INTRODUCING MORE AND MORE
POINTS OF POTENTIAL FAILURE.
AND, THAT'S WHY IT'S REALLY
ALARMING THAT THE RAILROAD
INDUSTRY ACTUALLY WANTS TO CUT
BACK THE NUMBER OF PEOPLE
OPERATING ON A TRAIN FROM TWO,
AS IS THE CURRENT STANDARD, TO
ONE.
>> I'M SORRY, HOLD ON.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT AS OF NOW, A
TRAIN WITH 150 CARS AND THAT IS
CARRYING HAZARDOUS MATERIAL --
VINYL CHLORIDE, WHATEVER -- AS A
STANDARD, ONLY, -- ONLY HAS TWO
PEOPLE OPERATING IT?
JUST TWO FOR THAT ENTIRE TRAIN?
>> YEAH, THAT'S CORRECT.
ONE CONDUCTOR, ONE ENGINEER.
>> AND, THEY WANT TO CUT IT DOWN
TO ONE.
>> YES.
>> John: RIGHT, ONE PERSON.
WHICH IS ABSURD.
TRAINS NEED AN ENGINEER TO DRIVE
THE TRAIN AND A CONDUCTOR FOR
THE REST OF IT.
IT'S NOT ONE OF THOSE JOBS WHERE
WE HAVE TWO PEOPLE DO IT, EVEN
THOUGH IT CLEARLY ONLY REQUIRES
ONE, LIKE ANCHORING THE NEWS OR
RENOVATING A HOME, OR HOSTING
THE 2011 OSCARS.
AND, PEOPLE WHO WORK ON THESE
TRAINS WILL TELL YOU, EVERY PART
OF THEIR JOB IS EXHAUSTING NOW.
FOR EXAMPLE, WHEN THERE IS A
MECHANICAL OR OTHER PROBLEM THAT
CAUSES A TRAIN TO STOP, THE
CONDUCTOR MAY HAVE TO WALK FROM
THE LEAD LOCOMOTIVE TO THE
PROBLEM AREA AND BACK AGAIN,
WHICH COULD MEAN WALKING 4 MILES
TO THE END AND BACK ON A 2-MILE
LONG TRAIN.
WORKERS ARE BEING STRETCHED SO
THIN THAT THEY'RE NOW WORKING
RIDICULOUS HOURS AND REQUIRED TO
BE ON CALL, FORCING THEM TO PICK
AND CHOOSE BETWEEN WORK AND
THEIR FAMILIES, AND EVEN MEDICAL
APPOINTMENTS.
UNTIL RECENTLY, WHEN WORKERS
WANTED TO TAKE A SICK DAY AT
BNSF -- THE LARGEST FREIGHT
RAILROAD IN THE US -- THEY HAD
TO SCHEDULE THEM A MONTH IN
ADVANCE, AND ONLY FOR TUESDAY,
WEDNESDAY, OR THURSDAY.
AND, I DON'T KNOW HOW BNSF
THINKS ILLNESSES WORK, BUT THE
FLU DOESN'T HAVE A MICROSOFT
OUTLOOK CALENDAR WHERE YOU CAN
LOOK AT ITS SCHEDULE AND BOOK
YOUR INFECTION AT A TIME THAT
WORKS FOR BOTH OF YOU.
AND, WHILE BNSF CHANGED THAT
POLICY THIS FALL, IT'S STILL IN
EFFECT AT OTHER MAJOR RAILROADS.
A FORMER UNION HEAD SUMS UP THE
SITUATION LIKE THIS.
>> AS WE SAY, YOU EITHER GO TO
WORK SICK AND TIRED OR YOU GET
FIRED.
THAT'S REALLY WHAT THIS HAS COME
DOWN TO.
>> John: IT'S NEVER A GOOD SIGN
WHEN CONDITIONS ARE SO BLEAK,
YOU'VE COME UP WITH A CATCHY
LITTLE RHYME FOR IT.
ALSO, NO ONE SHOULD GET FIRED
FOR BEING SICK.
AS FAR AS PUNISHMENTS GO FOR NOT
BEING ABLE TO WORK ONE DAY, IT'S
RIGHT UP THERE WITH BEING
ENTOMBED IN THE TUNNEL OF
PUNISHMENT.
