♪ ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
John: WELCOME, WELCOME,
WELCOME TO "LAST WEEK TONIGHT!"
I'M JOHN OLIVER.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR JOINING
US.
IT HAS BEEN A BUSY WEEK, FROM
CHINA LAUNCHING A PROBE TO THE
DARK SIDE OF THE MOON, TO BORIS
JOHNSON GETTING TURNED AWAY FROM
VOTING IN THE U.K., UNDER HIS
OWN VOTER I.D. RULES.
BUT WE'RE GOING TO FOCUS ON THE
U.S., WITH THE HARD CRACKDOWN ON
STUDENTS PROTESTING ISRAEL'S
ONGOING MILITARY ASSAULT ON
GAZA.
AT UCLA, COPS FIRED SO-CALLED
"LESS LETHAL" BULLETS INTO THE
CROWD, AND AT CITY COLLEGE AND
COLUMBIA IN NEW YORK, POLICE
SWARMED CAMPUSES IN NUMBERS SO
EXTREME, THIS STUDENT SUMMED IT
UP PRETTY WELL.
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THE
NYPD MOVING IN?
IT'S INSANE.
WE HAVE A RIGHT TO PROTEST.
WE HAVE A RIGHT.
LOOK AT THAT.
THAT'S FUCKING CRAZY.
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO WHEN
THEY MAKE THE ARRESTS?
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO IF YOU GET
ARRESTED?
WHAT AM I GONNA DO?
I CAN'T REALLY DO MUCH.
ARE YOU GONNA GO WITH THE
POLICE IF THEY MAKE ARRESTS?
IF THEY START ARRESTING?
I GUESS SO.
John: OKAY, FIRST, DID THAT
REPORTER JUST ASK "ARE YOU GONNA
GO WITH THE POLICE IF THEY
ARREST YOU?"
KUDOS TO THAT STUDENT FOR GIVING
THE CALMEST POSSIBLE ANSWER TO
WHAT MIGHT BE THE DUMBEST
QUESTION EVER ASKED ON TV.
"IF THE GUYS WITH GUNS PUT YOU
IN HANDCUFFS AND DRAG YOU TO
JAIL, WILL YOU GO WITH THEM?"
"YEAH, I GUESS SO."
ALSO, THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS TO
THE LOVED ONES OF THE ONE BOOMER
WHO WAS KILLED BY HEARING THAT
STUDENT SAY "FUCK" ON FOX NEWS.
SOMEWHERE, A FAMILY'S WRITING
PEE-PAW'S OBITUARY: PAUL JOHN
ROBERTS PASSED AWAY IN HIS HOME
WHEN HIS EYEBALLS, HEART, AND
BUTTHOLE EXPLODED AT THE SAME
TIME.
HE IS SURVIVED BY HIS WIFE AND
THREE ADULT CHILDREN WHO NO
LONGER SPEAK TO HIM."
POLICE HAVE BROKEN UP
DEMONSTRATIONS AT OVER 80
CAMPUSES NATIONWIDE, OFTEN UNDER
THE PRETEXT THAT IT WAS
NECESSARY TO KEEP STUDENTS SAFE,
AND COMBAT ANTISEMITISM.
AND LOOK, SOME JEWISH STUDENTS
HAVE REPORTED FEELING UNSAFE.
AND THERE HAVE BEEN SCATTERED
EXAMPLES OF ANTISEMITIC RHETORIC
AMONG PROTESTORS IN-- AND
AROUND-- CAMPUSES.
AND THAT'S CLEARLY UNACCEPTABLE.
BUT FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH, SOME
JEWISH STUDENT GROUPS HAVE
EXPRESSED SUPPORT FOR THE
PROTESTS, OR EVEN BEEN INVOLVED
IN ORGANIZING THEM, TO THE POINT
THAT THERE WAS A SHABBAT SERVICE
AT THE UNIVERSITY GATES AT
COLUMBIA.
ALSO, THESE PROTESTS HAVE BEEN
OVERWHELMINGLY PEACEFUL.
WHEN THERE'S BEEN VIOLENCE, IT'S
MOSTLY BEEN DIRECTED AT THE
PROTESTORS THEMSELVES.
YOU MIGHT'VE SEEN PROTESTORS AT
UCLA GETTING ATTACKED AS THE
POLICE STOOD BY, OR THE MULTIPLE
CASES OF POLICE INFLICTING
VIOLENCE THEMSELVES, LIKE IN
THIS FOOTAGE OF THEM THROWING A
65-YEAR-OLD PROFESSOR AT
DARTMOUTH TO THE GROUND.
AND HOW EXACTLY WAS SHE A
THREAT?
THE ONLY CRIME I CAN SEE THAT
65-YEAR-OLD TENURED PROFESSOR
COMMITTING IS MAYBE SNEAKING A
BRAZIL NUT FROM THE CO-OP'S BULK
SECTION.
ALSO, THAT WOMAN'S NOT ONLY
JEWISH, SHE'S A PROFESSOR OF
JEWISH STUDIES, YET SHE'S BEING
BRUTALIZED BY POLICE, SUPPOSEDLY
THERE TO KEEP JEWISH PEOPLE
SAFE.
AND TO JUSTIFY THEIR
DISPROPORTIONATE RESPONSE, THOSE
IN AUTHORITY HAVE GONE OUT OF
THEIR WAY TO PAINT THESE
PROTESTS AS SOMETHING SINISTER.
ERIC ADAMS, NEW YORK MAYOR AND
FUTURE CLUB SHAY SHAY GUEST,
SUGGESTED STUDENTS WERE PUPPETS
OF "OUTSIDE AGITATORS" AND
IMPLIED THERE MIGHT BE A LARGER,
NEFARIOUS SCHEME AFOOT.
WHY IS EVERYBODY'S TENT THE
SAME?
WAS THERE A FIRE-SALE ON THOSE
TENTS?
THERE'S SOME ORGANIZING GOING
ON.
YOU KNOW, THERE'S A WELL
CONCERTED ORGANIZING EFFORT, AND
WHAT'S THE GOAL OF THAT
ORGANIZING?
John: OKAY, FIRST, OF COURSE
THESE PROTESTS ARE ORGANIZED.
MOST PROTESTS ARE ORGANIZED.
YOU SOUND LIKE AN IDIOT.
WHEN NEW JERSEY SENDS US MAYORS,
THEY'RE CLEARLY NOT SENDING
THEIR BEST.
SECOND, THE UBIQUITY OF THOSE
TENTS ON CAMPUS CAN PERHAPS BE
EXPLAINED BY THE FACT THEY'RE
INCREDIBLY CHEAP.
AS A REPORTER FOUND THIS WEEK--
STUDENTS SEARCHING AMAZON FOR
TENT WOULD BE PROMPTED TO BUY
THE GREEN CAMEL CROWN TENT FOR
$35 AND OFFERED ONE-DAY
SHIPPING.
IN FACT-- AND THIS IS TRUE--
IF YOU SEARCH "CHEAP SHITTY
TENT" ON AMAZON, THE FIRST
RESULT IS THAT VERY TENT.
SO, WHICH EXPLANATION IS MORE
LIKELY?
A SHADOWY FORCE IS ENGAGING IN A
MASSIVE CAMPING SUPPLY RELATED
CONSPIRACY WHICH WAS ONLY FOILED
BY EXPERT TENT SLEUTH ERIC
ADAMS?
OR, COLLEGE STUDENTS ARE BROKE
AND NEVER SCROLL PAST THE FIRST
RESULT ON AMAZON?
IT'S IMPORTANT WE CONSIDER BOTH
SIDES EQUALLY.
AND THE CONSPIRATORIAL RHETORIC
CONTINUED WHEN AN NYPD DEPUTY
COMMISSIONER WENT ON TV TO
FEARMONGER ABOUT THE BIG SCARY
CHAINS THEY ENCOUNTERED ON DOORS
AT COLUMBIA.
THIS IS NOT WHAT STUDENTS
BRING TO SCHOOL, OKAY?
THIS IS WHAT PROFESSIONALS BRING
TO CAMPUSES AND UNIVERSITIES.
THESE ARE HEAVY INDUSTRIAL
CHAINS THAT WERE LOCKED WITH
BIKE LOCKS, AND THIS IS WHAT WE
ENCOUNTERED ON EVERY DOOR AT
HAMILTON HALL.
John: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING
ABOUT?
THAT'S A BIKE CHAIN AND LOCK.
SOMETHING STUDENTS ABSOLUTELY
BRING TO SCHOOL.
