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♪ ♪

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♪ ♪

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[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

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John: WELCOME, WELCOME,

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WELCOME TO "LAST WEEK TONIGHT."

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I'M JOHN OLIVER.

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THANKS SO MUCH FOR JOINING US.

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WE'RE BACK!

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WE'VE BEEN AWAY FOR NEARLY A

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MONTH, BUT LUCKILY, WE DIDN'T

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MISS MUCH.

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THE UK KICKED THE TORIES OUT

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AFTER 14 YEARS, FRANCE NARROWLY

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MANAGED TO KEEP THE FAR RIGHT

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OUT OF POWER.

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AND KENDRICK LAMAR RELEASED THE

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VIDEO FOR THE SPECTACULARLY

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HOSTILE "NOT LIKE US" ON THE

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FOURTH OF JULY, AND THAT'S THE

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END OF THE GOOD THINGS THAT

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HAPPENED.

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BECAUSE THERE WAS ALSO A

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CATASTROPHIC DEBATE WHERE BIDEN

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GAVE A PERFORMANCE THAT, IN ANY

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OTHER CONTEXT, WOULD HAVE

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PROMPTED A FAMILY GROUP CHAT

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ABOUT GRANDPA'S MENTAL STATE SO

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TENSE IT'D RIVAL 2010'S MELTDOWN

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OVER THE QUESTION,

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"WHY DON'T WE HAVE A VEGAN

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THANKSGIVING THIS YEAR?"

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ALSO, NOTABLY,

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TRUMP GOT SHOT IN THE EAR, THEN

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BIDEN SAID HE'D CONSIDER

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DROPPING OUT IF HE HAD A MEDICAL

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CONDITION JUST BEFORE IT WAS

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ANNOUNCED THAT HE'D GOT COVID.

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THE NEWS IS MOVING SO FAST,

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WE'RE TAPING ON SATURDAY, AND

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WHO KNOWS WHERE THINGS WILL BE

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BY THE TIME YOU ACTUALLY WATCH

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THIS?

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WE DON'T EVEN HAVE TIME TO GET

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INTO THE POSSIBLE ATTEMPT AT A

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MILITARY COUP IN BOLIVIA AFTER

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SOLDIERS RAMMED THE DOORS OF THE

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PRESIDENTIAL PALACE-- AN

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INCIDENT THAT LED ONE LOCAL

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SANDWICH SHOP TO PRODUCE THIS

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BOLD PROMOTION:

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THIS IS THE MOMENT TO MAKE

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THE MOST OF THE PROMO FOR YOUR

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LIST OF STAPLE FOODS.

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MAKE THE MOST OF THIS PROMO.

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IF YOU PLACE YOUR ORDER

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MENTIONING YOU WANT TO STOCK UP

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FOR THE NEXT COUP, AS A GIFT

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WILL ADD AN EXTRA CRUNCHY PORK

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RIND!

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John: THAT IS REAL!

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THEY LAUNCHED A COUP-THEMED

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PROMOTION TO SELL MORE

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SANDWICHES, A LEVEL OF "TURNING

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NATIONAL INSTABILITY INTO A

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FAST-FOOD OPPORTUNITY" THAT

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SHOULD FRANKLY PUT AMERICA TO

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SHAME.

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WHERE THE FUCK IS PIZZA HUT'S

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POST ASSASSINATION-ATTEMPT

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STUFFED CRUST SPECIAL?

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THIS COUNTRY IS COASTING.

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WE USED TO BE GOOD AT THIS!

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BUT WE'RE GOING TO JUMP RIGHT IN

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TO OUR MAIN STORY TONIGHT, WHICH

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CONCERNS THE REPUBLICAN NATIONAL

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CONVENTION-- THE WORST THING TO

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HAPPEN TO MILWAUKEE SINCE

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JEFFREY DAHMER.

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THIS WEEK SAW THE USUAL PAGEANT

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OF PROMINENT POLITICIANS

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ONSTAGE AND ABJECT WEIRDOS IN

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AUDIENCE, FROM ATTENDEES WEARING

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BANDAGES ON THEIR EARS TO MATCH

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TRUMP'S, TO THIS GUY CRASHING A

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REPORTER'S SHOT IN A "WHERE IS

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THE EPSTEIN CLIENT LIST?"

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T-SHIRT TO THIS WOMAN IN A

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"BRIDE TO BE" SASH, HAVING THE

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MOST CURSED BACHELORETTE PARTY

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IN EXISTENCE.

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IT FEELS LIKE SHE TOLD HER

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BRIDESMAIDS SHE WANTED TO SEE A

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BUNCH OF DICKS ON STAGE, AND

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THEY TRAGICALLY MISUNDERSTOOD

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THE ASSIGNMENT.

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ALTHOUGH TO BE FAIR, IF ANYTHING

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SCREAMS "LAST NIGHT OF FREEDOM",

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IT IS THE REPUBLICAN NATIONAL

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CONVENTION.

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THERE WAS ALSO HULK HOGAN

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TEARING HIS SHIRT OFF,

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KID ROCK SCREAM-SINGING TO A

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CROWD THAT WAS EITHER NOT INTO

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IT OR "WAY" TOO INTO IT, AND A

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SPEECH FROM PERRY JOHNSON, A

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FAILED PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE

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FROM MICHIGAN, WHO PUT HIS ALL

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INTO RALLYING THE CROWD, ONLY TO

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BE PLAYED OFF BY THE BAND WITH

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THE BEST POSSIBLE SONG CHOICE.

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PRESIDENT TRUMP IS READY TO

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SAVE OUR COUNTRY!

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TO MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN

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AGAIN!

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I AM READY TO DO WHATEVER IS

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NECESSARY TO GET TRUMP BACK IN

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THE WHITE HOUSE.

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ARE YOU WITH ME?

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YES, YES, YES, YES!

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TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP!

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LET'S DO IT!

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♪ SOMEBODY ONCE TOLD ME ♪

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♪ THE WORLD IS GOING TO ROLL

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ME ♪

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♪ I AIN'T THE SHARPEST TOOL IN

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THE SHED ♪

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John: YEAH, HE GOT SMASH

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MOUTHED!

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AND WHILE THERE'S NEVER A GOOD

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TIME TO PLAY THAT SONG, THE

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FUNNIEST TIME FOR THE LYRIC "NOT

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THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED"

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IS IMMEDIATELY FOLLOWING A

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PRO-TRUMP SPEECH BY

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A MAN WHO APPARENTLY SHOWED BOTH

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HIS PLASTIC SURGEON AND HAIR

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STYLIST A PHOTO OF

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HOLLAND TAYLOR AND SAID, "THIS,

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PLEASE."

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NOW, GOING INTO THE WEEK, WE

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WERE REPEATEDLY TOLD THAT-- IN

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THE WAKE OF THE ASSASSINATION

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ATTEMPT ON TRUMP-- WE SHOULD

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EXPECT SOMETHING VERY DIFFERENT

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FROM THIS CONVENTION.

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TRUMP CLAIMS THE MOMENT HAS

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NOW CHANGED HIM.

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HE SAYS HE'LL ADOPT A DIFFERENT

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TONE GOING FORWARD IN THIS

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CAMPAIGN.

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THIS IS GOING TO BE A

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DIFFERENT TONE.

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SPEAK OF THE ATTACK ON TRUMP HAS

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CHANGE THE STORY LINE AND THE

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TONE OF THE CONVENTION WITH THE

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FORMER PRESIDENT CALLING FOR

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UNITY.

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John: YEAH, BUT THAT WAS

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NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN.

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BECAUSE YOU EXPECT TO SEE

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CERTAIN THINGS AT THE RNC--

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ELEPHANT LOGOS,

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COWBOY HATS, A MASSIVE SPIKE IN

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GRINDR USAGE-- BUT

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"A MESSAGE OF UNITY" IS NOT

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SOMETHING TRADITIONALLY

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ASSOCIATED WITH THAT EVENT OR

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INDEED, THIS MAN.

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AND UNSURPRISINGLY,

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THE R-N-C WAS IN NO WAY TONED

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DOWN.

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THE DEMOCRATS' DISASTROUS

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RECORD ON CRIME, TRADE, AND

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REGULATION HAS RUINED THE LIVES

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OF COUNTLESS MINNESOTANS.

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THEY ARE AND DROP

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DONATING THEM WITH POISONOUS

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ATTITUDES OF RACE AND GENDER.

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WE'VE BECOME TOTALLY UNHINGED

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IF DONALD TRUMP IS NOT ELECTED

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IN NOVEMBER.

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[LAUGHTER]

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John: OKAY.

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THAT WAS ALL AWFUL, BUT THAT

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LAST CAMERA CUT IS JUST

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SPECTACULAR.

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IF YOU'D ASKED ME,

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"WHAT'S NEXT TO THIS GUY, JUST

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OUT OF THE FRAME?" AND GAVE ME A

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THOUSAND GUESSES, THERE IS NO

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WAY I'M SAYING,

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"A LUMPY BULLDOG LOUNGING IN AN

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ARMCHAIR LIKE IT'S BEING

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INTERVIEWED AT THE 92ND

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STREET Y."

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AND DON'T DRAG A

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BULLDOG TO THE RNC.

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LIFE'S HARD ENOUGH FOR THEM.

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TO HAVE THE SOUL OF A WOLF

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TRAPPED INSIDE THE BODY OF

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WRINKLY BOWLING BALL?

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TO BE INBRED OVER CENTURIES INTO

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THE PERFECT GENETIC CAR CRASH?

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THAT DOG DOESN'T DESERVE TO BE

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MADE INTO A PROP AT THE RNC.

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IT DESERVES A RAWHIDE BONE AND

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AN APOLOGY FROM HUMANITY.

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AND THAT WAS ALL BEFORE WE GOT

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TO TRUMP'S BONKERS

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90-MINUTE-PLUS

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SPEECH ON THURSDAY, IN WHICH HE

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INITIALLY PROMISED HE WAS

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RUNNING TO BE "PRESIDENT OF ALL

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OF AMERICA, NOT HALF OF

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AMERICA", BUT QUICKLY WENT OFF

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PROMPTER TO RANT ABOUT "CRAZY

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NANCY PELOSI" AND THE "CHINA

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VIRUS", AND REPEATEDLY SUGGEST

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THE 2020 ELECTION WAS STOLEN.

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BUT THE BIG THEME HE, AND SO

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MANY OTHER SPEAKERS KEPT

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RETURNING TO THIS WEEK WAS THIS:

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WE HAVE TO STOP THE INVASION

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INTO OUR COUNTRY THAT IS KILLING

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HUNDREDS AND THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE

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A YEAR.

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BIDEN HAS WELCOMED INTO OUR

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COUNTRY RAPISTS, MURDERERS, EVEN

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TERRORISTS.

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WE ARE FACING AN

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UNPRECEDENTED INVASION OF

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MILLIONS OF ILLEGAL ALIENS

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ACROSS OUR SOUTHERN BORDER.

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IT LOOKS LIKE AND IT FEELS

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LIKE AN INVASION BECAUSE IT IS.

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WE ARE FACING AN INVASION ON

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OUR SOUTHERN BORDER.

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NOT FIGURATIVELY.

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A LITERAL INVASION.

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John: I DO NOT LIKE THAT MAN

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TED CRUZ.

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I DO NOT LIKE HIS TOXIC VIEWS.

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I DO NOT LIKE HIS NASTY

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SPEECHES.

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I DO NOT LIKE THE SHIT HE

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PREACHES.

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I DO NOT LIKE HIM

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WHEN HE FISHES.

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I DO NOT LIKE HIM

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WHEN HE KISSES.

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PULLING OFF THAT BEARD, HE

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AIN'T.

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THAT MAN TED CRUZ LOOKS LIKE A

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TAINT.

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AND I WILL SAY...

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I KNOW THE REPUBLICAN PARTY GETS

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A LOT OF SHIT FOR ONLY LANDING

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D-LIST CELEBRITIES.

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BUT I DO HAVE TO HAND IT TO

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THEM, BOOKING THE ACTUAL PAIR

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FROM THE AMERICAN GOTHIC

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00:08:00,447 --> 00:08:01,481
PAINTING WAS A PRETTY GOOD GET.

263
00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:02,015
AND LOOK: IT'S NO ACCIDENT

264
00:08:02,015 --> 00:08:02,749
REPUBLICANS WERE FOCUSING SO

265
00:08:02,749 --> 00:08:03,450
HARD ON IMMIGRATION-- RECENT

266
00:08:03,450 --> 00:08:03,850
POLLING SHOWS IT'S

267
00:08:03,850 --> 00:08:04,951
THE SECOND MOST IMPORTANT ISSUE

268
00:08:04,951 --> 00:08:07,053
AMONG AMERICANS.

269
00:08:07,053 --> 00:08:08,054
BUT A BIG REASON FOR THAT IS THE

270
00:08:08,054 --> 00:08:12,692
RELENTLESS, BAD-FAITH

271
00:08:12,692 --> 00:08:14,728
FEARMONGERING AROUND THE ISSUE

272
00:08:14,728 --> 00:08:16,496
BY THE REPUBLICAN PARTY ITSELF.

273
00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:17,530
PERHAPS BEST SUMMED UP BY THE

274
00:08:17,530 --> 00:08:18,331
STARTLING GROWTH THIS YEAR OF

275
00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:18,865
THE TOXIC PHRASE "MIGRANT

276
00:08:18,865 --> 00:08:20,033
CRIME".

277
00:08:20,033 --> 00:08:21,234
STARTING IN LATE JANUARY, FOX

278
00:08:21,234 --> 00:08:22,502
BEGAN USING IT A LOT, AND ALWAYS

279
00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:23,003
TO BUILD A VERY SPECIFIC

280
00:08:23,003 --> 00:08:27,374
NARRATIVE.

281
00:08:27,374 --> 00:08:31,011
CONCERNS OF A MIGRANT CRIME

282
00:08:31,011 --> 00:08:32,145
WAVE ARE GROWING ACROSS

283
00:08:32,145 --> 00:08:32,479
NEW YORK CITY.

284
00:08:32,479 --> 00:08:34,214
EVERY THIRD DAY THERE IS A

285
00:08:34,214 --> 00:08:36,182
STORY OF SOME KIND OF MIGRANT

286
00:08:36,182 --> 00:08:36,383
CRIME.

287
00:08:36,383 --> 00:08:38,251
THERE IS A MIGRANT CRIME

288
00:08:38,251 --> 00:08:39,986
SPREE KILLING THE AMERICANS AND

289
00:08:39,986 --> 00:08:41,087
THE PRESIDENT IS AN ACCESSORY TO

290
00:08:41,087 --> 00:08:41,321
MURDER.

291
00:08:41,321 --> 00:08:41,955
John: YEAH.

292
00:08:41,955 --> 00:08:43,089
OUT OF NOWHERE, THERE WAS A

293
00:08:43,089 --> 00:08:43,623
SURGE IN TALK OF "MIGRANT

294
00:08:43,623 --> 00:08:44,124
CRIME", WHICH WENT FROM

295
00:08:44,124 --> 00:08:46,393
OCCASIONAL MENTIONS IN DECEMBER

296
00:08:46,393 --> 00:08:47,293
AND JANUARY, TO OVER 300

297
00:08:47,293 --> 00:08:47,761
MENTIONS IN FEBRUARY.

