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♪ ♪

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♪ ♪

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[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

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John: WELCOME, WELCOME,

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WELCOME TO "LAST WEEK TONIGHT"!

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I'M JOHN OLIVER.

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THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR JOINING

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US.

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WE'RE BACK AND IT HAS BEEN A

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BUSY WEEK!

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BOEING'S STARLINER CAPSULE

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RETURNED HOME FROM SPACE,

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WITHOUT ITS ASTRONAUTS ON BOARD.

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HUNTER BIDEN PLEADED GUILTY TO

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TAX CHARGES.

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AND VENEZUELA'S PRESIDENT

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NICOLAS MADURO TRIED TO STEM

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PROTESTS OVER WHAT'S WIDELY SEEN

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AS JULY'S STOLEN ELECTION, WITH

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THIS DESPERATE ANNOUNCEMENT.

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THIS YEAR, IN ALL OF YOUR

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HONOR AS A THANK YOU TO ALL OF

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YOU, I'M DECLARING THAT

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CHRISTMAS IS MOVING UP TO

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OCTOBER 1ST.

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CHRISTMAS STARTS OCTOBER 1ST.

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FOR EVERYONE.

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John: OH, COME ON!

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YOU CAN'T JUST THROW UP

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CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS IN OCTOBER

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TO DISTRACT FROM YOUR SHITTY

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POLITICS, YOU'RE NOT HOBBY

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LOBBY.

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ALSO, CHRISTMAS DOESN'T START

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WHEN A PRESIDENT SAYS IT DOES.

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AS WE ALL KNOW, CHRISTMAS STARTS

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WHEN MARIAH CAREY POPS OUT OF

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HER 11 MONTH COMA.

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WAIT FOR HER SIGNAL.

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BUT WE'RE GOING TO MOVE ON TO

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THE U.S. ELECTION, WHICH IS

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ENTERING ITS FINAL MONTHS.

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SEVERAL STATES HAVE BEEN RUNNING

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CONTESTS TO PICK THEIR "I VOTED"

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STICKERS, AND JUST THIS WEEK,

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MICHIGAN UNVEILED NINE WINNERS,

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FEATURING SOME EXCELLENT

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CHOICES.

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CONGRATULATIONS TO OLIVIA

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FROM HOLLY HIGH SCHOOL SHE

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DESIGNED THIS COLORFUL STICKER

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THAT SAYS "YAY I VOTED."

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AND WE ALSO WANT TO SHOW YOU

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THIS ONE THIS ONE IS CRAZY I

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LOVE IT JANE FROM BROWNELL

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MIDDLE SCHOOL.

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IT'S AN AMERICAN FLAG AND

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APPEARS TO BE A WOLF RIPPING OFF

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HIS SHIRT.

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JUST TURNT UP FROM VOTING.

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John: YES.

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EVERYTHING ABOUT THAT'S PERFECT.

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THE LINE WORK, THE KINETIC

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ENERGY OF THE SHIRT BEING RIPPED

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OFF, THE WOLF'S HEAD THROWN BACK

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IN PATRIOTIC ECSTASY AT THE

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CONCEPT OF DEMOCRACY.

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I KNOW THIS ISN'T THE POINT, BUT

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I'D COMMIT VOTER FRAUD TO GET

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MULTIPLES OF THAT STICKER.

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AND IT'S NOT JUST MICHIGAN--

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KENTUCKY'S WINNER WAS THIS

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LOVELY DRAWING OF A HORSE, BUT

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MY FAVORITE THERE WAS ACTUALLY

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THIS RUNNER-UP ENTRY.

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THIRD GRADER CASH LITZLER OF

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FLEMINGSBURG WON OVER THE

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INTERNET'S HUMOR WITH HIS

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DRAWING THAT WAS LESS

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CONVENTIONAL THAN OTHERS.

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BUT I'LL LET HIM EXPLAIN THE

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INSPIRATION.

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I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DRAW.

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SO, I WATCHED THE SPIDER-MAN

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MOVIES LIKE THREE DAYS BEFORE IT

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AND I WAS JUST DRAWING.

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AND THEN MOM TOLD ME ABOUT THE

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CONTEST, AND I WANTED TO ENTER

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IT.

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MOM TELLS ME CASH'S THINKING

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WAS, "IF LIZARD MAN CAN VOTE,

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YOU CAN TOO."

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John: "IF LIZARD MAN CAN

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VOTE, YOU CAN TOO."

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THAT IS A POWERFUL MESSAGE.

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AT THE END OF THE DAY, LIZARD

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MEN IN DISGUISE DON'T SECRETLY

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RUN THE GOVERNMENT, THEY GET ONE

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VOTE, JUST LIKE YOU AND ME.

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AS FOR THE PRESIDENTIAL

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CANDIDATES, THEY'RE SCHEDULED TO

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DEBATE NEXT TUESDAY.

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AND TRUMP CONTINUES TO BATTLE

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THE FACT THAT HE AND J.D. VANCE

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HAVE BEEN CALLED "WEIRD"-- A

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LABEL THAT SEEMS TO GENUINELY

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BOTHER HIM.

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J.D.'S NOT WEIRD.

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HE'S A SOLID ROCK.

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I HAPPEN TO BE A VERY SOLID

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ROCK.

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WE'RE NOT WEIRD.

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WE'RE OTHER THINGS, PERHAPS.

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BUT WE'RE NOT WEIRD.

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John: BUT THAT'S THE WEIRDEST

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POSSIBLE WAY TO ADDRESS THAT

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ACCUSATION.

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"HE'S A SOLID ROCK.

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I HAPPEN TO BE A VERY SOLID

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ROCK."

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WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

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I'M NOT SURE I'D DESCRIBE ANY

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PART OF J.D. VANCE AS "ROCK

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SOLID."

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UNLESS, OF COURSE, HE WAS IN A

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WEST ELM SHOWROOM.

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THOUGH TRUMP'S HALF RIGHT!

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HE AND VANCE ARE LOTS OF THINGS:

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THEY'RE MISOGYNISTS,

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NARCISSISTS, MEN WHO CUM DEAD

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SILENT, PLAUSIBLE MASKED SINGER

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CONTESTANTS.

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BUT THEY ARE ALSO, DEEPLY WEIRD.

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AND EACH DAY SEEMS TO BRING NEW

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EVIDENCE OF VANCE FAILING TO

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CONNECT WITH ORDINARY AMERICANS

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FROM BEING BOOED BY

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FIREFIGHTERS, WHOM HE REFERRED

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TO AS HATERS, TO THE VIRAL CLIP

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OF HIM UTTERLY FAILING TO MAKE

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SMALL TALK IN A DONUT SHOP, WITH

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THE LOW BEING THIS.

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WE'RE GONNA DO TWO DOZEN?

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OKAY.

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YEAH.

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JUST A, Y'KNOW, RANDOM

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ASSORTMENT OF STUFF HERE.

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HOW LONG HAVE YOU WORKED HERE?

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I'VE BEEN HERE SINCE THE

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BEGINNING OF JULY.

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OKAY.

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OF THIS YEAR.

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OKAY.

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GOOD.

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HOW ABOUT YOU, SIR?

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ALMOST TWO YEARS.

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OKAY.

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GOOD.

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HOW LONG HAS THIS--

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EVERYTHING?

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JUST EVERYTHING, YEAH, GONNA

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BE A LOT OF GLAZED HERE, SOME

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SPRINKLE STUFF, SOME OF THESE

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CINNAMON ROLLS-- WHATEVER MAKES

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SENSE.

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John: HOW ARE YOU THAT BAD AT

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BASIC HUMAN INTERACTIONS?

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"WHATEVER MAKES SENSE?"

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IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT DONUT TO

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ORDER, JUST SAY "SURPRISE ME!"

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IT'S FUN.

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IT'S ANNOYING TO EVERY SERVER

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WHO'S EVER LIVED, BUT IT'S AT

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LEAST A HUMAN RESPONSE.

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BUT "WHATEVER MAKES SENSE?"

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MY FREAKY LITTLE BITCH, YOU ARE

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IN A DONUT SHOP.

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NOTHING MAKES SENSE THERE.

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SOME HAVE SPRINKLES, SOME ARE

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FRITTERS, SOME CONTAIN A JELLY

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FOUND IN NO OTHER PLACE ON

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EARTH.

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YOU ARE EATING CAKE FOR

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BREAKFAST, IT'S TOTAL CHAOS, BUT

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PICKING OUT A DONUT IS SOMETHING

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MOST OF US FIGURED OUT BY AGE

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THREE.

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AND TRUMP CLEARLY SHOULD'VE

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KNOWN ABOUT VANCE'S LACK OF

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CHARM, BECAUSE IT'S BEEN ON

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DISPLAY FOR ALL TO SEE-- FROM

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HIS MANY PODCAST APPEARANCES

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WHERE HE'S SAID THINGS LIKE,

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WOMEN WHO DON'T HAVE KIDS ARE

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CHOOSING A "PATH TO MISERY."

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TO THE AWKWARD MOMENTS LIKE WHEN

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HE SHOWED UP TO A PICKET LINE

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LAST YEAR AND TRIED TO TURN A

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FISTBUMP INTO A HANDSHAKE, AND

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THEN OFFERED HIS OWN FISTBUMP

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AND GOT LEFT HANGING.

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THAT IS JUST BRUTAL TO WATCH.

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JUST THIS WEEK, A CLIP

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RESURFACED OF HIM DURING HIS

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SENATE CAMPAIGN TWO YEARS AGO,

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FLOP-SWEATING THROUGH SOME

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SHITTY JOKES ABOUT KAMALA

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HARRIS.

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WHILE WE'RE ON THE TOPIC OF

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JOE BIDEN, OF COURSE, IF HE DID

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NOT MAKE IT ALL THE WAY THROUGH

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HIS FOUR YEARS, HE IS LIKELY TO

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BE REPLACED BY KAMALA HARRIS,

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WHO I'VE HEARD CALLED CACKLELA

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HARRIS, BECAUSE SHE HAS THIS

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WEIRD CACKLE, RIGHT?

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BUT, I HEARD A JOKE ABOUT KAMALA

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THAT I THOUGHT WAS PRETTY FUNNY

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RECENTLY, THAT, YOU KNOW, BILL

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CLINTON WAS WATCHING ON TV AND

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BILL THOUGHT, Y'KNOW, MAN, SHE'S

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JUST SO CONDESCENDING, SHE'S

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MEAN-SPIRITED, SHE'S KIND OF

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NASTY.

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MAYBE I SHOULD LEAVE MY

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WIFE AND MARRY HER INSTEAD.

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SORRY, THAT'S A LITTLE--

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John: LOOK, J.D., COMEDIAN TO

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COMEDIAN, NEVER MAKE THE SET UP

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"I HEARD A JOKE THAT I THOUGHT

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WAS PRETTY FUNNY RECENTLY," BUT,

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IF YOU DO, MAKE SURE THAT WHAT

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YOU SAY NEXT IS FUNNY AND ALSO,

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AN ACTUAL JOKE.

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BUT TRUMP'S SUPPORTERS WILL

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INSIST THIS CONTEST IS ABOUT

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POLICY, NOT PERSONALITY.

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BUT POLICY, THEY'RE EVEN MORE

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TOXIC AND WEIRD.

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JUST THIS WEEK, BOTH MEN

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ADDRESSED THE COST OF CHILD

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CARE.

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VANCE SUGGESTED THAT, "MAYBE

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GRANDMA OR GRANDPA WANTS TO HELP

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OUT A LITTLE BIT MORE."

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AND TRUMP GOT A VERY SPECIFIC

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QUESTION ABOUT IT AT AN ECONOMIC

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FORUM.

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AND I'M GOING TO PLAY HIS FULL

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TWO-MINUTE ANSWER.

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BECAUSE IT'S GENUINELY

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REMARKABLE HOW LONG HE TAKES TO

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SAY SO LITTLE.

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CAN YOU COMMIT TO

255
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PRIORITIZING LEGISLATION TO MAKE

256
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CHILDCARE AFFORDABLE, AND IF SO,

257
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WHAT SPECIFIC PIECE OF

258
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LEGISLATION WOULD YOU ADVANCE?

259
00:07:09,195 --> 00:07:11,064
WELL, I WOULD DO THAT, AND

260
00:07:11,064 --> 00:07:11,931
WE'RE SITTING DOWN-- YOU KNOW

261
00:07:11,931 --> 00:07:16,369
AND I WAS, SOMEBODY, WE HAD

262
00:07:16,369 --> 00:07:16,936
SENATOR MARCO RUBIO, AND MY

263
00:07:16,936 --> 00:07:20,774
DAUGHTER IVANKA WAS SO IMPACTFUL

264
00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:21,241
ON THAT ISSUE.

265
00:07:21,241 --> 00:07:25,912
IT'S A VERY IMPORTANT ISSUE.

266
00:07:25,912 --> 00:07:27,147
BUT I THINK WHEN YOU TALK ABOUT

267
00:07:27,147 --> 00:07:28,248
THE KIND OF NUMBERS THAT I'M

268
00:07:28,248 --> 00:07:29,649
TALKING ABOUT, THAT, BECAUSE,

269
00:07:29,649 --> 00:07:30,283
LOOK, CHILD CARE IS CHILD CARE

270
00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:31,818
IS.

271
00:07:31,818 --> 00:07:32,352
IT'S, COULDN'T, YOU KNOW,

272
00:07:32,352 --> 00:07:32,952
THERE'S SOMETHING, YOU HAVE TO

273
00:07:32,952 --> 00:07:33,553
HAVE IT.

274
00:07:33,553 --> 00:07:34,187
IN THIS COUNTRY YOU HAVE TO HAVE

275
00:07:34,187 --> 00:07:35,121
IT.

276
00:07:35,121 --> 00:07:36,623
BUT WHEN YOU TALK ABOUT THOSE

277
00:07:36,623 --> 00:07:37,257
NUMBERS COMPARED TO THE KIND OF

278
00:07:37,257 --> 00:07:38,591
NUMBERS THAT I'M TALKING ABOUT

279
00:07:38,591 --> 00:07:41,728
BY TAXING FOREIGN NATIONS AT

280
00:07:41,728 --> 00:07:42,629
LEVELS THAT THEY'RE NOT USED

281
00:07:42,629 --> 00:07:43,363
TO-- BUT THEY'LL GET USED TO IT

282
00:07:43,363 --> 00:07:44,597
VERY QUICKLY-- AND IT'S NOT

283
00:07:44,597 --> 00:07:45,432
GONNA STOP THEM FROM DOING

284
00:07:45,432 --> 00:07:46,766
BUSINESS WITH US, BUT THEY'LL

285
00:07:46,766 --> 00:07:49,569
HAVE A VERY SUBSTANTIAL TAX WHEN

286
00:07:49,569 --> 00:07:50,370
THEY SEND PRODUCT INTO OUR

287
00:07:50,370 --> 00:07:52,105
COUNTRY.

288
00:07:52,105 --> 00:07:53,139
THOSE NUMBERS ARE SO MUCH BIGGER

289
00:07:53,139 --> 00:07:55,975
THAN ANY NUMBERS THAT WE'RE

290
00:07:55,975 --> 00:07:57,677
TALKING ABOUT, INCLUDING

291
00:07:57,677 --> 00:07:58,278
CHILDCARE, THAT IT'S GOING TO

292
00:07:58,278 --> 00:07:59,145
TAKE CARE. WE'RE GONNA HAVE--

293
00:07:59,145 --> 00:08:01,214
I, I LOOK FORWARD TO HAVING NO

294
00:08:01,214 --> 00:08:02,382
DEFICITS WITHIN A FAIRLY SHORT

295
00:08:02,382 --> 00:08:04,184
PERIOD OF TIME, COUPLED WITH THE

296
00:08:04,184 --> 00:08:06,519
REDUCTIONS THAT I TOLD YOU ABOUT

297
00:08:06,519 --> 00:08:08,455
ON WASTE AND FRAUD AND ALL OF

298
00:08:08,455 --> 00:08:11,191
THE OTHER THINGS THAT ARE GOING

299
00:08:11,191 --> 00:08:11,891
ON IN OUR COUNTRY, BECAUSE I

300
00:08:11,891 --> 00:08:15,095
HAVE TO STAY WITH CHILD CARE.