IN FACT THAT PARTICULAR MODEL IS
PROMOTED ON COLUMBIA'S OWN
FUCKING WEBSITE, WHICH EVEN
SELLS THEM AT A DISCOUNT.
IT'S ALSO CALLED, AND THIS IS
TRUE, THE "NEW YORK
FAHGETTABOUDIT CHAIN."
WHICH IS PERFECT.
BECAUSE THAT CHAIN PROMISES: YOU
CAN LOCK UP YOUR BIKE IN NEW
YORK, AND THEN WITH TOTAL PEACE
OF MIND, YOU CAN
"FAHGETTABOUDIT!"
BUT THE NONSENSE DIDN'T STOP
THERE.
THE NYPD ALSO POSTED SOME OF THE
DAMNING EVIDENCE THEY'D FOUND,
INCLUDING A BOOK ON TERRORISM,
ALL CAPS, WHICH TURNED OUT TO BE
THIS BOOK, AN ACADEMIC STUDY BY
A BRITISH PROFESSOR, AND VERY
MUCH NOT A HOW-TO MANUAL, GIVEN
THAT IT ASKS QUESTIONS LIKE
"WHAT CAN WE DO TO STOP IT?"
AS FOR SAFETY, IT EMERGED AN
OFFICER ACCIDENTALLY FIRED A GUN
INSIDE THAT BUILDING AT
COLUMBIA, WITH THE POLICE LATER
EXPLAINING IT WAS ONLY BECAUSE
HE WAS USING IT AS A FLASHLIGHT.
AND WHY ARE YOU USING YOUR GUN
FOR THAT?
THERE'S A FLASHLIGHT ON YOUR
FUCKING PHONE, AND YOU CAN'T
TELL ME A COP IN NEW YORK CITY
DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO USE ONE OF
THOSE.
YOU'RE ON THEM ALL FUCKING THE
TIME!
AND, AGAIN, I'M NOT SAYING THERE
WEREN'T SOME INDIVIDUALS IN
THESE LARGE CROWDS, SAYING
INDEFENSIBLE THINGS.
BUT EVERY PROTEST HAS THAT.
EVERYONE WHO'S EVER BEEN TO A
PROTEST HAS AT SOME POINT SEEN A
SIGN AND THOUGHT TO THEMSELVES,
"SHIT, NOT SURE ABOUT THAT ONE.
I'M HERE FOR ABORTION RIGHTS, DO
WE REALLY NEED TO BRING 9/11
INTO THIS?"
BUT, FOR THE MOST PART, THEY
WERE VERY MUCH IN THE TRADITION
OF CAMPUS PROTESTS WE'VE SEEN
FOR DECADES.
EVEN THE TAKEOVER OF A BUILDING
AT COLUMBIA-- THE EVENT USED TO
JUSTIFY THE POLICE RAID THIS
WEEK-- IS SOMETHING THAT'S
HAPPENED MULTIPLE TIMES BEFORE.
IN 1968, THAT SAME BUILDING WAS
OCCUPIED TO PROTEST THE VIETNAM
WAR.
IN 1985, IT WAS BARRICADED FOR
THREE WEEKS TO DEMAND DIVESTMENT
FROM APARTHEID SOUTH AFRICA, AND
IN 1992, THERE WAS A BLOCKADE
OVER COLUMBIA'S PLANS TO DESTROY
THE SITE WHERE MALCOLM X WAS
ASSASSINATED.
THE UNIVERSITY ACTUALLY
SUSPENDED FOUR OF THE STUDENTS
INVOLVED IN THAT ONE-- ONLY TO
LATER INVITE ONE OF THEM, BEN
JEALOUS, BACK TO SPEAK AT THEIR
COMMENCEMENT, ONCE HE HAD BECOME
THE HEAD OF THE NAACP.
AND IN THE OPENING LINE OF HIS
SPEECH, HE REMINDED COLUMBIA
WHAT HAD HAPPENED TO HIM THERE.
WHENEVER I CAN WALK OUT OF
LOW LIBRARY AND NOT BE LED OUT
IN HANDCUFFS IT'S A GOOD DAY.
[LAUGHTER]
John: THAT'S A PRETTY SOLID
OPENING LINE THERE.
AND I'D HATE TO BE THE
ADMINISTRATOR THAT HAD TO INVITE
HIM TO GIVE THAT SPEECH.
"HI, BEN.
SO YOU CAN TALK ABOUT ANYTHING
YOU WANT, LIKE LEADERSHIP, OR
GRATITUDE, OR EVEN FORGIVING US
FOR THE WHOLE HANDCUFF THING.
IT'S REALLY UP TO YOU!
BUT MAYBE THAT LAST ONE.
BYE!"
THE POINT IS, STUDENT PROTESTS
AGAINST INJUSTICE GENERALLY AGE
PRETTY WELL, AND THE EFFORTS TO
CRITICIZE OR CRACK DOWN ON THEM,
TEND NOT TO.
AND IT'S ALARMING HOW MUCH
ATTENTION HAS BEEN FOCUSED ON
THE PROTESTS THIS WEEK, RATHER
THAN WHAT THEY'VE BEEN
PROTESTING ABOUT, WHICH IS
WHAT'S BEEN HAPPENING IN GAZA,
WHERE IT SEEMS THE ISRAELI
MILITARY IS STILL PLANNING TO
INVADE RAFAH, "WITH OR WITHOUT A
DEAL" IN ONGOING CEASEFIRE
NEGOTIATIONS-- DESPITE THE FACT
THAT'D PUT HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS
OF PALESTINIANS "AT IMMINENT
RISK OF DEATH."
AND FOR ALL THE CONCERN OVER
SCHOOLS HERE IN THE US, IT'S
WORTH NOTING THAT, IN ADDITION
TO THE MASSIVE LOSS OF LIFE IN
GAZA, MORE THAN 80% OF SCHOOLS
THERE ARE NOW DAMAGED OR
DESTROYED.
WHAT'S HAPPENING IS A
CATASTROPHE THAT IS ABSOLUTELY
WORTH VIGOROUS PROTEST.
AND AT A MOMENT WHEN "STUDENT
SAFETY" IS THE BUZZWORD
JUSTIFYING SO MUCH VIOLENCE IN
THE U.S., IT'S WORTH HEARING
WHAT THE SAFETY SITUATION IS
LIKE FOR A UNIVERSITY STUDENT IN
GAZA.
PERSONALLY, I FEEL LIKE I
LOST EVERYTHING.
I LOST MY DREAMS, MY FUTURE, ALL
OF MY DREAMS THAT I IMAGINED.
BEFORE SEVEN MONTHS OF NOW, WE
JUST HAVE A BUILDING AND MY
UNIVERSITY TO GO AND TO STUDY IN
IT.
NOW WE DON'T HAVE ANYTHING
BECAUSE ISRAELI OCCUPATION WAS
DESTROYING-- DESTROYED
EVERYTHING.
FINALLY, THANKS-- THANKS FOR
ALL AMERICAN UNIVERSITY THAT
STAND BY US AND MAKE EFFORT TO
PREVENT THE WAR.
THANK YOU.
WE-- WE ARE LOST EVERYTHING,
BUT WE CAN'T LOSE THE HOPE
BECAUSE OF YOU, BECAUSE YOU
STAND BY US.
THANK YOU.
John: YEAH.
THAT IS DEEPLY MOVING.
AND TO ANSWER THE QUESTION ERIC
ADAMS ASKED EARLIER, "WHAT'S THE
GOAL OF ALL THE STUDENT
ORGANIZING?"
THAT'S KIND OF THE GOAL RIGHT
THERE.
TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THAT
STUDENT, AND THE HUNDREDS OF
THOUSANDS LIKE HER IN GAZA, IN
THE FACE OF THIS ONSLAUGHT.
AND I KNOW PEOPLE WILL TRY AND
DISTRACT YOU FROM THAT GOAL,
WITH BULLSHIT FEARMONGERING
ABOUT CAMPING EQUIPMENT AND
TERRORISM BOOKS.
BUT IF YOU'RE AT ALL TEMPTED TO
FALL FOR ANY OF THAT, MAY I
RECOMMEND YOU TAKE A LESSON FROM
ONE OF NEW YORK'S MOST COMMONLY
AVAILABLE BIKE CHAINS AND JUST
"FAHGETTABOUDIT!"
AND NOW, THIS.
Announcer: AND NOW,
BRIAN KILMEADE UNPACKED HIS
CHILDHOOD TRAUMAS.
YOU KNOW, THOUGH TURTLENECK,
I LIKE THAT, THAT'S THE STYLE.
