♪ ♪
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> John: WELCOME, WELCOME,
WELCOME TO "LAST WEEK TONIGHT!"
I'M JOHN OLIVER.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR JOINING
US.
IT HAS BEEN A BUSY WEEK.
THE U.S. SUFFERED A MASSIVE HEAT
WAVE, TEAM USA UNVEILED THEIR
OLYMPIC UNIFORMS, WHICH DON'T
SAY "PROFESSIONAL ATHLETE" SO
MUCH AS "MY STEP-MOTHER SENT ME
AWAY TO BOARDING SCHOOL," AND
PUTIN VISITED NORTH KOREA,
WHERE, AFTER SIGNING A DEFENSE
PACT, KIM JONG UN WAVED HIM OFF,
LIKE A PARENT SENDING A KID AWAY
TO SUMMER CAMP.
"BYE!
I LEFT A NOTE IN YOUR BACKPACK!
DON'T READ IT TILL YOU GET
THERE!"
BUT WE'RE GOING TO START IN
LOUISIANA, WHICH THIS WEEK, MADE
SOME HISTORY.
>> THIS MORNING LOUISIANA HAS
BECOME THE FIRST STATE TO
REQUIRE THE TEN COMMANDMENTS BE
DISPLAYED IN PUBLIC CLASSROOMS
FROM KINDERGARTEN TO PUBLICLY
FUNDED UNIVERSITIES.
>> IF YOU WANT TO RESPECT THE
RULE OF LAW, YOU GOTTA START
FROM THE ORIGINAL LAW GIVER,
WHICH WAS MOSES.
>> John: OKAY, FIRST: MOSES WAS
NOT THE ORIGINAL LAWGIVER.
THAT WOULD BE -- SAY IT WITH ME
-- UR-NAMMU, KING OF THE ANCIENT
SUMERIAN THIRD DYNASTY OF UR,
THAT'S RIGHT.
IT'S SOMETHING WE ALL KNOW.
BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY, IT'S TRUE:
LOUISIANA WILL NOW REQUIRE THE
TEN COMMANDMENTS BE DISPLAYED IN
ALL PUBLIC CLASSROOMS, EVEN
KINDERGARTENS.
WHICH IS ABSURD.
KINDERGARTENERS DON'T NEED "THOU
SHALT NOT COVET THY NEIGHBOR'S
WIFE" NEXT TO THEIR CUBBIES.
THAT'S NOT A THING THEY DO.
AND EVEN IF THEY DID, WHO CARES?
THEY'RE FIVE.
IF YOU'RE THAT WORRIED ABOUT
YOUR WIFE RUNNING OFF WITH A
FIVE YEAR OLD, YOUR MARRIAGE HAS
PROBLEMS NO GOD CAN FIX.
AND IF YOU NOTICED SOME
COMMOTION BEHIND GOVERNOR LANDRY
THERE, THAT'S BECAUSE -- JUST A
SECOND EARLIER -- ONE OF THE
KIDS BEHIND HIM COLLAPSED.
AND LANDRY NEVER ONCE TURNS
AROUND TO SEE WHAT'S GOING ON.
AND I'M HAPPY TO SAY SHE'S OKAY.
BUT THAT'S A PERFECT
ENCAPSULATION OF THE REPUBLICAN
PARTY TODAY -- LOUDLY PRETENDING
TO CARE ABOUT THE WELL-BEING OF
CHILDREN WHILE COMPLETELY
IGNORING THE LITERAL WELL-BEING
OF A CHILD.
AND DURING THE DEBATE BEFORE THE
LAW'S PASSAGE, ITS SPONSOR
DIDN'T SEEM TROUBLED BY SOME
PRETTY BASIC QUESTIONS.
>> YOU DON'T BELIEVE THIS
ALIENATES STUDENTS WHO ARE NOT
CHRISTIAN OR JEWISH?
>> NO MA'AM, I DON'T.
THIS IS ABOUT A MORAL CODE THAT
OUR COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED UPON AND
THEY CAN SIMPLY TURN THEIR
HEADS, I SUPPOSE.
>> John: YEAH, THEY CAN SIMPLY
TURN THEIR HEADS, YOU SUPPOSE.
YOU KNOW, THE THING THE
GOVERNOR OF LOUISIANA SEEMS
COMPLETELY INCAPABLE OF DOING
WHEN A CHILD FALLS BEHIND HIM.
NOW, THIS IS CLEARLY
UNCONSTITUTIONAL, AND THE ACLU
HAS ALREADY SAID IT'LL FILE A
LAWSUIT AGAINST LOUISIANA, AND
YOU'D THINK THEY'D STAND A GOOD
CHANCE TO WIN -- ESPECIALLY AS
KENTUCKY ACTUALLY PASSED A
SIMILAR LAW DECADES AGO, ONLY
FOR IT TO BE STRUCK DOWN BY THE
SUPREME COURT IN 1980.
BUT THE TRUTH IS, AS THIS
CONSTITUTIONAL EXPERT POINTS
OUT, THIS TIME COULD BE
DIFFERENT.
>> ON ITS FACE, IT IS CERTAINLY
CONTRARY TO SUPREME COURT
PRECEDENT, BUT AS WE KNOW,
PRECEDENT ISN'T WHAT IT USED TO
BE.
>> John: YEAH, THAT'S PUTTING IT
MILDLY.
PRECEDENT USED TO MEAN JUSTICES
HAD TO HAVE A REALLY GOOD
REASON TO REVERSE COURSE ON
SETTLED LAW, AND ONE BETTER THAN
JUST, "MY BILLIONAIRE FRIENDS
SAID THEY'D TAKE ME TO BARBADOS
NEXT TIME."
AND THIS FIGHT IS JUST THE
LATEST IN A SERIES OF CONFLICTS
OVER PUBLIC DISPLAYS OF SYMBOLS
-- THIS YEAR, LEGISLATORS IN
TENNESSEE, FLORIDA AND UTAH ALL
INTRODUCED BILLS TO BAN PRIDE
FLAGS IN SCHOOLS.
AND WHILE THOSE BILLS FAILED,
MORE ARE UNDOUBTEDLY COMING.
MEANWHILE, DENVER'S SCHOOL
DISTRICT IS FACING A LAWSUIT
FROM A PARENT OVER ITS DISPLAY
OF PRIDE FLAGS, AFTER HE
UNSUCCESSFULLY DEMANDED THEY
DISPLAY A STRAIGHT PRIDE FLAG.
WHICH IS APPARENTLY A BLACK AND
WHITE STRIPED FLAG WITH A LINKED
MALE AND FEMALE GENDER SIGN ON
IT.
AND IF YOU'RE HAVING TROUBLE
PICTURING IT, THIS IS THE
STRAIGHT PRIDE FLAG, WHICH TO BE
HONEST, REALLY SCREAMS
"HETEROSEXUALITY IS A PRISON."
THAT IS JUST A FAILURE OF
MARKETING RIGHT THERE.
THE PRIDE FLAG IS A JOYOUS
EXPLOSION OF COLOR, AND YOU'RE
GOING TO COUNTER IT WITH
SOMETHING THAT LOOKS, AT BEST,
LIKE THE HAMBURGLAR'S WEDDING
INVITATION?
GOOD LUCK!
BUT IT'S NOT JUST ONE WEIRDO
PARENT IN COLORADO DOING THIS
SHIT.
THE STATE REPUBLICAN PARTY IS
RIGHT THERE WITH HIM, TOO.
>> A FUNDRAISING EMAIL FROM
COLORADO'S REPUBLICAN PARTY
CALLED FOR LGBTQ PRIDE FLAGS TO
BE BURNED, AND DESCRIBED LGBTQ
AMERICANS AS "GODLESS GROOMERS."
THAT EMAIL WAS SIGNED BY
COLORADO GOP CHAIR DAVE
WILLIAMS, AND THE SAME MESSAGE
WAS ALSO POSTED ON X.
>> John: OKAY, THERE'S A LOT TO
UNPACK THERE, FROM THE HOT JESUS
LOOKING LIKE HE JUST GOT BITTEN
BY A RADIOACTIVE WISE MAN TO THE
INSTRUCTION TO "BURN ALL PRIDE
FLAGS THIS JUNE."
AND AGAIN, THAT'S THE STATE
PARTY'S OFFICIAL ACCOUNT,
"COLO-G-O-P," WHICH TO BE
HONEST, LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE WAS
TRYING TO SPELL "COLONOSCOPY"
AND THEN DIED.
FLAKE ON GERMAN CITIES ROSE TO
THE SUPREME COURT.