301
00:08:15,095 --> 00:08:15,729
I WANT TO STAY WITH CHILD CARE,

302
00:08:15,729 --> 00:08:17,497
BUT THOSE NUMBERS ARE SMALL

303
00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:18,131
RELATIVE TO THE KIND OF ECONOMIC

304
00:08:18,131 --> 00:08:23,670
NUMBERS THAT I'M TALKING ABOUT,

305
00:08:23,670 --> 00:08:24,237
INCLUDING GROWTH, BUT GROWTH

306
00:08:24,237 --> 00:08:25,505
ALSO HEADED UP BY WHAT THE PLAN

307
00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:26,139
IS THAT I JUST, THAT I JUST TOLD

308
00:08:26,139 --> 00:08:26,606
YOU ABOUT.

309
00:08:26,606 --> 00:08:27,140
WE'RE GONNA BE TAKING IN

310
00:08:27,140 --> 00:08:30,477
TRILLIONS OF DOLLARS, AND AS

311
00:08:30,477 --> 00:08:31,044
MUCH AS CHILD CARE IS TALKED

312
00:08:31,044 --> 00:08:32,846
ABOUT AS BEING EXPENSIVE, IT'S

313
00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:33,413
RELATIVELY SPEAKING NOT VERY

314
00:08:33,413 --> 00:08:34,881
EXPENSIVE COMPARED TO THE KIND

315
00:08:34,881 --> 00:08:36,416
OF NUMBERS WE'LL BE TAKING IN.

316
00:08:36,416 --> 00:08:37,050
WE'RE GOING TO MAKE THIS INTO AN

317
00:08:37,050 --> 00:08:37,617
INCREDIBLE COUNTRY THAT CAN

318
00:08:37,617 --> 00:08:41,855
AFFORD TO TAKE CARE OF ITS

319
00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:43,690
PEOPLE, AND THEN WE'LL WORRY

320
00:08:43,690 --> 00:08:44,257
ABOUT THE REST OF THE WORLD.

321
00:08:44,257 --> 00:08:46,092
LET'S HELP OTHER PEOPLE.

322
00:08:46,092 --> 00:08:46,726
BUT WE'RE GOING TO TAKE CARE OF

323
00:08:46,726 --> 00:08:49,295
OUR COUNTRY FIRST.

324
00:08:49,295 --> 00:08:53,366
THIS IS ABOUT AMERICA FIRST.

325
00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:55,802
IT'S ABOUT "MAKE AMERICA GREAT

326
00:08:55,802 --> 00:08:56,169
AGAIN."

327
00:08:56,169 --> 00:08:56,803
WE HAVE TO DO IT, BECAUSE RIGHT

328
00:08:56,803 --> 00:08:57,370
NOW, WE'RE A FAILING NATION.

329
00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:57,904
SO WE'LL TAKE CARE OF IT.

330
00:08:57,904 --> 00:08:58,171
THANK YOU.

331
00:08:58,171 --> 00:08:59,105
VERY GOOD QUESTION.

332
00:08:59,105 --> 00:09:02,075
[APPLAUSE]

333
00:09:02,075 --> 00:09:03,543
John: WHAT WAS THAT?

334
00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:05,245
THAT APPLAUSE ISN'T SATISFACTION

335
00:09:05,245 --> 00:09:06,413
WITH THE ANSWER, IT'S RELIEF

336
00:09:06,413 --> 00:09:08,982
IT'S FINALLY OVER.

337
00:09:08,982 --> 00:09:10,250
THAT'S THE PUBLIC-SPEAKING

338
00:09:10,250 --> 00:09:11,751
EQUIVALENT OF AN AUDIENCE FAKING

339
00:09:11,751 --> 00:09:13,887
AN ORGASM.

340
00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:15,155
"YOU DID IT, YOU CAN STOP NOW,

341
00:09:15,155 --> 00:09:16,856
PLEASE."

342
00:09:16,856 --> 00:09:19,726
BUT LOOK AT HIS ANSWER-- THIS

343
00:09:19,726 --> 00:09:21,194
IS THE FULL TEXT.

344
00:09:21,194 --> 00:09:21,928
IT'S LIKE CHATGPT HAVING A

345
00:09:21,928 --> 00:09:24,564
MENTAL BREAKDOWN.

346
00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:25,365
A BUNCH OF INCOHERENT RAMBLING

347
00:09:25,365 --> 00:09:26,399
AROUND NONSPECIFIC IMPLICATIONS

348
00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:27,434
THAT TARIFFS WILL FIX

349
00:09:27,434 --> 00:09:28,768
EVERYTHING, WHICH OF COURSE,

350
00:09:28,768 --> 00:09:31,438
THEY WON'T.

351
00:09:31,438 --> 00:09:32,272
LOOK, THE BAD NEWS IS, FOR THE

352
00:09:32,272 --> 00:09:33,640
NEXT TWO MONTHS WE'RE GOING TO

353
00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:35,008
BE SUBJECTED TO AN EXCRUCIATING

354
00:09:35,008 --> 00:09:36,176
AMOUNT OF NONSENSE LIKE THAT.

355
00:09:36,176 --> 00:09:37,811
THE GOOD NEWS IS, COME NOVEMBER,

356
00:09:37,811 --> 00:09:38,912
THERE'S A CHANCE FOR AMERICA TO

357
00:09:38,912 --> 00:09:39,612
REJECT THAT BULLSHIT ONCE AND

358
00:09:39,612 --> 00:09:44,718
FOR ALL.

359
00:09:44,718 --> 00:09:46,619
AND IF THAT HAPPENS, IT'S HARD

360
00:09:46,619 --> 00:09:47,287
TO PUT INTO WORDS HOW LIBERATING

361
00:09:47,287 --> 00:09:49,055
THAT MIGHT FEEL.

362
00:09:49,055 --> 00:09:49,522
LUCKILY, I KNOW OF ONE

363
00:09:49,522 --> 00:09:52,325
PARTICULAR STICKER THAT GETS

364
00:09:52,325 --> 00:09:52,859
THAT FEELING ACROSS PRETTY

365
00:09:52,859 --> 00:09:54,060
FUCKING WELL.

366
00:09:54,060 --> 00:09:55,061
AND NOW, THIS.

367
00:09:55,061 --> 00:10:02,135
Announcer: AND NOW,

368
00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:07,207
PONY LITTLE HAS SOMETHING YOU HE

369
00:10:07,207 --> 00:10:08,308
WANTS TO KNOW ABOUT HIM.

370
00:10:08,308 --> 00:10:10,643
I'VE MANY CHALLENGES IN MY

371
00:10:10,643 --> 00:10:11,678
LIFE SO I HAD KNEE PROBLEMS,

372
00:10:11,678 --> 00:10:15,181
BACK PROBLEMS, PERIOD >> YOU

373
00:10:15,181 --> 00:10:17,817
TALK ABOUT IT YOU HAD KNEE

374
00:10:17,817 --> 00:10:18,084
ISSUES--

375
00:10:18,084 --> 00:10:21,354
I'VE HAD EVERY ISSUE.

376
00:10:21,354 --> 00:10:26,393
FROM BEING HIT BY A SCHOOL BUS.

377
00:10:26,393 --> 00:10:27,594
I WANTED TO PEOPLE TO REALIZE I

378
00:10:27,594 --> 00:10:28,728
WAS HIT BY A SCHOOL BUS.

379
00:10:28,728 --> 00:10:31,097
IT'S BECAUSE I WAS HIT BY A

380
00:10:31,097 --> 00:10:33,166
SCHOOL BUS.

381
00:10:33,166 --> 00:10:35,535
I WAS HIT BY A SCHOOL BUS.

382
00:10:35,535 --> 00:10:38,004
HIT THE ONLY HILL IN FLORIDA

383
00:10:38,004 --> 00:10:40,373
AND HIT A TREE.

384
00:10:40,373 --> 00:10:41,241
HIT THE ONLY HILL IN FLORIDA

385
00:10:41,241 --> 00:10:45,545
AND HIT A TREE.

386
00:10:45,545 --> 00:10:46,813
SPEAK I HAD THE ONLY HILL IN

387
00:10:46,813 --> 00:10:47,747
FLORIDA AND I HIT A TREE AND I

388
00:10:47,747 --> 00:10:50,383
WAS HIT BY A LOBSTER TRUCK IN

389
00:10:50,383 --> 00:10:50,583
MIAMI.

390
00:10:50,583 --> 00:10:54,154
I WAS HIT BY A LOBSTER TRUCK

391
00:10:54,154 --> 00:10:55,121
AND HAVE YOU GOTTEN HIT BY A

392
00:10:55,121 --> 00:10:58,958
LOBSTER TRUCK?

393
00:10:58,958 --> 00:10:59,192
NO.

394
00:10:59,192 --> 00:11:00,627
THE MAIN ONE I WAS HIT BY A

395
00:11:00,627 --> 00:11:03,596
SCHOOL BUS.

396
00:11:03,596 --> 00:11:05,331
HIT THE ONLY HILL IN FLORIDA AND

397
00:11:05,331 --> 00:11:06,966
HIT A TREE.

398
00:11:06,966 --> 00:11:09,169
HIT BY A LOBSTER TRUCK IN MIAMI.

399
00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:11,671
I MEAN THAT WAS JUST MY LIFE.

400
00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:15,842
ANYWAY, FORGET THAT PART OF IT.

401
00:11:15,842 --> 00:11:16,276
John: MOVING ON.

402
00:11:16,276 --> 00:11:16,910
OUR MAIN STORY TONIGHT CONCERNS

403
00:11:16,910 --> 00:11:18,978
LUNCH.

404
00:11:18,978 --> 00:11:19,579
THE MEAL YOU SAVE FOR FRIENDS

405
00:11:19,579 --> 00:11:20,613
THAT AREN'T INTERESTING ENOUGH

406
00:11:20,613 --> 00:11:21,915
FOR DINNER.

407
00:11:21,915 --> 00:11:22,482
SPECIFICALLY, WE'RE GOING TO

408
00:11:22,482 --> 00:11:23,450
TALK ABOUT SCHOOL LUNCH, WHICH

409
00:11:23,450 --> 00:11:24,384
IS, AMONG OTHER THINGS, THE

410
00:11:24,384 --> 00:11:29,689
INSPIRATION FOR THIS BONKERS PSA

411
00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:30,824
FROM THE 1980s.

412
00:11:30,824 --> 00:11:31,858
I'M TIRED OF CANDY!

413
00:11:31,858 --> 00:11:32,959
TIRED OF GUM!

414
00:11:32,959 --> 00:11:33,593
TIRED OF HUNGER, AND FOOD THAT'S

415
00:11:33,593 --> 00:11:36,730
NO FUN.

416
00:11:36,730 --> 00:11:39,232
I'M TIRED OF PRETENDING I DON'T

417
00:11:39,232 --> 00:11:41,234
LIKE SPAGHETTI, BUT SCHOOL LUNCH

418
00:11:41,234 --> 00:11:41,968
KEEPS ME ROARIN' READY AND ROCK

419
00:11:41,968 --> 00:11:46,239
STEADY.

420
00:11:46,239 --> 00:11:49,309
PIZZA, SPAGHETTI, BURGERS!

421
00:11:49,309 --> 00:11:49,609
RAH!

422
00:11:49,609 --> 00:11:50,143
WITH CHOW DADDY IN YOUR

423
00:11:50,143 --> 00:11:51,311
SCHOOL CAFETERIA, IT'S THE FUN

424
00:11:51,311 --> 00:11:52,445
PLACE TO BE FOR LUNCH.

425
00:11:52,445 --> 00:11:54,180
DESSERTS!

426
00:11:54,180 --> 00:11:55,281
John: OKAY.

427
00:11:55,281 --> 00:11:56,716
LET'S BREAK THAT DOWN.

428
00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:58,051
STRAIGHT AWAY, WE OPEN ON A

429
00:11:58,051 --> 00:12:00,086
CLOSEUP OF "CHOW DADDY," WHOSE

430
00:12:00,086 --> 00:12:01,388
NAME MAKES HIM SOUND LIKE THE

431
00:12:01,388 --> 00:12:03,823
UNDEFEATED PUSSY-EATING CHAMPION

432
00:12:03,823 --> 00:12:05,658
OF THE WORLD.

433
00:12:05,658 --> 00:12:06,259
THEN, HE CLAIMS: I'M TIRED OF

434
00:12:06,259 --> 00:12:07,627
CANDY.

435
00:12:07,627 --> 00:12:08,828
TIRED OF GUM"-- A BOLD CHOICE

436
00:12:08,828 --> 00:12:09,796
IF YOU'RE WRITING SOMETHING KIDS

437
00:12:09,796 --> 00:12:10,597
NEED TO RELATE TO-- BEFORE

438
00:12:10,597 --> 00:12:11,264
CONTINUING, "I'M TIRED OF

439
00:12:11,264 --> 00:12:12,399
PRETENDING I DON'T LIKE

440
00:12:12,399 --> 00:12:14,000
SPAGHETTI."

441
00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:15,235
AND, WHAT?

442
00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:18,672
WHO'S FORCING YOU TO DO THAT,

443
00:12:18,672 --> 00:12:19,205
C.D.?

444
00:12:19,205 --> 00:12:19,806
HE THEN THROWS IN A MOONWALK,

445
00:12:19,806 --> 00:12:20,607
CEMENTING THE NOTION HE'S A

446
00:12:20,607 --> 00:12:21,207
"PUBLIC ACCESS MICHAEL JACKSON

447
00:12:21,207 --> 00:12:22,042
FROM THRILLER."

448
00:12:22,042 --> 00:12:24,477
AND ENDS BY JUST LISTING FOODS,

449
00:12:24,477 --> 00:12:25,478
ENDING WITH THE CONCEPT OF

450
00:12:25,478 --> 00:12:27,180
"DESSERTS!"

451
00:12:27,180 --> 00:12:28,581
I DON'T KNOW HOW THAT ENCOURAGED

452
00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:29,516
KIDS TO EAT SCHOOL LUNCH, BUT

453
00:12:29,516 --> 00:12:30,483
IT'S FASCINATING TO WATCH, AND

454
00:12:30,483 --> 00:12:32,118
ONE DAY, I'M SURE WE'LL FIND OUT

455
00:12:32,118 --> 00:12:34,621
HOW MUCH WEAPONS GRADE COCAINE

456
00:12:34,621 --> 00:12:36,523
IT TOOK TO COME UP WITH THAT AD.

457
00:12:36,523 --> 00:12:37,924
THE LUNCHES CHOW DADDY IS

458
00:12:37,924 --> 00:12:39,025
REFERRING TO COME FROM THE

459
00:12:39,025 --> 00:12:40,427
NATIONAL SCHOOL LUNCH PROGRAM,

460
00:12:40,427 --> 00:12:41,761
THE FEDERALLY ASSISTED PROGRAM

461
00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:42,228
THAT PROVIDES MEALS TO

462
00:12:42,228 --> 00:12:43,797
SCHOOLCHILDREN.

463
00:12:43,797 --> 00:12:45,865
IT WAS LAUNCHED IN 1946, AND

464
00:12:45,865 --> 00:12:46,866
SINCE THEN, HAS GROWN TO BECOME

465
00:12:46,866 --> 00:12:49,169
MASSIVE, WITH OVER 90% OF PUBLIC

466
00:12:49,169 --> 00:12:52,072
SCHOOLS PARTICIPATING IN IT.

467
00:12:52,072 --> 00:12:52,639
LAST YEAR ALONE, THE PROGRAM

468
00:12:52,639 --> 00:12:54,207
PROVIDED 4.6 BILLION LUNCHES.

469
00:12:54,207 --> 00:12:55,842
WHICH IS INCREDIBLE.

470
00:12:55,842 --> 00:12:57,410
BUT SCHOOL LUNCHES ARE ALSO THE

471
00:12:57,410 --> 00:12:59,245
SUBJECT OF CONSTANT CRITICISM

472
00:12:59,245 --> 00:13:04,351
FROM KIDS.

473
00:13:04,351 --> 00:13:05,652
WHICH SHOULDN'T BE SURPRISING.

474
00:13:05,652 --> 00:13:06,219
KIDS ARE PICKY-- WHOLE NEW

475
00:13:06,219 --> 00:13:06,786
FOODS ARE CREATED TO COMBAT

476
00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:07,220
THAT.