IT'S MY FAVORITE TIME OF
YEAR.
THE FASHION.
I USED TO BEG MY MOM NOT TO
WEAR THEM.
I MADE A BIG MISTAKE AS A KID.
I BROUGHT THE BOX, THE BOZO BOX
IS A COSTUME.
IT DON'T LOSE THE BOZO LABEL
WHEN MEANS OVER.
PEOPLE ENJOYED CALLING ME THAT
FOR A LONG TIME.
IT SCARRED ME AS A CHILD.
I WAS TRAUMATIZED.
THE GLOVES IN THE NOSE.
WHEN FROSTY GETS INTO THE HOT
HOUSE, EXTREMELY STRESSFUL.
WHEN I WAS GROWING UP THEY
COULDN'T FIGURE OUT A WAY TO MIX
IT.
WE HAD TO DO IT OUR OWN AND WE'D
BE AT THE BOTTOM.
I DIDN'T KNOW AS A KID THAT YOU
CAN MAKE YOUR OWN WAFFLES.
I THOUGHT EVERYBODY WAS WAS
FROZEN.
I WAS FORCED TO LISTEN TO
BAGPIPES AS A CHILD.
OF COURSE I REMEMBER THE PET
ROCK.
I MEAN, I DID IT YET ONE, WE
DIDN'T HAVE THE MONEY.
THEY HAD A TELESCOPE, THEY TOLD
ME IT'S MORE EXPENSIVE.
I NEVER FOUND THE MOOD, MODE, I
WOULD JUST SIT THERE LOOKING AT
THE EYEPIECE.
I THINK I WAS LIED TO.
'S
John: MOVING ON.
OUR MAIN STORY TONIGHT CONCERNS
BOOKS.
YOU KNOW-- BELOVED WORKS LIKE
"THE GREAT GATSBY," "CHARLOTTE'S
WEB," AND THE BERENSTAIN BEARS.
AND YOU MIGHT THINK "BERENSTAIN"
IS MISSPELLED THERE.
YOU MIGHT REMEMBER IT AS
S-T-"E"-I-N, BUT THAT'S WRONG.
IT'S A WEIRD MANDELA EFFECT
THING A LOT OF PEOPLE
MISREMEMBER, BUT IT'S ALWAYS
BEEN THE BEREN-"STAIN" BEAVERS.
IT WAS ALWAYS SPELLED WITH AN
"A."
SPECIFICALLY, WE'RE GOING TO BE
TALKING ABOUT PUBLIC LIBRARIES.
WHICH OF COURSE, LEND BOOKS, BUT
INCREASINGLY, HAVE BECOME SO
MUCH MORE THAN THAT.
SURE, YOU CAN CHECK OUT BOOKS
AND DVDS AT PLACENTIA LIBRARY,
BUT NOW YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT
ONE OF THESE.
YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT A
FISHING POLE AND KEEP IT FOR
THREE WEEKS.
YOU CAN CHECK OUT A REALLY NEAT
TELESCOPE AND HAVE A STAR PARTY
WITH YOUR FAMILY.
ALONGSIDE BOOKS AND MOVIES
ARE THINGS LIKE AIR FRYERS AND
BUNDT CAKE PANS.
IF YOU WANT TO PLANT A
GARDEN, WE HAVE SEEDS THAT YOU
CAN CHECK OUT.
I DON'T KNOW OF ANYWHERE ELSE
THAT THEY CAN BORROW A MOUNTED
SANDHILL CRANE AND JUST STUDY IT
UP CLOSE.
YOU CAN CHECK OUT A REALLY NEAT
John: YEAH, I'LL BET THERE
ISN'T ANYWHERE ELSE YOU CAN
BORROW A MOUNTED SANDHILL CRANE
BECAUSE ACCORDING TO TAXIDERMY
DOT NET MESSAGE BOARDS, THEY'RE
VERY DIFFICULT TO MOUNT!
WHEN A USER NAMED ERIC ASKED FOR
"SANDHILL CRANE MOUNTING
INFORMATION BEFORE I TACKLE
THESE TALL GUYS!"
ONE PERSON SAID, "SO YOU KNOW IN
ADVANCE...
YOU WILL USE EVERY CURSE WORD
WHEN YOU ARE WIRING THE LEGS,"
WHILE SOMEONE CALLED GREG
SUGGESTED CONTACTING A MAGAZINE
THAT HAD COVERED THE TOPIC
RECENTLY SAYING QUOTE "I AM NOT
A BIRD GUY BUT I REMEMBER
READING THAT ARTICLE AND
THINKING IT WAS FAIRLY EASY"
WHICH...
SHUT UP, GREG.
SIT THIS ONE OUT.
ERIC'S CLEARLY STRESSING AND
YOU'RE TELLING HIM TO "CALL A
MAGAZINE"?
HE'S REACHING OUT TO HIS
COMMUNITY FOR SUPPORT AND YOU'RE
NOT THAT COMMUNITY RIGHT NOW.
YOU'RE NOT A BIRD GUY?
WELL THIS IS A BIRD GUYS ONLY
CONVO, OKAY, GREG?
FUCK YOU.
THE POINT IS, AT SOME LIBRARIES,
YOU CAN NOW BORROW PRETTY MUCH
ANYTHING, FROM A FISHING POLE,
TO A LEAF BLOWER, TO SEEDS, TO A
COPY OF A "BARENSTAIN BADGERS"
BOOK.
AGAIN, YOUR MEMORY IS WRONG.
"BARENSTEIN BADGERS" WAS ALWAYS
SPELLED B-"A"-R-- THERE WAS
NEVER AN "E" THERE.
NOT JUST THAT-- LIBRARIES OFFER
INTERNET ACCESS, TRANSLATION
HELP, NOTARY SERVICES, PRINTING
AND A BUNCH OF OTHER
NECESSITIES.
THEY'RE ALSO A REFUGE FOR
UNHOUSED PEOPLE, OR THOSE
WITHOUT AIR-CONDITIONING OR
HEATING.
ALL OF WHICH EXPLAINS WHY
LIBRARIES ARE INCREDIBLY
POPULAR, GARNERING AN ESTIMATED
FOUR MILLION VISITS EVERY DAY
MOSTLY BY YOUNG ADULTS, WOMEN,
AND LOW-INCOME HOUSEHOLDS.
BUT AS YOU PROBABLY KNOW FROM
THE FACT THAT I'M TALKING ABOUT
LIBRARIES RIGHT NOW, THEY'RE IN
TROUBLE, BECAUSE THEY'VE BECOME
ANOTHER FRONT IN THE ONGOING
CULTURE WAR.
WE'VE TALKED BEFORE ABOUT HOW
CONSERVATIVES HAVE TARGETED
SCHOOL LIBRARIES, BUT THOSE
DEBATES HAVE NOW EMPHATICALLY
MIGRATED OVER TO PUBLIC
LIBRARIES AS WELL, WITH
RESIDENTS SPOUTING TALKING
POINTS LIKE THESE.
I DO NOT WANT OUR CHILDREN,
GRANDCHILDREN SEEING THESE
BOOKS.
I FEEL THEY'RE DAMAGING
PSYCHOLOGICALLY.
IT ISN'T LEFT VERSUS RIGHT,
BUT IT'S RIGHT VERSUS WRONG.
THESE BOOKS ARE WRONG AND
THEY'RE DESTROYING OUR
COMMUNITY.
BOOKS IN OUR TAXPAYER FUNDED
LIBRARIES MAKE THE JOBS OF HUMAN
AND CHILD TRAFFICKERS EASIER.
John: OKAY, THAT LAST ONE
SOUNDS HARD TO BELIEVE, UNLESS
ONE OF THE BOOKS AT THE LIBRARY
HAPPENS TO BE "CHILD TRAFFICKING
FOR DUMMIES."
BUT THOSE AREN'T ISOLATED
INSTANCES.
THE AMERICAN LIBRARY ASSOCIATION
DOCUMENTED EFFORTS TO CENSOR
OVER 4,200 UNIQUE BOOK TITLES
LAST YEAR IN SCHOOLS AND
LIBRARIES, THE HIGHEST LEVEL
THEY'VE EVER RECORDED, WITH THE
NUMBER OF TITLES TARGETED FOR
CENSORSHIP AT PUBLIC LIBRARIES,
IN PARTICULAR, RISING BY 92%
FROM THE PREVIOUS YEAR.
AND THAT'S NOT ALL-- BOMB
THREATS HAVE BEEN CALLED IN TO
LIBRARIES ACROSS THE COUNTRY,
AND LIBRARIANS THEMSELVES HAVE
BEEN THE RECIPIENTS OF SOME
PRETTY NASTY ABUSE.