298
00:08:47,761 --> 00:08:48,895
BASICALLY, "MIGRANT CRIME" IS A

299
00:08:48,895 --> 00:08:49,496
PHRASE THAT SEEMED TO COME OUT

300
00:08:49,496 --> 00:08:49,996
OF NOWHERE, AND THEN WAS

301
00:08:49,996 --> 00:08:51,264
SUDDENLY ALL OVER THE PLACE,

302
00:08:51,264 --> 00:08:52,766
LIKE "WHAT THE SIGMA" AND

303
00:08:52,766 --> 00:08:54,668
"SKIBIDI TOILET".

304
00:08:54,668 --> 00:08:56,803
AND BY THE WAY, THOSE ARE REAL

305
00:08:56,803 --> 00:08:57,504
PHRASES USED BY THE YOUNGER

306
00:08:57,504 --> 00:08:58,605
GENERATIONS.

307
00:08:58,605 --> 00:08:59,939
OR, THEY WERE UNTIL I JUST

308
00:08:59,939 --> 00:09:00,874
RUINED THEM BY HAVING THEM SLIDE

309
00:09:00,874 --> 00:09:03,677
OUT OF MY OLD MOUTH.

310
00:09:03,677 --> 00:09:04,744
AND AS USE OF THAT TERM

311
00:09:04,744 --> 00:09:05,679
SKYROCKETED, THERE WAS A

312
00:09:05,679 --> 00:09:07,013
CORRELATING SPIKE IN CONCERN

313
00:09:07,013 --> 00:09:07,547
ABOUT IMMIGRATION,

314
00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:09,182
WITH THE NUMBER OF AMERICANS WHO

315
00:09:09,182 --> 00:09:11,284
VIEWED IT AS THEIR NUMBER ONE

316
00:09:11,284 --> 00:09:12,752
ISSUE JUMPING 8 POINTS BETWEEN

317
00:09:12,752 --> 00:09:14,487
JANUARY AND FEBRUARY.

318
00:09:14,487 --> 00:09:16,723
BUT THIS WASN'T REFLECTING

319
00:09:16,723 --> 00:09:17,924
ANYTHING HAPPENING IN THE REAL

320
00:09:17,924 --> 00:09:18,925
WORLD, BECAUSE TO BE VERY CLEAR:

321
00:09:18,925 --> 00:09:20,026
THERE IS NO "MIGRANT CRIME WAVE"

322
00:09:20,026 --> 00:09:21,728
HAPPENING RIGHT NOW.

323
00:09:21,728 --> 00:09:22,896
IN FACT, THERE'S NO CRIME WAVE

324
00:09:22,896 --> 00:09:24,097
AT ALL.

325
00:09:24,097 --> 00:09:25,198
CRIME IN GENERAL HAS BEEN

326
00:09:25,198 --> 00:09:26,833
TRENDING DOWNWARD IN RECENT

327
00:09:26,833 --> 00:09:27,934
YEARS, INCLUDING THIS ONE, WITH

328
00:09:27,934 --> 00:09:29,135
MURDER, RAPE, ROBBERY, AND

329
00:09:29,135 --> 00:09:31,638
PROPERTY CRIME ALL DECREASING,

330
00:09:31,638 --> 00:09:32,872
EVEN AS TALK OF MIGRANTS

331
00:09:32,872 --> 00:09:33,840
COMMITTING THOSE CRIMES

332
00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:35,141
EXPLODED.

333
00:09:35,141 --> 00:09:36,710
AS FOR "MIGRANT CRIME"

334
00:09:36,710 --> 00:09:38,878
SPECIFICALLY, MOST STATES DON'T

335
00:09:41,181 --> 00:09:45,719
EXPERTS WILL TELL YOU THERE'S NO

336
00:09:45,719 --> 00:09:48,421
STATUS BETWEEN

337
00:09:48,521 --> 00:09:48,722
STATUS AND

338
00:09:48,722 --> 00:09:49,356
SPECIFICALLY, MOST STATES DON'T

339
00:09:49,356 --> 00:09:50,156
TRACK CRIME DATA BY IMMIGRATION

340
00:09:50,156 --> 00:09:50,490
STATUS.

341
00:09:50,490 --> 00:09:51,257
BUT IN THE ONE STATE THAT DOES,

342
00:09:51,257 --> 00:09:52,325
TEXAS, RESEARCHERS HAVE FOUND

343
00:09:52,325 --> 00:09:52,959
"THE ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT CRIMINAL

344
00:09:52,959 --> 00:09:53,560
CONVICTION RATE IS ROUGHLY 45

345
00:09:53,560 --> 00:09:54,127
PERCENT BELOW THAT OF

346
00:09:54,127 --> 00:09:55,695
NATIVE-BORN AMERICANS.

347
00:09:55,695 --> 00:09:57,397
AND YET, DESPITE THAT, THERE HAS

348
00:09:57,397 --> 00:10:00,400
BEEN A WAVE OF CONSERVATIVES

349
00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:03,470
CLAIMING THERE'S A WAVE OF

350
00:10:03,470 --> 00:10:04,704
MIGRANT CRIME-- AND THAT WAVE

351
00:10:04,704 --> 00:10:05,705
IS ALMOST DEFINITELY GOING TO BE

352
00:10:05,705 --> 00:10:06,439
CONTINUING UNTIL NOVEMBER.

353
00:10:06,439 --> 00:10:07,640
SO GIVEN THAT, TONIGHT, LET'S

354
00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:09,743
TALK ABOUT MIGRANT CRIME.

355
00:10:09,743 --> 00:10:11,378
AND LET'S START WITH WHERE

356
00:10:11,378 --> 00:10:12,379
EXACTLY THE TERM CAME FROM.

357
00:10:12,379 --> 00:10:13,380
BECAUSE IF YOU LISTEN TO TRUMP

358
00:10:13,380 --> 00:10:15,482
WHICH OBVIOUSLY YOU SHOULDN'T

359
00:10:15,482 --> 00:10:16,049
HE'LL SAY IT WAS ALL HIS

360
00:10:16,049 --> 00:10:21,154
IDEA.

361
00:10:21,154 --> 00:10:22,789
IT'S A NEW CATEGORY.

362
00:10:22,789 --> 00:10:23,823
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'VE HEARD

363
00:10:23,823 --> 00:10:26,960
THIS BUT I CAME UP WITH THIS.

364
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:28,361
WHEN MIGRANT CRIME, CRIME,

365
00:10:28,361 --> 00:10:29,562
VIOLENT CRIME, THERE IS MIGRANT

366
00:10:29,562 --> 00:10:29,763
CRIME.

367
00:10:29,763 --> 00:10:32,999
WE HAVE A NEW CATEGORY OF CRIME.

368
00:10:32,999 --> 00:10:34,134
IT'S GOING TO BE WORSE THAN ANY

369
00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:36,336
OTHER FORM OF CRIME.

370
00:10:36,336 --> 00:10:37,437
John: OKAY.

371
00:10:37,437 --> 00:10:38,538
OBVIOUSLY THAT'S NOT A NEW

372
00:10:38,538 --> 00:10:39,673
CATEGORY OF CRIME, AND OBVIOUSLY

373
00:10:39,673 --> 00:10:40,273
HE DIDN'T "INVENT" IT BECAUSE

374
00:10:40,273 --> 00:10:40,840
YOU CAN'T INVENT PUTTING TWO

375
00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:43,309
WORDS TOGETHER.

376
00:10:43,309 --> 00:10:43,910
ALTHOUGH, I WILL SAY, HE "HAS"

377
00:10:43,910 --> 00:10:45,111
TRIED TO INNOVATE THE PHRASE.

378
00:10:45,111 --> 00:10:46,780
AT ONE POINT THIS YEAR, HE TOLD

379
00:10:46,780 --> 00:10:50,050
AN AUDIENCE THAT

380
00:10:50,050 --> 00:10:51,484
"IT SHOULD BE CALLED BIDEN

381
00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:52,085
MIGRANT CRIME, BUT THAT'S TOO

382
00:10:52,085 --> 00:10:53,353
LONG," WHICH IS TRUE.

383
00:10:53,353 --> 00:10:53,987
LUCKILY, HE WORKSHOPPED A

384
00:10:53,987 --> 00:10:54,654
SOLUTION TO THAT PROBLEM IN REAL

385
00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:56,823
TIME:

386
00:10:56,823 --> 00:11:00,827
BECAUSE JOE BIDEN ALLOW THIS

387
00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:03,329
TO HAPPEN BUT WE WILL CALL IT

388
00:11:03,329 --> 00:11:09,936
FOR NOW ON ""BIGRANT MIGRANT

389
00:11:09,936 --> 00:11:11,204
CRIME."

390
00:11:11,204 --> 00:11:15,442
OKAY, LET'S CALL IT BIGRANT

391
00:11:15,442 --> 00:11:15,642
CRIME.

392
00:11:15,642 --> 00:11:15,942
THAT'S GOOD.

393
00:11:15,942 --> 00:11:18,812
IT'S SMART.

394
00:11:18,812 --> 00:11:22,449
BIGRANT CRIME."

395
00:11:22,449 --> 00:11:24,884
John: OKAY.

396
00:11:24,884 --> 00:11:25,819
I'LL GIVE HIM THIS: HE DID

397
00:11:25,819 --> 00:11:26,419
COIN THE TERM "BIGRANT CRIME."

398
00:11:26,419 --> 00:11:27,020
YOU CAN HAVE THAT ONE, DONIEL.

399
00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:27,921
IT'S THE STUPIDEST TERM I'VE

400
00:11:27,921 --> 00:11:28,555
EVER HEARD, BUT IT'S ALL YOURS.

401
00:11:28,555 --> 00:11:29,723
AND I LOVE THE FACT THAT HE

402
00:11:29,723 --> 00:11:31,291
LITERALLY POINTED TO HIS HEAD

403
00:11:31,291 --> 00:11:33,393
WHEN HE SAID "THAT'S SMART."

404
00:11:33,393 --> 00:11:35,595
ALMOST LIKE HE WAS SAYING, "I

405
00:11:35,595 --> 00:11:36,463
KNOW WHERE THOUGHTS COME FROM,

406
00:11:36,463 --> 00:11:38,431
AND IT'S NOT HERE, OR

407
00:11:38,431 --> 00:11:40,567
HERE, OR HERE-- IT'S

408
00:11:40,567 --> 00:11:41,267
HERE.

409
00:11:41,267 --> 00:11:41,868
THIS IS WHERE THE SMART COMES

410
00:11:41,868 --> 00:11:43,069
FROM.

411
00:11:43,069 --> 00:11:43,770
I CALL IT MY SMART LUMP, OR

412
00:11:43,770 --> 00:11:44,838
"SMUMP".

413
00:11:44,838 --> 00:11:47,507
I CAME UP WITH THAT ONE, TOO."

414
00:11:47,507 --> 00:11:49,676
BUT IF YOU GO BACK AND ACTUALLY

415
00:11:49,676 --> 00:11:50,577
LOOK, THE EVENT THAT PROMPTED

416
00:11:50,577 --> 00:11:51,778
FIRST FOX, AND THEN TRUMP, TO

417
00:11:51,778 --> 00:11:53,613
START PUSHING THE TERM "MIGRANT

418
00:11:53,613 --> 00:11:55,048
CRIME" WAS A BRAWL THAT HAPPENED

419
00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:56,883
ON JANUARY 27 OF THIS YEAR IN

420
00:11:56,883 --> 00:11:58,051
TIMES SQUARE.

421
00:11:58,051 --> 00:11:59,552
YOU MAY EVEN REMEMBER THE POLICE

422
00:11:59,552 --> 00:12:00,487
RELEASED THIS 45-SECOND CLIP OF

423
00:12:00,487 --> 00:12:04,290
OFFICERS IN A SCUFFLE WITH A

424
00:12:06,893 --> 00:12:07,727
FIGHTING WITH A GROUP OF

425
00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:07,994
MIGRANTS.

426
00:12:07,994 --> 00:12:08,595
IT GOT A TON OF PLAY ON FOX,

427
00:12:08,595 --> 00:12:09,162
WHERE ONE PARTICULAR DETAIL

428
00:12:09,162 --> 00:12:10,530
ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED AFTERWARD

429
00:12:10,530 --> 00:12:12,966
GOT EXTRA ATTENTION.

430
00:12:12,966 --> 00:12:16,236
A GANG OF MIGRANTS BROKE INTO

431
00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:18,104
THE COUNTRY, PUMMELED TWO NYPD

432
00:12:18,104 --> 00:12:18,705
OFFICERS AND WHILE WALKING OUT

433
00:12:18,705 --> 00:12:22,642
OF JAIL WITHOUT BAIL FLIPPED A

434
00:12:22,642 --> 00:12:24,344
DOUBLE BIRD TO THE COUNTRY THAT

435
00:12:24,344 --> 00:12:25,145
LET THEM IN.

436
00:12:25,145 --> 00:12:27,213
THE TWO BIRDS HEARD AROUND THE

437
00:12:27,213 --> 00:12:27,414
WORLD.

438
00:12:27,414 --> 00:12:29,182
THE SYMBOL OF THE BIDEN

439
00:12:29,182 --> 00:12:29,883
PRESIDENCY RIGHT THERE.

440
00:12:29,883 --> 00:12:30,717
John: OKAY.

441
00:12:30,717 --> 00:12:32,152
FOR THE RECORD: THE SYMBOL

442
00:12:32,152 --> 00:12:32,719
FOR THE BIDEN PRESIDENCY IS

443
00:12:32,719 --> 00:12:34,254
ABSOLUTELY NOT "TWO BIRDS."

444
00:12:34,254 --> 00:12:35,055
AS WE ALL KNOW, IT'S A BUNCH OF

445
00:12:35,055 --> 00:12:36,389
PISS-STAINED DEMOCRATS NERVOUSLY

446
00:12:36,389 --> 00:12:37,657
GOOGLING "HOW OLD IS A PERSON

447
00:12:37,657 --> 00:12:41,194
ALLOWED TO BE?"

448
00:12:41,194 --> 00:12:42,495
BUT THAT IMAGE OF THE

449
00:12:42,495 --> 00:12:43,897
GUY FLIPPING OFF THE CAMERA WAS

450
00:12:43,897 --> 00:12:44,898
USED CONSTANTLY ON FOX FROM

451
00:12:44,898 --> 00:12:47,534
FEBRUARY THROUGH EARLY MARCH.

452
00:12:47,534 --> 00:12:49,369
IT WAS USED IN AT LEAST 66

453
00:12:49,369 --> 00:12:51,338
SEGMENTS DURING THAT PERIOD,

454
00:12:51,338 --> 00:12:52,605
WITH THE MAN'S FINGERS BLURRED

455
00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:54,140
OUT, PRESUMABLY TO PROTECT THE

456
00:12:54,140 --> 00:12:55,208
EYES OF THE INNOCENT CHILDREN

457
00:12:55,208 --> 00:12:56,543
WHO ARE FORCED TO WATCH FOX NEWS

458
00:12:56,543 --> 00:12:57,243
AT GRANDMA'S WHILE THEY EAT

459
00:12:57,243 --> 00:12:58,912
THEIR "DINOSAURS LIVED WITH

460
00:12:58,912 --> 00:13:00,747
HUMANS" NUGGETS.