477
00:13:07,220 --> 00:13:08,188
GOGURT ONLY EXISTS BECAUSE SOME

478
00:13:08,188 --> 00:13:09,756
KID WAS LIKE "OVER MY DEAD BODY

479
00:13:09,756 --> 00:13:11,825
WILL I EAT YOGURT WITH A SPOON,

480
00:13:11,825 --> 00:13:12,759
I'D LIKE IT TO COME OUT OF A

481
00:13:12,759 --> 00:13:13,493
PLASTIC ESOPHAGUS" AND THE

482
00:13:13,493 --> 00:13:16,463
MARKET COMPLIED.

483
00:13:16,463 --> 00:13:18,665
BUT NEVERTHELESS, IF YOU ASK

484
00:13:18,665 --> 00:13:19,366
STUDENTS FOR THEIR OPINIONS ON

485
00:13:19,366 --> 00:13:20,767
THEIR SCHOOL LUNCHES, THEY WILL

486
00:13:20,767 --> 00:13:22,569
BE BRUTALLY HONEST.

487
00:13:22,569 --> 00:13:23,303
IF YOU HAD TO DESCRIBE SCHOOL

488
00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:24,304
LUNCH IN ONE WORD, HOW WOULD YOU

489
00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:24,704
DESCRIBE IT?

490
00:13:24,704 --> 00:13:25,672
I WOULD SAY WEIRD.

491
00:13:25,672 --> 00:13:26,339
RANCID.

492
00:13:26,339 --> 00:13:27,173
RAW.

493
00:13:27,173 --> 00:13:27,941
UNAPPETIZING.

494
00:13:27,941 --> 00:13:29,142
UNEDIBLE.

495
00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:29,776
I DON'T LIKE THE TASTE OR THE

496
00:13:29,776 --> 00:13:33,179
TEXTURE.

497
00:13:33,179 --> 00:13:33,613
FOOD IS ALWAYS COLD.

498
00:13:33,613 --> 00:13:34,147
THE PORTIONS ARE, LIKE,

499
00:13:34,147 --> 00:13:34,347
SMALL.

500
00:13:34,347 --> 00:13:35,015
NO, LITERALLY.

501
00:13:35,015 --> 00:13:35,515
THEY GAVE US TWO CHICKEN

502
00:13:35,515 --> 00:13:35,982
TENDERS.

503
00:13:35,982 --> 00:13:37,784
WHAT AM I GONNA DO WITH CHICKEN

504
00:13:37,784 --> 00:13:38,385
TENDERS?

505
00:13:38,385 --> 00:13:42,722
John: I MEAN, TO BE FAIR,

506
00:13:42,722 --> 00:13:43,223
SHE'S RIGHT ABOUT THAT.

507
00:13:43,223 --> 00:13:43,823
THE CORRECT NUMBER OF CHICKEN

508
00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:44,257
TENDERS ISN'T TWO.

509
00:13:44,257 --> 00:13:44,858
THAT ISN'T THE CORRECT NUMBER

510
00:13:44,858 --> 00:13:45,558
FOR ANY FOOD.

511
00:13:45,558 --> 00:13:46,192
I WANT MY CHICKEN TENDERS IN ODD

512
00:13:46,192 --> 00:13:49,162
PRIME NUMBERS.

513
00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:50,363
3 IS A SNACK, 5 IS A MEAL,

514
00:13:50,363 --> 00:13:51,931
AND 7 IS A CRY FOR HELP.

515
00:13:51,931 --> 00:13:53,466
BUT I'M NOT HERE TONIGHT TO SHIT

516
00:13:53,466 --> 00:13:54,934
ON SCHOOL LUNCHES.

517
00:13:54,934 --> 00:13:56,569
BECAUSE THE VERY FACT THEY

518
00:13:56,569 --> 00:13:58,004
HAPPEN AT ALL IS REMARKABLE.

519
00:13:58,004 --> 00:14:00,273
SCHOOL NUTRITION DIRECTORS OFTEN

520
00:14:00,273 --> 00:14:02,509
SAY THEY RUN THE "BIGGEST

521
00:14:02,509 --> 00:14:03,043
RESTAURANT IN TOWN," WHICH

522
00:14:03,043 --> 00:14:04,210
DOESN'T SEEM LIKE AN

523
00:14:04,210 --> 00:14:05,745
OVERSTATEMENT WHEN YOU SEE THIS

524
00:14:05,745 --> 00:14:06,846
SNAPSHOT FROM A SCHOOL IN L.A.

525
00:14:06,846 --> 00:14:07,414
USUALLY, YOU START LUNCH

526
00:14:07,414 --> 00:14:09,215
AROUND 9:00.

527
00:14:09,215 --> 00:14:10,817
WE HAVE TO COOK EVERYTHING IN

528
00:14:10,817 --> 00:14:11,418
BATCHES, BECAUSE WE DON'T HAVE

529
00:14:11,418 --> 00:14:13,153
ENOUGH OVENS.

530
00:14:13,153 --> 00:14:15,488
AND THEN SO, FROM 10:00 TO, I'D

531
00:14:15,488 --> 00:14:17,357
SAY 11:30, EVERYBODY'S PANICKING

532
00:14:17,357 --> 00:14:18,692
THE WHOLE TIME.

533
00:14:18,692 --> 00:14:19,325
SO, WE DO THE HAMBURGERS FIRST,

534
00:14:19,325 --> 00:14:22,062
WE GET THOSE GOING, WE GET THE

535
00:14:22,062 --> 00:14:23,129
FRIES GOING, THEN WE GET PIZZA

536
00:14:23,129 --> 00:14:24,330
GOING, GET THE CHICKEN NUGGETS

537
00:14:24,330 --> 00:14:25,999
FOR THE VEGAN MENU TODAY.

538
00:14:25,999 --> 00:14:26,533
SO, IT'S CONSTANTLY BATCH,

539
00:14:26,533 --> 00:14:27,767
BATCH, BATCH.

540
00:14:27,767 --> 00:14:29,135
WE SERVE ABOUT, I'D SAY 1,500 A

541
00:14:29,135 --> 00:14:31,204
DAY OR MORE.

542
00:14:31,204 --> 00:14:31,938
THAT INCLUDES BREAKFAST, LUNCH,

543
00:14:31,938 --> 00:14:33,573
AND SUPPER.

544
00:14:33,573 --> 00:14:35,375
John: OKAY, PUTTING ASIDE THE

545
00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:36,710
COGNITIVE DISSONANCE OF HAVING

546
00:14:36,710 --> 00:14:37,877
CHICKEN NUGGETS BE THE VEGAN

547
00:14:37,877 --> 00:14:39,379
MENU ITEM OF THE DAY, THAT IS

548
00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:46,453
IMPRESSIVE.

549
00:14:48,188 --> 00:14:48,888
IF YOU HAD TO DO 1,500 OF

550
00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:50,090
WHATEVER YOUR JOB IS, EVEN

551
00:14:50,090 --> 00:14:50,623
ONCE, YOU'D SNAP.

552
00:14:50,623 --> 00:14:51,324
IF YOU WERE A VET AND HAD TO

553
00:14:51,324 --> 00:14:51,958
GIVE ONE DOG ITS EAR MEDICINE -

554
00:14:51,958 --> 00:14:52,325
FINE.

555
00:14:52,325 --> 00:14:52,559
10 DOGS?

556
00:14:52,559 --> 00:14:54,527
THAT'S A LOT BUT OKAY.

557
00:14:54,527 --> 00:14:55,228
A HUNDRED?

558
00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:59,933
THIS IS GETTING UNREASONABLE.

559
00:14:59,933 --> 00:15:01,167
BUT 1,500 DOGS NEED EAR MEDICINE

560
00:15:01,167 --> 00:15:01,735
AND SOME OF THEM ARE VEGAN?

561
00:15:01,735 --> 00:15:02,335
JUST WALK OUT AND START A NEW

562
00:15:02,335 --> 00:15:03,069
LIFE SOMEWHERE ELSE.

563
00:15:03,069 --> 00:15:04,371
LUNCH PROGRAMS ARE SUCH A

564
00:15:04,371 --> 00:15:04,938
MASSIVE UNDERTAKING, THEY'VE

565
00:15:04,938 --> 00:15:06,339
EVEN BEEN REFERRED TO AS A

566
00:15:06,339 --> 00:15:07,640
"DAILY MIRACLE."

567
00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:09,342
AND FOR MANY KIDS, SCHOOL MEALS

568
00:15:09,342 --> 00:15:10,377
ARE ACTUALLY THEIR MOST RELIABLE

569
00:15:10,377 --> 00:15:11,778
SOURCE OF NUTRITION.

570
00:15:11,778 --> 00:15:14,681
WHICH IS WHY IT'S SO IMPORTANT

571
00:15:14,681 --> 00:15:16,449
THE PROGRAM WORK AS WELL AS IT

572
00:15:16,449 --> 00:15:19,319
CAN, FOR AS MANY KIDS AS IT CAN.

573
00:15:19,319 --> 00:15:19,853
UNFORTUNATELY, IN TOO MANY

574
00:15:19,853 --> 00:15:20,420
PLACES, THAT'S JUST NOT THE

575
00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:21,554
CASE.

576
00:15:21,554 --> 00:15:22,822
SO GIVEN THAT, TONIGHT, WITH

577
00:15:22,822 --> 00:15:26,493
MANY SCHOOLS AROUND THE COUNTRY

578
00:15:26,493 --> 00:15:28,328
JUST STARTING BACK UP AGAIN,

579
00:15:28,328 --> 00:15:28,962
LET'S TALK ABOUT SCHOOL LUNCHES.

580
00:15:28,962 --> 00:15:29,596
AND LET'S START WITH THE QUALITY

581
00:15:29,596 --> 00:15:29,896
OF THE FOOD.

582
00:15:29,896 --> 00:15:30,897
BECAUSE THOSE STUDENTS WEREN'T

583
00:15:30,897 --> 00:15:32,132
ENTIRELY OFF-BASE.

584
00:15:32,132 --> 00:15:32,732
NOT EVERY MEAL SERVED INSIDE A

585
00:15:32,732 --> 00:15:36,336
SCHOOL IS PERFECT.

586
00:15:36,336 --> 00:15:37,771
BUT THAT'S OFTEN BECAUSE SCHOOL

587
00:15:37,771 --> 00:15:38,938
CAFETERIAS ARE HAVING TO OPERATE

588
00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:40,206
UNDER SEVERE BUDGET CONSTRAINTS.

589
00:15:40,206 --> 00:15:43,777
SCHOOL LUNCHES ARE SUBSIDIZED BY

590
00:15:43,777 --> 00:15:44,344
THE GOVERNMENT, WHICH SETS A

591
00:15:44,344 --> 00:15:45,679
CEILING ON HOW MUCH IT'LL PAY

592
00:15:45,679 --> 00:15:46,913
FOR ANY GIVEN MEAL.

593
00:15:46,913 --> 00:15:48,348
BUT THAT CEILING IS SET WAY TOO

594
00:15:48,348 --> 00:15:50,050
LOW.

595
00:15:50,050 --> 00:15:50,650
ONE SURVEY OF SCHOOL DISTRICTS

596
00:15:50,650 --> 00:15:52,118
FOUND THAT AROUND TWO THIRDS

597
00:15:52,118 --> 00:15:53,553
SAID THE FUNDS THEY RECEIVED

598
00:15:53,553 --> 00:15:54,888
WERE NOT SUFFICIENT TO COVER THE

599
00:15:54,888 --> 00:15:58,091
COSTS OF PRODUCING LUNCH.

600
00:15:58,091 --> 00:15:58,725
WHICH MAKES SENSE WHEN YOU FIND

601
00:15:58,725 --> 00:15:59,793
OUT THEY ONLY GET AROUND $4 PER

602
00:15:59,793 --> 00:16:02,028
MEAL, WHICH HAS TO COVER

603
00:16:02,028 --> 00:16:04,097
EVERYTHING FROM FOOD COSTS TO

604
00:16:04,097 --> 00:16:05,765
EQUIPMENT UPGRADES TO STAFF

605
00:16:05,765 --> 00:16:06,299
SALARIES.

606
00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:09,169
JUST LISTEN TO THIS FORMER HEAD

607
00:16:09,169 --> 00:16:10,670
CHEF AT NOMA, ONE OF THE TOP

608
00:16:10,670 --> 00:16:12,472
RESTAURANTS IN THE WORLD, WHO

609
00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:13,206
FOUNDED A COMPANY THAT PLACES

610
00:16:13,206 --> 00:16:15,909
PROFESSIONAL CHEFS IN SCHOOL

611
00:16:15,909 --> 00:16:16,509
KITCHENS, EXPLAIN WHAT HAPPENS

612
00:16:16,509 --> 00:16:19,913
TO THAT $4, AND EVERYTHING IT

613
00:16:19,913 --> 00:16:20,613
HAS TO GO TOWARD.

614
00:16:20,613 --> 00:16:21,081
THAT'S ACTUALLY FOR

615
00:16:21,081 --> 00:16:21,648
MAINTENANCE, IT'S FOR PAYING

616
00:16:21,648 --> 00:16:23,116
PEOPLE TO MAKE THE FOOD-- SO,

617
00:16:23,116 --> 00:16:24,517
WHEN IT'S ALL SAID AND DONE, YOU

618
00:16:24,517 --> 00:16:25,919
HAVE ABOUT A DOLLAR AND A

619
00:16:25,919 --> 00:16:27,487
QUARTER FOR FOOD.

620
00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:29,055
MAKING FOOD, A MEAL, THAT KIDS

621
00:16:29,055 --> 00:16:30,523
REALLY WANT TO EAT FOR $1.25 IS

622
00:16:30,523 --> 00:16:31,958
SUPER CHALLENGING.

623
00:16:31,958 --> 00:16:34,427
John: YEAH, OF COURSE IT IS.

624
00:16:34,427 --> 00:16:36,062
$1.25 DOESN'T COVER THE COST OF

625
00:16:36,062 --> 00:16:37,430
FOOD PRETTY MUCH ANYWHERE.

626
00:16:37,430 --> 00:16:40,700
EVEN AT COSTCO, THE HOTDOG AND

627
00:16:40,700 --> 00:16:42,602
SODA COMBO IS $1.50, AND THAT'S

628
00:16:42,602 --> 00:16:44,137
ONLY BECAUSE THE CO-FOUNDER ONCE

629
00:16:44,137 --> 00:16:45,705
SAID, AND THIS IS TRUE, "IF YOU

630
00:16:45,705 --> 00:16:47,307
RAISE THE PRICE OF THE FUCKING

631
00:16:47,307 --> 00:16:49,609
HOT DOG, I WILL KILL YOU."

632
00:16:49,609 --> 00:16:51,211
THAT'S A REAL QUOTE, FROM A TRUE

633
00:16:51,211 --> 00:16:53,013
LEADER.

634
00:16:53,013 --> 00:16:53,613
SO THE BUDGET ALONE IS A REAL

635
00:16:53,613 --> 00:16:55,348
CHALLENGE.

636
00:16:55,348 --> 00:16:56,149
AS IS THE FACT THAT IT'S

637
00:16:56,149 --> 00:16:56,916
IMPORTANT KIDS ACTUALLY TAKE THE

638
00:16:56,916 --> 00:16:59,519
MEALS.

639
00:16:59,519 --> 00:17:00,353
BECAUSE THE GOVERNMENT ONLY

640
00:17:00,353 --> 00:17:00,920
REIMBURSES SCHOOLS FOR MEALS

641
00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:02,455
THAT STUDENTS TAKE.

642
00:17:02,455 --> 00:17:03,023
MEANING, IF KIDS DON'T LIKE

643
00:17:03,023 --> 00:17:04,691
WHAT'S BEING SERVED AND IGNORE

644
00:17:04,691 --> 00:17:07,560
IT, THE SCHOOL DOESN'T GET ANY

645
00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:08,628
MONEY, AND GOES INTO THE HOLE.

646
00:17:08,628 --> 00:17:09,696
SO YOU NEED AN APPEALING MEAL

647
00:17:09,696 --> 00:17:10,263
THAT COMES IN AT ROCK-BOTTOM

648
00:17:10,263 --> 00:17:11,731
PRICES.

649
00:17:11,731 --> 00:17:13,299
THAT'S A KEY REASON WHY MANY

650
00:17:13,299 --> 00:17:15,168
SCHOOLS OPT TO JUST HEAT AND

651
00:17:15,168 --> 00:17:16,903
SERVE PRE-MADE MEALS.