AND, HAVING SICK, TIRED WORKERS
IS BAD ACROSS THE BOARD, BUT IT
GETS MUCH WORSE WHEN YOU REALIZE
SOME OF THOSE WORKERS ARE THE
ONES WHO INSPECT THE TRAINS TO
KEEP THEM SAFE.
AND, THE TIME ALLOTTED FOR THAT
KEEPS SHRINKING.
ONE FORMER RAILROADER SAYS
NORFOLK SOUTHERN'S INSPECTORS
USED TO HAVE 5-8 MINUTES TO
CHECK A TRAIN CAR'S WHEELS FOR
PROBLEMS, LIKE LEAKY BEARINGS OR
DAMAGED COMPONENTS.
NOW, IT'S OFTEN BETWEEN
30-SECONDS AND A MINUTE.
AND, WORSE STILL, EMPLOYEES FEEL
LIKE THEY CAN'T SPEAK OUT, AS A
RESULT OF A PATTERN OF
RETALIATION AGAINST WORKERS WHO
REPORT SAFETY VIOLATIONS OR
INJURIES.
ONE WHISTLEBLOWER EVEN SUED HIS
COMPANY, AND HAD SOME PRETTY
COMPELLING EVIDENCE ON HIS SIDE.
>> DON SANDERS, A FORMER BNSF
TRACK INSPECTOR IN MINNESOTA,
SECRETLY RECORDED CALLS WITH HIS
SUPERVISOR BACK IN 2015.
IN THIS RECORDING, OBTAINED BY 5
INVESTIGATES, YOU'LL HEAR WHAT
HAPPENED WHEN THE BOSS FOUND OUT
SANDERS CALLED THE FEDERAL
RAILROAD ADMINISTRATION.
>> WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD WE
EVER CALL FRA ABOUT ANYTHING?
UNLESS I'M ABSOLUTELY BLATANTLY
TELLING YOU TO BREAK RULES, OR
DON'T DO SOMETHING.
>> IS THAT AGAINST THE COMPANY
RULES?
>> IT'S NOT GOOD.
>> I CALLED HIM AND ASKED HIM A
QUESTION, KEITH.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND --
>> I DON'T WANT YOU DOING THAT.
>> John: YEAH, THAT'S
AUTOMATICALLY SUSPICIOUS.
IF YOU WORK AT A RESTAURANT AND
YOUR BOSS TELLS YOU THAT, UNDER
NO CIRCUMSTANCES, SHOULD YOU
EVER CALL THE HEALTH INSPECTOR,
BEST CASE SCENARIO: HE IS BEING
RATATOUILLED.
THAT INSPECTOR WAS LATER FIRED,
IN WHAT A JURY LATER AGREED WAS
RETALIATION FOR REPORTING TOO
MANY TRACK DEFECTS.
AND, ANOTHER RAIL WORKER SUMS IT
ALL UP LIKE THIS
>> THE RAILROAD, PROBABLY 100
YEARS AGO, CAME UP WITH SAFETY
FIRST.
WHEN PRECISION SCHEDULED
RAILROADING CAME OUT, THEY GAVE
US A LIST OF PRIORITIES THAT WE
WERE TO WORK BY.
SAFETY'S FOURTH.
>> John: HERE'S THE THING:
THAT'S TRUE!
SAFETY IS FOURTH!
HE'S NOT EMBELLISHING THERE.
HUNTER HARRISON WOULD FREQUENTLY
RUN DOWN A NUMBERED LIST OF HIS
GUIDING PRINCIPLES, WHICH
STARTED WITH "SERVICE," THEN
"COST CONTROL," THEN "ASSET
UTILIZATION," AND THEN, AND ONLY
THEN, "SAFETY."
IT WAS LITERALLY FOURTH ON THE
LIST.
AND, ONCE YOU GET PAST THREE
ITEMS ON A PRIORITY LIST,
ANYTHING AFTER THAT ISN'T A
PRIORITY, BY DEFINITION.
IT'S LIKE RANKING YOUR FAVORITE
BEATLES: THERE ARE THREE YOU
CARE ABOUT, AND ONE AFTERTHOUGHT
WHO NARRATES SADISTIC CHILDREN'S
SHOWS ABOUT ABUSED TRAINS.