A
HOUSE DISPLAYED AN UPSIDE-DOWN
FLAG -- A SYMBOL ASSOCIATED WITH
THE "STOP THE STEAL" MOVEMENT.
ALITO QUICKLY BLAMED THAT ON HIS
WIFE, SAYING "MY WIFE AND I OWN
OUR VIRGINIA HOME JOINTLY.
SHE THEREFORE HAS THE LEGAL
RIGHT TO USE THE PROPERTY AS SHE
SEES FIT, AND THERE WERE NO
ADDITIONAL STEPS THAT I COULD
HAVE TAKEN TO HAVE THE FLAG
TAKEN DOWN MORE PROMPTLY."
AND WHILE ON THE ONE HAND,
THAT'S A SURPRISINGLY
PROGRESSIVE TAKE ON A WOMAN'S
RIGHT TO CHOOSE FROM ALITO, HE
DOES MAKE IT SOUND LIKE HE'S
TRAPPED IN A FRAUGHT AND JOYLESS
MARRIAGE, AND LUCKILY, I
HAVE THE PERFECT FLAG FOR HIM TO
BE ABLE TO EXPRESS THAT FEELING.
ALITO'S WIFE WAS ACTUALLY
RECORDED RECENTLY, TALKING ABOUT
THAT CONTROVERSY, AND IN THE
CONVERSATION, VOLUNTEERED HER
OWN THOUGHTS ON THE PRIDE FLAG,
AND THEY ARE INTENSE.
>> YOU KNOW WHAT I WANT?
I WANT A SACRED HEART OF JESUS
FLAG, BECAUSE I HAVE TO LOOK
ACROSS THE LAGOON AT THE PRIDE
FLAG FOR THE NEXT MONTH.
AND HE IS LIKE "OH, PLEASE
DON'T PUT UP A FLAG."
I SAID, "I WON'T DO IT, BECAUSE
I'M DEFERRING TO YOU.
BUT WHEN YOU ARE FREE OF THIS
NONSENSE, I'M PUTTING IT UP AND
I'M GONNA SEND THEM A MESSAGE
EVERY DAY, MAYBE EVERY WEEK,
I'LL BE CHANGING THE FLAGS."
THEY'LL BE ALL KINDS.
I MADE A FLAG IN MY HEAD.
THIS IS HOW I SATISFY MYSELF.
I MADE A FLAG.
IT'S WHITE AND IT HAS YELLOW AND
ORANGE FLAMES AROUND IT.
AND IN THE MIDDLE IS THE WORD
"VERGOGNA."
"VERGOGNA" IN ITALIAN MEANS
SHAME, VERGOGNA.
V-E-R-G-O-G-N-A.
VERGOGNA...
SHAME, SHAME, SHAME ON YOU.
YOU KNOW?
>> John: WOW.
"MY HOBBY IS TELLING OTHER
PEOPLE THAT THEY SHOULD FEEL
SHAME, THROUGH DEPICTIONS OF
FIRE AND THE ITALIAN LANGUAGE."
THIS WOMAN IS OPERATING ON A
LEVEL OF CATHOLICISM NEVER
BEFORE SEEN.
AND THE WAY SHE'S SAYING
VERGOGNA THERE SOUNDS LIKE SHE'S
TRYING TO CAST A CURSE.
EVERY TIME YOU SAY "VERGOGNA"
LIKE THAT, AN ANGEL GETS ITS
WINGS, AND THEN A BUNCH OF MEAN
ITALIAN NUNS COME OVER AND START
HITTING IT WITH RULERS.
THE POINT IS, IT SEEMS SAFE TO
SAY THAT A MAN WHO LIVES IN A
HOUSE THAT'S THIS CLOSE TO
FLYING A FLAMING "SHAME" FLAG
ISN'T GOING TO HAVE MUCH OF A
PROBLEM WITH THE TEN
COMMANDMENTS BEING FORCED INTO
CLASSROOMS.
AND NONE OF THIS SHOULD BE
SURPRISING -- CONSERVATIVES LOVE
TO RAIL AGAINST "CANCEL CULTURE"
WHILE TRYING TO BAN ANY SPEECH
THEY DON'T LIKE.
SO WHEN IT'S SOMEONE ELSE'S
SYMBOL, IT'S AN AFFRONT THAT
NEEDS TO BE BURNED OR BANNED,
BUT WHEN IT'S THEIRS, IT CAN BE
MANDATED BY LAW, AND ANYONE WHO
DOESN'T LIKE IT CAN JUST TURN
THEIR HEAD AND NOT LOOK.
I'D SAY THAT'S A SHAMEFUL
POSITION TO TAKE, EXCEPT THANKS
TO THIS VINDICTIVE FLAG QUEEN, I
NOW KNOW THERE'S AN EVEN BETTER
WORD: VERGOGNA.
AND NOW, THIS.
♪ ♪
>> Announcer: AND NOW,
HAPPY PRIDE FROM JIM CRAMER.
>> YOU COULD HAVE A CHANCE FOR A
REAL RUN THE NEXT DAY.
I STATE MY CAREER WILL BE ABLE
TO SPOT BOTTOM AND TOPS.
ALWAYS USE THE TEN TO ONE RATIO
TO CALL BOTTOMS, INCLUDING
GENERATIONAL BOTTOMS THAT YOU
CAN NAIL.
ABSOLUTELY NAIL THE TOP AND THEN
THE BOTTOM.
THE BOTTOM OF APRIL 2020.
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO NAIL THE
BOTTOM IN THE SPRING OF LAST
YEAR.
HE'S THE ONE WHO CALLED THE
BOTTOM IN MARCH OF 29.
SEBASTIAN MANAGED TO NAIL THE
BOTTOM WHEN WE TALKED TO HIM
ABOUT IT.
REMEMBER?
DAVID CAMERON ON THE SHOW HE
BASICALLY CALLED THE BOTTOM.
SURE ENOUGH, HE NAILED IT.
REMEMBER I SAID APPLE BOTTOMS,
WE BOTTOM.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO NAIL EVERY
SHORT-TERM TOP AND BOTTOM,
THAT'S TOO HARD.
THAT'S TEXTBOOK BOTTOM.
I THINK WE HAVE TO EXPERIENCE
MORE PAIN BEFORE WE GET THE BIG
BOTTOM THAT WE ARE ALL WAITING
FOR.
LET'S GO TO JOE IN OHIO.
IT IS ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE TO
PERFECTLY NAIL THE BOTTOM.
OF COURSE YOU CAN ALMOST NAIL
THE BOTTOM.
LAST YEAR'S BOTTOM WAS VERY
SNEAKY.
WHEN CAN YOU BE SURE YOU HAVE A
REAL BOTTOM AT HAND?
OH, THAT'S THE QUESTION.
YOU'VE COME TO THE CORRECT PLACE
FOR THE ANSWER.
I'VE BEEN SPELUNKING FOR
BOTTOMS ALL YEAR.
>> John: MOVING ON.
OUR MAIN STORY TONIGHT CONCERNS
THE U.K.: THE NUMBER ONE STUDY
ABROAD DESTINATION FOR AMERICANS
WHO REFUSE TO LEARN A NEW
LANGUAGE.
IT'S ALSO -- FUN FACT -- WHERE
I'M FROM!
AND EVEN IF I NEVER OPENED MY
MOUTH, I FEEL LIKE YOU COULD
STILL TELL.
THE U.K.'S IN THE MIDDLE OF AN
ELECTION RIGHT NOW, WHICH ITS
PRIME MINISTER, RISHI SUNAK,
CALLED BACK IN MAY, FOR SOME
REASON, IN THE MIDDLE OF A
DOWNPOUR.
>> AT A DAMP DOWNING STREET,
WITH FEW MOVES LEFT TO PLAY, IT
WAS TIME TO ROLL THE DICE.
>> EARLIER TODAY, I SPOKE WITH
HIS MAJESTY THE KING TO REQUEST
THE DISSOLUTION OF PARLIAMENT.
THE KING HAS GRANTED THIS
REQUEST, AND WE WILL HAVE A
GENERAL ELECTION ON THE 4TH OF
JULY.
>> John: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
IT'S POURING RAIN, AND YOU ARE
LITERALLY STANDING IN FRONT OF
THE HOUSE WHERE YOU LIVE.
JUST POP IN AND GRAB AN
UMBRELLA.
IT FRANKLY SAYS SOMETHING THAT A
BRITISH PERSON TRYING TO RECLAIM
THE FOURTH OF JULY AS A DAY OF
POTENTIAL VICTORY IS THE
SECOND-WEIRDEST THING ABOUT THAT
ANNOUNCEMENT.