I HAD HEARD PEOPLE SAYING
THAT I WAS A PEDOPHILE, I WAS
GROOMING KIDS.
PEOPLE IN MY PROFESSION ARE
CALLED PEDOPHILES AND LIKE THESE
HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE THINGS.
I CAN SAY UNEQUIVOCALLY WE'RE
NOT PEDOPHILES OR GROOMERS, AND
I CAN SAY THAT ON BEHALF OF OUR
STAFF.
THAT-- THAT IS NOT WHY WE GO
INTO PUBLIC SERVICE OR
LIBRARIANSHIP.
John: YEAH, OF COURSE NOT.
THAT'S WHY YOU GO INTO THE
CLERGY.
EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT.
WE ALL KNOW!
SO GIVEN ALL THIS, TONIGHT,
LET'S TALK ABOUT PUBLIC
LIBRARIES: WHY THEY'RE UNDER
ATTACK, WHERE THESE CHALLENGES
ARE COMING FROM, AND WHAT THE
CONSEQUENCES MIGHT BE.
AND LET'S START WITH HOW PUBLIC
LIBRARIES OPERATE.
GENERALLY, THEY RECEIVE THE VAST
MAJORITY OF THEIR FUNDING FROM
LOCAL GOVERNMENT SOURCES.
AND THEY'RE TYPICALLY OVERSEEN
BY A LOCAL LIBRARY BOARD, WHICH
CAN BE EITHER ELECTED, OR
APPOINTED BY MEMBERS OF THE
LOCAL GOVERNMENT.
AND LIBRARIANS ACTUALLY GET RID
OF BOOKS ALL THE TIME, THROUGH A
PROCESS KNOWN AS "WEEDING."
IT'S DONE FOR ALL SORTS OF GOOD
REASONS LIKE A BOOK BEING OUT OF
DATE, SEVERELY DAMAGED, OR
SIMPLY SO WEIRD NO ONE WANTS TO
CHECK IT OUT ANYMORE.
BOOKS LIKE "BODY WATCHIN' IS
FUN!," "LATAWNYA, THE NAUGHTY
HORSE, LEARNS TO SAY NO TO
DRUGS," AND THE CHRISTIAN
CHILD-DISCIPLINE CLASSIC, "GOD,
THE ROD, AND YOUR CHILD'S BOD."
FUN FACT: A NEW COPY OF THAT IS
CURRENTLY SELLING ON AMAZON FOR
$214.
SO IF YOU DON'T WANT TO PAY
THAT, YOU BETTER HOPE YOUR LOCAL
LIBRARY HAS IT.
OR YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU CAN JUST BORROW MY COPY
HERE INSTEAD.
IT'S FINE.
BUT WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT
TONIGHT ISN'T "WEEDING."
IT'S BOOKS BEING REMOVED-- OR
RELOCATED FROM ONE SECTION TO
ANOTHER-- PURELY FOR THEIR
CONTENT.
AND MOST LIBRARIES ALREADY HAVE
A "BOOK CHALLENGE" PROTOCOL,
ALLOWING ANYONE WHO FEELS THAT A
BOOK VIOLATES ITS SELECTION
POLICIES TO SUBMIT A FORMAL
"REQUEST FOR RECONSIDERATION,"
AFTER WHICH, STAFF WILL REVIEW
THE COMPLAINT AND DECIDE WHETHER
TO LEAVE IT, RESHELVE IT, OR
REMOVE IT ENTIRELY.
AND YOU SHOULD KNOW: THERE ARE
SOME LEGAL LIMITS HERE.
YOU CAN'T JUST DEMAND A BOOK BE
BANNED-- EVEN IF IT IS "TO
PROTECT THE CHILDREN."
THAT'S BECAUSE, BUT THERE'S AN
THINGS UNSUITABLE FOR.
BUT THERE'S AN EXCEPTION WHEN IT
COMES TO OBSCENITY WHICH FOR
MINORS IS
DEFINED AS MATERIAL THAT APPEALS
TO THEIR PRURIENT INTEREST, IS
OFFENSIVE TO PREVAILING
STANDARDS ABOUT WHAT IS SUITABLE
FOR MINORS, AND LACKS SERIOUS
LITERARY, ARTISTIC, POLITICAL OR
SCIENTIFIC VALUE.
THE PROBLEM IS, SOME HAVE TRIED
TO APPLY THAT STANDARD
INCREDIBLY BROADLY.
TAKE WHAT HAPPENED IN HUNTINGTON
BEACH, CALIFORNIA, WHERE THE
CITY COUNCIL MANDATED THAT
LIBRARY BOOKS CONTAINING "ANY
CONTENT OF SEXUAL NATURE" BE
MOVED AWAY FROM ANYONE UNDER 18.
AT THE DIRECTION OF THE
HUNTINGTON BEACH CITY COUNCIL,
LIBRARIANS AT THE CENTRAL
LIBRARY ARE STARTING TO SORT
THROUGH THOUSANDS OF BOOKS IN
THE CHILDREN'S SECTION.
THEIR TASK, ACCORDING TO
OFFICIALS, IS TO RELOCATE BOOKS
THAT CONTAIN, QUOTE, "SEXUAL
CONTENT."
LIBRARY STAFF BEGAN IN THE
HEALTH SECTION AND PULLED BOOKS
PERTAINING TO THE HUMAN BODY AND
PUBERTY.
WE ALSO SAW BOOKS ABOUT BOATS
THAT WERE BEING MOVED.
A PEEK AT THE PAGES SHOW A CHILD
IN A BATHTUB PLAYING WITH TOY
BOATS, AND A SKETCH OF EARLY
EXPLORERS.
John: YEAH, IT'S RIDICULOUS.
AND IT WASN'T JUST SHIRTLESS
ROWERS AND KIDS IN TUBS THAT GOT
FLAGGED.
THAT RESOLUTION ULTIMATELY
RELOCATED BOOKS LIKE OWN YOUR
PERIOD.
PUBERTY IS GROSS BUT ALSO REALLY
AWESOME, AND EVERYONE POOPS TO
THE ADULT SECTION OF THE
LIBRARY.
AND IT'S RIDICULOUS TO DO THAT,
ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU'RE KEEPING
SHEL SILVERSTEIN BOOKS IN THE
KIDS' AREA-- BOOKS WHICH
CONTAIN ACTUAL AUTHOR PHOTOS
LIKE THIS ONE.
IF A KID BORROWS "RUNNY BABBIT,"
READS IT TO THE END AND SEES
THAT PHOTO, DON'T BE SURPRISED
IF THEIR FIRST QUESTION IS
"MOMMY, WHAT'S BIG DICK ENERGY?"
AND THAT'S NOT AN ISOLATED CASE.
IN ONE TOWN IN TEXAS, OFFICIALS
REMOVED THREE BOOKS FROM THE "I
NEED A NEW BUTT!" SERIES WHICH
IS A CHILDREN'S BOOK ABOUT A BOY
WHO NEEDS A NEW BUTT BECAUSE HIS
HAS A CRACK.
AND I HAVEN'T READ IT YET, SO
DON'T SPOIL THE END BY TELLING
ME IF HE GETS ONE OR NOT.
THEY ALSO PULLED FOUR BOOKS
ABOUT FARTS STARRING A GOOSE, A
SNOWMAN, A HEART, AND A
LEPRECHAUN.
AND FIRST, YOU GOTTA BE PRETTY
STUPID TO BELIEVE THEY'RE
HARMFUL TO CHILDREN.
AND SECOND, IT SEEMS YOU CAN
MAKE A KILLING WRITING BOOKS
ABOUT FARTING.
BECAUSE THERE ARE SO MANY OF
THEM, INCLUDING-- AND THESE ARE
ALL REAL-- ONES ABOUT FARTING
FLAMINGOS, FARTING UNICORNS,
FARTING TURKEYS, FARTING
PRINCESSES, FARTING DRAGONS, AND
OF COURSE, GARY THE FARTING
GINGERBREAD MAN.
AND WHILE THOSE INSTANCES WERE
ONE-OFFS, INCREASINGLY, THE
LISTS OF BOOKS CHALLENGED AT
LIBRARIES CAN BE SUSPICIOUSLY
SIMILAR.
THAT'S BECAUSE CHALLENGES ARE
OFTEN COMING THROUGH HIGHLY
ORGANIZED GROUPS-- OFTEN
CONSERVATIVE, AND EXTREMELY
RELIGIOUS, WHO ARE COMPILING AND
SHARING LISTS OF BOOKS TO
OPPOSE.