461
00:13:00,747 --> 00:13:02,482
FOX KEPT HAMMERING THEIR

462
00:13:02,482 --> 00:13:03,783
COVERAGE OF THAT INCIDENT, WITH

463
00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:04,718
PERHAPS THE APEX BEING

464
00:13:04,718 --> 00:13:07,187
A SEGMENT WHERE SEAN HANNITY DID

465
00:13:07,187 --> 00:13:07,821
AN INTERVIEW WITH CURTIS SLIWA,

466
00:13:07,821 --> 00:13:08,922
THE HEAD OF THE VIGILANTE GROUP

467
00:13:08,922 --> 00:13:10,423
THE GUARDIAN ANGELS, LIVE FROM

468
00:13:10,423 --> 00:13:12,559
TIMES SQUARE.

469
00:13:12,559 --> 00:13:13,626
DURING THE INTERVIEW,

470
00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:14,728
SLIWA'S FELLOW ANGELS SUDDENLY

471
00:13:14,728 --> 00:13:15,695
MOBILIZED TOWARD SOMETHING

472
00:13:15,695 --> 00:13:17,364
OFF-CAMERA.

473
00:13:17,364 --> 00:13:19,099
AND HE LATER EXPLAINED THEY'D

474
00:13:19,099 --> 00:13:20,233
HAD TO GET PHYSICAL WITH A

475
00:13:20,233 --> 00:13:20,734
MIGRANT WHOM THEY'D SEEN

476
00:13:20,734 --> 00:13:25,972
COMMITTING A CRIME.

477
00:13:25,972 --> 00:13:27,941
HAD BEEN SHOPLIFTING FIRST.

478
00:13:27,941 --> 00:13:29,009
THE GUARDIAN ANGELS FOLLOWED

479
00:13:29,009 --> 00:13:31,745
HIM, STOPPED HIM, HE RESISTED.

480
00:13:31,745 --> 00:13:35,448
LET'S JUST SAY WE GAVE THEM A

481
00:13:35,448 --> 00:13:36,750
LITTLE PAIN COMPLIANCE.

482
00:13:36,750 --> 00:13:38,618
HIS MOTHER IN VENEZUELA FELT THE

483
00:13:38,618 --> 00:13:39,586
VIBRATIONS BUT HE SUCKED IN

484
00:13:39,586 --> 00:13:40,186
CONCRETE.

485
00:13:40,186 --> 00:13:41,121
THE COPS SCRAPE THEM OFF THE

486
00:13:41,121 --> 00:13:42,589
ASPHALT OR HE'S ON HIS WAY TO

487
00:13:42,589 --> 00:13:44,758
JAIL FOR THEY'LL CUT HIM LOOSE.

488
00:13:44,758 --> 00:13:46,626
WE'VE GOT TO TAKE 42ND STREET

489
00:13:46,626 --> 00:13:50,130
BACK, THESE ILLEGALS, THEY OWN

490
00:13:50,130 --> 00:13:50,597
THIS STREET.

491
00:13:50,597 --> 00:13:52,232
THEY THINK THEY OWN THIS NIGHT.

492
00:13:52,232 --> 00:13:53,733
THIS IS OUR COUNTRY.

493
00:13:53,733 --> 00:13:55,301
IF THEY CANNOT ABIDE BY THE

494
00:13:55,301 --> 00:13:55,935
RULES WE ARE GOING TO KICK THEM

495
00:13:55,935 --> 00:13:57,170
BACK FROM WHERE THEY CAME

496
00:13:57,170 --> 00:13:58,004
OKAY, FIRST: "RULE THE NIGHT"?

497
00:13:58,004 --> 00:13:59,572
John: HOLD ON

498
00:14:01,541 --> 00:14:02,509
FIRST: "RULE THE NIGHT"?

499
00:14:02,509 --> 00:14:03,143
ON 42ND STREET?

500
00:14:03,143 --> 00:14:03,543
I CALL BULLSHIT.

501
00:14:03,543 --> 00:14:04,544
ANYONE WHO LIVES HERE KNOWS: THE

502
00:14:04,544 --> 00:14:05,045
NIGHT THERE IS RULED BY

503
00:14:05,045 --> 00:14:12,118
GROUPS OF 13 YEARS OLDS LEAVING

504
00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:14,387
"ALADDIN" ON THEIR WAY TO THE

505
00:14:14,387 --> 00:14:15,622
RED LOBSTER ONE BLOCK AWAY.

506
00:14:15,622 --> 00:14:16,189
I'LL SAY THIS CLEARLY:

507
00:14:16,189 --> 00:14:18,324
IMMMIGRANTS ARE "NOT" INVADING

508
00:14:18,324 --> 00:14:18,958
OUR COUNTRY, AND THEY ARE "NOT"

509
00:14:18,958 --> 00:14:19,959
TAKING OVER

510
00:14:19,959 --> 00:14:20,260
42ND STREET.

511
00:14:20,260 --> 00:14:20,794
BUT IF THEY ARE, THEY CAN

512
00:14:20,794 --> 00:14:21,161
FUCKING HAVE IT.

513
00:14:21,161 --> 00:14:22,262
BUT THERE'S A FEW OTHER THINGS

514
00:14:22,262 --> 00:14:22,896
THAT FEEL IMPORTANT TO MENTION.

515
00:14:22,896 --> 00:14:23,430
FIRST, YOU CAN'T JUST BEAT

516
00:14:23,430 --> 00:14:24,330
SOMEONE UP IF YOU THINK THEY'RE

517
00:14:24,330 --> 00:14:24,764
COMMITTING A CRIME.

518
00:14:24,764 --> 00:14:25,398
AND SECOND, YOU SHOULD NEVER GO

519
00:14:25,398 --> 00:14:28,435
OUT IN PUBLIC DRESSED LIKE THAT.

520
00:14:28,435 --> 00:14:29,536
HE LOOKS LIKE ALAN ARKIN PLAYING

521
00:14:29,536 --> 00:14:31,771
ONE OF THE "ANGRY BIRDS".

522
00:14:31,771 --> 00:14:32,305
HE LOOKS LIKE A DIVORCED

523
00:14:32,305 --> 00:14:34,841
STRAWBERRY.

524
00:14:34,841 --> 00:14:35,842
HE LOOKS LIKE IF THE GI JOES HAD

525
00:14:35,842 --> 00:14:37,344
AN OFF HOURS BOWLING TEAM.

526
00:14:37,344 --> 00:14:38,411
BUT IT GETS WORSE.

527
00:14:38,411 --> 00:14:39,379
BECAUSE IT TURNED OUT, THE MAN

528
00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:40,814
THEY'D BEATEN UP

529
00:14:40,814 --> 00:14:41,715
WASN'T ACTUALLY A MIGRANT AT

530
00:14:41,715 --> 00:14:43,450
ALL, AND THERE WAS "NO

531
00:14:43,450 --> 00:14:44,451
EVIDENCE TO SUPPORT THE

532
00:14:44,451 --> 00:14:46,186
ALLEGATION HE WAS SHOPLIFTING."

533
00:14:46,186 --> 00:14:48,421
IT SEEMS LIKE WHAT ACTUALLY

534
00:14:48,421 --> 00:14:49,456
HAPPENED IS THAT SLIWA'S GOONS

535
00:14:49,456 --> 00:14:50,924
APPREHENDED A GUY FOR

536
00:14:50,924 --> 00:14:52,325
"ALLEGEDLY ATTEMPTING TO DISRUPT

537
00:14:52,325 --> 00:14:53,126
A LIVE INTERVIEW," WHICH IS NOT

538
00:14:53,126 --> 00:14:55,228
A CRIME, AND ALSO NOT WHAT HE

539
00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:56,329
DID, SINCE SURVEILLANCE FOOTAGE

540
00:14:56,329 --> 00:14:57,997
APPARENTLY SHOWS

541
00:14:57,997 --> 00:14:59,232
"HE WAS JUST TRYING TO MANEUVER

542
00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:00,033
THROUGH THE CROWD WHEN THE

543
00:15:00,033 --> 00:15:01,468
VIGILANTES CONFRONTED HIM."

544
00:15:01,468 --> 00:15:03,136
BUT SLIWA SAID HE BELIEVED THE

545
00:15:03,136 --> 00:15:04,971
MAN WAS A MIGRANT BECAUSE HE WAS

546
00:15:04,971 --> 00:15:08,141
SPEAKING SPANISH, SOMETHING THAT

547
00:15:08,141 --> 00:15:09,743
COULD BE SAID ABOUT ROUGHLY 25

548
00:15:09,743 --> 00:15:11,745
PERCENT OF THE CITY.

549
00:15:11,745 --> 00:15:13,013
INCLUDING, BY THE WAY, ME:

550
00:15:13,013 --> 00:15:15,882
QUÉ VAS A HACER, CURTIS SLIWA?

551
00:15:15,882 --> 00:15:17,951
SOY INMIGRANTE Y ESTOY HABLANDO

552
00:15:17,951 --> 00:15:19,753
ESPAÑOL.

553
00:15:19,753 --> 00:15:21,187
ME VAS A MANDAR TUS PENDEJOS,

554
00:15:21,187 --> 00:15:23,590
HIJO DE PUTA?

555
00:15:23,590 --> 00:15:26,192
TU GORRA ES DEMASIADO ESTÚPIDA Y

556
00:15:26,192 --> 00:15:28,528
TU CARA TAMBIÉN.

557
00:15:28,528 --> 00:15:30,063
ERES UNA MIERDA Y NO CREO QUE TU

558
00:15:30,063 --> 00:15:33,967
MAMÁ ESTÉ ORGULLOSA DE TI.

559
00:15:33,967 --> 00:15:35,335
AND IT TURNS OUT, EVEN THE

560
00:15:35,335 --> 00:15:36,836
"FACTS" OF THE ORIGINAL

561
00:15:36,836 --> 00:15:38,438
TIMES SQUARE INCIDENT THAT

562
00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:40,240
STARTED ALL THIS FELL APART IN

563
00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:41,408
SIMILAR FASHION.

564
00:15:41,408 --> 00:15:43,009
BECAUSE WHEN MORE CAMERA FOOTAGE

565
00:15:43,009 --> 00:15:47,580
CAME OUT, IT REVEALED WHAT HAD

566
00:15:49,049 --> 00:15:50,950
THE GUN AND MADE THE NYPD LOOK

567
00:15:50,950 --> 00:15:52,152
LESS LIKE UNWITTING VICTIMS AND

568
00:15:52,152 --> 00:15:55,555
MORE LIKE THE INSTIGATORS.

569
00:15:55,555 --> 00:15:57,457
NYPD BODY CAM VIDEO TAKES US

570
00:15:57,457 --> 00:15:58,258
INSIDE THE TIMES SQUARE BRAWL

571
00:15:58,258 --> 00:16:01,995
THAT MADE NATIONAL HEADLINES.

572
00:16:01,995 --> 00:16:03,830
THAT AND NEW SURVEILLANCE VIDEO

573
00:16:03,830 --> 00:16:05,331
POLICE RELEASED RAISING MORE

574
00:16:05,331 --> 00:16:06,533
QUESTIONS TONIGHT WHETHER THE

575
00:16:06,533 --> 00:16:07,133
JANUARY ALTERCATION SHOULD'VE

576
00:16:07,133 --> 00:16:09,402
HAPPENED AT ALL.

577
00:16:09,402 --> 00:16:10,036
THE TWO OFFICERS APPROACHED THE

578
00:16:10,036 --> 00:16:12,806
GROUP OF MEN.

579
00:16:12,806 --> 00:16:14,507
THE CROWD WAS GIVEN DIRECTION

580
00:16:14,507 --> 00:16:16,409
TO PLEASE DISPERSE THAT THEY ARE

581
00:16:16,409 --> 00:16:16,876
BLOCKING THE SIDEWALK.

582
00:16:16,876 --> 00:16:18,244
THE VIDEO DOESN'T SUPPORT

583
00:16:18,244 --> 00:16:20,380
THAT AS PEOPLE ARE SEEN WALKING

584
00:16:20,380 --> 00:16:21,681
BY.

585
00:16:21,681 --> 00:16:23,783
MOST OF THE GROUP IMMEDIATELY

586
00:16:23,783 --> 00:16:25,652
MOVES BUT

587
00:16:27,087 --> 00:16:28,555
LAST TO LEAVE TELLING POLICE,

588
00:16:28,555 --> 00:16:29,556
DON'T TOUCH ME.

589
00:16:29,556 --> 00:16:32,058
WHEN HE STARTS TO FINALLY OBEY

590
00:16:32,058 --> 00:16:32,892
THE OFFICERS' OFFICER IS PUSHING

591
00:16:32,892 --> 00:16:36,096
THE STROLLER AWAY...

592
00:16:36,096 --> 00:16:37,764
THE GROUP BEGINS SINGING A

593
00:16:37,764 --> 00:16:38,131
DEROGATORY SONG.

594
00:16:38,131 --> 00:16:41,701
AND THEN THIS.

595
00:16:41,701 --> 00:16:48,341
IMMEDIATELY AFTER BUY RUTO YELLS

596
00:16:48,341 --> 00:16:52,979
"LOOKS LIKE A UGLY BETTY"...

597
00:16:52,979 --> 00:16:54,381
John: IF YOU WATCH THE WIDE

598
00:16:54,381 --> 00:16:56,016
SHOT IT BECOMES CLEAR WHAT'S AT

599
00:16:56,016 --> 00:16:58,118
THIS CLOTH IS ONE COP CHOOSING

600
00:16:58,118 --> 00:16:59,419
TO PUSH THAT GUY UP AGAINST THE

601
00:16:59,419 --> 00:17:01,855
WALL AFTER THE OTHER GOT CALLED

602
00:17:01,855 --> 00:17:02,155
UGLY BETTY.

603
00:17:02,155 --> 00:17:03,390
AND FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH:

604
00:17:03,390 --> 00:17:03,990
THIS IS WHAT THE COP LOOKED

605
00:17:03,990 --> 00:17:04,591
LIKE, AND IF YOU'RE THINKING,

606
00:17:04,591 --> 00:17:04,924
"WELL, HE ONLY

607
00:17:04,924 --> 00:17:06,259
KIND OF LOOKS LIKE UGLY BETTY,"

608
00:17:06,259 --> 00:17:07,027
LET ME REMIND YOU-- IN LATIN

609
00:17:07,027 --> 00:17:08,028
AMERICA, UGLY BETTY LOOKS LIKE

610
00:17:08,028 --> 00:17:10,530
THIS, AND THAT IS A FAIR HIT.

611
00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:11,831
AND VIOLENCE IS NOT AN

612
00:17:11,831 --> 00:17:13,033
ACCEPTABLE RESPONSE TO SOMEONE

613
00:17:13,033 --> 00:17:14,768
BEING INSULTED THAT CORRECTLY.

614
00:17:14,768 --> 00:17:16,436
YOU THINK THERE HAVEN'T BEEN

615
00:17:16,436 --> 00:17:18,438
MOMENTS WHEN I HAVEN'T WANTED TO

616
00:17:18,438 --> 00:17:19,439
THROW SOMEONE AGAINST A WALL

617
00:17:19,439 --> 00:17:21,041
BECAUSE THEY CALLED ME "WORST

618
00:17:21,041 --> 00:17:22,542
SHELDON" OR "A LESS SEXUAL

619
00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:24,544
SCREECH" OR "WHAT WOULD HAPPEN

620
00:17:24,544 --> 00:17:28,815
IF THE RAT AND THE CHEF FROM

621
00:17:28,815 --> 00:17:29,783
"RATATOUILLE" FUCKED?"