THIS ELECTION WAS SOMETHING OF A
SURPRISE, THOUGH.
AND IF YOU'RE CONFUSED HOW THAT
CAN BE, IN BRITAIN, THE PRIME
MINISTER CAN CALL AN ELECTION
WHENEVER THEY WANT, AS LONG AS
THERE'S ONE EVERY FIVE YEARS.
LIKE MANY THINGS, THE WAY
BRITAIN OPERATES IS "KIND OF
LIKE THE U.S., BUT WHIMSICALLY
WORSE."
THE LAST ELECTION WAS BACK IN
2019, SO SUNAK HAD TO CALL ONE
BEFORE THE END OF THIS YEAR, BUT
HE CHOSE TO DO SO RIGHT NOW --
SOMETHING THAT EVEN MEMBERS OF
HIS OWN PARTY WERE BLINDSIDED
BY, AS THESE REPORTERS POINTED
OUT LATER THAT DAY.
>> I MEAN, THIS MORNING, AMID
ALL THE SPECULATION, NOBODY
COULD REALLY BELIEVE IT.
HOW HAS IT GONE DOWN WITH HIS
MPs?
>> BADLY.
>> John: FIRST, I DON'T WANT TO
READ TOO MUCH INTO THIS, BUT THE
FACT BOTH OF THEM WERE
OSTENTATIOUSLY HOLDING LARGE
UMBRELLAS THERE FEELS LIKE A
PRETTY CLEAR DIG TO ME.
BUT SECOND, I GET WHY SUNAK'S
COLLEAGUES WERE MAD.
IT MUST SUCK TO HAVE TO SUDDENLY
GO HOME AND TELL YOUR SPOUSE
"SORRY, LOVE, I KNOW WE WERE
SUPPOSED TO GO TO ITALY NEXT
MONTH BUT MY WET BOSS GAVE A
SPEECH AND NOW I HAVE TO SPEND
THE NEXT 6 WEEKS RUNNING AROUND
FIGHTING FOR MY JOB."
SUNAK'S PARTY, THE CONSERVATIVES
-- OR TORIES -- ARE CURRENTLY
WILDLY UNPOPULAR IN BRITAIN.
THEY GOT TROUNCED EARLIER THIS
YEAR IN LOCAL ELECTIONS, AND ARE
CURRENTLY POLLING AROUND 20
POINTS BEHIND THEIR MAIN RIVAL,
THE LABOUR PARTY, WITH ONE
PROJECTION MODEL SUGGESTING
LABOUR COULD WIN AROUND 450 OF
THE 650 PARLIAMENTARY SEATS.
SOME HAVE EVEN SAID THIS
ELECTION COULD BE AN "EXTINCTION
LEVEL EVENT" FOR THE TORIES.
AND IT'S NOT LIKE THEY'RE
PROJECTING CONFIDENCE OR
COMPETENCE.
NEARLY 80 CONSERVATIVE MPs HAVE
STEPPED DOWN AHEAD OF THE
ELECTION -- A POSTWAR RECORD.
AND THAT'S ON TOP OF THE
RESIGNATIONS THAT'VE TAKEN PLACE
OVER THE LAST COUPLE OF YEARS,
INCLUDING THIS MP WHO ADMITTED
TO USING COCAINE BUT CLAIMED HE
WAS SET UP, SAYING, IT WAS VERY
LATE AND HE'D BEEN DRINKING TONS
OF INCREDIBLY POTENT JAPANESE
WHISKEY.
ANOTHER WHO ADMITTED TO GROPING
TWO MEN AT A PRIVATE MEMBERS'
CLUB, AND THIS GUY, WHO RESIGNED
AFTER HE WAS FOUND TO HAVE
WATCHED PORNOGRAPHY ON HIS PHONE
IN THE HOUSE OF COMMONS, AND HIS
EXCUSE FOR THAT WAS GENUINELY
AMAZING.
>> THE SITUATION WAS THAT IT
WAS, FUNNILY ENOUGH, THAT IT WAS
TRACTORS THAT I WAS LOOKING AT.
AND, UM, SO, BUT I DID GET INTO
ANOTHER WEBSITE THAT HAD A SORT
OF A VERY SIMILAR NAME.
AND I WATCHED IT FOR A BIT,
WHICH I SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE.
BUT MY CRIME, MY BIGGEST CRIME,
IS THAT ON ANOTHER OCCASION, I
WENT IN A SECOND TIME.
>> AND THAT WAS DELIBERATE?
>> AND THAT WAS DELIBERATE.
>> John: THAT IS INCREDIBLE.
"YES, I LOOKED AT PORN, TWICE,
BUT THE FIRST TIME, I WAS JUST
TRYING TO LOOK AT TRACTORS ON
THE INTERNET."
THAT'S VERY MUCH THE "JAPANESE
WHISKEY TRICKED ME INTO DOING
COCAINE" OF INTERNET PORN LIES.
BUT WHAT MAKES IT EVEN MORE
UNBELIEVABLE IS, WHY WOULD
ANYONE NEED TO SEEK OUT PORN, IF
THEY'RE ALREADY LOOKING AT
TRACTORS?
YOU'VE GOT EVERYTHING YOU NEED
RIGHT THERE AND YOU DON'T EVEN
HAVE TO FLIP OFF SAFE SEARCH.
WHY GO TO THE BAKERY, WHEN WE'VE
GOT CAKE AT HOME?
I'M NOT SAYING I'D FUCK A
TRACTOR, I'M SAYING I'D LET
THIS TRACTOR FUCK ME SO HARD I
SPROUT CORN.
AND ON TOP OF ALL THIS, SUNAK
HIMSELF SEEMS TO BE ALMOST
TRYING TO LOSE, GIVEN ONE OF HIS
NEW, BOLD CAMPAIGN IDEAS IS TO
BRING BACK MANDATORY NATIONAL
SERVICE FOR 18-YEAR-OLDS, A PLAN
THAT DREW ALMOST IMMEDIATE
BLOWBACK, TO THE POINT HE FELT
THE NEED TO TALK TO TEENS IN A
WAY HE HOPED THEY'D UNDERSTAND.
>> HI, TIKTOK, SORRY TO BE
BREAKING INTO YOUR USUAL
POLITICS-FREE FEED, BUT I'M
MAKING A BIG ANNOUNCEMENT TODAY,
AND I'VE BEEN TOLD THAT A LOT OF
YOU ALREADY HAVE SOME VIEWS ON
IT.
SO, FIRST THING: NO, I'M NOT
SENDING EVERYONE OFF TO JOIN THE
ARMY.
WHAT I AM DOING IS PROPOSING A
BOLD NEW MODEL OF NATIONAL
SERVICE FOR 18-YEAR-OLDS.
THEY'LL BE ABLE TO CHOOSE TO
SPEND 12 MONTHS AT A FULL-TIME
MILITARY COMMISSION, OR ONE
WEEKEND PER MONTH VOLUNTEERING
IN ROLES WITHIN YOUR LOCAL
COMMUNITY-LIKE DELIVERING
PRESCRIPTIONS AND FOOD TO
ELDERLY PEOPLE, OR IN SEARCH AND
RESCUE.
>> John: OH, OKAY!
SO IT'S NOT BRINGING BACK THE
DRAFT.
IT'S BRINGING BACK THE DRAFT
OR FORCING TEENS TO DO GRUBHUB
FOR GRANDMAS OR SEARCH FOR
BODIES IN THE THAMES.
JUST CLASSIC THINGS 18-YEAR-OLDS
LOVE TO DO.
TO PUT IT MILDLY, THE TORIES ARE
IN TROUBLE.
WHICH IS A REMARKABLE DOWNFALL
FOR A PARTY THAT'S BEEN IN POWER
FOR THE LAST 14 STRAIGHT YEARS.
THIS COULD BE A MASSIVE COUPLE
OF WEEKS FOR THE U.K.
SO GIVEN THAT, TONIGHT, LET'S
LOOK AT THE U.K. ELECTION.
AND WE'RE GOING TO FOCUS ON A
FEW THINGS: SOME OF THE CHOICES
ON OFFER, WHY PEOPLE ARE SO MAD
AT THE CONSERVATIVES FOR WHAT
AND WHY THEY'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT
TO BE.
AND LET'S START WITH SOME OF THE
CONTENDERS -- THERE'S THE
LIBERAL DEMOCRATS -- THE
TRADITIONALLY CENTRIST PARTY.
THEY'RE UNLIKELY TO WIN OVERALL,
AND BECAUSE OF THAT, SEEM TO BE
FOCUSING ON HAVING FUN.