UP UNTIL 2021 THE VAST MAJORITY
OF CHALLENGES ONLY SOUGHT TO
REMOVE OR RESTRICT A SINGLE
BOOK.
BUT NOW, 93% OF THEM INVOLVE
ATTEMPTS TO CENSOR MULTIPLE
TITLES, WITH MORE THAN HALF
INVOLVING 100 OR MORE.
AND THAT STARTS TO MAKE SENSE,
WHEN YOU SEE HOW THESE GROUPS
OPERATE.
TAKE CLEAN UP SAMUELS-- WHICH
IS SADLY NOT A GROUP ORGANIZED
AROUND THE COLLECTIVE GOAL OF
WASHING AS MANY GUYS NAMED
SAMUEL AS POSSIBLE.
INSTEAD, IT REFERS TO SAMUELS
PUBLIC LIBRARY IN FRONT ROYAL,
VIRGINIA.
THE GROUP'S HELD EVENTS AT WHICH
PEOPLE FILLED OUT OVER 500 FORMS
CHALLENGING NEARLY 150 BOOKS,
WITH ONE EVENT PROMISING "BEER
AND BABYSITTING."
WHICH MIGHT BE THE MOST
"DIVORCED DAD" ACTIVITY I CAN
THINK OF.
"OKAY KIDS, GET IN THE CAR, I
NEED TO GO PROTECT YOUR
INNOCENCE BY DRINKING BEER AND
LOOKING AT BABYSITTERS."
THOSE BOOK CHALLENGES HEAVILY
TARGETED BOOKS WITH LGBTQ+
CHARACTERS OR THEMES-WITH PEOPLE
FREQUENTLY ADMITTING, WHEN ASKED
IF THEY'D READ THE BOOKS IN
FULL, THEY HADN'T, WITH ANSWERS
RANGING FROM "NO," TO "WHO THAT
IS NORMAL COULD GET THROUGH IT,"
TO "I LOOKED AT THE SUMMARY ...
IT TOLD ME ALL I NEEDED TO
KNOW."
AND THAT'S POSSIBLE BECAUSE
THESE GROUPS OFTEN FIND
"PROBLEMATIC" BOOKS BY SCANNING
WEBSITES AND FACEBOOK PAGES THAT
LIST THEM, LIKE MARY IN THE
LIBRARY, RATED BOOKS, AND,
PERHAPS THE MOST PREVALENT,
BOOKLOOKS.
AND FOR A SITE SET UP AS A MORAL
CRUSADER, IT'S A BIT WEIRD THAT
IN THEIR LOGO, THE B AND THE L
ARE FUCKING.
LIKE, DEFINITELY FUCKING,
RIGHT?
I KNOW SOMETIMES, I PROJECT
HORNINESS WHEN IT ISN'T THERE--
EXCEPT FOR THAT SHEL SILVERSTEIN
PHOTO, BECAUSE I'M DYING ON THAT
HILL-- BUT I'M HAVING A HARD
TIME SEEING ANYTHING IN THAT
LOGO THAT ISN'T A STRONG B
TAKING A WILLING L AND
ABSOLUTELY BREAKING ITS BACK.
BOOKLOOKS RATES BOOKS ON A 0 TO
5 SCALE FROM LEAST TO MOST
OBJECTIONABLE, SOMETIMES
INCLUDING A HANDY CHART, NOTING
THE AMOUNT OF TIMES CERTAIN
WORDS ARE USED.
FOR INSTANCE, THIS IS THE CHART
FOR THE BOOK "WICKED," AND I'LL
JUST SAY: IF THERE WAS A PARTY
GAME WHERE YOU HAD TO GUESS A
BOOK OR MOVIE BASED SOLELY ON
ONE OF THOSE CHARTS, YOU COULD
SELL-- NO EXAGGERATION-- TEN
MILLION OF THOSE GAMES.
OKAY, IT'S A NOVEL FROM 2001.
24 FUCKS, SO IT'S NOT LIFE OF
PI.
NOT THE OTHER BOLEYN GIRL.
HANG ON, "NINE" DICKS?
WAIT: IS IT CHOKE BY CHUCK
PALAHNIUK?
YES!
24 FUCKS YES, I LOVE THIS GAME!
EVEN OUR BOOK, "A DAY IN THE
LIFE OF MARLON BUNDO," WHICH HAS
BEEN CHALLENGED A BUNCH IN
LIBRARIES, IS CRITICIZED FOR
FEATURING "ALTERNATE
SEXUALITIES; AND CONTROVERSIAL
POLITICAL AND SOCIAL
COMMENTARY."
CITING: THE ILLUSTRATION ON THIS
PAGE DEPICTS TWO MALE RABBITS
HOLDING PAWS AS A HUMAN WOULD
HOLD ANOTHER PERSON'S HAND.
THE RABBITS ARE DISCUSSING HOW
MUCH THEY LOVE EACH OTHER AND
WANT TO MARRY ONE ANOTHER."
YOU KNOW, FILTH.
BUT THAT'S CLEARLY NONSENSE.
IF THERE'S ANYTHING
CONTROVERSIAL IN OUR BOOK IT'S
THAT THE ANIMALS DRESS UP FOR
WEDDINGS BUT AT OTHER TIMES
THEY'RE MOSTLY NAKED EXCEPT FOR
THIS BADGER WHOSE ARMS TURN INTO
SLEEVES.
AND EVEN THEN, THE PROBLEM ISN'T
THE IMPLIED NAKEDNESS, IT'S JUST
THE LACK OF CONSISTENCY.
NOW TO BE FAIR, SOME TITLES ON
THESE LISTS DO CONTAIN EXPLICIT
CONTENT.
IN SOME CASES, THEY'RE BOOKS
ABOUT PUBERTY.
IN OTHERS, THEY MAY BE MEANT FOR
TEENAGERS, AND CONTAIN
REFERENCES TO SEX.
WHICH IS EXACTLY WHY THEY'RE NOT
SHELVED WITH CHILDREN'S BOOKS TO
BEGIN WITH.
LIBRARIES GENERALLY HAVE AN
ADULT SECTION, A YOUNG ADULT
SECTION, AND A KIDS' SECTION.
IT'S NOT LIKE TEEN BOOKS WITH
EXPLICIT CONTENT ARE SHELVED
RIGHT NEXT TO "THE BERENSTEEN
BEES" BOOKS.
YEAH-- IT'S ALWAYS BEEN SPELLED
E-"E"-N.
YOUR MEMORY IS BAD.
BUT THE CONTENT OFTEN GETS
FRAMED IN EXTREMELY MISLEADING
WAYS.
FOR INSTANCE, THE BOOK "LET'S
TALK ABOUT IT" HAS BEEN
REPEATEDLY CHALLENGED.
IT'S BILLED AS "THE TEEN'S GUIDE
TO SEX, RELATIONSHIPS, AND BEING
A HUMAN," AND HERE'S HOW ONE MOM
IN IOWA ARGUED FOR IT TO BE
RESTRICTED AT HER LOCAL LIBRARY.
WHEN I INITIALLY READ THIS
BOOK, I WAS FILLED WITH ANGER.
QUOTE, "SENDING OR GETTING AN
UNWANTED SAUCY SOMETHING FROM A
PARTNER OR INDIVIDUAL CAN BE THE
HIGHLIGHT OF YOUR DAY, PERIOD.
IT IS THRILLING, SEXY, AND FUN."
THE ONLINE WORLD IS ALSO A
CHOCK-BLOCK FULL OF PORNOGRAPHY
PROFESSIONALS AND AMATEURS
ALIKE, SHARING THEIR SEXY
ADVENTURES ONLINE.
THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH
ENJOYING SOME PORN.
IT IS A FUN, SUGARY TREAT.
I HAVE TO PAUSE BECAUSE NO
MATTER HOW MANY TIMES I SAY
THESE WORDS, IT SCARES ME.
John: OKAY, FIRST, "PORN IS A
SUGARY TREAT," SOUNDS LIKE THE
TAGLINE FOR AN UPCOMING X-RATED
SPIN ON GUMMY BEARS, AN ADULT
FILM THAT EITHER EXISTS ALREADY
OR WILL SHORTLY AFTER THIS
EPISODE AIRS.
BUT LOOK, THOSE WORDS ARE IN THE
BOOK.
AND IF YOU GO ON "BOOKLOOKS,"
YOU'LL SEE THEY'RE QUOTED ON
THEIR REVIEW PAGE.