622
00:17:29,783 --> 00:17:31,751
SURE, IT HURTS MY FEELINGS, MOM,

623
00:17:31,751 --> 00:17:32,318
BUT IT'S ALSO FAIR, AND IT

624
00:17:32,318 --> 00:17:32,852
DOESN'T JUSTIFY VIOLENCE.

625
00:17:32,852 --> 00:17:34,120
BUT WAIT-- BECAUSE THERE'S ONE

626
00:17:34,120 --> 00:17:36,322
MORE TWIST HERE.

627
00:17:36,322 --> 00:17:36,923
REMEMBER THE GUY FLIPPING THE

628
00:17:36,923 --> 00:17:37,724
DOUBLE-BIRDS WHO WAS ON FOX NEWS

629
00:17:37,724 --> 00:17:39,659
AT LEAST 66 TIMES?

630
00:17:39,659 --> 00:17:41,528
THE SYMBOL OF BIGRANT CRIME?

631
00:17:41,528 --> 00:17:45,398
FUNNY STORY:

632
00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:47,467
THE MANHATTAN D.A. ENDED UP

633
00:17:47,467 --> 00:17:48,068
DISMISSING THE CHARGES AGAINST

634
00:17:48,068 --> 00:17:48,735
HIM BECAUSE IT TURNED OUT HE HAD

635
00:17:48,735 --> 00:17:49,369
NOTHING TO DO WITH THE INCIDENT.

636
00:17:49,369 --> 00:17:50,303
HE WASN'T EVEN THERE!

637
00:17:50,303 --> 00:17:51,171
THE NYPD APPARENTLY MISTOOK HIM

638
00:17:51,171 --> 00:17:52,605
FOR A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT

639
00:17:52,605 --> 00:17:55,141
PERSON FOR A MYSTERY REASON THAT

640
00:17:55,141 --> 00:17:57,344
I'M SURE WASN'T RACIST AT ALL.

641
00:17:57,344 --> 00:17:59,479
SO HE WAS ARRESTED FOR SOMETHING

642
00:17:59,479 --> 00:18:00,313
HE DIDN'T DO, SPENT TWO NIGHTS

643
00:18:00,313 --> 00:18:01,281
IN JAIL, AND THEN HAD CAMERAS

644
00:18:01,281 --> 00:18:08,355
SHOVED IN HIS FACE.

645
00:18:09,289 --> 00:18:09,856
I PERSONALLY CANNOT THINK OF A

646
00:18:09,856 --> 00:18:10,457
SCENARIO IN WHICH FLIPPING TWO

647
00:18:10,457 --> 00:18:11,591
MIDDLE FINGERS IS MORE

648
00:18:11,591 --> 00:18:12,125
APPROPRIATE.

649
00:18:12,125 --> 00:18:12,826
HONESTLY, IF HE COULD'VE GROWN

650
00:18:12,826 --> 00:18:14,094
ANOTHER HAND IN THAT MOMENT, I

651
00:18:14,094 --> 00:18:14,661
WOULDN'T HAVE BLAMED HIM FOR

652
00:18:14,661 --> 00:18:15,362
THROWING UP A THIRD BIRD FOR

653
00:18:15,362 --> 00:18:16,596
GOOD MEASURE.

654
00:18:16,596 --> 00:18:17,864
BUT THE FACTS THAT CAME OUT

655
00:18:17,864 --> 00:18:19,799
AFTERWARDS DIDN'T REALLY MATTER,

656
00:18:19,799 --> 00:18:21,034
BECAUSE BY THEN, "MIGRANT CRIME"

657
00:18:21,034 --> 00:18:23,169
WAS ALREADY OUT THERE AS A

658
00:18:23,169 --> 00:18:24,938
PHRASE, AND EVER SINCE, FOX AND

659
00:18:24,938 --> 00:18:27,207
REPUBLICANS HAVE BEEN HAMMERING

660
00:18:27,207 --> 00:18:30,877
THE IDEA THAT MIGRANTS ARE

661
00:18:30,877 --> 00:18:31,144
DANGEROUS.

662
00:18:31,144 --> 00:18:31,778
AND BECAUSE-- AGAIN-- THERE'S

663
00:18:31,778 --> 00:18:32,846
NO DATA TO BACK UP CLAIMS OF A

664
00:18:32,846 --> 00:18:34,414
"MIGRANT CRIME WAVE", THEY'VE

665
00:18:34,414 --> 00:18:34,948
INSTEAD HAD TO RESORT TO

666
00:18:34,948 --> 00:18:36,416
ANECDOTES OR EXAGGERATION.

667
00:18:36,416 --> 00:18:37,317
FOR INSTANCE, THE

668
00:18:37,317 --> 00:18:38,918
REPUBLICAN NATIONAL COMMITTEE

669
00:18:38,918 --> 00:18:40,754
MADE A WEBSITE TRACKING ALLEGED

670
00:18:40,754 --> 00:18:46,993
EXAMPLES OF MIGRANT CRIME,

671
00:18:46,993 --> 00:18:47,794
CALLED BIDEN BLOODBATH DOT COM.

672
00:18:47,794 --> 00:18:49,863
IF YOU GO TO IT, YOU'LL FIND

673
00:18:49,863 --> 00:18:50,530
THE NAMES OF 13 DIFFERENT

674
00:18:50,530 --> 00:18:51,264
STATES, WHICH YOU CAN CLICK ON

675
00:18:51,264 --> 00:18:52,499
TO FIND EVIDENCE OF SO-CALLED

676
00:18:52,499 --> 00:18:52,966
MIGRANT CRIME THERE.

677
00:18:52,966 --> 00:18:54,701
BUT FOR FOUR OF THOSE STATES,

678
00:18:54,701 --> 00:18:55,301
WHEN YOU CLICK THROUGH, YOU'LL

679
00:18:55,301 --> 00:18:59,572
FIND ALL THEY'RE ABLE TO CITE IS

680
00:18:59,572 --> 00:19:00,840
THOSE STATES' OVERALL RATES OF

681
00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:01,608
FENTANYL DEATHS.

682
00:19:01,608 --> 00:19:02,275
AND LOOK, THOSE DEATHS WERE

683
00:19:02,275 --> 00:19:02,509
TRAGIC.

684
00:19:02,509 --> 00:19:03,276
BUT YOU CAN'T CONNECT THEM TO

685
00:19:03,276 --> 00:19:04,010
"MIGRANT CRIME", GIVEN THAT--

686
00:19:04,010 --> 00:19:05,011
TO THE EXTENT FENTANYL HAS BEEN

687
00:19:05,011 --> 00:19:05,879
SEIZED AT THE BORDER--

688
00:19:05,879 --> 00:19:07,047
90% OF THE TIME IT WAS SEIZED

689
00:19:07,047 --> 00:19:08,648
DURING LEGAL CROSSINGS,

690
00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:11,084
AND 91% OF THOSE SEIZURES WERE

691
00:19:11,084 --> 00:19:11,851
FROM U.S. CITIZENS.

692
00:19:11,851 --> 00:19:13,420
WHICH, OF COURSE THEY WERE.

693
00:19:13,420 --> 00:19:14,421
IF YOU WANT TO MOVE DRUGS ON THE

694
00:19:14,421 --> 00:19:16,156
BORDER, YOU'RE GOING TO DO IT

695
00:19:16,156 --> 00:19:17,257
WITH AMERICAN CITIZENS, BECAUSE

696
00:19:17,257 --> 00:19:18,558
THEY ATTRACT LESS ATTENTION FROM

697
00:19:18,558 --> 00:19:19,626
AUTHORITIES.

698
00:19:19,626 --> 00:19:21,027
I'M NOT TELLING YOU HOW TO MOVE

699
00:19:21,027 --> 00:19:24,164
DRUGS, BUT IF YOU'RE GOING TO,

700
00:19:24,164 --> 00:19:24,798
THAT'S THE ONLY SMART WAY TO DO

701
00:19:24,798 --> 00:19:29,569
IT.

702
00:19:29,569 --> 00:19:31,771
I HAVE JUST TOLD YOU HOW TO MOVE

703
00:19:31,771 --> 00:19:31,971
DRUGS.

704
00:19:31,971 --> 00:19:32,505
AND AS FOR PEOPLE CROSSING

705
00:19:32,505 --> 00:19:33,807
ILLEGALLY,

706
00:19:33,807 --> 00:19:35,275
JUST POINT ZERO ZERO NINE

707
00:19:35,275 --> 00:19:35,875
PERCENT OF PEOPLE ARRESTED BY

708
00:19:35,875 --> 00:19:36,609
BORDER PATROL LAST YEAR WERE

709
00:19:36,609 --> 00:19:37,210
FOUND TO POSSESS ANY FENTANYL

710
00:19:37,210 --> 00:19:37,844
WHATSOEVER.

711
00:19:37,844 --> 00:19:39,713
SO, I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M SAYING

712
00:19:39,713 --> 00:19:40,980
THIS, BUT I DON'T KNOW IF

713
00:19:40,980 --> 00:19:43,583
BIDEN BLOODBATH DOT COM IS THE

714
00:19:43,583 --> 00:19:45,318
RELIABLE SOURCE OF NEWS AND

715
00:19:45,318 --> 00:19:46,052
INFORMATION THAT WE ALL THOUGHT

716
00:19:46,052 --> 00:19:47,754
IT WAS.

717
00:19:47,754 --> 00:19:48,955
AND LOOK: I'M NOT SAYING THAT

718
00:19:48,955 --> 00:19:50,256
THERE HAVEN'T BEEN INDIVIDUAL

719
00:19:50,256 --> 00:19:51,558
MIGRANTS WHO'VE COMMITTED

720
00:19:51,558 --> 00:19:51,958
CRIMES.

721
00:19:51,958 --> 00:19:52,826
OF COURSE THERE HAVE.

722
00:19:52,826 --> 00:19:54,361
BECAUSE MIGRANTS ARE PEOPLE, AND

723
00:19:54,361 --> 00:19:56,363
SOME PEOPLE DO BAD THINGS.

724
00:19:56,363 --> 00:19:57,797
IN THE SAME WAY SOME

725
00:19:57,797 --> 00:19:59,499
ABBA FANS, AND SOME PEOPLE WITH

726
00:19:59,499 --> 00:20:00,633
SPONGEBOB TATTOOS HAVE COMMITTED

727
00:20:00,633 --> 00:20:01,801
CRIMES.

728
00:20:01,801 --> 00:20:03,136
AND IF IT SO HAPPENS THAT

729
00:20:03,136 --> 00:20:04,771
THERE'S SOMEONE OUT THERE WHO IS

730
00:20:04,771 --> 00:20:07,540
A MIGRANT ABBA FAN WITH

731
00:20:07,540 --> 00:20:08,274
SPONGEBOB TATTOOS, THE ONLY

732
00:20:08,274 --> 00:20:09,109
THING THEY'RE LIKELY TO BE

733
00:20:09,109 --> 00:20:13,580
GUILTY OF IS BEING UTTERLY

734
00:20:13,580 --> 00:20:15,982
FASCINATING HUMAN BEING.

735
00:20:15,982 --> 00:20:17,450
WHAT'S YOUR STORY, DUDE?

736
00:20:17,450 --> 00:20:18,051
I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS ABOUT

737
00:20:18,051 --> 00:20:19,853
WHAT BROUGHT YOU TO THIS POINT.

738
00:20:19,853 --> 00:20:20,653
THE THING IS, IF YOU WANT TO

739
00:20:20,653 --> 00:20:21,988
PREVENT CRIME AND DEATH, THAT'S

740
00:20:21,988 --> 00:20:22,555
A GREAT IDEA, AND THERE ARE

741
00:20:22,555 --> 00:20:24,090
ABSOLUTELY WAYS TO DO THAT.

742
00:20:24,090 --> 00:20:25,759
BUT WHEN YOU DRAW A CIRCLE

743
00:20:25,759 --> 00:20:27,127
AROUND A FEW MEMBERS OF A

744
00:20:27,127 --> 00:20:28,094
PARTICULAR GROUP-- ESPECIALLY

745
00:20:28,094 --> 00:20:29,262
ONE IDENTIFIABLE BY RACE OR

746
00:20:29,262 --> 00:20:31,798
NATIONALITY-- THEN GENERALIZE

747
00:20:31,798 --> 00:20:32,632
ABOUT WHAT THIS MEANS ABOUT ALL

748
00:20:32,632 --> 00:20:34,200
OF THEM, NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY,

749
00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:36,236
YOU'RE NOT HAVING A REASONED

750
00:20:36,236 --> 00:20:37,404
DEBATE ABOUT CRIME OR SAFETY.

751
00:20:37,404 --> 00:20:40,006
YOU'RE BEING RACIST.

752
00:20:40,006 --> 00:20:42,409
AND THE DEPRESSING THING IS, ALL

753
00:20:42,409 --> 00:20:43,176
THIS FEARMONGERING HAS BEEN

754
00:20:43,176 --> 00:20:44,678
EFFECTIVE.

755
00:20:44,678 --> 00:20:49,549
OVER 70 PERCENT OF REPUBLICANS

756
00:20:49,549 --> 00:20:51,217
NOW BELIEVE THERE IS A HIGHER

757
00:20:51,217 --> 00:20:52,652
RISK OF PEOPLE ILLEGALLY COMING

758
00:20:52,652 --> 00:20:54,921
TO THE U.S. AND COMMITTING

759
00:20:54,921 --> 00:20:55,355
CRIMES.

760
00:20:55,355 --> 00:20:57,557
SOMETHING WHICH AGAIN IS

761
00:20:57,557 --> 00:20:59,526
DEMONSTRABLY AND PROVABLY FALSE.

762
00:20:59,526 --> 00:21:00,827
AS WE KNOW, IMMIGRANTS AREN'T

763
00:21:00,827 --> 00:21:01,895
CAUSING MORE CRIME IN THIS

764
00:21:01,895 --> 00:21:02,128
COUNTRY.

765
00:21:02,128 --> 00:21:02,896
IF THEY'RE LEADING TO MORE OF

766
00:21:02,896 --> 00:21:04,064
ANYTHING, IT'S MORE GOOD FOOD

767
00:21:04,064 --> 00:21:04,597
AND MORE PEOPLE WHO CAN'T

768
00:21:04,597 --> 00:21:05,198
BELIEVE HOW MEAN WE ARE TO OUR

769
00:21:05,198 --> 00:21:06,099
MOMS.

770
00:21:06,099 --> 00:21:07,200
AND WHAT'S DOUBLY INFURIATING IS

771
00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:08,601
THAT TOO MANY DEMOCRATS HAVE

772
00:21:08,601 --> 00:21:09,202
BEEN WILLING TO GO ALONG WITH

773
00:21:09,202 --> 00:21:11,304
THIS FALSE NARRATIVE.

774
00:21:11,304 --> 00:21:12,505
BIDEN HAS REPEATEDLY BEEN

775
00:21:12,505 --> 00:21:13,540
PRESSURED INTO IMPOSING STRICTER

776
00:21:13,540 --> 00:21:14,607
IMMIGRATION RESTRICTIONS-- MOST

777
00:21:14,607 --> 00:21:16,343
RECENTLY IN JUNE, WHEN HE

778
00:21:16,343 --> 00:21:18,178
IMPOSED SWEEPING NEW ASYLUM

779
00:21:18,178 --> 00:21:18,912
RESTRICTIONS FOR THE U.S.-MEXICO

780
00:21:18,912 --> 00:21:20,714
BORDER.