AND, AT ONE HEARING, WHEN
HARRISON WAS RUNNING THROUGH HIS
LIST AND EVENTUALLY GOT TO
"SAFETY," HE WOUND UP MAKING A
PRETTY STRIKING CONFESSION.
>> THE FOURTH PORTION OF THIS --
IS WHICH WE SOMETIMES DON'T PAY
THE APPROPRIATE ATTENTION TO --
IS JUST SIMPLY DON'T GET ANYBODY
HURT WHILE YOU'RE DOING THIS.
NOW, WE CAN BE VERY
SOPHISTICATED, AND WE CAN TALK
ABOUT RISK MANAGEMENT AND LOSS
OF CONTROL AND PROGRAMS AND
PROCESSES AND SO FORTH.
I GOT BLOOD ALL OVER MY HANDS
FROM INJURIES IN THIS INDUSTRY
THAT SHOULD'VE BEEN AVOIDABLE.
>> John: WOW.
I GOTTA SAY, AFTER 10 SEASONS OF
SHOWING YOU EXECUTIVES DENYING
THEIR NEGLECT, THAT'S ALMOST
REFRESHING.
IT'S THE KIND OF HONESTY YOU
ONLY USUALLY GET FROM A GUY LIKE
THAT AFTER HE'S BEEN VISITED BY
THE GHOSTS OF CHRISTMAS.
AND LOOK: RAILWAY COMPANIES WILL
TELL YOU THAT SAFETY HAS ALWAYS
BEEN IMPORTANT TO THEM.
AND, THEY'LL POINT OUT THAT
DERAILMENTS HAVE FALLEN BY 44%
SINCE 2000.
WHICH IS TRUE, ALTHOUGH I'LL
POINT OUT THAT SOME OF THAT IS
BECAUSE WE'RE RUNNING FAR FEWER
TRAINS SINCE THEN.
ALSO, THE RATE OF DERAILMENTS
FOR LARGE RAILROADS HAS BEEN
CREEPING UP AGAIN IN RECENT
YEARS.
ONE RAILWAY VETERAN DESCRIBES A
MAJOR CRASH AS JUST A MATTER OF
TIME, FEARING "THERE'S GOING TO
BE A FREIGHT CAR THAT HASN'T
BEEN INSPECTED IN 90,000 MILES
THAT COMES OFF THE TRACK, AND
EITHER EXPLODES OR LEAKS
POISONOUS GAS OUT.
IT'S GOING TO TAKE SOMETHING
LIKE THAT, AND A LOT OF DEATHS,
AND THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN
EVERYBODY'S GOING TO CARE."
YOU'VE NOW HEARD THAT EXACT
SENTIMENT MULTIPLE TIMES IN THIS
PIECE, AND HE'S PROBABLY RIGHT.
THE SOLUTION HERE ISN'T TO TURN
AWAY FROM RAIL.
AGAIN, TRAINS ARE GOOD.
FOR ONE, THEY ARE STILL SAFER
THAN TRUCKING, AND AS WE'VE
ALREADY ESTABLISHED,
CHUGACHUGACHOOCHOO,
DINGDINGDING, TRAINS ARE FUN.
NOW, TO ENSURE THAT HAPPENS, WE
NEED TO EMPOWER THE FRA TO
ACTUALLY MONITOR TRAINS AND
CARGO IN REAL TIME, AND WHILE
WE'RE AT IT, GIVE THEM THE
ABILITY TO LIMIT THE AMOUNT OF
TIME THAT TRAINS CAN BLOCK
INTERSECTIONS.
AND, FINALLY, CRUCIALLY, WORKERS
NEED A WAY TO CONFIDENTIALLY
REPORT SAFETY ISSUES TO
REGULATORS WITHOUT BEING AFRAID
OF RETALIATION.
UNTIL WE FIX ALL THIS, WE MIGHT
NEED TO FUNDAMENTALLY CHANGE OUR
CHILDREN'S PROGRAMMING TO SHOW
THE WORLD OF TRAINS AS THEY
CURRENTLY ARE.
♪ ♪
[TRAIN HORN]
>> ONCE UPON A TIME ON THIS
ISLAND, THERE WAS A TRAIN NAMED
HENRY.
HENRY WAS A FREIGHT TRAIN.
HE PULLED ALL KINDS OF IMPORTANT
MATERIALS AROUND.