BUT IF YOU ACTUALLY READ THE
BOOK ITSELF, YOU'LL SEE THAT
THEY'RE SURROUNDED BY A LOT OF
CAREFUL ADVICE.
FOR INSTANCE, THAT ONE LINE
ABOUT SEXTING HAS A TON OF
CONTEXT AROUND IT, WITH ADVICE
LIKE GET PRIOR CONSENT, DON'T
SHARE OR SPREAD THE PHOTOS YOU
RECEIVE, AND "WAIT TILL YOU'RE A
LEGAL ADULT" TO DO IT.
AS FOR THAT SUGARY TREAT LINE,
IT'S PART OF A LONG, THOUGHTFUL
DISCUSSION THAT INCLUDES--
AMONG MANY OTHER THINGS-- THAT
PORN CAN CREATE "UNREALISTIC
EXPECTATIONS," "THE PEOPLE YOU
SEE ON CAMERA ARE REAL HUMAN
BEINGS WHO DESERVE YOUR
RESPECT," AND "IF THE AMOUNT OF
PORN YOU WATCH FEELS LIKE IT'S
IMPACTING YOUR LIFE, THEN IT'S
PROBABLY TIME TO PULL BACK AND
GIVE IT SOME THOUGHT."
WHICH IS GOOD ADVICE!
AND IN A COUNTRY WHERE 17 STATES
PROVIDE ABSTINENCE-ONLY SEX
EDUCATION, IT MIGHT BE THE MOST
HONEST DISCUSSION ABOUT PORN
SOME TEENS GET, ESPECIALLY IF
THEY HAVE THE KIND OF MOM WHO
HAS A FUCKING PANIC ATTACK AT
THE VERY IDEA OF IT.
AND WHILE SHE'LL SAY SHE JUST
WANTED THE LIBRARY TO REQUIRE
PARENTAL PERMISSION TO ACCESS
THE BOOK-- WHICH IS STILL A BIG
BARRIER TO A TEENAGER WHO MIGHT
NEED TO READ IT-- THERE'VE BEEN
OTHER ATTEMPTS TO TRY AND GET IT
OUT OF LIBRARIES ALTOGETHER.
AND YOU DO GET THE SENSE THAT
PEOPLE WHO WANT TO CENSOR THESE
BOOKS CAN HAVE NO REAL IDEA OF
WHAT'S INSIDE THEM-- OR,
INDEED, IF THEY'RE EVEN AT THE
LIBRARIES THEY'RE PROTESTING AT
ALL, AS HAPPENED IN IDAHO.
FIVE YEARS AGO THIS WAS
ANOINTED THE BEST SMALL LIBRARY
IN AMERICA.
TODAY THE TRUSTIES A FACING A
RECALL.
THE DIRECTOR JUST RESIGNED.
DO YOU FEEL THAT YOU'VE GIVEN
IN?
THAT YOU'VE BEEN DEFEATED HERE?
THAT--
PART OF ME DOES, YES.
BUT THEY START SHOWING UP AT
YOUR HOUSE, GUNS ON THEIR HIPS
AND BIBLE TRACKS IN THEIR HANDS.
ACTIVISTS DEMANDING THE
LIBRARY BAN MORE THAN 400 BOOKS.
LIKE GENDER QUEER.
EVEN IF WE DO NOTHING TO YOU,
EVENTUALLY, IF YOU DON'T REPENT
OF WANTING TO HARM OUR CHILDREN
WITH PORNOGRAPHY, THAT'S UP TO
GOD.
THINGS NEED TO CHANGE.
OTHERWISE, YOU BRING CURSES UPON
YOURSELVES, PERIOD, FROM THE
MOST HIGH.
ARE ANY OF THOSE BOOKS IN THE
LIBRARY?
NOT A SINGLE ONE.
John: IT'S TRUE.
ACTIVISTS DEMANDED THAT BOOKS
THEY HADN'T READ BE REMOVED FROM
A LIBRARY THAT DIDN'T HAVE THEM,
WHICH AS FAR AS PROTESTS GO IS
ABOUT AS MEANINGFUL AS MARCHING
TO THE HOLLYWOOD SIGN TO DEMAND
FRANKIE MUNIZ RETURN HIS OSCAR
FOR SCHINDLER'S LIST.
HE'S NOT THERE, HE WASN'T "IN"
THAT, AND THE VERY FACT YOU'RE
PROTESTING THIS TELLS ME YOU'RE
PROBABLY NOT FAMILIAR WITH THE
MATERIAL.
AND EVEN AFTER THAT GROUP WAS
TOLD THE LIBRARY DIDN'T HAVE ANY
OF THE 400 BOOKS THEY WANTED
BANNED, THEY DEMANDED ITS BOARD
PASS A POLICY PROMISING NOT TO
ORDER CONTROVERSIAL BOOKS, OR,
IF THEY DID, TO PLACE THEM IN AN
ADULTS-ONLY ROOM.
THEY ALSO ASKED THE LIBRARY TO
JUDGE BOOKS "UNDER GOD'S
STANDARDS AND NOT OF THE WORLD'S
STANDARDS."
YOU KNOW.
GOD.
THE FREAK KNOWN FOR BUILDING A
NUDE GARDEN HE COULD WATCH ALL
DAY.
THE GUY WHO COMMISSIONED THE
CONSTRUCTION OF AN ALL-ANIMAL
FUCK BOAT, AND WHO SAT BACK AND
WATCHED WHILE HIS SON GOT
NAILED?
OH, I'M SORRY, AM I
MISUNDERSTANDING THE BIBLE BY
TAKING THINGS OUT OF CONTEXT?
FORGIVE ME, I HAVEN'T READ IT.
I LOOKED AT THE SUMMARY.
IT TOLD ME ALL I NEEDED TO KNOW.
AND IT'S WORTH TAKING A MOMENT
ON THE BOOK THEY MENTIONED
THERE, "GENDER QUEER," BECAUSE
IT'S THE MOST FREQUENTLY
CHALLENGED BOOK IN AMERICA FOR
THE LAST THREE YEARS RUNNING.
IT'S A GRAPHIC NOVEL THAT'S A
MEMOIR OF THE AUTHOR'S STRUGGLES
WITH GENDER IDENTITY, BUT IT'S
OFTEN REDUCED, OUT OF CONTEXT,
TO SOME OF ITS MOST EXPLICIT
PASSAGES, ONE OF WHICH, YOU MAY
REMEMBER, WAS READ ALOUD IN THE
SENATE LAST YEAR BY JOHN
KENNEDY.
I GOT A NEW STRAP-ON-- STRAP
ON HARNESS TODAY.
I CAN'T WAIT TO PUT IT ON YOU.
IT WILL FIT MY FAVORITE DILDO
PERFECTLY.
YOU'RE GOING TO LOOK SO HOT.
I CAN'T WAIT TO HAVE YOUR COCK
IN MY MOUTH.
I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU THE BLOW
JOB OF YOUR LIFE.
THEN I WANT YOU INSIDE OF ME.
John: THAT CLIP IS JUST A
PERFECT MIX OF BEING
HORRENDOUSLY DISORIENTING AND
KIND OF DELIGHTFUL.
IT'S LIKE WATCHING A DOG WALK ON
ITS HIND LEGS AND THEN WATCHING
THE SAME DOG SAY "I CAN'T WAIT
TO HAVE YOUR COCK IN MY MOUTH."
NOW, IT IS NOT UNREASONABLE TO
SAY, "THAT SHOULDN'T BE SHELVED
DIRECTLY ALONGSIDE THE PICTURE
BOOKS IN THE CHILDREN'S SECTION
OF THE LIBRARY."
AND YOU KNOW WHO AGREES WITH
THAT?
THE AUTHOR OF THE FUCKING BOOK.
I DON'T THINK THE BOOK IS FOR
CHILDREN.
BUT I DO THINK THAT IT IS
APPROPRIATE FOR TEEN READERS,
AND ALSO THAT LIBRARIES HAVE
BOOKS FOR ALL AGES, AND YOU
SHELVE THEM WITH SIGNAGE, AND
PEOPLE BROWSE AND FIND THE BOOKS
THAT THEY NEED IN A LIBRARY AND
NOT EVERY BOOK IN THE LIBRARY IS
FOR EVERY READER, BUT THEY STILL
NEED TO BE AVAILABLE.
John: RIGHT.
IT'S NOT A CHILDREN'S BOOK.
WHICH IS WHY IT'S NOT SHELVED
WITH THEM.