ONE LIB DEM OFFICIAL HAS SAID,
"AS A SMALLER PARTY, WE HAVE TO
FIND A WAY TO BREAK INTO THE
NEWS CYCLE."
AND THAT'S MEANT PUSHING THEIR
LEADER, ED DAVEY, TO DO MULTIPLE
STUPID STUNTS LIKE GOING DOWN A
WATERSLIDE, FALLING OFF A PADDLE
BOARD, AND DOING "LOOK MA, NO
FEET" ON A BIKE.
HE EVEN TRIED TO CONDUCT A
POLICY INTERVIEW IN THE WEIRDEST
IMAGINABLE PLACE.
>> WHAT ABOUT THE ECONOMY?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING ABOUT THE
ECONOMY?
>> YEAH.
WE'VE GOTTA GET IT GROWING
AGAIN, AND THAT'LL BE HELPED BY
CUTTING THE NHS WAITING LIST
ALSO BY GETTING A MUCH BETTER
TRADE DEAL WITH EUROPE AND
BY INVESTING IN THE SKILLS OF
OUR YOUNG PEOPLE.
SO WE'VE GOT GREAT POLICIES FOR
OUR ECONOMY AND ALSO THE COST OF
LIVING!
>> John: LOOK, I'M GLAD ED
DAVEY'S HAVING FUN, BUT THE FACT
IS, HIS PARTY'S STILL GOING TO
LOSE THE ELECTION!
THEN THERE'S THE MUCH
LESS-ENDEARING FAR-RIGHT REFORM
U.K. PARTY, THE PUNCHABLE FACE
OF WHICH IS NIGEL FARAGE.
HE'S BEEN OUT ON THE CAMPAIGN
TRAIL, RUNNING ON A HARD
ANTI-IMMIGRATION PLATFORM, AND
GETTING THE EXACT RECEPTION HE
DESERVES.
>> REFORM U.K.'S ATTRACTED
ATTENTION, WITH BOLD PROMISES ON
REDUCING LEGAL IMMIGRATION
LEVELS AND STOPPING SMALL BOAT
CROSSINGS.
FOR ALL THE SUPPORT, IT SEEMS
NOT EVERYONE'S A FAN OF THEIR
APPROACH.
NIGEL FARAGE WAS COVERED IN
MILKSHAKE ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL.
>> John: SPECTACULAR.
ALSO, A BONKERS USE OF THE
PASSIVE VOICE THERE.
"WAS COVERED IN MILKSHAKE?"
WHO THREW IT, EXACTLY?
I'LL TELL YOU WHO: THE DAIRY
QUEEN WHO MADE THIS PERFECT
FIBONACCI SPIRAL.
JUST LOOK AT HER!
YOU CAN'T ERASE THIS ICON.
LOOK AT THOSE LASHES!
NO NEED TO FORCE THE YOUTH INTO
SERVING THEIR COUNTRY -- THIS
LEGEND IS DOING IT FOR FREE.
AND DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA JUST
HOW UNLIKABLE YOU HAVE TO BE TO
GET MILKSHAKED?
NO ONE JUST CASUALLY HAS A
MILKSHAKE ON THEIR PERSON, OR
THINKS "I BETTER GRAB ONE IN
CASE I ENCOUNTER ANY ASSHOLES
TODAY."
NO, THEY THINK "YOU KNOW WHAT I
HAVEN'T HAD IN A WHILE BUT
DESERVE?
A MILKSHAKE.
A TREAT."
YET DESPITE THAT, NIGEL FARAGE
IS CLEARLY "SO MUCH OF AN
ASSHOLE" THAT THIS HERO WAS
WILLING TO GET RID OF HER
POSSIBLE BIRTHDAY MILKSHAKE
HAVING DECIDED "THIS IS A BETTER
USE OF IT."
AND FRANKLY, SHE WAS RIGHT.
ESPECIALLY AS THAT WASN'T EVEN
THE FIRST TIME FARAGE GOT
MILKSHAKED.
IT HAPPENED TO HIM BACK IN 2019,
TOO -- AND JUST LOOK AT HIM
THERE.
LOOK HOW SAD HE IS, WEARING HIS
STUPID LITTLE RIBBON.
HE LOOKS LIKE HE THREW UP ON
HIMSELF AFTER WINNING A SPELLING
BEE.
AND IF, FOR EVEN A MOMENT, YOU
HAVE THE TINIEST FLICKER OF
SYMPATHY FOR HIM, PLEASE KNOW
THAT HE FOLLOWED HIS RECENT
MILKSHAKING BY RELEASING THIS
VIDEO.
>> MY MILKSHAKE BRINGS ALL THE
PEOPLE TO THE RALLY.
>> John: I HATE THAT MAN SO
MUCH.
AND THERE IS NO EXAGGERATION--
NO ONE ON EARTH MORE DESERVING
OF BEING MILKSHOOK THAN NIGEL
FARAGE.
SO CLEARLY, NEITHER OF THESE WET
BOYS ARE LIKELY TO BE THE NEXT
PRIME MINISTER.
BUT WHY ISN'T THIS ONE GOING TO
WIN?
AS PRIME MINISTER, HE SHOULD
HAVE THE ADVANTAGE OF
INCUMBENCY.
BUT THE TRUTH IS, SUNAK'S NEVER
BEEN POPULAR, AND FOR MULTIPLE
REASONS, INCLUDING THE FACT
THAT, AFTER MARRYING THE HEIR TO
A MULTI-BILLION-DOLLAR FORTUNE,
HE'S NOW GOT MORE MONEY THAN THE
KING.
IN FACT, IT SAYS SOMETHING THAT,
THE VERY DAY IT WAS ANNOUNCED
SUNAK WOULD BECOME PRIME
MINISTER, ONE NEWS REPORT
FEATURED THIS FUN GRAPHIC.
>> WELL, HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE
RISHI SUNAK IN ONE WORD?
SAVANTA COMRES, A POLLING
RESEARCH COMPANY, CAME UP WITH A
WORD CLOUD, AND PEOPLE SENT IN
THEIR THOUGHTS.
AND THIS IS THE CONCLUSION.
"RICH" IS THE OVERWHELMING WORD,
ALONGSIDE "CAPABLE," "OKAY,"
"GOOD," AND "CLEVER."
>> John: WOW.
DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH OF AN
OUT-OF-TOUCH WANG YOU HAVE TO BE
FOR PEOPLE TO THINK YOUR WHOLE
VIBE CAN BE SUMMED UP BY THE
WORD "RICH?"
ELON MUSK'S THE RICHEST MAN ON
EARTH, AND IT'S NOT EVEN THE
FIRST WORD THAT COMES TO MIND
WHEN I THINK OF HIM.
THAT'D BE APARTHEID.
IT'S ALSO NOT THE FIRST WORD
THAT COMES TO MIND WHEN I THINK
OF BILL GATES.
THAT WOULD BE
HOWMANYTIMESWASHEONEPSTEINSPLANE
WHICH COUNTS AS ONE WORD IF YOU
SAY IT REALLY FAST.
BUT PERHAPS THE MOST NOTABLE
THING THERE ISN'T HOW BIG THE
WORD "RICH" IS -- IT'S THAT THAT
WORD CLOUD ALSO INCLUDES THE
WORDS "TWAT" AND "CUNT."
THEY PUT THAT ON THE NEWS.
ENOUGH PEOPLE CALLED THE PRIME
MINISTER A CUNT THAT IT MADE THE
NEWS.
IT ALMOST MAKES ME FEEL
PATRIOTIC.
AND JUST FOR THE RECORD --
"CUNT" IN THE U.K. ISN'T AS
HARSH A WORD AS IT IS HERE.
I KNOW HERE IN THE U.S., IT'S
USUALLY USED BY RED-PILLED
BASEMENT BOYS TOWARD POWERFUL
WOMEN.
BUT IN THE U.K. IT'S A
NON-GENDERED, MULTI-PURPOSE
INSULT LIKE "DODGY," "TOSSER,"
"NUMPTY," "DICKSPLASH,"
"FUCKLETOES," "PILLOCK," AND
"COCKWOMBLE."
ONLY ONE OF THOSE IS MADE UP AND
IT'S NOT THE ONE YOU THINK.
BUT PERHAPS THE CLEAREST SIGN OF
HOW UNPOPULAR THE TORIES ARE IS
THAT THEY'RE ABOUT TO BE
DEFEATED BY THE LABOUR PARTY,
CURRENTLY LED BY KEIR STARMER,
AND FUN FACT ABOUT KEIR: THERE
AREN'T ANY.