652
00:17:16,903 --> 00:17:18,805
AND THAT APPROACH HAS OPENED

653
00:17:18,805 --> 00:17:20,340
THEM UP TO CRITICISM-- JAMIE

654
00:17:20,340 --> 00:17:21,808
OLIVER, A MAN TO WHOM I AM

655
00:17:21,808 --> 00:17:23,076
SURPRISINGLY NOT RELATED, HAD A

656
00:17:23,076 --> 00:17:25,378
SHOW IN 2010 WHERE HE TRIED TO

657
00:17:25,378 --> 00:17:27,113
MAKE OVER THE MENUS IN A WEST

658
00:17:27,113 --> 00:17:28,648
VIRGINIA SCHOOL, AND HE MADE A

659
00:17:28,648 --> 00:17:29,983
BIG SHOW OF BEING APPALLED AT

660
00:17:29,983 --> 00:17:30,550
WHAT THE CHILDREN WERE BEING

661
00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:31,985
FED.

662
00:17:31,985 --> 00:17:32,886
WHEN I WENT IN THE FREEZER,

663
00:17:32,886 --> 00:17:35,622
THE FREEZER WAS JUST BASICALLY

664
00:17:35,622 --> 00:17:37,090
AN ALADDIN'S CAVE OF PROCESSED

665
00:17:37,090 --> 00:17:39,392
CRAP.

666
00:17:39,392 --> 00:17:40,660
OKAY, SO THIS IS PIZZA FOR

667
00:17:40,660 --> 00:17:41,161
TOMORROW, YEAH?

668
00:17:41,161 --> 00:17:42,262
YES.

669
00:17:42,262 --> 00:17:42,996
SO YOU HAVE PIZZA FOR

670
00:17:42,996 --> 00:17:43,830
BREAKFAST AND THEN THEY HAVE IT

671
00:17:43,830 --> 00:17:44,364
FOR WHAT?

672
00:17:44,364 --> 00:17:44,898
LUNCH TOMORROW?

673
00:17:44,898 --> 00:17:45,165
MM-HMM.

674
00:17:45,165 --> 00:17:46,433
BLOODY HELL.

675
00:17:46,433 --> 00:17:47,067
SO, THIS MEAT IS ALREADY COOKED,

676
00:17:47,067 --> 00:17:48,301
YEAH?

677
00:17:48,301 --> 00:17:49,869
YEAH, WHEN IT GROWS UP IT

678
00:17:49,869 --> 00:17:50,370
WILL BE SCRAMBLED EGGS.

679
00:17:50,370 --> 00:17:50,970
SO, THAT IS SCRAMBLED EGGS?

680
00:17:50,970 --> 00:17:52,038
I'VE NEVER SEEN THAT BEFORE.

681
00:17:52,038 --> 00:17:52,806
YEAH, IT'S EGG.

682
00:17:52,806 --> 00:17:54,307
WE STEAM IT.

683
00:17:54,307 --> 00:17:55,241
I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT MOST OF IT

684
00:17:55,241 --> 00:17:56,509
WAS AND WHEN I DON'T KNOW WHAT

685
00:17:56,509 --> 00:17:57,143
SOMETHING IS, THE ALARM BELLS GO

686
00:17:57,143 --> 00:17:59,312
OFF.

687
00:17:59,312 --> 00:18:01,981
DO YOU HONESTLY THINK THAT WE

688
00:18:01,981 --> 00:18:03,483
COULD DO FROM RAW STATE EVERY

689
00:18:03,483 --> 00:18:03,917
DAY?

690
00:18:03,917 --> 00:18:04,451
DO YOU REALLY?

691
00:18:04,451 --> 00:18:05,985
YES.

692
00:18:05,985 --> 00:18:07,120
John: OKAY.

693
00:18:07,120 --> 00:18:10,657
I HAVE A LOT OF QUESTIONS, BUT

694
00:18:10,657 --> 00:18:11,291
THE FIRST IS-- I KNOW I HAVE A

695
00:18:11,291 --> 00:18:11,925
BRITISH ACCENT, AND MY NAME IS

696
00:18:11,925 --> 00:18:12,826
ALMOST HIS NAME, AND I HAVE A

697
00:18:12,826 --> 00:18:14,094
SHOW WHERE I ESSENTIALLY TELL

698
00:18:14,094 --> 00:18:17,330
AMERICA THAT IT'S DOING

699
00:18:17,330 --> 00:18:17,964
EVERYTHING WRONG, BUT, AM I LIKE

700
00:18:17,964 --> 00:18:18,365
THAT?

701
00:18:18,365 --> 00:18:20,367
PLEASE TELL ME I'M NOT LIKE

702
00:18:20,367 --> 00:18:21,434
THAT.

703
00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:23,169
BECAUSE WHILE THE DREAM OF EVERY

704
00:18:23,169 --> 00:18:24,270
SINGLE SCHOOL COOKING FROM

705
00:18:24,270 --> 00:18:26,106
SCRATCH IS A LOVELY IDEA, IT

706
00:18:26,106 --> 00:18:27,674
MIGHT NOT BE FEASIBLE FOR A LOT

707
00:18:27,674 --> 00:18:29,843
OF SCHOOL DISTRICTS.

708
00:18:29,843 --> 00:18:30,477
NOT ONLY ARE THERE THE COST AND

709
00:18:30,477 --> 00:18:31,211
LABOR ISSUES, BUT THEY ALSO NEED

710
00:18:31,211 --> 00:18:32,345
TO NAVIGATE STRICT NUTRITIONAL

711
00:18:32,345 --> 00:18:34,314
GUIDELINES.

712
00:18:34,314 --> 00:18:35,448
THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT SETS

713
00:18:35,448 --> 00:18:36,516
STANDARDS FOR THINGS LIKE THE

714
00:18:36,516 --> 00:18:38,051
AMOUNT AND TYPES OF FRUITS AND

715
00:18:38,051 --> 00:18:38,651
VEGETABLES REQUIRED TO BE ON A

716
00:18:38,651 --> 00:18:39,953
PLATE.

717
00:18:39,953 --> 00:18:41,855
BUT IT CAN BE HARD TO MEET THEM

718
00:18:41,855 --> 00:18:43,356
ON A TIGHT BUDGET-- SOMETHING

719
00:18:43,356 --> 00:18:44,691
FAMOUSLY ILLUSTRATED DURING THE

720
00:18:44,691 --> 00:18:45,725
REAGAN ERA, WHEN HIS

721
00:18:45,725 --> 00:18:47,560
ADMINISTRATION SLASHED THE

722
00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:48,795
FEDERAL SCHOOL LUNCH BUDGET,

723
00:18:48,795 --> 00:18:50,997
THEN BRIEFLY TRIED BENDING THE

724
00:18:50,997 --> 00:18:53,466
NUTRITIONAL GUIDELINES TO A

725
00:18:53,466 --> 00:18:54,834
TRULY RIDICULOUS EXTENT.

726
00:18:54,834 --> 00:18:56,536
ALSO GETTING ATTENTION TODAY

727
00:18:56,536 --> 00:18:57,971
WAS THAT ELEMENTARY SCHOOL LUNCH

728
00:18:57,971 --> 00:18:58,571
SAMPLED BY MEMBERS OF CONGRESS

729
00:18:58,571 --> 00:19:00,373
YESTERDAY.

730
00:19:00,373 --> 00:19:02,642
THE MEAL CONSISTING OF A SMALL

731
00:19:02,642 --> 00:19:03,943
MEAT PATTY, SIX FRENCH FRIES, A

732
00:19:03,943 --> 00:19:06,112
GLASS OF MILK, AND KETCHUP,

733
00:19:06,112 --> 00:19:07,213
CLASSIFIED AS A VEGETABLE, WAS

734
00:19:07,213 --> 00:19:09,015
REPRESENTATIVE OF NEW FEDERAL

735
00:19:09,015 --> 00:19:12,652
GUIDELINES ISSUED TO SAVE MONEY

736
00:19:12,652 --> 00:19:13,353
ON SUBSIDIZED SCHOOL LUNCHES.

737
00:19:13,353 --> 00:19:14,688
John: NOW, MUCH HAS BEEN MADE

738
00:19:14,688 --> 00:19:16,122
ABOUT THE WHOLE "KETCHUP AS A

739
00:19:16,122 --> 00:19:17,090
VEGETABLE" THING, BUT I DON'T

740
00:19:17,090 --> 00:19:18,725
THINK PEOPLE TALKED ENOUGH ABOUT

741
00:19:18,725 --> 00:19:20,560
THE MYSTERY MEAT PATTY BEING

742
00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:22,028
SERVED WITH A GLASS OF MILK.

743
00:19:22,028 --> 00:19:23,863
THAT LOOKS LIKE A HAMBURGER WITH

744
00:19:23,863 --> 00:19:25,465
A TERMINAL ILLNESS.

745
00:19:25,465 --> 00:19:26,733
IT LOOKS LIKE THE CRACKED SOIL

746
00:19:26,733 --> 00:19:29,202
OF A DUST BOWL ERA FARM.

747
00:19:29,202 --> 00:19:30,603
YOU KNOW, I READ ONCE THAT

748
00:19:30,603 --> 00:19:32,172
ULTRAMARATHON RUNNERS IN DEATH

749
00:19:32,172 --> 00:19:33,273
VALLEY WOULD EAT BANANAS, THEN

750
00:19:33,273 --> 00:19:34,441
THROW THEM UP, AND THE BANANA

751
00:19:34,441 --> 00:19:35,608
VOMIT WOULD BAKE IN THE SUN

752
00:19:35,608 --> 00:19:37,210
FORMING LITTLE PATTIES ON THE

753
00:19:37,210 --> 00:19:38,511
GROUND, AND I BET IT LOOKS LIKE

754
00:19:38,511 --> 00:19:40,413
THAT.

755
00:19:40,413 --> 00:19:41,648
THE POINT IS: KETCHUP ISN'T A

756
00:19:41,648 --> 00:19:42,916
VEGETABLE, REAGAN MADE THINGS

757
00:19:42,916 --> 00:19:44,484
WORSE, AND I'VE BEEN TRYING TO

758
00:19:44,484 --> 00:19:45,285
OFFLOAD THAT BANANA FACT FOR THE

759
00:19:45,285 --> 00:19:50,390
PAST FIVE YEARS.

760
00:19:50,390 --> 00:19:51,157
AND THE THING IS, EVEN WHEN--

761
00:19:51,157 --> 00:19:51,891
WITH GOOD INTENTIONS-- WE

762
00:19:51,891 --> 00:19:52,826
MANAGE TO RAISE THE NUTRITIONAL

763
00:19:52,826 --> 00:19:55,061
STANDARDS FOR LUNCHES, IT CAN

764
00:19:55,061 --> 00:19:55,695
THEN BE A REAL CHALLENGE TO MAKE

765
00:19:55,695 --> 00:19:57,797
THEM APPETIZING.

766
00:19:57,797 --> 00:19:58,865
DURING THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION,

767
00:19:58,865 --> 00:19:59,966
ACCESS TO SCHOOL LUNCHES WAS

768
00:19:59,966 --> 00:20:03,169
EXPANDED GREATLY THANKS TO THE

769
00:20:03,169 --> 00:20:03,770
2010 HEALTHY, HUNGER-FREE KIDS

770
00:20:03,770 --> 00:20:05,605
ACT-- WHICH ALSO UPDATED

771
00:20:05,605 --> 00:20:06,206
GUIDELINES TO MAKE MEALS MORE

772
00:20:06,206 --> 00:20:07,474
NUTRITIOUS.

773
00:20:07,474 --> 00:20:09,309
AND WHILE THAT ACT PRODUCED

774
00:20:09,309 --> 00:20:10,410
GREAT RESULTS OVERALL, SOME

775
00:20:10,410 --> 00:20:12,579
STUDENTS HATED THE NEW,

776
00:20:12,579 --> 00:20:14,314
HEALTHIER OPTIONS, SHARING

777
00:20:14,314 --> 00:20:14,948
PHOTOS WITH THE HASHTAG "THANKS

778
00:20:14,948 --> 00:20:18,051
MICHELLE OBAMA."

779
00:20:18,051 --> 00:20:18,585
WHICH, TO THEIR CREDIT, IS

780
00:20:18,585 --> 00:20:19,319
FUNNY.

781
00:20:19,319 --> 00:20:21,021
WHEN THE NUTRITION WENT HIGH,

782
00:20:21,021 --> 00:20:24,157
THE KIDS WENT LOW.

783
00:20:24,157 --> 00:20:25,425
BUT IT DID TAKE SOME TRIAL,

784
00:20:25,425 --> 00:20:27,360
ERROR AND FLEXIBILITY, TO MAKE

785
00:20:27,360 --> 00:20:28,661
THOSE NEW STANDARDS WORK.

786
00:20:28,661 --> 00:20:30,563
FOR INSTANCE, THE ACT REQUIRED

787
00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:31,031
THAT BREADS HAD TO BE

788
00:20:31,031 --> 00:20:32,699
"WHOLE-GRAIN RICH."

789
00:20:32,699 --> 00:20:34,567
BUT AS ONE FOOD SERVICE DIRECTOR

790
00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:35,635
IN NEW MEXICO SAID, "MANY

791
00:20:35,635 --> 00:20:37,170
FAMILIES IN THE SOUTHWEST WILL

792
00:20:37,170 --> 00:20:38,571
NOT ACCEPT WHOLE-GRAIN

793
00:20:38,571 --> 00:20:39,539
TORTILLAS," AND-- I QUOTE--

794
00:20:39,539 --> 00:20:41,307
"WE SIMPLY CANNOT AFFORD TO FEED

795
00:20:41,307 --> 00:20:43,243
OUR TRASH CANS."

796
00:20:43,243 --> 00:20:44,277
SIMILARLY, A SCHOOL DISTRICT IN

797
00:20:44,277 --> 00:20:46,479
MISSISSIPPI TRIED TO MAKE A 100%

798
00:20:46,479 --> 00:20:47,580
WHOLE-GRAIN BISCUIT, WHICH WAS

799
00:20:47,580 --> 00:20:48,214
NOT RECEIVED AS WELL BY

800
00:20:48,214 --> 00:20:50,750
STUDENTS, SO THE SCHOOL IS NOW

801
00:20:50,750 --> 00:20:51,317
ALLOWED TO OPERATE ON 80% OF

802
00:20:51,317 --> 00:20:52,852
WHOLE GRAINS INSTEAD.

803
00:20:52,852 --> 00:20:55,055
WHICH FEELS LIKE A GOOD

804
00:20:55,055 --> 00:20:55,689
COMPROMISE.

805
00:20:55,689 --> 00:20:58,425
BECAUSE A WHOLE GRAIN BISCUIT

806
00:20:58,425 --> 00:20:59,592
ISN'T A BISCUIT.

807
00:20:59,592 --> 00:21:00,527
AT THAT POINT, LET'S JUST MAKE

808
00:21:00,527 --> 00:21:01,561
ICE CREAM SANDWICHES WHERE THE

809
00:21:01,561 --> 00:21:03,029
COOKIES ARE CELERY AND THE ICE

810
00:21:03,029 --> 00:21:04,798
CREAM IS CHILDREN'S MOTRIN,

811
00:21:04,798 --> 00:21:05,532
BECAUSE IT SEEMS WORDS DON'T

812
00:21:05,532 --> 00:21:08,735
MATTER ANYMORE.

813
00:21:08,735 --> 00:21:09,336
THE FACT IS, SCHOOL NUTRITION

814
00:21:09,336 --> 00:21:10,970
DIRECTORS HAVE TO STRIKE A

815
00:21:10,970 --> 00:21:12,372
DELICATE BALANCE BETWEEN THE

816
00:21:12,372 --> 00:21:14,174
PERFECT, AND THE ACHIEVABLE.

817
00:21:14,174 --> 00:21:15,175
THAT FORMER NOMA CHEF YOU SAW

818
00:21:15,175 --> 00:21:16,810
EARLIER GETS INCREDIBLY

819
00:21:16,810 --> 00:21:18,044
FRUSTRATED WHEN TALKING ABOUT

820
00:21:18,044 --> 00:21:19,813
HOW CHEFS WHO WORK OUTSIDE OF

821
00:21:19,813 --> 00:21:21,348
SCHOOL KITCHENS TEND TO LOOK

822
00:21:21,348 --> 00:21:22,882
DOWN ON SOME OF THE FOOD HE

823
00:21:22,882 --> 00:21:23,416
MAKES NOW.