AND THAT AUTHOR RAISES AN
IMPORTANT DISTINCTION THERE:
SOME BOOKS AREN'T APPROPRIATE
FOR 5-YEAR-OLDS, BUT MIGHT BE IF
YOU'RE 16.
BECAUSE THOSE ARE VERY DIFFERENT
PHASES OF LIFE, THAT WE DON'T
TREAT THE SAME WAY.
IT'S WHY A 16-YEAR-OLD DRIVING A
CAR IS PERFECTLY LEGAL, AND A
5-YEAR-OLD DRIVING A CAR IS A
NEWS STORY.
AND YET, FOR SOME, KEEPING BOOKS
LIKE GENDER QUEER OUT OF THE
KID'S SECTION-- WHERE, AGAIN,
IT ISN'T-- STILL ISN'T ENOUGH.
CHILDREN ARE VERY LITERAL.
THEY'RE VERY IMPRESSIONABLE.
THEY'RE GOING TO LOOK AT THOSE
PICTURES AND THEY VERY MUCH LOOK
LIKE CHILDREN IN THE PICTURES.
SEX ISN'T FOR KIDS.
IT HAS SERIOUS CONSEQUENCES.
WE SHOULD NOT BE ENCOURAGING
THEM TO ENGAGE IN SEXUAL ACTS.
IN LAPEER, THE BOOK IS
SHELVED IN THE ADULT SECTION,
BUT PARKES SAYS IT'S STILL
ATTRACTIVE TO CHILDREN.
I MEAN IT'S BEAUTIFUL, IT
REALLY IS.
IT'S NATURE.
SO, I THINK THIS WOULD ATTRACT
ANY CHILD BECAUSE IT LOOKS LIKE
A CAR-- YOU KNOW, IT'S
CARTOONISH.
John: BUT IT'S IN THE ADULT'S
SECTION!
IF A CHILD FINDS IT, IT'S
BECAUSE THEY'RE SOMEWHERE
THEY'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE.
SO IF ANYTHING, THE KID SHOULD
GET INTO TROUBLE, NOT THE BOOK.
AND HONESTLY, THAT'S WHERE THE
ROD COMES IN.
LOOK, HE'S EATING COOKIES ON THE
COVER.
HE NEEDS TO BE STOPPED.
THE ARGUMENT IS BASICALLY, "THIS
CAN'T BE ON LIBRARY SHELVES,
BECAUSE A KID COULD SOMEHOW FIND
IT."
BUT THAT'S SOMETHING TO WHICH
THIS UNDERSTANDABLY EXASPERATED
LIBRARIAN IN LOUISIANA HAS A
PRETTY GOOD RESPONSE.
I HAVE PARENTS WHO WANT THESE
BOOKS OUT OF THE LIBRARY BECAUSE
THEY DON'T WANT ADULTS TO HAVE
ACCESS, BECAUSE WHAT IF MY CHILD
GOES IN THE ADULT SECTION?
IF YOUR CHILD IS IN THE LIBRARY
BY ITSELF, OR THEIR SELF, SORRY,
THEY PROBABLY HAVE A PHONE, IN
WHICH CASE, MY LIBRARY IS THE
LEAST OF YOUR PROBLEMS.
John: RIGHT.
THIS ENTIRE DEBATE BASICALLY
ENDS THE SECOND YOU REMEMBER THE
EXISTENCE OF THE INTERNET.
IF YOUR CHILD HAS A PHONE, THEY
ALREADY HAVE ACCESS TO THE MOST
SEXUALIZED IMAGES YOU COULD
IMAGINE, BY WHICH I OF COURSE
MEAN, THIS UPPERCASE B TAKING L
ON A ONE-WAY TRIP TO POUND TOWN
LIKE THEY'RE THE LAST TWO
LETTERS TRYING TO START A NEW
ALPHABET.
AND LOOK, THANKFULLY, NOT ALL
THESE CHALLENGES ARE SUCCESSFUL.
THAT MOM'S EFFORTS TO GET "LET'S
TALK ABOUT IT" RESTRICTED AT HER
LOCAL LIBRARY FAILED.
BUT IN MANY PLACES, EVEN IF THAT
HAPPENS, THE FIGHT ISN'T OVER.
BECAUSE THESE GROUPS WILL THEN
CAMPAIGN TO REPLACE MEMBERS OF
LIBRARY BOARDS-- SOMETIMES
DOING SO WITH WILDLY MISLEADING
CLAIMS, LIKE IN THIS AD,
ENDORSING TWO CONSERVATIVE BOARD
CANDIDATES.
HI, MOM!
I'M HOME!
HI, HONEY!
I'M IN THE KITCHEN!
HOW ARE YOU TODAY?
HOW WAS SCHOOL?
WE WENT TO THE LIBRARY TODAY
AND THERE'S A SPECIAL ROOM FOR
KIDS AND THIS FUNNY LADY, SHE
READ US A BOOK AND SHE SHOWED US
ALL THE PICTURES IN THE BOOK.
MOMMY?
YES, HONEY?
WHAT'S ANAL SEX?
John: OKAY.
LOTS WRONG WITH THAT, INCLUDING
THAT NO KID HEARS THE WORDS
"ANAL SEX" AND THEN IS LIKE "I'M
GONNA ASK MY MOM ABOUT THAT
LATER."
NO WAY, YOU GO TO YOUR FRIEND
WITH THE OLDEST OLDER SISTER AND
SIT WITH HER THE WHOLE.
BUS RIDE.
HOME.
ALSO, IT'S NOT IMPORTANT, BUT:
WHERE THE FUCK WAS SHE GOING
WITH THAT DISH?
I'M NOT TRYING TO
MONDAY-MORNING-QUARTERBACK HER
PROCESS, EVERYTHING ELSE ABOUT
HER DISHWASHING IS TOTALLY
NORMAL, YOU GET DRESSED IN YOUR
REGULAR CHORES OUTFIT-- NO
GLOVES AND A SPOTLESS SUNDRESS,
CHECK AND CHECK, THEN WASH
DISHES WITHOUT ANY SOAP.
THAT ALL MAKES SENSE.
BUT WHY WOULD SHE HOLD A SOAKING
WET, UNSOAPED DISH INSTEAD OF
PUTTING IT BACK IN THE SINK?
YOU GONNA PUT IT AWAY?
IT'S TOO WET FOR THAT.
IS IT HEADED FOR A DRYING RACK?
IF SO, WHY WOULD IT BE SO FAR
AWAY FROM THE SINK?
MOVE YOUR GLASS WITH ONE FLOWER
OUT OF THERE AND PUT A DRYING
RACK IN ITS PLACE, YOU DOPEY
FREAK.
BUT THE THING IS, THE TWO
CANDIDATES THAT AD WAS
SUPPORTING WON.
AND WHO'S ON THE LIBRARY BOARD
MATTERS.
IN CAMPBELL COUNTY, WYOMING, THE
LIBRARY SYSTEM'S EXECUTIVE
DIRECTOR REFUSED TO REMOVE
SEVENTEEN BOOKS CENTERED AROUND
THE EXPERIENCES OF LGBTQ+
PEOPLE.
AND I'LL NOTE: NOT ONE OF THE
REQUESTS TO REMOVE THE BOOKS HAD
COME FROM A PARENT WHOSE CHILD
LOOKED AT, OR CHECKED OUT, A
BOOK THEIR PARENT THOUGHT WAS
INAPPROPRIATE.
NOT ONE.
AND WHILE THE LIBRARY BOARD
INITIALLY BACKED HER, THE COUNTY
COMMISSION THEN QUICKLY
APPOINTED FOUR NEW MEMBERS TO
THE BOARD, WHO THEN MOVED TO
FIRE HER.
ALTHOUGH BEFORE THE VOTE, THEY
DID GET THIS IMPASSIONED SPEECH
FROM A LOCAL RESIDENT.
WHEN YOU START OUTLAWING
BOOKS BECAUSE OF YOUR PERSONAL
RELIGIOUS AND MORAL BELIEFS, IN
THIS COUNTRY, YOU'RE GOING
AGAINST THE CONSTITUTION,
YOU'RE-- YOU'RE GOING AGAINST
WHAT WE WERE FOUNDED FOR.
AND YOU'RE PERSONALLY AN AFFRONT
TO MYSELF AND MOST OF THE PEOPLE
I KNOW.
THIS IS A SHITSHOW.
AND I'M EMBARRASSED FOR THIS
BOARD.
THANK YOU.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
John: WOW.
I HAVE TO SAY, USUALLY WHEN YOU
SEE A WHITE GUY WITH A BUSHY
MUSTACHE HOLDING A MICROPHONE AT
A TOWN MEETING, YOU'RE WORRIED.