IN FACT, WHEN POLLSTERS ASKED
VOTERS TO DESCRIBE WHAT STARMER
STANDS FOR, THE RESPONSES
INCLUDED "NOTHING," "NOT SURE"
AND "DON'T KNOW" HIS MOST
NOTABLE ATTRIBUTE MAY BE HAVING
NO REAL NOTABLE ATTRIBUTES AT
ALL, AS THIS POLLSTER DELICATELY
POINTS OUT.
>> FOR KEIR STARMER, STILL OVER
HALF OF THE POPULATION DON'T
REALLY PERCEIVE THAT THEY KNOW
WHAT HE STANDS FOR, AND ONLY ONE
IN FIVE PEOPLE SAY THAT HE'S
GOOD IN A CRISIS OR INDEED HAS A
PERSONALITY.
AND SO, THERE ARE SOME AREAS
WHERE HE NEEDS TO SEE FURTHER
DEVELOPMENT.
>> John: OKAY.
SET ASIDE THE BRUTAL PERSONALITY
SLAM -- YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS
TO HAVE LESS THAN HALF THE
POPULATION KNOW WHAT YOU STAND
FOR, IN THE MODERN AGE?
THANKS TO SOCIAL MEDIA, I KNOW
WHAT MY HIGH SCHOOL CHEMISTRY
TEACHER THINKS ABOUT VEGANS WHO
EAT HONEY.
I KNOW MY BROTHER'S ROOMMATE'S
EX-GIRLFRIEND THINKS LEE HARVEY
OSWALD COULDN'T HAVE ACTED
ALONE.
AND I KNOW THAT SHAQ DOESN'T FIT
IN THE SEATS AT KNOTT'S BERRY
FARM, BECAUSE HE TWEETED, AND I
QUOTE, "IM AT KNOTS BERRY FARMS
AND MY BUTTS 2 BIG 2 FIT IN THE
SEATS ON RIDE.
AHHHHHH, THAT'S ME YELLIN."
THAT WAS 15 YEARS AGO AND
IT'LL BE THE LAST THING I THINK
ABOUT BEFORE I DIE.
THE POINT IS, WE KNOW TOO MUCH
ABOUT EVERYONE ON EARTH, MAKING
IT INCREDIBLE THAT BRITISH
PEOPLE DON'T SEEM TO KNOW MUCH
ABOUT THE MAN ON THE VERGE OF
RUNNING THE 6TH LARGEST ECONOMY
IN THE WORLD.
TO THE EXTENT WE KNOW ANYTHING
ABOUT STARMER, IT'S THAT HE'S A
PRETTY BLAND CENTRIST.
PERHAPS THE PERFECT SYMBOL OF
THAT IS THE FACT HE UNVEILED HIS
PARTY'S MIDDLE-OF-THE-ROAD
PLATFORM EARLIER THIS MONTH
STANDING NEXT TO THE WORD
"CHANGE" IN THE SMALLEST FONT
IMAGINABLE.
HE'S ALSO DONE THINGS LIKE TELL
HIS CABINET MEMBERS THEY SHOULD
NOT BE ON PICKET LINES SHOWING
SUPPORT FOR STRIKING
RAILWORKERS, WHICH IS A LITTLE
HARD TO TAKE, GIVEN THEIR
PARTY'S NAME IS LITERALLY
"LABOUR."
AND ON A PERSONAL LEVEL, HE'S
BEEN REPEATEDLY CHALLENGED TO
COME UP WITH INTERESTING FACTS
ABOUT HIMSELF, AND SO FAR, HE'S
ONLY MANAGED TO COME UP WITH
ONE.
>> TELL US ONE INTERESTING OR
SURPRISING THING ABOUT YOURSELF
THAT WE DON'T ALREADY KNOW, BY
THE WAY.
>> OH, WELL, LOOK, I DID VIOLIN
LESSONS WITH FATBOY SLIM BACK IN
THE DAY AND --
>> IS THAT TRUE?
>> THAT'S ABSOLUTELY TRUE,
ABSOLUTELY TRUE.
>> John: I'LL ADMIT, THAT IS
DEFINITELY NOTABLE.
THOUGH IT'S NOT GREAT WHEN THE
MOST INTERESTING THING ABOUT YOU
IS "I WAS ONCE IN SCHOOL NEXT TO
SOMEONE MORE INTERESTING."
YEAH!
KEIR, WE ASSUMED THAT!
SO HOW ARE THE CONSERVATIVES AT
THE POINT WHERE THEY'RE ABOUT TO
HAVE THEIR ASSES HANDED TO THEM
BY FATBOY SLIM'S VIOLIN PARTNER?
WELL, THE ANSWER IS, EVERYTHING
THEY'VE DONE OVER THE LAST 14
YEARS -- IN WHICH TIME THEY'VE
HAD FIVE DIFFERENT PRIME
MINISTERS.
AND IT'S WORTH BRIEFLY
REVISITING ALL OF THEM.
AND LET'S START WITH, DAVID
CAMERON.
THREE-TIME WINNER OF "BRITAIN'S
LEAST LIPS."
HE TOOK OVER IN 2010, AT A TIME
WHEN BRITAIN WAS RUNNING RECORD
DEFICITS, AND CHOSE TO TACKLE
THAT THROUGH WHAT'S BEEN CALLED
"ONE OF THE BIGGEST DEFICIT
REDUCTION PROGRAMMES SEEN IN ANY
ADVANCED ECONOMY SINCE
WORLD WAR II."
AND WHILE MOST OF EUROPE CHOSE
TO RAISE TAXES BACK THEN,
CAMERON RELIED ON A PROGRAM OF
"AUSTERITY" -- ESSENTIALLY,
MAKING BRUTAL CUTS TO GOVERNMENT
SERVICES, AND ATTRIBUTING
BRITAIN'S STRUGGLES NOT TO THE
2008 FINANCIAL CRISIS, BUT TO
YEARS OF "FRIVOLOUS SPENDING"
UNDER LABOUR.
AND HE EXPLAINED HIS CUTS LIKE
THIS.
>> REDUCING SPENDING WILL BE
DIFFICULT.
THERE ARE PROGRAMS THAT WILL BE
CUT.
THERE ARE JOBS THAT WILL BE
LOST.
THERE ARE THINGS THE GOVERNMENT
DOES TODAY THAT IT WILL HAVE TO
STOP DOING.
MANY GOVERNMENT DEPARTMENTS WILL
HAVE THEIR BUDGETS CUT ON
AVERAGE 25% OVER FOUR YEARS.
>> John: NOW, WE WILL GET INTO
THE IMPACT THOSE CUTS HAD, BUT
BEFORE WE DO, LET'S ADDRESS WHAT
MIGHT'VE BEEN THE MOST SAVAGE
CUT OF ALL THERE, AND THAT'S THE
CAMERA CUT FROM DAVID CAMERON TO
THIS GUY.
IT'S STRANGE TO SUDDENLY SHOW
"THIS HAUNTED BUSINESS THUMB" AT
ALL, BUT ESPECIALLY RIGHT AFTER
DAVID CAMERON SAID, "THERE ARE
THINGS THE GOVERNMENT NEEDS TO
STOP DOING."
BUT MAYBE IT WAS STRATEGIC.
MAYBE THEY THOUGHT, "WE'RE
CUTTING PROGRAMS, PEOPLE WILL
LOSE THEIR JOBS, SO WHEN I SAY
THE GOVERNMENT IS GONNA STOP
DOING STUFF' MAKE SURE YOU CUT
TO WEIRD DAVE.
HE'S SO ODD LOOKING, PEOPLE
MIGHT THINK "OH!
IS THAT THE GOVERNMENT?"
I DEFINITELY WANT HIM TO STOP
DOING EVERYTHING HE'S DOING,
IMMEDIATELY.
TURN OFF THE LIGHTS AND PUT HIM
SOMEWHERE DAMP.
HE LOOKS LIKE A FAN OF THE
DAMP."
AND THOSE CUTS WERE BRUTAL.
IN THEIR FIRST TEN YEARS,
CENTRAL GOVERNMENT FUNDING FOR
LOCAL AUTHORITIES FELL BY AS
MUCH AS 40%.
AND THE WAY THEY WERE STRUCTURED
MEANT THAT THE MOST DEPRIVED
AREAS HAD TO CUT THEIR SPENDING
THE MOST.