781
00:21:20,714 --> 00:21:22,482
EARLIER THIS YEAR, HE ACTUALLY

782
00:21:22,482 --> 00:21:23,450
PUSHED FOR AN EVEN TOUGHER

783
00:21:23,450 --> 00:21:24,284
IMMIGRATION BILL, WHICH TRUMP

784
00:21:24,284 --> 00:21:25,018
EXPLICITLY TOLD REPUBLICANS NOT

785
00:21:25,018 --> 00:21:26,886
TO SUPPORT,

786
00:21:26,886 --> 00:21:28,421
"ARGUING IT WOULD GIVE THE

787
00:21:28,421 --> 00:21:30,557
DEMOCRATS A POLITICAL VICTORY"

788
00:21:30,557 --> 00:21:31,257
SUGGESTING NONE OF THIS IS

789
00:21:31,257 --> 00:21:32,692
ABOUT SAFETY AT ALL, IT'S

790
00:21:32,692 --> 00:21:35,161
ENTIRELY SELF-SERVING.

791
00:21:35,161 --> 00:21:35,762
AND THAT ABSURD TIMES SQUARE

792
00:21:35,762 --> 00:21:38,631
INCIDENT THAT

793
00:21:38,631 --> 00:21:39,799
SUPERCHARGED THIS "MIGRANT

794
00:21:39,799 --> 00:21:41,501
CRIME" PANIC ENDED UP PUSHING

795
00:21:41,501 --> 00:21:42,902
SOME DEMOCRATIC LEADERS INTO

796
00:21:42,902 --> 00:21:43,970
STUPID PUBLIC STATEMENTS, LIKE

797
00:21:43,970 --> 00:21:44,304
THIS ONE, FROM

798
00:21:44,304 --> 00:21:46,206
GOVERNOR KATHY HOCHUL, WHO HAD

799
00:21:46,206 --> 00:21:47,340
THIS TO SAY ABOUT THE MIGRANTS

800
00:21:47,340 --> 00:21:51,945
WHO'D BEEN BLAMED.

801
00:21:51,945 --> 00:21:56,249
GET THEM ALL SENT BACK.

802
00:21:56,249 --> 00:22:00,086
DON'T TOUCH ANYONE.

803
00:22:00,086 --> 00:22:00,920
John: THAT'S TRUE

804
00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:02,622
YEAH, IT'S TRUE-- YOU DON'T

805
00:22:02,622 --> 00:22:03,590
TOUCH ANYONE IN NEW YORK CITY.

806
00:22:03,590 --> 00:22:04,124
UNLESS, IT SEEMS, SOMEONE

807
00:22:04,124 --> 00:22:04,791
CALLS YOUR FRIEND UGLY BETTY, OR

808
00:22:04,791 --> 00:22:05,558
YOU HAPPEN TO BE

809
00:22:05,558 --> 00:22:06,192
DRESSED AS A PARISIAN TOMATO AND

810
00:22:06,192 --> 00:22:06,826
HEAR SOMEONE SPEAKING SPANISH,

811
00:22:06,826 --> 00:22:07,794
IN WHICH CASE, ALL BETS ARE OFF.

812
00:22:07,794 --> 00:22:09,162
AND THE THING IS, EVEN AFTER SO

813
00:22:09,162 --> 00:22:11,431
MUCH OF THAT TIMES SQUARE STORY

814
00:22:11,431 --> 00:22:13,133
UNRAVELED, SOME OF THE PEOPLE

815
00:22:13,133 --> 00:22:14,668
CAUGHT UP IN IT HAVE CONTINUED

816
00:22:14,668 --> 00:22:17,604
TO PAY A SIGNIFICANT PRICE.

817
00:22:17,604 --> 00:22:21,341
TWO OF THE PEOPLE WHO WERE

818
00:22:21,341 --> 00:22:23,877
THERE, NEITHER OF WHOM WERE

819
00:22:23,877 --> 00:22:24,911
ACCUSED OF TOUCHING THE OFFICERS

820
00:22:24,911 --> 00:22:25,745
WERE DETAINED FOR MONTHS ON

821
00:22:25,745 --> 00:22:27,113
RIKERS ISLAND.

822
00:22:27,113 --> 00:22:28,314
AND ONE'S STILL THERE.

823
00:22:28,314 --> 00:22:28,915
LOOK: MIGRANT CRIME IS NOT ON

824
00:22:28,915 --> 00:22:29,349
THE RISE.

825
00:22:29,349 --> 00:22:31,451
THAT'S A FACT.

826
00:22:31,451 --> 00:22:33,119
WHAT'S ALSO A FACT IS THAT

827
00:22:33,119 --> 00:22:35,188
PEOPLE NOW FEEL THAT IT IS.

828
00:22:35,188 --> 00:22:36,389
AND THAT FEELING HAS THE

829
00:22:36,389 --> 00:22:37,791
POTENTIAL TO CAUSE MASSIVE HARM.

830
00:22:37,791 --> 00:22:39,025
AND ALL OF THIS IS MAKING

831
00:22:39,025 --> 00:22:40,860
SOLVING THE GENUINE ISSUES

832
00:22:40,860 --> 00:22:43,163
AROUND IMMIGRATION-- LIKE

833
00:22:43,163 --> 00:22:43,797
DEALING WITH THE MASSIVE BACKLOG

834
00:22:43,797 --> 00:22:44,664
IN OUR IMMIGRATION COURTS, AND

835
00:22:44,664 --> 00:22:45,198
PROVIDING CITIES HELP IN

836
00:22:45,198 --> 00:22:46,700
SHELTERING AND SUPPORTING

837
00:22:46,700 --> 00:22:47,567
MIGRANTS AWAITING ASYLUM

838
00:22:47,567 --> 00:22:48,735
HEARINGS-- THAT MUCH HARDER.

839
00:22:48,735 --> 00:22:51,371
SO, WHAT CAN WE DO?

840
00:22:51,371 --> 00:22:52,639
WELL, I DON'T KNOW IF YOU

841
00:22:52,639 --> 00:22:54,407
NOTICED, BUT WE'RE CURRENTLY

842
00:22:54,407 --> 00:22:55,175
FOUR MONTHS OUT FROM AN

843
00:22:55,175 --> 00:22:56,976
ELECTION, SO JUST ASSUME THAT

844
00:22:56,976 --> 00:23:03,116
THE UNDERLYING "WHAT CAN WE DO"

845
00:23:03,116 --> 00:23:06,086
FOR MOST OF OUR U.S. STORIES

846
00:23:06,086 --> 00:23:07,854
FROM NOW UNTIL THEN IS GOING TO

847
00:23:07,854 --> 00:23:10,890
BE "DO NOT VOTE FORDONALD

848
00:23:11,491 --> 00:23:12,225
AGAIN, THAT SEEMS LIKE THAT

849
00:23:12,225 --> 00:23:12,826
SHOULD BE BARELY WORTH SAYING

850
00:23:12,826 --> 00:23:12,992
LIKE

851
00:23:12,992 --> 00:23:13,360
"DRINK WATER" OR

852
00:23:13,360 --> 00:23:14,160
"GO TO THE DENTIST" BUT IT DOES

853
00:23:14,160 --> 00:23:14,994
BEAR REPEATING BECAUSE ... BE

854
00:23:14,994 --> 00:23:16,196
HONEST: WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME

855
00:23:16,196 --> 00:23:16,363
YOU

856
00:23:16,363 --> 00:23:17,163
DRANK WATER? OR, INDEED, WENT TO

857
00:23:17,163 --> 00:23:17,330
THE

858
00:23:17,330 --> 00:23:17,864
DENTIST?

859
00:23:17,864 --> 00:23:18,498
EXACTLY.

860
00:23:18,498 --> 00:23:19,933
AND I'M NOT SAYING BY ANY MEANS

861
00:23:19,933 --> 00:23:21,034
THAT BIDEN IS PERFECT, OR EVEN

862
00:23:21,034 --> 00:23:21,501
GOOD WHEN IT COMES TO

863
00:23:21,501 --> 00:23:22,602
IMMIGRATION.

864
00:23:22,602 --> 00:23:23,370
BUT HE-- OR WHOEVER WINDS UP

865
00:23:23,370 --> 00:23:25,005
BEING THE DEMOCRATIC CANDIDATE,

866
00:23:25,005 --> 00:23:26,072
BECAUSE WHO ON EARTH KNOWS

867
00:23:26,072 --> 00:23:27,841
ANYTHING ABOUT THAT RIGHT NOW?

868
00:23:27,841 --> 00:23:32,245
IS GOING TO BE INCONTROVERTIBLY

869
00:23:32,245 --> 00:23:33,213
BETTER THAN THE ALTERNATIVE.

870
00:23:33,213 --> 00:23:35,315
AND I KNOW THIS HAS BEEN A BLEAK

871
00:23:35,315 --> 00:23:36,349
FEW WEEKS.

872
00:23:36,349 --> 00:23:37,117
AND IT'S BEEN INCREDIBLY

873
00:23:37,117 --> 00:23:37,984
DEPRESSING TO SEE REPORTS OF

874
00:23:37,984 --> 00:23:38,551
ANONYMOUS DEMOCRATIC LEADERS

875
00:23:38,551 --> 00:23:40,520
SAYING THINGS LIKE,

876
00:23:40,520 --> 00:23:41,187
"WE'VE ALL RESIGNED OURSELVES TO

877
00:23:41,187 --> 00:23:42,789
A SECOND TRUMP PRESIDENCY."

878
00:23:42,789 --> 00:23:44,758
BECAUSE FRANKLY, FUCK THAT.

879
00:23:44,758 --> 00:23:46,259
THERE'S JUST TOO MUCH ON THE

880
00:23:46,259 --> 00:23:49,662
LINE HERE TO GIVE UP.

881
00:23:49,662 --> 00:23:51,464
TRUMP AND THE BIGOTS AROUND HIM

882
00:23:51,464 --> 00:23:52,198
PLAN TO USE HIS VICTORY TO MAKE

883
00:23:52,198 --> 00:23:53,466
IMMIGRANTS' LIVES ABSOLUTE HELL.

884
00:23:53,466 --> 00:23:59,639
AND HE'S NOT EXACTLY HIDING IT.

885
00:23:59,639 --> 00:24:02,175
THEY ARE SENDING THEIR

886
00:24:02,175 --> 00:24:02,776
MURDERERS TO THE UNITED STATES

887
00:24:02,776 --> 00:24:04,944
OF AMERICA.

888
00:24:04,944 --> 00:24:08,782
THIS IS GOING TO BE VERY BAD.

889
00:24:08,782 --> 00:24:10,483
AND BAD THINGS ARE GOING TO

890
00:24:10,483 --> 00:24:11,317
HAPPEN AND YOU'RE SEEING IT

891
00:24:11,317 --> 00:24:12,252
HAPPEN ALL THE TIME.

892
00:24:12,252 --> 00:24:16,156
THAT'S WHY TO KEEP OUR FAMILIES

893
00:24:16,156 --> 00:24:17,590
SAFE THE REPUBLICAN PLATFORM

894
00:24:17,590 --> 00:24:19,192
PROMISES TO LAUNCH THE LARGEST

895
00:24:19,192 --> 00:24:19,793
DEPORTATION OPERATION IN THE

896
00:24:19,793 --> 00:24:24,064
HISTORY OF OUR COUNTRY.

897
00:24:24,064 --> 00:24:26,232
John: YEAH.

898
00:24:26,232 --> 00:24:26,700
HE'S SAYING IT ALL OUT

899
00:24:26,700 --> 00:24:27,267
LOUD THERE, TO ENTHUSIASTIC

900
00:24:27,267 --> 00:24:27,834
CHEERS FROM A CROWD, SOME OF

901
00:24:27,834 --> 00:24:28,702
WHOM HAVE

902
00:24:28,702 --> 00:24:29,969
CHEESE ON THEIR HEADS.

903
00:24:29,969 --> 00:24:31,237
AND HE'S NOT MAKING THAT UP--

904
00:24:31,237 --> 00:24:31,838
THAT'S THE REPUBLICAN PARTY'S

905
00:24:31,838 --> 00:24:33,139
OFFICIAL POSITION.

906
00:24:33,139 --> 00:24:35,308
THEIR NEW PLATFORM CALLS FOR

907
00:24:35,308 --> 00:24:35,809
THE LARGEST DEPORTATION

908
00:24:35,809 --> 00:24:37,677
OPERATION IN AMERICAN HISTORY.

909
00:24:37,677 --> 00:24:38,878
THEY EVEN

910
00:24:38,878 --> 00:24:40,013
MADE OFFICIAL SIGNS FOR PEOPLE

911
00:24:40,013 --> 00:24:40,680
TO WAVE, READING "MASS

912
00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:43,650
DEPORTATION NOW".

913
00:24:43,650 --> 00:24:44,250
AND EVEN IF COURTS SLOW THAT

914
00:24:44,250 --> 00:24:44,851
ATTEMPT DOWN-- WHICH IS BY NO

915
00:24:44,851 --> 00:24:47,320
MEANS A GUARANTEE--

916
00:24:47,320 --> 00:24:48,855
PROJECT 2025 OFFERS THEM LOTS OF

917
00:24:48,855 --> 00:24:50,724
OTHER BUREAUCRATIC WAYS TO HURT

918
00:24:50,724 --> 00:24:52,325
IMMIGRANTS, FROM

919
00:24:52,325 --> 00:24:53,059
TERMINATING THE LEGAL STATUS OF

920
00:24:53,059 --> 00:24:55,462
HALF A MILLION DREAMERS

921
00:24:55,462 --> 00:24:56,196
BY ELIMINATING STAFF TIME TO

922
00:24:56,196 --> 00:24:57,297
REVIEW AND PROCESS THEIR RENEWAL

923
00:24:57,297 --> 00:24:58,498
APPLICATIONS, TO

924
00:24:58,498 --> 00:25:00,433
BARRING U-S CITIZENS FROM

925
00:25:00,433 --> 00:25:01,034
QUALIFYING FOR FEDERAL HOUSING

926
00:25:01,034 --> 00:25:01,301
SUBSIDIES

927
00:25:01,301 --> 00:25:06,706
IF THEY LIVE WITH ANYONE WHO'S

928
00:25:06,706 --> 00:25:07,974
NOT A U.S. CITIZEN OR LEGAL

929
00:25:07,974 --> 00:25:08,408
PERMANENT RESIDENT.

930
00:25:08,408 --> 00:25:09,042
THOSE PLANS ARE OUTRAGEOUS, AND

931
00:25:09,042 --> 00:25:11,311
IF TRUMP WINS, THEY COULD BE

932
00:25:11,311 --> 00:25:12,345
PUBLIC POLICY.

933
00:25:12,345 --> 00:25:12,946
AND DEMOCRATIC LEADERS CANNOT

934
00:25:12,946 --> 00:25:14,681
SIT BACK AND RESIGN THEMSELVES

935
00:25:14,681 --> 00:25:16,182
TO THAT.