824
00:21:23,416 --> 00:21:24,217
IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE WE'VE HAD

825
00:21:24,217 --> 00:21:25,485
A LOT OF PEERS, A LOT OF MY

826
00:21:25,485 --> 00:21:27,620
PEERS HAVE COME AND SEEN WHAT WE

827
00:21:27,620 --> 00:21:28,221
DO AND THEY'RE DISAPPOINTED BY

828
00:21:28,221 --> 00:21:30,156
WHAT WE DO.

829
00:21:30,156 --> 00:21:30,590
YOUR COLLEAGUES ARE

830
00:21:30,590 --> 00:21:32,025
DISAPPOINTED?

831
00:21:32,025 --> 00:21:33,026
YEAH, IN THE SENSE THAT, OH,

832
00:21:33,026 --> 00:21:33,660
I THOUGHT THIS WAS GOING TO BE

833
00:21:33,660 --> 00:21:37,497
SOMETHING ELSE.

834
00:21:37,497 --> 00:21:38,098
I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO BE

835
00:21:38,098 --> 00:21:38,665
SERVING A DIFFERENT TYPE OF

836
00:21:38,665 --> 00:21:38,865
FOOD.

837
00:21:38,865 --> 00:21:39,532
AND I SAID, "I DON'T GIVE A FUCK

838
00:21:39,532 --> 00:21:40,266
WHAT YOU THINK BECAUSE IT'S NOT

839
00:21:40,266 --> 00:21:40,567
ABOUT YOU."

840
00:21:40,567 --> 00:21:41,167
YOU KNOW, IF YOU HAVE $1.25 TO

841
00:21:41,167 --> 00:21:42,135
FEED PEOPLE AND THAT'S YOUR

842
00:21:42,135 --> 00:21:43,570
CONSTRAINT AND YOU'RE FEEDING

843
00:21:43,570 --> 00:21:45,572
KIDS AND YOU START TO PRIORITIZE

844
00:21:45,572 --> 00:21:46,806
THINGS LIKE SUSTAINABILITY AND

845
00:21:46,806 --> 00:21:48,008
LOCALITY AND SEASONALITY, THEN

846
00:21:48,008 --> 00:21:49,009
YOU DON'T FUCKING UNDERSTAND HOW

847
00:21:49,009 --> 00:21:50,777
THE WORLD WORKS.

848
00:21:50,777 --> 00:21:51,978
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT FOOD

849
00:21:51,978 --> 00:21:53,380
COSTS.

850
00:21:53,380 --> 00:21:54,647
John: YEAH, HE'S RIGHT.

851
00:21:54,647 --> 00:21:55,882
I'M NOT SURE WHY THE DECOR OF

852
00:21:55,882 --> 00:21:56,483
THAT STAGE IS "TED TALK IN THE

853
00:21:56,483 --> 00:21:57,417
JUNGLE."

854
00:21:57,417 --> 00:22:00,587
BUT HE'S RIGHT.

855
00:22:00,587 --> 00:22:01,821
IT'S ALL VERY WELL FOR JAMIE

856
00:22:01,821 --> 00:22:02,822
OLIVER TO WANT SCHOOLS TO COOK

857
00:22:02,822 --> 00:22:04,424
FROM SCRATCH WITH FRESH

858
00:22:04,424 --> 00:22:06,292
INGREDIENTS ALL THE TIME, BUT

859
00:22:06,292 --> 00:22:07,627
IT'S A LOT HARDER TO BE

860
00:22:07,627 --> 00:22:08,261
IDEALISTIC WHEN YOU'RE SLINGING

861
00:22:08,261 --> 00:22:09,963
1,000 PORTIONS OF HOT LUNCH TO

862
00:22:09,963 --> 00:22:11,464
KIDS IN A CRAMPED KITCHEN, ALL

863
00:22:11,464 --> 00:22:13,633
IN 15 OR 20 MINUTES.

864
00:22:13,633 --> 00:22:14,200
REALITY IS A HELL OF A SOUS

865
00:22:14,200 --> 00:22:15,468
CHEF.

866
00:22:15,468 --> 00:22:17,203
BUT LET'S SAY YOU COULD CREATE

867
00:22:17,203 --> 00:22:18,371
LUNCHES THAT WERE NUTRITIOUS,

868
00:22:18,371 --> 00:22:20,106
DELICIOUS, AND AFFORDABLE.

869
00:22:20,106 --> 00:22:21,408
THAT STILL DOESN'T ADDRESS THE

870
00:22:21,408 --> 00:22:22,842
BIGGER PROBLEM WITH OUR SCHOOL

871
00:22:22,842 --> 00:22:24,177
LUNCH PROGRAM, WHICH IS THAT, IN

872
00:22:24,177 --> 00:22:25,478
MANY STATES, IT'S NOT FEEDING

873
00:22:25,478 --> 00:22:27,881
EVERYONE WHO NEEDS IT.

874
00:22:27,881 --> 00:22:29,716
AND THAT'S A HUGE PROBLEM,

875
00:22:29,716 --> 00:22:31,117
BECAUSE AS I MENTIONED, FOR LOTS

876
00:22:31,117 --> 00:22:33,420
OF KIDS, IT MIGHT BE THEIR ONLY

877
00:22:33,420 --> 00:22:34,487
GUARANTEED MEAL OF THE DAY-- AS

878
00:22:34,487 --> 00:22:36,056
THIS CAFETERIA WORKER IN

879
00:22:36,056 --> 00:22:38,258
WASHINGTON STATE EXPLAINS.

880
00:22:38,258 --> 00:22:40,894
YEAH, A LOT OF KIDS GO HOME

881
00:22:40,894 --> 00:22:42,028
DURING-- I MEAN, DURING THE

882
00:22:42,028 --> 00:22:42,929
CHRISTMAS BREAK, THEY DON'T HAVE

883
00:22:42,929 --> 00:22:44,597
FOOD.

884
00:22:44,597 --> 00:22:46,599
THEY-- THEY DON'T HAVE FOOD, SO

885
00:22:46,599 --> 00:22:47,233
THEY'RE SO HAPPY TO COME BACK TO

886
00:22:47,233 --> 00:22:50,837
SCHOOL.

887
00:22:50,837 --> 00:22:52,972
ACTUALLY, THE REASON I BECAME A

888
00:22:52,972 --> 00:22:56,076
LUNCH LADY IS BECAUSE I WANTED

889
00:22:56,076 --> 00:22:57,444
TO GIVE THE KIDS FOOD THAT

890
00:22:57,444 --> 00:22:58,244
DIDN'T GET IT AT HOME, LIKE I

891
00:22:58,244 --> 00:22:59,846
DIDN'T.

892
00:22:59,846 --> 00:23:02,048
WELL, I WAS ALWAYS HAPPY TO GO

893
00:23:02,048 --> 00:23:02,682
TO SCHOOL, JUST BECAUSE I GET TO

894
00:23:02,682 --> 00:23:03,516
EAT.

895
00:23:03,516 --> 00:23:06,786
WE-- WE DIDN'T HAVE A LOT OF

896
00:23:06,786 --> 00:23:07,654
FOOD, AND WHEN YOU GO TO SCHOOL,

897
00:23:07,654 --> 00:23:08,922
YOU KNOW YOU'RE GONNA EAT, AND

898
00:23:08,922 --> 00:23:09,723
IT'S-- THAT'S WORTH GOING TO

899
00:23:09,723 --> 00:23:11,124
SCHOOL.

900
00:23:11,124 --> 00:23:12,092
John: HER COMMITMENT TO

901
00:23:12,092 --> 00:23:12,992
FEEDING KIDS IS BEAUTIFUL.

902
00:23:12,992 --> 00:23:14,627
AND SHE'S RIGHT!

903
00:23:14,627 --> 00:23:16,363
ANYTHING IS MORE APPEALING IF

904
00:23:16,363 --> 00:23:16,996
YOU KNOW THERE'S GONNA BE FOOD

905
00:23:16,996 --> 00:23:18,164
THERE.

906
00:23:18,164 --> 00:23:20,033
A WORK MEETING, A WEDDING, EVEN

907
00:23:20,033 --> 00:23:21,234
GIVING BLOOD!

908
00:23:21,234 --> 00:23:22,002
YOU THINK I'M DOING THAT OUT OF

909
00:23:22,002 --> 00:23:23,770
ALTRUISM?

910
00:23:23,770 --> 00:23:25,138
WHERE ELSE CAN A GROWN MAN DRINK

911
00:23:25,138 --> 00:23:30,176
APPLE JUICE AND EAT LITTLE

912
00:23:30,176 --> 00:23:31,344
COOKIE PACKS FREE OF JUDGMENT?

913
00:23:31,344 --> 00:23:32,212
DRAIN ME, NURSE GWEN, BUT KEEP

914
00:23:32,212 --> 00:23:33,913
THE LORNA DOONES COMING.

915
00:23:33,913 --> 00:23:34,814
SO SCHOOL LUNCH IS A CRITICAL

916
00:23:34,814 --> 00:23:36,683
SOCIAL GOOD.

917
00:23:36,683 --> 00:23:38,351
THE PROBLEM IS, IN ORDER TO GET

918
00:23:38,351 --> 00:23:39,886
A FREE OR REDUCED-PRICE LUNCH,

919
00:23:39,886 --> 00:23:41,688
FAMILIES HAVE TO FILL OUT

920
00:23:41,688 --> 00:23:42,422
ELIGIBILITY PAPERWORK-- AND

921
00:23:42,422 --> 00:23:43,990
THAT ALONE CAN BE PROHIBITIVE.

922
00:23:43,990 --> 00:23:45,325
THERE MAY BE LANGUAGE BARRIERS

923
00:23:45,325 --> 00:23:45,859
FOR SOME PARENTS, AND FOR

924
00:23:45,859 --> 00:23:48,228
OTHERS, SOCIAL STIGMA.

925
00:23:48,228 --> 00:23:49,863
AS ONE EXPERT POINTS OUT,

926
00:23:49,863 --> 00:23:51,197
OFTENTIMES THESE FORMS ARE ON A

927
00:23:51,197 --> 00:23:54,067
BRIGHTLY COLORED PIECE OF PAPER.

928
00:23:54,067 --> 00:23:54,834
THEY SAY FREE SCHOOL LUNCH FORM.

929
00:23:54,834 --> 00:23:55,969
AND FOR PARENTS, IT CAN FEEL

930
00:23:55,969 --> 00:23:57,037
LIKE THE FORM IS EFFECTIVELY

931
00:23:57,037 --> 00:23:58,405
SAYING, "I CAN'T AFFORD TO FEED

932
00:23:58,405 --> 00:23:59,839
MY CHILD," AND THEY'RE HAVING TO

933
00:23:59,839 --> 00:24:03,176
ASK THEIR KID TO HAND THAT TO A

934
00:24:03,176 --> 00:24:03,410
TEACHER.

935
00:24:03,410 --> 00:24:04,244
ON TOP OF THAT, THE THRESHOLDS

936
00:24:04,244 --> 00:24:05,845
TO QUALIFY ARE OFTEN SO LOW,

937
00:24:05,845 --> 00:24:06,446
THEY EXCLUDE FAMILIES WHO NEED

938
00:24:06,446 --> 00:24:08,882
IT.

939
00:24:08,882 --> 00:24:10,583
AND ONE EARNING AROUND $58,000

940
00:24:10,583 --> 00:24:11,217
OR LESS IS ELIGIBLE FOR REDUCED

941
00:24:11,217 --> 00:24:18,291
PRICE MEALS.

942
00:24:18,391 --> 00:24:19,092
BUT IF YOU MAKE A PENNY MORE

943
00:24:19,092 --> 00:24:20,326
THAN THAT, YOUR KIDS HAVE TO PAY

944
00:24:20,326 --> 00:24:22,495
FULL PRICE.

945
00:24:22,495 --> 00:24:23,763
AND THAT CAN QUICKLY BECOME A

946
00:24:23,763 --> 00:24:25,432
STEEP FINANCIAL BURDEN.

947
00:24:25,432 --> 00:24:26,933
MY-- MY SON IS ALWAYS

948
00:24:26,933 --> 00:24:27,767
TELLING ME THAT HE DIDN'T EAT

949
00:24:27,767 --> 00:24:28,668
BECAUSE HE DIDN'T WANT TO MAKE

950
00:24:28,668 --> 00:24:29,936
ME HAVE TO PAY FOR IT.

951
00:24:29,936 --> 00:24:33,373
SHE SAYS SHE'S ALWAYS BEEN

952
00:24:33,373 --> 00:24:34,107
JUST ABOVE THE CUTOFF TO QUALIFY

953
00:24:34,107 --> 00:24:35,909
FOR THE FEDERAL FREE AND

954
00:24:35,909 --> 00:24:36,476
REDUCED-PRICE LUNCH PROGRAM.

955
00:24:36,476 --> 00:24:38,144
BUT HER BUDGET IS STILL TIGHT.

956
00:24:38,144 --> 00:24:39,779
SCHOOL LUNCH FOR HER KIDS COSTS

957
00:24:39,779 --> 00:24:41,748
MORE THAN $250 A MONTH.

958
00:24:41,748 --> 00:24:42,916
WITH FOUR KIDS IN SCHOOL,

959
00:24:42,916 --> 00:24:45,118
THAT ADDS UP REALLY QUICK.

960
00:24:45,118 --> 00:24:46,386
John: OF COURSE IT DOES.

961
00:24:46,386 --> 00:24:47,821
AND KIDS CLEARLY SHOULDN'T BE

962
00:24:47,821 --> 00:24:48,655
REFRAINING FROM EATING FOR

963
00:24:48,655 --> 00:24:50,090
FINANCIAL REASONS.

964
00:24:50,090 --> 00:24:51,491
THEY SHOULD BE REFUSING TO EAT

965
00:24:51,491 --> 00:24:53,927
FOR ONE OF THE MULTITUDE OF

966
00:24:53,927 --> 00:24:55,261
STANDARD KID REASONS, SUCH AS,

967
00:24:55,261 --> 00:24:56,663
"THE FOOD LOOKS WEIRD," "IT'S

968
00:24:56,663 --> 00:24:58,431
TOO HOT OUTSIDE," "IT'S TOO COLD

969
00:24:58,431 --> 00:25:02,035
OUTSIDE," OR "I SAW A BIRD."

970
00:25:02,035 --> 00:25:02,936
AND KIDS WHOSE FAMILIES CAN'T

971
00:25:02,936 --> 00:25:04,504
AFFORD TO PAY CAN ACCUMULATE

972
00:25:04,504 --> 00:25:05,505
WHAT'S COMMONLY CALLED "LUNCH

973
00:25:05,505 --> 00:25:07,240
DEBT"-- AND THE COST TO SCHOOLS

974
00:25:07,240 --> 00:25:08,575
CAN BE SIGNIFICANT.

975
00:25:08,575 --> 00:25:10,610
ONE SAMPLING OF JUST OVER 800

976
00:25:10,610 --> 00:25:11,778
DISTRICTS FOUND THAT THEIR TOTAL

977
00:25:11,778 --> 00:25:13,446
MEAL DEBT EXCEEDED $17 MILLION

978
00:25:13,446 --> 00:25:15,281
LAST YEAR.

979
00:25:15,281 --> 00:25:16,683
UNFORTUNATELY, THE SOLUTION SOME

980
00:25:16,683 --> 00:25:18,018
HAVE HIT ON IS TO PRESSURE

981
00:25:18,018 --> 00:25:19,085
FAMILIES FOR THAT DEBT-- AND

982
00:25:19,085 --> 00:25:21,354
SOMETIMES CHILDREN DIRECTLY--

983
00:25:21,354 --> 00:25:21,921
THROUGH A PRACTICE KNOWN AS

984
00:25:21,921 --> 00:25:23,123
"LUNCH SHAMING."

985
00:25:23,123 --> 00:25:24,391
YOU MAY HAVE HEARD STORIES ABOUT

986
00:25:24,391 --> 00:25:26,826
HOW SOME SCHOOLS GIVE KIDS WHO

987
00:25:26,826 --> 00:25:27,861
OWE MONEY AN ALTERNATIVE LUNCH,

988
00:25:27,861 --> 00:25:29,295
LIKE A COLD CHEESE SANDWICH.

989
00:25:29,295 --> 00:25:29,929
WHILE OTHERS REQUIRE STUDENTS DO

990
00:25:29,929 --> 00:25:32,365
CHORES.