AND POOR FAMILIES AND KIDS WERE
HIT HARDEST, AS CAMERON'S
MEASURES INCLUDED REDUCING
HOUSING BENEFITS, CUTTING GRANTS
TO PREGNANT WOMEN, AND BUT THE
AND FREEZING BENEFITS FOR
FAMILIES AS INFLATION WAS
RISING.
BUT THE MOVE THAT ULTIMATELY
DOOMED CAMERON WASN'T ANY OF
THAT.
IT WAS HIS DECISION TO APPEASE
EUROSKEPTIC MEMBERS OF HIS
PARTY, BY CALLING THE BREXIT
VOTE -- A DECISION ONE OF HIS
OWN CABINET MINISTERS HAS CALLED
"THE GREATEST BLUNDER EVER MADE
BY A BRITISH PRIME MINISTER."
AND THAT'S INCLUDING THIS LOOK.
BY THE WAY: BUZZ, BUZZ BITCH;
"THE BEE MOVIE" CALLED -- IT'S
2007 AND YOU HAVE SIX YEARS LEFT
TO LIVE.
THE IDEA WAS, THE BREXIT
REFERENDUM WOULD LAY TO REST THE
QUESTION OF WHETHER BRITAIN
SHOULD LEAVE THE EU.
AND THE INFURIATING THING IS,
CAMERON HIMSELF DIDN'T SUPPORT
BRITAIN LEAVING, AND ONLY CALLED
THE VOTE BECAUSE HE THOUGHT IT
WOULD FAIL.
BUT, OF COURSE, IT DIDN'T, AND
HE IMMEDIATELY RESIGNED IN
DISGRACE, LEAVING HIS SUCCESSOR,
THERESA MAY -- WHO'D ALSO
OPPOSED BREXIT -- TO DEAL WITH
THE MESS.
SHE SPENT THREE YEARS TRYING TO
HAMMER OUT A BREXIT DEAL, WHILE
ALSO OVERSEEING YET MORE
AUSTERITY MEASURES LIKE THE
SO-CALLED "TWO-CHILD CAP" WHICH
RESTRICTED THE CHILD TAX CREDIT
AND OTHER BENEFITS TO THE FIRST
TWO CHILDREN IN MOST HOUSEHOLDS.
SO EVEN IF YOU HAD FIVE KIDS,
YOU'D ONLY GET BENEFITS FOR TWO
OF THEM.
WHICH MAKES SENSE.
EVERYONE KNOWS THAT AFTER THE
THIRD KID, THEY DON'T REALLY
HAVE TO EAT.
AND MAY WASN'T EXACTLY A
CHARISMATIC LEADER.
>> BEYOND WESTMINSTER, DESPITE
HER ATTEMPTS TO LAUGH AT
HERSELF, THERESA MAY NEVER
REALLY CONNECTED WITH THE
PUBLIC.
>> A PUBLIC SECTOR WORK --
>> SHE WAS ALSO WEAKENED BY
EPISODES LIKE THE PARTY
CONFERENCE SPEECH, WHERE
EVERYTHING THAT COULD GO WRONG
DID GO WRONG.
>> WELL, BEFORE HER DECISION TO
STEP DOWN, CRITICS SAID THE
WHEELS WERE COMING OFF HER
LEADERSHIP.
>> John: I'VE GOT TO SAY,
IT'S A PRETTY BAD SIGN
WHEN YOU'RE LITERALLY STANDING
IN FRONT OF A PRETTY BAD SIGN.
ULTIMATELY, MAY COULDN'T HAMMER
OUT A BREXIT DEAL HER PARTY
WOULD SUPPORT, SO SHE GAVE WAY
TO THIS FUCKING GUY, WHOSE TIME
IN OFFICE WAS A TOTAL SHAMBLES.
BECAUSE WHILE HE DID FINALLY GET
A BREXIT DEAL DONE, AND BRITAIN
LEFT THE EU ON JANUARY 31, 2020
-- THAT WAS THE EXACT SAME DAY
BRITAIN'S FIRST CASES OF THE
CORONAVIRUS WERE ANNOUNCED.
AND BORIS'S HANDLING OF COVID
WAS AN UNMITIGATED DISASTER.
AT FIRST, HE REPORTEDLY
DISMISSED IT AS "THE NEW SWINE
FLU" AND "JUST A SCARE STORY,"
WITH ONE OF HIS ADVISERS SAYING
HE SEEMED TO THINK "COVID IS
JUST NATURE'S WAY OF DEALING
WITH OLD PEOPLE."
ONE OF BORIS'S TOP AIDES,
DOMINIC CUMMINGS, LATER
TESTIFIED ABOUT JUST HOW BADLY
THE GOVERNMENT HANDLED COVID, IN
A HEARING FEATURING READINGS
FROM MESSAGES HE'D SENT AT THE
TIME.
>> YOU CALLED MINISTERS,
"USELESS [BLEEP], MORONS,
[BLEEP] IN EMAILS AND WHATSAPPS
TO YOUR PROFESSIONAL COLLEAGUES.
DO YOU FEEL THAT YOU EXPRESSED
YOUR VIEWS TOO TRENCHANTLY, THAT
YOUR OPINION OF MINISTERS AND OF
THE CABINET OVERSTATED THE
POSITION?
>> NO.
I WOULD SAY, IF ANYTHING, IT
UNDERSTATED THE POSITION, AS
EVENTS SHOWED IN 2020.
>> John: JUST TO BE CLEAR, WHAT
WAS BLEEPED THERE WAS CUMMINGS
CALLING HIS COLLEAGUES "USELESS
FUCKPIGS" AND "CUNTS."
AND THAT IS COMPLETELY UNFAIR.
NOT THE "CUNT" PART.
THAT DOES APPLY.
I'M TALKING ABOUT THE TERM
"FUCKPIGS."
BECAUSE FOR THE RECORD, THERE'S
ONLY BEEN ONE ACTUAL FUCKPIG IN
DOWNING STREET, AND THAT'S DAVID
CAMERON, WHOSE UNAUTHORIZED
BIOGRAPHY -- LEST WE FORGET --
TOLD US THAT, AS A STUDENT AT
OXFORD, HE APPARENTLY ONCE PUT
HIS DICK IN A DEAD PIG'S MOUTH.
AND THE THING IS, HE PROBABLY
WOULD'VE GOTTEN AWAY WITH IT, IF
SOMEONE HADN'T SQUEALED.
NOT THE PIG, OF COURSE.
THE PIG COULDN'T SQUEAL, IT WAS
DEAD.
PLUS, ITS MOUTH WAS FULL.
DAVID CAMERON PUT HIS DICK IN A
DEAD PIG'S MOUTH.
NOW ULTIMATELY, JOHNSON WAS
UNDONE BY A SERIES OF SCANDALS,
INCLUDING HIS EFFORTS TO COVER
UP PARTIES HIS GOVERNMENT
REPEATEDLY HELD DURING THE
PANDEMIC, IN VIOLATION OF HIS
OWN LOCKDOWN RULES.
SO HE THEN GAVE WAY TO LIZ
TRUSS, WHO HAD THE SHORTEST
TENURE OF ANY BRITISH PRIME
MINISTER IN HISTORY.
WE'VE TALKED BEFORE ABOUT HER
DISASTROUS PROPOSED BUDGET FULL
OF TAX CUTS FOR THE RICH, WHICH
CAUSED A MINI ECONOMIC CRISIS,
AND HER WEIRD SPEAKING STYLE, SO
THERE'S REALLY NOT MUCH POINT IN
EVEN SHOWING YOU A CLIP OF HER.
BUT GIVEN HOW WEIRD SHE WAS, I'M
JUST GOING TO GO AHEAD AND DO IT
ANYWAY.
>> MY MOTHER TOOK ME ON
PROTESTS.
I WENT ON MARCHES.
I MADE BANNERS.
I STAYED AT PEACE CAMPS.
>> John: WHAT IS HAPPENING
THERE?
SHE SPEAKS LIKE A KINDERGARTEN
TEACHER DURING STORYTIME BUT
WITH NO BOOK, NO PAGE TURNING,
AND, CRUCIALLY, NO
KINDERGARTENERS.
SHE'S LIKE IF "HOLD FOR
APPLAUSE" WAS A PERSON.
ANYWAY, TRUSS WAS GONE IN LESS
THAN TWO MONTHS, WHICH FINALLY
BRINGS US BACK TO SUNAK THE WET,
A MAN WHO LITERALLY DOESN'T HAVE
THE SENSE TO COME IN FROM THE
RAIN.
AND LOOK, IT'S OBJECTIVELY FUN
TO LOOK BACK AT WHAT A
COLLECTION OF WEIRDOS RAN
BRITAIN FOR YEARS.