936
00:25:16,182 --> 00:25:18,952
THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS WE, AS

937
00:25:18,952 --> 00:25:19,619
AMERICANS, DO HAVE TO RESIGN

938
00:25:19,619 --> 00:25:20,453
OURSELVES TO:

939
00:25:20,453 --> 00:25:21,554
AIRLINE CANCELLATIONS,

940
00:25:21,554 --> 00:25:23,456
A NATIONAL ANTHEM WITH TOO MANY

941
00:25:23,456 --> 00:25:23,923
HIGH NOTES,

942
00:25:23,923 --> 00:25:30,997
GLEN POWELL INEVITABLY STARRING

943
00:25:31,197 --> 00:25:31,998
IN "A FIELD OF DREAMS" REMAKE.

944
00:25:31,998 --> 00:25:32,565
WE CAN'T FIGHT THOSE THINGS.

945
00:25:32,565 --> 00:25:33,199
BUT WE CAN, AND MUST FIGHT THIS.

946
00:25:33,199 --> 00:25:33,833
AND AT THE END OF THIS WEEK, IT

947
00:25:33,833 --> 00:25:35,101
SHOULD BE CLEAR TO ABSOLUTELY

948
00:25:35,101 --> 00:25:36,469
EVERYONE: IT DOESN'T MATTER IF

949
00:25:36,469 --> 00:25:37,270
TRUMP AND HIS PARTY SAY THEY

950
00:25:37,270 --> 00:25:38,838
HAVE A "NEW TONE" OR NOMINALLY

951
00:25:38,838 --> 00:25:40,206
CALL FOR "UNITY", OR THROW A

952
00:25:40,206 --> 00:25:41,307
CUTE DOG ONSTAGE FOR SOME

953
00:25:41,307 --> 00:25:43,943
REASON.

954
00:25:43,943 --> 00:25:46,112
THEY HAVE TOLD US WHO THEY ARE,

955
00:25:46,112 --> 00:25:48,748
THEY'VE TOLD US WHAT THEY WANT,

956
00:25:48,748 --> 00:25:49,683
THEY LITERALLY PUT IT ON A

957
00:25:49,683 --> 00:25:51,051
SIGN AND WAVED IT IN EVERYONE'S

958
00:25:51,051 --> 00:25:51,484
FACE.

959
00:25:51,484 --> 00:25:53,053
THEY'RE TRYING TO WIN THIS

960
00:25:53,053 --> 00:25:54,454
ELECTION BY POINTING A FINGER AT

961
00:25:54,454 --> 00:25:56,756
IMMIGRANTS, AND THE ONLY

962
00:25:56,756 --> 00:25:58,625
APPROPRIATE RESPONSE IS TO TAKE

963
00:25:58,625 --> 00:25:59,259
A CUE FROM THE SO-CALLED "SYMBOL

964
00:25:59,259 --> 00:26:01,761
OF THE BIDEN PRESIDENCY" AND

965
00:26:01,761 --> 00:26:08,134
SAY FUCK THAT SHIT.

966
00:26:08,134 --> 00:26:09,302
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

967
00:26:09,302 --> 00:26:12,772
AND NOW, THIS.

968
00:26:12,772 --> 00:26:14,674
AND NOW A FEW MORE HIGHLIGHTS

969
00:26:14,674 --> 00:26:16,710
FROM THE REPUBLICAN NATIONAL

970
00:26:16,710 --> 00:26:23,783
CONVENTION.

971
00:26:24,217 --> 00:26:27,120
YOU DIDN'T REALLY EXPECT

972
00:26:27,120 --> 00:26:27,787
THAT, DID YOU?

973
00:26:27,787 --> 00:26:29,289
WE WERE AT MAR-A-LAGO AND

974
00:26:29,289 --> 00:26:31,691
SOMEONE CAME UP TO HIM AND SAID,

975
00:26:31,691 --> 00:26:34,027
MR. TRUMP, ROD STEWART JUST

976
00:26:34,027 --> 00:26:36,496
WALKED IN BUT HE SAID, I DON'T

977
00:26:36,496 --> 00:26:37,464
CARE.

978
00:26:37,464 --> 00:26:37,897
THIS IS BEN CARSON.

979
00:26:37,897 --> 00:26:40,633
DONALD TRUMP, 21 CLUB

980
00:26:40,633 --> 00:26:42,702
CHAMPIONSHIPS.

981
00:26:42,702 --> 00:26:43,136
JOE BIDEN, 0.

982
00:26:43,136 --> 00:26:44,838
YOU WANT TO BE A REBEL?

983
00:26:44,838 --> 00:26:45,905
YOU WANT TO BE A HIPPIE?

984
00:26:45,905 --> 00:26:48,308
YOU WANT TO STICK IT TO THE MAN?

985
00:26:48,308 --> 00:26:50,744
SHOW UP ON YOUR COLLEGE CAMPUS

986
00:26:50,744 --> 00:26:51,778
AND TRY CALLING YOURSELF A

987
00:26:51,778 --> 00:26:52,112
CONSERVATIVE.

988
00:26:52,112 --> 00:26:54,314
I SOON WENT FROM MAKING

989
00:26:54,314 --> 00:26:56,983
WAFFLES TO MAKING HISTORY.

990
00:26:56,983 --> 00:26:58,718
THE ONLY SPEECH OR POEM OR

991
00:26:58,718 --> 00:27:00,153
SONG I MADE MY KIDS MEMORIZE

992
00:27:00,153 --> 00:27:01,688
WHEN THEY WERE YOUNG, WHEN THEY

993
00:27:01,688 --> 00:27:03,823
WERE A LITTLE, IT WAS THE

994
00:27:03,823 --> 00:27:04,257
GETTYSBURG ADDRESS.

995
00:27:04,257 --> 00:27:06,259
YOU'LL NEVER HEAR ME SAY I'M

996
00:27:06,259 --> 00:27:07,660
ON GOD'S SIDE OR GOD IS WITH ME

997
00:27:07,660 --> 00:27:10,330
OR EVEN I'M WITH GOD.

998
00:27:10,330 --> 00:27:12,032
THIS MORNING I DID WALK OUT

999
00:27:12,032 --> 00:27:15,935
OF FEDERAL PRISON.

1000
00:27:15,935 --> 00:27:18,705
I HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED MY HOT

1001
00:27:18,705 --> 00:27:18,938
FLASHES.

1002
00:27:18,938 --> 00:27:19,205
JUST WAIT.

1003
00:27:19,205 --> 00:27:22,275
♪ NO ROGAINE IN THE

1004
00:27:22,275 --> 00:27:25,378
PROPANE ♪

1005
00:27:25,378 --> 00:27:30,216
THIS IS OUR MISSION TO MAKE

1006
00:27:30,216 --> 00:27:30,784
AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!

1007
00:27:30,784 --> 00:27:33,119
I WAS BLEEDING LIKE A PIG AND

1008
00:27:33,119 --> 00:27:35,388
I WON THE WORLD TITLE RIGHT IN

1009
00:27:35,388 --> 00:27:36,523
FRONT OF DONALD J. TRUMP.

1010
00:27:36,523 --> 00:27:37,791
THANK YOU, KID ROCK.

1011
00:27:37,791 --> 00:27:40,994
SOMETIMES REFERRED TO AS BOB.

1012
00:27:40,994 --> 00:27:43,463
♪ SAY FIGHT ♪

1013
00:27:43,463 --> 00:27:50,537
♪ SAY TRUMP ♪

1014
00:27:50,937 --> 00:27:53,506
John: MOVING ON.

1015
00:27:53,506 --> 00:27:54,708
FINALLY TONIGHT, A QUICK WORD

1016
00:27:54,708 --> 00:27:56,242
ABOUT SPORTS.

1017
00:27:56,242 --> 00:27:56,876
EVERYONE LOVES THE BIG, POPULAR

1018
00:27:56,876 --> 00:27:57,477
SPORTS IN THIS COUNTRY, LIKE

1019
00:27:57,477 --> 00:27:57,977
"REAL FOOTBALL,"

1020
00:27:57,977 --> 00:27:58,878
"FAKE FOOTBALL,"

1021
00:27:58,878 --> 00:28:00,280
"PING PONG, BUT BIG",

1022
00:28:00,280 --> 00:28:00,880
"LET'S SEE HOW QUICKLY WE NEED

1023
00:28:00,880 --> 00:28:01,981
AN AMBULANCE",

1024
00:28:01,981 --> 00:28:02,749
"WAITING FOR SOMETHING TO HAPPEN

1025
00:28:02,749 --> 00:28:03,550
WHILE STANDING PATIENTLY IN A

1026
00:28:03,550 --> 00:28:04,751
FIELD", AND, OF COURSE,

1027
00:28:04,751 --> 00:28:06,353
PICKLEBALL, "THE THING THAT

1028
00:28:06,353 --> 00:28:07,387
KEEPS WHITE SUBURBAN MOMS OFF

1029
00:28:07,387 --> 00:28:09,155
Q-ANON SUBREDDITS."

1030
00:28:09,155 --> 00:28:10,390
AS YOU PROBABLY KNOW,

1031
00:28:10,390 --> 00:28:11,925
THE SUMMER OLYMPICS OPEN IN

1032
00:28:11,925 --> 00:28:12,625
PARIS ON FRIDAY, AND WHILE

1033
00:28:12,625 --> 00:28:14,094
THEY'RE ABOUT TO GET A TON OF

1034
00:28:14,094 --> 00:28:15,195
ATTENTION, I'D LIKE TO FOCUS ON

1035
00:28:15,195 --> 00:28:16,329
A DIFFERENT INTERNATIONAL

1036
00:28:16,329 --> 00:28:18,164
SPORTING EVENT THAT'S ACTUALLY

1037
00:28:18,164 --> 00:28:19,466
COMING UP A YEAR FROM NOW:

1038
00:28:19,466 --> 00:28:25,138
THE WORLD GAMES.

1039
00:28:25,138 --> 00:28:26,206
I WILL LET CBS NEWS EXPLAIN WHAT

1040
00:28:26,206 --> 00:28:26,873
THEY ARE.

1041
00:28:26,873 --> 00:28:28,541
YOU MAY NOT HAVE HEARD OF THE

1042
00:28:28,541 --> 00:28:30,610
WORLD GAMES BUT THEY'VE BEEN

1043
00:28:30,610 --> 00:28:32,245
HELD FOR NEARLY 40 YEARS.

1044
00:28:32,245 --> 00:28:34,647
34 SPORTS, MOST YOU ARE

1045
00:28:34,647 --> 00:28:36,616
PROBABLY SEEING FOR THE FIRST

1046
00:28:36,616 --> 00:28:37,717
TIME.

1047
00:28:37,717 --> 00:28:39,119
SWIMMING BUT WITH FINS.

1048
00:28:39,119 --> 00:28:41,221
SPEED SKATING USING IN-LINE

1049
00:28:41,221 --> 00:28:41,721
SKATES.

1050
00:28:41,721 --> 00:28:45,358
AND DRONE RACING THROUGH GATES

1051
00:28:45,358 --> 00:28:45,925
AROUND OBSTACLES AGAINST THE

1052
00:28:45,925 --> 00:28:46,760
CLOCK.

1053
00:28:46,760 --> 00:28:48,194
THEY ARE THE EMERGING SPORTS.

1054
00:28:48,194 --> 00:28:50,497
THESE ARE THE FASTING GROWING

1055
00:28:50,497 --> 00:28:51,297
SPORTS UNDER THE OLYMPIC

1056
00:28:51,297 --> 00:28:53,466
MOVEMENT AND THIS IS THEIR

1057
00:28:53,466 --> 00:28:54,000
PROVING GROUND.

1058
00:28:54,000 --> 00:28:55,001
THESE BOARDS ARE AUDITIONING

1059
00:28:55,001 --> 00:28:58,705
FOR A SPOT ON THE OLYMPICS?

1060
00:28:58,705 --> 00:29:00,540
THIS IS THEIR AUDITION TO BE

1061
00:29:00,540 --> 00:29:02,676
ON THE SUMMER OLYMPIC PLATFORM.

1062
00:29:02,676 --> 00:29:04,944
John: YES.

1063
00:29:04,944 --> 00:29:05,578
THE WORLD GAMES FEATURES A WIDE

1064
00:29:05,578 --> 00:29:07,480
ARRAY OF UNCONVENTIONAL SPORTS

1065
00:29:07,480 --> 00:29:07,947
FROM DRONE RACING, TO

1066
00:29:07,947 --> 00:29:08,548
ANGRY KAYAK TRAFFIC JAMS, TO

1067
00:29:08,548 --> 00:29:09,716
SWIMMING WHILE DRESSED IN WHAT I

1068
00:29:09,716 --> 00:29:11,885
CAN ONLY DESCRIBE AS FISH DRAG.

1069
00:29:11,885 --> 00:29:13,420
IF THE REGULAR OLYMPICS ARE

1070
00:29:13,420 --> 00:29:14,421
DISNEY WORLD, THINK OF THE WORLD

1071
00:29:14,421 --> 00:29:15,188
GAMES AS AN

1072
00:29:15,188 --> 00:29:15,722
ALLEYWAY NEAR TIMES SQUARE

1073
00:29:15,722 --> 00:29:21,161
FILLED WITH FOUR ANGRY OLAFS.

1074
00:29:21,161 --> 00:29:23,196
BY THE WAY, I'M NOT SAYING THAT

1075
00:29:23,196 --> 00:29:23,563
AS A BAD THING.

1076
00:29:23,563 --> 00:29:24,264
THE WORLD GAMES ARE AMAZING.

1077
00:29:24,264 --> 00:29:24,864
THEY STARTED IN 1981, AND HAVE

1078
00:29:24,864 --> 00:29:26,299
TRADITIONALLY INVOLVED SOME

1079
00:29:26,299 --> 00:29:27,033
SPORTS SO OBSCURE, EVEN

1080
00:29:27,033 --> 00:29:28,768
ANNOUNCERS DURING THE OPENING

1081
00:29:28,768 --> 00:29:30,203
CEREMONIES HAVE HAD TO EXPLAIN

1082
00:29:30,203 --> 00:29:32,238
WHAT THEY ARE, AS THEY DID AT

1083
00:29:32,238 --> 00:29:35,208
THE 1997 GAMES IN FINLAND:

1084
00:29:36,509 --> 00:29:42,549
FLOORBALL ACROSS BETWEEN

1085
00:29:42,549 --> 00:29:45,652
FIELD HOCKEY, BASED ON MODERN

1086
00:29:45,652 --> 00:29:48,254
ATTACKS WITH A MILITARY FIELD.

1087
00:29:48,254 --> 00:29:50,890
GRENADE THROWING IS ONE OF THE

1088
00:29:50,890 --> 00:29:51,858
ELEMENTS.

1089
00:29:51,858 --> 00:29:53,126
A FINISHED GAME BASED ON

1090
00:29:53,126 --> 00:29:53,393
BASEBALL.

1091
00:29:53,393 --> 00:29:56,329
John: I'M SORRY.

1092
00:29:56,329 --> 00:29:57,530
DID HE JUST SAY "GRENADE

1093
00:29:57,530 --> 00:29:58,565
THROWING"?

1094
00:29:58,565 --> 00:29:59,199
HE'S NOT ACTUALLY KIDDING ABOUT

1095
00:29:59,199 --> 00:29:59,399
THAT.

1096
00:29:59,399 --> 00:30:00,266
THERE'S A GRENADE-THROWING

1097
00:30:00,266 --> 00:30:00,800
COMPONENT TO THE MILITARY

1098
00:30:00,800 --> 00:30:02,569
PENTATHLON, WHICH SOUNDS COOL

1099
00:30:02,569 --> 00:30:04,070
UNTIL YOU SEE IT IN ACTION, AND

1100
00:30:04,070 --> 00:30:06,006
REALIZE, DISAPPOINTINGLY,

1101
00:30:06,006 --> 00:30:08,475
THEY'RE NOT USING LIVE GRENADES,

1102
00:30:08,475 --> 00:30:09,442
AND NOTHING'S EXPLODING.