991
00:25:32,365 --> 00:25:34,367
A REPORT FROM LAST YEAR FOUND

992
00:25:34,367 --> 00:25:35,201
SOME SCHOOLS IN KANSAS WOULDN'T

993
00:25:35,201 --> 00:25:36,903
ALLOW KIDS WITH UNPAID DEBT TO

994
00:25:36,903 --> 00:25:38,371
PARTICIPATE IN ACTIVITIES, OR

995
00:25:38,371 --> 00:25:40,473
WOULD EVEN WITHHOLD GRADES FROM

996
00:25:40,473 --> 00:25:41,775
PARENTS UNTIL DEBT WAS PAID.

997
00:25:41,775 --> 00:25:43,243
AND STILL OTHER KIDS HAVE BEEN

998
00:25:43,243 --> 00:25:44,544
FORCED TO WEAR WRISTBANDS, OR

999
00:25:44,544 --> 00:25:46,680
HAD THEIR HANDS OR ARMS STAMPED,

1000
00:25:46,680 --> 00:25:47,213
TO SHOW THEY'RE BEHIND IN

1001
00:25:47,213 --> 00:25:49,516
PAYMENT.

1002
00:25:49,516 --> 00:25:50,450
AND INCREDIBLY, SOME TACTICS

1003
00:25:50,450 --> 00:25:52,986
HAVE BEEN EVEN WORSE.

1004
00:25:52,986 --> 00:25:54,821
EARLIER THIS MONTH, THE

1005
00:25:54,821 --> 00:25:55,889
WYOMING VALLEY WEST SCHOOL

1006
00:25:55,889 --> 00:25:57,824
DISTRICT IN NORTHEASTERN

1007
00:25:57,824 --> 00:26:01,227
PENNSYLVANIA SENT LETTERS TO

1008
00:26:01,227 --> 00:26:01,828
ABOUT 40 FAMILIES TELLING THEM

1009
00:26:01,828 --> 00:26:03,163
THEIR CHILDREN COULD BE SENT TO

1010
00:26:03,163 --> 00:26:04,698
FOSTER CARE IF THEY DIDN'T PAY

1011
00:26:04,698 --> 00:26:06,066
UP.

1012
00:26:06,066 --> 00:26:07,600
THE FOSTER CARE ISSUE JUST--

1013
00:26:07,600 --> 00:26:09,869
IT JUST HAD ME-- I, I COULDN'T

1014
00:26:09,869 --> 00:26:10,437
BELIEVE THAT THAT'S WHAT IT

1015
00:26:10,437 --> 00:26:11,071
SAID.

1016
00:26:11,071 --> 00:26:11,971
FOUR OTHER WYOMING VALLEY

1017
00:26:11,971 --> 00:26:13,206
WEST SCHOOL BOARD MEMBERS AGREE,

1018
00:26:13,206 --> 00:26:16,109
AS DOES SCHOOL ADMINISTRATOR

1019
00:26:16,109 --> 00:26:16,576
JOE MUTH.

1020
00:26:16,576 --> 00:26:20,213
HE SIGNED THAT LETTER SENT OUT

1021
00:26:20,213 --> 00:26:20,780
IT COULD HAVE BEEN TONED

1022
00:26:20,780 --> 00:26:20,980
DOWN.

1023
00:26:20,980 --> 00:26:21,481
I-- I DON'T KNOW HOW TO

1024
00:26:21,481 --> 00:26:22,115
DESCRIBE OTHER THAN, IN WRITING,

1025
00:26:22,115 --> 00:26:22,716
WE COULD HAVE TONED IT DOWN A

1026
00:26:22,716 --> 00:26:23,183
NOTCH.

1027
00:26:23,183 --> 00:26:23,817
John: OKAY, "COULD HAVE TONED

1028
00:26:23,817 --> 00:26:24,417
IT DOWN A NOTCH" IS PUTTING IT

1029
00:26:24,417 --> 00:26:30,857
MILDLY.

1030
00:26:30,857 --> 00:26:31,491
ALSO, THAT'S SOMETHING THAT GUY

1031
00:26:31,491 --> 00:26:32,225
SHOULD'VE REALIZED BEFORE

1032
00:26:32,225 --> 00:26:32,892
SIGNING THE LETTER.

1033
00:26:32,892 --> 00:26:33,560
FRANKLY, CLIPPY SHOULD'VE POPPED

1034
00:26:33,560 --> 00:26:34,127
UP AND SAID "IT LOOKS LIKE

1035
00:26:34,127 --> 00:26:35,428
YOU'RE THREATENING TO SEPARATE

1036
00:26:35,428 --> 00:26:36,696
FAMILIES AND THROW CHILDREN IN

1037
00:26:36,696 --> 00:26:38,398
FOSTER CARE OVER A FEW HUNDRED

1038
00:26:38,398 --> 00:26:38,832
BUCKS OF LUNCH DEBT.

1039
00:26:38,832 --> 00:26:40,200
ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO FUCKING

1040
00:26:40,200 --> 00:26:42,135
DO THAT?"

1041
00:26:42,135 --> 00:26:43,403
LUNCH DEBT'S BECOME SUCH A

1042
00:26:43,403 --> 00:26:45,071
UBIQUITOUS PROBLEM THAT KIDS

1043
00:26:45,071 --> 00:26:47,173
FINDING WAYS TO PAY IT OFF IS

1044
00:26:47,173 --> 00:26:49,042
NOW A TROPE OF SUPPOSEDLY

1045
00:26:49,042 --> 00:26:49,609
HEARTWARMING HUMAN-INTEREST

1046
00:26:49,609 --> 00:26:51,077
STORIES LIKE THESE.

1047
00:26:51,077 --> 00:26:53,713
A SECOND GRADER IS PAYING OFF

1048
00:26:53,713 --> 00:26:55,582
THE SCHOOL LUNCH DEBT FOR

1049
00:26:55,582 --> 00:26:57,117
EVERYBODY AT HIS SCHOOL AND KIDS

1050
00:26:57,117 --> 00:26:59,419
AT SIX OTHER SCHOOLS!

1051
00:26:59,419 --> 00:26:59,986
ON TUESDAY, FIFTH GRADER

1052
00:26:59,986 --> 00:27:02,088
DAKEN KRAMER GIVING THE SCHOOL

1053
00:27:02,088 --> 00:27:04,290
DISTRICT A CHECK FOR $7,300,

1054
00:27:04,290 --> 00:27:04,924
MONEY HE RAISED TO HELP PAY FOR

1055
00:27:04,924 --> 00:27:05,492
HIS CLASSMATES' SCHOOL LUNCH

1056
00:27:05,492 --> 00:27:06,693
DEBT.

1057
00:27:06,693 --> 00:27:07,293
CAITLIN DECIDED ALL OF THE

1058
00:27:07,293 --> 00:27:09,262
MONEY SHE RAISED WOULD GO

1059
00:27:09,262 --> 00:27:10,830
TOWARDS PAYING OFF THE SCHOOL

1060
00:27:10,830 --> 00:27:16,169
LUNCH DEBT OF 123 STUDENTS IN

1061
00:27:16,169 --> 00:27:16,770
HER SAN DIEGO SCHOOL DISTRICT.

1062
00:27:16,770 --> 00:27:17,137
HOW ABOUT THAT?

1063
00:27:17,137 --> 00:27:17,537
5-YEARS-OLD, GUYS.

1064
00:27:17,537 --> 00:27:18,371
IT'S AMAZING WHEN SOMEONE THAT

1065
00:27:18,371 --> 00:27:20,340
YOUNG JUST KNOWS TO PAY IT

1066
00:27:20,340 --> 00:27:21,841
FORWARD.

1067
00:27:21,841 --> 00:27:22,976
John: IT IS AMAZING, BUT SHE

1068
00:27:22,976 --> 00:27:24,644
SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DO IT!

1069
00:27:24,644 --> 00:27:26,279
LET A FIVE-YEAR-OLD SPEND THAT

1070
00:27:26,279 --> 00:27:27,147
MONEY ON FIVE YEAR OLD SHIT--

1071
00:27:27,147 --> 00:27:28,815
YOU KNOW, LIKE A SLINKY, OR

1072
00:27:28,815 --> 00:27:29,449
PLAY-DOH, OR FINGERLINGS.

1073
00:27:29,449 --> 00:27:29,983
LITTLE CREATURES FOR YOUR

1074
00:27:29,983 --> 00:27:36,823
FINGERS.

1075
00:27:36,823 --> 00:27:37,257
MONKEYS.

1076
00:27:37,257 --> 00:27:37,724
UNICORNS.

1077
00:27:37,724 --> 00:27:38,224
THIS CUNTY LITTLE BIRD.

1078
00:27:38,224 --> 00:27:38,858
THEY'RE ADORABLE.

1079
00:27:38,858 --> 00:27:40,060
AND THEY MAKE YOU FEEL ALIVE.

1080
00:27:40,060 --> 00:27:40,660
AND THE REASON I KNOW THAT IS.

1081
00:27:40,660 --> 00:27:41,695
I HAVE ONE ON RIGHT NOW!

1082
00:27:41,695 --> 00:27:42,862
BUT EVEN THIS ISN'T MANAGING TO

1083
00:27:42,862 --> 00:27:43,663
CHEER ME UP!

1084
00:27:43,663 --> 00:27:48,435
YOU'VE FAILED ME!

1085
00:27:48,435 --> 00:27:48,835
YOU LITTLE FUCKER.

1086
00:27:48,835 --> 00:27:49,436
IT'S FRANKLY NO WONDER THAT--

1087
00:27:49,436 --> 00:27:50,403
WHEN YOU COMBINE THE STIGMA OF

1088
00:27:50,403 --> 00:27:52,272
RECEIVING A FREE OR REDUCED

1089
00:27:52,272 --> 00:27:53,273
PRICE LUNCH, AND THE RISK OF

1090
00:27:53,273 --> 00:27:54,974
RACKING UP DEBT-- EVEN KIDS WHO

1091
00:27:54,974 --> 00:27:56,076
ARE ELIGIBLE CAN END UP CHOOSING

1092
00:27:56,076 --> 00:27:57,610
NOT TO PARTICIPATE.

1093
00:27:57,610 --> 00:27:59,045
IN FACT, IN 2019, NEARLY 30

1094
00:27:59,045 --> 00:28:00,647
MILLION STUDENTS WERE ELIGIBLE

1095
00:28:00,647 --> 00:28:02,082
FOR THE MEALS, BUT ONLY 22

1096
00:28:02,082 --> 00:28:04,417
MILLION RECEIVED THEM.

1097
00:28:04,417 --> 00:28:06,720
MEANING OVER 7 MILLION ELIGIBLE

1098
00:28:06,720 --> 00:28:08,555
STUDENTS MISSED OUT ON MEALS,

1099
00:28:08,555 --> 00:28:09,489
WITH EXPERTS ARGUING THAT STIGMA

1100
00:28:09,489 --> 00:28:10,957
PLAYED A BIG ROLE IN THAT.

1101
00:28:10,957 --> 00:28:12,325
WHICH IS TERRIBLE.

1102
00:28:12,325 --> 00:28:14,127
AND AT THIS POINT, I ACTUALLY

1103
00:28:14,127 --> 00:28:15,662
HAVE SOME GOOD NEWS.

1104
00:28:15,662 --> 00:28:17,230
BECAUSE THERE IS A WAY TO SOLVE

1105
00:28:17,230 --> 00:28:17,864
A LOT OF THE PROBLEMS I'VE JUST

1106
00:28:17,864 --> 00:28:19,265
SHOWN YOU.

1107
00:28:19,265 --> 00:28:20,567
IT'S A POLICY KNOWN AS

1108
00:28:20,567 --> 00:28:21,801
"UNIVERSAL FREE MEALS."

1109
00:28:21,801 --> 00:28:24,304
BASICALLY, EVERY KID AT EVERY

1110
00:28:24,304 --> 00:28:27,140
SCHOOL CAN HAVE BREAKFAST OR

1111
00:28:27,140 --> 00:28:27,741
LUNCH, AT SCHOOL, IF THEY WANT

1112
00:28:27,741 --> 00:28:29,509
IT.

1113
00:28:29,509 --> 00:28:30,744
AND WHILE THAT MIGHT SOUND LIKE

1114
00:28:30,744 --> 00:28:33,179
A UTOPIAN DREAM, WE ACTUALLY

1115
00:28:33,179 --> 00:28:36,182
ALREADY DID IT, FOR TWO YEARS,

1116
00:28:36,182 --> 00:28:37,217
DURING THE PANDEMIC.

1117
00:28:37,217 --> 00:28:38,585
FEDERAL LAWMAKERS INTRODUCED A

1118
00:28:38,585 --> 00:28:39,853
WAIVER PROGRAM THAT PAID FOR

1119
00:28:39,853 --> 00:28:41,054
FREE BREAKFASTS AND LUNCHES FOR

1120
00:28:41,054 --> 00:28:42,122
EVERY PUBLIC SCHOOL KID IN THE

1121
00:28:42,122 --> 00:28:43,456
COUNTRY, REGARDLESS OF FAMILY

1122
00:28:43,456 --> 00:28:43,823
INCOME.

1123
00:28:43,823 --> 00:28:45,091
THE WAIVERS ALSO INCREASED THE

1124
00:28:45,091 --> 00:28:46,593
REIMBURSEMENT RATE FOR EACH MEAL

1125
00:28:46,593 --> 00:28:48,061
BY AROUND 20%.

1126
00:28:48,061 --> 00:28:49,162
MEANING SCHOOLS HAD MORE MONEY

1127
00:28:49,162 --> 00:28:50,196
TO SPEND ON MAKING AND SERVING

1128
00:28:50,196 --> 00:28:51,498
MEALS.

1129
00:28:51,498 --> 00:28:53,266
AND EARLY RESEARCH SUGGESTS THAT

1130
00:28:53,266 --> 00:28:55,135
HAD REAL BENEFITS.

1131
00:28:55,135 --> 00:28:56,970
A SURVEY OF SCHOOL DISTRICTS

1132
00:28:56,970 --> 00:28:58,138
REPRESENTING OVER 5 MILLION

1133
00:28:58,138 --> 00:28:59,339
STUDENTS, FOUND THAT, IN 2021,

1134
00:28:59,339 --> 00:29:00,807
AVERAGE DAILY PARTICIPATION IN

1135
00:29:00,807 --> 00:29:02,809
LUNCH INCREASED BY APPROXIMATELY

1136
00:29:02,809 --> 00:29:05,111
1.4 MILLION, WITH 95% OF

1137
00:29:05,111 --> 00:29:07,213
DISTRICTS REPORTING IT REDUCED

1138
00:29:07,213 --> 00:29:10,417
CHILD HUNGER, AND 82% REPORTING

1139
00:29:10,417 --> 00:29:11,418
THE PROGRAM SUPPORTED ACADEMIC

1140
00:29:11,418 --> 00:29:11,951
ACHIEVEMENT.

1141
00:29:11,951 --> 00:29:13,553
IN SHORT, WAY MORE KIDS WERE

1142
00:29:13,553 --> 00:29:16,289
EATING EVERY DAY, AND IT WAS

1143
00:29:16,289 --> 00:29:16,790
HELPING THEM IN SCHOOL.

1144
00:29:16,790 --> 00:29:22,696
THE WAIVER PROGRAM WORKED.

1145
00:29:22,696 --> 00:29:24,030
BUT IN JUNE OF 2022, IT EXPIRED.

1146
00:29:24,030 --> 00:29:25,699
AND UNFORTUNATELY, SOME

1147
00:29:25,699 --> 00:29:26,299
LAWMAKERS WERE COMPLETELY FINE

1148
00:29:26,299 --> 00:29:27,634
WITH THAT.

1149
00:29:27,634 --> 00:29:28,234
BY RETURNING THESE PROGRAMS

1150
00:29:28,234 --> 00:29:31,871
BACK TO NORMAL, WE CAN UPHOLD

1151
00:29:31,871 --> 00:29:33,440
OUR RESPONSIBILITY TO TAXPAYERS

1152
00:29:33,440 --> 00:29:36,076
AND THE PRINCIPLE THAT AID

1153
00:29:36,076 --> 00:29:37,610
SHOULD BE TARGETED AND

1154
00:29:37,610 --> 00:29:38,845
TEMPORARY.

1155
00:29:38,845 --> 00:29:40,914
John: WOW, THAT'S HEARTLESS.