BUT IT GETS CONSIDERABLY LESS
FUN WHEN YOU LOOK AT WHAT THEY
DID TO THE COUNTRY.
AND LET'S START WITH THE MOST
OBVIOUS CALAMITY, AND THAT'S
BREXIT.
THE PITCH FOR IT WAS THAT IT'D
FREE BRITISH BUSINESS OF
EUROPE'S ONEROUS RESTRICTIONS.
BUT INSTEAD, WHAT WOUND UP
HAPPENING WAS, FOR U.K.
BUSINESSES LOOKING TO TRADE WITH
EUROPE, THE RED TAPE HAS
ACTUALLY MULTIPLED
EXPONENTIALLY.
>> REMEMBER, WHEN WE WERE PART
OF THE SINGLE MARKET, YOU COULD
THROW A BOX OF TEA OR A PACKET
OF BANGERS INTO THE BACK OF A
VAN IN BIRMINGHAM AND JUST DRIVE
IT TO BARCELONA, OR BONN, OR
BRUSSELS WITHOUT LET OR
HINDRANCE.
NOW YOU CAN'T DO THAT.
>> WE WERE TOLD THAT WE WOULD
HAVE THE MOST AMAZING DEAL.
WE'RE GOING TO GET OUR
SOVEREIGNTY AND WE WERE GOING TO
KEEP ALL THE ADVANTAGES OF BEING
IN THE EU.
AS A BUSINESS, WE WERE DUMB
ENOUGH TO BELIEVE THAT.
COME JANUARY LAST YEAR, WE GOT
AN ORDER FROM ITALY, WE SHIPPED
IT, AS NORMAL, THINKING THERE'LL
BE A LITTLE BIT OF PAPERWORK AND
WE'LL FIGURE IT OUT.
AND IT SAT FOR 12 WEEKS IN
DIFFERENT CUSTOMS' HOUSES.
SO, THE REALITY WAS VERY
DIFFERENT.
>> John: YEAH, THAT SOUNDS LIKE
A TOTAL MESS.
BUT I JUST WANT TO GO BACK TO
THAT GUY NAMING CITIES, BECAUSE
I REALLY DIDN'T WANT HIM TO
EVER STOP.
"YOU COULD THROW A BOX OF TEA OR
A PACKET OF BANGERS INTO THE
BACK OF A VAN IN BIRMINGHAM AND
DRIVE IT TO BARCELONA, OR BONN,
OR BRUSSELS OR BRATISLAVA OR
BERN OR BUCHAREST OR BUDAPEST OR
BELFAST OR BERLIN OR MAYBE AS
FAR AWAY AS BERGEN OR BILBAO.
OR BREST OR BOLOGNA OR EVEN
CIRCLE BACK THROUGH
BADHOEVEDORP.
YOU COULD JUST DRIVE."
THE POINT IS, TRADING WITH THE
EU IS NOW SO ONEROUS, LOTS OF
U.K. BUSINESSES -- LIKE THAT
WOMAN'S -- HAVE OPTED TO
RELOCATE INTO MAINLAND EUROPE,
WHICH IS NOT GOOD NEWS FOR THE
U.K., AND HELPS EXPLAIN WHY BUT
WHILE BREXIT'S THE STORY THAT
COSTING THE U.K. ECONOMY FOR ONE
BRILLIANT POUNDS PER YEAR.
THE STORY THAT MADE
INTERNATIONAL NEWS,
AUSTERITY MIGHT BE THE MORE
INSIDIOUS LEGACY OF CAMERON AND
HIS SUCCESSORS.
BECAUSE IT HAS, IN SO MANY WAYS,
OBLITERATED THE SOCIAL SAFETY
NET.
TAKE THE NHS -- THE U.K.'S
HEALTHCARE SYSTEM.
YEARS OF UNDERINVESTMENT HAVE
LEFT IT GUTTED AND UNDERSTAFFED.
JUST WATCH AS THE FATHER OF A
SICK CHILD TRIED UNSUCCESSFULLY
TO CONVEY THIS TO BORIS JOHNSON
BACK WHEN HE WAS PM.
>> THERE ARE NOT ENOUGH PEOPLE
ON THIS WARD, THERE ARE NOT
ENOUGH DOCTORS, NOT ENOUGH
NURSES.
IT'S NOT WELL ORGANIZED ENOUGH.
>> RIGHT.
>> THE NHS HAS BEEN DESTROYED.
>> RIGHT.
>> IT'S BEEN DESTROYED.
IT'S BEEN DESTROYED AND NOW YOU
COME HERE FOR A PRESS
OPPORTUNITY.
>> WELL, ACTUALLY, THERE'S NO
PRESS HERE.
>> WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE'S NO
PRESS HERE?
THEN WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
>> John: WHAT AN AMAZING LIE TO
EVEN TRY AND GET AWAY WITH.
THE THING ABOUT DENYING THE
PRESS IS THERE IS, THE PRESS
TENDS TO CATCH YOU DOING THAT,
BECAUSE THE PRESS IS FUCKING
THERE!
BUT THAT MAN'S ANGER WAS
JUSTIFIED.
WAITLISTS FOR NHS TREATMENT
HAVE EXPLODED -- MORE THAN 7.5
MILLION PEOPLE ARE WAITING FOR
NON-EMERGENCY TREATMENT.
THAT'S UP FROM 2 MILLION WHEN
CONSERVATIVES FIRST TOOK OFFICE.
IT'S GOTTEN TO THE POINT WHERE
SIGNIFICANT NUMBERS OF BRITISH
PEOPLE ARE NOW GOING TO EUROPE
AND PAYING OUT OF POCKET TO GET
TREATMENT.
THIS SURGEON IN LITHUANIA
APPARENTLY HAS A BOOMING
BUSINESS TREATING BRITISH
PATIENTS.
>> LAST YEAR, WE DID ABOUT
400-SOMETHING, 500, MAYBE,
SURGERIES.
AND ABOUT 80%, THEY ARE FROM
U.K.
>> PEOPLE FROM THE U.K.
COME, BECAUSE OF THE WAITING
TIME.
>> AND ALSO, EXCELLENT QUALITY
HERE, OF COURSE.
>> John: OKAY, FIRST, I DON'T
KNOW WHAT'S MORE SURPRISING
THERE: THE CHEERFUL HAMMERING,
OR THE FACT HE'S DOING IT IN THE
MIDDLE OF AN INTERVIEW.
BUT THE FACT 80% OF HIS PATIENTS
ARE NOW FROM THE U.K. IS
STAGGERING.
THE ONLY FOREIGNERS I EXPECT TO
BE FLOCKING TO LITHUANIA EN
MASSE ARE PEOPLE FROM NEW JERSEY
WANTING TO SEE THIS ACTUAL TONY
SOPRANO STATUE.
THAT IS REAL.
IT'S IN A TRAIN STATION IN THEIR
CAPITAL.
HERE IT IS FROM ANOTHER ANGLE!
THE THING IS HUGE!
AND, MUCH LIKE HUNDREDS OF
BRITISH ORTHOPEDIC PATIENTS, IT
DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE THAT IT'S
SUDDENLY IN LITHUANIA!
BUT IT'S NOT JUST THE NHS.
THE TORIES HAVE LITERALLY
STARVED THE COUNTRY.
IN 2010, THE LARGEST NETWORK OF
FOOD BANKS IN BRITAIN OPERATED
JUST 35 NATIONWIDE.
TODAY IT RUNS MORE THAN 1,300.
AND 20% OF PEOPLE
REFERRED TO THEIR FOOD BANKS ARE
IN WORKING HOUSEHOLDS.
MEANWHILE, "MORE THAN 800,000
PATIENTS WERE ADMITTED TO
HOSPITAL WITH MALNUTRITION AND
NUTRITIONAL DEFICIENCIES LAST
YEAR, WITH DOCTORS EVEN SEEING
CASES OF "BRITISH FIVE-YEAR-OLDS
SCURVY AND RICKETS.
"BRITISH FIVE-YEAR-OLDS
ARE NOW A FULL CENTIMETER
SHORTER THAN THEY WERE IN 2010."
AND IT'S PRETTY HARD FOR
CONSERVATIVES TO SAY THEY'RE
WORKING TOWARD THE FUTURE GROWTH
OF BRITAIN, WHEN ITS FUTURE
GENERATIONS ARE QUITE LITERALLY
SHRINKING.
THE UNENDING PARADE OF AUSTERITY
CUTS HAS RELENTLESSLY HARMED THE
MOST VULNERABLE IN BRITAIN.