THEN ONE DAY, SIR TOP OF THE HAT
HAD AN IDEA, AND SUDDENLY, HENRY
GOT LONGER, AND LONGER, AND
LONGER.
♪ ♪
HENRY GOT SO LONG, WHEN HE
RESTED, HE STARTED GETTING IN
PEOPLE'S WAY, AND DRIVERS GOT
VERY ANGRY WITH HIM.
"I'M LATE FOR WORK.
WHAT'S THE FUCKING HOLD UP,
TRAIN," SAID THE DRIVER.
A LITTLE OLD LADY SHOUTED TO HIM
"GET FUCKED!"
A LITTLE GIRL CRAWLED UNDERNEATH
HENRY ON HER WAY TO SCHOOL.
"THAT TICKLES," SAYS HENRY.
"I FUCKING HATE YOU, TRAIN,"
SAYS THE LITTLE GIRL.
A FIRE ENGINE PLEADED WITH HIM
TO MOVE.
"I CAN'T MOVE," SAID HENRY.
"I DON'T HAVE ANY ROOM."
SO, THEY BOTH JUST SAT THERE AND
WATCHED A CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL
BURN.
[TRAIN HORN]
BUT, HENRY WAS TOLD HE WAS MUCH
MORE EFFICIENT NOW, ANOTHER WAY
OF SAYING PROFITABLE, AND
9 MILES LONG.
HE CARRIED ALL SORTS OF THINGS
PEOPLE NEEDED, LIKE MEDICAL
BANDAGES, CORN, VINYL CHLORIDE,
FIREWORKS, A MYSTERIOUS RED
SUBSTANCE, QUESTION MARK,
QUESTION MARK, HAND GRENADES,
QUESTION MARK, PLUGGED IN SPACE
HEATERS, AND ALL SORTS OF ZOO
ANIMALS.
WHAT IS LIQUEFIED NATURAL GAS?
"WHY AM I PULLING 22 CARS FULL
OF IT," HENRY ASKED.
"NEVER YOU MIND," THEY SAY, "I
MAPPED THIS ROUTE OUT AT HOME."
"THAT'S A WEIRD THING TO DO, AND
I DON'T REALLY KNOW HOW TO
RESPOND TO IT," SAID HENRY.
"JUST MIND YOUR BUSINESS LIKE A
GOOD LITTLE ROLLING DEATH
MACHINE."
"SORRY, I'M A WATCH," ASKED
HENRY.
THEN, ONE DAY, A WHEEL ON ONE OF
HENRY'S TANK CARS STARTED
OVERHEATING.
THE ENGINEER HADN'T HAD A CHANCE
TO INSPECT IT IN MONTHS.
HENRY WAS GETTING WORRIED.
"IT SEEMS MY CABOOSE IS LOOSE.
I CAN'T DRIVE WITH A LOOSE
CABOOSE," HENRY TOLD THE DRIVER.
BUT, IT WAS TOO LATE.
"OH SHIT," SAID HENRY.
HENRY THE FREIGHT ENGINE BECAME
HENRY THE BOMB TRAIN.
[LOUD RINGING NOISE]
[SIREN IN THE DISTANCE]
OH,
"OH, WELL," THOUGHT HENRY.
"AT LEAST MY TANKERS DIDN'T
EXPLODE" --
[INTERRUPTED BY EXPLOSION]
MEANWHILE, ON THE OTHER SIDE OF
THE ISLAND --
"OH, DEAR," SAID THOMAS.
THE EXPLOSION OBLITERATED A
SIGNIFICANT PART OF THE ISLAND.
HENRY WAS SO SAD.
SIR HAD BLOOD ON HIS HANDS, BUT
HE DIDN'T CARE.
IT WASN'T HIS BLOOD.
HE COULD JUST WIPE IT OFF WITH
ALL HIS NEW MONEY.
AS FOR HENRY, HE WAS TAKEN OUT
OF COMMISSION AND PUT IN A
TUNNEL, BUT AS TRAINS CAN'T DIE,
HE JUST HAD TO SUFFER FOREVER
AND EVER, BUT I THINK HE
DESERVED HIS PUNISHMENT, DON'T
YOU?
>> John: THAT'S OUR SHOW, THANKS
FOR WATCHING, SEE YOU NEXT WEEK,
GOOD NIGHT!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ ♪