1103
00:30:09,442 --> 00:30:09,976
SO HONESTLY, THEY COULD BE

1104
00:30:09,976 --> 00:30:10,577
THROWING ANY ROUND OBJECT THAT

1105
00:30:10,577 --> 00:30:11,478
WEIGHS ABOUT A POUND.

1106
00:30:11,478 --> 00:30:11,811
THEY COULD BE

1107
00:30:11,811 --> 00:30:12,779
TOSSING GUINEA PIGS AND IT WOULD

1108
00:30:12,779 --> 00:30:14,214
ESSENTIALLY BE THE SAME EVENT.

1109
00:30:14,214 --> 00:30:14,848
NOW, TO BE FAIR, SOME SPORTS ARE

1110
00:30:14,848 --> 00:30:16,149
MORE FAMILIAR, LIKE

1111
00:30:16,149 --> 00:30:18,218
TUG-OF-WAR, OR SELF-EXPLANATORY,

1112
00:30:18,218 --> 00:30:19,252
LIKE SPORT CLIMBING.

1113
00:30:19,252 --> 00:30:21,454
FUN FACT: ONE OF THAT SPORT'S

1114
00:30:21,454 --> 00:30:23,857
STARS IS ADAM ONDRA, A CZECH

1115
00:30:23,857 --> 00:30:24,290
CLIMBER WHO WON THE

1116
00:30:24,290 --> 00:30:25,191
WORLD GAMES ATHLETE OF THE YEAR

1117
00:30:25,191 --> 00:30:27,727
AWARD IN 2014, AND WHO'S BEEN

1118
00:30:27,727 --> 00:30:29,863
DESCRIBED AS "A BIT OF YELLER"

1119
00:30:29,863 --> 00:30:31,698
BECAUSE HE'S KNOWN FOR GETTING

1120
00:30:31,698 --> 00:30:32,832
HIS VOCAL CORDS INVOLVED WHEN HE

1121
00:30:32,832 --> 00:30:33,733
CLIMBS,

1122
00:30:33,733 --> 00:30:38,571
LIKE THIS:

1123
00:30:38,571 --> 00:30:43,977
[YELLING]

1124
00:30:43,977 --> 00:30:44,644
John: HOLY SHIT!

1125
00:30:44,644 --> 00:30:45,445
THAT SOUNDS LESS LIKE SOMEONE

1126
00:30:45,445 --> 00:30:47,013
CLIMBING ROCKS, AND MORE LIKE

1127
00:30:47,013 --> 00:30:47,580
JIM CRAMER REACHING A SEXUAL

1128
00:30:47,580 --> 00:30:50,116
CLIMAX.

1129
00:30:50,116 --> 00:30:51,451
OTHER SPORTS ARE A TWIST ON

1130
00:30:51,451 --> 00:30:52,385
FAMILIAR EVENTS, LIKE

1131
00:30:52,385 --> 00:30:54,087
ARTISTIC ROLLER SKATING--

1132
00:30:54,087 --> 00:30:55,789
BASICALLY, FIGURE SKATING ON

1133
00:30:55,789 --> 00:30:56,823
ROLLER SKATES, WHILE WEARING

1134
00:30:56,823 --> 00:30:58,458
OUTFITS THAT ASK THE QUESTION:

1135
00:30:58,458 --> 00:30:59,626
"WHAT IF IRON MAN SHARED BOB

1136
00:30:59,626 --> 00:31:01,494
MACKIE'S PASSION FOR SEQUINS?"

1137
00:31:01,494 --> 00:31:02,929
BUT OTHERS ARE LESS FLASHY, LIKE

1138
00:31:02,929 --> 00:31:03,963
ORIENTEERING, WHERE YOU

1139
00:31:03,963 --> 00:31:05,165
ESSENTIALLY JOG THROUGH THE

1140
00:31:05,165 --> 00:31:06,866
WOODS TO FIND CHECKPOINTS USING

1141
00:31:06,866 --> 00:31:07,767
A MAP AND A COMPASS.

1142
00:31:07,767 --> 00:31:12,972
IT'S A SPORT DESCRIBED BY A

1143
00:31:12,972 --> 00:31:14,474
FORMER MEMBER OF THE US

1144
00:31:14,474 --> 00:31:15,442
NATIONAL TEAM LIKE THIS:

1145
00:31:15,442 --> 00:31:19,846
THERE'S WEIGHTS IN THE WOOD

1146
00:31:19,846 --> 00:31:21,548
WITH AN ELECTRONIC BEEPER AT THE

1147
00:31:21,548 --> 00:31:21,715
TOP.

1148
00:31:21,715 --> 00:31:23,183
EACH CONTROL YOU PUNCH IN AND IT

1149
00:31:23,183 --> 00:31:24,551
GOES BEEP.

1150
00:31:24,551 --> 00:31:25,719
IT'S 3 KILOMETERS LONG.

1151
00:31:25,719 --> 00:31:30,924
COULD TAKE YOU 20 MINUTES.

1152
00:31:30,924 --> 00:31:33,526
IT APPEALS TO A CERTAIN TYPE OF

1153
00:31:33,526 --> 00:31:34,027
PERSON.

1154
00:31:34,027 --> 00:31:34,561
I CALL THEM YOUNG NERDS.

1155
00:31:34,561 --> 00:31:35,829
John: YEAH.

1156
00:31:35,829 --> 00:31:36,963
THAT MAKES SENSE.

1157
00:31:36,963 --> 00:31:38,131
TO BE GOOD AT ORIENTEERING, YOU

1158
00:31:38,131 --> 00:31:38,732
HAVE TO BE YOUNG ENOUGH TO RUN

1159
00:31:38,732 --> 00:31:39,366
THROUGH THE WOODS WITHOUT

1160
00:31:39,366 --> 00:31:41,434
HURTING YOURSELF, AND NERDY

1161
00:31:41,434 --> 00:31:42,936
ENOUGH TO BE GOOD AT USING PAPER

1162
00:31:42,936 --> 00:31:44,170
MAPS IN THE PRESENT DAY-- A

1163
00:31:44,170 --> 00:31:45,205
TIME WHEN, IF YOU GOOGLE

1164
00:31:45,205 --> 00:31:46,139
"WHERE CAN I BUY A PAPER MAP?"

1165
00:31:46,139 --> 00:31:46,973
IT JUST REPLIES,

1166
00:31:46,973 --> 00:31:48,975
"WHY?"

1167
00:31:48,975 --> 00:31:50,543
AND IF YOU'RE ONLY INTERESTED IN

1168
00:31:50,543 --> 00:31:51,745
WATCHING A BUNCH OF PEOPLE

1169
00:31:51,745 --> 00:31:54,914
FIGHTING OVER A BALL, THE WORLD

1170
00:31:54,914 --> 00:31:58,251
GAMES HAS YOU COVERED THERE, TOO

1171
00:31:58,251 --> 00:31:59,386
THERE'S FISTBALL, WHICH IS LIKE

1172
00:31:59,386 --> 00:32:00,053
VOLLEYBALL, BUT ANGRIER;

1173
00:32:00,053 --> 00:32:00,687
FLOORBALL, WHICH IS LIKE HOCKEY,

1174
00:32:00,687 --> 00:32:01,421
BUT LESS ANGRY; AND

1175
00:32:01,421 --> 00:32:02,322
KORFBALL-- A MIXED-GENDER

1176
00:32:02,322 --> 00:32:03,289
BASKETBALL-ADJACENT SPORT.

1177
00:32:03,289 --> 00:32:04,758
THERE ARE ALSO

1178
00:32:04,758 --> 00:32:06,092
WATER-BASED COMPETITIONS, LIKE

1179
00:32:06,092 --> 00:32:08,962
LIFESAVING, WHICH INCLUDES AN

1180
00:32:08,962 --> 00:32:11,331
ELEMENT CALLED "MANIKIN CARRY"

1181
00:32:11,331 --> 00:32:11,831
WHERE SWIMMERS RESCUE A

1182
00:32:11,831 --> 00:32:13,233
WATER-LOGGED DUMMY AND

1183
00:32:13,233 --> 00:32:13,767
SCHLEP IT TO SAFETY; AND

1184
00:32:13,767 --> 00:32:14,634
TRICK WATERSKIING, WHICH,

1185
00:32:14,634 --> 00:32:15,602
FRANKLY, JUST LOOKS LIKE JESUS

1186
00:32:15,602 --> 00:32:16,002
SHOWING OFF.

1187
00:32:16,002 --> 00:32:17,470
AND FINALLY, THERE ARE

1188
00:32:17,470 --> 00:32:19,506
AIR SPORTS, LIKE SKYDIVING,

1189
00:32:19,506 --> 00:32:20,540
EITHER SOLO OR IN A GROUP, AND

1190
00:32:20,540 --> 00:32:22,475
PARAMOTORING WHICH IS WHERE YOU

1191
00:32:22,475 --> 00:32:24,711
MOUNT A PROPELLER ONTO YOUR BODY

1192
00:32:24,711 --> 00:32:25,712
WITH A HARNESS AND TRY NOT TO

1193
00:32:25,712 --> 00:32:27,747
DIE.

1194
00:32:27,747 --> 00:32:29,115
AND I'M SORRY BUT EVEN BOEING'S

1195
00:32:29,115 --> 00:32:30,684
LOOKING AT THAT AND THINKING:

1196
00:32:30,684 --> 00:32:32,185
"I DUNNO, THAT DOESN'T SEEM LIKE

1197
00:32:32,185 --> 00:32:34,554
A SAFE AIRCRAFT".

1198
00:32:34,554 --> 00:32:36,890
FUN FACT: IF YOU GOOGLE

1199
00:32:36,890 --> 00:32:40,293
PARAMOTORING, ONE OF THE FIRST

1200
00:32:40,293 --> 00:32:42,729
RESULTS YOU GET IS, AND THIS IS

1201
00:32:42,729 --> 00:32:44,931
TRUE, A WEBSITE FOR INJURY

1202
00:32:44,931 --> 00:32:45,298
ATTORNEYS.

1203
00:32:45,298 --> 00:32:45,865
BUT IT'S NOT JUST THE WORLD

1204
00:32:45,865 --> 00:32:46,399
GAMES EVENTS THAT CAN BE

1205
00:32:46,399 --> 00:32:46,833
MAGNIFICENTLY WEIRD.

1206
00:32:46,833 --> 00:32:47,467
IT'S ALSO THE PAGEANTRY AROUND

1207
00:32:47,467 --> 00:32:49,035
THEM.

1208
00:32:49,035 --> 00:32:51,271
BECAUSE WHILE THE OLYMPICS IS

1209
00:32:51,271 --> 00:32:52,706
LIKELY TO BE LAUDED FOR ITS

1210
00:32:52,706 --> 00:32:53,840
OPENING CEREMONY ON

1211
00:32:53,840 --> 00:32:55,041
FRIDAY, I GUARANTEE YOU PARIS

1212
00:32:55,041 --> 00:32:56,009
WON'T BE ABLE TO PRODUCE

1213
00:32:56,009 --> 00:32:57,477
ANYTHING AS UNFORGETTABLY WEIRD

1214
00:32:57,477 --> 00:32:59,979
AS THIS MOMENT FROM THE CLOSING

1215
00:32:59,979 --> 00:33:03,316
CEREMONY OF THE '93 WORLD GAMES

1216
00:33:03,316 --> 00:33:06,219
IN THE HAGUE, FEATURING A FROG

1217
00:33:06,219 --> 00:33:08,655
CHARACTER THAT'S BOTH LACKLUSTER

1218
00:33:08,655 --> 00:33:10,790
AND SOMEHOW, WILDLY CULTURALLY

1219
00:33:10,790 --> 00:33:14,094
INSENSITIVE.

1220
00:33:14,094 --> 00:33:17,297
THE FROG GOES ON A JOURNEY.

1221
00:33:17,297 --> 00:33:18,231
WORLD GAMES 1993 IN THE HAGAR

1222
00:33:18,231 --> 00:33:20,834
OVER AND DONE WITH.

1223
00:33:20,834 --> 00:33:25,705
SOUTH AFRICA IS THE NEXT SPOT,

1224
00:33:25,705 --> 00:33:34,047
1997.

1225
00:33:34,647 --> 00:33:39,119
♪ ♪

1226
00:33:40,286 --> 00:33:43,223
John: OKAY.

1227
00:33:43,223 --> 00:33:44,457
I DON'T USUALLY DO THIS

1228
00:33:44,457 --> 00:33:45,992
BUT I WANT YOU TO PAUSE THIS

1229
00:33:45,992 --> 00:33:46,593
RIGHT NOW, AND WRITE DOWN WHAT

1230
00:33:46,593 --> 00:33:49,195
YOU THINK YOU JUST SAW.

1231
00:33:49,195 --> 00:33:50,764
I DON'T WANT TO DO IT FOR YOU,

1232
00:33:50,764 --> 00:33:51,364
JUST WRITE DOWN WHAT YOU FEEL

1233
00:33:51,364 --> 00:33:52,465
YOU JUST WITNESSED.

1234
00:33:52,465 --> 00:33:53,366
THEN COME BACK AND I'LL TELL YOU

1235
00:33:53,366 --> 00:33:54,434
WHAT I THINK.

1236
00:33:54,434 --> 00:33:58,805
OKAY, YOU BACK?

1237
00:33:58,805 --> 00:34:00,440
HERE IS WHAT I THINK THAT WAS.

1238
00:34:00,440 --> 00:34:02,809
SOMEONE IN NOT NOT BLACK FACE

1239
00:34:02,809 --> 00:34:04,144
DRESSED LIKE EMINEM FROM 2008 OR

1240
00:34:04,144 --> 00:34:08,715
JUSTIN BIEBER FROM 2019 IS BEING

1241
00:34:08,715 --> 00:34:10,016
SEALED BACK UP INTO WHAT WAS A

1242
00:34:10,016 --> 00:34:11,084
LILYPAD-LIKE PLATFORM AND HAS

1243
00:34:11,084 --> 00:34:12,719
NOW TAKEN THE SHAPE OF A GEORGIA

1244
00:34:12,719 --> 00:34:14,921
O'KEEFE VAGINA FLOWER COSPLAYING

1245
00:34:14,921 --> 00:34:16,022
AUDREY II FROM LITTLE SHOP OF

1246
00:34:16,022 --> 00:34:17,090
HORRORS.

1247
00:34:17,090 --> 00:34:18,291
AUDREY THE CLIT IS THEN WHEELED

1248
00:34:18,291 --> 00:34:21,528
ON WHAT IS PROBABLY ONE OF THOSE

1249
00:34:21,528 --> 00:34:25,231
LITTLE SCOOTERS FROM GYM CLASS

1250
00:34:25,231 --> 00:34:26,332
INTO A COVEN OF SEWN IN GHOSTS

1251
00:34:26,332 --> 00:34:28,301
IN THEIR LAIR OF

1252
00:34:28,301 --> 00:34:28,868
WHAT LOOKS LIKE A GOSSAMER

1253
00:34:28,868 --> 00:34:30,236
PLACENTA, ALL

1254
00:34:30,236 --> 00:34:31,671
WHILE TWO 50'S BELLHOPS AND/OR

1255
00:34:31,671 --> 00:34:32,305
POLAR EXPRESS CONDUCTORS WAVE A

1256
00:34:32,305 --> 00:34:32,972
STOIC GOODBYE.