TAKE ALEXANDER DOODLE, WHO HAS
MULTIPLE DISABILITIES, INCLUDING
A DEGENERATIVE CONDITION IN
THEIR HANDS AND FEET.
A FEW YEARS BACK, THEY INVITED A
CAMERA CREW TO SEE THE IMPACT
THAT CUTS TO THINGS THE
GOVERNMENT USED TO PROVIDE --
LIKE HOME HEALTH AIDES,
PRESCRIPTION DRUGS, AND
ACCESSIBLE HOUSING -- HAD HAD ON
THEM.
>> IT JUST FEELS LIKE EVERY AREA
HAS BEEN INFECTED BY CUTS.
THE GOVERNMENT CHANGED THINGS ON
SOME OF YOUR PRESCRIPTION STUFF,
SO AT ONE POINT, I WAS HAVING TO
PAY FOR FOUR OR FIVE MEDICATIONS
AND I'M JUST NOT BUYING THEM
ANYMORE.
I CAN'T AFFORD IT.
AGAIN, BECAUSE OF FUNDING CUTS,
THERE'S THIS HUGE WAITING LIST
FOR A WHEELCHAIR, AN ELECTRIC
WHEELCHAIR, WHICH IS KIND OF
FUNDAMENTAL FOR DISABLED PEOPLE
TO BE ABLE TO GET ABOUT.
AND SO THEN, I SOLD MY TV AND I
HAD A SECONDHAND LAPTOP THAT I
SOLD AND I HAD A LITTLE YARD
SALE AT THE FRONT, JUST TRYING
TO SELL ITEMS AND CUTLERY AND
PLATES AND STUFF AND IT WAS
STILL NOWHERE NEAR ENOUGH.
>> John: THAT IS APPALLING.
THEY'RE HAVING TO
SELL THEIR FUCKING FORKS TO
SURVIVE.
AND NOW, WHEN YOU THINK BACK TO
DAVID CAMERON BLITHELY SAYING
"THERE ARE THINGS THE GOVERNMENT
DOES TODAY THAT IT WILL HAVE TO
STOP DOING," IT MAKES ME EVEN
MADDER AT BOTH HIM AND MP
SLENDERMAN HERE.
BUT THAT IS THE NATURAL ENDPOINT
OF AUSTERITY RIGHT THERE:
PUNISHING PEOPLE FOR
CIRCUMSTANCES COMPLETELY BEYOND
THEIR CONTROL.
AND SUNAK IS NOW PROMISING TO
INTRODUCE WHAT HE CALLS THE NEXT
GENERATION OF WELFARE REFORMS,
INCLUDING YET MORE CUTS,
JUSTIFYING IT BY SAYING, "I
WORRY VERY MUCH ABOUT BENEFITS
BECOMING A LIFESTYLE CHOICE."
WHICH IS A RICH FUCKING
STATEMENT FROM A RICH FUCKING
MAN WHO'D PROBABLY GO INTO
ANAPHYLACTIC SHOCK IF HE EVER
HAD TO FLY COACH.
AND THE THING IS, NONE OF THIS
WAS INEVITABLE.
THE TORIES WILL ARGUE THEY'VE
FACED HEADWINDS OF FINANCIAL
CRISES AND A PANDEMIC -- BUT
OTHER COUNTRIES HAD THAT TOO,
BUT MADE DIFFERENT CHOICES, AND
AS A RESULT, ON A PER PERSON
BASIS, ECONOMIC GROWTH HAS BEEN
SLOWER IN THE U.K. THAN IN THE
U.S. AND THE EU SINCE THE 2008
FINANCIAL CRISIS.
SO IT'S NO WONDER BRITONS WANT A
CHANGE.
AND PERSONALLY, I'D WANT THE
CHANGES TO BE A BIT MORE
SWEEPING THAN WHAT STARMER'S
CURRENTLY PROPOSING, WHICH IS
MAINTAINING CONSERVATIVE TAX AND
SPENDING PLANS UNTIL GROWTH
RETURNS, AND KEEPING THE
TWO-CHILD BENEFIT CAP.
THAT JUST ISN'T THE KIND OF
BOLD POLITICAL COURAGE I'D
LIKE TO SEE FROM SOMEONE WHO
TOOK VIOLIN LESSONS WITH FATBOY
SLIM.
AND IT DOES SAY SOMETHING THAT
EVEN AS STARMER APPEARS POISED
TO SWEEP INTO OFFICE IN A
LANDSLIDE, BRITONS DON'T SEEM
THAT FIRED UP BY HIM.
>> SO, IF YOU HAD TO DESCRIBE
KEIR'S CAMPAIGN IN ONE WORD.
>> DULL.
>> NO ONE REALLY CARES, BECAUSE
WE ALL KNOW HE'S GOING TO WIN.
SO, HE KIND OF GETS A FREE PASS
ON MOST STUFF.
>> THERE SEEMS TO BE A LOT OF
SHRUGS GOING ON AT THE MOMENT,
BUT MAYBE THAT'S JUST WHERE WE
ARE AS A COUNTRY.
>> John: YEAH, MAYBE THAT'S
TRUE.
AND AFTER EVERYTHING YOU'VE SEEN
TONIGHT, YOU CAN PROBABLY
UNDERSTAND WHY PEOPLE ARE MUCH
MORE CONCERNED ABOUT WHO'S
LEAVING THAN WHO'S COMING NEXT.
IF A WILD BADGER BROKE INTO YOUR
HOME AND FUCKED EVERYTHING UP
FOR 14 STRAIGHT YEARS, TEARING
EVERYTHING APART, YOU CAN ARGUE
ABOUT REDECORATING CHOICES
LATER, RIGHT NOW, THAT BADGER'S
GOT TO FUCKING GO.
AND I WILL SAY, IF THE U.K.
CAN SUCCESSFULLY RID ITSELF OF
THE TORIES NEXT MONTH, THAT'S
NOT CAUSE FOR A SHRUG, THAT'S
CAUSE FOR A CELEBRATION.
AND I KNOW THAT CELEBRATION'S
NOT SOMETHING THAT COMES
NATURALLY TO BRITONS.
THE COUNTRY'S MOST FAMOUS
MOTIVATIONAL SLOGAN IS "KEEP
CALM AND CARRY ON" AND EVEN
THAT MORALE BOOSTER BASICALLY
AMOUNTED TO, "I KNOW YOU'RE
ABOUT TO DIE, BUT THERE'S NO
NEED TO MAKE A SCENE."
THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO GET US
THROUGH WORLD WAR II!
BUT IF BRITAIN CAN EXTRICATE
ITSELF FROM THE PARTY WHOSE
UNREMITTING CRUELTY HAS STAINED
THE LAST DECADE AND A HALF OF
BRITISH LIFE, THAT DOES DESERVE
TO BE MARKED.
AND I KNOW DANCING IN THE STREET
DOESN'T REALLY FIT WITH THE
BRITISH CHARACTER.
SO INSTEAD, WHY NOT CELEBRATE
WHAT'S HOPEFULLY ABOUT TO HAPPEN
WITH THE MOST BRITISH SYMBOL
IMAGINABLE: A RAINSTORM.
♪ ♪
BECAUSE ON JULY 4, BRITAIN HAS
A CHANCE TO WASH ITSELF CLEAN OF
14 MISERABLE YEARS OF
CONSERVATIVE RULE.
AND IT'S A CHANCE IT SIMPLY MUST
TAKE.
IF I MAY QUOTE BILL PULLMAN,
YELLING ABOUT ALIENS, IF WE DO
THIS, "THE 4TH OF JULY WILL NO
LONGER BE KNOWN AS JUST AN
AMERICAN HOLIDAY, BUT ALSO AS
THE DAY WHEN BRITAIN LOOKED AT
THE CONSERVATIVES WHO'VE DRIVEN
THE ENTIRE COUNTRY INTO A DITCH,
AND SAID IN ONE VOICE, LOUD AND
CLEAR, FUCK OFF INTO THE SUN,
YOU CUNTS, FUCKPIGS, AND
WEIRDOS.
YOU TOSSERS, WANKERS,
DICKSPLASHES, AND COCKWOMBLES.
IF BRITAIN STANDS TOGETHER, THIS
JULY THE 4TH, IT WILL FINALLY
CELEBRATE ITS INDEPENDENCE DAY.
THAT'S OUR SHOW.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR WATCHING.
WE'RE OFF FOR THE NEXT FEW
WEEKS, BACK JULY 21ST.
GOOD NIGHT!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
GIVE US FREEDOM!
WASH THESE FUCKERS AWAY!
WASH THEM AWAY!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
♪ ♪