1156
00:29:40,914 --> 00:29:42,148
"AID SHOULD BE TARGETED AND

1157
00:29:42,148 --> 00:29:43,283
TEMPORARY" SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING

1158
00:29:43,283 --> 00:29:44,818
A REAGAN ACTION FIGURE WOULD SAY

1159
00:29:44,818 --> 00:29:46,820
WHEN YOU PULL ITS STRING, ALONG

1160
00:29:46,820 --> 00:29:48,121
WITH "TAKE THAT, WELFARE QUEEN!"

1161
00:29:48,121 --> 00:29:49,689
AND "JODIE FOSTER SURE WOULD BE

1162
00:29:49,689 --> 00:29:52,225
IMPRESSED IF I DIED!"

1163
00:29:52,225 --> 00:29:53,660
AND WHEN THE CUTOFF CAME,

1164
00:29:53,660 --> 00:29:55,395
TEACHERS WHO SAW THE PROGRAM

1165
00:29:55,395 --> 00:29:56,763
ROLL BACK FIRSTHAND CAN TELL YOU

1166
00:29:56,763 --> 00:29:59,065
IT WAS ROUGH.

1167
00:29:59,065 --> 00:30:00,000
ON THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL

1168
00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:00,967
THIS YEAR, I ANNOUNCED TO MY

1169
00:30:00,967 --> 00:30:02,469
STUDENTS THAT SCHOOL LUNCHES

1170
00:30:02,469 --> 00:30:05,038
WERE NO LONGER FREE.

1171
00:30:05,038 --> 00:30:06,439
AND THIS MOMENT STAYS WITH ME.

1172
00:30:06,439 --> 00:30:08,675
THE CONFUSION, THE DARTING EYES,

1173
00:30:08,675 --> 00:30:10,643
THE QUESTIONS.

1174
00:30:10,643 --> 00:30:12,178
THERE WERE STUDENTS WHO REALIZED

1175
00:30:12,178 --> 00:30:13,747
IN THAT MOMENT THAT THEY WERE

1176
00:30:13,747 --> 00:30:19,753
NOT GOING TO EAT THAT DAY.

1177
00:30:19,753 --> 00:30:20,286
John: FOR FUCK'S SAKE,

1178
00:30:20,286 --> 00:30:20,754
NO TEACHER SHOULD HAVE

1179
00:30:20,754 --> 00:30:21,388
TO DO THAT, ESPECIALLY THAT ONE,

1180
00:30:21,388 --> 00:30:21,955
WHO CLEARLY CARES ABOUT HER

1181
00:30:21,955 --> 00:30:23,223
STUDENTS.

1182
00:30:23,223 --> 00:30:24,858
I KNOW "THE FUN TEACHER" WHEN I

1183
00:30:24,858 --> 00:30:26,459
SEE ONE, AND THAT IS THE FUN

1184
00:30:26,459 --> 00:30:27,961
TEACHER RIGHT THERE.

1185
00:30:27,961 --> 00:30:29,262
BRIGHT COLOR-BLOCKED OUTFIT, FUN

1186
00:30:29,262 --> 00:30:30,463
GLASSES, PURPLE HAIR.

1187
00:30:30,463 --> 00:30:32,165
THERE'S A CLASS OF MISFIT

1188
00:30:32,165 --> 00:30:34,234
SEVENTH GRADERS FOR WHOM SHE IS

1189
00:30:34,234 --> 00:30:35,935
THEIR ABSOLUTE QUEEN.

1190
00:30:35,935 --> 00:30:39,472
IF YOU GET ASSIGNED TO MS.

1191
00:30:39,472 --> 00:30:40,040
JUNG'S CLASS, YOU ARE MAKING

1192
00:30:40,040 --> 00:30:40,640
DIORAMAS, DOING NONSTOP SKITS,

1193
00:30:40,640 --> 00:30:41,775
AND YOU'RE BUILDING THE SICKEST

1194
00:30:41,775 --> 00:30:43,209
PLASTIC BOTTLE HYDROPONIC GARDEN

1195
00:30:43,209 --> 00:30:45,512
SYSTEM IN THE ENTIRE SCHOOL.

1196
00:30:45,512 --> 00:30:46,780
MS. JUNG'S GOT PASSES TO THE

1197
00:30:46,780 --> 00:30:47,814
SCIENCE MUSEUM OF MINNESOTA, AND

1198
00:30:47,814 --> 00:30:49,683
IF YOU GO WITH HER, YOU'RE

1199
00:30:49,683 --> 00:30:53,953
TOUCHING A DINOSAUR BONE.

1200
00:30:53,953 --> 00:30:54,688
FOR MANY FAMILIES, THE PROGRAM

1201
00:30:54,688 --> 00:30:55,555
EXPIRING MEANT THEY HAD TO

1202
00:30:55,555 --> 00:30:57,323
NAVIGATE THE ELIGIBILITY FORMS

1203
00:30:57,323 --> 00:30:58,625
FOR THE FIRST TIME.

1204
00:30:58,625 --> 00:30:59,926
ONE SCHOOL NUTRITION DIRECTOR IN

1205
00:30:59,926 --> 00:31:01,628
OHIO SAID SHE HAD TO DENY ONE

1206
00:31:01,628 --> 00:31:03,063
SINGLE MOTHER WHO TOLD HER SHE'D

1207
00:31:03,063 --> 00:31:05,031
MISSED THE CUTOFF FOR REDUCED

1208
00:31:05,031 --> 00:31:06,466
MEALS BY JUST $100 OF GROSS

1209
00:31:06,466 --> 00:31:08,034
INCOME.

1210
00:31:08,034 --> 00:31:09,402
AND ALL THIS RESULTED IN A LOT

1211
00:31:09,402 --> 00:31:11,104
FEWER KIDS GETTING LUNCHES.

1212
00:31:11,104 --> 00:31:12,505
AND STUDENTS FROM LOW-INCOME

1213
00:31:12,505 --> 00:31:13,840
FAMILIES ACROSS THE COUNTRY ARE

1214
00:31:13,840 --> 00:31:17,877
NOW ACCRUING SCHOOL LUNCH DEBT

1215
00:31:17,877 --> 00:31:18,411
IN RECORD NUMBERS.

1216
00:31:18,411 --> 00:31:20,246
NOW, TO THEIR CREDIT, SOME

1217
00:31:20,246 --> 00:31:21,648
STATES HAVE REFUSED TO GO

1218
00:31:21,648 --> 00:31:22,916
BACKWARDS, AND THESE EIGHT HAVE

1219
00:31:22,916 --> 00:31:24,718
PASSED UNIVERSAL FREE MEAL

1220
00:31:24,718 --> 00:31:26,519
PROGRAMS, OFTEN FUNDING THEM OUT

1221
00:31:26,519 --> 00:31:27,921
OF STATE BUDGETS.

1222
00:31:27,921 --> 00:31:29,522
ALTHOUGH PASSING THOSE LAWS

1223
00:31:29,522 --> 00:31:30,023
WASN'T ALWAYS EASY-- IN

1224
00:31:30,023 --> 00:31:31,091
MINNESOTA, FOR INSTANCE, YOU'VE

1225
00:31:31,091 --> 00:31:33,193
PROBABLY SEEN THE JOYOUS PHOTO

1226
00:31:33,193 --> 00:31:34,994
OF TIM WALZ BEING HUGGED BY

1227
00:31:34,994 --> 00:31:36,663
SCHOOL KIDS WHEN HE SIGNED HIS

1228
00:31:36,663 --> 00:31:38,898
STATE'S PROGRAM INTO LAW.

1229
00:31:38,898 --> 00:31:39,799
BUT SOME REPUBLICAN LAWMAKERS

1230
00:31:39,799 --> 00:31:41,935
THERE FIERCELY OPPOSED IT,

1231
00:31:41,935 --> 00:31:42,268
OFFERING SOME

1232
00:31:42,268 --> 00:31:44,671
LESS-THAN-CONVINCING ARGUMENTS.

1233
00:31:44,671 --> 00:31:45,772
MR. PRESIDENT, I HAVE YET TO

1234
00:31:45,772 --> 00:31:47,474
MEET A PERSON IN MINNESOTA THAT

1235
00:31:47,474 --> 00:31:51,011
IS HUNGRY YET TODAY.

1236
00:31:51,011 --> 00:31:54,347
I HAVE YET TO MEET A PERSON IN

1237
00:31:54,347 --> 00:31:54,948
MINNESOTA THAT SAYS THEY DON'T

1238
00:31:54,948 --> 00:31:57,617
HAVE ACCESS TO ENOUGH FOOD TO

1239
00:31:57,617 --> 00:31:58,418
EAT.

1240
00:31:58,418 --> 00:32:02,022
NOW, I SHOULD SAY THAT HUNGER IS

1241
00:32:02,022 --> 00:32:02,655
A RELATIVE TERM, MR. PRESIDENT.

1242
00:32:02,655 --> 00:32:06,926
YOU KNOW, I HAD A CEREAL BAR FOR

1243
00:32:06,926 --> 00:32:07,961
BREAKFAST.

1244
00:32:07,961 --> 00:32:10,263
I GUESS I'M HUNGRY NOW.

1245
00:32:10,263 --> 00:32:12,332
John: WHAT AN ASSHOLE.

1246
00:32:12,332 --> 00:32:14,034
FIRST, I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU HAD

1247
00:32:14,034 --> 00:32:15,502
FOR BREAKFAST, AND SECOND,

1248
00:32:15,502 --> 00:32:16,136
THAT'S NOT HOW SOCIETAL PROBLEMS

1249
00:32:16,136 --> 00:32:17,771
WORK.

1250
00:32:17,771 --> 00:32:18,938
YOU CAN'T JUST GO "I HAVEN'T

1251
00:32:18,938 --> 00:32:19,572
SEEN HUNGRY PEOPLE, SO THEY MUST

1252
00:32:19,572 --> 00:32:21,408
NOT EXIST."

1253
00:32:21,408 --> 00:32:22,809
BEFORE SEEING THIS CLIP, I'D

1254
00:32:22,809 --> 00:32:24,844
NEVER SEEN CHRIS PARNELL'S EVIL

1255
00:32:24,844 --> 00:32:26,379
MIDWESTERN TWIN, BUT THAT DIDN'T

1256
00:32:26,379 --> 00:32:27,313
MEAN YOU WEREN'T OUT THERE,

1257
00:32:27,313 --> 00:32:28,782
SUCKING.

1258
00:32:28,782 --> 00:32:30,150
AND HE WASN'T THE ONLY OPPONENT

1259
00:32:30,150 --> 00:32:31,751
THIS STATE REP SUGGESTED THE

1260
00:32:31,751 --> 00:32:32,952
STATE EXPAND THE PROGRAM, BUT

1261
00:32:32,952 --> 00:32:35,388
STOP SHORT OF MAKING IT

1262
00:32:35,388 --> 00:32:37,057
UNIVERSAL, USING HERSELF AS AN

1263
00:32:37,057 --> 00:32:40,360
EXAMPLE OF WHY THAT'D BE TOO

1264
00:32:40,360 --> 00:32:40,727
FAR.

1265
00:32:40,727 --> 00:32:42,228
WE ARE USING TAXPAYER DOLLARS

1266
00:32:42,228 --> 00:32:44,864
TO FEED MY CHILDREN.

1267
00:32:44,864 --> 00:32:46,433
I HAVE TWO KIDS IN-- IN

1268
00:32:46,433 --> 00:32:47,767
PUBLIC SCHOOLS AT THE NORTH

1269
00:32:47,767 --> 00:32:49,402
BRANCH HIGH SCHOOL RIGHT NOW.

1270
00:32:49,402 --> 00:32:51,705
THAT MEANS THAT THE TAXPAYERS

1271
00:32:51,705 --> 00:32:52,339
ARE SUBSIDIZING ME TO THE TUNE

1272
00:32:52,339 --> 00:32:54,908
OF $1,376.

1273
00:32:54,908 --> 00:32:55,542
THAT MEANS RIGHT TONIGHT YOU ARE

1274
00:32:55,542 --> 00:32:56,242
GIVING ME A $1,376 TAX BREAK.

1275
00:32:56,242 --> 00:33:00,880
ME.

1276
00:33:00,880 --> 00:33:07,954
THAT'S MY BENEFIT FROM THIS

1277
00:33:10,457 --> 00:33:14,327
BILL.

1278
00:33:14,327 --> 00:33:16,796
John: OKAY!

1279
00:33:16,796 --> 00:33:18,565
YOU'RE WELCOME?

1280
00:33:18,565 --> 00:33:19,532
OR MAYBE I'M SORRY THAT HAPPENED

1281
00:33:19,532 --> 00:33:20,133
TO YOU?

1282
00:33:20,133 --> 00:33:22,035
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

1283
00:33:22,035 --> 00:33:26,172
YOU'RE SAYING A GOOD THING BUT

1284
00:33:26,172 --> 00:33:31,945
YOU SEEM VERY UPSET ABOUT IT.

1285
00:33:31,945 --> 00:33:33,079
BUT A FEW THINGS ABOUT THAT, I

1286
00:33:33,079 --> 00:33:33,980
KNOW CAPPING ELIGIBILITY MIGHT

1287
00:33:33,980 --> 00:33:35,081
SOUND LIKE IT MAKES SENSE, AND

1288
00:33:35,081 --> 00:33:36,616
THE STATE ACTUALLY LOOKED INTO

1289
00:33:36,616 --> 00:33:37,517
DOING THAT, BUT DECIDED AGAINST

1290
00:33:37,517 --> 00:33:38,418
IT, AS IT TURNS OUT, IT WOULD'VE

1291
00:33:38,418 --> 00:33:39,986
INCREASED THE ADMINISTRATIVE

1292
00:33:39,986 --> 00:33:40,954
COMPLEXITY, AND THE INCREASED

1293
00:33:40,954 --> 00:33:42,122
COST WOULD'VE EATEN INTO

1294
00:33:42,122 --> 00:33:42,722
WHATEVER SAVINGS THEY MIGHT'VE

1295
00:33:42,722 --> 00:33:43,690
SEEN.

1296
00:33:43,690 --> 00:33:44,324
ALSO, CRUCIALLY, BY MAKING LUNCH

1297
00:33:44,324 --> 00:33:45,392
ACCESSIBLE TO ALL KIDS, THEY

1298
00:33:45,392 --> 00:33:47,127
COULD REMOVE THE STIGMA FOR

1299
00:33:47,127 --> 00:33:47,761
THOSE WHOSE FAMILY CAN'T AFFORD

1300
00:33:47,761 --> 00:33:48,628
IT.

1301
00:33:48,628 --> 00:33:49,496
WHICH IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOU

1302
00:33:49,496 --> 00:33:50,330
MIGHT REALIZE.

1303
00:33:50,330 --> 00:33:55,735
A STUDY IN MASSACHUSETTS FOUND

1304
00:33:55,735 --> 00:33:57,604
THAT 42% OF FAMILIES WITH

1305
00:33:57,604 --> 00:33:58,204
CHILDREN ELIGIBLE FOR FREE OR

1306
00:33:58,204 --> 00:33:59,372
REDUCED PRICE MEALS, REPORTED

1307
00:33:59,372 --> 00:34:00,006
THEIR CHILD WOULD BE LESS LIKELY

1308
00:34:00,006 --> 00:34:00,540
TO EAT A SCHOOL MEAL IF IT

1309
00:34:00,540 --> 00:34:01,574
WASN'T FREE FOR ALL CHILDREN.

1310
00:34:01,574 --> 00:34:03,443
WHICH MAKES SENSE.

1311
00:34:03,443 --> 00:34:04,744
KIDS ARE PERCEPTIVE.

1312
00:34:04,744 --> 00:34:06,312
THEY NOTICE WHO ISN'T TAKING A

1313
00:34:06,312 --> 00:34:08,314
LUNCH OR IS FORCED TO EAT A COLD

1314
00:34:08,314 --> 00:34:10,083
CHEESE SANDWICH AND THEY

1315
00:34:10,083 --> 00:34:11,484
DEFINITELY NOTICE WHOSE HAND GOT

1316
00:34:11,484 --> 00:34:14,087
FUCKING STAMPED.

1317
00:34:14,087 --> 00:34:14,688
AND LOOK, I'M NOT SAYING THERE

1318
00:34:14,688 --> 00:34:15,221
AREN'T COMPLICATIONS HERE.