1257
00:34:32,972 --> 00:34:33,940
THAT'S WHAT I GOT FROM THAT.

1258
00:34:33,940 --> 00:34:35,041
I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU HAD, BUT

1259
00:34:35,041 --> 00:34:40,046
THERE ARE NO WRONG ANSWERS.

1260
00:34:40,046 --> 00:34:44,451
WHEN IT COMES TO THAT SHIFT...

1261
00:34:44,918 --> 00:34:45,418
NEXT YEAR'S WORLD GAMES WILL

1262
00:34:45,418 --> 00:34:46,386
APPARENTLY BE IN

1263
00:34:46,386 --> 00:34:47,287
CHENGDU, CHINA AND THEY'VE

1264
00:34:47,287 --> 00:34:47,954
ALREADY BEEN PROMOTING IT WITH A

1265
00:34:47,954 --> 00:34:49,222
PANDA NAMED "MR. PANDA" WHO'S

1266
00:34:49,222 --> 00:34:49,856
BEEN FILMED ENJOYING ACTIVITIES

1267
00:34:49,856 --> 00:34:50,390
LIKE PLAYING TUG OF WAR,

1268
00:34:50,390 --> 00:34:51,558
HUGGING PEOPLE ON MASS TRANSIT,

1269
00:34:51,558 --> 00:34:54,828
AND SEEMING TO BEAT THE

1270
00:34:54,828 --> 00:34:55,762
EVER-LIVING SHIT OUT OF SOMEONE.

1271
00:34:55,762 --> 00:34:56,596
AND YOU MIGHT BE THINKING: "WHY

1272
00:34:56,596 --> 00:34:57,230
ARE YOU TELLING ME ABOUT ANY OF

1273
00:34:57,230 --> 00:34:57,597
THIS RIGHT NOW?"

1274
00:34:57,597 --> 00:34:59,666
WELL, FIRST: I DUNNO.

1275
00:34:59,666 --> 00:35:01,368
THE WORLD'S A PRETTY SHITTY

1276
00:35:01,368 --> 00:35:03,803
PLACE RIGHT NOW, DO YOU NOT WANT

1277
00:35:03,803 --> 00:35:05,238
TO BE TOLD ABOUT MR. PANDA?

1278
00:35:05,238 --> 00:35:05,872
WOULD YOU RATHER TALK ABOUT HOW

1279
00:35:05,872 --> 00:35:06,673
SOMEONE MANAGED TO GET A

1280
00:35:06,673 --> 00:35:07,240
SEMIAUTOMATIC RIFLE PAST THE

1281
00:35:07,240 --> 00:35:08,608
SECRET SERVICE?

1282
00:35:08,608 --> 00:35:09,409
OR ARE WE ALLOWED TO HAVE SOME

1283
00:35:09,409 --> 00:35:15,482
FUCKING FUN FOR A SECOND?

1284
00:35:15,482 --> 00:35:15,949
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

1285
00:35:15,949 --> 00:35:18,685
PLEASE LET ME HAVE THIS!

1286
00:35:18,685 --> 00:35:19,686
BUT ALSO THAT'S NOT THE ONLY

1287
00:35:19,686 --> 00:35:20,653
REASON.

1288
00:35:20,653 --> 00:35:21,755
BECAUSE IT ALSO TURNS OUT, THE

1289
00:35:21,755 --> 00:35:23,390
WORLD GAMES WEBSITE INCLUDES

1290
00:35:23,390 --> 00:35:24,524
A SUGGESTION BOX, WHERE FANS ARE

1291
00:35:24,524 --> 00:35:26,326
ABLE TO "SUBMIT YOUR IDEA" FOR

1292
00:35:26,326 --> 00:35:26,893
LITERALLY ANYTHING.

1293
00:35:26,893 --> 00:35:27,394
THAT'S RIGHT: THEY TAKE

1294
00:35:27,394 --> 00:35:28,595
REQUESTS!

1295
00:35:28,595 --> 00:35:29,796
AND WHILE THEY APPARENTLY

1296
00:35:29,796 --> 00:35:30,930
ALREADY HAVE A LIST OF SPORTS

1297
00:35:30,930 --> 00:35:32,866
FOR NEXT YEAR, I'M HOPING IF WE

1298
00:35:32,866 --> 00:35:34,000
ENGAGE NOW, WE CAN PERSUADE THEM

1299
00:35:34,000 --> 00:35:35,702
TO ADD ANOTHER.

1300
00:35:35,702 --> 00:35:36,770
BECAUSE WHILE I LOVE EVERY

1301
00:35:36,770 --> 00:35:38,338
BATSHIT EVENT YOU'VE SEEN SO

1302
00:35:38,338 --> 00:35:38,905
FAR, I DO THINK THEY CAN GET

1303
00:35:38,905 --> 00:35:40,573
WEIRDER.

1304
00:35:40,573 --> 00:35:42,342
PERHAPS THEY CAN INCLUDE

1305
00:35:42,342 --> 00:35:43,943
BLADESPORTS, A REAL FORM OF

1306
00:35:43,943 --> 00:35:45,478
COMPETITION WHERE YOU RUN AROUND

1307
00:35:45,478 --> 00:35:46,112
WITH A SHARP BLADE AND CHOP UP

1308
00:35:46,112 --> 00:35:46,579
RANDOM OBJECTS.

1309
00:35:46,579 --> 00:35:50,517
HERE'S A TASTE:

1310
00:35:57,857 --> 00:36:04,864
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]

1311
00:36:05,632 --> 00:36:08,835
[LAUGHTER]

1312
00:36:08,835 --> 00:36:10,704
John: YEAH.

1313
00:36:10,704 --> 00:36:12,138
IT'S REALLY GOOD.

1314
00:36:12,138 --> 00:36:13,473
FROM THE WATER BOTTLES FLASHING

1315
00:36:13,473 --> 00:36:15,975
TO A MAN IN JEANS ELEGANTLY

1316
00:36:15,975 --> 00:36:17,143
PERFORMING A ROPE BRIS.

1317
00:36:17,143 --> 00:36:18,378
IT'S BASICALLY JUST CELEBRATING

1318
00:36:18,378 --> 00:36:19,012
WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF A CHEF WENT

1319
00:36:19,012 --> 00:36:19,646
OFF THE DEEP END, AND I THINK IT

1320
00:36:19,646 --> 00:36:22,382
NEEDS TO BE ON THE GLOBAL STAGE.

1321
00:36:22,382 --> 00:36:23,983
OR HOW ABOUT COMBAT JUGGLING?

1322
00:36:23,983 --> 00:36:24,517
ANOTHER REAL SPORT THAT'S

1323
00:36:24,517 --> 00:36:25,085
EXACTLY AS INCREDIBLE AS IT

1324
00:36:25,085 --> 00:36:26,519
SOUNDS:

1325
00:36:29,155 --> 00:36:31,424
THIS IS THE SPORT OF COMBAT

1326
00:36:31,424 --> 00:36:31,691
JUGGLING.

1327
00:36:31,691 --> 00:36:33,960
AN AGGRESSIVE FORM OF OBJECT

1328
00:36:33,960 --> 00:36:34,494
MANIPULATION COMBINED WITH

1329
00:36:34,494 --> 00:36:36,096
DEBILITATING ATTACKS.

1330
00:36:36,096 --> 00:36:38,064
EACH PLAYER MUST MAINTAIN

1331
00:36:38,064 --> 00:36:39,799
CONTROL OF OVER THREE CLUBS AT

1332
00:36:39,799 --> 00:36:40,100
ALL TIMES.

1333
00:36:40,100 --> 00:36:41,668
OF THE TEMPTATION TO SMASH

1334
00:36:41,668 --> 00:36:43,970
THE OTHER GUY IN THE FACE MUST

1335
00:36:43,970 --> 00:36:44,771
BE OVERWHELMING.

1336
00:36:44,771 --> 00:36:46,006
John: THAT IS AN ABSOLUTE

1337
00:36:46,006 --> 00:36:47,574
MASTER CLASS IN SAYING WHAT YOUR

1338
00:36:47,574 --> 00:36:48,274
ENTIRE AUDIENCE IS THINKING.

1339
00:36:48,274 --> 00:36:49,175
"THANKS FOR REHASHING THE RULES,

1340
00:36:49,175 --> 00:36:49,743
DAVE BUT I THINK WE CAN ALL

1341
00:36:49,743 --> 00:36:50,844
AGREE, ITS INCREDIBLE THAT THE

1342
00:36:50,844 --> 00:36:51,845
PRIMATIVE URGE TO FUCKIN SMASH

1343
00:36:51,845 --> 00:36:52,779
IS BEING RESTRAINED AT THIS

1344
00:36:52,779 --> 00:36:53,913
MOMENT."

1345
00:36:53,913 --> 00:36:56,082
AND THAT'S JUST THE START.

1346
00:36:56,082 --> 00:36:57,484
WHAT ABOUT BOG SNORKELING?

1347
00:36:57,484 --> 00:36:58,084
BASICALLY, SNORKELING, BUT IN

1348
00:36:58,084 --> 00:37:00,553
FILTHY MARSH WATER.

1349
00:37:00,553 --> 00:37:03,156
OR CHESS BOXING, WHICH ASKS THE

1350
00:37:03,156 --> 00:37:05,692
QUESTION "CAN YOU PLAY CHESS

1351
00:37:05,692 --> 00:37:07,594
WITH A CONCUSSION?"

1352
00:37:07,594 --> 00:37:08,695
OR EVEN TOE WRESTLING?

1353
00:37:08,695 --> 00:37:09,529
WRESTLING WITH TOES!

1354
00:37:09,529 --> 00:37:11,131
IT WAS APPARENTLY INVENTED IN

1355
00:37:11,131 --> 00:37:15,001
1976 IN AN ATTEMPT TO FIND A NEW

1356
00:37:15,001 --> 00:37:16,903
SPORT FOR BRITISH PEOPLE TO

1357
00:37:16,903 --> 00:37:19,072
DOMINATE.

1358
00:37:19,072 --> 00:37:20,840
WE TOOK THE END OF EMPIRE HARD.

1359
00:37:20,840 --> 00:37:21,708
THE POINT IS, THERE ARE NO BAD

1360
00:37:21,708 --> 00:37:23,410
SUGGESTIONS HERE.

1361
00:37:23,410 --> 00:37:24,310
THOUGH I'LL BE HONEST, THE ONE I

1362
00:37:24,310 --> 00:37:25,979
WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD GAMES

1363
00:37:25,979 --> 00:37:27,047
IS BLADESPORTS.

1364
00:37:27,047 --> 00:37:28,214
BECAUSE WHO DOESN'T WANT TO SEE

1365
00:37:28,214 --> 00:37:30,316
PEOPLE ALL OVER THE WORLD, IN

1366
00:37:30,316 --> 00:37:31,284
DENIM, COMPETING TO SEE WHO DOES

1367
00:37:31,284 --> 00:37:35,955
THIS THE BEST?

1368
00:37:38,358 --> 00:37:38,792
John: YES!

1369
00:37:38,792 --> 00:37:40,326
I LOVE THAT SO MUCH.

1370
00:37:40,326 --> 00:37:40,927
SO WHATEVER SPORT YOU WANT TO

1371
00:37:40,927 --> 00:37:41,861
SEE, BUT DEFINITELY BLADESPORTS,

1372
00:37:41,861 --> 00:37:48,101
JUST GO TO

1373
00:37:48,101 --> 00:37:49,402
TheWorldGames.org,

1374
00:37:49,402 --> 00:37:51,071
SCROLL DOWN TO THE

1375
00:37:51,071 --> 00:37:51,604
SUGGESTION BOX, AND TYPE

1376
00:37:51,604 --> 00:37:52,005
"BLADESPORTS!" OR

1377
00:37:52,005 --> 00:37:52,706
"BLADESPORTS PLEASE" OR

1378
00:37:52,706 --> 00:37:53,340
"BLADESPORTS, CHOP CHOP!", WHICH

1379
00:37:53,340 --> 00:37:54,474
IS BOTH A DIRECTIVE AND A FUN

1380
00:37:54,474 --> 00:37:54,941
DESCRIPTION FOR OTHER

1381
00:37:54,941 --> 00:37:55,508
BLADESPORTS FANS, WHICH I'VE

1382
00:37:55,508 --> 00:37:56,142
BEEN EVER SINCE I LEARNED ABOUT

1383
00:37:56,142 --> 00:37:56,810
BLADESPORTS ABOUT 36 HOURS AGO.

1384
00:37:56,810 --> 00:37:57,444
DO IT RIGHT NOW, AND WE CAN HAVE

1385
00:37:57,444 --> 00:37:58,244
A WORLD GAMES NEXT YEAR THAT WE

1386
00:37:58,244 --> 00:38:00,413
WANT, BUT DO NOT DESERVE.

1387
00:38:02,749 --> 00:38:04,651
BUT DEEP DOWN KNOW WE DO NOT

1388
00:38:04,651 --> 00:38:05,285
FULLY DESERVED.

1389
00:38:05,285 --> 00:38:06,820
AND WHAT A BETTER WAY TO END

1390
00:38:06,820 --> 00:38:08,088
THIS SHOW THAN IN THE

1391
00:38:08,088 --> 00:38:10,123
TRADITIONAL WORLD GAMES MANNER.

1392
00:38:10,123 --> 00:38:11,358
THAT IS, BY HAVING TWO BELLHOPS

1393
00:38:11,358 --> 00:38:11,925
ESCORT ME TOWARD A SWARM OF

1394
00:38:11,925 --> 00:38:12,892
UNDULATING FREAKS DRESSED LIKE

1395
00:38:12,892 --> 00:38:15,028
SENTIENT SHEETS OF WET TOILET

1396
00:38:15,028 --> 00:38:15,862
PAPER WHILE MY BELLHOPS WAVE ME

1397
00:38:15,862 --> 00:38:19,566
GOODBYE.

1398
00:38:19,566 --> 00:38:22,102
THAT IS OUR SHOW.

1399
00:38:22,102 --> 00:38:23,303
THANKS SO MUCH FOR WATCHING,

1400
00:38:23,303 --> 00:38:24,037
WE'LL SEE YOU NEXT WEEK!

1401
00:38:24,037 --> 00:38:30,276
GOODNIGHT!

1402
00:38:30,276 --> 00:38:31,478
GOOD NIGHT, BELLHOPS!

1403
00:38:31,478 --> 00:38:31,978
GOODBYE!

1404
00:38:31,978 --> 00:38:33,513
FAREWELL!

1405
00:38:33,513 --> 00:38:34,681
I MUST LEAVE YOU NOW.

1406
00:38:34,681 --> 00:38:38,518
THANK YOU, FREAKS.

1407
00:38:38,518 --> 00:38:40,153
THANK YOU, UNDULATING SHEETS.

1408
00:38:40,153 --> 00:38:42,222
WE MUST GO!

1409
00:38:42,222 --> 00:38:42,756
FAREWELL!

1410
00:38:42,756 --> 00:38:46,760
I LOVE BLADESPORTS!

1411
00:38:46,760 --> 00:38:47,660
GIVE ME