BUT HE PROVED MY EXPECTATIONS
WRONG.
KUDOS TO YOU,
GUY-I'D-OTHERWISE-ASSUME-STORMED
THE-CAPITOL.
BUT FOR ALL THE SUPPORT THE
ARGUMENT TO DEFEND THE LIBRARY
DIRECTOR GOT IN THE ROOM, JUST A
LITTLE LATER, THE BOARD DID
THIS.
I MAKE A MOTION TO VOTE FOR
TERRI LESLEY'S POSITION TO BE
TERMINATED AS THE CAMPBELL
COUNTY PUBLIC LIBRARY DIRECTOR.
ALL IN FAVOR.
WOW.
THERE YOU HAVE IT.
John: YEAH, THEY FIRED HER.
AND FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH, YOU
SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWED TO FIRE
SOMEONE WHILE WEARING THIS DUMB
OF A HAT.
THAT WAS BOUGHT ON A BEACH DAY
IN CABO, YOU SCREAMED "HOW MUCH
POR FAVOR?"
AND "HOW MUCH DINERO?"
AND THE GUY CLAIMED HE
WAS GIVING YOU A DEAL WHILE
CHARGING YOU DOUBLE.
AND YOU WERE LIKE, "GRACIAS, I'M
GONNA WEAR THIS TO THE MEETING
WHERE I FIRE A LIBRARIAN DESPITE
PUBLIC OPPOSITION...
THE CABO HAT I GOT FOR "MUY
CARO, PENDEJA".
THAT MEANS ON SALE!"
THE POINT IS, THESE GROUPS HAVE
ALL SORTS OF LEVERS THEY CAN
PULL.
AND IF ALL ELSE FAILS, THEY CAN
EVEN TRY AND CUT THE LIBRARY'S
FUNDING ALTOGETHER.
IN JAMESTOWN MICHIGAN, COMMUNITY
MEMBERS VOTED TO DEFUND A
LIBRARY AFTER AN INTENSE
CAMPAIGN BY RESIDENTS WHO
ACCUSED IT OF "GROOMING"
CHILDREN AND "PROMOTING AN LGBTQ
IDEOLOGY" DESPITE THE FACT THAT
OF ROUGHLY 67,000 ITEMS IN THE
LIBRARY'S COLLECTION, ONLY
AROUND 90 OF THEM HAD LGBTQ
THEMES.
YET THAT VOTE ELIMINATED 84% OF
THEIR ANNUAL BUDGET.
SO, NATURALLY, THE LIBRARY WAS
IMMEDIATELY UNDER THREAT OF
CLOSING.
AND AT A BOARD MEETING
AFTERWARD, ONE LIBRARIAN POINTED
OUT THIS WAS A NATURAL
CONSEQUENCE OF VOTERS' ACTIONS.
I AM SHOCKED THAT THE PEOPLE
ARE SURPRISED THAT THE LIBRARY
WILL CLOSE.
YOU CAN'T VOTE TO ELIMINATE
FUNDING FOR THE LIBRARY AND SAY
YOU DON'T WANT IT TO CLOSE.
YOU CAN'T SAY YOU'RE DOING IT
JUST TO SEND A MESSAGE AND NOT
EXPECT THERE TO BE CONSEQUENCES
TO YOUR ACTIONS.
IT'S NOT A SYMBOLIC MOVE.
IT'S A DEATH SENTENCE.
AND I HOPE THE COMMUNITY IS
PREPARED TO LIVE WITH THAT.
John: EXACTLY, WHY WOULDN'T
THE LIBRARY CLOSE IF MOST OF ITS
FUNDING IS CUT?
ANY ESTABLISHMENT-- WHETHER
IT'S A BUSINESS OR A GOVERNMENT
SERVICE-- NEEDS MONEY TO
OPERATE.
IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME, JUST
VISIT YOUR LOCAL CIRCUIT CITY
AND ASK THEM TO EXPLAIN IT TO
YOU.
NOW, THANKFULLY, LAST NOVEMBER
THERE WAS A VOTE TO RESTORE THAT
LIBRARY'S FUNDING THROUGH NEXT
YEAR, AND IT PASSED COMFORTABLY.
AND THAT'S THE THING HERE--
PROTECTING LIBRARIES IS A FIGHT,
BUT IT'S ALSO WINNABLE.
IT JUST MEANS STANDING UP TO
THESE BULLSHIT ATTACKS WHEREVER
THEY OCCUR.
AND THEY'RE OCCURRING A LOT.
THIS YEAR ALONE, MORE THAN 100
BILLS HAVE BEEN INTRODUCED IN
STATE LEGISLATURES INTENDED TO
BAN OR RESTRICT MATERIAL IN
SCHOOL AND PUBLIC LIBRARIES.
SOME OF WHICH ARE BONKERS.
JUST LAST WEEK, THE ALABAMA
HOUSE ADVANCED A BILL ALLOWING
LIBRARIANS TO BE ARRESTED FOR
THE CONTENT THEY ALLOW ON
SHELVES.
AND ARKANSAS AND OKLAHOMA HAVE
ALREADY PASSED LAWS MAKING IT
POSSIBLE TO PROSECUTE LIBRARIANS
FOR DISTRIBUTING OBSCENE
CONTENT.
THIS IS ALL MADNESS, AND IT
SPEAKS TO THE NEED FOR LIBRARIES
TO BE DEFENDED.
AND I KNOW IT'S NOT SHOCKING
THAT AN EPISODE OF THIS SHOW
WOULD ADVOCATE TO "SUPPORT YOUR
LOCAL LIBRARIES."
IT'S PRETTY MUCH IMPLICIT IN OUR
WHOLE VIBE.
MY SUIT, GLASSES AND DESK ALL
PRACTICALLY SCREAM "SUPPORT
YOUR LOCAL LIBRARIES," TO WHICH
THE REST OF MY BODY WOULD SAY,
OUT OF RESPECT, "A'SHUSH."
BUT DEPENDING ON WHERE YOU LIVE,
YOU MIGHT NEED TO PAY ATTENTION
IF PEOPLE START SHOWING UP AT
YOUR LOCAL LIBRARY BOARD MEETING
AND READING EAR-CATCHING PARTS
OF YOUNG ADULT BOOKS.
BECAUSE WHILE IT'S ABSOLUTELY A
UNDERSTANDABLE FOR PARENT'S
RIGHT TO HAVE A SAY IN
WHAT THEIR KIDS CAN CHECK OUT
FROM THE LIBRARY, IT'S NOT THEIR
RIGHT TO HAVE A SAY IN WHAT CAN
BE CHECKED OUT AT ALL.
AND IT FRANKLY DOESN'T FEEL LIKE
A COINCIDENCE SO MUCH OF THIS
CONVERSATION CONCERNS LGBTQ
THEMES-- AS IT SEEMS THIS IS
THE LATEST WAY TO TRY AND PUSH
THAT COMMUNITY OUT OF PUBLIC
SPACES, TO SEND A MESSAGE THAT
THEIR LIVES AND STORIES AREN'T
WELCOME, AND BY EXTENSION, TO
TELL ANYONE GROWING UP
QUESTIONING THAT THE ANSWERS ARE
OFF-LIMITS TO THEM.
ALL OF WHICH IS BASICALLY JUST A
LONG WAY OF SAYING: LIBRARIES
NEED OUR SUPPORT RIGHT NOW, SO
THEY CAN CONTINUE TO SERVE THE
DIVERSE NEEDS OF THEIR
COMMUNITIES, WHILE ALSO, OF
COURSE, LENDING OUT AIR FRYERS,
SEEDS, AND COPIES OF "THE
BERENSTEAM CHEETAHS."
WE ALL LOVED THOSE BOOKS AS
KIDS.
OH, BEFORE WE GO TONIGHT, AND
IN CASE THERE ARE ANY BOOKLOOK
TYPE ORGANIZATIONS DOING A
REPORT ON THIS SHOW, I'LL SAVE
YOU THE TROUBLE AND DO THE CHART
MYSELF.
TWELVE FUCKS, FOUR SHITS, THREE
"DICKS," AND THREE COCKS.
FUCK OFF, BOOK LOOKS.
OH LOOK!
I JUST MADE IT THIRTEEN.
THAT'S OUR SHOW, THANKS SO MUCH
FOR WATCHING, NOW, IF YOU'LL
EXCUSE ME, I HAVE SOMETHING I
BADLY NEED TO RETURN BEFORE
MIDNIGHT.
GOOD NIGHT!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ ♪