1319
00:34:15,221 --> 00:34:20,960
THERE ARE.

1320
00:34:20,960 --> 00:34:21,594
AND DEEP DOWN, YOU ALREADY KNEW

1321
00:34:21,594 --> 00:34:21,795
THAT.

1322
00:34:21,795 --> 00:34:22,429
AFTER ALL, YOU'RE WATCHING "IT'S

1323
00:34:22,429 --> 00:34:22,996
ALWAYS SOMETHING WITH WHITE

1324
00:34:22,996 --> 00:34:24,564
URKEL" MAKING THAT MANY MEALS,

1325
00:34:24,564 --> 00:34:27,934
CONSISTENTLY, IS DIFFICULT.

1326
00:34:27,934 --> 00:34:28,535
REMEMBER, WE'RE TALKING ABOUT

1327
00:34:28,535 --> 00:34:31,304
THE BIGGEST RESTAURANTS IN TOWN.

1328
00:34:31,304 --> 00:34:32,806
THERE ARE A LOT OF MOVING PARTS,

1329
00:34:32,806 --> 00:34:33,707
FROM THE SHEER SCALE OF THE

1330
00:34:33,707 --> 00:34:35,008
PROGRAM, TO SOURCING FOOD AND

1331
00:34:35,008 --> 00:34:36,476
MAKING IT TASTE GOOD, TO

1332
00:34:36,476 --> 00:34:37,644
ADEQUATELY TRAINING AND PAYING

1333
00:34:37,644 --> 00:34:38,311
CAFETERIA STAFF.

1334
00:34:38,311 --> 00:34:40,547
ALL OF WHICH MEANS UNIVERSAL

1335
00:34:40,547 --> 00:34:41,848
FREE MEALS AREN'T CHEAP.

1336
00:34:41,848 --> 00:34:43,817
IN MINNESOTA, THEY BUDGETED IT

1337
00:34:43,817 --> 00:34:45,085
AT $400 MILLION OVER ITS FIRST

1338
00:34:45,085 --> 00:34:47,053
TWO YEARS, BUT IT'S PROJECTED TO

1339
00:34:47,053 --> 00:34:47,687
COST ABOUT $80 MILLION MORE THAN

1340
00:34:47,687 --> 00:34:49,389
THAT.

1341
00:34:49,389 --> 00:34:51,458
THOUGH, PART OF THE REASON FOR

1342
00:34:51,458 --> 00:34:51,925
THAT INCREASED COST IS

1343
00:34:51,925 --> 00:34:53,259
HIGHER-THAN-EXPECTED

1344
00:34:53,259 --> 00:34:55,128
PARTICIPATION IN THE PROGRAM.

1345
00:34:55,128 --> 00:34:57,564
WHICH IS OBVIOUSLY A GOOD THING!

1346
00:34:57,564 --> 00:34:59,733
BECAUSE, FOR THE FINAL TIME, THE

1347
00:34:59,733 --> 00:35:01,234
BENEFITS HERE ARE CLEAR-- AS

1348
00:35:01,234 --> 00:35:02,502
THE HEAD OF MINNESOTA'S

1349
00:35:02,502 --> 00:35:03,136
DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION SPELLED

1350
00:35:03,136 --> 00:35:05,238
OUT.

1351
00:35:05,238 --> 00:35:06,639
OUR EDUCATORS THAT I'VE MET

1352
00:35:06,639 --> 00:35:08,408
AND THAT WE'VE TALKED TO THIS

1353
00:35:08,408 --> 00:35:09,442
ENTIRE FALL CONSISTENTLY TELL ME

1354
00:35:09,442 --> 00:35:10,810
THAT THEIR STUDENTS ARE MORE

1355
00:35:10,810 --> 00:35:12,846
ATTENTIVE AND THEY'RE READY TO

1356
00:35:12,846 --> 00:35:14,214
LEARN.

1357
00:35:14,214 --> 00:35:15,548
AND THEY DIRECTLY ATTRIBUTE THIS

1358
00:35:15,548 --> 00:35:16,716
TO THE AVAILABILITY OF

1359
00:35:16,716 --> 00:35:19,052
NUTRITIOUS MEALS ALL ACROSS THE

1360
00:35:19,052 --> 00:35:19,519
STATE OF MINNESOTA AND

1361
00:35:19,519 --> 00:35:20,286
THROUGHOUT THE DAY.

1362
00:35:20,286 --> 00:35:20,954
John: YEAH.

1363
00:35:20,954 --> 00:35:23,156
THAT'S THOUSANDS OF KIDS WHO

1364
00:35:23,156 --> 00:35:24,290
AREN'T GOING TO CLASS FEELING

1365
00:35:24,290 --> 00:35:25,425
HUNGRY, SHAMED, OR EXCLUDED.

1366
00:35:25,425 --> 00:35:26,960
THAT SHOULD BE THE STANDARD IN

1367
00:35:26,960 --> 00:35:29,262
ALL 50 STATES.

1368
00:35:29,262 --> 00:35:31,031
AND IF IT HELPS, MAYBE WE SHOULD

1369
00:35:31,031 --> 00:35:32,932
BE CONSIDERING LUNCH AS AN

1370
00:35:32,932 --> 00:35:38,972
ESSENTIAL SCHOOL SUPPLY-- LIKE

1371
00:35:38,972 --> 00:35:39,339
BOOKS OR DESKS.

1372
00:35:39,339 --> 00:35:39,806
WE ACCEPT THAT THEY'RE

1373
00:35:39,806 --> 00:35:40,440
SUBSIDIZED BY THE GOVERNMENT AS

1374
00:35:40,440 --> 00:35:41,074
AN INVESTMENT IN KIDS' FUTURES.

1375
00:35:41,074 --> 00:35:41,875
AND I'D ARGUE LUNCH SHOULD BE,

1376
00:35:41,875 --> 00:35:43,043
TOO-- AND THE WAY TO ACHIEVE

1377
00:35:43,043 --> 00:35:44,844
THAT SHOULDN'T BE BY ASKING EACH

1378
00:35:44,844 --> 00:35:46,513
STATE TO FUND IT OUT OF THEIR

1379
00:35:46,513 --> 00:35:48,148
OWN BUDGET, BUT BY PASSING

1380
00:35:48,148 --> 00:35:49,449
LEGISLATION AT THE FEDERAL

1381
00:35:49,449 --> 00:35:51,317
LEVEL, SIMILAR TO WHAT WE DID IN

1382
00:35:51,317 --> 00:35:52,185
THE EARLY DAYS OF THE PANDEMIC.

1383
00:35:52,185 --> 00:35:53,286
BECAUSE WHILE THAT WAS A TRULY

1384
00:35:53,286 --> 00:35:55,055
TERRIBLE TIME, IT'S WORTH

1385
00:35:55,055 --> 00:35:57,323
REMEMBERING WE GOT SOME MAJOR

1386
00:35:57,323 --> 00:35:58,958
STUFF DONE BACK THEN.

1387
00:35:58,958 --> 00:36:00,727
WE SOCIALLY DISTANCED, WE

1388
00:36:00,727 --> 00:36:02,595
WATCHED "TIGER KING," WE GOT OUR

1389
00:36:02,595 --> 00:36:04,064
FAMILIES FAMILIAR WITH ZOOM IN A

1390
00:36:04,064 --> 00:36:06,032
WAY WE'RE ALL STILL PAYING THE

1391
00:36:06,032 --> 00:36:07,100
PRICE FOR, AND, IT TURNS OUT, WE

1392
00:36:07,100 --> 00:36:10,303
FED KIDS.

1393
00:36:10,303 --> 00:36:11,037
IN SPEAKING TO EXPERTS FOR THIS

1394
00:36:11,037 --> 00:36:12,405
STORY, MANY SAID THAT BEFORE

1395
00:36:12,405 --> 00:36:13,807
2020, THEY THOUGHT UNIVERSAL

1396
00:36:13,807 --> 00:36:15,408
FREE MEALS WOULD BE INCREDIBLY

1397
00:36:15,408 --> 00:36:17,177
BENEFICIAL, AND IT'D ALSO NEVER

1398
00:36:17,177 --> 00:36:18,111
HAPPEN.

1399
00:36:18,111 --> 00:36:19,679
AMERICA JUST DOESN'T DO THAT

1400
00:36:19,679 --> 00:36:21,114
SORT OF THING.

1401
00:36:21,114 --> 00:36:22,649
BUT THEN IT DID HAPPEN, AND

1402
00:36:22,649 --> 00:36:24,651
SEEMINGLY OVERNIGHT.

1403
00:36:24,651 --> 00:36:26,786
AND IN THIS ONE PARTICULAR AREA,

1404
00:36:26,786 --> 00:36:27,687
AMERICANS GOT TO EXPERIENCE WHAT

1405
00:36:27,687 --> 00:36:28,922
IT WAS LIKE TO HAVE THE FEDERAL

1406
00:36:28,922 --> 00:36:30,490
GOVERNMENT BE RESPONSIVE TO THE

1407
00:36:30,490 --> 00:36:32,325
NEEDS OF THE VULNERABLE.

1408
00:36:32,325 --> 00:36:33,660
AND ONCE YOU SEE WHAT IT LOOKS

1409
00:36:33,660 --> 00:36:35,595
LIKE TO HELP KIDS, YOU KINDA

1410
00:36:35,595 --> 00:36:37,163
CAN'T UNRING THAT BELL.

1411
00:36:37,163 --> 00:36:39,065
IN FACT, YOU SHOULD KEEP RINGING

1412
00:36:39,065 --> 00:36:40,233
IT SO FUCKING HARD, THE ROPE

1413
00:36:40,233 --> 00:36:41,601
COMES OFF IN YOUR HANDS.

1414
00:36:41,601 --> 00:36:43,036
BECAUSE WE HAVE THE POWER TO

1415
00:36:43,036 --> 00:36:45,205
ENSURE THAT NO KID IN THE

1416
00:36:45,205 --> 00:36:47,374
COUNTRY IS HUNGRY WHEN SCHOOL

1417
00:36:47,374 --> 00:36:48,675
GETS DISMISSED.

1418
00:36:48,675 --> 00:36:50,243
AND WE SHOULD BE EXERCISING THAT

1419
00:36:50,243 --> 00:36:52,779
POWER, AND MAKING SURE THAT ALL

1420
00:36:52,779 --> 00:36:53,747
KIDS ARE-- IN THE WORDS OF

1421
00:36:53,747 --> 00:36:54,280
AMERICA'S SECOND-FAVORITE

1422
00:36:54,280 --> 00:36:56,783
MOONWALKING WEREWOLF OF THE '80S

1423
00:36:56,783 --> 00:36:59,019
ROARIN' READY AND ROCK

1424
00:36:59,019 --> 00:37:01,621
STEADY, WITH PIZZA, SPAGHETTI,

1425
00:37:01,621 --> 00:37:02,389
BURGERS, AND OF COURSE,

1426
00:37:02,389 --> 00:37:05,125
DESSERTS.

1427
00:37:05,125 --> 00:37:05,959
AND NOW THIS.

1428
00:37:05,959 --> 00:37:10,263
Announcer: AND NOW,

1429
00:37:10,263 --> 00:37:13,900
PEOPLE ON TV DEBATE WENT TO

1430
00:37:13,900 --> 00:37:17,704
DECORATE FOR HALLOWEEN.

1431
00:37:17,704 --> 00:37:18,538
I REALLY SAW HALLOWEEN

1432
00:37:18,538 --> 00:37:19,506
DECORATIONS OUT.

1433
00:37:19,506 --> 00:37:21,875
I'LL BE HONEST WITH YOU, I'LL

1434
00:37:21,875 --> 00:37:23,109
BE DECORATING BY SUNDAY OR

1435
00:37:23,109 --> 00:37:24,010
MONDAY.

1436
00:37:24,010 --> 00:37:24,477
OKAY.

1437
00:37:24,477 --> 00:37:31,551
JUST DO IT NOW, GET SKELETONS

1438
00:37:31,651 --> 00:37:32,118
FROM HOME DEPOT THIS CAN!

1439
00:37:32,118 --> 00:37:33,353
I THINK HE WAS SAYING

1440
00:37:33,353 --> 00:37:35,955
SOMETHING ABOUT DECORATING FOR

1441
00:37:35,955 --> 00:37:37,957
HALLOWEEN, IS IT TOO EARLY?

1442
00:37:37,957 --> 00:37:39,359
NO, NEVER TOO EARLY.

1443
00:37:39,359 --> 00:37:42,629
CORRECT, IT'S NEVER TOO EARLY

1444
00:37:42,629 --> 00:37:48,201
TO PREPARE FOR GOALS AND

1445
00:37:48,201 --> 00:37:48,468
"MINIONS."

1446
00:37:48,468 --> 00:37:50,036
I'VE GOT TWO NEIGHBORS THAT

1447
00:37:50,036 --> 00:37:51,805
HAVE PUT UP ALL OF THEIR

1448
00:37:51,805 --> 00:37:52,305
HALLOWEEN DECORATIONS.

1449
00:37:52,305 --> 00:37:56,543
I'M GOING TO WAIT UNTIL OCTOBER.

1450
00:37:56,543 --> 00:38:00,380
WRONG, IT IS NOT REASONABLE!

1451
00:38:00,380 --> 00:38:00,947
COVER YOUR WINDOWS IN PHAKIC

1452
00:38:00,947 --> 00:38:03,283
COBWEBS RIGHT NOW

1453
00:38:04,184 --> 00:38:04,918
!

1454
00:38:04,918 --> 00:38:07,287
IS IT TOO EARLY TO DECORATE

1455
00:38:07,287 --> 00:38:09,189
FOR HALLOWEEN?

1456
00:38:09,189 --> 00:38:10,890
NO!

1457
00:38:10,890 --> 00:38:12,258
WE WERE OUT AND ABOUT EARLY

1458
00:38:12,258 --> 00:38:13,927
IN THE MORNING AND THERE WAS A

1459
00:38:13,927 --> 00:38:15,028
COUPLE OUTSIDE ALREADY PUTTING

1460
00:38:15,028 --> 00:38:17,163
UP THEIR GIANT SKELETON.

1461
00:38:17,163 --> 00:38:20,633
THAT'S TWO MONTHS EARLY,

1462
00:38:20,633 --> 00:38:21,935
RIGHT?

1463
00:38:21,935 --> 00:38:23,970
THAT WOULD BE THAT PAST WEEKEND.

1464
00:38:23,970 --> 00:38:27,307
IT BE EQUIVALENT TO OCTOBER 25TH

1465
00:38:27,307 --> 00:38:32,612
SEEING CHRISTMAS DECOR.

1466
00:38:32,612 --> 00:38:35,782
WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS, DO THE

1467
00:38:35,782 --> 00:38:39,185
FORECAST, BRAD!

1468
00:38:39,185 --> 00:38:39,753
DOESN'T MAKE YOU HAPPY?

1469
00:38:39,753 --> 00:38:40,954
DO IT.

1470
00:38:40,954 --> 00:38:42,489
I BOUGHT A COUPLE OF PILLOWS,

1471
00:38:42,489 --> 00:38:45,125
I'M NOT GOING TO LIE.

1472
00:38:45,125 --> 00:38:46,326
EVERY HALLOWEEN, WE WATCH A

1473
00:38:46,326 --> 00:38:48,395
SCARY MOVIE, WE WATCHED A SCARY

1474
00:38:48,395 --> 00:38:49,262
MOVIE LAST NIGHT.

1475
00:38:49,262 --> 00:38:53,299
YES, RIGHT NOW!

1476
00:38:53,299 --> 00:38:54,067
I'LL TOTALLY WATCH SCARY MOVIES

1477
00:38:54,067 --> 00:38:59,706
WITH THEM!

1478
00:38:59,706 --> 00:39:00,774
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

1479
00:39:00,774 --> 00:39:01,307
John: THAT'S OUR SHOW.

1480
00:39:01,307 --> 00:39:05,178
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR WATCHING.

1481
00:39:05,178 --> 00:39:12,252
I'LL BE OUT NEXT WEEK FOR THE

1482
00:39:13,319 --> 00:39:14,254
EMMY'S, WE'LL BE BACK AFTER

1483
00:39:14,254 --> 00:39:14,721
THEN.

1484
00:39:14,721 --> 00:39:15,588
GOOD NIGHT!

1485
00:39:15,588 --> 00:39:16,189
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

1486
00:39:16,189 --> 00:39:17,090
♪ ♪